WEBVTT - Ep. 19 Getting "it" Done 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:04.680 Wind down with Janna Kramer and I have heard radio 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:09.200 podcast so excited to wind down today. I got a 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:13.399 lot to talk about so much, especially you. Okay there 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:16.200 with the mike bed just making a little I'm taller 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:20.840 than most. It's get it up higher, That's what she said. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:25.160 I don't know, I don't like something like I was like, 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:29.159 something was there. Um, let me just tell you. The 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:32.840 virgins came out for blood. They banded together and came 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:36.320 after you. The band of virgins just came like for 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:41.360 major blood, protesting the streets in front of our house signs. 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:46.760 We know. I think that. Um, I didn't think that 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:49.960 you were attacking them in any way. Well, I just 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:52.120 feel like I need to say this because you know, 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:56.800 I just want to reiterate again, I am not shaming virgins. 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:00.320 I am not saying that you shouldn't wait and gets 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:02.600 a beautiful I even talked to one of my virgin 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:06.640 friends and was like, did I did I disrespect you? No? 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:09.040 She's like no, She's like, You've always been so supportive. 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:10.480 And I was like, okay, good. I was because I'm 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.959 starting to feel bad because these people are like, you know, 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.200 You've made me feel really bad about my choices, and 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:17.520 I'm like, I was not trying to do that. I'm 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:20.280 literally just saying that's just not for me. And sometimes 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:23.840 I forget like being on you know, on air and 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:25.759 doing this like I'm also trying to be funny, I'm 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:27.680 also trying to be like, well that you know, you 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:30.040 gotta test you know, personally, Yeah, I do feel like 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:32.920 you got a test drive. But that's just my opinion. 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.679 But I have no I have no hate for the 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:37.800 other side. I think that's great. If you're waiting. I 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:39.959 think it's great that you you know you and you know, 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:41.920 if you guys were the only people that that's awesome. 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:45.560 Just for me personally, it's just not what I wanted 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.320 to do. That wasn't your path, Yeah, the path, but 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.880 I think that people were just like you just seemed 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:54.040 very like your attitude store and so, you know, I 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:56.360 texted Michael was like, man, I'm feeling really bad because 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.080 I don't want to hurt people's feelings. He's like, well, 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:01.720 you can't, Like, no, you can't. That's just that just 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:05.120 goes to show the oversensitive year of society as a whole. Right, 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:07.640 It's like people can't even speak their opinions other than 0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:10.680 somebody get mad when it's okay. It's just like political parties. 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:12.600 You want to be a Republican, I'll listen to what 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:14.760 you have to say. Cool, that's fine, that's your opinion, 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:16.160 that's how you look at things. I want to be 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:18.880 a democrat, not saying a Republican. I'm not saying demot 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:23.960 even stopping that. But no, I mean again, like sometimes 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:25.680 like I did respond to a few of the dams, 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.880 and I was just like, sometimes I do like I'm 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:29.800 just trying to be funny too write, and so I 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.320 forget that someone's feelings are hurt. Like someone had said. 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:34.679 I had made a comment about you know, why I 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.640 did a C section versus you know, a vaginal and like, 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:38.880 you know, I don't think my husband would ever go 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:40.480 down there. She's like, well, now I'm afraid that my 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:42.320 husband doesn't want to look at my vagina. And I'm like, 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:44.840 I wasn't saying that your husband thinks you're vagina is ugly. 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:47.680 Like I'm just you know, well, it's your own personal 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:52.720 life experience that you're talking about, which it's not everyone's experience. 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:58.080 Everyone is opinion and feelings and just leave my wife alone. No, no, 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:01.040 but no, no, no, no, but I I don't. I like, 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:02.960 you know, my heart, like you know, I never want 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:06.400 to hurt people. I never ever, ever. That's your opinion, 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.920 and that's okay. And again, I just again, I'm just 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:12.080 I'm also trying to be you know, lighthearted about the situation. 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:15.680 And I test drove a lot. You know you did. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:21.359 That's just what we did. And that's okay too, that's okay. Yeah. 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:23.240 But if I was a virgin, that's okay. I just 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:25.800 like personally know like if you were, like that had 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:27.520 been really hard if you were a virgin, because I 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:29.520 would have wanted to, you know, but I would have 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:31.360 had to respect. If I really loved you, I would have, 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:33.320 like I thought, to stay in it. But you definitely 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:36.720 weren't a virgin, so there wasn't to worry about that, 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.760 no problems there. But so just to all my virgins, 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:42.120 I support you, I love you. I'm not trying to 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.600 knock you right now. I'm just saying that's awesome and 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:48.960 honestly good for them, for you in such a sexualized 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.640 society as well. Not to be on this whole society talk, 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.640 but the fact that you're still able to hold your 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:57.560 values for whatever reason that that that might be is phenomenal. Yeah, 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.600 someone did say, like, why isn't why wasn't Mike more 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:01.760 on their eyed about the fact that like Colton was 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.280 just like he wasn't waiting till marriage. She's just waiting 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:06.400 for the right person, So why wasn't he more on 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:08.520 his side about the fact that he didn't play into 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:12.160 like the football like stuff and society. It doesn't has 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:13.880 nothing to with football. I just has to do with 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:17.479 a person doing what they want to do. And that's okay. 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:21.400 So yeah, so that happened, But um, there are some 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:23.760 uh I think I believe we have some really good 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:26.120 emails that we're going to answer later for sure. But 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:27.760 you know what I did learn is that a friend 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:32.000 she texted me and she goes, by the way, I 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:36.640 lied to my husband about my number because because it 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:41.320 was so high, No, because she they were telling numbers 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.760 and his was lower, so then she felt like she 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:46.000 had to then like lower hers. And to this day, 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:48.120 like they've been married for like twenty plus years and 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:51.400 they are no, not that long, but like they like 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:53.919 she's like and then somebody else emailed me too, and 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:56.840 there's a question should I tell my husband like, I'm 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:58.600 starting to feel guilty that I lied to him about 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:03.360 my number. Well, why do you have to tell the number? Well, 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:05.320 because here's the thing. If you guys talk about it 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:07.599 and then you lie, that's technically a lie. So technically 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:09.719 she lied to her husband, and her husband I say, 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:11.880 take it to the grave, take it to the grave. 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:13.800 But it's a lie. So why started why I start 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:17.520 a relationship with a lie? Then they have they've been 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.480 in the marriage for fifteen something, because that's a deal breaker. 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:25.040 He won't leave after that. But I get that's why. 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:27.000 That's why it's really hard to even have that conversation. 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.320 That's why I don't even think it's necessary because whoever 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.760 says at first, the second person is going to probably 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:35.440 feel obligated to match that pretty close. Well, but here, 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:37.760 you know what, I think this is how people should 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.719 reveal it. They should set a little timer on the 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:44.920 cell phone. They should write it on a piece of paper, 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:48.160 and when the alarm goes off, they shoot it over 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:51.360 to the other person. That way, you can't go back, 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.720 there's no changing it. Nothing. Well, then what happens because 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:56.960 I will say that I agreed with my friend because 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.080 I too have lied about my number when the other 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:02.560 person's number was is lower than mine, right, because you 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:06.520 feel like they're they're gonna be how many people? Yeah, 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:07.880 and then they're gonna be like, wait, do I have 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:09.240 to go have sex with more people? But it's a 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:11.560 good question though, because this girl, you know, my friend, 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:13.320 she's over it. She's like whatever, Like she's like, take 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:15.480 it to your grave. But my the girl that had 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.440 reached out to me, she's like, I'm really torn with 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:20.360 like the fact that I'm lying to my husband about it. 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:23.080 If that, if that is the only lie that she's 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.839 holding on too, and that's what she's worried about, then yes, 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:27.599 go to him and be like, look, honey, I know 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:29.960 this is silly, but this is fifteen years ago. Okay, 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:31.600 what if it's not fifteen. I'm not talking about that 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.040 tuition more. I'm talking now about the girl that DMed 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:37.400 men Instagram said what do I do? How recent? I 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.799 mean they've been married for like, let's say to two years. 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:45.080 I think she should get a really funny card I 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.480 do and write it in the card. By the way, 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:51.600 just left with eight instead of six. That wouldn't be 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:53.400 a big deal. But if you're like, if you told 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:57.760 an eight. But it's like, then that's something to consider. 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.760 What is the discrepancy of your lie? But why does 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:02.640 that matter? A lie is a lie. A lie is 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.880 a lie when it's eight or nine. I'm not minimizing 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.440 the lie, but the aftermath of that lie is going 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:11.240 to be a little bit bigger if it's the difference 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:13.280 is I mean, would you want me to like if 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:15.240 I lied to you about my number and then came 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:16.840 back to it was like, it's actually this, like, would 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:19.080 you want me to tell you the truth? You don't 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:22.120 want it, you don't care. Yeah, we got this anonymous 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.080 email that you might have been referring to, but she 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:26.800 lied about her number just to give you some Yeah, 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:31.800 that's the one that fiance thinks it's for what did 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:35.880 she say what her fiances is to? I don't that's 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:39.040 the email. That's totally the email. Yeah, not a person 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:40.800 a lie. But I got trapped in this web? Did 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:42.880 I come clean? That's her? I say, take it to 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.160 the grave, Take it to the grave. But here's the thing, 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:49.320 it's a lie. It's a lie to the grave. It's better, 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:53.520 it doesn't matter. It's still alive. It's obviously eating her 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:59.480 up to the fact that she emailed us. Yes, that's 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:05.920 not actually actually, But I'm also saying though, like with 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:09.000 a lie, like with you, it's like I didn't tell you, 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:10.960 like so it's like I don't care, Like I don't 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:12.920 feel like I'm holding the name back. But if I 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.840 told you a certain number and it was not that, 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:19.760 I would feel like I'm holding something. And she's clearly 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.559 struggling with it because she wrote us and she doesn't 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:24.440 know what to do. But yes, that is a big 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.880 number discrepancy, and he's probably not going to be happy 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:30.080 with it, especially since his number is super sorry not super. 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:36.800 I'm not trying to be whatever because erically lower than 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:41.240 the other, than his than his wife. So I don't know. 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:42.920 I mean, I know you guys are saying zip it, 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:46.559 but like I see, take it to the grave, anonymous, 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:48.960 write it on a piece of paper and burn it. 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:52.240 Tor okay, I always do the thing. Where would you 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.160 hate it if he kept a secret from you? So 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:57.480 if the role was reversed, would you hate not knowing 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.360 that he had actually lied to you about his number? 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:01.439 If if you can move past it, then I say 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.480 move past it. If that's his secret and you couldn't 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:06.440 you want to see him any differently. That's a really 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:10.640 good point. So think about whether you know you wanted 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:12.679 to know, if unless unless you want unless you're the 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.560 kind of person that wants to know all details. Yeah, 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.440 So whoever the anonymous is, just ask yourself, if the 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:23.440 roles were reversed, what would you want? Yeah, and that honestly, 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.400 whatever that answer is, you do what that is. If 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:27.960 it was you'd want him to tell you, then go 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:31.479 tell him. If you'd rather not know, don't tell him. 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:37.920 Hey babe, what's for dinner tonight? It's a great question, Janna. 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:40.840 What do we do? What do we usually do? And 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:45.400 what are you cooking tonight? Janna, winning doubt. We just 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:47.680 resort to Hello Fresh. You're obsessed with hell a Fresh? 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:49.480 Tell us why? Yeah? And I always thought it was 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:51.320 a good cook until now I think I actually I'm 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.160 a better cook because of Hello Fresh. Well, No, because 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:55.040 you like repeat some of the meals that they've actually 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:57.440 like brought to us. Yeah, because they've been fantastic there, 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.680 you know, they're time efficient, they're it's just the feed 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:03.400 our whole family, and there's a lot of uh, you know, 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:05.360 different options, so we're not cooking the same thing. Over 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:07.400 and over again. Yeah. No, I think it's great because 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:09.920 the fact that, you know, sometimes it's like we don't 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:11.480 want to decide what we want for dinner. 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Okay, so you're gonna have to bleet me 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:48.120 for this Eastern, but we've got We've got Aaron Falconer 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:53.240 in studio. Her book is called Ready How to Get 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:59.080 Done It? Um, what inspired you to write this book? Uh? 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:02.200 You know, I I moved down to Los Angeles, from 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:05.480 Canada about fifteen years ago, and I had big dreams 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:09.400 and no real plan and found myself a couple of 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.960 years later in the fetal position, crying on my bathroom 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:16.320 floor when nothing had worked out. And over the course 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:22.640 of figuring my life out, um, I kind of you know, 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.560 I struggled along a long time and then I finally 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:30.080 got myself on the path to success. And uh, five 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.120 years later, when I was asked to write this book, 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:36.920 I realized that I had not enjoyed or appreciated or 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:41.240 acknowledged any of any of my success. I was just going, going, going, going, going, 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.440 And I had this kind of epiphany where it was like, 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.760 it's not just about getting more stuff done, it's about 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:51.080 getting the right stuff done. And so I that was 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:54.079 kind of the idea behind this book. It's real defining 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:57.960 the word productivity and specifically for women. Why, um, what 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.280 do you think women like fail at the worst with 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.960 with that? Yeah? Well, I think, first of all, um, 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:06.600 we're still kind of new to the workplace in relative terms, 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:10.720 and so there's so much fear of you know, being 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:14.040 replaced if we're not doing enough. Um, we're never good enough. 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.240 We're being judged on a whole different set of criteria. 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:18.360 So there's all of that going on, and then we've 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:21.640 got all of the um family and lifestyle stuff to 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.160 contend with two. So, I mean, we talk about it's 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.600 no secret that women are making less money and they're 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:30.280 also doing oftentimes double the workload if you take into 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:34.560 consideration the life aspects. So yeah, we're doing work and 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:38.200 then also kids stuff, so we're like double everything. What 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:41.120 is the best way to prioritize? Well, I think the 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.640 very first thing is is to stop and throw out 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:47.080 everything that you all the ships in your life of 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.880 you know, how you got here UM and ask yourself 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.480 what do I want to be doing? Who am I, 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.560 what are my goals? What are my values? And then, 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:01.400 very in a very calculated way, spa end three, four 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:03.640 or five days and write down every single thing you're 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:05.120 doing in a day from the time you get up 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.040 to the time you go to sleep, and put the 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.040 first list about what you want to be doing and 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:11.319 the second list of how you're actually spending your time, 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.840 and look at how very different those two things are 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.720 and start to say, I need to be doing more 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.800 things in my day that move the needle about in 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:21.920 a very concentrated way and where I want to go, 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:26.480 And without doing that very rudimentary analysis, you're just kind 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:29.199 of spinning your wheels trying to get again more stuff 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.840 checked off lists, which don't really move the needle for you. 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.640 They're moving the needle for somebody else, somebody else's agendia. 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:39.160 But if you're not being conscientious and conscious about um, 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.400 where you're going and the moves you're making, you're helping 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:44.280 somebody else get some their stuff done, not you. And 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.320 that's why often at the end of the week you 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.679 feel so exhausted and you go, oh, where did the 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.160 week go? You never want to be saying that, right, 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.720 you want to go exactly where you spent your time. 0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:56.280 Then you can be tired, but you don't want to 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.640 be exhausted, you know, like emotionally and from an energy 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:01.960 point to view here and you said something in there 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:04.600 when you talked about having goals, and that's something I 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.160 know earlier in my life I struggled with, because you know, 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.559 how detail do you make your goals? How short term, 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:11.960 how long term? What kind of advice can you give 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.480 for people, especially young professionals, to really set goals, what 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:18.400 kind and how to get to them totally. Um, this 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:21.840 is such a great question because I get it all 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:24.080 the time through my blog as well. You want to 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:26.080 really find a balance, So you've got to you've got 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.120 to find the dreamer. And you like, what are those 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:30.760 big goals that you want to achieve in life? But 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.200 if you just have those, it's so hard to get 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.920 to them that often if you're not getting there quick, 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.680 you face a real lack of motivation and you're like, 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.000 I'm not getting there, I'm not getting I'm failing. So 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.120 you want to have the big goals, but then you 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.680 need to have the small micro goals kind of like 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:50.360 your monthly and your weekly goals set out that are 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:54.360 so in a very concentrated way, you've got small victories 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.760 in a way to measure how you're going. You know 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.800 which way the winds are sailing and what track you're on. 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:04.480 That are ultimate cumulatively moving towards those big benchmark, bucket 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:06.880 list dreams that you want to go to. So you 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:08.920 you want to think big. In other words, you can't 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:11.960 just have small goals that are very achievable. That's boring 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:15.040 and not inspirational. But you can't just have the big, 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:19.120 lofty goals without the smaller kind of tactical goals to 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:22.680 make to get there. But I mean, like, how because 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:24.800 that that sounds great? But then I'm like, but like 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:26.840 I feel like the jump start, It's like, how do 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.120 you jump start that? Well, the very first thing, in 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.120 my opinion, that you have to do, and I say 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.960 this for many things, but specifically for goals, and it 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.240 sounds really simple, but it is to me the core 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:40.040 of everything. You have to sit with yourself and literally 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:44.480 write things down pen to paper or clickwords onto your screen. 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:49.200 I'm a pen to paper girl. Uh, start literally mapping 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.800 it out. What are the things that make me tick? 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.600 Write a list, what are the jobs or what are 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.440 the creative endeavors that I can do to get there? 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.040 Write that down? Now, how do I take this? And this? 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:05.280 It's literally basic equations and you start to you start 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:06.800 to get a map together, you start to get a 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:09.320 plan together. Also, once you have things written down, you 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.440 become accountable. When you live in your head or I 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:13.720 want to do this, I want to do that, da 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:16.640 da da da, but so many other things come into 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.440 your brain and you kind of get off truck. When 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.600 you have something written down in black and white. It's 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.720 the same thing also with having mentors, finding one or 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:27.040 two really great mentors. They hold you accountable. So when 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:29.320 you're talking to them, it's the same thing as writing 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.160 it down. You can't kind of escape into the ether 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:34.400 of like a busy day. At the end of the day, 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:36.840 you still have that did I get did I move 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:40.840 towards these goals or didn't die? So, um, how can 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.520 my husband help with because does that? Do you ever 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:46.000 find that coming in where they can? It's husbands either 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:50.720 hurt that or help that with your goals or in 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:53.880 like productivity for women in general, like do we just 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.520 not ask for help doing out? Like that's that's the 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.840 big thing, Like I I find there in my experience, 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.080 the men in my in my life have been really 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:07.880 willing to help. It's just that women in general, I 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:10.160 think that they've always got the best way to do things. 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.720 And so like specifically, if you're talking about the home, 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:15.639 it's like he folded the laundry and it's like, Dad, 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:17.760 I've got to do that. Well, you know what, he 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:19.919 doesn't fold the towels right, and he's saying he folds 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:23.280 them wide ways. I'm like, fuld that skinny, Like you're 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:27.280 not folding them right, don't do it right right? But 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:29.679 so that but that's a good example. There's the desire 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:33.760 that a help and really in how much mental energy 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:35.600 are you eating up over these towels? I do the 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:39.359 exact same thing, but it's like ask for help, don't 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:41.600 don't go in and say your dictate. First of all, 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:44.199 it's a it's a it's a shared experience. So what 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.879 can you help with? What that's good? What? What am 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:48.640 I What are my strengths in the house? Okay, let's 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:50.560 do that as opposed to dictating. Number one, you want 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.199 to have kind of a democratic conversation about you know, 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:57.240 because maybe he likes doing dishes more and so that's 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:58.719 what you should do, you know. But that's only going 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:00.639 to come out from a conversation. Then. The second of 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:04.160 all is there's no one right way to do things, 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:06.600 and sometimes women you need to let it go, let 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:09.560 those control things go so you can keep that energy 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:12.680 um for for stuff that moves your life forward in 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:17.080 a meaning mooid like towel folding, doesn't you know what 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:18.920 I mean? I think we can agree on that. Again, 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.600 I do the exact same thing where I'm like, don't 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:24.040 say anything, don't say anything. And it's you just have 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:25.960 to practice doing that. And I like what you said 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:27.840 about ask for help or you know, ask for what 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.440 you need. Going back for a second, when you're talking 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:32.199 about you know, you're kind of hitting the bottom out 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:34.159 here in l A. You're in a fetal position. You 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.800 had all those feelings, nothing was working. Who did you 0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:38.680 reach out to how did you get yourself, you know, 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:40.879 into that line of goals and kind of climbing your 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:43.399 way back out of that well. I mean, because I 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:45.639 was kind of out here flying solo, which was like 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:49.719 one of the big problems. Um. I I really relied 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:52.639 on myself in that moment, right in that actual moment. 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:55.040 And one of the scariest things in that moment was 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.520 not that I didn't have money, I had no car, 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.280 my house was being foreclosed up. All those things were terrifying, 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:03.040 But the thing that was the most scary to me 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:06.080 is that I moved down to Los Angeles because I 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:08.320 heard a voice in myself. I listened to a voice 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:12.000 in myself that said, I'm you have this creative side 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:13.800 of you. I was on a fast track to law school. 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:16.880 I was a professional academic, a plus student, and I 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:18.879 chose to throw all that away and listened to myself. 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:21.919