1 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,800 Speaker 1: Were you out and about at the weekend at all? 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 1: Or did you just stay home? 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 2: I never un out and about I go out. I 4 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 2: means I don't like going. 5 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 3: Out, and then when I do, it's usually to one 6 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 3: restaurant and that's it. 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: Hello, I'm Mini driver. I've always loved Preust's questionnaire. It 8 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players would 9 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing the 10 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: other player's true nature. In asking different people the same 11 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,800 Speaker 1: set of questions, you can make observations about which truths 12 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,559 Speaker 1: appear to be universal. And it made me wonder, what 13 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: if these questions were just the jumping off point, what 14 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: greater depths would be revealed if I asked these questions 15 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: as conversation starters. So I adapted Prus's questionnaire and I 16 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: wrote my own seven questions that I personally think are 17 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: pertinent to a person's story. 18 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 4: They are when and where were you happiest? What is 19 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 4: the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real 20 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 4: or fictionalized, defines. 21 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: Love for you? 22 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,319 Speaker 4: What question would you most like answered? What person, place, 23 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 4: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 24 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 4: your last meal? And can you tell me something in 25 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 4: your life that's grown out of a personal disaster. And 26 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 4: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that 27 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 4: I am honored and humbled to have had the chance 28 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 4: to engage with. You may not hear their answers to 29 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 4: all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to 30 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 4: which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising, 31 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 4: or created the most fertile ground to connect. 32 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: My guest today is the actor Courtney Cox. Courtney has 33 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: been such a huge part of all of our cultural 34 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: consciousness since nineteen ninety four when she was cast in Friends, 35 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: perhaps the most successful sitcom of all time. It's really 36 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: interesting to speak with a person who everybody has this 37 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 1: deep feeling of already knowing because of the beloved character 38 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: they played. Out of space for who you are as 39 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: a person beyond the characters you play as an actor 40 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: is a challenge, particularly when your fame is stratisferic. Courtney 41 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,240 Speaker 1: is a curious, deep feeling human who is unafraid to 42 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: explore the meaning and mysteries of life. It was great 43 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,680 Speaker 1: to have such a candid conversation with her here on 44 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: the shed. What quality do you like least about yourself. 45 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 3: Oh wow, the thing I like least about myself being 46 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 3: any feelings of jealousy, whether you can feel replaced or 47 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,399 Speaker 3: whether it's I think just chelousy, is such a horrible 48 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 3: emotion to have, and I have that sometimes I get 49 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 3: jealous or afraid. Whether it's because I'm getting older and 50 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 3: I'm not can't stay in the game, or it could 51 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 3: be about anything. But anytime I feel jealous, I can't 52 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 3: stand it. I will talk to my therapist and go, 53 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 3: I just hate this feeling. 54 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 1: It's so interesting because when we think about jealousy. When 55 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about it, it's easy to do with a lover. 56 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,239 Speaker 1: That's how I perceive it. But it's really interesting the 57 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: idea of if you follow it all the way through 58 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 1: and it's like no, it can come in many forms. 59 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: That feeling of being replaced that is such a pertinent 60 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: one that goes to the fundament of who I am 61 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: or of who you are. The idea that there is 62 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: someone who could could take our place, when categorically there isn't. 63 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 3: I know, when you step back, of course, you're not replaceable, 64 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 3: but it's such a it's a feeling that can come 65 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 3: up for me whether it's through friendships or like you said, relationships, 66 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 3: or in work. 67 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: I'm fascinated by that because I know that there must 68 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: be these aspects of you. It's like you're glad that 69 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: you're grown up because you're Koko's mama and you get 70 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 1: to be that. But there's also that profound memory, specifically 71 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: as an actor of when we were very young and 72 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: like at this sort of the zenith and that exalted feeling. 73 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: I feel that it's like, how does one negotiate and 74 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: manage that feeling of being older and that being these 75 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: young people who are who we were. 76 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 4: As it were. 77 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,359 Speaker 2: But no, yeah, it's not easy, No, not at all. 78 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 3: I remember when Olivia Newton John I read this a 79 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 3: long time ago, and I couldn't find it when she 80 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,720 Speaker 3: passed away, and I wanted to because I remember it 81 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 3: being so important to me. But she had said this 82 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 3: comment that when she was in Greece and she was 83 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 3: wearing those black tight pants and smoking that cigarette and 84 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 3: doing that dance. 85 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 2: She felt terrible about herself. 86 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 3: She didn't like the way she looked, she felt fat, 87 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 3: she wasn't comfortable. This is what I read, and I 88 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 3: could have been you know, I'm making some of it 89 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 3: up because I just remember the feeling of going, WHOA, 90 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 3: how could you not think you're perfect back then? 91 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 2: And she didn't. 92 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,280 Speaker 3: And then we look back in life and go, wait 93 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 3: a minute, we should so pleased with certain aspects of 94 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:07,679 Speaker 3: our life. 95 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 2: Anyway, that's not part of my part of my jealousy. 96 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: Answer, no, but I think that's part. It's the irony 97 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: of the wonder of getting older. Is I find now 98 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,720 Speaker 1: that my presence of mind, or presence of self, or 99 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: presence of everything around me is so acute, and it's 100 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: almost like I was fast asleep when I was there 101 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: in those moments of whether it's a physical peak of 102 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: strength and agility or how it was that I wanted 103 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 1: my body to look or I it was like I 104 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: was fast asleep. And I can't believe the disparity of 105 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,159 Speaker 1: this wisdom that comes. It's such a cliche with the 106 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: wisdom that comes as we get older, which is not 107 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: visited upon us, or if we're very lucky, it is 108 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,119 Speaker 1: when we're younger. And that it is that I wish 109 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: I could take this and go back and tell that 110 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,360 Speaker 1: person be present and be aware and be in love 111 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: with the way that you are right now, because it's 112 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,480 Speaker 1: full of so much good stuff. It's wild. 113 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 3: Yes, I think that we always whether it's oh, when 114 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,239 Speaker 3: you have a child, you know you're going to really 115 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,279 Speaker 3: miss these how other days, you know, just stay in 116 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 3: the moment, enjoyed them being a little baby. 117 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 2: And I was just like, oh, when is this phasing 118 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 2: me over? This is brutal. 119 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 3: But I guess when you don't get the chance to 120 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 3: have more kids or now they're growing up, it's just like, 121 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 3: oh God, I wish I'd held on to that a 122 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 3: little longer. 123 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 2: But I just think it's kind of the way of life, 124 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 2: isn't it. 125 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it really is. I did a birthday 126 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: video on Instagram and I was remembering this thing Carrie 127 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 1: Fisher said when I was twenty five and I was 128 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: at this birthday party that I didn't know a single 129 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: person there would I'd literally just arrived in town. I 130 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: was shooting a movie, and they'd thrown this Hollywood party 131 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,720 Speaker 1: for me as I turned twenty five, and I was 132 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: kind of sitting by the fire and she came and 133 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: sat down and she was like, why are you looking 134 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: so miserable? And I was like, I don't know, twenty five, 135 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: it feels like a milestone and I'm not with anyone 136 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: I really know. And she was like, let me tell you, 137 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 1: this is the youngest you're ever going to be. Again. 138 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: I know it's the oldest you've ever been. And I 139 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: think about that all the time. I think about it 140 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: on my birthday. I also think about it when I 141 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: get because I get so exactly is I know you 142 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 1: must about your child because we both have one kid. 143 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, God, I wish I'd paid more attention, or 144 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't wished that phase was over. Like 145 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: I go, okay, well, Henry's fourteen. God, I wish he 146 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: was little again. And we were having that conversation. I 147 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: let that trigger me into going, well, I'm going to 148 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: have that conversation with him now because I know when 149 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: I'm older, him being fourteen is still going to be 150 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: like a baby, and those conversations are I mean, obviously 151 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: it's very different to when they were little. I was 152 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: just thinking, I remember being a thing when you had Coco. 153 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: I don't know. She must have been like eight or nine, 154 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: and I had a leather jacket, aren't We said hi, 155 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: and you went to leave, and then she came back 156 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: and she went I like your leather jacket. That was 157 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: a good choice. It was so and then she gave 158 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: me a thumbs up, and I was just like the 159 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: kids go in places. She's like a firecracker. I mean, 160 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: I just remember her when she was little, like I 161 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: don't know her as a young woman now, but like, 162 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: you got to be a firecracker in this world. You 163 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: have to be there. You have to be strong and 164 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: wily and ready for anything. And I think, particularly being 165 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: a woman and growing up in this world, I think 166 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: it's I think it's a good thing. I really do. 167 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: It was. 168 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 3: I think that time of her life she was so 169 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,079 Speaker 3: I mean, she is really funny, but there was no 170 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 3: insecurity about her. 171 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: Do you ever find that when you're looking at your 172 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: daughter in the way that I look at my style 173 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,680 Speaker 1: and go, my god. They are just not imbued with 174 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:59,839 Speaker 1: the same insecurity that I have, Like I categorically know 175 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: I did not pause on my pathological insecurity about well 176 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,680 Speaker 1: that whatever that is to them. Do you ever feel 177 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: that with Coco or does it make you feel proud 178 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: or happy? 179 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 2: Not at all. 180 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,199 Speaker 3: I feel like I look at somebody and I've passed 181 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 3: all of that stuff onto anything. I mean, it's I 182 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 3: think having a girl is probably different. But I wish 183 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 3: so bad that I could have realized in the moment 184 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 3: a way to protect Coco from things that I didn't 185 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 3: because of my own issues, whether it was codependency or 186 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 3: seeing her in relationships with people that I knew this 187 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 3: was not good. But I didn't want to step in 188 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 3: even though I knew something wasn't right, because she would 189 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 3: she would get so. 190 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: Mad at me. 191 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 2: She wanted me to, you know, let me deal with it. Mom, 192 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 2: you don't understand. 193 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 3: And I did understand, and I should have trusted myself 194 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 3: and I should have stepped in so with certain things 195 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 3: about myself, she saw them. I'm not saying I made 196 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 3: her who she is, but you do see things in 197 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 3: other people, and whether it's just always you know, taking 198 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 3: care of people and being the nicest person. And I 199 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 3: mean that's one of the things. With age, I've learned 200 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 3: to say no, I've learned to have boundaries. But earlier on, 201 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,680 Speaker 3: when she was a kid, or not even that many 202 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 3: years ago, I wish i'd been a firmer parent. 203 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: Hmmm, wow, I mean, yeah, God, that's so interesting. I 204 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: feel like I wrote down a list of things that 205 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do that my parents did with me. 206 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: I've already tried. I mean, you don't. You can't do 207 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: it all the time. I don't know what Henry's going 208 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: to be in therapy over to do with me, but 209 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 1: I'm sure he'll tell me. 210 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 3: But you know what, he might be the kid that 211 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 3: has the coolest mom and he will look for his 212 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,559 Speaker 3: partner to be whatever it is that reminds him. And 213 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 3: it's going to be hard to live up to. But 214 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 3: I have a feeling you're an incredible, kind, loving patient mom. 215 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: Well that's really nice for you to say, but I'm 216 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 1: definitely not that all of the time. 217 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 3: Thank god cocos and to really high end clothes or 218 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 3: designer anything. She doesn't care about the labels, And thank 219 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 3: god that she shops for her clothes on Amazon, because 220 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 3: she could be this other kid I want to have 221 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 3: Guji and you'd have to spend your whole life saying no. 222 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 3: But she'll say, Mom, I have bought like five pairs 223 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 3: of Mary Jane's on Amazon and. 224 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 2: They just keep breaking. 225 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 3: I would it be okay if I got just one 226 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 3: really nice pair. I'm like, oh shit, yeah, and she'll 227 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 3: say yeah. From Steve Madden and I'm like, sure, Coco, 228 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:50,839 Speaker 3: go ahead, I'm so lucky. 229 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: What question would you most like answered? 230 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 3: I would like to know the answer to where we 231 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 3: come from? Hmmm, because if I knew where he came from, 232 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 3: I know where were going. 233 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: Do you know I think that as well? Henry said 234 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 1: the other day, He's like, why do you think that 235 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 1: where you were before is where you're going to go 236 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: after you die? And I was like, I don't know, 237 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: I just did. 238 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 2: Well, it's also at least it's a possibility. 239 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it's the I think it's a solid 240 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:25,600 Speaker 1: theory based on absolutely nothing. But yes, I'm completely with you. 241 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: So you're talking about a consciousness, a consciousness that would 242 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: then enter the bundle of cells that are created by 243 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,359 Speaker 1: human beings. Like, do you believe that there is somewhere 244 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 1: a before consciousness or a before place that consciousness swells around? 245 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 3: Yeah? 246 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: I think so. 247 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,679 Speaker 3: You know, I've watched people close to me die and 248 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 3: I saw my dad when he was within moments of dying, 249 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 3: and I saw him looking up and smiling, and then 250 00:12:55,520 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 3: he would frown, and then he'd be confused and then 251 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,439 Speaker 3: repeat it all over again. 252 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:07,319 Speaker 2: And I was like, Dad, are you talking to angels? 253 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,920 Speaker 2: And he said yes, baby, And then I said, are 254 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 2: you safe? His nurse was next to me. Did you 255 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 2: hear him? He said yes, I go I didn't hear that. 256 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh, this is the part 257 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,680 Speaker 3: where I'm supposed to have faith that it's going to 258 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 3: be okay. 259 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,600 Speaker 2: You don't get to have the answers. And I was like, 260 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,319 Speaker 2: I didn't hear him. 261 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 3: I tried to ask again, I got nothing. But I 262 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 3: don't know what happens out there. I don't know where 263 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 3: we go, why we do it, what are we coming back? 264 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 2: Are we not? I don't know. 265 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 3: But if I knew where we came from, it feels 266 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 3: a little it would give me some a little safety 267 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 3: or some insight. 268 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: Do you think it would be easy to get the 269 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: answer to where we came from as opposed to where 270 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:50,959 Speaker 1: we're going. 271 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 3: Well, I don't want to know where we're going, really, 272 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 3: because what am I to do every day? Worry that 273 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 3: what if it's not a place I want to go? 274 00:13:59,280 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: Aha? 275 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 2: Or what if this is it? 276 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 3: Then I got to know every day that, oh my god, Well, 277 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,959 Speaker 3: I guess if you think this is it, you can 278 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 3: live in the moment, really enjoy every single thing. But 279 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 3: I don't want to have fear about it. But if 280 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 3: I knew where we came from, then there's possibility still. 281 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 3: What it would be interesting if you didn't know, like, oh, yeah, 282 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 3: you were an insect last time something? It would be 283 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 3: I seemed it because I'm really happy in this life. 284 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 2: I just want to know was it worse before? 285 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: Was it better? 286 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 3: I think I know there's certain lessons that we will 287 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 3: continue to have to learn until we get them. 288 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: Do you mean that singularly or do you mean that 289 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: as people? 290 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 3: Well, actually as people, but I met that singularly when 291 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 3: I said it. 292 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 1: You know what's really interesting what you do? Which I'm 293 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: saying this because I got Mustard for this. When I 294 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 1: was writing my book. You do this thing where you 295 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: put things in the second person, and I do it too, 296 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: So in talking about a relationship, you know, when you're 297 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: angry with someone, or when you love someone, or when 298 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: they do such and such, and I was writing like that, 299 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: and my editor went, do you realize that whenever you're 300 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 1: writing something really emotional you go into the second person? 301 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 1: You were right? You know, when you leave school and 302 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: there's nobody there to pick you up, and you fall 303 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: over and you have to pick yourself up and walk 304 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: home and there's no one to open the door. And 305 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't do that, got really defensive, 306 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: and then I went back and I looked, and any 307 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: time there was something, it was like to create a 308 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: space between me and this thing happening. It feels so 309 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 1: tender to me now when we as people. When you 310 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: do it and when I do it, or when I 311 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 1: hear someone else do it, it immediately makes me know. It 312 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 1: makes me want to hug them. It's so hard to 313 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 1: be a human and to be in our to be 314 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: in our stuff and to own it because there is 315 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: so much we don't know and so much we just 316 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: have to trust, and so much we have to embrace. 317 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: And then having children and watching them go through all 318 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: of that not knowing. I think that is such a 319 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 1: genuinely sweet, dear, tender part of you. Courtney really is 320 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: just in observing. 321 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 3: But yeah, I'll be taking note of that and watching 322 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 3: myself do it. 323 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 2: It's really funny. 324 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: Sidically in my mind when she told me that what relationship, 325 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: real or fictionalized defines love for you, I. 326 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,760 Speaker 3: Mean, I have certain people that I know and love 327 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 3: that have relationships that I look up to but I 328 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 3: would say a relationship that has complete acceptance when you 329 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 3: love somebody through their emotional challenges and their frailty and 330 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 3: their weaknesses and their triggers and just their messiness, their 331 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 3: unsolved selves, and you love them through all of that, 332 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 3: or you accept all of that. 333 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 2: That's to me, the definition of real love is acceptance. Acceptance. 334 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: Do you feel that's like when you feel about that? 335 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: Is that the way in which you were accepted or 336 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 1: the way in which you feel yourself accepting the other person. Well, I. 337 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 3: To feel someone accept me for all of my foils 338 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 3: and my you know, whatever they are, that feels like true, 339 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 3: absolutely true love. 340 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: I mean it's hard. 341 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 2: I don't accept everything about somebody. 342 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 3: But when I meet people in the you know, they say, oh, 343 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 3: you know, I hated this before I met this person. 344 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 3: Then then it's like, you know what, I love that person, 345 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 3: and so I what are you going to do? 346 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,679 Speaker 1: When did you first feel that? Like did you have 347 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,919 Speaker 1: that modeled for you as a kid or did you 348 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 1: come to it when you were in a relationship? Like 349 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: how did you come upon that realization? 350 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 3: No, I didn't have that at all when I was 351 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 3: a kid, not at all. My mom she was a 352 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 3: beautiful woman that had no real drive. She was so 353 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,960 Speaker 3: sweet and she was so non judgmental to everyone except 354 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,879 Speaker 3: for herself and maybe your kids. 355 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 2: But I used to say to my mom, did you 356 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 2: ever go long? 357 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:19,159 Speaker 3: Did anybody ever throw a football and say run and 358 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 3: then someone throws it and you caught. 359 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,119 Speaker 2: In the middle there? And She's like, no, she's a 360 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 2: southern sweet lady. 361 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 3: That's why I actually got this tattoo that says go long, 362 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 3: because I wanted my mom to like go But my 363 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,479 Speaker 3: mom didn't have a lot of drive. And my dad 364 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 3: would love sports and he loved he loved women. He 365 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 3: was very much a flirt. But no, they had nothing 366 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 3: in common. They didn't have any acceptance for each other. 367 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: See your tattoo says go long. When you look at that, 368 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 1: what does that mean for you? 369 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:56,919 Speaker 3: Pay chances, enjoy, be silly, don't let fear stop you. 370 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 3: You know, if you're embarrassed to fail, it's okay, do 371 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 3: it anyway. 372 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it means so many different things. 373 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I think it's such a I 374 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: think that's I think that's such a fantastic thing to 375 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: be able to look down and look at and remind 376 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 1: yourself of I. 377 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 3: Mean, I'm in a relationship now where I feel like 378 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 3: we are growing to accept each other. It's taken a 379 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 3: long time. I think sometimes you have to grow into that. 380 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: What is it that you think makes you stay like 381 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: to wait for the acceptance if that's the thing that 382 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: you've set your course for, if that's the thing you're 383 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:32,959 Speaker 1: running towards, and there's a certain amount of faith in 384 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: that of going, Okay, well this is what I'm heading towards. 385 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 1: What is it that keeps you going I'm waiting for 386 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 1: this to show up, or I believe that this is 387 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,440 Speaker 1: going to show up. What are some of the other 388 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 1: tenets that kind of keep you strong and well, you're 389 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,200 Speaker 1: waiting for acceptance. 390 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 3: Well, when you first meet someone, you accept everything, and 391 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 3: then as time goes you don't accept anything or accept 392 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,119 Speaker 3: Oh wait a minute, I don't really like that. And 393 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 3: then as I get further into a relationship and I 394 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,680 Speaker 3: like the person, then I realized some of the things 395 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 3: that I couldn't accept in the middle part were things 396 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 3: that are probably needed to control. I remember wanting to 397 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 3: control certain things, whether it's I don't like you smoking cyretts, 398 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,880 Speaker 3: I would make it personal syah. It's a really hard 399 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,160 Speaker 3: to not do when you were addicted, but for some reason, 400 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 3: if you couldn't quit for somebody, then it was like, 401 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 3: how about that's their ISU, It's okay, I accept I 402 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,360 Speaker 3: remember just feeling that. 403 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,440 Speaker 2: I think that a lot of it has to do 404 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,359 Speaker 2: with feeling. 405 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,439 Speaker 3: I guess again, like the other question important, So what 406 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 3: keeps you in there? 407 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,439 Speaker 2: Just liking the person? 408 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,880 Speaker 1: I think. I mean, that's really interesting because perhaps it's 409 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,160 Speaker 1: about the acceptance of self. That's how one accepts things 410 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: in another person, whatever it is, intolerance or impatience, all 411 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,960 Speaker 1: of those things, because you really like a person. I 412 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: think liking someone is a huge bridge. 413 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 2: I think that's really true. 414 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,400 Speaker 3: It's really about self acceptance because if you can accept 415 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 3: the part of you that doesn't have to be rigid, 416 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 3: you don't have to hold onto things. You can accept 417 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 3: or ask yourself questions. 418 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 1: Well, I don't know the things that make me in 419 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 1: the beginning, what is it? Chris Rock said, when you 420 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: first start dating me, you're not dating me, you're dating 421 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: my representative. Like that's that. I've always loved that you 422 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: accept everything in the beginning, and then all that shit 423 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: starts to bug you. But it's funny now, Like in 424 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 1: my relationship. The stuff that bug me now it makes 425 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,400 Speaker 1: me laugh because I see it as part of him, 426 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 1: this person that has all these things that are amazing, 427 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,159 Speaker 1: not just the highlights that I loved before and just 428 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 1: looked at that, but the really annoying stuff. It sort 429 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 1: of makes me chuckle because I feel like it's made 430 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: me a more tolerant person. And I know that's the 431 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,119 Speaker 1: same with him, the stuff that he puts up with, 432 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: just as you said, the stuff that they put up 433 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,199 Speaker 1: with with us. That's part of what love is, like, 434 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:55,920 Speaker 1: love is accepting one's intolerance in power and carrying on anyway. 435 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: You know, it's so funny this idea of romantic love 436 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,879 Speaker 1: that we are soul that this person and encapsulates all 437 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 1: of these things. It's not love is actually love is 438 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: actually tolerating that shit and loving them anyway. 439 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 2: And understanding them more. 440 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 3: Because I don't know if it's age or whether it's duration, 441 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 3: but now I can really see, oh, this is what's happening. 442 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,120 Speaker 3: I see where the wounds come from and myself and 443 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 3: in others. I see that in all my relationships. It's 444 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 3: so much easier to be tolerant and patient when you 445 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 3: know that any kind of act out or any kind 446 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 3: of trigger that comes up. It has such a route 447 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,879 Speaker 3: that is more important than what's happening in the moment. 448 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 4: Yeah. 449 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, So I can forgive anybody for any like any 450 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 3: friend anything. I don't hold any grudges because you know 451 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 3: that's coming from a deeper wound. Although I did have 452 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 3: a dream about Lisa Kudro last night, and she really 453 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 3: hurt my feelings and I wouldn't like think about her 454 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 3: why she might not she wouldn't do something with me. 455 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 2: And at Liasa is one of the greatest people on 456 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 2: the planet and she would do anything for me, but 457 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 2: not last night. 458 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 1: You didn't. 459 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 2: So I got to call her and find out that. 460 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,440 Speaker 1: God, I wish I knew what dreams. Man, You've taken 461 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: the most reliable person and then you spun her into 462 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,480 Speaker 1: your dream to be the person that lets you down. 463 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: It's like, okay, I found the most reliable person to 464 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: screw me over, Like, what is that in your life? 465 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,640 Speaker 1: Can you tell me about something that has grown out 466 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,880 Speaker 1: of the personal disaster. 467 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 2: I won't use the second person. 468 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 3: I will say when Johnny and I broke up, yeah, 469 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 3: five years ago. 470 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: This is Johnny who you are still in I'm still 471 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 1: with your relationship with you're still together, but there was 472 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,239 Speaker 1: a moment where you broke up. 473 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,920 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, after about two or three years moving together 474 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 3: for like a long time. Yeah, so three years in 475 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 3: we broke up and it was really intense. We broke 476 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,399 Speaker 3: up in therapy. I didn't know it was coming, whether 477 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,119 Speaker 3: I should have or not. It was just like we 478 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 3: went to this therapist to talk about our boundaries, what 479 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,119 Speaker 3: we could and couldn't accept about each other. 480 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 2: There's that acceptance, uh huh. 481 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:25,479 Speaker 3: Instead he just broke up within the first minute, and 482 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 3: I was like, what we were engaged? And I was 483 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 3: so shocked. I was in so much pain. I also 484 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 3: don't like surprises, and he's an incredible human beings, so 485 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 3: he wasn't trying to surprise me. He was in that 486 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,640 Speaker 3: much pain in the relationship. There was that much that 487 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,359 Speaker 3: needed to be dealt with, that he had to protect 488 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 3: himself around his heart. So as opposed to like going 489 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 3: fucking I don't know if I'm allowed to cuss on 490 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 3: this thing, but. 491 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,879 Speaker 1: You can cuss up as to. 492 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 3: Him, okay, as opposed to going fuck him, you know, 493 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 3: getting in this mode of anger. I went in and 494 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:03,200 Speaker 3: I I did the most work on myself by far. 495 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,400 Speaker 3: I learned how to claim my voice, boundaries, what were 496 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 3: my motives in life? 497 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 2: Like what was my part in this? 498 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 3: And I'm so thankful for that breakup because a when 499 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 3: we got back together, it was a different relationship, but 500 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,200 Speaker 3: also because it really taught me how I. 501 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 2: Operated in the world. 502 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 3: What were the things from my childhood that I needed, 503 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,120 Speaker 3: like whether it was to be adored by men or 504 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,240 Speaker 3: things that I didn't know how to let go, to 505 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:33,360 Speaker 3: be in a relationship, to not take things personally my boundaries. 506 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 3: I just went into myself and I had a great therapist. 507 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 3: I went to the same one. I kept seeing him, 508 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 3: the one that we met all the breakup day, and 509 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,159 Speaker 3: it was brutal to go to his office after that 510 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 3: for a while, but then it was great and I'm 511 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 3: really thankful a nothing will ever hurt me that bad again. 512 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 3: And then the most of all, most importantly, I completely changed. 513 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 1: H gosh, that's so interesting. I feel like all of us, 514 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 1: well most do anything we can to not feel pain. 515 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 1: I think people are so frightened of emotional pain, but 516 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:12,440 Speaker 1: the idea of when it happens, there's so much strength 517 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:18,680 Speaker 1: in realizing that it doesn't killy, and that what one 518 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 1: can foster in oneself because of that pain is so 519 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,440 Speaker 1: much better and so much more amazing. There is such 520 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: incredible freedom in taking the hit and then going what 521 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,120 Speaker 1: is my part in the pain of all of this 522 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,360 Speaker 1: and coming out the other side, Like I imagine if 523 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 1: you come out of the other side of that with 524 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: Johnny or without Johnny, it would sort of have been 525 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,680 Speaker 1: a completely different version of yourself. 526 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 2: It takes a lot of bravery to end something that 527 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 2: has so much passion or and anything any kind of relationship. 528 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 3: It's so much easier just to stay and ride things 529 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 3: out and make excuses, and you know, fear of. 530 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,879 Speaker 2: Pain is just too much to handle. 531 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,119 Speaker 3: But once you are bold enough to make this and 532 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 3: go through the pain, you can't go around it, so 533 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 3: you just go through it, and then when you do, 534 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 3: everything's easier. I so I always trying to tell Coco, Coco, 535 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 3: this issue, this is a roadblock. You can't go around it. 536 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 3: It's going to catch you down the road. Go through it, 537 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 3: deal with it. And this is another thing I learned 538 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 3: during that time, and I'm still working on it every day. 539 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 3: Am I doing this out of fear or connection? 540 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 1: And I have to ask. 541 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,120 Speaker 2: Myself like some of them like, oh, I haven't heard 542 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 2: from that person. I wonder if they still like me, 543 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 2: or what if they care? And then I think, wait 544 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 2: a minute, do I actually care? If they care? 545 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 3: Do I really want it? Am I connecting with them 546 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 3: or now just seeing if they care. 547 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 1: I'm writing things down that you're saying. 548 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 3: It gives you a lot of clarity. What is your motive? 549 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 3: What are you doing things for? And I'm thankful that 550 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 3: Johnny was so bold and brave because it was life 551 00:27:54,840 --> 00:28:00,159 Speaker 3: changing for me and I'm sure for him. 552 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,200 Speaker 1: You do make the most delicious food. So what would 553 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 1: be your last meal? 554 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 2: Is my stomach like endless. 555 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: It's limitless. This is like your everything that you love. 556 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,360 Speaker 3: Okay, I would start with a Giorgio salad, the one 557 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:21,360 Speaker 3: on West Channel. Oh I loved dressing whatever the red wine, 558 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,240 Speaker 3: vinegar or whatever it is. I cannot. I've tried, but 559 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,400 Speaker 3: I cannot make it as good. It's got a rubula 560 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 3: and ondives and anyway, That's what i'd start with. 561 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,880 Speaker 2: And then I would have like a pasta course, which. 562 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,359 Speaker 3: Would be maybe a pesto and maybe a tomato sauce 563 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 3: with some fresh mozzarella and then I'd have a twice 564 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 3: baked potato stuff with like sour cream and cheese and butter, 565 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 3: and I would I'd have a steak but cooked the 566 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 3: way the sky made it on my Instagram. 567 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,080 Speaker 2: Recently, so good. It was better than I can do. 568 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 1: Wait, you didn't even eat it. You just looked at 569 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 1: it on Instagram, and that's you want your steak. 570 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 3: No, no, no, I saw him on Instagram and then 571 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 3: you got him to I wrote to him to stop it. 572 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 2: Oh, Instagram was like a dating friend website. 573 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Cotney, that's the most amazing thing. So 574 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 1: you saw a guy make a steak and then you 575 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 1: DMed him and he was like, sure, will come. And 576 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: then he came and actually recreated that steak in your 577 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 1: house and you ate it. 578 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,960 Speaker 3: This looked so good, So I asked, could he please 579 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 3: come over and teach me something? He used to work 580 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 3: for a Michelin Star restaurant, and I'm not really that 581 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:30,840 Speaker 3: kind of food because I want more. 582 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 2: I like bulk. 583 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: Yes, I like bulk too, I agree. 584 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,240 Speaker 2: And I don't need it to be so fancy. I 585 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,120 Speaker 2: need I needed like how do I make this? 586 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 1: Yes? 587 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 3: So yeah, he came over and he taught me how 588 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,160 Speaker 3: to make that steak. We made that, and then he 589 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 3: came over again and made this Korean Southern fried chicken 590 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 3: with coleslaw over waffles. 591 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 1: Oh my god. 592 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,640 Speaker 2: And it was incredible, but I will say it took 593 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,480 Speaker 2: like seven hours. He made the pastry. 594 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 3: I said, like, dude, why don't you just get some 595 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 3: Pillsbury dough crescent rolls. That was going to care once 596 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 3: you put it in the wall, Homemaker, just the shape there, 597 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 3: and he had like the layer of pastry and then 598 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 3: the big thing of butter, and then more pastries. 599 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,960 Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh my god, it was the longest 600 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 2: meal in the whole world. 601 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: That's making puff pastry. It is gnarly making puff pastry 602 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 1: from scratch. Yeah. Yeah. 603 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 2: It was like a poissant that you put into a. 604 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: That you then put in a waffle line. Oh my god. 605 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 2: It was great. 606 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: That's a croissant waffle. 607 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:25,920 Speaker 2: It's called a proffele. 608 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: Oh ohissant any which way, Yeah, now I want that. 609 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 1: And then he put fried chicken on top that. 610 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 3: Was twice fried, and then after it was so crunchy, 611 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,000 Speaker 3: then he put it with this Korean kind of. 612 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 2: It was salty, sweet, spicy. 613 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,960 Speaker 1: Salt, fat, acid sugar. Oh my god, I'm so hungry now. 614 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 1: I just can't thank you enough. That's such a wonderful conversation. 615 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: I've written so many things down just to go and remember. 616 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 1: And waffles made out of puff postries. Mini Questions is 617 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 1: hosted and written by Me, Mini Driver, Executive produced by 618 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 1: Me and Aaron Kaufman, with production support from Jennifer Bassett, 619 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 1: Zoey Denkler, and Ali Perry. The theme music is also 620 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:25,080 Speaker 1: by Me and additional music by Aaron Kaufman. Special banks 621 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: to Jim Nikolay Addison, O'Day, Henry Driver, Lisa Castella, A 622 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: Nick Oppenheim, A, Nick Mueller and Annette Wolfe, a w kPr, 623 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:40,480 Speaker 1: Will Pearson, Nicki Etoor, Morgan Levoy and mangesh A Tigadore.