WEBVTT - EP 382: Why Romance Is The Bare Minimum (Ft. Mike The Poet) 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:05.760 Guess what decision we're about to make. Horrible decision. 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:15.240 Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. I 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:17.000 feel like I can because, bitch, i've been moaning, I've 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:19.400 been doing some good ship. I'm your girl. Madv Aka 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:21.640 well cor buks aka did beach? 0:00:21.880 --> 0:00:24.799 What's up, y'all, I'm weezy. Welcome back for another episode. 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:26.759 Now we're not solo, but we have a man in 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:28.840 the building. So y'all could either love him r we do. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:31.720 He's a poet, he's an author, he's my friend out 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:35.800 of Philly. We were touring with Tonight's conversations and I'm 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:37.840 glad to have you shoes at. 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:40.760 I don't do shoes. Are you joking? 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:41.360 No? 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:44.320 She must. She didn't know boyfriend. She didn't know about 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:44.839 the shoes. 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:47.199 Why would I know about the shoes. I just know 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:48.000 about the poaching. 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:50.440 Oh, it's all together. It's a package. 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:51.880 Let me see the bottom of your socks. 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:55.240 Yeah, on camera right now? 0:00:58.720 --> 0:00:59.480 Are the bottom of the. 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:00.800 Stat walking here with shoes? 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:01.160 No? 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:03.040 No, he has shoes. 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:11.160 You thought you walked in with no shoe typing ship 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.800 you took him off, you thought, oh wait, you thought 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.440 he just walked No shoes. 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:20.160 My expectations so low of people. I'm so aware. I'd 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:24.000 be like, listen, wherever slow your boat. You already kind 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:25.920 of have a hole teppy vibe. You might have been like, yo, 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:28.759 I can't be that close to the. 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:30.760 Earth if no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna lie. I 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:32.160 don't know about hoteppie. 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:34.440 But it's giving. I don't know. 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:37.080 We have to come up with that other word. Maybe artsy, 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:39.760 but not because you're from Philly but you do poetry. 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:43.120 I mean, it's just being funny, like you know, it's 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:44.560 not like you came here with a danglyar. 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:46.720 No, like ho teppy to me is nineteen keys that 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.680 for sure. Like hotel, Like I don't think take grand 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:51.960 minds the hotel when dudes be saying ship to me, 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:53.480 Like when I. 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:55.240 Walked in and you said something about your boyfriend, I 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:56.960 don't really believe in boyfriend whatever you. 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:59.400 Okay, So wait, you said you don't believe in boyfriend? 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:02.000 Yes you for me? No, it's not a thing. 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:04.360 Boyfriends is not a thing. So what is just the. 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.880 Concept of it? I mean I feel like like, like 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.920 do we have to stop here on a way to 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:09.359 the altar? 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.880 Oh? So you just believe in you love her. 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:16.880 If you love her, either marry her or Sarah free. 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.320 Oh why do you have to Why can't we test 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:21.200 the waters first? 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:22.840 Well, I mean, I mean, why do we have to 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:26.280 put these relationship handcuffs? Like you know how to swim? Right? 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:28.919 Oh, I don't have my relationship just like you ain't 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:29.399 got no ship. 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.280 Well, relationship with our handcuffs is a little boring. In 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:37.600 my personal opinion, I would say get handcuffs. 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:37.680 No. 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:40.560 I mean, okay, in the bedroom where you're talking about 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:45.640 just locking somebody down, and even that word I don't like, 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:47.920 Like I don't like the locking down to somebody. 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:50.480 I mean, for me, this is what I feel like 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.880 good prim and is mean like when I say no handcuffs, 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:56.080 like I don't want a relationship to feel like I 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.119 can never do anything again. Like my man just said 0:02:58.120 --> 0:02:59.280 to me a few nights ago. I don't know if 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:01.799 I said this on Horrible, but we were talking about 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:04.880 bachelor and butch red parties because I have a friend 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:06.799 of mine who's getting married, and he was like, I'm 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:09.440 not having a bachelor party. I'm like why, He's like, 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:12.600 what am I having some last fucking night of some shit? 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:14.840 I can't do without telling you. He was like, no, 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.480 I'm not in a relationship where I'm like gotta fucking 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.680 ham on my throat, Like I don't need a bachelor party. 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:23.240 I can live my life with you, So I'm not 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:26.880 doing that. Year. I was like, damn, dude, because I'm 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:30.040 having one if you think I'm not about the swat 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:30.919 away a penis. 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.600 But but I was gonna say bachelorette parties are different 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:34.520 than bachelor parties. 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:37.120 But I guess, like when he said that to me, 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:39.720 he's like, Yo, all of my friends that have talked 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:42.400 about bachelor parties need to like get this last moment. 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:46.600 I ain't going to jail. And I was like, okay, 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:49.000 So I say that to say, I think when a 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:52.880 relationship has too many restrictions, that's what keeps people from commitment. 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:56.600 And so I don't like that commitment has a tie 0:03:56.640 --> 0:03:58.960 to there's nothing else, or I can't have this other 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:02.160 experience or whatever. So that's why I'm very happy to 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:03.400 be in a relationship that's like that. 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:06.080 But but wait, are you you're monogamous though? 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:06.480 Correct? 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:09.800 Absolutely, Okay, So I think that that's the difference too, 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:14.640 Like the the constructor idea that you're locked down and 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:17.440 can't do anything else. When you have a non traditional, 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:21.440 non monogamous relationship, all of those like don't press the 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.479 red button, and if you press the red button, it's over. 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.240 Thing goes out the window because you know that you're 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:29.080 open to just communicate with your partner. A I kind 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:31.440 of want some of the pussy today. Are we going 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:32.159 to do it together? 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:32.920 Now? Do you think? 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:36.560 Do you think monogamous men are monogamous because they don't 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:38.960 want it, but they have it. 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:39.360 I don't think. 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:46.520 I think most people are monogamous because that makes them 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:52.919 feel safer soon Like No, I just mean like I 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.120 think monogamy makes you feel like you only want me. 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.400 That means that we're good. If you want someone else, 0:04:58.440 --> 0:04:59.600 you must not love me enough. 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.640 That's a bit mediocre depressing, Like if that was the 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.240 advertisement I read for monogamy, I. 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:08.640 Wouldnt think about what happens when people get cheated on. 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.400 No, I think, I mean, I guess in my mind, 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:18.479 monogamy is not the it's not the requirement, it's the decision. 0:05:19.680 --> 0:05:22.040 It's like yo, like, have you ever met a person 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:26.360 of abundance and you don't need nobody else? Like I'm 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.760 not monogamous because I have to be. It's like what 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:29.599 else could I need? 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:33.800 You know, it's the it's the desires. Doesn't don't mean 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.359 that like you don't need anyone else. I have a 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:38.520 best friend, but I got other friends. I can't. 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:43.239 I mean, but the connection you have with this non 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:48.080 familiar human transcends every other relationship, or in my belief 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:51.599 it does. And that's that's such a like the two 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:54.880 become one, you know, so now the one of us 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:57.680 might want to go do something, but like this is 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:00.280 this is the homie, like this is my heart now. 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:02.680 I think when people are in these like mids like 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:07.000 these mid tier, mid depth relationships, then it's like I'm 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:08.920 in this waiting room. That's like really, it's like damn, 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.000 I can't wait to get back to single because I 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:11.600 hate it in here. 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:15.000 I only hate that idea because as a woman who 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:19.479 doesn't want marriage, yeah I want a partner, I don't 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:22.840 want it to be viewed as a mid tier limbo 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:26.840 as relationship only because there's no end goal of marriage. 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:30.279 And so this idea that you're either single or you're married, 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:33.240 it leaves out so many of the people that don't 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.360 seek marriage or that piece of paper or to walk 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.160 down the aisle like you know. 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:39.960 Like we just got three different I know. 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:43.960 When you were talking, all I thought was, oh, that hurts, 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.880 because I don't feel mid tier just because of other 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:53.920 sexual desires. So like, for example, if anyone's watched Will 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:55.960 and Jada talk about each other or Red Table Talk 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:56.479 or whatever. 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:56.680 Love them. 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:01.000 Their love seems like there's no else I could touch it, right, 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:05.600 that doesn't seem mid tier. They negas right, So I'm like, 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.120 I don't I think somebody. 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:10.800 I mean, I mean, but it's not like how you 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:11.240 just said that. 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:16.800 Sorry, like they. 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:20.720 This podcast not too much on Will, because I love 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:23.440 you so Will. 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:25.760 In person, baby, I wanted to hop on that thing. 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:27.600 If Jada was in the room, I would have asked 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:29.720 her permission. Now that motherfucker got a little to hold 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:30.800 that palm, because you. 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:35.680 Know, no, no, no, no, he did. I'm playing y'all laughing. 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:37.760 He really sat up there during Bad Boys and said, 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:38.680 do you know what I do? 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:41.600 Mother? 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.680 No, I ain't even gonna hold you. I haven't been 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:49.000 in a room with a man with big dick energy 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:51.800 in a while. The way Will sat up there with 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:52.679 some big dicken. 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:58.040 He was like that don't mean I don't love my man. 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.040 I wasn't at the bad boy. You're like, whoa, whoa? 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.960 And I also thinks there is as is a what 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:06.200 you'll get the. 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.680 I mean I think, I think. I think the more 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:13.440 we you do more Jesus, Listen, he did honestly. No, no, no, I. 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:15.360 Mean less of the Sinny's nuts. Listen. 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:19.120 Well, this world is This world is a beautiful place, right, 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.640 But there's more than just re enforce here. Okay, now 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:25.040 we can start. We could start dating our demons and 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:27.160 dancing with him and taking them home and fucking them 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.800 and then calling them cousins and shoot and bail for him. 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:31.880 You know what I'm saying. I'm not like, how how 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:34.280 how slippery are we gonna go down this slope? If 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:36.920 you know what, everything's pretty much on the table. You 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.959 can be dudes, like, you know what, you should want 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:43.120 to desire another person, Like it's totally normal to desire 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:46.320 another person while you're so quote unquote madly in love. 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:48.679 Not only is it okay to desire them, but you 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:51.520 should also be in a space that's safe enough that 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:53.679 I can come to you with my feelings and you 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.400 should accept them and let me be happy. 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:59.520 So I like that. I like everything you said. I 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:02.400 know you're SI was like you were trying to be sarcastic, 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:06.360 trying to be sarcastic to me. To me, I hate 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:09.560 the limits and bounds that we place on ourselves, like 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:12.120 a we got one life to live now. Yes, I've 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.360 been here before, I know I have in another realm, 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:17.440 I'm gonna be here again. But to me, where I'm at, 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.600 where I know. I went to Mexico. I wanted to 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:23.520 swim with well sharks. I just did the south of France, 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.800 and I want to try all these different foods cuisines, 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.200 visit the world. I want to do as much as 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:31.000 humanly possible while I'm here, and I don't want to 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:34.120 be limited by the bounds of other motherfuckers. 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:35.559 Of peace in school. But it is not in the 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:36.440 tent commandments. 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:36.800 Okay. 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:40.199 God is not saying don't get an oxygen tank and 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:43.640 climb up Machu Pichu. He's not saying okay, He's just saying, 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.920 thou shall not still, thou shall not kill you know, 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.600 all the evils shall not cove it. LUs. 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:50.960 So I'm doing a lot. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:54.640 Yeah, phone marriage, we don't we don't fucked up a 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:56.520 lot of the things they say we should I think. 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.760 So, just to make it clear, I agree with you. 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.760 I I feel like I'm my house and household is 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:06.080 not this whole willy nilly like it's every day type thing. 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:09.280 But I do believe in moments, right, yes, and so 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:12.160 I'm thirty three years old. You look great, thank you. 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:16.839 Fortunately he already happened. He can't. He's in my life. 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:18.320 I haven't experienced it all yet. 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:18.839 Now. 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:22.200 There really is not to sound like New York bitch, 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:28.840 there aren't many moments where I am feeling like I'm 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.840 just craving some of them, Like, that's not it. However, 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:33.680 what if I just happen to be with my homegirls, 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.240 we take a trip to Paris, right well, just in 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.760 France and there's some really cute French guy that's flirting 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.559 with me on the dance floor or American fun moment. Yes, 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:45.839 in my life, that just was something that I could do. Yes. 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:49.160 So many people start to resent their partner because they 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:54.440 can't enjoy a moment in time, and that to me work, huh, 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:55.240 I self work. 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:58.240 I mean, you know, like when you hang around with 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:00.280 people with mud on their hands, they're going to get 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:03.560 it on your shirt, so you can't do nothing about it. 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:05.439 But you should have seen that type of person before 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:09.040 it got to that thing. Like that's different. Like love 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:12.439 is patient, love is kind, love is free? 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:14.480 But why is If love is free, then why is 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:18.199 it jeopardized? If I just made out with some French kindidance? 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:22.520 But listen, there's a moment, right, and then it's like okay, 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:26.360 like there's also decorum, there's also integrity, there's also honored 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:27.000 But what. 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:30.840 But how is me having that moment of freedom? And 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.880 I would even just boil it down to well, the 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:39.320 question fun either jeopardize or invalidate or or make me 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:41.360 someone who's not loyal anybody? 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:43.800 If you want me no, kiss them? 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:48.360 I the word kiss. But even if if it was sex, right, 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:51.760 why does that take away what I have with this person? 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:53.720 How does it then tarnish. 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:55.719 All the cheating is Listening, what I delt with that 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:57.480 cheating is different. 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.160 I'll tell you why, explain that before. Cheating is a 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.520 very deceitful thing because we made a commitment and a 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:04.720 promise to each other. Cheating to me is a very 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.960 bottom tier thing. Okay, you're lying, You're you had to 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:09.800 go out of your way to fucking lie to me 0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:12.040 to figure out how to tell me you fell asleep 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:13.680 to do all this other ship. 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:16.320 Now you really it's the lying then, not the cheating 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:17.600 that is the problem of it. 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:21.280 Cheating requires a lie, Cheating requires deception. 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:25.000 Or if you were in France, they kiss this French guy, 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.560 it's only not cheating because you told your partner. 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:31.080 Do you tell them before or after? Well, I'm not 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:34.280 talking about these specific rules. I'm just saying in non monogamy, right, 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:37.360 these things can happen right or whatever relationship you have, 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:40.520 whatever those rules are, I'm just saying, specific to cheating, 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:44.400 I understand how that's a moral that's lying to me. 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:46.840 It's a complete turn off because. 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:49.599 Even a deeper level, if we don't, if we're not, 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:50.960 if we're not going to go to black and white, 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:56.440 like what what in your in your inside could be fulfilled? 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.960 But just the presence of a foreign guy in a 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:05.880 foreign place, that simple, simple of an occurrence could lead 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:09.920 to something as passionate, as spiritual as just swapping a 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:11.320 flesh in any capacity. 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:14.760 So I don't think that sex is always spiritual with 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:15.320 other people. 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:16.040 It is my. 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:17.320 Part I can't talk about. 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:21.559 So I have sex. I've had sex with women and 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:23.360 men that I don't really care about. I don't even 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:27.440 remember the name I made great chemistry. I did that, However, 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:30.360 if I want to scratch. 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:36.800 It, Okay, I haven't always been like that. I always been. 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:41.120 Why am I the person that isn't healed, isn't forward, 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.640 isn't a good woman? If I do that? 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:48.600 Well, well no, see this is not judge. Mathis over here, right, 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:52.240 So don't let my like retort of you know, the 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.160 things that you say be just like the authority, right. 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:58.720 I just mean, like I only believe and that that's 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:03.040 sort of love that in composes everything that I desire 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:06.920 at that present time. And I feel so fulfilled, so intrigued, 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.280 so you know, disinterested in everybody else that I'm really 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:13.959 like locked in this human And it's not predicated. It's 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:18.359 not predicated on beauty, it's not predicated on sexual chemistry. 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:21.200 It's just my attachment. It's like my feeling that this 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:25.800 person just their presence as value to my life and 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.280 when I get when I get in. And now, some 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:31.120 of these bubbles with women last six weeks, some of 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:33.800 them last six months. I had won that last like 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.200 three and a half years. But I have never been 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:38.880 a cheater because I only I only met with women 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:42.160 and only agreed to monogamy in my mind because I 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:43.760 was fulfilled and I didn't want nothing else. 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.280 So I wanted to ask you that question though, because 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:51.960 you said some can last six days, six weeks, three years, whatever. 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.640 But so are you saying that once you are no 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:59.440 longer fulfilled, that relationship is out so that you don't 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:05.640 cheat everybody, thinking that's what I was. 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.880 Feel me so that next. 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.480 Bitch, you know, I take my shoes off so I 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:16.680 can be comfortable enough to be vulnerable. Okay, I'll be 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:17.640 grounded myself. 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.920 No, for real, after the six months or even three 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:23.920 and a half yearn after the three that's a good commitment. 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:26.080 That's when six months, I feel like there's a lot 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:28.960 of our average kind of dating. Three and a half years, 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:34.640 at what point is it something else, someone else, or 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.680 something starts lacking that you didn't see before? Because to me, 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:40.760 it's like I don't want to get on a high 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:42.720 horse and say I made this huge commitment to somebody, 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:43.720 then I'm able to change my. 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:50.520 Mind, I think. For I think having emotional intelligence right 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:55.680 lets me know when the woman that I'm dealing with personally, 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:00.280 don't like me no more. You know what when they 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:05.400 start sucking a teeth, start complaining, Like when I meet 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:09.280 a woman, I'm probably so mesmerized by her visually that 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:11.560 I come up and make some ridiculous sort of thing, 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:13.800 like you know, my first pickup line was cutting to 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:15.640 the chase. It's like, how, my name is Mike, I'm 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.000 thirty one years old, I don't have no kids, I'm 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.920 an author, I'm a publisher. Can I take you to dinner? 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:23.480 And then sometimes I'd be like I got a good 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:24.840 credit score and no felonies, etc. 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:25.240 Etc. 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:27.560 Right, and then it'd be like yes, kind of get 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:31.200 to the yes, and then from that day every day 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.240 after that, I'm on you, and it's like, you know, 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:36.440 I guess I was love bombing. My therapist would say 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.280 I was love bombing before love bombing existed. But it's 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.320 only a bomb if it actually explodes and if people die. 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.160 If not, I'm just a hundred from the start, and 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:49.200 I'm one hundred until a moment, right. I don't like 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:53.440 to be disappointed. I tell people when I meet them, 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:57.600 I say I don't. I have problems of forgiveness that 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.360 are deeper than this. You like, I just met you, 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.360 but I've already struggled with forgiveness and I'm working on that. 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.000 So please don't put me in a position where I 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:09.600 might have to forgive you, because I'm not sure regardless 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:13.359 of how much fun we have, if when that moment comes, 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:14.280 I'll be able to do it. 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:16.240 So you start to switch up, you're saying. 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:17.760 No, no, no, no no. I mean, things will go through, 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:20.280 something happened, well, things go good, and sometimes it's like, 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.480 you know, it's fun, it's new, it's fresh, it's clean, 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:25.520 and then after a while, like you know how when 0:17:25.520 --> 0:17:27.000 you live with a person, it's like, damn, it's not 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:28.520 the nigga I used to just date, right, I mean, 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.880 and then the wax wears off of people, right, myself included. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:33.800 But that's with everyone. I think the problem with that 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:35.960 too is something you just said is I don't like 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.400 to be disappointed by people and. 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:41.520 Close to me, right, but when the ways just messed 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:42.640 up my order, that's right. 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.960 But regardless, I think that that's what a lot of 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:49.160 us do in dating or in finding partnership. We literally 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:52.320 go into something with these high level of expectations of 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.440 a person and in partnership and and what we want. 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:57.280 We have all these things and we want them, we 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.720 want all the boxes ticks off, However, wempletely remove the 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:03.600 fact that this person is human. Nigga's gonna fuck up, 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:06.720 people are gonna suck up. Not everyone's gonna be I also. 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:11.080 Think, just to be a little hotepy, but I actually 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:15.840 think forgiveness is like the foundation anal of being able 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:18.240 to be loyal. So you're saying, like, don't put me 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:19.400 in a position to like. 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:21.320 Now when I say I have to forgive you, it's 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:23.760 not because when you actually just text you and you 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:27.000 probably had a conversation on a Wednesday while you were 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.240 at the hairdresser, right when I say forgive me, bro, 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:31.119 it's like you're doing so. 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.480 But that's the thing though, and I think you see 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.879 this is how much monogamy. Wait, the fact that that 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.840 came out of your mouth for me, I don't even think. 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:42.920 And maybe because that's not the foundation of the loyalty 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:45.919 in my relationship. Sure, my shit is like, were you 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:49.119 not showing up for me? Were you not keeping me focused? 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:52.119 I've too seen your parents. Were you not keeping up 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.760 with my mama, making sure we're good our family, like, 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:58.560 this is what was boyfriend here? You got to guess? 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:06.280 I think I'll say this. My boyfriend has only had 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:10.600 one girlfriend before me, right, so he really doesn't really 0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:12.600 look at it like I've had a bunch of boyfriends. 0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:16.520 I need to say that if the wind blows anyway, 0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:17.400