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Speaker 1: Support for today's podcast comes from HBO's new series I

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Speaker 1: May Destroy You, a fearless, frank, and provocative show written

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Speaker 1: by and starring MICHAELA. Cole that explores the question of

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Speaker 1: sexual consent in contemporary life and how in the new

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Speaker 1: landscape of dating and relationships we make the distinction between

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Speaker 1: liberation and exploitation. The Atlantic calls it a brilliant, explosive

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Speaker 1: consideration of modern sexual mores. Decider described it as an

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Speaker 1: ode to the black female artists. Be sure to watch

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Speaker 1: new episodes of I May Destroy You on Monday's at

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Speaker 1: nine pm Eastern on HBO and stream it on HBO Max.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girl's podcast, a weekly

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Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

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Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope

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Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it

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Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session one sixty of the Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls podcast. We're back this week to say

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Speaker 1: goodbye to season four of Insecure, and while they sure

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Speaker 1: gave us a finale, joining me for another week of

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Speaker 1: debriefing is my friend and colleague, Dr Donald Orio Will,

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Speaker 1: who was an author, international speaker, and certified sex and

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Speaker 1: relationship therapists in the Washington, d C. Metro area. She's

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Speaker 1: the owner of a nod Right and specializes in working

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Speaker 1: with black women on issues related to colorism and texturism

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Speaker 1: and its impact on mental and sexual health. She's also

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Speaker 1: the author of Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease, a self

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Speaker 1: love journey through hair and skin. This week, she and

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Speaker 1: I chatted about what happened between Molly and Andrew, Tiffany

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Speaker 1: struggles with postpartum depression, and how we might support friends

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Speaker 1: who are struggling, the giant reveal from Gondola, what's next

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Speaker 1: for Eastan Lawrence, and what we might expect from season five.

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Speaker 1: This episode does include spoilers. Here's our conversation. So we

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Speaker 1: are back. So we've come so far down this road

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Speaker 1: we have it feels like it took a long time

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Speaker 1: to get here, and it also was way too quick. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I think that we should get

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Speaker 1: another potition going. Maybe we can get a forty minute episode.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm okay with the unconventional. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to be an hour. I mean, we at this

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Speaker 1: point just have to be hopeful that we can get

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Speaker 1: another season within the next year or so. Cod act right, So, well,

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Speaker 1: they're just gonna have to act via zoom and we

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Speaker 1: get up all old new version of insecutive. So the

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Speaker 1: title of this week's episode is low key lost, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like that is a great description of how

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Speaker 1: they knew we would all be feeling at the end

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Speaker 1: of this episode. I was just like man lost in

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Speaker 1: two senses, were not lost it all? We lost out here,

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Speaker 1: just lost, just lost all over the place. So we

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Speaker 1: see opens up this This episode opens up with Molly

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Speaker 1: and Andrew, Yeah, at a work event. Right. They are

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Speaker 1: at a work event, Molly's work event, and he has

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Speaker 1: tagged along, and so they're having conversations and somebody approaches

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Speaker 1: them about like an after hour spot, right, and so

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Speaker 1: it's clear that Andrew is not really interested in going,

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Speaker 1: but Molly, you know, commences him like, Okay, I'll make

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Speaker 1: it a work thing for you too, I'll have them

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Speaker 1: play some of your artists or something like that. Right. So,

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Speaker 1: I feel like this was a continuation of what we

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Speaker 1: saw last week, right, like some cracks in the foundation

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Speaker 1: of the relationship. I'm just saying that predictions were made

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Speaker 1: and then they happened. Um m hmm. It's like, okay, Andrew,

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Speaker 1: tell me how you fail finally. But it also seems

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Speaker 1: like he then just went along with it, right, Like

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Speaker 1: he you know, he didn't really want to go, but

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Speaker 1: then she kind of convinced him and then he went

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Speaker 1: along with it. Yeah. Yeah, but I felt like he

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Speaker 1: was a little bit more resistant to it this time around,

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Speaker 1: and he was just like you could tell that he

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Speaker 1: was just it sort of deflated him a little bit,

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Speaker 1: like he's making that sound like all right, like I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna I'm giving you this thing, but I feel it.

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Speaker 1: I feel that I'm giving you this thing and I

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Speaker 1: don't want to pass. It was not as obvious exactly.

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Speaker 1: I felt like he made it very obvious that he

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Speaker 1: was not happy about making this concession this time. And yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: well we see very shortly after right that there is

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Speaker 1: a continuation. So they've gone to this afterwork thing and

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Speaker 1: now they get back to the apartment and they want

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Speaker 1: to watch Up and Neally, I'm looking for LaToya because

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Speaker 1: he we have avoided all the spoilers, and he's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're finally we can watch this because now we're you know,

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Speaker 1: not on your time, we can do it now. And

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Speaker 1: she doesn't want to watch it because she's still tired.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like this was clearly like the last

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Speaker 1: draw for him. I think that, you know, like there

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Speaker 1: was no more strong to be given that day at all.

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Speaker 1: And it's funny to me because it sort of got

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Speaker 1: me going back to the previous episode with the block

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Speaker 1: party and just how it's just that that space of

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Speaker 1: like are you are you here? Are you paying attention

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Speaker 1: to what's going on? Like are you here with me

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Speaker 1: in this moment, because it doesn't feel like you're here,

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Speaker 1: like you're seeing, like you're able to take in what

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Speaker 1: is right here right now. She wasn't taking in that.

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Speaker 1: He was not like he's like, come on, Like even

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Speaker 1: like before the block party when she was telling Issa,

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not going to ask him to do

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Speaker 1: nothing because I was like, all right, look, she knows

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Speaker 1: she on some shaky ground. You gotta put in deposits

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Speaker 1: before you can make a withdrawal. And she didn't recognize

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Speaker 1: that she didn't have no withdrawal power in that moment. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And so now we see it has come full circle

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Speaker 1: and it's obvious to her only when he for her.

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Speaker 1: And I think this is what happens a lot of

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Speaker 1: times when we are like not necessarily all the way

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Speaker 1: tuned in in our relationships. So there is this thing, right, So,

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Speaker 1: in the absence of everything else going on in the relationship,

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Speaker 1: us not watching the finale of Looking for LaToya, You're

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Speaker 1: blowing up about that would seem like what in the

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Speaker 1: world is happening? Right, But because we know that there

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Speaker 1: have been this these frustrations that she hasn't really been

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Speaker 1: paying attention to, now it feels like he's overreacting. Context

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Speaker 1: is everything. Yeah, So she even asked him like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what is this really about? And he tells her. I'm

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Speaker 1: glad that she had the wherewithal to ask what it

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Speaker 1: was really about. And I'm glad that he was finally

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Speaker 1: able to speak up about what it was really about.

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Speaker 1: I feel like he's been trying to drop hence almost

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Speaker 1: all season, Like, you know, this thing is a problem,

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Speaker 1: of this thing is a problem, but I'm in the

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Speaker 1: end of the day that the whole thing for me,

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Speaker 1: for both of them, both of them are faults. I

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Speaker 1: know that some people are gonna you know, a lot

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Speaker 1: of people really mad at Molly right now. Nobody seems

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Speaker 1: to ability be team Molly. I'm team fix It. But

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Speaker 1: but when I'm looking at this Molly Andrew piece, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: part of the issue here is that Angel was being

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Speaker 1: very subtle in the beginning about what what his needs

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Speaker 1: were about being able to set boundaries and expectations and

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Speaker 1: hold her to them. And now it's almost like he'd

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Speaker 1: been building this cache as nonsense and it just sort

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Speaker 1: of erupted in that moment. Now, granted it was the

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Speaker 1: most gentle eruption that I ever did see, but it

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Speaker 1: was still it was still an eruption nonetheless, where you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like all this stuff has come to a head

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Speaker 1: and it's like, look, I can't keep on with this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And it's interesting that you say you feel like he's

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Speaker 1: been dropping hints all season. I feel like we have

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Speaker 1: been seeing it, but I don't know that, like it

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Speaker 1: would be something that Molly would really see. Do you

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Speaker 1: have examples of when he's dropped hints that you think

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Speaker 1: all right? Like when she kept choosing work over him

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Speaker 1: and they went to dinner and I felt like he

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Speaker 1: dropped the hint. Then like number one, he made it

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Speaker 1: he made other plans for after dinner because oh, I

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Speaker 1: thought you would be busy, as you have always been busy,

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Speaker 1: so trying to make sure that he's living and leading

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Speaker 1: a life outside of her. So I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 1: to me, that was a hint, And even the conversation

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Speaker 1: that ensued thereafter, I'm like, I thought that that was

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Speaker 1: him letting his thoughts and feelings about the whole situation

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Speaker 1: be known. I felt like he got really very quiet

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Speaker 1: for me after she had that blow up and showed

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Speaker 1: her whole ass at the at the block party. I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, Okay, now I'm wondering because now his

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Speaker 1: conversation with her changed to I'm on your side and

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Speaker 1: having to reiterate that I'm on your side, which sounds

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Speaker 1: like I don't want you to jump down my throw

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Speaker 1: and treat me the way that you treat the person

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Speaker 1: that you call your best friend. Yeah, you said that

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Speaker 1: in one of the other episodes. Yeah, so I'm wondering

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Speaker 1: like if at this point it's just like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I don't have nothing else to lose because this is

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Speaker 1: not working for me, and I can't keep going like this.

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Speaker 1: I can maintain my silence and be upset and uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: and resentful, or I can speak my piece and know

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Speaker 1: that maybe that's the end of this relationship. Yeah. So,

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Speaker 1: I see what you mean, and that he had been

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Speaker 1: voicing like some of his concerns and while it may

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Speaker 1: have seemed like there maybe was progress being made, clearly

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Speaker 1: there was not a lot of progress being made. Nah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So we see this conversation that Molly and Andrew are

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Speaker 1: having is interrupted because Kelly is calling several times, and

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Speaker 1: so once Kelly calls for like the third time, right,

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Speaker 1: Molly is like, Okay, this is clearly an issue. She

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Speaker 1: picks up the phone and the scene right right, because

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Speaker 1: clearly she's in the middle trying to figure out what's

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Speaker 1: happening with Andrew. And the next scene, we see them

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Speaker 1: all at Tiffany and what's her partner's name, dere Derek,

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Speaker 1: We see them at we see them at their apartment,

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Speaker 1: and Tiffany has clearly been has clearly gone missing. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so he's on the phone with somebody. In the background,

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Speaker 1: we can there is Tiffany. So we see that. Uh,

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Speaker 1: he says, already there and Kelly, And I'm guessing, are

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Speaker 1: these Tiffany's family member Derek's family members? I couldn't. I

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Speaker 1: didn't quite know the relationship between who the other two

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Speaker 1: women were. Yeah, nor did I. So I just want

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Speaker 1: with family. There's somebody's family, there's somebody's family. So we

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Speaker 1: see there. You know, of course, everybody is upset and

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out what's happening. And so I know

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Speaker 1: early on, you know, we saw some hints that there

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Speaker 1: may be some hostpartum stuff going on with Tiffany in

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Speaker 1: the early episode where we saw them bring the baby home. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: But then we didn't see anymore really about it until

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Speaker 1: this until the season finally, and um, at first, I

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Speaker 1: was just like, this to me felt sloppy. That was

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Speaker 1: my initial thing that like, oh, this is kind of sloppy.

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Speaker 1: Forgot to start it and then just leave it. Except that,

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Speaker 1: you know, the things that you learn when you're in

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Speaker 1: therapy with others. There's this idea of this theory that

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Speaker 1: was talking about like they did that on purpose, that

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Speaker 1: it was background, because that's how it got me thinking

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Speaker 1: about like when when you have in the baby shower

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Speaker 1: where everybody is present, when the baby first comes, everybody

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Speaker 1: is present, but after after a while, everybody start falling off,

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Speaker 1: fading back, and you sort of are in the background,

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Speaker 1: dealing with the stuff on your own, and it's another

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Speaker 1: it's not forefront and sent her in that moment and

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Speaker 1: that this you know, this this postpartum depression works in

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Speaker 1: much the same way as just like it was just

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Speaker 1: like a fallback, like because she was very present at

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Speaker 1: the beginning of the season and then became less so

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Speaker 1: as we moved through the season and just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's sort of left by herself to sort of deal

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Speaker 1: with this thing. Oh that is a very interesting parallel.

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Speaker 1: That is, yeah, I mean because we saw in the

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Speaker 1: beginning of the season she was still pregnant right when

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Speaker 1: he said was still trying to get her funding for

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Speaker 1: the block party. And we saw her block party and

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Speaker 1: she had already had the baby, and and it was

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Speaker 1: and she was drinking, right, so it was clear that

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Speaker 1: she needed some time. You know, she was really appreciating

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Speaker 1: because Derek had come to the block party with her

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Speaker 1: at first, and then the baby was crying, so she

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Speaker 1: was like, can you just go home and do it?

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Speaker 1: So she clearly still wanted to have some of their

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Speaker 1: time to kind of be with her friends, and you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of I think that that is something that happens

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Speaker 1: a lot, especially with new moms, right, is that there

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Speaker 1: is a real struggle between who you were before the

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Speaker 1: baby and who you are now and somebody's mom and

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Speaker 1: really struggling with like that identity piece. So I think

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Speaker 1: we saw a little there too. Yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 1: there's just like a general lack of awareness that just

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Speaker 1: because you've got something new and precious that you may

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Speaker 1: have wanted doesn't mean that there's not also still grief,

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, you're still grieving that old life like

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Speaker 1: this was, you know, grieving when you get married, You're

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Speaker 1: grieving that single life when you when you have a child,

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Speaker 1: you're grieving the time when you did not have a

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Speaker 1: child and that, and it's just it's just letting go

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Speaker 1: of the one thing in order to embrace the other,

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Speaker 1: but you still have to go through your grieving process

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Speaker 1: whatever that looks like. It sort of reminded me of

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Speaker 1: one of your previous episodes. I don't have episode numbers

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Speaker 1: because you do. But the more where you talk about

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Speaker 1: graduating and that, yes, there's you know, the fun and

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Speaker 1: excitement of oh my gosh, I'm a graduate, I'm done

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Speaker 1: with school, but there's also the loss of the identity

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Speaker 1: of being a student in the traditional sense of the word,

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Speaker 1: as opposed to you know, I am a student of

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Speaker 1: mm hmm. But you know, it don't cost nobody, right.

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Speaker 1: But I think if we go back to your theory

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Speaker 1: about how much of the season related to her and

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Speaker 1: the baby mimics like real life, we also saw that

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Speaker 1: there was so much energy around what was happening with

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Speaker 1: Molly and Issa that it did feel difficult for other

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Speaker 1: people's stories to to be able to shine through. Exactly

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Speaker 1: gets me thinking about like how we can make something

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Speaker 1: the center of our worlds. Like you see people who

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Speaker 1: are breaking up with somebody, or you know, they're going

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Speaker 1: through a relationship transition. I see people who are like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're not having sex. They are so focused on this

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Speaker 1: one thing that they're not necessarily able to take a

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Speaker 1: step back and see how all there's still a bunch

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Speaker 1: of stuff happening in their worlds that also may have

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Speaker 1: compounded this particular issue. So I'm just like thinking about, like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: there's all this stuff going on in the background of

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Speaker 1: their relationship, and if Tiffany were more present, if she

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Speaker 1: was not dealing with what she's been dealing with, what

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Speaker 1: might have been different? Could anything have been different? Yeah? Well,

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Speaker 1: I think that that's a really good conversation, right, like

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Speaker 1: some ideas about what it does mean to to kind

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Speaker 1: of maybe be the first mom in the group, because

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Speaker 1: that's another dynamic, right that she had already first about

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Speaker 1: how she was feeling separated, right, and she felt like

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Speaker 1: she needs to go get her some mommy friends. M

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Speaker 1: m m m. Yeah, So I wonder if that may

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Speaker 1: be a conversation to have around like, how do you,

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Speaker 1: as the non mom friends continue to be able to

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Speaker 1: support and show up for your friend who is a

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Speaker 1: new mom? Exactly? Do you have thoughts that's how do

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Speaker 1: you show up for your friend who is a new mom? Um? Well,

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Speaker 1: number one, make sure that it doesn't stop right after

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Speaker 1: the baby stops being a new more like, don't stop

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Speaker 1: showing up, don't stop doing things and giving things and

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Speaker 1: being present. So I'm saying, like, make a standing appointment

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Speaker 1: once a month at the very least, or get a

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Speaker 1: rotation of friends together that somebody is always gonna be

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Speaker 1: there to, you know, give her mommy relief time. Maybe

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Speaker 1: two of you go together, one of you get the

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Speaker 1: baby and the other one of you get mom. M hmm,

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Speaker 1: Like let her have some adult time. Let's let's let's reconnect,

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Speaker 1: let's not feel disconnected. Let's create some things that we

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Speaker 1: can do all together around the schedule that you know

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Speaker 1: is now happening because someone is a new mom. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and we saw some of that in this and not

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Speaker 1: in this episode, but in the previous episode where they

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Speaker 1: were there like folding baby, laundry and cooking and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. Like those are definitely very concrete things that

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Speaker 1: you want to do. Um, because I think I've heard

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Speaker 1: people and even from my own experience, right like everybody

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Speaker 1: wants to come and like hold the baby, But that

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Speaker 1: isn't always the helpful thing that new moms need you

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Speaker 1: to do, Like come over here, laundry, you help me

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Speaker 1: clean the bathroom. Like what you like, what you're been

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Speaker 1: to brain, what you're gonna help me with and just

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Speaker 1: making sure that we're thinking a little bit more beyond that.

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Speaker 1: So like I know, for me, I get a lot

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Speaker 1: of piece of mine when the when our space is

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Speaker 1: clean and clear. So I'm just like, well, if you

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Speaker 1: cannot physically show up yourself, can you send a cleaning crow?

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Speaker 1: Good point? Can you hire uh somebody to go make

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Speaker 1: some meals? Like if that's something that you have the

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Speaker 1: financial means to do, maybe do something like that. Maybe

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Speaker 1: send the food along eat that thing. Yeah, And I

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Speaker 1: wonder that you gotta do. I also think that it's

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Speaker 1: important for us to make sure that we um kind

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Speaker 1: of verse ourselves in post part of symptoms. So I know,

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Speaker 1: I did an episode with Dr Christie Christopher Holloway and

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Speaker 1: I will link it in the show notes all about postpartum.

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Speaker 1: That's her specialty, not at all mine. So I will not,

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Speaker 1: you know, even try to go to in depth with this, right,

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Speaker 1: but I think it is important for us to know

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Speaker 1: some of the symptoms so that when we do have

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Speaker 1: new moms in our circle, we can ask about this

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Speaker 1: because it does happen far more often than we I

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Speaker 1: think like to think. And so I think again, with

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Speaker 1: everything going on with Molly and Issa. They may not

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Speaker 1: have been taking the time to like really check in, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: how are you really feeling and what does this experience

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Speaker 1: really look like? And again, not that you can necessarily

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Speaker 1: make an intervention, but if you are noticing some things

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Speaker 1: like her being more withdrawn or whatever, then you can

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Speaker 1: have a conversation. They're like, oh, you will be here

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Speaker 1: drinking after the back party. They did they have a

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Speaker 1: conversation about it. I want to say that it was

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Speaker 1: like maybe a quick one line I like, and I

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Speaker 1: want to say that maybe there was something about a

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Speaker 1: pump and dump or something along those lines, And I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, Okay, so we're seeing something, seeing some stuff

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Speaker 1: for her, but at the same time we're not in

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Speaker 1: the space to really address it. Yeah. So I think

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Speaker 1: as the audience we were kind of picking up on

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Speaker 1: some clues. But of course, you know that style the

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Speaker 1: show is designed, right, but your life, you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: it felt more like kind of scattered moments. But I

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Speaker 1: think when you again have a new mom in your circle,

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Speaker 1: it's important to kind of be at least a little

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Speaker 1: well versed on, you know, some of the symptoms, maybe

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Speaker 1: something to ask so that if there is a need

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Speaker 1: for her to maybe start talking with the therapist or

359
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 1: to get some additional support. Then you have already had

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Speaker 1: that conversation with them, absolutely, and even just even then,

361
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Speaker 1: you know the person, so remembering that you know them

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Speaker 1: and like, hey, this thing feels a little off, a

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Speaker 1: little different from who I know you to be. It

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Speaker 1: seems like a little bit more stressed out. Um. I

365
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Speaker 1: think that sometimes you can ask how can I help?

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Speaker 1: But I think they also just taking the reins because

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Speaker 1: if and the idea of someone having to think up

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Speaker 1: what you can do to help them and how they

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Speaker 1: can delegate that task to you now becomes additional work

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Speaker 1: for them. So making sure that we're thinking about, like

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Speaker 1: all right, out of the list of things that you

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Speaker 1: know are usually needed, how can I be of service

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Speaker 1: and take it over instead of trying to have this

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Speaker 1: new mama who's already arranging so much now have to

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Speaker 1: arrange how you're gonna help them. That's too much. It

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Speaker 1: might end up being one thing too many, sort of

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Speaker 1: like uh, now it's like I can't watch looking for

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Speaker 1: LaToya right right, So we see them. Of course, after

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Speaker 1: Derry King's up the phone with whoever he's talking to,

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Speaker 1: I think maybe the police department or somebody. Um, they

381
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Speaker 1: are like, okay, we're just gonna set out to find her.

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Speaker 1: So they go to the movie theater um. And I think,

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00:21:55,560 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 1: of course that this uh plot of having Tiffany missing

384
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Speaker 1: is also a great way to make sure that Molly

385
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 1: and Issa have to be in contact one another. Yeah,

386
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: so when we see that there's still this tension um

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Speaker 1: with Molly and Issa, but of course for the greater good,

388
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 1: they are talking with one another and you know, trying

389
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Speaker 1: to have a game plan about how we're gonna find her.

390
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 1: I felt like it also served the ulterior motive of

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Speaker 1: opening Molly up a little bit more um well number

392
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Speaker 1: when she's just coming off this conversation half a conversation

393
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Speaker 1: with Andrew where he's just like, Yo, everything is about you.

394
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Speaker 1: Everything like I've been for you, I break for you,

395
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Speaker 1: I do this for you. You say, don't do this.

396
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: I do it this way. Like everything is about you,

397
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Speaker 1: even down to the food we eat. We make one arrangement,

398
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: you Decivy eating something else. So it's like, okay, everything

399
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,680
Speaker 1: is always about you. You are at its center and

400
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,640
Speaker 1: you know best. And in this situation, it was like

401
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: everybody has some thing to contribute to finding Tiffany, and

402
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,360
Speaker 1: the I felt like that there was that one sequence

403
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: of conversation about oh, there's a bar here, and then

404
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 1: it was like, okay, oh yeah, Issa did this. You

405
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: know what was that sinco day drink of whatever they

406
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: called it, whatever they called it, but you know, like, oh,

407
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: we're gonna go to a bunch of these restaurant. We're

408
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 1: gonna go to these restaurants. And I felt like that

409
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: was a moment for Molly to recognize that actually, Issa

410
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: does do things for you. Um that she coordinated this

411
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: thing and she you know, she put our money on it,

412
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: she put her time on it, and she was there

413
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Speaker 1: for you. So I felt like, Okay, now it's like,

414
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Speaker 1: oh I see Issa black and white, and now here

415
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,919
Speaker 1: goes a shade of gray like let me, oh, I

416
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: need to reevaluate some things. But then there's also watching

417
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 1: how Issa had a knowledge that that nobody else had

418
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: and coming especially when we're thinking about Molly saying things

419
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Speaker 1: like oh, she ran from me, like ran from a

420
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,400
Speaker 1: real job, and the work that she did is actually

421
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 1: something that was very integral, and they're being able to

422
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 1: find her at all because she's able to say, oh,

423
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 1: how much was that fair? Okay, she had this one

424
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: over here, like being able to to use her knowledge

425
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: base in order to help. And I felt like that

426
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 1: also was something that helped Molly to continue to take

427
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 1: step backs to skill bigger picture. Yeah, that's a good point.

428
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,199
Speaker 1: That's a good point. I appreciate their perspective. So we

429
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 1: see them, they get on the bus, they figure out, okay,

430
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 1: she's probably on the bus route somewhere, um, and there's

431
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: all these you know, random kind of conversations on the bus.

432
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: But I think a prominent piece of their bus trip is, um,

433
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 1: we see Derek doing a lot of like blaming himself.

434
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 1: So you know, on the conversation, I was like, this

435
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: is the entire season. So yeah, we see him doing

436
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 1: a lot of blaming himself thinking and like I knew

437
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: she was unhappy, but I didn't think it was this

438
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 1: serious and all of these things, and so easily you're

439
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 1: trying to comfort him, like we're all is kind of

440
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,880
Speaker 1: doing the best that we can. But what I feel

441
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: like that was also a parallel to like her and

442
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: Molly absolutely like he was just like I knew she

443
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: wasn't happy, And then it went straight into I thought

444
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 1: time would help, and I was just like the lie

445
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 1: that we continue to tell ourselves about what time thing

446
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: to do heals all wounds. Time don't heal ship well.

447
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,160
Speaker 1: I think the other piece of it is that how

448
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 1: you use the time right, So we can't just think

449
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 1: what we appeared before weeks and this should be healed

450
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: when we haven't actually done any healing work in those exactly,

451
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 1: it's the application. What do you what do you apply

452
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: for time to help with the healing? Time does nothing

453
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 1: but move forward. What are you doing to help it

454
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: to be something that will now bring healing? Because if

455
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 1: you get a cut on your arm, you know, and

456
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: nothing deep enough, I mean, you can get what necurtizing

457
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: fasciitis you know, um, you know, flash eating disease. So

458
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 1: I mean you can your your arm caball off from

459
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 1: not taking care of it, or you can apply something

460
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: to it, you can clean it, you can do something,

461
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,440
Speaker 1: and time will help you to heal that wound. So

462
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: time will either help your arm fall off because you

463
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 1: get a blood infection and now's the end, or time

464
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: can help you to actually heal it. But people think

465
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: that because oh well, time will move forward and things

466
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 1: will get better, I'm like, well, what did you do

467
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: for time for things to get better? What did you apply?

468
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 1: Like time, time don't heal nothing if you don't remember

469
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: nothing else, I say, remember I said that, right, not

470
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 1: time alone. But now thinking about it, it feels like

471
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 1: that was kind of an analogy for multiple relationships, right,

472
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: so from both Molly and but also Molly and Andrew. Right,

473
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: so he has given this time, right, and clearly time

474
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 1: has not healed it. Nope, none of them are applying

475
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: the thing that they need to apply. They need to

476
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 1: apply conversations and change or a plan of action, and

477
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 1: none of them have actually done that. But I would

478
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: also say that you know, you're talking about Molly and

479
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 1: Andrew or Molly and Issa common denominated here being Molly, Well,

480
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: that means you said that last week, do Molly has

481
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 1: kind of been like the common denominated this whole season

482
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: is kind of what it feels like, Yeah, because I'm

483
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 1: just like everyone else is sort of applying certain lessons,

484
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: applying certain things that they've learned in previous seasons or whenever.

485
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 1: But you know, time has moved forward in such a

486
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 1: way that it allows us to see the fruits of

487
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: the labor that they put in at the start, Molly

488
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:49,439
Speaker 1: has not necessarily she doesn't think that she hadn't anything

489
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: to change. And if you don't think you have anything

490
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: to change, you're not applying anything. You're just watching things

491
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 1: sort of fall apart around with you, and that can

492
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: feel frustrating and anxiety provoking and make you feel like

493
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: you got to clutch at these draws just a little

494
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: bit tighter, but at the same time, still not going

495
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: to apply to things that need to be applied, Like

496
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: we're just watching a thing fall apart. You do. It's

497
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 1: like there's one episode of Grace Anatomy. See I told

498
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:20,679
Speaker 1: you look at all these green There's a guy who

499
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,679
Speaker 1: had a cut on his foot and diabetes and it

500
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: got so bad it got to the point that his

501
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: foot needed to be cut off, and all he's doing

502
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: is mourning when he could have done something different. He's

503
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 1: mourning was falling apart in front of him. But it's like, dude,

504
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 1: then it can't be solved now it should have been

505
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: worked out. Then Now we have to have a new

506
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: course of action. We have to consider a new a

507
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: new destination of what your new normal is gonna look like.

508
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: Because you've known about this for weeks and did nothing.

509
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: That is an example of time didn't heal nothing. It

510
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: just made it worse because you didn't apply anything. So

511
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: I was looking that like this, this conversation, this admission

512
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: of I saw it, and I just thought time would

513
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: heal it, and that this piece of I just didn't

514
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: think it would get this bad and I could have

515
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 1: done more. I was just like, yeah, if this is

516
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 1: not the entire season, very good points. Points were made

517
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: as the kids sage, right, But I also think that

518
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: it it kind of speaks to just having again the

519
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: general education. So just like we talked about, you know,

520
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: like how you might have some of those conversations with

521
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: the new moms in your circle. I also think, as

522
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: a partner of a new mom, right, that there are

523
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,239
Speaker 1: some things that you I think should be reading up

524
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: on and you know, being aware of so that if

525
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: you see certain signs, then you know that there's some

526
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: action that needs to happen. Right. But again back to

527
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: your point about all of the excitement about baby showers

528
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: and decorating the nursery and all of these things, right,

529
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,959
Speaker 1: and I think the same can be said about like weddings, right,

530
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: Like we do a lot of excitement about the actual

531
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: wedding and not so much preparation for the actual marriage.

532
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: And I think the same thing sometimes happens with babies

533
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: is that there's the excitement of it, but not also

534
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: thinking about there are some very real consequences that can

535
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: happen and things that you want to be paying attention

536
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: to related to mom um so that we make sure

537
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: that she's okay too, because I'm just like, I feel

538
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 1: like all of us have a collective responsibility. We shower

539
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: someone with attention and love and gifts and well wishes

540
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: when they're getting married, when they're having a baby, but

541
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: then when it's in the process of now they have

542
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: the baby, now they're in the marriage, everyone is gone. Yeah,

543
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: And it's almost like we revert right back to what

544
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: happens in my house stays in my house. So we're

545
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: unable to get the help that we need from the

546
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: people who were there to celebrate us in the first place. Yeah. Yeah,

547
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: And I think it's actually as the mom, you know,

548
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 1: your emotions and everything are so all over the place,

549
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: so that even sometimes I think if you have the knowledge,

550
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: you are not always able to kind of recognize for yourself,

551
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: like this is something that I need to reach out about,

552
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: you know. So that's why do you think it is

553
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: important for our you know, support system to make sure

554
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: that they are also armed with that information. And on

555
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: top of that, I mean, I feel like we cannot

556
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: have this conversation without also keeping in mind the strong

557
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: black woman narrative that you're supposed to do all things

558
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: and look good while you do it. Yes, Yes, that

559
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: motherhood just comes naturally and you just know all the answers. Yeah,

560
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: that's not It can be hard for us to be

561
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: in a space where we're admitting that there's a lack

562
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: of knowledge or a lack of no heart where that

563
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: we're struggling and that we do need help, let alone

564
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 1: knowing how to even ask for it. So if we're

565
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: not practicing asking for help, we're also not necessarily practice

566
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: and knowing what we would need help to do. Right.

567
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 1: So for me, this is, you know, of course, multi fold,

568
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: and that this means that there are multiple types of

569
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: conversations that need to be had as well as a

570
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: system in place for how things are gonna go there

571
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: after m Yeah, So we finally see that they have

572
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 1: been able to track down which hotel Tiffany is at

573
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: and they are trying to get off the bus. They

574
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: have this whole thing with the bus driver and what's

575
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: her name, not Natasha's Kelly, Yes, Kelly's like, well, what's

576
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: gonna happen if I press the button? She's like, I'm

577
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,959
Speaker 1: pressing the button. We're getting off the bus. And so

578
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 1: we see them now. See now is where my heart

579
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: race because the bus driver then flag down police officers.

580
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: The police officers then confront the gang of friends, and

581
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: so I'm like, oh my goodness, like what, oh my god,

582
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: especially given like where we are just in the world

583
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: right now, it just felt like, oh, this is bad

584
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: timing for this so and like how much you know

585
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: like that and that white guy from the bus also

586
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 1: getting involved and all that talking to my son, My

587
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: black woman looks just like you. I'm looking like it

588
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: looks just like her, and now you you ready for

589
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: her and a black woman? And right right? Yeah, So

590
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: that that that scene in particular, definitely raised my heart rate,

591
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: like I said, because you just didn't know like how

592
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 1: it was going to play out. I didn't know if

593
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: there would be some something that happens, you know, And again,

594
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: given where we are in the world right now, it

595
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 1: just felt like, oh, that felt very sensitive. Absolutely, yeah,

596
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 1: but we see that it thankfully goes well. They're just like, okay,

597
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: we're not gonna do this, and they go into the hotel,

598
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: they find Tiffany, and now we see that she is

599
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 1: in the room. Now I am I'm the only one

600
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: that thought that maybe it was somebody else in the room.

601
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 1: What I'm trying to cream my neck around the door.

602
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, because you know that had

603
00:33:55,280 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 1: also had also been all these rumors about like was

604
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 1: the baby actually Derrick's like, is that a thing? But

605
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: we of course see that she is in the room

606
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: by herself and has showered, and just his crying and saying,

607
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't know what else to do. And

608
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 1: so we see that Derek is the only one who

609
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 1: really has any interaction with her, like the the friends

610
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 1: don't actually talk to her at least that we see

611
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: in that scene. Yea, And I would say that was

612
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: also very appropriate help him find her and then allow

613
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: him some space, but still be there in the background,

614
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: because I'm just like, well, that's how it should go

615
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: with the marriage with the children, with everything. Yes, it

616
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: is you and your your spouse, you and your person,

617
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 1: but it should also be that your friends, your family,

618
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 1: your loved ones are there in the background to sure

619
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: you want to give your shoulder, to give you whatever

620
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: it is that you need in those moments when you like,

621
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: I'm getting a divorce, so whatever it is allowing them

622
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: to still be in space even if they're not going

623
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: to be all up in the space the central part

624
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,919
Speaker 1: of the of the scene exactly. Yeah, so we see

625
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: now that you know, now that she has been found safely,

626
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: now it is time for all of the rest of

627
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,359
Speaker 1: the episode. So I think we see we go back

628
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: to Molly and Andrew. Correct, Okay, yes, so we go

629
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: back to Molly and Andrew. You know, Molly wants to

630
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: have the conversation. Let's just pick up where we left off.

631
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 1: You know, it ain't no no time, the ways, and

632
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 1: so he tries not to go there with her because

633
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: he understands that she likely is tired. They've been up

634
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 1: all night, you know, that kind of thing. But she's like, yeah,

635
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 1: emotional roller coaster. But I can also understand it from

636
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: her perspective as well, where it's like I was in

637
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: this upheaval and I need I need some I need

638
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 1: some stability. Across the board, and this is the place

639
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 1: where I don't have stability right now. Yes, you're having

640
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: a very difficult conversation, and I would like us to

641
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: finish that conversation so I can start to reach a resolution. Yeah,

642
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 1: I can imagine that I would not have let that

643
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: conversation go either, Like I would not have wanted to

644
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 1: sleep on it, because I probably wouldn't be able to

645
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: sleep knowing that we were in the middle of this

646
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: like difficult conversation. I'd be like, we could talk now,

647
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 1: I'm good, I can sleep later, I'll be all right.

648
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,399
Speaker 1: So we see. So he's like, okay, if you want

649
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 1: to go there, and then he's like, I just don't

650
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: feel like we're on the same page, Like it just

651
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: kind of feels like I'm the one that's always giving,

652
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: and what if we're not on the same page, And

653
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: so she immediately jumps in with, you know, like what

654
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 1: do we need to do this? Yes, I can fix this.

655
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: I know I was wrong for going for not going

656
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: with your brother, which was shocking to me because I

657
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 1: did not ever think that she would kind of come

658
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 1: off of that one. But I think that that also

659
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: shows like, yes, like we are just now putting all

660
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 1: the cards on the table because he has said, you know,

661
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 1: like maybe this is not the right thing to do.

662
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 1: And so she say us all of this stuff and

663
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: he's like, what are you even fighting for right now?

664
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: And so we see her has to take a pause,

665
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: and rightfully, so right because I think this goes back

666
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: to our early conversations and the comment from her therapist

667
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 1: like do you want to be right or do you

668
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: want to be in relationship? And so is this really

669
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 1: about her wanting to just kind of say, okay, we

670
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,800
Speaker 1: can fix this versus I really want to be in

671
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: relationship with this person. I feel like being with Andrew

672
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 1: gave her things. Specifically, it met what she thought that

673
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 1: she should have even from season one, that she should

674
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: be with somebody by now yeah, and that that should

675
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: be a serious something with someone. And in some ways

676
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,959
Speaker 1: it felt like he was just there, so you here,

677
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna make it work with you. And then

678
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: it's the the piece for me of Issa basically like look,

679
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 1: it's something I don't say like I work out with

680
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: nobody you with And now it ends up being like, oh,

681
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 1: I'm watched me, watch me, I'm approve to you. I

682
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: can make it work, and and I'm of course also

683
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 1: thinking about what the world tells dark skin black women,

684
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: and the world tells dark skin black women that you

685
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 1: don't you ain't nobody, that your value is less than

686
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: everybody else's. And if you want to show us that

687
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: you have value, that you need to get yourself a partner,

688
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 1: specifically a male partner, and that if a man should

689
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,720
Speaker 1: choose you, well, now you're fixed. Now you have some value,

690
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: but only as long as he wants you. So that

691
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 1: grasping to stay in a relationship while being confronted with like,

692
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: what are you frightening for? I felt like to me

693
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: that was such an important piece of the conversation because

694
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,359
Speaker 1: I'm I'm looking at all the things I'm looking at.

695
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: This is an interracial relationship I'm looking at and no

696
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,720
Speaker 1: t no shape, and nobody. But some people pick people

697
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 1: outside of the black the black community because they're also

698
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: trying to show others that they have more value, and

699
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: that more value means I can pull somebody who's lighter,

700
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 1: who's not black or whatever, and that this shows that

701
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: I had even more value than if I would have

702
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: pulled somebody else. And I don't want to be let

703
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 1: go by this person that I've already deemed has more value. Yes, yes, yeah,

704
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: there was just so much there, right because in a

705
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: part of that conversation was also her like when he asked, like, okay,

706
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: maybe we aren't on the same page, her first comment

707
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: is not about anything about him or her or them together.

708
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 1: Her first comment is neither of us have been in

709
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 1: anything this long. Right, So so again, going back to

710
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 1: your comment of this thing to check off off of

711
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,919
Speaker 1: her list, it really feels like it was much more

712
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: about like just being in a relationship than it was

713
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: about this specific really relationship. I mean, let's be real,

714
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: she was in a lot of times, and what we

715
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 1: saw was her almost being in a relationship by herself.

716
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: She wasn't considering him his needs, his wants, his desires,

717
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 1: what he wanted to eat that day. These are not

718
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: things that crossed Molly's mind. And for me, I'm just like,

719
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: from the first time they had the conversation about how

720
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: work ends up being the focus, for me, I was like,

721
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: this is the space to pause. This was a moment

722
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: to sit in the discomfort of being told about yourself

723
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 1: just a little bit. And I know that no one

724
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 1: likes to be in discomfort. We all love lemonade, we

725
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 1: all hate lemons that make no sense, but that being

726
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:48,760
Speaker 1: in that space of lemons of like, Okay, this feels uncomfortable.

727
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: Let me take a full look at this. Let me

728
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 1: let me notice where else in my life does this

729
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: thing apply? Before I try to make lemonade, that was

730
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,399
Speaker 1: the work that was not done. So she just kept

731
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 1: on doing. She just did things. She she moved so

732
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 1: quickly into eliminated of Oh, I'm gonna fix it. It's

733
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: funny one of my clients. You know, we've been talking

734
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 1: about masculine and feminine energy, and that masculine energy, especially

735
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 1: as it relates to the US, I would say, is

736
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: about doing things productivity as a way to show that

737
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 1: you have worth and value. And she immediately moved into

738
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 1: masculine energy and let me do things to show you

739
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 1: that this is worth it and this has value, and

740
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 1: thereby I have worth and I have value. Yeah, he

741
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,799
Speaker 1: went immediately into fix it mode instead of let me

742
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 1: sit here, let's let's explore a little bit more about

743
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: what is here right now and what how this might

744
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,439
Speaker 1: be happening in other places of my life, and how

745
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:57,919
Speaker 1: now I can with thoughtfulness, with having experienced this fully, Now,

746
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: how can we move forward to get it? Because she thought,

747
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: how can I fix it? Not now, how can we

748
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 1: fix it? So it's even in the context of that

749
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: conversation of of you know, what are you fighting for

750
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,879
Speaker 1: and this is not really working, it is well, I

751
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: can do this stuff. Yeah, I'm like immediately jumping in

752
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,479
Speaker 1: on herself and not being I'm like, you're not here

753
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: with him? You yeah? With you? Yeah. And I also

754
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: feel like a part of what raised her desperation was

755
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: the fact that just last week she's had this fallout

756
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,919
Speaker 1: with Issa, right, So I think this is also her

757
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: feeling like I cannot lose another important relationship because then

758
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 1: I really have to look at myself lose an important relationship.

759
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: She tossed that one away from pride because we did not.

760
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: Desperation's exactly exactly, where's your willingness to work? Now? You know,

761
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 1: like you're talking about time that you spent with Andrew.

762
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, what about time you spent with Issa? Right? Right? Yeah,

763
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: I mean, and now that I think about it, basically,

764
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: he basically used the same line on her that she

765
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: used with Easa, like, well, I just remember that. Wow,

766
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: It's just like man, this whole episode is nothing but

767
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:28,839
Speaker 1: an echo chambers. I'm like, girl, you said the same

768
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 1: thing to Easta not last week, right, Like you're talking

769
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: about what serves and what doesn't serve. I mean, but

770
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:38,359
Speaker 1: she was on I think from a petty place, I'm

771
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 1: going to win and this is an extension of punishment

772
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 1: and I'm expecting you to beg into brovel, Whereas he

773
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: was actually at the point of I'm okay to let

774
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 1: this go, like I don't I don't need I don't

775
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:55,720
Speaker 1: need this, and I'm okay to let it go. Whereas

776
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 1: you know, she she frying, she act. This is to

777
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: me that that thing people be like, oh, yeah, I'm

778
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: un bothered. I was like, baby, just the fact that

779
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 1: you told me you unbothered, let's me know just how

780
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: bothered you are. Us Bothered is an action, It's a

781
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 1: way of life, it is a way of movement. It

782
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,760
Speaker 1: is not a word, and it is certainly not something

783
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:17,320
Speaker 1: you get to say to somebody else, Oh I'm un bothered,

784
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: Like you are bothered just because you told me, right, Yeah.

785
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: So we see this scene in with her trying to,

786
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: you know, ponder on the question. He's asked, like, what

787
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:33,399
Speaker 1: are you even fighting for and then we move on

788
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 1: over we move on over to esis h all right,

789
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: we just take a deep breath here. I just want

790
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 1: to just say, you know, you was right, Oh my gosh.

791
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 1: But listen, this is like, I think, the first time

792
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 1: in my life where I have like not even wanted

793
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: to be right, Like I'm like being wrong right right,

794
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 1: I cannot. I mean even though I predicted it, there

795
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: was still a piece to me that was shocked at

796
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: what we saw unfolding this scene. So we see Lawrence

797
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:09,359
Speaker 1: comes over. You know, he's again happy that Tippany's okay, um,

798
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 1: but we can clearly tell like something's going on with you.

799
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 1: So he says, Condola came over last night, and here

800
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 1: we go, right, first of all, the last night, I

801
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 1: know what's talking? No more like what's what's happened here?

802
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. So first of all we got to

803
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,760
Speaker 1: talk about though, how this entire scene was so beautifully shot,

804
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: like we keep seeing back and forth to the conversation

805
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: between East and Lawrence and the conversation between Condola and Lawrence,

806
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: like beautiful masterful cinematography as always beautiful seeing was I

807
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: was like, Yeah, what's the list is? I feel like

808
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,280
Speaker 1: I need to get on you to me or something

809
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:55,279
Speaker 1: and take a like beginner cinematography class to see how

810
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 1: you even do any of this stuff, because it's just

811
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: so master I mean, I think you got it itself

812
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: the TV show. I'm still mastering myselfie. So we're not

813
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 1: gonna go there for So we see him tell her

814
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,919
Speaker 1: um what we see Condola tell Lawrence in like that

815
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 1: flashback that she's pregnant. Mm hmm listen, wow, So the

816
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 1: chickens have come home to roost um and so he's

817
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 1: of course is looking like what in the world, and

818
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: so he shares, this is not anything that has happened

819
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 1: since they've been together, right, So I think that's where

820
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 1: her mind initially went, was you know, we just kind

821
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: of got this thing started and now you are ready

822
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 1: with her. But it sounds like this is from when

823
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 1: Condola and Lawrence were actually together. Yeah, but why yes?

824
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: And so we also see that Lawrence is, you know,

825
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 1: kind of struggling with this information, and he asked her

826
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: is this mine? And of course she was offended. Absolutely

827
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: here if it wasn't ya, she be talking to your Wow.

828
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: But still, hey, we ain't got jumped to conclusions. Right,

829
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 1: all right, Clearly she has you know, done the math,

830
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 1: I'm sure, and and you know may not have even

831
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 1: been with anybody else. Um, So clearly it is she

832
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: suspects that it is Lawrence's child or she knows that

833
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: it's Lawrence's child. And so then we see you know him,

834
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: did we see cut back to Issa and Lawrence like

835
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,919
Speaker 1: is she gonna have the baby? And then we see

836
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 1: a cut back to Candola saying, yes, she just going

837
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: to have the baby and that he can be he

838
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 1: can be as involved as he would like to. Now,

839
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,959
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, I can understand like where

840
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 1: that maybe was coming from, but I also don't really

841
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 1: feel like she meant that, And I really wish that

842
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: people will stop saying that, Like almost nobody means that

843
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: be as involved as you want to, Like we both

844
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 1: made this, yeah, And I also don't feel like, you know,

845
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: Lawrence definitely has had his moments, but I don't nothing

846
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 1: that has happened in the course of these four seasons

847
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,879
Speaker 1: has made me suspect that he would not like want

848
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 1: to be an involved child. I mean not ch'all father, right,

849
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:35,360
Speaker 1: But I also thought so maybe I am not remembering correctly,

850
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: but wasn't. A part of what happened between Lawrence and

851
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: Condola that led to like them basically breaking up was

852
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: that she wasn't sure she wanted to have kids, and

853
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:48,480
Speaker 1: like thinking through like in the future, like that Lawrence

854
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 1: wanted a family, and that maybe she didn't like that

855
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 1: was part of it. In addition to like marriage. He

856
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: was he was ready, he was ready to jump on in,

857
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: and she was not ready. And I can definitely understand

858
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 1: his confusion here is like, wait, you ain't any one,

859
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: but you won't have my okay, yeah, so what do

860
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: you I haven't quite been able to kind of make

861
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 1: sense of that. She who can? I mean, it is

862
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: a TV show. We ain't got all the answers, right,

863
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:23,879
Speaker 1: But but I did think, like, oh, okay, I thought

864
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 1: she wasn't quite sure. Now. Of course, when we talk

865
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: about things hypothetically, right, when we try to predict how

866
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 1: we might feel in the future, that is not always

867
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 1: a match for how we feel in reality. So it's

868
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 1: very possible that at the time she was having that

869
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 1: conversation she did not want to have kids, and then

870
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: when she was pregnant then her mind change exactly because

871
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 1: I mean, circumstances emotions, hormones, all these things will flood

872
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 1: you and tell you what it is that you really

873
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: want to do. It's easy to speak from the comfort

874
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,560
Speaker 1: of a couch without having to actually make any sort

875
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 1: of decision. Uh, that type of mac it too, But

876
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 1: when you're in it, you're in it, and that is

877
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: that's a different space to be. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And

878
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: of course you know there have been all this conversation

879
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 1: online related to you, Well, if she was going to

880
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 1: have the baby herself, why even tell Lawrence? And I

881
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 1: don't I don't know that that's really an option. Um Like,

882
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 1: even if you do ultimately end up, you know, parenting

883
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: the child alone, I don't know that it's ever a

884
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: good idea to not tell the other parents that the

885
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 1: child exist. I think that fact, to me, is entirely

886
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: unfair to decide unilaterally that you are going to keep

887
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 1: the information about this being that this person helped to

888
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: create from the other person. To me, I'm just like, nah,

889
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 1: that's not cool to keep it a secret. Even if

890
00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 1: you are willing to raise the child on on your own,

891
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 1: you are robbing somebody of a choice. Yeah, So I

892
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 1: definitely would not agree with those those sentiments of her

893
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 1: just like and even if she decided that she was

894
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: going to rear the child on her own, Lawrence definitely

895
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 1: should still know exactly. Yeah. Yeah, so we see he

896
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 1: says like, oh, this is too much, which is interesting, right,

897
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 1: But I also feel like it is a continuation of

898
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: the growth that we feel like we've seen in her

899
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 1: this season. Yeah, because she used to be willing to

900
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 1: just okay m hm, and I was just like all right,

901
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: asa being able to say like, this is too much,

902
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,440
Speaker 1: like asking the questions that she felt that she needed

903
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 1: the answers to and then being able to say like,

904
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:39,440
Speaker 1: this is too much. Yeah, and you know whether or

905
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 1: not this is too much, let me I need to

906
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: I need space and time to think and allow me

907
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 1: to come to a conclusion on my own or this

908
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: is too much and this is over whatever that is

909
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:56,319
Speaker 1: just being in that space of I can't with this,

910
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: and certainly can't with this right now. I think that

911
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: for me, I'm just like number one way to speak

912
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 1: up about what it is that you need in that

913
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: moment and being able to say that this is too

914
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 1: much and giving yourself whatever time and space that you need,

915
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 1: and accident left from the conversation. So that you can

916
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 1: consider what's next. Yeah. And I think we also see

917
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,239
Speaker 1: her have a moment before she says it's too much,

918
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 1: where she says like just when I thought it was,

919
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,319
Speaker 1: and she doesn't finish the sentence, right, But I think

920
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 1: in that moment she's grappling with, like you talked earlier, um,

921
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,359
Speaker 1: the grief of what this could have been. Right. So,

922
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 1: even if we see them still together next season, it

923
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: is not going to look like what she expected it

924
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:43,360
Speaker 1: would look like before she knew all of this information. Yeah,

925
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: Because I mean, and this was pointed out. That's where

926
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:49,799
Speaker 1: all I do is talk about, is you, Um, but

927
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 1: this has pointed out that it's just like we remember

928
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 1: that when they were you know, I guess more broken up,

929
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 1: in a better space, when she had that entire life

930
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 1: dream sequence like together, if she thought that she was

931
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 1: going to get that now that now that dream in

932
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,879
Speaker 1: some ways is gone because she's not going to be

933
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: the first. She will never give him his first child,

934
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 1: because that honor has already been it's already been taken. Yeah,

935
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 1: So just there is going to be even if they

936
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,959
Speaker 1: get together, even if they're able to work it out,

937
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 1: there's still the loss of what she thought could have been,

938
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: and the fact that she's likely not going to be

939
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: number one. Ye, his child is now going to be

940
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: number one in theory. In theory, yeah, because we know

941
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 1: that doesn't always happen. But yes, you're right, yeah, that

942
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 1: there would be lots more energy related to, you know,

943
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,720
Speaker 1: helping to take care of the baby. M hmm. Yeah, yeah,

944
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 1: I mean so, I definitely feel like she would be

945
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 1: she would feel some type of way if he was

946
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 1: not doing what she feels, right, Yeah, that's what I'm

947
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:02,359
Speaker 1: supping to. I don't don't feel like at him differently. Yeah,

948
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 1: I don't feel like we've seen any signs again that

949
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 1: he would not be involved, but of course you never know,

950
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 1: but I don't think we've seen any signs really that

951
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:13,759
Speaker 1: he wouldn't. Yeah. So we see the sunset kind of

952
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: on her and on the balcony on the day, and

953
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 1: you know, she's kind of just like, oh, I'm just

954
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: gonna smoke this away for a moment because let me

955
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 1: take Although I was also in that same moment I

956
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:32,240
Speaker 1: was thinking about like I was thinking about Lawrence because

957
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 1: now it's like, can he still be in San Francisco Tree, Well,

958
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,719
Speaker 1: I feel like that drastically changes, right, I mean because

959
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: he in Condola are not together, so it's not like

960
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,760
Speaker 1: he she probably is not gonna be interested in packing

961
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: up her life to move to San Francisco just because

962
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 1: he got a new job. So I wonder what that means,

963
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,280
Speaker 1: Like does he still move or or does he stay

964
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: stay now? Because I'm like a forty five minute flight

965
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: might be okay for some by this relationship, but required

966
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:09,319
Speaker 1: times more immediate attention exactly, So um, like, well, and

967
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: does this then and some will this revert him back

968
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 1: some ways to season one? Him staying in a space

969
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 1: where he doesn't like it, he's unfulfilled, so that he

970
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:26,320
Speaker 1: can show commitment or you know, be responsible in this way,

971
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 1: So like, does he have to give up on the

972
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: dream in a sense? Yeah, And I wonder, you know,

973
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 1: we're kind of jumping the hands of predictions, but I

974
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 1: wonder if we even see very much of Lawrence next season, right,

975
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 1: like if he said has made the decision that you know,

976
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: this feels like too much and it's not something she

977
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: wants to do. I mean that Lawrence is still connected

978
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 1: to the friend group because he's friends with Derek. But

979
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 1: I wonder how much we even see of him if

980
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 1: he andsa are not together? Who knows. So we closed

981
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 1: the season, um with this Sean that we saw last week,

982
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: the early shot of her walking somewhere saying hey, and

983
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:07,400
Speaker 1: we know now that it was Mercado. I don't know

984
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:11,239
Speaker 1: how how I missed that background information, but um, so

985
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:14,279
Speaker 1: she's walking into the Ethiopian restaurant, and of course once

986
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 1: we know where she's going, we know who she's going

987
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 1: to be. Like we know who we know now we

988
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 1: see that it is Molly who has called. So she

989
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: walks in, Molly saying, you know, thank you for coming

990
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 1: in us to see as I'm glad you called. And

991
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 1: I would like to say that is the energy that

992
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:38,280
Speaker 1: I needed in the first place. Listen, I needed Molly

993
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 1: to make the call because that lets us know that

994
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:44,759
Speaker 1: Molly is contrite and that she understands fully the role

995
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:48,200
Speaker 1: that she has finally played in all the Shenanni. So

996
00:56:48,239 --> 00:56:50,720
Speaker 1: what do you feel about Molly making the call? Now?

997
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel to me, it's it's almost tainted.

998
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 1: Mm hmm um. On the one end, yes, you need

999
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,000
Speaker 1: to have the conversation, so it's all good. But on

1000
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 1: the other end of that, I'm just like, are you

1001
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 1: calling because Andrew's over? And that's what I feel like

1002
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 1: to me, yeah, right, if her and Andrew had not

1003
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 1: had this conversation and presumably broke up, I don't feel

1004
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 1: like she's calling Molly exactly. And Rafael Rafaela Fiallo Um

1005
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 1: one half of Afro Sexology, she said it might be

1006
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,720
Speaker 1: that they're just drama bond, so not trauma bond, but

1007
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 1: drama bond that when they're both in the midst of trauma,

1008
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 1: they are each other's besties. They hold each other down,

1009
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 1: they support each other, or they have a relationship, but

1010
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 1: it's based in drama, not just like to me, that's

1011
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 1: that's kind of sad if that's what it is. Because

1012
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 1: we haven't seen that Molly knows how to be a

1013
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 1: friend to Issa on Issa's glow up. We haven't seen

1014
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:58,720
Speaker 1: that Easa knows how to be a friend to Molly

1015
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,040
Speaker 1: when she's in a real ship and trying to make

1016
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: it work. We have not seen it. And both of

1017
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 1: these now, both of them are in a space up

1018
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 1: so much going on, and they come back together it's tainted. Yeah, yeah,

1019
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 1: it definitely felt difficult, and I agree with a lot

1020
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 1: of that, right, But I also see how, of course,

1021
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,480
Speaker 1: in the midst of both of these situations, that your

1022
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 1: best friend or the person who has been your best

1023
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:26,560
Speaker 1: friend forever is the person you want to call, right

1024
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 1: Like we saw even some of this with Issa last

1025
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 1: week when she wanted to reach out to Molly because

1026
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 1: she wanted to talk through these things, right, So I

1027
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 1: get it, But like you also feel like, has there

1028
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 1: really been enough work done for us to be able

1029
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 1: to come together in this space to really support one

1030
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 1: another right now? Absolutely? Yeah, And I don't think we've

1031
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:50,040
Speaker 1: seen that work. So my guests would be maybe that

1032
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 1: this conversation is like the beginning of them maybe at

1033
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 1: least trying to put some of that stuff on the

1034
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 1: table while also sharing the things that they are struggling

1035
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 1: with in that present moment. But we don't know. I'm

1036
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 1: hoping that both of them ended up on the doctor's couch. Well,

1037
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,439
Speaker 1: that would see them well, definitely Molly back with Dr

1038
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 1: with Dr Ronda. Um. I don't know that Eaci would

1039
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: see Doctor Rounda. Maybe she would have a different therapist,

1040
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 1: but it's even then maybe finding somebody different so that

1041
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 1: they can both go to Oh yes, friendship there because

1042
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 1: I know that we don't we Like, there's no, Yeah,

1043
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,920
Speaker 1: friendship therapy is not like a thing thing. I decided

1044
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,160
Speaker 1: that my practice, we're making it a thing. I think

1045
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: it definitely can't be a thing. I mean it's basically

1046
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:41,479
Speaker 1: like a form of couples therapy. Absolutely to me, I'm like,

1047
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 1: all these things impact to me sexuality. I mean, there's

1048
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: no there's no there's nothing that you can talk to

1049
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 1: me about that. I'm not gonna be like, yeah, that

1050
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 1: impact your sexually out. So I'm just like just the

1051
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:54,439
Speaker 1: same with that, because i mean I get to thinking

1052
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 1: about people who come to therapy and you know, they

1053
00:59:57,520 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 1: they are the dark skinned friend and they're light skinned friends,

1054
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:04,200
Speaker 1: don't have an understanding and they feel not seen, not

1055
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 1: heard by their friend groups. And how we do that

1056
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 1: work to help to help everybody understand everybody else's perspective

1057
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 1: and for there to be the appropriate amount of support given.

1058
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 1: So for me, it's the same sort of thing that

1059
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 1: I was doing in a couple of therapy, but I

1060
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 1: have been doing it with friends. And you know, Valerie,

1061
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:27,040
Speaker 1: the my newest therapist, you know, I'm teaching her how

1062
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 1: to help to facilitate these conversations between friends because they're

1063
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 1: just like you know what, Friendship therapy is not a thing,

1064
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 1: and it should be because we have over prioritized romantic

1065
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 1: relationships the same way that we watched Molly do all season.

1066
01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:46,480
Speaker 1: She was willing to work on anything with Andrew, but

1067
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 1: she was not willing to work on anything with Yes. Yeah,

1068
01:00:51,960 --> 01:00:54,160
Speaker 1: so that would be great if we see them in

1069
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,960
Speaker 1: friendship therapy next season. So in addition to them being

1070
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,360
Speaker 1: on a couch with the new therapists, would or your

1071
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 1: other predictions of w what we might see in season

1072
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 1: five whenever we get it. I think we're gonna see masks.

1073
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: I see masks. No, you don't see masks. But honestly,

1074
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that what we do see is maybe the

1075
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:23,360
Speaker 1: season opener is um, I'm assuming that sometimes will have

1076
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 1: passed between this and that, but that we're watching continued

1077
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 1: work between Easta and Molly, that they're trying. That maybe

1078
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 1: we'll be seeing them use like therapy tools to try.

1079
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: And now I hear what you're saying. What I hear

1080
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 1: you're saying is this and what I'm and I love

1081
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 1: you and I want you to know that this is

1082
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 1: what I'm feeling and thinking. I feel like maybe we'll

1083
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:49,560
Speaker 1: see some tools or at least some some attempt at

1084
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 1: trying to make things work a little bit better between them. Um,

1085
01:01:55,160 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 1: I'm actually hoping that we see a little bit more

1086
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:02,680
Speaker 1: of the ex sended friend group. M I felt like

1087
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:06,600
Speaker 1: for me this season it was missing more and I

1088
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:09,919
Speaker 1: would like to see more of it. So, um, I'm

1089
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:13,080
Speaker 1: hoping then that we're seeing that the village in a

1090
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:16,240
Speaker 1: sense is coming together to really help support each other

1091
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:20,080
Speaker 1: in different ways, because that is very necessary. We can

1092
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:22,080
Speaker 1: have a best friend, but we still are part of

1093
01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 1: a friend group, and that they may have and offer

1094
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 1: different perspectives that we should also value or that we

1095
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:31,680
Speaker 1: can also value. So I'm hoping to see a little

1096
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 1: bit more of them. I personally, you know how I

1097
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 1: feel about Mysa and Lawrence. You know, I prefer Nathan,

1098
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 1: so we don't talk very much about it. They had

1099
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 1: that brief interaction. I think we will see more of

1100
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,760
Speaker 1: Nathan next season too. I just I really appreciate it

1101
01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 1: that that naked honesty that you know, like I felt

1102
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 1: I felt the way when I heard that you was

1103
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 1: back with him, and I was just like, go ahead, man,

1104
01:02:57,600 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 1: you know, speak you're true. If you don't speak that true,

1105
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:05,920
Speaker 1: I really appreciated that because I'm just like, for me

1106
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 1: that that's the lesson. The lesson of what they needed

1107
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 1: all season long was in that one dialogue where he

1108
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:16,960
Speaker 1: spoke his truth and then was just like, I just

1109
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:19,640
Speaker 1: needed to put it out there, like, I'm not asking

1110
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:22,960
Speaker 1: you to take responsibility for it. I'm taking responsibility for it,

1111
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 1: but I wanted to make sure that I communicated it

1112
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:29,040
Speaker 1: and that I apologize for how I behaved. The Lasson, Yes,

1113
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 1: look at that good role modeling he was doing for them,

1114
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:36,880
Speaker 1: like they Yes, then they'll help them figure out this

1115
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 1: communication piece. Although that might be kind of weird though

1116
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:43,280
Speaker 1: right now that um, like, we may see the reverse

1117
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:48,200
Speaker 1: of what happened when Molly and Andrew were together. Now

1118
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 1: if you know she and Andrew were broken up, now

1119
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,160
Speaker 1: we see Nathan more in the picture like we saw

1120
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:54,920
Speaker 1: Andrew Moore in the picture of this season, that might

1121
01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: be interesting. Um. So I think that Lisa will be

1122
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 1: done with Lauren. I feel like her indication that this

1123
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 1: was too much is probably something that's gonna stick, um

1124
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:07,680
Speaker 1: and that she will feel like, this is not really

1125
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 1: what I signed up for. So you're saying you're just

1126
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:16,160
Speaker 1: gonna see the opposite of messy Issa, right, like we

1127
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 1: saw Mony call her out earlier this season. Yeah, I

1128
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:21,360
Speaker 1: don't think. I feel like that is not something that

1129
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 1: she's gonna feel like it's gonna be a good fit

1130
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 1: for her life right now. Like she's worked really hard

1131
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,640
Speaker 1: to try to get in this place with her career, um,

1132
01:04:28,680 --> 01:04:30,840
Speaker 1: you know, and was looking forward to, you know, maybe

1133
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,200
Speaker 1: building this relationship with Lawrence for the second time. And

1134
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:35,400
Speaker 1: I feel like this is going to be too much

1135
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 1: of a departure of what she was expecting. Yeah. Yeah,

1136
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that Nathan don't try no foolishness and

1137
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:44,800
Speaker 1: let me just lie back. And I mean sometimes you know,

1138
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 1: people like, oh, I just I'm okay with just being

1139
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:49,000
Speaker 1: your friend, but that's not what they mean. They mean,

1140
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wait in the wings until things turn badly

1141
01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 1: in your life, and then I'm gonna try to slide

1142
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:55,800
Speaker 1: back up in there. And we don't even want to

1143
01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:58,920
Speaker 1: keep in mind how creepy we are. Yeah, well, I

1144
01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:01,280
Speaker 1: mean I feel like he has already said that he's

1145
01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:02,920
Speaker 1: already kind of set up for that, right, And I

1146
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 1: don't know that it feels really creepy, Like I feel

1147
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:08,400
Speaker 1: like he can actually be a good friend to her

1148
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:10,960
Speaker 1: because we saw him do that really most of this season.

1149
01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 1: So he did still have feelings for her, but wasn't

1150
01:05:13,760 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 1: really trying to push up on her. Was really just

1151
01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:19,680
Speaker 1: supporting her by being a good friend. And I'm wondering

1152
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 1: if he had an agenda with that friendship. Well, I

1153
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:26,120
Speaker 1: mean back in the day when we used to go

1154
01:05:26,200 --> 01:05:29,120
Speaker 1: to like gas stations and things like somebody might try

1155
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 1: to come and hit on you and be like you'd

1156
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 1: be like, oh I got a name, Like, oh, I'm

1157
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 1: just trying to be your friend. Well, I feel like

1158
01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:40,760
Speaker 1: he showed evidence of actually being a good friend, like

1159
01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 1: the way he helped her with the block party and

1160
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 1: stuff like that. Um, now he does still have feelings.

1161
01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:47,240
Speaker 1: I mean, I think he's been clear about that, but

1162
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:50,240
Speaker 1: it does feel like he can set some boundaries around that.

1163
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 1: So I suspect he will be back next season and

1164
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:57,920
Speaker 1: that we see none are very little of Lawrence. I'm

1165
01:05:57,960 --> 01:06:00,479
Speaker 1: on when we see a little something something, I feel

1166
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:02,840
Speaker 1: like we're gonna we're gonna have to know something, right

1167
01:06:03,720 --> 01:06:09,120
Speaker 1: but not because Tiffany works with Condola, right, she was there,

1168
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: Like how did they how did Issa and Condola get together?

1169
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:17,720
Speaker 1: Tiffany's friend, but I don't know if they work together,

1170
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:19,960
Speaker 1: if they are just friend some other way. But you

1171
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 1: might be right about that. You might be right about that.

1172
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, maybe we see a little bit more

1173
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:29,600
Speaker 1: up though. I feel like I feel like you feel

1174
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:32,680
Speaker 1: that is not in the space to have a desire

1175
01:06:32,760 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 1: for messin us anymore, not in the same way. At least,

1176
01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 1: I think that she knows what her limits are and

1177
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:43,920
Speaker 1: it's trying to work within that limit. Mm hmmmmmmm. Yeah. Yeah.

1178
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:46,320
Speaker 1: The rest I'm not so sure about. I think we

1179
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 1: will see Molly and Nesa at least trying to work

1180
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,800
Speaker 1: on this friendship. I'm not quite sure how it's gonna go,

1181
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 1: but I think we will at least see them trying,

1182
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:56,640
Speaker 1: because you know, that's how it ended, and you know,

1183
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,560
Speaker 1: I think it's been really telling that the cast in

1184
01:06:59,640 --> 01:07:02,600
Speaker 1: every interview you hear them talk about talk about the

1185
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:05,439
Speaker 1: fact that Molly and ESA's relationship is really the love

1186
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 1: story of the show. Um So I feel like we

1187
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 1: are not going to see that go away anytime soon,

1188
01:07:10,960 --> 01:07:14,840
Speaker 1: but we may see them continuing, so hopefully that better friends.

1189
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,000
Speaker 1: I like get that there that their friendship is the

1190
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:20,600
Speaker 1: love story of the show. I think We're very used

1191
01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:25,520
Speaker 1: to romantic love. We're not really used to seeing platonic love. Yeah,

1192
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 1: and we need to see that a little bit more.

1193
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: I think that, Yeah, we have some shows where we

1194
01:07:29,920 --> 01:07:33,400
Speaker 1: see that and it's like, okay, whatever, but this one

1195
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:37,400
Speaker 1: is like the togetherness the partners. For me, that was

1196
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:40,440
Speaker 1: like the first like seven or eight seasons of however

1197
01:07:40,480 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 1: many seasons of Gray's Anatomy, and I was like, man,

1198
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:45,960
Speaker 1: this show is about the love that Meredith asked for

1199
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:50,280
Speaker 1: Christina and nothing else. I'm looking like everything else is

1200
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:54,160
Speaker 1: a side piece. And I feel similarly about this that

1201
01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:58,880
Speaker 1: it is about Molly and Issa specifically and their love

1202
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:01,400
Speaker 1: and their love and friendship up and how they move

1203
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 1: apart and come together, that friendships can be problematic and

1204
01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:09,680
Speaker 1: still have longevity, that you can feel like the relationship

1205
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:12,280
Speaker 1: needs to stop and do stop it, and that you

1206
01:08:12,400 --> 01:08:15,680
Speaker 1: still may come back together at another time. So like,

1207
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:19,680
Speaker 1: I really I'm appreciating the ebbs and flows. I know

1208
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:22,679
Speaker 1: that in some ways I was also in my get

1209
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 1: this limonade like, but I'm also I just love the

1210
01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:31,840
Speaker 1: way that they were able to tell the story and

1211
01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:35,760
Speaker 1: move things forward and through in this way because it

1212
01:08:35,920 --> 01:08:41,040
Speaker 1: felt so lovely yes, this finale definitely didn't give us

1213
01:08:41,080 --> 01:08:44,639
Speaker 1: the one fuzzies like the previous two episodes then, but

1214
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:47,439
Speaker 1: I feel like it does very much mimic real life, right,

1215
01:08:47,479 --> 01:08:50,519
Speaker 1: that we can't always stay in the warm and fuzzy no,

1216
01:08:51,240 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 1: and that we can't that everything is not wrapped up

1217
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:56,800
Speaker 1: with a pretty both yes, So like we're like, oh,

1218
01:08:56,880 --> 01:09:00,360
Speaker 1: you know, January New Year, knew me, and then come

1219
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:03,200
Speaker 1: December we're just like, oh, look at all this stuff

1220
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:06,360
Speaker 1: I did, And I'm just like, no, it's constantly in transition.

1221
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:09,000
Speaker 1: Just just because you measure your life in years or

1222
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,719
Speaker 1: quarters doesn't mean that that's how things wrap up, right,

1223
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:15,680
Speaker 1: and that sometimes things just keep going. And this, for me,

1224
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:20,280
Speaker 1: this entire season felt like real life in in a

1225
01:09:20,520 --> 01:09:23,559
Speaker 1: in a very different way almost just like oh, like

1226
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:26,680
Speaker 1: that thing that sort of reminded you of whatever friendship

1227
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 1: that came to mind when you're watching them go through

1228
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:32,519
Speaker 1: this turmoil. And for me, it was like watching everybody

1229
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:36,519
Speaker 1: like learn to collectively hate Molly. And I'm just like,

1230
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:41,479
Speaker 1: y'all half for y'all ar Molley. If y'all are Molly happy,

1231
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:44,400
Speaker 1: y'all in a friendship with Molly, and y'all can point

1232
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:46,599
Speaker 1: it out on the TV and talking about oh, used

1233
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:48,080
Speaker 1: to need to do this and he used to need

1234
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:49,960
Speaker 1: to do that. I'm looking like, mean, wow, what about

1235
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:53,200
Speaker 1: your life? Yeah, I don't know about you. But I

1236
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:56,120
Speaker 1: took this quiz and it said that I'm Kelly. I

1237
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:58,840
Speaker 1: did not take the quiz. You didn't share that with

1238
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:05,320
Speaker 1: me now Facebook, I was like, Oh, I'm telling apparently

1239
01:10:05,360 --> 01:10:08,640
Speaker 1: I care about people and I'm slightly inappropriate. Oh goodness,

1240
01:10:08,720 --> 01:10:14,800
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, describe I mean again like the kids

1241
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:20,080
Speaker 1: would say, points for me. I took it twice, trying

1242
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:22,519
Speaker 1: to see if I can change my thing. I was like, no,

1243
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:26,559
Speaker 1: I feel like a Molly or Issa. Nope, I got

1244
01:10:26,600 --> 01:10:32,559
Speaker 1: Kelly both times. Very fitting, very fitting. Well, this has

1245
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:36,559
Speaker 1: been a pleasure to debrief on these episodes every week.

1246
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,640
Speaker 1: I feel like this was very timely, gave us a

1247
01:10:39,680 --> 01:10:41,800
Speaker 1: little bit of a reprieve from all of the rest

1248
01:10:41,800 --> 01:10:44,000
Speaker 1: of the madness that feels like it has been happening

1249
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:46,400
Speaker 1: in the world. And so we will likely be back

1250
01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:49,000
Speaker 1: for a season five whenever we get that to give

1251
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:54,000
Speaker 1: y'all you asking me out in that he's going to

1252
01:10:54,360 --> 01:11:01,160
Speaker 1: wire you go with me circle yes, yes, box, So

1253
01:11:01,280 --> 01:11:04,200
Speaker 1: y'all stay tuned. And again, you know, we always want

1254
01:11:04,280 --> 01:11:08,400
Speaker 1: to hear the conversation and your thoughts about the season finale,

1255
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:11,000
Speaker 1: so definitely share that with us on social media. So

1256
01:11:11,080 --> 01:11:13,880
Speaker 1: tell the people where they can find you. Again, Dr Donna,

1257
01:11:14,640 --> 01:11:18,800
Speaker 1: please do find me at a nod right on Instagram

1258
01:11:18,840 --> 01:11:21,960
Speaker 1: A n n O D that's my first name backwards

1259
01:11:22,120 --> 01:11:25,840
Speaker 1: r I G h T. And if you're just looking

1260
01:11:25,880 --> 01:11:30,920
Speaker 1: to get that colorism texturism work, then please come on

1261
01:11:31,080 --> 01:11:36,240
Speaker 1: over to the c B h G dot com and

1262
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:38,559
Speaker 1: that's the Cocoa, Butter and Hair Grease all of her

1263
01:11:38,640 --> 01:11:41,760
Speaker 1: good stuff there. And you know, we'd be paying people

1264
01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:43,760
Speaker 1: to write, but people don't be wanting to write. So

1265
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:46,960
Speaker 1: I'm just like, hey, I mean, it's not like we're

1266
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:49,680
Speaker 1: not giving you like a million dollars a word or

1267
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:52,600
Speaker 1: nothing like. I mean, we pay a very small but

1268
01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,880
Speaker 1: you know we do pay people, So there you go.

1269
01:11:54,960 --> 01:11:59,040
Speaker 1: So if you're interested in writing related to colorism, texturism, everything,

1270
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:04,400
Speaker 1: cocoa butter, hair Greece world, then definitely hit her up. Yes, well,

1271
01:12:04,439 --> 01:12:06,280
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me. It has been

1272
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:09,840
Speaker 1: a pleasure, it truly has. Thank you for inviting me.

1273
01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:14,559
Speaker 1: It's been such a pleasure to chat with Dr oriole

1274
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Speaker 1: will for these debriefs. Don't forget to check out the

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Speaker 1: show notes that Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash

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Speaker 1: Session one sixty for links to our previous conversations about Insecure,

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Speaker 1: or to grab your copy of her book Cocoa Butter

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01:12:28,280 --> 01:12:31,720
Speaker 1: and Hair Grease. And please share your takeaways with us

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Speaker 1: on social media using the hashtag TVG in session, and

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Speaker 1: don't leave your friends out of the party. Be sure

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Speaker 1: to share this episode with the other Insecure fans in

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Speaker 1: your life. If you're looking for a therapist in your area,

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Speaker 1: be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you're

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Speaker 1: looking for a little bit of extra support right now

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Speaker 1: or needle place to just be, come on over and

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Speaker 1: join us in the Yellow College Collective, where we take

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Speaker 1: a deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and

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Speaker 1: just about everything else. You can join us at Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. Don't

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Speaker 1: forget to check out the new episode of I May

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Speaker 1: Destroy You Monday night at nine pm Eastern or stream

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Speaker 1: it on HBO Max. Thank you all so much for

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Speaker 1: joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing

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Speaker 1: this conversation with you all real soon Take good care