WEBVTT - Dearly Departed 0:00:01.400 --> 0:00:04.200 On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio and fair Weather 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:25.759 Friends Media. You Are a Starless. Death is an inevitable 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:29.040 part of the human experience, but the way we mark 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.879 and memorialize people who have passed away can take many forms. 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:37.400 One of the most enduring traditions is the obituary, that 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:41.520 short form biography chronicling someone's life and death. 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:45.000 And the best obituaries are more than just a dry 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:47.960 recitation of facts and dates. They use the craft of 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:51.640 storytelling to breathe life into the person behind the obituary. 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:55.120 They allow us to celebrate people's triumphs, limit their struggles, 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:57.480 and find meaning in the legacy they left behind. 0:00:57.720 --> 0:00:59.240 I'm Katie and I'm Eves. 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:03.080 On today, episode Dearly Departed looks for the art of 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.880 the obituary and share some of the narrative techniques that 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:12.880 transform de sombers and offs into compelling and emotionally resident tales. 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:23.480 You know, I recently had to write an obituary, and 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:27.399 it's a task Like you're already grieving, so you're not 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:30.720 in the greatest headspace to write, but you know this 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:32.520 is the last story. You got to get it right, 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:36.200 or at least you feel the weight of that you know, 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:39.199 getting the facts right of course their birthdate and death 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:43.120 aid and familiar relationships and everything in between, but also 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.319 the pressure to write something like really, I don't know, 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.840 pulling on the heartstrings of something that honors the loved 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.400 one or you know, the person that died. I know 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:53.000 you have experienced writing obituaries. 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:57.200 It's an interesting experience. All of the emotions that come 0:01:57.240 --> 0:01:59.920 with writing an obituary, especially for a close loved one, 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:03.800 They're all over the place because, for one, it's like, 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:07.400 how do I fit a life into what three hundred words? 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.320 I mean, it's a short amount of space. How do 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.040 I fit an entire life, one that I know so well, 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.520 one that I could talk about for years and years 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.400 and years unendingly. And also like I want to write 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.240 this well because I'm a writer, so I'm thinking about 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:26.760 the storytelling techniques. I'm thinking about that. But also it's 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:30.480 like weird because it's like, who's your audience. It seems 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:32.840 like your audience for an obituary is all the people 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.400 who will be reading it, who may want to reflect 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:37.919 on the person's life if they knew them well or 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:39.480 if they didn't know them well, so they might be 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.600 learning and things they might not, they can just remember 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:44.160 it fondly. But if it's a loved one, you know, 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.560 in my case, it was a loved one that I knew. Well, 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:49.960 it's like, I'm writing this for myself, really, how do 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.359 I best represent a person in a short space of time, 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:56.560 in a short amount of words. And it's therapeutic in 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.440 a way because you know how when you write, even 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:01.639 if it's something that and not an obituary and you're 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.639 trying to condense it into a poem or either something 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:07.680 that is short, like a short piece, you have to 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:11.840 be really precise. It's hyper real. It's the way I 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:15.360 think about it when I'm writing short So it's honestly 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:18.640 kind of therapeutic and kind of nice to be confined 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:22.680 to certain rules to write the obituary when it's about 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.000 a loved one, because it's like, what are the things 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:28.880 that are visually and feelings wise, what are the things 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.320 that I feel the most right now? What feels like 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:34.320 it makes the most sense for me to include what 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:36.360 do I want to bring to the forefront right now? 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:39.760 So yeah, it's a bunch of different feelings for me 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:41.880 in different ways. 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:45.120 What were some of the best practices as far as 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:49.120 writing that you found like worked when crafting the narrative 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:50.360 of the obituary. 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:52.800 Taking your time and writing from the heart, And that 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:54.360 sounds so like kind of like. 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.760 A I feel like you don't have time though, because 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:58.720 if you're writing about a life and it's like the 0:03:58.720 --> 0:03:59.680 funeral coming. 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.440 Well, well, let me explain that because it is specific 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:04.840 to my experience. Like for me, I was like, I 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:06.400 need to write this O bit, I need to write 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:07.640 this open, I need to write this O bit. But 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.440 I was also involved in the planning of the memorial service, 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:15.160 and I'm also trying to grieve, and I'm like, I 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:16.840 need to write this over. I got to get to it, 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:20.039 like I was writing the eulogy on the way to 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:25.000 the memorial service. So I know that the obituary is 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:27.960 a little different because you have to turn that in early. 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:30.960 But I think that the same principles can be applied 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:33.760 and just moving a little bit more slowly and taking 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:35.640 your time to feel into it, just like you would 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:39.360 do with any other writing where you're constrained by time 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:43.080 and by space and then write from the heart. Comes 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:45.080 from the same way. There are a lot of best 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:46.919 standards and practices that I guess you would see if 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:48.960 you're looking back on obituaries over the years, this is 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:51.800 how you name the people. This is where you start 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:54.040 from the beginning, you end at the end. You know, 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:55.680 you don't have to do that either. Just write from 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:59.159 the heart, because you know, if your audience is other people, 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.840 then they going to be locked in with you if 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:03.480 you're reading it to them, or if they're reading it, 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.840 you know it's an emotional experience for them too, and 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.960 you can write that as an emotional experience. But if 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:11.200 it's for yourself, then what you need to follow the 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:12.080 rules for anyway. 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.840 You know, have you experienced any family drama around obituaries. 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:17.760 I feel like that's like, I don't know if it's 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.360 a particular black thing, but I only talk to black people, 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:22.039 so in my head it's a black thid. 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.640 Honestly, I feel like everybody gets messy when it comes 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:27.839 to death a lot of the time. I don't think 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:32.159 that's confined to race. But I haven't had fortunately too 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:36.760 much drama around obituaries. Now. My family is big, and 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:39.920 you know, a lot of children, a lot of cousins, 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:43.200 nieces and nephews, aunties, uncles, all that in my family, 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:47.000 and so for me, But there was a potential for 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:50.320 drama because of what was going to be included family wise, 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:53.000 because of the secrets and things people didn't know on 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.720 all of that that was going to happen in the obituary. 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.520 That fortunately didn't turn up. When I organized the recent 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:03.080 memorial service and wrote the obituary, that didn't happen for me, 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:05.800 people were just like, hey, you know, loved it. It 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:08.360 was beautiful. Somebody read it for me and that all 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:11.440 went fine. So I haven't seen that for anyone else. 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.480 And I also have never experienced that. What about you. 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:16.440 I mean, I feel like I would peep it as 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.360 a kid but not really know the depths of it. 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:23.000 But I wouldn't say like complete drama. But you get 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:26.520 a little side comments like O, well, you know I 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:27.640 did a lot for them too. 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:31.800 It's like, girl, no you didn't, you didn't, And that's 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:32.480 just what it is. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.160 But you know, everybody wants a little shout out, so 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.000 I think that's like kind of funny. Or if there's 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:39.920 like an outside kid, like, oh, how are you going 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:42.680 to mention the outside kid? But you know from this 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:45.640 union came these kids, and then there's this other kid, 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:48.560 like who's that you know, so trying to do some 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.960 wordsmithing so that the family secret that's not even a secret, 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:55.400 but it's just kind of like a little you know, 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.240 not as wholesome as you would like for the person 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.600 like how to do that. But I think it's interesting 0:07:01.640 --> 0:07:04.520 because I feel like, you know, family secrets are something 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.240 that you know, inches its way into obituaries, and when 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:11.640 you're looking back at the obituary, you know, years down 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.600 the road, decades down the road, the person reading it 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.560 might not be privy to all the nuances that these 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:22.000 little slights of hand are pointing to. And with black people, 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:25.720 I think in particular, the obituary is really important for 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:28.880 family research because there was a time when you know, 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:35.040 we was just names on the inventory list, and you know, 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.200 you might not have the family researcher who has gone 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:42.960 back to Africa, but somebody grandma got the drawer of 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.640 obituaries and you can kind of piece it together. But 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.480 when there's these like half truths in there, then it 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:51.640 gets a little messy. Have you used obituaries for any 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:52.640 family research? 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:56.600 I haven't. I've gone back and looked at old obituaries 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.680 and learned things, but I actually haven't used any for 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.360 family research. It's been more of just speaking to my 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:04.880 family members lately. But I think that's a good idea 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:06.680 and I should do it. Yeah. 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.640 I think like people put information in bibles, but I 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:10.760 think the obituary is it. 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:12.360 It'll give you the rundown, it'll tell you who to 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:13.320 mama the daddy. 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.080 Yeah, and those are the hardest things to put together sometimes, 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:18.920 like the actual family tree, at least for me. You know, 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:22.400 my grandmother had eighteen kids on one side. Yeah, and 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:26.400 I got other grandparents, so yeah, that is very helpful. 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.360 It's hard to keep up now. It just makes me 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:31.640 think too that I mean, none of us know when 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.360 we're going to die, but a part of me does 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:37.200 wish that when I was writing that obituaryly I would 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.280 have been had it done, so when it was time 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:42.360 to go, then it's good to go. Like I don't 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.040 have to think about it, and I know it's ready, 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:46.600 although some things might be missing, so it would have 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.800 to be a I guess put not intended living document 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:53.040 because it's something that you have to update as people 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:56.760 at more on to their lives. But I don't know, 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:58.800 thinking about it, it feels like it would be something 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:02.240 that would be feel right to me. And I know 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:05.440 people do that for newspapers and magazines, like they pre 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:08.040 write obituaries for people of note, but I think that 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.360 in some cases it could be a worthwhile exercise for 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:12.320 US normies as well. 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:19.600 Interesting one thing I've noticed with obituaries, like if you 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:21.880 look at a bunch of them over the decades, is 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.800 that they've evolved to include more storytelling. Like back in 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:29.440 the day, all facts births, church, education, marriage, children, occupation, death, 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:33.280 and no antidotes, no favorite color, nothing. It might not 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:35.440 even be a picture, and if there was one, it 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:36.680 was just one. 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:39.800 Yeah. Now people are putting some flair on it when 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:43.359 talking about folks who have passed. When done well, obituaries 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:45.760 have the power to make readers feel as though they 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:50.040 intimately knew the person being memorialized, despite having never met them. 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:54.640 Through finally render details and emotional storytelling, a connection is 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:57.280 forged between the writer, the subject, and the reader. 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.760 After the break, we'll look at obituaries that do just 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:03.440 that from the Auburn Avenue Research Library Atlanta Funeral Programs Collection. 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:16.679 Stay with us, so tell me more about this Atlanta 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:17.960 Funeral Programs collection. 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:22.720 Sure, so, Auburn Avenue Research Library partnered with the Atlanta 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:28.080 chapter of the Afro American Historical and Genealogical Society. They 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:31.160 got a name one him to spearhead a joint project 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:35.120 with Georgia Public Library Service to digitize. 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.680 Over eleven thousand. 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:40.559 Pages of funeral programs. And they go from eighteen eighty 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:44.040 six to twenty nineteen. I think they're updating it soon, 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:48.120 like they've had more people give obituaries, but twenty nineteen 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:50.120 is the last publicly available ones. 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:54.920 Does the collection include mostly famous people or public figures. 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:56.520 Nah, just regular degular folks. 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.040 I mean, I did see Shoddy Lowe and Julian Bond's 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:01.200 obituary in there, but you know, the majority is just 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:04.040 regular folks from the South. The thing about obituaries is 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:06.680 after the funeral, they're usually put up somewhere and not 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:09.719 really examined unless for a very specific reason. So I 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.680 thought it'd be nice to look through the funeral program's 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:14.120 collections and pick a couple that stood out to us. 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:22.520 You don't, yes, I am, so what obituary did you 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:24.640 pick and why did it stand out to you? So? 0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:32.600 I picked Keana Shields Bentley's obituary and her unborn child's 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:37.719 She was killed while she was pregnant, and that's just 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.800 like a really sad thing to think about. She was 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:44.080 pretty young when she died. She was in school and 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:46.400 had just gotten married and just kind of like had 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.080 her life in front of her. 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:49.640 It seemed. 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:54.320 But what stood out to me about Keana's obituary is 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:56.360 that it's like written in the first person. I was 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:59.000 very confused when I first encountered it. 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.640 It says, hey, three wives, Hey everybody. 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:05.439 I'm sure you all have heard a little about me before, 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:09.120 but let me formally introduce myself. On September twelfth, nineteen 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.319 ninety four, I was introduced to my beautiful mother Angela 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:16.360 and Shields as her fourth Shining Star of six. So 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.239 she's like speaking directly to you as you're reading this obituary, 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.400 and just the tone of it is kind of upbeat, 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:25.240 like happy, like you're talking directly to me. I can 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.199 imagine being a member of her family and feeling very 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:30.280 comforted by this obituary. 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:30.920 I think the. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.720 Person who wrote it probably really knew her well to 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.400 be able to like step into her shoes and you know, 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:40.160 speak about you know, her life, her cheerleading, you know, 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:43.760 meeting her husband, deciding the name of her child. I 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:46.720 just thought it was like really sweet. And she died 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:49.800 in Atlanta, you know, living here, you hear certain things 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.040 on the news and it's kind of like a passing thing, 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.880 like oh, this person died this way and it was horrible, 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:56.480 but you kind of like don't hear about it anymore. 0:12:56.840 --> 0:12:59.080 And so I found a lot of those in the collection. 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.679 I'm like, dang, it's really sad. But hers, it was 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:06.120 definitely a sad situation, and you know, young mother and 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:10.559 the baby dying, but it's like you could feel her, 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:14.000 you know, faith in God through her obituary, her love 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:18.079 for her family, just like her personality really really shined. 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:19.720 And I like that about this one. 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.000 When you started reading it, you said you were thrown 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.440 off by being in first person. So when you started 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.000 reading it and you were thrown off, were you like, 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.920 m let me go into a different or were you like, oh, 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.240 I really need to keep reading this. What was your feeling? 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:31.760 Yeah? 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:33.040 I was confused, so I was like, let me keep 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.680 reading to make sure I'm understanding what's going on here. So, 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:39.880 you know, she does that introduction, she talks about her childhood, 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:43.760 where she went to school. She even like talks about 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:47.000 her like perfect high pitched voice, like I just felt 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.880 like I really got to know her, and it had 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:52.640 to me as a stranger reading it, kind of less 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.439 of a barrier. It wasn't as formal, It wasn't somber 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.600 at all, which is the vibe you get from a 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.360 lot of obituaries. Rightfully so because the person reading it 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:03.920 is sad, and you know, a lot of times funerals 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:07.160 are formal occasions. So it's just like really different for me. 0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:09.320 And you know, it's like a lot of the times 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:10.840 when you think about death, you think about like an 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.959 older person who lived their life, and you know it's 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.520 still sad, but you're like, okay, this makes sense. But 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:22.920 for her, you know, in her twenties, pregnant, about to graduate, 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.160 it just just doesn't make sense. And so I think 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:28.880 doing something a little you know different, you know, fit 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:30.760 the spirit of Keana. 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.680 I'm guessing that her death, since she got young, it 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:39.000 was unexpected, yeah something. So do you think it's possible 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:40.760 that she could have written this on her own, like 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:44.520 just as an exercise at some point? You don't think so. 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:45.240 I don't think so. 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:50.760 I think just even to like her personality from the obituary. 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:52.480 I don't think she was even thinking like that. I 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:55.240 think she was thinking about, you know, having her baby, 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:57.360 and thinks she was thinking about graduating, starting her career. 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.400 I don't think she wrote this. It would be really interesting, 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:04.160 as like such a young person for her to have 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:05.160 done that, but I don't think. 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:07.240 So, what do you think? I don't think so. I 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:09.280 think somebody else wrote this for her, who know her 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:13.720 pretty well. When I saw the three wives and the 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.360 hey everybody at the beginning out it's black. This is 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:20.600 a black obituary, Okay, but I've never seen anything like 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:23.560 this before in real life and you know, not reading 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:27.120 it online. So I'm trying to think how respond if 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.480 it was somebody I knew that I was reading, and 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:32.000 I think it would be pretty emotional for me, especially 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:34.240 if they were passing out the obituaries and I was 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:37.560 in the memorial service at the time and I'm reading 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:39.880 this as I'm waiting. I imagine there would be those 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:43.320 conflicting feelings like this is very sorrowful because this person 0:15:43.440 --> 0:15:46.440 is gone, and you know, there's a child that's not 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.320 here now she's gone. I loved her, But at the 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:51.320 same time, it's like it's going to brighten me up. 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:53.160 You know, it's gonna put a smile on my face 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.560 because I get to feel a little bit of her 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.080 personality and her essence when I'm reading it. So I 0:15:58.080 --> 0:15:59.320 imagine that's pretty comforting. 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:03.360 Yeah, And you know I said it was Keana's obituary, 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:08.800 it was also her unborn child's obituary too, Zariah Keela Bentley, 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.880 so it was a joint obituary for both of them. 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.040 And the person wrote that Keana was preceded in death 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.440 by her beautiful daughter, Zarah Quela Bentley, and they have 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:22.440 pictures of the sonogram and a picture of Keana with 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:23.240 her pregnant belly. 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:25.640 I know you can tell she was truly that girl. 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.400 And I don't know, just really really fun, god fearing 0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:33.400 family woman. 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.800 I'd say, yeah. And I think that one of the 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:40.480 last sentences in the obituary is our work and purpose 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.520 has been fulfilled. Don't mourn for us. And I think 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:48.120 that's really indicative of how God was in their lives. Yes, 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:51.359 but also in terms of it being an element of storytelling, 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:53.160 it's like you're ending in a place that you've given 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.400 us the set up for that payoff. So the payoff 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:57.720 is telling us, don't mourn for us. And you've showed 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:00.800 us that through the other paragraphs that come before, because 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:04.720 they're celebratory, they're not sad. So you have showed us 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.000 that we shouldn't mourn for them because they've lived well, 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:09.879 because they were love. And now I've read this, I'm 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:13.159 at the memorial service. I cherished this person, and I 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:16.840 am sad that they are gone, but I see how 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:19.640 full their lives were and the time that they did 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:21.880 have here. And now you're telling me not to mourn 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:24.080 for them. So I'm gonna hold on to that. And 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.119 now I have this obituary on paper to hold on 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:27.520 to that sentiment. Mm hmm. 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:30.480 And one of the paragraphs, she says, the time of 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:33.840 my transition, I was working toward my medical assistant degree. 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:35.960 As a matter of fact, my graduation was set for 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:40.080 June eleventh, twenty sixteen, which was just I believe, five 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.120 days before she died. And later she says, I would 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:45.919 have loved to celebrate each and every milestone with you guys, 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:49.439 but baby girl and I couldn't ignore God's call. But 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.920 don't worry that angels in heaven presented me with my 0:17:53.000 --> 0:17:55.000 cap and gown at the Pearly Gates. 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:57.400 I don't know, I'm getting excited. 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:02.200 Yeah, is not the point of the obituary because she wants. 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:02.840 You to be happy. 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.120 Yeah, it's like, don't worry for. 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:07.520 Well. 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:11.240 I think when you're seeing an obituary full of somebody's life, 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:13.120 you want to think, oh, their life was so full, 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:16.080 But ironically it often works in the opposite way because 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:17.640 you see how full their life was and it makes 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.280 you imagine, like, what could they have done yea had 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:22.800 they been able to stay on this earth for a 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:25.760 longer time. And when you see that about the cap 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:29.359 and gown, you're like, she had plans. Yeah, you know, 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:32.719 she had plans, she had ambitions, she had goals, and 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.320 she had a child who would have had those same 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:38.920 things had they lived as well. So yeah, I mean 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.200 that's what happens with obituary, is too like your intent 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:43.359 may be one way, or you may have wanted to 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.080 express yourself one way, but as it goes in storytelling, 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.560 the way we project isn't the way that people always 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:49.399 receive something. 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:52.119 Yeah, I think the person who wrote it wanted to 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:56.840 be comforting, which I do think they accomplished, but it's 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:59.639 definitely like a sad situation, but I think they did 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:04.320 a good like telling her life story, showing her personality, 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:08.040 just like showing the woman that she was, and kind 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.040 of all that you know will be missed. 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:14.879 Yes, miss Keana. I hope that wherever you are, you 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:18.040 are peaceful and all your lights able to shine wherever 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:21.440 you are in prayers and peace to their family as well. 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:34.720 So the obituary that I came across is for Joseph 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:38.879 Seum Lewis. I hope that I'm pronouncing that right, that 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:44.120 maybe Joseph Sayum Lewis. But he was born in nineteen 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:47.360 fifty one and he died in two thousand and eight, 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:52.000 and he had his memorial service at the Shrine of 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:57.840 the Black Madonna in Atlanta. And I enjoyed his reading 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:01.439 his obituary and learning more about his life because I 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:03.840 felt like I just got a sense of who he was. 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:07.320 He did have an impact on people in his community. 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:11.280 He seemed to be a pretty well respected community member. 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:16.240 I like that. In the beginning of the obituary, it 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:19.320 says that he was legally named Joseph Derrek Lewis, but 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:24.240 he later changed his name and rejected this slave name 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:28.600 and mentality and there's a lot to a name, you know, 0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:32.760 especially to black people, and I think leading with that 0:20:33.480 --> 0:20:38.400 is pretty impactful, just because we see, even just within 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:40.720 something as small as his name, of how much he 0:20:40.840 --> 0:20:43.720 changed over the course of his life, and we get 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:45.680 to see a little bit of his perspective, We get 0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:50.280 to learn about his political ideology. You know, what matters 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:52.080