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Speaker 1: regret this. Happy Vibrations, Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday.
Speaker 3: Be it's really Wednesday.
Speaker 2: Oh today is really Wednesday. It is It's someday. How
Speaker 2: are you feeling?
Speaker 3: I feel good? I'm smoking.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: We had a little last minute guest cancelation. So in
Speaker 1: good Mom's style and mela Erica style, we scrappy as fuck.
Speaker 1: We just figured some shit out and actually, I think
Speaker 1: this is going to be really cool. I think this
Speaker 1: episode is going to be actually interesting. We've never done
Speaker 1: anything like this before.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 2: Shout out to whoever gave us a suggestion, who was it?
Speaker 2: Because this is this is a good idea.
Speaker 1: So right now we're on live and people are going
Speaker 1: to join the live or type in advice questions so we.
Speaker 2: Can answer them and then you could be a guest
Speaker 2: on the show. Hey, but first Tarot time time, Like
Speaker 2: I'm playing like magic game.
Speaker 3: We pulled this yesterday we did the lovers. Wow, isn't
Speaker 3: that crazy?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is crazy.
Speaker 3: I've pulled this so many times in the last week.
Speaker 2: You told me that. And also, I uh the deck
Speaker 2: which is the ace cups. Shout out to Mahogany Tarot deck.
Speaker 2: It's the original tarot deck, traditional style, but all the
Speaker 2: images of black people. So yeah, the lovers, what do they?
Speaker 2: What does this mean?
Speaker 1: It's usually about success, It's about I think it's partnership,
Speaker 1: partnership success. I even think it's travel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, travel and travel and before that Ace of Cups
Speaker 2: fell out. And usually I don't really know a lot
Speaker 2: about the other like I know more about like I
Speaker 2: don't know. I think the a ace is usually the beginning.
Speaker 2: How about this and cups? Oh, your phone is working
Speaker 2: and cups are for emotions. So it's the beginning of
Speaker 2: something new and bountiful, abundant. There's travel, and there's love.
Speaker 2: There's partnership, strength and partnership.
Speaker 1: Okay, love, new relationships, compassion, creativity. So with the Ace
Speaker 1: of Cups, divine love and compassion are pouring through you.
Speaker 1: You are a vessel for deep spiritual love from the universe,
Speaker 1: and you can't help but let the love flow through
Speaker 1: you and into the world. You receive love, you give love,
Speaker 1: You are love. Your heart overflows. Now is the perfect
Speaker 1: time for you to open your heart and experience the
Speaker 1: rich flow of emotion available to you. Right now, you
Speaker 1: are more receptive to creative opportunities, loving connections, and deep
Speaker 1: compassion for other living beings. As with all aces and tarots,
Speaker 1: this card comes as an invitation.
Speaker 2: Will you take it?
Speaker 3: Will you say yes yes to divine love and compassion?
Speaker 2: Yes? I will?
Speaker 3: And will you run with it?
Speaker 2: I will? I'm running fast.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, because the ace of cups carries the potential
Speaker 1: for spiritual and emotional fulfillment, but only if you embrace
Speaker 1: it with an open heart.
Speaker 2: I'm opening my heart.
Speaker 3: Hmm.
Speaker 2: That was beautiful. Wow, look at that. Look at God?
Speaker 2: So oh. Also, we have an affirmation? Right?
Speaker 3: What is affirmation?
Speaker 2: I'm not I'm just saying it's aff like job, I
Speaker 2: can think of one. Does anyone else have affirmation? Hmm? Okay,
Speaker 2: the affirmation is going? Is I have it? Okay?
Speaker 1: I am open to divine love in whatever shape or
Speaker 1: form it takes.
Speaker 2: I am open to divine love in whatever shape or
Speaker 2: form it takes. Because I was like, I am healthy,
Speaker 2: I am wealthy, I.
Speaker 1: Am rich, I am abbit and and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: take ya shit. I mean, I was listening to that
Speaker 1: in the other car the other day with Iri in
Speaker 1: the car and she's like, Mommy, who is this? And
Speaker 1: I said, baby Tait.
Speaker 2: Not so serious, baby Tait.
Speaker 3: And she was like, who was like baby Tait? She's
Speaker 3: like baby fake.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, Tate, and.
Speaker 3: She's like, I like this song. I was like, I know,
Speaker 3: I know, I wouldn't even be mad if you said
Speaker 3: bitch in this song.
Speaker 2: I really, I really, if they cursed doing good songs,
Speaker 2: I could turn.
Speaker 1: My daughter is so good. She literally knows you're every word.
Speaker 1: Like no, she was cursing.
Speaker 2: Yes, I reason one. I'd be like, first of all,
Speaker 2: she knows all the lyrics. She don't even know all
Speaker 2: the lyrics. I don't know how she even knows these words.
Speaker 2: Second ball, she'd be saying the words I've been listening
Speaker 2: and they don't think, they don't think I'm paying attention.
Speaker 1: She even taught Luna that in the Savage song, the
Speaker 1: Savage remix song, instead of saying like bitch.
Speaker 3: You say chick. Oh no, the doja cat? Uh, what's
Speaker 3: the ship? The sweety best friend, she had.
Speaker 2: A real bad chick. She did because Lunash she was
Speaker 2: saying ratchet and all the other ones. Oh my goodness,
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, are we doing? Am I my god?
Speaker 2: Nursed those all the Hucci songs. Shit, yeah, I'm a savage,
Speaker 2: classy bougie ratchet Like wow, I'm really I hope she's
Speaker 2: singing this at her very white school.
Speaker 6: She is.
Speaker 2: Those kids are singing it too, for sure. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Speaking of that, there's did I tell you this? There's
Speaker 2: always Like, So Luna goes to the elementary school that
Speaker 2: I went to, and it's in a predominantly like white area,
Speaker 2: and it's always been white, even when I was in
Speaker 2: fucking kindergarten. So there is this dad who's always he's
Speaker 2: always in a tesla and he's always jamming his rap
Speaker 2: music specifically, it's like, yeah, I think it's like I'm
Speaker 2: a Savage or like a very like female rap ratchet song.
Speaker 2: It's always the same song.
Speaker 3: He's always the same song.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's always jamming to it in the line for
Speaker 2: school on Ventura. I've seen him also on Ventura. So
Speaker 2: you know a couple of times I'll stop as I'm
Speaker 2: walking up the hill and like, oh, yeah, we see you,
Speaker 2: you know type of thing. And so the other day
Speaker 2: he was doing it again, as he daily does. He's
Speaker 2: in a good mood and you should see his son's face.
Speaker 2: The sun is pissed. So me and Luna are walking
Speaker 2: down and I see I hear overhear some other parents like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, like he's fifteen. He does this every
Speaker 2: like I know, every time, like he's fifteen. And I
Speaker 2: was like, these stuffy ass, fuck ass bored ass parents
Speaker 2: hating on my nag came in the car car having
Speaker 2: fun every day. So again, after I heard them talking
Speaker 2: shit halfway pointing through, I looked over and I, you know,
Speaker 2: just broke it down a little bit in the street
Speaker 2: to shout him out and kept it moving. I'm like,
Speaker 2: what I have told Lynna was like what I was like,
Speaker 2: those parents are fucking haters.
Speaker 1: Hey, hey, do I sound with some haters? I was like,
Speaker 1: but low key, Irin. She makes me turn on my
Speaker 1: music when I pull into her school. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: her dad does this abrasively when he pulls in, like
Speaker 1: is blasting his music when he's pulling into the school.
Speaker 1: So when we pull in, she's like, Mommy, can you can.
Speaker 3: You lower the fuck? Can you lower it?
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're listening to Run the World. What the
Speaker 1: fuck it's Beyonce. We were just like going crazy and
Speaker 1: she's like, can you please lower it?
Speaker 3: So I do because I don't want to be that.
Speaker 1: I also noticed how she kisses me before we get
Speaker 1: to the mitigation. She looked around the other day. Wow, Yeah,
Speaker 1: she looked a fucking around and was like, the disrespect.
Speaker 3: What the fuck?
Speaker 2: The disrespect? Damn, Like, you bring people into the world.
Speaker 2: You feed them every day, you close them, you put
Speaker 2: a roof over their head, and they're just like, fuck,
Speaker 2: you don't kiss me in front of people. Came out
Speaker 2: of your vagina. Don't need to do much more and relax.
Speaker 3: We love our kids.
Speaker 2: I too. I just want her to love me.
Speaker 6: Pa.
Speaker 1: I know today I gave me a foot massage in
Speaker 1: the morning. She woke up before me. I was like, what, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like actually, she Oh my god, she like
Speaker 1: really took care of me today. She woke up before me,
Speaker 1: which was crazy. She woke up at six fifteen. I
Speaker 1: was like, she was like, Mom from the other room.
Speaker 3: That's all I hear. Mom.
Speaker 1: I'm like, irie, she comes in and then she cuddles me,
Speaker 1: and then she.
Speaker 3: Massaged my toes. Oh so nice. I'm gonna cracked each
Speaker 3: and every one of them.
Speaker 2: That's so kind. I'm not going to teach you know
Speaker 2: how to do that. Wake up early, set it along,
Speaker 2: wake mama up. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3: So we have some questions here.
Speaker 2: Okay, are we gonna let people dial in or are
Speaker 2: we gonna answer I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean we can we can start with the dial in.
Speaker 1: Someone asked, like, what's the best way to break up
Speaker 1: with someone text And I'm just.
Speaker 2: Kidding, joking, ghost, don't say shit, break up with them
Speaker 2: in your head.
Speaker 3: They'll get it. They'll get it eventually.
Speaker 2: That's a total joke. I would just say, yeah, to
Speaker 2: do it, that's into it. But to do it, you
Speaker 2: know it will help. Longer you wait, the harder it's
Speaker 2: gonna be. Just be honest. I know that's the worst advice.
Speaker 2: I hate that advice, but just be honest. I'm bored.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I broke up with someone.
Speaker 1: I guess, like it's been almost a year and a
Speaker 1: half now, and it was like, we went for a walk.
Speaker 3: I went to his house. I said we should go
Speaker 3: for a walk. He walked down the stairs. He was
Speaker 3: like trying his best. I knew it was coming.
Speaker 2: He was trying his best.
Speaker 3: One my favorite opening.
Speaker 1: Every door, maslaging my neck and ship, yeah, your favorite,
Speaker 1: your fellow cancer. Yeah, and yeah, we just you know,
Speaker 1: we talked about everything that had been going on in
Speaker 1: the relationship, which was a lot of bullshit, a lot,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, you know, I just yeah,
Speaker 1: just with all that said, it's not gonna work. It's
Speaker 1: not it's not working. That's all you can say it's
Speaker 1: not working, this isn't serving me anymore. That's literally what
Speaker 1: I said. I was like, this doesn't serve me anymore.
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel good to me anymore when I you know,
Speaker 1: when we talk, it doesn't feel like we're hearing one another.
Speaker 1: We've tried everything. I feel like we've really given it
Speaker 1: a chance. We went to therapy, my nigga, no therapy America.
Speaker 2: Had a six month relationship.
Speaker 6: And.
Speaker 3: Three months into the six month relationship.
Speaker 2: Bitch, bless your heart, I bless your heart, my love,
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 3: Look, can't nobody tell me? I didn't try.
Speaker 2: I imagine being her friend, like uh huh, super normal.
Speaker 3: Even my therapist was like, you know, this isn't normal.
Speaker 1: I was like, if the therapist is telling you, why
Speaker 1: the fuck are you here, bitch? Like if your therapist
Speaker 1: is passing you post it notes, run.
Speaker 2: Bless our therapist. Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So but yeah that was my breakup, and yeah, I
Speaker 1: was just like, this isn't serving me and you anymore.
Speaker 3: Doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1: And of course niggas will try to push back, but
Speaker 1: you just have to really have the boundaries and leave immediately,
Speaker 1: don't around and try to be.
Speaker 3: Like, well, now that we're broken up, we can just
Speaker 3: like be friends.
Speaker 1: Right, No, go flee and don't talk for at least
Speaker 1: forty five days.
Speaker 3: That's my advice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great advice.
Speaker 1: Also, block each other on Instagram so you don't go
Speaker 1: stock each other's shit. Still gonna happen now you have to,
Speaker 1: can't You can't do it if you really want to
Speaker 1: be broken up.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, is that what.
Speaker 2: I'm doing wrong? I okay, maybe I stock a little bit,
Speaker 2: not that I care. I just want to see this.
Speaker 2: I don't care. I'm just looking. I'm just looking. La
Speaker 2: la la la la la la.
Speaker 3: Don't care at all.
Speaker 2: Oh mg, oh my god. The last time I called
Speaker 2: myself stalking someone. First of all, I know I'm a
Speaker 2: stalker because the page is generally always private, but sometimes
Speaker 2: I'll just check to see maybe I forgot public. And
Speaker 2: this was obviously super intentional for me. And I looked
Speaker 2: over there, and I looked at the stories because I
Speaker 2: mean crazier and I don't I didn't even do it
Speaker 2: from a private like a secret page. It was my page,
Speaker 2: and he was like posting another girl. And it was
Speaker 2: really soon after we had well, I would even break up.
Speaker 2: He just left and never came back. That sounds so sad, baby,
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm said it was really sad. I
Speaker 2: just said, get the fuck out, but and he did
Speaker 2: and then he never called me again. Wow, it was sad.
Speaker 2: I'm kind of sad about it. Anyway. I went to
Speaker 2: go stock over there and he's posting another bitch and
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, this is what my bitch ass gets.
Speaker 3: Not well, my bitch askets.
Speaker 2: That's how I felt, like, Wow, like it was so intentional.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, I mean it was.
Speaker 2: Like, I'm so happy with you. You make me breathe. Oh,
Speaker 2: like how we were just together two weeks ago, That's
Speaker 2: what it said. It was like you, It's like, I'm
Speaker 2: the happiest you. I'm at my happiest when i'm with you.
Speaker 2: I'm like, but you're just with me for a year.
Speaker 3: Poor girl, she's just a pawn.
Speaker 2: I think it was like even an old video. I
Speaker 2: don't even think it was a recent.
Speaker 1: Videos to bring out of the like when they need
Speaker 1: to like pull some shit out to make someone jealous
Speaker 1: or believe they didn't get beat up, they do that.
Speaker 3: It's crazy for sure.
Speaker 2: So those are two different ways to break up, but
Speaker 2: I hope you can use one of them, probably ericas
Speaker 2: that was a good one. Any other questions you might.
Speaker 3: Have some questions? Oh, we do we have questions in there.
Speaker 3: Oh oh, and we have a request someone wants to
Speaker 3: come in.
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 1: Hi, You guys have a beautiful ah way, thank you?
Speaker 2: So are you?
Speaker 4: Thank you?
Speaker 2: What's your advice question? What's your name?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: Janay right, what's your advice question? Jennay?
Speaker 7: So I am really like going through it as far
Speaker 7: as making a huge life.
Speaker 4: Decision, and I need your.
Speaker 7: So my background has always been in like the business
Speaker 7: side of health care, but I've also done like production stuff,
Speaker 7: like production assistant camera.
Speaker 4: Work, stuff like that.
Speaker 7: And so even though our mayor sucks, they launched this
Speaker 7: like film workshop.
Speaker 4: And they didn't pick me.
Speaker 7: I wanted to be in the camera department and they
Speaker 7: didn't pick me, and I was devastated about it because
Speaker 7: it's something I really wanted to I don't do monotony.
Speaker 4: Very well as far as schedule.
Speaker 7: So I'm kind of at a cross because we're still
Speaker 7: in this pandemic bullshit, and I'm just like trying to
Speaker 7: figure out, Okay, should I go back to old faithful
Speaker 7: and work at health care job and you know, see
Speaker 7: if what the hell happens in five years with the world,
Speaker 7: or should I just try to be creative and figure
Speaker 7: shit out on the creative side on my own.
Speaker 3: Well you know what we're gonna tell you. Girl, that's
Speaker 3: like a girl.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, okay, do you feel like you're in
Speaker 1: a position financially that you can you'll have like that
Speaker 1: you could be okay for a second so that you
Speaker 1: could do that, or is this are you risking it all?
Speaker 3: Is this a risk? It risk at all? Decision?
Speaker 4: It is a risk all. I guess that's the part
Speaker 4: I should have mentioned.
Speaker 7: Like when I left my job in August, I was
Speaker 7: like the standard six seven months out as far as
Speaker 7: savings or whatever.
Speaker 4: But now it's.
Speaker 7: Getting tight, so like I'll be good this month, but
Speaker 7: next month, I'm like trying to figure out where my
Speaker 7: money is gonna come from. And I'm actually fighting with
Speaker 7: a client right now about my check. It's been a
Speaker 7: month since I work for them, and so I'm just like,
Speaker 7: do I want to kind of mess with my finances
Speaker 7: right now or do I just want to make sure
Speaker 7: that I have money for my bills next month? And
Speaker 7: moving forward into the season for production stuff picks up.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think you may want to take maybe a
Speaker 2: part time job on some old faithful This is what
Speaker 2: I know, this is my trade. This is definitely gonna
Speaker 2: have a check type shit. And in the meantime you
Speaker 2: need to actively be I mean, like, are your mom
Speaker 2: your mom? Oh well, I'm real, I'll do it. Just
Speaker 2: do whatever you want, yeah, live your life, live on
Speaker 2: a couple of couches, a couple of noodles.
Speaker 3: Shit.
Speaker 2: I mean I feel like when you have to like
Speaker 2: do what you love, be happy. You know, your happiness
Speaker 2: is important, and I think when you lead with that,
Speaker 2: everything else kind of gets taken care of at some point.
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously you know what you have to do,
Speaker 2: but like I think, just tell a job. If you
Speaker 2: needed a waitress for a cup for a part time
Speaker 2: at night, that shit is always available. I did it
Speaker 2: for many years and made much money and I met
Speaker 2: a lot of people.
Speaker 1: So like, I think you just have to also just
Speaker 1: like ask yourself a few questions. Am I really ready
Speaker 1: to like embark on this? Am I am I willing
Speaker 1: to sacrifice?
Speaker 3: Am I?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: You know, like because obviously even choosing the creative journey
Speaker 1: it's it's it's not for the faint of heart.
Speaker 3: It's you know, but when you are living.
Speaker 1: In your purpose and doing what you have to do,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter because every time you show up for work,
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel at you're gonna feel activated, you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel ready to do it. And so I mean I'm
Speaker 1: a more like I believe that you should follow your dreams,
Speaker 1: but I also for me, like I need a little
Speaker 1: bit of like like the part time jobs that you
Speaker 1: think was is crucial. Like I feel like you needs
Speaker 1: to build like some stability so that you have the
Speaker 1: space to be creative.
Speaker 2: You have space, yah, because if you're stressed in any
Speaker 2: in any job, there's if you make a lot of
Speaker 2: money or not. If you're stressed in any capacity, then
Speaker 2: it's not you're not going you're gonna have.
Speaker 3: Stress, But it depends what kind of stress you're trying
Speaker 3: to have.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, survival stress, so I have somewhere to go tomorrow. Stress,
Speaker 2: that's just a dire stress that's on the high stress
Speaker 2: alert system. But I think it will come to you
Speaker 2: and you you know, and and all the moves will
Speaker 2: make sense in due time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, can you like take a healthcare job that gives
Speaker 1: you a lot more flexibility, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like only work part time and then the other part
Speaker 1: of the time you're dedicated to your art and that's
Speaker 1: your job, and.
Speaker 4: That's the thing I've like explored that.
Speaker 7: There's been a few nights where it's like I can't sleep,
Speaker 7: so I'm like, let me see.
Speaker 4: And I'm sorry about the keys because I know you.
Speaker 7: All are recording, but most of the things that offered
Speaker 7: that flexibility that I'm yearning for require some type of
Speaker 7: clinician aspect and I was doing like consulting work and
Speaker 7: you know, stuff like that. So nothing as far as
Speaker 7: like cardiac tech or anything like that, so it kind
Speaker 7: of sucks in that regard.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it will work out.
Speaker 2: Bye, good luck, and thank you for joining our show
Speaker 2: today and we're sending you all the good energy for
Speaker 2: all of the things that you want.
Speaker 3: Make a list, write it, write it, write it down,
Speaker 3: write it down.
Speaker 4: I will thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 2: Bye bye. You have to hang out because we don't
Speaker 2: know how that was fun. Okay, let's see if there's
Speaker 2: any other Do you stay married because it's comfortable, or
Speaker 2: divorce and find someone to connect with? Girl don't do
Speaker 2: anything because it's comfortable. If you're not happy, it's time
Speaker 2: to get the fuck on. We haven't. Oh, Willie Jones,
Speaker 2: he's so cute.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: You so fine, fine, fine looking, all cute. You're orange beanie.
Speaker 2: Good morning?
Speaker 3: Where are you?
Speaker 1: Are you back in Nashville yesterday?
Speaker 2: Oh shit?
Speaker 3: Come on, what are you doing tonight?
Speaker 2: Meet us in Hollywood. We're gonna dmu our locations.
Speaker 4: Okay, no more cool.
Speaker 1: So you guys. I met Willie one night, like a
Speaker 1: month ago. I went to, Uh, what's the spot?
Speaker 3: The sofa tel? They have the.
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 2: Actually, WILLI? I met Willy the night before. I met
Speaker 2: Willy the night before, and I was wearing a jacket.
Speaker 2: Oh at Delilah. I was wearing a jacket with fringes
Speaker 2: on it. And I think he was wearing a jacket
Speaker 2: with fringe on it. And I was like, I like
Speaker 2: a jacket or something, and we had.
Speaker 3: A Oh my god, I was drunk. Bro, I don't
Speaker 3: remember that you weren't with me?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: I was like, what, you weren't with me?
Speaker 2: I met him separately the night before, and I just
Speaker 2: came up to him and went like this, I guess
Speaker 2: that was the That was the symbol of we are
Speaker 2: from the same tribe. And then we ran into him
Speaker 2: the night after a soft and said and he said
Speaker 2: merchant one with the jacket and I said yeah.
Speaker 6: And then yeah, we had a deep cup. We did
Speaker 6: we did, which I'm still on the case. One of
Speaker 6: the reasons I am out here, but we can talk
Speaker 6: about that.
Speaker 3: I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that, Willie. I'm really
Speaker 3: am How do you break up with someone?
Speaker 1: I want to ask a man, how do how How
Speaker 1: have you broken up with women in the past?
Speaker 6: Is it like, well, my first breakup was like it
Speaker 6: was high school. She was like my high school sweetheart
Speaker 6: and she moved away, and it was just it was
Speaker 6: in high school and yeah, and I just caught her
Speaker 6: on the phone and I was like, you know, I
Speaker 6: love you and we've been together for these years and
Speaker 6: I'll always be here for you, but this ain't working out.
Speaker 6: And then she was like but she she was real
Speaker 6: quiet at the time. She had just moved and she
Speaker 6: was like, well, who's gonna be my friend? And I
Speaker 6: was like, I'll still be your friend. And then another
Speaker 6: another time it was bad. I just I just got
Speaker 6: really I was just in my head like towards the
Speaker 6: end of the relationship, and I just started to shrink
Speaker 6: myself man, and like for like an hour. And she
Speaker 6: was like, you want to break over me?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, not just do you want
Speaker 1: to break over here?
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, yeah I did.
Speaker 2: Actually I do.
Speaker 7: Never again.
Speaker 6: Now. I like to communicate and talk, and I don't
Speaker 6: like to leave fuckers with like questions, especially when it's
Speaker 6: like disturbing the peace, and I'm like, I can offer
Speaker 6: you some kind of piece. I like to communicate now
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Speaker 2: I think we have some more advice questions. Let's see.
Speaker 2: Let's see, how do you keep it together if you're
Speaker 2: constantly ridiculed for something you didn't choose but just happens,
Speaker 2: like a pregnancy in a DNA test?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 3: Wait? Does that's what it says?
Speaker 5: The end?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Wait, okay, you say it again.
Speaker 2: How do you keep it together when you're constantly ridiculed
Speaker 2: for something you didn't choose but just happens like a
Speaker 2: pregnancy in a DNA test. Oh, like someone's constantly ridiculing
Speaker 2: you by having about having to about getting pregnant and
Speaker 2: having to get a DNA test. I mean, shit happens. Boom,
Speaker 2: that's fuck them. I mean literally, Lesha got the DNA test.
Speaker 2: Some pitches just be like, is you well? You know,
Speaker 2: like you're welcome. I was. I kept it real, and
Speaker 2: now you should shut the fuck up about the being ridiculed.
Speaker 3: Science said it was you boot.
Speaker 2: I mean, what do you want for me? It's just
Speaker 2: this is what happened, and this is the result of
Speaker 2: what happened, and beat it. If you can't get with
Speaker 2: it because it's already happened, right, how can I build
Speaker 2: my confidence? I think I'm doing it right, then I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm not.
Speaker 1: Well, That's that's the confidence journey. That's the confidence journey.
Speaker 1: It's you feel like you're getting ahead, and then you
Speaker 1: take a few steps back, and then you have to
Speaker 1: get there because you still haven't healed from there. And
Speaker 1: then you heal that part and then you move forward
Speaker 1: and go back and it's just like until one day
Speaker 1: you wake up and finally that part is healed.
Speaker 2: Okay, so there's how to help my child to the
Speaker 2: soura sorrow of her forming of her father, forming a
Speaker 2: new family with a wife and a kid. She is devastated. Hmm.
Speaker 1: I wonder how old she is. She might be a
Speaker 1: little bit older or who knows. But that's a really
Speaker 1: tough one, especially if you are also going through it too.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine like trying to.
Speaker 2: Be there for your kid. And also, I mean you haven't,
Speaker 2: you haven't really experienced the whole thing, but like I
Speaker 2: mean a sibling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I've definitely I've in my situation, my
Speaker 1: ex now has two kids with two different women, which
Speaker 1: was the first one was a complete shock and the
Speaker 1: second one was pretty much a shock as well.
Speaker 3: We weren't together anymore. But it doesn't.
Speaker 1: I would it'd be a lie, I said, It didn't
Speaker 1: terribly affect me, you know, and devastate me in a way,
Speaker 1: especially when you are like the first baby mama and
Speaker 1: you kind of I don't know, there's like this hierarchy,
Speaker 1: there's this like I'm the first. We've shared this thing together,
Speaker 1: this first together, we shared like we intentionally made this
Speaker 1: child together. Like that when it's when you're no longer
Speaker 1: alone on that island. It feels triggering, It feels egotistical.
Speaker 1: It feels like someone has stabbed you in the fucking
Speaker 1: heart and ripped it out pretty.
Speaker 2: Much, natch your crown.
Speaker 1: I'm totally fine, guys, No, I know, I am, but
Speaker 1: it took me a long time to say that and
Speaker 1: be and say I am. You know, But for my daughter,
Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't really experience that. She was actually
Speaker 1: excited about it. She didn't really have a concept of
Speaker 1: what it meant because honestly, she doesn't remember us together,
Speaker 1: so it was just like daddy was having, you know,
Speaker 1: another baby. I think she always wants us, wanted, like
Speaker 1: she feels the love that we've shared, because I think
Speaker 1: it's just anate lee part of her. But she was excited,
Speaker 1: so I don't I think, like I think the way
Speaker 1: if it wasn't that way, it would have to really
Speaker 1: be a lot of reassuring of like that we're still
Speaker 1: a family. It would have to be a lot of
Speaker 1: conversations with him about like making her feel supported. It
Speaker 1: would really I don't know, like I would take it
Speaker 1: as an opportunity to talk to him and his new woman.
Speaker 2: Or even if I mean even therapists, Like therapists offer
Speaker 2: a support for family therapy in ways that are not
Speaker 2: just like we're a happy family, but there are ways
Speaker 2: to like you know, include you know, for.
Speaker 1: Sure therapy is crucial, but I think also like the
Speaker 1: family has to be kind to support her, Yeah, support her.
Speaker 2: And if they don't, I mean I would say, don't
Speaker 2: try and overly overly compensate with like material things. I
Speaker 2: think sometimes parents do that if like one parent is
Speaker 2: missing or something is they're in order to fill that void,
Speaker 2: they like give a lot of shit. And I think
Speaker 2: sometimes it's just like offering the conversation, how are you feeling,
Speaker 2: checking in with them, giving them the opportunity to talk
Speaker 2: about it and let them know that their feelings are
Speaker 2: justified and.
Speaker 3: Okay, and also.
Speaker 1: Honestly, like I know, we want to protect our kids
Speaker 1: from everything, but this is real life shit, and she's
Speaker 1: going to have to like sometimes real life shit hits early.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it happens sooner than we want. That's life, you know,
Speaker 1: And I mean obviously support her and do all those things,
Speaker 1: but also she has to understand too, like this is
Speaker 1: life and things will, things change, and maybe there's beauty
Speaker 1: in it too, like I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the situation is on the other side, but I
Speaker 1: think it's.
Speaker 3: Just it's life essentially.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that reminds that there's another question about someone. How
Speaker 2: how long should you wait to introduce your kid to
Speaker 2: someone you're dating. She said she her daughter loves her
Speaker 2: dad so much and she thinks she'll be shady, And
Speaker 2: I mean, like that's another thing, Like, it's life. It's
Speaker 2: not super calculated. Unfortunately, there's no like universal age that
Speaker 2: makes it like or time. Six weeks, six months, you know,
Speaker 2: that is a perfect time to introduce someone. I think.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes people wait too long and then you
Speaker 2: fuck around they don't like each other at all, and
Speaker 2: you're like, damn, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you have male friends, because essentially that's
Speaker 1: what this person is. It's coming around to you know,
Speaker 1: and not immediately just hey, this is mommy's boyfriend all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, like you ease into that, you build
Speaker 1: the trust that she needs to know. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: someone that my mom can rely on. Oh this is
Speaker 1: my mom's friend. Okay, cool, and hopefully that you know,
Speaker 1: you get to that point. So I think that's another thing,
Speaker 1: is like not, And I mean me and me and
Speaker 1: Mila have talked about this a lot, like not having
Speaker 1: like this Prince Charming come in out of no fucking
Speaker 1: weear and it being like a Disney movie like this
Speaker 1: is my mommy's man now, and like yeah, like mommy's
Speaker 1: allowed to have male friends. Mommy is allowed to have
Speaker 1: male friends around my daughter, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like we often separate and villainize men as like these
Speaker 1: things predators.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like.
Speaker 2: Automatically every man.
Speaker 3: And that is not to say that we never have
Speaker 3: some That's not to say.
Speaker 1: That everyone needs to meet my child. Okay, no, it's
Speaker 1: not to say that. But I think that we need
Speaker 1: to normalize our kids and our kids seeing us a
Speaker 1: just in different spaces with different people, and sometimes that
Speaker 1: includes to like male friends. And I'm sure that you
Speaker 1: have your kid around male friends, but you just don't
Speaker 1: associate it that way because you're not fucking them.
Speaker 2: And like I introduced my kid to like two guys
Speaker 2: I dated in the last two years, and she liked
Speaker 2: them both a lot. And you know I hadn't. I
Speaker 2: had a weird like epiphany the other day when I
Speaker 2: was like in the car and I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: really grateful. I'm really grateful for those two guys, for
Speaker 2: like the role they played in her life. And like
Speaker 2: even though it didn't work out on both like occasions
Speaker 2: and we don't talk and whatever, but like they were
Speaker 2: really kind to her. They each taught her different things,
Speaker 2: you know, like one was like like very interactive and
Speaker 2: took us like camping and shit, and like that was
Speaker 2: really a good like experience for her. That's where I
Speaker 2: like spoiled her a lot, and like I think she
Speaker 2: understood like how it felt to be spoiled by a man,
Speaker 2: and I appreciate that, like I thought I was at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, despite like how those things ended,
Speaker 2: which I wish, I wish, I don't wish that we
Speaker 2: could still be friends so that they could maintain really
Speaker 2: a friendship. That's the only thing. It's like I've also
Speaker 2: had to teach her. I love them and they were cool,
Speaker 2: but sometimes friendships end and it's okay, and I still
Speaker 2: of them. We just don't talk because like that is
Speaker 2: it just doesn't work out that way, you know, sometimes
Speaker 2: you grow out of friendships. And that's been a cool,
Speaker 2: like not a cool lesson to teach, but it's also
Speaker 2: a necessary one, and had someone maybe taken more time
Speaker 2: to teach me that, I would probably have less psycho
Speaker 2: attachment issues and want to keep people forever and have
Speaker 2: a like please stay, don't you love me? So I
Speaker 2: think it could be an opportunity and it's you're the mom,
Speaker 2: and you know how close you are with that person
Speaker 2: and you know when it's time and you need to
Speaker 2: trust that. Amen o, Kai, anyone want a video request?
Speaker 2: I don't see any more video requests. There's some more
Speaker 2: advice questions though, Girl, how do you sort your mind
Speaker 2: and not get overwhelmed when you have a lot you
Speaker 2: need to do? Torri? How do you what sort your mind?
Speaker 3: You're overwhelmed to have a lot you got to do
Speaker 3: and you.
Speaker 2: Have and you have. When you have a lot you
Speaker 2: need to do, go for.
Speaker 1: A walk, post it, post its and then like what
Speaker 1: is priority? Go for a walk, put your feet in
Speaker 1: the grass immediately and yeah ground also sometimes just call
Speaker 1: it call it a on the fucking day.
Speaker 3: You can't win them all.
Speaker 2: Okay, pur ly, b I'll give you a moment. Let's
Speaker 2: read another one.
Speaker 1: And I got peep someone seid a planner. I've never
Speaker 1: been able to use a plan, I lose them. I
Speaker 1: have like twelve I can't.
Speaker 2: I have twelve notebooks and twelve planners, all with separate
Speaker 2: notes that make no sense. I'm in therapy, but my
Speaker 2: parents also need it. How do I encourage them to
Speaker 2: get help and tell them in therapy without offending them?
Speaker 2: M oh girl?
Speaker 1: And not everybody's gonna go on the therapy journey with you, Boom,
Speaker 1: Like you can, like, obviously you can. What you could
Speaker 1: do is if you can try invite them to your
Speaker 1: therapy session first, maybe say like make them feel like
Speaker 1: you're bringing them in to like, you know, talk to
Speaker 1: them about something, and then you know, take it from there.
Speaker 1: But honestly, like, not everyone's gonna be on with therapy,
Speaker 1: especially I feel like honest unfortunately, like the older, older
Speaker 1: people don't want to talk about their business.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Sonny also asked that kind of goes with this question,
Speaker 2: is Hi, Sonny, how to start repairing a relationship with
Speaker 2: your mother who plays the victim all the time. My
Speaker 2: mom plays a lot of victims. But you know, it's
Speaker 2: really about being patient, being patient and like dabbing in
Speaker 2: seeing if she how righty she is? If you ain't,
Speaker 2: I'm I'm kind of ducking out. You just kind of
Speaker 2: like where are you right now? And you know, me
Speaker 2: and my mom are in a good place and I'm happy,
Speaker 2: but like I understand the irritation with that. In fact,
Speaker 2: something so crazy. She does play the victim all the time,
Speaker 2: and she did something a couple of weeks ago that
Speaker 2: was like some shit, and she was like defensive and
Speaker 2: she was like, you don't need to yell at me.
Speaker 2: And I had this epic opportunity to shift the like
Speaker 2: generally how she like the thing, And I was like,
Speaker 2: it's okay. I was like, it's okay, we all fuck up.
Speaker 2: I fuck up. This was an epic fuck up. So
Speaker 2: she couldn't not not be responsible. Was like the only
Speaker 2: she was the only person responsible. There's no one else
Speaker 2: to deflect on but her. So she was like she
Speaker 2: got quiet, and I was like, it's okay, we all
Speaker 2: fuck up. I'm like, I fuck up. It's all good.
Speaker 2: I'm not getting on you. I'm like, but it happened,
Speaker 2: Like let's figure it out. What do you think is next?
Speaker 2: You know, like what do you think? Like I don't know,
Speaker 2: this is this is what could possibly happen, you know,
Speaker 2: like weigh out the options, but like I was making
Speaker 2: sure for her to know, like it's okay because I
Speaker 2: don't feel like I've gotten that grace from her a lot.
Speaker 2: And I felt like it was like.
Speaker 1: An opportunity to lead by example almost and an interesting
Speaker 1: show her like this is how I want to be treated. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And remember that time I did that? Mom, Why can
Speaker 1: like do.
Speaker 3: That for me?
Speaker 2: Can you show? Yeah? So I was just like calm
Speaker 2: and it is difficult, like just the patience is a constant,
Speaker 2: like exercise at exercising how much you can grow your patients.
Speaker 2: That was big of you.
Speaker 3: Wow, I don't know. I don't know if I had
Speaker 3: that in me, any of it to get that, I
Speaker 3: need to get that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think a part of being like
Speaker 2: a child as an adult is that you begin to,
Speaker 2: especially in this generation, you begin to parent your parents
Speaker 2: and you kind of realize that they're unhealed and that
Speaker 2: they've made mistakes because they don't know shit really, you know,
Speaker 2: just like we don't know shit, like there there are
Speaker 2: our vessels are aging, but like sometimes your mind doesn't
Speaker 2: necessarily evolve, and like a lot of times, you know,
Speaker 2: if you're not pushing for that and that and you
Speaker 2: become kind of the parent and they're the child, and
Speaker 2: it's kind of like understanding, like taking away that super
Speaker 2: mom super dad perspective, and that you can be more
Speaker 2: forgiving and have more patience for them like you would
Speaker 2: for your kid because you realize they're just in those bodies.
Speaker 3: It's true. Wow, that was really deep.
Speaker 1: But also what's stuck with me when you said that
Speaker 1: was the pushing for it, because I feel like even
Speaker 1: the most evolved people have to continue like pushing to
Speaker 1: grasp more, to understand more, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So many people just stop or they don't even they're
Speaker 1: like this is good enough, Like there's a lot going on.
Speaker 1: I'd rather not let's just like stay here.
Speaker 2: It's uncomfortable, like it's I don't want to be different growth.
Speaker 3: It's so uncomfortable. It's so annoying.
Speaker 2: Because you get you get comfortable and being angry, you
Speaker 2: get comfortable and being mad, you get comfortable and being
Speaker 2: at being defensive, you get comfortable taking things personally, just
Speaker 2: like you get comfortable and being in a miserable marriage
Speaker 2: and not and blaming the other person instead of taking
Speaker 2: responsibility for your life and for your shit and from
Speaker 2: saying like I'm cool, like you get comfortable and all
Speaker 2: of that sadness and the not evolving, and it's like
Speaker 2: both are hard though.
Speaker 1: Mm hm, but once you but I mean, it's so
Speaker 1: worth it. But it's just it's not easy. It's not
Speaker 1: easy to get over there.
Speaker 2: No, it's not. Oh someone said they love what these queens.
Speaker 2: I love what y'all queens do? I think we need
Speaker 2: more of it? Keep on going? Thank you were going,
Speaker 2: baby going? Should I tell my friend how to tell?
Speaker 2: Should I tell my friend how to tell her? I've
Speaker 2: just been ignoring it, but he keeps progressing. They just
Speaker 2: got married last year after bringing together eleven years. Wait,
Speaker 2: I think I saw some of this story. This is
Speaker 2: not a full question. Oh wait here it is. But
Speaker 2: this last year he started sending dick pics videos of
Speaker 2: him jerking off on Snapchat. I tell my husband every time,
Speaker 2: but he acts dumb as if he doesn't know what
Speaker 2: he did. Wait, wait, wait, what your friend's husband is
Speaker 2: sending you jerk off pictures?
Speaker 3: Your friend's husband and you're and you're you're married, she's married.
Speaker 2: She's married, and she tells her husband what I think
Speaker 2: you need to join? I can't I can't decode this, Frederick,
Speaker 2: but I do need to know.
Speaker 1: How do you deal with anxiety without putting the energy
Speaker 1: off on your kid?
Speaker 2: Who girl, take away And.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna win the mall. You're not gonna win
Speaker 1: it all every time. You're gonna fail. But the fact
Speaker 1: that you're even aware of it is step one. Because
Speaker 1: some people just have no self awareness and are just
Speaker 1: constantly just being.
Speaker 3: Mean to their kids because they have anxiety and are
Speaker 3: stressed out.
Speaker 2: I mean to be honest, like kids are super loud
Speaker 2: and annoying, and so the noise level doesn't really help
Speaker 2: with the anxiety. But this is very healthy that you
Speaker 2: notice like this is my this is a personal problem,
Speaker 2: and actually all this shit really doesn't need to get
Speaker 2: done right now, and actually I need to just tend
Speaker 2: to my child and be kind and patient and sit
Speaker 2: like put my phone away and you know, at least
Speaker 2: you's realizing that you're doing it, and apologize.
Speaker 1: I think also what helps me in those moments is
Speaker 1: really just being present and knowing that this moment, that
Speaker 1: where we are right now, this age that she's in,
Speaker 1: this this innocence that she possesses. I'm not, but one
Speaker 1: day I'm gonna wish I could be back here in
Speaker 1: this moment and wish I could have like done it
Speaker 1: better for her, I know.
Speaker 2: And then that gives me.
Speaker 1: Because now she's off in the world, not giving a fuck,
Speaker 1: doing whatever the fuck she wants, not calling me, and
Speaker 1: she's in Europe, fucking abroad in college and I don't
Speaker 1: know where she's at, And all I could wish was
Speaker 1: that I just would have paid attention to her when
Speaker 1: she was eight and wanted to fucking you know, build
Speaker 1: a ginger breadhouse.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 2: I think about that all the time. I'm like, one
Speaker 2: day she's gonna be like a teenager and I'm gonna
Speaker 2: look up and I'm gonna be like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: whatever I was working on Instagram was not important, and
Speaker 2: it's not. And it's just like, yeah, that shit haunts
Speaker 2: me and that she's never gonna be And even looking
Speaker 2: at her now, I'm like, you're so tall, you're gonna
Speaker 2: be bigger than me. You're so beautiful, like who and
Speaker 2: how she talks, and I'm like so that I always
Speaker 2: I always think of this is the last time she's
Speaker 2: gonna be this age, at this time, at this moment,
Speaker 2: and like take every second of it. I never try
Speaker 2: and take any of it for granted.
Speaker 1: Also weed we also weed, weed is kind of crucial
Speaker 1: if you don't smoke.
Speaker 3: It, consider it.
Speaker 1: Or maybe eat it, eat it, smoke it, rub it on.
Speaker 1: I don't know, do do something supplements?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, we finally got a video request not
Speaker 2: thank you, Eric. I don't want to repeat the cycle
Speaker 2: of me and my mom's rinaldo. Who's Ronaldo.
Speaker 6: Hip?
Speaker 5: Okay, so I'm obviously like naturally co signing everything you
Speaker 5: girls are staying. But like I really want to talk about,
Speaker 5: even like with self awareness and just like awareness of
Speaker 5: like human beings and yourself and life, why do friendship
Speaker 5: breakups still fucking hit even.
Speaker 4: As you get older.
Speaker 5: I'm like in my thirties, and anytime it happens, even
Speaker 5: though deep down I'm like I knew it about this bitch,
Speaker 5: I just know it, it's still like I don't know,
Speaker 5: it hurts. That shit hurts harder than like, you know,
Speaker 5: intimate breakups with like people you're romantic with.
Speaker 2: I think, because first of all, it doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: fucking self aware evolved any of that shit. Like you
Speaker 2: still have feelings. You know, everybody has feelings, and you
Speaker 2: have to feel them. That's why they're called feelings. There's
Speaker 2: nothing like that means you someone told me like that
Speaker 2: means you're human. You know, if you stop feeling shit,
Speaker 2: then what the fuck like, then you're some fucking sociopath.
Speaker 2: So I just I think you put especially when you're
Speaker 2: a loyal ass friend like these two water bitches sitting
Speaker 2: up here, Like when you really love people, I think
Speaker 2: it does sting. You're like, damn, I really fucked with
Speaker 2: that person. I really gave them my loyalty. I really
Speaker 2: did these things. And so it's like the fucking audacity. Eric.
Speaker 2: I just had a falling out with a friend recently,
Speaker 2: as in the thirty something year all had to okay, yeah, when.
Speaker 1: Recently, like oh, I'm like wait, hold on, you know
Speaker 1: what that shit did really hurt and pissed me off.
Speaker 3: You know why I think it is It was.
Speaker 1: Just as you're asking this question, I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is is only okay.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say this is true for me,
Speaker 3: but it is a little bit true.
Speaker 1: Is it because we expect men to leave, whereas like
Speaker 1: like romantic partners will expect to expire, but friendships we
Speaker 1: like hold in this other regard where like when it does,
Speaker 1: we're like, what the fuck, Like you're you're not supposed
Speaker 1: to leave, Like I'm not even fucking me.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I feel it's weird too. I feel it's weird too,
Speaker 4: depending on the friendship, right.
Speaker 5: Not weird, but like in my my friendships, I like
Speaker 5: to like pursue it and treat it the same way
Speaker 5: I would like an intimate relationship, you know what I mean,
Speaker 5: Like the same importance, the same love on different levels obviously,
Speaker 5: so it just like hurts extra.
Speaker 4: It just hurts extra.
Speaker 5: And I find too, when you're older, people can be shistier.
Speaker 4: So like you would think it's.
Speaker 5: Like a breakup and it's done whatever, but then like
Speaker 5: you know, they're going out of their way to be
Speaker 5: friends with your friends now, and like they're.
Speaker 4: Popping up where you popping up, and it's like I've been.
Speaker 5: Crying over you for days, girl, like and you're just
Speaker 5: trying so hard to like be close to the people
Speaker 5: that I'm close with, so.
Speaker 4: Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: So anyways, that's like my thing lately is like my
Speaker 5: my younger cousin was telling me about this like bad
Speaker 5: friendship breakup. She had and I was like, girl, I
Speaker 5: wish I could tell you it gets better, but it actually.
Speaker 1: Gets Wait, I didn't realize this is a real Is
Speaker 1: this like an epidemic that's happening, Like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I haven't had that many friendship breakups. I think, like,
Speaker 1: I don't, really, I don't. Maybe you are more of
Speaker 1: a friendly bitch than I am. And I have lots
Speaker 1: of friends, but I don't I generally have like my
Speaker 1: my friends. Of course, I've made friends throughout even throughout
Speaker 1: this our journey and podcasting, but I don't know.
Speaker 3: I haven't had that many friendship breakups.
Speaker 1: I had one recently, which was but I kind of
Speaker 1: knew that was coming. And I know the type of
Speaker 1: bit she was, you know you ah, yeah, I know
Speaker 1: the type of bit she was. It didn't make me.
Speaker 2: I was pissed, but usually, you know what usually the
Speaker 2: thing is being self aware and being older, is that
Speaker 2: when it happens, you're just like, yeah, that bit, like
Speaker 2: you do know. Like like prior to the beginning of
Speaker 2: me and Erica starting this podcast, I had a pretty
Speaker 2: close friend who we had a broke. I had two
Speaker 2: close friends that I broke up with that, I broke
Speaker 2: up with our podcast period, and with both of them,
Speaker 2: I knew they're both kind of fucking crazy, So it's
Speaker 2: like I think about them, I'm like, ah, like those
Speaker 2: pitches are crazy like that, it wasn't I knew that
Speaker 2: it probably didn't have longevity because I was As you
Speaker 2: progress in a friendship, you inevitably see people more clearly.
Speaker 2: They start to show their true colors, you know, and
Speaker 2: as a grown woman, you're like, that is not a
Speaker 2: grow how a grown woman should act, and so you
Speaker 2: kind of know who's not gonna last. And like even
Speaker 2: the ones that you didn't see it coming, it's like
Speaker 2: when they do show their ass. I think, if you're
Speaker 2: a woman and you decide to cut off a friend,
Speaker 2: it's generally for a very good reason, and you got
Speaker 2: to honor yourself and be like, all right, bitch a
Speaker 2: little tier tier, but keep it pushing because I have
Speaker 2: real friends. I actually have friends that I fuck with
Speaker 2: that I've kept for a long time, So I know
Speaker 2: it's not like it's just not it's not for me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I don't want it to be a problem
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 5: I feel that it's just like something that came up
Speaker 5: for me recently, and I'm like, seriously, like I don't
Speaker 5: even have time to grieve with this right now. I'm
Speaker 5: just so busy, like I'm a mom, like what And
Speaker 5: then it's worse when your friends are kids too.
Speaker 4: It's just a whole thing.
Speaker 5: And I'm like really like but like you said, like
Speaker 5: people show their ass, see the signs.
Speaker 2: And I used to be like that too, Like I
Speaker 2: had the one of the friends. It was a little bitch.
Speaker 2: Our kids were friends and like all these fun things together.
Speaker 2: But thankfully my baby daddy maintained that friendship and I
Speaker 2: don't have to, but like I had, I just had
Speaker 2: to release that too, like I'm sorry, I can't. I
Speaker 2: can't fucking help your friendship because we're not friends anymore.
Speaker 2: My bad Like can't do it. Sorry, my piece is
Speaker 2: more important than yours. I make the rules. You don't
Speaker 2: have a.
Speaker 5: Car, yeah, yeah, true, true, No. I appreciate you all feedback,
Speaker 5: like obviously, like I'm good and stuff, but it's always
Speaker 5: just some shit that is at the back of my
Speaker 5: mind and like this person pops up and it's just
Speaker 5: like why are friendship break up the fucking worst.
Speaker 2: Because they heart just like regular breakups. It's just loving
Speaker 2: people and then uncoupling from them. Is is hard because
Speaker 2: you're in routine and you're used to calling them every
Speaker 2: day or every other day, texting them. There's things you
Speaker 2: start to do together. It's more about breaking the routine, honestly,
Speaker 2: because the time away eventually the time separates you any
Speaker 2: fucking way.
Speaker 4: This is also like advice.
Speaker 5: Like I would take for a relationship even though I'm married,
Speaker 5: you know, like just apply that same ship to everybody,
Speaker 5: just the same way. I love my friends the same
Speaker 5: way with like a romantic partner, you know, like you
Speaker 5: show up for your friends like that, just it happens.
Speaker 5: You cook for them, you clean for them, you wipe
Speaker 5: their ass if they get a BBO, Like.
Speaker 3: You're a good friend, are you?
Speaker 1: If I ever get that, I'm calling you, Okabbage, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Heal an Autowa.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Ottawa to get my BBL.
Speaker 2: I found a great BBL doctor.
Speaker 5: You know what, I might as well just do the
Speaker 5: BBL myself too.
Speaker 2: I'll give you guys, oh a surgeon.
Speaker 1: No no, no, She's like literally, I have a whole
Speaker 1: group chat happening today about like happening in my phone
Speaker 1: currently real time while.
Speaker 2: We've been on here dollar it's only ten thousand.
Speaker 3: My friend is like, this is the ass I want?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm already researching Texas in Houston and Mexico.
Speaker 2: No wait, first it first it started out as a
Speaker 2: workout like motivation, like I want this ass. Yeah, let's
Speaker 2: go to the stairs. And then I don't wear the doctors.
Speaker 1: It went from like meet me on this hike to
Speaker 1: let's just get asses.
Speaker 3: Let's just buy asses.
Speaker 4: It's so funny, you know what.
Speaker 5: It was an intense incline from working out to BBL,
Speaker 5: but you're scared to get that for the most part.
Speaker 4: So they do like the cupping, you know, like the section.
Speaker 3: How long does that last? That's only last like a
Speaker 3: one hour.
Speaker 4: I don't know, but I've seen.
Speaker 5: Like the results right after, and it takes a few
Speaker 5: weeks to heal, and honestly, it looks terrible.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's not good for your blood vessels.
Speaker 2: That can't be healthy. That can't be I mean, I
Speaker 2: don't think either are.
Speaker 3: Neither are great.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we need to be proud of our little butts,
Speaker 5: medium butts, like all the booties just get a little
Speaker 5: jiggle in it if you can, even if it's flat
Speaker 5: and like call it a day.
Speaker 3: Shake some do some squats whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I mean, this is the body you got,
Speaker 2: you know, take care of it, love it, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I agree. I think I across all like spectrums, I
Speaker 2: think that's generally what it should be. If this is
Speaker 2: how you got here, should probably keep it exactly.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 1: But also I have fake boobs, so I was like,
Speaker 1: I agree, but also, my tits are fake boobs.
Speaker 2: Everything he has you should keep, unless.
Speaker 1: It's just boobs, because my tits are not real, but
Speaker 1: everyone else be natural.
Speaker 4: They look so real. I'm like talking like I know
Speaker 4: you in person.
Speaker 3: No, but I I think do it. I think.
Speaker 1: I agree that we need to normalize just being comfortable
Speaker 1: with who the fuck we are.
Speaker 3: But I also agree with do whatever the fuck you want.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also don't be mad when I make fun
Speaker 1: of you because you look fucking ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Damn.
Speaker 3: Just you know, go with your your own risk. That's
Speaker 3: all I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2: All in always, I don't agree with those little ass
Speaker 2: thighs and those big dumb diaper booties. We at least
Speaker 2: proportion them, bitches. Come on, tell the doctor to proportion
Speaker 2: the hips to the ass or else you're gonna look dumb.
Speaker 2: It's you look like a Christmas turkey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like.
Speaker 5: And also I see a lot of like younger girls get.
Speaker 4: It, which is fine, Like you know, do you?
Speaker 5: But you don't realize how much your hormones change as
Speaker 5: you like leave your twenties and get into your thirties,
Speaker 5: and like I swear to.
Speaker 4: God, like your hips get bigger, your your teaeties get bigger,
Speaker 4: like sometimes it happens.
Speaker 3: So just wait, just wait a second.
Speaker 5: But I'll let somebody else join. I love this so much,
Speaker 5: Thank you, ladies, and I'll keep.
Speaker 1: Listening in I have a fourteen year old boy who
Speaker 1: is growing through this pandemic.
Speaker 3: It's so different to try to relate to him.
Speaker 1: Ideas, God, I don't even know how I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: relate to a boy, a fourteen year old boy.
Speaker 2: In a pandemic. That's tough. I think for sure, get
Speaker 2: him into like other like social activities together, like maybe
Speaker 2: try something new to get for the first.
Speaker 3: Time, something that he wants to do that he's into.
Speaker 2: Like fencing. I don't know why I thought of that.
Speaker 1: Ben is that the most delicate masculine sport you could
Speaker 1: take up, like fencing.
Speaker 3: It's violence, but it's classy. Yeah, cla classy violence.
Speaker 2: You know we both can get.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be fun.
Speaker 2: I mean what boy wouldn't do that? Okay, well maybe
Speaker 2: like the break room breakroom, like breaking ship. There's those
Speaker 2: rooms where you can break shit all over. I think
Speaker 2: boys would like that.
Speaker 3: Race car driving, risk your life, basically risk your life.
Speaker 2: Oh, I know, skydiving. I mean, like what boy would
Speaker 2: be like? Yeah, I want skydiving with my mom. Get
Speaker 2: a tat too, Oh yeah, I get hit that too.
Speaker 2: These are terrible. Why would you ask for a parenting
Speaker 2: get but you know we're not there, We're not four two.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: We'll check back in seven years.
Speaker 2: I thought those were good ideas. Maybe we were rafting.
Speaker 2: Maybe just go on a trip.
Speaker 3: We were raffed, okay, I think.
Speaker 2: We don't know what kind of mommy you are? You
Speaker 2: are your adventure enough for that.
Speaker 1: Maybe teach him how to drive? Go take him and
Speaker 1: take him, teach him how to drive. Go like that
Speaker 1: be your thing.
Speaker 2: Like a road trip.
Speaker 1: Once a week, you guys go and like drive in
Speaker 1: the parking lot somewhere where he can feel like you're
Speaker 1: giving your trust, You're you're giving him his trust, you're
Speaker 1: spending time, he's feeling in control.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think I don't know. I think
Speaker 3: that would be a good one.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say something because I remember, you know
Speaker 2: what it is.
Speaker 3: I was thinking, Okay, I don't know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't say. Okay.
Speaker 1: Well, I was thinking about like my dad, like me
Speaker 1: and my dad, like how we One of the ways
Speaker 1: that we bonded was that like he would let me.
Speaker 1: He would go to Texas and he would let me
Speaker 1: go out into the field like back country and shit.
Speaker 3: And drive his truck.
Speaker 1: And I was probably like eight seven or eight maybe,
Speaker 1: but like it was fun for me.
Speaker 3: I felt like I was bonding. I felt like he trusted.
Speaker 1: Me and I trusted him, and we were in this
Speaker 1: together and it was like obviously I was younger, but
Speaker 1: I still think even a fourteen year old, like they're
Speaker 1: starting to feel like not starting the probably been feeling
Speaker 1: like they want to be independent. They want to feel
Speaker 1: like they are in control of their life in a way,
Speaker 1: And I think that could be cool.
Speaker 2: That's true. You feel like there's some independence in that. Yeah, Hi, ladies,
Speaker 2: what are your thoughts on single motherhood by choice? This
Speaker 2: is miss Missy Kamala. I'm thirty four, financially stable, good
Speaker 2: support system from my family, but trash dating life. I
Speaker 2: have success, I have access to IVF, and I'm debating
Speaker 2: whether or not to go ahead with it. I think
Speaker 2: it's hard right, Like to me, thirty four is not
Speaker 2: like you're not at the You're not at the last
Speaker 2: point of conception, you know. I know everybody's bodies work different,
Speaker 2: and like some people get pregnant at forty three, some
Speaker 2: people stop getting like have trouble at thirty five. I
Speaker 2: think if you if everything's like working well and you
Speaker 2: don't have any reason, like you've gone to the doctor,
Speaker 2: you have every reason to like worry, if you want
Speaker 2: a relationship with someone and for to have like a
Speaker 2: family together. At some point I think that I think
Speaker 2: you have some time to, like, you know, hope that
Speaker 2: this trash dating life gets less trash. This is just
Speaker 2: my advice because it's the advice I give my friends
Speaker 2: that are thirty four, the ones who are fucking freaking
Speaker 2: out that don't have any kids. But everybody knows their
Speaker 2: themselves and where they're at and what they want for
Speaker 2: their life. So I only I always ask is like, Okay,
Speaker 2: so say you have a baby and the baby's for
Speaker 2: and then you meet a guy that you like, really
Speaker 2: like and love, Like, I don't know, I guess he'll
Speaker 2: just come come in and take you know, take you both,
Speaker 2: just like with how it works with me. But like
Speaker 2: maybe he'll be like, why didn't you wait? Why didn't
Speaker 2: you wait so I could be here from the beginning.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't thinking about the other person. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I would like him.
Speaker 1: Do what you want to do for yourself. I mean,
Speaker 1: if that's what you if you feel like you're ready
Speaker 1: right now, And I don't know, I feel like that's
Speaker 1: a really personal choice that only you can really answer.
Speaker 1: I think that me, I agree with Mila that like
Speaker 1: you're I mean, obviously, go to the doctor, do the
Speaker 1: things you need to do. But I think if love
Speaker 1: is what you would prefer, and that's kind of what
Speaker 1: you're hoping hoping for, like, then go freeze your eggs
Speaker 1: and keep dating.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just I feel like, God, there's so much pressure
Speaker 1: on women to like feel like they need to be
Speaker 1: parents too. I mean, not specifically this person who wrote
Speaker 1: in because I'm you know, I'm sure that you truly do.
Speaker 1: But I think often like it feels like you haven't.
Speaker 1: I feel like society makes you feel like you haven't
Speaker 1: completed your mission on Earth unless you's like been a
Speaker 1: mother of some sort.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's very true. I think a lot of women's,
Speaker 2: a lot of women's expectation of themselves to have families
Speaker 2: and children may have come from society and we don't
Speaker 2: even realize it because like that's the only way, like
Speaker 2: most of the way we see women in any media format,
Speaker 2: like grown Women minus like Sex in the City and
Speaker 2: the whole show was about Carrie finding a fucking man
Speaker 2: is about like, you know, like either you have a husband,
Speaker 2: you have a boyfriend, and you're gonna have kids. Like
Speaker 2: at a certain age, there's always this understanding that you're
Speaker 2: gonna get knocked up and have a family and lived
Speaker 2: happily ever after. So I think there takes a lot
Speaker 2: of like exploring if like do you need it, do
Speaker 2: you need that.
Speaker 3: Adoption?
Speaker 1: Auntie traveling without traveling at the drop of a dime,
Speaker 1: without ever having to check in with anyone, doing whatever
Speaker 1: the fuck you want every single moment of the day,
Speaker 1: not paying for two people eating all your food, it
Speaker 1: being only your food and no one else can eat
Speaker 1: your food because it's your fucking food and no one des.
Speaker 3: There to take it.
Speaker 1: No no loud noises to make I mean not to say,
Speaker 1: if you're sick.
Speaker 2: And like not feeling well, you have a headache, and
Speaker 2: someone's like, you said you're an make me tea. You
Speaker 2: said you're gonna make me tee, said you're gonna make
Speaker 2: me tea. I'm hungry, I'm hungry. I need a snack.
Speaker 1: I mean, just really, you think about it, think real
Speaker 1: long and hard about it. It sounds cute until it's here.
Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, my daughter is like the
Speaker 1: sole purpose of everything. It's She's really the inspiration behind
Speaker 1: even just sitting here right now.
Speaker 2: But shit, just make sure you are ready because yeah,
Speaker 2: especially alone, that is, there's no one else there. I mean,
Speaker 2: hopefully someone else gets there. But you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: what is the mom and son sexual connection real? I
Speaker 2: know there is an unbeakable bond, but it is. But
Speaker 2: is it rooted in sexual connection? It's been studied. Is
Speaker 2: I'm just wondering your thoughts. Okay, the study that you're
Speaker 2: referring to it is I don't think it's a study
Speaker 2: of the the son and the mother having a sexual connection,
Speaker 2: because they also compare it the other way, the daughter
Speaker 2: and the father. And it's a theory and it says
Speaker 2: that at a certain age, the child, the female child
Speaker 2: at like four, wants to kill the mother and marry
Speaker 2: the dad. It's like, so there's there is a cond
Speaker 2: like this study, like an older study in psychology, like.
Speaker 3: That most girls feel this way.
Speaker 2: It's just I feel like it's a like a a
Speaker 2: standard that they put to exemplify the intimacy and like
Speaker 2: in how we develop as children into adults, just like
Speaker 2: you know, you say you may date someone that's similar
Speaker 2: to your father. It's just the psychology around the first
Speaker 2: female relationship as a boy is generally the mother. The
Speaker 2: first real intimate male relationship for a female child and
Speaker 2: vice versa is the father, and so these you know,
Speaker 2: as a child, there's no there's really we don't understand
Speaker 2: fully the concept of like a romantic love, a sexual love,
Speaker 2: or a platonic love. It's just love. So there's like
Speaker 2: an intimacy there. So I think that the Obviously the
Speaker 2: psychology behind it has truth. I think it's like sigment Freud.
Speaker 2: I forgot whose study it is, but it's a pretty like.
Speaker 2: It's a pretty like referred often referred to psychology study,
Speaker 2: and obviously there's truth there.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to google it, and all coming up is
Speaker 1: why kids kill parents?
Speaker 2: Like, oh shit, I'm trying to sound smart, but I
Speaker 2: can't remember the fucking the fucking man who made this theory.
Speaker 2: But no, there's definitely intimacy, Like there's a form of intimacy,
Speaker 2: but it's obviously not I don't think it's sexual and
Speaker 2: I think as a child you don't understand the difference,
Speaker 2: so the lines are blurred. But there is no really
Speaker 2: sexuality because you're just a kid.
Speaker 3: I want when I was like your kid.
Speaker 1: Like wanting to like like touch your tits all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's just like a form of intimacy
Speaker 2: and sensuality. When I was five, I thought I should
Speaker 2: kiss my dad with tongue because I saw my mom
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 3: Okay I did.
Speaker 2: I didn't warn him. I was just like in my mind, Okay,
Speaker 2: so this is the only thing I could think of,
Speaker 2: because this is the true thoughts of my five year
Speaker 2: old self, and it was like, huh, maybe I should
Speaker 2: try that. I didn't say let me should talk to
Speaker 2: him about it first. I was like, let me just
Speaker 2: try it and see is that was that what's supposed
Speaker 2: to happen? Because I saw it happen. It was just
Speaker 2: like trial and error. So I just was like and
Speaker 2: he was like, what are you doing? No, no, all right,
Speaker 2: So that's what I learned. It's also like I was
Speaker 2: five and I was like, huh, I wonder if hell
Speaker 2: is a bad word, and I wasn't sure, and instead
Speaker 2: of asking, I just said what the hell are you doing?
Speaker 2: And they were like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 2: And then I learned. You know, it's just like the
Speaker 2: theory of like learning and understanding. Well, yeah, intimacy as
Speaker 2: a form of a new human You know, you're in
Speaker 2: this world and like there's these social constructs and these
Speaker 2: things of love and romance for obvious reasons, and you know,
Speaker 2: you just don't really fully understand that concept as a child,
Speaker 2: and so you're just exploring love and intimacy in a
Speaker 2: rather innocent way. Not that I ever tried to kiss
Speaker 2: my dad like that ever. Again, I'm just I was
Speaker 2: just point of reference.
Speaker 3: Thanks for thanks for sharing that, babe. I really appreciate that.
Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you got that up.
Speaker 2: I'll never forget it. I just was like, oh no, okay.
Speaker 2: I don't think he yelled at me. He was just like,
Speaker 2: what are you doing? Oh my god?
Speaker 3: This must have been a fucking hilarious moment as a parent.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine?
Speaker 2: I wonder if he remembers. I wonder if I should
Speaker 2: ask him. Maybe.
Speaker 1: Some one said, can you speak about rebuilding relationships after
Speaker 1: narcissist abuse?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on. It's based on let's ask toy because
Speaker 2: she's young and smart. It's based on Odipus Rex, who
Speaker 2: was orphaned then fell in love with his mom, who
Speaker 2: didn't know who he didn't know was his mom. It's
Speaker 2: a Greek story. Okay, so I think there's also a
Speaker 2: study to Okay, now, what are you saying? Sorry, I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 1: Someone would just said, how do you build relationships after,
Speaker 1: you know, being in a narcissistic abusive relationship?
Speaker 2: I think it takes a lot of self work, loan work.
Speaker 2: It takes a lot of a loan work, A lot
Speaker 2: of a loan work. I mentioned last. I don't know
Speaker 2: in one of these episodes. Oh, I think today's episode.
Speaker 2: I mentioned on today's episode if you haven't listened, and
Speaker 2: now's the time that I was hanging out with an
Speaker 2: old relationship and I was like, what the fuck was
Speaker 2: I thinking? This is crazy? This is abuse? Why was
Speaker 2: I taking this? And it was just like an epiphany.
Speaker 2: But I've done so much self work and come so
Speaker 2: far from that because I was so broken, and you know,
Speaker 2: it just takes like and I still got in a
Speaker 2: relationship with the narcissist. So it's just constant, constant work
Speaker 2: of recognizing it and recognizing it when you're not valuing
Speaker 2: yourself and putting yourself first, and then removing yourself and
Speaker 2: being okay, removing yourself faster and faster every time you
Speaker 2: recognize the red flags. Amen.
Speaker 1: Also check out our episode with Megan Doherty. She's a
Speaker 1: narcissist expert, loved bomb m D. He leaves her Instagram.
Speaker 1: Is there a foot person in here?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Huh?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Should we Erica got my feet famous? Because Eric's feet
Speaker 2: or famous? This is not a good Check out my
Speaker 2: wiki page. If you're on Patreon, you will see see
Speaker 2: am my feet clean on the bottom. Oh oh mine, Okay,
Speaker 2: that was for you too, man or woman. I don't know, Okay,
Speaker 2: I think that's enough. Oh yeah, okay. Toy is so smart. Okay,
Speaker 2: shout out to Tory because she's my favorite, one of
Speaker 2: our favorite listeners for our og listeners. She said, the
Speaker 2: study is Freud. I knew it. But he's a weirdo. Okay,
Speaker 2: I didn't know that and had a bunch of outlandish
Speaker 2: claims about pedophilia. H okay, well, maybe we'll scratch that.
Speaker 2: He wasn't smart her mind. Tory said, he's not the one.
Speaker 2: He's not it. Okay, Well, you're right, Tory, fuck him.
Speaker 2: Fund that guy for one, do more research. I figured
Speaker 2: out why menche. It's scientifically believable. Me too. They're not
Speaker 2: as evolved, okay, but they're genetically the dish genetically disposition
Speaker 2: disposition to lie, that's why they cheat. Okay.
Speaker 6: Well,