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Speaker 1: You are listening to What in the Winkler and iHeartRadio podcast. Hi,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of What in the Winkler.

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Speaker 1: It is a little bit of a different format today

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Speaker 1: because I'm by myself, and I am in the middle

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Speaker 1: of LA. I am born and raised in LA and

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Speaker 1: I love this city very, very very much, which is

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Speaker 1: why I've never left. And we are in the middle

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Speaker 1: of a complete and total disaster. For those of you

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Speaker 1: that don't know, but I'm sure most of you do,

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Speaker 1: there were many, many, many different wildfires going at the

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Speaker 1: same time here in La last week, and our city

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Speaker 1: has not yet recovered. There are still fire warnings, there

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Speaker 1: are still evacuations. And I decided today that I would

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Speaker 1: just talk to you guys and tell you a little

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Speaker 1: bit about what my experience has been like. And it's

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Speaker 1: also my son's birthday today, and so us moms, while

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Speaker 1: we are in the middle of like insanity, have to

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Speaker 1: still make magic for our kids. And it's such a

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Speaker 1: beautiful thing. And I'm so thankful, and also I'm beyond stressed.

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Speaker 1: His bar Mitzvah was supposed to be on Saturday. That

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Speaker 1: has been postponed till February. There's a lot of moving parts.

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Speaker 1: My parents are evacuated. They've been evacuated since last Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: so they've been in a hotel for a week. A

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Speaker 1: lot of you guys have been asking where my mom is,

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Speaker 1: and so I wanted to explain that as well. So

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Speaker 1: we'll just have a conversation, a conversation I guess with myself,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just going to tell you guys a little

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Speaker 1: bit about where I'm at and what's happening here. So

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Speaker 1: to start with my mom. My mom, right after we

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Speaker 1: started recording episodes of What in the Winkler, my mom

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Speaker 1: got an infection. She's gonna be totally fine. I just

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Speaker 1: want to preface that she's going to make a full recovery.

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Speaker 1: But she got an infection that in fact went septic,

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Speaker 1: and so she's been on ivy antibiotics and she was

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Speaker 1: in the hospital, and so that has been a tremendous

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Speaker 1: strain on me and my family and obviously her way

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Speaker 1: worse for her, but for us and those that love her.

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Speaker 1: It has been a really emotional time basically since the

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Speaker 1: week of November fifteenth, so it's been quite a while,

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Speaker 1: and every day she's getting stronger and better now and

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Speaker 1: so I'm really really grateful, but that is why she

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Speaker 1: has not been joining me on the podcast. And so

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Speaker 1: when we signed up to do this podcast with iHeart,

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Speaker 1: who have been so incredible to us, it was supposed

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Speaker 1: to be a mother daughter back and forth and that

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Speaker 1: we had to pivot. And so I really appreciate everyone

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Speaker 1: that has listened still and just been so supportive because

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Speaker 1: I'm learning as I go and I'm really loving it,

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Speaker 1: but I'm missing my mom. So that's the first part

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Speaker 1: that has been a huge weight in my life for

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Speaker 1: the last couple months, because my mom is an extremely

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Speaker 1: important part of my life and it was really scary

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Speaker 1: for a minute, and I'm really grateful to now be

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Speaker 1: able to say that she is making a full recovery.

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Speaker 1: So right after that, she got out of the hospital

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Speaker 1: in January first, and about I don't know, like I

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Speaker 1: can't I don't even know what day it is. But

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Speaker 1: basically last week the fires started here in Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: They were evacuated. We were we were not evacuated. We

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Speaker 1: were just we live like a mile from my parents,

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Speaker 1: but we're on this the edge of the evacuation, and

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Speaker 1: it started to get extremely windy and scary and I've

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Speaker 1: talked about it before on here that I have some

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Speaker 1: pretty anxious kids and I'm very clear on where to

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Speaker 1: get it from me. And we lost power and the

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Speaker 1: fire was so quick it was it was Honestly, I

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Speaker 1: live in LA I've lived here my whole life. I'm

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Speaker 1: forty four years old. There's always been fires. We've had

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Speaker 1: to evacuate one time before, when Ace, who's now thirteen today,

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Speaker 1: was in kindergarten. But I've never seen anything like this,

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Speaker 1: And so the rate at which it was moving and

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Speaker 1: growing and all the things made up feel like this

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Speaker 1: was different, and so we packed up all our stuff.

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Speaker 1: I really slowly packed up my stuff as my children

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Speaker 1: were watching a show on TV. I really didn't want

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Speaker 1: to make them worried, and I honestly didn't know how

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Speaker 1: bad it was going to get. I just knew that

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Speaker 1: we had to leave our house. So I packed. They

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Speaker 1: packed well, I packed for them, actually, and I started

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Speaker 1: to just like put in a bag their birth certificates,

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Speaker 1: my passports, my jewelry, my husband made me a book

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Speaker 1: for my fortieth birthday, my wedding album, just like some things.

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Speaker 1: I started putting it together, even though I felt like

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Speaker 1: this was going to be crazy and I was being

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Speaker 1: over dramatic about it. I just felt like this, this

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Speaker 1: felt different this time. And my kids were kept asking

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Speaker 1: me like, why are you packing? Why are you packing?

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Speaker 1: And I said, you know what, just in case we

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Speaker 1: lose power, I just want to get everything together, were safe,

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Speaker 1: you know. I really kept trying to reassure them. And

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Speaker 1: also when you have young kids, the news is so scary,

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Speaker 1: but you're trying to get information. You don't know what's happening,

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Speaker 1: so you're trying to watch the news, but they're coming

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Speaker 1: in and out, and it just felt like very stressful.

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Speaker 1: I was able to pack everything, you know, two nights

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Speaker 1: worth of clothing for each kid. I put it in

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Speaker 1: a packing cube, and then for myself and for my husband.

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Speaker 1: And as soon as I was done packing, we lost

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Speaker 1: power and it was insanely windy. It felt like Wizard

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Speaker 1: of Oz literally, like I mean, there were things like

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Speaker 1: blowing around. It was just different. So we left and

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Speaker 1: we went to my sister in law's house. I live

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Speaker 1: in Brentwood. She lives in mar Vista, and it was

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Speaker 1: farther way, farther away from the Palisades fire, so we

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Speaker 1: went there. We spent the night there and it was

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Speaker 1: super cozy. Gus and I slept on a blow out

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Speaker 1: mattress in the living room. My husband and the other

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Speaker 1: two kids slept in one of my sister in law's

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Speaker 1: kids room on a bed and a blow up mattress also,

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Speaker 1: And in the morning we started getting we woke up,

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Speaker 1: and we tried to make it as fun for the

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Speaker 1: kids as possible, Like I have this crazy, hateful relationship

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Speaker 1: with iPads, and the kids got their iPads, which was

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Speaker 1: like the first clue that something was really dark. And

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Speaker 1: so all the cousins are together and we're having breakfast

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Speaker 1: and Aces making pancakes, and Arthur, my brother in law's

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Speaker 1: making coffee, and we're just we're all talking, and we

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Speaker 1: start getting texts from all of our friends who had

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Speaker 1: lost their homes, lost everything and weren't given ample time

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Speaker 1: to evacuate. They didn't have the luxury that I had

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Speaker 1: to slowly kind of decide what I wanted to take,

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Speaker 1: pack things, get my passports, get my kids, you know, valuables,

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Speaker 1: and they didn't have that time in the Palisades. And

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Speaker 1: so I would say we have about twelve friends who've

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Speaker 1: lost their homes, probably more at this point but we

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Speaker 1: started hearing about it in the morning, and that's when

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Speaker 1: we kind of knew that this was different. I think

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Speaker 1: the most amazing thing is to be thankful that you

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Speaker 1: know that these people, our friends, are all alive, even

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Speaker 1: though they've lost, you know, homes. And it's not really

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Speaker 1: about the material things. It's about the memories, the things

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Speaker 1: that you can't just sort of like get again. A

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Speaker 1: child's painting, a child's favorite blanky, things like that I

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Speaker 1: think have been the most upsetting I think for them.

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Speaker 1: I can't speak for them because I'm so lucky that

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Speaker 1: I have my home. But one thing I noticed is

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Speaker 1: that as a community, we came together really really quickly.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys know this because I

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Speaker 1: haven't really talked much about it, but I have a

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Speaker 1: nonprofit called This Is About Humanity. We raise money and

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Speaker 1: awareness for the families that had been separated at the border,

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Speaker 1: and it is a completely We are not political in

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Speaker 1: any way. We are not affiliated with either party. We

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Speaker 1: are just moms who felt like children were not being

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Speaker 1: taken into account and we wanted to make sure that

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Speaker 1: we were keeping these families safe and right away. The

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Speaker 1: best thing I know how to do when there's an

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Speaker 1: emergency is help. And so my partner and I, in

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Speaker 1: twenty four hours, came up with a matching grant for

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Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars for families that had been affected by

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Speaker 1: the fires and for all of the farm workers who

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Speaker 1: we live in California, so that's a huge part of

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Speaker 1: the agricultural system here. And I started putting together families

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Speaker 1: who had lost things with families that had things to offer,

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Speaker 1: trying to go through all of my kids things. My

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Speaker 1: son Jules said to me his best friend lost his house,

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Speaker 1: two of them actually, and he said, you know, I

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Speaker 1: really want to give them baseball cards, and none of

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Speaker 1: the or basketball cards, and none of the stores were open,

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Speaker 1: so he went through his own basketball cards and gave

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Speaker 1: them to his friends. This has been truly I've never

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Speaker 1: seen a huge city like this, just especially like an

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Speaker 1: entire community just wiped off the map in this way

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Speaker 1: from fire. It's been an adjustment, and we are being

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Speaker 1: super flexible with all of our plans and movements and

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Speaker 1: just trying because we do have our house and we

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Speaker 1: can be back in it now, having families that have

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Speaker 1: lost their homes come over have dinner. We don't have

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Speaker 1: any extra bedrooms, but everyone's been welcome to stay. When

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Speaker 1: we came back after being at my sister in law's house,

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Speaker 1: my older son Ace said, I want to pack my

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Speaker 1: own bag. I want to, you know, put some stuff

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Speaker 1: in it. And you know, he was his bar Mitzvah

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Speaker 1: outfit was what he packed because we'd gotten it months ago,

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Speaker 1: and he was very excited. And Barmitzvah is a big deal.

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Speaker 1: It's when in the Jewish tradition, it's when you turn

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Speaker 1: thirteen and you read from the Torah, and it's a

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Speaker 1: big celebration. And in the Jewish tradition, it does they

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Speaker 1: encourage you to go on and still celebrate the amazing

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Speaker 1: celebrations that even happen in times of devastation. And I

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Speaker 1: spoke to the Rabbi a lot, but we made the

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Speaker 1: decision as a family that we wanted to postpone it.

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Speaker 1: And I was really worried about how Ace would take it,

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Speaker 1: just because he's worked he's been working on this for

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Speaker 1: a year and it's a big party. It's like a wedding,

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Speaker 1: it's wild. And he said, let's postpone it, Mom, because

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Speaker 1: I want all my friends to be there and I

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Speaker 1: want my friends to be able to have fun, and

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Speaker 1: right now it just feels so heavy. And I was

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Speaker 1: impressed by him and by his choices, and I was

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Speaker 1: also relieved because we have so much going on right

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Speaker 1: now in our lives and our family. My older brother,

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Speaker 1: he was evacuated on the first day of the fires.

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Speaker 1: He lives exactly where they started. He thought his house

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Speaker 1: was gone for days. He just found out that it's

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Speaker 1: still standing, which is a miracle and INCREDI He's been

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Speaker 1: in a hotel with my parents. There's just been my

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Speaker 1: Margaret Whitesman, who we've talked about a ton. She lost

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Speaker 1: her house. She's my brother's stepmom, my mom's best friend.

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Speaker 1: She had just rebuilt her house after a new house

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Speaker 1: after her husband had passed away. She started a brand

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Speaker 1: new chapter. That house is gone. When we went to

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Speaker 1: my sister in law's house for the first night of

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Speaker 1: the evacuation, Gus was really really scared. He was so scared.

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Speaker 1: He's seven and he's never had a sleepover before, so

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Speaker 1: he was like, we are evacuated. This is my first sleepover.

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Speaker 1: My first sleepover is an evacuation. And he was not

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Speaker 1: having it. He was not pleased. He was like em

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Speaker 1: we're sleeping on a couch. But I finally calmed him

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Speaker 1: down and we made it. We've tried. I think this

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Speaker 1: is the thing about parents, is like you try to

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Speaker 1: even when you're going through something really really hard and scary,

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Speaker 1: you are your main focus is your children and making

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Speaker 1: sure that they are okay. And so that's what we did. Oh. Also,

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Speaker 1: by the way, when we went to my sister in laws,

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Speaker 1: it was the five of us and our two dogs.

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Speaker 1: So and I kept saying to my sister in law,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, And she kept saying to me,

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Speaker 1: are you like this is crazy? This is what we're

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Speaker 1: here for, Like this is how it's meant to be.

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Speaker 1: We're this is you know. And and I just I

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Speaker 1: am impressed with how I mean, obviously, my sister in

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Speaker 1: law and I are super close and I love her.

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Speaker 1: This is Rob's youngest sister. But just like our community,

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Speaker 1: how everyone has really reached out to help, I think

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Speaker 1: that that's been an incredible right light in such a

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Speaker 1: depressing time. And I think I don't know. I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about our kids and how our kids had COVID,

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Speaker 1: and at no point am I not aware of how

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Speaker 1: lucky my family is and that during COVID, my husband

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Speaker 1: still had a job and his business. He's in construction.

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Speaker 1: It was deemed I can't even think of the word,

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Speaker 1: but it was his oh essential his So during COVID,

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Speaker 1: my husband's job was deemed essential, and so he was

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Speaker 1: at work every day. I was home with the kids.

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Speaker 1: We had a home, We had all the comfort that

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Speaker 1: we needed, even though it was really hard, but that

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Speaker 1: was still I mean for kids to just sort of

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Speaker 1: like have no kids to hang out with, and to

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Speaker 1: not be able to see your family, all that kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff, that was really hard, and that is something

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Speaker 1: that they've dealt with. And now school, and I think

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Speaker 1: about how lucky we are that we have our home,

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Speaker 1: we have our school. Our school went back to school

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Speaker 1: yesterday on Monday, which is insane an incredible, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so grateful. And I think about all the kids who

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Speaker 1: lost their homes and their schools and what I can

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Speaker 1: do for them. I'm working right now with a couple

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Speaker 1: brands on setting up kind of like a store, a

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Speaker 1: store that you go into and shop for fire victims,

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Speaker 1: but obviously you don't pay. It's just so that you

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Speaker 1: don't feel like you're just getting like donations handed at you.

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Speaker 1: You have agency over what it is that you're picking out,

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Speaker 1: and I'll and I'll post all the all the amazing

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Speaker 1: opportunities to help because so many of you guys have

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Speaker 1: reached out who aren't even in LA which has been

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Speaker 1: so incredible. But I think it feels like there's just

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Speaker 1: been a lot going on in our world in the

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Speaker 1: last five years, and we've all had sort of like

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Speaker 1: these wake up calls of what's important. And I think

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Speaker 1: I know, and especially with the last couple months of

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Speaker 1: my mom being sick, family is the most important thing.

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Speaker 1: And wherever we are is where I feel the most

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Speaker 1: comfortable and safe. And it was one of my best

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Speaker 1: friend's birthdays this weekend and we were going to do

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Speaker 1: an adult trip to Ohi and at the end everybody

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Speaker 1: was evacuated. So she was like, I'm still going to

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Speaker 1: go to Ohi. Whoever wants to come, bring your kids,

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Speaker 1: And so we were able to spend the weekend in

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Speaker 1: Ohi with a bunch of my friends and my kids

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Speaker 1: friends and I looked around and there were you know,

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Speaker 1: kids who had lost their homes, kids who literally had

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Speaker 1: no clothes but the clothes on their back, Moms and

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Speaker 1: dads sitting trying to figure out, you know, what their

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Speaker 1: next step would be while the kids were playing football

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Speaker 1: on the lawn. Just like and I just realized that community,

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Speaker 1: on top of your own family, community is just so

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Speaker 1: important and you're only as you know, your community is

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Speaker 1: only as good as you make it. And so how

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Speaker 1: can we be better members of our community? How can

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Speaker 1: we be the best members of our community. It's a

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Speaker 1: lot to balance all of these things at the same time.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm a mom, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter,

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Speaker 1: I'm a wife, I have a business. I am in

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Speaker 1: over my head at the moment, and I cry a

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Speaker 1: lot just when I get overwhelmed. I just will cry.

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Speaker 1: And my friends and my husband and everybody is just

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Speaker 1: like we're all just getting through it and we're all

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Speaker 1: doing our very best. I will say, like I've talked

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Speaker 1: about this a million times, but I am an extremely

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Speaker 1: anxious person, and fire was just like never on my

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Speaker 1: radar before, and now that will be like number one fear.

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Speaker 1: But I think the feeling of being displaced is so

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Speaker 1: unnerving because, like, you know, I packed all these bags,

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Speaker 1: we started at my sister in laws, came home for

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Speaker 1: two nights. Went to a friend's house who had already

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Speaker 1: evacuated to Palm Springs. She lives in Hancock Park. Went

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Speaker 1: to her house for a night and it was so

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Speaker 1: cozy and amazing. Went to Oh Hi for two nights.

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Speaker 1: Now we're home. We're waiting to hear what the wind

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Speaker 1: is going to be. It just feels like there's so

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Speaker 1: much unknown. And I thought canceling Aces by Mitzo would

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Speaker 1: feel really sad, but it actually felt like a relief

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Speaker 1: because it felt like I can now just focus on

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Speaker 1: what's in front of me and my kids and making

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Speaker 1: sure that Ace has a special birthday today. And you know,

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Speaker 1: when Ace woke up this morning, he was like, where's

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Speaker 1: my card? And I realized I in like I'd left

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Speaker 1: it in OHI. So I left his card there because

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Speaker 1: I had brought it there and then hit it and

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Speaker 1: I left it there. So there are moments and I

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Speaker 1: you know, we're all just doing the best we can

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Speaker 1: and we are so lucky. But your mental state in

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Speaker 1: these situations is so taxed, like you just feel like

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Speaker 1: you're running on fumes. And so everyone keeps saying, well,

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Speaker 1: you got to take care of yourself. You've got to

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Speaker 1: take care of yourself, and I don't think I know

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Speaker 1: how to do that unless everything around me is taken

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Speaker 1: care of, and right now, everything around me isn't taken

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Speaker 1: care of, so I don't know. I would be so

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Speaker 1: interested to know how people in these kinds of situations

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Speaker 1: take care of themselves because you can't really go outside,

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Speaker 1: and that's usually what I would do, is go for

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Speaker 1: a walk. But they're saying that the air is so

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Speaker 1: toxic right now. You can't use you can't drink the water,

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Speaker 1: you can't shower, you can't take a bath. So I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I'm trying to figure it out, and I'm

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Speaker 1: figuring it out as I go, and I want to

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Speaker 1: know how you guys are dealing with it, and how

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Speaker 1: you guys are feeling, and how what the what the

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Speaker 1: load feels like to you guys, because I don't know.

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Speaker 1: As a mom, that is my that is my biggest weight,

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Speaker 1: because if my kids are not happy, I'm not happy.

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Speaker 1: They say, sometimes you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly the thing, but for me, when

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Speaker 1: my kids are struggling, it is really really difficult for

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Speaker 1: me to feel balanced. And I think that that's such

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00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,960
Speaker 1: an important thing, is to keep your balance and keep

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00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 1: your wits about you even when it feels like unsafe.

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00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 1: Then I look at my friends who have lost You're

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00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,119
Speaker 1: only as happy as your least happy child. That is

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Speaker 1: the saying, and that is how I feel at all times.

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Speaker 1: But I look at my friends who've literally lost everything,

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Speaker 1: and they're so we're all just like try. We're just

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00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: laughing because like it's like what else are we going

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Speaker 1: to do? So I get on the phone with them,

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00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,120
Speaker 1: they come here for dinner, we have a drink, and

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Speaker 1: we just think about kind of like all these Actually,

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Speaker 1: one of my friends, Dana, who lost her house in

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Speaker 1: the Palisades, we were with her this weekend and she

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00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: was saying that there were all these like signs, like

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Speaker 1: all these little signs that she's seen since and before.

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Speaker 1: And I was saying, like, I I'm having a hard

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Speaker 1: time seeing the signs, like I'm having a hard time

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Speaker 1: finding them. And I realized at that moment that I

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00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 1: just had to like get out of my mind for

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Speaker 1: a second, just like sort of like take a minute.

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Speaker 1: And so I don't know, I just feel like these

359
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 1: moments will They don't define us, but they will sort

360
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: of pave the way for how we are going to

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Speaker 1: handle things moving forward. And things are really tough, and

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Speaker 1: if you can try and trust in the universe, which

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00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 1: I know sounds insane, but a therapist told me once

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00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: that the universe only says three things to you. Yes

365
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 1: you can have it, Yes you can have it, but

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Speaker 1: not right now, or I have something better for you.

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Speaker 1: And I've never forgotten it. This was before I had

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Speaker 1: even met Rob. I mean, this was years and years

369
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Speaker 1: and years ago, probably twenty years ago, but I'll never

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Speaker 1: forget it. And in these moments where you're so confused

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Speaker 1: and you're like, how did this happen? Why did this happen?

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Speaker 1: How can I make sense of it? I try to

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Speaker 1: remind myself that there's something so much bigger than us,

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Speaker 1: and I try to remind myself about the universe. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know that's been a little bit more helpful.

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Speaker 1: I was also given this prayer to say, and I'm

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00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: going to say it right now, and you guys can

378
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: tell me what you think. I work with this incredible

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00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: heel and her name is Jackie, and I was talking

380
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: to her last week and she said, ask for the

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00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: miracles to shine through and lead the way to stop

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Speaker 1: destruction and a night transformation for the highest and best

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Speaker 1: good of all. And I know for me, I'm praying

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Speaker 1: NonStop for the communities that have lost so much, for

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Speaker 1: the families who've lost all of their homes in Altadena,

386
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 1: which is in Pasadena, for the families and the Palisades,

387
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: for the families all over who have just gone through

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Speaker 1: probably one of the worst weeks of their lives. And

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00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 1: I think to myself, how grateful we all should be

390
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: to the first responders and these firefighters that literally risk

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Speaker 1: their life to save ours. And I mean, we've been

392
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 1: bringing them donuts from Christie Cream, but I don't. I mean,

393
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: I just there's not enough words. There's not enough. Thinks

394
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: there's not enough. And I and when I when I

395
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: brought them food and stuff, they said, you know, you

396
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,679
Speaker 1: don't have to thank us. It's our job. And I

397
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: just think that that's such a crazy thing because they

398
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: were only safe because of them. So yes, it's their job,

399
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: but it's also just that they put themselves before others.

400
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's what I strive to do. I

401
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 1: obviously don't want to be a firefighter. I would not

402
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 1: save one house I would run in the other direction,

403
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: but just the whole like ethos of like what it

404
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: means to be a first responder is something that I

405
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: wanted to teach my kids and that I I wish

406
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 1: for all of us that we were more like because

407
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 1: it's those people, it's those human beings that that make

408
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: the world a better place. I mean that sounds so

409
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 1: chack U I'm not, mister Rogers, but just so we're

410
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: thinking about it, you know, these people that put their

411
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: life on the line and to protect ours. I just

412
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: there's not enough thank yous in the world. And my

413
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: parents have not been home in over a week, and

414
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 1: I think about, like I haven't really seen them, and

415
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 1: we've all just sort of been disconnected because we're all

416
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,959
Speaker 1: over the place in different parts of the city. Some

417
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: of us are leaving LA And how much I miss that,

418
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 1: Like how much I just miss being with my parents.

419
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: My parents' house is like where I go to do everything.

420
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: I mean, we have dinners there, we hang out there,

421
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: we watch movies there, we drop our kids there, and

422
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,679
Speaker 1: I just how much I missed that. When I was

423
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: seven years old, there was a huge earthquake in Los

424
00:27:54,920 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: Angeles and it was the most terrifying experience of my

425
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 1: entire life. And I don't know, it shook me because

426
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: I realized that things could happen that you don't know about.

427
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 1: You know, earthquakes. You can't predict earthquakes, you can't predict fires,

428
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:16,120
Speaker 1: you can't predict these things. And I felt so completely

429
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: out of control and it was so devastating. I remember

430
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: somebody had told me that you couldn't feel an earthquake

431
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: if you were underneath if you were driving in a car.

432
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: So I would literally just beg my dad to drive

433
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: me around in a car. I would stay underneath a

434
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: table all day. I was just terrified. It was just

435
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 1: so horrible, and I think about, you know, during this time,

436
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 1: what I wanted for my kids and what I wanted

437
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: them to feel, and I just wanted them to feel safe,

438
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: and no matter how scared I was, and I was terrified,

439
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: and honestly, I think I'm sure every single person in

440
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: Los Angeles was terrified because at one point there was

441
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: a fire burning in West Hollywood at Runyon Canyon, a

442
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 1: fire burning in the Palisades, and we're right in the middle,

443
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: and we were trying to decide if we should go east,

444
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: if we should go west, Like if we should go south,

445
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: where should we go? Because it just like there fires

446
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: were everywhere. And so I'm really grateful for my husband

447
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 1: because I am anxious and I am reactive and sometimes

448
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: I get like hysterical, and he really really grounds me.

449
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have that, like I

450
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: feel like in a relationship there's you know, often like

451
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: one person that's like super emotional, really like high intensity

452
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: in one person that's sort of like the grounding, calming person.

453
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: And Rob is that for me? And I wanted my

454
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 1: kids because I remembered that feeling at that earthquake. It

455
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 1: just shook my whole world and made me feel so

456
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 1: much anxiety, and I don't think I ever knew what

457
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: anxiety was like before that, and the sense of like

458
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 1: feeling out of control and wanting control so badly. And

459
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: so I really was very very careful this time to

460
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: make sure that my kids that I wasn't hiding anything

461
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: from my kids, that they knew what was going on,

462
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: that they knew that friends, some of their friends lost

463
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: their homes, that they were proactive and participants in helping

464
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: those friends, and that yeah, we got to pack up,

465
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: We got to go. You know, it's time for us

466
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: to leave our house. But we're together. And you know,

467
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,479
Speaker 1: there was nights when I didn't know what we were

468
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: going to do. I wasn't sure if we were going

469
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: to leave or we're going to stay. And they kept saying,

470
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: what are we going to do? What are we going

471
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 1: to do? What are we going to do? And I

472
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: just said, you know what, Daddy and I are going

473
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: to be the deciders. We are. The reason it's taking

474
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: this much time is because we're deciding what is best

475
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: for us as a family in order for us to

476
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: be completely safe. And so and when I would get

477
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: you know, a little bit, my voice would get like

478
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 1: a little higher, you know, like that anxious voice. I'm

479
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 1: sure we all have a version of it. Rob would

480
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: just say, like, take a breath, take a breath. We're

481
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: not gonna you know, we're not gonna We're not going

482
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 1: to go in this sort of spiral and then make

483
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: our kids feel And so he reminded me a lot

484
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: of how to just take it down and not run

485
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: around my house, you know. And I know that I

486
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: obviously had the luxury those families and the palisades and

487
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 1: those families in Altadena had moments before a fire came

488
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: whirring through their neighborhoods, and I had time to pack

489
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: everything up and you know, really be deliberate about what

490
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: I was taking. And so I know how lucky that is,

491
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: but I also know how scary that felt for my kids.

492
00:31:55,960 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: And so I'm so grateful that I have a partner

493
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 1: who is able to sort of stay calm in these situations,

494
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 1: even if it's annoying to me in the moment I'm like,

495
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: where is Like why aren't you aked? You know, like,

496
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I'm able to have that partner, And

497
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: I wanted my kids to feel more of a sense

498
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: of agency, control and safety than I felt in those moments.

499
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: So I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks,

500
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 1: getting some normalcy back, thinking about more ways that I

501
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 1: can help all the families that don't have the same luxury.

502
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: And also I want to say something else. So many

503
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: of my friends who lost their homes have been looking

504
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: for apartments to rent, houses to rent, and they have

505
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: literally like gone to places where it's listed at one

506
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: price and then they go to see the house and

507
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 1: it's doubled in price because people are just taking advantage

508
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: of others in this situation, which I think is illegal,

509
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: first of all, and also so inhumane. Like I don't

510
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: know what else to say. I think it's the most

511
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: insane thing I've ever heard, So I don't know. I

512
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: hope that we can just all look out for one

513
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,719
Speaker 1: another and be grateful for one another and protect one another.

514
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: And I know that that sounds insane because it's twenty

515
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: twenty five and people are so focused inward, but that's

516
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: my goal. When I wake up in the morning and

517
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: I think about how I want my kids to be,

518
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 1: I don't care if they get straight a's. I mean,

519
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 1: I obviously want them to be smart, and I want

520
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 1: them to learn how to read, and I want them

521
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: to do whatever it is they want to do. But

522
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, all I want is

523
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: for them to be good people who think about others.

524
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying you have to be a martyr

525
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: and think about everyone else first, but I'm just saying

526
00:33:55,600 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: it's important to have a worldview and not just look

527
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: at what you want what you need. And I feel

528
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: like if we can do that, then we can get

529
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 1: through it. And I think that that's the biggest lesson

530
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 1: is like, these last few months have been really scary

531
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:21,359
Speaker 1: with my mom and some other personal stuff, and then

532
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:26,839
Speaker 1: this huge disaster in our community. And I think what

533
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 1: you realize in these moments is that even though it

534
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: feels impossible every day that you are waking up and

535
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: getting through the day and doing one thing for others

536
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: and doing something for yourself and making sure that your

537
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: kids are safe and happy, and you're doing it. Like

538
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:46,839
Speaker 1: the scariest thing is not knowing if you'll be able

539
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: to handle any of these things. And then you wake

540
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: up a week later and you've gotten through the week,

541
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,720
Speaker 1: so you've handled it. Even if you've cried ten times,

542
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 1: even if you've had many, many, many tequila sodas through

543
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 1: the evening, You've done it. And I think that that

544
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,359
Speaker 1: is such a oh. And then also my car broke down,

545
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: so I have no car. I forgot about that. Even so,

546
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: it's just been a time. One thing I wish that

547
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 1: I had done differently during this time is like I've

548
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: been glued to my phone and all these different apps,

549
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: like there's an amazing one, but I am so confused

550
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 1: by them that I can't really read it or checking

551
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 1: or and it's like I just I feel like I

552
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 1: get caught in a vortex of like information and it

553
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: feels so confusing because you never know what is right,

554
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: is what is accurate, and that's been really tough. So

555
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 1: finding like one source that you really trust instead of

556
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 1: going down a rabbit hole with all these different sources,

557
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 1: I think would be something that I would really focus

558
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 1: on next time, because I don't know, I just you

559
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 1: get so anxious and it's not really Some of it

560
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: you realize isn't real, and some of it is very real,

561
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: but deciphering between the two can be really tough. So

562
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 1: that's something that I really want to take with me

563
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: and hopefully remember for next time. I decided I would

564
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,240
Speaker 1: just get on here and talk as a human being,

565
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: as a mom, as a wife. My husband, as I said,

566
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: is in construction, so he has been going around to

567
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,919
Speaker 1: all the houses that he's worked on that have been

568
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: in danger. He's been taking things out for families who

569
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:32,439
Speaker 1: have evacuated, gone into their houses, you know, and made

570
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 1: sure that things that they family heirlooms they had were

571
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:40,439
Speaker 1: safe if they'd already left town. He's been working around

572
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 1: the clock. My kids went back to school today. I

573
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm just praying that next week and this

574
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 1: week brings more light and happiness, and I want everyone

575
00:36:55,719 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: to be safe and I, I don't know, it's been

576
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 1: a really heavy week and I am thankful for anyone

577
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: that is listening. And if I can help in any way,

578
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 1: DM me at What in the Winkler and I will

579
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: be posting different ways that you can help and volunteer

580
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 1: if you're in Los Angeles, and I would love to

581
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: hear how you guys are doing. Thank you so much

582
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 1: for joining me on another episode of What in the

583
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 1: Winkler and I will talk to you guys next week