WEBVTT - Courteney Cox 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:05.800 Were you out and about at the weekend at all? 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:07.200 Or did you just stay home? 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:12.119 I never un out and about I go out. I 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:13.840 means I don't like going. 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:15.360 Out, and then when I do, it's usually to one 0:00:15.400 --> 0:00:17.040 restaurant and that's it. 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:23.720 Hello, I'm Mini driver. I've always loved Preust's questionnaire. It 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:28.000 was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players would 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:31.360 ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing the 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:35.280 other player's true nature. In asking different people the same 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:38.800 set of questions, you can make observations about which truths 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:41.559 appear to be universal. And it made me wonder, what 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:44.320 if these questions were just the jumping off point, what 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:47.800 greater depths would be revealed if I asked these questions 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:51.800 as conversation starters. So I adapted Prus's questionnaire and I 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:54.600 wrote my own seven questions that I personally think are 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.080 pertinent to a person's story. 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.440 They are when and where were you happiest? What is 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:03.000 the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.080 or fictionalized, defines. 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:05.160 Love for you? 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:09.319 What question would you most like answered? What person, place, 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:12.319 or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:14.960 your last meal? And can you tell me something in 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:18.640 your life that's grown out of a personal disaster. And 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:23.160 I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:25.720 I am honored and humbled to have had the chance 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.360 to engage with. You may not hear their answers to 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:31.760 all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:36.160 which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising, 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:40.000 or created the most fertile ground to connect. 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:44.280 My guest today is the actor Courtney Cox. Courtney has 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.480 been such a huge part of all of our cultural 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:49.480 consciousness since nineteen ninety four when she was cast in Friends, 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.880 perhaps the most successful sitcom of all time. It's really 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.560 interesting to speak with a person who everybody has this 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:58.800 deep feeling of already knowing because of the beloved character 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:01.720 they played. Out of space for who you are as 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.080 a person beyond the characters you play as an actor 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:09.640 is a challenge, particularly when your fame is stratisferic. Courtney 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:12.240 is a curious, deep feeling human who is unafraid to 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:15.160 explore the meaning and mysteries of life. It was great 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:17.680 to have such a candid conversation with her here on 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:30.040 the shed. What quality do you like least about yourself. 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:35.560 Oh wow, the thing I like least about myself being 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:42.120 any feelings of jealousy, whether you can feel replaced or 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:46.399 whether it's I think just chelousy, is such a horrible 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:50.359 emotion to have, and I have that sometimes I get 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:53.920 jealous or afraid. Whether it's because I'm getting older and 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:57.280 I'm not can't stay in the game, or it could 0:02:57.280 --> 0:03:00.960 be about anything. But anytime I feel jealous, I can't 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.600 stand it. I will talk to my therapist and go, 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:05.000 I just hate this feeling. 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:08.480 It's so interesting because when we think about jealousy. When 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:10.640 I'm thinking about it, it's easy to do with a lover. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.239 That's how I perceive it. But it's really interesting the 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:16.880 idea of if you follow it all the way through 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:20.640 and it's like no, it can come in many forms. 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:25.040 That feeling of being replaced that is such a pertinent 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:29.280 one that goes to the fundament of who I am 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.720 or of who you are. The idea that there is 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:36.320 someone who could could take our place, when categorically there isn't. 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:40.680 I know, when you step back, of course, you're not replaceable, 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:42.600 but it's such a it's a feeling that can come 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:47.600 up for me whether it's through friendships or like you said, relationships, 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:48.680 or in work. 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.680 I'm fascinated by that because I know that there must 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.120 be these aspects of you. It's like you're glad that 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:58.000 you're grown up because you're Koko's mama and you get 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:02.160 to be that. But there's also that profound memory, specifically 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:05.000 as an actor of when we were very young and 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:08.160 like at this sort of the zenith and that exalted feeling. 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:12.280 I feel that it's like, how does one negotiate and 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:17.440 manage that feeling of being older and that being these 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:20.120 young people who are who we were. 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:20.760 As it were. 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:25.359 But no, yeah, it's not easy, No, not at all. 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.520 I remember when Olivia Newton John I read this a 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:31.919 long time ago, and I couldn't find it when she 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:33.720 passed away, and I wanted to because I remember it 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:36.280 being so important to me. But she had said this 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.200 comment that when she was in Greece and she was 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:42.560 wearing those black tight pants and smoking that cigarette and 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:43.800 doing that dance. 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:46.200 She felt terrible about herself. 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:49.279 She didn't like the way she looked, she felt fat, 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:51.520 she wasn't comfortable. This is what I read, and I 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:53.479 could have been you know, I'm making some of it 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:56.320 up because I just remember the feeling of going, WHOA, 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.480 how could you not think you're perfect back then? 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:02.440 And she didn't. 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:04.280 And then we look back in life and go, wait 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.240 a minute, we should so pleased with certain aspects of 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:07.679 our life. 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:10.560 Anyway, that's not part of my part of my jealousy. 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:14.080 Answer, no, but I think that's part. It's the irony 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:17.080 of the wonder of getting older. Is I find now 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:20.720 that my presence of mind, or presence of self, or 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:24.560 presence of everything around me is so acute, and it's 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:28.120 almost like I was fast asleep when I was there 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:31.960 in those moments of whether it's a physical peak of 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:36.839 strength and agility or how it was that I wanted 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.320 my body to look or I it was like I 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:43.640 was fast asleep. And I can't believe the disparity of 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:47.159 this wisdom that comes. It's such a cliche with the 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:49.320 wisdom that comes as we get older, which is not 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.760 visited upon us, or if we're very lucky, it is 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:55.119 when we're younger. And that it is that I wish 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.920 I could take this and go back and tell that 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:01.360 person be present and be aware and be in love 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:05.839 with the way that you are right now, because it's 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:08.480 full of so much good stuff. It's wild. 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:13.080 Yes, I think that we always whether it's oh, when 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:15.239 you have a child, you know you're going to really 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:18.279 miss these how other days, you know, just stay in 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.400 the moment, enjoyed them being a little baby. 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:24.040 And I was just like, oh, when is this phasing 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:25.200 me over? This is brutal. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:27.760 But I guess when you don't get the chance to 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.520 have more kids or now they're growing up, it's just like, 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:32.280 oh God, I wish I'd held on to that a 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:32.839 little longer. 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:35.040 But I just think it's kind of the way of life, 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:35.480 isn't it. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.240 Yeah, I think it really is. I did a birthday 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:41.359 video on Instagram and I was remembering this thing Carrie 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:43.200 Fisher said when I was twenty five and I was 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:45.920 at this birthday party that I didn't know a single 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.200 person there would I'd literally just arrived in town. I 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.560 was shooting a movie, and they'd thrown this Hollywood party 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:53.720 for me as I turned twenty five, and I was 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:55.080 kind of sitting by the fire and she came and 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:58.520 sat down and she was like, why are you looking 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:01.240 so miserable? And I was like, I don't know, twenty five, 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:03.880 it feels like a milestone and I'm not with anyone 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.960 I really know. And she was like, let me tell you, 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:10.000 this is the youngest you're ever going to be. Again. 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:14.440 I know it's the oldest you've ever been. And I 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.080 think about that all the time. I think about it 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.560 on my birthday. I also think about it when I 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:22.120 get because I get so exactly is I know you 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:25.760 must about your child because we both have one kid. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.040 I'm like, God, I wish I'd paid more attention, or 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.000 I wish I hadn't wished that phase was over. Like 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:33.160 I go, okay, well, Henry's fourteen. God, I wish he 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:36.520 was little again. And we were having that conversation. I 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:39.720 let that trigger me into going, well, I'm going to 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:43.200 have that conversation with him now because I know when 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:45.600 I'm older, him being fourteen is still going to be 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:49.720 like a baby, and those conversations are I mean, obviously 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:52.240 it's very different to when they were little. I was 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.040 just thinking, I remember being a thing when you had Coco. 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:58.000 I don't know. She must have been like eight or nine, 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:00.800 and I had a leather jacket, aren't We said hi, 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.640 and you went to leave, and then she came back 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:06.520 and she went I like your leather jacket. That was 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:12.000 a good choice. It was so and then she gave 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:13.880 me a thumbs up, and I was just like the 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:19.840 kids go in places. She's like a firecracker. I mean, 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.560 I just remember her when she was little, like I 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:23.960 don't know her as a young woman now, but like, 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:27.160 you got to be a firecracker in this world. You 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.800 have to be there. You have to be strong and 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:35.120 wily and ready for anything. And I think, particularly being 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:37.840 a woman and growing up in this world, I think 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.360 it's I think it's a good thing. I really do. 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:41.160 It was. 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:43.800 I think that time of her life she was so 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:47.079 I mean, she is really funny, but there was no 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:48.240 insecurity about her. 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:50.760 Do you ever find that when you're looking at your 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:52.880 daughter in the way that I look at my style 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:55.680 and go, my god. They are just not imbued with 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:59.839 the same insecurity that I have, Like I categorically know 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:05.160 I did not pause on my pathological insecurity about well 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:08.680 that whatever that is to them. Do you ever feel 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.840 that with Coco or does it make you feel proud 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:11.360 or happy? 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:13.480 Not at all. 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:16.199 I feel like I look at somebody and I've passed 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:20.160 all of that stuff onto anything. I mean, it's I 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:24.040 think having a girl is probably different. But I wish 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:26.520 so bad that I could have realized in the moment 0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:30.880 a way to protect Coco from things that I didn't 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.440 because of my own issues, whether it was codependency or 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.480 seeing her in relationships with people that I knew this 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:41.000 was not good. But I didn't want to step in 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:43.640 even though I knew something wasn't right, because she would 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:44.640 she would get so. 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:45.080 Mad at me. 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.920 She wanted me to, you know, let me deal with it. Mom, 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:48.960 you don't understand. 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.480 And I did understand, and I should have trusted myself 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:54.520 and I should have stepped in so with certain things 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:58.440 about myself, she saw them. I'm not saying I made 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:01.440 her who she is, but you do see things in 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.080 other people, and whether it's just always you know, taking 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:06.680 care of people and being the nicest person. And I 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:08.880 mean that's one of the things. With age, I've learned 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:12.640 to say no, I've learned to have boundaries. But earlier on, 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:14.680 when she was a kid, or not even that many 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.160 years ago, I wish i'd been a firmer parent. 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:22.800 Hmmm, wow, I mean, yeah, God, that's so interesting. I 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:25.880 feel like I wrote down a list of things that 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:27.800 I didn't want to do that my parents did with me. 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.520 I've already tried. I mean, you don't. You can't do 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:32.640 it all the time. I don't know what Henry's going 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:36.040 to be in therapy over to do with me, but 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:37.040 I'm sure he'll tell me. 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:40.800 But you know what, he might be the kid that 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:44.720 has the coolest mom and he will look for his 0:10:44.840 --> 0:10:47.559 partner to be whatever it is that reminds him. And 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:49.920 it's going to be hard to live up to. But 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:54.920 I have a feeling you're an incredible, kind, loving patient mom. 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.360 Well that's really nice for you to say, but I'm 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.640 definitely not that all of the time. 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:04.600 Thank god cocos and to really high end clothes or 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:08.600 designer anything. She doesn't care about the labels, And thank 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:12.120 god that she shops for her clothes on Amazon, because 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.720 she could be this other kid I want to have 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:17.120 Guji and you'd have to spend your whole life saying no. 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:20.800 But she'll say, Mom, I have bought like five pairs 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.160 of Mary Jane's on Amazon and. 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:24.280 They just keep breaking. 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:27.680 I would it be okay if I got just one 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:31.080 really nice pair. I'm like, oh shit, yeah, and she'll 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:35.559 say yeah. From Steve Madden and I'm like, sure, Coco, 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:50.839 go ahead, I'm so lucky. 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:55.040 What question would you most like answered? 0:11:56.320 --> 0:12:00.240 I would like to know the answer to where we 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:05.280 come from? Hmmm, because if I knew where he came from, 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:06.319 I know where were going. 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.880 Do you know I think that as well? Henry said 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:11.200 the other day, He's like, why do you think that 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:13.200 where you were before is where you're going to go 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.200 after you die? And I was like, I don't know, 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:16.040 I just did. 0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:18.040 Well, it's also at least it's a possibility. 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.560 I mean, yeah, it's the I think it's a solid 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:25.600 theory based on absolutely nothing. But yes, I'm completely with you. 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:28.960 So you're talking about a consciousness, a consciousness that would 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:32.040 then enter the bundle of cells that are created by 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:34.359 human beings. Like, do you believe that there is somewhere 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:40.160 a before consciousness or a before place that consciousness swells around? 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:40.720 Yeah? 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:42.040 I think so. 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.679 You know, I've watched people close to me die and 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:51.200 I saw my dad when he was within moments of dying, 0:12:51.240 --> 0:12:55.480 and I saw him looking up and smiling, and then 0:12:55.520 --> 0:13:01.120 he would frown, and then he'd be confused and then 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:02.439 repeat it all over again. 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:07.319 And I was like, Dad, are you talking to angels? 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.920 And he said yes, baby, And then I said, are 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:15.280 you safe? His nurse was next to me. Did you 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.040 hear him? He said yes, I go I didn't hear that. 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:20.520 And then I was like, oh, this is the part 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:23.680 where I'm supposed to have faith that it's going to 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:24.120 be okay. 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.600 You don't get to have the answers. And I was like, 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:28.319 I didn't hear him. 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:31.320 I tried to ask again, I got nothing. But I 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:33.280 don't know what happens out there. I don't know where 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:35.760 we go, why we do it, what are we coming back? 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:37.560 Are we not? I don't know. 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:39.560 But if I knew where we came from, it feels 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:42.800 a little it would give me some a little safety 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:44.199 or some insight. 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:46.360 Do you think it would be easy to get the 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:50.400 answer to where we came from as opposed to where 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:50.959 we're going. 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:53.280 Well, I don't want to know where we're going, really, 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.960 because what am I to do every day? Worry that 0:13:57.160 --> 0:13:58.880 what if it's not a place I want to go? 0:13:59.280 --> 0:13:59.600 Aha? 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:01.480 Or what if this is it? 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:03.560 Then I got to know every day that, oh my god, Well, 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:05.959 I guess if you think this is it, you can 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.880 live in the moment, really enjoy every single thing. But 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.240 I don't want to have fear about it. But if 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:16.360 I knew where we came from, then there's possibility still. 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:19.600 What it would be interesting if you didn't know, like, oh, yeah, 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.160 you were an insect last time something? It would be 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.880 I seemed it because I'm really happy in this life. 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.360 I just want to know was it worse before? 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:29.040 Was it better? 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:31.880 I think I know there's certain lessons that we will 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:35.120 continue to have to learn until we get them. 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.760 Do you mean that singularly or do you mean that 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:39.480 as people? 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.880 Well, actually as people, but I met that singularly when 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:43.360 I said it. 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:45.720 You know what's really interesting what you do? Which I'm 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.840 saying this because I got Mustard for this. When I 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:51.560 was writing my book. You do this thing where you 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:53.720 put things in the second person, and I do it too, 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:57.840 So in talking about a relationship, you know, when you're 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:00.680 angry with someone, or when you love someone, or when 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:03.640 they do such and such, and I was writing like that, 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.120 and my editor went, do you realize that whenever you're 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:09.200 writing something really emotional you go into the second person? 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.640 You were right? You know, when you leave school and 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.040 there's nobody there to pick you up, and you fall 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.200 over and you have to pick yourself up and walk 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:18.480 home and there's no one to open the door. And 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:21.480 I was like, I don't do that, got really defensive, 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:23.280 and then I went back and I looked, and any 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:26.200 time there was something, it was like to create a 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:31.400 space between me and this thing happening. It feels so 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:35.360 tender to me now when we as people. When you 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:37.560 do it and when I do it, or when I 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.080 hear someone else do it, it immediately makes me know. It 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:44.040 makes me want to hug them. It's so hard to 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:46.960 be a human and to be in our to be 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.240 in our stuff and to own it because there is 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:52.360 so much we don't know and so much we just 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.320 have to trust, and so much we have to embrace. 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.400 And then having children and watching them go through all 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.280 of that not knowing. I think that is such a 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:07.520 genuinely sweet, dear, tender part of you. Courtney really is 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:11.160 just in observing. 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:15.000 But yeah, I'll be taking note of that and watching 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:15.760 myself do it. 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:16.760 It's really funny. 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:24.480 Sidically in my mind when she told me that what relationship, 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:28.920 real or fictionalized defines love for you, I. 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.760 Mean, I have certain people that I know and love 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:36.960 that have relationships that I look up to but I 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:42.880 would say a relationship that has complete acceptance when you 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.600 love somebody through their emotional challenges and their frailty and 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:52.160 their weaknesses and their triggers and just their messiness, their 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:56.200 unsolved selves, and you love them through all of that, 0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:57.760 or you accept all of that. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:04.520 That's to me, the definition of real love is acceptance. Acceptance. 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.240 Do you feel that's like when you feel about that? 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:11.520 Is that the way in which you were accepted or 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:17.600 the way in which you feel yourself accepting the other person. Well, I. 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:23.000 To feel someone accept me for all of my foils 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:27.800 and my you know, whatever they are, that feels like true, 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:28.960 absolutely true love. 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:29.720 I mean it's hard. 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:31.880 I don't accept everything about somebody. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:35.040 But when I meet people in the you know, they say, oh, 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:37.960 you know, I hated this before I met this person. 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:40.840 Then then it's like, you know what, I love that person, 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:43.399 and so I what are you going to do? 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:46.679 When did you first feel that? Like did you have 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:48.919 that modeled for you as a kid or did you 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:52.040 come to it when you were in a relationship? Like 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:55.040 how did you come upon that realization? 0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:58.080 No, I didn't have that at all when I was 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:02.280 a kid, not at all. My mom she was a 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:05.720 beautiful woman that had no real drive. She was so 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:09.960 sweet and she was so non judgmental to everyone except 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:11.879 for herself and maybe your kids. 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:14.000 But I used to say to my mom, did you 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:15.040 ever go long? 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:19.159 Did anybody ever throw a football and say run and 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:21.400 then someone throws it and you caught. 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:25.119 In the middle there? And She's like, no, she's a 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:26.639 southern sweet lady. 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.160 That's why I actually got this tattoo that says go long, 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:34.600 because I wanted my mom to like go But my 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:36.479 mom didn't have a lot of drive. And my dad 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.560 would love sports and he loved he loved women. He 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:43.960 was very much a flirt. But no, they had nothing 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:46.160 in common. They didn't have any acceptance for each other. 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.480 See your tattoo says go long. When you look at that, 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:51.200 what does that mean for you? 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:56.919 Pay chances, enjoy, be silly, don't let fear stop you. 0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:01.280 You know, if you're embarrassed to fail, it's okay, do 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:01.920 it anyway. 0:19:02.119 --> 0:19:04.080 Yeah, it means so many different things. 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:07.000 Yeah, I love that. I think it's such a I 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:09.320 think that's I think that's such a fantastic thing to 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:10.840 be able to look down and look at and remind 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:12.400 yourself of I. 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:14.560 Mean, I'm in a relationship now where I feel like 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:17.480 we are growing to accept each other. It's taken a 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:21.080 long time. I think sometimes you have to grow into that. 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:25.320 What is it that you think makes you stay like 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:27.560 to wait for the acceptance if that's the thing that 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:30.280 you've set your course for, if that's the thing you're 0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:32.959 running towards, and there's a certain amount of faith in 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:35.080 that of going, Okay, well this is what I'm heading towards. 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:37.520 What is it that keeps you going I'm waiting for 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:39.280 this to show up, or I believe that this is 0:19:39.320 --> 0:19:41.440 going to show up. What are some of the other 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:43.840 tenets that kind of keep you strong and well, you're 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:45.200 waiting for acceptance. 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:48.480 Well, when you first meet someone, you accept everything, and 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:52.199 then as time goes you don't accept anything or accept 0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:55.119 Oh wait a minute, I don't really like that. And 0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:58.800 then as I get further into a relationship and I 0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:01.680 like the person, then I realized some of the things 0:20:01.720 --> 0:20:05.920 that I couldn't accept in the middle part were things 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:08.960 that are probably needed to control. I remember wanting to 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:12.040 control certain things, whether it's I don't like you smoking cyretts, 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:14.880 I would make it personal syah. It's a really hard 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:18.160 to not do when you were addicted, but for some reason, 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:20.040 if you couldn't quit for somebody, then it was like, 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:24.240