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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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Speaker 3: H dub dub in the tub tub tub.

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Speaker 2: It's dear Bonya, dear b A n y a.

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Speaker 1: B A n my a b A and my and Banya.

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Speaker 3: What's her name? Oh that's cute.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna say we should think of like a jingle

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Speaker 4: for rub Banya, like here's our dear Banya.

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Speaker 3: That was good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that was a that was a form like

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Speaker 2: we just stole.

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Speaker 3: That, I know, but it like worked perfectly.

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Speaker 2: Yeahs amount of letters. Yeah, well that'll be interim.

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Speaker 3: B A n y A. Well, how does it start?

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Speaker 5: How does it a?

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Speaker 1: There was a scrubber with the question and she wrote

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Speaker 1: it into the email.

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Speaker 2: B A y b A n y A b.

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Speaker 3: A and and Bonya was her name. Oh, there was

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Speaker 3: a scrubber who had a question. Anonymous was her name?

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Speaker 1: Anyway, a way and Bonya was her name.

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Speaker 3: It's pretty good.

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Speaker 4: I think there's potential. It rolls it cooksa, we got it.

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Speaker 2: The chorus.

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Speaker 4: There's no notes. The versus in her tweaks, Yeah, minor

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Speaker 4: tweaks here and there.

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Speaker 3: We'll cook on it. We'll cook it.

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Speaker 2: Is that your new thing?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, everybody's talking about it, they said on Survivor the

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Speaker 1: other day.

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Speaker 3: I was like, we'll cook it.

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Speaker 2: Well, cook, I'll let you.

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Speaker 3: We'll let you cook, like, let you do your thing,

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Speaker 3: all right, So let us cook.

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Speaker 2: Let us cook.

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Speaker 4: It's timed for dear Bonya, and we're ready to cook

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Speaker 4: and give advice.

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Speaker 5: I think this one's anonymous. I have an older cousin

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Speaker 5: who's my best, best best friend. I was made of honor.

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Speaker 5: We talked twenty four seven. I spent a lot of

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Speaker 5: time third wheeling. She and her husband, whom I also

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Speaker 5: love him. She recently told me a secret. They are

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Speaker 5: in an open relationship. She's had a boyfriend of six months,

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Speaker 5: and her husband's very much aware of it and supports it.

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Speaker 5: She goes on dates with him, she has sex with him,

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Speaker 5: She tells him, I love you. You can imagine my

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Speaker 5: shock and confusion as she was telling me this.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 5: Number one, this isn't traditional, so that's what shocked me.

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Speaker 5: And two, how's this been going on for six months

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Speaker 5: without me knowing? She told me she was terrified to

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Speaker 5: tell me because she knew was a unique situation. So

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Speaker 5: I tried my best to be supportive and understanding, but

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Speaker 5: I feel awkward around them because I know the secret

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Speaker 5: and no one else knows amongst their friends and family.

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Speaker 5: How can I act normal around them? Moving forward? What

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Speaker 5: do I say to her when she brings up her

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Speaker 5: new boyfriend? I feel like I'm being so awkward when

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Speaker 5: I want to be supportive of her and their choices,

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Speaker 5: even if it's something I wouldn't be comfortable with.

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Speaker 3: Help, you know, the help feels very help.

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Speaker 1: I suck at dating, you know, it really is. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so that's a different post.

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Speaker 5: I stop doing that. Okay, fair enough, it's kind of

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Speaker 5: my thing, but I'll stop in that way. You know,

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Speaker 5: it's like my catchphrase. But doing that, I agree with you.

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Speaker 2: Go good, everything good.

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Speaker 3: We work together too much.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I literally would never have known that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how they do all theirs. It's actually not

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Speaker 1: called that anymore though.

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Speaker 5: No, it's been a few different titles since then. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: now it's Suckers okay, and they're not currently in production.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, okay, all right, Well anyway, anyway.

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Speaker 2: So here's my thing.

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Speaker 4: I think you're totally valid at being surprised and shocked

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Speaker 4: by this and also know like being like, how did

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Speaker 4: I not know about this for six months? And I

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Speaker 4: also understand being a little awkward around it, like navigating it.

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Speaker 4: But I think what's what it is is when you

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Speaker 4: when something new comes around, there can be that awkward

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Speaker 4: adjustment period, but this is their relationship.

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Speaker 2: You love them.

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Speaker 4: Me personally, I could never do that, be in an

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Speaker 4: open relationship and have that, but that's them, that's not

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Speaker 4: it's not my life, it's not your life. And so

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Speaker 4: I think that if they're happy and they're sharing it

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Speaker 4: with you, I think it's just it's almost like you're

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Speaker 4: learning something new and you don't know how to be

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Speaker 4: around it, but you're doing your best, and I think

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Speaker 4: at it at some point you'll adjust to being comfortable

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Speaker 4: with it because it'll just be like, it is what

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Speaker 4: it is.

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Speaker 3: I'm just curious what you feel awkward about, because.

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Speaker 2: I think it's just.

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Speaker 4: Values and like thinking you know someone and then probably

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Speaker 4: feeling like I would never think she would be into this, right.

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Speaker 1: And I guess maybe you're awkward because you don't know

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Speaker 1: like what to ask, like do you ask like how

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Speaker 1: are things with your husband?

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Speaker 3: Or do you ask how are things with your boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: Just how are things How are things with you?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I would that, I was going to say, I

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Speaker 2: would be asking all the questions.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would be asking all the questions.

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Speaker 4: Like how did y'all come to terms with this? Like

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Speaker 4: what was the conversation? Like did you need to did.

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Speaker 3: You agree to this before you got married? Or was

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Speaker 3: this post marriage?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Great, there's so many questions. I think you just open

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Speaker 4: up if you because you probably feel awkward because you

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Speaker 4: have questions that you'd aren't sure you can ask, and

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Speaker 4: I think you are in a position where you're she

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Speaker 4: probably would be happy to answer your questions and share

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Speaker 4: with you, because she's probably just been keeping it inside

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Speaker 4: and not having it.

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Speaker 2: Tan to talk to her.

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Speaker 5: Because she talked about it. She put all of this

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Speaker 5: out of the table for you. You also put everything out

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Speaker 5: of the table that you're feeling, all the confusion, all

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Speaker 5: the questions you have, all the if you're uncomfortable with it,

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Speaker 5: say I gotta tell you, I'm not comfortable with this,

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Speaker 5: but I'm going to try because I love you and

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Speaker 5: i'm your best friend and we're gonna and I want

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Speaker 5: to be there for you. It's the things you said

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Speaker 5: to us right here. I think you got to tell

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Speaker 5: her a lot of this stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and like, I'm wondering if maybe, if there's a

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Speaker 1: little bit of you, like, do other people envy their relationship,

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Speaker 1: because I'm wondering if like maybe like other friends, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I really wish that our marriage was like Sally and Ben's.

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Speaker 1: You know, like they seem like they haven't really figured

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Speaker 1: out and then you know this like big secret.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably annoying.

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Speaker 5: That's probably annoying.

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Speaker 4: Fun too, No, they're like they're so in love and

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Speaker 4: happy and yeah.

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Speaker 3: They're both doing other people at the same time. So

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Speaker 3: you don't want that.

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Speaker 4: I think, And honestly, I think the fact that it

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Speaker 4: took her six months to tell you probably means that

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Speaker 4: she felt awkward about sharing it with you. So the

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Speaker 4: fact that she did that, I think shows how much

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Speaker 4: she loves you and trusts you, and I think that

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Speaker 4: you can share the same honesty.

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Speaker 2: Back to Hrling, Mark said.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Anonymous, I'm twenty seven, married to my husband for

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Speaker 5: three years now. We've been together since we're fifteen. He's

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Speaker 5: my best friend since elementary school. He's the best human

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Speaker 5: I know. One large problem. I am a lesbian. My

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Speaker 5: husband has known that I'm attracted to women since college,

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Speaker 5: but I didn't come to terms with being attracted only

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Speaker 5: to women until a couple of years ago. I've known

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Speaker 5: I was attracted to women since around ninth grade, but

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Speaker 5: I grew up in a conservative small town. I knew

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Speaker 5: that would never be an option for me, so I

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Speaker 5: kind of posted far down. As I've gotten older, I

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Speaker 5: care less what those people think, and I want to

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Speaker 5: experience a connection deeper than just a strong friendship. I

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Speaker 5: feel for my husband, but I also can't stand the

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Speaker 5: thought of losing him in my life, as well as

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Speaker 5: his family, who I love so much. He knows I'm

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Speaker 5: a lesbian, but he still seems to think that one

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Speaker 5: day I'll wake up and be attracted to him. But

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Speaker 5: I can't blame him, because I too wish it was

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Speaker 5: that easy. One day, I feel like I can settle

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Speaker 5: and be happy enough with our friendship in the life

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Speaker 5: we have already built in other days, I can't imagine

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Speaker 5: staying in a relationship without that passion and deeper connection.

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Speaker 5: But I'm terrified of hurting those around me, and I

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Speaker 5: feel so selfish and the advice or input is appreciated.

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Speaker 5: Ps Becca's journey to acceptance has been such a big

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Speaker 5: part of me coming to terms with my own sexuality

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Speaker 5: and realizing that the people who truly love me just

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Speaker 5: want me to be happy.

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Speaker 3: Nice.

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Speaker 4: Oh this is complicated. There's a part of me that's like,

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Speaker 4: we worry so much about being selfish and in terms

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Speaker 4: of what other people will say or hurting other people.

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Speaker 4: But I just wonder if it's also selfish to stay

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Speaker 4: in something where your husband isn't getting the affection or

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Speaker 4: attention sexually from his partner.

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Speaker 1: To throw this out there, though, I do think that

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Speaker 1: there are people that are in marriages that are just

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Speaker 1: kind of like roommates.

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Speaker 3: I think there's a sexuality base or not correct, That's

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So it's like, this isn't the worst

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Speaker 3: case scenario, Like you know, it's just not.

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Speaker 2: You're saying, like just to stay in the marriage, and.

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Speaker 3: No, I'm saying for him, Oh yeah, like.

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Speaker 2: Oh like he's he's probably just content with how it is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm saying, take the sexuality out out of it.

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Speaker 1: There are marriages and there are relationships out there people

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Speaker 1: who just coexist together. They just like live life together

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Speaker 1: and they like don't really have sex and they just

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Speaker 1: like they're kind of like, really.

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Speaker 4: If you're craving the relationship, having a sexual relationship with

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Speaker 4: someone that you're attracted to and want.

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Speaker 1: That way right then and that's not for you, right Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I'm just saying like, sometimes there I there's always

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Speaker 4: this like back and forth of what's selfish, you know,

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Speaker 4: like staying in something that you and your partner are

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Speaker 4: getting the type of partnership you want from the marriage,

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Speaker 4: or is selfish choosing yourself and hurting other people in

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Speaker 4: the process.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just think like, in ten years, are you going

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Speaker 1: to wake up and kick yourself for not trying to

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Speaker 1: explore and find a relationship that ignites all of that

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Speaker 1: in you.

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Speaker 4: That's what it was for me with I mean, not

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Speaker 4: a very different situation, but when coming to term, when

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Speaker 4: Haley and I came out with reading A Love and

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Speaker 4: a Lot you did reading Seven Husbands of eve Oney,

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Speaker 4: yougo was because a big part of that was she

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Speaker 4: looked at the end of her life. She got to

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Speaker 4: the end of her life and it was like all

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Speaker 4: these thoughts of what could have been if she had

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Speaker 4: just let herself love who she wanted to love.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's so powerful.

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Speaker 4: And I do think there is a complication, you know,

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Speaker 4: when you commit your life to someone in a marriage,

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Speaker 4: But I also think we have one life, and your

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Speaker 4: husband knows, and I think it might just be having

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Speaker 4: a very honest conversation about where you are with your

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Speaker 4: feelings and your sexuality and not wanting to have regrets

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Speaker 4: for yourself and for him, and you know, communicating to

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Speaker 4: him that you love his friendship. And that's the part

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Speaker 4: of you that's staying. That's the part of you that's

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Speaker 4: made this hard, and there might be some awkward moments

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Speaker 4: navigating that, but I just think I think staying somewhere

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Speaker 4: where you're always wanting more or questioning what is out there.

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Speaker 3: And I think clearly you are. You wouldn't be writing

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Speaker 3: us if you weren't questioning it.

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Speaker 5: And the fact that he knows everything, I think we

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Speaker 5: need to take advantage of that. Yeah, And I also

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Speaker 5: take him so far.

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Speaker 4: There's also like she's not going I'm wondering if I'm

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Speaker 4: attracted to women. It's like I've known since I was

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Speaker 4: in ninth grade, I'm a lesbian. Like, there's no uncertainty here.

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Speaker 5: I think you guys need to sit down and have

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Speaker 5: a really difficult, very emotional conversation about your future, because

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Speaker 5: does he want to be in this knowing that you're

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Speaker 5: never going to be attracted to him. If you ever

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Speaker 5: sleep with him, it'll be as a favor more than anything.

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Speaker 5: You're never going to enjoy that act. So is that

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Speaker 5: what you want for your life? But making also clear

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Speaker 5: to him that you love him and you don't want

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Speaker 5: to lose him, And is there anything we can figure

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Speaker 5: out here together to move forward? And maybe that's breaking up,

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Speaker 5: Maybe that's seeing other people. Maybe it's the open relationship

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Speaker 5: like we had in the last email. Maybe it's somehow

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Speaker 5: transitioning into friendship. I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Is there a world I don't know this, but like

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Speaker 4: if you separate, you know, if you take a separation

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Speaker 4: and it's like we we date other people, you know.

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Speaker 2: Like divorce, there's more this.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's a clear understanding of what's happening, because

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Speaker 4: you might it might be a grass is greener. You

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Speaker 4: might go out and have that and be like, I

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Speaker 4: still have a stronger connection with this man.

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Speaker 2: That I married. I don't know. Yeah, but I think

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Speaker 2: that you need you need that, you need that.

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Speaker 4: And I think you've acknowledged it within yourself, which is

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Speaker 4: a huge part of this, and you he knows this.

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Speaker 4: I think Mark's right. You sit down and have a

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Speaker 4: really hard conversation about it, and we are rooting for you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we are all right.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna tease the next one. Oh, we tease this

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Speaker 5: one because it's a better tease. Okay, A Day one

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Speaker 5: scrubber says she no longer loves her husband. Next.

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Speaker 2: All right, we're back.

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Speaker 5: These are really interesting emails this week.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like, we're really sorry that y'all are going through

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Speaker 4: like really hard times, really, but we appreciate that you

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Speaker 4: trust us.

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Speaker 5: This is another tough one. Day one scrubber. My husband

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Speaker 5: and I have been married for eleven years, together for sixteen.

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Speaker 5: Now that's the situation. Side note from me. Seems like

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Speaker 5: after sixteen years together, you're solid, you're good, you know

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Speaker 5: what's going on. Right. Not the case here, She says,

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Speaker 5: I've realized that I'm just not in love with him anymore,

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Speaker 5: and I don't know what to do. Our life is great.

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Speaker 5: We have three beautiful children. We are great partners and teammates,

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Speaker 5: taking care of the house and the kids and all

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Speaker 5: of their thousands of activities. I love him wholeheartedly as

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Speaker 5: a human and the person he is. I admire him,

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Speaker 5: I respect him. We are intimate several times a week.

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Speaker 5: We spend tons of time together the as a family.

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Speaker 3: That's great.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I'm living a lie. I put on

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Speaker 5: a happy face, but I just don't feel like I

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Speaker 5: am in love with my husband anymore, and I just

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Speaker 5: don't know what to do about it. He basically gives

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Speaker 5: me the ick way more than I'd like to admit.

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Speaker 5: I often think about divorce and I feel like I'd

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Speaker 5: be okay with it, honestly, But then I think about

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Speaker 5: people who stay in much worse relationships for longer and

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Speaker 5: wonder if I'm just being selfish. I have felt this

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Speaker 5: way for almost two and a half years now. I

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Speaker 5: feel like a cop out having these thoughts, But I

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Speaker 5: also feel like our relationship has run its course and

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Speaker 5: she'd be okay to move on. I'm not even sure

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Speaker 5: what I'm looking for here, but any advice or thought

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Speaker 5: to be appreciated. I love this podcast so much, Sincerely,

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Speaker 5: a day one scrubber.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. If there's anything that the

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Speaker 1: show nobody wants, this has taught me, it's that the

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Speaker 1: itck can be reversed.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: This to me, I'm just gonna say it, this sounds

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Speaker 1: like a lovely situation. You've gotten the ick, you've had

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Speaker 1: it for two point five years.

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Speaker 2: Two point five years is a long time.

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Speaker 1: Not but have you actively day one scrubber tried to

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Speaker 1: reverse the ick? Have we talked to a therapist? Have

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Speaker 1: you sat down with your husband? Have you worked on

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Speaker 1: trying to reverse that? Because what if you can reverse

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Speaker 1: the dick and then you have such a beautiful you

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Speaker 1: have sixteen more years left. I don't think this is

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Speaker 1: I don't think this is I don't think it's over.

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Speaker 4: If I had the ick for two point five years

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Speaker 4: and then someone was saying I have sixteen years left,

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Speaker 4: that sounds daunting.

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Speaker 3: However, reverse it.

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Speaker 4: However, I do think that if you haven't done everything

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Speaker 4: you can, I feel like you have a good thing.

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Speaker 4: And I'm just saying like in terms of like, it

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Speaker 4: seems like y'all have a good partnership, you.

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Speaker 3: Have kids together, sex all the time.

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Speaker 2: But it doesn't sound like she is like I think

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Speaker 2: she's She.

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Speaker 5: Said we're intimate several times a week.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't say from someone, then.

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Speaker 5: Well, I think it would have slowed down, wouldn't it

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Speaker 5: If she's that grossed out, people please her and is like,

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Speaker 5: this is I'm the only one of us that's been

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Speaker 5: in a relationship this long. Oh my god, twenty seven years.

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Speaker 5: I guarantee you. I give my wife the from time

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Speaker 5: to time. I guarantee it. It's been a long time together.

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Speaker 5: And this is the comparison I've made before on this show.

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Speaker 5: There's Mark and Amy, there's Mom and dad. Mom and

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Speaker 5: Dad bicker, they don't get along all the time. The

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Speaker 5: drivers are the crazy. Mark and Amy are super in love,

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Speaker 5: and you go back and forth between the two. I

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Speaker 5: think you two are really stuck in mom and dad mode,

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Speaker 5: and you need to find time to get to you

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Speaker 5: and him as the couple you were that you fell

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Speaker 5: in love with once upon a time. I agree with

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Speaker 5: Tanya that I think this could be salvage. I think

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Speaker 5: you're maybe focusing on some of his more negative qualities

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Speaker 5: and maybe you've lost sight of some of the ones

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Speaker 5: that you fell in love with.

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Speaker 4: You.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because like.

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Speaker 1: When you do get the ick, you fixate on that ick,

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Speaker 1: and like everything that they subsequently do post ick makes

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Speaker 1: you feel even ickier. So I feel like you're just

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Speaker 1: like spiraling in the ick and like you're not seeing

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Speaker 1: the forest in the trees.

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Speaker 4: Maybe being in the ick indefinitely is being in the

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Speaker 4: spiral of the ick is.

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Speaker 3: Dark for two point five years.

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Speaker 4: It's like being in the eye of the hurricane for Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and he's a good dude.

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Speaker 2: Here's my thing.

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Speaker 5: Clearly he's a good dude.

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Speaker 2: I think. I agree.

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Speaker 4: I think it's like they're stuck in this mop parent

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Speaker 4: mode and it's like, what were the things about him

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Speaker 4: when y'all started dating?

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Speaker 2: Maybe y'all go on dates.

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Speaker 4: Maybe what is I guess it's like some IX can

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Speaker 4: be reversed, like what are the ickxs? Is that personality X?

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Speaker 4: Is it what he looks like? Physical IX? Like?

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Speaker 3: What is a new wardrobe he's wearing?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Like are there things where you could step in

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Speaker 4: and go like, hey, maybe if you styled your hair

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Speaker 4: this way, just like things that maybe are.

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Speaker 1: Simple and even voice it like that be like, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, this new colonial wearing is giving me the

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Speaker 1: ick coupled with these weird socks that you're wearing to

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Speaker 1: bed at night, coupled with like.

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Speaker 5: When you eat, it's that stuff. I guarantee it's that stuff.

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Speaker 1: Whatever tell them be like they're giving me the ick,

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Speaker 1: and I need you to be mindful of it, and

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Speaker 1: like we need to I need to get back to

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Speaker 1: like wanting you to blind.

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Speaker 4: That's fair, needs you to be mindful of the absolute

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Speaker 4: ick you're getting me. Yeah, I do think talking to

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Speaker 4: a therapist would be like great, because I think maybe

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Speaker 4: you can have your own time to say what you

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Speaker 4: need to say, put it out in the open, figure

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Speaker 4: out where there's that misconnection, and then maybe go in

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Speaker 4: like romantic dates, do things that y'all did before you

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Speaker 4: had kids.

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Speaker 1: But I think the reason why it's lasted two point

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Speaker 1: five years is because you've been keeping this to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Clearly you're not sharing this. I think if you do

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Speaker 1: open up, I don't I would not say the door

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Speaker 1: that you thought about divorce, but like I would open

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Speaker 1: up about the ick and like all of these things

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Speaker 1: and just say like this is actually very serious and

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Speaker 1: it's been like making me spiral and I kept it

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Speaker 1: to myself.

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Speaker 3: I really want to be open.

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Speaker 1: I love you and I love our life, and so

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Speaker 1: I want to like figure this out. And I think

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Speaker 1: if he's receptive to it, I think you can find

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Speaker 1: a path to forward and if he rejects it and

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Speaker 1: he gets very like negative and like down, then you

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Speaker 1: have another path to go down.

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Speaker 4: Well, I think it's natural for a human if Haley

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Speaker 4: is like, hey, you're really giving me the ick for

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Speaker 4: two point five years, like my feelings would be her

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Speaker 4: and I'd be like I would probably have a defensive reaction.

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Speaker 4: So I think there is a very specific way it

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Speaker 4: needs to be delivered. And that's why I think if

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Speaker 4: you did it with a therapist or a counselor there

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Speaker 4: could be a someone to navigate the conversation.

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Speaker 3: We all know delivery is not mine strength. My strength.

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Speaker 5: I think it'd be okay with divorce, But I think

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Speaker 5: that's a grass is always greener situation.

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Speaker 2: I think it's going to say too. I think you're

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Speaker 2: going to get out there and you're going.

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Speaker 3: To be like accentral out there, and.

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Speaker 5: Then the kids are with him on the weekends and

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Speaker 5: you're alone, and then you're seeing someone else starts being

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Speaker 5: the mom to the kids when you're not around. You're

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Speaker 5: not going to like any of that stuff, but she does.

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Speaker 2: Then you've made the right decision.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, if that sounds fine to you, Yeah, go for it,

435
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,480
Speaker 5: all right. This is from Taylor, longtime scrubber here still

436
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 5: watching Gray's Anatomy and on season three of a current rewatch.

437
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 5: The question of having kids has been weighing on me recently,

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Speaker 5: and I feel like you always have some good perspectives

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00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 5: and advice for me. I'm thirty three years old, i

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00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 5: got married earlier this year, and I've always said I

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Speaker 5: wanted kids, But now as it gets closer to becoming

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Speaker 5: a reality, I'm questioning it. I'm not an overly baby

443
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,639
Speaker 5: loving person. If someone has a baby, I don't need

444
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 5: to hold it necessarily. I'd rather be petting the dog

445
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 5: at a party than interacting with a child. Will this

446
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 5: make me a bad mom? Well? I like my own child.

447
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 5: Do I have to love babies to want a baby?

448
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 5: How do you have children and balance a career. I've

449
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 5: spent so much of my left getting an education undergraduate PhD.

450
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,439
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm just getting into the groove of

451
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,600
Speaker 5: my career. I grew up at the stay at home

452
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,560
Speaker 5: mom and it was amazing. But how do I give

453
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,440
Speaker 5: up my career? Or what if my having kids makes

454
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 5: me want to give up my career? Did I waste

455
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 5: all that time at school? I'm also the breadwinner at this,

456
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 5: so finance is weigh on me too, Tanya, you are

457
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,520
Speaker 5: very excited to have a baby. Do you worry about

458
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 5: balancing your career that you also love? Becca, I don't

459
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 5: remember where you stand on it for when you want

460
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 5: to have kids, baby you can relate since you don't

461
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 5: seem baby as baby enthusiastic as Tanya Mark. How did

462
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 5: you and your wife decide when to have kids?

463
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 3: That's Taylor, It's lots of unpack here.

464
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 4: I don't I have read actually from Scrubbers in the

465
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 4: Facebook group like this. I remember i Scrubber posted. I

466
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 4: literally have felt like being a mom was my absolute purpose.

467
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 4: All I wanted to do is be a mom, have kids.

468
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,120
Speaker 4: I've loved babies. I'm maternal, and I'm having the hardest

469
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 4: time feeling like I am a good mom. And I

470
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 4: think that no matter where you stand on where you

471
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 4: if you love babies, if you love interacting with kids,

472
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 4: I don't think that that's going to make you a

473
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 4: good mom or a bad mom. I think when you

474
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 4: have a child, it's going to be an obsessive love

475
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 4: that you've never experienced. That's the one thing that's consistent

476
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 4: when I ask people about kids is like it's a

477
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 4: love like you've never had before. I'm very specific as

478
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 4: what dogs I like, Like I'm very choosy, like I

479
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 4: love all dogs. I love animals, but I'm very like

480
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 4: which one am I going to interact with.

481
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with Phoebe. Phoebe's like can do no wrong.

482
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,359
Speaker 4: And I know I would be the same way with

483
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 4: a child, but I also have my reservations about it.

484
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 4: I'm very like torn on if or when I want

485
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 4: to have kids, but I have a very natural maternal instinct.

486
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 4: I love babies, Like if someone has a baby on

487
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 4: a plane, it takes everything in me not to be

488
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,120
Speaker 4: like interact, wanting to interact.

489
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 3: With the baby.

490
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 4: I love them. Yeah, and I love kids, and I know, like, honestly,

491
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 4: Haley and I have talked about this that if we

492
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 4: had kids, I think that she would get jealous because

493
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 4: of the amount of attention I would get. I think

494
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 4: it would be a very intense, really like love for me.

495
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I feel very strongly are you crying?

496
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: No, you can?

497
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 5: I really helpful of the podcast right now.

498
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 3: Emotional.

499
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 1: It's so interesting because I feel like I can totally

500
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: relate to what you're saying. I've always I've known that

501
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to have kids from birth, Like I

502
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 1: don't know, like I was. It was always something that

503
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 1: I knew was in me, Like I just have always been.

504
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 1: Like I love like I am like kind of a

505
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 1: homemaker in a weird way, not really like I don't

506
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: like cook and clean and like in that way.

507
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 3: But I love like home. I love having like a

508
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 3: cozy home. I love that.

509
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,960
Speaker 1: Like that making sense, Okay, However, the thing about the

510
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 1: career is such an interesting thing because I feel like

511
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: it's such a mind because I've talked to women in

512
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: this specific industry, in the entertainment industry that have had

513
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: children and going on maternity leave and and like, you

514
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,439
Speaker 1: go into this vortex of keeping this like child alive

515
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: and like being so out of your day to day,

516
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: and especially in the entertainment industry, it's very cutthroat.

517
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 3: You're always made to.

518
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 1: Feel like you need to watch your back and you

519
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 1: need to say yes to everything because if you don't like,

520
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,439
Speaker 1: your job can get snagged in two seconds. And so

521
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 1: we're always made to feel, especially as women, that we

522
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: are replaceable, interchangeable, disposable. And so when you go on

523
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 1: maternity leave and then you come back. It's just like

524
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 1: it's so hard. It's really really hard. And I don't

525
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: think enough women that work in the entertainment industry especially,

526
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 1: and imagine it's like this in every industry. This is

527
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: the only thing that I know because that's what I'm in.

528
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 1: But it's very hard, and I think it stops a

529
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: lot of women from having kids because they're scared to

530
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: step away from their positions. So it is definitely something

531
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: that I've thought about, but it doesn't it's that doesn't

532
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 1: outweigh me wanting to have a baby, you know, like

533
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,120
Speaker 1: I would never not have a baby because I'm fearful

534
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: of my job, and so that's kind of where I

535
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: stand on that. But it is interesting because I do

536
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 1: feel like I have conversations with Robbie about it all

537
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: the time because I'm like, it does shift the dynamic

538
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: because that's you know, like the kids that we have

539
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 1: now are ten and twelve. We don't have to shower that,

540
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: you know, we just have to like think, you know

541
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like it's just a totally different dynamic.

542
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: And so when like I just feel like it's gonna

543
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: shift things a lot, and I'm like trying to like

544
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 1: prepare for it as much as possible ahead of time,

545
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 1: because I just feel like it is a big shift.

546
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, to answer the question to me, we you know,

547
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 5: we're traditional, I guess you know, we kind of. I

548
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 5: think Amy was a little lukewarmon kids, a little unsure.

549
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 5: I guess I should say when we first got marricause

550
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 5: she was very young. But then it just she she

551
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 5: approached me. I remember her saying it's time to start trying.

552
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 5: It was like, oh, I hadn't even really thought about that. Okay, yeah, great,

553
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,199
Speaker 5: let's let's do that. Because it was always so oft

554
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 5: in the future somewhere and then and then we were

555
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 5: very fortunate. We had two wonderful daughters. And like saying,

556
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 5: like Becka alluded to, you think you have a pretty

557
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 5: good idea right now what love feels like, but you

558
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 5: really don't. You have no idea what love feels like

559
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 5: until you're holding that child in your arm. So I

560
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 5: think you would like your child. I think you'd be

561
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 5: a great mom, and nothing that you've told us and

562
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 5: indicates otherwise. But it's such a personal decision and I

563
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 5: don't think anybody should be pressured into it because it's

564
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 5: twenty twenty four, and they're both sides of that coin.

565
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 5: If you want your career and your child, you can

566
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 5: have that. The other side of the coin is if

567
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 5: you don't want to do this, you don't have to

568
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 5: do this, and it's just fine.

569
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 1: So I also think not wanting to hold other people's

570
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: babies is not an indication, not at all that you

571
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,360
Speaker 1: shouldn't be a mom, because I mean, I like babies,

572
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 1: but like, I don't need to hold every baby.

573
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 5: My thing was always there's no upside to me holding

574
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 5: a baby. There's only tragic downside. So I'm just gonna

575
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 5: leave it be.

576
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 4: See, I'm the opposite babies. I'm like, any baby, hit me,

577
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 4: any baby. It's when they get to be a kid

578
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 4: that I'm like, I'm very selective.

579
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 2: That's my issue.

580
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, I would have it have to be my

581
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 4: own because I'd be like kids can be like the

582
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 4: germs and stuff.

583
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 3: No, no, no, germs were hard for me. Yeah, germs

584
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 3: were hard.

585
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 1: The germs the like wow, from living in a museum

586
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: and the apartment museum where nothing gets touched, everything is

587
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 1: clean and its place, to having two children that like, yeah,

588
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 1: are constantly having some sickness back and forth and bringing

589
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: it from school and.

590
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's it's it's a it's a shift.

591
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 4: But I'm very with you on Taylor. I'm very with

592
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 4: you because I thought my whole life I would be

593
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 4: married with kids by twenty five. My life has gone

594
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 4: in a very direct different direction in like the best way.

595
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,880
Speaker 4: But I think that it's hard because there is an

596
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 4: age pressure that you have to consider and it's so annoying.

597
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 1: But it is men just like ejaculate whenever it's fine

598
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 1: and women.

599
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 4: Men just like get to like have pleasure and then

600
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 4: it's like okay, yeah, anyways.

601
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: You're right, even like during the whole IVF process. I again,

602
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: I'm not going to speak out of out of because

603
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 1: I haven't done it myself, but from what I have heard,

604
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: it's very hard on the woman. You have to do

605
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: so much, You're putting so much in your body, and

606
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 1: the man just like pleasures himself.

607
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 3: Into a cup.

608
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 1: Like what Yeah, that's for another that's another fun for

609
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: another day, another book.

610
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 5: Uh, before before we go to break, we have another

611
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 5: thought starter. Oh we like to end the Dear BONDI

612
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 5: is with a thought starter and we have one for

613
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:53,199
Speaker 5: us coming up involves a Wife Swap. All right, this

614
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 5: is from Courtney. This is fun. If you remember the

615
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 5: reality show from the way back when Wife Swap, two

616
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 5: couples with swap partners for a week or so lived together.

617
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 5: If Tanya and Becca swapt partners for a week, obviously

618
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,160
Speaker 5: in a non romantic, non sexual way, Robbie lived with Tanya,

619
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 5: Haley live with Sorry, Robbie live with Becca, Haley live

620
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 5: with Tanya. What do they think it would be like?

621
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,959
Speaker 5: What would they do together? What would they eat for meals?

622
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 5: What would annoy them about the other person? What would

623
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 5: they fight about? What would they enjoy? Basically, how do

624
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 5: they think it would go if they had to live

625
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 5: with each other's partner for a week straight? Thank you

626
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 5: for so many laughs over the years.

627
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 3: Who should we start with? Me and Haley?

628
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, Haley seems to work a lot, so I think

629
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: i'd be lonely. Yeah, like I need her for every meal.

630
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 4: We're both pretty like needy for conversations and stuff. So

631
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 4: I think when she got home she would really have

632
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 4: a lot of y'all eat like she would be happy

633
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 4: to eat, like healthy.

634
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 3: Food meals we would have together for you, Sure.

635
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: I would have some home cooked meals and.

636
00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 3: Enjoy watching the same shows.

637
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 4: I don't think so, Like she doesn't like Love Island.

638
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 4: She would probably like Survivor, though, I think she'd be

639
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 4: into Survivor.

640
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 3: Okay, so I think I don't be pretty.

641
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think her messiness would annoy me a little bit.

642
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,959
Speaker 2: Yes, I agree, So you'd fight about that.

643
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 5: We probably find about the kind of messiness of their

644
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 5: clothes left around and shoes, Like Tiny's complaining about Robbie

645
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 5: leaving your shoes.

646
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like she leaves her shoes at the like there's

647
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 4: like three and if there's one pair, she's like, oh,

648
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 4: those are the shoes on word of Mars, I'm like whatever.

649
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 4: But when there's three pairs, I'm like, well, which which

650
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 4: three are you? Which of the three? What about the

651
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 4: other two?

652
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 5: And where where does she leave the ones for tomorrow?

653
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 5: By the door?

654
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? Right by the door.

655
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 5: And sometimes there's three by the door. Yeah yeah wow.

656
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 4: And like sometimes it's like boots so they're not small

657
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 4: little wow.

658
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: You know.

659
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm messy too.

660
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,479
Speaker 4: I mean I I say stuff sometimes where it's like

661
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 4: if people are my biggest thing is if people are

662
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 4: coming over, she's the one who invited them. I'm like,

663
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 4: then let's pick up the space because I want it

664
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 4: to be presentable if someone's coming over. I get stressed

665
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 4: if someone comes over, like unannounced and like the house

666
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 4: is a mess, But I also am fine living who's.

667
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 5: Coming over and announced? These days? Is that a thing

668
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 5: that happens because it used to be a thing that happened, generation.

669
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 4: Happens sometimes be surprised. Okay, So yeah, I think that

670
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 4: would be fine. She might be like Tanya, like won't stop.

671
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: Talking, but like Haley won't stop talking.

672
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could go either way. I think Robbie and

673
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 2: I would be I think we have a great time.

674
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 5: I feel like we guys might want to consider this, honestly.

675
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 2: Ball the basketball.

676
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy the activities

677
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 3: that you've partake in.

678
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 2: No, he grills. Girl, may have some shrimp and steak.

679
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: You'd be fine, like a king, Yeah I do.

680
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 3: I will say that is one trade at time.

681
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 4: Would get a little dicey because I feel like he

682
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 4: will go to sleep early and I'm a little more

683
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 4: of a night out. But that's okay. I'm chilling down

684
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 4: on the couch.

685
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 3: So yeah, I.

686
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 4: Could go play football with the boys. Like, yeah, I

687
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 4: feel like we'd be great. Let me know if you

688
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 4: want to.

689
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 1: Is there anything you get annoyed. I know he's pretty clean.

690
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: He might get annoyed about your with your like not cleanly.

691
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 2: I'd be on my best behavior.

692
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well that's good.

693
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he.

694
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 5: Does leave his shoes everywhere. She brought this up.

695
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 2: That's my thing.

696
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 4: Though I'm more messy, like I do the dishes. I

697
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 4: might clean in the sense that, like I wipe down

698
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 4: the counters every time, like it's more just stuff, you know.

699
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 1: I realized with that I need to be more appreciative

700
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: of how far we have come with Robbie and myself,

701
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 1: you know, come a long way from day one, where

702
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: I will never forget the first time I entered his

703
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: home and it was like a weekend that he had

704
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: the kids, and there were dishes literally piled all over,

705
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: Like there was not one piece of the kitchen counter

706
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: that you could see because there was just dishes. And

707
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: I will never forget that.

708
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's jarring.

709
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 3: Yes, it was jarring.

710
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 5: And we have come a long way because it was

711
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 5: basically a bachelor pad at that point.

712
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's so funny.

713
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: I remember the first weekend I like went on a

714
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 1: trip without him, and I left him at home with

715
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: the kids one weekend and I was like, I'm just

716
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: going to say this because I don't want to come

717
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 1: home on Sunday and like be angry. I'm very anxious

718
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: that you're just going to leave all the dishes in

719
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 1: the sink because you know, like I think he does

720
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: it because I'm around and we help. You know, we

721
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: both pitch in and we both do it. But if

722
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: I'm not around, I can just see it all stack.

723
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 5: And he has a dishwasher, I assume.

724
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 3: Yes, we don't really use it though, Ah.

725
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I know have a thing dish

726
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 1: washers thing too.

727
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think it gets it clean as.

728
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 2: Clean hand clean.

729
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 5: Oh that's interesting.

730
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 3: It's not as clean as my hand.

731
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 5: You don't know that. And then and if they tested it,

732
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 5: it's probably not the case.

733
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 2: I'm pretty thorough with my cleaning me too.

734
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 1: I'd rather a really nice clean thing that I'm going

735
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: to eat out of than like it running through some water.

736
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 5: I don't think it's just running through water. I think

737
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 5: there's a process and there's a heat involved that kills

738
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 5: a lot of bacteria that you're not going to.

739
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 2: Get to Yeah, it would be easier on me if

740
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 2: I just throw it in the dishwasher.

741
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 3: But las I do be scrubbing, scrubbing, be scrubbing too.

742
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 5: That's interesting.

743
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: Many ways.

744
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: So I did I express that to him, And when

745
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: I came home, and he would like send me pictures

746
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 1: out the weekend of like all the dishes done this weekend.

747
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 3: No, this was I can't remember what this was.

748
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 1: He would send me pictures of like the dishes and

749
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: the clean section of the same there.

750
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've come, we have come a very long way.

751
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: And if there are some shoes scattered around the bedroom,

752
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: it's our bedroom.

753
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 3: Who's going in there besides the two of us?

754
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: You know?

755
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the bedroom. I'm like, what you can do?

756
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 2: Leave whatever?

757
00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 4: I got home and I had stuff everywhere from trying

758
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 4: to pack for Vegas and then needing to unpack from Vegas.

759
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 4: And I was like, she had her three shoes by

760
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 4: the door, and I'm like, how can I tell her

761
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 4: or say anything about these three shoes when the room

762
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 4: looks like a disaster.

763
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 1: So what I do is he leaves any clothing anywhere,

764
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 1: it just goes immediately in the dirty laundry, it just

765
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: goes in the dirty laundry, and I'll be like, where

766
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,800
Speaker 1: is my where's my black sweater that was on the

767
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 1: chair that I'm taking to dinner tonight.

768
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 3: I'm like, was it unfolded in your closet? Then it's

769
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 3: in the hamper. It wasn't dirty.

770
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,760
Speaker 5: But what about that stuff, the stuff that's that's clean

771
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 5: but not dirt. It's worn but not dirty.

772
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 3: So to me, if it's been worn, it's dirty.

773
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 5: One time, it's not dirty, Yes it is.

774
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 3: It's outside of my house.

775
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 4: If it's a sweater like blazer, that's one thing, right.

776
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 4: If it's a hoodie, it's dirty.

777
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: Dirty if it goes outside these walls of my home

778
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: and it touches the air dirty.

779
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

780
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 2: If Haley's weren't it all day for work? It's dirty?

781
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 5: Yes, sure, all day. But I might just throw on

782
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 5: a hoodie to go out, you know, I don't run

783
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 5: an errand or something. If it's cold out and that's it.

784
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, then it goes in the hamper.

785
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 5: Wow.

786
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm the same.

787
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. He has like a resting chair where it's like

788
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 3: before bed every night. Oh yeah, okay, oh my gosh.

789
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 3: I would not allow the filth of the day.

790
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 4: And can't there are people who do that, all right,

791
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 4: all right, Oh, like I feel like we would have

792
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 4: an easy transition.

793
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I don't think it would be a shock.

794
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,240
Speaker 3: It would be hard for me not to have the meals, honestly.

795
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, because Haley Haley, when she cooks, it's really good.

796
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 2: She just doesn't do it a lot.

797
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, like Robbie can just like whip up stay like

798
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:48,479
Speaker 3: he can.

799
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 2: Just whipped me coming back, just like.

800
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:52,919
Speaker 3: It's really nice.

801
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: It's something I didn't know I needed in a partner. Like,

802
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: never once in my checklist of finding a partner did

803
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,320
Speaker 1: I put like needs to cook or good with meats

804
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: and shrimps.

805
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 3: And it is a blessing.

806
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good it's a good gift.

807
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

808
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: All right, Well that's all for now.

809
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 4: If y'all ever want to send in bonio questions, message

810
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 4: us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email us

811
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 4: at scrubbing In at iHeartMedia dot com.

812
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 2: We love you so much, love you, bye bye,