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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called Defecto or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast, which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now at available

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Speaker 1: every RUSTCR podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see I buy. Hey, y'all, we recorded these

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Speaker 1: episodes before the news about COVID nineteen broke. We wanted

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Speaker 1: to let you know that we're here for you and

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Speaker 1: that we hope these episodes can bring you a little

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Speaker 1: bit of joy and escape in these uncertain times. Dead ass,

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Speaker 1: I spent a large part of my adult life saying

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Speaker 1: to myself, I don't want my kids to grow up

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Speaker 1: how I grew up. Now we live in a different place,

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Speaker 1: and I wish my kids were growing up where I

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Speaker 1: grew up. Dead you mean you want to take our

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Speaker 1: kids back to the hood. Facts. Hey, I'm Cadine and

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Speaker 1: I and we're the Ellis. You may know us from

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Speaker 1: posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other

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Speaker 1: publicly as a form of therapy. But I'll make you

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Speaker 1: need most days. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast

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Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's

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Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Dead ask starts now.

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Speaker 1: All right, guys, I'm gonna take you back all the

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Speaker 1: way back to the nineties, back in time. Yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: So I grew up in a middle class I would

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Speaker 1: say urban home. You know, my father worked multiple job

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Speaker 1: to make sure we had everything. My mom worked for

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Speaker 1: the city. So um, I didn't grow up poor. So

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Speaker 1: I don't want anyone to think that I'm claiming to

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Speaker 1: grow up poor. I did not grow up poor. But

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Speaker 1: growing up in Brooklyn and traveling a lot on your own,

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Speaker 1: you tend to travel places where you're not supposed to go. Okay,

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Speaker 1: And I still had friends who lived in different parts

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Speaker 1: of Brooklyn. So I remember my freshman year of high school.

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Speaker 1: I just it was it was Christmas break and my

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Speaker 1: parents got me the things that I asked for. On Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I got an aver Rick jacket. Um, I had some

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Speaker 1: brand new Tim's and me and my boys were taking

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Speaker 1: a bus through Flatbush, as we always did go into

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Speaker 1: different movie theaters. At this point, Kimbo Movie Theater was

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Speaker 1: still open. We went to Kimbo Movie there, and after

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Speaker 1: the movie theater, we were going to see some girls

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Speaker 1: that we wanted to check out, and we ended up

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Speaker 1: in Flatbush and a part of flat Bush that's typically

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Speaker 1: crypt territory. And my Avorick jacket was red, and I

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Speaker 1: had a red band around my head, and my boys

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Speaker 1: all just randomly had on red. At first, we thought

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Speaker 1: it was cool that we all had on red, because

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Speaker 1: you know, we're going to check these girls. We look

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Speaker 1: cool with the fly guys. This this is when Mason

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Speaker 1: and Diddy and everybody there was all super Fly to

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Speaker 1: Eastern Match, so we thought it was cool. So we

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Speaker 1: get to this part of the Flatbush and we see

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Speaker 1: a bunch of dudes in this Chinese restaurant and they

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Speaker 1: all got on blue. Everybody got on blue. And that's

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Speaker 1: when your spidy senses started kicking in and I started

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Speaker 1: to feel a little uh tingling sensations. And I was like, yo,

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Speaker 1: some made right, bro. The dudes over there keep looking

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Speaker 1: at us. We gotta we gotta move. So my other

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Speaker 1: homeboy was like, yo, I think Devel is right. So

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Speaker 1: we we walked down the block and we're here cool cool,

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Speaker 1: and dudes started coming out of the park and um,

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Speaker 1: We're trying to walk through the dudes and then you know,

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Speaker 1: they put their hand and stop us. I can do, like, yo,

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Speaker 1: what up blood? And I was like, yeah, I ain't blood.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like I'm I'm not blood.

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Speaker 1: And dudes walked in front of us, put his hand

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Speaker 1: in my chest. I knocked his hand down. Then he

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Speaker 1: pulled his shirt up and I seen and he had

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Speaker 1: the heat on him. I was fourteen, My friends at

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Speaker 1: the time was seventeen and eighteen. It was three of us.

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Speaker 1: These dudes proceeded to take my jacket off, pull my

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Speaker 1: chain off, and when I looked around, it was about

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Speaker 1: fifteen twenty dudes, and they were older. They were older guys,

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Speaker 1: nineteen twenty. They took our stuff, ran into the park,

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Speaker 1: and I had never felt so violated in my life

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Speaker 1: because it was so many of them and it was

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Speaker 1: just me and my two friends minding our business and

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Speaker 1: they had a gun. My first instinct was I wish

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Speaker 1: I had a gun at that time. If I had

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Speaker 1: a gun, I probably would have pulled my gun. And

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Speaker 1: that's the dangerous art of living in that type of environment,

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Speaker 1: because there were parts of me that wanted to then say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, from that one, I'm walking around with

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Speaker 1: a gun. I remember being in the house that night

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Speaker 1: and I remember looking watching my dad's face and him

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Speaker 1: looking helpless because he wanted to help me, but he couldn't.

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Speaker 1: And I said to myself, when I have kids, my

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Speaker 1: kids are never gonna have to exist in a place

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Speaker 1: where they have to deal with what I just dealt with.

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Speaker 1: So this karaoke song is gonna lighten things up a

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Speaker 1: little bit after this story, Uh maybe a little familiar.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna start with the beat, so if Kaken can

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Speaker 1: jump in here, do m and in West Philadelphia, born

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Speaker 1: and raised on the playground, I said, I spaid most

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Speaker 1: of my days chilling out maximum and lights and all

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Speaker 1: cool and all shooting something be ball outside of the school.

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Speaker 1: When a couple of guys they were having no good

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Speaker 1: started making trouble in my neighborhood, I got a one

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Speaker 1: little fighting. My mom got scared and said, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna go through the whole song. Already told me

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Speaker 1: my story was mad long, So I'm gonna cut karaoke

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Speaker 1: a little bit. Appreciated, bro, But I understand. I understand

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Speaker 1: now why you were so adamant about doing karaoke because

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Speaker 1: you picked the perfect songs. I picked a perfect woman,

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Speaker 1: then I picked a perfect song. There you go. And

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Speaker 1: it makes absolute sense, especially after us leaving these coasts

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Speaker 1: headed out west, very similar. We don't live in bel

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Speaker 1: Air though, don't get it twisted West Philadelphia if we

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Speaker 1: don't know rich uncle out here, So sorry about that. However, Um,

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Speaker 1: it makes total sense when we're talking about today's topic, UM,

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Speaker 1: trying to create adversity for our children growing up now.

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Speaker 1: It's a very different time than when we grew up,

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Speaker 1: of course, and um, we're talking about dulling the silver spoon.

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Speaker 1: So typically the silver spoon means what to you. The

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Speaker 1: silver spoon means privilege. You know, people who are born

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Speaker 1: with the opportunity city to have access to things that

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Speaker 1: majority of the world doesn't have. UM. I won't say

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Speaker 1: the one percent, because the one percent is very, very high,

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Speaker 1: but I say, at least the top have a silver

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Speaker 1: spoon in them out, you know. And UM we talk

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Speaker 1: about telling it, and I'm talking about our kids, three boys, Jackson,

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Speaker 1: kyro one Cash, you know. And and as parents, it's

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Speaker 1: it's kind of natural for you to want to make

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Speaker 1: sure that your kids have better than you. They are

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Speaker 1: better than you have more than you had, UM. And

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Speaker 1: not even just in terms of material things that it

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Speaker 1: does surface itself in material things, but you want them

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Speaker 1: to be able to also have, you know, um, more

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Speaker 1: confidence that you had, you know, more ability than you

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Speaker 1: had and UM, but you want to make sure that

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Speaker 1: you're doing it to the point where they're not spoiled

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Speaker 1: brats at the same time, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: So we're talking today about how you go about providing

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Speaker 1: for your kids but also creating healthy adversity for them, UM,

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Speaker 1: to keep them grounded, which is very important to us. UM.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, your story, UM rings true to me because

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Speaker 1: I need I mean, I wasn't in fights in Brooklyn.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many fights you said you were in,

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Speaker 1: but I know, things are very different for boys and girls,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I was very sheltered, you know, even

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Speaker 1: though my you know, I would say to my parents

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Speaker 1: were you know, middle class, hard working UM citizens, and

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Speaker 1: you know, did everything that they could to provide a

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Speaker 1: lifestyle for me where I was a well rounded child.

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Speaker 1: You know, I did the piano lessons, which I hated,

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Speaker 1: and I never understood why. Like I mean, I know

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Speaker 1: my mom was trying to expose me to things, but

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Speaker 1: UM hated piano lessons. UM. But I was involved in dance,

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Speaker 1: I did pageants. I UM. She just she was very

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Speaker 1: adamant about giving me every opportunity to do more. And

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Speaker 1: I think coming from the West Indies, you know, my

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Speaker 1: father and my mom, um, my mom Jamaica from Jamaica,

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Speaker 1: my dad from St. Vincent, they didn't have the opportunities

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Speaker 1: to do the things that I would be able to

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Speaker 1: do in America. So it was very important for her

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Speaker 1: to make sure that I was able to just be

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Speaker 1: exposed to it and see what stuck, see what I

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Speaker 1: was interested in. Um, which was great because now in retrospect,

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Speaker 1: her you know, supporting my decision to even do pageants

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Speaker 1: led me into my career field, which was broadcasting and

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Speaker 1: not being afraid to be in front of people and

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Speaker 1: speak my mind and you know, interview tactics like those

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Speaker 1: are so many things that I was able to soak

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Speaker 1: up in that sense. Um, So what was what was

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Speaker 1: growing up in Brooklyn like for you? Because even though

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Speaker 1: we did go to the same elementary school for a

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Speaker 1: couple of years, you ended up leaving for a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I continued through eighth grade. Um, But realistically we grew

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Speaker 1: up within, you know, a couple of a couple of

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Speaker 1: a couple of blocks radius. So, um, what was life

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Speaker 1: like for you growing up in Brooklyn? Um? First, First

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Speaker 1: of all, I shout out to my parents, who were

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Speaker 1: extremely hard workers. Shout out to my grandparents. Like, when

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Speaker 1: I think about my life now, I am just a

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Speaker 1: elevated version of my father, who was an elevated version

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Speaker 1: of his father, who was an elevated version of his father.

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Speaker 1: All of the men in our family worked to make

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Speaker 1: sure the next generation was better than the last. So

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Speaker 1: shout out to my dad for busting his ass his

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Speaker 1: whole life to make sure that I'm, my brother and

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Speaker 1: my sister were are better versions of him. Shout out

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Speaker 1: to my mom, Um, who worked for the city for years,

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Speaker 1: who just gave me so many different tools to grow

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Speaker 1: up to be the man that I am today. But

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Speaker 1: I say all of that to say this, Sometimes it

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter the house you grow up in, because your

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Speaker 1: environment shapes you. Both of my parents work nine to five,

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Speaker 1: and I remember when I was eight years old, we

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Speaker 1: just moved to Canarsi. We moved out of a flatbush

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Speaker 1: because we lived in uh downstairs apartment in a two

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Speaker 1: story home. And my mom got pregnant and was having

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Speaker 1: my sister, and my parents were just bought a house

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Speaker 1: and we moved to Canarsi. At the time, we were

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Speaker 1: the third black family in Canarsi. There are Jewish people,

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Speaker 1: Italian people, and then we were the third black family

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Speaker 1: to move to Canarsi and I was eight years old.

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Speaker 1: We just moved to Canarsi. Um I went to PS

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Speaker 1: two seventy nine and for the first time in my life,

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Speaker 1: I was responsible for walking from for walking home. But

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Speaker 1: I had to get my brother Brian first, and then

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Speaker 1: we had to walk home from to seventy nine to

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Speaker 1: our house. And eight years old, I'll never forget I

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Speaker 1: walk out the first day of school and I go

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Speaker 1: in the wrong direction. I grabbed my brother's hand and

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Speaker 1: I end up walking towards flat Lands as opposed to

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Speaker 1: walking into the more residential area. And when I walked

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Speaker 1: towards flat Land, I see this big street and it's

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Speaker 1: like it seems like the whole world opened up. I've

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Speaker 1: never seen it before. Is it just that you got

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Speaker 1: turned around that time? Like you came out the wrong

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Speaker 1: and you know, exit at the school and you were

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Speaker 1: like in a different place or where you just kind

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Speaker 1: of trying to take the long route home. No, I wasn't.

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Speaker 1: I came out of school and we I went into

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Speaker 1: school the front entrance, and then when I came out

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Speaker 1: the back entrance, for what, I got turned around. So

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Speaker 1: I went the wrong direction. But this is the first

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Speaker 1: time in my life I had to figure something out

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Speaker 1: on my own. My parents aren't there. I was eight,

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Speaker 1: so I was Jackson that I was just about to say,

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Speaker 1: that's Jackson. Now my heart is racially just thinking about it,

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, there's no way I would have Jackson

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Speaker 1: pick up car and take him anywhere, so and I

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Speaker 1: even have them take him to the bathroom. And I

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Speaker 1: have my six year old brother with me, and he's

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Speaker 1: just looking up at me, like, do you know where

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Speaker 1: we're going? And I end up navigating him. I finding

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Speaker 1: my way back home. I ran into one of my

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Speaker 1: class smith's parents, and and he looked like he was

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Speaker 1: concerned that I didn't know where I was going. I

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Speaker 1: recognized her from class, and I told him my address,

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Speaker 1: and he ended up taking us the rest of the way.

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Speaker 1: But that was that. That right there was a microcosm

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Speaker 1: of what my life was like growing up in Brooklyn

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Speaker 1: because both of my parents worked a lot of it

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Speaker 1: was the responsibility of me, as the oldest, to figure

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Speaker 1: things out because my parents weren't there. So it was

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Speaker 1: me and my brother through life figuring things out, whether

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Speaker 1: it was fights with neighbors. When we first moved to Canarsie,

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Speaker 1: we were the third black family. There were other kids

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Speaker 1: that we didn't know. My brother was fighting. We're getting

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Speaker 1: the fights. You know, if somebody hit my brother, I'm

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Speaker 1: the oldest, I'm hitting them back. So me and my

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Speaker 1: brother fighting in the street. We go to visit my

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Speaker 1: my family and queens Um. They lived in rough part

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Speaker 1: of Queens and we from Brooklyn. They got something to say,

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Speaker 1: we got something to say. We're fighting, like that's just

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Speaker 1: how we grew up. And it didn't have anything to

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Speaker 1: do with my parents and how they raised us in

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Speaker 1: what they gave us. But I was in environments where

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Speaker 1: fights happened. And the story that I told was when

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Speaker 1: I was fourteen, and once I got into sports, those

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Speaker 1: things didn't happen as much because I spent more time

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Speaker 1: at practice and things like that. But I remember saying

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Speaker 1: to myself, and when I get married, I'm gonna make

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Speaker 1: enough money so that my wife don't got to work,

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Speaker 1: so that she can be at home to make sure

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Speaker 1: that she gets my kids or takes my kids to school,

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Speaker 1: and there's someone always there, because I remember having to

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Speaker 1: get my my brother from school and walking home and

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Speaker 1: then make lunch or make dinner, not dinner, but make lunch,

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Speaker 1: make a snack, wait for my parents to get home.

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Speaker 1: But there's that three hour spaning, but everything happened. I

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Speaker 1: even think about that in terms of like being a teenager,

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Speaker 1: like at those ages where you start to get curious

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Speaker 1: about stuff and you're like, damn, my parents are at

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Speaker 1: home between three and six. You know, pull up, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. So a lot of that happens.

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Speaker 1: But it's funny how you said, thinking, well that that

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Speaker 1: story of your life created this idea in your mind

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Speaker 1: that you wanted to be able to have a wife

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Speaker 1: that can stay home. Meanwhile, you mess somebody that was

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Speaker 1: say how I'm to do what? Because that would be

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Speaker 1: funny nowadays hearing someone say that, that's probably not the

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Speaker 1: popular opinion with most women. Mostem would be like, well, bro,

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Speaker 1: you're not gonna have me at home just to be

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Speaker 1: at home, you know what I mean? But now, but

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Speaker 1: I too, now see the value of being able to

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Speaker 1: have the flexibility we have with our jobs, because that's

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Speaker 1: one thing that I actually had in my household, so

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Speaker 1: unlike in your household. Growing up in Brooklyn with my parents,

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Speaker 1: my mother worked a job that was super flexible. She

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Speaker 1: was a home care nurse, so she was able to

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Speaker 1: kind of create her own schedule, and she purposely did

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Speaker 1: that because she wanted to make sure that she had

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Speaker 1: the flexibility to be able to truck us to dance

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Speaker 1: school and my brother to taekwondo practice, and you know,

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Speaker 1: she was able to kind of create her own schedule.

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Speaker 1: Whereas my dad worked evening, so he was gone three

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Speaker 1: four o'clock to yeah to midnight, so there was literally

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Speaker 1: always someone in the house, and of course you lean

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Speaker 1: on your village much like we do now. I had

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Speaker 1: my mom's mom near by, my grandparents. My grandfather used

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Speaker 1: to pitch it and pick up, pick me up and

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Speaker 1: take me to dance school, and those of great times

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Speaker 1: because it also strengthened and build the relationship that my

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Speaker 1: brother and my sister and I had with our grandparents,

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Speaker 1: So we were able to have that, whereas I know

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Speaker 1: that your grandparents were still down south, you know, and

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Speaker 1: Nanny and Papa John were still working, so it was

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Speaker 1: a little bit different for us. Um and I know

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Speaker 1: that my mom was very very like we lived a

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Speaker 1: very sheltered life, you know, strict West Indian upbringing, so

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Speaker 1: it's like my parents knew where I was at all times.

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Speaker 1: With me. My biggest thing was I wanted to take

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Speaker 1: the city bus so bad to school. My father used

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Speaker 1: to drive me to school pick me up every single

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Speaker 1: day until I beg so much that they let me

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Speaker 1: do it. I was calling my dad to pick me up, like, bro,

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Speaker 1: it's cold outside, I don't want to take this bus

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Speaker 1: no more. But what we can't do was just glance

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Speaker 1: over what taking the city bus like is like in Brooklyn.

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Speaker 1: The city bus is at the city bus. The subway

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Speaker 1: is a beast. So I completely get now why my

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Speaker 1: mom didn't want me to have to deal with that,

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Speaker 1: because she had to do that when she first came

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Speaker 1: up here and she was trucking back and forth to school.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I don't want my kids to have to

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Speaker 1: deal with that. And again it's like, you know, But

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Speaker 1: for me, I'm like, Mom, give me the adversity a

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Speaker 1: k A. I want to just take the bus because

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Speaker 1: when it's the lead, I can hang with my friends

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Speaker 1: at the junction and we can just like you know.

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Speaker 1: And it sounds like until you see videos on social

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Speaker 1: media now of kids getting into brawls on the city

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Speaker 1: bus and to so many other people in different parts

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Speaker 1: of the world, They're like, I can't believe this happens

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00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 1: in my life. That was a regular occurrence once a week,

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Speaker 1: like I remember being at Madison and and this is

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00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,200
Speaker 1: just to give you gut some context of where I

340
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,880
Speaker 1: my thought process came from. Having a wife be able

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Speaker 1: to stay at home Brandon Grenieri's mom. When I went

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Speaker 1: to middle school, Brandon Grenieri's mom stayed at home. She

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Speaker 1: dropped the government. Brandon are you're still friends. I haven't

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00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,280
Speaker 1: spoken to Brandon in a while, but his mom used

345
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Speaker 1: to pick us up from school at Hudey and Huddy

346
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,240
Speaker 1: was in Flatbush. I had a lot of friends in

347
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Speaker 1: Flatbush because I went to Sailor Missionary Baptist Church, but

348
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 1: I knew a lot of people who are part of

349
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 1: gangs over their v g K was right over there

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Speaker 1: on Avenue h and so I was able to avoid

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Speaker 1: a lot of that trouble in middle school because I

352
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,639
Speaker 1: used to get picked up from school by Brandon Nari's

353
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Speaker 1: mom who took us back to Canarsi. But then when

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Speaker 1: I went to high school, I had to take the

355
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Speaker 1: eighty two bus past South Shore. Sheep said Bay with

356
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,159
Speaker 1: a bunch of linking kids. These are all other high schools,

357
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Speaker 1: all the high schools, So these are a bunch of

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Speaker 1: kids that you don't know who Sometimes your kids who

359
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,439
Speaker 1: were just there looking for trouble, and you're on the bus.

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00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 1: It's crowded. People are aggravated in the morning. So when

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Speaker 1: I say it was a beast, I'm not talking about

362
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,119
Speaker 1: old Traffic was bad and it was crowded. No, you

363
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,440
Speaker 1: got kids who you've got different gang sets, You've got

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Speaker 1: different beefs and you're on the bus, people don't know

365
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Speaker 1: who everybody is, and when people start swinging, sometimes you

366
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Speaker 1: just get caught. And I remember sitting on the bus

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Speaker 1: every day thinking like today but not be the day

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Speaker 1: with somebody messing me because I'm not playing. Or the

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Speaker 1: best is when the bus is so crowded and you're

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Speaker 1: just kind of sitting there and you have no choice

371
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Speaker 1: but to look at the person across from you, and

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Speaker 1: then the person across views like what you're looking. We're

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How about

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00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,639
Speaker 1: you get your Your little brother comes home because he

375
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Speaker 1: has to take the bus in middle school to roy

376
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Speaker 1: h Man. He has to take the bus, the b

377
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 1: A T two in the morning and he has to

378
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 1: get off right in front of south Shore to transfer

379
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Speaker 1: to go to roy Age Man. And then you get

380
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 1: a phone call that your brother got jumped on the bus.

381
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Speaker 1: Now I get all my friends from Honey and we

382
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Speaker 1: get on the bus and we go to roy Age

383
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 1: Man to press to do Like these are the things

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Speaker 1: that I had to handle all my own at at

385
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Speaker 1: thirteen and twelve with my leving year old brother. That

386
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 1: I said to myself, I never want my kids to

387
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 1: have to to deal with these things. So the funny

388
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 1: part is now the conflict arises at least within our

389
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: household because we've relocated, as many of you know, from

390
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:53,200
Speaker 1: Brooklyn to um to l A. True we're not even

391
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,880
Speaker 1: even in the city. We're like, you know, a little

392
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 1: bit more residential area. And it's something that we've always

393
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 1: said we wanted because me too, even as an adult,

394
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 1: having lived in Brooklyn my entire life, your perspective changes

395
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 1: a lot when we live in Michigan. Yeah, we did

396
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 1: for a little bit, so I had I had a

397
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: chance to experience. Yeah, I experienced you know, the suburb

398
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,879
Speaker 1: life where I had, you know, space, and we had

399
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 1: a yard. And you want your children to be able

400
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,920
Speaker 1: to experience that. You want to be able to just say, hey,

401
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 1: open the door to the backyard and just go outside

402
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,119
Speaker 1: and run. Um. So the conflict arises now in the

403
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 1: household where we you know, what came from Brooklyn, we're

404
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 1: now in California. Um, And moments where he's just like,

405
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 1: I don't know that he isn't gotta they gotta be

406
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 1: tough and they gotta have their moments where they gotta

407
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 1: like I might develop what you want to create fights

408
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 1: for them. I don't know, based on your lifestyle that

409
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,800
Speaker 1: you had growing up. I think it's a great thing

410
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 1: that they're a little bit more sheltered. Made me. I

411
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,680
Speaker 1: get it. I get it, It made me I understand,

412
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,880
Speaker 1: and mine was a little bit different. And that's why

413
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 1: we sometimes get into a conflict because the way sheltered,

414
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 1: the way your parent is very different than mine. But

415
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 1: I to sometimes step back and say, okay, did that

416
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,920
Speaker 1: as a man raising three black men? There are certain

417
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 1: things that I don't know, and I'll relinquished to you

418
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,280
Speaker 1: having had the experience. For example, even just last night,

419
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 1: I'm checking Jackson's homework and I was starting to mom

420
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 1: him a little bit. But that's not the adversity I'm

421
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 1: talking about. Though I wanted to understand its homework. I do,

422
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 1: but that's not the adversity I'm talking about. I'm talking

423
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:25,879
Speaker 1: about him developing some sort of toughness to where he

424
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like everything is given, you know, because everything

425
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,120
Speaker 1: wasn't given in my home, even though even though my

426
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 1: parents did well, you know, if I didn't have a

427
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: certain g p A, I couldn't get things. I had

428
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 1: chores when I went to stay with my grandparents in

429
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,600
Speaker 1: the summertime. We had to be up eight o'clock in

430
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: the morning. We had to mow the lawn and we

431
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 1: had to trim like we were we were young kids, preteens.

432
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,439
Speaker 1: I had learned how to drive, mowing the lawn and

433
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 1: trimming the grass, like doing yardwork, physical labor, which we

434
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,640
Speaker 1: thought was like slavery. But now when I think about

435
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,119
Speaker 1: it, it it teaches you a work ethic and it builds

436
00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 1: adversity because you and your your brother and my cousin Devonne,

437
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 1: who we lived with when we stayed with my Nana

438
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 1: and Papa. It just it created something in us where

439
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: we were able to bond together and get things done.

440
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 1: But even more than that, just just having awareness. I

441
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 1: feel like people who are born with a silver spoon

442
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 1: in their mouth sometimes are aloof to things that go

443
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 1: on in the world because they're protected by their parents. Right,

444
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Um, you and I when

445
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 1: we first moved back to Brooklyn, right after living in Michigan. Um,

446
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: you you grew up a house kid. You know, you

447
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,439
Speaker 1: didn't live in the apartment. You know you grew up

448
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: a house kids. It's funny because you have to explain

449
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 1: what a house kid is, because back in the day

450
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 1: that was the thing too, at least in Brooklyn. I

451
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 1: don't know if that happened everywhere else, but they were

452
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: like kids that lived in apartment in the apartments, and

453
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: then they were house kids. So yes, I was a

454
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 1: house kid growing up, because actually, when I was first

455
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: born and up until I was four, I did live

456
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 1: in an apartment building with my mom and dad. At

457
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,720
Speaker 1: once my mom became pregnant with my brother. We then

458
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 1: moved to Cannarcy as well. And yes, I became a

459
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 1: house kids. Funny that I heard, because I haven't heard

460
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 1: house could him so long. And I used to get

461
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: teased sometimes for being a house kid by the kids

462
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 1: who lived in apartments, right, and and that's just a

463
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 1: cultural thing. And I just wanted to move back to

464
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 1: an apartment so bad. Yeah, so I didn't have to

465
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: be teased for being a house kid. And I mean

466
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: that's you know, that's part of our culture too. It's

467
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: it's almost like when when you're black and your your

468
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 1: parents are doing well, they're doing okay, it's almost the

469
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 1: scene it's like you lost something because your parents are

470
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 1: working for you to become better, and you become like

471
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 1: the Hillary Banks for the Carlton and I mean it

472
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 1: was the same thing for my cousins who my cousin Cord,

473
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 1: they used to call him Carlton because he went to

474
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 1: poly Prep and he spoke well. And um, you know

475
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:42,199
Speaker 1: when you go to college and um, when you go

476
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: to college and you come back and you your dialect

477
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: has changed because you're trying to speak differently, and the

478
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: people make fun of you for going to college. And

479
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 1: they'll give you more love for coming back from going

480
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: to jail than they will from coming back from going

481
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: to college. That's just the culture we live in, especially

482
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn. But um, we came back from Michigan and

483
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: this is the first time we've lived in the apartment,

484
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 1: lived in an apartment. And Codeine used to just leave

485
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 1: her stuff in the car and she leave it on

486
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: the front seat and her car would get broken into,

487
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,440
Speaker 1: and for me it was just like, why would you

488
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: leave it on the front seat, And she was just about,

489
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,399
Speaker 1: I'm not used to having to hide my stuff, like

490
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: these laws and these rules that you live by that

491
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 1: that I just I'm not used to it. Here's my

492
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: story time, and folks, since if I wanted to have

493
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 1: a long story time. Right, I'm not gonna take up

494
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: too much time, but I will explain about what did

495
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: I was referring to with this story. So we had

496
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 1: moved back to Brooklyn, like you said, and I was

497
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: working as a makeup artist. I was a freelancer, so

498
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: I was out there just hustling, trying to get my

499
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,479
Speaker 1: coins together, and we had Jackson. At this point we

500
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: were in the apartment. I was still kind of upset

501
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,479
Speaker 1: about being there because you know, our lifestyle drastically changed

502
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: and the apartment. But I did chose to come back,

503
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what, we're going to rebuild.

504
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,920
Speaker 1: We were in the rebuilding phase. So yeah, I'll never forget.

505
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 1: It was about to be Columbus Day on that Monday.

506
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: On the Sunday, I did make up for a client

507
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 1: for her son's christening. We ended up staying in Devo's

508
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 1: parents house all Funday, had Sunday dinner. We were hanging

509
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 1: out late. We got home at like maybe one am,

510
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: so we had to circle for parking. We finally parked

511
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 1: the car. I had my makeup kit in the car

512
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: with me, another bag with some brushes and stuff, and

513
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, let me just leave this

514
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: stuff in the car because I had to be back

515
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 1: downstairs at five am to then drive to Long Island

516
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: for a wedding. I had thirteen faces to do for

517
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 1: this wedding, right, twelve people plus the bride. So I'm like,

518
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not gonna lug everything up to lug

519
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 1: it back downstairs. Devo's gonna be sleep at five thirty.

520
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: Jackson's gonna be in the house with him. Like, I'm

521
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: not gonna bother him. So I put my makeup case

522
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 1: on the floor, which, because it's a toll case, on

523
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: the floor behind the passenger seat. And then I had

524
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 1: another bag that had a couple of other little like

525
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,160
Speaker 1: knickknacks and stuff, so I left it on the seat

526
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 1: in the back. Very important that you say this. You

527
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: did all of this after parking the car, opening the

528
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: doors with the dome light on in the car, and

529
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: rearranging all this stuff wild park. Yes, I did. So

530
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: I went upstairs with my other bag, which luckily had

531
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 1: my brushes in it. Because the brushes are super expensive,

532
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 1: I had to go and clean a couple upstairs, so

533
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 1: I took my bag upstairs. I had the remaining products

534
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: in it came back downstairs. Thirty am. My car window

535
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: is broken and my makeup kid is gone, gone, disappears.

536
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: So I instantly panicked because I have thirteen faces to do.

537
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: I have to be in Long Island by seven am.

538
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: Hot mess broke into the car. I'm damn and I

539
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: was just so distraught. Luckily, I was able to call

540
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: a colleague of mine, who I know was very organized.

541
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: I would have probably had her kid ready to go,

542
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: so I was able to grab her quick kid on

543
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 1: the way to Queen's. But I say all that to

544
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 1: say me being a quote unquote house kid, which is

545
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 1: totally unaware of I guess the street smarts are like

546
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: the code, you know, living around apartment buildings that you're

547
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 1: not supposed to like open all your car doors at once.

548
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 1: Said I'm thinking to myself, Oh it's one am, nobody's

549
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 1: out here. It's gonna be four hours. Who's come down?

550
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 1: Everybody's out in one am? Old the wrong people out

551
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 1: at one am, and were able to thrive through adversity.

552
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: We're able to make things happen because we went through stuff. Right.

553
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 1: Imagine raising three black boys in America, shielding them for

554
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: from anything that could possibly happen. And then when they

555
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: turned eighteen, sending them to college, I get I don't

556
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: want to do that either, And that's that's the struggle

557
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: going through now. No you won't trust me, No you

558
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: won't that, And that's the struggle we're going through now

559
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: because we're trying to find ways to find that adversity

560
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 1: and put them in situations where we can see them

561
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 1: fight through it or let them fall and get back up.

562
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 1: And it's tough because as a parent, you look at

563
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: your kids and you don't want to ever watch them struggle.

564
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 1: I feel like if my parents knew my struggles, they

565
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 1: would have found ways to let me around it. But

566
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: I never let my parents know what I was going through,

567
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: so I found ways to do it on my own.

568
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: Do you think you did that? Is it that you

569
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 1: kind of felt bad that your parents because my parents

570
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: were busting theirs, and I felt like it was my

571
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 1: responsibility to just man up like my my father. My

572
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: father were the same shoes I kid you not. He

573
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: were the same shoes for about fifteen years. He used

574
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: to put uh newspaper in the bottom his shoes so

575
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: that they would be more comfortable. He never had a

576
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: new car his whole adult life until I went to

577
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: the NFL and my brother was graduating from college. Because

578
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,919
Speaker 1: he always bought my mom a car, he bought me

579
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: a car, he bought my brother a car. He always

580
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 1: put us first. My father always did that. So of course,

581
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: if I was going through these little things at the time,

582
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 1: I thought was little things that normal. I'm not gonna

583
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 1: say nothing because my father is busting his ass and

584
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 1: my mom works for the city. She's she's going to

585
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: work every single day. What am I complaining about? You

586
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? And that made me who I am,

587
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 1: and the same thing with you, Like, I'm pretty sure

588
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 1: because my my sister is sheltered just like you. So

589
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: I think it's a son daughter thing. Yeah, that things

590
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: are very different, I think. And I was the oldest

591
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 1: and I'm the girl. So the dynamic of boy versus girl,

592
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: or even just placement in in where you fall if

593
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 1: like the oldest or the youngest, that also to affects

594
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: the I think, the amount of responsibility that's put on you. Um,

595
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 1: and it also too kind of parents parent differently in

596
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: that sense, you know what I mean, Because we talk

597
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: all the time about how you know you feel like

598
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: your sister was parented differently than yours, your brother, And

599
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 1: then with in my circumstance, my sister is ten years

600
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: younger than me, I felt I feel like my parents

601
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 1: lost some wind at that point. They were just like,

602
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: wait a second. I wasn't thinking I was gonna have

603
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 1: this baby again. You know. Naturally my brother's between us.

604
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: But still I look at them sometimes and I'm like,

605
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 1: is she gonna get away with that? Think about us?

606
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: Think about what Jackson has been through and what Cas

607
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 1: is going to go through. Cats is never never really

608
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: lived in the apartment, never been on the train, will

609
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: never be on the bus. Jackson has done all of that.

610
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: Jackson is taking the train with me places, you know,

611
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 1: the auditions and stuff, and dealt with rush hour and

612
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: he's ready to go back on again. And I was like, bro,

613
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: this is not an event, it's not a sport. This

614
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 1: is like real life. And he's but he's aware though,

615
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 1: Like he's aware, Yeah, for sure, jack Remember the first

616
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: time I let Jacon crossed the street by himself a

617
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 1: heart attack. He was five. I almost had a heart

618
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: it was five. I let Jackson go to the corner

619
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: store by myself, Cadine was so pissed, and I was like,

620
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: trust me, kay, just let him go. Let him go.

621
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: He said he wanted a lollipop. I gave him a

622
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: fifty cent and I said, go to the store, lollipop

623
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: cause the quarter. But it just see, that's the thing

624
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: too that I had to learn from Devout making sure

625
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: people around the way or around your hood knows you facts,

626
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: you know, because that's also something that helps in Brooklyn.

627
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 1: When people around your way know you, it's almost like

628
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 1: a code you look out for each other, you know,

629
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: It's like an extended family if you you know. So

630
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: that's something that I was just like, don't have him

631
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: talk for strangers and devots, Like, no, he needs to

632
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: talk to the people around the areas they are, you know.

633
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: So I get it. Is there anything that you can't

634
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 1: believe the kids have that maybe you didn't have growing up?

635
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: I pad, yeah, I mean that wasn't the thing then,

636
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 1: but I did have a game Boy. Yeah. But but

637
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: I think it's just having then instant access to information,

638
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: not even just so much the technology, but my my

639
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: kids know and see so much. And I'm guilty of

640
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 1: doing this. I'm guilty of just saying yes, because I

641
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: want so bad to be able to say yes to

642
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: my kids. Every time they ask for something, I just

643
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: say yes without making them earn it. And I feel

644
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: like that's that iPad is just every time Jackson called me,

645
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 1: can I get this game? Can I get this game? Yeah? Sure? Sure?

646
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: Can I get these Jordan's, I get these sneakers, these Kyrie's? Yeah?

647
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: And I I have the shaming myself, yeah, I mean

648
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: we both we both were guilty of doing that, and

649
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: recently we just felt like, you know what, we're going

650
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: to have to dial back on that, like just saying no,

651
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 1: just to say no, and I know sometimes my parents

652
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: used to do that all the time. I mean, it

653
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: would be an easy situation, like, hey, mom, you know

654
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: my best friend. The sign was Carla. Can I go

655
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: to Carlo's house after school? You know? Her dad said

656
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: that we can come by. Hey, I'm going to do

657
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: my homework there. And then just because you're going to

658
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: be around your friend, you know what I mean. And

659
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 1: her dad said that he'll drop us back home and

660
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: she'll just be like no mother, with no reason. And

661
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: of course I'm thinking it's just unfair. My life is

662
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: over and like, why can't you give me a reason.

663
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 1: And she's like, hey, I can't say yes to everything.

664
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just have to say no. Well, you're gonna

665
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 1: have to say no to our daughter because I can't

666
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: say no to her. Again, we're talking about this daughter

667
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: that's non existent, but as it comes to my boys,

668
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: you're gonna anyway that That was last season's episode, So yeah,

669
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: that's in the past. Bro. So Like recently, I found

670
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: myself holding back as a mother from just doing things

671
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: that I know I can easily do, but I want

672
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 1: Jackson to be able to do for himself because also

673
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: to I'm raising three boys that I want to be

674
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: able to be self sufficient, especially when they're older. So

675
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: simple things like making the bed, sorting the laundry before

676
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: it goes in the washing machine. You know. He came

677
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: home from school the other day and he's just like, hey, Mom,

678
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: can I have a snack? And I'm like, sure, no problem.

679
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: So then he like sits down, you know. So I

680
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 1: was like, well, what you are you gonna get a snack?

681
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: And he's like, aren't you gonna make my snack for me?

682
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: And I was like no, I could get up and

683
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: looking the fridge to see what you want but I

684
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: don't know what's in there. And then yeah, so I

685
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: was like, okay, so let's think about what we can

686
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 1: make quickly. We can make a sandwich. There's peanut butter

687
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: and jelly. There's this that in the third and he's like, okay,

688
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: I'll take peanut butter and jelly. And I'm like awesome.

689
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: So I take out the bread, the peanut butter and

690
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: jelly and the knife, and I just put it on

691
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 1: the countertop. And there's something so simple that I would

692
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: have naturally just made it in two minutes. But I'm

693
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: just like, no, I'm at the point now where I

694
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: was like, there's just things that they're going to have

695
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: to start to do for themselves. Let me spain something

696
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: to you. My shout out to my grandmother, Della Ellis.

697
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 1: When we used to go to Tennessee in the summertime,

698
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: we had to cook our own food. From six years old,

699
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: I remember she told us how to make breakfast. We

700
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: had things that we could put in the microway for lunch,

701
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: and she told us how to make dinner. Me and

702
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: my cousin de Van and my brother Brian, we had

703
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: to eat and she used to take us to save

704
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: a lot. She gave us a budget and we will

705
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 1: go shopping and we would get our own food. We

706
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: will come back and we will responding for feeding ourselves.

707
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 1: Were so that I'm thinking you have a little PTSD

708
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,959
Speaker 1: from because now you don't want to cook the Now

709
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: that's exactly why I don't want to cook, because you've

710
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 1: been cooking here. I'm not even going a lie. Man.

711
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 1: I loved you till I found that out. Because now

712
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 1: your grandson won't even make dinner for me because he

713
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 1: had been doing it since he was six years old.

714
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: Isn't every summer eight weeks you? Oh my god, you

715
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: gotta cook. But but the thing is, I love to grill,

716
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: so I'll grill. Yes, that's the happy media. Don't say

717
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: I don't cook for you, because what you do is

718
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 1: you put out these false narratives and have women here

719
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: mad at me because I don't be doing nothing at home.

720
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: Whenever something whenever we got to eat the valve on

721
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 1: the grill, Yes, everybody, not just for everybody. Yeah, you're

722
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: very good with that, chef for a compliment. Been three

723
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 1: seasons I finally get a compliment. Guys, Jesus, you're very

724
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: good for that, very good. But yeah, they're just simple

725
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: things now that I feel like I need to just

726
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: kind of step back from. And then sometimes Jackson will

727
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 1: hit me with the trying to make me feel guilty,

728
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: but you makee cayrolink. It's the same with why won't

729
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 1: you leave me one? And like, bro, like you had

730
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 1: me to yourself for five years, I've been making you

731
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 1: little last handwhich just for years now. I said, can

732
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,399
Speaker 1: you imagine what will happen? And I turn it into

733
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 1: a joke. I'm like, Jackson, imagine if I gave Cayro

734
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: and Cass peanut butter and jelly to make their own sandwiches.

735
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, it's gonna be all over the wall.

736
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 1: And I'm like, exactly the same thing he does with,

737
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: you know, pencils in the house. Cats is into pencils

738
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 1: now drawing on walls. But you know, um, I also

739
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 1: want to create a space that's fair where my boys

740
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, you know mom and dad are doing

741
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 1: what they can and it's fair and it makes sense.

742
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 1: And usually there's a discussion or a lesson in something

743
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: and it comes with that explanation, so well, you know

744
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: what's funny, Jackson says, that. He always makes fun of me.

745
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: Anytime he asked me something, he's I don't know what

746
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 1: you're gonna say? What figure it out? That is my

747
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: way of creating adversity for him. We He said to me, Dad,

748
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: you know I want to practice ride on my bike.

749
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: I said, all right, we'll go put the bike in

750
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: the trusk and he's like, what I said, go put

751
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 1: the bike in the truck. So then I'm watching him

752
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:03,800
Speaker 1: stumble and trying to get the bike in the truck,

753
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 1: which I know it's difficult, but these are things I

754
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: had to do when I was living in Tennessee. My

755
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,280
Speaker 1: grandmother was not gonna come out and take three bikes

756
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: for us out of the garage. Every time we wanted

757
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 1: to ride the bike, we had to figure it out.

758
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: So I watched him struggle to get the bike in

759
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: the truck and finally gets the bike in the truck.

760
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: We drive to the park. I sit in the car

761
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: and he's in the cars that we're waiting for us. Said,

762
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for you to get the bike out of

763
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,439
Speaker 1: the truck. He's like, I gotta take it out too.

764
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, he's like, but it's heavy. I said, well,

765
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 1: figure it out and he The funny thing is I

766
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: see the confidence once he figures something out. I see

767
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: like the lightbulb go off in his head and he's like,

768
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I really can do this on my own.

769
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 1: Same thing with basketball. He's shooting, it goes past the rim,

770
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: down the hill and he's looking at me. I'm like, Yo,

771
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,919
Speaker 1: you better go get that. Like I'm like, I've made

772
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:52,280
Speaker 1: a point in my life that I'm gonna make things

773
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: harder for him just because I have to just like

774
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 1: just like things that I would normally just do. Now

775
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: you'll get that yourself. Bro. That's that's my because I

776
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: was looking at our rundown today and it was talking

777
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: about resilience and resilience pretty much being like the ability

778
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,240
Speaker 1: to roll with the punches, and there was a tip

779
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: um or different tips from the Guardian and how you

780
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 1: teach your kids resilience. So having one on one time

781
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: with the child, which is great, It's just something that

782
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,399
Speaker 1: I think we always try to do. Yes, I think

783
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: that we both take time to take our own individual

784
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: time with each child for that. So so that's like

785
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: a perfect example of, um, you know, one on one

786
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: time with Jackson and you're trying to teach him like okay, bro,

787
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:34,760
Speaker 1: but also to teaching delayed gratifications. So resilience mean understanding

788
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 1: that you can't always have what you want as soon

789
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: as you want it, like that instant gratification lifestyle that

790
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: we live in this this time, we really have to

791
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: be cognizant of that and teaching our kids. As much

792
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: as you say it's like because you asked for it

793
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: right now, don't mean right now absolutely. And I blame

794
00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:01,879
Speaker 1: that on Amazon Prime in two days. You know, it's

795
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 1: just that access. How did he learn about because he

796
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: says that to you, mom, you can just order it.

797
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: You can just order it right now, click click one

798
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: click buy or whatever it is. I'm just like, bros. Down,

799
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:15,919
Speaker 1: have a seat. So I've also learned with the two

800
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 1: younger boys that they watch and their their model of

801
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 1: what being a decent young man is right now is

802
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: their brother. So they're constantly watching Jackson, and I tend

803
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: to teach them through Jackson. So for example, if I'm

804
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: disciplining Jackson rom doing something with Jackson, I like that

805
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 1: they're sitting there watching and I'm speaking to them while

806
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: I'm speaking to Jackson. So the lesson is never just

807
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 1: for Jackson. The lesson is also for them. But what

808
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: I also am starting to do is I'm not letting

809
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 1: them get away with the baby syndrome. You know, because

810
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: you're three, because you're too you just get away with things.

811
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 1: So for example, with Kas, remember Cas, you should just

812
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 1: climb up on the counter all the time. And you

813
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: know your mom, your mom isses his caregiver now because

814
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: he's home and most with him and she wants to

815
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: make sure that he's okay and stuff like that. But

816
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,240
Speaker 1: I know when I come home, he has a caregiver,

817
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: he has the person who's gonna cakyle him and stuff

818
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: like that. But then Dad comes home, so you know,

819
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: he hears a lot from me, no and stop. And

820
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: I want to start that now because I realized at

821
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 1: Jackson's age we had to do both as far as

822
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: being the caregiver and being a disciplinarian. With your mom,

823
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,399
Speaker 1: your mom is just the caregiver. She doesn't do the disciplinarian,

824
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: so I have to be the disciplinarian. So even with Kaz,

825
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: the same thing about instant gratification. He'll run over to

826
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 1: me with the iPad and he'll ask me to open it,

827
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 1: like daddy, Daddy, open it, Daddy, open it. So in

828
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:39,879
Speaker 1: the past I would just hit the bar and woo.

829
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 1: But now if I'm doing something, I said, you gotta wait,

830
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: you gotta wait, and you have to say excuse me.

831
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 1: So then he'll frown a little bit. And he wasn't

832
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: getting it. And it took him about literally took him

833
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: about six months that he started to come over now

834
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 1: and he's like, daddy opened, please. You see him come

835
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: with that open please. You know why it took him

836
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:03,359
Speaker 1: six months because he's you, and he's he's stubborn as

837
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: all hell, so he was gonna wait six months just

838
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 1: to kind of ride it all out. But that's absolutely

839
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 1: so right. You can guarantee that if your wife gives

840
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: you a compliment, she's gonna find a way to just

841
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 1: give you a backhanded compliment and later on in the

842
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:22,320
Speaker 1: conversation she's gonna blame every bad quality about the kids.

843
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 1: It's gonna be it's headstrong. And that's great because your

844
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: head strong and you're an amazing man because of that.

845
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: She don't get it twisted. Don't get it twisted, but

846
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: but no, and also to being able to like empower

847
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: the two little ones because Kiro obsesses over Jackson, like

848
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: he looks up to him so much. So in doing that,

849
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,240
Speaker 1: sometimes when I have moments when I'm with Kiro alone,

850
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 1: you know, he'll be like, Mommy, I want to put

851
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,319
Speaker 1: the shirt on, or I want to put this clothes on,

852
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 1: Like he'll he'll now at this point, if I did

853
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: say no, I'm not gonna do it for you, He'll

854
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: go in his room, go through his drawers, take off

855
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: his pajama, seen him take off his pull up, put

856
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: on his underwear, his jeans, and his shirt. Maybe his

857
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: shirt will be on backwards, but he's now into a

858
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: rhythm of dressing himself. When I remember back with Jackson,

859
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: we had to actually sit and teach him, like look

860
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,320
Speaker 1: for the tag, put it over your head. But Cairo

861
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 1: comes out fully dressed and ready to go for the

862
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: day because he wants to keep up with Jackson. And

863
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 1: I think it's also important, you know, speak, I speak

864
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 1: about how I tend to discipline or teach cast but

865
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 1: also with Cairo, I found that it's okay for me

866
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 1: to tell Kyro, no, you can't go. This is Jackson's time,

867
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,280
Speaker 1: because what that allows him is to learn the process

868
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 1: that everything isn't always about him, and I've learned I've

869
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 1: watched himself soothed, where in the past when I used

870
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 1: to I used to say, oh, me and Jackson are

871
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: going to do something. He will cry and scream and cry.

872
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 1: Then I used to lie and say, hey, Jackson's in trouble.

873
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to take him to do this. You don't

874
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 1: want to go to this. But that's why I am

875
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: aligned him. He's three, he's very intelligent. He's old enough

876
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: to comprehend Cairo. You cannot go because this is Jackson's time.

877
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 1: He needs to practice. When I come back, you and

878
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 1: I will do something. And I think that the the

879
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: fact that I was honest about what I was gonna do,

880
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: he was able to sell, soothe and realize, you know,

881
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: I can't go with Jackson is not my time. But

882
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: when Daddy comes back and when I get back, he's

883
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 1: waiting by the door. But what that's teaching him is patients.

884
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: And he's also learning that everything is not about him,

885
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: because in life, everything is not going to be about me,

886
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: about you, absolutely, especially when you called into that world.

887
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,320
Speaker 1: Nobody gives a ship and when you have the silver spoon,

888
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 1: sometimes you just think that since I have the silver spoon,

889
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 1: everything is about me and I can leverage it whenever

890
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 1: I want. And that's not the way life works. No,

891
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's it's so difficult to just like straddle

892
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 1: that straddle that face. But it is as a parent

893
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 1: very um exciting to see when the kids are getting it,

894
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: and I think it requires some explanation. Like one thing

895
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 1: we do as parents, Um Deval and I we try

896
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: to explain to our children as much as we can. Right,

897
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 1: that is the black mom term in the year why

898
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 1: not because I said that's right? And to me as

899
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 1: a child, I always remember thinking, but that's just not

900
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 1: good enough, like I needed I need to understand why.

901
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: And me thinking that as like a five six seven

902
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,919
Speaker 1: year old child, I feel like naturally maybe my kids

903
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: feel the same way because you said you experienced the

904
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 1: same thing. So whereas some people may say like man,

905
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna take the time they explain myself to no,

906
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: six seven eight year old, we've found a lot of

907
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 1: value to sit down and explain ourselves. I do. Is

908
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: it in frustration or just the kids bothering you in

909
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 1: a moment where you don't want to be disturbed? No,

910
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: some sometimes sometimes they're not old enough to understand what

911
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 1: I'm trying to explain. So sometimes just like listen bro

912
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 1: I said no. Because I said no, naturally, do not

913
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: ask me again. But if it's something that I think

914
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: they can understand, it's a yeah, I teachable moment. But

915
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: but I think kids do need to understand like their place.

916
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,359
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like we've given everyone is so

917
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 1: liberal nowadays, everything is so liberal, like kids should be

918
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: have their own freedoms and do this and do that,

919
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: and in the in the child does something outside of

920
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 1: society's norms, the first people they blame all the parents,

921
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So for me, I'm not

922
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 1: even gonna give my chance, my children the chance to

923
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,040
Speaker 1: make those mistakes and then come looking for us. So,

924
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: you know what, you may not agree with the way

925
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 1: our parents, or you maybe say I'm a little bit extreme,

926
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,880
Speaker 1: but I'm going to teach my kids patients resilience and

927
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 1: how to fight off adversity so that they can be

928
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 1: fully functioning adults in the society where we have to

929
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: work together for humanity to continue to exist. And ultimately

930
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: that's what we try to do with parents. That's the

931
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 1: best advice I can give. I don't know. You know,

932
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 1: some people believe in spanking, some people don't believe in spankings.

933
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 1: You know your children. You know what I'm saying. You

934
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 1: know your children. What I will say is, if you

935
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: can teach them principles that allow them to coexist with

936
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 1: other adults and other children, they'll be They'll be pretty

937
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: good humans. And that's hard while we're trying to give

938
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: them everything in life that we didn't have. Yeah, it's

939
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: a lot of style stepping that has to take place,

940
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 1: so you know, I know, within our house household, and

941
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 1: it's stole stepping according to the child's particular needs. Still,

942
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 1: because if you have multiple children, you have to also

943
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: superstand that you can't parent one kind of way that

944
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: one child may learn through adversity in one way, whereas

945
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: it may be a detriment to another child. And that

946
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,479
Speaker 1: is that I'm glad you. I'm glad you told about

947
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 1: you have an example because I that is a great

948
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: point because I know that's been a lot of time

949
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 1: with the boys, because I'm a dad and I kind

950
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 1: of feel like I know they're very much a boy dad,

951
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,959
Speaker 1: very much a boy dad. But I know for a fact,

952
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 1: all three of my boys are inherently different. They're so different,

953
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: inherently different. Different. And for example, Jackson with riding the

954
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: bike right, And I said to Jackson, because I see

955
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 1: he struggles, he gets nervous, he gets worried. So he

956
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 1: gets on a bike. Last year we perfected getting on

957
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: the bike and riding it. He gets on the bike

958
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 1: and his feet stumble in and I'm like, Jackson, I'm

959
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 1: not gonna scream at you. Okay, I'm not gonna holler.

960
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 1: I'm going to be very patient. You're a champ. You

961
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 1: can do this. Ten minutes, he's still trying to get

962
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 1: his feet on the pedal, lose it, get yours on

963
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 1: the bike, bike riding, pedal going. Now he's moving, he's

964
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 1: looking at me. He's all excited. Now, my gos, what

965
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Let's go screaming, let's go. Can you

966
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,879
Speaker 1: imagine if I would have screamed that Chiro like that,

967
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 1: what would Cairo have done? Would have stayed the bike down,

968
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: walked away like bike. If I would have screamed it

969
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: Kylro like that, there would have been no bike riding.

970
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: He would have stand the bike down and walked home.

971
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,840
Speaker 1: Kaz would have fought, would have start swinging. Who are

972
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: you screaming that? What is exactly? Yeah? And it's so

973
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,879
Speaker 1: strange and it's exhausting. Sometimes it's a parent because it's

974
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,959
Speaker 1: just like, bro, like, how do I keep up a baby?

975
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,359
Speaker 1: So I have a question. We moved our kids out

976
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 1: of the quote unquote hood because Brooklyn is no longer hood,

977
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 1: no more. It's very gentrified. It's Brooklyn Heights now. But

978
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,240
Speaker 1: we moved our kids, the kids out of Brooklyn Heights

979
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 1: and now we're in the suburbs of California. What are

980
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: you hoping to gain from making these changes? Because I

981
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 1: know the first thing, okay, we I know why we

982
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 1: moved here. Codeine looked at the schools system. We talked

983
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 1: about budgets, and she said, if we can do public

984
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,319
Speaker 1: the number one public school in California. So we're trying

985
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 1: to find somewhere that at least I know they can

986
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 1: go to public school, will have some space. It was

987
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: just trying to find the happy medium for us. So

988
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 1: and I just cut you off because I don't want

989
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 1: you to go to public school route because we talked

990
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: about education. I want to hear. No, it wasn't even

991
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 1: that like I what I got from your question at

992
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,839
Speaker 1: least is what's what do I hope my children are

993
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: going to learn from their childhood with this whole move

994
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:40,359
Speaker 1: that we made, right okay, so um. For me, As

995
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,720
Speaker 1: much as it's about the children, it was also about,

996
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 1: if it sounds selfish, my peace of mind, knowing that

997
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: me as a mom, there's certain things that I don't

998
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 1: want to have to necessarily worry about because actually I'm

999
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 1: a warrior. So you know, them moving us moving out here.

1000
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 1: For me, it's going to give them the opportunity, I think,

1001
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 1: to just at least have a little bit more space.

1002
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 1: I want when they remember their childhood, they think about

1003
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 1: the times that they were able to just like go outside,

1004
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: they can play together, they can have they can have

1005
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: space like that was one of the biggest things moving

1006
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: from from from New York. But also to when they

1007
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: think of their childhood in general, I want them to

1008
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: know how how love they were and how invested their

1009
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: parents were in like their their their every move and

1010
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:25,919
Speaker 1: not to say that we want to stifle them, because

1011
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 1: I know at some points in my childhood I felt

1012
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 1: like I was I was stifled a bit just from

1013
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: being so super sheltered. Um, but I want to also

1014
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 1: create a balance for them where they feel like my

1015
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 1: parents really empowered me to be my own person. But

1016
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:41,479
Speaker 1: at the same time too, I know I could fall

1017
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 1: back on my parents if I did need them, you

1018
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So the biggest thing for me

1019
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:47,839
Speaker 1: is that balance. So the balance for us now too.

1020
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 1: Even though we have moved over to l A, it's

1021
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 1: also too we decided we're gonna take them back to

1022
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 1: Brooklyn in the summer times or like any time we

1023
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 1: have any time we have breaks and stuff like that,

1024
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 1: the first place we go to is in New York.

1025
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: So even since we've moved here, we've been back to

1026
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 1: New York like four or five times. That why I'd

1027
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,320
Speaker 1: like to say to people we really move were technically

1028
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 1: like try coastal because between New York, l A and

1029
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,919
Speaker 1: Atlanta were like always moving. Um. But with this being

1030
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: like kind of home based for us now, UM, I

1031
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 1: feel like at least they can appreciate the fact that,

1032
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 1: you know what, my parents are putting me a space

1033
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 1: where I can just thrive, where I can um have

1034
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 1: room to grow, you know, physically, and also just kind

1035
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 1: of um, I guess is it metaphorically not the right. Yeah,

1036
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, room to grow. Um, and

1037
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 1: I need them to know that we are invested in

1038
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: them them, you know, as as children, you know, and um, yeah,

1039
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,759
Speaker 1: I don't want them to have fun like I have

1040
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,320
Speaker 1: so many fun moments I could think of as a

1041
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: child that I want my kids to make sure that

1042
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 1: they But you had for moments in Brooklyn, I did

1043
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: for me. It's just moving for me was a way

1044
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 1: for us to not eliminate them from those things, but

1045
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: to control how they get those things, you know what

1046
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So for me, moving was almost like parent control.

1047
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 1: You know how you give a care the laptop. But

1048
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 1: now Jackson can't get access to certain things unless he

1049
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 1: physically asked per permission that comes to my phone, so

1050
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: he doesn't get to see or watch whatever he wants

1051
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 1: to watch. I have to vet it first and then

1052
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,720
Speaker 1: accept it. I feel like us moving out here allows

1053
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 1: me to vet his experiences through his life because I

1054
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,359
Speaker 1: get to experience them first, and he's not force fed

1055
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 1: certain experiences. So for me, living in Brooklyn was I

1056
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: was force fed a lot of things because both of

1057
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 1: my parents worked and I was thrown into the commute

1058
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: of dealing with life very very early. So was my brother,

1059
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 1: you know, my sister wasn't. And I want to be

1060
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 1: able to to share those things with my boys in

1061
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,840
Speaker 1: my time, not their time. And that was ultimately the

1062
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 1: whole reason moving out here to the burbs, making sure that, Okay,

1063
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 1: you want to go into Brooklyn. We're gonna go into

1064
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: Brooklyn together. I'm going to introduce you to the people

1065
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 1: that I know in Brooklyn, the good people who I

1066
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 1: know in Brooklyn. And the funny thing is, not all

1067
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 1: the good people, even the nice parts of Brooklyn, you

1068
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Jay saying with all the good

1069
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: people don't live in the nice parts of the suburbs.

1070
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 1: I still have people who live in Brooklyn, and I

1071
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 1: love dearly who are of the greatest character and the

1072
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 1: greatest moral spirits that I want my sons to have

1073
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 1: relationships with. And I feel like moving out here allows

1074
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:19,879
Speaker 1: me to give them the balance of both worlds, right, sure,

1075
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: I love that, and we're doing it together, always the

1076
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,399
Speaker 1: best way to do it. Well, now we're gonna head

1077
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 1: into your favorite time after we deal with some of

1078
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 1: these ads and pay some of these bills. For sure,

1079
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and moving to listener

1080
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 1: letters after we get into these ads. So we're back

1081
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:57,280
Speaker 1: guys listen their letter times. The emails have been bubbling

1082
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: over flooding in, so let's see we have some good

1083
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 1: ones for for today. M sure, I'll go ahead and

1084
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,799
Speaker 1: read the first one. I love my boyfriend of one year,

1085
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 1: but his parenting is a turn off for me. I

1086
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: have no children. I feel like as a black dad,

1087
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 1: he should be more authoritative and disciplinary when it comes

1088
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 1: to his nine year old son. For example, he doesn't

1089
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 1: make or show him how to take the trash out,

1090
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,879
Speaker 1: clean the kitchen, or cut the grass, but he wants

1091
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 1: to show him how to scratch records. How do I

1092
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 1: lovingly communicate to him that I'm being turned off by

1093
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 1: what he sees as priority, as priority to teach his

1094
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: son that's not really a places the people without kids

1095
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 1: tell me how when you don't have kids? Like, the

1096
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 1: biggest thing for me that that wrong out in this

1097
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 1: whole thing is I have no children, So say that

1098
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 1: you have no children. It's really hard, um sometimes to

1099
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 1: take advice. However, I do feel like just as a

1100
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 1: person with children or not, you may be able to

1101
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:02,319
Speaker 1: see some val you in you know, him being able

1102
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: to teach his son different things maybe based on the

1103
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 1: way you grew up or based on the way, um

1104
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,760
Speaker 1: you think things should be, or if you had children

1105
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:14,919
Speaker 1: you would do it that way. Um. But I think

1106
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: at the same time too, where's his mom? Like you

1107
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: know what I mean, the mother and the father should

1108
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: really have an idea of what they're doing parenting wise,

1109
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 1: and you know, it's it's may be difficult because he

1110
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 1: may be learning one thing with his mom, and then

1111
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: he may be doing one thing with his dad. Maybe

1112
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 1: at mom's house he's making his bed. Maybe at mom's

1113
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: house he's taking out the trash, sat in the kitchen.

1114
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: And when he's with dad, Dad probably sees it as like, yo,

1115
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:37,240
Speaker 1: this is my son. He's nine, especially at that age.

1116
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 1: That's that's a lot of that known for us. Yeah,

1117
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: Jackson like a doors deval and wants to do everything

1118
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 1: devout Dad does, like devots his favorite person right now,

1119
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: So his dad may be in the same thing. You know,

1120
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 1: what's one more time? Can you say that one more time?

1121
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 1: Devout is Jackson's favorite person right now? Right now? He

1122
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 1: is you know, when it comes to waves, it ships anyway,

1123
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:57,839
Speaker 1: don't feel a kind of way. I got two other ones,

1124
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 1: like it'll shift if you'll be a favorite. So like

1125
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: I was saying this, um so like I was saying, um, see,

1126
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: you maybe lose my whole train of thought. See anytime

1127
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 1: you bring up a whole another daughter, I don't even

1128
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 1: remember what I'm talking talking and talking about you. First

1129
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 1: of all, your point was great, and you were taking

1130
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 1: all my points, which was great. Mom may certain things, yes, okay,

1131
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 1: so Mom may have him doing certain things. Dad may

1132
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: see this. It's like, Yo, my son adores me. This

1133
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 1: is our time together. He's nine, Like he's interested in

1134
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: scratching records, maybe because that's just something fun that they

1135
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: like to do with each other, you know what I mean.

1136
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 1: If it's a thing where you and your boyfriend then

1137
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: continue to grow within your relationship and then you become

1138
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 1: like a step mom, and then you have to now

1139
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: raise this sun with your boyfriend, Um, then I think

1140
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: it may be worth having the conversation at that point.

1141
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 1: If you guys are going to be living together, like, hey,

1142
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 1: whenever your son is here, maybe we should like map

1143
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: out some things that he should be doing around the

1144
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 1: house because we all live together now. But you know,

1145
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 1: just being one year in and then having you know,

1146
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 1: an opinion about it. I don't know how how he

1147
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:02,239
Speaker 1: would feel about that real talk. This is this is

1148
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 1: very easy. It's only one year. Okay, there's not much

1149
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: that you you do know if you've been dating from

1150
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 1: one year all right. Secondly, you're not around all the time.

1151
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 1: So since you're not around all the time, how do

1152
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 1: you know that he's not teaching him how to do

1153
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 1: those things when you're not around? For example? And I

1154
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,919
Speaker 1: know this from my my brother's standpoint. I tease my brother,

1155
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 1: but I'm not around and I'm a parent. I still

1156
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: don't try to teach my brother how to parent because

1157
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 1: when I'm not around, he could be doing things that

1158
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,319
Speaker 1: if I feel judgmental that if I don't see him

1159
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 1: do it, it's completely wrong. On top of that, when

1160
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 1: you're around, it could just be playtime. You're his girlfriend.

1161
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: So maybe he wants to spend time with his girlfriend

1162
00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 1: and have his son share positive moments with his new girlfriend.

1163
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: Because what you don't want is you don't want your

1164
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 1: son to feel like every time she comes around, I

1165
00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 1: got to clean up. Maybe it's the thing where I'm

1166
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: trying to ease him into this situation. My feeling like,

1167
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 1: whenever she's around, we have fun. So sometimes as a

1168
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: as a parent, and you only noticed as a parent

1169
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:00,399
Speaker 1: is you have your methods of doing things. When you're

1170
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 1: not a parent, it's easy to look at someone else's

1171
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,399
Speaker 1: parenting choices and judge because you don't know the full

1172
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 1: story or don't have the full gamut of the experience.

1173
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 1: I mean, it's even easy sometimes as a parent to

1174
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 1: look at another parent and say, well, what in the

1175
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 1: hell are you? Look at some of the people who

1176
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 1: are in a classroom with your your child, and you're

1177
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 1: just like who raised you? You know, it's very possible

1178
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,440
Speaker 1: sometimes to have those scenarios as well, with a child

1179
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 1: or without having children. Bottom line is, don't don't take

1180
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 1: the snapshot of who you think the child is and

1181
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,399
Speaker 1: trying to make a whole narrative about it. You don't

1182
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,479
Speaker 1: know what he does when he's with his mom, because,

1183
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:37,799
Speaker 1: like a dean said, what if his mom is a

1184
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 1: drill sergeant and the only reprieve he gets from life

1185
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 1: is with his dad. You don't have to double down

1186
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:46,000
Speaker 1: if someone is doing so much and that can be

1187
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 1: overkilled and that can turn his son off, especially he's

1188
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: going back and forth between his mom and his dad.

1189
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 1: So you know what I would say is, um, ask questions.

1190
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 1: Do not be judgmental. Don't tell him you're turned off,

1191
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,960
Speaker 1: but you can ask questions and say, hey, you know

1192
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:02,440
Speaker 1: how about this? But do not offer no opinions on

1193
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:06,320
Speaker 1: someone else's child when you're just a girlfriend right now? Exactly,

1194
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,840
Speaker 1: you you overstepping your boundaries. Focus on being a girlfriend

1195
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 1: because he girlfriend to the daddy. That could be real thing. Quick,

1196
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 1: you'd be ex girlfriend. You ain't gotta worry about that.

1197
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 1: You ain't gotta be turned off no more because you

1198
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:27,280
Speaker 1: turned out to the door. You're so annoying. All right, hey, y'all,

1199
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 1: i'll read this one too. Does something in reading moved today?

1200
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:34,600
Speaker 1: Go ahead, just cut um. I need your feedback desperately

1201
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:36,839
Speaker 1: with an exclamation point. So this is all right, Let

1202
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:39,799
Speaker 1: me make haste and read. My partner over a year

1203
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: and a half wants me to move in with him.

1204
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 1: During my last visit, he told me that my three

1205
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: grown sons would not be allowed to visit our home.

1206
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 1: Party done since his reasoning is that family can be

1207
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 1: toxic and he's had negative experience with his nephew's visiting

1208
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 1: and living with him. I passionately disagree, as do I.

1209
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 1: I stood my ground, but he argued that I should

1210
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:09,000
Speaker 1: trust him in his leadership. He flexes the alpha male

1211
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 1: thing a lot, although I'll never consent to living with

1212
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 1: someone who who's divisive with my sons. Would you advise

1213
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: me to negotiate or try to reach a compromise or

1214
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 1: could that be the final red flag? Please help? Thanks? Yikes, yo,

1215
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,400
Speaker 1: this is on everything. We got three sons, they're gonna

1216
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 1: be grown. Say we get divorced and you remarry somebody,

1217
00:57:35,680 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 1: and the boys tell me what, we can't go by

1218
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 1: mom's house because her new boyfriend don't want us around.

1219
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 1: It would be four big black dudes at your crib, rightfully,

1220
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: So right, there's no way. There's no way. There's no way.

1221
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 1: I don't even have I don't have, no there's no way. Yeah,

1222
00:57:56,120 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 1: there's no there's and she compromise that red flag? Oh no.

1223
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 1: The thing is she didn't even say he's had negative

1224
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:08,280
Speaker 1: experiences with my son. She said he's had negative experiences

1225
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 1: with his nephews. What they got to do with my

1226
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 1: son's Absolutely, they can't visit three completely different people, you

1227
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 1: know what It sounds like it sounds like he's controlling.

1228
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 1: You know what he wants to do is he wants

1229
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 1: to separate her from her family so that he can

1230
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 1: control her. That's because he knows that three grown men

1231
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 1: will probably sniff out his bullshit and not and they're

1232
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 1: not having it. There's no compromising there, no, absolutely no.

1233
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: I won't even get between Kay and my sons. My

1234
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:41,280
Speaker 1: sons have fiduciary responsibility to protect their mom at all courts.

1235
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 1: If even if I'm doing something that they see could

1236
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: be an issue, I would appreciate in love if my sons,

1237
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: if they were grown respectfully said something to me trying

1238
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 1: to trying to separate someone from their offspring. It's like,

1239
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 1: that's so wrong, so especially if they're not toxic. I

1240
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 1: was about to say, she didn't say anywhere in here

1241
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: that her sons have had any issues with him or

1242
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 1: with her. I mean if they were abusive, or they

1243
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: were toxic, or they had some vices that but no, no,

1244
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 1: I don't even got no more say that. That kind

1245
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 1: of got me mad just now because I wish you

1246
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 1: would tell you. I wish you would tell me your

1247
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 1: new husband, your new husband man, not even a husband

1248
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:29,880
Speaker 1: partner for over a year and a half. That's not

1249
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 1: even people fall in love quick. They're not a husband

1250
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,400
Speaker 1: Like yeah, but I'm saying, if you're partner for year

1251
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 1: and have told I told my boys they wasn't welcomed

1252
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 1: by his house to see their mom, we're kicking the

1253
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 1: door down, kicking the door within the full full or

1254
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: you heard what the voul? Don't hit me no more

1255
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 1: playing disrespect my boys. There goes that these listen letters

1256
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:55,880
Speaker 1: are easy today they were pretty easy. Awesome And if

1257
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 1: you want to be featured as one of our listener letters,

1258
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. Yes, time,

1259
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: moment of truth, Well go first, let me go first.

1260
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 1: I think they're always like lean on you because I

1261
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:12,640
Speaker 1: come out reading listen of that is it's like a flow.

1262
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 1: This is my moment of truth. No matter how much

1263
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 1: money I'm able to make, I'm always going to have

1264
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 1: to um add some sort of adversity in my children's

1265
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 1: life so that they can learn to be resilient, be respectful,

1266
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 1: and be confident. For sure, I feel like if I

1267
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 1: just give them everything, they'll they'll lack confidence. So I

1268
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 1: have to dull the silver spoon by manufacturing that adversity

1269
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 1: throughout their life until I know that they can handle

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01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 1: the adversity on the right, even if the adversity is

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01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 1: not readily available to them. See as though we're not

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01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,400
Speaker 1: in an environment where there may be that much. Right now,

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01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 1: I can. I can manufacture adversity. I can put them

1274
01:00:51,760 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 1: in I can put them in different leagues, put them

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01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:56,040
Speaker 1: in different sports things, and make their life a little

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01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 1: bit harder, just so that they can learn how to

1277
01:00:57,760 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 1: deal with adversity. For sure, And no matter how much

1278
01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:03,120
Speaker 1: I could be worth eight billion dollars, that can I

1279
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 1: get a new car, You're gonna go work for it.

1280
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Go get a job. I

1281
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:09,960
Speaker 1: don't need to work. You can buy a car I

1282
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 1: don't care for. Go get a job. I'll buy you

1283
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: to call you up with gas in it, though you're

1284
01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:16,160
Speaker 1: gonna pay your own insurance. I'm gonna find a way

1285
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 1: to building some adversity so that they can learn to

1286
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 1: appreciate things. No, absolutely, I feel you. I think that

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01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 1: leads me to my moment of truth. Where As a parent,

1288
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:28,200
Speaker 1: I understand now that there is value in saying no

1289
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 1: to your children sometimes because they just need that Sometimes

1290
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 1: as much as I want to be mother hen and

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01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:38,080
Speaker 1: shelter them from everything and protect them from everything, I

1292
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:44,080
Speaker 1: know that I can't. It's just not realistic. And in that,

1293
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: I know that I have to be able to say

1294
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 1: no sometimes and just be confident in that and know

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01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 1: that my children, being armed with everything we teach them,

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01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:54,040
Speaker 1: we'll be able to make the right decisions. I hope

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01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 1: and I pray. Cone was just stuttering a little bit

1298
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:58,960
Speaker 1: now because I'm rubbing her thigh. I can't see it,

1299
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,160
Speaker 1: but I am. I was looking good. I just rubbed it.

1300
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 1: I was trying to distract, right though. YO. Be sure

1301
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 1: to follow us on social media. That's I am, Devo

1302
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 1: and Cadine I am. And if you're listening on Apple podcast,

1303
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:25,080
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead Ass is

1304
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: a production of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico

1305
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: and Dinor Opinion are executive producer T Square. Our associate

1306
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:36,320
Speaker 1: producers are Triple and Kristin Torres. Our Chief content Officer

1307
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 1: is Chris Bannon, our studio engineer and original music is

1308
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 1: by Brendan Burns and Last but not least, we are

1309
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 1: mixed by Andy Kristen's We'll Fact I'm Drew McCarry and

1310
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:54,560
Speaker 1: I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right

1311
01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:56,959
Speaker 1: now as part of the Stitcher Net. We're called Substraction

1312
01:02:57,160 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 1: that's available everywhere. Getting a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple,

1313
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:04,320
Speaker 1: Go listen right now to the Distraction right now. It's out.

1314
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:05,120
Speaker 1: Do it, please,