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Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Marcoo Show on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 1: My guest today is Carla Andrasik. Carla is a motivational speaker, author,

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Speaker 1: and a former music publishing executive whose new book Stop

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Speaker 1: Trying helps readers turn intention into action using proven tools

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Speaker 1: from psychology and neuroscience. Hi, Carla, So nice to have

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Speaker 1: you on, So excited to be here.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. So.

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Speaker 1: I think I've had some siblings on, and I've had

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Speaker 1: a parent and child on at different times, but you

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Speaker 1: are my first. I've had your husband on the show,

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Speaker 1: John Andrassic, big fan five for fighting, and now I'm

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Speaker 1: talking to you, which I'm so excited about.

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Speaker 2: Welcome. It's so much fun.

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Speaker 3: I mean, just that our story keeps evolving and changing.

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Speaker 2: So love that. Ye happy.

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Speaker 3: You know, he's so generous. He's so supportive of me,

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Speaker 3: which is great.

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Speaker 1: Is really fantastic. We've never met in person. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to have to meet you both at some point. But

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Speaker 1: tell me about your new book, Stop Trying. You were

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Speaker 1: in the music business and you are a speaker and

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Speaker 1: an author. What made you write a book about no

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Speaker 1: Longer Trying.

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Speaker 2: That's a very long question, but I'll edit it for you.

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Speaker 1: Now you give us the whole story.

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Speaker 2: Fast forwarding for a second.

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Speaker 3: You know, when I was in the music business for

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Speaker 3: twenty five years, it was like it's like selling ice.

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Speaker 2: To esk the most. I mean, there's so much competition.

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Speaker 3: My job was placing songs with recording artists. So you know,

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Speaker 3: there were ten songs on an album and there were

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Speaker 3: thousands of people, and you can't try, you know, you

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Speaker 3: have to have a very strong mindset. So of course

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Speaker 3: I've been practicing this for you know, all of my

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Speaker 3: different careers that I've had. But I think my dirty

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Speaker 3: began as a child. I was raised on Long Island, York.

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Speaker 3: My dad was a gambler, like the classic bad boy,

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Speaker 3: and I have to tell you it was sink or

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Speaker 3: swim sometimes like war a Long Island, save Ille, Long Island,

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Speaker 3: Stuffet County, and you know, I mean it was pretty crazy,

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Speaker 3: loving parents, but sometimes it.

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Speaker 2: Got a little weird and a.

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Speaker 1: Little crazy roller coaster ride, I'm sure absolutely.

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Speaker 3: And I was put into situations that were precarious and

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Speaker 3: pretty much left on my own to figure it out.

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Speaker 3: And that's where I began to realize, Look, I can't

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Speaker 3: half heart my way out of this I got to

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Speaker 3: do the best I can.

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Speaker 2: I have to choose the high road. I have to

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Speaker 2: you know, survive.

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Speaker 3: So so that was pretty much, you know, cemented then and.

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Speaker 2: Then I've always chosen.

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Speaker 3: Things careers and jobs where you have to act. You

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Speaker 3: can't hide behind, you know, so you can't hide behind

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Speaker 3: something else and pretend you're doing and you know, so, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I was. It was a combination of two things, this

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Speaker 3: book and this gift that I've given everybody. It really

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Speaker 3: embodies who I am, the not trying person, who's all in,

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Speaker 3: the person who loves to motivate. So my thing that

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Speaker 3: gets me so excited is making somebody else's dream come

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Speaker 3: true and motivating people. And I do it all the time.

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Speaker 3: I discovered John I.

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Speaker 2: Heard his voice.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I heard it all through a wall at Motown Records.

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Speaker 3: I heard that voice and said that needs to be

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Speaker 3: on the radio. And as a publisher, I would work

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Speaker 3: with songwriters whose dream was to get on Barbara Streisand's

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Speaker 3: record or Hugh or Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey.

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Speaker 2: And that's what I did.

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Speaker 3: I need those I got them on the charts, so

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Speaker 3: I got their songs on the radio. So this really

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Speaker 3: embodies motivation, making dreams come true, and delivering a powerful

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Speaker 3: message of how to achieve.

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Speaker 2: Those things for yourself.

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Speaker 1: So is there a step one in the stop Trying effort?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely?

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Speaker 3: Step one is becoming aware that there is a difference.

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Speaker 3: So the book is basically, what does it mean to try?

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Speaker 3: So what does it mean? What do we think it means? Okay,

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Speaker 3: then why do we do it in the first place,

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Speaker 3: how that hurts us? And how to move forward? So

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Speaker 3: the first step we throw that word around, we think

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Speaker 3: we think we're doing when we're trying, it kind of makes.

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Speaker 2: Us feel good. I'm trying to try. Yeah, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to build my business.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to work on my marriage, trying to spend

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Speaker 3: more time with my kids, you know, trying to lose weight,

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Speaker 3: trying to quit vaping, trying to quit smoking. We're fooling ourselves, right,

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Speaker 3: And that actually makes me sad because there are people

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Speaker 3: that fool themselves for decades or their whole life. They

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Speaker 3: try really hard, and it's not their fault because we're

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Speaker 3: taught to try. We are taught that try harder, try again,

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Speaker 3: give it a try. That trying is such a brave

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Speaker 3: first step, but it's not I'm telling you it is anything.

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Speaker 3: But it is an excuse. It is a half hearted effort.

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Speaker 3: It is hiding behind, it's pretending, and our mind even

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Speaker 3: messes with us. It even fools us by giving us

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Speaker 3: like little hits of dopamine.

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Speaker 2: Because we're trying.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, your brain's thinking, you know, it a little bit,

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Speaker 3: a little bit, but yeah, yeah, we're taught to praise

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Speaker 3: our kids for trying. Also, I'm thinking about this, you know,

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Speaker 3: I'm I was born in the Soviet Union.

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Speaker 2: Russian parenting.

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Speaker 1: It's not very cozy and it doesn't really you know,

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Speaker 1: if you get a ninety, it's like, why didn't you

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Speaker 1: get a hundred? And it's funny because in all the

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Speaker 1: parenting stories you're told to say to your kids like, well,

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Speaker 1: at least you tried, and I'm like, you didn't. You

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Speaker 1: didn't actually do this, well, so do it? Do it

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Speaker 1: better next time?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, do it better.

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Speaker 3: When you tell your kids, you know, just try your best,

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Speaker 3: you're giving them, you're giving.

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Speaker 1: Them permission not to do it really and an option.

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Speaker 1: It's actually an option, right, it's a maybe. But when

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Speaker 1: you say, when you tell your kids, do your best, now,

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Speaker 1: their brain is going to go into do mode.

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Speaker 2: So the tri mode and the.

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Speaker 3: Do mode are completely different, and your brain actually lights

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Speaker 3: up brighter.

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Speaker 2: You get so much more energy.

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Speaker 3: It is a physical thing than when you say you're

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Speaker 3: going to try and guess what if they do their

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Speaker 3: best and they fail. Just by saying do your best,

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Speaker 3: you don't expect the A. You're not expecting success time.

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Speaker 3: But when that kid does their best and they study

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Speaker 3: another hour, you know what, I'm not going to try

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Speaker 3: my best.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing this. They're sitting up straight, their voice gets louder,

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Speaker 2: they're feeling empowered. They're gonna study, you know, in the

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Speaker 2: morning on the bus, or they're gonna late at night

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Speaker 2: instead of playing games. I'm doing my best, right, and

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Speaker 2: they still don't get an A. They walk away going,

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Speaker 2: I have pride in myself. I worked.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I did everything I could. And that is monumental, right.

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Speaker 1: Because try I tried. It could just been studying for

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Speaker 1: five minutes. You still tried. You still you know?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you don't say to your kids, right, so

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Speaker 3: we already know this. I want us to become aware.

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Speaker 3: So the first step that you asked me was to

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Speaker 3: become aware, consciously aware. You already know you already know

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Speaker 3: that trying is not a good option.

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Speaker 2: So how old are your children?

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Speaker 1: Fifteen, twelve, and nine?

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Speaker 3: Okay, that fifteen year old is going to be driving

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Speaker 3: out your driveway in your car very soon.

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Speaker 1: Old Florida, it's Florida's pretty young. She already has her

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Speaker 1: learners permit.

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Speaker 2: It's so scary. So when they do that, you're not

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Speaker 2: going to stand there and go try to stop with

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Speaker 2: this stops.

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Speaker 1: Right, right, that's a great point.

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Speaker 2: Right, Try to drive slowly, try not to be distracted.

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Speaker 2: No way, it's right. Stop. Do not turn the radio one.

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Speaker 2: There's no try.

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Speaker 3: And when you go to lie pain medication, you don't

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Speaker 3: look for the thing that says we're going to we

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Speaker 3: try it relieves it faster better than anyone else.

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Speaker 2: We don't accept try. You're not allowed to try to

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Speaker 2: pay your mortgage or try to pay your rent.

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Speaker 1: Try not to have an affair. Try. Yeah, you're you're

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Speaker 1: absolutely right. You have to actually just do those things.

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Speaker 2: Try to get to the gate.

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Speaker 3: The airline's like, we want to try to take off.

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Speaker 3: Businesses couldn't run on trying. So we all know and

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Speaker 3: bringing it to our conscious is the first step. And

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Speaker 3: let me tell you might hate me after this podcast

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Speaker 3: because you take a little earworm that you're like, oh gosh,

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Speaker 3: you know I love that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I need that earworm. Actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: you go through phases in your life where you're you

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Speaker 1: feel more motivated than other times. I would say, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm in a little bit of a dip with motivation,

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Speaker 1: and I like the idea of I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: try to write my substack, which I am bad at

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Speaker 1: getting it done. I'm going to go do it.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

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Speaker 3: So, you know that's so interesting. So you can be

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Speaker 3: super successful in many parts of your life.

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Speaker 2: The greatest mom.

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Speaker 3: You have this incredible platform, right, you're a doer, You're intelligent,

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Speaker 3: and you're strong, and you're you do But then there's

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Speaker 3: another area in your life.

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Speaker 2: Where you choose to try.

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Speaker 3: So you have to ask yourself, why am I Why

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Speaker 3: have I been trying to do the sub stack? Like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's the thing that's holding me back. Am I afraid

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Speaker 3: it's going to fail? No one's there's line up?

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Speaker 2: Am I afraid? And Carla, it's all of that. We'll

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Speaker 2: address those things.

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Speaker 3: And boy, fear is if I could flip your mind,

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Speaker 3: if my next book could be about how great fear is.

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Speaker 3: But there's been many books written about it. It's the

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Speaker 3: greatest thing. If it doesn't work, now you know, and

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Speaker 3: now you don't, you won't regret.

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Speaker 2: Not finishing it because you're afraid to.

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Speaker 3: And fear will teach you, you know, failure will teach

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Speaker 3: you so many lessons.

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Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break and be right

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Speaker 1: back on the Carol Markowitz Show. Were there any surprises

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Speaker 1: in writing stop trying?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, so much. One other thing I want

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Speaker 3: to say when you just said, you know, I'm not

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Speaker 3: feeling very.

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Speaker 2: Motivated right now.

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Speaker 3: Anybody that's listening, if you're feeling that and it happens right, sure,

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Speaker 3: we think that we have to wait for.

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Speaker 1: The motivation to be gad, yes, that is absolutely right.

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Speaker 1: Then come back on its own.

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Speaker 2: Actually it's the opposite. Though.

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Speaker 3: Motivation doesn't come first. Motivation doesn't prompt you to act.

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Speaker 3: You act first.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: You know what do you think? I love going to

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Speaker 3: the gym every day? Now you act first, yeah, And

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Speaker 3: then when you start doing it, you're like, wow.

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Speaker 2: This feels good. I want to do this again. Because

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Speaker 2: once you're finally doing something, then you realize this wasn't

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Speaker 2: so bad. I created this monster in my head.

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Speaker 3: Now that I'm at the gym, I'm loving seeing all

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Speaker 3: these people and I'm loving working out.

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Speaker 2: I love the way it feels. I love So don't.

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Speaker 3: Wait for the motivation right at first, and then see

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Speaker 3: how you feel and you're.

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Speaker 2: No, that's the whole thing ole. Don't try, just do it.

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Speaker 1: It's the motive. Waiting for the motivation to return is

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Speaker 1: the equivalent of trying. I'm trying. I'm waiting around to

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Speaker 1: feel like wanting to do this and it never comes.

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Speaker 1: So I love that, I really do. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: implement it in my own life for sure. So tell

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Speaker 1: me about the surprises while writing this book.

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Speaker 3: I've been fascinated with this word, and I've been collecting information.

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Speaker 3: I've had you know, study groups with people. I've been

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Speaker 3: you know, nurturing people based on it.

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Speaker 2: But I didn't know.

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Speaker 3: That I was going to write a book about it.

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Speaker 3: I had an inkling of an idea, like how will

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Speaker 3: I get this message out? So the surprising thing was

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Speaker 3: how much the universe brought the opportunities to me, and

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Speaker 3: the fact that you know, somebody else was like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: this is a great idea.

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Speaker 2: My agent, we can, we can do this.

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Speaker 3: And getting the publishing deal was so surprising, and then

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Speaker 3: everything about it has been a surprise and a learning

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Speaker 3: process for me. I've never written a book. I had

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Speaker 3: to learn how to write a book. I had to

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Speaker 3: learn how important social media is with Instagram and you know,

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Speaker 3: Twitter and all of it. It's just been overwhelming. But

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Speaker 3: I think most surprising is how much I feel like

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Speaker 3: I still have the capacity to learn and enjoy learning

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Speaker 3: something new. I'm sixty two.

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Speaker 2: I had the huge career not look you look my kids.

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Speaker 3: My kids are launched, they're gone, and I'm like, I

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Speaker 3: have all this room to do this, you know, it's

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Speaker 3: amazing and.

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Speaker 1: Didn't try, you just did?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And the insecurity about it, I'm I'm the no

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Speaker 3: try girl, Right, I'll just jump in and take care

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Speaker 3: of whatever it is. But oh my gosh, I didn't

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Speaker 3: realize how insecure I could be, you know, like, you know,

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Speaker 3: just kind of terrified, Wow, now what am I doing?

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Speaker 3: And even just you know, talking myself out. You know,

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Speaker 3: there's fear of all year and fear of success, like

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Speaker 3: what if this actually happens? What am I going to

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Speaker 3: have to be doing? So many surprises a fear.

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Speaker 1: Of success is something that people don't really talk about.

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Speaker 1: Its getting what you want is terrifying.

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Speaker 2: It is it really is crazy. It's a crazy thought.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you most proud of in your life?

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Speaker 2: I'm most proud of you.

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Speaker 3: I had a little time to think about this question,

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Speaker 3: and that I choose because it's a choice.

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Speaker 1: I choose every single day to be the.

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Speaker 3: Best daughter, the best sister, the best mother, the best wife,

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Speaker 3: the best friend.

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Speaker 2: I choose that I want.

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Speaker 3: To be so great for everybody in my life, and

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Speaker 3: I go out of my way to put other people.

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Speaker 2: You know, yeah, I.

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Speaker 3: Wouldn't say first, but you know, special and so special.

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Speaker 3: So I'm really proud that I choose to be that

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Speaker 3: person every single solitary day.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing. I love that you started with daughter, Like

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Speaker 1: you know, I have to say, that's probably the one

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Speaker 1: I have to on the most. But is that one

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Speaker 1: just more challenging? Is that why it's at the forefront

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Speaker 1: of your mind?

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Speaker 2: Is it the mother daughter relationship? Oh?

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Speaker 3: Yes, it's the most difficult relationship on the planet. And

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Speaker 3: you know, I think we all have difficult mothers, whether

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Speaker 3: they're an amazing mom or not. And yeah, there is

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Speaker 3: a reason I put that first, and it is the most.

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Speaker 2: Challenging probably in my entire life.

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Speaker 3: And I mean, you've just get some books about it

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Speaker 3: and read about why, because that will help you to

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Speaker 3: become better. And I have to say, regret is a

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Speaker 3: terrible thing. You don't want to have any regrets. And

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Speaker 3: time is finite. So if there's a relationship you're trying

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Speaker 3: to work on, work on it. Do that work now

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Speaker 3: because you don't know how much time you have and

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Speaker 3: you don't want to regret that. This is this is

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Speaker 3: the try message right here in everything that business, have

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Speaker 3: that relationship, spend more time, stop trying to do those

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Speaker 3: things and start doing them, or you will be filled

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Speaker 3: with regret. The negative self talk comes in a loser

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Speaker 3: a week. It's never going to happen for me. I

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Speaker 3: can't have.

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Speaker 1: You really know, huh yes, yeah.

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Speaker 2: And that's just your brain. You can have those things.

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Speaker 3: And by the way, I just want to say, what

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Speaker 3: you do has nothing to do with the outcome of

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Speaker 3: the other person. So just because you do all the

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Speaker 3: work and you make the efforts and you don't have

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Speaker 3: heart your way into your mother's heart, Okay, it doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean that she's going to reciprocate that.

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Speaker 1: But I'm very close to my mom. I should I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have phrased it that way. I just know this

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Speaker 1: is the most like when I when I when I

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Speaker 1: list the things that I feel, the relationships that I

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Speaker 1: think I'm good at, I start with I'm a great mom,

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Speaker 1: I'm a great wife, I'm a great friend, I'm a

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Speaker 1: great sister. Like down at the very bottom is that

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Speaker 1: I'm a great daughter. And the fact that you started

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Speaker 1: with that, yeah, was interesting to me. And you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe somebody listening, maybe it is a big thing for them.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, if you have to do those things so

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Speaker 1: that you're not filled with regret whatever that person is

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Speaker 1: for you, that's I think that's so important. And it

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Speaker 1: goes back to your stop trying message, right, It's like

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Speaker 1: you you can't try once the person's gone, So do

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Speaker 1: it now, and do it well, and you won't have

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Speaker 1: the regret.

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Speaker 3: There's a part piece in the book I tell a

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Speaker 3: story and this really it happens to me all the time.

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Speaker 3: But I was sitting in a restaurant. You know the

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Speaker 3: tables are close together, and this is after COVID. Now

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Speaker 3: they're like close again.

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Speaker 2: Right right.

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Speaker 3: And I heard these two women talking and she was saying,

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Speaker 3: I'm just just you know, I've been trying so hard

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Speaker 3: to get closer to my sister, and I just feel

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Speaker 3: like there's nothing that I can do, and I'm just

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Speaker 3: going to give up. And I wanted to just leap

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Speaker 3: across the table and tell her what have you been doing?

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Speaker 3: What is trying me right? What are you doing to do?

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Speaker 3: You know, this is the most incredible relationship. I'm so

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Speaker 3: close with my sisters, you know, three, So anyway, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's all around us.

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Speaker 1: But you didn't leap across the table.

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Speaker 2: I didn't just zip my mouth up.

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Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break and be right

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Speaker 1: back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. Give us a five

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Speaker 1: year out prediction, and it could be about anything at all.

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Speaker 3: That's a hard one for me because I truly live

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Speaker 3: in this moment.

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Speaker 2: I do. I don't future trip and I don't think

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Speaker 2: about the past. I'm right here, right.

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Speaker 1: Now, amazing, And how do you manage it?

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Speaker 2: I I really have. I'm very peaceful. I fall asleep

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Speaker 2: in thirty seconds. Wow, It's just I'm right here. I

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Speaker 2: don't think about anything else.

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Speaker 3: So for me to future I'd say the thing that

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Speaker 3: I see around me is that we're less connected.

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Speaker 2: Everybody's got their face and their phone.

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Speaker 3: Sure, when you're in the waiting room, when you're at

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Speaker 3: the airport, when you're at the car wash, when you're

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Speaker 3: at the spa, like wherever you are, everybody's like this.

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Speaker 2: And I want to talk to people, right.

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Speaker 1: I love talking to people.

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Speaker 2: Love it, Like I just want to like put your

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Speaker 2: phone down.

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Speaker 3: And so I feel like the five year prediction is

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Speaker 3: going to be there'll be more what does not exist now,

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Speaker 3: there'll be more opportunities, more rooms where there's no phone, rooms,

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Speaker 3: more limited.

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Speaker 1: Access, still have more cachet I think, to be off

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Speaker 1: your phone, like it'll be cooler.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it'll be yeah, old school again, like let's talk

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Speaker 3: to each other.

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Speaker 2: That's my five year prediction. I hope that comes true.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 1: That's actually I haven't heard that one yet. And that's

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Speaker 1: a really really interesting one. Carla, this has been amazing.

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Speaker 1: I love talking to you. I can't wait to read

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Speaker 1: Stop Trying. Leave us here with your best tip for

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Speaker 1: my listeners on how they can improve their lives.

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Speaker 2: Get my book.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, step one yet Carlo's books Trying trying and

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Speaker 1: go buy it.

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Speaker 3: Go to the website, stop trying dot com, and go

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Speaker 3: to my Instagram, because every single day there are wonderful

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Speaker 3: You'll look at it and go, oh my gosh. I

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Speaker 3: never knew about eat the Frog. I never knew about

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Speaker 3: the Zygarnic effect.

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Speaker 2: I never knew.

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Speaker 3: And these are all things like science back studies for

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Speaker 3: our brain with regard to trying. But my best advice

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Speaker 3: for everybody is be aware. We don't have forever we

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Speaker 3: think we do. Time is finite. Please, if there's a

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Speaker 3: dream you have and you've been trying to make it

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Speaker 3: come true.

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Speaker 2: If there's anything in your life, go do that thing.

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Speaker 3: Fail and fall and win and lose, whatever it is,

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Speaker 3: experience it, experience it and jump in and do it.

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Speaker 2: That's what my best advice is. I love it.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much. She is Carla and Rassic. Check

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Speaker 1: out her books, stop trying, buy it anywhere.

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Speaker 2: Books are sold.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming on, Carla, Thank you Carol.

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Speaker 2: It's been awesome.