WEBVTT - Study Hall: A Black Woman's Guide to Navigating a Career, Relationships, and Self-Discovery 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.600 An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:07.480 in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from Al Salvador 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:11.840 accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:15.840 filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:19.680 some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:23.320 Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy nom the United States 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:28.120 Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:31.680 crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.960 one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.920 are here illegally, your next you will be fined nearly 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:43.000 one thousand dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported. You will 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:46.680 never return. But if you register using our CBP home 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:50.120 app and leave now, you could be allowed to return legally. 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:55.240 Do what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws, 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:57.840 border and families will be protected. 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.000 Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:01.160 Let's talk about the book. 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:01.800 The book. 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:06.600 So you published a book What Mommy Never Told You? So? 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:11.680 What's the meaning behind that title and what's inside the book? Yeah? 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:15.480 So this book took twelve years to write, I wrote. 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:17.680 I finished it maybe three and a half years ago, 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:19.720 but it took twelve years to write because I, for 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.640 a very long time felt like my story hadn't arct 0:01:23.840 --> 0:01:26.040 so I didn't have that moment where it was like, oh, 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:28.520 things got tough, and then she wrote off in the sunset, 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:30.399 here's a book to talk about it, right, And so 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:33.640 I thought that's what I needed in order to create 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:38.039 this body of work. But what I realized is people 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:41.080 have constantly sat down to have this conversation that we're 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:43.480 having right now, like what did you How did you 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.520 go from East New York Brooklyn to working and doing 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.320 some of the things that you've done and worked in 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.080 And I was constantly telling the story and I said, 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:53.040 you know what, I need to put pen to paper 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:57.840 and manuscript my journey. But one of the things that 0:01:57.880 --> 0:01:59.600 came out of it, and why I titled it the 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:01.800 way that I did, is I realized that I'm first 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:05.480 generation for so many things in my life. I was 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.639 the first to graduate from college in my family. I 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:12.200 was the first to go to Europe in my family. 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:15.680 I was the first to buy a home in my family. 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:21.079 And what I was realizing is there's some things that 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.640 my parents just they cannot teach me. You know, as 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:28.360 a woman of color, I'm coming from a space of 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:36.160 I won't say lack, but I had I had a 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.880 late start, just coming from East New York and where 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:42.920 I've come from, we weren't and we didn't inherit the 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:46.360 knowledge that some of our contemporaries and counterparts perhaps are 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:49.639 getting from their families and their grandfathers and their you know, 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:54.680 those those sorts of experiences. And while my mother did 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:58.079 teach me a ton, there were just a lot of 0:02:58.160 --> 0:02:59.680 lessons that I had to learn on my own. And 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:02.800 this book takes you through the manuscript of my life 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:05.800 and the lessons that I learned along the way. So 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:08.440 each chapter has at the end the Pittman's Rules, and 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:10.720 they're like the ten to twenty things that I've learned 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:14.520 about that specific topic, and it's everything from career and finance, 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.639 to relationships, to self motivation. 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:20.240 To like one of the thing, give us one example 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.480 of what's in the book that you've learned. 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:25.040 Well, I have something that your mother never told you. 0:03:25.560 --> 0:03:27.200 Some of the things that my mother never told me. 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:29.600 I mean, there are tons of examples, but really understanding 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:34.200 that you know, as a woman, it's important to have 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:37.960 male mentorship as much as it is to have female mentorship. 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.360 I always I was raised by really strong women and 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:45.160 I have a huge girl network. But when I moved 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:48.040 into my career, most of my mentors have been men. 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:51.240 So people like Keith Kling Scales, as I mentioned, Steve 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:54.320 Stout early on in my career, was an amazing mentor 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:59.200 that genuinely just wanted to pour into my professional talent, 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:04.560 help me grow as a professional. Sean Combe's amazing mentor, 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:10.080 you know, and not being unafraid to develop professional relationships 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:13.040 with men is important for women as they continue to 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:13.720 move through business. 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:20.120 What's your advice for women navigating male dominated industry? Which 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:25.080 almost every industry is male dominated. There's difficulties that come 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:26.960 with is you have to think about certain things that 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:30.200 men don't have to think about. How to dress right, 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:34.480 they're important, how to carry yourself in certain environments. I 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:39.839 had this conversation with a female, like, somebody invites you 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:45.600 to dinner, it's awkward, right, It could be out to 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.480 drinks can be awkward. What you wear it could be awkward, flirting. 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:51.040 A variety of different things that you have to kind 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:54.159 of navigate through the workplace that there's really no set 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:57.880 template or blueprint for it. And like I said, men 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.120 don't have to worry about that, but women do. And 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:02.719 it's like you're probably just one woman or two women 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.960 and there's ten men. Right, So that's something that people 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:09.640 don't really consider, but it's an issue. I've seen it absolutely. 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.880 So what's your advice for that? 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:14.040 That is a great question. 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:17.800 There's a there's a nuance to the level set that 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:23.680 young women need to learn how to initiate very early on. 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:25.160 I think men do. 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:28.120 It sometimes when when men sort of outfit in the 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:30.720 room and you set your position in a room full 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:31.159 of men. 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:33.120 You guys know what I'm talking about. 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:35.200 You come into a room with ten dudes, You're going 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.640 to posture in a certain way so that your ranking 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:41.679 is governed accordingly, according right. 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:46.599 Right, So the same thing. And I know this from 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:47.640 being trained by men. 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:50.440 Right. I was blessed to be trained by men throughout 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:53.600 my career. And so there's a way of being as 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:57.880 a woman to position yourself as a person of power, 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:03.320 a person of respect, no nonsense, but still approachable. And 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:07.000 that has worked for me up unto a point until 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:09.920 I got to a sort of apex point in my career. 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:14.240 Being very dominant in that way was powerful, but at 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:17.120 a certain point it worked against me and I had 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:20.760 to start seeking out female mentorship at the executive level 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:23.200 because I had to bring back the softness. 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:26.000 Because it was almost like I was competing with the men. 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:27.640 Yeah, exterior was too rough. 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:30.440 It's too rough, and so I had to come into 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.520 this balance of oh no, no, no, you see me. 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:36.000 You see I'm grounded. You respect me. But this is 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:37.200 not an alpha contest. 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:39.920 Yeah, see the alpha thing, don't. I don't agree with 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:42.280 the alpha thing. I've never I don't like to consider 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:44.240 myself an alpha male. I'm just a male. 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:44.760 Yeah. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:49.039 So I think there's two ways that I've witnessed, like 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.520 people at the highest level conduct themselves. One in that 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:57.200 manner which is like very loud and kind of obnoxious. 0:06:57.680 --> 0:07:01.080 But you know that this person is level of stature 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.640 because it's like a mob boss, right, like Johnny Gotty. 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:05.320 Like it's like when he walks in the room, like 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:07.560 everybody kind of like fears on more has some level 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:10.360 of respect for him. So they could be extremely loud 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:14.679 or you could be extremely quiet. Yeah, like this guy Jay. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:16.120 But he's still incredibly alpha. 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:19.600 Yeah, but I'm just saying, but just his demeanor, yea, 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:22.760 even more of an introvert quiet. I see that a 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:26.120 lot with I see that actually more often, especially like 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.960 the higher higher like billionaires like them. They're usually very 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:34.040 secluded and nonchalant, garden quiet. 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.760 But let's make a distinction though, because that doesn't so 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:40.480 there's a few things around alpha. I literally mean in 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:43.920 the canine sense of alpha, right, So from an animalistic standpoint, 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:48.520 when a pack of dogs come together, there's a ranking 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.040 order that naturally happens, right, So I didn't mean it 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:51.200 in the. 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.440 Alpha I mean, And it's like. 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:59.040 But then also, alphas are usually not loud in real life. 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.240 But I think that term alpha is just confusing because 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:05.040 it's like I think, like, if that's really like I 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:07.800 love Dan, he's actually a personal friend of mine, that's 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:13.600 his personality, but his way of being I think people 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:15.720 try to emulate that, like you know what I mean, 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:19.760 like and they try to like be loud and stern 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.160 and da da da. And I don't necessarily think that's 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.160 a that's the most beneficial way to communicate with people, absolutely, 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.840 but I see a lot of people that they think 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:31.680 that that way of acting on that way of communicating, 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:36.599 asserts themselves as the alpha and asserts themselves as the head. 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:40.280 But I think that that's not so. I don't know. 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:41.439 I just feel like the term. 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:43.400 Alpha loudness does not equal power. 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:45.559 So what does alpha equate. 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.520 To alpha is? 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:50.560 It's an anchoring, it's a it's a knowing, it's an 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:55.600 assuredness in your power to affect a situation. 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.600 That's what alpha is. It's not necessarily how loud you are. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:05.360 It's our ability to influence at the highest level and 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:08.840 make the decision that people are going to adhere to. 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:10.600 And you don't have to do that with words. 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:12.800 Yeah, a lot of nonverbal communication. 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:16.320 Tons of nonverbal communication. Like I just as a woman, like, 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:18.160 I'm not looking at the loudest guy in the room. 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:21.400 I want I want to see the guy that's like, 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:24.720 you know, laid back and calm and poised and hasn't 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.080 put together and he's the one, not this one over here, Joe. 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:31.880 Erness, what's up. You ever walk into a small business 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:35.079 and everything just works, like the checkout is fast, or 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:39.000 seats are digital, tipping is a breeze, and you're out 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.240 the door before the line even builds. Odds are they're 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:45.880 using Square. We love supporting businesses that run on Square 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:49.080 because it just feels seamless. Whether it's a local coffee shop, 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:51.760 a vendor at a pop up market, or even one 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.880 of our merch partners, Square makes it easy for them 0:09:54.920 --> 0:09:58.880 to take payments, manage inventory, and run their business with confidence, 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:02.560 all from one simple system. If you're a business owner 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:06.160 or even just thinking about launching something soon, Square is 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:08.280 hands down one of the best tools out there to 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:12.319 help you start, run, and grow. It's not just about payments, 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:15.320 it's about giving you time back so you can focus 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.079 on what matters most ready. To see how Square can 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:22.920 transform your business, visit Square dot com backslash go backslash 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:27.160 eyl to learn more that Square dot com backslash, go 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:31.800 backslash eyl. Don't wait, don't hesitate, Let Square handle the 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:35.559 back end so you can keep pushing your vision forward. 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:40.240 This episode is brought to you by P and C Bank. 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.360 A lot of people think podcasts about work are boring, 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:47.439 and sure they definitely can be, but understanding a professionals 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:50.800 routine shows us how they achieve their success little by little, 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:54.800 day after day. It's like banking with P and C bank. 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:58.079 It might seem boring to save, plan, and make calculated 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:01.320 decisions with your bank. Keeping your money boring is what 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:04.719 helps you live or more happily fulfilled life. P and 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:09.839 C Bank Brilliantly Boring since eighteen sixty five. Brilliantly Boring 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:12.320 since eighteen sixty five is a service mark of the 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:15.040 P and C Financial Service Group, Inc. P and C 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.080 Bank National Association Member FDIC. 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:23.520 An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:27.359 in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from Al Salvador 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:31.720 accused of murdering a Texas. Man of Venezuelan charged with 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:35.680 filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:39.560 some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:43.120 Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy nom the United States 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:47.960 Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:51.560 crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:54.840 one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:58.760 are here illegally, your next you will be fined nearly 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.880 one thousand dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported. You will 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:06.560 never return. But if you register using our CBP home 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.480 app and leave now. You could be allowed to return 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:15.079 legally do what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws, 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:17.240 border and families. 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:19.280 Will be protected sponsored by the United States Department of 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.880 Homeland Security TOP And. 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:29.199 You brought up the word apex of your career, height 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.199 of your career. When I hear you speak, I can 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:34.839 feel your energy. I feel like you're still in it. 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:40.400 So I'm questioning, how are you seeing where you're at presently? 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:42.840 Are you where you want to be? There's some more 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:45.320 things that you need to check out because I feel 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.120 like the apex hasn't hit yet. 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.520 I agree it hasn't, but I am ascending, right, and 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.200 so I like to believe you know, you hit that 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.199 that peak, and you try to ride that peak as 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.199 long as you can and maybe in my plateau a 0:12:57.240 --> 0:12:58.920 little bit, and then you hope to hit another peak. 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:00.559 So that's how I think about apex. 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:05.520 And I do think though, that there is a stage 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.480 in your career. There are stages in your finances right 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:13.480 where you've arrived, and then how do you elevate and 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:15.160 take it to the next level? Right, so you can 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:17.760 become a millionaire. That's great, but then you can become 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.720 one hundred millionaire and that's really great. Then you could 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:24.400 become a billionaire and now like that's something else. Right, 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:28.080 So those are all APEX moments within our lives. And 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.520 so when I say I hit that apex peak, it's 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:34.200 like if I'm in a c suite conversation, that's a 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.920 different conversation than being a manager or a director, and 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:39.320 how people receive us differently. 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.320 So when you're saying apex, you can have a. 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:41.760 Few of them. 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:43.839 A few of them, I hope too, and I hope 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:44.720 you guys do as well. 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:49.000 So you said something about relationships. I'm interested to hear 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.040 this because I used to be a financial advisor. Before 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:53.400 I did this. When I was a financial advisor, seventy 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:56.400 percent of my clients were women, Black women. And I 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.520 learned something that there's a lot of black women that 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.920 make a lot of money, like five thousand, four hundred 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.800 thousand dollars a year. They're like corporate diversity officers that 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:08.120 may SE's and different things in the nature. And then 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:12.719 in their mid thirties and they're single and they've never 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:15.120 had children. And I noticed that. I started to see 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:19.080 a pattern, and I started to realize that this is 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:24.440 my philosophy. There wasn't an equal counterpart a lot right, 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:31.320 because it's like their counterpart, their age wasn't making as 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:34.280 much money, wasn't at that level of corporate. It might 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:37.240 have been a good dude, but he's you know, it's 0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:39.840 a delivery man, right or the person that is at 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.280 that level, it is it ready going. It's a righty 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:44.800 taken he's already married and has children. So from a 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:49.280 relationship standpoint, I started to see that it was difficult 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:50.920 for I'm. 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:55.800 So sorry because sorry, my alarm go ahead. 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:58.680 So relationship standpoint, I started to see that it was 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:02.520 difficult a lot of times for black women that was 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:07.640 rising up that corporate ladder to get into a relationship 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.880 or to So I don't know what your segment in 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:14.920 the book about relationships is, but have you seen that 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:16.160 and what's your thoughts on that. 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:19.720 I absolutely have seen that. But I think that there's 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.120 so nuanced. So there's a couple of things that go 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:26.280 into that. I think top line looking at it, Yes, 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:30.160 there's not an equal counterpart at every step for a 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:33.040 lot of these women at a certain age. 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:36.160 Because men can go down to right like men, you 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:38.760 can be forty years old and date the twenty eight 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:41.480 year old and nobody says anything. That's another thing that 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:43.800 kind of it's hard for a forty year old woman 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:45.640 to find the twenty eight year old man. 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:49.240 That she wants to be with, right that because women 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.600 like to be able to learn from their men and 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:57.040 have leadership within their relationship. Traditionally, not all women and 0:15:57.080 --> 0:16:00.360 so oftentimes men that are younger don't necessarily we have 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.560 those experiences. Some women do, and they do well in 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:05.800 that space, but not not most. But I think it's 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:09.240 it's a combination of things. I think it's and you know, 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.640 so many people with me. For instance, I'm single, I 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:14.400 don't have children, and people ask me like what happened? 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.400 And I'm a heterosexual woman, right, and so it's like, well, 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:19.960 a couple of things happened, you know. I think first 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:22.080 and foremost, I always say I spent too much time 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:23.280 on the wrong relationships. 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:26.360 That is, I tell any young woman, get in and 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:34.040 get out. That's what JA get out. 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:36.240 If it works great, if it doesn't move on as 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.480 quickly as possible, right, learn a lesson, forgive and move on. 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.800 So I didn't necessarily do that as often as perhaps 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:48.600 I should have. But I also think, you know, being 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:55.920 creating a space to date and explore. Women that are 0:16:56.160 --> 0:17:00.840 are driven in their careers tend to forget about how 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:03.600 intentional you need to be about I'm. 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:04.680 Glad you said that they don't have time. 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:05.920 You don't have time. They don't make time. 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:06.680 They don't make the time. 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:07.600 It don't make the time. 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:11.320 They it don't make it because it gets exhausting right 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:14.120 when you're when you're constantly coming up against the men 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.119 that may not be equally yoked. 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:17.840 There's a list of priorities. 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.000 Is that how we do we're prioritizing these things like 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.280 this is more important than this at this present time. 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:22.600 Yeah. 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.000 I had a friend that said to me, very very 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:29.800 very good friend. She said, you need to approach getting 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:33.679 married like finding your dream job the same way and 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:36.919 the same way you would go and find interviews and 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:40.760 have conversations. You need to find friends that have single friends. 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:42.639 You need to be in spaces where there are single 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.920 men because of the type of man that you want 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.879 to marry is very unique, so you're not going to 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:49.840 just bump into him at a supermarket. You've got to 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.679 be intentional. And I thought it was brilliant when she 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.000 said it. To me way too late, but she, you know, 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.320 obviously expressed it. I think the same thing happens in 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.520 some of the situations that you mentioned. 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.000 Going back to my financial advisor days, Remember this guy 0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:04.200 was telling me, he told his daughter that, and he 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.080 was like, what are you doing to find a husband? 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:07.439 Like? 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:11.320 You can't just wing it. You got to actually treat 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.120 this thing like you are, like you said, like you're 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.240 trying to get a job, like you got to actually 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:18.680 have a set, planned, blueprint events that I'm going to 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:19.720 go to everything. 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.400 Well, because the places you're going to run into are 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:23.360 so limited at this point. This is the days where 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:25.560 I'm going to go to the library, or i might 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:28.040 go to the theater and I'm going to the art 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.320 gallery like it's like I'm in the club. 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:34.320 Is this why we potentially see a lot of interracial 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:38.159 couples at higher like the vice president different things to 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:38.679 that nation. 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:39.520 I think so. 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:41.960 I think so, you know, people tend to date within 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:44.679 their industry or dat and what they're most familiar with 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.960 and around, and you know, unfortunately, I think that is 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:48.440 the case. 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:53.000 And I think that there's a I'm gonna say something 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:55.400 a little contra controversial. 0:18:54.720 --> 0:19:03.200 But I think that fundamentally, Black youth is not as 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:07.879 conditioned to marry automatically the way some other cultures are. Right, 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.639 that's other cultures effect. 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:13.520 Right, they know they have to get married. 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:14.480 They don't really have a choice. 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.600 There's no choice. You're going to get married. 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:20.520 It may not be today, fact it's going to be arranged, 0:19:20.600 --> 0:19:22.119 or it's going to be arranged for you, and it 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:24.120 may not be today, it may not be in five years, 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.439 but you're going to get married. They also know to 0:19:26.520 --> 0:19:31.960 be successful, particularly the men in those those culture cultures. 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:37.000 Thank you know that having a wife represents something way broader. 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:42.320 It represents responsibility, it represents anchoring. Like you think about 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:45.400 have we ever had a single president. We've had a 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:50.560 widowed president, but we've never had a single president ever. Right, 0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:52.760 So there's there's little things that. 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.040 Go into societal norms. 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:58.560 Societal norms around being married that don't necessarily exist automatically 0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:01.919 within our culture. So our young people don't know that 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:04.600 we have to get married then, not that we have to, 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:06.840 but that it would be beneficial for us to partner 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.920 up and do some stuff together in that way. Yeah, 0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:12.800 I agree, So there's a t we're at a disadvantage 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:16.320 initially with the with the mindset, but then we're so 0:20:16.480 --> 0:20:19.320 busy trying to do it by ourselves we forget to 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.680 reconnect with each other and do it together and find 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:23.679 someone to do it together with. 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:25.920 So and while we're thinking about that at the time, 0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:28.480 it's passing every day every. 0:20:28.280 --> 0:20:31.160 Day, and you're more set in your ways and your 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:35.000 your requirements get a little more intricate, and you. 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.480 Get more comfortable being by yourself, yes, which makes it 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:38.600 harder for you to be a relationship. 0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:40.720 And then there's always helpsial media that can comfort you 0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:41.560 when you're by yourself. 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:50.159 Four things Tender, Oh God, swipe less. 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:51.680 An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:55.520 in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from Al Salvador 0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:59.840 accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:03.840 filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:07.720