WEBVTT - Kelly Ripa, reformed people-pleaser, is here to set the record straight 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.600 Hi everyone, I'm Katie Curic, and this is next question. 0:00:05.240 --> 0:00:08.000 I really like Kelly Rippa, and I'm guessing some of 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:11.640 you listening really like her too. After all, she has 0:00:11.680 --> 0:00:16.440 been welcomed into living rooms, bedrooms, kitchens, and morning routines 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:19.759 for more than two decades as the co host of 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:25.800 ABC's morning talk show Live first with Regis Bilbiny Times 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:35.720 Do Dynamic Duo, then with Michael Strahan, There's Live and 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:43.320 now with Ryan Seacrest, Good Morning, Good Morning. On the 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:46.880 show and in person, Kelly has always been funny, warm 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:50.800 and self effacing, and it turns out she's exactly the 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:54.160 same way as a writer. Her first book, a collection 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:59.320 of memoir ish essays called Live Wire, Long Witted Short Stories, 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.280 is out now, and we have such a fun time 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:06.440 chatting about her career, her family, and the curious ways 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:13.080 our worlds and jobs have overlapped. So enjoy. Can I 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:15.320 just say, I'm so excited to see you. I loved 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:22.600 your book. Thank you. How meaningful it is when someone says, 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:26.600 sincerely and honestly that they loved your book because I 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:29.800 felt like I got to know you better. I just 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.280 really enjoyed being in your world. I thought you were 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.880 so funny because well, obviously you're really funny. Your last 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:41.560 chapters honestly made me cry because made me think of 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:45.600 my kids. You write all about Cindy walking off and 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.760 kind of being in this space of your life as 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:52.200 an empty nester. So I'm really I'm really excited to 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.080 be here to talk to you about it. And I 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:56.040 think one of the things, one of the many things 0:01:56.080 --> 0:01:58.520 I learned about you in the book, Kelly, is that 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:02.760 you're actually introverted, um, and you're shy, and you don't 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:07.520 really love social occasions. And then I thought about the times, 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.720 you know, the occasions I have had the opportunity to 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:13.880 be with you socially, and I thought, oh, that's so funny, 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:17.960 because Kelly is actually kind of shy and and and 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:22.920 not super um outgoing at these at these things. And 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:26.960 it made me realize, you know, everybody's sort of insecure, 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:31.400 and I feel shy sometimes at these I do I 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:36.840 feel um, you know, I I feel once in a 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.960 while kind of just uncomfortable in my skin, or you know, 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.040 or people do I have somebody to talk to? You know, 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.040 all those things that I think everybody feels, no matter 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.320 who you are. But the fact that that you're kind 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:53.680 of agoraphobic. Actually, what was was really surprising to me. 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:57.600 It's funny, I almost as you now know from knowing me. 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.880 I think that the two times I went out this year, 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:05.320 you were at both both events big events. Um, I 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:08.359 am really just a home body. Um, I come from 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:11.880 a family of home bodies. It's I think it's definitely 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:16.840 like a hereditary skill set. But I also think it's 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.120 sort of how you're wired, don't you. Yeah, I'm hard 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:22.760 wired to just prefer the comfort of under my bed, 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.480 I mean under the sheets, I mean hiding under my bed. 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:28.680 But I also would think, Kelly, so much of your 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:31.720 job is being out there and being outspoken and being 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:37.120 and sharing that when you have your alone time, you 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:40.400 don't necessarily want to be like black. Yeah, I just 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:44.960 feel like there's uh as you know, when you host 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.280 a morning show, you're in people's houses every day. They 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.240 get to see you. You know. I think it is 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:55.520 high honored to be welcomed into people's living rooms and 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.960 breakfast tables. Still in this day and age, with so 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:03.360 many other options. The fact that we are still chugging 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:06.920 away and we're still there and people are still welcoming 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.880 us is a high honor. I don't take that for granted. 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:11.840 It's not lost on me that there are so many 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:14.680 other choices they could make, but they still tune in 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:18.840 for us. But at the end of the day, I'm like, okay, 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.279 and now people need a break from me. So I 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:25.960 try to, you know, be as invisible as possible when 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.120 I'm not there, you know what I mean. So I 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.240 don't go to movie premiers and I don't go to 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.760 fashion events, and I don't go to all of that 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:41.760 stuff because I value my off time, but I also 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:46.000 value like giving America needs a break. I don't know 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:48.599 if people feel that way, but I think it's also 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:52.840 because it's been very important for you to have some 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:56.560 separation between your home life and your work life. Yeah, 0:04:56.560 --> 0:05:00.640 I've always prioritized my home life the most most because 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.560 I feel like that's where my real work was. You know, 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:07.240 I wanted to and I'm very much like you. I know, 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:10.039 you and I were frequently the only moms at the 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:15.480 track field, the only you felt like winter but it 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:19.120 was fall and we'd be the only ones standing there. 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:23.480 Because I feel like when you're a working woman and 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:27.680 sometimes the morning routine you have to miss a lot. 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:30.360 You are forced to miss a lot, so those events 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:34.960 that you can attend, you are super attentive. Right And 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:37.559 at the end of the day, I was really trying 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:43.039 to raise good people, responsible people, conscientious people, and I 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:48.320 feel like we are, you know, in that respect. Thank god. 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:52.280 I take nothing for granted, but so far they've really 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.720 held up their end of the bargain. Well, I like 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:58.880 that that quote from Jackie Kennedy that says, if you 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:01.920 bungle you raise and your kids, nothing else really matters. 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:05.760 And it sounds like you and Mark have done a 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:09.640 great job raising good human beings. We've been very fortunate, 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:13.040 you know, but you well, I think it also put 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:14.919 the work good Yeah, you put the work, and it 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.880 comes from good parenting. And we had good parents. I mean, 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:22.640 our parents are I mean, they're very lucky, and you're 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:26.919 so lucky. Although your mom I wondered if she I 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.159 felt like you didn't write about your mom that much, 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:33.160 and and uh, and I I wish I had gotten 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:35.400 a little more sense of your mom. You thanked her 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:37.440 at the end of the book, but I thought it 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:39.400 was funny when you told her you wanted you were 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:41.279 going to go to therapy. She said, you're gonna spend 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:46.880 a lot of money trashing me basically, basically, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.440 I think generationally my mom was too. I think nobody 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:53.640 even knew about therapy, much less talked about it from 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:57.400 our parents generations. But I wondered if your mom like 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:00.480 wanted you to write a little bit more about So 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.760 I'll give you the heads up on my mom. Kelly 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:06.360 gives us the lowdown on her mom and why she 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:09.400 chose not to write about her in this book that's 0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:23.680 right after this, So I'll give you the heads up 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.200 on my mom. Number one. Let me just say this 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:30.400 is not a memoir. Have short stories. So you know, 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.280 if I ever do, if I ever do crawl out 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:37.119 of the whole of being overwhelmed from writing this book, 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.320 of course I would write about my mom. In totality. 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:45.440 My mom is very much like everything I wrote about her. 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:47.640 I would read to her and then she'd be like, 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:49.640 get rid of that, get rid of this, get rid 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:51.520 of Like she didn't want me to talk about her 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:55.440 at all. She's like she takes my introversion and turns 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:59.360 it like a hundred degrees up. Um. But when I 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:04.280 asked her, because we're currently living with my parents, right now, 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:08.080 which is funny because she's great, she's doing so well. 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:13.440 She had heart surgery, she's she's making such an amazing recovery. 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:17.480 Her doctors and nurses have been extraordinary. And it's very 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:20.400 funny because you go from empty nesters and then suddenly 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.880 like your nest is full. But older people who are 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:28.360 like them, it's so nice. It's nice for all of us. 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:31.840 We're really enjoying their characters. And so I said to 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:36.000 my mom, um, Mom, have you read my book yet? 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:39.559 And she said, no, I'm not going to read your 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:45.680 sex book. I said, what what are you talking about? What? 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:48.320 I didn't write a sex book. She goes, well, not 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:51.040 according and now right away, I know that my aunts 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:56.360 are sending her the headlines right from whatever Google alert 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.360 or whatever it is. Right So she said, you've written 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:01.040 a sex book book, and I don't want to read 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:03.480 about you doing you know what with you know who. 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:08.520 And I said, it's not a sex book. As a 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.079 matter of fact, there's very little sex in this book. 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:15.200 It's just too advance a story in in the order 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:17.960 in which it happened, and and and and I and 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:21.480 there's a disclaimer at that chapter. If you're related to me, 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:23.920 in any way, Please skip to the next chapter, don't 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:28.520 read this. You know. So, I'm very conscientious in writing, 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:33.200 but she proved my most challenging, almost as challenging as 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:35.680 my daughter Lola, who wanted me to take out any 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:39.160 and all references to her um But so you know 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:42.760 it's I wrote this very thoughtfully with people in mind, 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.640 and I didn't want to put in anything that they 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:50.480 found objectionable. So you know, that's why there's not so 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:53.400 much of my mom, because she was not funny. I 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:55.200 don't know your mom, but I was like, I feel 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:59.040 a little protective, I guess because of course I think 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:01.840 you all obviously have this. This great my mom is. 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:06.840 My mom is the probably the funniest person any of 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:10.360 us will ever know. But I don't even think she 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.240 thinks she's funny. She's being completely serious and deadpan about 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:16.600 everything she says. Well, why you know, you say it's 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:19.800 not a memoir, It is a collection of short stories, 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:26.600 UM stories, And I love the title and this secondary title, 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.480 whatever you call it. How did you find the connective 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:33.560 tissue that would you know? First of all, I guess 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:36.480 enabled you to pick what you were going to write about. 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:39.319 But that would make sense for the reader. So there 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:42.440 were two hundred more pages in this chapter, and a 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:44.520 lot was cut out. I mean in the book, in 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.320 the I mean in the in the book forgive me. 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:49.319 In the book, there were two hundred more pages. So 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:53.320 there's a lot that was taken out. My editor, Carrie Thornton, 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:57.200 God love her, this woman. She stacked the book. I 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.160 had the book completely stacked differently. I had it more 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:05.800 chronological and in its order. And she said, let me 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:10.400 stack these chapters the way I feel they connect, because 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:14.559 you're too close to this book at this point. I 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:18.439 really wanted to start backwards with the last chapter and 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.680 work my way to the beginning. And she was like 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:26.880 you now, because you've written, now you think you're also 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.440 an editor and you don't know what you're doing. And 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.360 I said, did you read the chapter on asshole syndrome? 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:36.559 Now I'm an editor too. It's like anything I if 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:40.280 I see it, then I believe that I can do it. Um. 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:44.200 And I you know, having read so many great books 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:49.400 by so many great authors, yours included, I you know, 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:52.160 I mean, thank god, And I think I told you 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:57.440 this when you came on my show. Thank God your 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:01.640 book came out. When I had essentially finished my book, 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.520 because if I had read your book, I wouldn't have 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:08.680 written my book. Does that makes no? I wouldn't I would. 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:10.880 I would have been like, I can't. I'll never read 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:13.800 a decent word in my life. I'll never write anything decent. 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:18.160 It's not good. It's not. But ignorance really is bliss sometimes, 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:23.000 and so I like blissfully and ignorantly went into this 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:28.680 saying I've read books, therefore I can write books. Well, 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:31.720 you know, I think you sell your yourself short Kelly. 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.320 First of all, I think you're really fun clever writer. 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.400 I wish I had dog eared some of the pages 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.959 because um, you know, it's very uniquely you. So I 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.600 don't want you to sell yourself short that way. Well, 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.000 it's funny. I would send the chapters as I would 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.679 write them, and some of them were written and rewritten 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:54.320 and re rewritten, like I'm sure you felt the same way. 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:59.760 I would write a chapter five or six times before 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:05.440 I found it right, and I would send it to Mark, 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:09.559 who was mercifully living in Vancouver at the time. So 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:12.640 he people are will say to him, you know, was 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:14.720 it hard for you while she was writing this book? 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.600 And he says no, she was great, And I said, 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:20.720 he has no idea how insufferable I was, you know, 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:25.040 for our forty five minute discussions a day, I would 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:29.040 turn on all the charm and try to hide the 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.560 hideousness of the self doubt and the and the me 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:37.320 pacing around the bedroom and trying to like construct a sentence. 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:40.080 But I would send the chapters to Mark first. He 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:44.200 was sort of my pre editor, and he would call 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.320 me back face time, me back, and he would say, wow, 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:52.040 I thought this chapter was going to be about something else. Entirely. 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:54.480 I didn't see that coming. And that's when I would 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:57.680 know I got it right. You know. I waited for 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:00.760 him to say, oh my gosh, the it's the funniest thing, 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:03.560 or how did you remember that? How do you recall that? 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.120 And I would say, you know, when I write in 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:08.720 those journals at night, and you think that I'm just 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:13.359 like making lists of things I have to do, it's 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:16.880 that's what I'm doing. I'm actually writing down the things 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:20.280 that I want to remember for And it was Andy 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:22.680 Cohen who told me to do that many years ago, 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:25.720 years and years ago. I remember Jean Chalotte. I think 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:27.440 I might have mentioned this in my book. I can't 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.920 even remember Jilly, what's in it? What's not that that? 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.080 Jane Shallotte said you should talk into a tape recorder 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.520 when I got my job on the Today Show. He said, 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.320 every day talking to a tape recorder, just talk about 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:42.040 like what the day was like, what an interview was like. 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:44.880 I was like, Jane, that is such a good idea, 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:47.080 And of course I never did it. And I'm not 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:50.200 a journal er either, so it was but thank God 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.440 for the Internet because I could retrieve so much. Thank 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.080 god I'm a pack rat because I could look back 0:14:56.200 --> 0:15:00.320 on speeches and my calendars and all sorts of other 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:03.320 things that reminded me. But Andy was a really good 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:05.480 friend to have you do that, and I'm sure it 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.160 was extremely helpful in writing the book. I wanted to 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.960 ask you about Mark because obviously you guys have an 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:15.640 incredible relationship UM, which is so nice, so nice to see, 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:17.960 and I know you wrote about you know, we were 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.440 not supposed to make it and people in show business, 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:23.560 but I do think you guys are both um very 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:28.560 much mired in your respective values of your families and UM. 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.480 But I did laugh at when you first met him, 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:33.760 and it was when you were on all my children, 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:37.760 and he was coming in to audition for and you 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:40.520 saw his head shot and basically he had you at 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:44.000 not even Hello. There was the head she had me 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:47.440 at Mark and Sulo's actor. And then you come out 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:51.560 in curlers. I think you had zip medicine, had toothpaste 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:56.560 at toothpaste because I tried every other remedy, and I 0:15:56.560 --> 0:16:00.320 had show curlers too. I had those giant velcrow rollers, 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.720 you know, the ones that looked like coke. So I 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:06.400 had those because you know, we always say like on 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:11.280 a soap opera, the bigger the hair, closer to Emmy's. Yeah, 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:15.120 clo you get. So I had these coke bottle rollers. 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.560 And it didn't have any makeup on because I was like, 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.000 for some reason, my scenes were at the end of 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:22.160 the day and it's like it's not a first come, 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.440 first serve. It's like, whoever is up first, you're in 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:28.880 makeup first. So no makeup on. It is giant pimple 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.880 because why wouldn't I and I had covered it with 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.840 cold Gate toothpaste, but cold Gate on. We decided for 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:40.600 some reason at the soap that cogate was the best 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:45.040 for getting rid of zits. When all else fails. Um right, 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.520 and so I walk in and he is there because 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.360 he was brand new to show business. He had never 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:55.760 auditioned for anything, and here he was screen testing for 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.920 a soap opera and he had no idea what a 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.960 screen test was, the same as me. When I screen tested, 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.800 I thought it was a written exam. And I'm not kidding, 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:06.560 and you you know how you yes? I mean, I'm 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:08.879 no longer at that place in my life where when 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.240 now I'm brave enough to say no, I'm sorry. I 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:13.200 don't know who or what you're talking. And I also 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.200 love that you've discovered how to say no that doesn't 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.879 work for me, that which I can't really do. But 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:21.119 we'll talk about that in a minute. I send you 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:24.359 my therapist and she'll make you practice in front of 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:27.199 a mirror. You know, you can't even say no, I'm sorry. 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.120 That doesn't work for me. You know, take that I'm 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.879 sorry out, But you tried to. I can't do that. No. No, 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.800 I learned how to do it, but it took. And 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:40.399 I'm not kidding. No, that doesn't work for me. That 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:45.160 doesn't it's but it's not it's not cold or mean. 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:50.119 It's something that people say to us all the time. Um, 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:54.240 they're usually men. And then there's and so you so 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:59.320 we Uh. I think it's not just the nature of 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:01.040 our business because as I've been on a book tour, 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:04.679 so I'm meeting I'm meeting people from all sorts of 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:10.880 industries that I had really dialed into that particular chapter. Um, 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:15.480 because they are utilizing my no, that doesn't work for me. 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:19.640 And guess what, you know, this is free advice. It's 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.720 not a self help book, but this is free advice. 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:24.520 I spent thousands of dollars on therapy to learn to 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:28.360 say no that doesn't work for me. But again, it 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.000 was hard for me. I had to practice and practice. 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.680 I kept saying no, I'm so sorry, and she would 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:38.760 maybe ask me next year, asked me, yes, ask me 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.520 in a year, because they will, they'll ask you in 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:44.240 a year. They market down. Even my husband was like, 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.679 don't say that, because they're going to come back and 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.880 you have to say no again exactly. And so I 0:18:49.920 --> 0:18:53.280 was in this place where I was saying yes, yes, yes, 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:57.320 or oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that doesn't work 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:01.360 because I have seven other conflicts. But you know, if 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:04.680 there's some other day, oh yes, we'll work around your schedule. 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.200 You tell us what day you don't have EIGHTI seven 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:09.680 other things. So when you say no, that doesn't work 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:13.120 for me, it sort of stops any and all advancement 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:18.080 of any other conversation. And it works like a charm 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:20.520 every single It works a hundred percent of the time. 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:22.639 A hundred percent of the time. All Right, I'm going 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.040 to try it. Alright, No, that doesn't work for me. 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:28.280 You're going to have to practice it in the mirror. 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.680 I can see you already vacillating. You're formulating that. I'm 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:36.440 so sosign a pleaser. I understand, and I too, am 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:42.160 a reformed pleaser. It's like there should be a self helpleaser. 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.639 Is anymous pleaser is anonymous? P My name is Katie, 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:49.960 and I'm a pleaser. Katie, Katie. By getting back to 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:52.679 Mark and the cold gate on your face, did you 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:55.400 really do a tap dance when you first saw him? 0:19:55.520 --> 0:20:00.080 I mean I did tap dance. You kind of were like, know, 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:03.000 I mean it was that was what I was doing. 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:12.120 It was like, you know, I was like, oh my gosh, 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:16.840 I really said to him. I vomited words at him. 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:20.600 He was spell bound a good way and not in 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:24.880 a good way. He was spell bound, and and he 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:27.680 doesn't recall what I looked like at all. He always 0:20:27.800 --> 0:20:30.560 goes back to I was just trying to get a job, 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:34.000 and I was warned that actors were strange, and so 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:36.600 you just seem like a strange actor. And I was like, 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:43.919 did I you know? But I was so um, I 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:46.040 don't know. I wanted to engage him in some way 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:49.760 and let him know that, you know, I look at 0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:52.920 how low maintenance I am with I'm the girl with 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:54.919 the cold gate on her face and the Cooke bottle 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:59.919 rollers in her hair. Totally uh, totally comfortable with my 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:02.439 future husband seeing me this way. Isn't that funny? But 0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:05.640 it's wonderful that you know that you guys did connect 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:09.920 that he wasn't like security. Yeah exactly. I mean, first 0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:12.960 of all, he should have filed a restraining order. But 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:17.160 second of all, it was this weird thing where I 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:22.360 knew again I'm not a believer in love at first sight. 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:25.800 I've never been a hopeless romantic. I'm like, very pragmatic. 0:21:25.880 --> 0:21:31.800 I'm a practical lady, you know. Uh, And I've never 0:21:32.920 --> 0:21:36.200 It's so funny. I never decorated a dressing room ever 0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:40.760 in my life until like my fifteenth year at Live. 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:44.560 My fifteenth year at Live, I decorated my dressing room 0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:47.640 because I was like, I think they're gonna think They're 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:49.920 probably just going to carry me out, or maybe TV 0:21:50.080 --> 0:21:53.359 will end. I don't know. But I was so practical. 0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:55.920 I never wanted to keep things around that I would 0:21:55.960 --> 0:21:58.000 have to pack into a box and leave, you know 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:00.560 what I mean. It felt like a waste of time. 0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:03.920 So people would always walk into my dressing room and say, 0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:07.280 is your dressing room being redecorated? And I'd say, no, 0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:10.560 this is my dressing room. Why why do you ask? 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:14.640 It's so barren and terrifying looking. And I said, well, 0:22:14.680 --> 0:22:17.760 you never know. Every day could be your last day. Um. 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:21.879 So to be a person that suddenly found themselves dreaming 0:22:22.160 --> 0:22:25.320 that I was married to this person, this complete stranger, 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:29.479 and that we were flying to Rome together on an 0:22:29.520 --> 0:22:33.240 airplane with a baby made no sense. And then I 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:35.800 the next day at the screen test, as I talked 0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:39.160 about in the book, I vomited that out at him. 0:22:39.320 --> 0:22:42.880 I said, I had a dream, you know, I had 0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:52.320 a dream, dream baby, okay? Um? And so I told 0:22:52.400 --> 0:22:58.119 him about this dream and he was so non threatened 0:22:58.320 --> 0:23:01.000 and grown up about the whole thing, and he sort 0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:04.720 of just and you know, the room fell into a hush. 0:23:04.840 --> 0:23:08.639 There were ten other guys. They're also auditioning for the 0:23:08.720 --> 0:23:13.640 role of Matteo, who seemed spellbound by this conversation. He 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:17.720 was like not even halfway paying attention. He was writing down, 0:23:17.720 --> 0:23:22.880 blocking and taking notes. And I said, remember me from yesterday. 0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:25.879 So glad it turned out the way, But it shouldn't have. 0:23:26.200 --> 0:23:28.800 I mean, it should file the restraining order. I should 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.720 probably should have been fired. I mean I broke every 0:23:32.080 --> 0:23:34.159 role that well, I guess they didn't exist yet. It 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:38.520 was the free willing nineties. But but wasn't the US. 0:23:38.640 --> 0:23:41.399 It wasn't the rules. There were no rules. And so 0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:48.800 um I somehow became his friend. We became friends, and 0:23:49.000 --> 0:23:52.640 we really started liking each other and respecting each other. 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:56.240 And we had, um we had read the same books, 0:23:56.760 --> 0:24:00.280 we found the same um. You know, we were both 0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:05.679 at the time following the Rwandan genocide and nobody was 0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:08.560 talking about it except us, so we would talk about 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:14.240 it to each other and um, you know, and we 0:24:14.280 --> 0:24:16.879 had a lot of commonalities even though we grew up 0:24:16.960 --> 0:24:21.240