WEBVTT - I Choose...Brooke Shields 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:09.560 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone, 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:13.840 welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:17.599 the choices we make and where they lead us. My 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:22.680 guest today is a Hollywood superstar. Her career started when 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:26.079 she was a tiny baby, and she has conquered just 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.760 so many obstacles in her life. She's known for Blue 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:33.720 Lagoon and Endless Love, her breakout performance as Joey's crazy 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:37.919 girlfriend on Friends, which led her to starring in her 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:42.040 own sitcom, one of my favorite sitcoms, Suddenly Susan, where 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:45.880 she killed it at comedy, and her most recent Netflix movie, 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.320 Mother of the Bride. She is the subject of the 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:53.200 documentary Pretty Baby Brookshields, which was a testament to how 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:56.200 strong and smart she is, how much she has endured 0:00:56.520 --> 0:01:00.280 in her long career that has spanned multiple decades. She 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:05.080 is a mama, she's an entrepreneur. She's a badass. You guys, 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:10.520 please welcome Brookshields to the I Choose Me Podcast. Thank 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:11.720 you for being with. 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:13.600 Us, Thank you for having me. 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:17.160 I'll just jump right in. You've had some incredible highs 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:20.080 in this business, but I have to admit, even considering 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:24.720 all of that and loves. I love what you are 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:28.120 doing and saying right now. You are out front helping 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:32.800 to knock down these archic stereotypes that we should just 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.760 be put out to pasture after fifty and never seen 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:40.480 again after sixty. So you've partnered with GSK to help 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:44.600 people thrive at fifty plus. Let's talk about what people 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:47.880 fifty plus need to be aware of when it comes 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:50.480 to our health, specifically our immune system. 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:56.320 We have to become people have to really take their 0:01:56.440 --> 0:02:02.360 health in their own control and ask their doctors, ask 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:07.559 their pharmacists about your risk for shingles, and about vaccination. 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:11.720 There is so much that we are not made aware of, 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:16.640 and we have to ask, and it's so important that 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:21.120 we understand the statistics that ninety nine percent of those 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:25.720 fifty years and older actually already have the virus that 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:30.760 causes shingles inside their body. Okay, no, not all of 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:32.120 them are going to get it, but by the same 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:36.640 token staggering. I didn't know that. I had no idea, 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:38.680 so when I heard it, I was like good, no good, 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.760 and so I partnered with j's k's Thrive at fifty 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:48.240 plus campaign because that was the messaging that they really 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:52.119 said to me. Was the most important for them, and 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:56.160 the idea of really being proactive in this era of 0:02:56.200 --> 0:03:00.480 your life and being your own advocate. You know, a 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:05.520 million about a million estimated people develop shingles in the 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:11.680 US just per year, and it's painful and it's terrifying, 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:16.640 and it's disruptive and it is it. I have a 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:19.480 friend who had to stop work for two weeks, and 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:21.359 you know she's going to afford to do that. That 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:25.040 wasn't you know, And it really read tavoc on her life. 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:28.760 So to me, it's important in this era. When you 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:32.320 talked about changing stereotypes. Part of how we do that 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:36.080 we don't sit and just wait for a narrative to change. 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:42.880 We start speaking about ourselves differently. We stop using words 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:48.160 like aging or anti aging or dry or all these words. 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:53.800 I'm so synonymous with just being female over forty. Practically 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:59.000 I'm fifty nine, So you know this is I'm definitely 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:02.560 in the in the and according to you know, the stereotype, 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:06.680 I got one foot in the grave. And that messaging 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:09.200 was I don't want my daughters, and you have three daughters, 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:12.280 right I do. Baby girls are always going to be your 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:16.039 baby girls. Yes, I have a baby eighteen year old 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:19.400 and a baby twenty one year old, and I want 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.359 them to know that this is not the big scary 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:29.240 era of age. But we are armed with many positive things, 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:34.280 many progressive ways that we can own our health, own 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:38.600 our lives, and take a power that we are. The 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:42.840 messages that we're not, we no longer have it, and 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:45.560 I don't even think about taking it back. I just 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.880 think about revealing it even more. 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:51.360 I heard you in an interview once say that you 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:55.039 didn't feel fully in your body until you were in 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:58.640 your forties. And I know that feeling firsthand. And I 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:02.160 also know all that it takes to get to that 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:05.200 kind of self discovery when you grow up in the 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:07.400 business that we have grown up in and when you 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:10.599 just want so much to be confident in just being you. 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:14.520 Why did it take us so long to grow up 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:18.159 and to truly love and value ourselves? 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:23.240 Okay, first of all, we're in a ridiculously demigrating and 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.360 deridict being I can't even say the word industry. So 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:29.120 first of all, our whole industry is based on comparison 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:31.560 to look like that, or you're not enough of this, 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:35.320 so you're not. That's just all about that it's negative 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:37.960 and it gets drilled into us from a very young age. 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:42.800 The thing that's amazing to me is this is every 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:49.960 woman's flight. Really ours is played out on this ridiculous stage, 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:56.480 and that comes with its own challenges. But it took 0:05:56.600 --> 0:06:02.000 me until I was pregnant. Actually, as being pregnant, my 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:07.560 body finally had a purpose aside from looking a certain 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:11.040 way or being a certain standard or fitting into something 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:14.919 or looking like so and so and so. That was 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.760 a really important right of passage for me. And then 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:23.080 just it started when I was forty. I just started 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:27.359 to realize that I could do things on my own terms, 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:31.280 that I didn't have to first go through the checklist 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:34.000 of making sure I was being a good girl or 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:37.279 that everybody was going to like me. I went I 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:42.760 started shifting the way I asked myself questions. And to me, 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:47.760 that was the first step towards you know, again we 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:50.880 say love our bodies. Well, there's stuff that's hang in 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.520 a lot lower now that I wish wasn't. I wish 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:56.320 I enjoyed it when it was higher, but I did 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:59.159 not enjoy it when it was all in its perky place. 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.000 And you know, I feel bad about that because I 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:04.440 wasted some time for myself. 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.719 Yes, Yes, you wasted all that time loving yourself. 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.800 Yeah. And then you start to really see yourself as 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:14.440 a whole, not as your waste size, or as a 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:18.200 healthy person, as someone who is not afraid to take 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:22.000 their their health and their own on their own terms 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:26.400 and ask questions. Ask their doctors, ask their pharmacist. You 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:31.240 can ask your pharmacist about everything from your risk for shingles, 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.840 about vaccination, about anything. This is the period of time 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.160 when we need to really self advocate. 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.640 I love that, and that's so true. I've always had 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:44.760 a real level of respect for you, and I see you, 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:48.240 and I see how you are someone who has always 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.480 appeared I don't know if this is the case, but 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:55.760 you always appeared to have had a sense of yourself, 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:59.400 even during times in your early life when maybe you 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:01.880 didn't have a lot of agency over what was happening. 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:05.720 You didn't only survive, you excelled, and you had to 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:07.760 protect yourself. You had to protect your mother, then you 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:09.360 had to protect yourself some more than you had to 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:14.240 protect your girls. It takes someone who really understands who 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.520 they are to be able to protect like that, and 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:20.480 that is something when I see you, and when I 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.320 think of you, that's what I think of. 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:31.880 Thank you on that is absolutely lovely and beautiful. I 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.800 don't know how, but maybe it was because I started 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:41.520 so young and my mother kept me away from so 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:46.920 much of the industry, and I went to all regular 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.200 grade schools and schools and high schools and college and 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:52.640 all of that with just kids who were not in 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.480 the entertainment industry. I don't know. I think that did 0:08:55.800 --> 0:09:01.320 have a positive effect on me. I think I somehow 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:07.960 learned at an early age that I didn't want them 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:15.360 to win, and weakness would allow them to win, and 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:17.480 so I sort of had to fake it till I 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:22.120 made it because I would think, oh, no, I'm not 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:24.400 going to I'm not going to let you. Whether whether 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:27.920 I was terrified in betwe inside or not, I didn't 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:29.400 want to let them know, and I didn't want to 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.720 let them get the best of me. And I think 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.559 that I was so stubborn like that, even just as 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.120 a little girl, and I had to protect my mother. 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:40.640 Like you said, when you have to protect your mom, 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:44.720 it's almost as all bets are off, even in a 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:47.280 different way than your children. I mean, I'd kill for 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:51.080 my children but there's something about protecting your mother source 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:56.960 that causes you to have to be really creative in 0:09:57.080 --> 0:10:00.280 how you stay strong and really creative and how you 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:05.880 keep your feet planted. And I started ferreting out things 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:10.319 that I knew people couldn't take away from me. Education, 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:14.840 my really close friends from high school, those little things 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:18.040 that were like my checkpoints to know that whenever I 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:22.360 saw the craziness or the bad behavior that was I 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:26.400 would say, that's all right, this is my home. And 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.640 I think I think I was really lucky that I 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:36.800 practiced that growing up, and over time the sense of 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:43.800 self materialized. It didn't take It wasn't easy, you know, 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:48.880 it happened mentally through university or according to the way 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:53.240 I would process information. You know, we're not taught to 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:58.079 have opinions when we're nobody really asks us what we 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.040 feel or think about something, whether it's a roll or 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:04.120 a part or something. You know, you know this better 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.160 than anybody, and so you get so used to not 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:12.040 having a voice that it's kind of comfortable. It's familiar, 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:16.400 you know, And so finding that I had my own 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:20.160 intelligence was a revelation. Then finding out that I had 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:23.520 this body that would do something extraordinary, like have babies 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:29.560 was like I couldn't believe my luck, you know, And 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:32.240 I think just over time, you have to fight for it. 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:36.680 And I don't know, I think I never even wanted 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.559 to take drugs because I didn't want to be unaware, 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:43.120 because I needed to be at the ready all time 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:45.720 something comes at you here, you're ready for it, you know. 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:49.719 I mean, it's a hell of a way to have childhood, 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:52.160 but eventually, you know. 0:11:52.640 --> 0:12:03.679 Becoming natural right. Your work ethic and your drive also 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.240 inspired me in my career and in my personal life. 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:08.320 And I just kind of want to ask you what 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:13.000 motivates you to keep reinventing yourself time and time again, 0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:17.120 because I know for me that's what it is. Like 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:19.280 I look back now and I say, oh, there, that's 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:21.120 where I was at a certain point in my life. 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:24.360 But somehow, by the grace of whatever, I managed to 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:27.120 turn that into something else, then something else, and then 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:29.280 something else, until here we are. 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:33.480 Rejection failure. 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:37.080 And not wanting them you said before, not wanting them 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:37.440 to win. 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:40.760 Yeah, And you know, you get enough of that, which 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:45.040 is all the time you start thinking, Okay, well I 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:48.760 can just sit here and stay in that place, or 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:53.520 I can pivot enough to stay creative, but keep moving through. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.120 You know, you can argue whether it's forward or not. 0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:02.400 You know, who knows. But there's this pivot. You know, 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.840 out of college I couldn't get it, couldn't get a 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.040 film job or a TV job. And I was like 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:11.240 twenty pounds every year, bad haircut, and I was no 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:14.920 longer the Brookshields that went into the university and I 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:16.560 all of a sudden I came out and thought they 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:19.360 were gonna like me because I was an educated actress 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:27.040 and we know how Hollywood likes smart actresses. And I thought, oh, oh, oh, okay, 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.360 well what can I do? And it became you know, 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:33.440 can I write? Can I does theater open up for me? 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:35.280 Does TV open up for me? Because I wasn't in 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:39.000 TV at that point. And so it's this idea of 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:43.320 just not losing, just continuing to. 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:46.120 Move through, not giving up. 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.600 And also, you know, we worked hard when we were younger, 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:53.120 and still to this day, I had a work ethic 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:57.720 instilled in me by my mom. I mean, my daughter 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:03.000 just recently did her third internship at a GMA and 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:05.800 the first thing I said to was show up earlier, 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.920 leave later, make yourself necessary. I don't care if you 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:13.479 have nothing to do, buind something to do. Be proactive. 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.800 I don't care if it's holding someone's head over the toilet, 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:20.400 if they're puking and bringing them you know, anchor coffee, 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:24.240 or rewriting a script or you know, handing out. I 0:14:24.280 --> 0:14:27.040 don't know. It doesn't matter what it is. Keep your 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.560 eyes and ears open and work hard, because that's the 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.440 one thing that can't be taken away from you. 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.240 Oh true, did you ever feel at any point in 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:38.480 your life that you were like significantly stuck in that 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:39.880 before the pivot? 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:43.240 Definitely? First of all, I've got to say, your voice 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:45.920 is so soothing, and when I hear mine, I feel 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.880 like it's grating oks And then. 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:52.400 You start talking like, oh oh thanks. 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:57.400 Say this maybe it's a lovely thing. Thank you for 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:02.080 being so beautiful presence. And every time I had to 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:06.440 always go through that crying and angry and I'm worthless 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:07.840 and I hate this and I'm never going to do 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:09.880 it again, and I can't do it, and I'm all 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.160 these things that I listened to, all my bad tames, 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:18.280 and then I realized, oh this doesn't feel really good, 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:22.080 so I better change my way of thinking. And distract 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:25.359 myself by something else that I haven't been rejected by it. 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.240 So I think that that's the place that I felt 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.200 the most stuck and did not see a way out, 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:35.640 was through postpartum depression. That was that none of my 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:43.640 old habits or approaches or beliefs had any place when 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:47.120 I was experiencing that something like that. That flattened to 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.440 me that nothing else had ever done before, nothing had 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:53.880 ever undone me before, and this undid me. 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:58.600 I mean, it just goes against are as women what were. 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.400 It's so shameful. I had it on my third daughter, 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:06.600 and I know exactly yes, right, that's just I don't 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:08.160 even know if I had it on the first or second, 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:09.640 to be quite honest, because I was so out of 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:13.320 my body at all times, just like functioning and continuing 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:15.760 forward that I didn't really ever just like drop in 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.400 and feel my feelings. I was just do do do? 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:18.880 Do you know? 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.400 I know, yeah, I don't know. And it's not what 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:25.360 we're told. We're told we have the baby handed to you, 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.600 and your hair cascades down and the baby latches on 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:33.000 look up and you're just it's bliss, and the birds 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:37.400 flying around your head like that's the least why. 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.400 Yeah, it's not like that for It wasn't like that 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:41.040 for me either. 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:43.640 Nope, And I think that you know, it's hard todn't 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.120 feel like a failure, but we're so prone to feeling 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:50.760 like failures as women. We're all we're told why it's 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.640 our fault. And I believe me, I never even knew 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:58.480 that I had this rather feminist approach to things and 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:03.000 it's something against men, but I never I just my value. 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:05.880 I never realized how threatened it was all the time. 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:13.399 And then you have this biochemical situation with this something 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:15.920 that you're told is supposed to be so natural. And 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.080 I was convinced I was a normal and you know 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:21.920 when I was a huge failure and made a huge 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.159 mistake and shouldn't have played God and all of this 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:29.480 and all of that is unnecessary punishment for us. 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.080 You posted a video a couple of weeks ago, I 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:36.560 think now about being an empty nester. I'm really close 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.119 to that, and there's just such a mixed bag of 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.680 emotions for me surrounding that big milestone. How is it? 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:43.920 How are you adjusting? 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:48.000 So I'm thankful to my children for it, even telling 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:52.119 me how to do trending tiktoks or maybe that was 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:55.159 I'm not quite sure what it was, but whatever that was, 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:58.480 they totally directed me in it. And that's that's the 0:17:58.520 --> 0:17:59.919 only way I get to do those things is if 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:02.960 tell me I should do it, you know it. The 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.679 second one is different than the first one because or 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.840 the third, because it does leave a different type of 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:14.359 emptiness and silence that it's just really unfamiliar. So I 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:17.080 think that that was sort of the first shock. But 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.440 then they're thriving so much and they have each other. 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:23.560 That's you're so lucky. 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:25.280 But then you go through the fear of not being 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:28.080 needed anymore, and therefore my worth is like well, what 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.399 I mean, they're not crying and missing their mother like that. 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:34.320 That's threatening, you know, And then you sort of like, 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:36.680 you know, it's just you and the dog, and you're 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:41.199 kind of like, oh, this isn't so bad. Like I 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:44.320 have time in a different way, to be ambitious, to 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:49.119 do nothing, to be with friends, to say yes without 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:56.000 checking for schedules and practice and basketball and parents and this, 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.040 you know what I mean, Like there's this whole world 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.240 of scheduling that I don't have to salt anymore. 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:04.440 Yeah, yeah, which is really a relief, certain freedom. 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:05.520 Got time. 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:11.480 It's your time to shine. Yeah, I have the twenty 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:13.400 one and the eighteen year old. They're still at home 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:15.760 with me, but I mean just watching them grow into 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:20.119 these incredible, like self aware, driven young women is just 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:23.600 the gift of life for me. And my daughters have 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:27.800 really held me up at certain times. Have you have 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:29.840 you felt that and did you ever feel any like 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:32.280 guilt or shame around that because you were supposed to 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:34.000 be the one that has it all together, even though 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:36.439 you're just going through everything for the first time yourself 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:40.040 and learning as you go, Like I remember feeling like, wait, 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:42.680 I'm supposed to be the strong mom here. 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:48.440 I mean, yes, absolutely, but it was It was interesting 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:52.359 the way it happened for me. My younger daughter was 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:57.480 in a tizzy about something, and she was explaining to 0:19:57.520 --> 0:20:01.040 me what I where I was wrong and where but 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:04.160 not really wronged her, but just where I was looking 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:11.000 at the situation inappropriately and unnecessarily, And she just laid 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:15.119 it into me with such clarity and no judgment, just 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:17.960 and love, like there was love in her judgment, which 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:22.800 is interesting, but it was true, and I just burst, 0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:25.919 I laughed, I burst out laughing, and she got madder 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:27.359 and mad her and she was like, why you're laughing, 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:31.359 This is not funny. And I said, sweetheart, I hope 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:33.560 and pray for you. If it's what you want. You 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:38.200 always have to clarify everything now that if and when 0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:41.199 you choose or hope or blessed with having a child, 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:46.600 they will one day turn around and teach you and 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:49.439 it will shock your system and you will realize what 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:52.440 a gift it is. And I said, you know what, 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:57.479 You're absolutely right. I was not acting in my best 0:20:57.520 --> 0:21:01.760 interest and my ego was driving me, and it was 0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:04.359 just it didn't it was about it was about wearing clothes, 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:08.120 and believe it or not, it was about something absolutely frivolous. 0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:12.080 But the lesson was she had such clarity, and I thought. 0:21:12.640 --> 0:21:16.360 This is I've done my job well enough so that 0:21:16.440 --> 0:21:20.479 they are their own people, so it's not threatening to 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:23.200 me when they when when the. 0:21:23.200 --> 0:21:27.760 Roles are reversed. I was relieved for my daughters that 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:31.679 she was able to teach me and educate me. 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:34.280 Right at first, it's like a tough pill to swallow, 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:37.560 like you're like, wait, what this is not okay? Rule reversal, 0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:40.840 But then I'm so grateful, like I feel like, oh, 0:21:41.040 --> 0:21:43.800 I've done something well, I've done something right. 0:21:44.560 --> 0:21:46.399 Well that's the thing. You're like, how dare you be 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:52.679 so right? And you're like, oh, and then it opens 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:53.399 a conversation. 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:54.920 So it really does. 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:58.600 But it's like it's like with anything, you know. I 0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:00.840 Hey know when your girls first go to a gynecologist 0:22:00.960 --> 0:22:03.359 in there and they're all, you know, you no longer 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:06.280 you're no longer going in there with them. Well, by 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:08.879 the time we're the gynecologists and usually not but probably, 0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:12.800 I mean the conversation and you start teaching them to 0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:17.800 ask questions for themselves, ask questions. This is your body, 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:20.359 You're able to do that. It's what it's what the 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:22.800 drive up if you plus campaign is about. It's like, 0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:26.240 it's every step of the way we have to learn 0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:30.200 that our bodies are our own and whatever that entails 0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:36.280 to you and be proactive. So it's all these messages 0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:39.879 that I never learned as a child and took me 0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:43.480 a long time to learn, and it took outside influences 0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:46.879 to help me learn that. I'm trying to save them 0:22:46.920 --> 0:22:51.240 a little time and pepper the pepper the information into 0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:53.600 their lives and hope they hope they hear it. 0:22:53.920 --> 0:23:03.160 I love that I loved your documentary Pretty Baby. If 0:23:03.160 --> 0:23:06.240 anybody that's listening didn't see that, you should definitely go watch. 0:23:06.280 --> 0:23:10.600 It takes so much bravery to share yourself on that level. 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:12.679 You opened up about some of your darker moments in 0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:16.959 your life, and I've found that riveting. And now I 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:19.399 just want to know, like, with all that deeply personal 0:23:19.760 --> 0:23:22.880 information that you've shared out there in the open, how 0:23:22.920 --> 0:23:26.080 do you feel? Because I know after I've shared sometimes 0:23:26.160 --> 0:23:29.840 I feel like, oh no, how can I get that back? 0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:34.840 I think you always feel what have I done? But 0:23:34.960 --> 0:23:41.920 going into it, I really I talked to the director 0:23:42.040 --> 0:23:45.160 and I said, look, I'm going to hand over all 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:48.639 of my archives to you, and all I ask is 0:23:48.680 --> 0:23:51.240 that as you were watching through, as you were coming 0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:54.760 through this, that the narrative that you'd come up with 0:23:55.440 --> 0:24:01.800 is something bigger than me. Otherwise it's a true Hollywood 0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:06.919 story or worse, where are they now? And you know, 0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:10.439 and so you're like, oh God, but what I believe 0:24:10.560 --> 0:24:13.399 this director did and I had to just trust. So 0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:16.480 that was and I will say I have been burned 0:24:16.760 --> 0:24:21.679 so many times by trusting that this was the ultimate trust. 0:24:21.880 --> 0:24:25.359 But I felt like it was time and it was appropriate, 0:24:25.440 --> 0:24:30.680 and she made this documentary about a larger conversation about 0:24:30.680 --> 0:24:34.400 the sexualization of young women, especially in our society, and 0:24:35.359 --> 0:24:41.880 it just broadened the view of one person's story. And 0:24:42.040 --> 0:24:44.880 I was the conduit to a bigger conversation. And that, 0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:47.920 to me, is the biggest gift of all. 0:24:49.200 --> 0:24:52.760 Did your daughter see that that they see the reason 0:24:52.800 --> 0:24:53.280