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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend refuses to house it for my parents. Now

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Speaker 2: I'm questioning our relationship.

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Speaker 3: Maybe he's scared of a ghost.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend twenty nine male and I twenty two female.

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Speaker 2: I've been together for about four years and I have

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Speaker 2: a toddler together. I have a full time college student

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Speaker 2: in a really hard program, and he works full time

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Speaker 2: as well. He supports us almost completely, doesn't pay my

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Speaker 2: car insurance, phone, clothes, personal items, and we've had to

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Speaker 2: live with his parents for almost two years. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from Throwaway one four five, and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash.

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Speaker 2: Okay Storytime suppered it. So I handled living with his

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Speaker 2: parents pretty well at first, and it was easy when

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Speaker 2: our son was an infant because we could just hang

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Speaker 2: out in our part of the house house and it

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Speaker 2: was very contained. But now he is a toddler, and

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Speaker 2: when I'm not in school, I'm with him one hundred

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Speaker 2: percent as he plays throughout the house. I'm also around

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Speaker 2: his parents a lot. This has been increasingly hard on me,

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Speaker 2: as it's a little house and his parents don't work

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Speaker 2: or leave the house, so I am around them constantly

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Speaker 2: all day. They can be super nice people, but we

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Speaker 2: don't always get along as they like to parent over me,

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Speaker 2: as in correcting our child and chastising him even when

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Speaker 2: I'm already doing it. His dad and I butt heads

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Speaker 2: a lot. In particular, once told me I needed to

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Speaker 2: do sit ups to lose my baby weight when I

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Speaker 2: was already down t one hundred and twenty five pounds

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Speaker 2: after a week, as he sort of has a tendency

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Speaker 2: to tell me what I should be feeding doing with

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Speaker 2: our son. Anyway, after over a year of this, it

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Speaker 2: has really started to wear me down. I am a

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Speaker 2: very introverted person, and the stress of being around people

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Speaker 2: who I feel judged by twenty four to seven is

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Speaker 2: really building up up. I'm also in the nursing program

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Speaker 2: at my university and it is extremely intensive, so I'm

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Speaker 2: stressed all day at school and coming home to more stress.

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Speaker 2: I told my boyfriend all of this and that I

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Speaker 2: really needed a break, and I tentatively asked him what

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Speaker 2: he thought about moving in with my parents, who are

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Speaker 2: only five miles away. He refused to do that and

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Speaker 2: said he would let me move out break up before

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Speaker 2: he came with me. Who pray, let's do that. Look

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Speaker 2: at that, let's do that. I support that fullheartedly.

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Speaker 3: Done, done, easy peasy.

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Speaker 2: You're twenty nine living. I mean, you know, it's totally

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Speaker 2: fine to live with your parents at any age. Really,

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Speaker 2: there are like a lot of different circumstances. But I

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Speaker 2: do just want to point out it's twenty nine, got

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Speaker 2: together with an eighteen year old at twenty five, had

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Speaker 2: a kid immediately, doesn't seem like he's supporting her emotionally

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Speaker 2: or financially really that much.

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Speaker 3: I didn't really care about her at all.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't care about her at all. Seems very immature. Isn't

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Speaker 2: with his kid much, isn't with his kid much? Not

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Speaker 2: looking great well. After a lot of tension about this

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Speaker 2: issue and it being a really big deal in our relationship,

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Speaker 2: my parents announced that they were going out of town

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Speaker 2: for a week for their anniversary. They asked me if

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Speaker 2: my boyfriend and I would stay in their house and

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Speaker 2: take care of the dogs. During this time, I was

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Speaker 2: so excited an empty house for a week. It sounded

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Speaker 2: like the best recharge from the constant stress of living here,

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Speaker 2: and I told my boyfriend as much. He ammed an

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Speaker 2: owd about it for a couple of weeks before finally

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Speaker 2: announcing that he would not do it. He told me

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Speaker 2: I should do it and he would try to stay

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Speaker 2: one day, but he was going to be busy at

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Speaker 2: work and did not want the extra drive time It

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Speaker 2: would literally be five additional minutes. He said he deserved

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Speaker 2: to be comfortable after a long day of work and

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Speaker 2: that there was no point in him coming to stay

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Speaker 2: with us, but that I was welcome to. He also

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Speaker 2: suggested me driving out three to four times a day

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Speaker 2: to let the dogs out while still staying here as

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Speaker 2: a good alternative. I told this to my parents that

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Speaker 2: I would stay, not him, and they were extremely insulted.

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Speaker 2: To them, this is just beyond disrespectful to make the

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Speaker 2: mother of his child stay alone instead of a five

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Speaker 2: minute additional drive. They said there was no way they

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Speaker 2: would let their daughter house sit alone with a toddler.

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Speaker 2: It's a semi iffy neighborhood and we've had some incidents

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Speaker 2: and now They're extremely upset with him, since they do

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Speaker 2: a lot for him and us, and this is the

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Speaker 2: first favor they've ever asked for. They can't afford to

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Speaker 2: kennel the dog, so this kind of calls their vacation

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Speaker 2: into question. MY feelings are hurt that he has no

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Speaker 2: problem upsetting my parents so much and doesn't care what

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Speaker 2: this does to their opinion of him. Be just not

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Speaker 2: great right now when they know how badly I want

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Speaker 2: to stay at their house my house, and he refuses anyway.

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Speaker 2: Sorry this post is so long, but this really has

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Speaker 2: me thinking. I did the math, and I have lived

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Speaker 2: with his parents for six hundred and thirty days. Girl,

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Speaker 2: you need to get out.

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Speaker 3: Of there, you know, run run far away, five miles away.

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Speaker 4: Just short of it's one point seven years.

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Speaker 2: Told him that I am not comfortable living here, that

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Speaker 2: I feel judged, and that I'm generally not happy. This

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Speaker 2: has been a huge issue with us recently, and he's

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Speaker 2: still not at all swayed by this. I asked him

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Speaker 2: why he wouldn't do it for me for one week

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Speaker 2: when I do it for him. I living in his parents'

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Speaker 2: house every day, and his response was that he's not

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Speaker 2: making me do that he said, it's my choice and

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Speaker 2: I could leave whenever I want. So I can't say

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Speaker 2: it's something that I'm doing for him, but it is.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing it so I can be with him.

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Speaker 3: So he just flat up said I don't want to

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Speaker 3: be with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, he said, he said, And he would rather

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Speaker 2: break up with you than move in with your parents

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Speaker 2: for a week. Well, I mean that was that was

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Speaker 2: for full time. Yeah, the breakup part was full full time.

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Speaker 3: But he won't even do it for a week in

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Speaker 3: an empty house, Like would you guys not want your

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Speaker 3: own space for a week.

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Speaker 2: That's what I don't understand. I would like, like you

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Speaker 2: wouldn't jump at the chance to have an empty house

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Speaker 2: with your partner. But it is I'm doing it so

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Speaker 2: I can be with him, not because I just randomly

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Speaker 2: love it. Here, I don't get why he can't do

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Speaker 2: something for me that I'm willing to do for him.

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Speaker 2: I can't get this out of my mind that he

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Speaker 2: refuses to do this for me. He knows how much

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Speaker 2: this is bothering me, and he said a gush, I'm

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Speaker 2: being selfish, and then changed the topic. But I can't

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Speaker 2: change the topic. It's seriously all I think about. To me,

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Speaker 2: it has called our whole relationship into question and made

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Speaker 2: it all feel so one sided. There are more incidents

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Speaker 2: where he won't put helping me above his own comfort.

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Speaker 2: The other morning, I had been awake until four am

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Speaker 2: studying for an anatomy exam and he was watching TV late.

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Speaker 2: The next morning, I begged him to read out my

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Speaker 2: flashcards for me in the twenty minutes I needed to

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Speaker 2: spend getting dressed to go to class, and he said

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Speaker 2: he didn't feel like it. Why am I with someone

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Speaker 2: who isn't willing to make himself uncomfortable for something that

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Speaker 2: means so much to me? When he's fine with me

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Speaker 2: being uncomfortable where I live every day? Am I being

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Speaker 2: unreasonable and just can't see it? And there is an

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Speaker 2: update folks, But yeah, I think that this relationship is over.

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Speaker 3: You're not unreasonable. He is a man child.

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Speaker 2: Man child baby baby boy, and he can't do he

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Speaker 2: can't make sacrifices to to you know, and we're doing

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Speaker 2: strong yeah strong air quotations for sacrifices.

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Speaker 4: And the beautiful thing here in this Reddit post is

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Speaker 4: she didn't know breaking up with him is an option.

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Speaker 4: After reading these comments, she's definitely.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she's gonna be like, Oh, I can live

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Speaker 2: with my parents with my daughter and have a much

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Speaker 2: better life than I do.

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Speaker 3: With this guy.

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Speaker 2: Get my nursing dery. He's huh, yeah.

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Speaker 3: They're gonna call it way more than.

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Speaker 2: Update. So basically, we're currently and have been for the

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Speaker 2: past six days, house sitting for my parents.

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Speaker 5: Oh.

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Speaker 2: The morning I made my post, I had also sent

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Speaker 2: him a text saying that basically I was still upset

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Speaker 2: over the issue and it wasn't going away. He didn't reply,

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Speaker 2: but called me on his way home our ritual and

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Speaker 2: said that he had been thinking about what I said

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Speaker 2: all day as he worked and wanted to wait to

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Speaker 2: actually talk about instead of texting. He said that he

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Speaker 2: had been thinking a lot about why he was being

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Speaker 2: selfish and what he was feeling. We had a long

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Speaker 2: talk and it was really nice and open, and we

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Speaker 2: both shared some of the negative feelings that we had

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Speaker 2: been having. I think we started working on a lot

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Speaker 2: of pent up issues and I'm so glad we got

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Speaker 2: things out in the open. He shared with me a

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Speaker 2: lot and then really listened to what I was saying

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Speaker 2: as well.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, this sounds like such a backtrack.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't trust this. He also said about the

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Speaker 2: house sitting, specifically that he had been afraid I was

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Speaker 2: using the nine days to try and trick him into

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Speaker 2: moving there. Red flag, God flag. This threw me for

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Speaker 2: a loop because that thought I'd been nowhere in my mind,

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Speaker 2: I was generally I was genuinely thinking of it as

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Speaker 2: a brief break. He said that this irrational fear of

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Speaker 2: me wanting to trick him into moving made him initially

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Speaker 2: want to say no, and then selfishness about changing his routine,

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Speaker 2: and then he said that just plain stubbornness made him

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Speaker 2: dig his heels in. After that, he was really open

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Speaker 2: and regretful about not being there for me. Anyway. My

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Speaker 2: parents left the next day and he came over with me,

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Speaker 2: and we've been staying here and it's been so nice

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Speaker 2: and relaxing. I feel refreshed. It is nice to have

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Speaker 2: family time. And his work schedule has been less demanding

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Speaker 2: than he thought, so he's been here a lot. His

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Speaker 2: commute has also only been about fifteen minutes total, so

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Speaker 2: not even more than usual. This man was complaining about

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Speaker 2: a twenty minute commute and it's.

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Speaker 3: Not even twenty minutes.

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Speaker 2: There's more to the story. But I feel like, oh,

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Speaker 2: he is in this very dangerous position of being like

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Speaker 2: everything's better when it's not.

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Speaker 3: When it sounds like you guys still didn't actually.

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Speaker 2: Talk of nothing Salid. It seems like he just got

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Speaker 2: his way.

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Speaker 3: Right well, I mean, yeah, he came to staying at

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Speaker 3: the house belief.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because he was like, oh, I'm gonna get my

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Speaker 2: way about staying here up to it with his parents

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Speaker 2: because he's like, oh, I don't have to move into

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Speaker 2: your parents' house, So I'm fine with this now.

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Speaker 3: The only positive thing I could think of coming from

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Speaker 3: this is that they do this and he's like, Wow,

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Speaker 3: this space is so nice. Yeah, in the move in, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I don't see that happening.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't see this man doing anything that doesn't

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Speaker 2: benefit himself. But there is a little bit left to

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Speaker 2: this story. I don't like this man. You should divorce

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Speaker 2: him or break up. The only complaint is sleeping in

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Speaker 2: my not king size bed. So maybe that's not the

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Speaker 2: breakup ending that would be hoped for. It isn't. I'm upset,

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Speaker 2: but I feel so much better knowing his reasoning wasn't

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Speaker 2: just pure indifference and that he at least came around

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Speaker 2: the end, at least came around the end. Girl, you're

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Speaker 2: twenty two.

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Speaker 5: You got a whole.

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Speaker 2: Life to live, don't waste it on this twenty nine

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Speaker 2: year old baby.

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Speaker 3: I was really just the fact that he was like,

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Speaker 3: cause you were gonna trick me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he thought you were gonna trick them, And instead

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Speaker 2: of communicating, he just said.

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Speaker 3: Nah, right, he thinks that low of you.

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Speaker 2: I was really so shocked when writing the last post

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Speaker 2: because he's not normally like this at all. Ken's why

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Speaker 2: it threw me that he would be so against this.

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Speaker 2: My only thing I would want advice about is how

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Speaker 2: to maintain this closeness even when we're back in the

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Speaker 2: more stressful environment of living in a shared space. You

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Speaker 2: can't don't go better Otherwise. Though I'm feeling so much

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Speaker 2: better than when I wrote the first post, I'm feeling worse. No,

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Speaker 2: that's a worse.

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Speaker 3: I bought a new car even though I knew my

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Speaker 3: girlfriend would be.

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Speaker 2: Upset, and there it is.

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Speaker 5: Uh. Oh.

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Speaker 3: I am twenty seven and my girlfriend, Georgia is twenty five,

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Speaker 3: and she works as a pharmacy associate. We have been

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Speaker 3: together for two and a half years, and I do

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Speaker 3: see a future with her. I work in healthcare and

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Speaker 3: have been scrimping and saving through most of my twenties.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have much of a college experience and have

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Speaker 3: just stacked money for my future. By the way, this

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Speaker 3: comes from I buy Audie and if you want to

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Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: storytime subreddit. So recently, I got fed up with my

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Speaker 3: Hyundai and decided that it's finally time to trade it

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Speaker 3: in for something nice and comfortable for myself. I told

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Speaker 3: my girlfriend about my plan and she asked me what

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Speaker 3: cars I was looking at, and she vehemently disagreed. I

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Speaker 3: found it surprising, but I said that I wanted to

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Speaker 3: get the car anyway. This was a point of contention

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Speaker 3: for a while, so I found myself holding off on

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Speaker 3: biting the bullet on purchasing a car. This has been

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Speaker 3: the first real fight in our relationship. I would bring

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Speaker 3: it up and she would either shut it down or

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Speaker 3: would give me some reason I didn't find particularly convincing.

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Speaker 3: It's too expensive. Well, I can afford it. I have

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Speaker 3: a lot of money save. Eventually, I was getting frustrated

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Speaker 3: and I vented with my friend and he said she's

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Speaker 3: joining us into your life. She can either hop.

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Speaker 2: On or not.

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Speaker 3: You don't need her permission. I figured that was a

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Speaker 3: valid point, so I told Georgia that I was getting

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Speaker 3: your car. She said, do what you want, and that

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Speaker 3: was that.

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Speaker 2: Wait, I'm confused why she's against it. Yeah, she's just

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Speaker 2: against it.

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Speaker 3: She gave note it too expensive, But it's saving for

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Speaker 3: all of his twenties and his money.

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Speaker 2: You guys aren't married.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I could see the thing because if you get

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Speaker 4: like a nice car, you also have to get nice insurance,

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Speaker 4: and then on top of that, you also have to

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Speaker 4: get nice gas.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, like at the end of the day, it's his.

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Speaker 3: It is his, I mean saving for a decade.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: If my girlfriend wanted to get like a really nice

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Speaker 4: Chevrolet and I was like, hey, you know, you're gonna

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Speaker 4: have to like pay more gas more than this and money,

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Speaker 4: and if they're like always talking about how like they

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Speaker 4: don't have a lot of money, I probably would be mad.

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Speaker 2: Sure, I could give advice, yeah, you know, be like, hey,

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Speaker 2: do you think do you have the money for that?

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Speaker 3: Right? But if they came back and they were like,

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Speaker 3: I have money for it, say, oh great, I got

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Speaker 3: a twenty twenty two Audie A six forty five Premium Plus.

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Speaker 3: I test drove it and it rode so smooth. It

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Speaker 3: had black leather seats, white exterior, low miles, clean carfax,

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Speaker 3: and twenty inch V rooms. I was so happy. Oh

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Speaker 3: here we go. I got it for nine for thirty

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Speaker 3: nine K out of the door. I put fifteen K down,

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Speaker 3: traded in my Hyundai, and financed the rest through my

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Speaker 3: credit union. I drove home grinning ear to ear. I

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Speaker 3: called my girlfriend later that day and invited her to

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Speaker 3: my apartment. I cooked her salmon and mashed potatoes, and

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Speaker 3: cracked open a store bought cheesecake. Eventually, I took her

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Speaker 3: outside and showed her the car. I figured, once she

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Speaker 3: saw how nice of a purchase I made, maybe she

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Speaker 3: wouldn't be so mad. After all, could you be mad

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Speaker 3: as a passenger princess in German luxury? It was a

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00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:01,560
Speaker 3: vain hope. She was upset. She said, you actually did it?

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Speaker 3: I said yeah, I said I was going to. We

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Speaker 3: started bickering. She asked how much it cost. I told her.

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Speaker 3: She said that's more than I make in a year.

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Speaker 3: I said, yeah, but I can afford it. We went

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Speaker 3: back and forth, but the argument devolved. Eventually, I said,

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Speaker 3: if you can't be happy for me, you can just

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Speaker 3: go ahead and go home. She started tearing up and apologized.

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Speaker 3: I apologized for snapping. We just had a quiet night

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Speaker 3: in after that. Today I spoke with my girlfriend and

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Speaker 3: she said that she wanted an apology from me for

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Speaker 3: disregarding her feelings regarding me purchasing an expensive vehicle. I

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00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:45,600
Speaker 3: told her no apology was coming for that. I was

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Speaker 3: happy with my purchase. She can either get over it

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Speaker 3: or not, but how she felt about it was not

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Speaker 3: my problem to solve. She said that was really mean,

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Speaker 3: and I said it was really mean. She was trying

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Speaker 3: to control my purchases as a grown man. Am I

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Speaker 3: the A hole? And we have some comments? Do you

335
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,280
Speaker 3: have any thoughts or do you want to just jump

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00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:13,920
Speaker 3: to the comments. I think basically, she's so mad about it,

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00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 3: even though he was like, I can pay for it.

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00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,920
Speaker 2: I don't know why she's so mad about it.

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00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,280
Speaker 3: I apology for what for her. They got a little

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Speaker 3: snappy at each other.

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Speaker 2: I think it's all silly.

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00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,720
Speaker 3: I think ultimately they're not married, they're not set to

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00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 3: be getting married. We have some comments comment one not

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00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 3: the A hole evidently y'all don't even live together. Not

345
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,960
Speaker 3: her call. No apology is necessary on your part. Just

346
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,680
Speaker 3: watch out if she continues to harp about it, shut

347
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 3: it down immediately. You might want to reconsider the relationship.

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Speaker 3: You're young and saved for this beautiful car and had

349
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 3: every right to purchase it. This is coming from a

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00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 3: mom and grandma a reply. Best thing to do is

351
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,040
Speaker 3: treat the car right. Do the require maintenance, and we'll

352
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,480
Speaker 3: run for a long time. Personally, I've always bought the

353
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,919
Speaker 3: low end Honda Civic, ran it for one hundred and

354
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,000
Speaker 3: twenty five thousand miles before I had to sell it

355
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 3: for moving overseas. New owner took it for a test

356
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,639
Speaker 3: drive and asked if I wanted more money because it

357
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:20,159
Speaker 3: was in pristine shape. Even friends and family discount. Ultimately,

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00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,840
Speaker 3: it seems you and the girlfriend are not on the

359
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:26,919
Speaker 3: same page financially. It's difficult to see this relationship working

360
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Speaker 3: out long term. And Opie says it's a German car,

361
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,440
Speaker 3: so it's even more important to be on top of maintenance.

362
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,359
Speaker 3: I'm going to treat her like a princess. The car

363
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,439
Speaker 3: is that the girlfriend TVD right now, she's upset at me.

364
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,480
Speaker 2: I think that's just such a silly thing to be

365
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Speaker 2: upset about.

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00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I also don't think that comment was necessary.

367
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:51,120
Speaker 2: But yeah, I have a ger my car. Blah blah blah.

368
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:52,879
Speaker 3: I'm sure about her.

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00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a you know what I would say

370
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,920
Speaker 2: to the girlfriend. I would I would pull a superman

371
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,960
Speaker 2: as well. You know that's very sick.

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00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,040
Speaker 3: That's what I would say comment too. If she has

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00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,199
Speaker 3: no financial involvement, she has no say over what you

374
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:10,240
Speaker 3: do with your money. Yeah, and someone says one hundred

375
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 3: percent correct. She can, however, consider how he spends his

376
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 3: money as a factor in whether he is someone she

377
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,199
Speaker 3: wants to stay in a long term relationship with and

378
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 3: potentially marry. Sounds like Opie is already prepared for the

379
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 3: possibility she may break up with him, though. Update Well,

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Speaker 3: I got to the root of the issue with my

381
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 3: girlfriend after we spoke yesterday. First things first, to clear

382
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 3: up if you commonly mentioned things in the comments. My

383
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,640
Speaker 3: girlfriend wasn't expecting a ring, didn't want one.

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Speaker 5: Wall.

385
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 3: She was deciding whether to go to grad school or

386
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 3: pharmacy school. I can afford the car. I work as

387
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 3: a nurse making over seventy K and have a lot

388
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 3: of saving matth Riley, Can you afford it?

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00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,360
Speaker 4: Math Riley, depending on one where he lives, and then

390
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,080
Speaker 4: two seventy K for five hundred dollars a month car

391
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 4: that's oo, I mean, but.

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Speaker 3: He'd be done with that in three years, and presumably he'd.

393
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Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, no, he'd be done with that if

394
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Speaker 5: it was.

395
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 3: Just it was three years, no, no, five hundred and.

396
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Speaker 4: Thirty without the gas and everything like that. Okay, yeah,

397
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,679
Speaker 4: but that's still a hefty expense that if I was

398
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 4: making that much of that age, I probably would put

399
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 4: that towards like investments. Your money, your money, man, you

400
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 4: can definitely afford it.

401
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 3: Though I've worked as a nurse for four years, I

402
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,639
Speaker 3: lived with my parents for three of those years and

403
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 3: didn't spend much at all. They used Audie. A six

404
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 3: I purchased is the biggest purchase I've ever made, and

405
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,919
Speaker 3: I wanted to finance half of it in case I

406
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 3: want a mortgage in the future. Things have gotten better

407
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 3: between the two of us since the exchange. At the

408
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Speaker 3: end of our last post, I did take her out

409
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,239
Speaker 3: to get some ice cream and also surprised her by

410
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 3: taking her to get her nails done as well. She

411
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,639
Speaker 3: asked if I was trying to bribe her out of

412
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 3: being mad, and I said no, just trying to be kind,

413
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,639
Speaker 3: even though I had planned these weekend activities ahead of

414
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,680
Speaker 3: time and was still fairly mad at her. Normally, after

415
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,119
Speaker 3: a date out, we would wrap things up at my place,

416
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,280
Speaker 3: but I didn't have the bandwidth and wanted some space.

417
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 3: I dropped her back off at her parents' house and

418
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 3: asked if she could come by my place tomorrow so

419
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 3: we could just squash the issue looming over our relationship.

420
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 3: She said, okay. I ran errands yesterday and prepared for

421
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 3: my girlfriend to come by. Around six. She came by

422
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 3: after her shift. I sat her down at the table

423
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 3: with a pizza. There's the bribe.

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Speaker 2: The bribe is a whole day thing. There's it's multiple

425
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 2: steps to this bribe.

426
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, smart man, it would work on me, would work.

427
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 2: It's already working. It's already working on it's already working.

428
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, what I wouldn't give.

429
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 3: Pizza, ice cream and nails.

430
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,120
Speaker 2: I don't even like. I don't really get my nails done.

431
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 2: But I would work and then maybe a little four

432
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 2: forehead kids.

433
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 3: Just smooch on the.

434
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 2: Dinner.

435
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:56,679
Speaker 3: Look at her longing into the distance and basically just

436
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,879
Speaker 3: asked that we keep it civil and try not to

437
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 3: get too emotional. I asked her why the car was

438
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,680
Speaker 3: too expensive. She said that it just was. It's an

439
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,920
Speaker 3: excess and wasteful. I said that I agree. That caught

440
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 3: her off card She's.

441
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,480
Speaker 2: Like yelling at you. She's like, it's excessive and wasteful,

442
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 2: and You're like yeah, and she's like, well, who I

443
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:18,959
Speaker 2: didn't okay.

444
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 3: I told her that I saved a lot of money

445
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 3: and basically spent very little on myself, so just once

446
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 3: I wanted to be excessive on myself. She asked if

447
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 3: it's a one off thing. I said probably. I intend

448
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 3: to treat the car very well. I asked why her

449
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 3: reaction was so strong to the car. This is where

450
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 3: she kind of shut down a little. I prodded her

451
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 3: a little. She said that she decided she wanted to

452
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 3: go to pharmacy school. She was going to tell me soon,

453
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 3: and while she was making this big adult decision in

454
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 3: her eyes, here I was blowing a bunch of money

455
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 3: on a luxury car. I congratulated her on making up

456
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 3: her mind on a career. I didn't particularly agree with

457
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,680
Speaker 3: the characterization, but I could see how she could see

458
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 3: it that way. I asked which school she was applying to,

459
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 3: and she mentioned a few public universities in our state.

460
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 3: I asked how she was planning on paying, and she

461
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 3: said she had no other options than loans. She was

462
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 3: also hoping I would be willing to help out or

463
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 3: chip in.

464
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 2: There it is folks. For there, it is folks. She

465
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 2: wants your money and that's why she's upset that you're not.

466
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 2: You're paying something else with a paying not titled to it.

467
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 4: If that was the case, I would get a game

468
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 4: plan for an investment, because I like, oh, I'm going

469
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,399
Speaker 4: to be investing in you. This will be interest, you know,

470
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 4: whenever we get married or whatever I want to. I

471
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 4: want you to do the chores or whatever, like I

472
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 4: don't know, make make an investment or like say you

473
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 4: pay more for the house or whatnot.

474
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, there's so much happening behind you.

475
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:50,120
Speaker 5: It's a guy. Anyways.

476
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 3: I told her that I loved her, but that she

477
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 3: took out her anxieties of being able to pay for

478
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 3: her pharmacy degree on me instead of being happy for me.

479
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 3: She apologized for that and said she didn't realize that

480
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 3: getting a nice car meant a lot to me. She

481
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,199
Speaker 3: started crying and I held her for a bit. We

482
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 3: have a little bit more. But that's I mean, that's crazy.

483
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 2: I mean, really, I don't know. It's so presumptuous of her.

484
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 3: Well, I thought you'd put fifteen k down on like school.

485
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 2: Truly crazy to me for her to have had this

486
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 2: whole thing where she's upset, blah blah blah, thinks that

487
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 2: him buying a car is accessible waste. And then you're like,

488
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 2: why why is she acting like this? And you find

489
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,119
Speaker 2: out that this whole time, she doesn't have the money

490
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 2: to spend on the school that she wants to and

491
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 2: was expecting you to use money and never talked to

492
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: you about it at all.

493
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 3: She said, get alone, but then him just like she

494
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 3: wasn't expecting to pay you back that money. I just

495
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 3: thought you'd chip in.

496
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 2: I thought you'd just give it to me. That's crazy.

497
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,920
Speaker 3: We spoke for a long time after that. In some

498
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 3: though things are uncertain. I feel like I saw a

499
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 3: really bad side of her before we took some really

500
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 3: big steps together.

501
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 2: Her lack of.

502
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 3: Communication and feeling of control over my purchase concerned me,

503
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 3: and I don't think it would be a good idea

504
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 3: for me to marry her. I say marry her because

505
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 3: there is no way I would support someone through a

506
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 3: pharmacy degree without some sort of legal reassurance. Things left

507
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 3: on a bittersweet note, but in I Love you nonetheless,

508
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 3: I dropped her off back at our parents' house. Right now,

509
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,919
Speaker 3: I'm ninety percent leaning towards ending this relationship because I

510
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 3: just don't see us heading in the same direction anymore.

511
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 3: I probably won't update or respond to comments.

512
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 2: For a while.

513
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 3: I have two back to back shifts starting tomorrow, and

514
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 3: I'm going to hit the hay after this post.

515
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 6: My boyfriend said his exes are crazy, so I did

516
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 6: some research.

517
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 3: Smart girl right there.

518
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 6: My boyfriend, thirty one male, is great and kind to

519
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 6: me thirty one female. We are extremely alike, but we

520
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 6: make our difference work in our favor.

521
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 5: I love them.

522
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,119
Speaker 6: We've made plans to marry in the next four or

523
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 6: so years, depending on how life and jobs go. It

524
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 6: is basically a promise to visit the option to marry

525
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 6: one day, and it has allowed us to start saving,

526
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 6: since a big wedding is what we would both want.

527
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user Wartworth wardwart Wort.

528
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 6: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

529
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 6: to the Arslage Jokay Storytime Suburden. I have a son

530
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 6: from a previous marriage, and he is just great to

531
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 6: my son. They have a sort of friend relationship since

532
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 6: my ex husband is an active father and we have

533
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 6: joint custody. The problem is that and I just recently

534
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 6: found out about this through conversations with him, his family friends,

535
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 6: and just the way he acts when we see them

536
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 6: out in public. He says all his exes, every single

537
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 6: one of them, is crazy. There's about ten that I

538
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 6: know of, and that is weird to me. My ex

539
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 6: husband and I don't exactly have the most ideal relationship.

540
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,159
Speaker 6: We won't ever be best friends, but I wouldn't call

541
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 6: him crazy. And I feel the same about my other exes.

542
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 6: I'm never going to be friends with them. They are

543
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 6: exes for a reason, but none of them are bad

544
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 6: people really, excluding one that includes a very long story

545
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 6: I won't get into here, and I wouldn't call them crazy.

546
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 6: If I see them out and about, I always at

547
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 6: least try to wave or say hi, even if I

548
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 6: don't really want to see them. It's just polite, I

549
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 6: think to acknowledge them, and I know it's awkward for

550
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 6: both parties sometimes, but I think dodging them and running

551
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 6: away would be more awkward.

552
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 5: I mean, we're in our thirties.

553
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 6: I actually have a professional relationship with one of them,

554
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,160
Speaker 6: so he emails me work related stuff once a month,

555
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,199
Speaker 6: and we are always cordial and professional. And one is

556
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 6: a chef at this restaurant I love, and I'd never

557
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 6: avoid it just to never see him. We just smile

558
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 6: and nod at each other if he happens to be there.

559
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 6: They get the same treatment I'd give just about anyone

560
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 6: my ex though apparently dodges them, runs and does everything

561
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 6: in his power never to have to speak to, or

562
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 6: remember or be reminded of any of his exes ever. Again,

563
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 6: he says he blocks them on everything, which he showed

564
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 6: me one day when we were having a debate about it.

565
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 5: It was about twenty names.

566
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 6: I didn't really have time to count all females all blocked.

567
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 6: They are all exes and dates that didn't work out.

568
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 6: That's the default for him. Now.

569
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 5: People have crazy exes.

570
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 6: I get it, I have one of them, but twenty

571
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 6: No one has twenty crazy exes or dates unless you

572
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 6: are really really bad at choosing your mates slash dates,

573
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:40,239
Speaker 6: or you're the crazy one. I recently ran into one

574
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 6: of his ex girlfriends in a coffee shop. I didn't

575
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 6: know her, but she knew me because we have mutual friends.

576
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 6: She seemed nice, so I was polite and we got

577
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 6: to talking about my boyfriend, just normal, how is he

578
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 6: kind of stuff.

579
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 5: I couldn't help but.

580
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,919
Speaker 6: Ask her how he treated her while they were together,

581
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 6: and her response bothered me. She said that they were

582
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 6: inseparable for years. They had plans to marry and have children.

583
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,479
Speaker 6: Then they split, like she went to stay at her

584
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 6: friend's house since he had to work and she didn't

585
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 6: want to be alone, and he took what little stuff

586
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 6: he had at her apartment and just split.

587
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 3: I found the common denominator.

588
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 6: Ooh hm, that's like the craziest way to do it too.

589
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 3: He's probably did that for all twenty and he just

590
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,399
Speaker 3: blocks them so they can't say anything or contact him

591
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 3: or find out what happened.

592
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 6: What if he has kids with all twenty two that

593
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 6: would be the wildest plot twist. He never talked to

594
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 6: her again, He blocked her on everything, just ran for

595
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 6: it and never checked on her again. I thought maybe

596
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 6: she's being dramatic. Everyone has a side to the story.

597
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 6: But her friend who was there that day happens to

598
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 6: be my friend too, And I asked her, and she

599
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 6: confirmed all the tears and unanswered texts and how he

600
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,040
Speaker 6: said he would pick her up and didn't it. I

601
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 6: have a bad taste in my mouth, but I asked

602
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 6: him because I wanted to.

603
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 5: Know his side.

604
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 6: He says, like he does about everyone he's ever dated,

605
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 6: that she was crazy and he had to leave no

606
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 6: choice quote she would have stalked me. The thing is

607
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 6: is that it's the same thing he says about every

608
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 6: girl he's ever dated. My grandmother, my light of rationality

609
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 6: and truth, told me that I'm probably going to end

610
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 6: up as the crazy ex when and if he and

611
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 6: I break up, because you can tell a lot about

612
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 6: a person by the way they treat the people they

613
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 6: no longer love. But she is very old school. She

614
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 6: dated maybe three people.

615
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 5: Her whole life.

616
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 6: I just suddenly have a bad feeling. He treats his

617
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 6: exes badly, he talks about them badly, he runs from

618
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 6: them in public, and.

619
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 5: They can't all be crazy.

620
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 6: Twenty women are not trying to track him down in

621
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 6: town he is cute, but.

622
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 5: No one is that cute. I have a kid and

623
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 5: a career.

624
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 6: And I'm in my thirties. I am way too boring

625
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 6: and exhausted to be the crazy X. But I think

626
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 6: he might make me into one in his head if

627
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 6: we ever split, and it just seems disrespectful to me.

628
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, of course, of course it is.

629
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, but here's the thing. You automatically have twenty girls

630
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 3: that are like, she's not crazy?

631
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, and.

632
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 3: That's probably a lot for a small town, if you're

633
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 3: in a small town.

634
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, try that in a small town. What is that

635
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 5: song about? I can't even remember.

636
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 6: I need some perspective because I'm over empathetic and extremely

637
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 6: sensitive to the feelings of others. I asked my ex

638
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 6: husband if he had more than one crazy X, and

639
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 6: he said he didn't have any.

640
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 5: But if he did, that is the sort of mistake

641
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 5: you only make once.

642
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 6: I'm not sure I want to be with someone who

643
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 6: continually keeps making that mistake, and if he is lying

644
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 6: about them, I don't want to be with someone who

645
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 6: disrespects people like that. I don't even know how to

646
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 6: begin a conversation with him about this. How do I

647
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 6: start Is it normal to have that many crazy exes?

648
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 6: There is an update, But I would say no unless

649
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 6: you're literally dating Ramona Flowers straight up.

650
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 7: Even all of them weren't crazy. Some of them were chill.

651
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, and there also weren't twenty and.

652
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 3: I bet if you talk to all these girls, they'd

653
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 3: all say the exact same thing, like he just went

654
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 3: away for work, I stayed with someone, he dipped, or

655
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: like he dipped in the middle of the night, twenty

656
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: never heard from him again.

657
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 7: The fact that he's not even cordial with one of them?

658
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 2: Go on that.

659
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 3: What's that Facebook group?

660
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 5: Oh? The do I date or whatever? The date check

661
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 5: orate him.

662
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: Or something, I can't remember what it is. Every time

663
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 3: did this man? Or something?

664
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 5: Every town?

665
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think, how do you have a conversation about this?

666
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 3: Are we dating the same man?

667
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 5: I think, like, I don't know. You just go I

668
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 5: met your ex. She's not crazy?

669
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, you say, hey, I ran into so and so.

670
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 3: Why did you What did she do exactly that you

671
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 3: had to dip in the middle of the night?

672
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 5: I get wait, can I guess she already did though?

673
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 3: Because can you name can you actually name one of

674
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 3: the crazy things that they did?

675
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 7: I want to name and then why she's crazy, like

676
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 7: even just.

677
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 3: For one of them, one thing for one of them,

678
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: and I bet he has nothing.

679
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 6: I mean, is he like this in any other elements

680
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,959
Speaker 6: of his life, like with his jobs or something like.

681
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 6: I feel like that's the most common one. Is it's

682
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 6: like someone is like always like, yeah, I had to

683
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 6: get a new job because it's like my manager was

684
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 6: like totally the worst, or like my coworker, I couldn't

685
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 6: stand my coworkers.

686
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 3: I feel like those people though, usually like pick a topic,

687
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 3: like it's like dating our jobs.

688
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 5: Yeah he's doing They pick a lane.

689
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 3: He's over a cheating back in his lane, but he's

690
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 3: doing too much.

691
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, Okay, we got an update. I just wanted to

692
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 6: give an update since I was still getting comments. I

693
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 6: had a lot of good advice in the comments.

694
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 5: Thank you.

695
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 6: Basically I should have listened to my grandmother. I sat

696
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,239
Speaker 6: down with my boyfriend last night and we talked. It

697
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 6: has been two years, but I feel like I barely

698
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 6: know him, the real him that other people get to know.

699
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 6: I asked about his exes, and I did this because

700
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 6: how he treats people matters to me, and it should

701
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 6: to anyone. How he treats his exes and just people

702
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 6: in general, is the exact way I can expect him

703
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 6: to treat me when he no longer has any use

704
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 6: for me.

705
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 5: The talk was long, the talk was hard.

706
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 6: The talk needed to happen if I'm going to marry

707
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,239
Speaker 6: this man and if I'm going to continue to let

708
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 6: him have a relationship with my son. He has a

709
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 6: history of running, and always has That's how he deals

710
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 6: with problems, and his default is to avoid actually having

711
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 6: a conversation about hard things with people because he wants

712
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 6: to spare them feelings. But really what he's saying is

713
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 6: that he just doesn't want to have to deal with

714
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 6: having an impact on their feelings. It is cowardly, unkind

715
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 6: and isn't something I desire in a partner. Although he

716
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 6: tried to tell me I was different than all those

717
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 6: other girls, he needs therapy, obviously, So I told him

718
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 6: that we're breaking up, no longer together, but I'd give

719
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 6: him time to find a place to move.

720
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 5: I own the house.

721
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 6: He was free to crash in the guest bedroom or

722
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 6: office if that's what he wanted. I told him that

723
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 6: he needed to take a break from women and work

724
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 6: on himself. He said, he loved me and wanted to

725
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 6: be with me. He tried to claim his ex was lying.

726
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 6: He claimed a lot of those girls were one night stands,

727
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 6: maybe a few, but I know one or two who

728
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 6: he mentioned is one night's that were long term relationships.

729
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 6: I was done hearing him talk badly about people while

730
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 6: telling me he was a good person, so I ended it.

731
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,439
Speaker 6: He promised to change, and I told him I'd love

732
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 6: to see that in him, but I'm not waiting around

733
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 6: for it. I care about him as a person, and

734
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 6: I want him to go and learn better ways to

735
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 6: treat people. But I can't be his partner, not with

736
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 6: how he treats people. I can't love someone like that.

737
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 6: I didn't block him. I didn't run away or change

738
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 6: the locks and never speak to him again. I even

739
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 6: gave him a hug and asked him how he was

740
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 6: doing because he was crying. I gave him more kindness

741
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 6: than he ever offered any of those women. He asked

742
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 6: me to give him a chance to get therapy and

743
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 6: get better and apologize to his ex fiance. I told

744
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 6: him that if he went to therapy and apologized to

745
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 6: her and to some of the others, then he and

746
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 6: I could talk, but he couldn't keep treating people.

747
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 5: Like that, not if he ever wanted respect.

748
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 6: Basically, we were going to take a soft break, but

749
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 6: not really break up so.

750
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 5: He could work on those things. Ah, I don't know

751
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 5: about that's.

752
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 3: Just breaking up. You're still just breaking up.

753
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 6: I think you need to break up just because if

754
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:18,320
Speaker 6: you add that caveat to this situation, you you won't

755
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 6: know if he's actually changing or if he's just changing

756
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,399
Speaker 6: to reach the finish line, which is you getting back

757
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 6: together with him, and then he can just completely not

758
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 6: care about that ever again. I even held his hand

759
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 6: for a little bit after it was all over and

760
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 6: wished him, well, we do have a little bit more

761
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 6: story life. But do we have any closing thoughts? I

762
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 6: think I think we've done the right thing. You've broken up.

763
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 3: Curly Sunshine says he wants to be the one to

764
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 3: end it and run away.

765
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, it sounds like I mean he's he's the first one.

766
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,879
Speaker 7: You're probably the first one to break up with him or.

767
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, take away, which I feel like he's going to

768
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 3: have some crazy crash out and anything that he said

769
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 3: those girls were doing, he's going to do to you.

770
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 3: So prepared to be stock.

771
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 5: Ooh, yeah, I would get ready for the crazy.

772
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 6: If he says everyone's crazy and not him, he's going

773
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 6: to the crazy.

774
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 8: Out or he's once he gets back, like I guess

775
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 8: back on his feet, he's gonna be like, she's crazy,

776
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 8: you're crazy, Opie.

777
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 3: Well she'll be deemed as crazy either way. But I

778
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 3: think that he'll go a little bit crazy on her.

779
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 5: Yeah.

780
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,959
Speaker 6: I think it's just time to like, you know, don't

781
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,240
Speaker 6: make it this song. I don't like the soft breakup.

782
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,359
Speaker 6: It should just be break up. Don't talk to him,

783
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 6: don't listen to what he has to say. Just time

784
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 6: to move on your Your grandma is right. Yeah, you're

785
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:27,720
Speaker 6: doing the right thing.

786
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 8: Because you don't know how long it's gonna take. You're like,

787
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 8: I'll wait for you. You don't want to do that.

788
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 5: You're leaving the door cracked for him.

789
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,919
Speaker 6: He asked if he could still pick up my son

790
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 6: after camp and take him out like they had planned.

791
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 5: I agreed that I thought that was a good idea.

792
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,319
Speaker 6: While I was at work this morning, he moved a

793
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 6: lot of his stuff out of my house and unfollowed

794
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 6: me on all social media. I checked up on him,

795
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,359
Speaker 6: and all my calls went right to voicemail. He never

796
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 6: picked my son up from camp. I'm pretty sure he

797
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 6: did what he always does.

798
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:56,840
Speaker 3: I'm shocked.

799
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 2: What do you know.

800
00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories,

801
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: but here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

802
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 1: keep the show alive.

803
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 2: My mother is upset because my father is walking me

804
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 2: down the aisle. Well, go ahead and just crib me

805
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 2: river backstory. My mother and father had an emergency wedding

806
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 2: because they accidentally got pregnant with my twin brother and me.

807
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,439
Speaker 2: Shock pudding, huh nice. They believed it was the right

808
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 2: thing to do since they got pregnant before marriage. My

809
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 2: father at the time was a heavy drinker. They eventually

810
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 2: did get divorced when I was seven, but about two

811
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 2: years before they did, he decided to get sober for

812
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 2: his family. By the way, this comes from toward or

813
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 2: fifty eight fifty eight on the r slash Charlotte dop

814
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 2: Bray YouTube subbred it and if you want to smit your

815
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subre

816
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 2: at it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and oh Pi says

817
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 2: after they got divorced, my mother attempted to not have

818
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 2: my father and my brothers in my life. After a

819
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 2: few years in the court system, they decided that we

820
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 2: could see my father every Tuesday and Friday after school.

821
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,439
Speaker 2: She then started to state that she wouldn't be able

822
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 2: to pick us up afterward due to her going back

823
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 2: to school, which good for her. I do recognize her

824
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 2: going back to support us and herself. That was a

825
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 2: very selfless and brave thing of her, and she deserves

826
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 2: a round of applause for that. She also started bribing

827
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 2: us with movies, toys, and dinner. Sometimes we would take

828
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 2: it and sometimes we didn't, but if we didn't, she

829
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 2: would be upset at us for the rest of the week.

830
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: Keep the bribing part in mind for the future. My

831
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 2: father and I, as I got older, became really close.

832
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 2: We are both so much alike and I am so

833
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,320
Speaker 2: happy to call him my dad. Even with all the

834
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 2: rough stuff from the past, I have forgiven him and

835
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 2: that has made our bond stronger as a whole. To

836
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 2: the story, I twenty three female, am getting married to Billy,

837
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:49,240
Speaker 2: twenty seven male in May of twenty twenty seven. Billy,

838
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 2: at first, due to worrying about family drama, we were

839
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 2: going to a lope where we got engaged and go

840
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 2: crazy on her honeymoon, But after talking with one another,

841
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,240
Speaker 2: we wanted to celebrate with everyone we love and bring

842
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 2: everyone together as a family, so we decided to have

843
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 2: a micro wedding instead. The first thing I should have

844
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 2: seen coming was that we had to have a talk

845
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 2: with my mother about my father being invited to my wedding.

846
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 2: At first, she was not happy and stated that she

847
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 2: might not come to our wedding. Oh my god, come on,

848
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 2: nor would my older and twin brother, nor most of

849
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 2: my family on her side. Is she telling you that?

850
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 2: Or did they say that? But after a while of

851
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 2: her thinking, she decided that she would have to think

852
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 2: about it. Sounded more like she was going to attend

853
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 2: my wedding, and I was satisfied. The second thing was

854
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 2: that I was looking at two venues, one closer to

855
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:45,240
Speaker 2: her and one closer to me that Billie actually found

856
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 2: and I loved. She lives an hour away from me.

857
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 2: I told her the one closer to me was the

858
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 2: one I was looking at the most, because it's in

859
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,879
Speaker 2: the middle for everyone. My fiance's family lives about an

860
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,280
Speaker 2: hour away from me as well, but in a different

861
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 2: town than my mother. After sending her the link to

862
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 2: the venue, she became upset with me over the phone,

863
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 2: stating that it was closer to my Fiatze's family than

864
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 2: I was for her, and she felt a certain way

865
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: that Billy chose it. She also stated that she would

866
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 2: have to think about coming again because it was a

867
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 2: longer drive for her than it would be for his family.

868
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 2: It was only longer by seventeen minutes. I was hurt

869
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 2: and snaps, stating that Billy chose it because it was

870
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 2: everything I wanted for everyone, and not bad mouth him

871
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 2: due to my choice. She then became silent, apologized, and

872
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 2: we moved on. Here is the final straw and the

873
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 2: whole reason I'm writing this. I'm at the point of

874
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 2: my wits end. My mother called asking if I wanted

875
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 2: to have a day where we hang out, no chores,

876
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 2: no one else, just us. I agreed, thinking it would

877
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 2: be fun to a mommy daughter day. At first, everything

878
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 2: was great. We went out to eat, took a drive,

879
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 2: just talked, got some donuts, and just relaxed. It was

880
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 2: way too good for something not to be up, but

881
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 2: I didn't see it. After I left and started my drive,

882
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 2: back home, I got a phone call from her. Of

883
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 2: course I picked up, and then she started her questions.

884
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 2: She said she had a great time today. I told

885
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 2: her I did too, and that it was nice to

886
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 2: just hang out. She agreed, but then asked if she

887
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 2: could talk to me about something. Said sure, or what's up?

888
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 2: She asked, who was gonna walk me down the aisle?

889
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 2: I said I hadn't thought that far yet. She asked

890
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 2: if I had an idea. I said I didn't know,

891
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 2: but if I had to choose now, it would probably

892
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 2: be my dad. Yeah. She asked why. I said, because

893
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 2: he's my dad and that's the typical tradition, right. She said,

894
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 2: he didn't raise me. I said, well, he is a

895
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 2: big part of my life. Mom. She then said she

896
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 2: had to go and hung up the phone. Not even

897
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 2: five minutes later, I got a text from my grandma saying, oh, Pee,

898
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 2: you just broke your mother's heart. Shut out my gosh.

899
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,439
Speaker 2: I was flabbergasted and angry. It felt like the whole

900
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 2: point of hanging out with her was just for her

901
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 2: to butter me up and tell her what she wanted

902
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 2: to hear. After I got home and talked with my

903
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 2: fiance and a friend about what had happened. They recommended

904
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 2: that I contact someone with an unbiased opinion, like a

905
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 2: pastor who has seen this stuff before. I don't go

906
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 2: to church, so I decided to contact the efficient for

907
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 2: our wedding. With his approval, I notified him of everything.

908
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 2: He stated, it's been a long time. My advice is

909
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 2: to have them both walk you down the aisle, but

910
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,760
Speaker 2: not along with whom is sharing or giving away the bride.

911
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 2: But give them both a hog each and have them

912
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 2: sit down where they want. Yeah, but if if she

913
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 2: was not even like if she was thinking about not

914
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 2: even going to the wedding, yeah, I don't know if

915
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 2: she's gonna enjoy being right next to her ex.

916
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 9: Husband, right, I know. I kind of wondered about that too, him, Like,

917
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 9: I mean, yeah, like that is a tradition that people

918
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:01,880
Speaker 9: do too, Like it's usually the father, but like I

919
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 9: have seen where just.

920
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, both your parents.

921
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 9: But but yeah, it's like I would wonder how well

922
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,720
Speaker 9: they would act when they're like that close together.

923
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 2: I can't imagine. Well, yeah, after I thought about it,

924
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 2: I agreed and sent her this message. I reached out

925
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 2: to the Efficient to get some guidance from someone with

926
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 2: experience and an outside perspective. He suggested the idea of

927
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 2: having both of you walk me down the aisle together,

928
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 2: not in a traditional giving away sense, but more as

929
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 2: a united show of support. After giving it a lot

930
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 2: of thought, I've decided this feels like the right choice

931
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 2: for me. I really hope you'll take some time to

932
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: think about this before making any decisions or involving others.

933
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 2: I'd appreciate it if we could keep this between us

934
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,760
Speaker 2: for now, without others reaching out to try and change

935
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 2: my mind. This is something I've thought through carefully, and

936
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 2: it's really important to me to feel supported in this choice.

937
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 2: It has been a few weeks and she is still

938
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:02,879
Speaker 2: not talked to me. Oh my gosh, what do you want? Mother?

939
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 2: Just be happy for your daughter to do you just

940
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 2: what do you even want? At this point? I'm over

941
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 2: the drama and I just want to be happy. Would

942
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 2: I be the butthole if I told her that she

943
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 2: needs to come up with a decision if she's coming

944
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: or not, just so I can stop worrying about her opinion.

945
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 2: I do apologize for this being a lot, and I

946
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 2: thank you all for reading and giving any advice you

947
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 2: have to give. And there's an update, But what do

948
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 2: you think? I don't know.

949
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 9: Still try to find options something that will make her happy. Maybe,

950
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 9: you know, see if there's like another way that she

951
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 9: can be involved that still feels.

952
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 2: As important or something like that.

953
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 9: But I think maybe you'll have to kind of start

954
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 9: like accepting the factor or coming to terms with your

955
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 9: mom not being at your wedding.

956
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 2: I think that you can send her maybe an RSVP

957
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 2: thing and be like, hey, need an answer by this

958
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 2: day whether or not you're coming right and being involved

959
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 2: in the wedding. And it doesn't even have to be

960
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:07,720
Speaker 2: like you have to tell me or else blah blah blah,

961
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 2: you can't be in the wedding. It's just like for

962
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 2: the venue, we need to know by this date, right,

963
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 2: And then if she doesn't respond, then you're like, okay, yeah,

964
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 2: you won't be home in the wedding because he didn't

965
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 2: let me know in time.

966
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 9: Yeah, and like I needed maybe give reasons, like you know,

967
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 9: I needed to confirm with the catering or something like

968
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 9: that or yeah, yeah, I think.

969
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 2: That would be a good idea. Update. Thank you all

970
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 2: for the responses. I greatly appreciate all the help I

971
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 2: can get After some thought, I decided to text my

972
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 2: mom requesting if we could talk about everything, due to

973
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 2: feeling if we continue to not talk, we are only

974
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:47,359
Speaker 2: going to mentally strain ourselves from one another. She immediately

975
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,280
Speaker 2: called and we started talking. I let her talk first

976
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 2: and asked why she was so hurt about everything. She

977
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:55,879
Speaker 2: started off talking about how terrible he was as a fatter,

978
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 2: everything I have heard in the past, and no. She

979
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 2: also felt that he does not even deserve to be

980
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 2: even a part of the wedding due to their poor relationship.

981
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 2: You guys have a poor relationship. Yeah, not ope, r Dad,

982
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 2: you two. I responded with apologizing to her, stating that

983
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 2: I should have never given another response. I did because

984
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 2: I knew I was not prepared for it. But I

985
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,800
Speaker 2: also told her that she had no right to contact

986
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 2: family members and tell them how I broke your heart,

987
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 2: and that really upset me. I then went over about

988
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 2: how I feel them both walking me down together and

989
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 2: as a support way and not a giving way was

990
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 2: a great compromise and so that will be my final decision.

991
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 2: She was upset, stating that was not fair to her

992
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 2: and she preferred not to put herself in that situation.

993
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 2: I then went into a conversation with her, stating that

994
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,840
Speaker 2: whether she likes it or not, I have learned to

995
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: forgive my dad and moved on from the past and

996
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: we have a wonderful relationship. I told her that he

997
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 2: has completely changed from what he was, but I understand

998
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 2: she doesn't have to talk to him anymore or be

999
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 2: around him, but I would really appreciate if she can come,

1000
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 2: even just for the ceremony. That would mean a lot.

1001
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 2: She just said, okay, but I still don't have a decision.

1002
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 2: I then got a little upset. I won't lie and

1003
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,479
Speaker 2: stated to her, as I grew up, she always made

1004
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 2: me feel pity for her. It was always poor her

1005
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 2: everywhere we went, and it always felt like my brother

1006
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 2: and I were a regret and we always had to

1007
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 2: work around stuff to just see them, especially my dad

1008
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 2: with sporting events, graduation, homecoming, and more. Then she went

1009
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 2: silent for a very long time, and the next thing

1010
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:36,359
Speaker 2: she said was, what do you want me to do

1011
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 2: about it? I think she wants you to go. I

1012
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:43,439
Speaker 2: think that's pretty clear. Yeah, I think she's just kind

1013
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 2: of told you what she wants from you, just wanted

1014
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:50,280
Speaker 2: you to hear her out and then go to the wedding. Literally,

1015
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 2: at this point I was done. I felt everything I

1016
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 2: was saying was just going over her head. I told

1017
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,240
Speaker 2: her at this point, I think we should just assume

1018
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:02,280
Speaker 2: you aren't coming, and with that, I'll not be discussing

1019
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 2: any wedding plans with you. But if you do decide

1020
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,479
Speaker 2: on coming and truly mean it, then we can talk.

1021
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 2: But right now that's my decision for everything. She agreed

1022
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 2: and we end at the call. Maybe one day she'll

1023
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 2: come to her senses, but right now I'm weirdly happy

1024
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 2: with this result. Knowing that I have an answer, I

1025
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 2: feel more at peace. Thank you all for listening, and

1026
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 2: if I have anything else, I'll let you know, and

1027
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 2: if there's any more advice, I'm all yours. Well, yeah,

1028
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 2: it makes sense why you're happy, or you know, in

1029
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: a weird way, but you have an answer. You don't

1030
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 2: have to live in this weird unknown where you're trying

1031
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 2: to get your mom to come and you don't know

1032
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 2: if she's coming.

1033
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,839
Speaker 9: You know she's not, and that's probably best for like

1034
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,280
Speaker 9: your mental health too, Like I mean.

1035
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 2: I gotta worry about so many things.

1036
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 9: Right, And like at first, when you started saying like

1037
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 9: you know, like just explaining that to your mom of

1038
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 9: how it's always been a part of me was like,

1039
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 9: oh no, but then she'll not come to the wedding.

1040
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:55,439
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1041
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 2: But then it was like, Okay, well that's cool.

1042
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:02,240
Speaker 9: Obviously not as important as like, you know, talking about

1043
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 9: this with your mom and finally saying that to her.

1044
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 2: So I lak. It was good for you to get

1045
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 2: that off your chest, for sure, but you could you

1046
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 2: had the conversation you wanted to have. She's not coming

1047
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 2: to the wedding, and that's her decision exactly. My stepmother

1048
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 2: got pregnant. Now I plan to move out. There's no room.

1049
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 9: I twenty four females still live with my dad and grandma.

1050
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 9: Typical Asian family set up. My parents divorced when I

1051
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 9: was three, and I lived with my mom until I

1052
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 9: was sixteen. From around age eleven to twelve, I was

1053
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 9: basically living alone. My mom worked as a teacher in

1054
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 9: the city, but also started a small salon business in

1055
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 9: the province, so she was constantly back and forth. I

1056
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 9: only saw her one to two days a week, but

1057
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 9: she always left food and money for me. By the way,

1058
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 9: this comes from a user name on the r slash

1059
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 9: Charlotte Doverer YouTube Separate It and if you want to

1060
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,800
Speaker 9: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1061
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 9: story time sepread it. I'm Angie and I'm Sophia and

1062
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 9: O pieces. During this time, I didn't have a real

1063
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 9: father figure. I saw my dad maybe once or twice.

1064
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 9: He didn't really know I was living alone like that.

1065
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 9: By the time I was a teen, I developed this

1066
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 9: mindset like you don't get to show love now when

1067
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 9: I needed it most back then, and it was and

1068
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 9: it still stuck with me until now. My father and

1069
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 9: I don't have a strong bond or close relationship. We

1070
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,200
Speaker 9: barely talk even while living in the same house. The

1071
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 9: only person I really talked to is my grandma. I

1072
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 9: don't care much about his life and never had the

1073
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 9: desire to build a father daughter relationship.

1074
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 2: This is how I got to live with him.

1075
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 9: At sixteen, my mom had financial issues and couldn't support

1076
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 9: me properly anymore. She asked me to ask my dad

1077
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 9: and grandma if I could move in with them. I've

1078
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,360
Speaker 9: been living with them ever since. So fast forward to

1079
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 9: twenty twenty three, my dad finally married the woman he's

1080
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 9: been with for ten years. His quote love of his life.

1081
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 9: He waited that long because he wanted me to finish

1082
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 9: high school. He's the calm, passive type who doesn't interfere

1083
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 9: much with anything. Very typical Asian dad. My stepmom is

1084
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 9: the complete opposite. She's loud, often yells when she gets wasted,

1085
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 9: and loves to party. Oh. She's usually the one who

1086
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 9: starts the arguments. They usually get invited by the neighbor

1087
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:10,879
Speaker 9: to parties, even on Tuesday nights. A few months ago,

1088
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 9: out of nowhere, my stepmom started talking to me about

1089
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 9: going to the pagoda to pray for a child. She said,

1090
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,800
Speaker 9: it's been two years and she still hasn't gotten pregnant.

1091
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 9: She kept going and said that they were still trying

1092
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 9: for a child. I didn't really want to hear this part,

1093
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 9: so I just sat there nodding and giving polite responses

1094
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 9: like hmm oh.

1095
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 2: Then then she asked for my opinion.

1096
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,720
Speaker 9: I said, well, that's your life, not really my business,

1097
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 9: but I just getting a job and saving up some money. Also,

1098
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 9: by that time, i'll probably move out. She immediately replied,

1099
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 9: your father won't let you. I replied, he can't stop

1100
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 9: me if I wanted to.

1101
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,360
Speaker 2: Oh pease an adult yeah, it was not let her

1102
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,399
Speaker 2: move out? Yeah, what is that? What does that mean?

1103
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 9: That conversation really made me start thinking about saving up

1104
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 9: and planning to move out.

1105
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 2: Jump to August third.

1106
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 9: I was alone in the kitchen when she came up

1107
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:07,320
Speaker 9: to me and said, I have good news.

1108
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 2: I already knew what it was. She's pregnant.

1109
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:14,240
Speaker 9: I congratulated her and asked how far along. She said

1110
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 9: two months. Then she said, please don't tell your grandma,

1111
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 9: your aunt, or anyone yet. I said okay. Then she continued,

1112
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 9: you don't have to move out. Your dad doesn't want

1113
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:25,799
Speaker 9: you to, and your grandma will blame me if you do.

1114
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: This is weird.

1115
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 9: The thing is, I want to move out because I

1116
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 9: want my own space. I can afford it, and I

1117
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 9: can take care of myself. And I've always dreamed of

1118
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 9: living alone again, Like when I was young. I grew

1119
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 9: up in a different mindset, shaped by being independent at

1120
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 9: a young age. I truly appreciate having a roof over

1121
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 9: my head all these years, but I simply don't want

1122
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 9: to live with them anymore. There was even one time

1123
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:50,399
Speaker 9: they got into a wasted argument that turned really bad.

1124
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 9: She was screaming so loud and it traumatized me. That

1125
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 9: was a turning point for me. At that moment, I realized,

1126
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,360
Speaker 9: if I stay, she'll just see me as proof to

1127
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 9: my Grandma that she's not the reason I left. My

1128
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 9: grandma already doesn't fully support their marriage. The reason she

1129
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 9: doesn't want my grandma to know about the pregnancy yet

1130
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,319
Speaker 9: is that my grandma is not going to be happy

1131
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 9: about it. My dad's income is around five hundred dollars

1132
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 9: plus a month and will retire in eight years. Once retired,

1133
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,799
Speaker 9: his income will probably drop to three hundred dollars a

1134
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,439
Speaker 9: month or less. My stepmom doesn't have a job.

1135
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,680
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Yeah, A bit more about her.

1136
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 9: She used to sing at restaurants and events, probably how

1137
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 9: she met my dad Before the wedding. My grandma asked

1138
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 9: her to quit because it wasn't considered a respectable job.

1139
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,880
Speaker 9: My dad didn't defend her or say anything. This is

1140
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 9: where I find my grandma and my dad might be

1141
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 9: the a hole here. After they got married, they tried

1142
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:45,320
Speaker 9: working out a printing shop but quit within days, saying

1143
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,280
Speaker 9: it was too hot. She then tried starting a meatball

1144
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 9: business twice and failed both times.

1145
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:55,879
Speaker 2: What what's a meatball business? I was assuming she's selling meatballs,

1146
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:57,280
Speaker 2: so random.

1147
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 9: So now she's unemployed and expecting a baby. I don't

1148
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 9: want to be stuck in this household when things are

1149
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 9: clearly going to get more stressful.

1150
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 2: I want my own space.

1151
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,879
Speaker 9: Raising a child is so expensive if you only have

1152
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:12,399
Speaker 9: one income, and in the future don't want to be

1153
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 9: expected to give money or allowance to a child.

1154
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 2: That isn't mine.

1155
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 9: I have my own life to live. I want to

1156
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 9: leave and focus on myself, not on her kid. I

1157
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:23,800
Speaker 9: want to move out, not out of hate or resentment,

1158
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 9: but to build a life of my own.

1159
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 2: So would I be the a hole? And there is

1160
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:29,439
Speaker 2: an update? But what do you think?

1161
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 8: No?

1162
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 2: Get out of there?

1163
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 9: No, not at all.

1164
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 2: I'm absolutely gonna expect you to pay.

1165
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:35,840
Speaker 9: Get out of those sure, expect you to pay, expect

1166
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,719
Speaker 9: you to feed the baby, take care of it, all

1167
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 9: that kind of stuff.

1168
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 2: And it's like, okay, well, how about I just leave

1169
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,359
Speaker 2: and don't eat your guys' home? Just peace out.

1170
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 9: But there is an update. So hi again everyone. I

1171
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 9: wanted to thank you all for your comments and support

1172
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:50,800
Speaker 9: on my last post.

1173
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,080
Speaker 2: This is the first time I've ever had.

1174
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 9: A serious conversation and opened up to my family and

1175
00:54:55,560 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 9: it was hard as an Asian daughter slash granddaughter. I

1176
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 9: I ended up in tears from recalling the memories of

1177
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 9: my childhood, but it gave me the courage to speak

1178
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 9: up and take action. On August fifth, I talked to

1179
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 9: my grandma and my aunt, who now knows about my

1180
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 9: stepmom's pregnancy.

1181
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:13,359
Speaker 2: I also opened up.

1182
00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 9: To them about how lonely and upset I felt during

1183
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 9: my younger years, growing up mostly on my own and

1184
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 9: not feeling much emotional support. They both want me to

1185
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 9: stay and asked me to reconsider my decision. My grandma

1186
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 9: kept asking me why I wanted to move out, and

1187
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:28,319
Speaker 9: I told her I just want to walk a new

1188
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 9: path in my life and live on my own. I

1189
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 9: haven't told her about the pregnancy yet. I will talk

1190
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:36,280
Speaker 9: to my dad tomorrow as I can't do it anymore

1191
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,239
Speaker 9: for today. During the conversation, my grandma hit me with

1192
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:40,439
Speaker 9: why would you do this?

1193
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:41,400
Speaker 2: Don't you love me?

1194
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 9: I'm only living here because of you. If you move,

1195
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 9: I'll move too with her and my aunt.

1196
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:47,240
Speaker 2: Dang.

1197
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 9: She went on with many more similar words, blaming me

1198
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,360
Speaker 9: for wanting to leave and trying to make me feel guilty,

1199
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 9: But honestly, that didn't really work on me. I understand

1200
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 9: where she's coming from, but I also know that I

1201
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:01,360
Speaker 9: need to do what's right for me. Yes, I forgot

1202
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 9: to mention. I have two sisters. They both grew up

1203
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:05,920
Speaker 9: with my dad's side of the family. It was a

1204
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:08,760
Speaker 9: big household since they lived at my grandma slash aunt's

1205
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 9: place with about seven to eight family members under one roof.

1206
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,799
Speaker 9: My sisters used to go back and forth between that

1207
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 9: house and mine. They also knew that sometimes I was

1208
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:18,760
Speaker 9: living alone when.

1209
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:19,240
Speaker 2: I was younger.

1210
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:22,240
Speaker 9: One of my sisters, the first, is living abroad and another,

1211
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 9: the second, is living with us. She's a hoarder and

1212
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 9: has been dealing with depression, though her condition has been

1213
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 9: getting better. Unfortunately, my grandma doesn't understand mental health very well.

1214
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 9: Every time they talk, she says, I don't understand you.

1215
00:56:35,719 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 9: Why are you doing this to me? I'm only doing

1216
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 9: it because I care about you. Instead of trying to

1217
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 9: understand her, my grandma often labels her as a trouble

1218
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 9: child and tells everyone, including our neighbors, about her behavior.

1219
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, it's really disheartening.

1220
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 9: She tries to guilt trip her too, but that method

1221
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 9: doesn't work on my sister either. I'm really proud of

1222
00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:58,200
Speaker 9: my sister for standing up for herself despite all of

1223
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:01,439
Speaker 9: that good. I might look cold herder to them at

1224
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:03,640
Speaker 9: this point, but I know I've made up my mind.

1225
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 9: I will not stay there. I'll visit them often after

1226
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 9: work or on the weekends. I admit it does hurt

1227
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,360
Speaker 9: seeing my dad become a quote better man for someone

1228
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 9: else when I've never got that version of him when

1229
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 9: I was young. Some of the comments asked if I

1230
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 9: could move in with my mom. The answer is no.

1231
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 9: She's living in the province and has abandoned city life

1232
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 9: since opening her small salon business.

1233
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 2: She's living alone with my sisters.

1234
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 9: The first ones cats, and she still lives paycheck to paycheck.

1235
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:31,680
Speaker 9: But my sisters and I help her every month with

1236
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 9: rent and bills.

1237
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, just don't listen to your grandma

1238
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:39,280
Speaker 2: trying to guilt trip you honestly stick stay the course.

1239
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 9: Yeah you've got this, But there is a little bit

1240
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 9: more about finding a place. I actually already have one.

1241
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 9: I've been renting it for a while now as a

1242
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:49,640
Speaker 9: way to escape the house from time to time. I've

1243
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 9: slowly started buying things to fill it in, like plates,

1244
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 9: an electric kettle and a dish rack. Right now, I

1245
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,440
Speaker 9: just need some cooking utensils, a rice cooker, fridge, and

1246
00:57:58,560 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 9: a few other essentials.

1247
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 2: Need the retooker. I agree, very it's essential.

1248
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 9: The rent is quite cheap, and my partner is kindly

1249
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 9: helping cover fifty percent of it.

1250
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 5: Wow.

1251
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 9: And no, I can't move in with my partner yet

1252
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 9: because in our culture you wait until marriage to live together.

1253
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 9: We're planning and saving for that, hopefully in twenty twenty

1254
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 9: seven or sometime after. I'm doing this not out of

1255
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 9: hate or resentment, but because I want to build a

1256
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 9: life of my own, because you're an adult.

1257
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so clearly not out of any hate or

1258
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 2: something about them. Yeah, you're doing You're an adult, and

1259
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,760
Speaker 2: you're moving out of home. That's it, exactly.

1260
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 9: I'll be moving out by the end of December or

1261
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 9: early January.

1262
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 2: That's great. Love that.

1263
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 9: Yeah, it sucks to have like so much like pushback, yeah,

1264
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:47,680
Speaker 9: from family members and stuff, especially with the guilt tripping stuff.

1265
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 9: But I'm glad that you're not falling for it, and

1266
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 9: I'm glad that you're just gonna do your own thing anyway, Okay,

1267
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 9: Grandma bye.

1268
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, Hey, it's John here, we're gonna get back to

1269
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 5: the stories.

1270
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1271
00:58:58,560 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1272
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 2: My mother wants me to finance her lifestyle. I refused.

1273
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:07,520
Speaker 2: Pay for it yourself. And there is a trigger warning

1274
00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 2: for substances. And also this comes directly from the Okay

1275
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:15,200
Speaker 2: storytime Separate It. So, Me twenty eight female and my

1276
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 2: mom forty eight female have never been super close. She

1277
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 2: did what she thought was best as I grew up,

1278
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 2: but there were many instances where she wasn't the best mother.

1279
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 2: Currently I have five siblings, Buttercup twenty nine female, Bubbles

1280
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:33,840
Speaker 2: twenty four female, Kal seventeen male, Kate fourteen female, and

1281
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 2: Bob two male. By the way, this comes from Salamander

1282
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 2: ninety seven and if you asmit your own stories, go

1283
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:44,040
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime Separate it So for

1284
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 2: some examples of interactions between my mother and me. We

1285
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 2: lived with one of her boyfriends when I was about

1286
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 2: five to eight years old, who was a DJ on

1287
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 2: the side and would host full rave parties in our backyard.

1288
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 2: People would use various substances and myself and other kids

1289
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 2: would locked in a room with some toys and told

1290
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:06,440
Speaker 2: to amuse ourselves as they'd partied the night away. Yikes, yikes, dude.

1291
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:09,920
Speaker 2: She would regularly trauma dump on me and my siblings

1292
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 2: like we were adult friends of hers, changing partners regularly

1293
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:17,160
Speaker 2: and changing homes just as often. Don't get me wrong,

1294
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 2: she made sure there was food in the fridge and

1295
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,920
Speaker 2: we almost always had a roof of her heads. I

1296
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 2: know that she's better than some parents.

1297
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 9: That's a pretty low I mean, sure things could always

1298
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 9: be worse, but it doesn't mean that you're in a

1299
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 9: good spot.

1300
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 5: No.

1301
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 2: But I'm also old enough to understand she's just a

1302
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 2: self absorbed person who never should have become a mother. Yep,

1303
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:43,200
Speaker 2: she seems like a pretty bad mother. I'm sure you

1304
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 2: can understand why we aren't really that close now. So

1305
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 2: life is long and complex, and after this and that,

1306
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:52,480
Speaker 2: I am actually looking after Kate in the very literal

1307
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:55,560
Speaker 2: I have adopted them way. This is due to my

1308
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 2: mom going through a regular cycle of needing someone to

1309
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:01,960
Speaker 2: need her child boyfriend, except then getting sick of them

1310
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 2: and wanting them gone. Kate is in regular therapy and

1311
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 2: we still have issues even though they've been in my

1312
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 2: care for about five years now. Though in my opinion,

1313
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 2: they're definitely much happier and healthier now than they were

1314
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 2: back then. I put my life on hold, moved cities,

1315
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 2: and became a parent, despite knowing since I was a

1316
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 2: child I never ever wanted kids. I mean, you probably

1317
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 2: kind of were parentified, right, so it makes sense. I

1318
01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 2: am living that single parent life now and the housing

1319
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:33,040
Speaker 2: market in my country is insane. At the moment, my

1320
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:35,600
Speaker 2: house manager wanted to up my rent by almost one

1321
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 2: hundred dollars, so we have had to end our contract

1322
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,280
Speaker 2: by the end of the month to move. To add

1323
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 2: to this, because life just sucks sometimes, my car literally

1324
01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 2: passed away about a month ago. It could be fixed,

1325
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 2: but the price of repairs wasn't going to be worth it.

1326
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:54,320
Speaker 2: In where I live, public transport sucks, so I need

1327
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 2: a car to get to and from work. Without one,

1328
01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 2: I would definitely lose my job. Naturally, being neurospy I

1329
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 2: see myself and looking after a neurospicy child. This wasn't easy.

1330
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 2: The constant looming deadline of having to pack up and move,

1331
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 2: having to find a new place, having to apply for

1332
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:15,440
Speaker 2: finance after finance to afford a car. It was and

1333
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:19,320
Speaker 2: still is a lot. I have very fortunately gotten the

1334
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,400
Speaker 2: car and just signed off on our new contract for

1335
01:02:22,440 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 2: a small unit we will be moving to in about

1336
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 2: two weeks. I struggled a lot during the past two months,

1337
01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 2: but I am essentially low contact with my family and

1338
01:02:32,880 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 2: don't and didn't really let any of them know. I

1339
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 2: have some local friends and friends overseas who would let

1340
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 2: me vent, but I'm a person who won't often let

1341
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 2: on just how stressed I really am. But I now

1342
01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 2: own a secondhand car, which is probably the nicest I've

1343
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:51,080
Speaker 2: ever owned, despite being a very common brand and model.

1344
01:02:51,640 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 2: The struggle to get approved for finance comes from some

1345
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 2: stupid choices I made as a teenager and a bad

1346
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 2: but recovering credit history. I mean, oh, pee, give yourself,

1347
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:05,920
Speaker 2: you know, a break. You were very heavily you were

1348
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 2: very heavily parentified and clearly now having to parent your sibling,

1349
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 2: and didn't have a great childhood, so I'm assuming, yeah,

1350
01:03:13,240 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 2: didn't have really a person who was teaching you how

1351
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:16,960
Speaker 2: to do that exactly. You kind of have to learn

1352
01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:19,440
Speaker 2: the hard way a bit mm hm. As you can

1353
01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:21,920
Speaker 2: imagine the stress of losing my car then getting a

1354
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 2: new one, followed immediately by having to sort out moving

1355
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:28,720
Speaker 2: has been a lot. Sometime through this period, my brother

1356
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 2: Kale called. He was also in my care for three years,

1357
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:33,960
Speaker 2: but has since moved out to start his own life

1358
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 2: and is a true poster like Buttercup and Bubbles. He

1359
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:39,720
Speaker 2: brought up that our mom might call and try to

1360
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:43,120
Speaker 2: ask me for money, which wasn't new since it happens

1361
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:46,240
Speaker 2: every so often. But I laughed it off and explained

1362
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 2: I didn't have any money to give at that moment

1363
01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:51,400
Speaker 2: since I've been going through a lot. He understood, but

1364
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,840
Speaker 2: said she would probably reach out anyway to ask me

1365
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 2: to get a loan in my name for her, and

1366
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:03,320
Speaker 2: you're gonna say no. Yeah, You're just say no. Hmmm. Admittedly,

1367
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 2: for a moment, I was glad I had just had

1368
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 2: to get one for my own car, since since thanks

1369
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 2: to that, I had an easy reason to say no

1370
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 2: other than I don't trust you. I thought that would

1371
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 2: be that and I wouldn't hear from my mom about it,

1372
01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:20,360
Speaker 2: since Kle is known to exaggerate and would probably pass

1373
01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 2: on my refusal in a more intense and over the

1374
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 2: top way. But it turns out I was very wrong.

1375
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:29,080
Speaker 2: Maybe less than a week later, I was at home

1376
01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:31,840
Speaker 2: after a busy day out with Kate sorting out some

1377
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 2: items from the Dollar Store to make her an outfit

1378
01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:37,640
Speaker 2: for bookweek. Feeling socially drained, I had gone upstairs to

1379
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 2: boot up a game on my PC when I noticed

1380
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:43,000
Speaker 2: a mist call on my phone. It was from my mom,

1381
01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:45,919
Speaker 2: and I honestly considered ignoring it, but she had left

1382
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 2: a voicemail asking me to call her back. I hesitated

1383
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 2: before calling her, and she did the usual how are

1384
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 2: you before suddenly jumping into and what happened to your car?

1385
01:04:57,200 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 2: After me explaining, she went on about how she needed

1386
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 2: a car since ours broke down and she was sick

1387
01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 2: of barring others cars or sharing with her partner. I

1388
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:09,120
Speaker 2: don't like where this is going. That's a bummer. Yeah. Same.

1389
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:11,960
Speaker 2: The guilt tripping of how she always had a car,

1390
01:05:12,080 --> 01:05:14,040
Speaker 2: even if nothing else, so she had the freedom to

1391
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:17,280
Speaker 2: up and leave whenever she needed began. My mom is

1392
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:20,560
Speaker 2: a very skilled, self absorbed person, and it took me

1393
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 2: a long time to really notice and accept that she's

1394
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:27,040
Speaker 2: very talented at making you the problem and herself the

1395
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 2: victim in any situation. Being a parent was an accessory

1396
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 2: to her rather than a responsibility. And yes, I've been

1397
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:36,880
Speaker 2: to lots of therapy and am to this day still

1398
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 2: medicated to deal with my own trauma. I explained repeatedly

1399
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:43,760
Speaker 2: that I am also in a tight spot financially, and

1400
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 2: that I understood how much it sucked to not have

1401
01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 2: a car despite my subtle but clear indications that I

1402
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:52,600
Speaker 2: was not in a position to do so, and how

1403
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:55,439
Speaker 2: I had to ask around several places before I even

1404
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 2: got the finance for my current car. My mom asked

1405
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:00,960
Speaker 2: if I couldn't ask for another finance to get a

1406
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:05,360
Speaker 2: car for her. No, No, I cannot do that. Yeah,

1407
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 2: definitely not so sorry I can't. She went on about

1408
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:13,480
Speaker 2: how she would pay me back. I doubt that, how

1409
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:15,760
Speaker 2: unfair it was that her mother and brother wouldn't do

1410
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 2: it for her. Then, when that wasn't working, she pressed

1411
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:20,600
Speaker 2: me about how much I earned and now what I

1412
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:22,560
Speaker 2: would be able to have two loans in a job

1413
01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:26,400
Speaker 2: like mine. I kept politely turning her down, and I

1414
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:28,960
Speaker 2: think she got the message, but she kept that call

1415
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 2: going for an hour, talking about her boyfriend and his children,

1416
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 2: which I don't care about. I'm a pushover, I guess,

1417
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,400
Speaker 2: and feel that letting her do that sometimes stops her

1418
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 2: from calling more. But after the call, I felt physically ill. Honestly,

1419
01:06:43,560 --> 01:06:45,880
Speaker 2: I would be happy to never talk to her again,

1420
01:06:46,040 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 2: but I stay in touch for Kate's sake and also

1421
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 2: just because it seems easier than going full no contact.

1422
01:06:52,080 --> 01:06:54,000
Speaker 2: There is a little bit left to the story. Do

1423
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 2: you have any final thoughts?

1424
01:06:57,320 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 9: Like, I'm glad that Ope seems to not be falling

1425
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 9: for anything. Yeah, yeah, I mean, she's very aware of

1426
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:06,120
Speaker 9: the tricks that her mom likes to play, right, It's just,

1427
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,120
Speaker 9: you know, obviously frustrating that she has to deal with

1428
01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 9: it at all. Absolutely, But yeah, I trust you, Ope.

1429
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 9: I trust you You're gonna make the right decision for herself.

1430
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 2: I keep holden strong. Yeah, exactly, you got this. But

1431
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:23,480
Speaker 2: there is a little bit left anyway, Hopefully that's enough context.

1432
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 2: My question for you read it. Can anyone think of

1433
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,320
Speaker 2: any other nice enough ways to tell her no if

1434
01:07:28,360 --> 01:07:31,320
Speaker 2: she asks again? I do, like my mom, but I'm

1435
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:34,240
Speaker 2: in no way considering doing this for her. I don't

1436
01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:36,040
Speaker 2: want to be a knucklehead and flat out say I

1437
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:38,840
Speaker 2: don't trust her to pay me back. Honestly, I wouldn't

1438
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:41,760
Speaker 2: do this for her, even if I did. Taking out

1439
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:43,760
Speaker 2: a loan in my name for someone else is something

1440
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,880
Speaker 2: I flat out would never do, and it's wild to

1441
01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 2: me that she would even ask me to do so.

1442
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 2: Am I the weird one here for being so against it?

1443
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:56,120
Speaker 2: Any thoughts would be appreciated, and there are some comments,

1444
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 2: but so obviously no, Yeah, definitely not. That is a

1445
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:02,240
Speaker 2: cree to do. Yes, super crazy.

1446
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:06,320
Speaker 9: If someone like doesn't have the credit or the financial

1447
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:07,480
Speaker 9: income or something.

1448
01:08:07,280 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 2: Like that to even get a loan, they're not going

1449
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:14,160
Speaker 2: to pay you back. Now, you should believe the system

1450
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:17,520
Speaker 2: that the main cas said this person is not trustworthy

1451
01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:21,120
Speaker 2: enough to give a loan too, right, comment one, not

1452
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:23,560
Speaker 2: the a hole. Just tell her your debt ratio is

1453
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:26,040
Speaker 2: too I after just getting the loan for your new car,

1454
01:08:26,320 --> 01:08:29,120
Speaker 2: and you do not qualify for any more financing or loans.

1455
01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:33,320
Speaker 2: Reply agree, it's the truth. She'll be mad, but that's okay.

1456
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,759
Speaker 2: I admire you. OP. Taking in and raising your sibling

1457
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:40,720
Speaker 2: is a lot. OP says, thank you. I keep hearing that,

1458
01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:43,240
Speaker 2: and even though it wasn't easy, I would still make

1459
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 2: the same choice over and over. They deserve health and happiness,

1460
01:08:47,320 --> 01:08:50,000
Speaker 2: and I'm happy to provide that for them. There are

1461
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:52,719
Speaker 2: definitely moments where I miss what I had and lament

1462
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:55,519
Speaker 2: what I could be doing. But I love Kate and

1463
01:08:55,640 --> 01:08:59,200
Speaker 2: Cale a lot, and that outweighs it all. And that's

1464
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:02,760
Speaker 2: the end of the story, folks. Yeah, but yeah, keep

1465
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:03,479
Speaker 2: doing what you're doing.

1466
01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 9: Yeah, keep tak care of your sibling, right, Glad you're

1467
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 9: not going to take out that loan. Yes, I'm glad

1468
01:09:10,439 --> 01:09:12,440
Speaker 9: that you have a good relationship with your siblings.

1469
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:15,120
Speaker 2: And you know, maybe talk to Kate about if she

1470
01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:18,960
Speaker 2: even wants to have a close relationship to your mom,

1471
01:09:19,040 --> 01:09:20,840
Speaker 2: because you said, like, the only reason I really am

1472
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:23,600
Speaker 2: not no contact with my mom is because Kate to

1473
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 2: have a relationship. She's old enough to kind of know

1474
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:27,479
Speaker 2: whether or not she wants to have that type of

1475
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:28,479
Speaker 2: relationship with her mom.

1476
01:09:28,720 --> 01:09:28,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1477
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:32,200
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe it's a legal thing, that might be it true,

1478
01:09:32,439 --> 01:09:35,160
Speaker 2: But if it's not, have a conversation with Kate and say, like, Kate,

1479
01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:37,840
Speaker 2: do you want to see her? Is this like something

1480
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 2: where we're both on the same page and we just

1481
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:39,960
Speaker 2: haven't talked.

1482
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:41,880
Speaker 9: About it, right, right, Like, let me we could be

1483
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:43,439
Speaker 9: honest about our opinions about mom.

1484
01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:43,639
Speaker 2: Here