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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to Stephane

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Speaker 1: Never Told your production of iHeart Radio.

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Speaker 2: And welcome to another edition of Happy Hour where I

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Speaker 2: keep Annie on edge because she has no idea what

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Speaker 2: we're talking about, no clue whatsoever. But before we start,

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Speaker 2: as per usual, if you are drinking or doing any

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Speaker 2: of the things, be responsible, check yourself, know your limits,

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Speaker 2: be healthy, and be kind to others as per usual.

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Speaker 2: Right we are not necessarily being sponsored by any of

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Speaker 2: the things that we talk about currently. Any of that

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Speaker 2: can change, who knows, but right now as we record it,

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Speaker 2: that is not a thing we have sponsors, not necessarily

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Speaker 2: the ones we're talking about. So before we start, Annie,

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Speaker 2: what just have been on.

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Speaker 1: The old and it's been a minute?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think next time we need to play a

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Speaker 2: game where I can try to guess what you're drinking

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Speaker 2: that day.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, Uh, that would be an embarrassingly easy game

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Speaker 1: unless I try to do something else.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you make your own things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, today's a very stressful day. I'll say that we

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Speaker 1: did fun interview things, which is great, but they were early,

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Speaker 1: and so I couldn't see you even say up really early,

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Speaker 1: and I got to talk to my mom tonight, which

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Speaker 1: is fine, but like I'm stressed. It's what I'm saying. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So for the G.

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Speaker 2: And T, G and D time, Yes, I have also

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Speaker 2: been stressed. But because of that, I get sleepy. So

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Speaker 2: once again, I'm sticking to my non alcoholic beverages and

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Speaker 2: I am drinking a sparkling pineapple beverage, nice juice beverage,

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Speaker 2: because I'm still on my pineapple kick.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, no, y'all. It's good, It's good, is good?

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I was trying to figure out exactly what I wanted

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Speaker 2: to talk about because there are several things that have

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Speaker 2: been popping up in my world of social media, but

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Speaker 2: also like what I watched entertainment as you know, if

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Speaker 2: you've been listening to any of the shows recently. I'm

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Speaker 2: really gotten into K dramas and watching K dramas and

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Speaker 2: then figure out my identity. There's also this conversation, like

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Speaker 2: I've been ruminating on an idea for a second podcast.

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Speaker 2: You know all about this, and I have very specifics

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Speaker 2: and it is related to K dramas, the K wave

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Speaker 2: in general, which we've talked about, We've talked about on this,

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Speaker 2: We've done episodes on it here, and then I went

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Speaker 2: back and forth about my own identity. So there's this

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Speaker 2: whole level this is all about me Annie, and we're

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Speaker 2: processing some thoughts on my happy hour. But like having

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Speaker 2: my identity and changing things in like my I guess

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Speaker 2: professional name specifically, not to get too much out, my

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Speaker 2: brother recently got remarried and his wife's name is now

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Speaker 2: exactly my name except for.

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Speaker 3: The middle name.

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Speaker 2: So I have this moment of like huh, like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, what the is this? But like I saw

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Speaker 2: it somewhere with her name, and I was like, what

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Speaker 2: the hell is this? And don't get me wrong, I

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Speaker 2: don't know her very well, so I'm sure she's a

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Speaker 2: very lovely person. She's she has children, and she's a

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Speaker 2: loving mother, all those things, so nothing to her specifically,

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Speaker 2: but seeing this woman who was white as well that

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, that fits her a little too well

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Speaker 2: versus me. And so having a little bit of identity

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Speaker 2: in crisis because not only is there someone in my

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Speaker 2: immediate family with my exact same name, and now because

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Speaker 2: she is probably closer to my family in that respect,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be living in forever like confusion for this

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Speaker 2: now on top of that, when you do the will

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Speaker 2: research all these things, and I'm sure, like finding people

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Speaker 2: is not a big deal, but there's this level of like, okay,

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Speaker 2: but we are closely associated, so it wouldn't be too

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Speaker 2: far fetched that she could be mixed up as me

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Speaker 2: type of level and then not. I don't know anything

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Speaker 2: about her political stance, but she's married to my brother,

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Speaker 2: who is very staunchly conservative, a big fan of Candice Owens.

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Speaker 2: And I hope you understand what that means when I

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Speaker 2: say that that, I'm like, oh, okay, I don't I

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Speaker 2: don't know how I feel about this. There are so

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Speaker 2: many things I already have identity issuesual, and there's this

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Speaker 2: whole level of this that's like an added plus. And

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Speaker 2: I'm like, don't get me wrong, my brother can marry

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Speaker 2: whomever he wants. I just came like, how how did

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Speaker 2: you find.

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Speaker 3: Which?

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Speaker 2: By the way, also, she has the same middle name

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Speaker 2: as my mother, so that even like even close more

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Speaker 2: closely to that, and I'm like, what the what the

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Speaker 2: what the hell? Like, there's so many levels, and because

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Speaker 2: of that, also, I am trying to find my identity,

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Speaker 2: really trying to understand who I am and my Korean

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Speaker 2: last name is Lee, and so I've had this back

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Speaker 2: and forth like maybe I want to change my name

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Speaker 2: back to my Korean name. My partner was like, your

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Speaker 2: family's gonna be very upset, which could be very true.

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Speaker 2: With this, I would have a lot of confusion. My

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Speaker 2: entire group of friends would be like what, like there's

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Speaker 2: so much level. But so my other thoughts like maybe

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Speaker 2: I can just change it to Samantha Lee. I don't

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Speaker 2: really say my name. We don't say our last name

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Speaker 2: for the show, but it's on all of our biographies

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Speaker 2: and autobiographies and anything. Obviously it's too late on the

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Speaker 2: book any of that, but like I'm wondering, like maybe,

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Speaker 2: as like the professional level, I should switch it. So

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Speaker 2: I'm having this level of identity crisis at forty sething

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Speaker 2: years old. Do you think this is a part of

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Speaker 2: my midlife crisis right now?

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Speaker 1: I think that shoehorning it into mid life crisis is

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Speaker 1: perhaps not what is happening here, because that is more

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Speaker 1: than a midlife crisis, is what I will say, Because

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Speaker 1: that is like, honestly, I have a friend who always

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Speaker 1: teases me, and she's like, it sounds like you're in

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Speaker 1: a sitcom. Right now. It kind of sounds like you're

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Speaker 1: in a finding my identity sitcom right now where somebody family,

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Speaker 1: So I wouldn't put it in that same level. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's difficult because it's true, like there's a

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Speaker 1: part of me that wants to tell you like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: just dude, do it, change it. But I know there's

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Speaker 1: like that's easy for me to say, like there's so

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Speaker 1: many other things going on other than like I don't

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Speaker 1: want to upset my family. What is my identity? Like

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Speaker 1: it's just a multi layered thing. So no, I think

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Speaker 1: this is way more than a mid life crisis.

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Speaker 3: I think it's a little better.

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Speaker 2: And I will say like for the longest time, I

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Speaker 2: have been considering the name, like I have been going

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Speaker 2: back and forth, like do I want to go back

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Speaker 2: to my Korean name so Young like that? So like

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Speaker 2: I think I've said it before, but my family name

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Speaker 2: is Lee or E and then my first name is

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Speaker 2: so Young, which apparently means desire, and then like profits

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Speaker 2: or something like that. I don't know, like essentially that you

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Speaker 2: can get money, wealth or something. And I'm like, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 2: because I didn't whatever who gave me that and then

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Speaker 2: left me okay, but yeah, there's so many levels to

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Speaker 2: this that I'm like, Okay, I don't think I would

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Speaker 2: change my name back to the Korean name because that's

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Speaker 2: that's almost too overwhelming, but having that, like because my

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Speaker 2: middle name is Lee, so like it be sam my

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Speaker 2: name is Samantha Lee McVay, don't steal my identity, but

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Speaker 2: like changing it just to being Samantha Lead, I don't

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Speaker 2: think would be a big stretch, although we've kind of

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Speaker 2: been in this industry for three years now, so it'd

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Speaker 2: be confusing ish and then going back to like the

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Speaker 2: new if I were to do this other podcast that

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Speaker 2: I've talked about or trying to develop something around it,

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Speaker 2: whatever it may look like if it's not a podcast,

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Speaker 2: you know, it would make sense. But it would also

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Speaker 2: not make this because it'd be the disconnect from stuff

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Speaker 2: mom never told you to whatever else is new. That's

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Speaker 2: a whole different legality. And also I was looking it up,

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Speaker 2: it's like, how do you do this in the state

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Speaker 2: of Georgia. I don't know if anybody else. If you

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Speaker 2: want to legally change a name, you have to publish

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Speaker 2: your name in a newspaper for several months just in

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Speaker 2: case someone is looking for you, so you can't just

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Speaker 2: run away and hide.

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Speaker 3: I was like, wait what.

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Speaker 2: I found this out a long time ago when working

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Speaker 2: with social services, and I'm like, huh, that's huh okay.

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Speaker 2: I go like just seeing like a whole other mess

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Speaker 2: and then just like changing it on papers. So I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't do all that. So, like the professional level, I

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Speaker 2: don't think it needs to be that level, but yeah,

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Speaker 2: there's this whole level like a crisis I'm having because

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Speaker 2: you're correct, it feels like in that level, I'm being

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Speaker 2: replaced with the better, wider version of me, and not

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Speaker 2: necessarily Again, nothing to do with my family. Really, it

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Speaker 2: really has nothing to do with her. It's just this

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Speaker 2: level of like I have always been the odd one out,

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Speaker 2: whether it's my opinions, whether it's my beliefs, whether it's

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Speaker 2: my actual looks and physical appearance.

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Speaker 3: That's been a thing.

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Speaker 2: And then here comes this person who is kind I'm sure,

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Speaker 2: very kind, very sweet.

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Speaker 3: Again, nothing to her, This has really nothing to do

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Speaker 3: with her, and I'm sorry to her if she thinks that, because.

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Speaker 2: This is not but it has everything to do with

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Speaker 2: me with like, oh, they've been waiting for this version.

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Speaker 2: Not only that but she's quiet and seemingly more similar

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Speaker 2: to their beliefs, or at least would not cause a

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Speaker 2: wave about anything because she is a young white woman,

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Speaker 2: has already kind of established a family, wants to be

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Speaker 2: a part of this big family, and my mom and

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Speaker 2: dad are probably the most welcoming parents there could be,

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Speaker 2: even with their polarizing beliefs. They don't act that out

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Speaker 2: in real life, which we've talked about before. So like,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure she's excited to be a part of this

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Speaker 2: and they're excited to accept.

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Speaker 3: Her and like all these things.

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Speaker 2: But there's this level of like identity crisis that I'm

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Speaker 2: having that I'm like, all right, what do I do

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Speaker 2: with this? And because we are not close, like my

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Speaker 2: parents don't know anything about my work. The one time

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Speaker 2: we try to talk about it, we got in an

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Speaker 2: awful fight, and so therefore I have learned my lesson

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Speaker 2: and never talk about it again. Like they're just like,

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Speaker 2: how are you? You're doing your job?

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Speaker 3: You like it great, Like that's the end of the conversation.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: I had a little previous Monday media about the movie

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Speaker 2: that I hate that they would just ne were so

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Speaker 2: excited about, like so many things that just doesn't fall

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Speaker 2: in line, but it does make me feel still like

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Speaker 2: a one more, like one more brick in the wall

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Speaker 2: that has come between us. And it has nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with like what they've actually done, or it has

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Speaker 2: nothing to do with what she is or who she is,

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Speaker 2: like it has nothing to do that, but it just

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Speaker 2: it's almost like that realistic Uh, when you get that

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Speaker 2: actual example where it just hands itself to you, You're like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: there it is.

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Speaker 3: That's too literal.

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Speaker 2: So there's so many things and again like this all

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Speaker 2: kind of goes back to like trying to figure myself out.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to find my space, even though maybe I

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Speaker 2: am creating such a myth in this idea to begin with.

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Speaker 2: And I say that because obviously I have space and

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Speaker 2: I have identity, and obviously because like people can describe

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Speaker 2: me and people can say this is you, this is

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Speaker 2: what you are, this is what you like or things

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Speaker 2: like that are a part of my identity. So maybe

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Speaker 2: I'm putting a mythological aspect to this to make it

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Speaker 2: more dramatic. I don't know, But there's so many like

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Speaker 2: moments of like hmm, what is out of feeling? What

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Speaker 2: is it out of professionalism and what is again the reality?

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Speaker 1: Right? Right? And I think through my time knowing you,

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Speaker 1: I have seen you struggle with this and I've heard

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Speaker 1: stories you've told around It's an odd space to be

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Speaker 1: when someone sees your name, which I don't know, but

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Speaker 1: you know, and they assume like your nationality, they assume

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Speaker 1: your and kind of like having to deal with that,

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Speaker 1: having to confront that every time you give someone your name.

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Speaker 1: I can only imagine it's like something that feels very

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Speaker 1: simple to a lot of us is not simple for you.

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Speaker 2: Right, And yeah, absolutely, Like I've told many stories of

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Speaker 2: the fact that people are shocked when they saved me.

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Speaker 2: Also part of that is my accent that has thrown

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Speaker 2: a lot of people off to that not what I expected,

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Speaker 2: and like, yeah, I know, but yeah, it seems to

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Speaker 2: be like a constant reminder anyway, so that there's that

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Speaker 2: level of like between the two of us, who would

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Speaker 2: you pick as that actual person.

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Speaker 3: And it wouldn't be me.

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Speaker 1: We did that whole episode like what's in a name?

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of us take for granted the

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Speaker 1: kind of giving your name and it not being like really,

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Speaker 1: so it is like reminders that people view you as

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Speaker 1: outsider or like other just based on on your name,

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Speaker 1: which is something you use in every day and you're right,

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Speaker 1: like in our job, that is a whole thing. That's

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Speaker 1: a whole thing to consider, is well, people know me,

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Speaker 1: my this name, this is what I've built my in

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Speaker 1: this case like podcast or book around If I change it,

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Speaker 1: then I could have a financial loss, Like there muld

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Speaker 1: be a financial ding for that, you know.

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Speaker 2: And part of this is like later in life in

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Speaker 2: discoveries of what I what I want to be seen as,

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Speaker 2: I guess not necessarily like a reputation and not necessarily image,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, like but who I am and the importance

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Speaker 2: of a name in general when we talk about things

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Speaker 2: and what it represents. And you know, I love my family,

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Speaker 2: but I would not have ties to the McVeigh ancestors

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Speaker 2: like they've talked about the ancestors of mcveigh's and where

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Speaker 2: they came from. That had no it felt very foreign

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Speaker 2: to me. Like literally, I'm like, this is really like

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like pertaining to the family

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Speaker 2: and what they grow and learn about their history and

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Speaker 2: learn about themselves. That's not me learning about myself. That's

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Speaker 2: about learning about them and something that's disconnected from me,

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Speaker 2: so even to that level, like I have loyalties into

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Speaker 2: my current family, yes, but to that like the ancestral idea,

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Speaker 2: like you know, former hosts Caroline loves loves her ancestry

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Speaker 2: treat like she will go and dig I think she

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Speaker 2: stopped recently, but one of her hobbies were to do

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Speaker 2: all these things and it always kind of fascinated me

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Speaker 2: because that was not something I've ever been interested in

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Speaker 2: because I'm so disconnected from that.

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Speaker 1: Right right, And I think that makes sense. I think

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Speaker 1: there's a way to it. There's a weight to because

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Speaker 1: you've you grew up in this kind of white community,

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Speaker 1: in this family, and when they're talking about their history,

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Speaker 1: it's not right gonna align with what you're feeling, and

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Speaker 1: so that that totally makes sense, so that you're sort

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Speaker 1: of like, Okay, well that's not really resonating.

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Speaker 3: Here, not like that's your people.

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Speaker 2: That's yeah, I don't know, Like there's so many things

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Speaker 2: I'm pondering, Like there's so many things in my mind

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Speaker 2: that are space and then I eventually, I think this

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Speaker 2: is going to be a Monday many because I want

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Speaker 2: to talk about a recent episode of a reality series

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Speaker 2: that's going around that's viral, okay, because I have questions,

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Speaker 2: but but like stuff like this has been really just

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Speaker 2: taking over my head that I'm like, what is happening?

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Speaker 2: Like what is these It's not really related, but like

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Speaker 2: for some reason, these weighing things that make no real

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Speaker 2: sense can be a conversation. And then you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: how do I know this down into because it's the

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Speaker 2: beginning form of like this, this is where I wanted

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Speaker 2: to be, but we're still here, so how do I

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Speaker 2: get it to there?

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Speaker 3: And I'm saying this is like very vaguely I know.

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Speaker 3: And that's the same thing for my name.

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Speaker 2: It's like where this is where I was, and I

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Speaker 2: was given this name when I came to the US

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Speaker 2: to accomate to the society. A lot of Koreans just

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Speaker 2: get an English name to make it easier, a lot

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Speaker 2: of Asian people in general.

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Speaker 3: For other people.

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Speaker 2: I had an artist who he kept his Asian name,

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Speaker 2: and when I talked to him introduced myself. He's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: did you change your name? And I had to explain, no,

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Speaker 2: this is he was like, oh yeah. My mom was

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Speaker 2: very adamant that I never anglicized my name because it

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Speaker 2: would take away from our family, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, like, oh, that makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 2: There's a little bit of shame, but I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: have no aspect about my family gave me up, but

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Speaker 2: thinking about like should I change it back?

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Speaker 3: What does that look like?

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Speaker 2: And then the fact that it's still happened today and no,

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Speaker 2: nobody really has that conversation except for the fact that

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Speaker 2: I was given that name without a choice. It's the

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Speaker 2: same thing with like, of course anybody who was born

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Speaker 2: at any point, but I do have dual identity.

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Speaker 3: It seems.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a difficult, a difficult conversation, and I know

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Speaker 1: it's weighed heavily on you.

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Speaker 2: So so you're gonna have to start calling me Samantha

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Speaker 2: Ley just kidding.

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Speaker 3: Testing it out with you.

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Speaker 1: You should. I had. I have one of my good

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Speaker 1: friends when I was in high school. She told me

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Speaker 1: her Cantonese name, and it felt like she was just like,

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Speaker 1: I want you to call me this down. I was like, Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I will do it. That's your name. You tell me,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to do it. Thank you. Just let me know,

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Speaker 1: just let me know. But yeah, cheers Samantha. On this

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Speaker 1: rainy day that we're having yes, yes, and as always, listeners,

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Speaker 1: please let us know if you have any thoughts about this.

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Speaker 1: You can email us at Steph Media Mom Steph at

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Speaker 1: iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter at

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Speaker 1: mom stuff Podcast. You can also find us on TikTok

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Speaker 1: and Instagram at Stuffman Never Told You. We have a

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Speaker 1: tea public store and we have a book that you

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Speaker 1: can pre order. It is coming out imminently. By imminently,

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Speaker 1: I mean August twenty ninth, twenty twenty three, you can

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Speaker 1: pre order it at stuffishtredbooks dot com. Thanks as always

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Speaker 1: two our super producer Christina, our executive Maya, and our

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Speaker 1: controvertor Joey.

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Speaker 3: Thank you and thanks to you for.

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Speaker 1: Listening Stuff I Never Told You, the production of iHeart Radio.

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