WEBVTT - Make silence meaningful

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to make silence meaningful. Don't leave yourself wondering

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<v Speaker 1>how you should act if you don't hear back from someone.

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<v Speaker 1>You can reduce stress and uncertainty by giving yourself and

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<v Speaker 1>them a moment when silence becomes a no. Today's tip,

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<v Speaker 1>like some others we've heard recently, is from Anna Goldfarbe's

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<v Speaker 1>new book, Modern Friendship. In this book, Goldfarb shares strategies

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<v Speaker 1>for making and growing friendships and are often disconnected times.

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<v Speaker 1>Goldfarb notes that it is great to be the one

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<v Speaker 1>reaching out and initiating get togethers. Someone has to do it,

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<v Speaker 1>it may well be you, But of course, these days

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of our communication is digital. You are not

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily asking someone to do something face to face where

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<v Speaker 1>they will likely give you a response. Sometimes people respond

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<v Speaker 1>promptly to texts and emails, and sometimes they don't. This

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<v Speaker 1>can be stressful if you are making plans. Did they

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<v Speaker 1>get the message, are they just not responding or are

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<v Speaker 1>they thinking about it? But you can make silence as meaningful,

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<v Speaker 1>she says, let them know a moment when silence will

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<v Speaker 1>be a no. So, for instance, if you send a

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<v Speaker 1>text inviting a new friend to go see a movie

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<v Speaker 1>with you on Friday night, you might add, if I

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<v Speaker 1>don't hear from you by Friday morning, I'll assume you

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<v Speaker 1>can't make it, or if you need more advanced notice

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<v Speaker 1>for something, we'll be going to that new Italian place

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<v Speaker 1>on Thursday night at seven pm. If I don't hear

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<v Speaker 1>from you by Sunday night, I'll assume that it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>work for you, and I'll go ahead and make the

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<v Speaker 1>reservation without you. This framing does a few positive things. First,

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<v Speaker 1>you can extend an invitation with less stress. You know

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<v Speaker 1>there is a moment where you can go ahead and

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<v Speaker 1>make other plans or proceed with your plans without the

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<v Speaker 1>other person. That might make you marginally more likely to

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<v Speaker 1>extend an invitation. It also gives the other person an out.

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<v Speaker 1>Not everyone is as good about responding as they should be.

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<v Speaker 1>If the other person isn't checking their messages or forgets,

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<v Speaker 1>they won't also feel bad about holding you up. And well,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe it is a no, but the person doesn't really

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<v Speaker 1>want to say no for whatever reason. This gives everyone

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<v Speaker 1>a gracious way for there to be a no without

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<v Speaker 1>a no actually happening, you can go about with your

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<v Speaker 1>plans without complicating your own timeline. Making silence meaningful does

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<v Speaker 1>require getting in the habit of remembering to add this

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<v Speaker 1>line to your invitations. But that's not such a hard

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<v Speaker 1>habit to build. In recent weeks, we have learned the

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<v Speaker 1>virtues of making invitations specific. Not let's get together sometime,

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<v Speaker 1>but let's get together for coffee to talk about your

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<v Speaker 1>new job. How about Saturday at three pm at the

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<v Speaker 1>Starbucks near your apartment. All you have to add is

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<v Speaker 1>if I don't hear from you by Friday, I'll assume

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<v Speaker 1>you're swamped with all the new stuff you have going on.

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<v Speaker 1>It's all good. In the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,

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<v Speaker 1>or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura

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<v Speaker 1>vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

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<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app,

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