WEBVTT - Mama's On The Mend 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:11.360 You are listening to What in the Winkler and iHeartRadio podcast. Hi, 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:14.160 welcome back to another episode of What in the Winkler. 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:17.880 It is a little bit of a different format today 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:22.080 because I'm by myself, and I am in the middle 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:26.759 of LA. I am born and raised in LA and 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:30.400 I love this city very, very very much, which is 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.479 why I've never left. And we are in the middle 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:39.000 of a complete and total disaster. For those of you 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:41.040 that don't know, but I'm sure most of you do, 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:46.239 there were many, many, many different wildfires going at the 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:50.680 same time here in La last week, and our city 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:53.440 has not yet recovered. There are still fire warnings, there 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:59.840 are still evacuations. And I decided today that I would 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:04.280 just talk to you guys and tell you a little 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:09.920 bit about what my experience has been like. And it's 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:14.360 also my son's birthday today, and so us moms, while 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:18.399 we are in the middle of like insanity, have to 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.679 still make magic for our kids. And it's such a 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:26.280 beautiful thing. And I'm so thankful, and also I'm beyond stressed. 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:30.840 His bar Mitzvah was supposed to be on Saturday. That 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:34.760 has been postponed till February. There's a lot of moving parts. 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.759 My parents are evacuated. They've been evacuated since last Tuesday, 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:44.480 so they've been in a hotel for a week. A 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:46.960 lot of you guys have been asking where my mom is, 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:50.600 and so I wanted to explain that as well. So 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:54.520 we'll just have a conversation, a conversation I guess with myself, 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:57.080 but I'm just going to tell you guys a little 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:01.760 bit about where I'm at and what's happening here. So 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:06.720 to start with my mom. My mom, right after we 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.359 started recording episodes of What in the Winkler, my mom 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:13.280 got an infection. She's gonna be totally fine. I just 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:16.040 want to preface that she's going to make a full recovery. 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:21.079 But she got an infection that in fact went septic, 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:27.680 and so she's been on ivy antibiotics and she was 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:30.720 in the hospital, and so that has been a tremendous 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:35.000 strain on me and my family and obviously her way 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:38.440 worse for her, but for us and those that love her. 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:44.840 It has been a really emotional time basically since the 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:49.840 week of November fifteenth, so it's been quite a while, 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.720 and every day she's getting stronger and better now and 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:56.480 so I'm really really grateful, but that is why she 0:02:56.560 --> 0:03:01.480 has not been joining me on the podcast. And so 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.080 when we signed up to do this podcast with iHeart, 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:06.840 who have been so incredible to us, it was supposed 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:10.240 to be a mother daughter back and forth and that 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:13.880 we had to pivot. And so I really appreciate everyone 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:19.959 that has listened still and just been so supportive because 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:24.520 I'm learning as I go and I'm really loving it, 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:28.440 but I'm missing my mom. So that's the first part 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.960 that has been a huge weight in my life for 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:36.080 the last couple months, because my mom is an extremely 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:39.360 important part of my life and it was really scary 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:43.200 for a minute, and I'm really grateful to now be 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:46.240 able to say that she is making a full recovery. 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:50.320 So right after that, she got out of the hospital 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:57.520 in January first, and about I don't know, like I 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.120 can't I don't even know what day it is. But 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:04.600 basically last week the fires started here in Los Angeles. 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:09.520 They were evacuated. We were we were not evacuated. We 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:12.720 were just we live like a mile from my parents, 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:16.360 but we're on this the edge of the evacuation, and 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:21.279 it started to get extremely windy and scary and I've 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:22.919 talked about it before on here that I have some 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:26.640 pretty anxious kids and I'm very clear on where to 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:33.400 get it from me. And we lost power and the 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:39.600 fire was so quick it was it was Honestly, I 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:41.640 live in LA I've lived here my whole life. I'm 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.520 forty four years old. There's always been fires. We've had 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.559 to evacuate one time before, when Ace, who's now thirteen today, 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:50.800 was in kindergarten. But I've never seen anything like this, 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:58.240 And so the rate at which it was moving and 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:00.719 growing and all the things made up feel like this 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.480 was different, and so we packed up all our stuff. 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:08.960 I really slowly packed up my stuff as my children 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:12.680 were watching a show on TV. I really didn't want 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:18.159 to make them worried, and I honestly didn't know how 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:19.760 bad it was going to get. I just knew that 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.800 we had to leave our house. So I packed. They 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:28.279 packed well, I packed for them, actually, and I started 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.120 to just like put in a bag their birth certificates, 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:36.080 my passports, my jewelry, my husband made me a book 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:40.920 for my fortieth birthday, my wedding album, just like some things. 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.440 I started putting it together, even though I felt like 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:46.880 this was going to be crazy and I was being 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:51.160 over dramatic about it. I just felt like this, this 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:53.680 felt different this time. And my kids were kept asking 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:55.239 me like, why are you packing? Why are you packing? 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:57.039 And I said, you know what, just in case we 0:05:57.120 --> 0:06:01.960 lose power, I just want to get everything together, were safe, 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:05.240 you know. I really kept trying to reassure them. And 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:10.400 also when you have young kids, the news is so scary, 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:13.400 but you're trying to get information. You don't know what's happening, 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:16.320 so you're trying to watch the news, but they're coming 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:19.600 in and out, and it just felt like very stressful. 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:23.200 I was able to pack everything, you know, two nights 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:25.359 worth of clothing for each kid. I put it in 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.760 a packing cube, and then for myself and for my husband. 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:33.239 And as soon as I was done packing, we lost 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.960 power and it was insanely windy. It felt like Wizard 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.279 of Oz literally, like I mean, there were things like 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:42.000 blowing around. It was just different. So we left and 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:43.840 we went to my sister in law's house. I live 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:45.839 in Brentwood. She lives in mar Vista, and it was 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:52.800 farther way, farther away from the Palisades fire, so we 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:57.880 went there. We spent the night there and it was 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.000 super cozy. Gus and I slept on a blow out 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:05.200 mattress in the living room. My husband and the other 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.800 two kids slept in one of my sister in law's 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.040 kids room on a bed and a blow up mattress also, 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.160 And in the morning we started getting we woke up, 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:14.600 and we tried to make it as fun for the 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:19.880 kids as possible, Like I have this crazy, hateful relationship 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.920 with iPads, and the kids got their iPads, which was 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:27.680 like the first clue that something was really dark. And 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:31.040 so all the cousins are together and we're having breakfast 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:35.160 and Aces making pancakes, and Arthur, my brother in law's 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:37.680 making coffee, and we're just we're all talking, and we 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:41.560 start getting texts from all of our friends who had 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:47.040 lost their homes, lost everything and weren't given ample time 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:49.320 to evacuate. They didn't have the luxury that I had 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:53.560 to slowly kind of decide what I wanted to take, 0:07:53.720 --> 0:08:01.440 pack things, get my passports, get my kids, you know, valuables, 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:05.000 and they didn't have that time in the Palisades. And 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:09.440 so I would say we have about twelve friends who've 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.600 lost their homes, probably more at this point but we 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:14.560 started hearing about it in the morning, and that's when 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:21.640 we kind of knew that this was different. I think 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:29.680 the most amazing thing is to be thankful that you 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:34.160 know that these people, our friends, are all alive, even 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:36.720 though they've lost, you know, homes. And it's not really 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:44.360 about the material things. It's about the memories, the things 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:47.920 that you can't just sort of like get again. A 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:52.920 child's painting, a child's favorite blanky, things like that I 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:59.600 think have been the most upsetting I think for them. 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.720 I can't speak for them because I'm so lucky that 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:07.640 I have my home. But one thing I noticed is 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:11.320 that as a community, we came together really really quickly. 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:13.040 I don't know if you guys know this because I 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:14.840 haven't really talked much about it, but I have a 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:18.079 nonprofit called This Is About Humanity. We raise money and 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:21.040 awareness for the families that had been separated at the border, 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:28.400 and it is a completely We are not political in 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:31.680 any way. We are not affiliated with either party. We 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:37.520 are just moms who felt like children were not being 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:42.200 taken into account and we wanted to make sure that 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:49.439 we were keeping these families safe and right away. The 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.960 best thing I know how to do when there's an 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:59.080 emergency is help. And so my partner and I, in 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:02.960 twenty four hours, came up with a matching grant for 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:06.719 fifty thousand dollars for families that had been affected by 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:10.400 the fires and for all of the farm workers who 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.160 we live in California, so that's a huge part of 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:23.840 the agricultural system here. And I started putting together families 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.040 who had lost things with families that had things to offer, 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:28.960 trying to go through all of my kids things. My 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:33.400 son Jules said to me his best friend lost his house, 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:35.640 two of them actually, and he said, you know, I 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.679 really want to give them baseball cards, and none of 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:41.040 the or basketball cards, and none of the stores were open, 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:43.280 so he went through his own basketball cards and gave 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:49.800 them to his friends. This has been truly I've never 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:55.000 seen a huge city like this, just especially like an 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:58.400 entire community just wiped off the map in this way 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:04.600 from fire. It's been an adjustment, and we are being 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:09.440 super flexible with all of our plans and movements and 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:11.320 just trying because we do have our house and we 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:13.840 can be back in it now, having families that have 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:18.480 lost their homes come over have dinner. We don't have 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:23.040 any extra bedrooms, but everyone's been welcome to stay. When 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.520 we came back after being at my sister in law's house, 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.800 my older son Ace said, I want to pack my 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:31.840 own bag. I want to, you know, put some stuff 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:37.679 in it. And you know, he was his bar Mitzvah 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:41.760 outfit was what he packed because we'd gotten it months ago, 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:45.240 and he was very excited. And Barmitzvah is a big deal. 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:48.120 It's when in the Jewish tradition, it's when you turn 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:50.640 thirteen and you read from the Torah, and it's a 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:55.160 big celebration. And in the Jewish tradition, it does they 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:59.439 encourage you to go on and still celebrate the amazing 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:03.760 celebrations that even happen in times of devastation. And I 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.400 spoke to the Rabbi a lot, but we made the 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:11.040 decision as a family that we wanted to postpone it. 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:13.920 And I was really worried about how Ace would take it, 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:16.640 just because he's worked he's been working on this for 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.160 a year and it's a big party. It's like a wedding, 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:25.000 it's wild. And he said, let's postpone it, Mom, because 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.120 I want all my friends to be there and I 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:29.760 want my friends to be able to have fun, and 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:33.800 right now it just feels so heavy. And I was 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:36.440 impressed by him and by his choices, and I was 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:42.560 also relieved because we have so much going on right 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.959 now in our lives and our family. My older brother, 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:51.000 he was evacuated on the first day of the fires. 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:55.720 He lives exactly where they started. He thought his house 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:57.800 was gone for days. He just found out that it's 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.839 still standing, which is a miracle and INCREDI He's been 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:04.839 in a hotel with my parents. There's just been my 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:09.760 Margaret Whitesman, who we've talked about a ton. She lost 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.800 her house. She's my brother's stepmom, my mom's best friend. 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:16.080 She had just rebuilt her house after a new house 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:18.640 after her husband had passed away. She started a brand 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:32.200 new chapter. That house is gone. When we went to 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:36.199 my sister in law's house for the first night of 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:40.640 the evacuation, Gus was really really scared. He was so scared. 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:44.839 He's seven and he's never had a sleepover before, so 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:48.280 he was like, we are evacuated. This is my first sleepover. 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.160 My first sleepover is an evacuation. And he was not 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:53.679 having it. He was not pleased. He was like em 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:57.000 we're sleeping on a couch. But I finally calmed him 0:13:57.040 --> 0:14:01.920 down and we made it. We've tried. I think this 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.720 is the thing about parents, is like you try to 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:09.440 even when you're going through something really really hard and scary, 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:12.640 you are your main focus is your children and making 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:18.480 sure that they are okay. And so that's what we did. Oh. Also, 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.360 by the way, when we went to my sister in laws, 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:23.720 it was the five of us and our two dogs. 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.160 So and I kept saying to my sister in law, 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:28.360 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, And she kept saying to me, 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.720 are you like this is crazy? This is what we're 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:32.680 here for, Like this is how it's meant to be. 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:37.480 We're this is you know. And and I just I 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:41.480 am impressed with how I mean, obviously, my sister in 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:43.960 law and I are super close and I love her. 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:47.680 This is Rob's youngest sister. But just like our community, 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:51.800 how everyone has really reached out to help, I think 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:56.080 that that's been an incredible right light in such a 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:04.200 depressing time. And I think I don't know. I was 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:09.560 thinking about our kids and how our kids had COVID, 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:15.400 and at no point am I not aware of how 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:20.200 lucky my family is and that during COVID, my husband 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.400 still had a job and his business. He's in construction. 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:28.520 It was deemed I can't even think of the word, 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:33.640 but it was his oh essential his So during COVID, 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:38.000 my husband's job was deemed essential, and so he was 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:39.960 at work every day. I was home with the kids. 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:44.760 We had a home, We had all the comfort that 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:47.160 we needed, even though it was really hard, but that 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.200 was still I mean for kids to just sort of 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:52.840 like have no kids to hang out with, and to 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:54.840 not be able to see your family, all that kind 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:58.720 of stuff, that was really hard, and that is something 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:02.760 that they've dealt with. And now school, and I think 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:04.600 about how lucky we are that we have our home, 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.800 we have our school. Our school went back to school 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:15.280 yesterday on Monday, which is insane an incredible, and I'm 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.480 so grateful. And I think about all the kids who 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:21.760 lost their homes and their schools and what I can 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:25.240 do for them. I'm working right now with a couple 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:29.240 brands on setting up kind of like a store, a 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:33.480 store that you go into and shop for fire victims, 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.640 but obviously you don't pay. It's just so that you 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:39.920 don't feel like you're just getting like donations handed at you. 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:42.360 You have agency over what it is that you're picking out, 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:45.920 and I'll and I'll post all the all the amazing 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:50.040 opportunities to help because so many of you guys have 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:54.280 reached out who aren't even in LA which has been 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:59.680 so incredible. But I think it feels like there's just 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:03.000 been a lot going on in our world in the 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:05.399 last five years, and we've all had sort of like 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:10.320 these wake up calls of what's important. And I think 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:15.560 I know, and especially with the last couple months of 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:20.520 my mom being sick, family is the most important thing. 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:25.520 And wherever we are is where I feel the most 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:29.360 comfortable and safe. And it was one of my best 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:31.480 friend's birthdays this weekend and we were going to do 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:36.720 an adult trip to Ohi and at the end everybody 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:38.879 was evacuated. So she was like, I'm still going to 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.320 go to Ohi. Whoever wants to come, bring your kids, 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:44.119 And so we were able to spend the weekend in 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:49.320 Ohi with a bunch of my friends and my kids 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:55.439 friends and I looked around and there were you know, 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:58.160 kids who had lost their homes, kids who literally had 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.600 no clothes but the clothes on their back, Moms and 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:05.080 dads sitting trying to figure out, you know, what their 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:10.000 next step would be while the kids were playing football 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:15.760 on the lawn. Just like and I just realized that community, 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:20.399 on top of your own family, community is just so 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:23.840 important and you're only as you know, your community is 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:26.520 only as good as you make it. And so how 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:29.600 can we be better members of our community? How can 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:33.119 we be the best members of our community. It's a 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:36.680 lot to balance all of these things at the same time. 0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:42.480 You know, I'm a mom, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:51.520 I'm a wife, I have a business. I am in 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.879 over my head at the moment, and I cry a 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:58.240 lot just when I get overwhelmed. I just will cry. 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:02.640 And my friends and my husband and everybody is just 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:06.000 like we're all just getting through it and we're all 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:09.480 doing our very best. I will say, like I've talked 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:11.840 about this a million times, but I am an extremely 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:14.439 anxious person, and fire was just like never on my 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.320 radar before, and now that will be like number one fear. 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:23.159 But I think the feeling of being displaced is so 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:29.320 unnerving because, like, you know, I packed all these bags, 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:31.240 we started at my sister in laws, came home for 0:19:31.240 --> 0:19:34.200 two nights. Went to a friend's house who had already 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:39.000 evacuated to Palm Springs. She lives in Hancock Park. Went 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:40.760 to her house for a night and it was so 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.200 cozy and amazing. Went to Oh Hi for two nights. 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:45.280 Now we're home. We're waiting to hear what the wind 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:48.080 is going to be. It just feels like there's so 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:53.120 much unknown. And I thought canceling Aces by Mitzo would 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:58.600 feel really sad, but it actually felt like a relief 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:02.000 because it felt like I can now just focus on 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:07.359 what's in front of me and my kids and making 0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:12.679 sure that Ace has a special birthday today. And you know, 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:15.560 when Ace woke up this morning, he was like, where's 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:20.120 my card? And I realized I in like I'd left 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:23.040 it in OHI. So I left his card there because 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.000 I had brought it there and then hit it and 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:28.800 I left it there. So there are moments and I 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:31.760 you know, we're all just doing the best we can 0:20:32.119 --> 0:20:38.639 and we are so lucky. But your mental state in 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:44.440 these situations is so taxed, like you just feel like 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:47.159 you're running on fumes. And so everyone keeps saying, well, 0:20:47.160 --> 0:20:48.440 you got to take care of yourself. You've got to 0:20:48.480 --> 0:20:50.480 take care of yourself, and I don't think I know 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:53.119 how to do that unless everything around me is taken 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:55.919 care of, and right now, everything around me isn't taken 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:59.879 care of, so I don't know. I would be so 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:02.760 interested to know how people in these kinds of situations 0:21:02.800 --> 0:21:05.960 take care of themselves because you can't really go outside, 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:07.960 and that's usually what I would do, is go for 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:11.320 a walk. But they're saying that the air is so 0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:14.120 toxic right now. You can't use you can't drink the water, 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:19.679 you can't shower, you can't take a bath. So I 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:21.760 don't know. I'm trying to figure it out, and I'm 0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:26.000 figuring it out as I go, and I want to 0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:27.679 know how you guys are dealing with it, and how 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:32.160 you guys are feeling, and how what the what the 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:35.600 load feels like to you guys, because I don't know. 0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:41.720 As a mom, that is my that is my biggest weight, 0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:48.159 because if my kids are not happy, I'm not happy. 0:21:48.000 --> 0:21:54.120 They say, sometimes you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid. 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:59.000 I can't remember exactly the thing, but for me, when 0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:02.320 my kids are struggling, it is really really difficult for 0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:05.440 me to feel balanced. And I think that that's such 0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:07.960 an important thing, is to keep your balance and keep 0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:15.520 your wits about you even when it feels like unsafe. 0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:19.200 Then I look at my friends who have lost You're 0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:22.119 only as happy as your least happy child. That is 0:22:22.160 --> 0:22:25.840 the saying, and that is how I feel at all times. 0:22:27.720 --> 0:22:31.959 But I look at my friends who've literally lost everything, 0:22:33.200 --> 0:22:39.119 and they're so we're all just like try. We're just 0:22:39.200 --> 0:22:41.000 laughing because like it's like what else are we going 0:22:41.080 --> 0:22:46.280 to do? So I get on the phone with them, 0:22:46.359 --> 0:22:49.120 they come here for dinner, we have a drink, and 0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:57.879 we just think about kind of like all these Actually, 0:22:57.960 --> 0:23:01.720 one of my friends, Dana, who lost her house in 0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:04.119 the Palisades, we were with her this weekend and she 0:23:04.240 --> 0:23:06.720 was saying that there were all these like signs, like 0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:09.760 all these little signs that she's seen since and before. 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:14.640 And I was saying, like, I I'm having a hard 0:23:14.680 --> 0:23:17.160 time seeing the signs, like I'm having a hard time 0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:22.720 finding them. And I realized at that moment that I 0:23:22.800 --> 0:23:27.000 just had to like get out of my mind for 0:23:27.040 --> 0:23:32.560 a second, just like sort of like take a minute. 0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:37.560 And so I don't know, I just feel like these 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:45.399 moments will They don't define us, but they will sort 0:23:45.400 --> 0:23:48.960 of pave the way for how we are going to 0:23:49.000 --> 0:23:52.840 handle things moving forward. And things are really tough, and 0:23:53.000 --> 0:24:01.160 if you can try and trust in the universe, which 0:24:01.160 --> 0:24:03.840 I know sounds insane, but a therapist told me once 0:24:03.840 --> 0:24:07.359 that the universe only says three things to you. Yes 0:24:07.440 --> 0:24:09.560 you can have it, Yes you can have it, but 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:11.960 not right now, or I have something better for you. 0:24:12.520 --> 0:24:15.679 And I've never forgotten it. This was before I had 0:24:15.680 --> 0:24:17.440 even met Rob. I mean, this was years and years 0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:19.960 and years ago, probably twenty years ago, but I'll never 0:24:20.000 --> 0:24:23.879 forget it. And in these moments where you're so confused 0:24:24.000 --> 0:24:27.680 and you're like, how did this happen? Why did this happen? 0:24:28.640 --> 0:24:31.280 How can I make sense of it? I try to 0:24:31.320 --> 0:24:34.640 remind myself that there's something so much bigger than us, 0:24:34.720 --> 0:24:38.919 and I try to remind myself about the universe. And 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:41.119 I don't know that's been a little bit more helpful. 0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:44.680 I was also given this prayer to say, and I'm 0:24:44.720 --> 0:24:46.760 going to say it right now, and you guys can 0:24:46.760 --> 0:24:59.720 tell me what you think. I work with this incredible 0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:03.000 heel and her name is Jackie, and I was talking 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:05.560 to her last week and she said, ask for the 0:25:05.560 --> 0:25:07.960 miracles to shine through and lead the way to stop 0:25:08.000 --> 0:25:11.320 destruction and a night transformation for the highest and best 0:25:11.359 --> 0:25:15.439 good of all. And I know for me, I'm praying 0:25:15.560 --> 0:25:19.239 NonStop for the communities that have lost so much, for 0:25:19.320 --> 0:25:22.800 the families who've lost all of their homes in Altadena, 0:25:23.200 --> 0:25:26.680 which is in Pasadena, for the families and the Palisades, 0:25:27.080 --> 0:25:33.440 for the families all over who have just gone through 0:25:34.800 --> 0:25:37.080 probably one of the worst weeks of their lives. And 0:25:37.119 --> 0:25:43.120 I think to myself, how grateful we all should be 0:25:43.280 --> 0:25:48.480 to the first responders and these firefighters that literally risk 0:25:48.600 --> 0:25:58.320 their life to save ours. And I mean, we've been 0:25:58.320 --> 0:26:01.120 bringing them donuts from Christie Cream, but I don't. I mean, 0:26:01.160 --> 0:26:04.520 I just there's not enough words. There's not enough. Thinks 0:26:04.600 --> 0:26:08.080 there's not enough. And I and when I when I 0:26:08.119 --> 0:26:10.800 brought them food and stuff, they said, you know, you 0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:12.679 don't have to thank us. It's our job. And I 0:26:12.760 --> 0:26:17.040 just think that that's such a crazy thing because they 0:26:17.440 --> 0:26:21.280 were only safe because of them. So yes, it's their job, 0:26:21.320 --> 0:26:28.000 but it's also just that they put themselves before others. 0:26:28.359 --> 0:26:31.359 I don't know, it's what I strive to do. I 0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:33.600