Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called Defecto or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast, which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now at available
Speaker 1: every RUSTCR podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see I buy. Hey, y'all, we recorded these
Speaker 1: episodes before the news about COVID nineteen broke. We wanted
Speaker 1: to let you know that we're here for you and
Speaker 1: that we hope these episodes can bring you a little
Speaker 1: bit of joy and escape in these uncertain times. Dead ass,
Speaker 1: I spent a large part of my adult life saying
Speaker 1: to myself, I don't want my kids to grow up
Speaker 1: how I grew up. Now we live in a different place,
Speaker 1: and I wish my kids were growing up where I
Speaker 1: grew up. Dead you mean you want to take our
Speaker 1: kids back to the hood. Facts. Hey, I'm Cadine and
Speaker 1: I and we're the Ellis. You may know us from
Speaker 1: posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other
Speaker 1: publicly as a form of therapy. But I'll make you
Speaker 1: need most days. And one more important thing to mention,
Speaker 1: we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast
Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass,
Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's
Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Dead ask starts now.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, I'm gonna take you back all the
Speaker 1: way back to the nineties, back in time. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: So I grew up in a middle class I would
Speaker 1: say urban home. You know, my father worked multiple job
Speaker 1: to make sure we had everything. My mom worked for
Speaker 1: the city. So um, I didn't grow up poor. So
Speaker 1: I don't want anyone to think that I'm claiming to
Speaker 1: grow up poor. I did not grow up poor. But
Speaker 1: growing up in Brooklyn and traveling a lot on your own,
Speaker 1: you tend to travel places where you're not supposed to go. Okay,
Speaker 1: And I still had friends who lived in different parts
Speaker 1: of Brooklyn. So I remember my freshman year of high school.
Speaker 1: I just it was it was Christmas break and my
Speaker 1: parents got me the things that I asked for. On Christmas.
Speaker 1: I got an aver Rick jacket. Um, I had some
Speaker 1: brand new Tim's and me and my boys were taking
Speaker 1: a bus through Flatbush, as we always did go into
Speaker 1: different movie theaters. At this point, Kimbo Movie Theater was
Speaker 1: still open. We went to Kimbo Movie there, and after
Speaker 1: the movie theater, we were going to see some girls
Speaker 1: that we wanted to check out, and we ended up
Speaker 1: in Flatbush and a part of flat Bush that's typically
Speaker 1: crypt territory. And my Avorick jacket was red, and I
Speaker 1: had a red band around my head, and my boys
Speaker 1: all just randomly had on red. At first, we thought
Speaker 1: it was cool that we all had on red, because
Speaker 1: you know, we're going to check these girls. We look
Speaker 1: cool with the fly guys. This this is when Mason
Speaker 1: and Diddy and everybody there was all super Fly to
Speaker 1: Eastern Match, so we thought it was cool. So we
Speaker 1: get to this part of the Flatbush and we see
Speaker 1: a bunch of dudes in this Chinese restaurant and they
Speaker 1: all got on blue. Everybody got on blue. And that's
Speaker 1: when your spidy senses started kicking in and I started
Speaker 1: to feel a little uh tingling sensations. And I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: some made right, bro. The dudes over there keep looking
Speaker 1: at us. We gotta we gotta move. So my other
Speaker 1: homeboy was like, yo, I think Devel is right. So
Speaker 1: we we walked down the block and we're here cool cool,
Speaker 1: and dudes started coming out of the park and um,
Speaker 1: We're trying to walk through the dudes and then you know,
Speaker 1: they put their hand and stop us. I can do, like, yo,
Speaker 1: what up blood? And I was like, yeah, I ain't blood.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like I'm I'm not blood.
Speaker 1: And dudes walked in front of us, put his hand
Speaker 1: in my chest. I knocked his hand down. Then he
Speaker 1: pulled his shirt up and I seen and he had
Speaker 1: the heat on him. I was fourteen, My friends at
Speaker 1: the time was seventeen and eighteen. It was three of us.
Speaker 1: These dudes proceeded to take my jacket off, pull my
Speaker 1: chain off, and when I looked around, it was about
Speaker 1: fifteen twenty dudes, and they were older. They were older guys,
Speaker 1: nineteen twenty. They took our stuff, ran into the park,
Speaker 1: and I had never felt so violated in my life
Speaker 1: because it was so many of them and it was
Speaker 1: just me and my two friends minding our business and
Speaker 1: they had a gun. My first instinct was I wish
Speaker 1: I had a gun at that time. If I had
Speaker 1: a gun, I probably would have pulled my gun. And
Speaker 1: that's the dangerous art of living in that type of environment,
Speaker 1: because there were parts of me that wanted to then say,
Speaker 1: you know what, from that one, I'm walking around with
Speaker 1: a gun. I remember being in the house that night
Speaker 1: and I remember looking watching my dad's face and him
Speaker 1: looking helpless because he wanted to help me, but he couldn't.
Speaker 1: And I said to myself, when I have kids, my
Speaker 1: kids are never gonna have to exist in a place
Speaker 1: where they have to deal with what I just dealt with.
Speaker 1: So this karaoke song is gonna lighten things up a
Speaker 1: little bit after this story, Uh maybe a little familiar.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start with the beat, so if Kaken can
Speaker 1: jump in here, do m and in West Philadelphia, born
Speaker 1: and raised on the playground, I said, I spaid most
Speaker 1: of my days chilling out maximum and lights and all
Speaker 1: cool and all shooting something be ball outside of the school.
Speaker 1: When a couple of guys they were having no good
Speaker 1: started making trouble in my neighborhood, I got a one
Speaker 1: little fighting. My mom got scared and said, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna go through the whole song. Already told me
Speaker 1: my story was mad long, So I'm gonna cut karaoke
Speaker 1: a little bit. Appreciated, bro, But I understand. I understand
Speaker 1: now why you were so adamant about doing karaoke because
Speaker 1: you picked the perfect songs. I picked a perfect woman,
Speaker 1: then I picked a perfect song. There you go. And
Speaker 1: it makes absolute sense, especially after us leaving these coasts
Speaker 1: headed out west, very similar. We don't live in bel
Speaker 1: Air though, don't get it twisted West Philadelphia if we
Speaker 1: don't know rich uncle out here, So sorry about that. However, Um,
Speaker 1: it makes total sense when we're talking about today's topic, UM,
Speaker 1: trying to create adversity for our children growing up now.
Speaker 1: It's a very different time than when we grew up,
Speaker 1: of course, and um, we're talking about dulling the silver spoon.
Speaker 1: So typically the silver spoon means what to you. The
Speaker 1: silver spoon means privilege. You know, people who are born
Speaker 1: with the opportunity city to have access to things that
Speaker 1: majority of the world doesn't have. UM. I won't say
Speaker 1: the one percent, because the one percent is very, very high,
Speaker 1: but I say, at least the top have a silver
Speaker 1: spoon in them out, you know. And UM we talk
Speaker 1: about telling it, and I'm talking about our kids, three boys, Jackson,
Speaker 1: kyro one Cash, you know. And and as parents, it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of natural for you to want to make
Speaker 1: sure that your kids have better than you. They are
Speaker 1: better than you have more than you had, UM. And
Speaker 1: not even just in terms of material things that it
Speaker 1: does surface itself in material things, but you want them
Speaker 1: to be able to also have, you know, um, more
Speaker 1: confidence that you had, you know, more ability than you
Speaker 1: had and UM, but you want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you're doing it to the point where they're not spoiled
Speaker 1: brats at the same time, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So we're talking today about how you go about providing
Speaker 1: for your kids but also creating healthy adversity for them, UM,
Speaker 1: to keep them grounded, which is very important to us. UM.
Speaker 1: So yeah, your story, UM rings true to me because
Speaker 1: I need I mean, I wasn't in fights in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: I don't know how many fights you said you were in,
Speaker 1: but I know, things are very different for boys and girls,
Speaker 1: and you know, I was very sheltered, you know, even
Speaker 1: though my you know, I would say to my parents
Speaker 1: were you know, middle class, hard working UM citizens, and
Speaker 1: you know, did everything that they could to provide a
Speaker 1: lifestyle for me where I was a well rounded child.
Speaker 1: You know, I did the piano lessons, which I hated,
Speaker 1: and I never understood why. Like I mean, I know
Speaker 1: my mom was trying to expose me to things, but
Speaker 1: UM hated piano lessons. UM. But I was involved in dance,
Speaker 1: I did pageants. I UM. She just she was very
Speaker 1: adamant about giving me every opportunity to do more. And
Speaker 1: I think coming from the West Indies, you know, my
Speaker 1: father and my mom, um, my mom Jamaica from Jamaica,
Speaker 1: my dad from St. Vincent, they didn't have the opportunities
Speaker 1: to do the things that I would be able to
Speaker 1: do in America. So it was very important for her
Speaker 1: to make sure that I was able to just be
Speaker 1: exposed to it and see what stuck, see what I
Speaker 1: was interested in. Um, which was great because now in retrospect,
Speaker 1: her you know, supporting my decision to even do pageants
Speaker 1: led me into my career field, which was broadcasting and
Speaker 1: not being afraid to be in front of people and
Speaker 1: speak my mind and you know, interview tactics like those
Speaker 1: are so many things that I was able to soak
Speaker 1: up in that sense. Um, So what was what was
Speaker 1: growing up in Brooklyn like for you? Because even though
Speaker 1: we did go to the same elementary school for a
Speaker 1: couple of years, you ended up leaving for a little bit.
Speaker 1: I continued through eighth grade. Um, But realistically we grew
Speaker 1: up within, you know, a couple of a couple of
Speaker 1: a couple of blocks radius. So, um, what was life
Speaker 1: like for you growing up in Brooklyn? Um? First, First
Speaker 1: of all, I shout out to my parents, who were
Speaker 1: extremely hard workers. Shout out to my grandparents. Like, when
Speaker 1: I think about my life now, I am just a
Speaker 1: elevated version of my father, who was an elevated version
Speaker 1: of his father, who was an elevated version of his father.
Speaker 1: All of the men in our family worked to make
Speaker 1: sure the next generation was better than the last. So
Speaker 1: shout out to my dad for busting his ass his
Speaker 1: whole life to make sure that I'm, my brother and
Speaker 1: my sister were are better versions of him. Shout out
Speaker 1: to my mom, Um, who worked for the city for years,
Speaker 1: who just gave me so many different tools to grow
Speaker 1: up to be the man that I am today. But
Speaker 1: I say all of that to say this, Sometimes it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter the house you grow up in, because your
Speaker 1: environment shapes you. Both of my parents work nine to five,
Speaker 1: and I remember when I was eight years old, we
Speaker 1: just moved to Canarsi. We moved out of a flatbush
Speaker 1: because we lived in uh downstairs apartment in a two
Speaker 1: story home. And my mom got pregnant and was having
Speaker 1: my sister, and my parents were just bought a house
Speaker 1: and we moved to Canarsi. At the time, we were
Speaker 1: the third black family in Canarsi. There are Jewish people,
Speaker 1: Italian people, and then we were the third black family
Speaker 1: to move to Canarsi and I was eight years old.
Speaker 1: We just moved to Canarsi. Um I went to PS
Speaker 1: two seventy nine and for the first time in my life,
Speaker 1: I was responsible for walking from for walking home. But
Speaker 1: I had to get my brother Brian first, and then
Speaker 1: we had to walk home from to seventy nine to
Speaker 1: our house. And eight years old, I'll never forget I
Speaker 1: walk out the first day of school and I go
Speaker 1: in the wrong direction. I grabbed my brother's hand and
Speaker 1: I end up walking towards flat Lands as opposed to
Speaker 1: walking into the more residential area. And when I walked
Speaker 1: towards flat Land, I see this big street and it's
Speaker 1: like it seems like the whole world opened up. I've
Speaker 1: never seen it before. Is it just that you got
Speaker 1: turned around that time? Like you came out the wrong
Speaker 1: and you know, exit at the school and you were
Speaker 1: like in a different place or where you just kind
Speaker 1: of trying to take the long route home. No, I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I came out of school and we I went into
Speaker 1: school the front entrance, and then when I came out
Speaker 1: the back entrance, for what, I got turned around. So
Speaker 1: I went the wrong direction. But this is the first
Speaker 1: time in my life I had to figure something out
Speaker 1: on my own. My parents aren't there. I was eight,
Speaker 1: so I was Jackson that I was just about to say,
Speaker 1: that's Jackson. Now my heart is racially just thinking about it,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, there's no way I would have Jackson
Speaker 1: pick up car and take him anywhere, so and I
Speaker 1: even have them take him to the bathroom. And I
Speaker 1: have my six year old brother with me, and he's
Speaker 1: just looking up at me, like, do you know where
Speaker 1: we're going? And I end up navigating him. I finding
Speaker 1: my way back home. I ran into one of my
Speaker 1: class smith's parents, and and he looked like he was
Speaker 1: concerned that I didn't know where I was going. I
Speaker 1: recognized her from class, and I told him my address,
Speaker 1: and he ended up taking us the rest of the way.
Speaker 1: But that was that. That right there was a microcosm
Speaker 1: of what my life was like growing up in Brooklyn
Speaker 1: because both of my parents worked a lot of it
Speaker 1: was the responsibility of me, as the oldest, to figure
Speaker 1: things out because my parents weren't there. So it was
Speaker 1: me and my brother through life figuring things out, whether
Speaker 1: it was fights with neighbors. When we first moved to Canarsie,
Speaker 1: we were the third black family. There were other kids
Speaker 1: that we didn't know. My brother was fighting. We're getting
Speaker 1: the fights. You know, if somebody hit my brother, I'm
Speaker 1: the oldest, I'm hitting them back. So me and my
Speaker 1: brother fighting in the street. We go to visit my
Speaker 1: my family and queens Um. They lived in rough part
Speaker 1: of Queens and we from Brooklyn. They got something to say,
Speaker 1: we got something to say. We're fighting, like that's just
Speaker 1: how we grew up. And it didn't have anything to
Speaker 1: do with my parents and how they raised us in
Speaker 1: what they gave us. But I was in environments where
Speaker 1: fights happened. And the story that I told was when
Speaker 1: I was fourteen, and once I got into sports, those
Speaker 1: things didn't happen as much because I spent more time
Speaker 1: at practice and things like that. But I remember saying
Speaker 1: to myself, and when I get married, I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: enough money so that my wife don't got to work,
Speaker 1: so that she can be at home to make sure
Speaker 1: that she gets my kids or takes my kids to school,
Speaker 1: and there's someone always there, because I remember having to
Speaker 1: get my my brother from school and walking home and
Speaker 1: then make lunch or make dinner, not dinner, but make lunch,
Speaker 1: make a snack, wait for my parents to get home.
Speaker 1: But there's that three hour spaning, but everything happened. I
Speaker 1: even think about that in terms of like being a teenager,
Speaker 1: like at those ages where you start to get curious
Speaker 1: about stuff and you're like, damn, my parents are at
Speaker 1: home between three and six. You know, pull up, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So a lot of that happens.
Speaker 1: But it's funny how you said, thinking, well that that
Speaker 1: story of your life created this idea in your mind
Speaker 1: that you wanted to be able to have a wife
Speaker 1: that can stay home. Meanwhile, you mess somebody that was
Speaker 1: say how I'm to do what? Because that would be
Speaker 1: funny nowadays hearing someone say that, that's probably not the
Speaker 1: popular opinion with most women. Mostem would be like, well, bro,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna have me at home just to be
Speaker 1: at home, you know what I mean? But now, but
Speaker 1: I too, now see the value of being able to
Speaker 1: have the flexibility we have with our jobs, because that's
Speaker 1: one thing that I actually had in my household, so
Speaker 1: unlike in your household. Growing up in Brooklyn with my parents,
Speaker 1: my mother worked a job that was super flexible. She
Speaker 1: was a home care nurse, so she was able to
Speaker 1: kind of create her own schedule, and she purposely did
Speaker 1: that because she wanted to make sure that she had
Speaker 1: the flexibility to be able to truck us to dance
Speaker 1: school and my brother to taekwondo practice, and you know,
Speaker 1: she was able to kind of create her own schedule.
Speaker 1: Whereas my dad worked evening, so he was gone three
Speaker 1: four o'clock to yeah to midnight, so there was literally
Speaker 1: always someone in the house, and of course you lean
Speaker 1: on your village much like we do now. I had
Speaker 1: my mom's mom near by, my grandparents. My grandfather used
Speaker 1: to pitch it and pick up, pick me up and
Speaker 1: take me to dance school, and those of great times
Speaker 1: because it also strengthened and build the relationship that my
Speaker 1: brother and my sister and I had with our grandparents,
Speaker 1: So we were able to have that, whereas I know
Speaker 1: that your grandparents were still down south, you know, and
Speaker 1: Nanny and Papa John were still working, so it was
Speaker 1: a little bit different for us. Um and I know
Speaker 1: that my mom was very very like we lived a
Speaker 1: very sheltered life, you know, strict West Indian upbringing, so
Speaker 1: it's like my parents knew where I was at all times.
Speaker 1: With me. My biggest thing was I wanted to take
Speaker 1: the city bus so bad to school. My father used
Speaker 1: to drive me to school pick me up every single
Speaker 1: day until I beg so much that they let me
Speaker 1: do it. I was calling my dad to pick me up, like, bro,
Speaker 1: it's cold outside, I don't want to take this bus
Speaker 1: no more. But what we can't do was just glance
Speaker 1: over what taking the city bus like is like in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: The city bus is at the city bus. The subway
Speaker 1: is a beast. So I completely get now why my
Speaker 1: mom didn't want me to have to deal with that,
Speaker 1: because she had to do that when she first came
Speaker 1: up here and she was trucking back and forth to school.
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't want my kids to have to
Speaker 1: deal with that. And again it's like, you know, But
Speaker 1: for me, I'm like, Mom, give me the adversity a
Speaker 1: k A. I want to just take the bus because
Speaker 1: when it's the lead, I can hang with my friends
Speaker 1: at the junction and we can just like you know.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like until you see videos on social
Speaker 1: media now of kids getting into brawls on the city
Speaker 1: bus and to so many other people in different parts
Speaker 1: of the world, They're like, I can't believe this happens
Speaker 1: in my life. That was a regular occurrence once a week,
Speaker 1: like I remember being at Madison and and this is
Speaker 1: just to give you gut some context of where I
Speaker 1: my thought process came from. Having a wife be able
Speaker 1: to stay at home Brandon Grenieri's mom. When I went
Speaker 1: to middle school, Brandon Grenieri's mom stayed at home. She
Speaker 1: dropped the government. Brandon are you're still friends. I haven't
Speaker 1: spoken to Brandon in a while, but his mom used
Speaker 1: to pick us up from school at Hudey and Huddy
Speaker 1: was in Flatbush. I had a lot of friends in
Speaker 1: Flatbush because I went to Sailor Missionary Baptist Church, but
Speaker 1: I knew a lot of people who are part of
Speaker 1: gangs over their v g K was right over there
Speaker 1: on Avenue h and so I was able to avoid
Speaker 1: a lot of that trouble in middle school because I
Speaker 1: used to get picked up from school by Brandon Nari's
Speaker 1: mom who took us back to Canarsi. But then when
Speaker 1: I went to high school, I had to take the
Speaker 1: eighty two bus past South Shore. Sheep said Bay with
Speaker 1: a bunch of linking kids. These are all other high schools,
Speaker 1: all the high schools, So these are a bunch of
Speaker 1: kids that you don't know who Sometimes your kids who
Speaker 1: were just there looking for trouble, and you're on the bus.
Speaker 1: It's crowded. People are aggravated in the morning. So when
Speaker 1: I say it was a beast, I'm not talking about
Speaker 1: old Traffic was bad and it was crowded. No, you
Speaker 1: got kids who you've got different gang sets, You've got
Speaker 1: different beefs and you're on the bus, people don't know
Speaker 1: who everybody is, and when people start swinging, sometimes you
Speaker 1: just get caught. And I remember sitting on the bus
Speaker 1: every day thinking like today but not be the day
Speaker 1: with somebody messing me because I'm not playing. Or the
Speaker 1: best is when the bus is so crowded and you're
Speaker 1: just kind of sitting there and you have no choice
Speaker 1: but to look at the person across from you, and
Speaker 1: then the person across views like what you're looking. We're
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How about
Speaker 1: you get your Your little brother comes home because he
Speaker 1: has to take the bus in middle school to roy
Speaker 1: h Man. He has to take the bus, the b
Speaker 1: A T two in the morning and he has to
Speaker 1: get off right in front of south Shore to transfer
Speaker 1: to go to roy Age Man. And then you get
Speaker 1: a phone call that your brother got jumped on the bus.
Speaker 1: Now I get all my friends from Honey and we
Speaker 1: get on the bus and we go to roy Age
Speaker 1: Man to press to do Like these are the things
Speaker 1: that I had to handle all my own at at
Speaker 1: thirteen and twelve with my leving year old brother. That
Speaker 1: I said to myself, I never want my kids to
Speaker 1: have to to deal with these things. So the funny
Speaker 1: part is now the conflict arises at least within our
Speaker 1: household because we've relocated, as many of you know, from
Speaker 1: Brooklyn to um to l A. True we're not even
Speaker 1: even in the city. We're like, you know, a little
Speaker 1: bit more residential area. And it's something that we've always
Speaker 1: said we wanted because me too, even as an adult,
Speaker 1: having lived in Brooklyn my entire life, your perspective changes
Speaker 1: a lot when we live in Michigan. Yeah, we did
Speaker 1: for a little bit, so I had I had a
Speaker 1: chance to experience. Yeah, I experienced you know, the suburb
Speaker 1: life where I had, you know, space, and we had
Speaker 1: a yard. And you want your children to be able
Speaker 1: to experience that. You want to be able to just say, hey,
Speaker 1: open the door to the backyard and just go outside
Speaker 1: and run. Um. So the conflict arises now in the
Speaker 1: household where we you know, what came from Brooklyn, we're
Speaker 1: now in California. Um, And moments where he's just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that he isn't gotta they gotta be
Speaker 1: tough and they gotta have their moments where they gotta
Speaker 1: like I might develop what you want to create fights
Speaker 1: for them. I don't know, based on your lifestyle that
Speaker 1: you had growing up. I think it's a great thing
Speaker 1: that they're a little bit more sheltered. Made me. I
Speaker 1: get it. I get it, It made me I understand,
Speaker 1: and mine was a little bit different. And that's why
Speaker 1: we sometimes get into a conflict because the way sheltered,
Speaker 1: the way your parent is very different than mine. But
Speaker 1: I to sometimes step back and say, okay, did that
Speaker 1: as a man raising three black men? There are certain
Speaker 1: things that I don't know, and I'll relinquished to you
Speaker 1: having had the experience. For example, even just last night,
Speaker 1: I'm checking Jackson's homework and I was starting to mom
Speaker 1: him a little bit. But that's not the adversity I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. Though I wanted to understand its homework. I do,
Speaker 1: but that's not the adversity I'm talking about. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about him developing some sort of toughness to where he
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like everything is given, you know, because everything
Speaker 1: wasn't given in my home, even though even though my
Speaker 1: parents did well, you know, if I didn't have a
Speaker 1: certain g p A, I couldn't get things. I had
Speaker 1: chores when I went to stay with my grandparents in
Speaker 1: the summertime. We had to be up eight o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning. We had to mow the lawn and we
Speaker 1: had to trim like we were we were young kids, preteens.
Speaker 1: I had learned how to drive, mowing the lawn and
Speaker 1: trimming the grass, like doing yardwork, physical labor, which we
Speaker 1: thought was like slavery. But now when I think about
Speaker 1: it, it it teaches you a work ethic and it builds
Speaker 1: adversity because you and your your brother and my cousin Devonne,
Speaker 1: who we lived with when we stayed with my Nana
Speaker 1: and Papa. It just it created something in us where
Speaker 1: we were able to bond together and get things done.
Speaker 1: But even more than that, just just having awareness. I
Speaker 1: feel like people who are born with a silver spoon
Speaker 1: in their mouth sometimes are aloof to things that go
Speaker 1: on in the world because they're protected by their parents. Right,
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Um, you and I when
Speaker 1: we first moved back to Brooklyn, right after living in Michigan. Um,
Speaker 1: you you grew up a house kid. You know, you
Speaker 1: didn't live in the apartment. You know you grew up
Speaker 1: a house kids. It's funny because you have to explain
Speaker 1: what a house kid is, because back in the day
Speaker 1: that was the thing too, at least in Brooklyn. I
Speaker 1: don't know if that happened everywhere else, but they were
Speaker 1: like kids that lived in apartment in the apartments, and
Speaker 1: then they were house kids. So yes, I was a
Speaker 1: house kid growing up, because actually, when I was first
Speaker 1: born and up until I was four, I did live
Speaker 1: in an apartment building with my mom and dad. At
Speaker 1: once my mom became pregnant with my brother. We then
Speaker 1: moved to Cannarcy as well. And yes, I became a
Speaker 1: house kids. Funny that I heard, because I haven't heard
Speaker 1: house could him so long. And I used to get
Speaker 1: teased sometimes for being a house kid by the kids
Speaker 1: who lived in apartments, right, and and that's just a
Speaker 1: cultural thing. And I just wanted to move back to
Speaker 1: an apartment so bad. Yeah, so I didn't have to
Speaker 1: be teased for being a house kid. And I mean
Speaker 1: that's you know, that's part of our culture too. It's
Speaker 1: it's almost like when when you're black and your your
Speaker 1: parents are doing well, they're doing okay, it's almost the
Speaker 1: scene it's like you lost something because your parents are
Speaker 1: working for you to become better, and you become like
Speaker 1: the Hillary Banks for the Carlton and I mean it
Speaker 1: was the same thing for my cousins who my cousin Cord,
Speaker 1: they used to call him Carlton because he went to
Speaker 1: poly Prep and he spoke well. And um, you know
Speaker 1: when you go to college and um, when you go
Speaker 1: to college and you come back and you your dialect
Speaker 1: has changed because you're trying to speak differently, and the
Speaker 1: people make fun of you for going to college. And
Speaker 1: they'll give you more love for coming back from going
Speaker 1: to jail than they will from coming back from going
Speaker 1: to college. That's just the culture we live in, especially
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn. But um, we came back from Michigan and
Speaker 1: this is the first time we've lived in the apartment,
Speaker 1: lived in an apartment. And Codeine used to just leave
Speaker 1: her stuff in the car and she leave it on
Speaker 1: the front seat and her car would get broken into,
Speaker 1: and for me it was just like, why would you
Speaker 1: leave it on the front seat, And she was just about,
Speaker 1: I'm not used to having to hide my stuff, like
Speaker 1: these laws and these rules that you live by that
Speaker 1: that I just I'm not used to it. Here's my
Speaker 1: story time, and folks, since if I wanted to have
Speaker 1: a long story time. Right, I'm not gonna take up
Speaker 1: too much time, but I will explain about what did
Speaker 1: I was referring to with this story. So we had
Speaker 1: moved back to Brooklyn, like you said, and I was
Speaker 1: working as a makeup artist. I was a freelancer, so
Speaker 1: I was out there just hustling, trying to get my
Speaker 1: coins together, and we had Jackson. At this point we
Speaker 1: were in the apartment. I was still kind of upset
Speaker 1: about being there because you know, our lifestyle drastically changed
Speaker 1: and the apartment. But I did chose to come back,
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what, we're going to rebuild.
Speaker 1: We were in the rebuilding phase. So yeah, I'll never forget.
Speaker 1: It was about to be Columbus Day on that Monday.
Speaker 1: On the Sunday, I did make up for a client
Speaker 1: for her son's christening. We ended up staying in Devo's
Speaker 1: parents house all Funday, had Sunday dinner. We were hanging
Speaker 1: out late. We got home at like maybe one am,
Speaker 1: so we had to circle for parking. We finally parked
Speaker 1: the car. I had my makeup kit in the car
Speaker 1: with me, another bag with some brushes and stuff, and
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, let me just leave this
Speaker 1: stuff in the car because I had to be back
Speaker 1: downstairs at five am to then drive to Long Island
Speaker 1: for a wedding. I had thirteen faces to do for
Speaker 1: this wedding, right, twelve people plus the bride. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not gonna lug everything up to lug
Speaker 1: it back downstairs. Devo's gonna be sleep at five thirty.
Speaker 1: Jackson's gonna be in the house with him. Like, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna bother him. So I put my makeup case
Speaker 1: on the floor, which, because it's a toll case, on
Speaker 1: the floor behind the passenger seat. And then I had
Speaker 1: another bag that had a couple of other little like
Speaker 1: knickknacks and stuff, so I left it on the seat
Speaker 1: in the back. Very important that you say this. You
Speaker 1: did all of this after parking the car, opening the
Speaker 1: doors with the dome light on in the car, and
Speaker 1: rearranging all this stuff wild park. Yes, I did. So
Speaker 1: I went upstairs with my other bag, which luckily had
Speaker 1: my brushes in it. Because the brushes are super expensive,
Speaker 1: I had to go and clean a couple upstairs, so
Speaker 1: I took my bag upstairs. I had the remaining products
Speaker 1: in it came back downstairs. Thirty am. My car window
Speaker 1: is broken and my makeup kid is gone, gone, disappears.
Speaker 1: So I instantly panicked because I have thirteen faces to do.
Speaker 1: I have to be in Long Island by seven am.
Speaker 1: Hot mess broke into the car. I'm damn and I
Speaker 1: was just so distraught. Luckily, I was able to call
Speaker 1: a colleague of mine, who I know was very organized.
Speaker 1: I would have probably had her kid ready to go,
Speaker 1: so I was able to grab her quick kid on
Speaker 1: the way to Queen's. But I say all that to
Speaker 1: say me being a quote unquote house kid, which is
Speaker 1: totally unaware of I guess the street smarts are like
Speaker 1: the code, you know, living around apartment buildings that you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to like open all your car doors at once.
Speaker 1: Said I'm thinking to myself, Oh it's one am, nobody's
Speaker 1: out here. It's gonna be four hours. Who's come down?
Speaker 1: Everybody's out in one am? Old the wrong people out
Speaker 1: at one am, and were able to thrive through adversity.
Speaker 1: We're able to make things happen because we went through stuff. Right.
Speaker 1: Imagine raising three black boys in America, shielding them for
Speaker 1: from anything that could possibly happen. And then when they
Speaker 1: turned eighteen, sending them to college, I get I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that either, And that's that's the struggle
Speaker 1: going through now. No you won't trust me, No you
Speaker 1: won't that, And that's the struggle we're going through now
Speaker 1: because we're trying to find ways to find that adversity
Speaker 1: and put them in situations where we can see them
Speaker 1: fight through it or let them fall and get back up.
Speaker 1: And it's tough because as a parent, you look at
Speaker 1: your kids and you don't want to ever watch them struggle.
Speaker 1: I feel like if my parents knew my struggles, they
Speaker 1: would have found ways to let me around it. But
Speaker 1: I never let my parents know what I was going through,
Speaker 1: so I found ways to do it on my own.
Speaker 1: Do you think you did that? Is it that you
Speaker 1: kind of felt bad that your parents because my parents
Speaker 1: were busting theirs, and I felt like it was my
Speaker 1: responsibility to just man up like my my father. My
Speaker 1: father were the same shoes I kid you not. He
Speaker 1: were the same shoes for about fifteen years. He used
Speaker 1: to put uh newspaper in the bottom his shoes so
Speaker 1: that they would be more comfortable. He never had a
Speaker 1: new car his whole adult life until I went to
Speaker 1: the NFL and my brother was graduating from college. Because
Speaker 1: he always bought my mom a car, he bought me
Speaker 1: a car, he bought my brother a car. He always
Speaker 1: put us first. My father always did that. So of course,
Speaker 1: if I was going through these little things at the time,
Speaker 1: I thought was little things that normal. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say nothing because my father is busting his ass and
Speaker 1: my mom works for the city. She's she's going to
Speaker 1: work every single day. What am I complaining about? You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? And that made me who I am,
Speaker 1: and the same thing with you, Like, I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: because my my sister is sheltered just like you. So
Speaker 1: I think it's a son daughter thing. Yeah, that things
Speaker 1: are very different, I think. And I was the oldest
Speaker 1: and I'm the girl. So the dynamic of boy versus girl,
Speaker 1: or even just placement in in where you fall if
Speaker 1: like the oldest or the youngest, that also to affects
Speaker 1: the I think, the amount of responsibility that's put on you. Um,
Speaker 1: and it also too kind of parents parent differently in
Speaker 1: that sense, you know what I mean, Because we talk
Speaker 1: all the time about how you know you feel like
Speaker 1: your sister was parented differently than yours, your brother, And
Speaker 1: then with in my circumstance, my sister is ten years
Speaker 1: younger than me, I felt I feel like my parents
Speaker 1: lost some wind at that point. They were just like,
Speaker 1: wait a second. I wasn't thinking I was gonna have
Speaker 1: this baby again. You know. Naturally my brother's between us.
Speaker 1: But still I look at them sometimes and I'm like,
Speaker 1: is she gonna get away with that? Think about us?
Speaker 1: Think about what Jackson has been through and what Cas
Speaker 1: is going to go through. Cats is never never really
Speaker 1: lived in the apartment, never been on the train, will
Speaker 1: never be on the bus. Jackson has done all of that.
Speaker 1: Jackson is taking the train with me places, you know,
Speaker 1: the auditions and stuff, and dealt with rush hour and
Speaker 1: he's ready to go back on again. And I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: this is not an event, it's not a sport. This
Speaker 1: is like real life. And he's but he's aware though,
Speaker 1: Like he's aware, Yeah, for sure, jack Remember the first
Speaker 1: time I let Jacon crossed the street by himself a
Speaker 1: heart attack. He was five. I almost had a heart
Speaker 1: it was five. I let Jackson go to the corner
Speaker 1: store by myself, Cadine was so pissed, and I was like,
Speaker 1: trust me, kay, just let him go. Let him go.
Speaker 1: He said he wanted a lollipop. I gave him a
Speaker 1: fifty cent and I said, go to the store, lollipop
Speaker 1: cause the quarter. But it just see, that's the thing
Speaker 1: too that I had to learn from Devout making sure
Speaker 1: people around the way or around your hood knows you facts,
Speaker 1: you know, because that's also something that helps in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: When people around your way know you, it's almost like
Speaker 1: a code you look out for each other, you know,
Speaker 1: It's like an extended family if you you know. So
Speaker 1: that's something that I was just like, don't have him
Speaker 1: talk for strangers and devots, Like, no, he needs to
Speaker 1: talk to the people around the areas they are, you know.
Speaker 1: So I get it. Is there anything that you can't
Speaker 1: believe the kids have that maybe you didn't have growing up?
Speaker 1: I pad, yeah, I mean that wasn't the thing then,
Speaker 1: but I did have a game Boy. Yeah. But but
Speaker 1: I think it's just having then instant access to information,
Speaker 1: not even just so much the technology, but my my
Speaker 1: kids know and see so much. And I'm guilty of
Speaker 1: doing this. I'm guilty of just saying yes, because I
Speaker 1: want so bad to be able to say yes to
Speaker 1: my kids. Every time they ask for something, I just
Speaker 1: say yes without making them earn it. And I feel
Speaker 1: like that's that iPad is just every time Jackson called me,
Speaker 1: can I get this game? Can I get this game? Yeah? Sure? Sure?
Speaker 1: Can I get these Jordan's, I get these sneakers, these Kyrie's? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I I have the shaming myself, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: we both we both were guilty of doing that, and
Speaker 1: recently we just felt like, you know what, we're going
Speaker 1: to have to dial back on that, like just saying no,
Speaker 1: just to say no, and I know sometimes my parents
Speaker 1: used to do that all the time. I mean, it
Speaker 1: would be an easy situation, like, hey, mom, you know
Speaker 1: my best friend. The sign was Carla. Can I go
Speaker 1: to Carlo's house after school? You know? Her dad said
Speaker 1: that we can come by. Hey, I'm going to do
Speaker 1: my homework there. And then just because you're going to
Speaker 1: be around your friend, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: her dad said that he'll drop us back home and
Speaker 1: she'll just be like no mother, with no reason. And
Speaker 1: of course I'm thinking it's just unfair. My life is
Speaker 1: over and like, why can't you give me a reason.
Speaker 1: And she's like, hey, I can't say yes to everything.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just have to say no. Well, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to say no to our daughter because I can't
Speaker 1: say no to her. Again, we're talking about this daughter
Speaker 1: that's non existent, but as it comes to my boys,
Speaker 1: you're gonna anyway that That was last season's episode, So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's in the past. Bro. So Like recently, I found
Speaker 1: myself holding back as a mother from just doing things
Speaker 1: that I know I can easily do, but I want
Speaker 1: Jackson to be able to do for himself because also
Speaker 1: to I'm raising three boys that I want to be
Speaker 1: able to be self sufficient, especially when they're older. So
Speaker 1: simple things like making the bed, sorting the laundry before
Speaker 1: it goes in the washing machine. You know. He came
Speaker 1: home from school the other day and he's just like, hey, Mom,
Speaker 1: can I have a snack? And I'm like, sure, no problem.
Speaker 1: So then he like sits down, you know. So I
Speaker 1: was like, well, what you are you gonna get a snack?
Speaker 1: And he's like, aren't you gonna make my snack for me?
Speaker 1: And I was like no, I could get up and
Speaker 1: looking the fridge to see what you want but I
Speaker 1: don't know what's in there. And then yeah, so I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, so let's think about what we can
Speaker 1: make quickly. We can make a sandwich. There's peanut butter
Speaker 1: and jelly. There's this that in the third and he's like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll take peanut butter and jelly. And I'm like awesome.
Speaker 1: So I take out the bread, the peanut butter and
Speaker 1: jelly and the knife, and I just put it on
Speaker 1: the countertop. And there's something so simple that I would
Speaker 1: have naturally just made it in two minutes. But I'm
Speaker 1: just like, no, I'm at the point now where I
Speaker 1: was like, there's just things that they're going to have
Speaker 1: to start to do for themselves. Let me spain something
Speaker 1: to you. My shout out to my grandmother, Della Ellis.
Speaker 1: When we used to go to Tennessee in the summertime,
Speaker 1: we had to cook our own food. From six years old,
Speaker 1: I remember she told us how to make breakfast. We
Speaker 1: had things that we could put in the microway for lunch,
Speaker 1: and she told us how to make dinner. Me and
Speaker 1: my cousin de Van and my brother Brian, we had
Speaker 1: to eat and she used to take us to save
Speaker 1: a lot. She gave us a budget and we will
Speaker 1: go shopping and we would get our own food. We
Speaker 1: will come back and we will responding for feeding ourselves.
Speaker 1: Were so that I'm thinking you have a little PTSD
Speaker 1: from because now you don't want to cook the Now
Speaker 1: that's exactly why I don't want to cook, because you've
Speaker 1: been cooking here. I'm not even going a lie. Man.
Speaker 1: I loved you till I found that out. Because now
Speaker 1: your grandson won't even make dinner for me because he
Speaker 1: had been doing it since he was six years old.
Speaker 1: Isn't every summer eight weeks you? Oh my god, you
Speaker 1: gotta cook. But but the thing is, I love to grill,
Speaker 1: so I'll grill. Yes, that's the happy media. Don't say
Speaker 1: I don't cook for you, because what you do is
Speaker 1: you put out these false narratives and have women here
Speaker 1: mad at me because I don't be doing nothing at home.
Speaker 1: Whenever something whenever we got to eat the valve on
Speaker 1: the grill, Yes, everybody, not just for everybody. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: very good with that, chef for a compliment. Been three
Speaker 1: seasons I finally get a compliment. Guys, Jesus, you're very
Speaker 1: good for that, very good. But yeah, they're just simple
Speaker 1: things now that I feel like I need to just
Speaker 1: kind of step back from. And then sometimes Jackson will
Speaker 1: hit me with the trying to make me feel guilty,
Speaker 1: but you makee cayrolink. It's the same with why won't
Speaker 1: you leave me one? And like, bro, like you had
Speaker 1: me to yourself for five years, I've been making you
Speaker 1: little last handwhich just for years now. I said, can
Speaker 1: you imagine what will happen? And I turn it into
Speaker 1: a joke. I'm like, Jackson, imagine if I gave Cayro
Speaker 1: and Cass peanut butter and jelly to make their own sandwiches.
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, it's gonna be all over the wall.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, exactly the same thing he does with,
Speaker 1: you know, pencils in the house. Cats is into pencils
Speaker 1: now drawing on walls. But you know, um, I also
Speaker 1: want to create a space that's fair where my boys
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, you know mom and dad are doing
Speaker 1: what they can and it's fair and it makes sense.
Speaker 1: And usually there's a discussion or a lesson in something
Speaker 1: and it comes with that explanation, so well, you know
Speaker 1: what's funny, Jackson says, that. He always makes fun of me.
Speaker 1: Anytime he asked me something, he's I don't know what
Speaker 1: you're gonna say? What figure it out? That is my
Speaker 1: way of creating adversity for him. We He said to me, Dad,
Speaker 1: you know I want to practice ride on my bike.
Speaker 1: I said, all right, we'll go put the bike in
Speaker 1: the trusk and he's like, what I said, go put
Speaker 1: the bike in the truck. So then I'm watching him
Speaker 1: stumble and trying to get the bike in the truck,
Speaker 1: which I know it's difficult, but these are things I
Speaker 1: had to do when I was living in Tennessee. My
Speaker 1: grandmother was not gonna come out and take three bikes
Speaker 1: for us out of the garage. Every time we wanted
Speaker 1: to ride the bike, we had to figure it out.
Speaker 1: So I watched him struggle to get the bike in
Speaker 1: the truck and finally gets the bike in the truck.
Speaker 1: We drive to the park. I sit in the car
Speaker 1: and he's in the cars that we're waiting for us. Said,
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for you to get the bike out of
Speaker 1: the truck. He's like, I gotta take it out too.
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, he's like, but it's heavy. I said, well,
Speaker 1: figure it out and he The funny thing is I
Speaker 1: see the confidence once he figures something out. I see
Speaker 1: like the lightbulb go off in his head and he's like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I really can do this on my own.
Speaker 1: Same thing with basketball. He's shooting, it goes past the rim,
Speaker 1: down the hill and he's looking at me. I'm like, Yo,
Speaker 1: you better go get that. Like I'm like, I've made
Speaker 1: a point in my life that I'm gonna make things
Speaker 1: harder for him just because I have to just like
Speaker 1: just like things that I would normally just do. Now
Speaker 1: you'll get that yourself. Bro. That's that's my because I
Speaker 1: was looking at our rundown today and it was talking
Speaker 1: about resilience and resilience pretty much being like the ability
Speaker 1: to roll with the punches, and there was a tip
Speaker 1: um or different tips from the Guardian and how you
Speaker 1: teach your kids resilience. So having one on one time
Speaker 1: with the child, which is great, It's just something that
Speaker 1: I think we always try to do. Yes, I think
Speaker 1: that we both take time to take our own individual
Speaker 1: time with each child for that. So so that's like
Speaker 1: a perfect example of, um, you know, one on one
Speaker 1: time with Jackson and you're trying to teach him like okay, bro,
Speaker 1: but also to teaching delayed gratifications. So resilience mean understanding
Speaker 1: that you can't always have what you want as soon
Speaker 1: as you want it, like that instant gratification lifestyle that
Speaker 1: we live in this this time, we really have to
Speaker 1: be cognizant of that and teaching our kids. As much
Speaker 1: as you say it's like because you asked for it
Speaker 1: right now, don't mean right now absolutely. And I blame
Speaker 1: that on Amazon Prime in two days. You know, it's
Speaker 1: just that access. How did he learn about because he
Speaker 1: says that to you, mom, you can just order it.
Speaker 1: You can just order it right now, click click one
Speaker 1: click buy or whatever it is. I'm just like, bros. Down,
Speaker 1: have a seat. So I've also learned with the two
Speaker 1: younger boys that they watch and their their model of
Speaker 1: what being a decent young man is right now is
Speaker 1: their brother. So they're constantly watching Jackson, and I tend
Speaker 1: to teach them through Jackson. So for example, if I'm
Speaker 1: disciplining Jackson rom doing something with Jackson, I like that
Speaker 1: they're sitting there watching and I'm speaking to them while
Speaker 1: I'm speaking to Jackson. So the lesson is never just
Speaker 1: for Jackson. The lesson is also for them. But what
Speaker 1: I also am starting to do is I'm not letting
Speaker 1: them get away with the baby syndrome. You know, because
Speaker 1: you're three, because you're too you just get away with things.
Speaker 1: So for example, with Kas, remember Cas, you should just
Speaker 1: climb up on the counter all the time. And you
Speaker 1: know your mom, your mom isses his caregiver now because
Speaker 1: he's home and most with him and she wants to
Speaker 1: make sure that he's okay and stuff like that. But
Speaker 1: I know when I come home, he has a caregiver,
Speaker 1: he has the person who's gonna cakyle him and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. But then Dad comes home, so you know,
Speaker 1: he hears a lot from me, no and stop. And
Speaker 1: I want to start that now because I realized at
Speaker 1: Jackson's age we had to do both as far as
Speaker 1: being the caregiver and being a disciplinarian. With your mom,
Speaker 1: your mom is just the caregiver. She doesn't do the disciplinarian,
Speaker 1: so I have to be the disciplinarian. So even with Kaz,
Speaker 1: the same thing about instant gratification. He'll run over to
Speaker 1: me with the iPad and he'll ask me to open it,
Speaker 1: like daddy, Daddy, open it, Daddy, open it. So in
Speaker 1: the past I would just hit the bar and woo.
Speaker 1: But now if I'm doing something, I said, you gotta wait,
Speaker 1: you gotta wait, and you have to say excuse me.
Speaker 1: So then he'll frown a little bit. And he wasn't
Speaker 1: getting it. And it took him about literally took him
Speaker 1: about six months that he started to come over now
Speaker 1: and he's like, daddy opened, please. You see him come
Speaker 1: with that open please. You know why it took him
Speaker 1: six months because he's you, and he's he's stubborn as
Speaker 1: all hell, so he was gonna wait six months just
Speaker 1: to kind of ride it all out. But that's absolutely
Speaker 1: so right. You can guarantee that if your wife gives
Speaker 1: you a compliment, she's gonna find a way to just
Speaker 1: give you a backhanded compliment and later on in the
Speaker 1: conversation she's gonna blame every bad quality about the kids.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be it's headstrong. And that's great because your
Speaker 1: head strong and you're an amazing man because of that.
Speaker 1: She don't get it twisted. Don't get it twisted, but
Speaker 1: but no, and also to being able to like empower
Speaker 1: the two little ones because Kiro obsesses over Jackson, like
Speaker 1: he looks up to him so much. So in doing that,
Speaker 1: sometimes when I have moments when I'm with Kiro alone,
Speaker 1: you know, he'll be like, Mommy, I want to put
Speaker 1: the shirt on, or I want to put this clothes on,
Speaker 1: Like he'll he'll now at this point, if I did
Speaker 1: say no, I'm not gonna do it for you, He'll
Speaker 1: go in his room, go through his drawers, take off
Speaker 1: his pajama, seen him take off his pull up, put
Speaker 1: on his underwear, his jeans, and his shirt. Maybe his
Speaker 1: shirt will be on backwards, but he's now into a
Speaker 1: rhythm of dressing himself. When I remember back with Jackson,
Speaker 1: we had to actually sit and teach him, like look
Speaker 1: for the tag, put it over your head. But Cairo
Speaker 1: comes out fully dressed and ready to go for the
Speaker 1: day because he wants to keep up with Jackson. And
Speaker 1: I think it's also important, you know, speak, I speak
Speaker 1: about how I tend to discipline or teach cast but
Speaker 1: also with Cairo, I found that it's okay for me
Speaker 1: to tell Kyro, no, you can't go. This is Jackson's time,
Speaker 1: because what that allows him is to learn the process
Speaker 1: that everything isn't always about him, and I've learned I've
Speaker 1: watched himself soothed, where in the past when I used
Speaker 1: to I used to say, oh, me and Jackson are
Speaker 1: going to do something. He will cry and scream and cry.
Speaker 1: Then I used to lie and say, hey, Jackson's in trouble.
Speaker 1: I'm going to take him to do this. You don't
Speaker 1: want to go to this. But that's why I am
Speaker 1: aligned him. He's three, he's very intelligent. He's old enough
Speaker 1: to comprehend Cairo. You cannot go because this is Jackson's time.
Speaker 1: He needs to practice. When I come back, you and
Speaker 1: I will do something. And I think that the the
Speaker 1: fact that I was honest about what I was gonna do,
Speaker 1: he was able to sell, soothe and realize, you know,
Speaker 1: I can't go with Jackson is not my time. But
Speaker 1: when Daddy comes back and when I get back, he's
Speaker 1: waiting by the door. But what that's teaching him is patients.
Speaker 1: And he's also learning that everything is not about him,
Speaker 1: because in life, everything is not going to be about me,
Speaker 1: about you, absolutely, especially when you called into that world.
Speaker 1: Nobody gives a ship and when you have the silver spoon,
Speaker 1: sometimes you just think that since I have the silver spoon,
Speaker 1: everything is about me and I can leverage it whenever
Speaker 1: I want. And that's not the way life works. No,
Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's it's so difficult to just like straddle
Speaker 1: that straddle that face. But it is as a parent
Speaker 1: very um exciting to see when the kids are getting it,
Speaker 1: and I think it requires some explanation. Like one thing
Speaker 1: we do as parents, Um Deval and I we try
Speaker 1: to explain to our children as much as we can. Right,
Speaker 1: that is the black mom term in the year why
Speaker 1: not because I said that's right? And to me as
Speaker 1: a child, I always remember thinking, but that's just not
Speaker 1: good enough, like I needed I need to understand why.
Speaker 1: And me thinking that as like a five six seven
Speaker 1: year old child, I feel like naturally maybe my kids
Speaker 1: feel the same way because you said you experienced the
Speaker 1: same thing. So whereas some people may say like man,
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna take the time they explain myself to no,
Speaker 1: six seven eight year old, we've found a lot of
Speaker 1: value to sit down and explain ourselves. I do. Is
Speaker 1: it in frustration or just the kids bothering you in
Speaker 1: a moment where you don't want to be disturbed? No,
Speaker 1: some sometimes sometimes they're not old enough to understand what
Speaker 1: I'm trying to explain. So sometimes just like listen bro
Speaker 1: I said no. Because I said no, naturally, do not
Speaker 1: ask me again. But if it's something that I think
Speaker 1: they can understand, it's a yeah, I teachable moment. But
Speaker 1: but I think kids do need to understand like their place.
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like we've given everyone is so
Speaker 1: liberal nowadays, everything is so liberal, like kids should be
Speaker 1: have their own freedoms and do this and do that,
Speaker 1: and in the in the child does something outside of
Speaker 1: society's norms, the first people they blame all the parents,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So for me, I'm not
Speaker 1: even gonna give my chance, my children the chance to
Speaker 1: make those mistakes and then come looking for us. So,
Speaker 1: you know what, you may not agree with the way
Speaker 1: our parents, or you maybe say I'm a little bit extreme,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to teach my kids patients resilience and
Speaker 1: how to fight off adversity so that they can be
Speaker 1: fully functioning adults in the society where we have to
Speaker 1: work together for humanity to continue to exist. And ultimately
Speaker 1: that's what we try to do with parents. That's the
Speaker 1: best advice I can give. I don't know. You know,
Speaker 1: some people believe in spanking, some people don't believe in spankings.
Speaker 1: You know your children. You know what I'm saying. You
Speaker 1: know your children. What I will say is, if you
Speaker 1: can teach them principles that allow them to coexist with
Speaker 1: other adults and other children, they'll be They'll be pretty
Speaker 1: good humans. And that's hard while we're trying to give
Speaker 1: them everything in life that we didn't have. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a lot of style stepping that has to take place,
Speaker 1: so you know, I know, within our house household, and
Speaker 1: it's stole stepping according to the child's particular needs. Still,
Speaker 1: because if you have multiple children, you have to also
Speaker 1: superstand that you can't parent one kind of way that
Speaker 1: one child may learn through adversity in one way, whereas
Speaker 1: it may be a detriment to another child. And that
Speaker 1: is that I'm glad you. I'm glad you told about
Speaker 1: you have an example because I that is a great
Speaker 1: point because I know that's been a lot of time
Speaker 1: with the boys, because I'm a dad and I kind
Speaker 1: of feel like I know they're very much a boy dad,
Speaker 1: very much a boy dad. But I know for a fact,
Speaker 1: all three of my boys are inherently different. They're so different,
Speaker 1: inherently different. Different. And for example, Jackson with riding the
Speaker 1: bike right, And I said to Jackson, because I see
Speaker 1: he struggles, he gets nervous, he gets worried. So he
Speaker 1: gets on a bike. Last year we perfected getting on
Speaker 1: the bike and riding it. He gets on the bike
Speaker 1: and his feet stumble in and I'm like, Jackson, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna scream at you. Okay, I'm not gonna holler.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be very patient. You're a champ. You
Speaker 1: can do this. Ten minutes, he's still trying to get
Speaker 1: his feet on the pedal, lose it, get yours on
Speaker 1: the bike, bike riding, pedal going. Now he's moving, he's
Speaker 1: looking at me. He's all excited. Now, my gos, what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Let's go screaming, let's go. Can you
Speaker 1: imagine if I would have screamed that Chiro like that,
Speaker 1: what would Cairo have done? Would have stayed the bike down,
Speaker 1: walked away like bike. If I would have screamed it
Speaker 1: Kylro like that, there would have been no bike riding.
Speaker 1: He would have stand the bike down and walked home.
Speaker 1: Kaz would have fought, would have start swinging. Who are
Speaker 1: you screaming that? What is exactly? Yeah? And it's so
Speaker 1: strange and it's exhausting. Sometimes it's a parent because it's
Speaker 1: just like, bro, like, how do I keep up a baby?
Speaker 1: So I have a question. We moved our kids out
Speaker 1: of the quote unquote hood because Brooklyn is no longer hood,
Speaker 1: no more. It's very gentrified. It's Brooklyn Heights now. But
Speaker 1: we moved our kids, the kids out of Brooklyn Heights
Speaker 1: and now we're in the suburbs of California. What are
Speaker 1: you hoping to gain from making these changes? Because I
Speaker 1: know the first thing, okay, we I know why we
Speaker 1: moved here. Codeine looked at the schools system. We talked
Speaker 1: about budgets, and she said, if we can do public
Speaker 1: the number one public school in California. So we're trying
Speaker 1: to find somewhere that at least I know they can
Speaker 1: go to public school, will have some space. It was
Speaker 1: just trying to find the happy medium for us. So
Speaker 1: and I just cut you off because I don't want
Speaker 1: you to go to public school route because we talked
Speaker 1: about education. I want to hear. No, it wasn't even
Speaker 1: that like I what I got from your question at
Speaker 1: least is what's what do I hope my children are
Speaker 1: going to learn from their childhood with this whole move
Speaker 1: that we made, right okay, so um. For me, As
Speaker 1: much as it's about the children, it was also about,
Speaker 1: if it sounds selfish, my peace of mind, knowing that
Speaker 1: me as a mom, there's certain things that I don't
Speaker 1: want to have to necessarily worry about because actually I'm
Speaker 1: a warrior. So you know, them moving us moving out here.
Speaker 1: For me, it's going to give them the opportunity, I think,
Speaker 1: to just at least have a little bit more space.
Speaker 1: I want when they remember their childhood, they think about
Speaker 1: the times that they were able to just like go outside,
Speaker 1: they can play together, they can have they can have
Speaker 1: space like that was one of the biggest things moving
Speaker 1: from from from New York. But also to when they
Speaker 1: think of their childhood in general, I want them to
Speaker 1: know how how love they were and how invested their
Speaker 1: parents were in like their their their every move and
Speaker 1: not to say that we want to stifle them, because
Speaker 1: I know at some points in my childhood I felt
Speaker 1: like I was I was stifled a bit just from
Speaker 1: being so super sheltered. Um, but I want to also
Speaker 1: create a balance for them where they feel like my
Speaker 1: parents really empowered me to be my own person. But
Speaker 1: at the same time too, I know I could fall
Speaker 1: back on my parents if I did need them, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So the biggest thing for me
Speaker 1: is that balance. So the balance for us now too.
Speaker 1: Even though we have moved over to l A, it's
Speaker 1: also too we decided we're gonna take them back to
Speaker 1: Brooklyn in the summer times or like any time we
Speaker 1: have any time we have breaks and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: the first place we go to is in New York.
Speaker 1: So even since we've moved here, we've been back to
Speaker 1: New York like four or five times. That why I'd
Speaker 1: like to say to people we really move were technically
Speaker 1: like try coastal because between New York, l A and
Speaker 1: Atlanta were like always moving. Um. But with this being
Speaker 1: like kind of home based for us now, UM, I
Speaker 1: feel like at least they can appreciate the fact that,
Speaker 1: you know what, my parents are putting me a space
Speaker 1: where I can just thrive, where I can um have
Speaker 1: room to grow, you know, physically, and also just kind
Speaker 1: of um, I guess is it metaphorically not the right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, room to grow. Um, and
Speaker 1: I need them to know that we are invested in
Speaker 1: them them, you know, as as children, you know, and um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want them to have fun like I have
Speaker 1: so many fun moments I could think of as a
Speaker 1: child that I want my kids to make sure that
Speaker 1: they But you had for moments in Brooklyn, I did
Speaker 1: for me. It's just moving for me was a way
Speaker 1: for us to not eliminate them from those things, but
Speaker 1: to control how they get those things, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So for me, moving was almost like parent control.
Speaker 1: You know how you give a care the laptop. But
Speaker 1: now Jackson can't get access to certain things unless he
Speaker 1: physically asked per permission that comes to my phone, so
Speaker 1: he doesn't get to see or watch whatever he wants
Speaker 1: to watch. I have to vet it first and then
Speaker 1: accept it. I feel like us moving out here allows
Speaker 1: me to vet his experiences through his life because I
Speaker 1: get to experience them first, and he's not force fed
Speaker 1: certain experiences. So for me, living in Brooklyn was I
Speaker 1: was force fed a lot of things because both of
Speaker 1: my parents worked and I was thrown into the commute
Speaker 1: of dealing with life very very early. So was my brother,
Speaker 1: you know, my sister wasn't. And I want to be
Speaker 1: able to to share those things with my boys in
Speaker 1: my time, not their time. And that was ultimately the
Speaker 1: whole reason moving out here to the burbs, making sure that, Okay,
Speaker 1: you want to go into Brooklyn. We're gonna go into
Speaker 1: Brooklyn together. I'm going to introduce you to the people
Speaker 1: that I know in Brooklyn, the good people who I
Speaker 1: know in Brooklyn. And the funny thing is, not all
Speaker 1: the good people, even the nice parts of Brooklyn, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Jay saying with all the good
Speaker 1: people don't live in the nice parts of the suburbs.
Speaker 1: I still have people who live in Brooklyn, and I
Speaker 1: love dearly who are of the greatest character and the
Speaker 1: greatest moral spirits that I want my sons to have
Speaker 1: relationships with. And I feel like moving out here allows
Speaker 1: me to give them the balance of both worlds, right, sure,
Speaker 1: I love that, and we're doing it together, always the
Speaker 1: best way to do it. Well, now we're gonna head
Speaker 1: into your favorite time after we deal with some of
Speaker 1: these ads and pay some of these bills. For sure,
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and moving to listener
Speaker 1: letters after we get into these ads. So we're back
Speaker 1: guys listen their letter times. The emails have been bubbling
Speaker 1: over flooding in, so let's see we have some good
Speaker 1: ones for for today. M sure, I'll go ahead and
Speaker 1: read the first one. I love my boyfriend of one year,
Speaker 1: but his parenting is a turn off for me. I
Speaker 1: have no children. I feel like as a black dad,
Speaker 1: he should be more authoritative and disciplinary when it comes
Speaker 1: to his nine year old son. For example, he doesn't
Speaker 1: make or show him how to take the trash out,
Speaker 1: clean the kitchen, or cut the grass, but he wants
Speaker 1: to show him how to scratch records. How do I
Speaker 1: lovingly communicate to him that I'm being turned off by
Speaker 1: what he sees as priority, as priority to teach his
Speaker 1: son that's not really a places the people without kids
Speaker 1: tell me how when you don't have kids? Like, the
Speaker 1: biggest thing for me that that wrong out in this
Speaker 1: whole thing is I have no children, So say that
Speaker 1: you have no children. It's really hard, um sometimes to
Speaker 1: take advice. However, I do feel like just as a
Speaker 1: person with children or not, you may be able to
Speaker 1: see some val you in you know, him being able
Speaker 1: to teach his son different things maybe based on the
Speaker 1: way you grew up or based on the way, um
Speaker 1: you think things should be, or if you had children
Speaker 1: you would do it that way. Um. But I think
Speaker 1: at the same time too, where's his mom? Like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, the mother and the father should
Speaker 1: really have an idea of what they're doing parenting wise,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's it's may be difficult because he
Speaker 1: may be learning one thing with his mom, and then
Speaker 1: he may be doing one thing with his dad. Maybe
Speaker 1: at mom's house he's making his bed. Maybe at mom's
Speaker 1: house he's taking out the trash, sat in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: And when he's with dad, Dad probably sees it as like, yo,
Speaker 1: this is my son. He's nine, especially at that age.
Speaker 1: That's that's a lot of that known for us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Jackson like a doors deval and wants to do everything
Speaker 1: devout Dad does, like devots his favorite person right now,
Speaker 1: So his dad may be in the same thing. You know,
Speaker 1: what's one more time? Can you say that one more time?
Speaker 1: Devout is Jackson's favorite person right now? Right now? He
Speaker 1: is you know, when it comes to waves, it ships anyway,
Speaker 1: don't feel a kind of way. I got two other ones,
Speaker 1: like it'll shift if you'll be a favorite. So like
Speaker 1: I was saying this, um so like I was saying, um, see,
Speaker 1: you maybe lose my whole train of thought. See anytime
Speaker 1: you bring up a whole another daughter, I don't even
Speaker 1: remember what I'm talking talking and talking about you. First
Speaker 1: of all, your point was great, and you were taking
Speaker 1: all my points, which was great. Mom may certain things, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so Mom may have him doing certain things. Dad may
Speaker 1: see this. It's like, Yo, my son adores me. This
Speaker 1: is our time together. He's nine, Like he's interested in
Speaker 1: scratching records, maybe because that's just something fun that they
Speaker 1: like to do with each other, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: If it's a thing where you and your boyfriend then
Speaker 1: continue to grow within your relationship and then you become
Speaker 1: like a step mom, and then you have to now
Speaker 1: raise this sun with your boyfriend, Um, then I think
Speaker 1: it may be worth having the conversation at that point.
Speaker 1: If you guys are going to be living together, like, hey,
Speaker 1: whenever your son is here, maybe we should like map
Speaker 1: out some things that he should be doing around the
Speaker 1: house because we all live together now. But you know,
Speaker 1: just being one year in and then having you know,
Speaker 1: an opinion about it. I don't know how how he
Speaker 1: would feel about that real talk. This is this is
Speaker 1: very easy. It's only one year. Okay, there's not much
Speaker 1: that you you do know if you've been dating from
Speaker 1: one year all right. Secondly, you're not around all the time.
Speaker 1: So since you're not around all the time, how do
Speaker 1: you know that he's not teaching him how to do
Speaker 1: those things when you're not around? For example? And I
Speaker 1: know this from my my brother's standpoint. I tease my brother,
Speaker 1: but I'm not around and I'm a parent. I still
Speaker 1: don't try to teach my brother how to parent because
Speaker 1: when I'm not around, he could be doing things that
Speaker 1: if I feel judgmental that if I don't see him
Speaker 1: do it, it's completely wrong. On top of that, when
Speaker 1: you're around, it could just be playtime. You're his girlfriend.
Speaker 1: So maybe he wants to spend time with his girlfriend
Speaker 1: and have his son share positive moments with his new girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Because what you don't want is you don't want your
Speaker 1: son to feel like every time she comes around, I
Speaker 1: got to clean up. Maybe it's the thing where I'm
Speaker 1: trying to ease him into this situation. My feeling like,
Speaker 1: whenever she's around, we have fun. So sometimes as a
Speaker 1: as a parent, and you only noticed as a parent
Speaker 1: is you have your methods of doing things. When you're
Speaker 1: not a parent, it's easy to look at someone else's
Speaker 1: parenting choices and judge because you don't know the full
Speaker 1: story or don't have the full gamut of the experience.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's even easy sometimes as a parent to
Speaker 1: look at another parent and say, well, what in the
Speaker 1: hell are you? Look at some of the people who
Speaker 1: are in a classroom with your your child, and you're
Speaker 1: just like who raised you? You know, it's very possible
Speaker 1: sometimes to have those scenarios as well, with a child
Speaker 1: or without having children. Bottom line is, don't don't take
Speaker 1: the snapshot of who you think the child is and
Speaker 1: trying to make a whole narrative about it. You don't
Speaker 1: know what he does when he's with his mom, because,
Speaker 1: like a dean said, what if his mom is a
Speaker 1: drill sergeant and the only reprieve he gets from life
Speaker 1: is with his dad. You don't have to double down
Speaker 1: if someone is doing so much and that can be
Speaker 1: overkilled and that can turn his son off, especially he's
Speaker 1: going back and forth between his mom and his dad.
Speaker 1: So you know what I would say is, um, ask questions.
Speaker 1: Do not be judgmental. Don't tell him you're turned off,
Speaker 1: but you can ask questions and say, hey, you know
Speaker 1: how about this? But do not offer no opinions on
Speaker 1: someone else's child when you're just a girlfriend right now? Exactly,
Speaker 1: you you overstepping your boundaries. Focus on being a girlfriend
Speaker 1: because he girlfriend to the daddy. That could be real thing. Quick,
Speaker 1: you'd be ex girlfriend. You ain't gotta worry about that.
Speaker 1: You ain't gotta be turned off no more because you
Speaker 1: turned out to the door. You're so annoying. All right, hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: i'll read this one too. Does something in reading moved today?
Speaker 1: Go ahead, just cut um. I need your feedback desperately
Speaker 1: with an exclamation point. So this is all right, Let
Speaker 1: me make haste and read. My partner over a year
Speaker 1: and a half wants me to move in with him.
Speaker 1: During my last visit, he told me that my three
Speaker 1: grown sons would not be allowed to visit our home.
Speaker 1: Party done since his reasoning is that family can be
Speaker 1: toxic and he's had negative experience with his nephew's visiting
Speaker 1: and living with him. I passionately disagree, as do I.
Speaker 1: I stood my ground, but he argued that I should
Speaker 1: trust him in his leadership. He flexes the alpha male
Speaker 1: thing a lot, although I'll never consent to living with
Speaker 1: someone who who's divisive with my sons. Would you advise
Speaker 1: me to negotiate or try to reach a compromise or
Speaker 1: could that be the final red flag? Please help? Thanks? Yikes, yo,
Speaker 1: this is on everything. We got three sons, they're gonna
Speaker 1: be grown. Say we get divorced and you remarry somebody,
Speaker 1: and the boys tell me what, we can't go by
Speaker 1: mom's house because her new boyfriend don't want us around.
Speaker 1: It would be four big black dudes at your crib, rightfully,
Speaker 1: So right, there's no way. There's no way. There's no way.
Speaker 1: I don't even have I don't have, no there's no way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's no there's and she compromise that red flag? Oh no.
Speaker 1: The thing is she didn't even say he's had negative
Speaker 1: experiences with my son. She said he's had negative experiences
Speaker 1: with his nephews. What they got to do with my
Speaker 1: son's Absolutely, they can't visit three completely different people, you
Speaker 1: know what It sounds like it sounds like he's controlling.
Speaker 1: You know what he wants to do is he wants
Speaker 1: to separate her from her family so that he can
Speaker 1: control her. That's because he knows that three grown men
Speaker 1: will probably sniff out his bullshit and not and they're
Speaker 1: not having it. There's no compromising there, no, absolutely no.
Speaker 1: I won't even get between Kay and my sons. My
Speaker 1: sons have fiduciary responsibility to protect their mom at all courts.
Speaker 1: If even if I'm doing something that they see could
Speaker 1: be an issue, I would appreciate in love if my sons,
Speaker 1: if they were grown respectfully said something to me trying
Speaker 1: to trying to separate someone from their offspring. It's like,
Speaker 1: that's so wrong, so especially if they're not toxic. I
Speaker 1: was about to say, she didn't say anywhere in here
Speaker 1: that her sons have had any issues with him or
Speaker 1: with her. I mean if they were abusive, or they
Speaker 1: were toxic, or they had some vices that but no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't even got no more say that. That kind
Speaker 1: of got me mad just now because I wish you
Speaker 1: would tell you. I wish you would tell me your
Speaker 1: new husband, your new husband man, not even a husband
Speaker 1: partner for over a year and a half. That's not
Speaker 1: even people fall in love quick. They're not a husband
Speaker 1: Like yeah, but I'm saying, if you're partner for year
Speaker 1: and have told I told my boys they wasn't welcomed
Speaker 1: by his house to see their mom, we're kicking the
Speaker 1: door down, kicking the door within the full full or
Speaker 1: you heard what the voul? Don't hit me no more
Speaker 1: playing disrespect my boys. There goes that these listen letters
Speaker 1: are easy today they were pretty easy. Awesome And if
Speaker 1: you want to be featured as one of our listener letters,
Speaker 1: email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. Yes, time,
Speaker 1: moment of truth, Well go first, let me go first.
Speaker 1: I think they're always like lean on you because I
Speaker 1: come out reading listen of that is it's like a flow.
Speaker 1: This is my moment of truth. No matter how much
Speaker 1: money I'm able to make, I'm always going to have
Speaker 1: to um add some sort of adversity in my children's
Speaker 1: life so that they can learn to be resilient, be respectful,
Speaker 1: and be confident. For sure, I feel like if I
Speaker 1: just give them everything, they'll they'll lack confidence. So I
Speaker 1: have to dull the silver spoon by manufacturing that adversity
Speaker 1: throughout their life until I know that they can handle
Speaker 1: the adversity on the right, even if the adversity is
Speaker 1: not readily available to them. See as though we're not
Speaker 1: in an environment where there may be that much. Right now,
Speaker 1: I can. I can manufacture adversity. I can put them
Speaker 1: in I can put them in different leagues, put them
Speaker 1: in different sports things, and make their life a little
Speaker 1: bit harder, just so that they can learn how to
Speaker 1: deal with adversity. For sure, And no matter how much
Speaker 1: I could be worth eight billion dollars, that can I
Speaker 1: get a new car, You're gonna go work for it.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Go get a job. I
Speaker 1: don't need to work. You can buy a car I
Speaker 1: don't care for. Go get a job. I'll buy you
Speaker 1: to call you up with gas in it, though you're
Speaker 1: gonna pay your own insurance. I'm gonna find a way
Speaker 1: to building some adversity so that they can learn to
Speaker 1: appreciate things. No, absolutely, I feel you. I think that
Speaker 1: leads me to my moment of truth. Where As a parent,
Speaker 1: I understand now that there is value in saying no
Speaker 1: to your children sometimes because they just need that Sometimes
Speaker 1: as much as I want to be mother hen and
Speaker 1: shelter them from everything and protect them from everything, I
Speaker 1: know that I can't. It's just not realistic. And in that,
Speaker 1: I know that I have to be able to say
Speaker 1: no sometimes and just be confident in that and know
Speaker 1: that my children, being armed with everything we teach them,
Speaker 1: we'll be able to make the right decisions. I hope
Speaker 1: and I pray. Cone was just stuttering a little bit
Speaker 1: now because I'm rubbing her thigh. I can't see it,
Speaker 1: but I am. I was looking good. I just rubbed it.
Speaker 1: I was trying to distract, right though. YO. Be sure
Speaker 1: to follow us on social media. That's I am, Devo
Speaker 1: and Cadine I am. And if you're listening on Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead Ass is
Speaker 1: a production of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico
Speaker 1: and Dinor Opinion are executive producer T Square. Our associate
Speaker 1: producers are Triple and Kristin Torres. Our Chief content Officer
Speaker 1: is Chris Bannon, our studio engineer and original music is
Speaker 1: by Brendan Burns and Last but not least, we are
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Speaker 1: I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right
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Speaker 1: Do it, please,