1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,880
Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,560
Speaker 1: I'm an og okay story Time podcast host.

3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:06,640
Speaker 2: I don't care.

4
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,960
Speaker 3: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

5
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:10,560
Speaker 3: two minutes.

6
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,799
Speaker 1: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

7
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,120
Speaker 1: before we get into this episode.

8
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, we got some ads coming up. Just stick around.

9
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:16,480
Speaker 2: Stick around.

10
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,520
Speaker 4: My mother threw away my graduation dress and my father

11
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,600
Speaker 4: condoned it.

12
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,439
Speaker 5: What was wrong with the dress? What's the deal? Man?

13
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,200
Speaker 4: January thirty, first, twenty twenty five. I twenty three female.

14
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,680
Speaker 4: I'm about to graduate from college. The party will be

15
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,080
Speaker 4: in two months, but the photographic session.

16
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,680
Speaker 5: Will be next week. One of my goals since I.

17
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,160
Speaker 4: Entered my career was that when I graduated, I would

18
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,400
Speaker 4: use a dress that would suit me. Some might think

19
00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,559
Speaker 4: that I could just rent a dress that I'll probably

20
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,120
Speaker 4: just use it once or two in my life, But

21
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,360
Speaker 4: I really mean it when I said that, this was

22
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,040
Speaker 4: the moment I've been waiting for for years. By the way,

23
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,839
Speaker 4: this comes from Kooky Blueberry forty seven to seventy and

24
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,600
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

25
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,760
Speaker 4: the r slash Okay story Time subreddit. So the last

26
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,920
Speaker 4: few weeks I had been looking for addresses indifferent, but

27
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,880
Speaker 4: I went with several people in different times. One of

28
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,199
Speaker 4: them was with my mother, and that time I found

29
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,399
Speaker 4: a dress that not only suited me like a glove.

30
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,040
Speaker 4: It was a light green, long dress and I immediately

31
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,959
Speaker 4: loved it. The problem my mother had It had a

32
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:19,720
Speaker 4: low neckline scandal ohand oh man, oh no.

33
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,600
Speaker 5: You see, my mother is a modest woman, someone who

34
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 5: may be scandalized when a dress is above the knees

35
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,600
Speaker 5: or the neckline shows even a little bit of the cleavage.

36
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,240
Speaker 4: So despite she admitted that the dress fit me, I

37
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,800
Speaker 4: shouldn't buy it as I might attract unwanted looks, especially

38
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,479
Speaker 4: as I have a big cup size.

39
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,840
Speaker 5: Lord Lord, but a letter wear a dress. It's very

40
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,319
Speaker 5: let her wear dress. And that's the thing though, too.

41
00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,680
Speaker 4: When you've got a bigger bra size, it becomes harder

42
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,040
Speaker 4: and harder to hide.

43
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,760
Speaker 5: Everything is like, quote unquote immodest. But it's not.

44
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,640
Speaker 4: Actually, it's just different body type, exactly exactly. I already

45
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,040
Speaker 4: have been to therapy about it. So some insecurities that

46
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 4: affected her no longer affected me. But still I wanted

47
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,560
Speaker 4: to get to a middle point. I liked that one dress,

48
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,840
Speaker 4: and despite the fact that I was the one buying it.

49
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,480
Speaker 4: I wanted to make her comfortable, so I proposed that

50
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,639
Speaker 4: I use a shawl. I felt fine with it and

51
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,760
Speaker 4: it might be useful if it's cold outside, and my

52
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,920
Speaker 4: mother agreed with that. With the green light on, I

53
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,360
Speaker 4: bought the dress and a few days later a shawl

54
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,360
Speaker 4: that would suit the dress. Everything was fine so far

55
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:25,520
Speaker 4: until two days ago when I returned Chalm after returning

56
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,480
Speaker 4: from school from continuing my thesis, already working on that,

57
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,280
Speaker 4: I got something to eat, took a bath, and changed

58
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,040
Speaker 4: to go to work when I noticed that my dress

59
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,959
Speaker 4: wasn't in my wark dress.

60
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,000
Speaker 5: Oh no, what's going on?

61
00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:44,480
Speaker 4: I see yous in, I see us man, this is

62
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,120
Speaker 4: not looking good. I put it there. I hung it

63
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,480
Speaker 4: up to avoid my cat's hair on it. It was there

64
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,160
Speaker 4: in the morning, so I was confused. I asked my

65
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,680
Speaker 4: siblings and they didn't know anything about it. My father

66
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,200
Speaker 4: wasn't in the city, so I directly asked my mom,

67
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 4: who was in the kitchen watching TV while cutting potatoes,

68
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,720
Speaker 4: something like, Mom, do you know where my dress is?

69
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,560
Speaker 5: She said, ah, I threw it. Excuse me, what do

70
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,720
Speaker 5: you mean by you threw it? She said? The garbage

71
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,440
Speaker 5: truck came today, so I threw it away.

72
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,400
Speaker 4: Excuse me? Why why did you throw it away? I

73
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,480
Speaker 4: swear I felt like crying in this moment. She said

74
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,359
Speaker 4: something like I wasn't convinced at all with that dress.

75
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,880
Speaker 4: That shaw didn't cover you at all, and your dad

76
00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,400
Speaker 4: agreed with me. So yesterday I bought you a suit

77
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:24,960
Speaker 4: for your.

78
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,239
Speaker 5: Photos and party. Huh, A suit is very different direction

79
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:33,080
Speaker 5: to go. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, it was already

80
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,160
Speaker 5: a huge crazy thing that like, she's not gonna let

81
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,280
Speaker 5: you wear this dress. I mean you're probably like twenty

82
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:41,040
Speaker 5: one at this point. Yeah, but instead of returning the dress,

83
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,280
Speaker 5: she just threw it away. Yeah. What I'd be like, Okay, well,

84
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,680
Speaker 5: you're freaking baying me. You'reparing me because I spent money

85
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,840
Speaker 5: on that absolutely, And then she tries to pull the

86
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,720
Speaker 5: whole will I paid for the suit? Well that's not

87
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,520
Speaker 5: my fault. I'm gonna throw it away. Yeah, that's not

88
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:54,000
Speaker 5: my money.

89
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,680
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that's yeah, that's crazy. Because also too,

90
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,440
Speaker 4: it's like, I mean, do they have pictures of her

91
00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,120
Speaker 4: wearing the dress?

92
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,800
Speaker 5: How was she able to show the dad? Yeah? What

93
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:02,160
Speaker 5: are you talking?

94
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,600
Speaker 4: And you already approved of it. Mother, excuse me. I

95
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,400
Speaker 4: couldn't believe what she was saying. I just ran outside,

96
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,240
Speaker 4: foolishly hoping that magically a black garbage bag would be outside.

97
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,200
Speaker 4: I didn't pay attention to that when I came home

98
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:18,400
Speaker 4: from school. But no, the garbage truck must have came early.

99
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,040
Speaker 4: I thought that maybe my mother was joking, because why

100
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,440
Speaker 4: why did my parents do that? I thought they agreed

101
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,720
Speaker 4: with me. What about the money that I spent on that.

102
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,200
Speaker 4: I didn't ask anything from them. I bought it with

103
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,960
Speaker 4: the money that I earned working part time in a

104
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,560
Speaker 4: bubble tea shop. Dude, you gotta work a while then

105
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,880
Speaker 4: to get to get to that dress.

106
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,080
Speaker 5: Oh my god, No, i'micked a man.

107
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 4: I'd be like, you have to pay me that, absolutely absolutely,

108
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,440
Speaker 4: and get me something that I actually want.

109
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:43,279
Speaker 5: Yeah.

110
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:45,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

111
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,760
Speaker 4: I ran to my mom's room and saw her wardrobe,

112
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,400
Speaker 4: but nothing was there. As I was crying, she came

113
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,279
Speaker 4: in with a gray suit in her arms.

114
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,400
Speaker 5: What is this abnegation? I'm sorry? What? Yeah? Why a

115
00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:01,839
Speaker 5: suit also is gray? Like to come on his graduation? Yeah?

116
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,600
Speaker 5: It was exactly the kind of clothes that my mom

117
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,200
Speaker 5: would choose for me. Usually I liked suits too.

118
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,479
Speaker 4: I used them when I was going for a conference

119
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,599
Speaker 4: to my college, but at that moment, I honestly couldn't

120
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,760
Speaker 4: believe the audacity of my parents, especially my mother. When

121
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,320
Speaker 4: my father returned yesterday, he gave me a bunch of

122
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,120
Speaker 4: bills around three hundred dollars, saying that it was for

123
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:22,839
Speaker 4: the dress.

124
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,800
Speaker 5: That my mother threw away. Okay, so we're getting some

125
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,520
Speaker 5: money back. At least, it's still still awful. At least

126
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,799
Speaker 5: we've got some money, some money. That way, my money

127
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,640
Speaker 5: would not be wasted.

128
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,440
Speaker 4: But that money felt I didn't want to take it.

129
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,280
Speaker 5: Man, go buy yourself another dress. Yeah, honestly, we're the

130
00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,599
Speaker 5: same dress. Man, Yeah, that probably is the same dress.

131
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,800
Speaker 4: My father probably still felt guilty about agreeing with my mother,

132
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,160
Speaker 4: so he gave me that to make himself feel better.

133
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,560
Speaker 5: But of course he didn't accept know as an answer.

134
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,279
Speaker 4: On the one hand, I understand where my mother is

135
00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,359
Speaker 4: coming from. She bought that suit with her money, and

136
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,039
Speaker 4: she couldn't stop telling me about it since yesterday. She

137
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,039
Speaker 4: said that I would look better in the suit, but

138
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,599
Speaker 4: I haven't proven that yet, and that my green would

139
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,760
Speaker 4: have made me uncomfortable with the looks I would gain

140
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:04,440
Speaker 4: from yes or males.

141
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:08,640
Speaker 5: Why are you assuming things? Why are you assuming things

142
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,120
Speaker 5: you don't know? You don't know that. Why are you

143
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,000
Speaker 5: speaking for your daughter who wanted that dress and bought

144
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,040
Speaker 5: the dress that she wanted.

145
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,599
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I mean if she's fine with like a

146
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,320
Speaker 4: low neck, then she's probably used to the looks. Yeah,

147
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:24,239
Speaker 4: and it's probably like listen, yes it is, yeah, exactly exactly.

148
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,360
Speaker 4: You can't always think about the looks of other And

149
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,880
Speaker 4: as my father already gave me the money, I actually

150
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,880
Speaker 4: didn't lose anything. Half of me started to doubt, thinking

151
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,400
Speaker 4: that maybe she's right and maybe I'm acting over dramatic.

152
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,200
Speaker 5: Oh. The other part of me wants to throw everything away, ignore.

153
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,000
Speaker 4: That suit, and go and look for a second option

154
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,040
Speaker 4: the last week I have before the photographic session.

155
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,279
Speaker 5: So am I the a hole if I do it?

156
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 4: I don't know if I should just go to the

157
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,880
Speaker 4: photo session in the suit and ignore her or ignore

158
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,479
Speaker 4: her risking the same thing to happen again. I don't

159
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,520
Speaker 4: know if I would use those three hundred dollars as

160
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,440
Speaker 4: I said. It felt dirty to me, but I don't

161
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,680
Speaker 4: know where to get more money to do last minute shopping.

162
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,279
Speaker 4: So there are some relevant comments. But before we read

163
00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:05,040
Speaker 4: those What what do you think she should do? Dude,

164
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,080
Speaker 4: you're not the a hole if you go and get

165
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,320
Speaker 4: another dress. Absolutely, they threw out your dress. But but

166
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,520
Speaker 4: I do have Okay, what you need to do. You

167
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,640
Speaker 4: take your three hundred dollars, you go buy another dress

168
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,520
Speaker 4: that you like them, you feel good in here, you go,

169
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,360
Speaker 4: and then you hide that. Don't tell anyone about that dress.

170
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,880
Speaker 5: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I'm like honestly, maybe even like like

171
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,040
Speaker 5: have a friend put it in their closet, yeah, yeah,

172
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,800
Speaker 5: or keep it in your car if you have your

173
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,000
Speaker 5: own car, anything like like places where your parents cannot

174
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,720
Speaker 5: access it because they might steal it if it's in

175
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,920
Speaker 5: your wardrobe. Absolutely, I mean they did it before, so yeah,

176
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 5: don't trust them.

177
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there are some comments comments to your Number

178
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,760
Speaker 4: one says, not the a hole. Can you use the

179
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,480
Speaker 4: money to buy the same dress again and hide it

180
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,160
Speaker 4: from your mother until it's time for pictures?

181
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,640
Speaker 5: Exactly? Maybe out a friend's house. Oh my gosh, you

182
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,480
Speaker 5: freaking steal what I just said?

183
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:56,360
Speaker 4: Wow, Copier Copier Opie says, Sadly, when I bought the dress,

184
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,239
Speaker 4: the seller told me that the dress was the last

185
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,000
Speaker 4: one with that design at the time.

186
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,520
Speaker 5: I felt lucky that the dress was exactly my size

187
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,040
Speaker 5: and fit me.

188
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,080
Speaker 4: Well, it's still I'm deeply looking back on my relationship

189
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,360
Speaker 4: with my parents in general. I think I'll be looking

190
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,840
Speaker 4: for more options in the long term, not only.

191
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,520
Speaker 5: With the dress. Yeah, she's like, I'm looking for more

192
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,280
Speaker 5: options for parents. Get her parents if anyone's offering.

193
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,440
Speaker 4: But there is an update. Okay, all right, So that

194
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,400
Speaker 4: was January thirty first. Now it's March twelfth.

195
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,240
Speaker 5: Okay, we're getting we're getting closer to graduations.

196
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:31,000
Speaker 4: Yes, one and a half months later, all right, So Hi, Honestly,

197
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,880
Speaker 4: I didn't expect doing an update. Neither did I expect

198
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 4: having such attention when I made my first post a

199
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,079
Speaker 4: month ago. So thank you very much. I'm sorry I

200
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,320
Speaker 4: didn't answer all of you. I was overwhelmed with seeing

201
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,800
Speaker 4: the amount of comments. So yeah, as I said before,

202
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,000
Speaker 4: I didn't expect to make an update, but I guess

203
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,040
Speaker 4: I need. Yes, I had the photo session and no,

204
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,440
Speaker 4: I haven't had my prom party yet. It's next month,

205
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,199
Speaker 4: but I guess I'll go for parts. I apologize in

206
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,439
Speaker 4: advance if this is long. I'm taking the opportunity to

207
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,800
Speaker 4: say my thoughts in this post.

208
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,079
Speaker 5: It's Okay, that is long.

209
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,920
Speaker 4: So first on the previous I don't have a close

210
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,800
Speaker 4: relationship with my siblings, even though that we've lived under

211
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:05,440
Speaker 4: the same roof.

212
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,680
Speaker 5: For a while and lots of people do.

213
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:11,000
Speaker 4: We can talk about certain things as TV shows, movies, games, music,

214
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,400
Speaker 4: and other media, but we don't talk about our problems.

215
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,880
Speaker 4: That's the reason why I got surprised with my older

216
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,200
Speaker 4: sister twenty six, female offered me around sixty dollars.

217
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,320
Speaker 5: Where did this come from? Sixty dollars? Why is she

218
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,760
Speaker 5: offering you sixty dollars?

219
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,679
Speaker 4: She told me that it was a shame what our

220
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,840
Speaker 4: mother did, but I looked good in that dress and

221
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,240
Speaker 4: I should look for something similar. Wow, so she knows

222
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,920
Speaker 4: about all the drama going on. It was a pleasant

223
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,480
Speaker 4: surprise the fact that my sister approached me to show

224
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,920
Speaker 4: her support. I usually wouldn't accept the money. I don't

225
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,200
Speaker 4: like the idea of having a debt, but considering everything

226
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,720
Speaker 4: that happened, I felt rateful for her.

227
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,400
Speaker 5: Very interesting state like mindset that OPI has about her family.

228
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,440
Speaker 5: I think of like, oh, I didn't want to accept

229
00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:49,960
Speaker 5: the money that my dad gave me. I didn't want

230
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,640
Speaker 5: to accept the money that my sister did it feels

231
00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,680
Speaker 5: like they are very like tit for tat kind of family. Yeah. Interesting.

232
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,720
Speaker 5: So I used my free days next week to find

233
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,920
Speaker 5: something similar to my dress.

234
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,640
Speaker 4: As I said on one comment, as like expected, the

235
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,400
Speaker 4: dress I got before was the last one. When I

236
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,880
Speaker 4: got it, I felt lucky that the dress suited me

237
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,400
Speaker 4: so well, but that luck ran out on me still.

238
00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:08,600
Speaker 4: I found another dress.

239
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,840
Speaker 5: Ye, yeah, huzzah. It was a blue one.

240
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,880
Speaker 4: In my opinion, it wasn't as pretty as the green one,

241
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,760
Speaker 4: but it still suited me well. It was cheaper than

242
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,679
Speaker 4: the green one and was better than using my gray suit,

243
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,200
Speaker 4: so I thought. Another thing that I didn't comment on

244
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,080
Speaker 4: is that I didn't want to use all the money

245
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,920
Speaker 4: I had with the money my sister gave me, the

246
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,280
Speaker 4: three hundred dollars that my father gave me as compensation

247
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,880
Speaker 4: and around two hundred and ten dollars I saved before

248
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,760
Speaker 4: I knew that I could buy an even more expensive

249
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,720
Speaker 4: one than the green one. But some of your comments

250
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,880
Speaker 4: made me think long term. I didn't comment on the

251
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,080
Speaker 4: previous post. I was already planning to go to another

252
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,880
Speaker 4: state to start a master's I like the field of investigation.

253
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,599
Speaker 4: My thesis is pretty much about microplastics and degrading process.

254
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,679
Speaker 5: Ooh, that's that's important. Yeah, we need to get those

255
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,640
Speaker 5: out absolutely.

256
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,839
Speaker 4: My original plan was to get my title and start

257
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,760
Speaker 4: saving money to move out, finalizing the year on the

258
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,040
Speaker 4: next cycle. When I told my parents my planned months ago,

259
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,079
Speaker 4: they told me that they supported me. They are with

260
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,040
Speaker 4: me financially and emotionally. But this experience with the dress

261
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,000
Speaker 4: made me wonder if that.

262
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,040
Speaker 5: Was really true.

263
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,040
Speaker 4: I know that moving out and using a dresser to

264
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,600
Speaker 4: two completely different things, but my mother told me that

265
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,480
Speaker 4: she was fine with the dress with the condition of

266
00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:12,959
Speaker 4: using a shawl too, and then she threw it away.

267
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,600
Speaker 4: So it made me rethink about the control my mother

268
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,120
Speaker 4: has over my decisions, and I concluded that she was

269
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,000
Speaker 4: always like that, just that I didn't notice it, as

270
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,079
Speaker 4: mostly she did what she wanted on things that I

271
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,760
Speaker 4: didn't think were very important. My father is no different.

272
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,160
Speaker 4: He is more passive than my mom, but he mostly

273
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,360
Speaker 4: agrees with her and tries to wash his hands by

274
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,200
Speaker 4: giving me or my siblings something in compensation. So it

275
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,880
Speaker 4: made me wonder if they truly support me moving out,

276
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 4: or if they're just pretending, waiting for a moment to

277
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,959
Speaker 4: tell me that I can't move out as something happened,

278
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,520
Speaker 4: or maybe I should get my master's in our state,

279
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,720
Speaker 4: despite the fact that I have no interest in the

280
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:47,400
Speaker 4: options here.

281
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,760
Speaker 5: Well, for that reason, I decided that I wanted to

282
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:50,720
Speaker 5: save the money.

283
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,400
Speaker 4: I already talked with my thesis adviser that if possible,

284
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,920
Speaker 4: I want to end the thesis sooner than originally intended.

285
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,199
Speaker 4: I started to look for scholarships too. I had pretty

286
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,160
Speaker 4: good grades, so I guess that that can help up

287
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,360
Speaker 4: the process. And of course I preferred to save money

288
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,600
Speaker 4: on the dress. Some of you suggested that I should

289
00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:07,600
Speaker 4: burn the suit in front of my mom, but despite

290
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,920
Speaker 4: making me laugh with the idea, I didn't do that.

291
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, probably a good idea. That's probably best. I think

292
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,880
Speaker 5: you should just thrown in the garbage. Yeah, just well,

293
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,160
Speaker 5: you know, actually I don't want to waste fabrics, so

294
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,200
Speaker 5: maybe we can like goodwill it.

295
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:24,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe you could see cross returns if the money

296
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:25,400
Speaker 4: returns to card.

297
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'll be like, hey, can I put this on

298
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,559
Speaker 5: this card please?

299
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:28,800
Speaker 2: Yeah?

300
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:29,200
Speaker 5: Blue.

301
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,920
Speaker 4: Instead, I asked a friend to keep the blue dress

302
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,920
Speaker 4: at her house until the photo session. I didn't comment

303
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,320
Speaker 4: about it to my parents, and the day before the session,

304
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,679
Speaker 4: I went to my friend's house for the dress. It

305
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,120
Speaker 4: was obvious to say that my mom wasn't happy about

306
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,080
Speaker 4: the idea of me not using the suit. The moment

307
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,080
Speaker 4: I walked down the stairs, she told me that I

308
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,320
Speaker 4: made her waste money.

309
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,559
Speaker 5: That's funny. Yeah, it's funny because you made me waste

310
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,880
Speaker 5: money when you threw out my dress. Yeah. She literally,

311
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,360
Speaker 5: she didn't make you do anything. You were the one

312
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,120
Speaker 5: that bought the dress. You were the one who threw

313
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,480
Speaker 5: out the dress that she already paid for. Yeah, or

314
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,840
Speaker 5: you bought the That's what I'm meant to say.

315
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you are the one actively making the decision to

316
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:04,199
Speaker 4: waste money.

317
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,720
Speaker 5: She also told me that I would look more.

318
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,240
Speaker 4: Professional in that suit, and that I wasted my dad's

319
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,120
Speaker 4: money on it too. Still, she didn't complain about the

320
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,880
Speaker 4: dress design. I guess she wasn't as triggered with this

321
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,640
Speaker 4: one as she was with the green one. It doesn't

322
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,600
Speaker 4: have a low cleavage like the green one did, but

323
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,000
Speaker 4: it has a Grecian cut, so I guess that was

324
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,040
Speaker 4: more acceptable in her eyes. That doesn't make me feel better, though,

325
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,480
Speaker 4: To be honest, my father didn't comment on it. He

326
00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,360
Speaker 4: just told me that I looked good, but I should

327
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,280
Speaker 4: put the suit on for the party.

328
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,719
Speaker 5: Nope, No, I'd be like, no, I'm not going to

329
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,840
Speaker 5: a freaking business meeting. I'm graduating, exactly. I want to

330
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,880
Speaker 5: be pretty. I want to have fun. I want to

331
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:37,320
Speaker 5: be pretty.

332
00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:40,800
Speaker 4: Maybe just wear the suit when you're applying to jobs, yeah,

333
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,960
Speaker 4: or interviewing the schools or something exactly.

334
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:44,960
Speaker 5: You know, there you go. You could still use it

335
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:45,520
Speaker 5: for that stuff.

336
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:48,480
Speaker 4: I already planned that they would appear on the photo session,

337
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,440
Speaker 4: so I didn't uninvite them again. Long term, I can't

338
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,720
Speaker 4: stop talking with them until I move out. So they

339
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,640
Speaker 4: and my siblings went to the photo session with last week.

340
00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:00,160
Speaker 4: The photographer said as the digital version of the families,

341
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,400
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie. They felt bittersweet, but it's what

342
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,160
Speaker 4: I have. So I didn't talk much about the dress

343
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,199
Speaker 4: with my parents for the next month. I've been more

344
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,760
Speaker 4: focused on finishing that thesis and working in that bubble

345
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,960
Speaker 4: tea shop to save some money. It's good to say

346
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,480
Speaker 4: that I'm finishing one and a half months earlier than

347
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,000
Speaker 4: expect it.

348
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 5: Wow, that's that's a big job. Is a big job

349
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:22,000
Speaker 5: for a thesis? Having done a thesis? Yeah, wild, I'm

350
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,440
Speaker 5: sure I have not done one.

351
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,320
Speaker 4: I already had most of the experimentation from last year,

352
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:30,120
Speaker 4: so it was mostly babliographic research and a few experiments

353
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,720
Speaker 4: to see its replication. If everything goes well, I'll be

354
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,920
Speaker 4: presenting next month WOW. During this month, I made several

355
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:41,320
Speaker 4: exams too, TOEFL and the first two tests to enter

356
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,880
Speaker 4: into a master's I think my objective is to gain

357
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,000
Speaker 4: a good scholarship so that I can move out before

358
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,320
Speaker 4: finishing the first part of the year. I feel kind

359
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,080
Speaker 4: of frushed, but I won't follow my original plan because

360
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,800
Speaker 4: I haven't talked about it with any member of my

361
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,800
Speaker 4: family either. I've been thinking about talking about it with

362
00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,920
Speaker 4: my older sister, but I'm still deliberating. So out the party,

363
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,560
Speaker 4: I will be using the blue dress. Maybe I'll use

364
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,480
Speaker 4: the suit someday, but right now I can't think about it.

365
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,280
Speaker 4: I still relate the suit to my parents and everything

366
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,840
Speaker 4: that it entails. The green dress topic still tastes bittersweet

367
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,720
Speaker 4: to me, like in a way it was Pandora's box

368
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,840
Speaker 4: in a very pretty Pandora's box. But it's not going

369
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,360
Speaker 4: to lie. I am still kind of nervous about the prompt.

370
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 4: It's the day I've been expecting for years. Despite the

371
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:28,280
Speaker 4: bittersweet taste, I can't help but feel expectant. And by

372
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:32,080
Speaker 4: the way, I expect you to check out full episodes

373
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,440
Speaker 4: with more stories just like this one on your favorite

374
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 4: podcast step, I Heart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever you.

375
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,560
Speaker 5: Choose to search. Okay, storytime and do it. Look at

376
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:44,200
Speaker 5: all that, do it? Do it? Yeah, there's a little

377
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 5: bit more, But do we have any file. You're taking

378
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,440
Speaker 5: the right steps. You got the dress that you wanted

379
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,440
Speaker 5: in the end, or like at least the second dress

380
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,040
Speaker 5: that you wanted in the end. It seems like you're

381
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,480
Speaker 5: realizing that you need to limit contact with your parents,

382
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,400
Speaker 5: which I think is a good idea, and maybe save

383
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,800
Speaker 5: up to like do what you want to do. Yeah,

384
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 5: because unfortunately it seems like you just can't rely on

385
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,520
Speaker 5: your parents for any sort of help consistently. Yeah. Yeah,

386
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,800
Speaker 5: not with this stuff anyway.

387
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,800
Speaker 4: Like I have heard of a lot of situations where

388
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 4: it's like people either have controlling parents or have like

389
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,960
Speaker 4: a weird relationship with their parents, and then they move

390
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,840
Speaker 4: out for school and then it's like so much better, yeah,

391
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,800
Speaker 4: because now they don't have all this say in your

392
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 4: everyday life. But you obviously still kind of they really

393
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 4: won't realize what they have till it's gone kind of thing.

394
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,240
Speaker 4: I'm sure they appreciate you anyway as their daughter, but like, yeah,

395
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,120
Speaker 4: it's definitely better that they won't have like all of that.

396
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 5: Involvement in your life.

397
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,960
Speaker 4: Indeed, yeah, I'm glad you didn't sacrifice your pretty dress,

398
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 4: and I yeah, I'm glad you did what you wanted

399
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 4: because in the long one you.

400
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 5: Would regret it. So true, true, true, yeah, don't wear

401
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,120
Speaker 5: that gray suit. But there is a little bit more so.

402
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,080
Speaker 4: Some of your comments on the previous post made me laugh,

403
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,640
Speaker 4: and the other ones maybe rethink about my plans for

404
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 4: my life. To be honest, I think if I didn't

405
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,520
Speaker 4: post on here, I would just use the gray suit

406
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 4: to avoid any problems and I wouldn't see the big

407
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:56,400
Speaker 4: problem here.

408
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,080
Speaker 5: So thank you, unknown people of the internet.

409
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,120
Speaker 4: Well maybe a post if something big happens, but if not,

410
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 4: to consider everything has gone well.

411
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,719
Speaker 5: Again, thank you, And that is the end of that story.

412
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 5: My aunt disrespected family boundaries and refuse to apologize, Well

413
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 5: why why would you do that? But can we just

414
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,320
Speaker 5: say sorry? Please? I thirty six female. I'm wondering if

415
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,679
Speaker 5: I made the right decision going no contact with my

416
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:24,640
Speaker 5: aunt seventy three female, my mom's sixty eight female only sibling.

417
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 5: This is very lengthy due to there being a lot

418
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 5: of contexts, so bear with me. We shall Almost a

419
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,879
Speaker 5: year ago, my grandma ninety three female, my mom and

420
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,399
Speaker 5: aunt's mother, fell and broke her arm while in her

421
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,119
Speaker 5: apartment at her senior living facility. This caused her to

422
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,400
Speaker 5: need to move in with my mom and aunt temporarily

423
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 5: so they could assist her while recovering. By the way,

424
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,439
Speaker 5: this comes from Specialist Fox nineteen eighty eight, and if

425
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,800
Speaker 5: you want to smit your own stories, go to our

426
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,480
Speaker 5: slash Okay story time separate it. So for context, the

427
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,160
Speaker 5: house my mom and aunt lived in is my grandma's house.

428
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 5: My aunt moved in with my grandma and grandpa now

429
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,959
Speaker 5: deceased after filing for bankruptcy for a second time around

430
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,120
Speaker 5: twenty eleven or twenty twelve. My mom and brother moved

431
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 5: in when my grandparents moved into the senior living facility

432
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,000
Speaker 5: around twenty seventeen, because she thought my aunt would be

433
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,600
Speaker 5: homeless if she didn't. Turns out this wouldn't have been

434
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 5: the case because my grandparents were paying all of my

435
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,239
Speaker 5: aunt's expenses, which my mom was not aware of at

436
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 5: the time. But I digress. Well, yeah, and so she's

437
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 5: taken advantage of your mom while she's getting everything paid for. Yeah,

438
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:24,960
Speaker 5: dang suspicious. My brother moved out, eventually leaving just my

439
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 5: mom and aunt in the house. My mom and aunt

440
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,119
Speaker 5: have never gotten along even when they were little, and

441
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,160
Speaker 5: basically lived on opposite sides of the house with little

442
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 5: interaction until my grandma had to stay there. They would

443
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,480
Speaker 5: take turns helping my grandma to the bathroom and changing clothes.

444
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 5: My grandma has dementia and couldn't remember breaking her arm sometimes,

445
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,760
Speaker 5: so they were constantly having to remind her not to

446
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 5: take off her cast or use her arm. Oh, that's tricky.

447
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,000
Speaker 5: They were supposed to share nighttime duty, but my mom

448
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,639
Speaker 5: always ended up being woken up and helping because my

449
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,320
Speaker 5: aunt would take sleeping pills and not hear my grandma

450
00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,639
Speaker 5: call for help. It should have been noted that both

451
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,879
Speaker 5: my mom and my aunt are disabled. My aunt has

452
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 5: I broke my aujia and my mom had thyroid cancer, diabetes,

453
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,440
Speaker 5: and high blood pressure, as well as constant back pain,

454
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 5: hit pain, and a fake meet a lot. The house

455
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 5: has been in a constant decline since my grandparents moved

456
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 5: out and looks like a hoarder house. My sister and

457
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 5: I went in once to throw out the trash in

458
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 5: the living room and dining room and kitchen in twenty

459
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 5: twenty three. My aunt resisted anything we did, and my

460
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 5: mom agreed that they needed help but were limited in

461
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 5: what they could do because of their health issues. It's

462
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 5: really interesting that they clearly have like a lot of

463
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 5: mobility issues and health issues, but are taking care of,

464
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 5: you know, mother with dementia like that. Seems like they

465
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,679
Speaker 5: need kind of someone else to step in there. Yeah,

466
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 5: if possible. Yeah, it went right back to where it

467
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 5: was over the past two years since then. Anyways, they

468
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 5: went on like this taking care of my grandma for

469
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,600
Speaker 5: about four weeks, and then my mom got seriously ill

470
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 5: and ended up in the hospital with signs her kidneys

471
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 5: might be failing.

472
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

473
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 5: The night my mom went into the hospital, I volunteered

474
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 5: to spend the night at the house to help my

475
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 5: aunt take care of my grandma and figure out ways

476
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 5: she can take care of my grandma on her own,

477
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 5: since we didn't know how long my mom would be

478
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 5: in the hospital. It seems like she can't even take

479
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 5: care of herself on her own.

480
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 2: Yeah.

481
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 5: I mean, if the state looks like the house looks

482
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 5: like a hoarder's house, right, I feel like both these

483
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 5: people might need extra care. I agree. I agree. I

484
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 5: did night duty and called into work the next day

485
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,639
Speaker 5: so I could help my aunt figure out a solution.

486
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 5: Every single thing I suggested from different ways to tell

487
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 5: my grandma get up from the futon she was sleeping,

488
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 5: into different beds she could try another room, was met

489
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,159
Speaker 5: with I can't do it, this won't work from my

490
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,719
Speaker 5: aunt without even trying. I tried to suggest reaching out

491
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,119
Speaker 5: to nonprofits who help with these kinds of things, and

492
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,880
Speaker 5: got resistance. At one point, we had my grandma laying

493
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,679
Speaker 5: down on my aunt's bed trying to see if it

494
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 5: was easier to get her up from it than the futon,

495
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,399
Speaker 5: and my grandma used her broken arm to try to

496
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,119
Speaker 5: push herself up. My aunt leaned over and yelled in

497
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 5: her face about not doing that and that if she

498
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,639
Speaker 5: does it again, she would tie her arm to her body.

499
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,119
Speaker 5: Oh wow. It should be noted that the only conversation

500
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 5: I heard before my grandma and my aunt from the

501
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,639
Speaker 5: moment I got there, was my aunt screaming at my

502
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 5: grandma at that point, like you need to find your

503
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 5: grandma some or if you have the funds, Yeah, you

504
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 5: gotta find your grandma some other care. Yeah, this does

505
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 5: not seem like the ideal situation. I stepped between my

506
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 5: aunt and grandma and with my hands raised, tries to

507
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 5: ease my aunt out of the room. I told her

508
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 5: she shouldn't yell at her like that and that we

509
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 5: should all separate until we calmed down. My aunt started

510
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 5: screaming that it was her realm and we eat. My

511
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 5: grandma and myself shook out. Seeing as how my grandma's

512
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,879
Speaker 5: wheelchair was in the hallway and my aunt was in

513
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,159
Speaker 5: the doorway while my grandma was on the bed, it

514
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 5: wouldn't have been possible for us to leave without her

515
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,920
Speaker 5: leaving first. I tried to calm her down and kind

516
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 5: of ease her out by taking a small step towards her,

517
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 5: when she suddenly put her hand on the side of

518
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 5: my neck and pushed my head.

519
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 4: To the side and doubt what what un like, like

520
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 4: who call away?

521
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 5: That's not safe. At this point, I placed my hands

522
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 5: on my aunt's shoulders, guided her out of the room

523
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 5: and closed the door. In her face and asked her

524
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 5: to please go into the living room until she calmed down.

525
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 5: I was shaking, as I had never been pushed like

526
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 5: that by her before. I checked on my grandma to

527
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 5: make sure she was okay. She was and didn't understand

528
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 5: what was going on. After a while, since my aunt

529
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 5: had shown she wasn't willing to listen to anything I

530
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 5: had to say, I decided I had done the best

531
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 5: I could took my aunt and Mimi to lunch after

532
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,360
Speaker 5: she was calm, made the excuse I had to get

533
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 5: to work, and left the house. I went to visit

534
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:15,879
Speaker 5: my mom to see how she was doing. She was

535
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 5: on the end and the doctors were hopeful that they

536
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,959
Speaker 5: would be able to get her kidneys functioning again by

537
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 5: adjusting her mets. I wasn't going to say anything about

538
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 5: what my aunt had done to me to my mom

539
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 5: because she had enough to worry about some additional background

540
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 5: on top of her housecare. I have also noticed that

541
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 5: my mom was getting depressed over the years since moving

542
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 5: into that house. My husband and I have talked about

543
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 5: it and were prepared to have my mom move in

544
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 5: whenever she was ready to leave the house. While visiting

545
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,919
Speaker 5: with my mom. She suddenly broke down in tears and

546
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 5: said that she couldn't go back to that house, but

547
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,479
Speaker 5: didn't think she had a choice because her mom needed

548
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 5: two helpers. But again, like, these aren't people that like,

549
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 5: these are not the people that are equipped to help

550
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 5: this grandma? Right, the mom is right? No, the mom

551
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 5: is sire cancer. Oh shoot, yeah, so she's like, I mean,

552
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 5: she might a little bit more ability, but it seems

553
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 5: like she's also pretty affected by this. Yeah, exactly. I

554
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 5: told her that she needed to make the choice that

555
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 5: was best for her and her health, and by concentrating

556
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 5: on her mom instead of herself, she didn't notice what

557
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 5: her body was telling her and almost passed away. I

558
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 5: let her know that she can move in with us.

559
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 5: She gave it some thought and decided that was what

560
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 5: she needed. The next day, she informed my aunt and

561
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,400
Speaker 5: grandma of the decision, and my aunt blew up at

562
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 5: my mom while she was lying in her hospital bed. Jeez, wow,

563
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 5: you could be heard screaming down the hall. She called

564
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 5: my mom's selfish, blamed her as the reason my mom's

565
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 5: marriage failed it wasn't trust me, and blamed her for

566
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 5: why my aunt now yells at everyone and is so unhappy.

567
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 5: Security almost had to be called. My mom ended up

568
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 5: having to put herself on a list at the hospital,

569
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 5: which meant if anyone looks to visit her, they would

570
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 5: be told they didn't have a patient by that name.

571
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 5: Only I and my brother were allowed to visit. She

572
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 5: was in the hospital for about three days. On the

573
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 5: day my mom was going to be discharged, I decided

574
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 5: to let her know what happened between my aunt and

575
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,479
Speaker 5: myself because I was concerned about leaving my grandma alone

576
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 5: with her. She was understandably curius with my aunt for

577
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 5: laying a hand on me and agreed with my concerns.

578
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 5: I suggested be let my grandma move in with me

579
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 5: as well while we work on getting her into an

580
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 5: assistant living Yes, that is absolutely what needs to happen.

581
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 5: She needs to have people who like are equipped to

582
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 5: take care of her and know how to deal with

583
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,199
Speaker 5: like a patient with dementia, not an aunt who's going

584
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 5: to scream at her and like potentially if she's treating

585
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 5: no p like this. I'm you know, since I could

586
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 5: more easily help her than my mom or aunt could,

587
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,359
Speaker 5: and my mom would only have to take care of

588
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 5: her during the day, while I was at work. She

589
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,360
Speaker 5: was hesitant because she felt like she was already being

590
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,679
Speaker 5: a burden. Hadn't even moved in yet, and I have

591
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 5: a four year old daughter at home I have to

592
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 5: take care of too. I said it would be fine,

593
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 5: and it is what we need to do to protect

594
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 5: Grandma as well. She agreed that she could do it,

595
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 5: so after she moved in, we called my aunt to

596
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 5: let her know what we discussed and what we would

597
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 5: like to suggest. My aunt wouldn't hear of it. She said,

598
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 5: Rita's yelling that she and my mom are supposed to

599
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,360
Speaker 5: take care of Grandma their mom together, and that means

600
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 5: my mom is to live at the house twenty our seven,

601
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 5: helping her. She wouldn't hear of anything else since, but

602
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 5: the rest of the time blaming my mom for everything.

603
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 5: My mom brought up the pushing incident, and my aunt

604
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 5: stated I bushed her first and that she has the

605
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 5: bruises to prove it. My aunt bruce is easily. Eventually,

606
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 5: she didn't have a choice because my aunt fell two

607
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 5: days after my mom moved in, who broke her tailbone,

608
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 5: and we took Grandma to my house while she recovered. Oh,

609
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 5: everything went smoothly, and we eventually got my grandma into

610
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 5: assisted living, which I mean, you know, sad, unfortunate that

611
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,239
Speaker 5: it had to happen that way, but at least your

612
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,919
Speaker 5: grandma is in safe fans.

613
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,360
Speaker 4: Now, Yeah, absolutely, but oh my goodness, yeah, a lot

614
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 4: had to happen.

615
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 5: I mean, this is terrible. Yeah. My sister thirty nine

616
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 5: female who lives two and a half hours away, and

617
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 5: I had to pack my grandma's apartment up ourselves, though

618
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 5: my brother thirty three mail did come and help once

619
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 5: or twice when he wasn't working. My aunt wanted to

620
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,400
Speaker 5: be there while we were packing so she could help

621
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 5: us decide what has to be kept, but she wouldn't

622
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,439
Speaker 5: actually be packing anything up, just advising. We told her no,

623
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 5: put most of my grandma's things in storage, and packed

624
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 5: what she would need for her room in assistant living.

625
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 5: Last forward to the moving day. I went over to

626
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 5: my grandma's new room after work so that I could

627
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 5: help move the furniture around to where she wants it

628
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 5: and unpack her boxes. My aunt and mom were still there,

629
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 5: and my mom had done some unpacking for me while

630
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,360
Speaker 5: moving furniture, and my aunt asked me where the reaths

631
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 5: were for the door to the room. I explained that

632
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 5: they were in storage because my sister and I didn't

633
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 5: think it was a necessity and we had limited space

634
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 5: in the new room. My aunt lost it. She screamed

635
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 5: at me that it was a necessity, that I should

636
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 5: have thought about how my grandma would feel around her

637
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 5: neighbors if she was the only one without decorations on

638
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 5: the door, and that's why she should have been there

639
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 5: during the packing. She has to mention, so she's probably

640
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 5: not gonna be worried about any of this. I apologized

641
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 5: if the choice upset her, but we have a difference

642
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 5: of opinion on this. I asked her if she would

643
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 5: please stop yelling because they could hear her in the hall.

644
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 5: She stated she didn't give a dang if they could

645
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,439
Speaker 5: hear her, and I needed to be more considerate of

646
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,479
Speaker 5: what makes a home a home. Decorations is apparently the answer,

647
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 5: instead of the family photos we did pack and instead

648
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 5: of like the grandma, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yelling certainly makes

649
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 5: the home a great home.

650
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yelling, it's totally fine, doesn't affect it at all.

651
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 4: But no decoration.

652
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 5: What are you gonna do without decorations? Except? I told her, okay,

653
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 5: then she will just have to go get them from

654
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 5: storage and turn my back to her so I could

655
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 5: move the dresser. Well, my back was turned, my aunt

656
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 5: came up to me and shoved me into the dresser

657
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 5: I was moving. Never turned you back, Never turned you

658
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 5: back on these people. My MoMA lost it, got into

659
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 5: my aunt's face and told her to never put her

660
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 5: hands on her daughter. My aunt pushed my Mom out

661
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 5: of her way. I went up to my aunt, didn't

662
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,919
Speaker 5: touch her, and told her I would call the cops

663
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 5: if she ever touched my mother again. She yelled some

664
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 5: more about random things that were apparently also my mom's faults,

665
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 5: and stormed out. My Grandma, precious loony that she is,

666
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 5: was just sitting there in her wheelchair, not even really

667
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 5: understanding what was going on, and wondering why everyone was

668
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 5: so upset. I finished getting her settled, let her know

669
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 5: that everything was okay and to enjoy her new digs,

670
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 5: and took my mom home. My mom and I had

671
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 5: several conversations about what happened during the move. She told

672
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 5: me she didn't want to really believe me the first

673
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 5: time I told her about the pushing, but after seeing

674
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 5: it herself, is even more upset. I talked it over

675
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 5: with my sister as well to get her opinion on

676
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,439
Speaker 5: what I should do. My sister was concerned because she

677
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,120
Speaker 5: has somewhat similar personality to my aunt and doesn't want

678
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 5: to be cut off from her family if we ever

679
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 5: fight in the future. I assured her that so long

680
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 5: as she doesn't lay hands on anyone, we can get

681
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 5: over it. That's that's kind of silly. It's like the

682
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 5: sister's like, well, what if I'd become like our aunt? Yeah,

683
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 5: what are you gonna cut me off? And I'll be like,

684
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 5: just don't do that. Yeah, well, I don't know. Just

685
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 5: don't push me.

686
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 4: Why would you think that you're gonna get physical like that? Yeah,

687
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 4: you just don't don't do that.

688
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 5: I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what

689
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 5: else to tell you. Just don't do that. Yeah. I

690
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 5: had decided that once could be written off because this

691
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 5: was an extremely stressful situation. They had been in four weeks,

692
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 5: but the second time. My aunt had at the point

693
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 5: been living on her own, rent free, only having to

694
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 5: take care of herself and a dog for three weeks,

695
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 5: plenty of time to not be stressed out anymore. There

696
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 5: was no reason I could see that a disagreement over

697
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 5: a door decoration would result in a physical altercation. My

698
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 5: mom and sister stated they would support my decision whatever

699
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 5: I choose to do. I decided no contact was the

700
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 5: way to go because I did not want my daughter

701
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 5: to be around that. My husband and I don't even

702
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 5: fight at home, let alone yell. We have heated discussions,

703
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 5: but never raise our voices because because we don't want

704
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 5: her to think that's normal thing to do. My dad

705
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 5: was a yeller, and I remember being very terrified of

706
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 5: his anger and didn't want to show my daughter that.

707
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 5: Since the pushing has happened twice, I didn't want to

708
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 5: risk it happening again, this time in front of my daughter.

709
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 5: I decided to write a letter to my aunt, explaining

710
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 5: my memory of the two events, my observations of her

711
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 5: attitude recently and while growing up. She was always complaining

712
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 5: about everything, even out loud in restaurants, so that whoever

713
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 5: she was complaining about could hear, and my decision to

714
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 5: cease contact. I pleaded in the letter that she talked

715
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 5: to someone about her anger and get some help. I

716
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 5: explained that I would be open to written correspondence by

717
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 5: mail only if she wishes that that was it. I

718
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 5: blocked her on my cell once I decided on the

719
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 5: no contact. The letter was sent about three weeks before Thanksgiving,

720
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 5: and I haven't her from her since my Mom has

721
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 5: to stay in contact with her because of my grandma,

722
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 5: so I get updated on how she is every now

723
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 5: and then. She's still in my grandma's house and has

724
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 5: given my mom until spring to get the rest of

725
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 5: her stuff out of the house. It is still my

726
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 5: grandma's house and goes to both my mom and aunt

727
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 5: upon her passing. My mom and I have been going

728
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 5: over on Sundays when my aunt is at church to

729
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 5: clean up my mom's stuff and pack what she wants

730
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 5: to keep. We plan to call junk King to clean

731
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 5: up the trash once we move the stuff she's keeping

732
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 5: due to the sheer amount of trash, but only from

733
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 5: the room my mom stayed in and the garage because

734
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 5: that was what my mom brought in when she moved

735
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 5: in the rest of the house we planned to leave

736
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 5: alone since it's my aunt's things and trash. By the way,

737
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 5: we never want you to leave us alone. Because you

738
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 5: can listen to full episodes with stories just like this.

739
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 5: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search

740
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 5: a pokey story time. That's right, that's right, But there

741
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 5: is a little bit left to the story. Do you

742
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 5: any final thoughts.

743
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 4: I really like Opie's thought process of not bringing this

744
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 4: around her daughter since she's so young, Like.

745
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's not okay behavior to bring around a child.

746
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, so I think Ope's handling it to the

747
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 4: best of her ability.

748
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 5: It's obviously a crappy situation, and you wish that.

749
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 4: People wouldn't act like this, Yeah, but you can't meet

750
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 4: them at their level, and she's definitely not doing that. No, definitely,

751
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,959
Speaker 4: you know, letting them be wild and crazy, standing up

752
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 4: for myself in the process. Yeah, and then making sure

753
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 4: that it's not influencing her four year old.

754
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean also, like everything that I wanted to

755
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 5: happen in terms of like getting the grandma assisted living,

756
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,479
Speaker 5: moving her out of the house, moving the mom out

757
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 5: of the house, it all, it is all happened. So yeah,

758
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 5: I'm pleased with that, absolutely, But let's finish the story off.

759
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 5: I keep waiting to see if she will write me

760
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 5: with an apology or something, but no luck so far.

761
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 5: I'm not comfortable with my mom being around my aunt

762
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 5: on her own, but I have to also stick to

763
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 5: my decision. Thankfully, there aren't many times they have to

764
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 5: get together, so that is a slight comfort. So am

765
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 5: I the ale for going no contact? Should I give

766
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 5: her another chance since it's been almost six months even

767
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 5: though she hasn't apologized and that is the end of

768
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 5: the story. I No, I don't think you have to

769
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 5: give this person another chance when she's physically pushed to

770
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 5: you multiple times and as it apologized, like, that's not

771
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 5: on you, absolutely, because I think it's the kind of

772
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 5: person too that if you apologize to them then they'll

773
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 5: just be like, yeah, you are in the wrong. Because

774
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 5: also it's just gonna make it worse. So you definitely don't.

775
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 2: Need to do that. Yeah, hey is Jean oge host.

776
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

777
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 1: free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

778
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 5: My sister in law lied to her in laws about

779
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 5: our family. I couldn't stay silent.

780
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 2: Speak your truth, girl.

781
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 5: I am twenty five female and have an older sister, Kate,

782
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 5: thirty female. She and I were never close due to

783
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 5: our age difference and because she hated that our dad

784
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 5: married my mom and had me after divorcing her mother.

785
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Okay client thirty seventy

786
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 5: five and if you want to submit your own stories,

787
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 5: go to our slash Okay storytime.

788
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 2: Separate it.

789
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 5: So, Kate claims Dad told her he never loves her

790
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 5: mother and that my mom was his true love. She

791
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 5: also claims that our dad always compared the two of us,

792
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 5: asking her why she had to be a difficult child,

793
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 5: and that overall he loved me more. On the other hand,

794
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 5: Dad claims nothing she says is true, that she was

795
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 5: very problematic and insolent, and these claims are backed up

796
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 5: by my mother and dad's parents. So I assume Kate

797
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 5: was never one hundred percent honest. Anyways, these are their

798
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 5: problems that do not concern me. Some time ago, Kate

799
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 5: reached out to me and told me she got engaged. Congrats, Kate,

800
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 5: I said, congrats and everything she told me, she had

801
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 5: a favor to ask. She explained that her future mother

802
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 5: in law is very family oriented and it does not

803
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 5: sit well with her that Kate is a strange from

804
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 5: her family. In her words, future mother in law considered

805
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 5: something to be wrong with Kate, and she is to

806
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 5: blame for being no contact with her family, fearing Kate

807
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 5: will also influence her son to do the same thing.

808
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 5: What Kate wanted from me was for me to meet

809
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 5: her in law so they could see she does not

810
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 5: hate her family. I joked that her future mother in

811
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 5: law sounds a little insane, but I agreed to help

812
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 5: her because at the end of the day, I never

813
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 5: hated her, and I don't think she hated me either.

814
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 5: The fact we are not close does not mean we

815
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 5: hate each other or want that things to happen to

816
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 5: the other one. Anyways, I went to meet Kate, her

817
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 5: future husband, and her mother in law and father in

818
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 5: law at a restaurant. They are very nice people and

819
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 5: very warm. At some point, mother in law said something

820
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 5: along the lines of being happy to see that the

821
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 5: we suffered did not affect our sisterly bond. I was

822
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 5: confused and asked what she was talking about. While Kate

823
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 5: tried to change the subject, mother in law says, it's

824
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 5: okay that I have nothing to be ashamed of, and

825
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 5: that she knows from Kate that our parents mistreated us

826
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 5: while growing up. I clarified that that's not true. We

827
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 5: were never mistreated by our parents or anyone in our family.

828
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 5: We were raised in a very loving family. We were

829
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 5: never hit or spanked no matter what we did. Our

830
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 5: parents are well off, so we always had everything that

831
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 5: we wanted clothes, phones, laptops, cars, et CETERA. Mother in

832
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 5: law got very, very angry. She apologized to me and

833
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 5: started insulting my sister. She called her a liar, accused

834
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 5: her of being manipulative and trying to insert herself into

835
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 5: their family by being dishonest. What happens is that Kate

836
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 5: accused our parents of many things that are not true.

837
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 5: Now Kate is accusing me of ruining her her life.

838
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 5: She says her engagement is over the in laws hater,

839
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 5: and her fiance does not trust her anymore.

840
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 3: I mean, because you lied, you lied about your whole family,

841
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 3: Who would trust you after that?

842
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 5: The thing is, I don't think I did anything wrong.

843
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 5: I cannot sit and hear people blasting my parents for

844
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 5: her lies and for things that never happened. But still

845
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 5: am I the ale for telling the truth? And there

846
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 5: is an update.

847
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 2: I don't think you're the a.

848
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 5: I don't think so. I don't think oh so you

849
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 5: weren't prept for the lie. You know, you were just

850
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 5: kind of thrown into it and you're like.

851
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 3: What, No, I think OP helped this fiance dodge bullet. Yeah.

852
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

853
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 5: It also feels somewhat like Kate is possibly the type

854
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 5: of person that needs to have her life be more

855
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 5: traumatic and more interested than it is.

856
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,320
Speaker 2: She like, is trying to get like trauma karma.

857
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's like, I probably something to write about for

858
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 5: my colleges.

859
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, I was so misunderstood. No one

860
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 2: understands in not so hard. Yeah.

861
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 5: We had three cars and no one bought a car

862
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:09,360
Speaker 5: for me. So a lot has happened during these last

863
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 5: days that generated even more drama. But before I get

864
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 5: into that, I want to express a big thank you

865
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 5: to those who commented and provided their feedback. After reading

866
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 5: your comments, some things started making more sense, and honestly,

867
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 5: it brought a lot of perspective on things that I missed. Also,

868
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 5: I got really mad reading every little comment from those

869
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:33,280
Speaker 5: who projected their own messy family life over my family,

870
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 5: and I realized the magnitude of her words and claims.

871
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:41,760
Speaker 5: People called my parents at invented things that never happened,

872
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 5: and started projecting on what her life was Some of

873
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 5: them even claimed my mom ruined her life when my

874
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 5: family did not even meet my father before his divorce.

875
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,319
Speaker 5: So it was a shock to me to see that

876
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 5: strangers who somehow hear her stories may as well believe

877
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 5: everything that she says without even doubting a word, or

878
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,439
Speaker 5: even add their own drama into the picture to feed

879
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 5: her fantasy. The major thing that happened was that one

880
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 5: day her ex fiance reached out to me via Facebook.

881
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 5: He apologized for how things went during the meeting with

882
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 5: his parents and asked me if I was willing to

883
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 5: meet with him to have a chat because he wanted

884
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 5: to check my version of things that Kate told him,

885
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 5: and I'm sure those are not going to match up

886
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 5: at all. No Nu, I explained that I do not

887
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 5: want to do this behind or back because I don't

888
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 5: think it was fair, but if he could manage to

889
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 5: convince her for the three of us to have a conversation,

890
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 5: I'm all in. I also told him there are a

891
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 5: lot of things I need to confront her about and

892
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 5: I would feel more comfortable with a witness there. For

893
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 5: two days I heard nothing from them, and yesterday the

894
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 5: big conversation happened. We scheduled a call around evening because

895
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 5: everyone felt more comfortable like this. I will say from

896
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 5: the start that I had nothing to do with convincing

897
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 5: my sister to attend the talk. This was her decision

898
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 5: after discussing it with her ex based on what I understood,

899
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 5: she agreed to it, hoping that in the end her

900
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 5: fiance would take her back.

901
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 2: There's no way. There's no way.

902
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 3: I mean, this guy is just going to realize how

903
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:14,359
Speaker 3: deep the lies are.

904
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, she's really hoping nop. He doesn't he

905
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,879
Speaker 5: doesn't ask the right questions, I guess. Unfortunately, I will

906
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 5: admit her ex and I kind of ganged up on

907
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 5: her because both of us had many questions and she

908
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 5: was the one to provide answers. Some answers that I

909
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 5: got from her. Why did she lie about being mistreated

910
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 5: by my parents? She claimed she did not specifically mention

911
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 5: me as being mistreated, but admitted she did not correct

912
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 5: her mother in law when she understood something else, so

913
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 5: she knew her mother in law was living with the

914
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 5: assumption her parents mistreated both of us, but did not

915
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,800
Speaker 5: correct her in any way. When her fiance asked why,

916
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,279
Speaker 5: she said she felt by not correcting her, the mother

917
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 5: in law will stop considering her the problem. Knowing that

918
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 5: there were two of us in the same situation, she

919
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 5: still claimed she was mistreated by my parents. When I

920
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 5: asked her to provide some clear examples, she first said,

921
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 5: you now very well what happened. But me and my

922
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 5: fiance insisted. Some of the things she mentioned were when

923
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 5: she was a teenager, she was oftentimes punished while I

924
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 5: was not, which was a clear indication I was loved more.

925
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 2: And this is a but I feel like, wasn't she

926
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 2: acting out way?

927
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 5: We were just like we're a worst child.

928
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you were just like sneaking out and doing doing,

929
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 3: doing all Gosh knows what.

930
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 5: Keep in mind, when she was fourteen to fifteen, I

931
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 5: was only nine or ten, and she was doing bad

932
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 5: things like getting suspended for smoking during one of her classes,

933
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 5: skipping school, et cetera. How was I supposed to be

934
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 5: punished along with her? She said, I was also doing

935
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 5: bad things but was never punished while she was. Her

936
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 5: fiance asked her, verbatim, So you claim you were mistreated

937
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 5: because you were punished for smoking a class, while the

938
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 5: bad things your younger sister did were maybe drawing on walls.

939
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: I love how is like? Show it at the record show?

940
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 5: Let the record show. The defendant is claiming that smoking

941
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 5: and drawing on walls are a one to one comparison.

942
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 5: Your honor, I rest my case. She was not able

943
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 5: to answer. She claims she was financially mistreated by our

944
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 5: parents because they would not give her money for fun activities,

945
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,719
Speaker 5: school trips, or events when she misbehaved. This was an

946
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 5: example of punishments she would often receive. Her fiance asked

947
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 5: her if our parents provided her with basic things like food, clothes,

948
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 5: and school supplies, and she said yes. He mentioned parents

949
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 5: are not obligated to financially support trips and fun activities,

950
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 5: so how was she financially mistreated? I asked her if

951
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 5: she ever thinks about everything she did wrong towards our family.

952
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 5: She claimed she knows she wasn't a saint, but she

953
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,359
Speaker 5: was a child. I pointed out that at seventeen, you're

954
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 5: not a child, and you know better than to swear

955
00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 5: at your grandmother. Her fiance had no idea about anything,

956
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 5: so I explained some very nasty things she did and said,

957
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 5: one time we were getting ready to go to our

958
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 5: cousin's baptism and she wanted to wear a black T

959
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 5: shirt with a pentagrama on it. The grandma asked her

960
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 5: to change because her outfit was not appropriate for a baptism.

961
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 5: Kate called her an old, outdated, effing hag.

962
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 2: I guess the grandma just doesn't understand style.

963
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 5: She just doesn't get it.

964
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,479
Speaker 2: She doesn't get it. I'm being at.

965
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 5: G He's not a phase grandma down with.

966
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 2: The institution's grandma.

967
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 5: Her fiance mentioned his story. Kate told him and his

968
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 5: parents with an incident where my parents mistreated her and

969
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 5: confiscated her car, leaving her to walk to school during wintertime.

970
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 3: I walked barefoot uphill both ways.

971
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 5: What she failed to mention was that my parents confiscated

972
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 5: her car because of a dui that she treated like

973
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 5: it was not a big deal. And secondly, she never

974
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 5: had to walk to school during winter because she could

975
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 5: have gone by bus. But in reality, even with no car,

976
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 5: she carpooled with one of her colleagues.

977
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 2: Oh, so it wasn't even bad at all.

978
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 5: This triggered her ex a lot, because unfortunately he lost

979
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,319
Speaker 5: his grandfather because of a weekted driver. Even knowing this,

980
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 5: Kate lied and turned her story into a soap opera

981
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 5: just for her to look like a victim. I asked

982
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 5: her ex if she had ever said negative things about me,

983
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,600
Speaker 5: and he said no. She only mentioned some instances where

984
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,399
Speaker 5: our parents treated us differently, but always pointed out that

985
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 5: that they were doing it to turn us against each other.

986
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 5: But based on the story she told, she apparently never

987
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 5: blamed me for anything or said anything negative about me.

988
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 5: That's something. The entire ordeal lasted for around three hours.

989
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 5: I was exhausted. I told her that even if we

990
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 5: were never closest sisters, I have always loved her and

991
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:46,280
Speaker 5: considered her my sister period, not half just my only sister.

992
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 5: I told her I understood that our parents could have

993
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 5: handled things differently, and maybe she did not receive all

994
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 5: the help she needed to adjust to a stepmother and

995
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 5: a new family dynamic, But I am now judging her

996
00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 5: as an adult who should know not to lie and

997
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 5: is a victim and who should assume responsibility for her part.

998
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 5: As people pointed out in my last post, I advised

999
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 5: her to get therapy and solve all her issues, but

1000
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 5: until that happens, I cannot continue to have a relationship

1001
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 5: with her. She accuse me of favoring our parents over her?

1002
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 2: She seems radioactive.

1003
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:23,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, like that a person that lies that much about something,

1004
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 3: So I don't know, so important a relationship you can't trust,

1005
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 3: you can't be around. It's just it's gonna be drama.

1006
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 5: Do you accuse me of favoring our parents over her?

1007
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 5: But I told her I favor the truth over lies,

1008
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 5: and she should be ashamed of herself, by the way,

1009
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:42,240
Speaker 5: you should be ashamed of yourself. If you're not gonna

1010
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 5: listen to full episodes of stories just like this one,

1011
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 5: you can go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio just

1012
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,600
Speaker 5: search up Okay story time. But there is a little

1013
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 5: bit more to the story. Do you have any final thoughts?

1014
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,480
Speaker 3: I mean, I think Opie's doing the right thing, cutting

1015
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:03,840
Speaker 3: this person till until yeah, until until they better themselves.

1016
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 5: So that's what happened between me and Kate. I have

1017
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 5: no idea what happened or what will happen with her ex,

1018
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,280
Speaker 5: but based on how things turn out, I really doubt

1019
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 5: he'll give her another chance. He made it clear that

1020
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 5: she cannot be trusted and pointed out something his mother

1021
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 5: told him. If she is capable of lying in such

1022
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 5: a way about her own parents, what will she be

1023
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 5: capable of saying about him? He said, he is not

1024
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 5: doubting she can start saying he was all so harmful.

1025
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 5: Since this seems to be her narrative, but that's her

1026
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 5: own problem. She made this bed for herself, and uh,

1027
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 5: we've tucked We've tucked you into that bed because that's

1028
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 5: that's the end of the story.

1029
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:43,399
Speaker 2: Wow.

1030
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 3: Wow, well, Op, I think you did the right thing.

1031
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 3: But wow, I mean, what a thick, juicy amount of lies.

1032
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 3: I'm glad the fiance found out before Yeah, too late,

1033
00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 3: it was too light. I know this says it's pathological,

1034
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 3: this line that.

1035
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,839
Speaker 5: I mean, the fact that she's convinced herself that her

1036
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 5: parents were awful and like this, you know this this

1037
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,399
Speaker 5: terrible family that was mistreating her, when it doesn't seem

1038
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:15,360
Speaker 5: like that was the case.

1039
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1040
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,800
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1041
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,479
Speaker 1: I asked my mother in law to help me after

1042
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: birth because my mother is making everything even worse.

1043
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 2: Get out of there, mom. This is some doctor SEUs

1044
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 2: who's the goose.

1045
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: So I want to preface this by saying that my

1046
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: husband is currently deployed and will most likely not be

1047
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: able to come home for the birth of the baby.

1048
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: Knowing this, my husband and I had originally planned for

1049
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 1: my own mother to fly into town and help me

1050
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 1: before and after giving birth. Keep in mind, we were

1051
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,279
Speaker 1: going to play for the plane tickets. By the way,

1052
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 1: this comes from chronically anxious and if you want to

1053
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the Arsasha Okay, storytime separate.

1054
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,959
Speaker 1: So for the past few months, I've had this gut

1055
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 1: feeling that my mom wouldn't be able to help me

1056
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: in the ways that I needed help.

1057
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 2: So I discussed this with my therapist.

1058
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 1: There we go, and we decided that I should have

1059
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: a conversation with my mom, letting her know what I

1060
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 1: might need help with. The following days, I finally gathered

1061
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: up to courage to talk to my mom and let

1062
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 1: her know how I.

1063
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 2: Expect this day to go.

1064
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: I told her I would probably need help with cooking

1065
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: and chores that require bending over in the event I

1066
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 1: get a c section. I also told her that during

1067
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 1: this time her role is to be my mom and

1068
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 1: not grandma, So you know, take care of mom, don't

1069
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 1: just focus on the baby. She laughed, at that comment,

1070
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: and the whole conversation just made me feel uneasy. The

1071
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: feeling was solidified when my sister called me the next

1072
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 1: day and she informed me that my mom was complaining

1073
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: about how I had a bunch of rules for when

1074
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 1: she visits.

1075
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 2: Then three days later she calls me.

1076
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: I had an inclination that it was because she was

1077
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 1: upset with what I was asking for, So shortly after

1078
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,320
Speaker 1: I answered the call and I said, my husband is

1079
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: leaving for deployment tomorrow. We are doing XYZ one last

1080
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: time to hint at her that now is not a

1081
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 1: good time to discuss these things.

1082
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, my mom.

1083
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 1: Doesn't exactly care about others' needs or emotions, so she

1084
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 1: kept pressing that's a bold statement. She asked me, even

1085
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: if I wanted her to visit, And she also made

1086
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: a snide comment about me wanting a live in maid.

1087
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 1: Opie says, when I tell you, I lost my crap

1088
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 1: at her saying I want to live in Maid. I

1089
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,800
Speaker 1: am not been kidding and I'm not proud of this,

1090
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: but I yelled at her and I said, I'm sorry

1091
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: you expected to come here and be catered, to have

1092
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 1: me cooking clean for you with my JJ bleeding and

1093
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 1: my nips chapped and bleeding while my husband is deployed.

1094
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,720
Speaker 1: That you thought that you would get to play grandma

1095
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: the entire time. Her response was, well, you didn't say

1096
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,879
Speaker 1: you wanted that. So I'm having my mother in law

1097
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: come instead of my mother. My mom doesn't know this.

1098
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 1: I lied by omission when I called her the following

1099
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 1: week to let her know that she can visit when

1100
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 1: my husband returns from deployment instead, so she thinks that

1101
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna have some local friends assist me. I

1102
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: told my sister I may have mother in law come

1103
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 1: out instead, and she was skeptical, but mostly because of

1104
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 1: our own mother's reaction, Like I am making the wrong

1105
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 1: choice because if our mom were to find out, it

1106
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 1: would be immense drama.

1107
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 2: So am I the a hole for this?

1108
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 1: And we've got edits relevant comments and a lot of

1109
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 1: juice left in this story.

1110
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 2: This is a long one, but let's pause right here.

1111
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 3: I think it's the most important thing for ope to

1112
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 3: be happy, safe, and comfortable.

1113
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: Correct, So I mean choosing the right.

1114
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 3: Person to help you with that, I think, is like, yeah,

1115
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 3: like that's above all else.

1116
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're basically prioritizing someone else's feelings and you know,

1117
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 1: maybe not the most best placed feelings over your physical health.

1118
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 2: And well be. Yeah, exactly, it is not great.

1119
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, your health and well being comes first.

1120
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 2: Op. Do you think op's the a holes?

1121
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:00,280
Speaker 5: Ah?

1122
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 2: I don't think so, not the ahole.

1123
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: But maybe the best thing to do is to just

1124
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 1: fully communicate and say, hey, look, you know we had

1125
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: this conversation. I'm just gonna have mother in law come

1126
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: over and help because now if you're like being.

1127
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 3: So difficult, like why like, yeah, let me just have

1128
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 3: someone who's going to be easy.

1129
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 2: Edit.

1130
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,399
Speaker 1: The only people who know that my mother in law

1131
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 1: is coming to help are my mother in law, myself,

1132
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 1: and my husband. I mentioned the idea of my mother

1133
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 1: in law coming to my sister because for a brief period,

1134
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 1: my sister was going in my mother's place. However, due

1135
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 1: to my sister being a labor and a delivery nurse

1136
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,240
Speaker 1: in a different state, the likelihood of her being able

1137
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: to be here when I go into labor was slim

1138
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,359
Speaker 1: to none. Dude, that's so tragic when you're when your

1139
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 1: sister is literally a labor and delivery nurse but can't

1140
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 1: be at your.

1141
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:54,239
Speaker 2: I know, it's like, do your job, you're fired.

1142
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 1: I casually mentioned to my sister that my mother in

1143
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 1: law canceled her cruise and will be available when I'm

1144
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 1: due to feel out her reaction to me no longer

1145
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: needing her help around that time. Anyways, that's why my

1146
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 1: sister knows that there's the possibility of my mother in

1147
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: law coming. I purposely haven't told her my mother in

1148
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: law is coming to prevent her from slipping up and

1149
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: telling my mom. I know it's all messy, and it's

1150
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: mostly because everything unfolded so quickly, and we do have

1151
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 1: some relevant comments as well.

1152
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:25,480
Speaker 2: Comment to number one, not the ahole.

1153
00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:27,399
Speaker 1: You and your sister ought to think about how much

1154
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 1: worrying about your mom's reactions to things affects your own choices,

1155
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 1: to which Opie replies, that's something I'm working on in therapy.

1156
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: I feel pretty confident in my decision until my sister

1157
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 1: was like, oh, but it'll be so bad, blah blah

1158
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: blah blah. That's when I started having some mixed feelings

1159
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: about it. Comment to number two. Maybe I'm wrong, but

1160
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: I don't see a problem with asking your mom to

1161
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 1: be a quote unquote living maide. I did it for

1162
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: my daughter this past summer when she had surgery for

1163
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 1: some touch up work after having four kids and a hysterectomy.

1164
00:50:57,760 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 5: That's a lot.

1165
00:50:58,400 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 2: That's a lot. That's rough. Combo.

1166
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 1: I did whatever she needed and made sure that she

1167
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: had lots of ready to bake meals in her freezer

1168
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: for when I left. Opi replies to that the only

1169
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 1: issue was the context and tone in which she said it.

1170
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 1: It was super accusatory, and she said I was speaking

1171
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,280
Speaker 1: to her like I was interviewing her for a job,

1172
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 1: despite me saying I was serious because I was asking

1173
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 1: for help for something that's just hard for me to do.

1174
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: So Opie responds to a comment about being passive aggressive.

1175
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 1: Opie says, no, the passive aggressive means that I'm frustrated

1176
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 1: because I've mentioned countless times that I'm trying to figure

1177
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,080
Speaker 1: out how I want to reframe my relationship with my

1178
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 1: mother and establish better boundaries for the sake of me

1179
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 1: and for the sake of my child. Yet yet you're

1180
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:41,840
Speaker 1: just incessantly commenting about how I should have done X, Y,

1181
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: and Z, while stating that I need to quote unquote

1182
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: be an adult when things have already happened and I'm

1183
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 1: already low contact. That is also new information low contact

1184
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:54,279
Speaker 1: with the mother as of now, So go ahead spam

1185
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:54,840
Speaker 1: the comments.

1186
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 2: I'm not responding anymore.

1187
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 1: And some additional information from op After reading comments in

1188
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 1: the original post, Opie says thanks everyone. Logically, I know

1189
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: I'm not the ahole, but I just needed some validation

1190
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 1: from people not involved to help that sink in.

1191
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 2: I don't know if that makes sense to y'all or not.

1192
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: I know I still have a lot of growing to do,

1193
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 1: and I know that I have to work on my

1194
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: boundaries with my mom and my desire to overshare with

1195
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: my sister.

1196
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:19,240
Speaker 2: I'm not perfect, and I am working on it. Literally.

1197
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: These are my current goals and objectives for therapy. But

1198
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 1: thank you to anyone who takes the time to read

1199
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 1: my post and provide their insights.

1200
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. And we have the.

1201
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: Big update six days later, potentially post deliver potentially.

1202
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 3: Oh so we'll get to see how like all of

1203
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 3: this help played out or lack of help rather?

1204
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 1: Yes, how does the mom like the truth is going

1205
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 1: to get out? That the mother in law is coming

1206
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 1: out of the mom? Yea, And from the context clues

1207
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: we've gathered, it sounds like mom won't like that.

1208
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 3: Yep, it doesn't sound like she knows her to take

1209
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 3: things well and with grace.

1210
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 1: After two weeks of no contact, I finally spoke with

1211
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,320
Speaker 1: my today and I revealed that I had been distant

1212
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 1: due to having to process my feelings. I told her

1213
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:07,319
Speaker 1: that I found it very hurtful that me asking for

1214
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:10,040
Speaker 1: help was spun into her requiring to be my living

1215
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:13,480
Speaker 1: maid during my postpartum period. I'd also explained that I

1216
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 1: had not been updating her or my dad on the pregnancy.

1217
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 2: Due to their lack of interest SLASH support.

1218
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 1: During this conversation, I learned that when I had first

1219
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 1: asked for help, she for some reason interpreted this as

1220
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,359
Speaker 1: ME saying I did not want her to be there.

1221
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:27,800
Speaker 2: She kept repeating over.

1222
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: And over, well, you had made up your mind that

1223
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 1: you didn't want me there when you were talking to

1224
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 1: me about the things you needed. So I stopped her

1225
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:37,239
Speaker 1: and I was like, Uh, make this make sense. Why

1226
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 1: the heck would I have it in my mind that

1227
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: I'm paying for your ticket to come over here. Come

1228
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: up with the list of ways that I want Slash

1229
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,880
Speaker 1: can be helped work up the courage to have a

1230
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 1: conversation with you and have that talk. Why would I

1231
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 1: go through all of that. I'm twenty six years old.

1232
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 1: I have no interest in playing mind games. She didn't

1233
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,320
Speaker 1: have a real response to that other than okay. Mystery

1234
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,839
Speaker 1: solved as to where all of that stemmed from as

1235
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,840
Speaker 1: a lack of interest slash support That quite literally stemmed

1236
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: from their reactions or lack thereof, to the news of

1237
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 1: me being pregnant and any updates regarding the pregnancy such

1238
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: as the name, gender, appointment updates, et cetera, et cetera,

1239
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 1: any information that was revealed to both my mom or dad.

1240
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 1: I would get a very mild cool when I address

1241
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,920
Speaker 1: this today. My mom asked, well, how do you want

1242
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 1: us to react? I responded with I shouldn't have to

1243
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,320
Speaker 1: tell my parents how to show interest or excitement.

1244
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:29,720
Speaker 2: Over a new grandchild.

1245
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 1: Well, it might seem like this conversation didn't go well

1246
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:35,200
Speaker 1: because there was no real promise of a solution or change.

1247
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 1: It was extremely healing for me. I preface to talk

1248
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 1: with I am not expecting anything to change. I am

1249
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:44,360
Speaker 1: just letting you know the reasons that I've been distant.

1250
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 1: I have already thought about this, and I've already processed

1251
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: these feelings. I need to put this out there. That way,

1252
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 1: it doesn't build and I don't end up do I

1253
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 1: like it.

1254
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:59,799
Speaker 3: That's clear communication with a boundary. And also it exposes

1255
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 3: the potential for a relationship in the future too. It

1256
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 3: is kind of like it kind of has all of

1257
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 3: the necessary part.

1258
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: It's like I'm giving I'm giving you context, I'm giving

1259
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 1: you full context. And also I don't want to build

1260
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 1: undo resentment and then put that back on you, like

1261
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:19,359
Speaker 1: that's unfair to you.

1262
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 2: So it's like I'm going.

1263
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:22,719
Speaker 1: To say all this, I have no expectations from you,

1264
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,520
Speaker 1: but here it is great a I like it.

1265
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:26,279
Speaker 2: I like it chat.

1266
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:28,799
Speaker 1: I'm also I felt so proud because I was able

1267
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:31,320
Speaker 1: to have that conversation be very matter of fact, focus

1268
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: on actions not character, and remain calm throughout the whole

1269
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 1: talk despite being despite jabs and unnecessary remarks. But yeah,

1270
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,400
Speaker 1: thanks for all the people who provide an input on

1271
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 1: my initial post. There's a lot more layers childhood trauma

1272
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 1: that feeds into the that feeds into the dynamic that

1273
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 1: I have with her. So just know that this update

1274
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 1: and initial post is kind of like a little scratch

1275
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: on the surface. And guys, we are not even halfway

1276
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 1: done with the story. This is a this is a

1277
00:55:57,600 --> 00:56:01,799
Speaker 1: fatty for four k Wow. Yes, sir, that is a

1278
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 1: long story for a thousand words. So speaking of which,

1279
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 1: we've got some some relevant comments dive right into.

1280
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's hit those relevant comments.

1281
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:12,800
Speaker 1: So coming to number one, says, your mother is spinning

1282
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: things to studor narrative. It's not logical and not something

1283
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,880
Speaker 1: you should think about. If your mother in law can

1284
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,399
Speaker 1: help you take her help, I'd say your parents aren't

1285
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 1: ones to rely on in this new chapter of your life.

1286
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 1: Have I always been like this as your mom always

1287
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 1: spun things to change the narrative. I hope you have

1288
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 1: a speedy recovery and congrats on becoming a new mom.

1289
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:30,920
Speaker 1: Opie says, this talk definitely opened my eyes. That she

1290
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 1: creates the narrative to help preserve her ego and play

1291
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 1: the victim. Something I already knew, but this helps the

1292
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 1: lidify it even more. In the past, she would reframe

1293
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: things to make it seem like she was some great

1294
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 1: mother figure, or she would place herself in an imaginary

1295
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 1: competition with my own mother in law and my sister's

1296
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: mother in law. So that's always been a constant. However,

1297
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 1: this was the first time that she revealed the false

1298
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 1: narrative that way. And as for my dad, he's quite

1299
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 1: aloof for lack of a better word, he need tends

1300
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 1: to follow my mom's leap and thank you. As I

1301
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 1: enter the third trimester, it's singing in more and becoming

1302
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: more and more exciting. So we haven't we haven't popped

1303
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 1: it out yet, but were, but we're ready to pop

1304
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 1: right there, just right at the brink. Comentation number two says,

1305
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 1: I know this, I know these words. I use a

1306
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 1: lot on Reddit, but your mother sounds manipulative and toxic.

1307
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 1: Manipulative because she tries to spin it where she's the victim.

1308
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: This behavior has been present since as long as you

1309
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,920
Speaker 1: can remember. It's clear as day from your post, and

1310
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 1: it's like she's trying to make you feel like you're crazy.

1311
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:25,480
Speaker 2: Hope.

1312
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 1: He responds with she definitely was trying to make me

1313
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 1: feel crazy. She also claimed that I was ignoring her

1314
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 1: and avoiding her for months, which which I also had

1315
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 1: to correct. I had to explain that I started distancing

1316
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,920
Speaker 1: myself mid September, but I still responded.

1317
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 2: To her and answered her calls.

1318
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: I told her the only reason that I feel like this,

1319
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 1: that it feels so much worse than what was actually happening,

1320
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: was because, for once, it was not me doing the

1321
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 1: heavy lifting of the relationship. In the past, I was

1322
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 1: the main one constantly reaching out, texting first and calling

1323
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 1: and to be frank, within those two weeks, she only

1324
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 1: made three attempts text me. She called me two times

1325
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 1: when I couldn't answer those. She finally texted me this

1326
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,560
Speaker 1: past Saturday, and I responded to it saying I was

1327
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 1: very busy, which is true, and that I loved her.

1328
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 1: By the way she told it, she had it in

1329
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,600
Speaker 1: her head that she was constantly calling me and texting me,

1330
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 1: but I was.

1331
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 2: Just straight up ignoring.

1332
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 1: And Opie clarified some details on the mother uh calling

1333
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,439
Speaker 1: in to fly in to help her at home. Opie says,

1334
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 1: when I found out when I was pregnant, we knew

1335
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: my husband would be deployed when I was due so

1336
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 1: early in my pregnancy, I spoke with my mom and

1337
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:30,560
Speaker 1: asked her if she would be able to come and help.

1338
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:32,640
Speaker 2: She agreed to come, and we offered to pay for

1339
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 2: the ticket.

1340
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,840
Speaker 1: Then last month I called her to have a conversation

1341
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 1: that was focusing on what ways they needed help, since

1342
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 1: I had not really had to talk with her about that,

1343
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:42,440
Speaker 1: and I just made those comments in passing.

1344
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 2: Okay. Update five months later.

1345
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 3: Oh, I love when we have a saga that just

1346
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 3: spams multiple months.

1347
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 2: And this is post pop. This is the babies post pop.

1348
00:58:57,520 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 2: Baby's out.

1349
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:00,720
Speaker 1: If this baby hasn't been born yet, ye, than they

1350
00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 1: are mere because they were bacon in there for twelve, thirteen, fourteen,

1351
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 1: fifteen months. That's literally the only way this baby's not out.

1352
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 1: This is an update. I didn't think what actually happened.

1353
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 2: But here we are.

1354
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:14,720
Speaker 1: Here we are just a warning. I'm raging internally, so

1355
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 1: it might not be written well. First and foremost, the

1356
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 1: birth went well. My mother in law was incredibly helpful

1357
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 1: and supportive the months leading up to me giving birth.

1358
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:24,960
Speaker 1: The relationship I had with my mother was very service level.

1359
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:27,480
Speaker 1: I did not reach out as frequently. Things got a

1360
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: bit tense about a week prior to me giving birth

1361
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: due to other familial issues. My mother did not call

1362
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 1: or text me the two weeks leading up to my

1363
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:37,880
Speaker 1: due date. However, the icing on the cake was my

1364
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 1: father asking if I was having a boy or a girl.

1365
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,200
Speaker 1: My husband and I told both of them already last summer,

1366
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 1: and the distance led me to telling them that I

1367
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:51,840
Speaker 1: had my son the next afternoon. Now that decision brought

1368
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:54,919
Speaker 1: me a lot of peace. Fast forward to two weeks ago.

1369
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,440
Speaker 1: I called my mother to chat, not about anything serious,

1370
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 1: just a quick check in. The phone call threw me

1371
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 1: off because she apologized to me.

1372
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 2: Apologies. She said, I miss you.

1373
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 1: Our relationship is different, and I don't know how to

1374
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 1: fix it because I feel like I don't have the

1375
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:13,840
Speaker 1: opportunity to. I should have handled that talk a lot differently,

1376
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: and I want to come and help you.

1377
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 2: Are we seeing some a growth? We're what.

1378
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 3: Somebody please clip that we're seeing growth and we love

1379
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 3: to see it.

1380
01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:29,240
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was my postpartum hormones, but

1381
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 1: against my better judgment, I offered to come to have

1382
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 1: her come over for six days. So honestly, my first

1383
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 1: red flag should have been her not fighting back and

1384
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:39,120
Speaker 1: saying that she would.

1385
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 2: Pay her own way.

1386
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 1: But oh well, I figured this visit would benefit me

1387
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 1: in the sense that I could at least try to

1388
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 1: be less resentful and I could at least say that

1389
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 1: I tried. She arrived Saturday night and the first full

1390
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 1: day was Sunday. I spent a lot of that day

1391
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: feeling agitated because the second I would lay my sun

1392
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: down in his basinette go do something, she would pick

1393
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 1: him up. It became quite clear to me that my

1394
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 1: decision to have my mother in law come and help

1395
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 1: me was correct. One that evening, I told her that

1396
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 1: she cannot pick up my son every single time he cries,

1397
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,840
Speaker 1: because once she leaves, I physically am not able to

1398
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 1: do that for him. I told her that I'm essentially

1399
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:17,760
Speaker 1: a single parent until the foreseeable future. She sheepishly apologized

1400
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 1: and said she wasn't thinking about after she wasn't going

1401
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 1: to be there, which I think is fair.

1402
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 2: But this stay has been a crap show.

1403
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 1: I didn't trust her watching him alone for long periods

1404
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:33,000
Speaker 1: of time because I caught her starting to fall asleep

1405
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 1: on the couch while holding my baby literally thirty minutes

1406
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 1: after she told me I could go nap. Thank god,

1407
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,959
Speaker 1: I was in the kitchen prepping dinner and I caught

1408
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:43,560
Speaker 1: it her holding the baby will sleeping.

1409
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:45,720
Speaker 2: She did not offer to make meals.

1410
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:48,280
Speaker 1: She made a comment about eating dinner at eight pm

1411
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 1: because she isn't used to it like me. I had

1412
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 1: to tell her that eating dinner at eight pm is

1413
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 1: not a choice. I told her that she didn't offer

1414
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 1: to step in and start dinner while I was doing laundry,

1415
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,959
Speaker 1: facetiming my husband between his watches, or nursing my son.

1416
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 2: What was she doing.

1417
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,240
Speaker 1: Basking in the Florida sun on my patio with the

1418
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:12,080
Speaker 1: dogs while scrolling on her dang phone. Stop scrolling TikTok's mom,

1419
01:02:12,120 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 1: it's a baby time.

1420
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 2: No, No, she's learning. She's on baby talk. She's learning.

1421
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 2: How do you hold a baby without falling asleep? While

1422
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 2: falling asleep? God, I love it.

1423
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:27,240
Speaker 1: The real reason I'm rage typing all of this isn't

1424
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 1: even because of her lack of help. It is her

1425
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 1: lack of emotional support. Today I was told that my

1426
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:39,360
Speaker 1: husband's deployment has been extended. I was sobbing. What did

1427
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:43,280
Speaker 1: mother do? She said, I'm sorry. I haven't gotten a

1428
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: single hug from her. I got this news four hours ago.

1429
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,920
Speaker 1: What I did get was her telling me to go

1430
01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 1: take a shower, which is really code for ghost shower,

1431
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 1: so I can cuddle with the baby because you won't

1432
01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:59,880
Speaker 1: be able to. I feel so angry, disappointed, and ashamed

1433
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 1: I spent that money on her coming out here. I

1434
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,040
Speaker 1: guess it's not a total loss because this stay has

1435
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:08,919
Speaker 1: helped me, not has helped me, not put on rose

1436
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:12,040
Speaker 1: colored glasses like I normally do when it comes to.

1437
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:12,960
Speaker 2: Her, which is good.

1438
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:15,560
Speaker 3: I mean, take off those rose colored glasses, see her

1439
01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:19,600
Speaker 3: for who she actually is, and then treat her accordingly,

1440
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 3: like you don't want your baby to be around someone

1441
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 3: that has baby butter hands when they fall asleep and

1442
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:27,560
Speaker 3: you drop your baby on their little baby ed.

1443
01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 1: I drop her off in a few hours as planned.

1444
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 1: Thank goodness for those saying to never pay her way again,

1445
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 1: I absolutely, one thousand percent no, that's not gonna happen.

1446
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,400
Speaker 1: I did it because she was always making comments about

1447
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 1: being single income and having to pinch money. I felt bad,

1448
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 1: despite my husband and I also being a single income family. However,

1449
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:50,280
Speaker 1: I feel tricked because while she was here it was

1450
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 1: revealed that my parents are going to Vegas next weekend.

1451
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 1: The whole stay has left me feeling like a big

1452
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:59,200
Speaker 1: idiot who was strict. I'm so glad she has gone

1453
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning and there Arson Merleman comments.

1454
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 1: Commagrom number one says, I'm so sorry that your husband's

1455
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:07,200
Speaker 1: deployment was extended and I'm sending you hugs. Do you

1456
01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:09,480
Speaker 1: know any of the other spouses of your husband's unit

1457
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:11,800
Speaker 1: or local military. I've heard that can be a great

1458
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:14,959
Speaker 1: support system, very smart, especially if they've been through having

1459
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:17,560
Speaker 1: kids while their spouse was deployed. I wish I could

1460
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 1: give you more than more words to help. You're being

1461
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:21,880
Speaker 1: hit with so many struggles and emotions while your body

1462
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: just went through major trauma. Even a good birth is

1463
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 1: trauma for your body. It's okay to be an emotional

1464
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:30,160
Speaker 1: mess to anyone telling you, and anyone telling you.

1465
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:30,840
Speaker 2: Different is lying.

1466
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:33,200
Speaker 1: Take support wherever you can get it, and don't be

1467
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:35,920
Speaker 1: afraid to ask, because at worst you'll get a no,

1468
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 1: and at best you'll get that support. Reach Out to

1469
01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 1: your mother in law whenever you can, and consider sending

1470
01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 1: your mom home early if he's still there. OPI responds,

1471
01:04:44,560 --> 01:04:47,560
Speaker 1: she leaves tomorrow morning, thankfully. Then my mother in law

1472
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 1: flies in Sunday, so I'll get a real break soon.

1473
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:53,160
Speaker 1: And then comment number one replies to that, I'm so

1474
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,440
Speaker 1: relieved for you. I don't know if you have considered it,

1475
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,640
Speaker 1: but individual counseling could help you process just vent all

1476
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 1: of this and maybe help you with statlish boundaries that

1477
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 1: benefit you while minimizing the guilt you feel, especially regarding

1478
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:07,000
Speaker 1: your mom. She gave birth to you, but that doesn't

1479
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:10,200
Speaker 1: mean that you owe her, that you owe her piece.

1480
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:12,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think something we've seen and read it

1481
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 2: a lot.

1482
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:16,120
Speaker 3: It's like just a family member earns their place in

1483
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,640
Speaker 3: your life, just like anyone else. Yes, and if they

1484
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 3: continually are disrupting your piece, then you can you can

1485
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:25,640
Speaker 3: put a little distance there.

1486
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 1: Like just because they're a family, don't give them an

1487
01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 1: infinite past, just like bulldozed boundaries. So Opie responds, I

1488
01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:36,840
Speaker 1: have a follow up appointment in two weeks. I go

1489
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:40,200
Speaker 1: bike weekly, but sprinkling extra sessions as needed since strike

1490
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,360
Speaker 1: Are thankfully doesn't have a limit, and we'll pay for

1491
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 1: as many sessions as needed. And OPI responds to a

1492
01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:48,320
Speaker 1: comment about her being resentful towards her mother because op

1493
01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:51,480
Speaker 1: wasn't getting any support as she was, that wasn't getting

1494
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 1: any of the support she was hoping for. Opie says, yes,

1495
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 1: I am resentful towards her. I'm trying to work through it.

1496
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:02,240
Speaker 1: It's hard. She's she's not a bit selfish. She is selfish.

1497
01:06:02,320 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 1: It's not just this it's a mountain of things from

1498
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:07,120
Speaker 1: childhood as well as well as this period of my life.

1499
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't passive aggressive regarding that dinner. I spoke with

1500
01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:13,120
Speaker 1: her about her not helping or offering to help at

1501
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 1: the end of the night, after she made three passive

1502
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 1: aggressive comments about eating so late when she never vocalized

1503
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 1: that she was hungry sooner. Time tends to go by

1504
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 1: very quickly when you're judging a household and a newborn alone,

1505
01:06:24,320 --> 01:06:27,960
Speaker 1: and unfortunately that means eating later than I would like to. However,

1506
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 1: she's perfectly able bodied, and she could have told me

1507
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:32,560
Speaker 1: she was hungry, and I would have either sent her

1508
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:34,520
Speaker 1: the recipe I was using, or managed my time a

1509
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:39,440
Speaker 1: bit better, or I mean, this is seemingly a you know,

1510
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:43,959
Speaker 1: fifty sixty seventy year old woman. Does she not possess the.

1511
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:50,280
Speaker 2: Tools to make her own food, to procure something to eat?

1512
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:54,120
Speaker 3: I don't know if those teeth work and the blending

1513
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:54,880
Speaker 3: stuff is hard.

1514
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:58,160
Speaker 1: Opie says. She rarely calls and texts me. I do

1515
01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:00,240
Speaker 1: most of the reaching out for our relationship. If she

1516
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 1: does reach out first, it's maybe once every few weeks.

1517
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:04,200
Speaker 1: She did not go out of her way to call

1518
01:07:04,240 --> 01:07:06,960
Speaker 1: me or apologize. Also, she is a hugger. She hugs

1519
01:07:06,960 --> 01:07:09,360
Speaker 1: people all the time. I just can't fathom my child

1520
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 1: sobbing on the couch while I laughing at a movie

1521
01:07:11,880 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 1: that is playing in the background while they get awful news,

1522
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 1: pretending that everything is okay. And that's not a great

1523
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:22,000
Speaker 1: sight to imagine. This trip has made me accept that

1524
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:24,360
Speaker 1: while she'll never be able to fulfill the emotional once

1525
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:26,520
Speaker 1: and needs, I wish she could give me.

1526
01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:29,440
Speaker 2: And that is the end of the story.

1527
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:30,560
Speaker 5: Huh.

1528
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:34,520
Speaker 3: It's hard to distance yourself from a parent, like like

1529
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 3: you know, you like, we saw these red flags from

1530
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 3: the beginning, but it's never it's just like it takes

1531
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:43,920
Speaker 3: it takes a while, it takes like many it takes years,

1532
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:46,400
Speaker 3: potentially if someone being terrible to you for you to

1533
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:49,640
Speaker 3: the real because it's also it's like, you know, we

1534
01:07:49,680 --> 01:07:53,760
Speaker 3: talk about the reality distortion field of relationship romantic relationships

1535
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 3: a lot, and usually you know those are later in life,

1536
01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:01,640
Speaker 3: and you also have reality distortion fields of your family,

1537
01:08:02,080 --> 01:08:05,320
Speaker 3: like they can just as easily say oh, like, this

1538
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:07,120
Speaker 3: is the love you deserve and this is the love

1539
01:08:07,120 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 3: you should expect, and it takes maybe someone showing you

1540
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:14,680
Speaker 3: differently to understand that you are in the reality distortion

1541
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:17,719
Speaker 3: field and this is not what you need to accept.

1542
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:19,040
Speaker 3: And so I think that's why it can take so

1543
01:08:19,120 --> 01:08:22,599
Speaker 3: long and be so painful to eventually put up those

1544
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:24,599
Speaker 3: boundaries because you didn't even know you needed those boundaries

1545
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:25,240
Speaker 3: in the first place.

1546
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:27,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like, it's just it's it's such a

1547
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:30,840
Speaker 1: delicate balancing act because it's like we can I feel

1548
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:33,040
Speaker 1: like you can see Op trying to be empathetic and

1549
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:35,040
Speaker 1: trying to you know, especially in the beginning of the story,

1550
01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:36,960
Speaker 1: but it's like at the end of the day, you

1551
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:38,960
Speaker 1: don't want to just let someone run over your boundaries.

1552
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:42,680
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's it's it's a hard balancing act, especially

1553
01:08:43,320 --> 01:08:47,200
Speaker 1: coming from a place where they weren't there to get exactly.

1554
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,800
Speaker 3: But I think Op, you know, made made the right

1555
01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:54,439
Speaker 3: decision and uh and and has made a bunch of good,

1556
01:08:54,680 --> 01:08:55,440
Speaker 3: good decisions.

1557
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,799
Speaker 2: Indeed a moon Indeed, my deed