1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:06,439 Speaker 1: All right, Tommy, let's go here. It is the Strawberry 2 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: Letts subject Major Dilemma. Good morning, Steve Harvey and crew. 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: I am writing because I have I am having a 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 1: major dilemma. My husband and I have been together for 5 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,640 Speaker 1: about eleven years and have two children. We are currently 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: separated and have been going through some things for the 7 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 1: last few years. We have been on and off again. 8 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: We can't seem to get along and there is a 9 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: lack of communication. We have been through everything except pregnancies 10 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: outside the marriage on both parts. At the present time, 11 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,600 Speaker 1: we live in two separate households and have been separated 12 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: since January. We recently talked and know that we love 13 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: each other and want to be together. We also know 14 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: that we need help getting past some of our issues. 15 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: We decided that we want to be back together, but 16 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: now the problem is the living arrangement. He currently lives 17 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 1: in the house his grandparents owned. I live in the 18 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: apartment we started a one year lease on in September. 19 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 1: He wants to move into the house. I, however, do not. 20 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: The reason I refused to is because of the location 21 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 1: of the house. It is not in the greatest part 22 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: of the city and the outbreak of violence in this 23 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,199 Speaker 1: area of town is outstanding. I am not too crazy 24 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: about the house, and the schools in the area suck, 25 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: to say the least. Our children are currently in a 26 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: great school district and the environment is not overcome with violence. 27 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,840 Speaker 1: He and I have both lived within the city where 28 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,839 Speaker 1: the house is and we hated it. That is why 29 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,039 Speaker 1: we moved. So now he wants to live in the 30 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: house and I refuse to. I would much rather keep 31 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: our children in the environment they are in and get 32 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: a home of our own. He didn't, Now he didn't. 33 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: Now I don't get that he dent Now you know, 34 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. Uh. This has kept us from getting 35 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: back together. So what should we do? We have no 36 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: money to move and put our boys in better schools 37 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 1: where the house is located, and the house needs repairs 38 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: which at this time we cannot afford. So what advice 39 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: do you have for us? How can we get past 40 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: this reaching a compromise that suits us both? Mind you, 41 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: we currently have an apartment where there is a lease 42 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: until August, and it makes no sense, no sense to 43 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: pay rent into places. Please help us with this, sincerely, 44 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:22,799 Speaker 1: Major dilemma, Dear, Major dilemma. This is a major dilemma because, um, 45 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: in order for this marriage to work, you guys do 46 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: need to be together. You know. It seems to me 47 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,919 Speaker 1: your husband would want to move in the better part 48 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: of the city where you and the kids would be safe, happy, 49 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: and the kids well educated. He doesn't even own the 50 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 1: home where he lives the apartment, while you guys don't own. 51 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 1: You know, you don't own that either. Um, you at 52 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 1: least wouldn't be living under your grandpa your grandparents rule, 53 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,799 Speaker 1: and you won't lose your deposit okay, which money is 54 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 1: kind of tight right now, so you seem to be 55 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: really concerned about that. You don't give us any information 56 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: as to why he's so adamant about living there though, 57 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: because the rent isn't even free. So, UM, I don't 58 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 1: really think he wants to get back together right now 59 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: because he's not doing what it takes, and that means, 60 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: you know, making you happy, moving into a safe, secure 61 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,679 Speaker 1: home or apartment of your own. Uh, you know, the 62 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: saying happy wife, happy life. Um. In order for you 63 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: guys to um compromise or to come to uh a compromise, 64 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: you have to meet each other halfway. You guys aren't 65 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: doing that you're you're at an impass. You refuse to move. 66 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: He's refusing to move. So until you, guys, you know, 67 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,679 Speaker 1: give on that. And I think it should be the 68 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: husband at this point, just giving your letter. You know, 69 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: it's safer and and the kids have to go to 70 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: a good school. I think he should move into your apartment. Steve, 71 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: how much time I got? You don't have a lot 72 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 1: of time right now. You can come back. I see 73 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: something totally different. I see something totally different. I agree 74 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 1: with what you said, though, Shelly, I really do, but 75 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: I see some more stuff in this letter at this point, 76 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna point out some couple of things that I 77 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: saw when you were reading it. And uh, okay, if 78 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: you want to comment on the letter, it's posted. Go 79 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: to Steve Harvey dot com, click on the Strawberry Letter. 80 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 1: You can also email us your Strawberry Letter issues on 81 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 1: the website. We'll be back with Steve's answer right after this. 82 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: After all, right, come on, Steve with part two of 83 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: your response to today's letter. Major Dilemma. Good morning, Steve 84 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,479 Speaker 1: Harvey crew. I'm right because I have a major dilemma 85 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: my husband. I've been together for eleven years and a 86 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: half two children, were currently separated and been going through 87 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: some things. For the last three years. We've been on again, 88 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: off again. We can't seem to get along and there's 89 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 1: a lack of communication. We've been through everything except pregnancies 90 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: outside the marriage on both parts. At the present time, 91 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: we live in two separate households and have been separated 92 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: since January. We recently talked to know that we love 93 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: each other and want to be together. We also know 94 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 1: we need help getting past some of our issues. We 95 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: decided that we want to be back together, but now 96 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: the problem is a living range. When he currently lives 97 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: in the house his grandparents owned. I live in the apartment. 98 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: We started a one year lease on this September. He 99 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: wants to move into the house. I, however, do not. 100 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 1: The reason I refused to is because of the location 101 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 1: of the house is not in the greatest part of 102 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: the city and out break of violence in this area 103 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: of town is outstanding. I am not too crazy about 104 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,359 Speaker 1: the house, and the school is in the area, and 105 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: the schools in the area sucked to say the least. 106 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: Our children are currently in a grade school district and 107 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: the environment is not overcome with violence. He and I 108 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,919 Speaker 1: both live within the city where the house is, and 109 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: we hated it and that's why we moved. So now 110 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 1: he wants to live in the house and I refused to. 111 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 1: I would much rather keep our children in the environment 112 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: there in and get a home of our own. I 113 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: don't know what it means when he says he's dent. 114 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: Now this has kept us from getting back together, So 115 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: what should we do? We have no money to move 116 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: and to put our boys in better schools where the 117 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 1: house is located. House needs repairs which at this time 118 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: we cannot afford. So what advice do you have for us? 119 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: How can we get past this reaching a compromise that 120 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: suits us both. Mind you, we currently have an apartment 121 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: where the least is until August, and it makes no 122 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: sense to pay rent in two places. Please help us 123 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: with this, sincerely. Major dilemma. First of all, you have 124 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: the major dilemma placed in the wrong area. Your major dilemma, 125 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: you claim, is you don't want to pay rent in 126 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: two places. He refuses to move into the apartment, you 127 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 1: refuse to move into the house. That's not your major dilemma. 128 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,840 Speaker 1: Your major dilemma is the very reason that y'all ain't 129 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: together in the first place. Y'all two don't get along, 130 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 1: and you two have a lack of communication, and you're 131 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 1: demonstrating the same thing that you say broke you up. 132 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,840 Speaker 1: You can't seem to get along, and there's a lack 133 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: of communication. This again is another example of you all's 134 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 1: lack of communication. It is a lack of understanding, and 135 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: it is the unwillingness on either one of your part 136 00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: to compromise. Now, Shirley's right, it seems like the art 137 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 1: move would be for the guy to move into the 138 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,720 Speaker 1: apartment so the kids could keep going to the to 139 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: the best school system. But he willing to do that, 140 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 1: and then you ain't willing to move. You all have 141 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: a major dilemma, and you all still have a communication problem. 142 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: Now you're saying the letter that we've gone through everything 143 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 1: except pregnancies outside the marriage parentheses on both parts, this 144 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: means that both of y'all have cheated. That's what that means. 145 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: On both parts. That means both of y'all been cheating. 146 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: That's the code that I see in there, because I've 147 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: never heard that before. We've been through everything except pregnancies 148 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: outside the marriage parentheses on both parts. What you all 149 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: need to work on, really is your basic selves and 150 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: your marriage skills, because right now y'all don't seem to 151 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 1: have none. You want what you want and he won't 152 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 1: what he want, and I ain't neither one of y'all 153 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: willing to give in. Now you don't this letter in 154 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: and your letter really ain't for a compromise. Your letter 155 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: is really, how do you convince this man to move 156 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: back into this department? Because nothing you said about moving 157 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: into the grandmama's house is gonna work for you, But 158 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: you are convinced that staying in the one year least 159 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: department will work for you and the kids. Now seems 160 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: in the letter like Larry surely said that this would 161 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 1: be the best thing to do. But guess what, he 162 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: ain't trying to hear that, and you ain't trying to move. 163 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: Thus you have a lack of communication. And now what 164 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 1: is y'all's marriage gonna be built on when you get 165 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,599 Speaker 1: back together? What y'all gonna do? See, y'all need to 166 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 1: work on that part of it right now. Y'all can't 167 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: even agree when you separate it, and you can't agree 168 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,439 Speaker 1: when you marry. So now when you're gonna get back 169 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: together and do what disagree some more. See, your major 170 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: dilemma ain't where you're gonna live. Your major dilemma is 171 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: really how you all can live together. That's a major dilemma. 172 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 1: How you all, How your man don't see these kids needs, 173 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: How you don't see your man's needs. How both of 174 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,559 Speaker 1: y'all don't see anybody's needs. And this is a ridiculous 175 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: statement that you're making to me, both of you, you know, 176 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 1: and you know. So what advice do you have for us? 177 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,680 Speaker 1: Get yourselves together? Why do y'all even want to be together? 178 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 1: There's nothing. There's nothing in this letter that says YouTube 179 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: people should be together. Nothing you wrote, nothing in here. 180 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: All you said was this one line in there is 181 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: that we love each other and we want to be together. Okay, 182 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,319 Speaker 1: I can't, I swear to you, I can't tell. And 183 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: so when I read a letter like this, man, I 184 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: just go, Wow, you've only been your eleven years. Y'all 185 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: went through so much stuff, and now you can't afford 186 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: to move. You ain't got the money for repairs, You 187 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 1: ain't got the money for two rents. Yeah, and she 188 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 1: refuses too, and so does he to move. So what 189 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: you want meet and Shirley to say, we don't know 190 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 1: how to get you all together. Alright, Steve, we gotta go. 191 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: Please email us or instagram us your thoughts on today's 192 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter at my girls, Shirley and please don't forget this. 193 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: Thursday at one thirty pm Eastern Time, Facebook Live the 194 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: Strawberry Live After Show with with me Uh and Uh. 195 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 1: It's gonna be fun. Thanks to everyone who's joined us 196 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,560 Speaker 1: and we've had fun, great conversation show. So thank you 197 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: so very much