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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: I'll never told your production of iHeartRadio. And today I'm

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Speaker 1: just gonna talk about what's been going on that has

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Speaker 1: delayed my schedules so much for this Monday many. But

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Speaker 1: it actually was an idea I've had for a while,

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Speaker 1: and it does involve some generalizations and stereotypes around gender.

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Speaker 1: I'll just say that a lot of this is my

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Speaker 1: anecdotal experience, so I will put that at the front

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Speaker 1: because I've had this idea. We've talked about it before

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Speaker 1: of like when dudes just don't get it, they just

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Speaker 1: don't get it, and we've talked about it before of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've had moments with dudes where they're like,

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Speaker 1: I tell them I'm going to cross the street, I'd

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Speaker 1: rather cross this side of the street. I know I'll

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Speaker 1: get cat called on this side of the street and

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Speaker 1: they're shocked. Like we've talked about that. We've talked about

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Speaker 1: how a lot of my guy friends, your guy friends

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Speaker 1: have had the moment of you know, no, when we

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Speaker 1: go to a club and we reject a guy, it

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Speaker 1: becomes this like we've talked about, sort of grows things. Today,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about something else come but that

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Speaker 1: is related to that. Because I am listeners, I'm in

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Speaker 1: the midst of like refrigerator drama to the likes you

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Speaker 1: would not believe. I mean, this has been a six

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Speaker 1: month ordeal.

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Speaker 2: It surely has.

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Speaker 1: It has. It's the reason our scheduling, our episodes have

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Speaker 1: been so haphazard this week because of this part.

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Speaker 2: Of the part of the reason, not completely.

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Speaker 1: But part of the reason, but a big part of

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Speaker 1: the reason. And Derk my very special Star Wars we

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Speaker 1: go on top of that. But I just I I

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Speaker 1: have been without a working fridge for about five months.

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Speaker 1: It was working okay, but it was like not working,

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Speaker 1: and I hesitated to contact my landlord for a lot

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Speaker 1: of reasons. And what is happening now is one of

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Speaker 1: the big ones is that it becomes a whole thing

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Speaker 1: and it just impacts my schedule so much. But another

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Speaker 1: reason is something where I've talked about before, like I

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Speaker 1: don't want to bother anybody. I don't want to bother you.

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Speaker 1: I'll just I'll just I'm making do it's fine, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, that kind of mentality that I think that

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Speaker 1: a lot of women do experience. But it's Also, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've had several experiences in my life where

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Speaker 1: I've had a moment where you don't want to say

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Speaker 1: something aloud to somebody and you're hoping they'll pick up

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Speaker 1: on your cues right like please, and it's become this

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Speaker 1: thing where I'm like, oh, he doesn't get it. And

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Speaker 1: one of the one of the first times that happened

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Speaker 1: was I was traveling with a group of people. I

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Speaker 1: think I was a freshman in college, and it was

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Speaker 1: kind of evenly split between men and women, and we

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Speaker 1: were we had like a host who was guiding us

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Speaker 1: through these things, and I really liked him, but half

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Speaker 1: of the group didn't. Kind of the nature of when

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Speaker 1: somebody's telling me what to do in some way. But

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Speaker 1: I needed to do laundry and he knew it and

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Speaker 1: he needed to do laundry, and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we'll just do laundry together. And then all the like

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Speaker 1: other women in the group were like, you're gonna do

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Speaker 1: laundry with him. He's gonna see all your underwear and

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Speaker 1: all this stuff, and I was like, oh no, I

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Speaker 1: didn't think about this, and so then I had to

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Speaker 1: backtrack and I was like, oh, I don't really need

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Speaker 1: to do laundry. I'll do it later because I was

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Speaker 1: kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear. Whether I

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Speaker 1: should have been or not, but I was. And then

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Speaker 1: I had a backtracking. It was like, you're being weird,

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Speaker 1: Like what are you doing? You need to do laundry.

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Speaker 1: We'll just do laundry. And I was like, it's fine,

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Speaker 1: it's fine, it's fine, because I didn't want to like

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Speaker 1: vocalize to this guy I didn't know very well, like

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear and

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Speaker 1: now people have made me self conscious about and it

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Speaker 1: was just a moment where he clearly like did not

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Speaker 1: get it, and it was very awkward. It was awkward.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that's all on him at all

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Speaker 1: because I didn't tell him. I felt like I couldn't

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Speaker 1: tell him. It was just so it was one of

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Speaker 1: those things where I was mortified over this quite small

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Speaker 1: thing that didn't even happen, but then it became a

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Speaker 1: thing where it was like every time I did laundry,

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Speaker 1: it was kind of like what happened there? What was

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Speaker 1: going on? And then like another example is so I'm

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Speaker 1: having trouble my drains are draining very well, and you're

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Speaker 1: not supposed to use like products, chemical products in a

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Speaker 1: building like this because it'll eat the pipes. So I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna have to, you know, use the old snake and

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Speaker 1: do it. And someone was like, you should get ear

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Speaker 1: leonlord to do that, and I was like, well, when

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Speaker 1: I was a kid, I remember very clearly my dad

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Speaker 1: did it and he pulled out like this, you know,

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Speaker 1: lump of hair, slimy lump. And I wasn't even in

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Speaker 1: the room. He came and found me and showed me

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Speaker 1: and was like, look at this, this is your hair,

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Speaker 1: and I was so there, really yes, yes, because it

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Speaker 1: was gross. Like the fact that he was like kind

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Speaker 1: of annoyed by it, it really it stuck with me,

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Speaker 1: and it just became this thing that I'm so anxious

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Speaker 1: about and like trying to always make sure I didn't

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Speaker 1: get any hair in the drade and going all these.

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Speaker 3: I know, it's not possible, that's not possible, that's silly,

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Speaker 3: not for you, but that he would try to shame you,

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Speaker 3: because mine is the same way. Like I've been losing

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Speaker 3: a lot of hair and I will do my best

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Speaker 3: to try to not let it go down. But it

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Speaker 3: does because we have tons of hair and unless you

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Speaker 3: go to plug up the sink or whatever forever and

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Speaker 3: then slowly like fish out all the hair every day,

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Speaker 3: which would take hours of your life.

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Speaker 2: No, right, And we're not the only ones. It's just

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Speaker 2: shorter sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, but it just it did feel very like

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Speaker 1: this is your fault, you know. Whether I don't think

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Speaker 1: he intended that. I think he was just annoyed and

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Speaker 1: it's not fun. But I took it to heart. And

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Speaker 1: so like the idea of having to deal with my landlord,

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Speaker 1: I mean I would.

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Speaker 2: Not call my landlord for that. I never have.

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Speaker 3: That's not a but you and I are the same

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Speaker 3: place of like I don't want to bother Ram, and

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Speaker 3: so like for me, if I'm calling you as a landlord, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's something important like oh the roof might cave in,

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Speaker 3: Oh this might get be set on fire, like I

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Speaker 3: don't know, but like outside of that, yeah, Drane, I

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Speaker 3: don't necessarily think that would be a thing. Although I

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Speaker 3: think that's where we got have gone wrong, is that

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Speaker 3: we are self sufficient, and so it's easier to tell

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Speaker 3: us no ye, because we're more or less like more

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Speaker 3: or less likely to push push back, and so we

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Speaker 3: would probably back down and they know that, but they're

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Speaker 3: more likely to pay attention to those who complained the

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Speaker 3: loudest we made a mistake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well if I if this was a different

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Speaker 1: episode and I really wanted to just go into what

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Speaker 1: was happening in my refrigerator situation, then yes, I agree,

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Speaker 1: it's not like you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, very upset for you.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. So like that's another aspect of this though,

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Speaker 1: is the apartment stuff around, because I think what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about more what we've talked about before when dudes

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Speaker 1: don't get it is more of kind of like a

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Speaker 1: romantic situation or just dating or existing. But I'm a

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Speaker 1: part of this is more sort of logistical stuff. And

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Speaker 1: one of the things that's annoyed me a lot lately

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Speaker 1: is with my landlord, but other people as well, like

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Speaker 1: he he kind of was frustrated with me because he's like,

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Speaker 1: I have a chain lock and I just keep it

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Speaker 1: on all the time because because he was like, why

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Speaker 1: do you have this lock on? I'm like, why do

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Speaker 1: you think? But also I bet if I didn't have

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Speaker 1: it on, then it would be my fault that if

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Speaker 1: something happens, right and It just was frustrating because I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, it's kind of a safety thing. It

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Speaker 1: makes me feel better at the chain on.

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Speaker 3: He has it on his building, So why do you

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Speaker 3: have it if you don't want people to use it?

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Speaker 2: I know it that makes those sense.

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Speaker 1: No, it doesn't. But it's also it reminds me of

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Speaker 1: so many times when I have to kind of explain

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Speaker 1: like I don't feel safe for whatever reason.

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Speaker 3: Right, I mean, this dude has no idea because he

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Speaker 3: just walks in anyway, and as the time, which is

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Speaker 3: against the law. By the way, yes, if you're a renter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's what I tried to talk about one time.

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Speaker 1: It's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't like, why

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Speaker 1: would you think that's a good idea to just walk in?

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Speaker 3: But that's the thing is like we are even more

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Speaker 3: like aware and very suspicious because I think you had

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Speaker 3: told me he came through, and you didn't know he

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Speaker 3: came through, and I'm like, you check your apartment for

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Speaker 3: cameras because that's where I am in life, Like this

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Speaker 3: is bad. This is a dude who just walked in

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Speaker 3: without talking to you. That's very very concerning. And also

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Speaker 3: any person gender, if you just walked in. They're gonna

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Speaker 3: fight you, or at least be on the defensive, you know, like,

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Speaker 3: what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Why did you just walk into my house?

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Speaker 1: M Yeah, And I feel like I've had this play

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Speaker 1: out before, because I was thinking about this, I've actually

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Speaker 1: this is the first time I've been in a renting situation,

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Speaker 1: a living situation where I'm kind of responsible for all

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Speaker 1: this stuff, right, Like for a while, I was mostly

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Speaker 1: dorms in college, and then I lived with a dude

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Speaker 1: who I was sort of subletting his apartment, apartment in

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Speaker 1: his place, so he was taking care of all that.

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Speaker 1: This is kind of a new so I'm not really

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Speaker 1: sure in a lot of ways, like what I asked for?

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Speaker 1: What do I not ask for? What is the expectation?

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Speaker 1: And I have been living here for a long time,

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Speaker 1: but I that's that's interesting. But also I feel like

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Speaker 1: I have been in a situation before with a repair

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Speaker 1: guy who came in and I was clearly kind of

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Speaker 1: like on edge about it, and he was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I get it. I have I have a daughter and

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Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable when dudes come into her place either,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm not sure this is you're

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Speaker 1: not making me feel better. I get what you're trying

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Speaker 1: to do.

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Speaker 2: A daughter understand, No, it's all right here.

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Speaker 1: We we've heard that so many times of like, well

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Speaker 1: I have a mom, and I'm like, okay, I know,

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Speaker 1: but it's just like I don't. I feel like I've

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Speaker 1: been getting that a lot too from some people of

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Speaker 1: you know, oh, I get it, you don't feel safe.

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Speaker 1: I've got a daughter and she used to say, but

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know, I just okay.

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Speaker 2: That's not tokenizing.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's not the extreme of us, like I

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Speaker 3: have other Asian friends, but it's sort of I know,

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Speaker 3: I know women, okay, great, but.

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Speaker 1: It's also sort of implying like, oh, I get that

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Speaker 1: there's a power and balance here and you don't feel safe.

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Speaker 1: Let me comments on it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, Bob come in.

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Speaker 1: It's like I said, I get what they're trying to do,

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Speaker 1: but it's also like no, it's not it's not. And

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Speaker 1: then they'll last for your numbers sometimes, which just happened

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Speaker 1: to me too, and then you're like.

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Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, anybody in access like that. When I

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Speaker 3: will live in an apartment. The dude hitting on me

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Speaker 3: was a maintenance dude, and I was like, oh, I

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Speaker 3: do not feel safe mm hmmm, because you have keys

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Speaker 3: to my place.

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Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, I don't know. I just had a lot,

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Speaker 1: a lot on my mind about this.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's been a six month thing.

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Speaker 1: It has, it has, and I've been I hope so

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Speaker 1: today fingers cross, fingers cross. Who knows, six months from now,

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Speaker 1: I might be back with another update about this.

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Speaker 2: You get a house.

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Speaker 1: Your message has heard loud and c well. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for letting me rance a little bit and share my

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Speaker 1: sort of messy thoughts about this, And as always, if

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Speaker 1: you have any messy thoughts about this, you can email

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Speaker 1: us at stephaniea mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You

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00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,400
Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or

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Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok at Stepmom've Never Told You. You

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Speaker 1: can also find us on YouTube, and we have a

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Speaker 1: book at stuff you should read Books dot com. You

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Speaker 1: can pre order it there. Thanks as always to our

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Speaker 1: super producer Christina, executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.

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Speaker 1: Thank you very much, and thanks to you for listening

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Speaker 1: Stuff Whenever Told Me his production of iHeartRadio. For more

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Speaker 1: podcasts on my heart Radio. You can check out the

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.