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Speaker 1: I had a war flashback in the middle of the night,

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Speaker 1: and now my girlfriend won't talk to me at all.

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Speaker 2: You know, that's a that's that's just unfortunate predicament because

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Speaker 2: it's like you feel bad for the guy who's going

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Speaker 2: through the the you know, reenactment in his brain. But

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Speaker 2: then also the woman is you know, like what's going on?

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Speaker 2: It's uh, I don't know. I don't, I don't. I

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Speaker 2: don't know who to feel for at this moment of

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Speaker 2: them no one. Actually, yeah, what am I talking about?

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Speaker 1: Stone cold rock shot I've been You don't care about

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Speaker 1: our troops serving to save us little little civilians. You

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Speaker 1: don't care about those army wives that are uh you know,

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Speaker 1: actually our army wives go wild usually a right, we

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Speaker 1: have we have a thing coming up about that army wives. Dude,

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Speaker 1: Army wives are the least loyal. Okay, actually ship everyone, right,

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Speaker 1: But I've just heard some army wives.

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Speaker 2: You've heard why.

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Speaker 1: It's like like these guys go off to base and

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Speaker 1: they hit the club.

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Speaker 2: I think it's his situation, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: It's like if any if you take like, uh, you know,

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Speaker 2: ten million couples and put that in that in scenario.

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Speaker 2: Then in the scenario, it can happen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hey, army wives, I feel for you. And

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Speaker 1: if you ever need someone to talk to, all right, And.

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Speaker 2: The important thing we learned about is not to care

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Speaker 2: about other people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, at the end of the most important thing,

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Speaker 1: you're in this world by yourself with no one else.

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Speaker 2: Take take if you take nothing else away, take that away.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I wonderful. We're all in this floating rock

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Speaker 1: curling through space. Yeah. And you might think you're connected,

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Speaker 1: but you're not. Yeah, you're a low I'll kidd it, guys,

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Speaker 1: though I could even I'm not. I'm not all right,

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Speaker 1: thanks John, mister Coldstone rocks. Right, all right, I thirty

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Speaker 1: eight male, have recently started dating a thirty one female. Congrats.

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Speaker 1: I've been single for nearly six years prior to this,

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Speaker 1: and I had a very difficult relationship previously. I felt

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Speaker 1: used for my stability and the consistency that I provided

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Speaker 1: him being like a military guy, you know.

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Speaker 2: Makes sense to getting them bucks apparently tax free.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, tax free. And also just like think about the

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Speaker 1: schedule he probably has. He's like five am workouts, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: eating meal prep. I imagine he's like a super fit

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Speaker 1: meal prep g. Yeah. I'm not the kind of person

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Speaker 1: that thinks that all women are awful or that the

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Speaker 1: dating world is entirely and perpetually flawed for men in

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Speaker 1: my age range. But typically I have poor judgment when

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Speaker 1: it comes to other people's intentions, and that has certainly

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Speaker 1: led to a string of situations where I feel valued

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Speaker 1: almost exclusively for what I provided and that who I

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Speaker 1: was interesting. So like you just got to what to

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Speaker 1: gold diggers coming out of him? Oh?

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Speaker 2: Pi, uh, if you hear this, hit us up and

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Speaker 2: we'll we'll matchmake you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll do it. Yeah for a price. Yeah, if

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Speaker 1: you can provide us some stability late feel the pain

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Speaker 1: to some degree. I think that's all right. Man, he's

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Speaker 1: already given consolator shades that it's like, oh, like, it's fine.

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Speaker 1: And if I'm being used for my consistency, hey, think

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Speaker 1: more of yourself. More of yourself. You're a catch, You're

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Speaker 1: worth it. King. Yeah, but I needed to break, so

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Speaker 1: I left the dating scene for a longer period of time. Hey,

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Speaker 1: but tender ladies, you know, throwing their booties about and

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Speaker 1: then ghosting you like, I don't, I don't, I don't

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Speaker 1: blame you, man, right, anyway, he's a veteran. He served

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Speaker 1: following nine to eleven, which, damn, that's hard, hard, hard

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Speaker 1: act to follow. I don't know why I'm laughing, but

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Speaker 1: John just every time he hears nine to eleven, he

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Speaker 1: just just And while most people in my life know

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Speaker 1: that I'm a combat veteran, their knowledge starts and stops there,

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Speaker 1: which I guess, like, when I think of combat veteran,

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, that guy probably killed some people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like how many?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? How many? That's my first question? Yeah, how many?

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Definitely not.

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Speaker 2: How are you telling me?

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Speaker 1: Awful? And I don't want to know.

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Speaker 2: We're kidding, Sam kidding. I'm I'm an actual piece of dog,

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Speaker 2: dog dog two key.

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Speaker 1: I live in a large city, and there seems to

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Speaker 1: be a general lack of empathy or respect for military service.

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Speaker 1: I am pretty okay with that, bro. Why are you

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Speaker 1: okay with that? Yo? Huss and standards how you want

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Speaker 1: to be treated? Man? But yeah, then again, I guess

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Speaker 1: he did sell his body to the government, so I'm

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Speaker 1: not cus are too hot. That doesn't mean I didn't

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Speaker 1: enjoy or that I'm proud of my time in the uniform.

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Speaker 1: I am damn straight op okay, but I'm very alright

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Speaker 1: with moving forward in my life and not having it

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Speaker 1: be a center and not having it be central to

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Speaker 1: my current experiences. There's only one hitch John in this

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Speaker 1: whole identity crisis that is happening. The problem is I

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Speaker 1: have PTSD post traumatic rest disorder, or as they call

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Speaker 1: it in the biz.

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Speaker 2: No, where are we going? Where are we going? Right now?

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Speaker 2: Take us there, take us home, Take.

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Speaker 1: Us home, poopy toilet semen dumps.

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Speaker 2: Did he write that? No? I was like you, you

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Speaker 2: almost got me for a second. No.

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Speaker 1: I know PTSD is not good. Yeah, and you never

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Speaker 1: want to give your wife PTSD. You only want to

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Speaker 1: give her that d baby TD a different Just take

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Speaker 1: out the P and yeah, something else, that sucking dick.

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Speaker 2: I was going for STD.

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Speaker 1: But oh okay, I don't have it as bad as most.

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Speaker 1: I think that I made out very lucky compared to some,

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Speaker 1: and the bulk of my symptoms are not constant. I

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Speaker 1: tend to get a little tense sometimes at night and

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Speaker 1: can struggle with vivid dreams. Yo, dude, I struggle with

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Speaker 1: vivid dreams when I was like thirteen, all of them

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Speaker 1: were wet.

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Speaker 2: Oh that was it was. It was a tsunami. Okay,

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Speaker 2: that that is. Tsunamis are traumatic, ladies? And are they

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Speaker 2: called it the white wave?

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Speaker 1: Oh goodness, not because I'm white, but because of the

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Speaker 1: you know, you know how you know how how how

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Speaker 1: boys do you know you're thinking of? Like, oh wow

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Speaker 1: that I went to the Art Museum at Black Bay

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Speaker 1: and damn did Michael Angelo would not do a great

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Speaker 1: job with those titties.

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Speaker 2: It was like Carly for me, since we're going there,

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Speaker 2: I was like, dang, Miranda, what you're doing with all that?

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Speaker 1: You know, there's a reboot there. We were recently on

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Speaker 1: Doctor Phil and they're filming the I knew I Carly

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Speaker 1: reboot Okay. I was like, were they on Doctor Phil too?

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Speaker 1: I was like, wow, Doctor Phil is and everything. He's everything, everywhere, everywhere,

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Speaker 1: all at once. I we're not making glad of pts.

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Speaker 2: No, we're not. We're not sam Is, but I'm very

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Speaker 2: serious about it. Sam doesn't care.

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Speaker 1: This is not an every night thing. It comes and

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Speaker 1: fits and starts lasting usually a week, maybe two, and

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Speaker 1: then it's fades to the back. Very rarely I have

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Speaker 1: extremely intense streams that make me wake suddenly. I can

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Speaker 1: be disoriented during that time or very emotionally activated. Now

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Speaker 1: I can't get the whole, the whole wet dream. You

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Speaker 1: set yourself up for failure.

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Speaker 2: Oh God.

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Speaker 1: After I separated from the military, I became a military

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Speaker 1: contractor and changed my career to a technical field, which

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Speaker 1: is actually like a great strategy if you're smart leaving

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Speaker 1: the military.

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Speaker 2: I have a friend who did that as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, smart smarts, my smart smart. I got myself educated

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Speaker 1: and trained in a technical specialty where I built myself

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Speaker 1: a substantial nest egg. I was mentored by a good

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Speaker 1: man on investments and income generation and have done very

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Speaker 1: well for myself. Here we go, build a.

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Speaker 2: Start a a finance YouTube channel. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I hold a old time position back in the States

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Speaker 1: now with a generous salary and benefits. I've taken care

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Speaker 1: of myself physically, and despite having several injuries. And despite

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Speaker 1: having several injuries, I've stayed very active, which is all

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Speaker 1: to say. Man is looking like a snack. Goodness, let

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Speaker 1: me touch those rippling pecks. What you're doing with on

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Speaker 1: a deity? Okay, So, in regards to the PTSD, I

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Speaker 1: have it much better than some and I'm very grateful

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Speaker 1: that that is the case. This girl and I met

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Speaker 1: several years ago, but I was not dating and she

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Speaker 1: was seeing someone. But we clicked right away, but never

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Speaker 1: spoke of it ever again or acrossed any lines, and

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Speaker 1: did not maintain communication. Very respectful, Very respectful, Okaye. There

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Speaker 1: was a point where I thought about her. I did

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Speaker 1: not reach out, but I wondered if I'd imagined the

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Speaker 1: entire thing or if she felt the way I felt.

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Speaker 1: A few months ago, she reached out and we met

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Speaker 1: up and the sparks were there. The boyfriend she seeing

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Speaker 1: is long gone because I killed him by daddy. The

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Speaker 1: boyfriend she was saying is long gone, and we started

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Speaker 1: to date. This is the first time I opened myself

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Speaker 1: up to a romantic relationship in a very long time.

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Speaker 1: So man's like, he's like, I'm ready for love, open

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Speaker 1: up combat daddy, spread those cheeks. Things have progressed since

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Speaker 1: that day, and she began spending the night. This is

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Speaker 1: where my anxiety started to arise. I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: suddenly have a bad episode at night with her there.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to speak about or even acknowledge my PTSD.

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Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed not only of having it, but also of

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Speaker 1: speaking about it. Because so many endured and endure so

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Speaker 1: much worse than I have. I have so little to

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Speaker 1: complain about. But with her spending the night, I had

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Speaker 1: to at least tell her that sometimes I can wake

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Speaker 1: up suddenly and seem very frightened or alert. I don't

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Speaker 1: or haven't done anything like dive on the floor or

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Speaker 1: reach to arm myself, but I do suddenly bolt upright.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I have called out before, and other times I

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Speaker 1: get the Shakespeare a few minutes and feel very confused

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Speaker 1: about where I am. So I told her, and she

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Speaker 1: was an angel about it, But she also asked me

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Speaker 1: to talk about what it was like with her and

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Speaker 1: some of the things that I remember and that I

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Speaker 1: struggle with in the past. I've never gone there with someone.

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes the truth is not what people, particularly

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Speaker 1: women in my experience, really want to hear, Like these

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Speaker 1: women don't want to hear these stories about war. But

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Speaker 1: in the past have often been criticized by my partners

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Speaker 1: of being emotionally unavailable and closed off. They've been critical

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Speaker 1: about my inability to open up with them and have

200
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Speaker 1: expressed feeling like they were parts of me, and they

201
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Speaker 1: have expressed feeling that there are parts of me that

202
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Speaker 1: were strangers to them and that it was part of

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Speaker 1: what drove our relationship into negative places.

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Speaker 2: He doesn't want to like opening up has the challenges,

205
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Speaker 2: but then not opening up, he's in a rock and

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Speaker 2: a hard place for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like you have to make sure that

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Speaker 1: the person you're with actually wants to hear your trauma. Like,

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Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of there's like two kinds

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Speaker 1: of people. There's like the people that think that they

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Speaker 1: can handle trauma dump and actually can't and ask for

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Speaker 1: it and then well that was true mutch. And there's

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Speaker 1: the people that may be like you know, ship overshare

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Speaker 1: and then put someone in an uncomfortable situation. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I think it's just it's just about like reading the

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Speaker 1: you know, the strength of the relationship and how deep

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Speaker 1: it is. I think it's so situational. It's so situational. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like I had I had I had a friend that

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Speaker 1: like our second time hanging out just like told me

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Speaker 1: everything that was wrong for with his life, which was

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Speaker 1: like actually, in the moment, I was okay with because

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Speaker 1: like I try to be there for even new friends, right,

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Speaker 1: But then that was like how he experienced like us

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Speaker 1: bonding and so then it was like we could only

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Speaker 1: bond became or of like your really it's like yeah,

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Speaker 1: which was not if it felt like not the most

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Speaker 1: healthy start, and so like that's also something that I

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Speaker 1: can imagine, you know, like o PC, like even at

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Speaker 1: the beginning, like this is I have PTSD, I'm not,

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Speaker 1: I am not PTSD, and so he doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: make it essential focus of who he is and his

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Speaker 1: identity and what he wants and uh and you know

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Speaker 1: I could see opening up about this like maybe poosing.

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Speaker 2: Like and I think I think he recognizes he deserves support,

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Speaker 2: but he doesn't want to do it at the expense

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Speaker 2: of someone else, which is where he's running into that exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean like even in the him writing that

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Speaker 1: he is so empathetic bro like continually over all, right,

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Speaker 1: but there's more, there's more without excusing any of my

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Speaker 1: ex girlfriend's decisions or behaviors. She wasn't wrong in this criticism,

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Speaker 1: but still I couldn't bring myself to really open up

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Speaker 1: to my new girlfriend. She pressed gently but left it alone,

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Speaker 1: which is nice. Yes, she was very sweet through this,

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Speaker 1: very encouraging. She told me there was nothing that I

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Speaker 1: could say that would change where we were going together,

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Speaker 1: and that she appreciates anyone who served her country. She's

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Speaker 1: generally an empathetic human, and I felt relieved that she

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Speaker 1: didn't really press me or elaborate. In the moment, I

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Speaker 1: felt more secure and safe. She told me that she

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Speaker 1: loved me. She clings to my arm when we walked together,

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Speaker 1: and she compliments me on my body, my clothes, take

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Speaker 1: them off, daddy. She tells me that I'm handsome and

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Speaker 1: that she feels lucky. She posted me on her social

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Speaker 1: media and introduced me to her friends or coworkers, her parents.

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Speaker 1: It's great, Okay, everything's going smoothly.

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Speaker 2: I hope you do all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, this is where the things go downhill.

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Speaker 2: Oh boy.

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Speaker 1: Three days ago though, I did have a fairly rough

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Speaker 1: wake up one night. It was not my worst by

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Speaker 1: any means, no yelling, but I bolted upright in bed

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Speaker 1: suddenly and startled her awake, and apparently sat very silent

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Speaker 1: and very tense for a few seconds while she tried

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Speaker 1: to ask me if I was all right. I don't

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Speaker 1: remember her asking me repeatedly. I only remember her. I

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Speaker 1: only remember hearing her and telling her that I was

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Speaker 1: fine and thinking it was the first time that she'd asked, which,

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Speaker 1: but she asked like a bunch of times she was there.

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Speaker 1: I settled fairly quickly after I usually do, but she

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Speaker 1: again gently asked me to share with her what I

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Speaker 1: see during these nightmares or what memories I have that

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Speaker 1: bother me, which if I was in that relationship, I

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Speaker 1: would kind of want to know. Yeah, And also, you

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Speaker 1: want to be empathetic, want to be like I do.

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Speaker 1: What are you?

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Speaker 2: What are you going through?

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Speaker 1: What are you going through? I want to I want

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Speaker 1: to be there. I looked at her, this beautiful young woman,

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Speaker 1: and for the first time in a very long time,

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Speaker 1: I felt scene and I just didn't want to ruin things.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to pressure away. I've been very well

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Speaker 1: on my own, but there's something blissful about being loved

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Speaker 1: and loving someone. And for whatever reason, right there, I

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Speaker 1: opened up. I shared with her. Yeah, a round of

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Speaker 1: applause for we go op. That's that. That's like when,

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Speaker 1: like if when you have trauma, that opening up period

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Speaker 1: is I think, super hard, but it's like a showcase

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Speaker 1: of like, hey, maybe I can overcome this, Maybe this

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to actually stunt or define my relationship. I

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Speaker 1: shared with her a single account that sometimes bothers me.

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Speaker 1: She asked detailed questions, and I answered at first anyway,

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Speaker 1: I answered openly. But as I began to say more

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Speaker 1: and more, even the dark, I saw our expression changing.

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Speaker 1: I saw a worry in her face. I wouldn't call

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Speaker 1: it fear, but I definitely saw uncertainty. And I understood

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Speaker 1: what was happening too late, because her next question was

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Speaker 1: did you enjoy being there? Though? And I'm going to

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Speaker 1: go into this too, but like I've interviewed a bunch

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Speaker 1: of like veterans, like combat veterans, and I remember there

300
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 1: was a story that this guy said he came back

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Speaker 1: from Afghanistan and he was a combat veteran, saw saw

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Speaker 1: some some some stuff, and he was he he was

303
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Speaker 1: no longer in the military, just going around doing normal shit.

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Speaker 1: Went to Walmart to buy some toothpaste, picked up this

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Speaker 1: bottle of toothpaste, and It's like, what the hell am

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Speaker 1: I doing? Like I was saving lives, I was serving

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Speaker 1: my country. How could buying toothpaste ever compare to the

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Speaker 1: importance of what I was doing, the life and death

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Speaker 1: situations that I was in and so like, after serving,

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Speaker 1: after doing something of such high intensity, everything else about

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Speaker 1: life just seems like it doesn't matter interesting. And so

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Speaker 1: it's like hard to care about buying toothpaste when you've

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Speaker 1: seen people live and die, or like any of the

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Speaker 1: mundane things that we do, which is exactly pretty. It's

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Speaker 1: a lot. It's a lot, I'm and he goes into this.

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Speaker 1: He says, I'm convinced almost every combat veteran can tell

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Speaker 1: you that they enjoyed it, even the scariest, most violent moments.

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Speaker 1: There's some part of us that comes alive in a

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Speaker 1: way during those situations that you just can't get back

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Speaker 1: at home. It's a cliche by now, but it's real.

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Speaker 1: And she asked the question knowing the answer, and I

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Speaker 1: could see that she was hoping I would say that

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Speaker 1: I didn't like it, but I couldn't wide air.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I didn't.

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Speaker 1: Answer the question. I mean, what would you guys do

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Speaker 1: in this situation? Yeah. Also, I'm curious if there's any

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Speaker 1: like military vets that have gone through this, like you know,

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Speaker 1: this is those situe.

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Speaker 2: I hate us by now, but please, you actually want

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Speaker 2: to hear from you.

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Speaker 1: The military bets have like turned off third job veterans. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't lie to her, but I didn't answer the question.

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Speaker 1: I tried to hit that middle ground. At this point,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted her to leave a bee and I

335
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,200
Speaker 1: wish I had never opened my mouth. I had never

336
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 1: opened up. I feel so bad for that was three

337
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:27,120
Speaker 1: days ago. She's been distant through texts. We haven't seen

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00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:30,480
Speaker 1: each other since. There's nothing I don't think that I

339
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 1: can do now. Dating has just been so difficult for me.

340
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,919
Speaker 1: I'm so discouraged. I feel like this girl. You know,

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Speaker 1: I thought we found something, and as a veteran, we

342
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,439
Speaker 1: were constantly told to talk about it, whether you're on

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Speaker 1: TikTok or Instagram or just mountains of posts for people,

344
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,560
Speaker 1: well meaning people telling you, hey share, but you have

345
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,920
Speaker 1: to speak. Friends and family all want you to confide

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Speaker 1: in them, or in the very least want you to

347
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 1: know you could if you want it. But I mean

348
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Speaker 1: this when I say, for those of us that served,

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Speaker 1: you really can't or in the very least, you will

350
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Speaker 1: never really be able to tell whether you can or

351
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,960
Speaker 1: can't until you've made the choice, and the consequences of

352
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 1: that choice are out of your hands. I was falling

353
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Speaker 1: for this girl, and now, despite my best attempts to

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Speaker 1: stay positive, can't help but feel she saw all of

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Speaker 1: me and then decided and I want this and walked away.

356
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Speaker 1: Part of me knows that's all right, it's her choice,

357
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Speaker 1: and there's integrity letting someone have that part of you

358
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Speaker 1: so they can decide, Hey, do you want to deal

359
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Speaker 1: with this or not. But part of me can't help

360
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Speaker 1: but feel like I will never find a partner, and

361
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Speaker 1: that there's a part of me that I have to

362
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Speaker 1: hide from those that I love because it is more

363
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 1: than anyone can handle. I don't know how to shake

364
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,439
Speaker 1: this profound sense of loneliness. I suddenly feel, find myself

365
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 1: wishing i'd never responded to her to begin with, find

366
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 1: myself wishing that I knew better than to attempt to

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Speaker 1: date or just try ever again.

368
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Speaker 2: That just hits you like a deck a ton o jeez,

369
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 2: like the poor guy's I think he's doing everything right.

370
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know he's trying. Yeah, it's still really trying.

371
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Speaker 2: He's here.

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Speaker 1: God, Yeah, dude, this guy going through through the freaking ringer.

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Speaker 1: But John, yes, there's a freaking update.

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Speaker 2: Say it ain't so.

375
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Speaker 1: For those of you that suggested I speak to her

376
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,199
Speaker 1: and express that I didn't want to upset her, but

377
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 1: I wanted to be honest. That's for those of you

378
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 1: that suggested I speak to her an express that I

379
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 1: didn't want to upset her. I just wanted to be honest.

380
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,920
Speaker 1: That's the route I want to go with. Oh, and

381
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 1: I plan on doing that tomorrow.

382
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,120
Speaker 2: Okay, I won't.

383
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 1: Get into the particulars of what I shared. I will say, however,

384
00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 1: Oh so this is multiple updates by the way. Okay, okay,

385
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 1: I'm buck updated too. I won't get into the particulars

386
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 1: of what I shared. I will say, however, it did

387
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,680
Speaker 1: not include any work. Oh sorry, no, this is not

388
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 1: update too. I cancel it too. I won't to get

389
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Speaker 1: I won't get into the particulars of what I share

390
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,199
Speaker 1: with her when when he was, you know, sharing what

391
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,399
Speaker 1: happened with wake up as PTSD. However, it did not

392
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,520
Speaker 1: include any war crimes and I didn't commit any during

393
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 1: my time in service. We, the girl and I have

394
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 1: planned tomorrow and I plan on asking her how she

395
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 1: felt about our conversation and see where things stand. I've

396
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 1: been on and off with the therapist since I left

397
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 1: the uniform service. There were periods where I worked very

398
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 1: hard with them on a variety of things. As I

399
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 1: felt more comfortable in the study civilian world, I ever

400
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 1: lived on them less. But this relationship is new, and

401
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 1: I think the advice to reach back out to my

402
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 1: therapist and get some guidance support while working on it

403
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 1: is a good idea. Love that what I shared with

404
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,560
Speaker 1: her was not any of my direct combat action. It

405
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: was what I saw when my unit rolled up onto

406
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 1: the aftermath of an IED detonation inside a civilian area.

407
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 1: It was not graphic. No shots were fired by anyone

408
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 1: on that day. We just tried to We just tried

409
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 1: to support and secure the civilian area to the best

410
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,880
Speaker 1: of our ability, while our commanding manager CM, I don't

411
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 1: know what that is work to try to assist with

412
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 1: the wounded. Finally, and most important, I'm extremely nervous believe

413
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 1: here shortly to go meet up with her, and we

414
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: have a couple things planned. But the distance of a

415
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 1: text is very very noticeable. Shorter texts, less affection, less enthusiasm.

416
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 1: Trying to stay positive here, but I got this thinking

417
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 1: feeling that it's just over between us. Oh update too,

418
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 1: who we had our conversation. It was a beautiful fall

419
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: day here, so we got to spend time outside and walking,

420
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: and I felt incredibly nervous, but I figured that I'd

421
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 1: rather rip the band aid off. The longer I seemed hesitant,

422
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: I thought, the longer the awkwardness built. I started by

423
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 1: telling her that I was sorry for the other night,

424
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: in particular for not asking how she felt. After I

425
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 1: communicated the event to her, I told her I did

426
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: not want to overwhelm her and that I wasn't certain

427
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: how much to speak on. I told her that it's

428
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: uncomfortable for me to share things and that I'm not

429
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 1: practiced in doing so, and because of that, I wasn't

430
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 1: certain what was palatable or what was right to say.

431
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,679
Speaker 1: I told her that it was not my intention to

432
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Speaker 1: overwhelm her, and that I only wanted to give her

433
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: a glimpse so she felt like she knew me, because

434
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 1: I saw her having a place beside me in my

435
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: life and didn't want her to feel like I was

436
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 1: hiding anything. I told her, I understood. I told her

437
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 1: I understood if it was too much, too early in

438
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: a relationship, and if the general content was too heavy.

439
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 1: I asked her if she was all right or had

440
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 1: she struggled after we had talked, and she apologized. That's right,

441
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: we apologized to a king. But I could tell by

442
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: the tone of her voice that she was both sincere

443
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: and scrambling. She had not, it turned out, meant to withdraw.

444
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 1: She said she should have just asked if I was

445
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 1: all right, but she had felt me withdraw and gotten

446
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,199
Speaker 1: confused and want to give me space. She said that

447
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: she had been very aware while I was talking that

448
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 1: I was leaving out things and struggling to make the

449
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: content both palatable and matter of fact, and that watching

450
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: me go through that she felt like I was really

451
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: overextending myself, and in the days following she didn't want

452
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,719
Speaker 1: to press or scare me off. Yeah, so she's like, oh, like,

453
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 1: this guy's going through a ton. I don't want to

454
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: be too needy and like, hile on im, let me

455
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: give him some space. And now he's like, oh man,

456
00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: she's like withdrawing. Dang situation. The conversation lasted a bit

457
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 1: longer than I'm a summarizing. At one point, she said

458
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: that she admires me very much, the fact that I served,

459
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: and that she's grateful that I care enough about her

460
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 1: to push her outside of her comfort zone and talk

461
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: a little bit about the things I saw she said.

462
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: She said a lot of nice things about strength, made

463
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 1: a playful comment about my physical strength that I won't

464
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 1: share in public, And by the end of the night,

465
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: I felt like we had taken a step further in

466
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: what we're building together. This doesn't seem to have been

467
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: a speed bump at all. I'm grateful and honestly think

468
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: the conversation with her was more productive and thank you

469
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 1: read it for your input. We're never too old to

470
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 1: stop learning.

471
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 2: Wow. Wow is that the end?

472
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: That's the end?

473
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 2: Dude? Man, this this is this is wow. This is

474
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 2: a very different story, very different stories than we usually do.

475
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 2: I think. I think it's.

476
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: Uh.

477
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 2: The two things that were unusual here is that how

478
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: just like it's more serious serious, but also like self aware, intelligent,

479
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 2: like op was just about. I feel he was very

480
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 2: self aware, empathetic and like very a very thoughtful person. Yeah.

481
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 1: And then also the fact that the reddit community actually

482
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: helped it. I know it actually gave like some good advice. Yeah.

483
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 2: Actually like like cut off all cont imagine it would her, Yeah,

484
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 2: block her, no contact and super family, I don't know, somebody, Yeah,

485
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 2: definitely no contact.

486
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: No, but like this is this is really nice. It

487
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: feels like like he took the advice from Reddit to

488
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 1: heart and it helped the relationship, which a win win.

489
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: So Op, wherever you are, thank you for sharing your story.

490
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 1: That's right, And any combat veterans that are watching like

491
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 1: very interested, you know, yeah, we very interested in your

492
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 1: perspective related to Op's story because like, I don't know,

493
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: I have a cousin who's husband or fiance is in

494
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 1: the military, and that's like I guess like the closest

495
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,360
Speaker 1: relative I have to uh to the army deal.

496
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I mean I have, like you know,

497
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 2: I have two or three, like three friends that serve

498
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 2: that are like more my age, and then like some family,

499
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 2: but no, no, like like oh my, you know, my

500
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 2: my brother, my whoever. Like, it's nothing like that.

501
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm not really close to like anyone that's like military heavy.

502
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 1: But yeah, we love to hear from you. And also,

503
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: what do you think about this story? I know this

504
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: is this is like very it's longer. Yeah, it's also

505
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 1: very like it's like more intense. Yeah, so I don't know, Well,

506
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:31,119
Speaker 1: what do you think.

507
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 2: If you guys like it? Like let us know or

508
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 2: if you know, we like when we make stupid, stupid jokes. Yeah,

509
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: we were struggling. We probably went over more. You guys

510
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 2: can let us know, like we're here for the feedback.

511
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 2: Just comment below and we'll read it and respond to.

512
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you hurt my feelings, I will cry,

513
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: So I know that. So you