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Speaker 1: Motherfucking mini year. So many episode motherfucking mini years. So

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Speaker 1: welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets

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Speaker 1: of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove

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Speaker 1: the conspiracy theories provided by you, the listener. Yes, you

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Speaker 1: at home, socks and slides on, no shirt, titties out,

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Speaker 1: Titties out, socks and slides. That's the porno search that

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Speaker 1: I put in. I love it, and I love that.

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Speaker 1: That's how y'all listen to us. You get me on

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Speaker 1: porn hub, it's a lot of socks and slides, parenthetical

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Speaker 1: titties out. Oh man, all my porn hubbed socks and slides,

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Speaker 1: or it's on accident. You went for ebony and then

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Speaker 1: they gave you socks and slides every goddamn time. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know what it is with black men, but

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Speaker 1: we like to keep our socks on. And why do

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Speaker 1: we got so many videos of us getting our dick

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Speaker 1: sucked and cookouts. I just want a goddamn indoor blowjob

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Speaker 1: video once. But then we can do a blowjob without

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Speaker 1: a hamburger and a hot dog in Boa and come on,

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Speaker 1: put the rib tips away and focus on the blowjob.

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Speaker 1: Put the rib tips so I focused on my tip.

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Speaker 1: That's that's the bumper sticker version. We haven't introduced yourself.

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Speaker 1: I'm one of your host Langston Kurtman. I'm another one

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Speaker 1: of your hosts, David Boy and I wear socks with

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Speaker 1: my slides. I do too. I'm actually wearing them right now.

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Speaker 1: It's the It's crazy when people you're just unless you're

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Speaker 1: from Florida, you can't be just out here, no socks

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Speaker 1: with the man you're exposed to yourself, come on, yeah,

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Speaker 1: to the elements and really to the people who got

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Speaker 1: to look at you, you know what I mean. Like

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Speaker 1: there's a vulnerability defeat that I think we should all

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Speaker 1: be more careful and thoughtful. I am, I got feet

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Speaker 1: like lebron. I don't take him out for nobody whoa

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Speaker 1: not like that bad? Like my toes are straight. You

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Speaker 1: because he had one that like literally like hooked over

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Speaker 1: the other. Yeah, like he's catching a free ride on

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Speaker 1: the other one. And maybe that's what makes you great,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? I think the greatness stems

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Speaker 1: from a foot, Yeah, because you have to overcompensate. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's really he's really gotta he's really gotta face the

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Speaker 1: elements and and head on exactly exactly. He knows the

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Speaker 1: nature of the world, and he knew it early because

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Speaker 1: us he had those disgusting, disgusting toes, right, And I'm

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Speaker 1: sure there were days where he came home and he

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Speaker 1: was like, what came my feet be like everybody else's feet,

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Speaker 1: And his mom had to grab him by the shoulders

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Speaker 1: and be like, because Lebron, you're different and you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to fight through it. And then she was like,

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Speaker 1: keep your voice down, uncle Delante. Oh no, now he's

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Speaker 1: never coming on the podcast. We were just close to

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Speaker 1: get him, Lebron, and you ruined it. Oh sorry, so funny,

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Speaker 1: but you know now we can't get Dante and we

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Speaker 1: can't get Delante. Now he's he's gonna come on. He's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: these brothers are truthers. Dan if you if you hear

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Speaker 1: about this, Damas, No, I don't Delante focused on yourself,

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Speaker 1: big man. You got a lot going on. And then

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Speaker 1: I don't want to add any more pressure to this

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Speaker 1: for you to have to podcast with us. Oh it's

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Speaker 1: going very bad for Delante. Yeah, Delante is is living

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Speaker 1: out on the street and is back addicted to drugs,

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Speaker 1: and very periodically now somebody will post social media clips

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Speaker 1: of him, like bagging on the side of a highway.

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Speaker 1: God U. Then the internet blows up because people are

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Speaker 1: very angry at this person for once again sort of

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Speaker 1: making a spectacle out of the fact that this former

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Speaker 1: NBA player is now fully you know, highway brown signing it.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, none of this is creating good

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Speaker 1: dialogue or health for this man who clearly needs as

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Speaker 1: much help as possible. Oh, I wish that I had

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Speaker 1: made a better joke. Listen. I knew all of that,

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Speaker 1: and I enjoy it. Is I think because you're a ko,

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Speaker 1: you're a chaos said you might be a devil coon

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Speaker 1: because that was great. Oh, dare you Let's just all

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Speaker 1: take a second before we go calling each other devil coon. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we need to not be dropping the d c's. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we can't. We can't. We already have because today we

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Speaker 1: have an email from a listener named ken Geta. She

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Speaker 1: She made sure to to put her pronunciation in the email,

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Speaker 1: but she said hello Langston and David, very formal. She said,

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Speaker 1: my name is ken Yetta pronounced ken Yetta, and first off,

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Speaker 1: I love the show, and secondly, I'm from Dorchester and

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Speaker 1: it warms my heart when you say things about the dot,

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Speaker 1: even when you say bad shit about us l O

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Speaker 1: L not l O L to Meeken, Yet, I hate

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Speaker 1: where you're from and I'll never forgive you all for

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Speaker 1: making it I have no now. Once to the point

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Speaker 1: of my email, my mama, well, my grandma specifically told

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Speaker 1: me that when a broom accidentally sweeps across your feet,

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Speaker 1: that means you're not going to get married, and that

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Speaker 1: you need to spit on the broom in order to

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Speaker 1: get married. If you are married at the time, spitting

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Speaker 1: on the broom would make sure your significant other won't

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Speaker 1: leave you. I remember sweeping my feet a few times

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Speaker 1: when I was a child and my nana telling me

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Speaker 1: I'm never gonna get married. My response to her was,

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Speaker 1: but Nana, I'm nine. My husband is Dominican and says

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Speaker 1: they believe in some sort of variation in which it

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Speaker 1: states a broom sweeping across your feet is just bad

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Speaker 1: luck in general. I can't wait to hear your take

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Speaker 1: on this. Thanks Ken Yetta. Okay, where you at with this?

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Speaker 1: How are you feeling? I don't know how to feel.

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Speaker 1: I don't there's so much because I don't have broom

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Speaker 1: crazy room culture. Oh I a thing in Sarah Leone. No,

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Speaker 1: there's no jump in and we got brooms were not animals.

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Speaker 1: But look how bad we've been to the African people

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Speaker 1: in America that that's something that you instinctually have to

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Speaker 1: remind I have to tell you you have to be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: by the way, in in Africa, we have brooms. I

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Speaker 1: don't want you people. When my mom got here, she

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Speaker 1: said people would be like when did you get clothes?

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Speaker 1: But she wasn't speaking English, which is which is an

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Speaker 1: objectively funny questions question. But do you think she came

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Speaker 1: out of here off the plane sandals kitty Outlook, she

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Speaker 1: was listening to an episode of My Mama told me

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Speaker 1: and the flight attendants coming by like, ma'am, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to cover up, like you gotta you gotta put

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Speaker 1: those away. It's not a popular There are enough podcasts

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Speaker 1: for you to do for this to be cultural. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but man, if it became cultural where we could get

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Speaker 1: a bunch of people just like socks and sandals, titties

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Speaker 1: or nipples out, that would be pretty listen, let's let's

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Speaker 1: call for it now. We're when the next time we

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Speaker 1: do a live show, which they're gonna be some live

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Speaker 1: shows coming up in the future we're very excited about.

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Speaker 1: We'll talk about that eventually. That when there are live shows,

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Speaker 1: we would prefer the audience show up, socks, sandals, titties out,

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Speaker 1: titties non gender specific, yeah, any titties like. But if

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Speaker 1: you have to put like a sports problem, like I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to get arrested. Sure, yeah, no, do

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Speaker 1: what's do what's most functional and reasonable for you. But

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Speaker 1: get them titties out, Get them titties out, Get the

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Speaker 1: socks and sandals. Oh that's a good day. And the

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Speaker 1: high sock I'm not mad at it. Oh yeah, cholo height.

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Speaker 1: I want you to, I want I want to. I

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Speaker 1: want fools gone wild, I want oversized and one short.

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Speaker 1: Yeah come on, Yeah, that's the that's the world we

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Speaker 1: all want to live in, right, bring it, bring it back, baby,

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Speaker 1: It's it's your time to shine, and we would love

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Speaker 1: to see it at the at the live shows. From

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Speaker 1: my mama told me, I love it. Socks, sin thals,

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Speaker 1: titties out. As far as this broom jumping thing. It's

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Speaker 1: not even jumping, that's all different. I don't I don't

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Speaker 1: know enough. I hope that you did some research, because

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Speaker 1: where did all this broomlore come from? Sounds like people

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Speaker 1: were brooming too much, my guesses, and I truly don't

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Speaker 1: know where it came from specifically, but I know that

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Speaker 1: it's rooted in slavery. I have to assume that some

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Speaker 1: of it has to do with literally the physical objects

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Speaker 1: that they were allowed to use and sort of like

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Speaker 1: keep around slave quarters, which subsequently makes you introduce one

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Speaker 1: of those items as a theoretical like part of your culture,

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Speaker 1: the same way that like fucking leftover parts of the

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Speaker 1: animals suddenly become soul food, right, broom becomes an a

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Speaker 1: part of you activating your your marital sort of like

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Speaker 1: relationship with another person. Do you feel like in this

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Speaker 1: aspect the broom having a native connotation is maybe because

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Speaker 1: it's like it's it's in your home, but it's also

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Speaker 1: a tool of the oppression or like, man, I mean

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Speaker 1: that white person's house season this broom all day. Now

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Speaker 1: I gotta come home. Don't touch me with it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe maybe to that point, the act of jumping over

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Speaker 1: it is like being like, Oh, we getting past this

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Speaker 1: dirty ass. We're gonna escape this broom together grown. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the room is just a metaphor for like hopping the fence,

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Speaker 1: you know. Oh I like that. I like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's kind of nice. It's got a poetic to it.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever jumped? Did you jump a room at

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Speaker 1: your wedding? We did not jump a broom. I don't

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Speaker 1: love the idea of feeling like in I still need

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Speaker 1: to escape slavery. So uh, I like that. I think

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Speaker 1: I opted out of whatever that that was. But I

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Speaker 1: I don't hate the sentiment here. Was there any broom

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Speaker 1: pressure on you? No? You know, my dad is is

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Speaker 1: a white man, so he didn't have any broom incentives there.

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Speaker 1: And my mom is pretty My mom has been married

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Speaker 1: four times. She's not a lady who sticks to anybody's traditions,

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Speaker 1: so she she wouldn't be inserting them two into mine.

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Speaker 1: I like that. I respect that. No, No, she flies

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Speaker 1: no flag, So there's no there's no broom stuff happening

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Speaker 1: for y'all at all. No, not that I not that

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Speaker 1: I know of, because I never understood the jump in

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Speaker 1: the broom thing. And maybe it's just like I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, man, I maybe I didn't read read

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Speaker 1: the right book. I never I know, I don't know

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Speaker 1: where that comes from. So the bad luck thing is like,

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Speaker 1: why is the broom so close to your way to fucking?

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Speaker 1: That's my question? M hmmm, Like why does the room

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Speaker 1: know who you're fucking or not fucking? Well? I think

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Speaker 1: I think if we're going with the Dominican interpretation of

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Speaker 1: this all right, because they got my hair every years

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Speaker 1: I listened to Dominicans when they spoke to me, which

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Speaker 1: was very rare. Yeah, do they think you're Dominican? They

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Speaker 1: do at first, and then I say I'm not. In

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Speaker 1: the conversation ceases almost immediately, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: where it's like you you speak Spanish and like nah, bro,

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Speaker 1: and they're like you fuck ass. You should get some

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Speaker 1: duo lingo, just some travelers Spanish that you could really.

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Speaker 1: I think that would really help you because he's already

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Speaker 1: travelers Dominican Spanish, because yeah, real different Spanish than the

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Speaker 1: other ones. Yeah. No, it's not like you're not gonna

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Speaker 1: get that on Rosetta Stone. No, they have different words

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Speaker 1: for black people than they teach. But the point being

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Speaker 1: the conversation around it being just a h a sort

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Speaker 1: of bad luck sign also seems to meld well with

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Speaker 1: the idea of like not getting married and or losing

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Speaker 1: your significant other right like you're gonna be alone to

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Speaker 1: the broom life exactly and specifically, if we've used this

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Speaker 1: broom as a symbol of marriage and sort of like

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Speaker 1: jumping past jumping into freedom, as it were, it would

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Speaker 1: make sense that the broom would retain some sort of

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Speaker 1: like negative feelings about your marriage and your relationships if

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Speaker 1: you slight it. I guess if you're bad to the broom,

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Speaker 1: so do you believe? So you believe in this one,

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Speaker 1: then I don't. I I'm but not because I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's true, but more because it's like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: bro I got enough ship going on. I ain't gotta worry.

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Speaker 1: I got time to be worried about brooms sweeping my feet.

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Speaker 1: You know what, That's true. I got too many other

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Speaker 1: little weird o c D triggers. I'm not trying to hit. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can't add broom to two things to be concerned

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Speaker 1: about because I'm a big broom guy too. I like it.

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Speaker 1: I bust out broom guy. Yeah, I don't like swift

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Speaker 1: for so, I'm a broom kind of guy from Wade Man.

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Speaker 1: I like the idea of you having some broom in

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Speaker 1: your house that you gotta assemble, like Uncle Phil when

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Speaker 1: he had to play pool break Out Lucile. Yeah, some

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Speaker 1: two parts butlers just standing behind you and press. I

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Speaker 1: don't know Butler. I have an assistant, though he brooms sometimes. Whoa. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: his name is Johnny. I don't know where the fun

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Speaker 1: he is. Actually like that, you looked like he was

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Speaker 1: just gonna be sitting behind you like he's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be here. He's always a karate class gets. When I

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Speaker 1: called karate, how old is your assistant, Johnny's like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, fun, I'm thirty five, So Johnny's probably like

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Speaker 1: he's my he's my friend's little little brother. Okay. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to give black people jobs out here. That's pretty tight. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and they're not doing a great job apparently. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what is. But if you ever need somebody to

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Speaker 1: defend you, this motherfucker's in karate class every Yeah, he's

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Speaker 1: swollen too. He's like kicking the bag. Yeah, okay, just

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Speaker 1: bring him out with you. You'll be all right, I

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Speaker 1: will just in case Delante comes from me. No, No,

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Speaker 1: I was gonna get it. Not somebody, not Delante, who else?

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Speaker 1: Delante is not coming for you, everybody else. Michael Beasley. No,

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Speaker 1: it's bad for light skip basketball players. It's not going

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Speaker 1: well for for weirdly colored light skin dudes. This. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it seems like a hard shade when you're like sort

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Speaker 1: of blonde like that seems like a weird space to occupy,

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Speaker 1: like the stuff like you're light, but you're not bright,

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Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, they they they're emanating a glow off

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Speaker 1: of their their bright eyes and light hair and light skin.

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Speaker 1: It's just all sort of glowing in a way that

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Speaker 1: feels like you want to punch that light, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. I didn't say it, you did, but

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna not say it. All right, So where

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Speaker 1: where are you with this conspiracy theory? Are you into it?

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Speaker 1: I'm not into it, but mostly, like you said, it's

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Speaker 1: I just don't want another thing I like, Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: just I can't. I I don't know enough about I

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Speaker 1: don't want to spit in the house either. M hmmm.

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Speaker 1: I don't like that. Yeah, I know that, or at

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Speaker 1: least I presume that some of this has to probably

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Speaker 1: do with the dirtiness of a broom, right, Like, the

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Speaker 1: presumption is like you are making yourself dirty and therefore

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Speaker 1: probably won't be able to meet people or will come

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Speaker 1: off as dirty to your significant other and subsequently make

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Speaker 1: them leave you. It's like you're carrying all the filth

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Speaker 1: and bad things that we push around in our houses

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Speaker 1: and then putting it on your body. That makes logical sense,

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Speaker 1: but the spit doesn't clear that up. People need to

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Speaker 1: be quite acting like spit is clean. Yes, it's not.

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Speaker 1: That's that's not the cleanest part of us. You know,

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Speaker 1: if you didn't brush your teeth, your spit isn't doing anything.

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Speaker 1: Or I don't even know if you did brush your

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Speaker 1: teeth at the spit is I guess I don't even

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Speaker 1: know that. Yeah, there's no version of science. Even after

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Speaker 1: a good dental cleaning, I'm not like, yeah, spit on me, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's still pretty gross. I mean, I'm not gonna go

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Speaker 1: that far. Everybody wants to get spit on from time

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Speaker 1: to time. It just depends on where I'm not king shaman. Sure, anyways,

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Speaker 1: the point is this this this I just I'm not

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Speaker 1: based in it enough to have any skin in the

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Speaker 1: game on this one, I will say that that nothing

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Speaker 1: about getting your your feet swept seems positive in any light,

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Speaker 1: and so I can fully embrace where the bad feelings

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Speaker 1: would come from, where you would want to disassociate from that.

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Speaker 1: And so in that way I sort of respect this

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Speaker 1: conspiracy theory or this this sort of like old wives tale,

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Speaker 1: whatever you want to place it as it feels like

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Speaker 1: it at least holds legitimacy in like, Yo, if you

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Speaker 1: got some jays on and then you rub a broom

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Speaker 1: across them, those are worse Jays than when they started. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm getting out of Jays in general. But alright,

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Speaker 1: well whatever it's across your feet besides the slides and

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Speaker 1: the sticks. I mean, I got jays on right now,

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Speaker 1: but after that, I'm not. I got you the Jay's game. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting older. I think maybe I could be a

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Speaker 1: New Balance guy and starts or something. Yeah, I've never

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Speaker 1: bought into New Balance. I don't know what that is

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Speaker 1: that's making you got too much jewelry on. It's for

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Speaker 1: us playing guys. I got you. Yeah, I'm a pinky

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Speaker 1: ring man. I yeah, man, come on, there there spokesman

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Speaker 1: is Kauai Leonard, Like, it's not flashy you mean rapper?

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Speaker 1: Kauai Leonard, Yeah, wait is rapping right now? Yeah? Kai

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Speaker 1: is rapping now baby, when no, he only has that

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Speaker 1: a whole mixtape. Kauai Leonard, Yeah, baby on it. What

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Speaker 1: are you talking about now? I haven't listened to it,

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Speaker 1: so maybe it's just presented by Kauai Leonard and I'm mistaken,

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Speaker 1: But there was a period of where Kauai was rapping.

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Speaker 1: That's oh no, yeah, man, I don't like that. Times

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Speaker 1: are a change in especially doesn't even know a robot

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Speaker 1: already got signed. Oh yeah, that feed them? What what

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Speaker 1: is it? An artificial reality got signed? I don't know

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Speaker 1: what it even means. Man, Is that in my saying

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Speaker 1: the correct because it's not a that they're saying because

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Speaker 1: a I would suggest that like, oh, this thing can

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Speaker 1: think on its own and therefore is just a crazy good,

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Speaker 1: rapid ass program. Subsequently, we're will will will you know

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Speaker 1: employ this program. What they're saying is they signed a

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Speaker 1: motherfucker who raps but only in like the like multiverse

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Speaker 1: because he's afraid of real life rapper. Yeah, I think so.

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Speaker 1: It's Yeah, Okay, it's it's not multiverse metaverse. Excuse me,

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Speaker 1: but Capitol Records is entering the metaverse with their first

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Speaker 1: AI signe. Oh it's an AI Okay, it is an

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Speaker 1: AI f N mecha. Music Business Worldwide reports the new

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Speaker 1: artist dropped his first single with Gonna and gaming streamer

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Speaker 1: clicks called Florida Water. The AI Rapper would say, go ahead,

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Speaker 1: that's a song Florida Water. Yeah. The AI Rapper was

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Speaker 1: created by virtual record label Factory New, with Mecca being

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Speaker 1: their first UH signe. See. In my opinion, there's only

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Speaker 1: one AI rapper and his name is Jules Bars Nigga.

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Speaker 1: Remember that ship Alan Iverson, That's all I care about.

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Speaker 1: And ion At a at a very interesting rap career

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Speaker 1: and strangely was shorter rap career than Kobe Bryant's rap career.

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Speaker 1: How Kobe was on one, Kobe was on like a

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Speaker 1: remix though, right, Yeah, Kobe had a remix. I think

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Speaker 1: that he premiered that he was rapping, but then he

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Speaker 1: had like a couple of albums I think worth a couple,

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Speaker 1: I think so. I think Kobe kept going oh no,

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Speaker 1: oh no, yeah. A lot of people try wrap at

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Speaker 1: some point in their careers. Are you gonna No, I

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Speaker 1: can't do it. I there's there's a level of of

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Speaker 1: disbelief that that even I can crack. Oh Jesus, you snodded.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to tell anybody. It's side of it's

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Speaker 1: a side of visual medium. I'm not gonna wrap either.

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Speaker 1: Was never in the cards. Yeah, it's just you know,

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Speaker 1: you know where you live, you know what's going on

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Speaker 1: with you. Also, there's a bunch of kids on my

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Speaker 1: football team who wrapped in middle school, and like I

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Speaker 1: wasn't one of them. It's wait, so it's part of

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Speaker 1: your fear that like there they didn't know you as

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Speaker 1: a rapper then, so you just suddenly rapping now would

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Speaker 1: be crazy. No. I just think if I didn't have

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Speaker 1: the courage to do it, then I wasn't gonna. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna do it now. That was like the lowest

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Speaker 1: steaks on the middle school bus. And then like our

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Speaker 1: coach really liked it. One of the coaches I remember

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Speaker 1: he said. I remember hearing our coach say to like

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Speaker 1: one of the other coaches after the game. He was

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Speaker 1: like that, Dave reem Allow is quite the word smith,

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Speaker 1: but I start, you know, But anyways, Yeah, I'm just

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Speaker 1: not gonna rap. I'm not gonna I'm not I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna step out of my lane at all. I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna wrap. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna start.

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Speaker 1: You're not gonna catch me boxing on Instagram like none

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Speaker 1: of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Now that's that's hard to watch. Two.

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Speaker 1: I've had a few friends that like suddenly become I

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Speaker 1: hate professional fighters, stopping, stopping. I'm here for socks, slides,

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Speaker 1: titties out. That's what you get from me, is baby.

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Speaker 1: All right. I think we did it. I think I

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Speaker 1: think we covered everything we need to cover. David, could

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Speaker 1: you tell the people where they can find you what

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Speaker 1: cool ship you have going on? You can find me

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Speaker 1: on Instagram a cool guy jokes eighties seven. I will

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Speaker 1: put up all my live dates there. If you are

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Speaker 1: in the Los Angeles area, come see me at Theolsia

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Speaker 1: on September. If you're in the Denver area, come see

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Speaker 1: me at Faded Comedy Denver Friday at the Skylark Lounge

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Speaker 1: featuring your headline at Engstein Kerman. It's gonna be amazing,

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Speaker 1: you know, just you know, keep it titties out, keep

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Speaker 1: it titties out. If I'm still now you you'll get it,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna keep supporting whatever you come up with.

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Speaker 1: We'll try something new every week, and this is keep

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Speaker 1: keep the titties out, Keep the titties out. As always,

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00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,199
Speaker 1: you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all platforms,

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Speaker 1: and as David mentioned you, I have a few dates

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Speaker 1: coming up Sandman Comedy Club. You can you can find

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Speaker 1: me at UH at Sandman Comedy Club September eighth through

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Speaker 1: the eleventh, and then the fifteen at Lyric Hiperion in

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles and then Faded Comedy in Denver on the sixteenth.

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Speaker 1: We're doing it all. We'll be moving and shaking, and

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Speaker 1: as always, if you want to send us your own drops,

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Speaker 1: your own conspiracy theories, your own snitch ass emails about

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Speaker 1: your grandmother sending to my mama pod at gmail dot com,

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00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: we would love to hear from you. Otherwise that's it, bye, bitch.

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Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so many episode motherfucking mini EPs. So,

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Speaker 1: motherfucking many years, so many episode motherfucking mini epso