WEBVTT - How Men Think with David Lascher 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:03.880 We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:09.280 is How Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hi everybody, 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:14.320 I'm David Lasher. I'm very excited to be hosting How 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:19.680 Men Think. Um, I'm honored to be here. Uh. You 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:23.800 may know me as a longtime actor from shows like 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:29.640 Sabrina the Teenage which Blossom, Beverly Hills nine O two 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:33.080 and oh, and if you were between the ages of 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.880 eight and twelve, in might know the Nickelodeon show Hey Dude, 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:43.000 which has a surprisingly loyal fan base. Um, and also 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:48.680 feature films like Ridley Scott's White Squall Um. But more recently, 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:54.040 I'm a writer, producer, director, and I'm really happy to 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.200 be here. I'm gonna be answering all your questions and 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:00.880 I will try and help you understand how Men Think? 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:07.399 Uh if I even understand it myself. But first, here's 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:12.840 a list of eleven questions. Let's get into it. What 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:19.360 are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Uh, I 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.679 guess you know. Uh. Not to repeat myself, but I 0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:26.720 was an actor for many, many years. I started when 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:31.080 I was in high school. My first show was the 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:34.560 Nickelodeon series Hey Dude, where I played Ted and it 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:41.240 was a lot of like physical comedy. Um, My first 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:45.520 real networks had come aside from pilots and stuff like that. 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:49.200 That that was a hit show was called Blossom, where 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:54.600 I played uh Blossom's boyfriend Vinny for three seasons. UM. 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:58.320 I had a nice little run on Beverly Hills nine 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:05.080 O two one oh the original playing Kyle um and uh, 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:10.800 like I said, many TV movies, films like White Squall 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:17.120 for Ridley Scott and uh. More recently, I'm a writer, producer, director. 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:22.200 I I co wrote and directed a film that's very 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:27.079 personal to personal to me called Sister, starring Grace Kaufman 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:31.799 and Read Scott and Barbara Hershey. Um that we premiered 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:36.160 at Tribeca Film Festival and we sold to the Showtime 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:39.280 Networks for two years and is currently on Apple TV. 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:47.760 UM and uh, I like to also be known for being, uh, 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.799 you know, a husband and a dad. I have three 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:58.280 kids and I've been married since uh, so that those 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:04.880 roles to me are uh most important. Mm hmm. Who 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:09.720 are you in your personal life? My personal life? Like 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:13.040 I said, I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:16.800 tennis player, I'm a hiker. I'm a skier. I'm a 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:22.720 very active person. Um, but in my personal life, there's 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:25.880 nothing I would rather be doing than hanging with my 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:33.480 kids and my wife. Um. Three shows you are binge watching? Uh, 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:40.120 my wife and I just finished inventing Anna, and wow, 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:44.400 I can't believe that's a true story. And the girl 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:48.200 who plays Anna, who's also in Ozark, is off the 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:54.880 charts amazing. What is your favorite food? By far? It's 0:03:54.960 --> 0:04:01.720 sushi and specifically sugarfish here in l A where chef 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:07.360 nos Aware where O g s from his original Um, 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:10.480 and the fish and the rice and the seaweed and 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:15.520 there was sabi are not to be matched anywhere. Tell 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:21.360 us about your career. So yeah, like I said, acting 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:27.599 went very smoothly for like twenty years, and then I 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:32.440 found myself coming up kind of young to play my 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:38.640 own age, you know, the lawyer, the dad, the cop um. 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.400 So at some point, uh, you know, a number of 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:46.640 years ago, I started writing and directing, and uh wrote 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:52.200 a feature film based on ideas and characters from my 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:57.239 life called Sister, Uh, like I said, which we were 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:01.520 lucky enough to get into Tribeca, and people like Jane 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:05.120 Rosenthal and Robert de ni are really championed it UM 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:09.200 and more recently, I've been doing UM work for Group 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:14.800 nine Media, a company that lets me tell stories with 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:21.680 brands attached that are organically integrated into the stories. UM 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:25.960 also have a feature film script that I finished the 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:29.360 rewrite yesterday that I'm very excited about. What's your biggest 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:36.400 fear in life? My children's safety. UM. I have a 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:40.920 daughter that's in college in New Orleans at two Lane. 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.720 I have a junior in high school, my son, who 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:51.719 they both drive, and UH, I gotta tell you, when 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:55.440 your kids start driving, it's like always on your mind, 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.760 and it never leaves my mind when he is on 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:02.640 his way to Magic Mountain and he's driving his friends 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:05.880 until I get a text from him that he got 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:12.040 there safely. I it's it's it's my biggest worry, my 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:18.680 biggest pet peeve. Okay. One thing I really dislike, for 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:22.760 some strange reason is when someone calls you and you 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:26.279 don't pick up and they call you right back immediately. 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:29.599 I just don't get that, did they think you didn't 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:33.880 see the first call? Is it an emergency because it 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:38.760 usually isn't. It's usually a friend that just needs UH 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.159 to talk to you. And it bugs the hell out 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:48.520 of me. Um, what makes you the most happy? Honestly, 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:58.200 I don't know. I despite sounding cliche, there are moments 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:02.680 where my kids and I are on the beach or 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:06.120 we're all skiing together, which we just got back from 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:12.880 all five of us, and I'm just so grateful for 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:18.520 the moment of peace together, safety together. And I it's 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:22.840 never lost on me two to be with my kids 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:26.520 and my wife, uh, somewhere that we love, whether it's 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:30.880 the beach or skiing or you know, doing something um 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:35.160 that makes us all happy together. H is really is 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:39.080 what makes me the most happy. What is your ideal 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:44.040 Saturday morning? Well, that depends if it's football season or not. 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:48.400 Because my son, Casey and I have our own fantasy 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:52.720 football teams. We share a fantasy football team. Um, and 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:56.480 I'll go get bagels. I actually go to one place 0:07:56.480 --> 0:08:02.440 for bagels, uh, separate place for the locks and the 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:06.640 tuna salad um, and another place for coffee. And then 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.600 we come back and we watch you know, the direct 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:16.240 TV uh package and just scrolled from game to game. Um. Otherwise, 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:19.800 I love to hike by my house this this high 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:26.120 called Framing Canyon. I love going to my kids uh 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:30.400 uh athletic games. My my daughter Chelsea is a soccer player, 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:35.520 My son Casey is uh captain of his varsity basketball team, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.760 and I, I mean, I really I look forward to 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:41.160 their games because they're at an asia now where they're 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:45.240 really exciting. Tan. Are you more of the athlete or 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:50.040 the armshare quarterback? Well, I played with my kids all 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:54.120 different sports from tennis, football, soccer when they were younger, 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:57.160 But now I think I'm more of an armchair quarterback 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:02.360 because they've outgrown me and they have real coaches. So 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:07.240 I'm in my you know, my little foldable armchair watching 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:11.360 them and trying to think, you know, how any notes 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:13.839 I could give them, while also being encouraging and telling 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:16.680 them how much fun it was just to watch them. 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.800 But I'm definitely now more of an armchair quarterback. But 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.679 I do play tennis twice a week. What keeps you motivated? 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:26.600 What keeps you more? You know? What I think keeps 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.640 me motivated, Aside from my wife and my family and 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:31.920 I want them to be proud of me and always 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:35.520 moving forward and trying new things and taking risks, is 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:40.520 also my friends and my community and surrounding myself with 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:45.480 people that are doing interesting things. And inspire me and 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:48.640 bring out the best in me. UM. So I think 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:52.880 the people you surround yourself in your life or can 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:56.920 be a great motivating factor. Okay, so those were the 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.320 eleven questions, and We're gonna take a quick break and 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:02.720 I'll come back and answer some of your q and 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:15.640 a s. Hi Jennifer, Hi, how's it going good? How 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:20.640 are you good? I have a question about my husband. UM. 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:24.280 We've been together for four years now and UM, we 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:28.520 have two kids, two young babies three months and six months, 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:32.920 so you can imagine how tired where we are. UM, 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:37.040 and I just feel like we're both were we are 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.560 like a great team together and everything and everything is 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:46.319 seems like it's going well except for you know, our 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:49.720 intimate life. Do you know what I mean? Uh, we're 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:55.360 both just very tired. And every time we do go 0:10:55.440 --> 0:11:01.320 to bed, he just rolls over, which I understand. UM. 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:04.320 And you know, I've asked him about a date night 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:09.200 and we don't really have the time, and I feel 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:12.760 like he doesn't make the time, but I would really 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:14.959 like to explore that. And I just I need help 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:18.000 finding the spark again with him, and I'm not really 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:25.280 sure what to do. Well, first, of all, give yourselves 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:29.160 a break because you're in you're in the weeds right 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:33.080 now as far as the ages of your kids, so 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:37.680 that everything you're looking for, I promise you will come back. 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:42.160 So the first thing I would say is give yourself 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:46.400 a break and accept that there's gonna be a lull. 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:55.240 But as far as a date night or intimacy, you know, 0:11:55.320 --> 0:12:01.080 maybe you take the initiative and say we're doing this. 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:06.000 We're gonna go, you know, like I got tickets to 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:07.680 go see Eddie Vetter or the other you know a 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.200 few months a month ago or two months ago, you know, 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.240 because of COVID, we hadn't gone, we hadn't seen music 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:18.680 in years, and I just said, we're going to do this. Well, 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.640 you know, the kids will be fine. We're gonna go 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:25.600 see Eddie Vetter at YouTube Theater and uh, we're gonna 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:30.439 have dinner first. And UM, I think at least if 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:35.200 if one of you makes it a priority, Um, the 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:40.720 other person should you know, be grateful. I think, um, 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.480 but it takes an effort, and then you know, maybe 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.440 you could push him next time to you know what, 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:48.680 come come up with something for me. Doesn't have to 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.440 be tomorrow, doesn't have to be next week, but just 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:58.200 surprised me with something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I said, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.560 enjoy these times because the kids grow up so fast 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:07.720 and it takes away from your from your relationship and 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:11.000 your intimacy. But there there are really special times about 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:14.559 what you're going through. And just know that you guys 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:17.240 will have each other in the coming years. It will 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:22.040 all come back, I promise. Oh I hope. So thank 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:25.320 you so much. I um, I'm just worried about him 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.360 saying he's too tired to go, but I guess in 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.800 that case, I just say, nope, we're doing this for us. 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:33.719 I insist. Yeah, if you make a gesture, he's got 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:38.559 to go. Yeah, all right, well I will do that, 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:42.320 all right. Good luck, Emily, thanks for calling. Thank you 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:49.000 so much. Bye, Hi Sarah. Hi. Um. So recently a 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:52.400 co worker of mine has been super flirty and giving 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:56.240 me a lot of attention at work, and he even 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:02.320 sometimes sends me flirty texts after work hour. And you know, 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.760 I've been married for fifteen years and I have to 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:09.160 admit that this new attention feels good. And I just 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.120 wonder am I in the wrong to flirt back? As 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:22.240 long as nothing happens physically. Oh, I don't like this 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:27.160 guy already. I'll tell you that right now. Why Because 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:31.800 he's flirting and he knows I'm married. Yeah. Yeah, it 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.440 takes a certain kind of guy to do that. That's 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.760 to me, that's a red flag about him. But I 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:41.400 get it. I get it. I've been married for some 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:47.400 twenty two years. M h. And I think one thing 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:52.680 that's been a pillar of our marriage, uh is the 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:58.080 trust issue. M hm. You know my wife goes on 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.360 girls trips. I go. We you know, we separate and 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:08.040 we have separate lives because we know there's no no 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:12.160 cause for jealousy or any of that type of stuff. 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:16.880 And when you start playing with that fire, you know, 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:22.600 you could say nothing's happening. But if he found out, 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:27.440 would it upset him? Maybe that's the question. I don't know. 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.760 I think it probably would. I think you're right. I mean, 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.160 I wouldn't like it if somebody was doing that with 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:39.359 him exactly exactly. I know it feels good and maybe 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:44.640 it's flattering. I mean I have to admit it. Yeah, alright, 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:46.680 so now you you know you're still got it, you 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:50.600 know you're still attractive. Now, yeah, let your let your 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:55.880 husband enjoy that. Yeah. I think that's that's good advice. 0:15:55.960 --> 0:16:03.080 Thank you. Yeah, thanks for calling. I'll try. Thank you. Hi, Alex, Hi, 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:08.240 what's on your mind? Okay? Um, So the thing is 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:14.360 my husband and his sister are really close, but there's 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.120 this thing that like keeps happening. So I'll suggest a 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.480 show to him, like a show to watch or a 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:23.160 restaurant to try, and he'll always be like, oh, that's 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:25.440 not for me, or I won't like it, and then 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:28.320 his sister will like tell him about the show or 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.840 like name the same restaurant that I already told him about, 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:33.760 and then he'll like, oh, I've never heard of that. 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:35.960 That sounds great. I'll try it right away. And it 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.440 just kind of drives me crazy that like he'll value his, 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.320 like her opinion more than mine. And I just don't 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:45.080 know if I'm overreacting or if I'm not. How do 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.720 I approach this, because like he'll get protective of his 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:51.680 sister and I just don't know what to do. That's 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.160 so funny because I I, my wife and I have 0:16:55.320 --> 0:17:00.240 the same sort of conversations about my sister, who you know, 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:03.600 it's like my best friend and she's two years younger 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:08.080 than me, and My wife always say, why, how come 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:12.280 when Lauren suggests this, you take it to heart and 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:16.880 you overlook it when I when I suggest it, Um, 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.840 I think it's you know, it's pretty normal, you know, 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:25.159 the the sibling bond is like something that's unique, and 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:31.639 his sister probably you know, you know, knows his taste 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:39.080 and they have like a short form communication. But I, yeah, 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:43.359 I wouldn't be jealous of of a sibling relationship because 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:49.359 I know just how how rare the that is. You know, 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:52.320 to to really have a strong relationship with a with 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:59.000 a sibling, it can only it only be a positive. Um. Well, 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:02.080 I'm I'm gonna only child, so I don't really know 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:05.040 what that's like. But I just think when you're married, 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:07.440 that's like when you choose your family as so shouldn't 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:19.680 my opinion matter more? Now if your opinions being completely overlooked, Yes, absolutely, Um, 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:24.600 But I I would just I would steer clear of 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:30.200 being trying not to be jealous of your husband's relationship 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:35.480 with his sister because it's no threat to you. Um, 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:41.160 but if he's disregarding you, know, your opinions and your thoughts, 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.960 that's a separate issue. Yeah, it's hard to tell whether 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:50.880 I'm like just taking it personally or or if it's 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.880 like valid. I don't know, but you're you're saying it's 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:58.600 something to worry about. Yeah, I think there's there are 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:03.639 two separate issues. I think you need to uh allow 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:06.240 him his relationship with his sister, which is no threat 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:10.280 to you, and maybe you know he they have similar 0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:14.520 tastes and TV or whatever whatever it is. But if 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:19.800 he's if he's disregarding you know, your thoughts and your 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:23.440 opinions on things, that's a separate issue that I would 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:27.480 not attach to any jealousy to his relationship with his sister, 0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:30.760 because you're not gonna look good and there's really no 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:35.000 leg to stand on for that, you know, you know 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:38.520 what I mean, Like, let him have a close relationship 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:41.480 with his sister and then deal with you know, if 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:44.920 he happens to be pushing you aside and your thoughts 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:50.440 and your opinions aside, deal with that on its own. Okay, Yeah, 0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:53.679 I guess I'll try. I'll try to separate the two things. 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:58.600 You got a good luck with it, thank you. I 0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:05.199 shall be Hi. What's up? Uh? So my fiance and 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:07.720 I are getting married in December and he won't set 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.400 up and help with the planning. Um, my friends think 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:13.760 that this is like a dream scenario, But I really 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:17.960 need his help and I'm super busy with traveling for work. 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:23.280 And uh we already lost our favorite photographer because he 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:27.720 never sent our deposit, which is really frustrating. So I 0:20:27.760 --> 0:20:29.840 guess how do I get him to set up, like 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:38.160 to step up and help. Oh boy, if you do 0:20:39.119 --> 0:20:44.719 start to delegate uh decisions to him, I'm warning you 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:48.240 now it might not be the wedding that you're expecting. 0:20:49.640 --> 0:20:54.440 But I understand you need some help with your Your 0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:58.640 time is valuable. Do you have family members, mom's, mother 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:02.800 in law's, anyone else that could Yeah? I do, and 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:06.560 they've been helping too. But I mean, I would like 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:10.240 the person I'm marrying to have a say and to 0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.399 be part of the you know, the experience, and and 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:19.040 give me some anything, I guess, you know, um, and 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:25.119 not do things like uh, lose the photographer because he 0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:31.040 didn't send the deposit, like the one thing that he did. Um, 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:33.120 and just be a little bit more interested, I guess, 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:38.840 and proactive and in the journey. Yeah, I mean, honestly, 0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:41.960 I I've been married for over twenty years. And that 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:45.560 sounds like something I might have done back when I 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:50.280 was engaged. And it has nothing to do with my 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:53.359 love for my wife or the commitment we're making, or 0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:57.520 the profoundness of what you know of what our marriage means. 0:21:57.560 --> 0:22:01.840 It's I just didn't really care what the flowers look 0:22:01.920 --> 0:22:05.040 like or who was taking the pictures. The guest list 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:08.480 I was very involved with, but like all the details, 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:13.399 I I was just like, whatever you want, and like 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:18.520 I said, we're still married. And my uh not disinterest, 0:22:18.600 --> 0:22:23.920 but my my, my, my lack of concern for all 0:22:24.000 --> 0:22:29.080 the details of the actual party had nothing to do 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:34.680 with my love for my wife longevity of our marriage. 0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:38.240 It was really as long as our family and friends 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:40.040 are there with us, I don't care where we are, 0:22:40.200 --> 0:22:43.800 Like I'll, you know, we'll we'll say our vows in 0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:45.760 front of the people that mean the most to us. 0:22:47.280 --> 0:22:50.080 And uh, I'm sorry if I don't care about who's 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:54.600 the photographer, who what flowers or what meal is being served, 0:22:54.640 --> 0:22:57.639 I just, you know, I would leave that up to 0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:03.200 my wife. But if I'm just saying it, I wouldn't 0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:08.040 make more of it than that, because I'm you know, 0:23:08.240 --> 0:23:10.879 married for twenty years and I was pretty disinterested in 0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:14.399 the details of our wedding. Well, I guess that is 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:20.679 inadvertently sweet if you think about it. Yeah, you know, 0:23:20.760 --> 0:23:24.639 it's to me, it's like the marriage. You're making a 0:23:24.720 --> 0:23:29.600 lifelong commitment, and so much stress and decision making and 0:23:29.920 --> 0:23:35.080 time goes into these details of a three hour party. It. 0:23:35.880 --> 0:23:38.520 I don't know, it's just I get it. And I've 0:23:38.520 --> 0:23:41.120 been to a lot of what beautiful weddings, and our 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:44.560 wedding was amazing, but and I appreciated all the work 0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:48.960 that my wife did, but the important thing to me 0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:53.400 was the guest list who was there to witness us 0:23:54.480 --> 0:23:58.720 making our vows and then to party and celebrate with us. Uh, 0:23:58.720 --> 0:24:02.160 and what the tables of Like, I just didn't care. 0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:09.040 And yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I get it. 0:24:09.240 --> 0:24:17.080 So the solution, um, I guess would be too kind 0:24:17.080 --> 0:24:20.720 of just allow my my family and I to plan 0:24:21.040 --> 0:24:23.880 a little bit more. And and I guess I could 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.399 ask him as well what parts he does care about 0:24:28.240 --> 0:24:31.520 and uh, and kind of go from there. I guess 0:24:31.600 --> 0:24:33.760 would be it would be a good way to approach it. Yeah, 0:24:33.800 --> 0:24:36.440 I mean, if you present him Okay, here's the table settings, 0:24:36.480 --> 0:24:40.920 here's the menu here's here's the band setlist, and then 0:24:40.920 --> 0:24:43.919 he perks up on what music is going to be played. 0:24:44.400 --> 0:24:47.200 Maybe he'll jump in and start, you know, jotting down 0:24:47.240 --> 0:24:49.920 songs for the band or the DJ. You know, like 0:24:50.840 --> 0:24:55.239 there's got to be something that perks his interest. But uh, 0:24:56.400 --> 0:25:00.320 I'm sure he's most focused on, you know, the step 0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:03.359 that you guys are taking together and that you're surrounded 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:05.399 by people that love you, and that's really to me, 0:25:05.520 --> 0:25:12.080 that's that's what the night is about. Yeah for sure. Okay, Yeah, 0:25:12.160 --> 0:25:14.600 so it seems more like a like a more of 0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:18.240 a i don't know, like a negotiation, trying to feel 0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:21.680 out what he is interested in doing and not kind 0:25:21.680 --> 0:25:25.160 of making him do what I think needs to be done. Yeah. 0:25:25.240 --> 0:25:27.840 Like I said, if he's a guy that you love 0:25:27.920 --> 0:25:31.040 and you want to commit your life too, don't fight 0:25:31.119 --> 0:25:34.800 over play settings or his disinterest in that. It's just 0:25:35.440 --> 0:25:37.359 it doesn't make sense, you know, like think of the 0:25:37.359 --> 0:25:40.240 bigger picture and is this you know, this is the 0:25:40.240 --> 0:25:43.440 man you want to marry. You know, throw things in 0:25:43.560 --> 0:25:46.680 his way and give ask his opinion, and if he does, 0:25:46.760 --> 0:25:49.480 if he says it's up to you, don't do not 0:25:49.640 --> 0:25:52.720 get in a fight over that, before your wedding. Okay, 0:25:52.840 --> 0:25:57.320 well that's great advice. Alright, cool, good luck and congratulations, 0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:00.760 thank you so much. I the other how are you 0:26:01.040 --> 0:26:04.760 over good? How are you? I am very good, having 0:26:04.760 --> 0:26:09.639 a nice hour with this podcast. Awesome. Well, UM, I 0:26:09.640 --> 0:26:13.840 would love your advice on something. Um. I it's just 0:26:13.840 --> 0:26:15.560 a little bit of background and started three years old. 0:26:15.800 --> 0:26:19.720 And UM, my boyfriend he wants to buy this new 0:26:19.760 --> 0:26:22.560 set of golf clubs, which I did not realize how 0:26:22.600 --> 0:26:25.880 expensive golf clubs were. Um, this set is costing. Yeah, 0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:29.439 I had no idea the set costs around six thousand 0:26:29.440 --> 0:26:32.960 dollars and UM, you know, you know it's his money 0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:35.840 until I find Um. But we've been together for eight 0:26:35.920 --> 0:26:39.000 years now and I'm just dying for him to propose. 0:26:39.119 --> 0:26:41.439 And I just it's been a long time, and I 0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:44.320 worry that if he spends you know, that money on 0:26:44.400 --> 0:26:46.920 golf clubs, that means that a proposal in the rain 0:26:47.040 --> 0:26:51.000 or just even further away for me. Um. And you know, 0:26:51.040 --> 0:26:52.840 it's hard because I can't really tell him what to do. 0:26:52.920 --> 0:26:55.800 But at the same time, like it's been eight years, um, 0:26:55.840 --> 0:26:58.040 and I don't want him to feel pressured. But I 0:26:58.080 --> 0:27:00.600 also don't know how much longer I can wait. Um, 0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:02.679 And my my question is how do I how do 0:27:02.720 --> 0:27:04.000 I bring this up to him? How do I tell 0:27:04.040 --> 0:27:09.879 him that he should put that money towards the ring instead? Wow, 0:27:09.920 --> 0:27:17.160 that's a tricky situation. First of all six thousand dollar 0:27:17.240 --> 0:27:19.960 golf clubs. Is he a very good golfer? He is 0:27:20.080 --> 0:27:22.920 really really good? Okay, that's kind of things that really 0:27:22.920 --> 0:27:24.639 turns me out about him. I just don't know. I 0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:26.600 just don't. I didn't. I guess I don't realize how 0:27:26.680 --> 0:27:30.640 expensive the sport was. Um, And normally I wouldn't care, 0:27:30.880 --> 0:27:35.800 but I would love to have that ring on my finger. Yeah. Okay. 0:27:35.960 --> 0:27:41.760 So the first thing is if golf is an outlet 0:27:41.800 --> 0:27:44.040 for him and makes him happy, he's going to be 0:27:44.080 --> 0:27:48.280 a better partner for you. So you do get something 0:27:48.280 --> 0:27:53.120 out of it, you know. Um? But man, I remember 0:27:53.400 --> 0:27:57.000 my wife. I met her in New York and I 0:27:57.040 --> 0:27:58.840 lived in l A. We were a long distance for 0:27:58.840 --> 0:28:02.000 a year. She moved to l A after a year, 0:28:03.400 --> 0:28:07.200 and then I think after two years of living here, 0:28:07.400 --> 0:28:10.679 she asked me when we were getting get engaged, and 0:28:10.720 --> 0:28:16.600 I said, well, not anytime soon, and she burst into tears. 0:28:18.040 --> 0:28:22.680 And I remember when she kind of let go of 0:28:22.760 --> 0:28:28.440 that issue. Within six months, I became ready and proposed, 0:28:28.440 --> 0:28:32.600 but I didn't want her. I didn't want her to 0:28:32.840 --> 0:28:37.720 make me buy a ring, you know what I mean? Yeah, 0:28:37.760 --> 0:28:39.960 And that's what I worry about because I don't want 0:28:39.960 --> 0:28:43.400 to be you know that that girl that's like, you know, 0:28:43.520 --> 0:28:46.240