Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I heard radio podcast.
Speaker 1: You guys, this is our last podcast before of the years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of the I think that I think we take a
Speaker 1: week off, right, Maybe I don't know about I actually
Speaker 1: needed to ask you that question. I did too. I
Speaker 1: talk about it all figured next week you're very busy.
Speaker 1: I deleted it off my calendar and Daniel is like,
Speaker 1: are we not? We're not doing next week? And I
Speaker 1: was like, I'll talk to Janna. Oh next week I'll
Speaker 1: be in London, So there you good, Daniel. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I guess unless we do, unless we do one
Speaker 1: when we come when I come back from London, like
Speaker 1: a recap one. So maybe we're maybe well yeah, I
Speaker 1: think we ourselves and the people we have to stay.
Speaker 1: Plus we need like a little New Year's resolution moment,
Speaker 1: don't we. Yeah, okay, so let's do. So this will
Speaker 1: be the last one before I go to London, because
Speaker 1: when you guys are listening to this, I will be
Speaker 1: hopefully God you don't say no, no, no no. I
Speaker 1: start to get um, everybody I know is sick right now, Yeah,
Speaker 1: has the flu or something, And I'm like, if I
Speaker 1: get the flu and I can't get on the plane.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no. So I'm like, I'm trying something
Speaker 1: the other day Jason sniffling, I'm like, don't touch me.
Speaker 1: Love is in the air, young one, move this along.
Speaker 1: But it's been a sickly everybody is sick right now.
Speaker 1: For sure it is and repeat virus. Like. I'm at
Speaker 1: the point where I'm like, definitely, there's no way we
Speaker 1: could get anything new. All the things off. And then
Speaker 1: last night Legends awake coughing. It's fine. I think it's fine.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be the reason is this? What do
Speaker 1: fifty something degrees? You know that back and forth is
Speaker 1: always gonna and at fifty I turned on the fireplace
Speaker 1: now because I've officially lost any sort of Michigan or toughness.
Speaker 1: But the same the air is dry in our house
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah, so hopefully when you guys are
Speaker 1: listening to this episode, I will be in too busy
Speaker 1: making out in London. I just yeah, I know, I
Speaker 1: started to just because you know, when you're so excited
Speaker 1: for something, Yeah, it's hey, they always zoom in. I
Speaker 1: have to say whenever i'm guys, because I every time
Speaker 1: they put a little like snippet of us up on Instagram.
Speaker 1: They always go to my face making my card on
Speaker 1: the sleeve face and just now I did it and
Speaker 1: I'm certain they're going to use it and I have
Speaker 1: to lock it up. It's great because people always want
Speaker 1: to see the the reaction you go, um anyway, anyway,
Speaker 1: So when you're excited about something, well, no, I just yeah,
Speaker 1: I just you know, I'm I yeah, I get not.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say, I don't want to put
Speaker 1: it out there that it's not going to happen, but
Speaker 1: I just get nervous. Yeah, because I think we daydream
Speaker 1: us girls in our brain of how it's gonna look,
Speaker 1: and then when it doesn't end up that way, but
Speaker 1: this time, when it doesn't end up that way, this
Speaker 1: time it will. And I think it's really indicative of
Speaker 1: how you're truly feeling that you would be nervous to
Speaker 1: miss it. That's my favorite part about this. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of trips that you're like, man, I
Speaker 1: mean there's been a lot of trips for myself that
Speaker 1: I'm like, the flu would be great. I mean, I
Speaker 1: hope not if you're going to London. I mean, she's
Speaker 1: going to London. But I'm saying I hope that you're
Speaker 1: not like, oh, I hope I have this flute, like
Speaker 1: hopefully you would be excited about London. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm oding on zinc right now. So that you take
Speaker 1: hundred milligrams, I mean, I know, way too much. It's
Speaker 1: supposed to be like fifty, I think, but I didn't. Yeh,
Speaker 1: I'm I didn't really take a hunderd. I took fifty.
Speaker 1: But if you're like that, even that high amount was
Speaker 1: upsetting my tummy. So like why am I doing this?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, because I just don't want to
Speaker 1: miss yeah, and that's the part I like speak, uh, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm excited and anyway, so this will be so then
Speaker 1: when we get back, we'll do a recap of London
Speaker 1: when we're really to build all the details, will I though,
Speaker 1: We're definitely going to ask and see what happens. Christen's
Speaker 1: taking that job on, well, I love it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: tell the people they want to know, Cramer, they don't
Speaker 1: tune in to hear about your grocery order. Well, I
Speaker 1: will say something though, And he said, I really listened
Speaker 1: back to um never really listen to us, because I
Speaker 1: get well, I did because I had told Brave Heart
Speaker 1: to listen, I know, and so in my mind, I'm like,
Speaker 1: should do I want him to listen to the episode
Speaker 1: or do I not because he doesn't really know my
Speaker 1: world or what? Oh I love that he doesn't know
Speaker 1: your work. So I I said, you know, I kind
Speaker 1: of mentioned you in a way a on the podcast,
Speaker 1: and he's like, should I listen? And I was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that as this would be a good one for you
Speaker 1: to But then as I'm listening and then actually give
Speaker 1: me sixty minutes, I'll get back. So but then I
Speaker 1: was thinking about it because I was listening back to
Speaker 1: some of the things I said, like you know, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I should just shut up and I shouldn't
Speaker 1: talk about it, and sometimes where I got into this
Speaker 1: thing um with actually your husband cat And you know,
Speaker 1: I can't really tell the basis of what it is
Speaker 1: because I haven't said you know what it's around, But
Speaker 1: it's around privacy, right, So I've always said I when
Speaker 1: everything happened with my ex, that is when I took
Speaker 1: things public because I wanted to have the this is
Speaker 1: this is I want. I wanted to tell the story
Speaker 1: and not have the tabloids tell my story. So from
Speaker 1: there became very public and open about things. And so
Speaker 1: now all that's where I'm at. I can't now ask
Speaker 1: for privacy. I mean I probably could, but I I
Speaker 1: enjoy sharing and and for me, the part where UM
Speaker 1: like this when I was listening, Yes, I want to
Speaker 1: stay private, but at the same time, because of how
Speaker 1: the divorce and the brokenness and the sadness, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want people to know that, like you can be
Speaker 1: happy too, and I like, I want to share that
Speaker 1: piece as much as I want. Well, it's like as
Speaker 1: much as I want to hold onto it, and I will,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, I'm like you, there is
Speaker 1: laughter and love and excitement, and yeah, if this doesn't
Speaker 1: work out, it's still going to be okay. Like I
Speaker 1: talked to Amy the other day, I said, yeah, it
Speaker 1: would hurt, but I know I will still be okay,
Speaker 1: just like but to be able to feel alive again,
Speaker 1: And that's what I kind of that's what I think
Speaker 1: is so inspiring about you, though, Like I really mean that,
Speaker 1: like you just don't give up on love well, and
Speaker 1: I want people to think about it. Wants to share
Speaker 1: that with people, and I think that's beautiful and guess
Speaker 1: what you get to make that decision. And if you
Speaker 1: want to be private or not be private, you can
Speaker 1: share information and not share the details. Like that was
Speaker 1: part of our white board plan last year the Queendom.
Speaker 1: We were like, share that you want to be in love,
Speaker 1: share that you might be in love. We just don't
Speaker 1: need to name or give a social Security number an address,
Speaker 1: right We just certain details get to be sacred in private.
Speaker 1: And that's okay because you're actually still a human being.
Speaker 1: I know that's crazy for a lot of people out there.
Speaker 1: You're still a person. But what I'm saying is I
Speaker 1: think it's just what I hope for. And this is
Speaker 1: is this because you're gonna in London? Is this your
Speaker 1: way of letting me know generally you're gonna let me down?
Speaker 1: I see what it is. It took me a minute,
Speaker 1: a little flow today. No, no, no, no, this is
Speaker 1: this is what I'm This is what I'm meaning. I
Speaker 1: didn't believe. I've always believed in fairy tales, right. I
Speaker 1: want to be able to show the woman that's in
Speaker 1: her bed from a terrible divorce, thinking she's never going
Speaker 1: to find anyone. I want to be the person that goes,
Speaker 1: you will find a great love. And this might not
Speaker 1: be my great love. I don't know, but like, go explore,
Speaker 1: feel the feelings and share it because I think for me,
Speaker 1: share it, not him. That's my white board. Yeah again,
Speaker 1: different planets right now. I'm not saying I'm going to
Speaker 1: share him. I'm just I already know the look, I
Speaker 1: already know what's happening, and I'm not going to But
Speaker 1: here's the deal. Show share yourself happy as a selfie,
Speaker 1: and let us imagine who that might be. That's all
Speaker 1: I'm asking. No, I will not do that fast or
Speaker 1: just give it a minute. Yeah, because then give it
Speaker 1: a minute and you can still show the fabulous love
Speaker 1: story like when the manager enters the chat. No, I
Speaker 1: would never this soon. I really wouldn't. I swear I
Speaker 1: wouldn't you to say. Having said that said that, when
Speaker 1: the time comes, I'm mixed. I'm hopeful for the day
Speaker 1: to go. This is why, this is, This is why
Speaker 1: there was all those tears because it wasn't my fairy tale.
Speaker 1: This is yeah, and I'm excited for them to see
Speaker 1: that picture of you guys married when that time comes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's the first look, Christ We're going to guard
Speaker 1: him hard. Where I'm guarding him hard, I like him.
Speaker 1: I don't think I really like him. I think we
Speaker 1: really want to guard the one should no events to
Speaker 1: the others when you're getting when you're there. You know,
Speaker 1: when I'm in London, was that a question? I thought
Speaker 1: we already were okay, Quendom group chap Um. So yeah,
Speaker 1: is there anything else, any requests that you want me
Speaker 1: to do while I'm in London? Because this is this
Speaker 1: is my sound off. Yes, I'm going to chase the butterflies.
Speaker 1: Chase the butterflies. I just love yea. You know a
Speaker 1: lot of people really like that. It's crazy. It was
Speaker 1: a beautiful way that you put all that and so
Speaker 1: that's my whole thing. Last year was chasing Joy and
Speaker 1: this year's chasing Butterfly. That's what we're up to. I
Speaker 1: said that in therapy. Then I started crying the other
Speaker 1: day because I was like, you told me to chase Joy,
Speaker 1: not Christal. I have to next year, short Um, I
Speaker 1: need you to go to a place. There's a place there.
Speaker 1: I'm going to remember the name. I think it's called
Speaker 1: sketch okay, and I need you to go there. Sketch
Speaker 1: It is this a naked It's like an Alice in
Speaker 1: Wonderland kind of bar. But it's really really super cool.
Speaker 1: It feels like a different world, Like it is like
Speaker 1: nothing I've ever seen before. And I feel like we've
Speaker 1: all traveled a lot and seen a lot of things.
Speaker 1: I've never seen anything like this and asked to use
Speaker 1: the bathroom and face time me from the bathroom. The bathroom,
Speaker 1: I know, and if anybody here has been to this
Speaker 1: play restaurant slash bar, they're going to know exactly what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. It is insane sketch. Nothing I've ever
Speaker 1: seen in London. Huh the bathroom though, you're going to
Speaker 1: see the back of restaurants in a bathroom. Oh no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't take press into the bathroom. Man. I know
Speaker 1: I have a request that might seem like I'm picking
Speaker 1: on you a little bit. Back to what we were
Speaker 1: talking about. Back to normal, and that's why I'm here programming,
Speaker 1: and this is what we were just talking about. Now
Speaker 1: I'm going here's here's here's what I think. Let's not
Speaker 1: take photos in the same spot. He's both, he's private
Speaker 1: and it okay, let's just go for it, and let's
Speaker 1: just take a photo together. Why I'm back on I'm
Speaker 1: back on that side. Wait the two of them? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why not? I don't know what's going on with Katherine.
Speaker 1: I need everyone. I just need everyone to Okay, we
Speaker 1: need to have a room minute. I'm done with the
Speaker 1: guessing happened with Katherine where I feel like Katherine and
Speaker 1: I are switching places recently, every time I say something
Speaker 1: that's unlike me and a little like Katherine. I looked
Speaker 1: at her it's like, you're gonna have my back, and
Speaker 1: she's like, Okay, I debate your sides right now. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying she has to. I'm not saying she
Speaker 1: has to post anything of them too. However, the picking
Speaker 1: part is, I don't love the posting in the same place,
Speaker 1: and you're posting it like I'm just like, either put
Speaker 1: it out there or don't, and I'm like, don't. I'm
Speaker 1: either for both. I'm just here for both. Sacred territory
Speaker 1: is what we are entering. Have you seen her face?
Speaker 1: Though I have faith, Katherine, I'm sorry, guard him hard.
Speaker 1: Reguarding this is all there. Back to guarding. But take
Speaker 1: all the photos and sent him to us, and I
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening. Am I going to start getting
Speaker 1: business either? Now? Am I taking over in a blaze?
Speaker 1: Bab's hard to me. You want to go to my
Speaker 1: r meeting after this? My last meet to a jama
Speaker 1: in San Diego and I'm an hotel room meeting. Chocolate
Speaker 1: cookies following up on emails? What my panda cookies? Your
Speaker 1: panda cookie? That was? That's all I have to say.
Speaker 1: London is going to be beautiful, Becauys, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to share. London is so special to me. I fantasize
Speaker 1: about London because it was so butterfly filled for Preston
Speaker 1: and I and it was such a crazy, wonderful That
Speaker 1: was my homecoming season. Can I say one fear? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: ye that you're going to post because that's my fear. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I have it so hyped. It's going to be perfect.
Speaker 1: It's going to live up to the hype and exceeded.
Speaker 1: I already know you know what I'm talking about. Her
Speaker 1: expectations of things can be very high, and the problem
Speaker 1: is when it doesn't live up to that. The title
Speaker 1: of the book come that's amazing. Expectations too high expect
Speaker 1: and I had to see you. I yeah, So maybe
Speaker 1: let's just I don't know what I say about London.
Speaker 1: The thing that I think I enjoyed the most about
Speaker 1: it could be anywhere, by the way, you don't have
Speaker 1: to be like I know it sounds bougie like London,
Speaker 1: like it could be. You could be like when I
Speaker 1: go to Oklahoma. This is my expectation. My expectation it
Speaker 1: was for me to enjoy myself, and I was hoping
Speaker 1: that some of that would bridge and preston I would
Speaker 1: enjoy the same things together. Blah blah blah. But the
Speaker 1: truth of the matter is the reason I fantasize about
Speaker 1: that place so much is because there was such like
Speaker 1: a new wonder for me. I had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with the people I was with. It turned out awesome
Speaker 1: because I was able to like, we really bonded over
Speaker 1: experiences and we held hands and we stopped and we
Speaker 1: stared too long at I mean, I was in heaven.
Speaker 1: But London is going to wildly expeed your expectations because
Speaker 1: it's though about London or who you're within London. So
Speaker 1: that's the thing. So my thing is there's a reason
Speaker 1: you do lifetime movies continue That's okay, I see it now.
Speaker 1: It's fine um for me and getting to know someone
Speaker 1: I've got. I've gotten to know this person over FaceTime,
Speaker 1: but you have seen him in we have three three days.
Speaker 1: Everything else has been a month and some just every
Speaker 1: day facetiming and talking, and we've really gotten to really
Speaker 1: know each other on a different level. Having said that,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's when you're with someone that you you you
Speaker 1: dream up all these things. When you're not with someone
Speaker 1: that to then spend an extended amount of time, you
Speaker 1: might the expectations of what you might think it's going
Speaker 1: to be, and then when you get there you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I fantasize this a little bit more, or I maybe
Speaker 1: thought it would be like this, and really it's like this,
Speaker 1: and you're going to might be bombed or you know,
Speaker 1: but I think either way it's still going to be
Speaker 1: an experience one way or the other. And dated someone
Speaker 1: this summer, and you traveled a bit. I did, and
Speaker 1: in those travels I'm being extra careful. I think we
Speaker 1: all know. If you went to Windown, we get a
Speaker 1: little use with the names. I was panicked again. Who
Speaker 1: am I Catherine? And a Blazer? I don't know. But
Speaker 1: when you traveled, I know, but I was worried about
Speaker 1: the name slipping. I would never be before before name
Speaker 1: because she's the one that slips today. When you traveled
Speaker 1: in that dating, the experience is what you loved about it.
Speaker 1: I know. I remember I took a picture from sand
Speaker 1: Fran and I said, that's the one. I exactly one
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, I said, from from all the things, the travels,
Speaker 1: meeting this person like it has been finding myself and
Speaker 1: be having being alone and you were like market bag
Speaker 1: in your hand, and they really didn't get to see
Speaker 1: him until after his well, and you can still make
Speaker 1: this one about you too. Yes, it's about y'all, but
Speaker 1: it can also be about you. And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It will be about you and the added bonus of
Speaker 1: a really sexy accent and someone knew that you get
Speaker 1: at a at a minimum, we already know this is
Speaker 1: a pretty quality human being, and you get to know
Speaker 1: him a little bit differently, more intimately. Some would say,
Speaker 1: what if I just did a photo like let's say,
Speaker 1: let's say like this is this is why I'm playing
Speaker 1: Devil's and this is Devil's Advocate. What if what if
Speaker 1: it goes exceedingly well right, and we decide that we're
Speaker 1: going to be a boyfriend girlfriend. You know that, that's
Speaker 1: what She's just. I don't care how well Joe, listen,
Speaker 1: what if we are everything? We end up saying, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're going to be committed to adjust each other, we're
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend. This is how I feel. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: What if I what if to seal that deal? Because
Speaker 1: I just take a picture of us, like holding hands,
Speaker 1: that's the picture, the hand holding, handholding. I might be
Speaker 1: okay with us, That's all I will say. Because if
Speaker 1: we're committed to each other, that doesn't mean we're committed
Speaker 1: to the public being with each other. No, it's just
Speaker 1: like I'm happy and this is a photo of two
Speaker 1: hands until unless he has like a tattoo on his
Speaker 1: hand and everyone's like somewhere, but devils do love a little.
Speaker 1: She didn't know. That's why I said, listen, but Devil's advocate.
Speaker 1: Why because she's in love and she doesn't care for
Speaker 1: the girl who's sad and knows that like it's going
Speaker 1: to be okay. What I'm saying, why so soon? Oh?
Speaker 1: Because I'm really happy. I don't know it happens that way.
Speaker 1: I know I should and knowing my freaking power, but
Speaker 1: in the elf me I ever wanted to do it that.
Speaker 1: I mean like like, that's not this this yer this year,
Speaker 1: I've not I can't. Can we talk about this comment?
Speaker 1: Have I ever done that? No? Honest, I'm not trying to,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean in Instagram, I didn't. There's the
Speaker 1: minus that one person. There was nobody else that I've
Speaker 1: brought into my Instagram or yea, you haven't none, we
Speaker 1: just take pictures in the same place. It's not And
Speaker 1: it was funny because I said, I just don't think
Speaker 1: anybody would ever even find everything. That's why I'm like,
Speaker 1: either control it or so let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: And I don't think i've asked this. Actually, such a
Speaker 1: fun girls talk right now, And I know this is
Speaker 1: like legitimate. We haven't discussed, like do we do this?
Speaker 1: Is he so fair to say that you could be
Speaker 1: in the US and people would recognize you. I've seen
Speaker 1: it happen at airports whatever. Well, someone recognizes me on
Speaker 1: my our first date. It was so embarrassing. Okay, so
Speaker 1: my question no, no, no, the first date with Brave Heart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: someone came up the like I mean, the moment I
Speaker 1: met him. We then sat down and someone's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, are you Janna Cramer? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: so is he that over there? Is my question? Um,
Speaker 1: because he's a little he's a little bit of a
Speaker 1: big deal. So I'm wondering, is this yeah in places
Speaker 1: mm hmmm mm hmm exactly. I rest my case. Yeah,
Speaker 1: You're right, doesn't really matter. They still figure it out.
Speaker 1: They always figure it was private though he's now a
Speaker 1: private on Instagram, but how many followers already. I'm sure
Speaker 1: they'll still figure it out from the freaking hand. You're right,
Speaker 1: he's going to start getting a million requests. There is
Speaker 1: no like like like therapistaid, there's no rush. I just think,
Speaker 1: for the first time in a very long time, I'm
Speaker 1: actually genuinely happy. And it's like I'm like, I do
Speaker 1: I want to buddy the elf share but it's so
Speaker 1: But then I'm like when if it doesn't work out,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna be hard, But this is where I
Speaker 1: go It's okay because I know I'm gonna be okay
Speaker 1: regardless if I end up with this human or whoever else.
Speaker 1: I just think this one seems so great that there's
Speaker 1: no rush. That's what I feel in my heart. I
Speaker 1: feel like you're going to be gushing about this and
Speaker 1: posting about this, and it's going to be supposed to
Speaker 1: picture of yourself and say, guys really happy and all
Speaker 1: of us will heard it. I like that, okay, and
Speaker 1: then we'll see. Then we'll see day by day. Are
Speaker 1: you on your own episode of Love Without Borders? First
Speaker 1: of all, she hasn't stopped smiling. I know. A second, Well,
Speaker 1: it's interesting because we have a guest on who is
Speaker 1: Love Without Borders? And I can't wait to talk to
Speaker 1: her because there's an interesting tidbit about Brave Heart that
Speaker 1: I want to that I definitely will share when she
Speaker 1: gets on. I can't wait. So let's take a break
Speaker 1: then get her on. Hi, Erica, Hello, let's do this.
Speaker 1: We are so excited to have you on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Love Without Borders is on Bravo and an elevator pitch
Speaker 1: of like who you are and what you've been doing,
Speaker 1: um and specializing in So I've been a dating relationship
Speaker 1: expert for fourteen years now and uh so the show
Speaker 1: came and basically the concept of this show is we're
Speaker 1: taking five American singles and I match them with someone
Speaker 1: but in a different country, and so they essentially don't
Speaker 1: know where they're going until they get to the airport,
Speaker 1: and then I say, this is the country that you're
Speaker 1: going to, and not only that, but you have to
Speaker 1: move in with this blind date for the next three months.
Speaker 1: Three months, yes, three months? Okay, can what are some
Speaker 1: of the country So the countries are We've already revealed
Speaker 1: all of them, and they are Dubai, Panama, uh, Paris, France,
Speaker 1: which I live in France, So France, very excited about that,
Speaker 1: um and then Ireland and did I say Ghana? Africa? Ghana? Wow?
Speaker 1: I know. So you so you personally hand picked which
Speaker 1: person to go be with the person for three months,
Speaker 1: So me and my team did so. I primarily specialize
Speaker 1: in dating a relationship advice, and then I have a
Speaker 1: team of matchmakers that I work with, and so it
Speaker 1: was just kind of narrowing it down to like what
Speaker 1: people say they want and what they actually need and
Speaker 1: so making matches accordingly. Okay, So I'm going to give
Speaker 1: a little fun, fun fact where I'm kind of out
Speaker 1: in my dating life right now. So I have been
Speaker 1: I was on Riyah for you know, since my divorce,
Speaker 1: and I primarily percent of the people first of all
Speaker 1: that I even would would you know, I would see
Speaker 1: were Paris Um Dubai Istanbul Like I mean, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've got two kids, I live in Nashville. Like I'm
Speaker 1: swiping like left x x x x because I'm like,
Speaker 1: what's the point right. So then a few months ago,
Speaker 1: so one had reached out to me and I ignored
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, he lives in London, so why
Speaker 1: would I Again, my family's here in Nashville. I'm not
Speaker 1: moving to London, so what's the point of me entertaining this?
Speaker 1: Well cut to I'm like, you know, maybe I'll just
Speaker 1: see I mean, who knows. I mean, I'm limiting myself
Speaker 1: just the United States. You know. It's like I am
Speaker 1: like why not, Like who, who knows? Maybe my soul
Speaker 1: mate or my person is overseas is across the waters,
Speaker 1: right across the ocean. So cut to I'm now flying
Speaker 1: to London to see this person. Um, and I'm curious,
Speaker 1: like what your advice for someone who's who I could
Speaker 1: potentially be walking into a long distance relationship because in
Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, how would this even work? Erica
Speaker 1: was like, first sign a waiver, I'm sending a camera crew.
Speaker 1: Is there like any flexibility in his work where he
Speaker 1: could move to the U S? Yes? So, UM, my
Speaker 1: advice to you is this, Like, here's the thing about
Speaker 1: how long have you guys been seeing each other? Well,
Speaker 1: we've been talking for the past month FaceTime, I mean
Speaker 1: and texting every day, facetiming twice a day, three four
Speaker 1: times today. Um, I mean in very long conversations. And
Speaker 1: we saw each other for a few days when he
Speaker 1: flew here to say hello, and then now I'm going
Speaker 1: to see him for an extended period of time. Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's the thing about this, And I don't want
Speaker 1: to be such a debbut down Erica's and turned the check.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing you can you know when someone is
Speaker 1: just far away and your face timing and this and
Speaker 1: that I watched, I've listened, I've read into your story
Speaker 1: a little bit. I know a bit of your background,
Speaker 1: and I've heard some of your relationships, and so to
Speaker 1: protect your heart, Um, all of it is very exciting,
Speaker 1: and that's great, and we want our hearts to have
Speaker 1: hope and to be excited about love. But I would
Speaker 1: invite you to also bring in your reasoning and rationale
Speaker 1: to this as well, because what happens is when someone
Speaker 1: is just far away, we cultivate somewhat of a pseudo intimacy,
Speaker 1: meaning it's very easy to connect with someone on FaceTime,
Speaker 1: but when life comes together, it's a different matter. And
Speaker 1: so it's like, you obviously want to give your heart
Speaker 1: the capacity to be able to dream and to feel
Speaker 1: and to be excited, but also just based off of
Speaker 1: your history and what you've gone through, like, no love
Speaker 1: bombing for you. Your heart's been through enough. You know,
Speaker 1: it's been through enough, So no love bombing. It feels
Speaker 1: good and it's exciting, you know, put your toes in
Speaker 1: the water. But in this is suation, I would not
Speaker 1: encourage you to die ball in. Well, that is what
Speaker 1: we talked about a girl's night the other night, and
Speaker 1: the last twenty minutes we were essentially planning in our
Speaker 1: brides adress. It's fine all over that little you know.
Speaker 1: That's really valuable information though, because I I'm actually married
Speaker 1: to a country artist, and a pseudo reality can even
Speaker 1: be in my marriage sometimes because over two hundred days
Speaker 1: a year he's not with me and so our life
Speaker 1: has lived on face time and you know, calls and
Speaker 1: texts or whatever. But even when you said that, I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, that's just really true because we sometimes
Speaker 1: even have a disconnect when he comes off the road.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, and I haven't felt him, you haven't
Speaker 1: touched him, and it's like that connection has been broken,
Speaker 1: and it's like, Okay, we gotta roll up our sleeves,
Speaker 1: we gotta build up the connection again. I need touch,
Speaker 1: I need you know. And it's like it's rebuilding. You're
Speaker 1: in a constant rebuilding. And the lucky thing for you
Speaker 1: guys as you guys have a foundation, but you're you're
Speaker 1: this is all very new and so I really I
Speaker 1: don't want to be that debut down. But here's the no.
Speaker 1: I'll just ericum, I'll just say this too. I walked
Speaker 1: into my therapist the other day and I go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you all this. And then what I
Speaker 1: came into this session with I need you to put
Speaker 1: my feet back on the ground. That was my thing
Speaker 1: that I knew that I walked into. I was like,
Speaker 1: I am, I haven't felt this way before, and I'm
Speaker 1: just like I've got all these feels I was like,
Speaker 1: I need you to place my feet back on ground
Speaker 1: because I know, like I know like of my past
Speaker 1: and my history and and you know, the sadness and
Speaker 1: all those things like I and I realized. But then
Speaker 1: the other piece of me is like I'm such a
Speaker 1: hopeless romantic that I'm like, maybe maybe I did find
Speaker 1: my one and this is how it was because I
Speaker 1: haven't felt ever like this, So I'm like, maybe this
Speaker 1: is what they say it's supposed to feel like because
Speaker 1: because I haven't felt this, so and I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: like it I'm being torn between Janna you know what
Speaker 1: usually ends up happening, and also allowing myself to feel.
Speaker 1: It's a dance. It's a dance for all of us,
Speaker 1: any of us who have been through trauma or a
Speaker 1: lot of pain and a lot of hurt. It's always
Speaker 1: that dance of of checking in with our hearts and
Speaker 1: going like is this safe for me? Like? Does my
Speaker 1: heart feel safe? I feel steamed? Why are my boundaries
Speaker 1: being honored? Here? Am I honoring my boundaries? And so
Speaker 1: for you, I think just some really solid advice is
Speaker 1: to write down, like what are my boundaries? Like where
Speaker 1: have I violated my boundaries in the past, and it's
Speaker 1: gotten me into ship ton of trouble. How can I
Speaker 1: not repeat it? And why I say write that down
Speaker 1: because you're gonna hold that close to you so that
Speaker 1: when the feelings come, you can look at that piece
Speaker 1: of paper and that's your accountability partner and going Okay,
Speaker 1: I can't go back here. I can't repeat this, I
Speaker 1: can't repeat that. It's like, okay, So boundary for you
Speaker 1: is you know, love bombing, Like no, you are familiar
Speaker 1: with love on right where it's just like all of me,
Speaker 1: So okay, love on me. Okay. It may feel good.
Speaker 1: I may want to say I love you and all
Speaker 1: of those things, but that's not safe for my heart
Speaker 1: right now, like that that hasn't worked out for me,
Speaker 1: And so I have a responsibility to teach my little
Speaker 1: girl inside. I'm going to create safe places for her
Speaker 1: to connect in. And if that means no more rushing in,
Speaker 1: like that's on you, that's you breaking your boundaries. And
Speaker 1: it's like no, no, no, we're not breaking boundaries anymore.
Speaker 1: We're honoring that little girl. We're creating a safe place
Speaker 1: for her to be loved. No more experimenting, no more testing,
Speaker 1: no we are creating safe places for her to receive love. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love that. And I think another thing too that
Speaker 1: my therapist Amy said was she goes, um, don't compromise
Speaker 1: on things. She's like, sometimes you wanna make it work,
Speaker 1: and so you compromise things that are really important to you.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, Like I'm I am very clear
Speaker 1: of things that I want that I will not handle anymore.
Speaker 1: And and regardless of how I feel butterflies, whatever, I
Speaker 1: know now I'm in the place to go, Okay, this isn't,
Speaker 1: this isn't this doesn't feel good, this doesn't feel safe.
Speaker 1: This just happened. I don't like this, and I know
Speaker 1: because I know at the end of the day, I'm
Speaker 1: never gonna be I'm not going to end up alone.
Speaker 1: I'm okay regardless, I don't need him. It feels great,
Speaker 1: but um, yeah, like, I'm not going to compromise. I
Speaker 1: would encourage you, and I hate to put people in boxes.
Speaker 1: But she's like, here's a real pretty pink one. The
Speaker 1: challenge I find and I might get some heat for
Speaker 1: saying this, but like I find with British people, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't, I haven't. I watched the Megan Markle thing
Speaker 1: yet on her Prince Harry. But the thing with I
Speaker 1: have encountered with British people, uh, is that you know,
Speaker 1: they don't have a lot of like emotional capacity to
Speaker 1: do like intimacy in terms of connecting and stuff. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of conditioning behind their their society that doesn't
Speaker 1: really allow them to emotionally show up and to be
Speaker 1: consistent and the tension of showing up vulnerably in our relationships.
Speaker 1: What about Scottish Uh, I think that whole culture, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's a whole British culture. Like even Irish guys
Speaker 1: like they have to drink a lot to be able
Speaker 1: to like say what's going on in their hearts. And
Speaker 1: it's like come on, guys, But you know, I think
Speaker 1: times are changing. We're all work. I'm just saying, be mindful.
Speaker 1: Well that's also I mean, that's real though, because there
Speaker 1: is cultural norms and every I mean, it's just that's
Speaker 1: just a real thing. Okay. I have a question about
Speaker 1: the three months, Yes, okay, So is it three months
Speaker 1: because that's like as long as someone can stay before
Speaker 1: they get kicked out? Or is it three months because
Speaker 1: you feel like that's when the honeymoon phase starts to
Speaker 1: kind of go away. Is that when we're getting the
Speaker 1: best team V Is that when we're getting like I
Speaker 1: mean and and Erica. Before you answer that one, you're
Speaker 1: telling me not to this, but yet you're making someone
Speaker 1: live with someone. I'm not going to live with him
Speaker 1: for three be accelerator, like this is how you would
Speaker 1: know whether or not this works or not. You know,
Speaker 1: it's I get in there, dive in, find out like
Speaker 1: everything immediately, so that three months. The reality is like
Speaker 1: you cannot as Americans, we can't stay past ninety days,
Speaker 1: Like I had to get a long stay visa to
Speaker 1: live in France, so it's it's kind of strict um.
Speaker 1: But the reality is in those three months, especially when
Speaker 1: you're living with someone, like, you're gonna see all of it,
Speaker 1: the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent. You're gonna
Speaker 1: see all of it and you can make a solid
Speaker 1: decision out of that. What do you think of the
Speaker 1: biggest red flag you've seen for when you first start dating?
Speaker 1: I one what I said earlier about the love bombing
Speaker 1: when people start giving you accolades and you had another
Speaker 1: expert on I can't remember his name, he was like
Speaker 1: on The Bachelor or something. Zach Clark. No, not Zach Clark,
Speaker 1: Nick Nick Okay, he touched on this, and I agree
Speaker 1: with him. Like you know when someone when you meet
Speaker 1: someone and they start saying like like you're just you know,
Speaker 1: you're you're so amazing and like the way that you
Speaker 1: see life, and it's like, hold on, I'm a stubby
Speaker 1: right there. You don't have enough history to know my character.
Speaker 1: You don't know my you haven't seen you know, the congruity.
Speaker 1: So when that starts coming off very thick and very fast,
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, it's very Here's the thing. As human beings,
Speaker 1: we all have a need to be seen, to be celebrated,
Speaker 1: like that's okay, that's beautiful. But when someone's just diving
Speaker 1: in with that and they have no like real experience
Speaker 1: with you to validate all those things, it's like you're
Speaker 1: jumping ahead of the gun here, Like slow your role.
Speaker 1: But what if I just had to cancel my order
Speaker 1: for matching? But what okay, when you finally feel like Joe, really,
Speaker 1: can I hop on and cancel that? If? Okay, I
Speaker 1: will say this. I dated someone earlier this year and
Speaker 1: I had this dating coach basically tell me you shouldn't
Speaker 1: have butterflies when you first meet them. That's not real. Um,
Speaker 1: you have to take it really slow. And so I
Speaker 1: followed these steps so precisely. M M. And I don't
Speaker 1: like that. Well here's the thing Erica probably does. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, but it was just like I didn't love BOM.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't do these things, and for me,
Speaker 1: it was like I never had that. I mean, I
Speaker 1: wasn't really I think I'm not saying taking as slow
Speaker 1: as it was killed it, but it was just I
Speaker 1: think you're missing that. I think that that was so
Speaker 1: good for you because then it gave you time to
Speaker 1: see that it wasn't right for me personally, I have
Speaker 1: to have that butterfly feeling when I meet someone. I
Speaker 1: really feel like I do, because I didn't have that
Speaker 1: at first, and there was so there was no spark.
Speaker 1: There was no one. I know, spark comes with time
Speaker 1: and intimacy and all those things, but I hear what
Speaker 1: you're saying, kind I do. I just I'm like, I
Speaker 1: personally feel like my person is going to be someone
Speaker 1: when I have that that immense energy and connection and
Speaker 1: spark with I don't know. It's my marriage eight years
Speaker 1: ago was the love bombing and the spark. We really
Speaker 1: went all in. I mean when when you're saying all this,
Speaker 1: I was like that was us. Like he's like, I
Speaker 1: see your soul. Two kids later, Erica um and eight
Speaker 1: years of marriage later, so like can it's so so
Speaker 1: so can we talk about both sides of that, like
Speaker 1: side actually it really truly being like the whole my god,
Speaker 1: I've never felt like blah blah, and then the other
Speaker 1: side going I need that piece to really to know
Speaker 1: that it's like my one right. So here's the thing.
Speaker 1: We all have different stories, and I imagine that your
Speaker 1: story is very different from Janna's story. So Janna is
Speaker 1: on the journey of rebuilding trust in herself because reality is,
Speaker 1: we go through a lot of heartbreaks, we go a
Speaker 1: lot of stepbacks, go through a lot of stepbacks. Essentially
Speaker 1: we stopped trusting ourselves. So if you could look at
Speaker 1: your journey of dating and relationships of like I'm learning
Speaker 1: to retrust me this that these people who are showing
Speaker 1: up in my dating world, like they are all coming
Speaker 1: to support me so that I get to reclaim all
Speaker 1: the parts of me and start trusting myself again, So
Speaker 1: in your specific in your specific situation, I would say,
Speaker 1: I love that the you know that he was full
Speaker 1: on with you and he shared his heart with you
Speaker 1: and all those things, and I think that that's great.
Speaker 1: But I think that for you, Jane, I think that
Speaker 1: you guys have very different stories and so that that's
Speaker 1: not gonna be the best course of action for you.
Speaker 1: M hm. And she have a little butterfly. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: of course, like, listen, you want to be excited about someone,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not saying that. Like there there are
Speaker 1: one book that I would highly recommend to you is
Speaker 1: called Betrayal Bonding. It it's amazing. Yeah, I read, It's fantastic.
Speaker 1: It huge, and so it's like it's a great book
Speaker 1: if you want to read. It's so good, Yeah, because
Speaker 1: it talks about like essentially, it's like sometimes when we
Speaker 1: get tons of butterflies, it's like trauma bonding more than
Speaker 1: it is an actual bond with the person. So it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to be excited, like if there's just nothing
Speaker 1: there with the person, what inspires you to keep pursuing them?
Speaker 1: But that can't be everything. It's like you don't turn
Speaker 1: off your head in the midst of these feelings. It's
Speaker 1: just like you know, for you, your therapist said, you know,
Speaker 1: no more compromising, not going back and trying to like
Speaker 1: make a square peg and or you know, was it
Speaker 1: square peg, round hole like the like that's not going
Speaker 1: to work for you. But yes, of course you're gonna
Speaker 1: want to feel good with the other person, but it
Speaker 1: cannot be the end all be all. That cannot be
Speaker 1: with driving the relationship. But also can't you feel that
Speaker 1: but also go slow? Yeah, I think so what Amy
Speaker 1: said to my therapist, she's like, there's no rush in
Speaker 1: anything and and and I think for me, it's like
Speaker 1: again because I haven't felt this certain piece that I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: it feels great, and I just want to relish in
Speaker 1: it whether it works or it doesn't, because it feels
Speaker 1: good and it feels I feel hopeful for a future
Speaker 1: either with or without, just knowing that like I didn't
Speaker 1: think I could feel this feeling. That's the piece that
Speaker 1: I'm like, it just gives me like joy and like
Speaker 1: hope to know my heart isn't just this jaded wall. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think this is more so let's not transfer
Speaker 1: that all over to this person's let's honor you and
Speaker 1: that and say like, hey, I've been through a lot
Speaker 1: of ships, but I'm working with a therapist, hiring a
Speaker 1: day to coach, you know, red, I'm reading the books,
Speaker 1: I'm doing the work, you know, and my heart has
Speaker 1: the capacity to feel this. Wow, what a champion I
Speaker 1: am that I didn't let these past situations completely tear
Speaker 1: me apart, but that there's a champion. There's this warrior
Speaker 1: heart that I have that can still allow love to
Speaker 1: come in. Yeay to me. Yeah, I love that. See
Speaker 1: that feels empowering, feels true. Yeah, I like that. I
Speaker 1: think it's fascinating that your heart is still tender despite
Speaker 1: all that it's been through. Because I have to be
Speaker 1: honest with you. When I'm working with people, the people
Speaker 1: who start shut they shut down, they become victims everyone.
Speaker 1: There's like this sense of entitlement, like all of those things, pride,
Speaker 1: all those things. I'm like, oh, honey, like you don't
Speaker 1: need a relationship. You need to just decide whether or
Speaker 1: not you're gonna be a victim and blame the world
Speaker 1: or take some personal responsibility for you. The fact that
Speaker 1: you've been able to keep your heart soft despite everything
Speaker 1: that you've been through. Wow, look at you. See we
Speaker 1: talked about this last week. I said, it's inspired into
Speaker 1: me that you have a heart that's brave enough to
Speaker 1: go love again. Yeah, and what beautiful, what a champion
Speaker 1: you are, And like, I just really want to honor
Speaker 1: you because I was researching you online and I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: she is being so honest with her story and so
Speaker 1: brave to share the things that she shares, and like,
Speaker 1: you have no idea how you're like paving the path
Speaker 1: for so many other women who have unspoken stories that
Speaker 1: you've been so brave to share. But what's beautiful about
Speaker 1: you is that you've kept your heart tender and you've
Speaker 1: kept your heart open in the process. That's the ultimate
Speaker 1: role model because I see so much where people have
Speaker 1: gone through stuff and it's just like I'm the victim
Speaker 1: and now I'm going to take down everyone who has
Speaker 1: these kind of red flags. I've never and it's like
Speaker 1: that's that's not that's giving them all the power. But
Speaker 1: you to go through what you've been through and to
Speaker 1: remain so tender is Wow. You're showing people how to
Speaker 1: do life through the heart and that's powerful. That life
Speaker 1: through the heart, Eric, are you allowed to tell us
Speaker 1: has anybody stayed together past the three months? Oh? Christ here, Crystal,
Speaker 1: everything the chats lighting up. I shouldn't have asked you that.
Speaker 1: I just want to know. Yeah, I wish I could
Speaker 1: tell that's okay. I didn't want I just I don't
Speaker 1: even need locations. If anybody has made it, it's it's juicy,
Speaker 1: like everyone's been saying like, oh, everyone's just playing nice
Speaker 1: right now, and everything's like, I think this is going
Speaker 1: to start hitting the fan. I really do. I know
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna be watching. I'm just going to download
Speaker 1: all that stuff that are out so far. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's going to get intense, but we'll see, we'll see. Erica,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on and just share
Speaker 1: ar your wisdom and your words and you're beautiful and
Speaker 1: just thank you. And I'm excited to now binge the
Speaker 1: episodes that are already out and continue to watch. So
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Filming her own episode of love
Speaker 1: with that border, let's guess I would. I really want
Speaker 1: to know how it goes, Okay, Yeah, I will. I
Speaker 1: will d M you because I just I love you
Speaker 1: and your soul. So thank you don't listen to the
Speaker 1: beginning of this podcast. When you listen, we didn't say
Speaker 1: anything opposite of what you said. That's why I think
Speaker 1: it's holding space for both. But then coming back to
Speaker 1: your feet and I think it's again it's okay to
Speaker 1: feel and then just and they got to hold some
Speaker 1: things in and take me. I did back on the ground.
Speaker 1: I had the Saturay night Life moment though, where she
Speaker 1: was like, you don't say I love you, and you
Speaker 1: guys land and You're like, I love you. That's happening,
Speaker 1: beauty is Janet. You can say you can you can
Speaker 1: use your voice in the whole process. Hey, I want
Speaker 1: to say I love you right now, but that's not
Speaker 1: safe for me. So I feel it like be honest,
Speaker 1: like talk for your heart, but still talk through your boundaries.
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, I want to do this, but it's
Speaker 1: probably not the best idea, right keep him in the loop,
Speaker 1: like this is where I am, this is what's going on.
Speaker 1: I want to say these things, but I have a
Speaker 1: history and that's probably not the safest thing to do
Speaker 1: for me right now. That's really good advice no matter
Speaker 1: where you are. Yeah, that's great, good, amazing, Well thank you.
Speaker 1: I'll be damning you. Okay, bye, I'll sender the photo.
Speaker 1: Should I post this one or Erica when you go
Speaker 1: back and listen to the first episode. I'm asking no.
Speaker 1: I think it's fun. The whole thing is fun. So
Speaker 1: I wish there was a camera for girls Night. That's all.
Speaker 1: I need a camera for every read second in London.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, it's just me. Well, guys, I gotta
Speaker 1: go pack all right London or bust or breast I
Speaker 1: did London or breast already. Um so I will see
Speaker 1: you guys. We will recap when I get back. And um,
Speaker 1: don't get married without us. We deserve more. Don't worry,
Speaker 1: I want Okay. Bye,