1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:06,080
Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. Everyone deserves

2
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,920
Speaker 1: to live authentically and to be their true selves and

3
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,920
Speaker 1: to live a life that aligns with their values, no

4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,120
Speaker 1: matter what they were told when they were growing up,

5
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,160
Speaker 1: no matter what society says, no matter what religion says.

6
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:22,159
Speaker 1: I just think that everyone should get to experience that.

7
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,760
Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

8
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,960
Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

9
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,879
Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

10
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,840
Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

11
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,239
Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

12
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:47,080
Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

13
00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:52,400
Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

14
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:57,800
Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

15
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:05,240
Speaker 2: women like you Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

16
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,760
Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

17
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:13,800
Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

18
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

19
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,760
Speaker 1: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

20
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,119
Speaker 1: where black women can just.

21
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:30,560
Speaker 2: Be Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating

22
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,520
Speaker 2: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

23
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:39,720
Speaker 2: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

24
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:43,960
Speaker 2: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

25
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,680
Speaker 2: Brussard dot com. That's d R D O M I

26
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:54,440
Speaker 2: N I q U E b R O U ss

27
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:59,920
Speaker 2: ar D dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute console.

28
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,720
Speaker 2: I look forward to hearing from you. Our quote of

29
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:09,880
Speaker 2: the day, homecoming is a return to authentic living that

30
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:14,800
Speaker 2: is based on truth, self acceptance, and an aligning of

31
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:20,160
Speaker 2: action with values and purpose. And that quote comes to

32
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:25,000
Speaker 2: us from a friend of the podcast, doctor Tam O'Briant Davis.

33
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 2: And I'm going to read that one more time for

34
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,760
Speaker 2: the folks in the back to make sure you heard it.

35
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:37,240
Speaker 2: Homecoming is a return to authentic living that is based

36
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:43,080
Speaker 2: on truth, self acceptance, and an aligning of action with

37
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:47,880
Speaker 2: values and purpose. All right, tee, you know how we

38
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:48,880
Speaker 2: do well?

39
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,280
Speaker 1: What we're doing? What are we doing?

40
00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:56,880
Speaker 2: When you hear that quote? What comes up for you?

41
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,679
Speaker 1: Okay? So many things come up for me when I

42
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:04,520
Speaker 1: hear this quote. Don When I hear this quote, I

43
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,720
Speaker 1: am reminded that a personal homecoming is a privilege. It

44
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,280
Speaker 1: is very much a privilege. It is also a blessing,

45
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:17,720
Speaker 1: and it's something that many people that I know, many

46
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,920
Speaker 1: people that we all know, don't get to experience that

47
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,520
Speaker 1: in a lifetime. I think everyone deserves to live authentically

48
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,400
Speaker 1: and to be their true selves, and to live a

49
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,720
Speaker 1: life that aligns with their values, no matter what they

50
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,960
Speaker 1: were told when they were growing up, no matter what

51
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,640
Speaker 1: society says, no matter what religion says. I just think

52
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,200
Speaker 1: that everyone should get to experience that. And I hope

53
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 1: that this conversation we have today can facilitate more personal homecomings.

54
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,119
Speaker 1: What about you, Donald comes to mind when you hear

55
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,600
Speaker 1: that quote.

56
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,120
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, well, first, that's beautiful, Like, let's just

57
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,440
Speaker 2: pause and acknowledge what you said that that was beautiful.

58
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:53,880
Speaker 2: And I think.

59
00:03:53,800 --> 00:04:02,440
Speaker 3: The importance of acknowledging that it is a privilege that

60
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,360
Speaker 3: so many of us find ourselves at various points in

61
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:15,000
Speaker 3: our lives, in circumstances where we don't have access to.

62
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,920
Speaker 2: Having a homecoming. It makes me sad to recognize that,

63
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:28,360
Speaker 2: to acknowledge that, yes, but it's the reality, right, Yeah,

64
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:38,200
Speaker 2: And it also fills me simultaneously with gratitude to know

65
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:43,719
Speaker 2: that I have been in a space where I have

66
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:49,479
Speaker 2: had the privilege of coming home to myself and so

67
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:57,000
Speaker 2: recognizing the beauty in that, and also knowing that not

68
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,720
Speaker 2: everybody gets that opportunity.

69
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, I'm with you one hundred percent.

70
00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:02,440
Speaker 2: Girl.

71
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,599
Speaker 1: You literally just took the words out of my mouth.

72
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,520
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for this conversation though, Like, although, like

73
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,560
Speaker 1: you said, there is a component that is sad because

74
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,760
Speaker 1: I can name five people right now who I know

75
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,200
Speaker 1: lived this particular lifetime right, No matter what you believe

76
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,360
Speaker 1: about the afterlife and what happens after, they lived at

77
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,840
Speaker 1: this particular lifetime this one time, and they didn't get

78
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,640
Speaker 1: to be their true self. They didn't have the support,

79
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,000
Speaker 1: they didn't have like you said, access and all those things.

80
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,800
Speaker 1: And so lady, today we're diving into a topic that

81
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,800
Speaker 1: touches the very core of our well banned right eight

82
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 1: ways that we can come home to ourselves. And so

83
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,080
Speaker 1: in a world filled with external noise and expectations, it's

84
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,560
Speaker 1: so easy to lose sight of who we are, especially

85
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,080
Speaker 1: in this world in this age of social media and

86
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,640
Speaker 1: the comments section and the judgment and all those things. Right,

87
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,760
Speaker 1: but coming home to yourself is about reconnecting with your

88
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,560
Speaker 1: inner essence, honoring your values, and creating space for the

89
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,279
Speaker 1: authentic you. So, lady, if you've been filling out of

90
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,920
Speaker 1: alignment and you simply we want to deepen your self awareness.

91
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,360
Speaker 1: This conversation right here, this is for you. So get

92
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,160
Speaker 1: your snack, get your little drinky drink, and come and

93
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,919
Speaker 1: kick it with Dom and I. Okay, we're about to

94
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,920
Speaker 1: have a juicy conversation. We love for you to be

95
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,880
Speaker 1: part of it. We have some questions we're going to

96
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,359
Speaker 1: ask you as well, and so Dom, I think we

97
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,360
Speaker 1: should kick this off by talking a bit about our

98
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,280
Speaker 1: personal homecoming journeys and then we can jump into these

99
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,480
Speaker 1: eight tips for you, lady, or really for us, because

100
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,240
Speaker 1: we're all works in progress on this journey called life.

101
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,840
Speaker 1: So Dom, let me let me give my handed indy questions.

102
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,880
Speaker 1: What has your personal homecoming journey been like?

103
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:42,279
Speaker 2: Well, okay, so I want to point out that there

104
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,080
Speaker 2: are multiple ways in which you can have a homecoming,

105
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:53,120
Speaker 2: and for some of us, there may be multiple homecomings

106
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:59,359
Speaker 2: that you experience in life. Yes, and so for me,

107
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:10,560
Speaker 2: I think about professional homecomings in addition to the personal homecomings,

108
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:15,640
Speaker 2: and so in terms of a professional homecoming. For me,

109
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:22,240
Speaker 2: it's really centered around getting to a space where I

110
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:28,280
Speaker 2: felt at ease in my role as a psychologist, where

111
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:33,160
Speaker 2: I felt a sense of freedom to be able to

112
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:40,880
Speaker 2: be who I know I'm supposed to be unapologetically authentically

113
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,000
Speaker 2: as a psychologist.

114
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,480
Speaker 1: Question before you dive into the personal, what does that

115
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,080
Speaker 1: actually look like? Because I understand what you're saying, but

116
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,840
Speaker 1: what does that look like in action? When you think

117
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,080
Speaker 1: about who you were as a psychologist when you first started,

118
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,000
Speaker 1: and then having that personal homecoming where you feel like

119
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,560
Speaker 1: the vibe I get it's like you like, yeah, I'm

120
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,440
Speaker 1: a psychologist, Like it's then, and it's the you know,

121
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,080
Speaker 1: it's that energy that's yeah.

122
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,640
Speaker 2: So for me, what it really was was I went

123
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:11,239
Speaker 2: into graduate school with a sense of Okay, I knew

124
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,280
Speaker 2: that I wanted to be a psychologist, and I knew

125
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:20,520
Speaker 2: what it felt like in my body to help other

126
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,400
Speaker 2: people like innately, I knew what that would look like,

127
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:34,840
Speaker 2: and but through graduate training westernized ways of being, there

128
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:40,600
Speaker 2: were multiple instances where what I felt in my core

129
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:46,360
Speaker 2: to be true, to be helpful was told No, that's

130
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,959
Speaker 2: not it, that's not the way to be. Why I'm

131
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:57,880
Speaker 2: saying I need to go Route A. I'm being told, No,

132
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,520
Speaker 2: Route A is wrong, you need to go Route B.

133
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,280
Speaker 1: Even though rout A is what's resonating with your intuition

134
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:05,880
Speaker 1: in your space.

135
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:12,560
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and recognizing though that the way the system

136
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:17,760
Speaker 2: is set up, I have to go Route B in

137
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,199
Speaker 2: order to get the credentials in the life, like all

138
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,360
Speaker 2: the things necessary to do the work.

139
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:24,480
Speaker 1: Yes.

140
00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:30,959
Speaker 2: So once I got to a space where I completed

141
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,880
Speaker 2: Route B, so I checked off all the boxes that

142
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:42,360
Speaker 2: professionally I was told I needed to check off, I'm like, oh, yes,

143
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 2: now I can fully come back to Route A and

144
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,559
Speaker 2: do what I know in my core is going to

145
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:56,200
Speaker 2: be most helpful to the people that I work with,

146
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,160
Speaker 2: to the community that I choose to serve.

147
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,600
Speaker 1: That's like a mic drop moment, and I resonate with

148
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,480
Speaker 1: that so much down that is so powerful. It's like

149
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,280
Speaker 1: we have to especially as black women, it's like we

150
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,960
Speaker 1: have to play the game, play the game, go through

151
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:14,360
Speaker 1: their systems and processes and the political bullshit, just to

152
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,000
Speaker 1: circle back and get right back to why we started.

153
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,560
Speaker 1: Who we really are and what we're really here for,

154
00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:23,000
Speaker 1: who we're here to serve. Wow. Yes, I don't often

155
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,800
Speaker 1: get and I'm not even trying to chewt my own horn.

156
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,320
Speaker 1: I got goosebumps just revisiting what you just share. That

157
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,400
Speaker 1: is so deep and I think so many black women

158
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,040
Speaker 1: can resonate with that as well, Like we've got to

159
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,600
Speaker 1: do all these things and now it's like surprise, surprise, bitches,

160
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:36,280
Speaker 1: this is the real me.

161
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:42,400
Speaker 2: I surprise right right, and my way of being is

162
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,320
Speaker 2: still getting the job done and in some ways even better.

163
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:51,240
Speaker 1: Exactly okay, because it's the cultural incompetencies that they don't

164
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,640
Speaker 1: account for and they think that they're this way. No,

165
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,360
Speaker 1: we know our people, we know how, we we know how.

166
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:01,120
Speaker 2: We exactly exactly. That's a whole other episode. But I

167
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:07,400
Speaker 2: will say being in that space right coming back to me, Yes,

168
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,679
Speaker 2: feels validating.

169
00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:11,880
Speaker 1: M h.

170
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,839
Speaker 2: I feel like I am doing my best work.

171
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. Hey lady, it's Terry here, dom and I want

172
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,640
Speaker 1: to take a moment to thank you for choosing to

173
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,360
Speaker 1: listen to our podcast. We love you for real, and

174
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,960
Speaker 1: we want to give you a chance to learn more

175
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,880
Speaker 1: about what's important to us. So tell us what you

176
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:29,480
Speaker 1: think about this.

177
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,760
Speaker 4: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

178
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:37,240
Speaker 4: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

179
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:43,079
Speaker 4: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

180
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,720
Speaker 4: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

181
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,959
Speaker 4: with like minded black women like you and share your

182
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:54,280
Speaker 4: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

183
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,840
Speaker 4: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

184
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:02,640
Speaker 4: exclusive Cultivating her Space Sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your

185
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,600
Speaker 4: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

186
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,840
Speaker 4: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts.

187
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,600
Speaker 5: And or personal wins. How does that sound? Hopefully this

188
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:14,880
Speaker 5: is up your alley, lady, because we are taking things

189
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,160
Speaker 5: to the next level this year, and we're doubling down

190
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,920
Speaker 5: on investing in our community.

191
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:23,240
Speaker 1: That means you. We want to meet you, connect with you,

192
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,959
Speaker 1: and create communities of genuine women who love on black

193
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,640
Speaker 1: women and push our culture and movement forward. We launched

194
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,400
Speaker 1: this podcast in twenty nineteen and to date we have

195
00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,160
Speaker 1: not missed a week. We've been great stewards of our platform,

196
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,719
Speaker 1: all while working full time and navigating our own ups

197
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:45,240
Speaker 1: and downs. We release fresh new content every single Friday,

198
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,840
Speaker 1: Life clock Work, and we have hundreds of valuable episodes

199
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,920
Speaker 1: and workshops that can really help you up level your life.

200
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,200
Speaker 1: So if you love our mission or you've gotten value

201
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,240
Speaker 1: from us, we invite you to give back and help

202
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:02,480
Speaker 1: us push this community effort. Visit her Space podcast dot

203
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,480
Speaker 1: com and click Patreon. You can learn more about our

204
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:10,280
Speaker 1: goals and exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly

205
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,160
Speaker 1: encourage you to join the Sister Frontier so that you

206
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,760
Speaker 1: can get someone on one time with us. We also

207
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,560
Speaker 1: have an option for you to donate on a one

208
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,840
Speaker 1: time basis if that meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast

209
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,160
Speaker 1: dot com and you can click that link that says Patreon.

210
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,319
Speaker 1: All right, lady will hop right back into the conversation.

211
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,800
Speaker 1: I love that so much, Okay, dom I want to

212
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,839
Speaker 1: share I love that you touched on the professional aspect

213
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,240
Speaker 1: because I didn't even think about that vantage point, but

214
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,719
Speaker 1: as you shared it, I'm like, oh, wait, me too,

215
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,160
Speaker 1: I can relate in some regard. I want to talk

216
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,640
Speaker 1: a bit about the personal homecoming yeah for me, and

217
00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:48,079
Speaker 1: I want to hear your feedback and like what you

218
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,800
Speaker 1: resonate with in my journey because I think a lot

219
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,800
Speaker 1: of this personal journey, like my personal homecoming journey, has

220
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,120
Speaker 1: been deeply reflective but also very personal. So something I

221
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,160
Speaker 1: may have discussed in therapy, but I haven't shared it,

222
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,480
Speaker 1: you know, in a public way and the way that

223
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,000
Speaker 1: we're discussing today, And so we have to start off

224
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,760
Speaker 1: by saying this, and I probably said this on one

225
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,720
Speaker 1: hundred episodes if you've listened to the podcast, but I

226
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:13,600
Speaker 1: am constantly amazed at how childhood trauma can shape who

227
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 1: we are and how that shit still be showing up

228
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,439
Speaker 1: at this big age because when I was younger, I

229
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,040
Speaker 1: just knew when I was young, when I was a teenager,

230
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,480
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, when I turn eighteen, oh, I'm

231
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,400
Speaker 1: gonna be good, Like everything's gonna just like oh, like

232
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:31,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to manage it, going healed, like nothing will

233
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,880
Speaker 1: impact me. And it didn't happen. So I'm like, oh, yeah,

234
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,000
Speaker 1: when I turned twenty one, oh absolutely, girl, I am

235
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,600
Speaker 1: thirty five years I'm about to be thirty five years old, right,

236
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,240
Speaker 1: I am still navigating some of those childhood wounds I

237
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,240
Speaker 1: thought would stay in my past. And as we're recording

238
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,840
Speaker 1: this episode, lady, we are just a couple days away

239
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:51,320
Speaker 1: from Dom's birthday, okay yaw, and we are about a

240
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,160
Speaker 1: month away from mine, and so I've been thinking a

241
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,200
Speaker 1: lot about where I am at thirty five. I felt

242
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,480
Speaker 1: like thirty five is like thirty. It's like it's a

243
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,120
Speaker 1: milestone age at least for me, feels like it. And

244
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,200
Speaker 1: it also, this is no judgment, ladies, this is just

245
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,120
Speaker 1: my honest opinion. You may feel the same way about

246
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: your age. My younger self is like, that's old as hell.

247
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,040
Speaker 1: But what I realize is that is not right. It's

248
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,160
Speaker 1: thirty five, lady, thirties, it's really not old. Once you

249
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,800
Speaker 1: get to this space, depending on how you you know,

250
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,520
Speaker 1: what you're doing with your body, and how you're taking

251
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,160
Speaker 1: care of yourself, you can really still feel young as hell.

252
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,800
Speaker 1: Because I still feel young, and I often find that

253
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 1: I'm in conversation with my younger self, who seeks validation,

254
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:36,160
Speaker 1: fun play, continue healing, all that stuff. Then I have

255
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,800
Speaker 1: my future self, who's more like the big sister. So

256
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,520
Speaker 1: I got various conversations going on inside the big sister

257
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,120
Speaker 1: who's offering encouragement and glimpses of my future, and then

258
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,880
Speaker 1: the present me, who's just trying to like juggle it

259
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,800
Speaker 1: all and figure out. Okay, she's saying this, she's saying this,

260
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,560
Speaker 1: Where do I go next?

261
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:51,720
Speaker 2: Right?

262
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,520
Speaker 1: And how do I hold space? For each version of

263
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,120
Speaker 1: myself as I continue to grow, and so I will

264
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,480
Speaker 1: say at this like on this day, at this time space,

265
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: I feel like I am on the precipice of the

266
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 1: best homecoming yet and I feel like I'm like standing

267
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 1: at the edge of a breakthrough. And I've experienced so

268
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,880
Speaker 1: much newness in the past year and a half and

269
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,880
Speaker 1: it's all connecting me to a deeper sense of self.

270
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 1: And so I'm like slowly peeling back these layers and

271
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,280
Speaker 1: kind of deciding, Okay, I've always been this person, but

272
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 1: now I'm going to be showcasing a bit more in

273
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,840
Speaker 1: a different way, and so trying to figure out what

274
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,960
Speaker 1: do I want to keep for myself, what do I

275
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 1: want to share with the world. And I think that's

276
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,560
Speaker 1: what I'm being. The conflict that I feel right now

277
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,840
Speaker 1: at this stage when I think about who I really

278
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,480
Speaker 1: am and what I want to express is again, I've

279
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,360
Speaker 1: always been this person, but because of shame, because of

280
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,200
Speaker 1: what I learned in church, because what I heard when

281
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 1: I was younger, Oh you're too much, or don't do that,

282
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,320
Speaker 1: or you're going to ruffle feathers. In addition to this

283
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,360
Speaker 1: statement of you should be seen and not heard, and

284
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,760
Speaker 1: you have to be a good girl. Those are messages

285
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,920
Speaker 1: that have been on repeat because I've heard them for

286
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 1: thirty plus years. So that programming is deeply, deeply embedded

287
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,880
Speaker 1: into the essence of who I am, and so I'm

288
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,159
Speaker 1: working against that to really like break free and be

289
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 1: my true, authentic self while still holding some things for myself.

290
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,200
Speaker 1: If that makes any sense.

291
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,800
Speaker 2: Yes, that does, Yes, that does. And I know that

292
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 2: there are probably so many women who can, actually who

293
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:31,960
Speaker 2: can who resonate with that experience right of having to

294
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:39,879
Speaker 2: sift through all of those narratives and the messaging to

295
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:47,880
Speaker 2: really determine who you are, like at your core, who

296
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 2: is terry right? And that takes some time.

297
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,800
Speaker 1: It does, It does, and it can be scary too,

298
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,359
Speaker 1: because you're thinking about rejection and like I think, as

299
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,240
Speaker 1: i'm and I don't want to. We don't have to

300
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 1: dive too deep into this because lady, we'll do another

301
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 1: episode about this. But as I'm gearing up for my

302
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 1: personal relaunch of my brand, because Dom and I both

303
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,920
Speaker 1: have brands outside of the podcast, there is a part

304
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 1: of me this little fearful what will people think because

305
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,800
Speaker 1: I presented in one way, I only presented a certain

306
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 1: aspect of myself before and now that I'm going to

307
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 1: be sharing more and it's going to look different, definitely

308
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,960
Speaker 1: going to be a lot more sexier than my brand

309
00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 1: was before. I'm a little nervous because people knew me

310
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 1: as a way before and now I'm like, shit, what

311
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,320
Speaker 1: if they don't like me? So, because it's not about people,

312
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,680
Speaker 1: that's what I have to keep telling myself, the people

313
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 1: pleaser and me, it's like, what if they don't like me?

314
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,159
Speaker 1: It's okay. You were on a mission. So lady, we

315
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 1: are going to dive into these eight ways that you

316
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,120
Speaker 1: can come home to yourself and Dim and I will

317
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,240
Speaker 1: share a bit more context about how we've leveraged these

318
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: different ways and yeah, again, we'd love to hear your feedback,

319
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 1: So connect with us on our Instagram, at her Space podcast,

320
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,600
Speaker 1: leave us some comments, send us some messages, tag us

321
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 1: all that good stuff, all right, don So let's dive

322
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 1: into number one. Number one is engage in self reflection.

323
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:08,200
Speaker 1: Self reflection is so important. It's so important. It helps

324
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 1: us gain insight into our thoughts, our behaviors, and emotions.

325
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: Because sometimes when there's so much noise around, it's easy

326
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 1: for us to adopt other people's perspectives, other people's beliefs,

327
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 1: other people's goals. How many times have we been like, Oh,

328
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 1: I'm going pursue this career because so and so said

329
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 1: so it allows us to really understand our past, recognize patterns,

330
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 1: and create space for growth. So I'm a huge fan

331
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 1: of self reflection. What are your thoughts on self reflection? Dom?

332
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 2: We'll have a question what does self reflection look like

333
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:41,120
Speaker 2: for you? Because people here like I as a therapist,

334
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 2: I know what that like what I tell folks to do, right,

335
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 2: But for you, Yeah, let's clarify for the people like,

336
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:51,440
Speaker 2: how do you self reflect?

337
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 4: Like?

338
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 2: What is that? What is that? Do I go sit

339
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,200
Speaker 2: in a corner and think with the lights off and

340
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,240
Speaker 2: the music and all the sound off, Like what is

341
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 2: self reflection? How do you do it?

342
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 1: That is an amazing question, don I want to be

343
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 1: very intentional about it. So I'm just gonna think about

344
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 1: what I do on a daily to answer that question.

345
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 1: I would say one. When it comes to self reflection,

346
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 1: for me, it this is just my experience. It requires

347
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 1: me to my best self reflection. I want to say

348
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 1: sessions involve me being by myself, so you know, not

349
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 1: texting a boot thing turn the TV off. I usually

350
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 1: have some type of soft music playing. I usually set

351
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 1: an intention, and I usually just like let myself be

352
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 1: so I'm not watching something, I'm not listening to music

353
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 1: with lyrics, and I just sit. Sometimes meditation is really important,

354
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,840
Speaker 1: but I like to just sit and breathe and see

355
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 1: what comes up. Because a lot of times we're so busy,

356
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: it's so noisy that it's just like this thought, this thought.

357
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 1: So for me, meditation is important. But then I also

358
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 1: start journaling. I also create voice notes. I also when

359
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,920
Speaker 1: spirit comes up and something flows and I feel like

360
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 1: I'm getting a download or an idea or something that

361
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 1: feels significant, I document it right away because sometimes they

362
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 1: those thoughts just their fleet. They can be fleeting, and

363
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: so I hold space. I think creating space and setting

364
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 1: an intention and like letting God spirit know like hey,

365
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 1: I'm ready to I'm ready to get something, you know,

366
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 1: and like setting up the space. Because if you've got

367
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: everybody at your crib and mind you, let's say you

368
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 1: live alone. I'm using that as an example. Everybody in

369
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,240
Speaker 1: your living room, everybody's chilling, it's like party time. Probably

370
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: not gonna get all the revelations right, that's just in

371
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 1: my experience. So that's does that answer the question down

372
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 1: as far as what self reflection looks like for me?

373
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, So well I think that was a great explanation.

374
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 2: So then I think that takes us to the second

375
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 2: tip or practice, and it's mindfulness, right, yes, And you know,

376
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:58,439
Speaker 2: mindfulness can look different for each one of us, but

377
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:04,439
Speaker 2: truly mindfulness is about being in the present moment, being

378
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 2: intentional about being in the present moment. And so for

379
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: some of us, what mindfulness may look like is taking

380
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 2: a moment to ground yourself and really tapping into all

381
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:29,919
Speaker 2: five senses of what is happening in this moment. So

382
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 2: people talk about mindful eating, right, So it's eating when

383
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 2: you feel hungry and slowly chewing your food to actually

384
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 2: taste and savor the flavors. But mindfulness truly can help

385
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 2: you reduce anxiety because what it forces you to do

386
00:22:53,760 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 2: is to slow down, and it encourages awareness of the

387
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: exact moment you're in. So we're not thinking about what's

388
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 2: about to happen, we're not thinking about what just happened.

389
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 2: We are focused on what is occurring in this exact

390
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 2: space and time.

391
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 1: That's good. I just had an idea as you were

392
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: sharing that, right, because I think for me, whenever I've

393
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 1: heard of mindfulness, people talk about meditation, which that is

394
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: one way that I practice mindfulness, but another for me,

395
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 1: And as I'm saying this, I'm like, oh, I wonder

396
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 1: if this is considered mindfulness. One is like being in flow.

397
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: So I've been holding space to be creative recently. And

398
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: literally I was doing something so fun the other day

399
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 1: and I was like writing music, which I used to

400
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,199
Speaker 1: do as a child when I was like listen to

401
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: beats or make beats and I would write music and

402
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 1: it was so fun. Girl. I was doing that and

403
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 1: looked up in three hours had passed and I was like,

404
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 1: oh shit. I was so excited because I was like,

405
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,439
Speaker 1: I was in toe and I wasn't thinking about anything

406
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: else but the present moment and it felt so good.

407
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: And literally looked up and that much time it passed

408
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: and it was so incredible. So I think mindfulness can

409
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 1: also be you getting a lost in something that you

410
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: really enjoy doing as well.

411
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're being in the present moment. That's what

412
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,400
Speaker 2: it really is, is you were focused on in the

413
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 2: present moment.

414
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. I love it. Okay, let's move

415
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 1: on to number three. Ooh, this one right here, and

416
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: I have a good example for this one, y'all. All right,

417
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 1: I'm setting healthy boundaries now, y'all know if you don't know, now,

418
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 1: you know, we have tons of episodes on setting boundaries.

419
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 1: And so when you think about healthy boundaries, right, they

420
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 1: protect our mental and emotional wellbeing. They help us prioritize

421
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:43,920
Speaker 1: our needs, maintain balance and relationships, and also prevent burnout. So, dom,

422
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 1: I want to share a quick example with you. This

423
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: actually happened today. And I don't want to share this

424
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 1: person's identity because I feel like I just don't feel

425
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: compelled to do that. But I was talking to someone

426
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 1: that I a family member that I love dearly, and

427
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 1: this is a person who I just want to give

428
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: a little bit of context without saying, you know who

429
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,199
Speaker 1: it is, person I love daily. They're older than me,

430
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: and it's someone that I you know, that's important to me, right,

431
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 1: And so I don't know about y'all, but I grew

432
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: up in the household where people you would have nicknames.

433
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: People would also like low key come for you, like

434
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: it was real shady, And maybe it's like the tip

435
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe it's like the typical black household,

436
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: or like everyone has that nickname of people teasing you

437
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 1: for a certain feature or something like that. So when

438
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: I was younger, it was like the big old eyes, right,

439
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 1: it was like big eyes or big feet, and the

440
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 1: other one was a what they used to say, you

441
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: you straight up and down because I was like real roast,

442
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: like size zero, double zero. You remember that, down, straight

443
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: up and down? You remember that?

444
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 2: Yeah? Like that. That was not my nickname, but yes,

445
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 2: that's what they.

446
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,199
Speaker 1: Would say, right. So I don't know about y'all, but

447
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:56,479
Speaker 1: being called ugly was like a big thing when I

448
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: was growing up, and I remember my cousin would say it,

449
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: called me ugly and then and other people in the

450
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 1: family just it's like a fun tease because in their mind,

451
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: well I don't know about my cousin, but in their mind,

452
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 1: the people who did say it, who were older, it

453
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: was like a joke. It was just funny, like come here, ugly,

454
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: and when you're young. I didn't realize that I had

455
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: a voice to say that until one day my mom

456
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 1: shared that wasn't But anyway, long story short, a person

457
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 1: who value said that to me recently that we were

458
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 1: talking on the phone. They were all right ugly, and

459
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I said, hold up now. The

460
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: younger men wouldn't have said it so quick, but I

461
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: addressed that shit right on the spot, because number one,

462
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: my thing is down words are powerful, right, And even

463
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: though I know I'm not ugly, I have struggled with

464
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: self esteem and confidence like my whole life, and so

465
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: I am very intentional about what people say to me

466
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: and the words that I say to myself. And because

467
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: words are so powerful, when I'm having a low moment

468
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 1: at this big age, I don't want to go back

469
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: to the thing that I just heard someone say to me.

470
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: And I take that on because I'm vulnerable, I'm feeling low,

471
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,439
Speaker 1: and so I don't play that shit. Right. So I

472
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: said something, didn't think it was a receive you. So

473
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: I text them like, hey, I want to touch base.

474
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 1: You know you're free, so we can talk about this

475
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: in more detail. So we had the conversation today and

476
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,919
Speaker 1: I basically just said, hey, you said this the other

477
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,879
Speaker 1: day and it really made me feel this way, and

478
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 1: I've struggled with this, you know, these things in my life,

479
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 1: and so that's not acceptable to me, that really hurts

480
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: my feelings and it's not acceptable. And I've I've stopped

481
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: talking to a friend before because they they were determined

482
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: to say that. So I said, Okay, well you could

483
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: say that to yourself because I'm not I'm not tolerating it. So, lady,

484
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: when it comes to boundaries and coming home to yourself

485
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: as you're on that journey, it is very important to

486
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: set boundaries, whether it's like the example I shared, or

487
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: physical boundaries with people who are not in support of

488
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 1: who you are becoming, because you really can't heal in

489
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 1: the same spaces where you were like violated. Is that

490
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 1: the right word I want to use.

491
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 2: When you Yeah, you can't heal in spaces where you

492
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 2: don't feel safe or supported or welcome, right where you

493
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 2: don't feel encouraged when people are constantly You can't heal

494
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 2: in spaces where no one else is doing any work either. Listen,

495
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 2: Oh can you say that again?

496
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 1: Please put the people in the back, please.

497
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:17,959
Speaker 2: You cannot heal in spaces when no one else is

498
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:23,479
Speaker 2: doing the work either. So you know, if you are

499
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 2: working on yourself, it's helpful to be surrounded by other

500
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 2: people who are working on themselves and It doesn't mean

501
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 2: that everybody's on the same path, because that's not how

502
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 2: life works. But it is helpful to be doing the

503
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: work and surround yourself with other people who are committed

504
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 2: to doing their own work too.

505
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: Amen.

506
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 2: And so then that takes us to number four. Nurture

507
00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 2: your inner child. Listen when you I love the sound

508
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: of children. It's laughter. Yes, when children are laughing and playing,

509
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: it feels like it's infectious, like it truly is, like

510
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 2: when they are happy, how could you not be right?

511
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: And as grown folks in our big ages, it is

512
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 2: so important for us to tap into those moments that

513
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 2: bring you joy, right and talking to your inner child.

514
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 2: So for some people, the healing work involves having conversations

515
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 2: with your inner child. So it may be re parenting

516
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 2: that inner child, acknowledging a trauma, making that inner child

517
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 2: feel seen. That's part of the healing work. But the

518
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 2: other thing that you do in terms of nurturing your

519
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 2: inner child is allowing yourself that space and time to

520
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 2: do the fun things right. Like I remember one of

521
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 2: my nieces when she was really little and I was

522
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 2: spending some time with her, and one of the things

523
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 2: that there's like a video and a picture of us

524
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 2: jumping on the bed. Now, first let me give the

525
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 2: caveat that it was not my bid because that's not

526
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 2: what we do at Auntie Don's house. That's not how

527
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 2: we get down. Okay, we were staying at we were

528
00:30:54,880 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 2: saying someplace else, and we you know, we were jumping

529
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 2: on the bed. And in that moment, I felt so

530
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 2: light because I'm having this space and she had to

531
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 2: have been maybe three years old at the time, and

532
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 2: she's giggling and having fun. I'm and so then I'm

533
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 2: giggling and I'm having fun, and we're like, you know,

534
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 2: and just having such a good time. And for me,

535
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 2: in that moment, my inner child was activated right like

536
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 2: this space of like bringing me back to times when

537
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 2: I was able to really be a kid, like really

538
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 2: able to just enjoy life and not have any worries

539
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 2: and do something that made me smile. And so you know,

540
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: the nurturing the inner child is all is really about,

541
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 2: like the joy and the creativity.

542
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that down my second that one hundred percent.

543
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: I think it really can you know, help us to

544
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: heal those wounds, rediscover joy and also embrace playfulness like

545
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: you said, and also address unmet needs from our past

546
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: and create a sense of like wholeness, right, Like I

547
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: love that you talked about I forget how, I forget

548
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: exactly what you said down, but as soon when you

549
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: said it, it made me think about visualization techniques I've done

550
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: in therapy or I've gone back to save myself in

551
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: traumatic experiences when I was experiencing abuse. And it's really

552
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,959
Speaker 1: been helpful for me to like rewrite the story and

553
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 1: not be as impacted. But I love one having a

554
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: toddler that definitely helps me to tap into my owner child.

555
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: So we have dance parties and we're going on various adventures,

556
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: and I think kids they just, you know, they just

557
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: have this perspective on the world. Like my daughter was

558
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: asking if we could go to a dinosaur something and

559
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: I was like, well, maybe I have to look it

560
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 1: up to see where the place is and all these things,

561
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 1: and she said, well, we can just drive around the

562
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: town and then we'll see and we can just pull

563
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 1: into the parking lot and then go inside. And I

564
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: was like, everything is just so it's just so supple

565
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 1: form and it helps, and I think having her has

566
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: helped to it continues to help to heal me. And

567
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 1: so I think being with your children or with other kids,

568
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: whether it's your nieces and nephews, I think coloring, being

569
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: silly and going on adventures, just like not taking ourselves

570
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 1: too seriously. And one of the other things I've done

571
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: is like by childhood toys I used to play with

572
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 1: so not even toys, just things. So I got a

573
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: yoyo and some slime, and then I gotta, y'all remember

574
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: those baby bottle What is the baby bottle pop? Baby

575
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 1: bottle pop? And a push pop? Yes, yes, take up

576
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: like a bottle and you dip the Yeah. I ain't

577
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 1: like them things, so that's why. Remember I'm like, oh no,

578
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: that wasn't my favorite.

579
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 2: But I feel you on finding the like the childhood,

580
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: the thing, the nostalgia, the things that like really make

581
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 2: you feel good.

582
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 1: Yes. The last thing I want to add, y'all is

583
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: that one of the things one of my fantasies as

584
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 1: a child was to I used to eat bubbleishous gum.

585
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: We seed a lot of candy, too much candy, but

586
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: I always fantasized about eating a whole pack of bubbleishous

587
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: gum as a kid. I just thought that would be

588
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 1: the most amazing thing. And I attended to do that

589
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 1: as an adult because I said, let me give her,

590
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: give in little terry what she was needing. And I

591
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: did that shit, and I said, okay, this is it

592
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: was overrated, but I had the experience.

593
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 2: You got to give yourself that opportunity to try it

594
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 2: and say, you know what, Oh no, that's not it.

595
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: It ain't it exactly exactly. So, lady, this takes us

596
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: to our next one. I think this is number five,

597
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 1: which has built a supportive community. So important. A supportive

598
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: community offers encouragement, guidance, and a sense of belonging, and

599
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: it's so essential to feeling connected and validated and less

600
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:58,919
Speaker 1: isolated in this journey to becoming who you are meant

601
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: to become. I'll give you a quick example. Dom. You know,

602
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: we've gone to TOWERK Church together, the work class and

603
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 1: the babe, and so I went to TOURK Church maybe

604
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: two saturdays ago and it just felt so good to

605
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,399
Speaker 1: be in a place, a safe space where I could

606
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 1: be in my booty shorts, throw that thing in the circle,

607
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: bust a wide open and tap into the more sensual

608
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 1: side of myself in a way that it's also being

609
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 1: celebrated and where we're all being uplifted as women, like

610
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 1: in this one safe space of like community and connection

611
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: where there's no judgment. And it's like most of us

612
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: want to shake our ass, you know what I mean,

613
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 1: like sotop planning, so you can do that in a

614
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 1: safe space space.

615
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that. I think that's you know it's

616
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 2: important also, and I know we keep we keep it

617
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 2: reiterating safe space. And for you, lady, you have to

618
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 2: define what safe space, what safe feels like for you,

619
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 2: and so that's also part of that supportive community. It's

620
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 2: it's a space where and where you have people that

621
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 2: uplift you, like you said, and there's no judgment and

622
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 2: you a space where you feel like you can be

623
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 2: your authentic self.

624
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 1: Yes, and.

625
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:29,359
Speaker 2: That I can't stress enough how important it is to

626
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 2: feel seen. The amount of healing that occurs when someone

627
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 2: feels seen, it's it's immeasurable.

628
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 1: Now, a quick question for you, if we could just

629
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: take a quick little detour so I know what it

630
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 1: feels like to be seen. And lady, I'm sure as

631
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,240
Speaker 1: you're listening, you probably remember instances where you felt seen.

632
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 1: How would you like the behind that you know, like, so.

633
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, so what does that like a real life example

634
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 2: of what that looks like? Right, So let's say that. Okay,

635
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 2: I'll give an example last week's episode with doctor Candice

636
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 2: Nicole Harkins, right, and she described herself as essentially a

637
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 2: black woman who is ratchet and sensual and into the

638
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 2: research and the science. Also became a therapist because she's

639
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 2: the oldest child, like all of those things, right. And

640
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 2: I remember saying reading that off to her in the

641
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 2: episode and saying, I recognize that because I see myself

642
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 2: in that, and and she acknowledged, yes, it feels good

643
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: to be seen that. Oh wait, yeah, that's amazing when

644
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 2: you can see that there is someone else who like

645
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 2: sees you, right, like I was able to see her

646
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 2: but also simultaneously see myself in her. And how validating

647
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 2: that is considering when we are in a society that

648
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 2: essentially try to say that being a black woman nerd

649
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 2: or you can't be a black woman nerd and like

650
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 2: to do research on sex about sex, right, that you

651
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 2: can't be a psychologist and be ratchet, right, But to

652
00:38:56,360 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 2: have someone acknowledge, oh, I see you, and that's dope,

653
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 2: and I see you and it's me too.

654
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: That was the perfect example. I love it, thank you.

655
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 2: So so yeah, so that's yeah, that and that also

656
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 2: comes with building that that's part of building that supportive community.

657
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 2: So now we're on number six. One of my favorite

658
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 2: topics prioritize self care. Now, lady, you know, if you've

659
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 2: been listening for a while, one we have episodes that

660
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 2: talk about self care. But also you know that I

661
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 2: always say that there are levels to it, and self

662
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:51,439
Speaker 2: care is truly it's not about what consumerism has made

663
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 2: it to be. Yes, self care is really about the

664
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 2: activities that you do to promote all levels of your

665
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 2: well being. So whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, financial,

666
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 2: all of those things. So self care is staying hydrated.

667
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 2: Self care is getting enough sleep at night. Self care

668
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 2: is setting boundaries. Occasionally, self care is getting that manny petty.

669
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 2: Occasionally self care is that wonderful island get away. But

670
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 2: truly self care is making that therapy appointment when you

671
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 2: know you need it. It's making sure that you are

672
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 2: eating right, or that you're consulting professionals to make sure

673
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,480
Speaker 2: that your physical health is in tip top shape. Self

674
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 2: cares about loving on you in the ways that make

675
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 2: you feel optimal.

676
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and yes. And I would add on to that,

677
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 1: Lady is in addition to what Dom said, it's about

678
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: respecting your physical, mental, and emotional needs to show up

679
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 1: fully in life. And it's going to look different for

680
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 1: each of us, right like your self care routine is

681
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: going to differ from someone else's. And also some things

682
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: that you deem and self care may not be self

683
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: care for another person. I'm glad you said the many

684
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: petty dome because what I've realized. I used to say, oh, yeah,

685
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: this is part of my self care, but then when

686
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 1: I realized for me personally, it's not always about what

687
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: I do, but how I do it. And I say

688
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: that because when I go to the nail shop because

689
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:46,880
Speaker 1: I had a legit, do you remember this dome a

690
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: traumatic experience with the nailshop after I gave birth where

691
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: I had this so it's called it was something on

692
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,880
Speaker 1: my toe, some type of infection that lasted a whole

693
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 1: year when I was breastfeeding. And so I have a

694
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: lot of anxiety when I go to the mail shop

695
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: and petties. I do it for personal maintenance, but it's

696
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: not part of my self care. Now when I go

697
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: get a massage when I see my therapist. Those for

698
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 1: me your self care these days. So again, lady, we

699
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,240
Speaker 1: can give you ideas and tell you our personal experience,

700
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: but it's all about what makes you feel whole in

701
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 1: your life. So it's going to look different for everyone, right,

702
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: all right, anything else about self care down? Or should

703
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: we dive into number seven?

704
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 2: Let's do number seven?

705
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, let's get into it. So number seven

706
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 1: is pursue your passions. Pursuing your passions, it can really

707
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,840
Speaker 1: help us to connect with our true selves and our purpose,

708
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,240
Speaker 1: and it fuels our creativity and fulfillment. I was telling

709
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: you earlier about how I was in flow. Usually when

710
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 1: you're pursuing your passion, it's those moments when you look

711
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 1: up and you're like, what the two hours past? Wait?

712
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 2: Five?

713
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,800
Speaker 1: Five hours went by and you didn't feel like you

714
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 1: were doing a ounce of work. It was just all

715
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: excitement fulfillment, right, reminding you of your unique gifts and interests.

716
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 1: And so if you can just try to think about

717
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: out a passion or a hobby, or you can set

718
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 1: aside sometime and commit and revisit it. Also what I

719
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: find to be really powerful these days, is is I'm

720
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 1: getting back to the basics and going back to my

721
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: true self right, getting clear on like who I am authentically.

722
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: I find that I am revisiting my childhood hobbies, so

723
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 1: things that I just did not have the bandwidth, space,

724
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: the privilege, the luxury, the resources to pursue when I

725
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: was younger. Those passions are still there. So even though

726
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: I don't sing, I do write music and so I've

727
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: been dibbling more into that again. I've been just doing

728
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 1: all kinds of things I love to do when I

729
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: was younger and revisiting that and it really adds to

730
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 1: that sense of fulfillment in life. So lady, if you

731
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 1: can try to find some time, it doesn't have to

732
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 1: be a whole course or class, but like fine, fifteen

733
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,879
Speaker 1: minutes throughout the week where you can just do that thing,

734
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: whether it's knitting or coloring or drawing or whatever it

735
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 1: might be, it could really be helpful.

736
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 2: Yes, And I think the thing too to remember is

737
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 2: that you'll know when you're pursuing your passion because your

738
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,839
Speaker 2: body will tell you. Our body speak to us all

739
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 2: the time, and when we are not pursuing our passion,

740
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:15,919
Speaker 2: we will be constantly in a state of unhappiness or disease, right,

741
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 2: and so pursue the things that make you light up.

742
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 2: So whether that is like Terry, like you pointed out,

743
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 2: pursuing those hobbies, but also in everything that you do

744
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 2: with work. And I want to acknowledge that for some

745
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 2: of us, pursuing your passion may feel like a privilege

746
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 2: because some of us aren't able to. But lady, if

747
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 2: you're given the opportunity pursue your passion, you will feel

748
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: the difference. You will feel less stress. And that's about

749
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 2: and again this is the point. It's like coming home

750
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:16,399
Speaker 2: to yourself and you literally will feel at ease when

751
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 2: you are pursuing the things that you were passionate about.

752
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 1: That was so powerful, dom I want to add on

753
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 1: to one thing you said, when you said it can

754
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 1: decrease stress, right, I think that is so true because

755
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: many of us, right, we have to work multiple jobs

756
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: or do what we have to do right to live

757
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 1: our lifestyle. And so sometimes when you can have that

758
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: passion on the side, like we've had the podcast for

759
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 1: six years, right, and even though we've had other jobs,

760
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 1: when you have that passion, it allows you to show

761
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 1: up more fully in other areas of your life. So

762
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 1: you may not be doing the thing you want to

763
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 1: do in your day job, right, you may not be

764
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 1: doing that full time, but if you can bake time

765
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 1: in for the passion, it can give you a little

766
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 1: bit more light and a little bit more excitement in

767
00:45:58,239 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 1: your day to day. And then if you're like, well,

768
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 1: y'all that sounds good, but I don't know what my

769
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: passion is, Okay, well go try some new things and

770
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,919
Speaker 1: listen to your body, Like Don was saying, go try

771
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 1: a random new experience. I loved it. I went what

772
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 1: was it? I did some circus training and did the

773
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: tight rope. Probably, I don't know, maybe may not do

774
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: it again because my body was like, what the fuck

775
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 1: are you doing? But go try some new go try

776
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 1: some new shit. And if your body is like, oh

777
00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 1: we falling with this, then do more of that. Right,

778
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 1: Listen to your body, Yes, your body, your body definitely

779
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: lets you know. And so then that takes us to

780
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 1: our final tip, our final way that we can come

781
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: home to ourselves, and that is to embrace change and growth.

782
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 2: That you know, it's a recognition that in order to

783
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 2: be your best self, you're constantly evolving, so that means

784
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 2: that you are not who you are today hopefully will

785
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:08,720
Speaker 2: not be the same person that you are tomorrow, five

786
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 2: days from now, five months, five years. Right, the core

787
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 2: of you stays the same, but everything else there should

788
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 2: be some growth, right and what that looks like? Because

789
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,399
Speaker 2: I know somebody listening is probably like, well, what does

790
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 2: that mean the core of me stays the same if

791
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 2: everything else is changing? What that looks like is so?

792
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 2: For instance, for me, at my core, I like being

793
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:47,800
Speaker 2: op I consider myself someone who's open to trying new things.

794
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 2: So trying new things when I was five is gonna

795
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 2: look different than when I try new things at twenty

796
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 2: five or thirty five, right, But the core of me

797
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,760
Speaker 2: is a person who's open to trying new things. Part

798
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 2: of embracing this change and this growth also means that

799
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 2: it may require therapy, It may require saying goodbye to

800
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 2: certain relationships. Change is hard, and the reality is that

801
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:38,879
Speaker 2: very few people in life enjoy the process of change.

802
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 2: We like what happens on the other side. If we're

803
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 2: trying to get from point A to point B, we

804
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:50,360
Speaker 2: are excited about point B, but that process in between

805
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 2: nobody likes that. That's uncomfortable and people don't like being uncomfortable,

806
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: hence the word uncomfortable. Right, we have to go through

807
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 2: it to get to that other side that we're excited about.

808
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: Yes, And as you said, change can be hard and

809
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 1: changing growth is also inevitable, right, and embracing it allows

810
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 1: us to evolve more freely, I would say. And I

811
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 1: think that change and growth also helps us to break

812
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,200
Speaker 1: from stagnation and step into a new, fulfilling life as

813
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 1: we are coming home to ourselves. And one of the

814
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 1: mantras that I have been staving probably since childhood, and

815
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 1: I believe it a lot more today than I did then,

816
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: was that everything is working out for my good no

817
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: matter what it is. And this I mean I've experienced

818
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,879
Speaker 1: some things, okay, and I truly believe that no matter

819
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: what happens, everything is working out for my good. The

820
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,879
Speaker 1: universe is conspiring to ensure that I succeed. And so

821
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,800
Speaker 1: the thing about it is, even if you don't believe

822
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 1: that today, try to believe it, like, try to state

823
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 1: it until you believe it, because the thing is, whatever

824
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: you believe is going to be true for you. So

825
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,359
Speaker 1: if you're like, oh, no, that's not true, but a

826
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: baby girl, it's going to you know, it won't be

827
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 1: true for you if you don't believe it, right, So

828
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 1: I think that's really important. But also, whenever you face change,

829
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:09,760
Speaker 1: you can also pause write down how that shift could

830
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: serve your growth. I think that's also another good thing

831
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,719
Speaker 1: that you could do. I know, with us a lot

832
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: of us being in the remote world these days. A

833
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, I had an opportunity, and this

834
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: is like fresh out of the pandemic an opportunity and

835
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 1: they were saying, oh, we want you all to come

836
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,919
Speaker 1: into the office, and I was like, bruh, Like we've

837
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 1: been home all this time, ain't nobody got time? And

838
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 1: so then I was like, all right, if I know

839
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 1: that this is the expectation, I started to shift my

840
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 1: thinking and I was like, Okay, I know I don't

841
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 1: want to do this shit, but since it's on the

842
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: table and it has to get done, what prospective shifts

843
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: can I take to ensure that it'll be a good experience.

844
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 1: And so now I'm like, okay, cool. I get to

845
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:51,399
Speaker 1: network with people in the office, which is kind of cool.

846
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: When you get to network, you kind of get to

847
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:54,840
Speaker 1: tea on what's going on with the company. All that

848
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,400
Speaker 1: good stuff and just kind of finding more ways that

849
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 1: me commuting can enhance me way. And I would say,

850
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,919
Speaker 1: give yourself some time to wallow and bitch your own

851
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 1: and then we got to get into solutions mode, right, like,

852
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: how are we shifting our perspective? Because if you have

853
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: to do the thing anyway, right, you have to do change.

854
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 1: It's either going to be a shitty ride or it's

855
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 1: going to be the best ride ever. And it's all

856
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: up to you and your perspective because of how we

857
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: perceive the world is our reality. Right, So, lady, we

858
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 1: covered quite a bit. Shall we do a recap down?

859
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:33,280
Speaker 1: Let's do it? Okay, let's see. So Number one, lady,

860
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 1: is engage in self reflection. Number two is practice mindfulness.

861
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: Number three set healthy boundaries. Number four nurture you're inner child.

862
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:49,959
Speaker 1: Number five, build a supportive community. Number six, prioritize self care.

863
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 1: Number seven pursue your passions, and number eight embrace change

864
00:51:56,320 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 1: and growth. So, Lady Domina, I'm going to cover some

865
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:04,359
Speaker 1: questions in the after show, so make sure you join us.

866
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: You can visit herspacepodcast dot com, click on Patreon and

867
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,279
Speaker 1: come and visit us. On the after show, we'll see

868
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: you soon.

869
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

870
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

871
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

872
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

873
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

874
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

875
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

876
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 1: If you'd liked what you heard and want to keep

877
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:51,080
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com

878
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,439
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon link to get

879
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:57,320
Speaker 1: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show

880
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: and before we meet again, Repeat it after me. I

881
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: am a magnet for positivity, attracting joy, love and success

882
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 1: effortlessly