1 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: I don't think you're gonna just say one day, I'm 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,400 Speaker 1: gonna run a marathon. You might say, oh, running seems interesting. 3 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: I might try that. I'm gonna go run a mile. 4 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: And you could run one mile. That could be the 5 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 1: furthest distance you ever run in your life. You could 6 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,239 Speaker 1: do it a couple of times you are a runner. 7 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 1: Other people might decide to push it a little further, 8 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 1: run a five k, run, a ten k, ten miler, etc. 9 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: Some people are gonna go run marathons, some people are 10 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: gonna go run ultra marathons. All of you are runners, 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 1: and all of you are a part of that community. 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: And that's how I feel about my experience with service. 13 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: And when I think of the army of normal folks, 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:50,280 Speaker 1: that's what I see us. Such an exciting movement to build. 15 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 2: That is awesome. That was worth the whole interview right there. 16 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 2: Welcome to an army of normal thought folks. I'm Bill Courtney. 17 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 2: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father, 18 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 2: I'm an entrepreneur, and I'm a football coach in inner 19 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 2: city Memphis. And that last part, somehow well, it led 20 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 2: to an oscar for a film about one of my teams. 21 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 2: It's called undefeated. Guys. I believe our country's problems are 22 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 2: never going to be solved by a bunch of fancy 23 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 2: people in nice suits talking big words that nobody understands 24 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 2: on CNN and Fox, but rather by an army of 25 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:36,759 Speaker 2: normal folks. Guys. That's us, just you and me deciding Hey, 26 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 2: maybe I can help. That's what Melissa O'Neil, the voice 27 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 2: you just heard is done. Melissa is a really unique 28 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 2: episode for us because we're not focusing on a single subject, 29 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 2: but a bunch of different things. She's done and the 30 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 2: impact that a truly normal person can have without launching 31 00:01:56,040 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 2: some big organization or nonprofit. She's volunteered with, hasa fostered 32 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 2: two boys, is a member of a giving circle, started 33 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 2: her own giving circle with a few friends, and she's incredible. 34 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 2: I cannot wait for you to hear this unbelievable story 35 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 2: of wisdom and service right after these brief messages from 36 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 2: our general sponsors. Melissa O'Neill from Washington, d C. Do 37 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 2: you live in d C? In Arlington and that's where 38 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 2: my kid lives. That's where two of my kids live. Okay, 39 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:43,519 Speaker 2: you should beat them? Are not join her giving a 40 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:48,359 Speaker 2: circle circle though there they work for the government. They're 41 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,799 Speaker 2: very underpaid Civil Services. 42 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 1: Okay, you'll hear about it later, but it's not a 43 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: high buy in. 44 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,920 Speaker 2: I'll give you their contact information. You can call them. 45 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 2: So Melissa O'Neill. Everybody typically at the of the show 46 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,239 Speaker 2: we say something like meliss O'Neill, founder of x y Z, 47 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 2: Meliss O'Neill, director of x y Z, but we're just saying, 48 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 2: Meliss O'Neill, what's up. Hey, Melissa's story is awesome. I'm 49 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,679 Speaker 2: going to go and reverse and then will unfold it chronologically. 50 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 2: She currently works for Stand Together, who you've heard Alex 51 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 2: and I certainly refer to. And I think we're gonna 52 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:31,239 Speaker 2: explain more about Stand Together over the coming months. And 53 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 2: she's a mommy helps your jackson nine months ago became 54 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 2: a mom. She's a wife to her husband, Scott, and 55 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 2: she has been a foster parent. She has been involved 56 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 2: in organizations supporting foster parents. She's been involved as an 57 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 2: advocate for foster kids, which we have done a story on, 58 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 2: which is really cool. She's been part of a giving circle, 59 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 2: and I think even on the board or the decision 60 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 2: making of a giving circle, which we have highlighted on 61 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 2: the show before, and she even ran into a former 62 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 2: guest as a part of being in a giving circle, 63 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,599 Speaker 2: who is also a DC gal who wrote one of 64 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 2: the coolest articles we've ever read about the importance of 65 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,840 Speaker 2: giving and how she feels like a lot of her 66 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 2: friends and her professors even in college, got service all wrong. 67 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 2: Rachel's story, what was the name? What was Rachel bilcon Serro? 68 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,279 Speaker 3: Whya changed my mind about volunteering? 69 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 2: Why I changed my mind about volunteer? And who you've met? Which, 70 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 2: by the way, I absolutely, in a very platonic way, 71 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 2: fell in love with that young lady when I'm meting 72 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 2: she is incredible, and I fell in love with how 73 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 2: truly liberal her mind is, meaning open, which you can 74 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 2: talk about her if you want to. So, Melissa O'Neil, everybody, 75 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 2: it's just a normal person who has been involved in 76 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 2: a number of different things. And Alex said, we got 77 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:13,000 Speaker 2: to talk to Melissa because she is quintessentially what we 78 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 2: want the army to look like. Just millions of you. 79 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 3: They're frankly harder guests to find too, so just plugging 80 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 3: that for all the listeners, like it's easier to find 81 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 3: somebody who started an organization. Right, it's harder to find 82 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,600 Speaker 3: the beautiful, normal folks soul. So if you see someone 83 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 3: like that in your community, we should interview and make 84 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 3: sure to email us about it. 85 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 2: That's right. So welcome to Memphis. 86 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. 87 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 2: So we're going to start at the beginning and just 88 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 2: kind of let people here literally how normal you are, 89 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 2: and really kind of the track of how you've gotten 90 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 2: involved in things and what they've meant to the people 91 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 2: that you've been able to serve, but also what it's 92 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 2: meant to you. I think that's really part of the 93 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 2: importance of the story. So I'm going to let you 94 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 2: start with how cool it was that your parents took 95 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: you to Mexico on a family trip. Yeah. 96 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: I would say growing up in general, we were pretty 97 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: service oriented. I think my parents really instilled that in us, 98 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:17,479 Speaker 1: and we did. I'm from California. You grew up in 99 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 1: a pretty affluent area. I grew up in Orange County, California, 100 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 1: but my father was from the Midwest, and I think 101 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: that that kind of combination of California and Midwest together 102 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 1: like really created a unique culture within our family. And 103 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,720 Speaker 1: we always did a lot of volunteering and service and 104 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,600 Speaker 1: it was great and growing. The way I like to 105 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: tell the stories, like growing up in an affluent area, 106 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,480 Speaker 1: a lot of our friends and our peers were going 107 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 1: on all these like international trips, right, and as kids, 108 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: you don't really understand the difference, or like why can't we. 109 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: I'm also one of five children, so there's a lot 110 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: of Yeah, so it's not just what kid, it's five, 111 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: and just logistically, you know, the age range all that, 112 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: it just you know, wasn't something were to do. So 113 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: so one year they decided, my parents decided to take 114 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: us on a trip to Mexico. And it wasn't the 115 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: first time we'd been to Mexico, but it was definitely 116 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: the most meaningful trip we've taken to Mexico. And essentially 117 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: it was a service trip and we went down. 118 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 2: With did you guys know that they did? 119 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think we really understood what that meant, 120 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: just because of like the age range and everything, but 121 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: I think we did know we weren't just going to 122 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,520 Speaker 1: go play on the beach the whole weekend, which we 123 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: didn't even go to the beach at all, I want to, 124 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: So we went a couple of times. I want to 125 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: say the first time, I was probably like ten around, 126 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: and I've got two younger siblings and two older siblings, right, 127 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 1: so we kind of ranged in ages. But we went 128 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 1: down with a bunch of our family friends, so it 129 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: wasn't just our family, it was some other adults and 130 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: their families that we knew, so our next door neighbor 131 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 1: who has five boys, And we went down and we 132 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: spent the whole weekend together building house and it was 133 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: in a community that was just so completely different than 134 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 1: what we were had ever seen, either in California or 135 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: in Missouri. Houses oftentimes made out of cardboard, like just 136 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 1: completely different. It was like Habitat for Humanity, but it's 137 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: a smaller organization called Homes for Hope. And we worked 138 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,119 Speaker 1: alongside the family. I kind of was in the middle 139 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: age range, so I helped with the house, and I 140 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 1: also got to play with the kids. My younger sisters 141 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: were just like running around in the dirt with the 142 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 1: other kids that lived in the neighborhood. And it was 143 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: just such a meaningful experience. And I remember afterwards when 144 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: we were talking as a family about it, you know, like, 145 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: would you guys want to do it again. It was 146 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,559 Speaker 1: like the quickest yes that any of us had ever done, 147 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,079 Speaker 1: and so we did it again. I think the following 148 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: year might have been a couple years later. I went 149 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: on to do it a couple of times, just as 150 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 1: like a teenager through the church because the church had 151 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,959 Speaker 1: similar programs. And then I don't even know, maybe in 152 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: like twenty eighteen or nineteen, we actually decided to do 153 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: it again with as adults, with our significant others, and 154 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,319 Speaker 1: so Scott got to come with me and we all 155 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 1: did it the same group of families and we did 156 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: it again, and it's just it was such a meaningful trip. 157 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 1: And I think sometimes when I think about kind of 158 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: my point of view of the world and service today, 159 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: like that's one of the core memories that really just 160 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 1: always comes to me of like we got to go 161 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: to Mexico and we built a house and we played 162 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: with families. We didn't go to the beach, and it 163 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: was amazing. 164 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 2: I mean, that's got to be formative. 165 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 166 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:26,199 Speaker 2: I mean it was clearly planted. Why'd your mom and 167 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 2: dad want do that? Do you have a sense of that? 168 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 2: I mean, was it we've obviously if you're living an Orange. 169 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:36,160 Speaker 2: I don't know what the socioeconomic status your family was, 170 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 2: but your family had been blessed by some level of affluence. 171 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 2: Was it. We've been given so much, we need to 172 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 2: go back and we want to teach our children this. 173 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 2: I mean, what do you know what that idea was there? 174 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: It's a great question. I should talk more in depth 175 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: with my parents about it. I mean, I think it 176 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: was probably a little bit of that, but I think 177 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: also just inherent to their principles right giving back to 178 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: the community. We we we were always doing things like that, 179 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: small and big, and I think they just genuinely believed 180 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 1: it was a part of them and wanted it to 181 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 1: become a part of us. And I think that was 182 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: a great way to do it while also having a 183 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 1: great family trip altogether. 184 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,200 Speaker 2: I mean to me, that and of itself should be 185 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 2: a guiding principle or a guiding light for those of 186 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:26,080 Speaker 2: us who are parents and are becoming parents. The old 187 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 2: nature versus nurture thing, But in terms of nurture and 188 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 2: actually building an army of normal folks that want to 189 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 2: serve and change the world, maybe there's no bigger influence 190 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,440 Speaker 2: you could have than that of the children down the 191 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 2: hallway in your own home. 192 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it was I think another thing 193 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: that was really important to them, especially having a view 194 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: from the Midwest with kind of the southern California and 195 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: really being aware that that lifestyle maybe is a little 196 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 1: bit different. I think they really wanted to give us 197 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 1: a lot of exposure to different situations and lifestyles. And 198 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: I think just from a general kind of understanding, a 199 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 1: better understanding of like some of the things that we 200 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: were seeing that really weren't normal and how different, you know, 201 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: different communities live. I mean, just to like throw a 202 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: random example, like I I'm still embarrassed by this today. 203 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: I remember when I turned sixteen, I was like, so 204 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: I'm going to get like a range drover, right, Like 205 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: that's the car that I want. And it's so absurd 206 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: for me now, but at the time, like things like 207 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,680 Speaker 1: that were happening around us. And obviously when I went 208 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: to Mexico, I was younger than that. But those are 209 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: the things that my parents were very aware were like 210 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: happening with our peers, and they were just really intentional 211 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: about making sure that we didn't grow up with only 212 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: that people. I want to give you, Oh yeah, they're 213 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,719 Speaker 1: the best. So I did not get a range rover. 214 00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 2: So when as you don't know much about my background, 215 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 2: but I never had a yard to cut until I 216 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 2: bought my own first house. I grew up in apartments. 217 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 2: Mom was married, divorced five times. We didn't have anything, 218 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 2: so I grew up much differently than you did. My children, however, 219 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,839 Speaker 2: would identify with your world because I was blessed with 220 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 2: some level of success in business, but because of where 221 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 2: I came from, and because of what the obscene affluence 222 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,760 Speaker 2: surrounding my children at school and their friends which listen, 223 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 2: I am an absolute go get all you can in 224 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 2: this world guy, all right, It's just what you do 225 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 2: with it that matters. I believe in exceptionalism. I believe 226 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 2: in personal exceptionalism. I believe in American exceptionalism, and I 227 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 2: believe the right to go pursue exceptionalism is a beautiful 228 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 2: right that many in our world don't have, and to 229 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 2: not pursue it is almost sinful. Go get it. It's 230 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 2: just what you do with it. So trying to get 231 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 2: to the point, I'm just getting long winded here. But 232 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 2: the point is, as a result of seeing the things 233 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 2: that you were seeing as a kid, but seeing that 234 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 2: through the lens of my children's eyes. My kids grew 235 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 2: up on a house in a lovely part in Germantown, Tennessee, 236 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 2: and we had four acres in a pond, and it 237 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 2: was a lot to keep up. But I was not 238 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 2: going to pay anybody to keep it up. When I 239 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 2: had these four able bodied children hanging around the house. 240 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,839 Speaker 2: I was not going to watch my kids sit on 241 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 2: their eating bond bonds playing video games by somebody named 242 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: Jorge was outside cutting the grass. That to me was revolting. 243 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:48,360 Speaker 2: So the deal was we went to church every Saturdays 244 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 2: were typically games. We went to church every Sunday, and 245 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 2: then when everybody knew, when we came home from church, 246 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 2: we would eat. And then from one until the sun 247 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 2: came down, it was getting the yard, and each kid 248 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 2: had their job, and the one of the girls trim 249 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 2: the ivy. One of the girls did this the boy's edge. 250 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 2: The boys we do. The boys cut the grass. I 251 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 2: worked with them, and trust me, there were times that 252 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,480 Speaker 2: I thought this would be so much easier just to 253 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 2: face somebody do this and set out here. And you 254 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 2: grew up in Atlanta, or you mean you lived in Atlanta. 255 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 2: You know what Memphis and Atlanta. Heat is in August. 256 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 2: It's miserable anyway. So I'm out there with my kids 257 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 2: and it's one miserable hot August afternoon and my eleven 258 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 2: year old, which is my second oldest daughter, Molly, comes 259 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 2: around the corner toting a bag of grass, sweating, grass 260 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 2: sticking to her face, red faced, and Molly to this 261 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 2: day is very, very sassy, and she has a a 262 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 2: she's the mouthy one of the group. And she comes 263 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,560 Speaker 2: around and I'm like, make sure you put that on 264 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 2: the pile. She's like, I'm gonna put it on the pile. 265 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 2: And I'm like, hey, watch out, and she goes, Dad, 266 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 2: why can't we just have a yard man like normal 267 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 2: people do? Yeah, And I said, Molly, the very question 268 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 2: is the reason we don't have a yard man. And 269 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 2: I hope one day you'll understand that. And now a 270 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 2: few messages from our generous sponsors. But first, please consider 271 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 2: signing up to join the Army at normalfolks dot us. 272 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,440 Speaker 2: By signing up, you'll receive a weekly email with updates 273 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 2: about the Army and short episode summaries in case you 274 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 2: happen to miss an episode or you prefer reading about 275 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 2: our incredible guests. Please sign up. The more numbers, the 276 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 2: more impact we'll be. Right back nowadays, my kids who 277 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 2: have not had children yet but are all starting to 278 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 2: get married, all like our kids are cutting the grass. 279 00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 1: Ye. 280 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 2: So I kind of believe that your parents and Lisa 281 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 2: and I are probably kindred experience in that regard. I 282 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 2: think so absolutely, because you don't need a range Rover 283 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 2: when you're sixteen. In fact, you don't even need a 284 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 2: car if you're sixteen. And if you do need a car, 285 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 2: you need to spend some of your own money on it. 286 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 2: You need to know what it means to change oil 287 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 2: and change a flat because if the thing doesn't break 288 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 2: down when you're sixteen years old, you have unreal expectations 289 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 2: for life. That's kind of the way I think about it. 290 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I agree, And I think those those are 291 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 1: definitely principles that get passed down. I mean, I know 292 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 1: those are principles I will value in my husband, and 293 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 1: that will be passed down to Jackson, Jackson, and we're 294 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: passed down to our foster boys as well. 295 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 2: All Right, Jackson, when you're nine, you're going to get 296 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 2: a lawnmower for Christmas? All right? 297 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: I don't know, Scott might not give up cutting the 298 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 1: grass because it's one of his favorite things to do. 299 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 2: Well, then Jackson run around behind him and break up 300 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 2: clippings whatever, exactly, all right, so that kind of sets 301 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 2: a stage. Yeah, tell me where life takes you from 302 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 2: that basis that you your parents pounded into you and 303 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 2: your soabs. 304 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: I mean, I think I just kind of went on 305 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,119 Speaker 1: kind of a normal trajectory, normal person, Right. So I 306 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: went through through high school, went to college, got my 307 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: first job. I went to college, the University of Texas 308 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: in Austin. Got it where I met my husband. Yes, horns, 309 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: loved it, great experience and yeah, so then I got 310 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: my first job, and I also loved I worked for 311 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 1: Delta Airlines. It was a great place to work. Totally 312 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: recommend working for an airline if you can swing it. 313 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 1: You get some great flight benefits. And then we were moving, 314 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 1: and so I ended up working remote before the pandemic. 315 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 2: He moved from Atlanta. 316 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: From Atlanta, Yeah, so I ended up working remote. 317 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 2: What's your husband out? 318 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: He does supply chain for manufacturing, So at the time 319 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: he was getting his MBA and when he graduated, that's 320 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,120 Speaker 1: when we moved and he was working for like a 321 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,880 Speaker 1: supplier production line. Honestly, I don't know. 322 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,199 Speaker 2: That much, but he was. 323 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 1: It was Yeah, it was great, but we had to 324 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,359 Speaker 1: move a lot because a lot of MBA programs, you 325 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: will do multiple jobs over multiple years, but a lot 326 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 1: of times they're in the same building. But because he 327 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: was working on manufacturing sites physically, they were moving locations. 328 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 1: So we knew we were going to have to move 329 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: multiple times over a short period of time. And so 330 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: I worked for Delta Remote while that happened. But I 331 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: also knew that I needed to find a new job 332 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: and I had no idea what I wanted to do. 333 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 1: I was never career oriented, but I genuinely did enjoy 334 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 1: working at Delta, and that's what brought me to I think. 335 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 2: Well, I also read I think that you also kind 336 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,400 Speaker 2: of thought, you know, I wouldn't mind being a stay at. 337 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,679 Speaker 1: Home and yeah, exactly, I was kind of like, you know, 338 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: I'll work if I have to, but like, I don't know, 339 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: it's not really for me. I just I'm not super 340 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 1: passionate about anything specifically. I went into finance because I 341 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,320 Speaker 1: liked math, and you could take finance into any industry, 342 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: but like didn't really have you know, wasn't one of 343 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: those I have a whole life plan for me, but 344 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: so working remote for review years, I had a lot 345 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 1: of time to really reflect on kind of what I 346 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 1: wanted to do in an next role. And I really 347 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: think that was like a very pivotal moment for me 348 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 1: that really like started me on kind of the trajectory 349 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: that I have now and my points of view on 350 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: the world now where I realized how much I genuinely 351 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 1: enjoyed kind of these different service opportunities that Delta had provided, 352 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,119 Speaker 1: and I started realizing, you know, you do a lot 353 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: of service as a kid because your parents kind of 354 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: well maybe not everyone, my parents kind of supported that. 355 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 1: And then from there you do help. 356 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 2: Plus if you're in a church, yes, or even your 357 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 2: schools yeah, can drives and whatever. I mean. As a kid, 358 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,119 Speaker 2: you do get exposed to it, whether or not it 359 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,680 Speaker 2: takes as all nother thing, but most kids do get 360 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 2: exposed to the idea of service. 361 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I would agree with that, and I think that 362 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: continues into high school because everyone says, oh, you have 363 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 1: to have service to like put on your resume, and 364 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 1: so you do some service in high school to like 365 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: beef up your resume for college. You get to college, 366 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 1: same thing. Oh, you got to do some community service 367 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,400 Speaker 1: clubs things, because that'll look really good on a job application. 368 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 1: So you do that. And I always enjoyed it, but 369 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 1: I never really thought about it specifically until later, and then, 370 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, I went to Delta, and I was lucky 371 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,439 Speaker 1: that Delta has a very strong corporate social responsibility program 372 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: and had all these opportunities. I don't think that that's 373 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: very common, especially at the time. I think more nowadays 374 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,439 Speaker 1: there's more corporations that are doing more of that. But 375 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 1: I just realized that that was always what I really enjoyed. 376 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,399 Speaker 1: And so since I in my mind was like, well, 377 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 1: I don't I haven't always wanted to be a career person. 378 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 1: Maybe I could take a pay cut and go work 379 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 1: in the nonprofit space, right Like, maybe that's actually an option, 380 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 1: And I had time to figure that out, which I 381 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,639 Speaker 1: did end up doing. I did end up switching to 382 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: the nonprofit space, which we can get into also more detail. 383 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:05,679 Speaker 1: And I just started on this journey of realizing that 384 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: there's so much personal value that I get out of 385 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:16,159 Speaker 1: anything that I'm doing that is also supporting others that 386 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,880 Speaker 1: I've kind of come to this place where now it's 387 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 1: just a part of who I am. And as we 388 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: might explore, like the reason I've done so many different 389 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: things is because I believe that. I just believe that 390 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,679 Speaker 1: that I'm someone who wants to give back, and I 391 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,399 Speaker 1: know that my life goes through different seasons and I 392 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: change interests and I have different amounts of capacity to 393 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: give to that, and that's okay, but it's core to 394 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: who I am. And so since that moment, I think 395 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: I've gotten really creative and how I contribute and how 396 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: I help others and how I do all these things. 397 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, I think it 398 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 1: makes me a more fulfilled and happy person because I 399 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 1: don't know, I just love it. It's just so fun, which. 400 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 2: Is we always talk about you get ten times more 401 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 2: out of it than you put into it. Absolutely, and 402 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,359 Speaker 2: you're sitting here ringing that bell as we speak. 403 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think this is one of the things 404 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,400 Speaker 1: I was talking about with Alex which everyone always loves. 405 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 1: This is, you know's there's a lot of loneliness and 406 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 1: there's a lot of I think challenges with a lot 407 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 1: of my peer group around like feeling really connected to 408 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,880 Speaker 1: their communities, things like that, how old. I'm thirty four. 409 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,400 Speaker 2: My kids are in their late twenties getting anto their thirties. Yeah, yeah, 410 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 2: not that dissimilar for me. 411 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I would group it. 412 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 2: But they also talk about One of my daughters talks 413 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 2: about how so lost her generation seems to feel. Yeah, 414 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 2: and it's interesting you just talked about loneliness. I think 415 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,880 Speaker 2: in different words, you're saying some of the same things. Yeah. 416 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 2: I think it is interesting that that generation is also 417 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: the generation that is propping up the numbers about the 418 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 2: amount of giving and philanthropic hours that have continued to drop. 419 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 2: I know you're a data driven person, but that's happening 420 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 2: in our society today. And I think it's really interesting 421 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 2: when you talk to somebody from that generation who does 422 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 2: give it their time, that understands the data, that on 423 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 2: the one hand says, this is the data. On the 424 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,840 Speaker 2: other hand, it says, so many of my peers feel 425 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 2: lost and lonely. Yeah. Is that not ironic? 426 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 1: It is, Well, it's very ironic. And I think, you 427 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,199 Speaker 1: know my perspective, it's giving back might be something that 428 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 1: people do, but I don't think it's something they really 429 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,160 Speaker 1: think about, Like it's kind of out of side out 430 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 1: of mind and then maybe there's an opportunity like oh, okay, 431 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,399 Speaker 1: I'll give a little bit, but if somebody wants to 432 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 1: come with me and build this out, please let me 433 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,959 Speaker 1: know because I can't do it. But like when I 434 00:23:55,960 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 1: think about social media and all the marketing that happens 435 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 1: for me and my peers, it's very much like, oh, 436 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,320 Speaker 1: you're sad, or you're stressed, or you have anxiety, like 437 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: you know, self care, that's what you should do. You 438 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 1: should do self care? And what does that mean? 439 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 2: Yeah? 440 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 1: And it means you No. 441 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 2: I love what it is, so true, so true, and 442 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 2: it is this pop psych thing that if you're feeling bad. 443 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,200 Speaker 1: Go be alone. But what we're humans. 444 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 2: I think I read where you said pick a bubble bath. 445 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,040 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, exactly, So so what what the messaging that 446 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 1: I receive is, Oh, you're so stressed out from work, 447 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,879 Speaker 1: like get home and watch that show and drink that 448 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: wine and make yourself a dinner and you know you 449 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 1: deserve it, you worked so hard. And and I think 450 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: that that's true and that can be nice, But for 451 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,160 Speaker 1: me personally, it didn't make me feel better. It actually 452 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 1: made me feel worse, and I would feel like I 453 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: would do that a couple of days in a row. Right, 454 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,359 Speaker 1: It's like, what am I doing with my time? It 455 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,680 Speaker 1: just maybe in the moment it feels okay, but it 456 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 1: doesn't feel good. Whereas when I yeah, and I don't know, 457 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 1: it just it just felt it just felt like that's 458 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,159 Speaker 1: what everyone's telling me to do, and I'm doing it 459 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 1: and it's not really doing anything for me. But what 460 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 1: I realized was thinking back, reflecting on all the things 461 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,120 Speaker 1: that make me feel good and the service side of that, 462 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 1: I started looking for ways to give back one night 463 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: a week, and that's when I first started getting involved 464 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: with the Foster the Family, which is an organization that 465 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,879 Speaker 1: supports faster It wasn't the first thing, but it was 466 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 1: something that I was able to sign up for that 467 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:41,439 Speaker 1: was low lift and reoccurring. So basically, they support foster 468 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,639 Speaker 1: families and they host a support group for the foster 469 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:49,120 Speaker 1: parents once a month, and they provide free childcare because 470 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 1: it's very hard when you have foster children to figure 471 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,199 Speaker 1: out what childcare looks like. There's behavior challenges or not, 472 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,719 Speaker 1: but it's just tricky, right, and it's expensive. So I 473 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 1: was able to volunteer as essentially a babysitter with a 474 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: group of people. It wasn't like me and ten kids. 475 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 1: And I did that for an hour and a. 476 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 2: Half to give foster parents a break, to give the 477 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:10,200 Speaker 2: such and. 478 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,880 Speaker 1: Let them go have their support group, which I later 479 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:17,159 Speaker 1: joined and found very valuable. I just realized that that 480 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: made me feel so much better. And so it just 481 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: makes me think like, if we could just have a 482 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 1: marketing campaign that just actually like puts these ideas and 483 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,400 Speaker 1: the facts and the science and the examples in front 484 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: of people, we could just solve a lot a lot. 485 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 2: Of big people. We will be right back. So let's 486 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,199 Speaker 2: back up a little bit stichronological. 487 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: Nor it's good. 488 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 2: The perspective matters. Was the first thing you decided to 489 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,240 Speaker 2: do when you went on all right, so you moved 490 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 2: from Atlanta, You're thinking, I've got some free time I wanted? 491 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 2: Was the first thing? 492 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 1: COSA Yeah, so two things happened at the same time. Well, 493 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: I guess COSA camp slightly first. So I had always 494 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,280 Speaker 1: had a kind of part of me that was interested 495 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 1: in the foster care system. I've always loved kids, Like 496 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 1: I've always said, if I had a million dollars of 497 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: just have a million kids. But that's obviously not going 498 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,199 Speaker 1: to happen. Always interested in it. I always wanted a 499 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 1: blended family. But of course that's like a one thing 500 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,360 Speaker 1: to say, it's another thing to do. And so when 501 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 1: I was thinking about, Okay, I want to get a 502 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 1: job in the nonprofit sector, I know nothing about it. 503 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 1: I should probably learn more. That was an easy thing 504 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 1: for me to kind of dive into and do. So 505 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 1: I signed up to become a KASA. KASA is a 506 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: court of pointed special advocate for a child in foster care. 507 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,199 Speaker 1: The reason I liked it personally was it was a 508 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: really good mixture of like the mentorship as well as 509 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: bringing kind of your professional see into it. Because you 510 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,720 Speaker 1: do a lot of case reporting, you have to be 511 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,920 Speaker 1: very objective. You talk to a lot of people. 512 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,919 Speaker 2: For our listeners. If you want to hear more about this, 513 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,959 Speaker 2: you should go to the episode with Aaron Smith. 514 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 3: Aaron Smith's actually our second or third episode is on 515 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 3: console for people haven't heard it. Can you explain it 516 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,359 Speaker 3: a little bit more in terms of the Yeah, you 517 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,960 Speaker 3: may even know the genesis story of the judge is 518 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 3: overwhelmed and what's the role that these people serve? 519 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, and hit on this point too, which I think 520 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,479 Speaker 2: it's the most important, is that kids in foster care 521 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,680 Speaker 2: end up getting moved all the time, and while they 522 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,359 Speaker 2: may have an advocate here or an advocate there, the 523 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 2: truth is the judge is really not an advocate for 524 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 2: the kid. The judge is an advocate for the whole system, 525 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 2: the people involved at the government level in foster care. 526 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,960 Speaker 2: They're really not an advocate for the kids. Certainly they 527 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 2: care about the kid, but they're an advocate for the system. 528 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 2: And lost in this is the most innocent character in 529 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 2: the entire cap ust, which is the kid who doesn't 530 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 2: have a consistent advocate. And that's I think the most 531 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,080 Speaker 2: important part. But I'll just tease that and you kind 532 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 2: of explain it. 533 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, as I understand it, the role of 534 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,120 Speaker 1: CASA court appointed special advocate. Sometimes it's also called a 535 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 1: guardian ATLTEM. It kind of depends on what county you're 536 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 1: a part of. The judges recognize that, Yeah, to your point, 537 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: everyone has a specific lens in which they're viewing a case. 538 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: The parents obviously have their own lens, The parents' lawyers 539 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 1: have their lens. The child does have a lawyer, but 540 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: usually that lawyer doesn't really know the child. They're kind 541 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 1: of just there from like basic legal side of things, 542 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 1: and the social workers definitely are there mostly for the kid, 543 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 1: but they are also they have to work within their systems, 544 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: so there are things that they can and can't do. 545 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 1: There's things that. 546 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 2: And they also are overwhelmed. Sometimes I got twenty kids 547 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 2: in a doctor. 548 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, they're very overwhelmed. They're also sometimes having to navigate 549 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 1: between the kid and the foster parents. Her parents also 550 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 1: have their own perspective, and so the point of a 551 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: CAUSA is really to be assigned typically to one child, 552 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 1: so it is a very deep relationship with one child. 553 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,680 Speaker 1: Sometimes causes can have multiple but typically it's not, and 554 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 1: it's really to be the mentor a mentor a friend 555 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: to that child, see them more regularly than some of 556 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: these other people. 557 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 2: If they hop from one foster family to it other, 558 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 2: you stick with them through that. So yours at least 559 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 2: one constant. 560 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, and also to communicate with each of those 561 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: individual parties and provide an objective report to the judge. 562 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,000 Speaker 1: So where I was a CAASA, we had court hearings 563 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 1: every six months, So every six months I was compiling 564 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:49,240 Speaker 1: a four or five page report that was fully objective 565 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,640 Speaker 1: at the top and then had a couple of sentences 566 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 1: for like my perspective, but really bringing in the perspectives 567 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,360 Speaker 1: of all of those different people. So that's what a 568 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 1: cassa is. I loved it. It was a incredible experience. 569 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 1: It is a lot of work. So this would be 570 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: one of those things where when I was talking with 571 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 1: peers and friends, like, it's not something that I necessarily 572 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,840 Speaker 1: recommend everyone do because you really have to be willing 573 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 1: to invest the time needed to do it. 574 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 3: How many hours a week a month would you say. 575 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it's definitely depends. I was probably seeing 576 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 1: my kid once a week for a while. Some weeks 577 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,560 Speaker 1: I would miss, trying to talk to the most significant 578 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,480 Speaker 1: stakeholders about once a month, and then every six months 579 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 1: spending probably spending like five to ten hours writing that report. 580 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 1: I mean, it obviously can be more or less thorough 581 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 1: depending on the situation. My case was extremely complex, so 582 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,080 Speaker 1: there was always a lot to cover and a lot 583 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 1: was changing throughout the So I was with the same 584 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: kid for four years, and throughout that time he lived 585 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:54,720 Speaker 1: in four different longer term placements and I think three 586 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 1: kind of shorter term placements and I think each placement 587 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: was a different school, so there was a lot going on. 588 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 2: So it was a child ever ever ever adjust. 589 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's challenging. I through that time. I was the 590 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,760 Speaker 1: only person that was the same from the beginning to 591 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,760 Speaker 1: the end. We had different social workers, obviously, he moved placements, 592 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:14,720 Speaker 1: he had different lawyers. 593 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 2: Did a get to where he was willing to trust 594 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 2: and confide in you at least somewhat? 595 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 1: I definitely, I definitely believe he felt very safe around 596 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: me and enjoyed, Yeah, and enjoyed our time together. I 597 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 1: was with him from nine to thirteen, so a little 598 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,960 Speaker 1: bit of a tricky age range. But yeah, I mean 599 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,640 Speaker 1: I think he shared more with me than he shared 600 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,960 Speaker 1: with anyone else. Probably it's tricky for anyone. 601 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 2: Did your heart break? 602 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean there was one foster home that 603 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 1: I the first, so I was part of This was 604 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 1: through COVID, so I wasn't always in person. Some of 605 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 1: my visitation was virtual, and there was one visit, my 606 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: first in person visit at one of the homes that 607 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 1: I didn't love. But there's not that many foster homes. 608 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:03,200 Speaker 1: You can't always be super picky. I left crying and 609 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,200 Speaker 1: I got him out of there as quickly as I could. 610 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,760 Speaker 1: It was horrible, and I knew. I knew that. 611 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,240 Speaker 2: We're saying names or yeah, yeah, of course, I mean 612 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 2: illustrate horrible from what. 613 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,840 Speaker 1: I experienced through being Acassa. And a big part of 614 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: the reason why I really wanted to become a faster 615 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:26,280 Speaker 1: payer myself is I really saw that there were two 616 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 1: kinds of foster homes, and one of those really is 617 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: the homes that are in it for the money, which 618 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 1: I know is really hard for people to understand because 619 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,680 Speaker 1: you don't make a lot of money, but there are 620 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 1: a lot of nuances that's probably not worth getting to. 621 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 1: But there are families that are in it for that, 622 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 1: and some of those are kind of neutral, which I 623 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 1: would say some of his homes were more on the 624 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 1: neutral side. They weren't bad, but they weren't great. But 625 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: this particular one, I don't know if I would classifize 626 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 1: emotionally abusive, but it was an It was an emotionally 627 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:03,120 Speaker 1: neglectful for which is very sad because like a lot 628 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 1: of kids who are put into the system, it's through 629 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,799 Speaker 1: it's because of neglect, and neglect can be sometimes more 630 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,439 Speaker 1: harmful than abuse, and to be in a home that's 631 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:15,080 Speaker 1: supposed to be protecting you and to be so so 632 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: neglectful and just like adultifying this child, I mean, some 633 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 1: of the expectations for him, whereas if he was like 634 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,320 Speaker 1: a grown adult. And he was I think only eleven 635 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 1: at the time, and when I tried to talk to 636 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:33,080 Speaker 1: the foster parents about it, it was very clear, very 637 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 1: quickly it was. 638 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 2: Going nowhere, and you got in your car balling. 639 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 1: I got, I mean he basically before I left, he 640 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,799 Speaker 1: asked if I could come, he could come with me, 641 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,520 Speaker 1: and I had to say no. And so yeah, I 642 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: drove probably twenty minutes of my drive home crying, and 643 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 1: I called the social worker and we got him out 644 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,239 Speaker 1: of there and he moved to a new home that 645 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,640 Speaker 1: was much better that he did ultimately get a permanent 646 00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 1: a permanent spot in uh. 647 00:34:58,320 --> 00:34:58,760 Speaker 2: Also. 648 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, and as I went off the cave, I'm actually 649 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,839 Speaker 1: I haven't kept up with him because the part of 650 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: some KASA programs is that healthy exit of a relationship 651 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,839 Speaker 1: as well. And as I rolled off, I was able 652 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,000 Speaker 1: to get him a new KASA that I think would 653 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 1: be better for him in the long run. It was 654 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 1: a young male, which I think he really needed a 655 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,880 Speaker 1: male role model. But at the time he was he 656 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,120 Speaker 1: was in a permanent a permanent placement that was expected 657 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: to be long term, and he had a new casa 658 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,680 Speaker 1: and so I'm hopeful that things are going well. But 659 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: so it was an experience four years. 660 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, because you had a little bit of a passion 661 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 2: for kids, you are always interested in foster care. Yeah, 662 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 2: and there was an opportunity. 663 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I think it was something that I 664 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:51,240 Speaker 1: didn't know a lot about and I was not sure 665 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,759 Speaker 1: how much work it was going to be. And this 666 00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,240 Speaker 1: goes into my point of view of the world today. 667 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: But I still gave it a try and it you know, 668 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,440 Speaker 1: I went to the training. I wasn't committed to anything 669 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 1: when I went to the training, but I went to 670 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:11,280 Speaker 1: the training, I liked what I learned, took the next step. Technically, 671 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,040 Speaker 1: I was only committed to working in with him for 672 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,720 Speaker 1: a year. I think there's you know, there's different ways, 673 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,879 Speaker 1: and it just kind of with every next step kind 674 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,799 Speaker 1: of grew more meaningful to me and to him. And yeah, 675 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,320 Speaker 1: it took four years, and it really the main reason 676 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 1: that I even stepped away at the four year mark 677 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,839 Speaker 1: was it was just getting really difficult geographically, to see 678 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 1: him in person. He was in a home that was 679 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,080 Speaker 1: further away. I had moved to further away, and I 680 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,560 Speaker 1: knew that he needed someone who could be there regularly. 681 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,120 Speaker 1: And I really felt like he needed a male role model. 682 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:51,359 Speaker 1: And so it was a mutually beneficial decision to step back. 683 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:54,080 Speaker 1: I think I needed it for my life, but also 684 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,320 Speaker 1: I think he needed someone else because I just couldn't 685 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:57,279 Speaker 1: be what he needed at that point. 686 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 2: As this kid you in his life for four years. 687 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 2: He was better for it. You were better for it, 688 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,240 Speaker 2: and you didn't start anything. You're just a normal person. 689 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,800 Speaker 1: That's it. 690 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:14,600 Speaker 2: I love it. So that kind of rolled into other stuff. 691 00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 2: And that concludes Part one of our conversation with Melissa O'Neill, 692 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 2: and please don't miss part two. It's now available to 693 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 2: listen to to gather guys. We can change this country, 694 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 2: but it starts with you. I'll see you in part two.