WEBVTT - Listener Emails & Sunday Scaries 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:10.880 M. This is the Anxiety Bites podcast and I am 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:17.920 your host, Jen Kirkman. Welcome to another episode of Anxiety Bites. 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:23.040 I am your host, Jen Kirkman. Today it's just you 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:30.240 and me as I answer some listener emails and go 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:35.279 from there. So let's just get right into it. By 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:38.360 the way, thank you all for sending me listener emails. 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:42.120 If you want to be part of a future Anxiety 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:45.120 Bites listener email episode, you may send me an email 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:50.279 at Anxiety Bites Weekly at gmail dot com and I 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.440 could read your email on air. You can ask me 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:56.760 anything to do with this podcast and anxiety. If you 0:00:56.800 --> 0:01:00.639 want advice, if you want clarification of something, and if 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:04.679 you have any tips and tricks and coping mechanisms and 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:10.040 skills and inspiration from your experience with anxiety recovery, please 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:11.840 share it on the podcast and I will read it 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:16.839 and you will inspire all of the listeners. Okay, let's 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:21.880 just get to some emails where people are saying thank you, 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:24.640 and then we'll get into the two topics today, which 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:29.520 is the Sunday scarys and finding a therapist and what's 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:34.319 the difference between counselors therapist psychologists? All that kind of thing. 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:38.480 I'll answer both to the best of my abilities. This 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:44.039 is an email from someone named Heather who wanted to 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:48.120 tell me about a weird dream she had about a pool. Jen. 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.760 Thank you so much for your Anxiety Bites podcast. It 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.240 has really helped me out when I've probably needed it 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:58.160 the most. I'm recovering from a head injury and I'm 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.720 still dealing with it. I was in speed therapy, occupational therapy, 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:06.160 physical therapy, and also talk therapy. Lost my insurance, no 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.240 longer able to get any further treatment, and just trying 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:13.519 to pick up my pieces. On your last listener email episode, 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:16.680 there was a woman that wrote regarding her sixteen year 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:20.120 old daughter going through anxiety with high school issues. You 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:23.799 mentioned to her to get a cognitive behavior therapy work book. Well, 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.880 I had no idea that even existed. I looked one 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:29.440 up and found a book for myself and ordered it 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:33.000 from Amazon. I'm barely into chapter one, but I see 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:35.360 that it will be very beneficial for me. I know 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:38.400 this email is pretty long already, but I just wanted 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:41.200 to share with you my experience, and you can use 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:43.360 my name if you read it on this podcast. I 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:46.360 don't mind. Good thing that she said that because I 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:48.280 did say her name, But don't worry, I had already 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:51.440 read this email before I knew it was okay. I've 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:55.360 had a continuous recurring dream where there's always a pool. However, 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.280 the situation is always different, but the premise is always 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.720 the same. There's a pool in the distance, and I 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.240 try to avoid it at all costs. I feel very 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:07.440 anxious around this pool and to be near it. I 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:10.359 had one person say I should just jump in at 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:13.400 the time, and until recently, there was no way I 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.640 was going to be near the pools in my dream. 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.040 The feelings I got from the pools in my dreams 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:23.920 a great dread, anxiousness, laundry list of things I have 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:26.400 to do to take care of this pool, making sure 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.120 that it was clean, able to use, and sanitize. I 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.960 didn't have the ability to cope with this pool in 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:35.200 any way. When I used to have these dreams, I 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.160 would wake up not feeling the best, and I hated 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:43.320 that pool. But since I've gotten this cognitive behavioral therapy workbook, 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:46.360 the first night, after reading just a few pages, I 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.040 have the dream, and I was able to see this 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:51.480 pool and be in it and be okay. With it. 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.080 I was wearing a swimsuit in my dream. I've never 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.560 been able to be next to or near the pool, 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.320 but this time I was okay with it. I don't 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.360 know exactly this representation of the pool and what it means. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:05.680 Maybe I'm coming to fruition with myself. I don't know, 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:07.800 but I feel like I am on the right path 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.600 for once. Thank you so much for using your platform 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.680 to help others. I've given you five stars on Spotify 0:04:13.840 --> 0:04:17.760 and I tell everyone about your Anxiety Bites podcast. Heather, 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.600 you are an exemplary listener. Thank you everyone. You can 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.200 give this podcast five stars on Spotify. Now they do 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:27.440 allow reviewing, and of course on Apple podcasts. Why is it? 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:29.640 Because I want attention and love. No, to be honest, 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:32.400 I try to stay away from reviews, positive or negative, 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:38.080 because honestly, it's just it's best to just do the 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:40.840 work and not worry about what people think, unless you 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:42.920 know I'm doing something so egregious that I need to 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:46.720 make a change. But what the reviews do is they 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.839 help more people find this podcast. If you think about 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:53.400 if you're on social media and a million people respond 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:56.520 to someone's tweet, that tweet gets a lot of attention, 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.840 you suddenly can see it, Whereas if everyone just ignored 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.440 it but thought to themselves, that's an interesting tweet, it 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:03.640 would probably never make its way into your timeline. So 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.720 this way, the more people that review five stars five 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:10.479 stars only please, the more it gets pushed up in 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:14.440 the algorithm, and so it climbs the charts on Apple 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:17.359 Podcasts and Spotify and more people find it. And I 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.359 would love to do another season of this podcast, but 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:21.559 I think they will only want to do another season 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.480 with me if enough people are listening, So let's keep 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.599 it going. We do have a lot of listeners, and 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:31.120 it's worldwide, which is so exciting. I realized every podcast 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:33.440 is worldwide. I'm not trying to, you know, brag here 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:36.520 or say we're doing something different, but let's kick it 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:38.080 up a notch. So thank you have there. You know, 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:42.960 I know that most people get very board annoyed when 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:45.440 people talk about their dreams, but I'm hoping, because this 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:49.360 is an anxiety podcast, that we can understand. We're talking 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:53.680 about the dreams we've had in a way to sort 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:55.919 of explore our subconscious and what might be going on 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:59.080 with our anxiety in real life. Hopefully it's different than 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:00.560 when your friend goes, oh my god, the dream about 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:02.440 you last night. Wait, I can't remember was it last night? 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.440 Oh god's like slipping from my mind as I'm talking 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:06.120 about it. I was at your house, but it wasn't 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:07.400 your house, you know what I mean? It was like 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:09.839 and then um, who was there? It was like you, 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:13.120 but it wasn't you. You know, we're not doing that hopefully, 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:16.160 but um, it's interesting that how theyre sent this email 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.200 because I I put it together in you know, my 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:21.200 preparation for today, and I had this dream last week 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:25.479 that was so intense and looking at how there's dream 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:27.719 you know, I don't know what the representation of the 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:34.720 pool means. And I'm sure maybe a therapist, a psychiatrist, 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:38.920 a PhD, a dream analyst could analyze the dream. And 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:41.359 if you want to write in with your analysis, please do. 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:47.040 But using everything I've learned about anxiety so far, for me, 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:49.240 a lot of times I don't need to know what 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.240 anything means. I just need the anxiety to stop. I mean, 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:54.599 when you have a dream like this, yeah, it's not 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:57.400 pleasant during the dreaming hours, but it does follow you 0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:59.960 when you wake up. You feel different when you've had 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.640 a dream that really affects you, good or bad. Have 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.240 you ever had a dream that you're in love with 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:06.159 someone and you wake up you feel like you're in 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:09.240 love with them? But the negative side is if you 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.640 have a terrible dream, it can kind of stay with 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.440 you all day. And a lot of times dreams mean nothing, 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.440 and a lot of times they might be the key 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:22.600 to something. But in the sense of anxiety, dread, anxiousness, feel, 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:24.680 you know, feeling like you have this laundry list of 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:28.520 things to do just to cope. If in your dream 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:34.480 you conquer that, it will change the way you feel. 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:36.800 Dare I say, maybe a little neuropathway in your brain. 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:40.160 I can't prove that, but it does change something inherently 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.640 inside of you, and then you wake up and you 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:46.240 feel different. I mean, here she is looking at some 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:51.760 cognitive behavioral therapy stuff stuff I'm so eloquent, and then 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:55.240 she has a dream, and in this dream she's has 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:58.960 what she needs to deal with the pool, including a swimsuit. 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:02.280 I mean, I don't know, so in other words, do 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.520 we do we need to know what the pool represents? 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:08.960 Maybe it just represents this that blob of thing that 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:10.800 we have, you know, where you feel overwhelmed, but you 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.280 don't know why you If you were to sit down 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:16.080 and list everything you had to do and get done, 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:19.480 it would be a manageable list, especially if there is 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:22.880 no deadline exactly on anything. But you still feel this overwhelmed. 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:24.640 That's that's a lot of how I feel a lot, 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.000 but you sort of handle it in a dream. I 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.480 I think that's something, But I think we don't need 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:33.040 to know exactly what the pool represents. Does it represent 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:36.560 your mother or your boss? I mean, I don't know 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:38.640 what figuring that out does, but it seems like she 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:40.679 did the most important thing, which is figure out I'm 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:43.880 going to come to this problem with just some basic tools, 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:47.840 and the problem is going to shrink. So I thought 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:50.559 that was cool. But my dream that I'm now looking 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:55.120 at in a different way was this dream that I 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:58.680 adopted a child. Now, if anyone knows me, I don't 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:01.240 have children. I've never wanted children. I don't regret it 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:06.920 at all. I'm forty seven. I don't even want to adopt. 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.520 I hope I don't sounds like I'm being a cold person. 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:13.680 I just it's not for me, and it's definitely not 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.600 something I could fit into my schedule, my lifestyle where 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:19.440 I don't even live in one place, and my constant 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:24.280 sense of overwhelm. And yeah, obviously I love children. I 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.720 have a niece and a nephew. I have two nephews 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:28.760 and a niece. But one of my nieces and one 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:33.200 of my nephews have had babies in the last few months, 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:37.160 and so I've become a great aunt twice. And I 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:39.800 have been doing a lot of shopping for baby clothes online, 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:43.640 which is really fun because it's like real outfits, but 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:49.079 they're ten dollars. So great aunt Jen, great aunt Jen, 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:51.800 as we say in Massachusetts, I just been shipping baby 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.560 clothes all over this country. Oh my god, and little 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:58.840 baby sunglasses don't get me started. So I've got babies 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:04.800 on the brain right in the sense of I'm loving 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:09.000 unconditionally these babies I haven't met, and I'm excited for 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:12.120 my nieces and nephews. And I'm not, um someone who 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:14.200 gets excited when people have kids. I don't want to 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:16.200 go to your baby shower, but you know I'm related, 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:20.360 you know how that goes. And so I have this 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:24.120 dream that I'm on some kind of Facebook page and 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:28.880 this woman is complaining about this baby that she just 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:32.560 adopted and saying it's really hard to take care of 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:34.720 and she never knew it would be so hard. And 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.480 I wrote in the comments, I'll take it, you know, 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:41.040 as a joke. And then I was going about my 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.760 life and my doorbell rang and there was a child 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.599 at the door. But it wasn't a baby. It was 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:47.839 like a four year old. And long story short, the 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.600 four year old had the vocabulary and the attitude and 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:55.640 the language skills, the verbal skills of a fourteen year old. 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.920 So I have this little four year old boy and 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:01.280 I forget his name, and and who had a fourteen 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:06.600 year old, you know, verbal skill suddenly in my home 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:07.960 And I said where did you come from? And he 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:10.840 said you left that comments saying you'll take me, so 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.640 here I am. And somehow, within the reality of this dream, 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:15.680 that was a binding contract. It was as though I 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:18.400 had gone through the adoption process. And I was so 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:20.480 overwhelmed because I thought he was going to be a baby, 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:24.200 and I didn't have any of the supplies you would 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:28.320 need for a four year old, and every single thing 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.800 I was about to do, I thought, well, actually I 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:34.240 have an appointment right now, and something in my brain 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:35.800 went well, you can leave him here, and then something 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:37.800 in my brain went, no, you don't ever leave a child. Okay, 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:39.480 I have to take him with me. Okay, well we 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:43.559 need to get soap and things for the bath and clothes, 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:45.600 and I guess I need to start telling people in 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:49.840 my life. And I was completely overwhelmed. And I I 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.360 was visiting my family last weekend in Massachusetts, and I 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.520 remember thinking in the dream, I have to bring this 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:59.400 kid with me and suddenly just throw a child into 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:03.520 this visiting of my parents, and but they're gonna be overwhelmed. 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:07.720 I mean, it was completely overwhelming, and yet the love 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:12.760 I felt for this kid was truly profound. You know, 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:14.880 he made a mistake. I think he said a swear 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.600 word to me. He said, you're fucking idiot. I'm sorry. 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:21.760 This dreams almost over. And I said to him, you 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:24.680 don't talk to me that way that and I explained 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.400 why you don't talk to your mom that way or anybody, 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:29.560 and he started to cry and I said, why are 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.280 you crying? And he said I'm ashamed, and I said 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:34.080 that's okay, and he said he was sorry, and I said, 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.280 it's really brave of you to tell me that you're sorry, 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:39.120 and he said it is, and I said yes, because 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.560 you're admitting yours. And know, it was this whole deep 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.480 conversation that parents out there listening are like, yeah, right, 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:46.680 Like like you'd ever have a conversation like that with 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:48.320 the four year old or even a fourteen year old. 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:51.320 I know, again it was a dream. But I was 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:55.440 too overwhelmed to um keep this child that had shown up, 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.280 And so I went back to the message boards of 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.800 the Facebook kind of thing, and I said, if anyone 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:02.800 who really has always wanted to be a mother, this 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:07.720 is an amazing child who you will love and you know, 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:11.480 contact me and and I figured something out and he 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:16.120 went to a better home. But what I'm realizing the 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:19.599 dream is about is that a child, to me represents 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:25.280 the ultimate overwhelmed in terms of it's always there. And 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:29.400 for me, what's always there is is my fear around money, 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:33.040 and my fear around career and and having the kind 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:36.120 of job as a TV writer and a performer and 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:39.319 a podcaster, or that I always have to do three 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:42.840 jobs at once. Sometimes it's it's a seventy year work week. 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.240 Sometimes there is no social life most of the time. 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.760 In the last six months, there hasn't been and it's unsustainable, right. 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.160 I don't want to live this way, But there are 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.040 periods in my life where it looks like this, and 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:54.400 then there are periods where it looks like there's absolutely 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.199 nothing and it's not enjoyable because you need to work, 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:00.280 but there's just nothing coming in. And so you've heard 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.480 the expression feast or famine, and it's hard to live 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:07.439 that way. The other hand is that I don't get 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:09.160 to work in the fields I work in at all, 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.959 I guess. So there's three choices. I am so successful 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.720 that I like have five million assistants who do everything 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:18.319 for me, and I don't have to take every job 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.200 that comes along, and I'm worth millions and millions. That 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:24.120 would be great, but that's just not what's happening. I 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:26.520 don't think it's overly realistic to get upset that that's 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.840 not happening. That's not however, that's not how most people 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:33.720 in the entertainment business end up. It's like two, So 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:35.200 the and then the other option would be not to 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.000 work in it at all, which I think would make 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:40.240 me feel really bad. And then the middle version is 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:43.160 exactly what it looks like, which is, yeah, it's overwhelming. 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:47.360 At times, it's amazing. At times there's so much to 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.760 be grateful for a lot of times it's overwhelming, but 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.080 I can totally handle it. And then a lot of 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.200 times it's like what am I even doing? And I'm 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:56.640 not saying that that's what it's like to have a kid, 0:14:56.680 --> 0:15:00.080 but I'm saying that where the kid represents this for 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:04.320 present responsibility, so does the notion of taking care of 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:07.760 my own self in my own life. And sometimes I'm 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.960 just overwhelmed, you know. To me, the whole point of 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.960 the dream is when I wrote to the message board 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.920 and described the wonderful qualities about the kid, that was 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.800 me reframing the wonderful qualities of my life, and that 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.200 I don't know. I just I had a whole new 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:29.840 view of it after reading this email, and it really 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:33.200 is about I'm stressed and overwhelmed and I need to 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:37.880 do something about it in my life. If anyone wants 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.880 to analyze my child dream, you can accept um. Please 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.000 don't tell me that I secretly want a kid, because 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.200 I promise you I make things happen. If I wanted 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:47.280 a kid, but get one, I'd take yours at the 0:15:47.320 --> 0:16:02.200 grocery store we'll be right back. Okay, Hello Anxiety Bites podcast. Jen. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.920 My name is Ian. I'm twenty three, and I fundamentally 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.240 had no clue how anxious I was until I listened 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:14.040 to episode twenty. For a while, anxiety was always a 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.040 bad word in my household. I don't think it was 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:19.880 intentional on my parents parts, but that's how it resolved. Anyway, 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.640 I would use anything else to describe myself. I'm not anxious. 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:25.200 I'm just hired, or I just need to eat and 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:28.520 I'll feel fine afterwards, stuff like that. So I found 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.360 your TikTok recently, or you can all follow me on 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.560 TikTok at Jen Kirkman, and you posted a highlight about 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:37.480 having an anxious attachment style. And that is from my 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.880 episode with therapist Katherine de Fatah when we talked about 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:45.480 all of the different love attachment styles that may identifying them. 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:48.680 They help you realize where you've gone right and gone 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.360 wrong for yourself in love relationships. And again that is 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:55.080 episode twenty, and it's called anxious and Love. If for 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.880 some reason, you haven't heard that one yet anyway, Ian says, 0:16:57.920 --> 0:16:59.720 I had never heard of that before. So I listened 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:01.400 to the clip and it was like you put a 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:03.760 bucket on my head and hit it with a hammer. 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:06.439 I immediately went to listen to the full episode and 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:10.120 it really connected with me. I had never realized that 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:14.399 constant overthinking and paranoia when people don't respond isn't a 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:18.359 typical response. That's the specific moment that got to me. 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:22.920 Normalizing talking about mental health is super important, and I'm 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:26.359 thankful that I came across your podcast. It's been a 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:29.679 process to relax a bit when texting with people, especially 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.320 a new friend or whatever. On top of everything, I 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:34.760 am truly worried about blowing up their phone to the 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.000 point that they don't want to talk to me anymore. 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.919 And I assumed everyone had that in them, and just 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.800 knowing that there's an alternative is enough, at least for now. 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.359 I recently moved across the United States by myself, and 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:50.160 it's been an adjustment for sure. I've got a lot 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:52.520 of time on my hands and that lends to more 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:56.879 time overthinking, especially with the move. I'm happy to be 0:17:57.000 --> 0:17:59.520 finding my footing as an adult. That and I have 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:02.200 a new podcast to check out. Thank you for the hammer, 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:05.119 Jen best Ian, This is an amazing email. This is 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:10.399 exactly you know social media makes me cuckoo and putting 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:12.640 clips of this podcast on social media so that people 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:15.359 can find it. Thank you, Ian, you just proved to 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:19.280 me that it does or and yeah, I mean I 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.520 would suggest you go back and listen to every episode 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.160 because there's little nuggets of things and everything you've said 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:26.840 in this email that I'm thinking, Oh yeah, that reminds 0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:29.520 me of the episode I did with Dr Lauana Marquez. 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:32.840 Oh that reminds me of Dr what Dr Angela Neil 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.880 Barnett said. So I think you will get a lot 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:37.359 of bread crumbs and you can follow your own path 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:40.800 down whatever seems to resonate the most with you. Okay, 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:45.919 so let's talk about the Sunday Scary's. Hey, Jen, I 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.440 have to say I've identified with so many things most 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:50.480 of your guests have had to say, but the thing 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:53.840 that resonated with me most recently was when Chelsea Handler 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:58.640 talked about reactivity. Yes, I think that's an episode from 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:02.480 the week of Valentine's Day called it um. I think 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:04.719 like Reactive and Love or something. Do I even know 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:08.000 the name of my own podcast? Could I look it up? 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.720 I guess I could. But if you're listening on your 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.560 favorite podcast app. Right now, you can scroll back and 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:17.199 see the name of that episode. But as long as 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.360 I brought it up and got it wrong, let me correct. Um. 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:23.320 It's episode nineteen Love and Reaction with comedian and my 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:27.000 friend Chelsea Handler. Um. Anyway, that's been my m O 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:30.080 for such a huge chunk of my life, reaction reactivity, 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:31.760 and it's probably kept me from getting out of my 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.280 own way more than anything. Can't tell you how many 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:36.280 times I've sent an email that I should have waited 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:38.639 to send, or not sent at all, or made a 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:41.240 phone call I shouldn't have made too whine about something 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.240 that I was more than likely blowing out of proportion. 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:46.880 Instead of taking a beat and waiting for the impulse 0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:50.520 to pass. Reacting in the moment has very rarely led 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:52.840 to the sort of results I was hoping for, and 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:56.040 usually ended up digging a deeper hole for myself. I've 0:19:56.160 --> 0:19:59.320 fortunately gotten much better coming to terms with the fact 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:02.679 that it's a big behavior that completely intertwined with my 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:07.680 tendency to catastrophize UM to amplify modest to moderate problems 0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:12.840 into full blown crisis. I also think the old search 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:16.080 real and prescription has helped a great deal search real 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:19.640 and I don't know that drug, so I will mispronounce it. Recently, 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:22.360 I've been amazed at the number of reactive emails I've 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:25.560 written or partially written, and then deleted before I had 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:27.959 the chance to hit send. That's progress, as far as 0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:31.080 I'm concerned. I don't really have a point other than 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:33.800 to say thanks for continuing to shine a spotlight on 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:37.440 anxiety related behaviors in such a relatable way. One more 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:41.719 unrelated issue. Has anyone ever conquered the Sunday scarys? This 0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:45.520 is probably one of the most irrational psychological phenomena that exists, 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:48.439 but it's incredible how it continues to persist in my 0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:50.960 life and the lives of just about everyone else with 0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:54.000 a Monday through Friday work schedule. There's this shroud of 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:56.639 dread that hangs over me every Sunday, and it's so 0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:59.840 pronounced sometimes that I'm reluctant to get out of bed 0:20:59.880 --> 0:21:02.400 on Sunday morning because I know how much it's going 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.000 to dominate my day. I actually hate Sunday more than 0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:08.520 I hate Monday. The rational part of me knows that 0:21:08.600 --> 0:21:11.080 no week has ever turned out to be merely is 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:13.280 bad or even bad at all, as the level of 0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:16.000 dread would suggest. But even though I know that from 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:18.639 my experience, this scaries continue to rage on. I just 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:22.080 don't get it. Keep doing what you do, Jeff, Well, Jeff, 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:26.160 I do think I may have some advice to offer 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:29.320 about even though you know not to dread Monday and 0:21:29.320 --> 0:21:31.040 it never turned out as bad as you think, but 0:21:31.160 --> 0:21:33.120