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Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I heard radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: You guys, this is our last podcast before of the years. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of the I think that I think we take a

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Speaker 1: week off, right, Maybe I don't know about I actually

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Speaker 1: needed to ask you that question. I did too. I

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Speaker 1: talk about it all figured next week you're very busy.

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Speaker 1: I deleted it off my calendar and Daniel is like,

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Speaker 1: are we not? We're not doing next week? And I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'll talk to Janna. Oh next week I'll

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Speaker 1: be in London, So there you good, Daniel. Um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I guess unless we do, unless we do one

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Speaker 1: when we come when I come back from London, like

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Speaker 1: a recap one. So maybe we're maybe well yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think we ourselves and the people we have to stay.

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Speaker 1: Plus we need like a little New Year's resolution moment,

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Speaker 1: don't we. Yeah, okay, so let's do. So this will

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Speaker 1: be the last one before I go to London, because

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Speaker 1: when you guys are listening to this, I will be

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Speaker 1: hopefully God you don't say no, no, no no. I

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Speaker 1: start to get um, everybody I know is sick right now, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: has the flu or something, And I'm like, if I

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Speaker 1: get the flu and I can't get on the plane.

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no. So I'm like, I'm trying something

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Speaker 1: the other day Jason sniffling, I'm like, don't touch me.

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Speaker 1: Love is in the air, young one, move this along.

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Speaker 1: But it's been a sickly everybody is sick right now.

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Speaker 1: For sure it is and repeat virus. Like. I'm at

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Speaker 1: the point where I'm like, definitely, there's no way we

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Speaker 1: could get anything new. All the things off. And then

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Speaker 1: last night Legends awake coughing. It's fine. I think it's fine.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be the reason is this? What do

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Speaker 1: fifty something degrees? You know that back and forth is

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Speaker 1: always gonna and at fifty I turned on the fireplace

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Speaker 1: now because I've officially lost any sort of Michigan or toughness.

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Speaker 1: But the same the air is dry in our house

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Speaker 1: and you know, yeah, so hopefully when you guys are

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Speaker 1: listening to this episode, I will be in too busy

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Speaker 1: making out in London. I just yeah, I know, I

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Speaker 1: started to just because you know, when you're so excited

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Speaker 1: for something, Yeah, it's hey, they always zoom in. I

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Speaker 1: have to say whenever i'm guys, because I every time

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Speaker 1: they put a little like snippet of us up on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: They always go to my face making my card on

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Speaker 1: the sleeve face and just now I did it and

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Speaker 1: I'm certain they're going to use it and I have

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Speaker 1: to lock it up. It's great because people always want

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Speaker 1: to see the the reaction you go, um anyway, anyway,

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Speaker 1: So when you're excited about something, well, no, I just yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just you know, I'm I yeah, I get not.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to say, I don't want to put

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Speaker 1: it out there that it's not going to happen, but

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Speaker 1: I just get nervous. Yeah, because I think we daydream

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Speaker 1: us girls in our brain of how it's gonna look,

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Speaker 1: and then when it doesn't end up that way, but

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Speaker 1: this time, when it doesn't end up that way, this

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Speaker 1: time it will. And I think it's really indicative of

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Speaker 1: how you're truly feeling that you would be nervous to

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Speaker 1: miss it. That's my favorite part about this. Yeah, because

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of trips that you're like, man, I

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Speaker 1: mean there's been a lot of trips for myself that

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Speaker 1: I'm like, the flu would be great. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: hope not if you're going to London. I mean, she's

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Speaker 1: going to London. But I'm saying I hope that you're

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Speaker 1: not like, oh, I hope I have this flute, like

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Speaker 1: hopefully you would be excited about London. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm oding on zinc right now. So that you take

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Speaker 1: hundred milligrams, I mean, I know, way too much. It's

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Speaker 1: supposed to be like fifty, I think, but I didn't. Yeh,

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Speaker 1: I'm I didn't really take a hunderd. I took fifty.

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Speaker 1: But if you're like that, even that high amount was

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Speaker 1: upsetting my tummy. So like why am I doing this?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, because I just don't want to

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Speaker 1: miss yeah, and that's the part I like speak, uh, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited and anyway, so this will be so then

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Speaker 1: when we get back, we'll do a recap of London

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Speaker 1: when we're really to build all the details, will I though,

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Speaker 1: We're definitely going to ask and see what happens. Christen's

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Speaker 1: taking that job on, well, I love it. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: tell the people they want to know, Cramer, they don't

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Speaker 1: tune in to hear about your grocery order. Well, I

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Speaker 1: will say something though, And he said, I really listened

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Speaker 1: back to um never really listen to us, because I

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Speaker 1: get well, I did because I had told Brave Heart

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Speaker 1: to listen, I know, and so in my mind, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: should do I want him to listen to the episode

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Speaker 1: or do I not because he doesn't really know my

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Speaker 1: world or what? Oh I love that he doesn't know

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Speaker 1: your work. So I I said, you know, I kind

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Speaker 1: of mentioned you in a way a on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, should I listen? And I was just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that as this would be a good one for you

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Speaker 1: to But then as I'm listening and then actually give

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Speaker 1: me sixty minutes, I'll get back. So but then I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about it because I was listening back to

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Speaker 1: some of the things I said, like you know, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, I should just shut up and I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: talk about it, and sometimes where I got into this

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Speaker 1: thing um with actually your husband cat And you know,

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Speaker 1: I can't really tell the basis of what it is

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Speaker 1: because I haven't said you know what it's around, But

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Speaker 1: it's around privacy, right, So I've always said I when

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Speaker 1: everything happened with my ex, that is when I took

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Speaker 1: things public because I wanted to have the this is

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Speaker 1: this is I want. I wanted to tell the story

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Speaker 1: and not have the tabloids tell my story. So from

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Speaker 1: there became very public and open about things. And so

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Speaker 1: now all that's where I'm at. I can't now ask

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Speaker 1: for privacy. I mean I probably could, but I I

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Speaker 1: enjoy sharing and and for me, the part where UM

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Speaker 1: like this when I was listening, Yes, I want to

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Speaker 1: stay private, but at the same time, because of how

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Speaker 1: the divorce and the brokenness and the sadness, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I want people to know that, like you can be

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Speaker 1: happy too, and I like, I want to share that

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Speaker 1: piece as much as I want. Well, it's like as

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Speaker 1: much as I want to hold onto it, and I will,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, I'm like you, there is

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Speaker 1: laughter and love and excitement, and yeah, if this doesn't

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Speaker 1: work out, it's still going to be okay. Like I

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Speaker 1: talked to Amy the other day, I said, yeah, it

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Speaker 1: would hurt, but I know I will still be okay,

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Speaker 1: just like but to be able to feel alive again,

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Speaker 1: And that's what I kind of that's what I think

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Speaker 1: is so inspiring about you, though, Like I really mean that,

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Speaker 1: like you just don't give up on love well, and

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Speaker 1: I want people to think about it. Wants to share

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Speaker 1: that with people, and I think that's beautiful and guess

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Speaker 1: what you get to make that decision. And if you

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Speaker 1: want to be private or not be private, you can

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Speaker 1: share information and not share the details. Like that was

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Speaker 1: part of our white board plan last year the Queendom.

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Speaker 1: We were like, share that you want to be in love,

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Speaker 1: share that you might be in love. We just don't

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Speaker 1: need to name or give a social Security number an address,

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Speaker 1: right We just certain details get to be sacred in private.

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Speaker 1: And that's okay because you're actually still a human being.

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Speaker 1: I know that's crazy for a lot of people out there.

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Speaker 1: You're still a person. But what I'm saying is I

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Speaker 1: think it's just what I hope for. And this is

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Speaker 1: is this because you're gonna in London? Is this your

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Speaker 1: way of letting me know generally you're gonna let me down?

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Speaker 1: I see what it is. It took me a minute,

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Speaker 1: a little flow today. No, no, no, no, this is

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm This is what I'm meaning. I

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Speaker 1: didn't believe. I've always believed in fairy tales, right. I

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Speaker 1: want to be able to show the woman that's in

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Speaker 1: her bed from a terrible divorce, thinking she's never going

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Speaker 1: to find anyone. I want to be the person that goes,

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Speaker 1: you will find a great love. And this might not

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Speaker 1: be my great love. I don't know, but like, go explore,

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Speaker 1: feel the feelings and share it because I think for me,

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Speaker 1: share it, not him. That's my white board. Yeah again,

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Speaker 1: different planets right now. I'm not saying I'm going to

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Speaker 1: share him. I'm just I already know the look, I

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Speaker 1: already know what's happening, and I'm not going to But

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Speaker 1: here's the deal. Show share yourself happy as a selfie,

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Speaker 1: and let us imagine who that might be. That's all

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Speaker 1: I'm asking. No, I will not do that fast or

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Speaker 1: just give it a minute. Yeah, because then give it

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Speaker 1: a minute and you can still show the fabulous love

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Speaker 1: story like when the manager enters the chat. No, I

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Speaker 1: would never this soon. I really wouldn't. I swear I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't you to say. Having said that said that, when

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Speaker 1: the time comes, I'm mixed. I'm hopeful for the day

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Speaker 1: to go. This is why, this is, This is why

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Speaker 1: there was all those tears because it wasn't my fairy tale.

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Speaker 1: This is yeah, and I'm excited for them to see

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Speaker 1: that picture of you guys married when that time comes. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and that's the first look, Christ We're going to guard

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Speaker 1: him hard. Where I'm guarding him hard, I like him.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I really like him. I think we

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Speaker 1: really want to guard the one should no events to

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Speaker 1: the others when you're getting when you're there. You know,

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Speaker 1: when I'm in London, was that a question? I thought

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Speaker 1: we already were okay, Quendom group chap Um. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: is there anything else, any requests that you want me

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Speaker 1: to do while I'm in London? Because this is this

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Speaker 1: is my sound off. Yes, I'm going to chase the butterflies.

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Speaker 1: Chase the butterflies. I just love yea. You know a

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Speaker 1: lot of people really like that. It's crazy. It was

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Speaker 1: a beautiful way that you put all that and so

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Speaker 1: that's my whole thing. Last year was chasing Joy and

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Speaker 1: this year's chasing Butterfly. That's what we're up to. I

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Speaker 1: said that in therapy. Then I started crying the other

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Speaker 1: day because I was like, you told me to chase Joy,

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Speaker 1: not Christal. I have to next year, short Um, I

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Speaker 1: need you to go to a place. There's a place there.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to remember the name. I think it's called

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Speaker 1: sketch okay, and I need you to go there. Sketch

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Speaker 1: It is this a naked It's like an Alice in

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Speaker 1: Wonderland kind of bar. But it's really really super cool.

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Speaker 1: It feels like a different world, Like it is like

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Speaker 1: nothing I've ever seen before. And I feel like we've

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Speaker 1: all traveled a lot and seen a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: I've never seen anything like this and asked to use

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Speaker 1: the bathroom and face time me from the bathroom. The bathroom,

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Speaker 1: I know, and if anybody here has been to this

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Speaker 1: play restaurant slash bar, they're going to know exactly what

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about. It is insane sketch. Nothing I've ever

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Speaker 1: seen in London. Huh the bathroom though, you're going to

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Speaker 1: see the back of restaurants in a bathroom. Oh no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I didn't take press into the bathroom. Man. I know

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Speaker 1: I have a request that might seem like I'm picking

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Speaker 1: on you a little bit. Back to what we were

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Speaker 1: talking about. Back to normal, and that's why I'm here programming,

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Speaker 1: and this is what we were just talking about. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm going here's here's here's what I think. Let's not

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Speaker 1: take photos in the same spot. He's both, he's private

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Speaker 1: and it okay, let's just go for it, and let's

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Speaker 1: just take a photo together. Why I'm back on I'm

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Speaker 1: back on that side. Wait the two of them? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Why not? I don't know what's going on with Katherine.

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Speaker 1: I need everyone. I just need everyone to Okay, we

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Speaker 1: need to have a room minute. I'm done with the

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Speaker 1: guessing happened with Katherine where I feel like Katherine and

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Speaker 1: I are switching places recently, every time I say something

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Speaker 1: that's unlike me and a little like Katherine. I looked

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Speaker 1: at her it's like, you're gonna have my back, and

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Speaker 1: she's like, Okay, I debate your sides right now. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying she has to. I'm not saying she

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Speaker 1: has to post anything of them too. However, the picking

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Speaker 1: part is, I don't love the posting in the same place,

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Speaker 1: and you're posting it like I'm just like, either put

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Speaker 1: it out there or don't, and I'm like, don't. I'm

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Speaker 1: either for both. I'm just here for both. Sacred territory

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Speaker 1: is what we are entering. Have you seen her face?

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Speaker 1: Though I have faith, Katherine, I'm sorry, guard him hard.

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Speaker 1: Reguarding this is all there. Back to guarding. But take

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Speaker 1: all the photos and sent him to us, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know what's happening. Am I going to start getting

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Speaker 1: business either? Now? Am I taking over in a blaze?

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Speaker 1: Bab's hard to me. You want to go to my

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Speaker 1: r meeting after this? My last meet to a jama

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Speaker 1: in San Diego and I'm an hotel room meeting. Chocolate

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Speaker 1: cookies following up on emails? What my panda cookies? Your

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Speaker 1: panda cookie? That was? That's all I have to say.

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Speaker 1: London is going to be beautiful, Becauys, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to share. London is so special to me. I fantasize

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Speaker 1: about London because it was so butterfly filled for Preston

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Speaker 1: and I and it was such a crazy, wonderful That

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Speaker 1: was my homecoming season. Can I say one fear? Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: ye that you're going to post because that's my fear. No, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I have it so hyped. It's going to be perfect.

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Speaker 1: It's going to live up to the hype and exceeded.

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Speaker 1: I already know you know what I'm talking about. Her

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Speaker 1: expectations of things can be very high, and the problem

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Speaker 1: is when it doesn't live up to that. The title

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Speaker 1: of the book come that's amazing. Expectations too high expect

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Speaker 1: and I had to see you. I yeah, So maybe

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Speaker 1: let's just I don't know what I say about London.

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Speaker 1: The thing that I think I enjoyed the most about

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Speaker 1: it could be anywhere, by the way, you don't have

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Speaker 1: to be like I know it sounds bougie like London,

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Speaker 1: like it could be. You could be like when I

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Speaker 1: go to Oklahoma. This is my expectation. My expectation it

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Speaker 1: was for me to enjoy myself, and I was hoping

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Speaker 1: that some of that would bridge and preston I would

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Speaker 1: enjoy the same things together. Blah blah blah. But the

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Speaker 1: truth of the matter is the reason I fantasize about

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Speaker 1: that place so much is because there was such like

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Speaker 1: a new wonder for me. I had nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with the people I was with. It turned out awesome

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Speaker 1: because I was able to like, we really bonded over

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Speaker 1: experiences and we held hands and we stopped and we

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Speaker 1: stared too long at I mean, I was in heaven.

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Speaker 1: But London is going to wildly expeed your expectations because

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Speaker 1: it's though about London or who you're within London. So

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Speaker 1: that's the thing. So my thing is there's a reason

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Speaker 1: you do lifetime movies continue That's okay, I see it now.

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Speaker 1: It's fine um for me and getting to know someone

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Speaker 1: I've got. I've gotten to know this person over FaceTime,

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Speaker 1: but you have seen him in we have three three days.

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Speaker 1: Everything else has been a month and some just every

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Speaker 1: day facetiming and talking, and we've really gotten to really

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Speaker 1: know each other on a different level. Having said that,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's when you're with someone that you you you

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Speaker 1: dream up all these things. When you're not with someone

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Speaker 1: that to then spend an extended amount of time, you

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Speaker 1: might the expectations of what you might think it's going

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Speaker 1: to be, and then when you get there you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I fantasize this a little bit more, or I maybe

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Speaker 1: thought it would be like this, and really it's like this,

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Speaker 1: and you're going to might be bombed or you know,

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Speaker 1: but I think either way it's still going to be

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Speaker 1: an experience one way or the other. And dated someone

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Speaker 1: this summer, and you traveled a bit. I did, and

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Speaker 1: in those travels I'm being extra careful. I think we

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Speaker 1: all know. If you went to Windown, we get a

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Speaker 1: little use with the names. I was panicked again. Who

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Speaker 1: am I Catherine? And a Blazer? I don't know. But

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Speaker 1: when you traveled, I know, but I was worried about

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Speaker 1: the name slipping. I would never be before before name

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Speaker 1: because she's the one that slips today. When you traveled

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Speaker 1: in that dating, the experience is what you loved about it.

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Speaker 1: I know. I remember I took a picture from sand

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Speaker 1: Fran and I said, that's the one. I exactly one

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking, I said, from from all the things, the travels,

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Speaker 1: meeting this person like it has been finding myself and

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Speaker 1: be having being alone and you were like market bag

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Speaker 1: in your hand, and they really didn't get to see

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Speaker 1: him until after his well, and you can still make

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Speaker 1: this one about you too. Yes, it's about y'all, but

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Speaker 1: it can also be about you. And that's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: It will be about you and the added bonus of

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Speaker 1: a really sexy accent and someone knew that you get

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Speaker 1: at a at a minimum, we already know this is

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Speaker 1: a pretty quality human being, and you get to know

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Speaker 1: him a little bit differently, more intimately. Some would say,

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Speaker 1: what if I just did a photo like let's say,

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Speaker 1: let's say like this is this is why I'm playing

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Speaker 1: Devil's and this is Devil's Advocate. What if what if

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Speaker 1: it goes exceedingly well right, and we decide that we're

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Speaker 1: going to be a boyfriend girlfriend. You know that, that's

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Speaker 1: what She's just. I don't care how well Joe, listen,

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Speaker 1: what if we are everything? We end up saying, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're going to be committed to adjust each other, we're

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Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend. This is how I feel. Blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: What if I what if to seal that deal? Because

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Speaker 1: I just take a picture of us, like holding hands,

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Speaker 1: that's the picture, the hand holding, handholding. I might be

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Speaker 1: okay with us, That's all I will say. Because if

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Speaker 1: we're committed to each other, that doesn't mean we're committed

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Speaker 1: to the public being with each other. No, it's just

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Speaker 1: like I'm happy and this is a photo of two

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Speaker 1: hands until unless he has like a tattoo on his

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Speaker 1: hand and everyone's like somewhere, but devils do love a little.

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Speaker 1: She didn't know. That's why I said, listen, but Devil's advocate.

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Speaker 1: Why because she's in love and she doesn't care for

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Speaker 1: the girl who's sad and knows that like it's going

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Speaker 1: to be okay. What I'm saying, why so soon? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm really happy. I don't know it happens that way.

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Speaker 1: I know I should and knowing my freaking power, but

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Speaker 1: in the elf me I ever wanted to do it that.

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Speaker 1: I mean like like, that's not this this yer this year,

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Speaker 1: I've not I can't. Can we talk about this comment?

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Speaker 1: Have I ever done that? No? Honest, I'm not trying to,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean in Instagram, I didn't. There's the

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Speaker 1: minus that one person. There was nobody else that I've

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Speaker 1: brought into my Instagram or yea, you haven't none, we

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00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,600
Speaker 1: just take pictures in the same place. It's not And

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Speaker 1: it was funny because I said, I just don't think

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Speaker 1: anybody would ever even find everything. That's why I'm like,

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Speaker 1: either control it or so let me ask you this.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think i've asked this. Actually, such a

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Speaker 1: fun girls talk right now, And I know this is

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Speaker 1: like legitimate. We haven't discussed, like do we do this?

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Speaker 1: Is he so fair to say that you could be

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Speaker 1: in the US and people would recognize you. I've seen

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00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,719
Speaker 1: it happen at airports whatever. Well, someone recognizes me on

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Speaker 1: my our first date. It was so embarrassing. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: my question no, no, no, the first date with Brave Heart. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: someone came up the like I mean, the moment I

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Speaker 1: met him. We then sat down and someone's like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, are you Janna Cramer? And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: so is he that over there? Is my question? Um,

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Speaker 1: because he's a little he's a little bit of a

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Speaker 1: big deal. So I'm wondering, is this yeah in places

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Speaker 1: mm hmmm mm hmm exactly. I rest my case. Yeah,

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00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 1: You're right, doesn't really matter. They still figure it out.

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Speaker 1: They always figure it was private though he's now a

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Speaker 1: private on Instagram, but how many followers already. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: they'll still figure it out from the freaking hand. You're right,

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Speaker 1: he's going to start getting a million requests. There is

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Speaker 1: no like like like therapistaid, there's no rush. I just think,

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Speaker 1: for the first time in a very long time, I'm

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Speaker 1: actually genuinely happy. And it's like I'm like, I do

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Speaker 1: I want to buddy the elf share but it's so

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Speaker 1: But then I'm like when if it doesn't work out,

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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna be hard, But this is where I

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Speaker 1: go It's okay because I know I'm gonna be okay

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Speaker 1: regardless if I end up with this human or whoever else.

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Speaker 1: I just think this one seems so great that there's

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Speaker 1: no rush. That's what I feel in my heart. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you're going to be gushing about this and

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00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,119
Speaker 1: posting about this, and it's going to be supposed to

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Speaker 1: picture of yourself and say, guys really happy and all

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00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: of us will heard it. I like that, okay, and

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00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 1: then we'll see. Then we'll see day by day. Are

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Speaker 1: you on your own episode of Love Without Borders? First

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Speaker 1: of all, she hasn't stopped smiling. I know. A second, Well,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting because we have a guest on who is

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Speaker 1: Love Without Borders? And I can't wait to talk to

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00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 1: her because there's an interesting tidbit about Brave Heart that

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00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 1: I want to that I definitely will share when she

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Speaker 1: gets on. I can't wait. So let's take a break

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Speaker 1: then get her on. Hi, Erica, Hello, let's do this.

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Speaker 1: We are so excited to have you on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Love Without Borders is on Bravo and an elevator pitch

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Speaker 1: of like who you are and what you've been doing,

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Speaker 1: um and specializing in So I've been a dating relationship

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Speaker 1: expert for fourteen years now and uh so the show

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00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,360
Speaker 1: came and basically the concept of this show is we're

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Speaker 1: taking five American singles and I match them with someone

394
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 1: but in a different country, and so they essentially don't

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Speaker 1: know where they're going until they get to the airport,

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Speaker 1: and then I say, this is the country that you're

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Speaker 1: going to, and not only that, but you have to

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Speaker 1: move in with this blind date for the next three months.

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Speaker 1: Three months, yes, three months? Okay, can what are some

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Speaker 1: of the country So the countries are We've already revealed

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00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: all of them, and they are Dubai, Panama, uh, Paris, France,

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Speaker 1: which I live in France, So France, very excited about that,

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Speaker 1: um and then Ireland and did I say Ghana? Africa? Ghana? Wow?

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Speaker 1: I know. So you so you personally hand picked which

405
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Speaker 1: person to go be with the person for three months,

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Speaker 1: So me and my team did so. I primarily specialize

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Speaker 1: in dating a relationship advice, and then I have a

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Speaker 1: team of matchmakers that I work with, and so it

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Speaker 1: was just kind of narrowing it down to like what

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Speaker 1: people say they want and what they actually need and

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Speaker 1: so making matches accordingly. Okay, So I'm going to give

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Speaker 1: a little fun, fun fact where I'm kind of out

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Speaker 1: in my dating life right now. So I have been

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Speaker 1: I was on Riyah for you know, since my divorce,

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Speaker 1: and I primarily percent of the people first of all

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Speaker 1: that I even would would you know, I would see

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Speaker 1: were Paris Um Dubai Istanbul Like I mean, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I've got two kids, I live in Nashville. Like I'm

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00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 1: swiping like left x x x x because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what's the point right. So then a few months ago,

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Speaker 1: so one had reached out to me and I ignored

422
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, he lives in London, so why

423
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: would I Again, my family's here in Nashville. I'm not

424
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 1: moving to London, so what's the point of me entertaining this?

425
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 1: Well cut to I'm like, you know, maybe I'll just

426
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 1: see I mean, who knows. I mean, I'm limiting myself

427
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: just the United States. You know. It's like I am

428
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: like why not, Like who, who knows? Maybe my soul

429
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 1: mate or my person is overseas is across the waters,

430
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: right across the ocean. So cut to I'm now flying

431
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: to London to see this person. Um, and I'm curious,

432
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 1: like what your advice for someone who's who I could

433
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: potentially be walking into a long distance relationship because in

434
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, how would this even work? Erica

435
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: was like, first sign a waiver, I'm sending a camera crew.

436
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 1: Is there like any flexibility in his work where he

437
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: could move to the U S? Yes? So, UM, my

438
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: advice to you is this, Like, here's the thing about

439
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: how long have you guys been seeing each other? Well,

440
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: we've been talking for the past month FaceTime, I mean

441
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: and texting every day, facetiming twice a day, three four

442
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: times today. Um, I mean in very long conversations. And

443
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: we saw each other for a few days when he

444
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 1: flew here to say hello, and then now I'm going

445
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 1: to see him for an extended period of time. Okay,

446
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 1: So here's the thing about this, And I don't want

447
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 1: to be such a debbut down Erica's and turned the check.

448
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,119
Speaker 1: Here's the thing you can you know when someone is

449
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: just far away and your face timing and this and

450
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: that I watched, I've listened, I've read into your story

451
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: a little bit. I know a bit of your background,

452
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 1: and I've heard some of your relationships, and so to

453
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: protect your heart, Um, all of it is very exciting,

454
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 1: and that's great, and we want our hearts to have

455
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: hope and to be excited about love. But I would

456
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: invite you to also bring in your reasoning and rationale

457
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: to this as well, because what happens is when someone

458
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 1: is just far away, we cultivate somewhat of a pseudo intimacy,

459
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: meaning it's very easy to connect with someone on FaceTime,

460
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 1: but when life comes together, it's a different matter. And

461
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 1: so it's like, you obviously want to give your heart

462
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 1: the capacity to be able to dream and to feel

463
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: and to be excited, but also just based off of

464
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: your history and what you've gone through, like, no love

465
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: bombing for you. Your heart's been through enough. You know,

466
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 1: it's been through enough, So no love bombing. It feels

467
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,679
Speaker 1: good and it's exciting, you know, put your toes in

468
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: the water. But in this is suation, I would not

469
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: encourage you to die ball in. Well, that is what

470
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,679
Speaker 1: we talked about a girl's night the other night, and

471
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: the last twenty minutes we were essentially planning in our

472
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 1: brides adress. It's fine all over that little you know.

473
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: That's really valuable information though, because I I'm actually married

474
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 1: to a country artist, and a pseudo reality can even

475
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: be in my marriage sometimes because over two hundred days

476
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 1: a year he's not with me and so our life

477
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: has lived on face time and you know, calls and

478
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 1: texts or whatever. But even when you said that, I

479
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: was like, wow, that's just really true because we sometimes

480
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: even have a disconnect when he comes off the road.

481
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, and I haven't felt him, you haven't

482
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: touched him, and it's like that connection has been broken,

483
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: and it's like, Okay, we gotta roll up our sleeves,

484
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: we gotta build up the connection again. I need touch,

485
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 1: I need you know. And it's like it's rebuilding. You're

486
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: in a constant rebuilding. And the lucky thing for you

487
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: guys as you guys have a foundation, but you're you're

488
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: this is all very new and so I really I

489
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: don't want to be that debut down. But here's the no.

490
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: I'll just ericum, I'll just say this too. I walked

491
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: into my therapist the other day and I go, Okay,

492
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you all this. And then what I

493
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: came into this session with I need you to put

494
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: my feet back on the ground. That was my thing

495
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: that I knew that I walked into. I was like,

496
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: I am, I haven't felt this way before, and I'm

497
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: just like I've got all these feels I was like,

498
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 1: I need you to place my feet back on ground

499
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: because I know, like I know like of my past

500
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: and my history and and you know, the sadness and

501
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: all those things like I and I realized. But then

502
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 1: the other piece of me is like I'm such a

503
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: hopeless romantic that I'm like, maybe maybe I did find

504
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: my one and this is how it was because I

505
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: haven't felt ever like this, So I'm like, maybe this

506
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 1: is what they say it's supposed to feel like because

507
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: because I haven't felt this, so and I'm like, it's

508
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 1: like it I'm being torn between Janna you know what

509
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 1: usually ends up happening, and also allowing myself to feel.

510
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: It's a dance. It's a dance for all of us,

511
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,719
Speaker 1: any of us who have been through trauma or a

512
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: lot of pain and a lot of hurt. It's always

513
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: that dance of of checking in with our hearts and

514
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: going like is this safe for me? Like? Does my

515
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 1: heart feel safe? I feel steamed? Why are my boundaries

516
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: being honored? Here? Am I honoring my boundaries? And so

517
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 1: for you, I think just some really solid advice is

518
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: to write down, like what are my boundaries? Like where

519
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: have I violated my boundaries in the past, and it's

520
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: gotten me into ship ton of trouble. How can I

521
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: not repeat it? And why I say write that down

522
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 1: because you're gonna hold that close to you so that

523
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: when the feelings come, you can look at that piece

524
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: of paper and that's your accountability partner and going Okay,

525
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: I can't go back here. I can't repeat this, I

526
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: can't repeat that. It's like, okay, So boundary for you

527
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: is you know, love bombing, Like no, you are familiar

528
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: with love on right where it's just like all of me,

529
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: So okay, love on me. Okay. It may feel good.

530
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 1: I may want to say I love you and all

531
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: of those things, but that's not safe for my heart

532
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: right now, like that that hasn't worked out for me,

533
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: And so I have a responsibility to teach my little

534
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: girl inside. I'm going to create safe places for her

535
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: to connect in. And if that means no more rushing in,

536
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: like that's on you, that's you breaking your boundaries. And

537
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: it's like no, no, no, we're not breaking boundaries anymore.

538
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: We're honoring that little girl. We're creating a safe place

539
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 1: for her to be loved. No more experimenting, no more testing,

540
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 1: no we are creating safe places for her to receive love. Yeah.

541
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 1: I love that. And I think another thing too that

542
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 1: my therapist Amy said was she goes, um, don't compromise

543
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: on things. She's like, sometimes you wanna make it work,

544
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: and so you compromise things that are really important to you.

545
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, Like I'm I am very clear

546
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: of things that I want that I will not handle anymore.

547
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 1: And and regardless of how I feel butterflies, whatever, I

548
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: know now I'm in the place to go, Okay, this isn't,

549
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: this isn't this doesn't feel good, this doesn't feel safe.

550
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 1: This just happened. I don't like this, and I know

551
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: because I know at the end of the day, I'm

552
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 1: never gonna be I'm not going to end up alone.

553
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: I'm okay regardless, I don't need him. It feels great,

554
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: but um, yeah, like, I'm not going to compromise. I

555
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: would encourage you, and I hate to put people in boxes.

556
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 1: But she's like, here's a real pretty pink one. The

557
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 1: challenge I find and I might get some heat for

558
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: saying this, but like I find with British people, I mean,

559
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: I don't, I haven't. I watched the Megan Markle thing

560
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 1: yet on her Prince Harry. But the thing with I

561
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,959
Speaker 1: have encountered with British people, uh, is that you know,

562
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: they don't have a lot of like emotional capacity to

563
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 1: do like intimacy in terms of connecting and stuff. There's

564
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:09,719
Speaker 1: a lot of conditioning behind their their society that doesn't

565
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: really allow them to emotionally show up and to be

566
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 1: consistent and the tension of showing up vulnerably in our relationships.

567
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: What about Scottish Uh, I think that whole culture, you know,

568
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: like it's a whole British culture. Like even Irish guys

569
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 1: like they have to drink a lot to be able

570
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 1: to like say what's going on in their hearts. And

571
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: it's like come on, guys, But you know, I think

572
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: times are changing. We're all work. I'm just saying, be mindful.

573
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: Well that's also I mean, that's real though, because there

574
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 1: is cultural norms and every I mean, it's just that's

575
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: just a real thing. Okay. I have a question about

576
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: the three months, Yes, okay, So is it three months

577
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: because that's like as long as someone can stay before

578
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: they get kicked out? Or is it three months because

579
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: you feel like that's when the honeymoon phase starts to

580
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: kind of go away. Is that when we're getting the

581
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: best team V Is that when we're getting like I

582
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: mean and and Erica. Before you answer that one, you're

583
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: telling me not to this, but yet you're making someone

584
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 1: live with someone. I'm not going to live with him

585
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: for three be accelerator, like this is how you would

586
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: know whether or not this works or not. You know,

587
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: it's I get in there, dive in, find out like

588
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: everything immediately, so that three months. The reality is like

589
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 1: you cannot as Americans, we can't stay past ninety days,

590
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: Like I had to get a long stay visa to

591
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 1: live in France, so it's it's kind of strict um.

592
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 1: But the reality is in those three months, especially when

593
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 1: you're living with someone, like, you're gonna see all of it,

594
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent. You're gonna

595
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,280
Speaker 1: see all of it and you can make a solid

596
00:34:51,360 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 1: decision out of that. What do you think of the

597
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 1: biggest red flag you've seen for when you first start dating?

598
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: I one what I said earlier about the love bombing

599
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: when people start giving you accolades and you had another

600
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 1: expert on I can't remember his name, he was like

601
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: on The Bachelor or something. Zach Clark. No, not Zach Clark,

602
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: Nick Nick Okay, he touched on this, and I agree

603
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: with him. Like you know when someone when you meet

604
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 1: someone and they start saying like like you're just you know,

605
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: you're you're so amazing and like the way that you

606
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: see life, and it's like, hold on, I'm a stubby

607
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 1: right there. You don't have enough history to know my character.

608
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: You don't know my you haven't seen you know, the congruity.

609
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,840
Speaker 1: So when that starts coming off very thick and very fast,

610
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, it's very Here's the thing. As human beings,

611
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 1: we all have a need to be seen, to be celebrated,

612
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 1: like that's okay, that's beautiful. But when someone's just diving

613
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: in with that and they have no like real experience

614
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: with you to validate all those things, it's like you're

615
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 1: jumping ahead of the gun here, Like slow your role.

616
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:18,919
Speaker 1: But what if I just had to cancel my order

617
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: for matching? But what okay, when you finally feel like Joe, really,

618
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: can I hop on and cancel that? If? Okay, I

619
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 1: will say this. I dated someone earlier this year and

620
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 1: I had this dating coach basically tell me you shouldn't

621
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 1: have butterflies when you first meet them. That's not real. Um,

622
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: you have to take it really slow. And so I

623
00:36:54,680 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 1: followed these steps so precisely. M M. And I don't

624
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: like that. Well here's the thing Erica probably does. But

625
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, but it was just like I didn't love BOM.

626
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't do these things, and for me,

627
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,879
Speaker 1: it was like I never had that. I mean, I

628
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 1: wasn't really I think I'm not saying taking as slow

629
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: as it was killed it, but it was just I

630
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 1: think you're missing that. I think that that was so

631
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 1: good for you because then it gave you time to

632
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 1: see that it wasn't right for me personally, I have

633
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: to have that butterfly feeling when I meet someone. I

634
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 1: really feel like I do, because I didn't have that

635
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,400
Speaker 1: at first, and there was so there was no spark.

636
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: There was no one. I know, spark comes with time

637
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: and intimacy and all those things, but I hear what

638
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: you're saying, kind I do. I just I'm like, I

639
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: personally feel like my person is going to be someone

640
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: when I have that that immense energy and connection and

641
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 1: spark with I don't know. It's my marriage eight years

642
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: ago was the love bombing and the spark. We really

643
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: went all in. I mean when when you're saying all this,

644
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 1: I was like that was us. Like he's like, I

645
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 1: see your soul. Two kids later, Erica um and eight

646
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,399
Speaker 1: years of marriage later, so like can it's so so

647
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 1: so can we talk about both sides of that, like

648
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:29,399
Speaker 1: side actually it really truly being like the whole my god,

649
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,600
Speaker 1: I've never felt like blah blah, and then the other

650
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 1: side going I need that piece to really to know

651
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: that it's like my one right. So here's the thing.

652
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: We all have different stories, and I imagine that your

653
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 1: story is very different from Janna's story. So Janna is

654
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: on the journey of rebuilding trust in herself because reality is,

655
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: we go through a lot of heartbreaks, we go a

656
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 1: lot of stepbacks, go through a lot of stepbacks. Essentially

657
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 1: we stopped trusting ourselves. So if you could look at

658
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: your journey of dating and relationships of like I'm learning

659
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: to retrust me this that these people who are showing

660
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,800
Speaker 1: up in my dating world, like they are all coming

661
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: to support me so that I get to reclaim all

662
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: the parts of me and start trusting myself again, So

663
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 1: in your specific in your specific situation, I would say,

664
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,479
Speaker 1: I love that the you know that he was full

665
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: on with you and he shared his heart with you

666
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 1: and all those things, and I think that that's great.

667
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 1: But I think that for you, Jane, I think that

668
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 1: you guys have very different stories and so that that's

669
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: not gonna be the best course of action for you.

670
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: M hm. And she have a little butterfly. Yeah, So

671
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 1: of course, like, listen, you want to be excited about someone,

672
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not saying that. Like there there are

673
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: one book that I would highly recommend to you is

674
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 1: called Betrayal Bonding. It it's amazing. Yeah, I read, It's fantastic.

675
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:03,479
Speaker 1: It huge, and so it's like it's a great book

676
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 1: if you want to read. It's so good, Yeah, because

677
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 1: it talks about like essentially, it's like sometimes when we

678
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: get tons of butterflies, it's like trauma bonding more than

679
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:16,879
Speaker 1: it is an actual bond with the person. So it's like, yeah,

680
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,240
Speaker 1: you want to be excited, like if there's just nothing

681
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 1: there with the person, what inspires you to keep pursuing them?

682
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 1: But that can't be everything. It's like you don't turn

683
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,919
Speaker 1: off your head in the midst of these feelings. It's

684
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: just like you know, for you, your therapist said, you know,

685
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: no more compromising, not going back and trying to like

686
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: make a square peg and or you know, was it

687
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 1: square peg, round hole like the like that's not going

688
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 1: to work for you. But yes, of course you're gonna

689
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 1: want to feel good with the other person, but it

690
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: cannot be the end all be all. That cannot be

691
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 1: with driving the relationship. But also can't you feel that

692
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: but also go slow? Yeah, I think so what Amy

693
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: said to my therapist, she's like, there's no rush in

694
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: anything and and and I think for me, it's like

695
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 1: again because I haven't felt this certain piece that I'm like, oh,

696
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 1: it feels great, and I just want to relish in

697
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,320
Speaker 1: it whether it works or it doesn't, because it feels

698
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,800
Speaker 1: good and it feels I feel hopeful for a future

699
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,439
Speaker 1: either with or without, just knowing that like I didn't

700
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: think I could feel this feeling. That's the piece that

701
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,799
Speaker 1: I'm like, it just gives me like joy and like

702
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 1: hope to know my heart isn't just this jaded wall. Yeah,

703
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: and I think this is more so let's not transfer

704
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:38,399
Speaker 1: that all over to this person's let's honor you and

705
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: that and say like, hey, I've been through a lot

706
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 1: of ships, but I'm working with a therapist, hiring a

707
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 1: day to coach, you know, red, I'm reading the books,

708
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,479
Speaker 1: I'm doing the work, you know, and my heart has

709
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: the capacity to feel this. Wow, what a champion I

710
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:58,879
Speaker 1: am that I didn't let these past situations completely tear

711
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: me apart, but that there's a champion. There's this warrior

712
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: heart that I have that can still allow love to

713
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: come in. Yeay to me. Yeah, I love that. See

714
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: that feels empowering, feels true. Yeah, I like that. I

715
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 1: think it's fascinating that your heart is still tender despite

716
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: all that it's been through. Because I have to be

717
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: honest with you. When I'm working with people, the people

718
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: who start shut they shut down, they become victims everyone.

719
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,880
Speaker 1: There's like this sense of entitlement, like all of those things, pride,

720
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 1: all those things. I'm like, oh, honey, like you don't

721
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: need a relationship. You need to just decide whether or

722
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,800
Speaker 1: not you're gonna be a victim and blame the world

723
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: or take some personal responsibility for you. The fact that

724
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 1: you've been able to keep your heart soft despite everything

725
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 1: that you've been through. Wow, look at you. See we

726
00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 1: talked about this last week. I said, it's inspired into

727
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: me that you have a heart that's brave enough to

728
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 1: go love again. Yeah, and what beautiful, what a champion

729
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: you are, And like, I just really want to honor

730
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:15,720
Speaker 1: you because I was researching you online and I was like, damn,

731
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 1: she is being so honest with her story and so

732
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: brave to share the things that she shares, and like,

733
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 1: you have no idea how you're like paving the path

734
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 1: for so many other women who have unspoken stories that

735
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 1: you've been so brave to share. But what's beautiful about

736
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 1: you is that you've kept your heart tender and you've

737
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 1: kept your heart open in the process. That's the ultimate

738
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: role model because I see so much where people have

739
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: gone through stuff and it's just like I'm the victim

740
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,439
Speaker 1: and now I'm going to take down everyone who has

741
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 1: these kind of red flags. I've never and it's like

742
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 1: that's that's not that's giving them all the power. But

743
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 1: you to go through what you've been through and to

744
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 1: remain so tender is Wow. You're showing people how to

745
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:07,720
Speaker 1: do life through the heart and that's powerful. That life

746
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 1: through the heart, Eric, are you allowed to tell us

747
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 1: has anybody stayed together past the three months? Oh? Christ here, Crystal,

748
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 1: everything the chats lighting up. I shouldn't have asked you that.

749
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,399
Speaker 1: I just want to know. Yeah, I wish I could

750
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: tell that's okay. I didn't want I just I don't

751
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:37,320
Speaker 1: even need locations. If anybody has made it, it's it's juicy,

752
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: like everyone's been saying like, oh, everyone's just playing nice

753
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 1: right now, and everything's like, I think this is going

754
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 1: to start hitting the fan. I really do. I know

755
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna be watching. I'm just going to download

756
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 1: all that stuff that are out so far. Yeah, I

757
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 1: think it's going to get intense, but we'll see, we'll see. Erica,

758
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,959
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on and just share

759
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 1: ar your wisdom and your words and you're beautiful and

760
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: just thank you. And I'm excited to now binge the

761
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 1: episodes that are already out and continue to watch. So

762
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Filming her own episode of love

763
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 1: with that border, let's guess I would. I really want

764
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 1: to know how it goes, Okay, Yeah, I will. I

765
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 1: will d M you because I just I love you

766
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: and your soul. So thank you don't listen to the

767
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:30,919
Speaker 1: beginning of this podcast. When you listen, we didn't say

768
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:37,280
Speaker 1: anything opposite of what you said. That's why I think

769
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 1: it's holding space for both. But then coming back to

770
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: your feet and I think it's again it's okay to

771
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 1: feel and then just and they got to hold some

772
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: things in and take me. I did back on the ground.

773
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 1: I had the Saturay night Life moment though, where she

774
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:48,800
Speaker 1: was like, you don't say I love you, and you

775
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: guys land and You're like, I love you. That's happening,

776
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 1: beauty is Janet. You can say you can you can

777
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 1: use your voice in the whole process. Hey, I want

778
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: to say I love you right now, but that's not

779
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 1: safe for me. So I feel it like be honest,

780
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:11,399
Speaker 1: like talk for your heart, but still talk through your boundaries.

781
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, I want to do this, but it's

782
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 1: probably not the best idea, right keep him in the loop,

783
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: like this is where I am, this is what's going on.

784
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: I want to say these things, but I have a

785
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: history and that's probably not the safest thing to do

786
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,439
Speaker 1: for me right now. That's really good advice no matter

787
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 1: where you are. Yeah, that's great, good, amazing, Well thank you.

788
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: I'll be damning you. Okay, bye, I'll sender the photo.

789
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 1: Should I post this one or Erica when you go

790
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: back and listen to the first episode. I'm asking no.

791
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:55,200
Speaker 1: I think it's fun. The whole thing is fun. So

792
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: I wish there was a camera for girls Night. That's all.

793
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 1: I need a camera for every read second in London.

794
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,959
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, it's just me. Well, guys, I gotta

795
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:13,239
Speaker 1: go pack all right London or bust or breast I

796
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 1: did London or breast already. Um so I will see

797
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:21,399
Speaker 1: you guys. We will recap when I get back. And um,

798
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,959
Speaker 1: don't get married without us. We deserve more. Don't worry,

799
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 1: I want Okay. Bye,