WEBVTT - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together with Brittany Cartwright 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:16.480 Hey, there are folks, and welcome to I Do Part two. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:18.720 And if you got in love right the first time around, 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.279 this podcast ain't for you. I am one of your 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:23.640 whole state at home sitting next to Amy row Botan. 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:26.639 Between the two of us, we have four divorces, so 0:00:26.800 --> 0:00:27.760 no judgment here. 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:32.400 Welcome everybody to the podcast, and really, I think robes. 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:34.080 We have talked to a lot of people on I 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:36.120 Do Part two, a lot of people who are going 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:40.080 to an second marriage or maybe even third, or trying 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:41.839 to get out there and date again. This is going 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:44.120 to be the first time we've talked to somebody who's 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.280 actually going through it while we're talking to them. 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:48.680 And not just going through a divorce, which is hard 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:52.479 enough privately, but going through a divorce publicly is a 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:54.040 whole other thing. 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:57.360 And well we know a little bit about that as well. 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:01.520 So I was actually just telling our next guest that 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:04.679 she is in a very safe space because. 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:07.600 What we're gonna see. 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:11.720 While everyone's experience is unique and specific to them, there 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:13.840 are some shared experiences. When you go through something this 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:18.120 traumatic with children, with the public watching there, that is 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.440 something that I would not wish on anyone. 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:21.760 And uh, it's. 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.399 Certainly a rocky road to travel, but I will say 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:26.360 when you get to the other side, you learn so 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.560 much about yourself. You learn what you want, you learn 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:33.360 what you don't want, and that is that's winning. Actually, 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:37.480 to know where you stand, not only internally, but just 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:39.160 what is next in life. 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:40.240 That's awesome. 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:42.120 And with that, folks, you are now listening to a 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.880 boy from Arkansas and a girl from Georgia introducing another 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:46.840 girl from Kentucky. 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:51.840 And with that we want to welcome Star much talked 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:54.600 about sensation Britney. 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:55.960 Cart Right, you know her fro vandr pump Rules. You 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:58.360 know are now with the second season of The Valley 0:01:58.360 --> 0:01:59.680 coming up. How are you doing? 0:01:59.720 --> 0:01:59.800 So? 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:02.960 Hi, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:04.280 Look at that one. 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:06.520 I love and I love you, you said a girl 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.239 from Kentucky because you can hear it right away and immediately. 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.480 We are also Southerners, so I love it. We love 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:13.480 hearing a Southern drawl. 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:16.240 And I love y'all's love. It's so cute, it's so obvious. 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:21.520 Okay, yeah, funny the way life takes you where it 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:24.520 takes you. That the Kentucky, Arkansas, Georgia are sitting in 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:27.160 a hotel in Los Angeles, in Hollywood. 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.640 Right, don't y'all hate that Kentucky basketball is just so 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:32.440 much better. 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:35.480 I'd prefer to start talking about football. 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:39.880 Okay, football football, That seems. 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.639 We didn't come to talk about. Can't we ask? 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:47.560 There's a lot to get to with you, but we 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.040 want to start with something that. Look, Robock and I 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:52.720 both have gone through recently divorces in a very public way. 0:02:52.760 --> 0:02:55.400 The first thing we were concerned about was our kids. 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:57.720 The first thing we want to make sure they're okay. 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.920 People saying all kinds of shit about us in public. 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:03.760 Our priority was that. So can I start with that 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:07.640 with you as a mom? All that's going on the show, whatever, 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:09.639 social media, this and that and the back and forth. 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:12.800 How is Cruise here? A three year old who's about 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:14.720 to be four, and just tell us how he's doing 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:16.560 through what has been upheaval in his life. 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:20.880 He is absolutely amazing. He is thriving. I feel like 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:24.079 he wants to see his mom happy, and I think 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.600 that like actually affects him more to see a happy 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:31.600 mom and a happy household and everything than having you know, 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:33.600 negativity around twenty four to seven. 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:34.720 He's amazing. 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:39.840 He's only three, so you know, luckily he doesn't really 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:43.600 get everything that's going on at this moment, but I 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:45.040 just feel like he's so much happier. 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:46.800 I honestly do, I really do. 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.880 That's real and I think that is real because kids, 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:52.680 no matter how young they are, Yeah, they sense energy, 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:54.520 They know what the energy is in the house. They 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:57.200 know and yes, having parents who are happy, even if 0:03:57.200 --> 0:04:01.000 that means they're apart, is better than having that negativity 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:01.440 in the house. 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:02.640 Actually, I really believe that. 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:05.600 You know, my therapist, when I was struggling with what 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:08.480 to do, said to me, with my daughters, is this 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:10.600 the marriage you would want for them? If it's not, 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.400 then what are you showing them? So I just wanted 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:15.240 to give that to you as well. I know we 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:18.239 all have mom guilt, dad guilt. You know you're putting 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.360 your kids first, and yet you're also trying to navigate 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:23.760 your own life. So I think that's brave and admirable. 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:24.640 Thank you doing. 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:28.320 Yeah, I mean it was definitely hard, but also cruises 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:31.760 my driving force to like be happier and to be 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.719 a better person and to be like in this space 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:37.560 where I feel comfortable and I can like be the 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.640 better mom for him. Because I feel like I just 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:42.800 had so much stress and pressure every day in my life, 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:46.840 Like the energy was just so bad and so off 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:48.680 in our house. So I just felt like I had 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:51.960 to get out and I had to do it for 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:54.719 my son. If I didn't have him, I would probably 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:56.359 stay with Jacks for the rest of my life. 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.919 Really really, I mean we're used to hearing the opposite 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.359 people want to stay together or the kid no. 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:05.359 Wow, Like I feel like I loved Jack so much 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:09.440 and I really was into this life, into this marriage 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:11.599 with him. I thought he was gonna be my forever person. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:16.200 And having crews and seeing how I was treated in 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:20.240 front of my son really opened my eyes. And I 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:22.360 think for a lot of women like you just are 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:26.640 so blinded by love that you don't really like realize. 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:28.640 Everything that you're going through. 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:32.200 Like I held everything in for so long, so long, 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.240 and I just think that he just like really like 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.080 opened me up and was just like, Okay, this is 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.000 not okay. I need to do this for my son. 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:42.600 I need to be happy for my son. 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:49.640 I'm curious, because cameras were rolling, was there something what 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.680 was the epiphany for you? Was it off camera? Was 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:55.520 it on camera where you said, I have to get out. 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:57.799 This is not healthy for me or for my child. 0:05:57.920 --> 0:05:59.920 There was a lot of things off camera that I 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:02.799 can speak on because now we've had all these podcasts 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.600 come about Alice back and like everything like it's been 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:08.279 all over the place. But there was a lot of 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:12.120 things that were happening before I ever moved out, Like 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:15.400 he admitted that he had a cocaine. 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:17.799 Addiction, and you knew about that the whole time. 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:22.280 I knew about it, but it was like he would 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:25.000 never admit that it was a problem. He always acted 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.159 like this was normal, this was this, this was that, 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:30.279 but I knew it was So after I had my child, 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:34.400 obviously things changed and I started noticing more. 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:35.599 And more and more and more and more. 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.600 And once we separated because I had to leave him 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.279 after a bad night that was like a come down 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:43.400 after like a party night. 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:45.000 What was a bad night? 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:45.880 What did that look like? 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:47.520 Just the next. 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:50.320 Morning was so bad, just like coming into the room 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:53.440 yelling and doing this and doing that and just just 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.480 made me feel like a like I lost all my confidence, 0:06:56.600 --> 0:07:00.680 I lost almost sparkle in that relationship. And after ten 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.719 years I finally started to notice that, you know, it 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:08.200 took me a while, but I just felt like I 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.640 couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. So 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:14.680 I was like, either you leave or ally, and he 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:16.680 wouldn't leave, so I had to leave. 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:21.200 As we sit here, you're a full year plus from 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:23.360 when you filed four to four or no separate. You 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:26.880 can separated at least a year in the past year. 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:30.040 How close have you been, if at all, to getting 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:30.520 back together. 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.360 I've had I'm not gonna lie, I've had like a 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.400 couple of times where I was like lonely and was like, WHOA, 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:40.480 what might happen? But we never got back together and 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:43.200 we will never ever get back together. I just few, 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:46.160 like after a year with somebody for ten years, sometimes 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:48.360 there's gonna be times where you feel weak, you know, 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:50.680 and you miss them and you feel lonely. 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:52.800 And that's happened to me a lot. 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:56.040 But I know I'm worth so much more and I 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.640 know that, like, I can do so much better than 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:02.040 what he put me through. And that's a confidence that 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:03.440 I never had before. 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:08.160 So yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, has he tried to get you. 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:12.400 Back sometimes but not always, Like I feel like he's 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:15.720 done the bare minimum. So like it's like, uh, what 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:16.560 am I supposed to do? 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.680 You know, you left, right, so is he? He's still 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:20.200 in the house. 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:26.360 So I moved into rental homes for about seven months, 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:31.120 and then he finally got a condo after a long time. 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:35.280 And this was after his rehab, say and everything. So 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:38.040 it was just kind of like, you know, I begged him, 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:40.560 and like I even said, I will pay for the 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:43.240 rental house and you can live there and I can 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:45.400 stay at the house with our son. He still won't 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.480 do that. So but now I can probably say, yes, 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.200 I have my house. It's one hundred percent of mine. 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:56.280 He's moved out. I am taken over everything, and like 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:58.400 I feel like that's like so empowering for me. Like 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:00.840 I'm so proud of myself else that I have that, 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:03.280 and me and Cruise are back in our house where 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:05.360 we started, where he was born, where he grew up. 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:08.240 You know, I was gone for seven months, but I'm 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.120 back on my own. 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:11.360 I love it. 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:21.840 Yeah. 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.120 Does he need I don't know Jack's at all, nothing 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:27.400 from other than what I've seen on the show. Yeah, right, 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:29.760 Does do you feel like he needs? What if he 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.440 got right? Because we always say there's no way I 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.480 can be good for somebody else if I'm not good 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:38.160 myself first, but talk about his mental health? Is you 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:41.640 talk about his substance abuse issues? If he got right? 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:44.360 I mean, does he need to get right before you 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.520 could possibly consider taking him back or a reconciliation or 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:51.080 a reconciliation off the table. I won't ask another follow 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:51.559 up about it. 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:55.280 That's hard because I don't think that. 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:59.440 I think he's hurt me so much between this, especially 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:01.000 after our separ it has been. 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:04.559 Bad, and you were finding like women's thongs. 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:09.240 Yes, and dms, like I'm getting sent dms from women 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.560 where I have to read their text threads and like, 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:16.760 could you imagine Let's like I don't want to read that. 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.439 So now, like there's no way that we could ever 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.680 be back together, Not that I even wanted that, but like, 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:25.559 how could I ever be back with that after reading 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.880 all these things and knowing everything he said and done, 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:33.600 And I just would feel so dumb if I ever 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.839 went back with him, honestly, And I feel like I've 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:39.760 gained so much more strength and I'm getting into such 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.280 a better headspace and so much like happier and so 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.959 much more confidence since I've left him, Like so if 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:47.040 I went back into that. 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:50.120 I just feel like my. 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.840 Piece would be all messed up again, you know, like 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.080 it just doesn't it doesn't. 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.680 Fit you have you do have a sparkle. Thank you 0:10:58.040 --> 0:10:59.920 about you and you are like. 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.600 I can tell the shine and the sparkle are coming 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.240 from you, not because someone not from an external source. 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:07.960 Isn't that what it's all about too, of finding yourself 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:09.080 and then building back. 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:11.199 So from that perspective, I. 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:13.400 Don't know, are you how do you get to a 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.040 place where you can trust who you choose? 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:16.280 Again? 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:18.520 Because I had mentioned you, hey, find your best friend, 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:22.880 just saying that we've been through a few issues ourselves 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:24.720 and when I finally found my best friend. 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:28.079 That when through a few issues. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:31.080 Being a stroke. 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.560 But but you said to me, and this was interesting, 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.320 you said, I thought I had yes, So how do 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:41.040 you trust? How do you trust the next relationship? How 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:45.199 do you trust the next friendship that builds into something more? 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:48.440 Where how do you reconcile that? I think it's gonna 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:51.959 be hard because I definitely have my guard up. I 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:55.079 definitely thought Jackson was my best friend. I said that 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:58.520 for years, ten years, he's my best friend. 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:02.320 Anytime people were me or say like what are you 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:04.080 doing or why would you go do this? 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:04.960 Or forgive him for this? 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.720 And I'm like, he's my best friend. He makes me happy, 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.520 he is my everyday person. So it is very hard 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:15.440 to lose that. But I feel like the red flags, 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:18.920 I like will notice them all, you know, like there 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.680 is a new you know, a new a new thing 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.160 that I'm looking for in a man, you know, And 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:27.240 I'm not like ready to date again yet. 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:29.640 It's gonna take me a little bit. I'm wanna have. 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:34.160 Fun right now, and I am I want to have 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:35.920 fun and I am, but I think. 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:38.640 Uh, you mean, what do you mean? 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.840 I want to have fun? And I am, what does 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:41.360 that mean? 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.960 Just like hanging out with hot guys? 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:50.679 You know, you have not struggled the whole time. This 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:54.720 is the first time you paused, just you know, hanging out. 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.600 This is the first time she tripped over a word, bro. 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:00.000 Yeah, just just hanging out. 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.400 But but yeah, I think the red flags are up, 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:06.439 Like you notice so much more after you've been in 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:09.200 a relationship like that, like especially with a narcissist, Like 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.199 I will never be able to be with a narcissist ever. 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:15.920 Again, I don't think any woman ever should. But you know, 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:18.360 there's just different things that have happened along the way, 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.719 and I've learned so much, I've gotten so much stronger. 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:24.520 So I just see so many different things. 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.559 I don't know what you were like before. You know, 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.320 we didn't get a chance to meet you. Yeah, while 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.199 you were married, while you were going through whatever you're 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.640 going through. Didn't know, but you have walked it. You 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:36.160 just have a light to you. I don't know what 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.160 it was before. And it's an interesting thing with Bro 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.600 that you're the only example I have. But folks in 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:44.679 your life, once you start getting divorced, so you get 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:46.240 out of a relationship, all of a sudden, they come 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.040 out and say, wow, it's good to have you back. Yeah, 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.840 what have you or maybe your friends are family noticing 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.280 anything about you any different? Are they relieved even that 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.360 you are now out of that relationship. 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.000 Yeah. I think a lot of my friends, my family especially, 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:01.960 they're happy for me. You know. 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:05.160 They want me to succeed, They want me to be happy. 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:07.520 They want me to be the best mom I could 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:10.080 be and live in the you know, like just a 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:14.360 happier space because it's been hard. Not gonna lie, it's 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.920 been a lot. But I think I've you know, I'm 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:20.760 gradually getting better day by. 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.480 Day because it's still hard. I'm not gonna lie. 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.160 I got my sparkle back, for sure, but this is 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:27.760 not even as sparkly as I could be. 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:31.560 I feel like I got a little blace. 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:35.520 To go, you know, but that you're on the right path. Yes, 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:36.920 you know you were on the right path. 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:37.360 Now you are. 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.920 DJ was referring to my mom, saying, I feel like 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:41.360 I have my Amy back. 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:42.440 Oh, I feel like I. 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:47.680 Have my daughter back from high school, that exuberance, happy, 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:51.720 anything's possible, Amy. And it was weird to hear that 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.760 from a I don't know if your mom can ever 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.520 be objective, but from somebody who always has your best 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:58.240 interest at heart. 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:00.480 Seeing something like that was really pactful. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:04.160 And I didn't even realize that that was the change 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.560 in me. Have people in your life noticed a change 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:11.400 in you? And do you see WHOA was? I a 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:13.560 show of who I was. You don't even realize it's 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:15.720 happening while it's happening. 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:17.760 Yeah, I mean, Jane is one of my best friends. 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:18.960 She's over there shaking her head. 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:26.000 Like, yes, yeah, I feel like yeah, I just God, 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:27.880 when I read that energy is in your house every 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:28.440 single day. 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.880 It like really brings you down. And I think that 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:34.880 my friends and family have really noticed, like, Okay, she 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.040 you know, she's feeling so much better, She's doing so 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:38.680 much better. 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:47.040 No, jan Yeah, okay, Janet. Jane's in the room and 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.600 she can say the answer. But I'm gonna be honest. 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:51.960 It's not easy for me to. 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:56.240 Talk about myself like that. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:58.640 Jenna, can you speak to what she's saying? What? 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:02.360 What did you notice in your friend once? I guess 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.240 she decided the really was over, I guess. And from 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:07.320 a year ago to now, what have you noticed? 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:07.880 Definitely? 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:10.240 I will say the biggest difference is a lot of 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:13.840 our conversations went from consoling her and trying to cheer 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.320 her up to laughing with her and making plans to 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.280 have fun. Mm hmm that's I mean. It really went 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:21.840 from like, hey, everything's going to be okay to like, 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:25.400 everything is okay. Yeah, And I see her being absolutely 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:29.160 her best best self now and I'm so proud of you. 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:33.120 Do you feel like you're I know this sounds maybe 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:36.000 a little cheesy, but when you're trying to please someone 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:40.160 or you're trying to keep something working, that isn't you 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:44.080 end up not even feeling comfortable being yourself or saying 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.520 what you really think or what you really feel, but 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:50.680 just trying to keep the peace at all costs. Are 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:54.600 you now able to be like yourself? Were you ever 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:55.880 feeling like you couldn't. 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:57.040 Be oh, one hundred percent? 0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:59.440 Like I felt like I was never allowed to vent 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:01.600 to my friends or talk about what was going on 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.520 in my relationship, even though we're on a public platform, 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.840 even just like one on one like dinners with my girls, 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.800 Like it was always, you know, a negative thing. Once 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:12.720 I went out with my friends, it was like what 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:13.320 are you talking about? 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:15.000 What are you doing? Are you are you doing this? 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.439 Are you talking about this? It was, it was, it 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:18.159 was bad. 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:21.560 So I feel like I've had such a relief and 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.080 a like a lift off my shoulders, like especially once 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:28.840 the divorce was filed and then like once he finally 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:31.720 announced his addiction issues, because then I could finally be 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:35.480 like like this, this is what I had to deal 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:38.879 with every day. And I hid a lot because he 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:41.399 was my husband and I did love him, but it 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.480 was it was a lot for me to go through. 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:46.880 And you know, I tried, I tried my best, but 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:50.359 I feel like I'm proud of myself for for how 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:51.200 far I've come. 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:53.359 Honestly, Yeah, you. 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:55.320 Said you did love him. Do you still love him? 0:17:55.880 --> 0:18:00.920 I love him in a weird way. Okay, can't stand him. 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:07.040 I cannot stand him. I love him as the father 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:09.800 of my child who co parenting is super hard with 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:11.560 somebody that you can't stand. 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:15.240 So, I mean, I don't know how better to explain 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.520 it than that, Like it's like, I think it's relatable. 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.240 Yeahs in some of the articles I read, you really 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:21.199 you can't stand him. 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:25.280 No, I did not love Like I'm not in love 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:26.000 with him anymore. 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:29.640 I think that I'm like grieving the life I thought 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:32.159 we were going to have together. And it's still hard 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:34.800 because we were together for ten years, so it's hard. 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:37.400 You know, you're no longer putting the fires out too. 0:18:37.560 --> 0:18:39.960 I think I think I see with Jack's he was 0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:42.680 kind of always burning bridges with her friends, with people 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:45.240 in our friend group, and Brittany was always going behind 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.320 him and fixing everything and making it all right with everybody. 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:50.199 And it's like one less job you have to do 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:52.800 now and you can really concentrate on being yourself and 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:55.359 the best mom. And I'm seeing the full best version 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:58.280 of you, and it's like the most wonderful thing to see, truly. 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:01.000 Thank you, is that the version with did your relationship 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:04.480 have a better chance if cameras were not in your face? 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:08.879 So Jackson and I started off basically on camera, I 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:11.920