Speaker 1: Hey there, folks, it is Saturday, March twenty eighth, and
Speaker 1: how long is too long to be engaged? That question,
Speaker 1: plus a drunken night out with robox Mom, has now
Speaker 1: triggered our wedding planning. And with that, welcome to this
Speaker 1: episode of Amy and DJ. And all of that is true.
Speaker 1: I don't know how we end up where we are
Speaker 1: right now, but we have just been would you not say,
Speaker 1: Robes in the past twenty four to forty eight hours
Speaker 1: have had more serious talks about wedding planning than we
Speaker 1: have since we got engaged.
Speaker 2: Yes, that is true. And we just came back from
Speaker 2: a trip to Atlanta and we.
Speaker 3: Saw my mom.
Speaker 1: No girl, it's a good night out and it was
Speaker 1: so fun.
Speaker 2: We had a blast, too much fun actually, But yes, look,
Speaker 2: it comes up inevitably, just kind of questions about if
Speaker 2: we had considered when we were getting married. We get
Speaker 2: asked every time we go out with friends. Some people
Speaker 2: will it's always just a kind curiosity.
Speaker 1: Even randoms. Sometimes. We were at the next game the
Speaker 1: other day, the first person we saw was Tracy Morgan.
Speaker 1: He's pressing us, when are you getting married?
Speaker 3: Pressing us, why are you waiting?
Speaker 1: Pressing us? To get all right. So, yes, everybody does it, so.
Speaker 3: We had to be totally honest.
Speaker 2: I really do think we aren't deliberately avoiding the conversation.
Speaker 2: I do think we are actually so busy and we
Speaker 2: have you know what, that's not fair because we have
Speaker 2: prioritize vacation planning. There are other things that we be
Speaker 2: put that ahead, and so without talking about it, we
Speaker 2: have put it on the back burner, even discussing the plants.
Speaker 2: It's not like we wanted to wait a year because
Speaker 2: of X, or we need to wait until we get
Speaker 2: to this. There is none of that. We just aren't
Speaker 2: discussing it. We did say that we are enjoying saying fiance.
Speaker 2: That's fun, like that's a fun stage of a relationship.
Speaker 2: So we kind of don't want that to end. And
Speaker 2: there maybe is this fear in the back of both
Speaker 2: of our minds that we're not discussing about what marriage
Speaker 2: might do to our relationship.
Speaker 1: Really, that's not the bad has not been in the
Speaker 1: back of my mind. I didn't realize it was in
Speaker 1: the back of you.
Speaker 2: I'm just wondering if subconsciously all playing a role based
Speaker 2: on our other relationships. I don't know I'm just wondering
Speaker 2: if that is maybe something in our subconscious or is
Speaker 2: it that I'm afraid that what I want isn't what
Speaker 2: you want, or what you want isn't.
Speaker 3: What I want. I don't know because we haven't talked about.
Speaker 1: It, we folks, Despite what anything you've read, we have
Speaker 1: not had a serious conversation about time, place, attendees.
Speaker 2: Nothing, No, And you actually said to me today, all right,
Speaker 2: should we start talking about like what do we need
Speaker 2: to figure out everything? We need to figure out who
Speaker 2: we want there, where we want it to take place,
Speaker 2: and when we want it to happen. And we have
Speaker 2: not not actually come to a discussion about any of
Speaker 2: those things.
Speaker 1: We have nothing.
Speaker 2: We've thrown ideas out about who, and that's it. We
Speaker 2: haven't well, maybe we've thrown some ideas out about where,
Speaker 2: but we certainly have not discussed when.
Speaker 1: We have not had a substance of conversation about our
Speaker 1: wedding at all since we got engaged. And that's pushed
Speaker 1: me to ask you what's the right amount of time?
Speaker 1: How long is too long? I think I put it
Speaker 1: that way. How long is too long? Now? Just top
Speaker 1: of your head before we start, we actually google this,
Speaker 1: But off the top of your head, how long is
Speaker 1: too long? What would your answer have been.
Speaker 2: I think I would have said anything over three years.
Speaker 1: Why three?
Speaker 2: Just because it's like, at that point, what are you
Speaker 2: waiting for. It's not like there's a venue you've waited for,
Speaker 2: or I guess if you had some short term financial goal,
Speaker 2: if you haven't reached it at that point, I don't know.
Speaker 2: It would just be like, maybe there's another issue, there's
Speaker 2: another thing going on that you're not addressing, and there's
Speaker 2: a reason why you're deliberately dragging your feet that is
Speaker 2: dragging your feet.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, Should there be a minimum
Speaker 1: time of engagement? Yes, I do think so why do
Speaker 1: you think that should be?
Speaker 2: I think that you should. I think you should give
Speaker 2: it a year. I think you should spend a year
Speaker 2: with the idea that everyone you know and love, and
Speaker 2: everyone you meet, and every person you might encounter who
Speaker 2: could be a potential suitor, even that you have publicly
Speaker 2: stated with the ring on your finger or with the
Speaker 2: intention that you are going to spend the rest of
Speaker 2: your life with someone else, and really sit with that
Speaker 2: decision because it is actually I think, having now gone
Speaker 2: through two divorces a hundred percent, and I did not
Speaker 2: take it seriously.
Speaker 1: How long were you engagement?
Speaker 2: So? My first one was a year okay, and my
Speaker 2: second one was four month stably.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, how about you?
Speaker 1: Uh first one was non existent, kind of an eloping thing,
Speaker 1: and the second was the year okay.
Speaker 3: So I do think you a year will help.
Speaker 2: Obviously it didn't matter necessarily with either of us, but
Speaker 2: I think that that gives you the opportunity to really
Speaker 2: let it sink in. I just was so young, I
Speaker 2: was still so focused on my career. I wasn't actually
Speaker 2: letting anything sink in. I was just like, next, next, next,
Speaker 2: I was just checking boxes.
Speaker 1: Okay. Sorry, you weren't talking about suitors with next.
Speaker 4: No, But what I needed to know I was just
Speaker 4: joking a second. We were talking about marriage, and that's okay.
Speaker 4: So is there any reason then to wait? You said
Speaker 4: three years is too long, you should give it at
Speaker 4: least a year then, but what, well, I'll go ahead.
Speaker 1: You like you were about to jump in there. But yeah,
Speaker 1: is there any reason to wait? I guess it depends
Speaker 1: on Okay, I won't incorporate us into this yet, what
Speaker 1: reason can and you give to wait, you said, yes,
Speaker 1: you want to marry me, I want to marry you
Speaker 1: might as well go get married tomorrow.
Speaker 2: I would think the only time, or the only instance
Speaker 2: where it would make sense is if you were long
Speaker 2: distance and you knew, once I get this degree or
Speaker 2: once I get this job, I can move and we
Speaker 2: can live in the same city, and I can understand
Speaker 2: not wanting to get married, and so you can actually
Speaker 2: live together.
Speaker 1: Okay, that makes sense. Okay, that's practical. Yes, okay, but
Speaker 1: you live on that side of town. I'm over here.
Speaker 1: What is? What is?
Speaker 2: Then?
Speaker 3: I think you'd have to ask yourself why are you waiting?
Speaker 1: Like what?
Speaker 3: Why wouldn't you just go ahead and get married?
Speaker 1: Okay, that's the question. A lot of people wait because
Speaker 1: they're planning a wedding, right, you need to That's true.
Speaker 3: You have to get you have to wait for a
Speaker 3: venue sometimes go time.
Speaker 1: Okay, all that aside. If someone says, will you marry
Speaker 1: me and the response is yes, throw out the practical
Speaker 1: things you talked about with the planning of the wedding
Speaker 1: and someone graduate from college, da da is there any
Speaker 1: reason you need to sit with an engagement no matter
Speaker 1: what for a little while.
Speaker 2: Would you say yes, I think if you how long
Speaker 2: have you known each other before the engagement?
Speaker 3: I think that's really important.
Speaker 2: So you know, when you said I thought you might
Speaker 2: be trying to jump in, I was going to jump
Speaker 2: in with us because I was actually gonna say, I
Speaker 2: think you have to consider the fact that we have
Speaker 2: been close friends for eight years before we even started dating,
Speaker 2: and then we took and.
Speaker 3: It was very tumultuous. I think it would have been
Speaker 3: very well advised to wait.
Speaker 2: We took from the time I think I guess what
Speaker 2: was it almost almost three years right until from the
Speaker 2: time we were in a romantic relationship until the time
Speaker 2: you proposed it was almost three years. I've only wow, Wow,
Speaker 2: we actually have a slow rollship. I think we would
Speaker 2: be an exception that we could have gotten married probably the.
Speaker 3: Next day, and it doesn't make a difference.
Speaker 2: I don't need to test us or learn more about
Speaker 2: you or your family, or how you act or react
Speaker 2: to hard times. Been there, done that? Act to good times?
Speaker 2: How do we live our days together? You know, just
Speaker 2: doing nothing together. We've done all of that. We've traveled
Speaker 2: the world together. So I don't need to find anything
Speaker 2: else out about you at this point. I think we've
Speaker 2: been managing our communication skills and that level of intimacy
Speaker 2: and understanding I think has been it's been important. I'm
Speaker 2: glad we've taken the time to do that because it
Speaker 2: is a transition to go from a friendship to a
Speaker 2: romance and tell folks, what.
Speaker 1: Is the You did the some quick research. You can
Speaker 1: cite the source, but I don't know it sounds about right.
Speaker 1: The average length of time that engagements are these days.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the knot says that the average length of an
Speaker 2: engagement is fifteen months, and it's been that exact same
Speaker 2: length of time since twenty twenty two. So for the
Speaker 2: last four years, fifteen months is the average. And they
Speaker 2: said a couple of years it might go up to
Speaker 2: sixteen months or down to thirteen months, but pretty much
Speaker 2: it stays right around that area.
Speaker 3: And that is that does make a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: I think for the timing of people mostly want these
Speaker 2: big weddings and so, yes, you've got a book a venue,
Speaker 2: you've got a book of floorist. Sometimes you have to
Speaker 2: you have to wait longer than you want to because
Speaker 2: of that. So I would imagine that plays a lot
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: Does it take away there and we said this. So
Speaker 1: we just are enjoying being engaged. It's fun that we
Speaker 1: know we have something to look forward to. Even the
Speaker 1: way people talk to you is is a little different.
Speaker 1: I yeah, isn't that? Yes, that's a worthy time.
Speaker 3: It's been fun and I have enjoyed it and I
Speaker 3: really do like it. But we just did the math.
Speaker 3: What is it seven months we've been engaged now, So
Speaker 3: I'm at a.
Speaker 2: Point now where and even talking to my mom, I
Speaker 2: do want to start making plans.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be tomorrow.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be six months for now, but
Speaker 2: I would like to kind of you and I sit
Speaker 2: down and actually say this. If I ranked the top
Speaker 2: three ways we did it, who I'd want there?
Speaker 3: And when we did it? I think we just we
Speaker 3: need to start having those conversations.
Speaker 1: Okay, why haven't we had those conversations yet, one might ask.
Speaker 1: We'll have that answer for you when we come back. Also,
Speaker 1: I will tell you about this wild drunken night out
Speaker 1: with Rollbox Mama. All right, we continue here on Amy
Speaker 1: and TJ. How long it's too long to be engaged?
Speaker 1: We're within the right windows. Seven months isn't terrible? We okay,
Speaker 1: still got some time. I can stretch this thing out
Speaker 1: as long as we need to. Everything's all right, You're
Speaker 1: I don't know you You did have a moment. I
Speaker 1: guess with your mom, more so because people ask us
Speaker 1: all the time when you when's wedding and when you
Speaker 1: guys get get married, and a lot of people put
Speaker 1: in their bids wherever you're gonna go, Well, we'll be
Speaker 1: there and make sure you don't forget us, And that's
Speaker 1: that kind of thing. That stuff's just fun. But I
Speaker 1: guess it got a little more serious when your mom.
Speaker 1: There are questions your mom was asking that seemed to
Speaker 1: hit a little harder than everybody else's random questions. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think they don't want to be intrusive,
Speaker 2: and they want it to be the way we want it,
Speaker 2: and they'll be happy for us if we elope if
Speaker 2: we bring no one, but obviously they want to be
Speaker 2: there and they're really excited about meeting your parents.
Speaker 3: That's something she also touched on, and so I think
Speaker 3: the idea I actually hearing her in a very sweet.
Speaker 2: Way, a non pushy way, just suggest or just definitely
Speaker 2: let us know that they are ready, willing and able
Speaker 2: to be wherever they need to be to see us
Speaker 2: get married and to be in support of that. I
Speaker 2: started thinking, you know, we had to run and hide
Speaker 2: for so much of that year. It was just awful,
Speaker 2: and there was this feeling of almost not feeling worthy of.
Speaker 3: Or not being ready.
Speaker 2: Of being accepted, even because we just felt so out
Speaker 2: of sight and just so concerned about what would people think.
Speaker 2: So the idea of now maybe eloping I don't love
Speaker 2: as much as I thought initially, because I like the
Speaker 2: idea of standing proudly, of letting our family love us
Speaker 2: and support us and cheer us on and holding our
Speaker 2: heads up high. That I like the idea of that
Speaker 2: more and more after everything we've been through.
Speaker 1: Well, that all you just said makes perfect sense, and
Speaker 1: I will. I am completely on board. I was open
Speaker 1: to anything and everything if we did elpe, Yes, the
Speaker 1: way you just explained, it is something you do not
Speaker 1: want to happen, So that won't be the case.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, I don't think I knew that until like
Speaker 3: just the second.
Speaker 2: That Actually, just everything else, I think because of what
Speaker 2: we had to go through, it seems like that's the
Speaker 2: last thing we should do.
Speaker 1: Well, it seemed you get to a point and you
Speaker 1: get folks convincing you that your story, your relationship, your friendship,
Speaker 1: your love is not something worth celebrating because they have
Speaker 1: convinced you that it is some way tainted. And we
Speaker 1: actually know that's not the case, but we didn't want
Speaker 1: to bring anybody into our mess to a certain degree
Speaker 1: forcing it. I mean, I remember this was straighthand when
Speaker 1: we had lunch with him, we were telling him, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to do it here, want to do it
Speaker 1: there to make sure you're not seen with us.
Speaker 3: Yes, you don't get our staying on you.
Speaker 1: He was like, what the hell are y'all talking about?
Speaker 1: And that was one of the early ones to where
Speaker 1: we said, oh my god, everybody loves us and supports us. Yes,
Speaker 1: because their friends and their family and they've seen us,
Speaker 1: they know what's going on. So yes to that thing.
Speaker 1: We will make sure robes I will not ever be
Speaker 1: pushing to a lope or do anything that does not
Speaker 1: include family. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I really think now that's a cool thing after everything
Speaker 2: we've been through to see your parents, my parents are siblings,
Speaker 2: our kids. I think that is something that I am
Speaker 2: now a lot. I'm leaning way more in that category.
Speaker 1: And I assure you Folks, as you're listening to us,
Speaker 1: this is you are absolutely hearing the most detailed, extensive
Speaker 1: conversation we have had about our wedding planning. This is it.
Speaker 1: There's been nothing else. It's been wild Robes to read
Speaker 1: some things about who we're inviting, who we're not inviting,
Speaker 1: Where there was a location at one point what and
Speaker 1: it was a location there was zero chance in hell
Speaker 1: we ever have a wedding there. So this is it
Speaker 1: has been fun to talk about this. But the night
Speaker 1: out with your mom, we were in Atlanta, Robes at
Speaker 1: the she was a keynote at the Dress Work Success
Speaker 1: event down there. If you don't know who Dressed for
Speaker 1: Success is down in Atlanta, Georgia, check them out, look
Speaker 1: them up. But did the keynote down there. So, but
Speaker 1: we got to go the day before going the night
Speaker 1: before four Seasons place I've spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: with on in Midtown in Atlanta. It's home essentially, yes,
Speaker 1: But we had an unexpected night out with you. It
Speaker 1: would have been both your parents. Your dad had something
Speaker 1: else to do, but we got this gift Robes that
Speaker 1: I didn't appreciate enough beforehand. But the three of us
Speaker 1: got to sit down and not I guess robes. We
Speaker 1: weren't anything other than friends and buddies and having a
Speaker 1: good time. We're not ducking behind anything. We're not worried
Speaker 1: about work, which just it was a wonderful night with
Speaker 1: your mom.
Speaker 3: It was fun. She got to tell stories about how
Speaker 3: it was like for her growing up and just.
Speaker 2: Having a blast reminiscing, going over old times. And it
Speaker 2: was nice to see my mom just loose and holding
Speaker 2: court in a way even right.
Speaker 1: Really, And it was Margarita after skinny Margarita after skinny Margarita.
Speaker 1: Thank you to the folks at the four season there
Speaker 1: and Atlanta. Always take good care to a man, Jayden Rose,
Speaker 1: who round too in the lobby as well. I hadn't
Speaker 1: seen him in a while and got to introduce him
Speaker 1: to your mama.
Speaker 2: And she had no idea who he was, no idea,
Speaker 2: but she protected my dad, didn't you.
Speaker 1: Well, she had to go home and say I met
Speaker 1: Jalen Rose of Michigan fame, and your dad's a Michigan
Speaker 1: State guy. So I'm not sure how that went over
Speaker 1: at the house, but it was a wonderful, wonderful night,
Speaker 1: and it did. It sparked more serious conversation about our
Speaker 1: own wedding planning. I don't know where we go from here,
Speaker 1: but we will continue this conversation as soon as we
Speaker 1: stop recording. I'm sure.
Speaker 2: Okay, good, because I was going to ask you the
Speaker 2: next question if you had in your mind the average okay,
Speaker 2: the average engagements fifteen months, how long before you would
Speaker 2: want to get married? Like, do you have a cutoff
Speaker 2: or a timeline at all in your head?
Speaker 1: I don't. The thing is, I just wanted to I
Speaker 1: just wanted to enjoy being engaged. I wanted to go
Speaker 1: through a cycle of engagement. I wanted to go through.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to enjoy this. It's just fun. After that,
Speaker 1: I don't have a date, and I don't I have
Speaker 1: here lately, I've said it to you, let's just get married,
Speaker 1: Let's just let's just you know what. It has a
Speaker 1: lot to do with stuff we cover. Stuff is happening
Speaker 1: in people's lives that are in our lives, and like,
Speaker 1: why are we waiting to delay?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: That has a lot to do with it. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, So what's your timing.
Speaker 2: I just had an idea, I just had I just
Speaker 2: had an idea of when I would like to get made.
Speaker 3: Tell me the whin you want me to say when?
Speaker 1: If you don't want to, that's fine.
Speaker 3: I was just thinking tell me the win.
Speaker 1: Well, you don't have to hear, because then we commit
Speaker 1: to it publicly.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you when we get off.
Speaker 1: Is there aware I do?
Speaker 3: I had something in mind?
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, but you're gonna hold that too, yes, okay.
Speaker 3: I don't know how you'll feel about it.
Speaker 1: Is there a number of attendees? I? Yes, Oh you
Speaker 1: want to tell me that, or you're gonna hold that too.
Speaker 1: I hold everything, you're holding all of it.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna hold it all.
Speaker 1: Okay. Then all right, folks, Well, we always appreciate you
Speaker 1: sticking around with us, and especially since we give you
Speaker 1: episodes with very little information apparently, and with that, we
Speaker 1: appreciate you hanging with us on DJ Holmes And I
Speaker 1: cannot wait to have this conversation with my fiance as
Speaker 1: soon as we stop