Speaker 1: Big week. Here, do you have a week? By the way,
Speaker 1: I'm Leanne. This is my best friend Janet. We're in
Speaker 1: the back of my Honda Odyssey doing a podcast that
Speaker 1: was born out of necessity to deal with the insane
Speaker 1: boredom that is a children's soccer game that we have
Speaker 1: to endure because of our lovely kids.
Speaker 2: But we get to tailgate and stay caught up yep,
Speaker 2: and bring you into the warm fire of our friendship.
Speaker 1: Anyway, this is soccer soccer moms. Okay, so really big week.
Speaker 1: So I've been having these stomach issues, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: and I've always kind of had stomach issues because I
Speaker 1: eat like a dog, you know, like a dog won't
Speaker 1: stop and so I'll just keep going, like a dog
Speaker 1: will eat till it dies.
Speaker 3: I think about a goldfish like that.
Speaker 1: Oh is it a goldfish?
Speaker 3: Yeah, a goldfish will eat till I explode.
Speaker 1: I think, is that real?
Speaker 2: And then you and I can both be goldfish because
Speaker 2: you are a goldfish and that you don't stop eating
Speaker 2: and I'm a goldfish, and that the little plastic castle
Speaker 2: is a surprise.
Speaker 3: Every single time I try to remember, can't remember it anything.
Speaker 1: So that's what I always chalked it up to like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's got to be that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it's not.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: Finally I get an appointment, doctor's appoint You make a
Speaker 1: doctor's appointment and you have to wait like a year.
Speaker 1: Are so in demand, I know, they're like the best
Speaker 1: restaurant in town. They're like, we don't have any openings.
Speaker 1: I finally get the doctor's appointment. I have gird. Gird.
Speaker 2: Gird gird sounds like an old man issue done it.
Speaker 1: It sounds like the sounds a man makes as he ages.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like the noises that come out of
Speaker 2: someone's dying trachea as the gladiator is killing them in
Speaker 2: the Colisey Death.
Speaker 3: No, gard isn't good an acronym.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like gastro intestinal. And I didn't even bother.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I don't even gastro and textinal reflexes.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. Oh that sounds right,
Speaker 1: Oh intestinal begins with an eye on me. Anyway, I
Speaker 1: have gird okay, which is just humilia. It sounds humiliating, right, fun?
Speaker 1: And guess what the treatment is? What pepsid? Who else
Speaker 1: takes pepsid?
Speaker 3: Your dog? My dog?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: My gosh, you get to share meds.
Speaker 1: So my dog. So for once, it's okay that I'm
Speaker 1: dipping into the dog's mass.
Speaker 3: That's right, can you believe it?
Speaker 1: So as soon as I find this out, I get
Speaker 1: on the phone. Phone's busy. I'm congenet. She's calling me
Speaker 1: because guess who else had big news?
Speaker 3: And it also starts with a G. Yes, And it's
Speaker 3: not that I found God.
Speaker 2: No, it's that I have gout, which seems to me
Speaker 2: like a Shakespearean disease. Like you're only gonna hear a
Speaker 2: flute in the background, Yeah, of someone who has gout.
Speaker 3: Yes, you know what I mean. It's like.
Speaker 1: It seems like something that should have been eliminated, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that the only people that know about it study things
Speaker 1: in college.
Speaker 3: Also seems like an old man disease, gout.
Speaker 1: It also sounds like a sound that an old man
Speaker 1: makes out. Yeah, that's when the gladiator dies, when they're
Speaker 1: stabbed real quick.
Speaker 3: And then death is gout, A real messy is gourd.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think I have figured out why I got
Speaker 2: gout because it's that pop up that opened up right
Speaker 2: by my house. You're black and my sort and I
Speaker 2: was getting those lobster rolls. I probably have four lobster
Speaker 2: rolls a week.
Speaker 1: What. Yeah, So my question is this, where are they
Speaker 1: getting the lobsters. We live in a Midwestern state.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're land locked. Well the great well there's great
Speaker 3: big count.
Speaker 1: No, there's no lobsters, right, so where is this meat
Speaker 1: coming from? It's flown in, But they're too cheap.
Speaker 4: You know what.
Speaker 2: I always justify eating lobster in Illinois with what is that?
Speaker 2: I think Will Michael Jordan lived here and he probably
Speaker 2: ate a lot of lobster, and I imagined that like
Speaker 2: Michael Jordan had like lobster flown in.
Speaker 1: That's not You're not eating Michael Jordan lobster.
Speaker 3: I know, but I like to feel like I am.
Speaker 1: You're eating you know, Mike Jordan. You know, Mike Jordan lobster,
Speaker 1: Mike Jordan, lobster, mikey Oh, mikey Jordan. So I have
Speaker 1: to tell you if that's really what's happening, I think
Speaker 1: you dodged a bullet by only getting gout.
Speaker 3: Why what else could I have gotten?
Speaker 1: You're eating who knows what that's being past his lobster
Speaker 1: dunked in mayonnaise, and you're eating it so much. Here's one.
Speaker 1: How long is a pop up a pop up before
Speaker 1: it's just a store?
Speaker 3: I know it's been there. It's been there for like
Speaker 3: a year. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4: I don't think.
Speaker 2: I don't want it to go, although maybe if it
Speaker 2: goes then I won't have Wait, can you get rid
Speaker 2: of gerd and gout?
Speaker 3: Or is this us forever?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Well? Yes, I mean you could change your diet.
Speaker 2: But well I can do that. I get on kicks,
Speaker 2: as you know. I get on kicks and then that's
Speaker 2: all I want to eat forever. And then I eat
Speaker 2: that for three or four months and then I never
Speaker 2: eat it again.
Speaker 1: So you're so But you're taking a pill as well?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have. I'm not a prescription. I can't even
Speaker 3: pronounce it.
Speaker 1: It's all a pure and all.
Speaker 3: I didn't even tell Larry I have it. I'm embarrassed.
Speaker 1: I didn't tell Donna had gird Really no.
Speaker 3: I think you have to sleep with pillows like you
Speaker 3: have to sleep sitting up.
Speaker 1: That's what they said. They're like, if could you sleep
Speaker 1: on a wedge pillow?
Speaker 2: I was like, what, Well, what will you tell don
Speaker 2: about why you're wedged?
Speaker 1: He won't care, you know, what. He'll like it because
Speaker 1: he'll be like, now finally you're using all the freaking pillows, Like,
Speaker 1: he'll be happy that I'm using the pillows.
Speaker 2: When they first said gout, I said, I think you've
Speaker 2: been mistaken because I've been misdiagnosed before. Remember when I
Speaker 2: had act in it caratosis or whatever, which is a
Speaker 2: skin condition that normally happens on like eighty year old men.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they said that that's what you had, and
Speaker 1: it turned out you were just allergic to the face
Speaker 1: creamy or you exactly.
Speaker 2: I think it had like human stem cells in it
Speaker 2: or something, but which.
Speaker 1: Is what they can't do human stem cells. I don't
Speaker 1: think they can. Then how can they charge that much?
Speaker 1: I was like, there better be humans in this if
Speaker 1: it cost better be what Michael Jordan's I know, on
Speaker 1: his skin? Would Michael Jordan fly this in? Yes? Really
Speaker 1: you're having those are Mikey Jordan's cells?
Speaker 2: Oh no, here, I got my face cream from Mikey
Speaker 2: Jordan down a street.
Speaker 1: What will you still eat?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: What's going to be worth it? Like worth the gourd,
Speaker 3: worth the girl.
Speaker 1: Wait, that's a good segment. Yeah, okay, that could be
Speaker 1: a segment.
Speaker 3: Okay, what's worth it? Okay?
Speaker 1: Okay? So so what triggers gout is very like rich food.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, right now I'm eating a classic laid
Speaker 1: potato chip and drinking a hard saltzer. So that's probably
Speaker 1: not great.
Speaker 2: I think a classic lay potato chip has potassium in it.
Speaker 1: It does?
Speaker 3: It does?
Speaker 1: It has more potassium than a banana.
Speaker 2: Marathon runners eat chips. Yeah, so they must be and
Speaker 2: they drink beer.
Speaker 1: See, okay, so this is good. So what's worth it?
Speaker 1: What would we be willing to eat knowing that it
Speaker 1: is going to destroy our body the next day?
Speaker 2: Speaking of lazed potato chips, I think it's worth it
Speaker 2: to take LA's potato chips and dip it in either
Speaker 2: sour cream or I'll even go Greek yogurt.
Speaker 3: It's so good.
Speaker 2: What yep saw me in half? I like to dip
Speaker 2: a chip and Greek yogurt. I also really I also,
Speaker 2: you know, I have one slice of toast every single morning.
Speaker 2: But what I've started to do is like sprinkle a
Speaker 2: little salt, like the good salt you know that you
Speaker 2: have in the bowl by the.
Speaker 1: Side of it, I understand. And the salt it's the
Speaker 1: salt for company Company Salt, Company salt.
Speaker 2: I've been sprinkling my company salt on my buttered toast
Speaker 2: in the morning, and I think that's worth I.
Speaker 1: Know, I've got to be terrible for gout.
Speaker 2: I don't understand why salt is so bad. It's just
Speaker 2: a rock, right, We're basically just gnawing on rocks and minerals.
Speaker 3: Salt like just a.
Speaker 1: It's because it dehydrates you. I think salt used to
Speaker 1: be very important. That's where the word salary comes from.
Speaker 3: Really, salary is in your paycheck comes from saltce.
Speaker 1: Salt used to be so valuable.
Speaker 3: That's how you were paid and salt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but don't google it because I might be wrong.
Speaker 1: What's worth it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: What's worth it for you?
Speaker 1: What's worth the euros a hero heros from.
Speaker 2: Nicky's m with the full peda and the full sauce
Speaker 2: and the extra sauce.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the euro that would be worth it.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: The only time I went to New York, Remember we
Speaker 1: had to go. Yeah, we had to go for that
Speaker 1: conference that don wasn't even invited to. But he found
Speaker 1: out about it, and he thought he was hustling if
Speaker 1: he went but anyway, you know how they have the
Speaker 1: meat on the show in New.
Speaker 3: York me worth it a street meet worth it.
Speaker 1: It is, And I'll tell you why, because I've already
Speaker 1: done it. I'm like you with the lobster roles. I
Speaker 1: had street meat. It was a euro that I bought
Speaker 1: from a man on the street and I ate it
Speaker 1: and then I threw up like nobody's business that night,
Speaker 1: and then before we went to the airport, I.
Speaker 4: Got another one.
Speaker 1: Oh, and that one was okay, yeah, And I was okay.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're you're gambling with your life. You know,
Speaker 1: you're always gambling. But it was so good. It was
Speaker 1: so good that even you know how food poisoning is
Speaker 1: supposed to turn you off to something, that's the testimonial,
Speaker 1: And so I was thinking, like that guy should use
Speaker 1: that as a testimonial, Like I got food poisoning, and
Speaker 1: then I still want it more.
Speaker 3: You know what, I don't think we've ever talked about before.
Speaker 3: And I was shocked, and.
Speaker 2: I was like, I have to bring this up to
Speaker 2: Leanna immediately. What what are the insects that you kill
Speaker 2: and what are the insects you take outside? I wonder
Speaker 2: if we have the same.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know what, it just happened today. So
Speaker 1: I never kill a spider unless the spider is directly
Speaker 1: involved on my person.
Speaker 2: I have goosebumps, right, Nalie, because that is mine too.
Speaker 2: And I knew you were going to say that. And
Speaker 2: as you know, I've always been terrified of spiders. They
Speaker 2: are used to from a kid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they put that in us.
Speaker 3: I think I used to be like murder immediately. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: I keep hearing stuff where if there are spiders in
Speaker 2: you know, woo woo, Sorry saw me in half, But
Speaker 2: I keep hearing that if there are spiders around you,
Speaker 2: this is a very auspicious good sign.
Speaker 1: Ooh auspicious that's the word of that. You got to
Speaker 1: use it through March.
Speaker 2: No, that one I've had, that one was realized from
Speaker 2: last year' yeah that was when.
Speaker 1: This's a good one. That's the far side, oh the
Speaker 1: far that calendar.
Speaker 3: That was a good one.
Speaker 1: So I agree with that. I'm not super into the
Speaker 1: woo woo part of it, but the scientific part of it.
Speaker 1: You know, if you see a spider, it's gonna you
Speaker 1: know me if I can get bit up in the winter,
Speaker 1: like I don't know how they find me, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but like a mosquito. Remember the one time we went
Speaker 1: camping and it looked like I had leprosy. I mean
Speaker 1: I had about like fifty bites and you didn't have nothing.
Speaker 1: And it was just like, okay, they did two hundred bites.
Speaker 1: I think it were a hundred and it was just
Speaker 1: my legs.
Speaker 3: And that's a straight for me. Straight to murder is mosquitos.
Speaker 2: I will murder a mosquito every time I don't feel bad.
Speaker 1: Murder spread disease, and yeah I will too. My big one,
Speaker 1: which I just killed today in the bathtub, was centipedes,
Speaker 1: the house centipedes.
Speaker 3: That's tough on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's a tough one because I have heard
Speaker 1: that they're good, that they do help kill the things
Speaker 1: that you know, but they're they're so vile looking there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're aggressively vile that it's hard for me not to
Speaker 1: just the instinct in me to be like that. They
Speaker 1: should not be here.
Speaker 3: It's too many legs.
Speaker 1: It's too too many legs. It's too much.
Speaker 2: But yeah, for spiders, it's mostly I'm not gonna let
Speaker 2: you live in my space. I get a little too
Speaker 2: creepy crawling for that I am going to take you out.
Speaker 2: Some people have been like, you can live here, it's fine.
Speaker 2: I'm sure there are some living with us, and as
Speaker 2: long as I don't know about it, it's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that way, but I do think there's
Speaker 1: been times where I try to get it and I can't,
Speaker 1: and then I say, oh, well, you know now you
Speaker 1: live here.
Speaker 2: May I compliment you for a second on something always?
Speaker 2: This is a way in which you enrich my life
Speaker 2: that I don't know if.
Speaker 1: I always, always and forever.
Speaker 2: I save the good stuff instead of using it, and
Speaker 2: you use it.
Speaker 1: Gotta use it.
Speaker 2: You bring the expensive candle home and you light it immediately.
Speaker 1: You gotta use it.
Speaker 2: I brought you that olive oil for breeze, and I
Speaker 2: immediately it was gone within a week. You and I
Speaker 2: hold on to things and then the olive oil goes bad.
Speaker 2: I gotta be like you, leanne, I gotta use it,
Speaker 2: enjoy it.
Speaker 1: What are you waiting for? Exactly?
Speaker 2: Like? Isn't if I'm saving it for a special occasion
Speaker 2: like a smoke? Is that saving it for a special
Speaker 2: occasion is an insult to the moment I'm living in
Speaker 2: right now?
Speaker 3: Isn't it?
Speaker 1: That's beautiful, right, Yes, that is beautiful, and I agree
Speaker 1: with that.
Speaker 2: I agree with that, And there is nothing besides the
Speaker 2: moment we're in right now.
Speaker 3: This is all we got.
Speaker 1: I agree with that. No, I definitely, I say, you
Speaker 1: use it. You know, you use the fancy perfume, you
Speaker 1: use it.
Speaker 4: You just you have?
Speaker 3: Which is this the alta one you got?
Speaker 1: Because yeah, that's what this is? Is isn't nice? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Now I'm doing vanilla. You like it? Okay?
Speaker 3: I like this. This might be my favorite. I can't
Speaker 3: believe that's just an alta, that's.
Speaker 1: All it is. It was like five dollars. It was
Speaker 1: like five dollars at the counter. Oh no, good job. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3: Fence defense.
Speaker 1: I like that. You always say defense because I think
Speaker 1: that that applies always.
Speaker 3: Right, because somebody's doing defense.
Speaker 1: Somebody's saying defense.
Speaker 3: I don't know, well, I guess sometimes it's the other team. Hey,
Speaker 3: I meant to tell you. I ran into Jackie.
Speaker 1: Kate and she no way is she?
Speaker 2: She and Bill have separate homes now and they're they
Speaker 2: never been great.
Speaker 1: They're too homes. But he's the litigator for McDonald's or something.
Speaker 1: I mean, they have all that money.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but she says it's the best thing for their
Speaker 2: marriages living in their own houses.
Speaker 1: I agree. I agree. I think the older we get,
Speaker 1: the more space we need. And I just if I could,
Speaker 1: you know, once Scott moves out, when he's probably forty,
Speaker 1: then I will have I'm gonna make my own little room. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have to.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I wonder the degree to which all of us are
Speaker 2: just like replicating our parents' marriages unconsciously.
Speaker 3: Whether we want to or not.
Speaker 2: Like I look at my parents marriage and I'm like,
Speaker 2: if I'm really assessing the situation, Like I don't want
Speaker 2: a marriage like theirs?
Speaker 3: Am I trying to replicate that?
Speaker 2: Can?
Speaker 1: I will tell you what I think the issue was
Speaker 1: with your parents' marriage. What they were too thin? I
Speaker 1: think they were hungry all the time. That's true, because
Speaker 1: they they both were just so obsessed with being thin.
Speaker 1: And I think, honestly, they were just hungry all the time,
Speaker 1: and that's why they fought. Mm hmm, yeah, that's why
Speaker 1: they fought. And I had big you know how happy
Speaker 1: babies are big babies. Yeah, Like, I just had two
Speaker 1: big parents, and I think that they were just never
Speaker 1: hungry and that's why.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was good.
Speaker 2: Just think, when you throw yourself into someone's arms, you
Speaker 2: want to feel a body there.
Speaker 3: You don't want to feel a skeleton.
Speaker 1: Oh you aaming it's alarming. I agree, I agree. So
Speaker 1: the doctor has the nerve to tell me to lose weight.
Speaker 1: I say, oh, I'm happy, but what are.
Speaker 4: You gonna do?
Speaker 3: Nothing better than a happy baby.
Speaker 1: Nothing better than a happy baby.
Speaker 2: And I want to throw myself into your arms. I
Speaker 2: want to be held by you all the time.
Speaker 3: Sometimes when you need to.
Speaker 2: I love it when you catch me looking at that
Speaker 2: long line of cleavage in your bosoms. I'm mostly just
Speaker 2: imagining lying the side of my cheekbone down on your
Speaker 2: breast and taking a nab.
Speaker 1: I wish that we could desexualize breasts because they are
Speaker 1: so comfortable. And I'm telling you, no pillow top match
Speaker 1: is gonna compete with my yabos because they are just
Speaker 1: so comfortable. Sometimes I stick my finger in between them
Speaker 1: and it's just real comforting. Look at that that does.
Speaker 2: That made me feel comfort in my solar plexus, just
Speaker 2: seeing you just stick a digit in there.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love some I brought you.
Speaker 2: I brought you your favorite. These are ten bags of
Speaker 2: my Christmas mix of tea. It's a strange flavor for summer,
Speaker 2: but it's still good and.
Speaker 1: I can't tell me. Oh my gosh. Okay, so so okay.
Speaker 1: There's a principal, deb Principal Debbie. I guess it's the
Speaker 1: full name. She is our kids principal. She's the greatest.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what are you doing.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna scare you gas by saying pet but I'm
Speaker 4: not at this principle damp get scoot out my back,
Speaker 4: I know it, my neck, I know and my other things.
Speaker 1: A white curse up here?
Speaker 4: Just oh, I love Cherry Cherry made.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Cherry live aid it and we got the A
Speaker 2: C cranking even though we're in park.
Speaker 4: I love that. Don't tell anyone. I'm going to have
Speaker 4: a sip. You know. It's just been a little stressful
Speaker 4: inside the office today. I'm trying to pop out what
Speaker 4: are y'all doing? Microphones? Are you making a like a
Speaker 4: WEE wrap?
Speaker 1: I would, I.
Speaker 4: Would buy it.
Speaker 1: I would, Oh my gosh, stream it.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: We you know, we we love our we love Scott
Speaker 1: and Bow, but.
Speaker 3: These games games, they're not example entertaining.
Speaker 1: Do we start a podcast? Just how fun do you
Speaker 1: want to be on it? On it right now? You
Speaker 1: are on it?
Speaker 4: Shut your but I'm on it.
Speaker 1: Is this your first podcast?
Speaker 4: I've never done one. I have listened a little bit
Speaker 4: to the Cereal Oh yeah yeah podcast about Cereal Sponsorsosia.
Speaker 4: You wouldn't imagine how many different combos of serial there are.
Speaker 1: The mascots.
Speaker 4: Oh right, so fun PD.
Speaker 2: I grew up going to Battle Creek in Michigan, where
Speaker 2: we will go tour the like cereals and stuff. Does
Speaker 2: ours public school have any kind of like field trips
Speaker 2: like that?
Speaker 4: Well, you know what, I have some parental forms to
Speaker 4: kind of take the kids any old where I want.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, so that's a fun trip. Oh yeah, get
Speaker 4: in the van, you know, I got us a van.
Speaker 1: I know. It's great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really nice.
Speaker 1: It's really nice actually, and it smells nice.
Speaker 4: It smells great in there. Well, I slept in there
Speaker 4: a couple of nights just so I could be at
Speaker 4: the school the minute the door is open. And you know,
Speaker 4: I live forty eight miles away, so I just want
Speaker 4: to be there to greet them. I just want to
Speaker 4: be the face they see when they come through the
Speaker 4: door to start their day learning. And growing as tiny
Speaker 4: little humans.
Speaker 2: Oh well, for those of you who don't know Principal
Speaker 2: deb she routinely every time I'm dropping bow off, she's
Speaker 2: always at the front door. High five yep, high five
Speaker 2: in And different kids have different dance smooth.
Speaker 3: And you remember each kids move and you do it with.
Speaker 1: Them, whether you can do it or not's incredible.
Speaker 4: That's right. I learned how to do the douggie and
Speaker 4: I know how to do the cabbage patch. There's a
Speaker 4: lot of high fives, elbows, I go through more hands handy.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know, but that's you got to keep them safe.
Speaker 4: Well, you got to keep them safe, got to keep
Speaker 4: yourself safe. Kids don't wash their hands.
Speaker 1: Scott.
Speaker 3: How many times do you get sick in a calendar
Speaker 3: school year?
Speaker 4: I'm probably every other week. I've got some kind of something. Yeah,
Speaker 4: you know, but it's okay. You push your the paint.
Speaker 4: Who's going to be there for him? Honey?
Speaker 3: You're fostering in what.
Speaker 4: Vice? Principal Tampson in the car talking to he is
Speaker 4: so high maintenance.
Speaker 1: I hate dam he do too, And I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, having him under you, God, I would, I
Speaker 1: know who would? Who would?
Speaker 4: I mean it's you know, he's been thrice married.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no kidding, no kidding, and.
Speaker 4: Sending three women out into the world with the first
Speaker 4: three letters of the four letters of tampon.
Speaker 1: I'm come on, come on, but I will say, think
Speaker 1: the good lord. He's not your boss. You see what
Speaker 1: I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I'm his boss, and I think that's part of the problem.
Speaker 1: Is I'm sure that's that's gott to drive him nothing.
Speaker 4: You know what he just texted me, what where are you? Please? Business?
Speaker 1: It's Saturday morning.
Speaker 4: Saturday morning? Where are you?
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here. The kids are going to
Speaker 1: go nuts when they see you here. And halftime, you
Speaker 1: got to surprise everybody. They lose their minds. I'm serious.
Speaker 1: The principal deb is like bluey to them. I mean,
Speaker 1: they lose their minds. She's so spoked an Australian accent.
Speaker 5: Can't All I know is you got to put a
Speaker 5: y at the end of anything that ends in an oh.
Speaker 2: Like.
Speaker 1: So if you're saying no, you have to say NOI
Speaker 1: NOI no. So I remember before you were the principal.
Speaker 1: You want to talk about it? Oh gosh, do you
Speaker 1: remember this?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What she used to work. She used to guard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, started from the bottom out.
Speaker 1: Hair and you got hit by a car and I
Speaker 1: did a couple times.
Speaker 4: Well, you know the thing is, even with the orange vest,
Speaker 4: that corner, it's dead man's curve in front of a school.
Speaker 4: And don't think I haven't gone to the local government.
Speaker 4: I spoken to the mayor via email.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm sure to be hit by two members.
Speaker 2: It just I feel like that's an indictment on the rig,
Speaker 2: isn't it like rich people.
Speaker 1: Are they don't see us as humans.
Speaker 2: They're like just driving as if you know, there's not
Speaker 2: a woman in a vest and as an.
Speaker 4: Orange vest, and I'm as a house I had red
Speaker 4: hair at the time.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, I just remember you had
Speaker 1: that beef fifty two hair almost oh yeah, And it
Speaker 1: was like the vest, the hair and then these beamers
Speaker 1: like you did. I didn't see her, okay, come on.
Speaker 4: Well, and I was in traction doing all my principal
Speaker 4: duties right over at Saint Augustine's.
Speaker 2: And you were walking with the walker with those tennis
Speaker 2: balls on the bottom. Then you were you were in
Speaker 2: the crosswalk with the walker. I remember that's what the
Speaker 2: second hit happened.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 4: It wasn't working. I was just trying to cross.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't know that you were a million at the.
Speaker 4: Time, nightmare. Did I do anything to cross into these
Speaker 4: doors and help these kids? I would do it.
Speaker 1: I know you would.
Speaker 4: I know you board at home? Or do you really
Speaker 4: get bored?
Speaker 1: Even with the cat even with the cats?
Speaker 4: I mean, I love them all, but gosh, they you
Speaker 4: know they're shedding right now. I just saw on weather,
Speaker 4: just the weather. I just saw a necklace you can buy.
Speaker 4: You put the cats shedded fur into it, seal it up,
Speaker 4: and it's shaped like a cat. So I ordered a few.
Speaker 4: I like, oh, that's it's nice. I mean, you know,
Speaker 4: it's like Carrie and dander around your neck. But it's
Speaker 4: not like I don't have dan drift on my neck.
Speaker 4: It might as well.
Speaker 1: I don't know how you get rid of dan drift. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's possible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't head and shoulders over it on my eyebrows.
Speaker 1: You know, I've noticed. I don't know if you have
Speaker 1: an HMO or PPIO.
Speaker 4: But my no insurance, Oh no, they don't insurance.
Speaker 2: That's but my dermatologist is Dan tan as you know,
Speaker 2: doctor tan. He put me on a medicated shampoo one
Speaker 2: time that we It wasn't a head and shoulders, but
Speaker 2: you know why. He medicated my shampoo for acne and
Speaker 2: it worked. My hair was what was making me break out.
Speaker 4: I am stund.
Speaker 1: Go grab another one.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, thank you. But I have a lot
Speaker 4: of work to do. You know. This is the day
Speaker 4: that I go through all the files and I try
Speaker 4: to make sure all the kids are updated on the
Speaker 4: animals they like the best, and how they've done on
Speaker 4: their math tests. Spend a lot of time on Saturday
Speaker 4: just keeping clear on what their scores are and how
Speaker 4: their parents are.
Speaker 1: Big animal.
Speaker 4: Now with loving those lions, WANs I love a lion.
Speaker 2: The lions are probably still because a Kuna Matada was
Speaker 2: such a strong and profound piece of music.
Speaker 1: I know so many times.
Speaker 2: And I like lions because the females are the badasses.
Speaker 4: Oh I love that. Tell that to Tampa.
Speaker 1: Your phone is ringing again?
Speaker 4: What is that? This is my kiddie cam. They're inside
Speaker 4: of the they're inside of their their you know little Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's a condo and it's got these plastic windows so
Speaker 4: they can go outside. And I put all those little
Speaker 4: computers around and make it look like they're typing. They're
Speaker 4: using their hands to do the thing that cats do
Speaker 4: with their paws. It looks like they're type. It just
Speaker 4: looks like if they type, do they get treats? I
Speaker 4: I gotta say something. Get off of him, cat, No,
Speaker 4: thank you, thank you?
Speaker 3: Bo What you got on the TV for him?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: They're watching a Jerry Oh that's good. The drama.
Speaker 1: Oh that's fun. I get that. Yeah, I get that fun.
Speaker 1: But we're so happy that you came to the public sector.
Speaker 4: Yes, you know, I was in parochial for years. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and I decided to head over to New Schiller Academy
Speaker 4: when I knew that I could do more and be more. Yep,
Speaker 4: I left Saint Dale's. I'm here and I'm happy. These
Speaker 4: kids are like my kids. Yeah, you know, if I
Speaker 4: had over two hundred kids, it'd be these.
Speaker 1: And I know Scott, which is you were. I mean,
Speaker 1: he would get rid of me. He'd sell me up. Heartbeat,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, your mind, how good?
Speaker 4: I Yeah, went between the cats, the bro visits to
Speaker 4: the physical therapy office from the two life altering car accident.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and the kids exactly, you got two hundred kids.
Speaker 4: Yeah, at least give and take. Sometimes they move and
Speaker 4: it's sad. That's why I do that barn Yae Titanic
Speaker 4: kind of wave off them.
Speaker 1: Did you ever do Monassory?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: No, no, it's I'm good without my take your Waldorf school.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to be knitting dolls. No, great, I
Speaker 4: got things to tea.
Speaker 1: What's the big doll?
Speaker 4: Now, it's just like you know blond of course.
Speaker 1: Of course are you talking about Barbie dolls?
Speaker 4: No? No, this is a knit doll, but it could
Speaker 4: be a Barbie blond.
Speaker 1: And they're called blonds.
Speaker 4: Yea, the blonds.
Speaker 3: Oh, there were brats and now there's blondes. Oh wow,
Speaker 3: and on both at the end of those.
Speaker 1: See this is right.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm glad we have boys, Leande, because like I think,
Speaker 2: boys are a little easier, we go to the er more,
Speaker 2: but females are.
Speaker 1: Complex to raise. Here's the thing. Boys are easier until
Speaker 1: you're old, and then you got to hope that they
Speaker 1: marry someone who will help take you. Boys won't take
Speaker 1: care of you.
Speaker 4: Don't cry.
Speaker 1: That is a really good sorry, all right, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just got a little bit of white clock up checked.
Speaker 1: He do you hear, do you want a koozie? Put
Speaker 1: put that in the kozi. Then it looks like a lacroix.
Speaker 4: My good, oh my god, look at them and that
Speaker 4: cute you get spin it and you can see all
Speaker 4: their heads to see them, you know, speaking a spin it.
Speaker 4: I got us that spinner on the playground.
Speaker 1: Oh it's beautiful, that's so cool. It is so so fun,
Speaker 1: so fun, and it tires them out, which tires them out.
Speaker 2: You can see kids being thrown from that thing upwards
Speaker 2: a ten feet to the side, so that.
Speaker 4: The wood chip.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: I'm always thinking, always thinking, because when I got my accident,
Speaker 4: my dome hit that hard concrete, I say, we can't
Speaker 4: have this happened and not a kid. And it's like
Speaker 4: and also a little bit over by the swings. It's
Speaker 4: that squishy.
Speaker 3: Yeahhy sponge ground.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you had been hit by a car
Speaker 2: and a crosswalk and thrown into that smushy sponge, work
Speaker 2: better working it out.
Speaker 4: And you know what Tamp loved when I was out
Speaker 4: of it was the worst walking around like his like
Speaker 4: his suit, don't stay by the way, three piece suit,
Speaker 4: Come on, I mean, settle down, settle down.
Speaker 1: What are we trying to do?
Speaker 4: What do you try in finance?
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: I know what you make and it's a little less
Speaker 4: than me because I'm the big pee and you're the
Speaker 4: little peace.
Speaker 1: That's right, I know.
Speaker 4: We get out of there. My god. The cats in
Speaker 4: the escape patch that's only.
Speaker 1: For cleaning the escape patch? Wow? Is that like a
Speaker 1: doggy door?
Speaker 2: Mouse?
Speaker 4: Mouse? We don't have a mouse in there? One of
Speaker 4: those names?
Speaker 1: The cat by that mouse?
Speaker 4: Okay, she moved down. You see this little door here
Speaker 4: is what I use to get the tiny vacuum?
Speaker 1: Oh love an orange cat? An orange?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like Garfield, Yes, like Garfield exact.
Speaker 3: Can I tell you Debbie how much I love Little Debbie's?
Speaker 1: Do they still make it? Is that like a thing?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, still making them?
Speaker 4: I got one in my what do.
Speaker 1: You go watch?
Speaker 3: Watch?
Speaker 4: Watch might turn to the right.
Speaker 1: I know it's like p don't worry about it, don't
Speaker 1: worry about it, don't worry about it, Star Crush, I'm serious, Jet,
Speaker 1: It hasn't your day just gone through the roof better
Speaker 1: because of deb.
Speaker 4: I can't believe I popped in and just saw you count?
Speaker 4: What do they do it in there? With those microphones
Speaker 4: making a wrap album.
Speaker 2: Well, that's probably because we were helping Scott do his
Speaker 2: rep for the talent.
Speaker 1: You remember when he did, he was a parody.
Speaker 2: And then but and then when the stopped working and
Speaker 2: he can't acapela, he went a cappella.
Speaker 1: He starts swinging the mic like it was. It was so.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm about number ninety nine. I didn't go
Speaker 4: that many numbers over five and with no accompanying music.
Speaker 1: That's right. And Don did I tell you what Don said?
Speaker 1: Don was worried because you know, everybody was cheering so much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he goes, I think they're cheering too much, like he
Speaker 1: thought Scott might think he did bad. They were like
Speaker 1: pity cheers, And I was like, that is so don
Speaker 1: to think that, right, Like if somebody is happy and cheering,
Speaker 1: like just appreciate it for what it is.
Speaker 4: Don't put lice my cheers.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4: That's like tamp When the cheerleaders are practicing. He's going,
Speaker 4: I don't know about this and that, and I go
Speaker 4: get the helent back in the office. Let me give
Speaker 4: these children their specialized greetings so they can get out
Speaker 4: on the field and try to get to nationals.
Speaker 1: Oh, yep, what is the one thing and it's okay
Speaker 1: if it applies to us. What is the one thing
Speaker 1: you wish parents would do that they don't do.
Speaker 4: I wish they'd look in their phones a little more.
Speaker 4: The kids' phones. Their parents are already in their own right.
Speaker 4: Why don't you check and see what they're looking on
Speaker 4: at roadblocks?
Speaker 1: But why do they have phones when they're so little?
Speaker 4: That's also what I'm screaming. I think that no one
Speaker 4: should be issued a phone until they're eighteen years old. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but a lot of this is t mobile. They're the
Speaker 4: devil and wireless go straight to hell. Get their noses
Speaker 4: in a buck. I don't need to have a phone
Speaker 4: YouTube at their fingertips.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: And I don't think kids should be able to drive
Speaker 3: till they're twenty one.
Speaker 4: Oh I love that.
Speaker 2: I mean a sixteen year old at the wheel. Have
Speaker 2: you ever tried to talk to a sixteen year old?
Speaker 2: It's terrifying.
Speaker 4: They're already not listening. Now you think they're going to
Speaker 4: obey the laws.
Speaker 1: Of the road, thank you.
Speaker 2: Their skull isn't completely hardened yet. How are they supposed
Speaker 2: to know if you can go right?
Speaker 1: On red.
Speaker 4: You're absolutely right. Their skull is almost like a cornucopia,
Speaker 4: and all the food inside is their brain. Let that
Speaker 4: cornicopia clothes hide the fruit.
Speaker 1: Well, that's good.
Speaker 4: Let's be surprised if there's an apple in there. We
Speaker 4: don't need to see it. Brain.
Speaker 1: That's evocative. That was the word of the day.
Speaker 3: Oh, evocative is a good word.
Speaker 4: I love that is that evoke? Evoke?
Speaker 1: So I got two more. I have to use it
Speaker 1: four times.
Speaker 3: Okay, So you've got one down, two to go.
Speaker 1: That's good. Do you want some chips or anything?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've got everything.
Speaker 1: I made breaks breakfast chext mixed.
Speaker 4: Mouth was really good in here. It smells like hot food.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, because we got caesos. We have hot Kso.
Speaker 4: Okay, but that's what I want to and some tostedos.
Speaker 4: I'm good, and then I gotta get back in. I
Speaker 4: got I spend my full Saturday here so I can
Speaker 4: enjoy my Sunday with the cakes.
Speaker 1: Okay, but will you at halftime? You have to just surprise.
Speaker 4: Think they'll be surprised if I pop up, I put
Speaker 4: my silasses on out.
Speaker 1: Don't lose their bites.
Speaker 4: It's like I'll be back terminator. You got it, robot.
Speaker 3: Do you have those Walgreen wrapper on glasses?
Speaker 1: Okay, put these in these.
Speaker 4: I can't wait for anything with my right arm. Got okay,
Speaker 4: thank you.
Speaker 3: I could do it.
Speaker 1: That looks exactly like Schwartz.
Speaker 4: And yes, I'm whipping my hair back and for nothing movement.
Speaker 4: These sunglasses are good nine ninety nine.
Speaker 1: Keep them. We're bogo ninety keep them.
Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, of course, of course. All right, we'll get
Speaker 3: out there in high five these kids.
Speaker 1: So I got to watch this. Do you want help here?
Speaker 4: Please? Got you?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: The door outdoors? Medical Ah, okay, no, you got it.
Speaker 4: I'm okay, go get.
Speaker 2: Them, p D.
Speaker 1: Get to your pet, p D.
Speaker 4: It was so nice. I love you. Thanks for the chips,
Speaker 4: and get my drinks.
Speaker 1: Come back any time.
Speaker 2: Can I have these those doors? You could take them
Speaker 2: with these peppermints in your purse.
Speaker 4: I'd love to.
Speaker 3: They're good.
Speaker 2: You know how well adjusted we'd be if we had
Speaker 2: her when we were children.
Speaker 1: Ly, Oh shut up, look dev's doing it. It's happening.
Speaker 4: Kay, let me get it. Yeah, wow, look at that.
Speaker 1: Oh she got some height on that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Ooh had to kill for that mobility.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, charade. You got a how does she
Speaker 4: notice that? There? He is Donald?
Speaker 1: He's damn that's cute.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I thought his name was Ronald.
Speaker 3: So this is how did you about? He kind of
Speaker 3: talks like that too, h Jill up the hill?
Speaker 4: Jack?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah?
Speaker 4: Where is he now? Where is He's? Your brother? Is
Speaker 4: everything all right?
Speaker 3: Where is jan?
Speaker 2: Soccer Moms is an improvised podcast created by Katie Rich
Speaker 2: and Holly Laurent. It's produced by Noah Avior and Hans Sanni,
Speaker 2: edited by Hannah Parsons, and original music composed by Julie Nichols.
Speaker 2: Soccer Moms is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Speaker 2: Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.