Speaker 1: You are listening to What in the Winkler and iHeartRadio podcast. Hi,
Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of What in the Winkler.
Speaker 1: It is a little bit of a different format today
Speaker 1: because I'm by myself, and I am in the middle
Speaker 1: of LA. I am born and raised in LA and
Speaker 1: I love this city very, very very much, which is
Speaker 1: why I've never left. And we are in the middle
Speaker 1: of a complete and total disaster. For those of you
Speaker 1: that don't know, but I'm sure most of you do,
Speaker 1: there were many, many, many different wildfires going at the
Speaker 1: same time here in La last week, and our city
Speaker 1: has not yet recovered. There are still fire warnings, there
Speaker 1: are still evacuations. And I decided today that I would
Speaker 1: just talk to you guys and tell you a little
Speaker 1: bit about what my experience has been like. And it's
Speaker 1: also my son's birthday today, and so us moms, while
Speaker 1: we are in the middle of like insanity, have to
Speaker 1: still make magic for our kids. And it's such a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing. And I'm so thankful, and also I'm beyond stressed.
Speaker 1: His bar Mitzvah was supposed to be on Saturday. That
Speaker 1: has been postponed till February. There's a lot of moving parts.
Speaker 1: My parents are evacuated. They've been evacuated since last Tuesday,
Speaker 1: so they've been in a hotel for a week. A
Speaker 1: lot of you guys have been asking where my mom is,
Speaker 1: and so I wanted to explain that as well. So
Speaker 1: we'll just have a conversation, a conversation I guess with myself,
Speaker 1: but I'm just going to tell you guys a little
Speaker 1: bit about where I'm at and what's happening here. So
Speaker 1: to start with my mom. My mom, right after we
Speaker 1: started recording episodes of What in the Winkler, my mom
Speaker 1: got an infection. She's gonna be totally fine. I just
Speaker 1: want to preface that she's going to make a full recovery.
Speaker 1: But she got an infection that in fact went septic,
Speaker 1: and so she's been on ivy antibiotics and she was
Speaker 1: in the hospital, and so that has been a tremendous
Speaker 1: strain on me and my family and obviously her way
Speaker 1: worse for her, but for us and those that love her.
Speaker 1: It has been a really emotional time basically since the
Speaker 1: week of November fifteenth, so it's been quite a while,
Speaker 1: and every day she's getting stronger and better now and
Speaker 1: so I'm really really grateful, but that is why she
Speaker 1: has not been joining me on the podcast. And so
Speaker 1: when we signed up to do this podcast with iHeart,
Speaker 1: who have been so incredible to us, it was supposed
Speaker 1: to be a mother daughter back and forth and that
Speaker 1: we had to pivot. And so I really appreciate everyone
Speaker 1: that has listened still and just been so supportive because
Speaker 1: I'm learning as I go and I'm really loving it,
Speaker 1: but I'm missing my mom. So that's the first part
Speaker 1: that has been a huge weight in my life for
Speaker 1: the last couple months, because my mom is an extremely
Speaker 1: important part of my life and it was really scary
Speaker 1: for a minute, and I'm really grateful to now be
Speaker 1: able to say that she is making a full recovery.
Speaker 1: So right after that, she got out of the hospital
Speaker 1: in January first, and about I don't know, like I
Speaker 1: can't I don't even know what day it is. But
Speaker 1: basically last week the fires started here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: They were evacuated. We were we were not evacuated. We
Speaker 1: were just we live like a mile from my parents,
Speaker 1: but we're on this the edge of the evacuation, and
Speaker 1: it started to get extremely windy and scary and I've
Speaker 1: talked about it before on here that I have some
Speaker 1: pretty anxious kids and I'm very clear on where to
Speaker 1: get it from me. And we lost power and the
Speaker 1: fire was so quick it was it was Honestly, I
Speaker 1: live in LA I've lived here my whole life. I'm
Speaker 1: forty four years old. There's always been fires. We've had
Speaker 1: to evacuate one time before, when Ace, who's now thirteen today,
Speaker 1: was in kindergarten. But I've never seen anything like this,
Speaker 1: And so the rate at which it was moving and
Speaker 1: growing and all the things made up feel like this
Speaker 1: was different, and so we packed up all our stuff.
Speaker 1: I really slowly packed up my stuff as my children
Speaker 1: were watching a show on TV. I really didn't want
Speaker 1: to make them worried, and I honestly didn't know how
Speaker 1: bad it was going to get. I just knew that
Speaker 1: we had to leave our house. So I packed. They
Speaker 1: packed well, I packed for them, actually, and I started
Speaker 1: to just like put in a bag their birth certificates,
Speaker 1: my passports, my jewelry, my husband made me a book
Speaker 1: for my fortieth birthday, my wedding album, just like some things.
Speaker 1: I started putting it together, even though I felt like
Speaker 1: this was going to be crazy and I was being
Speaker 1: over dramatic about it. I just felt like this, this
Speaker 1: felt different this time. And my kids were kept asking
Speaker 1: me like, why are you packing? Why are you packing?
Speaker 1: And I said, you know what, just in case we
Speaker 1: lose power, I just want to get everything together, were safe,
Speaker 1: you know. I really kept trying to reassure them. And
Speaker 1: also when you have young kids, the news is so scary,
Speaker 1: but you're trying to get information. You don't know what's happening,
Speaker 1: so you're trying to watch the news, but they're coming
Speaker 1: in and out, and it just felt like very stressful.
Speaker 1: I was able to pack everything, you know, two nights
Speaker 1: worth of clothing for each kid. I put it in
Speaker 1: a packing cube, and then for myself and for my husband.
Speaker 1: And as soon as I was done packing, we lost
Speaker 1: power and it was insanely windy. It felt like Wizard
Speaker 1: of Oz literally, like I mean, there were things like
Speaker 1: blowing around. It was just different. So we left and
Speaker 1: we went to my sister in law's house. I live
Speaker 1: in Brentwood. She lives in mar Vista, and it was
Speaker 1: farther way, farther away from the Palisades fire, so we
Speaker 1: went there. We spent the night there and it was
Speaker 1: super cozy. Gus and I slept on a blow out
Speaker 1: mattress in the living room. My husband and the other
Speaker 1: two kids slept in one of my sister in law's
Speaker 1: kids room on a bed and a blow up mattress also,
Speaker 1: And in the morning we started getting we woke up,
Speaker 1: and we tried to make it as fun for the
Speaker 1: kids as possible, Like I have this crazy, hateful relationship
Speaker 1: with iPads, and the kids got their iPads, which was
Speaker 1: like the first clue that something was really dark. And
Speaker 1: so all the cousins are together and we're having breakfast
Speaker 1: and Aces making pancakes, and Arthur, my brother in law's
Speaker 1: making coffee, and we're just we're all talking, and we
Speaker 1: start getting texts from all of our friends who had
Speaker 1: lost their homes, lost everything and weren't given ample time
Speaker 1: to evacuate. They didn't have the luxury that I had
Speaker 1: to slowly kind of decide what I wanted to take,
Speaker 1: pack things, get my passports, get my kids, you know, valuables,
Speaker 1: and they didn't have that time in the Palisades. And
Speaker 1: so I would say we have about twelve friends who've
Speaker 1: lost their homes, probably more at this point but we
Speaker 1: started hearing about it in the morning, and that's when
Speaker 1: we kind of knew that this was different. I think
Speaker 1: the most amazing thing is to be thankful that you
Speaker 1: know that these people, our friends, are all alive, even
Speaker 1: though they've lost, you know, homes. And it's not really
Speaker 1: about the material things. It's about the memories, the things
Speaker 1: that you can't just sort of like get again. A
Speaker 1: child's painting, a child's favorite blanky, things like that I
Speaker 1: think have been the most upsetting I think for them.
Speaker 1: I can't speak for them because I'm so lucky that
Speaker 1: I have my home. But one thing I noticed is
Speaker 1: that as a community, we came together really really quickly.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys know this because I
Speaker 1: haven't really talked much about it, but I have a
Speaker 1: nonprofit called This Is About Humanity. We raise money and
Speaker 1: awareness for the families that had been separated at the border,
Speaker 1: and it is a completely We are not political in
Speaker 1: any way. We are not affiliated with either party. We
Speaker 1: are just moms who felt like children were not being
Speaker 1: taken into account and we wanted to make sure that
Speaker 1: we were keeping these families safe and right away. The
Speaker 1: best thing I know how to do when there's an
Speaker 1: emergency is help. And so my partner and I, in
Speaker 1: twenty four hours, came up with a matching grant for
Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars for families that had been affected by
Speaker 1: the fires and for all of the farm workers who
Speaker 1: we live in California, so that's a huge part of
Speaker 1: the agricultural system here. And I started putting together families
Speaker 1: who had lost things with families that had things to offer,
Speaker 1: trying to go through all of my kids things. My
Speaker 1: son Jules said to me his best friend lost his house,
Speaker 1: two of them actually, and he said, you know, I
Speaker 1: really want to give them baseball cards, and none of
Speaker 1: the or basketball cards, and none of the stores were open,
Speaker 1: so he went through his own basketball cards and gave
Speaker 1: them to his friends. This has been truly I've never
Speaker 1: seen a huge city like this, just especially like an
Speaker 1: entire community just wiped off the map in this way
Speaker 1: from fire. It's been an adjustment, and we are being
Speaker 1: super flexible with all of our plans and movements and
Speaker 1: just trying because we do have our house and we
Speaker 1: can be back in it now, having families that have
Speaker 1: lost their homes come over have dinner. We don't have
Speaker 1: any extra bedrooms, but everyone's been welcome to stay. When
Speaker 1: we came back after being at my sister in law's house,
Speaker 1: my older son Ace said, I want to pack my
Speaker 1: own bag. I want to, you know, put some stuff
Speaker 1: in it. And you know, he was his bar Mitzvah
Speaker 1: outfit was what he packed because we'd gotten it months ago,
Speaker 1: and he was very excited. And Barmitzvah is a big deal.
Speaker 1: It's when in the Jewish tradition, it's when you turn
Speaker 1: thirteen and you read from the Torah, and it's a
Speaker 1: big celebration. And in the Jewish tradition, it does they
Speaker 1: encourage you to go on and still celebrate the amazing
Speaker 1: celebrations that even happen in times of devastation. And I
Speaker 1: spoke to the Rabbi a lot, but we made the
Speaker 1: decision as a family that we wanted to postpone it.
Speaker 1: And I was really worried about how Ace would take it,
Speaker 1: just because he's worked he's been working on this for
Speaker 1: a year and it's a big party. It's like a wedding,
Speaker 1: it's wild. And he said, let's postpone it, Mom, because
Speaker 1: I want all my friends to be there and I
Speaker 1: want my friends to be able to have fun, and
Speaker 1: right now it just feels so heavy. And I was
Speaker 1: impressed by him and by his choices, and I was
Speaker 1: also relieved because we have so much going on right
Speaker 1: now in our lives and our family. My older brother,
Speaker 1: he was evacuated on the first day of the fires.
Speaker 1: He lives exactly where they started. He thought his house
Speaker 1: was gone for days. He just found out that it's
Speaker 1: still standing, which is a miracle and INCREDI He's been
Speaker 1: in a hotel with my parents. There's just been my
Speaker 1: Margaret Whitesman, who we've talked about a ton. She lost
Speaker 1: her house. She's my brother's stepmom, my mom's best friend.
Speaker 1: She had just rebuilt her house after a new house
Speaker 1: after her husband had passed away. She started a brand
Speaker 1: new chapter. That house is gone. When we went to
Speaker 1: my sister in law's house for the first night of
Speaker 1: the evacuation, Gus was really really scared. He was so scared.
Speaker 1: He's seven and he's never had a sleepover before, so
Speaker 1: he was like, we are evacuated. This is my first sleepover.
Speaker 1: My first sleepover is an evacuation. And he was not
Speaker 1: having it. He was not pleased. He was like em
Speaker 1: we're sleeping on a couch. But I finally calmed him
Speaker 1: down and we made it. We've tried. I think this
Speaker 1: is the thing about parents, is like you try to
Speaker 1: even when you're going through something really really hard and scary,
Speaker 1: you are your main focus is your children and making
Speaker 1: sure that they are okay. And so that's what we did. Oh. Also,
Speaker 1: by the way, when we went to my sister in laws,
Speaker 1: it was the five of us and our two dogs.
Speaker 1: So and I kept saying to my sister in law,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, And she kept saying to me,
Speaker 1: are you like this is crazy? This is what we're
Speaker 1: here for, Like this is how it's meant to be.
Speaker 1: We're this is you know. And and I just I
Speaker 1: am impressed with how I mean, obviously, my sister in
Speaker 1: law and I are super close and I love her.
Speaker 1: This is Rob's youngest sister. But just like our community,
Speaker 1: how everyone has really reached out to help, I think
Speaker 1: that that's been an incredible right light in such a
Speaker 1: depressing time. And I think I don't know. I was
Speaker 1: thinking about our kids and how our kids had COVID,
Speaker 1: and at no point am I not aware of how
Speaker 1: lucky my family is and that during COVID, my husband
Speaker 1: still had a job and his business. He's in construction.
Speaker 1: It was deemed I can't even think of the word,
Speaker 1: but it was his oh essential his So during COVID,
Speaker 1: my husband's job was deemed essential, and so he was
Speaker 1: at work every day. I was home with the kids.
Speaker 1: We had a home, We had all the comfort that
Speaker 1: we needed, even though it was really hard, but that
Speaker 1: was still I mean for kids to just sort of
Speaker 1: like have no kids to hang out with, and to
Speaker 1: not be able to see your family, all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, that was really hard, and that is something
Speaker 1: that they've dealt with. And now school, and I think
Speaker 1: about how lucky we are that we have our home,
Speaker 1: we have our school. Our school went back to school
Speaker 1: yesterday on Monday, which is insane an incredible, and I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful. And I think about all the kids who
Speaker 1: lost their homes and their schools and what I can
Speaker 1: do for them. I'm working right now with a couple
Speaker 1: brands on setting up kind of like a store, a
Speaker 1: store that you go into and shop for fire victims,
Speaker 1: but obviously you don't pay. It's just so that you
Speaker 1: don't feel like you're just getting like donations handed at you.
Speaker 1: You have agency over what it is that you're picking out,
Speaker 1: and I'll and I'll post all the all the amazing
Speaker 1: opportunities to help because so many of you guys have
Speaker 1: reached out who aren't even in LA which has been
Speaker 1: so incredible. But I think it feels like there's just
Speaker 1: been a lot going on in our world in the
Speaker 1: last five years, and we've all had sort of like
Speaker 1: these wake up calls of what's important. And I think
Speaker 1: I know, and especially with the last couple months of
Speaker 1: my mom being sick, family is the most important thing.
Speaker 1: And wherever we are is where I feel the most
Speaker 1: comfortable and safe. And it was one of my best
Speaker 1: friend's birthdays this weekend and we were going to do
Speaker 1: an adult trip to Ohi and at the end everybody
Speaker 1: was evacuated. So she was like, I'm still going to
Speaker 1: go to Ohi. Whoever wants to come, bring your kids,
Speaker 1: And so we were able to spend the weekend in
Speaker 1: Ohi with a bunch of my friends and my kids
Speaker 1: friends and I looked around and there were you know,
Speaker 1: kids who had lost their homes, kids who literally had
Speaker 1: no clothes but the clothes on their back, Moms and
Speaker 1: dads sitting trying to figure out, you know, what their
Speaker 1: next step would be while the kids were playing football
Speaker 1: on the lawn. Just like and I just realized that community,
Speaker 1: on top of your own family, community is just so
Speaker 1: important and you're only as you know, your community is
Speaker 1: only as good as you make it. And so how
Speaker 1: can we be better members of our community? How can
Speaker 1: we be the best members of our community. It's a
Speaker 1: lot to balance all of these things at the same time.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm a mom, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter,
Speaker 1: I'm a wife, I have a business. I am in
Speaker 1: over my head at the moment, and I cry a
Speaker 1: lot just when I get overwhelmed. I just will cry.
Speaker 1: And my friends and my husband and everybody is just
Speaker 1: like we're all just getting through it and we're all
Speaker 1: doing our very best. I will say, like I've talked
Speaker 1: about this a million times, but I am an extremely
Speaker 1: anxious person, and fire was just like never on my
Speaker 1: radar before, and now that will be like number one fear.
Speaker 1: But I think the feeling of being displaced is so
Speaker 1: unnerving because, like, you know, I packed all these bags,
Speaker 1: we started at my sister in laws, came home for
Speaker 1: two nights. Went to a friend's house who had already
Speaker 1: evacuated to Palm Springs. She lives in Hancock Park. Went
Speaker 1: to her house for a night and it was so
Speaker 1: cozy and amazing. Went to Oh Hi for two nights.
Speaker 1: Now we're home. We're waiting to hear what the wind
Speaker 1: is going to be. It just feels like there's so
Speaker 1: much unknown. And I thought canceling Aces by Mitzo would
Speaker 1: feel really sad, but it actually felt like a relief
Speaker 1: because it felt like I can now just focus on
Speaker 1: what's in front of me and my kids and making
Speaker 1: sure that Ace has a special birthday today. And you know,
Speaker 1: when Ace woke up this morning, he was like, where's
Speaker 1: my card? And I realized I in like I'd left
Speaker 1: it in OHI. So I left his card there because
Speaker 1: I had brought it there and then hit it and
Speaker 1: I left it there. So there are moments and I
Speaker 1: you know, we're all just doing the best we can
Speaker 1: and we are so lucky. But your mental state in
Speaker 1: these situations is so taxed, like you just feel like
Speaker 1: you're running on fumes. And so everyone keeps saying, well,
Speaker 1: you got to take care of yourself. You've got to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself, and I don't think I know
Speaker 1: how to do that unless everything around me is taken
Speaker 1: care of, and right now, everything around me isn't taken
Speaker 1: care of, so I don't know. I would be so
Speaker 1: interested to know how people in these kinds of situations
Speaker 1: take care of themselves because you can't really go outside,
Speaker 1: and that's usually what I would do, is go for
Speaker 1: a walk. But they're saying that the air is so
Speaker 1: toxic right now. You can't use you can't drink the water,
Speaker 1: you can't shower, you can't take a bath. So I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm trying to figure it out, and I'm
Speaker 1: figuring it out as I go, and I want to
Speaker 1: know how you guys are dealing with it, and how
Speaker 1: you guys are feeling, and how what the what the
Speaker 1: load feels like to you guys, because I don't know.
Speaker 1: As a mom, that is my that is my biggest weight,
Speaker 1: because if my kids are not happy, I'm not happy.
Speaker 1: They say, sometimes you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid.
Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly the thing, but for me, when
Speaker 1: my kids are struggling, it is really really difficult for
Speaker 1: me to feel balanced. And I think that that's such
Speaker 1: an important thing, is to keep your balance and keep
Speaker 1: your wits about you even when it feels like unsafe.
Speaker 1: Then I look at my friends who have lost You're
Speaker 1: only as happy as your least happy child. That is
Speaker 1: the saying, and that is how I feel at all times.
Speaker 1: But I look at my friends who've literally lost everything,
Speaker 1: and they're so we're all just like try. We're just
Speaker 1: laughing because like it's like what else are we going
Speaker 1: to do? So I get on the phone with them,
Speaker 1: they come here for dinner, we have a drink, and
Speaker 1: we just think about kind of like all these Actually,
Speaker 1: one of my friends, Dana, who lost her house in
Speaker 1: the Palisades, we were with her this weekend and she
Speaker 1: was saying that there were all these like signs, like
Speaker 1: all these little signs that she's seen since and before.
Speaker 1: And I was saying, like, I I'm having a hard
Speaker 1: time seeing the signs, like I'm having a hard time
Speaker 1: finding them. And I realized at that moment that I
Speaker 1: just had to like get out of my mind for
Speaker 1: a second, just like sort of like take a minute.
Speaker 1: And so I don't know, I just feel like these
Speaker 1: moments will They don't define us, but they will sort
Speaker 1: of pave the way for how we are going to
Speaker 1: handle things moving forward. And things are really tough, and
Speaker 1: if you can try and trust in the universe, which
Speaker 1: I know sounds insane, but a therapist told me once
Speaker 1: that the universe only says three things to you. Yes
Speaker 1: you can have it, Yes you can have it, but
Speaker 1: not right now, or I have something better for you.
Speaker 1: And I've never forgotten it. This was before I had
Speaker 1: even met Rob. I mean, this was years and years
Speaker 1: and years ago, probably twenty years ago, but I'll never
Speaker 1: forget it. And in these moments where you're so confused
Speaker 1: and you're like, how did this happen? Why did this happen?
Speaker 1: How can I make sense of it? I try to
Speaker 1: remind myself that there's something so much bigger than us,
Speaker 1: and I try to remind myself about the universe. And
Speaker 1: I don't know that's been a little bit more helpful.
Speaker 1: I was also given this prayer to say, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to say it right now, and you guys can
Speaker 1: tell me what you think. I work with this incredible
Speaker 1: heel and her name is Jackie, and I was talking
Speaker 1: to her last week and she said, ask for the
Speaker 1: miracles to shine through and lead the way to stop
Speaker 1: destruction and a night transformation for the highest and best
Speaker 1: good of all. And I know for me, I'm praying
Speaker 1: NonStop for the communities that have lost so much, for
Speaker 1: the families who've lost all of their homes in Altadena,
Speaker 1: which is in Pasadena, for the families and the Palisades,
Speaker 1: for the families all over who have just gone through
Speaker 1: probably one of the worst weeks of their lives. And
Speaker 1: I think to myself, how grateful we all should be
Speaker 1: to the first responders and these firefighters that literally risk
Speaker 1: their life to save ours. And I mean, we've been
Speaker 1: bringing them donuts from Christie Cream, but I don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: I just there's not enough words. There's not enough. Thinks
Speaker 1: there's not enough. And I and when I when I
Speaker 1: brought them food and stuff, they said, you know, you
Speaker 1: don't have to thank us. It's our job. And I
Speaker 1: just think that that's such a crazy thing because they
Speaker 1: were only safe because of them. So yes, it's their job,
Speaker 1: but it's also just that they put themselves before others.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's what I strive to do. I
Speaker 1: obviously don't want to be a firefighter. I would not
Speaker 1: save one house I would run in the other direction,
Speaker 1: but just the whole like ethos of like what it
Speaker 1: means to be a first responder is something that I
Speaker 1: wanted to teach my kids and that I I wish
Speaker 1: for all of us that we were more like because
Speaker 1: it's those people, it's those human beings that that make
Speaker 1: the world a better place. I mean that sounds so
Speaker 1: chack U I'm not, mister Rogers, but just so we're
Speaker 1: thinking about it, you know, these people that put their
Speaker 1: life on the line and to protect ours. I just
Speaker 1: there's not enough thank yous in the world. And my
Speaker 1: parents have not been home in over a week, and
Speaker 1: I think about, like I haven't really seen them, and
Speaker 1: we've all just sort of been disconnected because we're all
Speaker 1: over the place in different parts of the city. Some
Speaker 1: of us are leaving LA And how much I miss that,
Speaker 1: Like how much I just miss being with my parents.
Speaker 1: My parents' house is like where I go to do everything.
Speaker 1: I mean, we have dinners there, we hang out there,
Speaker 1: we watch movies there, we drop our kids there, and
Speaker 1: I just how much I missed that. When I was
Speaker 1: seven years old, there was a huge earthquake in Los
Speaker 1: Angeles and it was the most terrifying experience of my
Speaker 1: entire life. And I don't know, it shook me because
Speaker 1: I realized that things could happen that you don't know about.
Speaker 1: You know, earthquakes. You can't predict earthquakes, you can't predict fires,
Speaker 1: you can't predict these things. And I felt so completely
Speaker 1: out of control and it was so devastating. I remember
Speaker 1: somebody had told me that you couldn't feel an earthquake
Speaker 1: if you were underneath if you were driving in a car.
Speaker 1: So I would literally just beg my dad to drive
Speaker 1: me around in a car. I would stay underneath a
Speaker 1: table all day. I was just terrified. It was just
Speaker 1: so horrible, and I think about, you know, during this time,
Speaker 1: what I wanted for my kids and what I wanted
Speaker 1: them to feel, and I just wanted them to feel safe,
Speaker 1: and no matter how scared I was, and I was terrified,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I think I'm sure every single person in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles was terrified because at one point there was
Speaker 1: a fire burning in West Hollywood at Runyon Canyon, a
Speaker 1: fire burning in the Palisades, and we're right in the middle,
Speaker 1: and we were trying to decide if we should go east,
Speaker 1: if we should go west, Like if we should go south,
Speaker 1: where should we go? Because it just like there fires
Speaker 1: were everywhere. And so I'm really grateful for my husband
Speaker 1: because I am anxious and I am reactive and sometimes
Speaker 1: I get like hysterical, and he really really grounds me.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have that, like I
Speaker 1: feel like in a relationship there's you know, often like
Speaker 1: one person that's like super emotional, really like high intensity
Speaker 1: in one person that's sort of like the grounding, calming person.
Speaker 1: And Rob is that for me? And I wanted my
Speaker 1: kids because I remembered that feeling at that earthquake. It
Speaker 1: just shook my whole world and made me feel so
Speaker 1: much anxiety, and I don't think I ever knew what
Speaker 1: anxiety was like before that, and the sense of like
Speaker 1: feeling out of control and wanting control so badly. And
Speaker 1: so I really was very very careful this time to
Speaker 1: make sure that my kids that I wasn't hiding anything
Speaker 1: from my kids, that they knew what was going on,
Speaker 1: that they knew that friends, some of their friends lost
Speaker 1: their homes, that they were proactive and participants in helping
Speaker 1: those friends, and that yeah, we got to pack up,
Speaker 1: We got to go. You know, it's time for us
Speaker 1: to leave our house. But we're together. And you know,
Speaker 1: there was nights when I didn't know what we were
Speaker 1: going to do. I wasn't sure if we were going
Speaker 1: to leave or we're going to stay. And they kept saying,
Speaker 1: what are we going to do? What are we going
Speaker 1: to do? What are we going to do? And I
Speaker 1: just said, you know what, Daddy and I are going
Speaker 1: to be the deciders. We are. The reason it's taking
Speaker 1: this much time is because we're deciding what is best
Speaker 1: for us as a family in order for us to
Speaker 1: be completely safe. And so and when I would get
Speaker 1: you know, a little bit, my voice would get like
Speaker 1: a little higher, you know, like that anxious voice. I'm
Speaker 1: sure we all have a version of it. Rob would
Speaker 1: just say, like, take a breath, take a breath. We're
Speaker 1: not gonna you know, we're not gonna We're not going
Speaker 1: to go in this sort of spiral and then make
Speaker 1: our kids feel And so he reminded me a lot
Speaker 1: of how to just take it down and not run
Speaker 1: around my house, you know. And I know that I
Speaker 1: obviously had the luxury those families and the palisades and
Speaker 1: those families in Altadena had moments before a fire came
Speaker 1: whirring through their neighborhoods, and I had time to pack
Speaker 1: everything up and you know, really be deliberate about what
Speaker 1: I was taking. And so I know how lucky that is,
Speaker 1: but I also know how scary that felt for my kids.
Speaker 1: And so I'm so grateful that I have a partner
Speaker 1: who is able to sort of stay calm in these situations,
Speaker 1: even if it's annoying to me in the moment I'm like,
Speaker 1: where is Like why aren't you aked? You know, like,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I'm able to have that partner, And
Speaker 1: I wanted my kids to feel more of a sense
Speaker 1: of agency, control and safety than I felt in those moments.
Speaker 1: So I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks,
Speaker 1: getting some normalcy back, thinking about more ways that I
Speaker 1: can help all the families that don't have the same luxury.
Speaker 1: And also I want to say something else. So many
Speaker 1: of my friends who lost their homes have been looking
Speaker 1: for apartments to rent, houses to rent, and they have
Speaker 1: literally like gone to places where it's listed at one
Speaker 1: price and then they go to see the house and
Speaker 1: it's doubled in price because people are just taking advantage
Speaker 1: of others in this situation, which I think is illegal,
Speaker 1: first of all, and also so inhumane. Like I don't
Speaker 1: know what else to say. I think it's the most
Speaker 1: insane thing I've ever heard, So I don't know. I
Speaker 1: hope that we can just all look out for one
Speaker 1: another and be grateful for one another and protect one another.
Speaker 1: And I know that that sounds insane because it's twenty
Speaker 1: twenty five and people are so focused inward, but that's
Speaker 1: my goal. When I wake up in the morning and
Speaker 1: I think about how I want my kids to be,
Speaker 1: I don't care if they get straight a's. I mean,
Speaker 1: I obviously want them to be smart, and I want
Speaker 1: them to learn how to read, and I want them
Speaker 1: to do whatever it is they want to do. But
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, all I want is
Speaker 1: for them to be good people who think about others.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying you have to be a martyr
Speaker 1: and think about everyone else first, but I'm just saying
Speaker 1: it's important to have a worldview and not just look
Speaker 1: at what you want what you need. And I feel
Speaker 1: like if we can do that, then we can get
Speaker 1: through it. And I think that that's the biggest lesson
Speaker 1: is like, these last few months have been really scary
Speaker 1: with my mom and some other personal stuff, and then
Speaker 1: this huge disaster in our community. And I think what
Speaker 1: you realize in these moments is that even though it
Speaker 1: feels impossible every day that you are waking up and
Speaker 1: getting through the day and doing one thing for others
Speaker 1: and doing something for yourself and making sure that your
Speaker 1: kids are safe and happy, and you're doing it. Like
Speaker 1: the scariest thing is not knowing if you'll be able
Speaker 1: to handle any of these things. And then you wake
Speaker 1: up a week later and you've gotten through the week,
Speaker 1: so you've handled it. Even if you've cried ten times,
Speaker 1: even if you've had many, many, many tequila sodas through
Speaker 1: the evening, You've done it. And I think that that
Speaker 1: is such a oh. And then also my car broke down,
Speaker 1: so I have no car. I forgot about that. Even so,
Speaker 1: it's just been a time. One thing I wish that
Speaker 1: I had done differently during this time is like I've
Speaker 1: been glued to my phone and all these different apps,
Speaker 1: like there's an amazing one, but I am so confused
Speaker 1: by them that I can't really read it or checking
Speaker 1: or and it's like I just I feel like I
Speaker 1: get caught in a vortex of like information and it
Speaker 1: feels so confusing because you never know what is right,
Speaker 1: is what is accurate, and that's been really tough. So
Speaker 1: finding like one source that you really trust instead of
Speaker 1: going down a rabbit hole with all these different sources,
Speaker 1: I think would be something that I would really focus
Speaker 1: on next time, because I don't know, I just you
Speaker 1: get so anxious and it's not really Some of it
Speaker 1: you realize isn't real, and some of it is very real,
Speaker 1: but deciphering between the two can be really tough. So
Speaker 1: that's something that I really want to take with me
Speaker 1: and hopefully remember for next time. I decided I would
Speaker 1: just get on here and talk as a human being,
Speaker 1: as a mom, as a wife. My husband, as I said,
Speaker 1: is in construction, so he has been going around to
Speaker 1: all the houses that he's worked on that have been
Speaker 1: in danger. He's been taking things out for families who
Speaker 1: have evacuated, gone into their houses, you know, and made
Speaker 1: sure that things that they family heirlooms they had were
Speaker 1: safe if they'd already left town. He's been working around
Speaker 1: the clock. My kids went back to school today. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm just praying that next week and this
Speaker 1: week brings more light and happiness, and I want everyone
Speaker 1: to be safe and I, I don't know, it's been
Speaker 1: a really heavy week and I am thankful for anyone
Speaker 1: that is listening. And if I can help in any way,
Speaker 1: DM me at What in the Winkler and I will
Speaker 1: be posting different ways that you can help and volunteer
Speaker 1: if you're in Los Angeles, and I would love to
Speaker 1: hear how you guys are doing. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining me on another episode of What in the
Speaker 1: Winkler and I will talk to you guys next week