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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, EMILYA Badi here. You are listening to five

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Speaker 1: Minute Friday from Hurdle. Today's installment of five Minute Friday

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Speaker 1: will be anything but five minutes. There, I said it.

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Speaker 1: I have something to get off my chest. Some of

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Speaker 1: you may have caught me talking about this briefly yesterday

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Speaker 1: on an Instagram live and now I am ready to

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Speaker 1: bring it to the feed. This episode is going to

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Speaker 1: be unedited and pretty raw, so stick with me here.

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Speaker 2: I'm dealing with.

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Speaker 1: An injury. It could just be a hip strain. I

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Speaker 1: can't believe I'm even saying this word. It could be

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Speaker 1: a hernia. About a week and a half ago, after

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Speaker 1: long run, I ran twenty two twenty three miles and

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Speaker 1: it felt amazing and I was so excited. And after

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Speaker 1: that run, I made myself a belt and I actually

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Speaker 1: went to a concert with some friends and had myself

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Speaker 1: a day and I remember getting home and going to

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Speaker 1: bed and waking up in the morning and feeling so

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Speaker 1: sore in my lower abs, like a level of soreness

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Speaker 1: that it had been so long since I've felt, and

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Speaker 1: also was like a little debilitating at the time. I

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Speaker 1: was laying on my couch that Sunday with no plans

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Speaker 1: of going anywhere or doing anything, and to sit up

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Speaker 1: from lying on the couch watching ted Lasso, I had

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Speaker 1: to like use my arm to assist myself. I even

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Speaker 1: remember throwing this like into an Instagram story, being like

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Speaker 1: this is the weirdest thing. And so that soreness subsided

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Speaker 1: a little bit. But I had this like persistent kind

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Speaker 1: of dull pain in one area, which is like in

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Speaker 1: my abdomen a little to the left of my right

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Speaker 1: hip that wasn't going away. And I noticed as Monday

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Speaker 1: and Tuesday came, I ran a little bit, but it

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Speaker 1: didn't really feel comfortable in that area.

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Speaker 2: Wednesday I took off.

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Speaker 1: Thursday I went to go do a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a pyramid workout on the treadmill, and at times it

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Speaker 1: felt fine, and then at other times I felt like

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Speaker 1: I was.

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Speaker 2: Maybe making the feeling a little bit worse.

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Speaker 1: And my rule for myself is that if I'm working

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Speaker 1: out and the pain becomes beyond like this is uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: because I'm working really hard pain and it feels like

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Speaker 1: it could be doing something bad to my body, then

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Speaker 1: I'd call it right. So I did half of the

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Speaker 1: pyramid workout and I came in and so it's been

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Speaker 1: about a week since it kind of hit me that

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Speaker 1: this wasn't just some soreness.

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Speaker 2: So I started to.

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Speaker 1: Calmly use the tools in my toolbox to figure out the.

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Speaker 2: Next best steps.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't been following along with me for a while,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you're new to the show, some context here

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Speaker 1: is that, as of now still I am running the

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Speaker 1: London Marathon on October third, and I've been training for

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Speaker 1: this for about three months now. So I started using

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Speaker 1: the tools in my toolbox and made some calls and

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Speaker 1: placed some emails and got myself a few appointments, an

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Speaker 1: acupuncturist appointment, appointments with two different physical therapists, and I

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Speaker 1: figured that we would start to try to figure out

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Speaker 1: what was going on with my body.

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Speaker 2: As the weekend went on.

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Speaker 1: Before my first appointment on Monday, it was definitely a

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Speaker 1: little bit defeating because unlike traditional muscle soreness, this wasn't

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Speaker 1: dissipating with time, and it started to definitely spook me

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Speaker 1: as the appointments came on. The first time I cried

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Speaker 1: about this was sitting in acupuncture, and it's kind of

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Speaker 1: like when someone asks you, hey, are you okay? When

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Speaker 1: you know you're not okay, you haven't had to talk

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Speaker 1: about it yet, and you feel finally like the first

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Speaker 1: time you're seen. And I looked at my ocupuncturist, and

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Speaker 1: having kept this kind of bottled up because I was

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Speaker 1: trying to you know, navigated and figure it out and

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Speaker 1: remain calm, I felt as though I could just like

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Speaker 1: totally break down. I sat there and talked to her

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Speaker 1: about all of this, and we went through the needling,

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Speaker 1: and I laid there for a bit on this table.

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Speaker 1: And what was really interesting about that appointment in particular

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Speaker 1: was we talked a lot about breath. As I would

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Speaker 1: assume that you know, the whole natural pathic way of medicine,

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Speaker 1: this is like a very natural thing for us to

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Speaker 1: talk about in that room. And we talked about breath,

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Speaker 1: and I had a realization that, over you know, the

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Speaker 1: last eighteen or so months of the pandemic, that for

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Speaker 1: the most part, every time I was breathing in it

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Speaker 1: felt so shallow, and I felt so scared just to

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Speaker 1: breathe right. So many times over the last couple of

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Speaker 1: years now, when I've been going to take that deep

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Speaker 1: breath or feeling anxious or just feeling like completely overwhelmed.

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Speaker 1: I would meet that deep breath with this discomfort in

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Speaker 1: deep inside my chest. And I realized in that room

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Speaker 1: that I hadn't taken a deep breath in so long.

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Speaker 1: And as I sat there with my acupuncturist, she said

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Speaker 1: to me, to be honest, maybe you also need like a.

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Speaker 2: Really good cry.

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Speaker 1: And I already said that I was like trying to

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Speaker 1: keep my shit together, you know, going through this and

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Speaker 1: not freaking out or making any.

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Speaker 2: Crazy decisions right off the bat.

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Speaker 1: And when she walked out of that room and I

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Speaker 1: was just laying on the table like I just started

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Speaker 1: to cry. Then I you know, drifted off to sleep,

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Speaker 1: as one does for a bit when you're just laying

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Speaker 1: there letting the needles do their thing. She came back in.

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Speaker 1: She gave me a bottle of pills a bunch of

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Speaker 1: different herbs, and told me to take five of them.

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Speaker 2: Twice a day. And I left.

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Speaker 1: Throughout that day and this is like a classic example

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Speaker 1: of I feel like how the things that we tell

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Speaker 1: ourselves and the conversations that we're having with ourselves really matter.

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Speaker 1: But throughout that day takes a deep breath, I really

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Speaker 1: started to think a lot about my breathing and I meditated,

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Speaker 1: and I was consciously just taking a lot of deep breaths,

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Speaker 1: and to be candidate, it felt like, for the first

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Speaker 1: time in a long time, those deep breaths weren't met

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Speaker 1: with a lot of resistance. This isn't just say that,

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Speaker 1: you know, the dull pain I had in my abdomen

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Speaker 1: was necessarily going away. But I did feel like that

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Speaker 1: conversation really unlocked something for me. The next day, I

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Speaker 1: had my first pet appointment at Motive here in New York,

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Speaker 1: and this is when I.

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Speaker 2: Just lost it.

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Speaker 1: I was sitting on the table describing what I was feeling,

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Speaker 1: and the first person that had said to me, like,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's a hernia was actually my dad's girlfriend. We

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Speaker 1: were together over the weekend at a festival uptown on

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Speaker 1: Arthur Avenue and she said it, and of course after

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Speaker 1: like that got in my head. You know, a hernia

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Speaker 1: just sounds so scary, right, Mollie my acupunctures. Let me

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Speaker 1: know that people actually go living years and years with

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Speaker 1: hernias and do nothing about them. That's not really my goal.

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Speaker 1: But I mentioned to my PT like this hypothesis. We

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Speaker 1: obviously talked about a muscle strain and as he started

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Speaker 1: to like do work on me and we talked about everything,

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Speaker 1: I was just so beside myself, and we talked about

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Speaker 1: how I wasn't really ready yet to kind of fill

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Speaker 1: in my community on what was going on with my body.

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Speaker 1: Not because in any way, shape or form, do I

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Speaker 1: feel like this is me letting anyone down. And I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like an injury is me letting myself down

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Speaker 1: at all. I also don't really feel that if I

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Speaker 1: do have to pull out of running the marathon, that

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Speaker 1: I've let myself down in any way, because this is

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Speaker 1: something that was completely unpredictable. But I think the struggle

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Speaker 1: and where the root of the emotion comes from is

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Speaker 1: really just the opportunity cost. Right in preparing for a

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Speaker 1: marathon and doing all of this training, you make so

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Speaker 1: many sacrifices and so many decisions that are in favor

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Speaker 1: of you on this quest for your own potential. And

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Speaker 1: I recognize that in this journey there have been so

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Speaker 1: many beautiful moments and already so many successes and takeaways

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Speaker 1: that I wouldn't have come to without the marathon training.

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Speaker 1: I know that a training cycle is so much bigger

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Speaker 1: than race day, and that if you're only paying attention

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Speaker 1: to what happens on race day, then you're missing the

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Speaker 1: point and the beauty of why it is that we run.

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Speaker 1: You know, I run to feel confident and invincible and

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Speaker 1: proud and to show myself that I am able to

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Speaker 1: show up in every aspect of my life. And I

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Speaker 1: can make that choice deliberately.

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Speaker 2: And so.

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Speaker 1: The injury and what's going on with my body is

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Speaker 1: more a tie to the frustration of not being able

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Speaker 1: to express myself in that way.

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Speaker 2: I know that I have so much.

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Speaker 1: Value beyond being a runner and adjusting my training and

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Speaker 1: navigating this injury and getting on, you know, to a bike.

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Speaker 2: Biking doesn't seem to aggravate the area.

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Speaker 1: Neither does like generally, just walking around, although I would

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Speaker 1: be remiss if I didn't say I feel like a dull.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't even feel like a pain.

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Speaker 1: It just feels like something's off in my abdomen pretty constantly.

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Speaker 2: But I know that.

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Speaker 1: I know that not being able to move in the

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Speaker 1: way that I want doesn't make me any less of

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Speaker 1: a human. But that doesn't mean that it's not a

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Speaker 1: frustrating experience. And so going back to that moment on

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Speaker 1: the table, just feeling so sad about.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's normal to like mourn this loss

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Speaker 2: a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Although again, like I'm not recording this saying I'm one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent out yet. We'll talk about that in a second.

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Speaker 1: But you need to let yourself feel those feelings, right

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Speaker 1: And in that moment, I think that was probably the

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Speaker 1: second time, next to my moment with the acupuncturists, that

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Speaker 1: I allowed myself just to feel.

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Speaker 2: And it was interesting, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, having this vulnerable moment in front of my pet

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Speaker 1: who were so like getting to know each other and.

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Speaker 2: Feeling that loss and.

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Speaker 1: Just sad, sad thinking about, you know, the experience that

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Speaker 1: I was hoping to have and you know where I

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Speaker 1: had been in my journey.

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Speaker 2: And coming to terms with that.

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Speaker 1: Right. The thing about this, I'm recording this at sevent

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Speaker 1: ten in the morning on Thursday, September sixteenth. I believe

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Speaker 1: this episode will come out on Friday, September seventeenth. And

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Speaker 1: I woke up at for fifteen to day after going

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Speaker 1: to bed at like eight forty five last night and

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Speaker 1: already getting over six hours of sleep.

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Speaker 2: My whoop says, I'm very recovered.

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Speaker 1: I woke up and I was like researching flights to Italy,

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Speaker 1: and I started to think about what I'm gonna do

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Speaker 1: if I can't run the marathon. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: my heart is in it to go to London and

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Speaker 1: not run a marathon. I was planning to go from

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Speaker 1: London to Paris on the train and then fly from

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Speaker 1: Paris to Chicago and host a live event there. For

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Speaker 1: details on the live event, you can click over the

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Speaker 1: show notes. I'm still going to be in Chicago, don't worry,

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Speaker 1: I promise, But in bed at like four forty five

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Speaker 1: in the morning, I'm on Delta and kayak and looking

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Speaker 1: at flights and wondering if I should actually just go

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Speaker 1: to Italy and then Paris or just to Paris or

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Speaker 1: you know, things change right, and I believe what is

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Speaker 1: meant for us, it will happen right. And again, like

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Speaker 1: I'm allowed and we're all allowed to have these moments

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Speaker 1: where we feel upset and we navigate the emotion. You

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Speaker 1: have to feel right, you have to go through the motions.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to be so strong all of the

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Speaker 1: damn time. But in a possible pivot of my plans,

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Speaker 1: and I plan to make this call next Wednesday because

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking long term, and I know how important it

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Speaker 1: is to prioritize my body and that I want to

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Speaker 1: be able to move for a long damn time, and

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Speaker 1: that pushing myself for this one moment is me losing

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Speaker 1: sight again of the journey and of how far I've come,

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Speaker 1: not just in the last three months, but god like

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Speaker 1: in my life, right Like, I didn't work my ass

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Speaker 1: off in college to lose weight and find running and

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Speaker 1: learn to love running and love myself, only to let

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Speaker 1: it all go because I was just being a little

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Speaker 1: bit stubborn and so lying in bed and looking at

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Speaker 1: these flights and thinking about what I could do, I

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Speaker 1: realized that this is just another opportunity, right It's another

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Speaker 1: hurdle that I have the opportunity to conquer and navigate

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Speaker 1: in a way that is me showing myself compassion and

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Speaker 1: having grace for the situation and just doing the very

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Speaker 1: best I can with what I have. I don't have

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Speaker 1: the answer yet of exactly what I'm gonna do, but

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Speaker 1: I know that I have to listen to my body,

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Speaker 1: and I have to continue to have some grace with

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Speaker 1: myself and that I'm doing the best that I can.

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Speaker 1: Here again, I can't reiterate this enough. You have to

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Speaker 1: let yourself feel the things. These hurdles that come our

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Speaker 1: way in life, they give as a chance to remember

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Speaker 1: our own potential, similarly to the way that running does

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Speaker 1: right and running has taught me the importance of resiliency

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Speaker 1: and that I can navigate whatever hurdles come my way.

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Speaker 1: I'm laughing here a little bit to myself, because I

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Speaker 1: really thought that i'd cry even more recording this, But

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Speaker 1: at this point I really feel as though being open

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Speaker 1: and honest about what's going on with me is kind

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Speaker 1: of a release. I'm also aware that it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that there's there's a lot more emotional moments in the

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Speaker 1: weeks weeks to come, but I'm happy to share this

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Speaker 1: with you, and I'm happy to move forward now in

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Speaker 1: the best way that I know how and continue on

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Speaker 1: my quest to be the best me that I can be.

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Speaker 1: I pray, so, I pray so hard that if I

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Speaker 1: have to, you know, withdraw from this race that I'll

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Speaker 1: be able to run London next year. But I don't

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Speaker 1: know the answer to that yet. But I promise to

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Speaker 1: keep you all in the loop and to keep looking

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Speaker 1: for the silver linings and to keep hurdling because that's

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Speaker 1: what I know how to do, and I know how

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Speaker 1: to do it real well. I do want to make

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Speaker 1: sure that I mention here that as of now, I'm

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Speaker 1: still also registered for the New York Marathon, so I

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Speaker 1: know that also if I do pull out from London,

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Speaker 1: that I have some even more time to rehab or

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Speaker 1: to navigate what's going on. And I also recognize that

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Speaker 1: if this is just a muscle strain, this could be

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Speaker 1: better by next Wednesday for all that I know. So

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Speaker 1: I'm to keep doing these exercises and keep taking it

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Speaker 1: one day at a time. But thanks for listening, and

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Speaker 1: thanks for coming along with me on my journey always

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Speaker 1: and supporting me in my quest to again.

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Speaker 2: Just be the best of me that I can be.

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Speaker 1: Injury can feel like a really lonely thing, and beyond

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Speaker 1: feeling the feelings, I want to encourage anyone that's listening

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Speaker 1: to this, regardless of where you are on your personal journey,

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Speaker 1: to talk to someone about what you're going through. It's

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Speaker 1: easy to get caught up in labels, you know, based

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Speaker 1: on how we identify a mother, a runner, a sister,

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Speaker 1: a teacher, a friend, etc. But in identifying that way

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Speaker 1: sometimes it can be easy to lose a part of ourself.

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Speaker 1: And I want you to know that you are so

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Speaker 1: much bigger than just one thing, and that you have

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Speaker 1: so much to bring to the table. And if for

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Speaker 1: some reason, at some point a association that you had

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Speaker 1: in your life has to change, maybe you were a

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Speaker 1: wife and now you're no longer. In my case, yes

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Speaker 1: maybe I do identify it as a runner, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing it right now. That doesn't make you any

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Speaker 1: less of a person, with any less value.

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Speaker 2: Period.

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Speaker 1: There is again, so much beauty in the struggle, although

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Speaker 1: it might not feel that way in the moment. So

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Speaker 1: don't put yourself on an island.

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Speaker 2: Right. It's okay to be vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: It's okay that things haven't gone as you'd hoped or

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Speaker 1: as you'd planned, but don't wallow in it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we got shit to do. Thanks everyone.

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Speaker 1: I will be back on Monday as always with a

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Speaker 1: really exciting episode of the show featuring Gretchen Rubin. In

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Speaker 1: the meantime, another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.

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Speaker 1: There lay in my hair