1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:04,760 Speaker 1: Yep, bank time I got a yep, yep, yep. 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 2: Would I be the a hole if I continue to 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,800 Speaker 2: stretch my ears after my boyfriend expressed how much he 4 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:13,040 Speaker 2: hates it? This is OKAYOPI home to the craziest true 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,080 Speaker 2: stories on Earth. I'm Sophia and Riley. Would you ever 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 2: get gauges? 7 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 3: No, because I don't want like flies going through them? 8 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 2: So Aria of Dusk says I, thirty female, have been 9 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 2: with my boyfriend, thirty male for just shy of a decade. 10 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 3: Oh. 11 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,559 Speaker 2: He's a very clean cut guy and very professional in appearance. I, 12 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: on the other hand, have a sleeve of tattoos, dyed hair, 13 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 2: and pierced ears. He works from home as a lead 14 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 2: programmer for a company, while I work as a manager 15 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 2: slash pet groomer. 16 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,919 Speaker 3: WHOA, that's a power couple right there. 17 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,239 Speaker 2: Oh yeah. Despite her opposite looks and career choices, we 18 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 2: have lots of interests and opinions in common. If anything, 19 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 2: I think our differences help balance us out. Some background 20 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 2: that may help add context to our relationship. I started 21 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 2: getting tattoos before we met, but my biggest piece was 22 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 2: done two years ago. He's not a big fan of 23 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 2: tattoos and has absolutely no plan to ever get any. 24 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 2: I've never pushed, but I have asked if he'd get 25 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 2: a tiny one with me. It's not a big deal 26 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 2: for me. So after he said no, I just left. 27 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 3: It sounds like me. 28 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think I would ever get a tattooed. 29 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 2: Not because I don't think they're like sick. I think 30 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 2: they're very cool. I just think I have commitment issues 31 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 2: with tattoos. I don't think of my body. 32 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 3: I'm not slutty enough for tattoos. He kept a fee, 33 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 3: so Lenny enough, Dude, if I got tattoos, I would 34 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 3: be the biggest slut. I'd get nack tattoos. I'd get 35 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 3: a motorcycle. It have like you know, how like you 36 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 3: get like choes you have to get an outfit with it. 37 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,960 Speaker 3: That's how I would treat tattoos. 38 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,400 Speaker 2: Chow. Yeah, I would have to get like a bunch 39 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 2: of piercings. I would have to change up my look 40 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 2: to get tattoos. Yeah, he wasn't a fan of my 41 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 2: big piece, but because I've had ink done before, he 42 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 2: voiced some concerns about the amount of money I've spent, 43 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 2: but left it at that. 44 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: That's not. 45 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 2: I don't think he could comment on that that's her money. 46 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 2: Fast forward to this past month. I've always liked the 47 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 2: jewelry that people with stretch ears get to wear. Some 48 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 2: of it looks really cool slash pretty, and I, on 49 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 2: a whim, decided I would stretch my current piercings. With 50 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 2: the help and advice of a friend, I got a 51 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 2: kit and have been working, with the goal being about 52 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 2: a two G zero G max. When I first told 53 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 2: him about this, he voiced that he really did not 54 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 2: like how they looked, and he didn't want me stretching 55 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 2: to the point where you could look through my ear 56 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 2: or fit a pencil. I told him not to worry 57 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 2: and that I'd stop before I got to the generally 58 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 2: accepted point of no return. Today, I was moving up 59 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 2: from a ten G to an AG and he was 60 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,640 Speaker 2: watching me moisturize and sanitize my jewelry and ears. Once again, 61 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 2: he asked how big I was going, and I showed 62 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 2: him what a twog looked like. He gave me an 63 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 2: unpleasant look and explained that he again really hated how 64 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 2: gages and stretched ears look. He further went in to 65 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 2: explain that stretched ears were not my aesthetic as it 66 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 2: was more punk, where I fit more into streetwear or 67 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 2: gal styles or gal styles. 68 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 3: Maybe she was to be punk, dude, yeah, to be punk. 69 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 2: He doesn't like how they look and doesn't think I'll 70 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 2: look good with them. I was disheartened. I took out 71 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: my jewelry, packed them up, and put them away to 72 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 2: maybe discard. I'm now sitting here debating whether I should 73 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 2: continue stretching because it's something I want for myself, or 74 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 2: if I should honor his wishes and stop. I already 75 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 2: pushed my luck with how many tattoos and how big 76 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 2: they are, so maybe I should give up on this 77 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 2: one thing. I don't want them to think I'm unattractive, 78 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 2: so I don't want to change myself past what he's 79 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,079 Speaker 2: willing to accept. But I also don't want him to 80 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 2: tell me what to do with my body. So would 81 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 2: I be the a hole if I continued stretching my 82 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 2: ears after my boyfriend expressed how much he hates it 83 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 2: And there are some relevant comments. 84 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 3: I just looked at some gauges. Yeah, yeah, I don't 85 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 3: like the I don't like the big ear ones because 86 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 3: like it. Just I looked at him and I'm like 87 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 3: my ear's hurt. Yeah, but like some people can rock them. 88 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: I just. 89 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 3: Not for me. 90 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think this is like a personal thing, like 91 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 2: it's not for me. But I don't know if you 92 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 2: can tell your partner, you know, what to do with 93 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 2: their body. I think that's a little bit. 94 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, they've been together for a decade. Yeah, it makes 95 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 3: sense why he would have concerns about like what she 96 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 3: would do. Yeah, because like in a way he would 97 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 3: become unattracted to her because of the gauges, and if 98 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 3: she still wants to be with him, she would have 99 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 3: to put that consideration. It is her body, but like 100 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 3: that's his preferences. 101 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 2: I feel like that's like, you know, like people get haircuts, 102 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 2: you know, and if you're gonna be caught you know, 103 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:20,159 Speaker 2: because of a haircuts. 104 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,719 Speaker 3: Not really, I'm low key scared to get a haircut. 105 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, get away a little bit. 106 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 3: Get away a little bit, because I feel like some 107 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 3: people will be like, you got a haircut and it 108 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,839 Speaker 3: looks so bad cut. I don't even know what to 109 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 3: do with my hair. This is what my hair looks 110 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 3: like right now, tell me what I. 111 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 2: Well, No, I feel like that doesn't accurately represent your 112 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 2: hair because you've hot hair now. 113 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, but like, but like you guys know what it 114 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 3: looks like. This is what it kind of looks like. 115 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 3: I need to cut the sides a little bit. My 116 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 3: dad's barbered. Why did I not know anything? Like the 117 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 3: top looks nice, but the top goes all the way 118 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 3: down to my mouth. Now I don't know what to do. 119 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 3: I need to find a good barber that knows what's up, 120 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 3: because my dad knows how to get Yes. If you 121 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,799 Speaker 3: when was any curly hair barbers in LA, please please 122 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 3: go to our discord and let me know. 123 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 2: Anyway, there are some relevant comments. Why did you ask 124 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 2: his opinion if you weren't going to consider it? And nope? 125 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,799 Speaker 2: He says, it's not that I really asked for his opinion. 126 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 2: I only bought it up to him the first time 127 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 2: to just let him know that this was the thing 128 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 2: I wanted to do because I was interested in it. 129 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,359 Speaker 2: This exchange commoner says, this is so strange to me 130 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,359 Speaker 2: because you've been with this dude for a decade. I 131 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,840 Speaker 2: don't really care for gauges, but if my partner of 132 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 2: ten years decided to get them, I wouldn't leave them. 133 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,720 Speaker 2: These comments are so wild to me. Yeah, that's the thing. 134 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 2: Like you've been together for ten years, gauges aren't going 135 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 2: to drastically change the apparents Opie says, A lot of 136 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 2: comments have told me to think about whether my stretched 137 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 2: ears are worth more than my long relationship. I did. 138 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 2: I also thought about whether he also would view it 139 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 2: like that, would my stretched ears be worth ending a 140 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 2: long relationship for? It isn't for me, and I would 141 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 2: hope he feels the same way. Opie is voted not 142 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 2: the a hole And there is an update. 143 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 3: That is tough because in a way, you probably are 144 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 3: going to be ending it in your relationship if you 145 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 3: get these ears. 146 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 2: Well one, I think that if he does on the relationship, 147 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,840 Speaker 2: I think that's wild and he actually doesn't really care 148 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 2: for her, like I think if he's ending a tenure 149 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 2: relationship over gauges, I don't know how much you know 150 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 2: how strong that relationship was to begin with. But also 151 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 2: there is a scenario where he you know, just gets 152 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 2: used to them. 153 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but like in a way it could be 154 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 3: like a huge turn off and it doesn't work out. 155 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 3: So this is very tricky. This is very tricky. I'm 156 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 3: interested in the update. 157 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 2: Yes, thanks to everyone that weighed in. I spent some 158 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 2: time reading as many comments as I could. I didn't 159 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 2: just read the comments saying not the a hole. I 160 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 2: also read the one saying You're the a hole, and 161 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,039 Speaker 2: some of the chains that went on a tangent about 162 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 2: ear stretching. I couldn't read them all, but I did 163 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 2: want to post an update and respond to some of 164 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 2: the comments as a whole. I told him last night 165 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 2: that I have decided to stop stretching. He simply gave 166 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 2: me a hum in response. While we continue to make 167 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 2: dinner and we haven't talked about it since, I know, 168 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 2: I'm allowed to do with my body as I see fit, 169 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 2: and he's free to leave me if he wants. Neither 170 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 2: him nor I look, act, or think like when we 171 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 2: first met. Some of the changes by choice and others 172 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 2: because aging is a thing. Tastes have changed, but I've 173 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: still chosen him. I want to believe that he still 174 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 2: continues to choose me. This choice to stop was not 175 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 2: because he told me to, but because a lot of 176 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 2: people have mentioned relationships are a give and take. At 177 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 2: almost a decade, what I do to my ears or 178 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 2: not is not a hill. I'm willing to die on 179 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 2: those of you has showed me concerned about the language 180 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 2: I used in my post. I'm grateful for your concern, 181 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: and I wholeheartedly believe this is a choice I made 182 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 2: and not a decision based on any fear of abandonment. 183 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 2: A few commentors asked how I'd like it if he 184 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 2: changed himself in a way that I didn't find attractive. 185 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 2: Georgan answer is, I don't have an answer. I'd like 186 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 2: to say, at this point in our relationship, I'm here 187 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 2: because of who he is on the inside. Well, I 188 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 2: do believe that to be my answer. I am human 189 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 2: and I am flawed. Maybe there is a thing he 190 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 2: could do, but I can't think of anything. 191 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, because like I was in a relationship once where 192 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 3: I was like kind of skinny and then like I 193 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 3: gain a little bit of way, and I feel like 194 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 3: that kind of changed the way my partner looked at me. 195 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, which I think that. 196 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 3: I mean, that's fair, but like to. 197 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 2: But in a person, yeah, it shouldn't really matter you. 198 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 3: Like, yeah, like if it really bothered her, if she 199 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 3: came to me, she'd probably like, Hey, we should probably 200 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 3: eat healthier, you should probably work out more. That'd be cool. 201 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it depends on how you broach that conversation. 202 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 2: And because I don't think if you really care for 203 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 2: a person. 204 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 3: And I feel like in a way he did that 205 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 3: he was like, Hey, he might have been a little 206 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 3: bit more like stern with it, but he probably was like, hey, 207 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 3: this is how I feel. 208 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 2: Oh, he continues, I know it seems like I stretched 209 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,959 Speaker 2: my ears from a fourteen G to at ten G 210 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 2: very quickly. You would be correct. I read several articles 211 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 2: stating that I should wait a month or so. I 212 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 2: have also read several posts from people who have stretched 213 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 2: ears that said to listen to my body. I won't 214 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 2: bore anyone with the details, but I opted to listen 215 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 2: to my body. Finally, to the user concerned about stretching 216 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 2: ears in my line of work, it's not a hazard. 217 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 2: I assure you. 218 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:52,960 Speaker 3: The dogs might get it. 219 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 2: My GM and a couple of my colleagues have gauges 220 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 2: and have never had a dog almost rip one. Your 221 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: comment made me chuckle, because, if anything, we're all more 222 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 2: concerned about dogs kicking our tools than damage to our 223 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 2: body slash body mods. And I regret not replying before 224 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 2: I lost it in the sea of comments. And that 225 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 2: is that story. 226 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 3: Wow. 227 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,679 Speaker 2: I think it ended happily. 228 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 3: I hope they figured it out. 229 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: I hope they figure it out. I think you should 230 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 2: always be a little bit wary about how much, say 231 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 2: your partner has or wants to have on how you present. 232 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,080 Speaker 2: Of course, you can't force them to stay with you 233 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 2: if you know they no longer are attracted with you. 234 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I. 235 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: Think if that comes up, then I don't think that 236 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 2: relationship was as strong as it should be. 237 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good point. 238 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 2: But you know what is strong? 239 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 3: What is that? Sophia? This is a nice story whoa. 240 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 2: Figure Warning for this next story. It does talk about 241 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:53,439 Speaker 2: abuse and there are anger issues taken to extreme measures. 242 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 2: So if that is something that you do not feel like, 243 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 2: you can watch skip to the next story, which we 244 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 2: will put our for that. My thirty one female fiance 245 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 2: thirty nine male snapped and I'm unsure if I'm overreacting. 246 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 2: This is Okayopie, Home to the craziest true stories on Earth. 247 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, And how did they overreact? 248 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 2: I think Opie's Beyonce snapped like a kit kat. 249 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 1: Ooh so Melficent eighty eighty nine forty two says my 250 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 1: fiance and I have been together three years and living 251 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: together two. 252 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 2: He's definitely a hot heead It's been a problem in 253 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,200 Speaker 2: the past, but he's a wonderful partner otherwise. He cooks, 254 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 2: eye clean. We both work, and we're best friends. Besties. 255 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 3: Aw. I love the when couples are besties. 256 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fun. We spend all our spare time together, 257 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 2: going on road trips, trying new friends, or just hanging out. 258 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 3: Wait what what trying new friends. 259 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 2: Trying trying new foods? 260 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 3: What does that mean? 261 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 2: Trying new foods? Just trying them out? You know? Fish. 262 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 2: He has in the past lost it over small things. 263 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 2: Oh my god. He has anger issues. Followed someone home 264 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:13,080 Speaker 2: twice over driving and ah, and he yelled at them. 265 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 2: He's an angry driver in general. He thinks no one 266 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,040 Speaker 2: can drive and is often speeding through traffic. Followed someone home. 267 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 3: Yeah I know that that. Yeah, No, you can't be 268 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 3: around that right. No, that's a. 269 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 2: Giant red flag. Leave this man, Oh my god, leave him. Yikes. 270 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 2: I'm scared. His angry driving is an everyday occurrence. I 271 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 2: let him drive because it's not worth the stress if 272 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 2: I drive. Because he doesn't like it. Oh my god. 273 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 2: That's such a red flag. If he can't control his 274 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 2: anger when he's driving, why would you want someone that 275 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 2: angry behind the wheel. He punched a hole in a 276 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 2: closet door after a stressful day at work. When I 277 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 2: sarcastically replied to his mood. 278 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,719 Speaker 3: Ah, I feel like some people that have anger issues. 279 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 2: On if you're punching holes in walls, go to therapy. 280 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 3: Who jel? What hujel? 281 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 2: Hujah? 282 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 3: Who jel? 283 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 2: Who is right? 284 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 3: Straight? 285 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:14,680 Speaker 2: I don't know what you're saying. This is crazy. I've 286 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 2: heard stories where they're like, people are like, yeah, my 287 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 2: partner punched a hole. 288 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,600 Speaker 3: In the wall. What dang? I have a friend that 289 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,719 Speaker 3: punched holes in the walls. And now now now I'm 290 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 3: thinking bad, Yeah. 291 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 2: That's wild. Yeah, I'm sorry what I've never wanted to 292 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 2: punch a hole in a wall, bunch of pillow. 293 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 3: I have an okay storytelling of how angry I got 294 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,560 Speaker 3: one time. I don't even want to know what I 295 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 3: look like angry. 296 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,560 Speaker 2: I think men in general need to be very aware 297 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 2: of their anger, yes, especially around women. He immediately apologized 298 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 2: when he calmed down the next day. That's not immediately apologizing, 299 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 2: that's apologizing the day later, that's not immediately. 300 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,200 Speaker 3: Apologizing like low key, it looks like he had and 301 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 3: anger issues and like this is the best way he 302 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 3: can cope with it. 303 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 2: That's not coping with it though, Well, that's just coming 304 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 2: to it. 305 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 3: This is his only way of handling it. And I 306 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 3: feel like without therapy, this is the healthiest way he 307 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 3: believes he can do it. 308 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 2: I disagree. I think he's not handling it at all. 309 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 2: These are red flags that will lead to maybe worse 310 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 2: things for a gotcha, yeah, and I think he's Yeah, 311 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 2: I think that you have to keep an eye out 312 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,559 Speaker 2: for anger like this. This is dangerous. 313 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is pretty dangerous. 314 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 2: Oh, he says, But it scared me at the time. 315 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 2: If you are scaring your partner, that's bad. This was 316 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 2: a year ago. His temper is an everyday thing, but 317 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 2: it's never directed at me. Yeah, but this is like yeah, 318 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 2: currently it's never directed at you. But I'm very worried about, like, 319 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 2: you know, one day he gets so angry that he 320 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 2: does direct it at you. And also you know, even 321 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 2: if he's not punching or throwing something at you, punching 322 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 2: a wall, that's emotional abuse, that's verbal abuse, Like get 323 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,079 Speaker 2: that angry in front of your partner. Sorry, I have 324 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 2: a lot of feelings about this. He also used to 325 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 2: tell me to pack my things in f off if 326 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 2: we were arguing. I'm definitely a calm let's talk this 327 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 2: out person. He's an I don't want to talk about 328 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 2: it person. He often feels attack and it's something we 329 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 2: had to work through. He's much better now. He tried 330 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,240 Speaker 2: anger management but said it wasn't working with his work schedule. 331 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 2: Make it it's like this, maybe so angry, I don't care. 332 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:24,360 Speaker 2: Make it work? 333 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 3: Is that three pm? And I get off at four? 334 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, make it work or we're gonna get court 335 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 2: mandated anger management therapy. 336 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 3: So it seems like he's kind of working on it. 337 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 2: It seems like he tried to work on it and 338 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 2: then got annoyed with it and stopped working on it, 339 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 2: which also isn't great. His communication is much better. Apart 340 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 2: from that. He's an affectionate goofball who treats me like 341 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 2: a queen. Okay, you would do anything for me, I 342 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 2: just have to ask. It's like a different person takes over. 343 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 3: Okay, okay, it's. 344 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 2: Not a different person. 345 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 3: Well, that's him. I understand where you're coming from. I 346 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 3: do not agree with this anger whatsoever. I believe it. 347 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 3: I do not want to be around people that are 348 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 3: angry like this. But it seems like he's nice to her, 349 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 3: he's affectionate to her, but he just has an anger 350 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 3: management problem, and his way of coping with it is 351 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 3: like distancing himself and doing these things. I believe he 352 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 3: should go to therapy and anger management, and it's wrong 353 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 3: that he's not pursuing that. It seems like he's trying 354 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 3: to work on it, but he just he does need 355 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 3: to do more work on the anger management side. 356 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 2: I gotta say I disagree. I think that it doesn't 357 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 2: seem like he is distancing himself because a lot of 358 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 2: this anger is happening in front of his partner, gotcha. 359 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 2: I think it's still a form of abuse, even if 360 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 2: it's not physical abuse directed at her. I think it's 361 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 2: still verbal abuse, especially because we know that he's telling 362 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 2: her to f off and get out of the like 363 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 2: leave gotcha, which is also like abuse. I also think 364 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 2: it is a thing that abusers do a lot to 365 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 2: keep their partner around, where they will treat them like 366 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 2: they will love bomb them and they're like, oh, you're amazing, 367 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 2: I love you and I'm sorry I ever saying that, 368 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 2: and then you know, next day they're screaming at them 369 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 2: and like punching walls. So I think that that's a 370 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 2: very common thing. 371 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 3: Okay, someone does have anger management like this, Yeah, and 372 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 3: they step out of the room and they say if 373 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 3: they are mad, they do like take a walk or something. 374 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, those are healthy. 375 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 3: Yes. 376 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 2: If he was to be like, I am so mad, 377 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 2: I need to leave the room, I cannot talk to. 378 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 3: You, gotcha, and then goes somewhere else and punch his walls, 379 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 3: absolutely sure, But he should not be doing this front 380 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 3: for her. 381 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 2: I mean, if he was doing that, I still think 382 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 2: he should go and like talk to her therapist. Absolutely, 383 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 2: but the fact that he is doing it in front 384 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 2: of her. 385 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 3: Okay, Because I was just curious. If someone has anger 386 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 3: like this and they cannot hold it in, how should 387 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 3: they express it respectfully or like in the best way 388 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 3: that they can. 389 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 2: I think again, go to therapy, go to anger management. 390 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 3: M Yeah. 391 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 2: But in the meantime, yes, you should be not. 392 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 3: In the same presence as him, do not Okay, Okay, 393 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 3: absolutely cool, I agree with that. I just want to 394 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 3: be on the same. 395 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: Page with Yeah, yeah, because I think it is abusive 396 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 2: to do this stuff in front of your pie. 397 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 3: Get a wood stove, a wood wow, because you have 398 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 3: to chop wood. You have to get a go. 399 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 2: You need to find somewhere to like get your anger 400 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,639 Speaker 2: out that's healthy, Like I don't know, Yeah, go rock, chopwood, CrossFit, 401 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: go and like go to the gym when you're angry. 402 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 2: I don't care. Find something that maybe you go to, 403 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 2: like one of those places where. 404 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 3: You can break stuff that's good too. 405 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 2: Like have a healthy outlet, because this is not a 406 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,439 Speaker 2: healthy outlet. And this is only damaging your relationship with 407 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 2: your partner. And you're making your partners scared for you 408 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,960 Speaker 2: and damaging them. Walls in your home. Yeah, on to 409 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 2: the incident. Oh no, there's an incident. Opie says. We 410 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 2: were going on holiday this week, twelve hour road trip, 411 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 2: and we decided to leave at three am. He said, 412 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 2: you didn't really sleep well, and I annoyed him because 413 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,960 Speaker 2: I wasn't ready quick enough. I wasn't I forgot some 414 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 2: things and I admit that I took too long, and 415 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 2: we left late. We stopped an hour later to grab 416 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 2: a quick service station meat pie. I don't really remember 417 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 2: the conversation leading up to this. I don't even know 418 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 2: if we were arguing. All I know is his meat 419 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 2: pie leaked on his shirt. He swore and ripped his 420 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 2: shirt down the middle like the Hulk and threw it 421 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 2: out the window. What, oh my god, this man is crazy. 422 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 2: He proceeded to speed and had the angriest look on his. 423 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,360 Speaker 3: Face because the meat pie. 424 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 2: Oh my god. Also, I feel like this might be 425 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 2: in like the UK or Australia because meat pies, meat pies, 426 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 2: me pies are an American thing, right, I've never I 427 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 2: mean I've never seen them. 428 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 3: I've never seen someone drive the need a meat pie 429 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 3: in my life. Yeah, I don't even know what a 430 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 3: meat pie is. 431 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 2: It's also a UK thing, but Australia's better based off 432 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,639 Speaker 2: of no context, because I stopped eating meat before I 433 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 2: went to the UK. 434 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 3: No, so I know. 435 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 2: But I do know Australia's meat pies and they're great. 436 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 2: But it's basically a pie filled with meat. 437 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 3: I'm not for that. It's so good. I don't know. 438 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,560 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no no no. It's a pie 439 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,479 Speaker 2: filled with meat and you have like you have like 440 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 2: tomato sauce and it's so good. 441 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 3: It sounds like meat loaf. No no, it sounds like 442 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 3: meat loah. 443 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,399 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, it's not like meat loaf. Eats 444 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 2: so much better. And I don't know how to accurately 445 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 2: like portray this, but Australians get in the comments because 446 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 2: you know what I'm talking about. They're good. I can't 447 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 2: eat them anymore, which is tragic. 448 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,360 Speaker 3: She sounds like livermush to show. 449 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, no, it's good. 450 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 3: It's good. It's just put a bunch of meat together. 451 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,359 Speaker 2: I would go to Australia when I was younger, like 452 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,640 Speaker 2: every time I showed up, my nana would bring me 453 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,560 Speaker 2: meat pies from the store, which they were just like 454 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 2: the frozen ones, but I also had like come made. 455 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,199 Speaker 2: They're good too. Oh my gosh, she heat them up. 456 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 2: I put some tomato sauce, and you're just ah, it's 457 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 2: so good. Any who, that was my tangent about meat pies. 458 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,880 Speaker 2: Let's get back to this horrible shit pescatarian. Now, yeah, 459 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 2: I can't eat this. I was scared. It was a 460 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,480 Speaker 2: dark back road and I could see he was doing 461 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,640 Speaker 2: one hundred and forty kilometers. I told him I was scared, 462 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,959 Speaker 2: and to stop, and he ignored me. I told him 463 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 2: to please calm down and stop. Suddenly he slammed on 464 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 2: the brakes. All of our things in the back flew forward. 465 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 2: He turned to look at me and said there before 466 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 2: taking off again, only faster, doing one hundred and sixty kilometers. Yeah, 467 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 2: this is abusive. 468 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: Yeah. 469 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 2: I sat there, terrified to speak up again and that 470 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,719 Speaker 2: we would hit something. He stopped not long after and 471 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 2: told me to drive because he was going to sleep. 472 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,679 Speaker 2: He woke up two hours later and didn't say anything 473 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 2: about it. It was an hour or so after he 474 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,399 Speaker 2: woke up he said, sorry about before. I was really tired. 475 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 2: That is not an excuse. I'm in shock. He doesn't 476 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 2: seem to think it was a huge deal. It's been 477 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 2: two days and we've just moved on from it. He said, 478 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,360 Speaker 2: nothing happened, and he knows how to control a vehicle, 479 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 2: and why would he put himself in danger. 480 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,159 Speaker 3: Before this conversation that we had about the love bombing, 481 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 3: I would say, oh, he's in the right. He doesn't 482 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 3: know how to control his anger. And he said sorry, 483 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,640 Speaker 3: But now since learning about the love bombing, that's horrible. 484 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 3: So it's just manipulating. 485 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,919 Speaker 1: Absolutely manipulating. Yeah, okare Yeah, I thank you for listening. 486 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: I'm growing yeah, no, no, no, thank you for listening. 487 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 2: Thought is great. Yeah, And I, of course have never 488 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 2: been in this situation, so if anyone out there in comments, 489 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 2: I hope you also haven't. You haven't been in that situation, 490 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 2: but if you have, you know, or if people know 491 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 2: more about this, feel free to like comment and you know, 492 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,919 Speaker 2: give your thoughts. Give you notice in your partner that 493 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 2: these this is a pattern that is happening over and 494 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 2: over and they're apologizing. These apologies mean nothing, yeah, because 495 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 2: it keeps happening. An apology is a promise, I think, 496 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 2: to do better, and it does not necessarily mean that 497 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 2: you won't do it ever again. But it does mean 498 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 2: that you should be trying to get better in the future. 499 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 3: Because over time, you're sorries will mean nothing. 500 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,200 Speaker 2: You mean nothing. I just need some advice. I'm starting 501 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,120 Speaker 2: to rethink this whole relationship based off this incident because 502 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 2: I'm scared to tell my friends because they will hold 503 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 2: judgments on him. Please tell your friends. 504 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 505 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,720 Speaker 2: Update. I'm so completely overwhelmed by the response from this group. 506 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,440 Speaker 2: I never thought I've received so many helpful and worried comments. 507 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,400 Speaker 2: I have four more days of this trip, and since 508 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,719 Speaker 2: so many are telling me to be careful, I'm not 509 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 2: going to do anything until I get home. You've all 510 00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 2: shown me it's time to tell my sister and brother 511 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 2: what's going on. They live in the same city. Thank 512 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 2: you again for all your help. I feel so rattled. 513 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 2: I've never once thought it was abuse. I just thought 514 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,879 Speaker 2: it he needed help and support. W read it, you know, 515 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 2: sometimes read it comes through. 516 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 3: They do, they do, they do, And. 517 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 2: There are some relevant comments. But before we get into that, 518 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,719 Speaker 2: I think just to the point about feeling afraid or 519 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,120 Speaker 2: like about talking to her friends because she doesn't want 520 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: them to like think badly of him, I think that 521 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 2: happens a lot when you're in a relationship and you 522 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 2: notice these red flags, but only you only want to 523 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 2: tell the great things to your friends. Tell your friends 524 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 2: because they have an outside perspective. Yeah, tell your friends 525 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 2: when you notice red flags, because they're not blinded. 526 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 3: I would say, I've recently a friend back home reached 527 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 3: out to me and was like, Hey, I'm thinking about 528 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 3: ending it with a certain person because of like starting 529 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 3: to attributes that that they're showing me, and like I 530 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 3: kind of saw those things. I didn't really see them directly, 531 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,399 Speaker 3: but I got a bad vibe off the person, and 532 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 3: I kind of feel bad for like not saying anything 533 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 3: to them. They knew them longer, but she reached out 534 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 3: to me because she felt like I was one of 535 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 3: the closest people she can talk to about it. Yeah, 536 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,679 Speaker 3: it's sometimes it's just tricky. 537 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 2: I think it is definitely not a tricky situation when you, 538 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,880 Speaker 2: as an outsider of the relationship come forward and are like, I, 539 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 2: you know, I've notniced these things. 540 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, because being a guy saying that to a girl 541 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 3: might get the wrong Yeah. 542 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,120 Speaker 2: No, I think that is a tricky situation, and only 543 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,439 Speaker 2: if you're seeing like really bad stuff. But if you're 544 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,639 Speaker 2: just on a vibe, you know, it's hard to come forward. 545 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 2: You know, they might be very defensive. I think more 546 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 2: of what I'm saying is when you're in a relationship 547 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,359 Speaker 2: and you're noticing those red flags, like please talk to 548 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 2: your friends. If you feel like you have good friends, 549 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 2: you should definitely be bringing that up because your friends 550 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 2: usually want to help and usually are able to kind 551 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 2: of accurately judge your relationship because they're not in it 552 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 2: and they're not blinded. As I said, that's what I 553 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,440 Speaker 2: have to say about that, but there are some relevant comments. 554 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 2: Brilliant Persimmon eighty seven says Hug Hug, Hug, Hug Hug. 555 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 2: I'm sorry that you're going through this. Deep down, you 556 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 2: know that it's more than him being a hothead. He 557 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 2: has displayed some intensely scary behaviors along with an unwillingness, 558 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 2: not inability, but unwillingness to process his emotions in a 559 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,400 Speaker 2: healthy way. It will not get better. It will start 560 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 2: to become even more confusing as your brain struggles to 561 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 2: comprehend how this nice and sweet man can be so violent. 562 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 2: At the same time, he apologizes to keep you from leaving. 563 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 2: This is known behavior from an abuser, now, which is 564 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 2: what we said. Liase listen to us. Please don't ignore 565 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 2: what your brain and instincts are trying to tell you. 566 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 2: Please don't let the fear of judgment hinder you from 567 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 2: seeking help to get out of a dangerous situation. Talk 568 00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 2: to family, talk to friends, reach out to people. You 569 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 2: need to get yourself to safety, because if you stay 570 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 2: with this man, he will endanger your life again. And 571 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,160 Speaker 2: OPI responded, I'm sort of in shock. With these comments. 572 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,600 Speaker 2: I never once called it abuse or even thought it. 573 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,879 Speaker 2: He just had a problem that needed to be worked through. 574 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 2: My friends and family love him. I've never told them 575 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 2: about this side, but now I'm starting to think I 576 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 2: didn't tell them about his struggles because I knew what 577 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,440 Speaker 2: they say. Unsupported device says he is not a good 578 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,480 Speaker 2: partner or a good guy. He does do not care 579 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,440 Speaker 2: about you, point blank period, end of story. I need 580 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 2: you to know that I'm not trying to be harsh, 581 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,880 Speaker 2: but it's impered if you realize he does not care 582 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 2: about you. He's willingly putting you in unsafe positions and 583 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,439 Speaker 2: doesn't even like or respect you enough to stop his 584 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 2: bad behavior. When you tell him you're scared. His ego 585 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,399 Speaker 2: is then so huge he needs to embarrass you in 586 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 2: some sort of gotcha moment when you call out his behavior. 587 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,000 Speaker 2: I wish you the best, honey, but run. This man 588 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 2: is a loser who is also deeply bitter. Your life 589 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,399 Speaker 2: will be so much better. I promise. There is no 590 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 2: award for suffering. I know you've invested time and yourself 591 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 2: into this relationship, but put simply, this man isn't even 592 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 2: kind to you. The bare minimum should be kindness and 593 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 2: there is a common from OPI but yeah, no, I 594 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 2: think that really sums up yeah, our thoughts. I'm finding 595 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 2: it hard to reconcile that the man who cried when 596 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,879 Speaker 2: we were picking out our first dance song, who told 597 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 2: me I'm the best woman he's ever met, and that 598 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 2: he feels so lucky that we met, the man who 599 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,160 Speaker 2: cuddles me on the couch and rubs my sore back 600 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,360 Speaker 2: at the end of the week, is this abusive man too. 601 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 2: Mother said he rages. Their incidents are worse than anything 602 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 2: that he's ever done with me. His mother hugged me 603 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 2: and cried when I got him to go to his 604 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 2: anger management because she's been trying for years. His sister 605 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 2: doesn't have relationship with him, and since being with me, 606 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 2: they have mended it and become closer again. She said, 607 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 2: I seem to make him a lot calmer. I'm starting 608 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 2: to question why I never seriously question what he was 609 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 2: like before me. I'm starting to wonder if the longer 610 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,360 Speaker 2: we are together, the more that side is appearing. I'm 611 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:30,120 Speaker 2: just absolutely devastated. And there is an update. Yeah, I mean, 612 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 2: this is also a thing that abusers do. They will 613 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 2: hide parts of themselves and then once they think, you know, 614 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,840 Speaker 2: their partner is more trapped in a relationship, those sides 615 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 2: come out more. 616 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:44,399 Speaker 3: Yikes. That makes me Yeah, not saying I am I 617 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 3: am one, but I'm like, huh, once it gets seldom 618 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:51,639 Speaker 3: to a relationship, what kind of attributes will I. 619 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 2: I think it's just about awareness. 620 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, maah. 621 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 2: I have never seen you, you know, lash out and 622 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 2: anger stuff, and I've seen you know, I've seen guys 623 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 2: lash out and get really angry over you know, video games, 624 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 2: which I think is like you have to be very 625 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 2: aware of that because you know that can shine through 626 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 2: in other areas of your life. 627 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 3: True. 628 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. I think when you enter a relationship 629 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,359 Speaker 2: and the longer it goes on, you have to be 630 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 2: very aware of how you're talking to your partner because 631 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 2: you can't get less respectful. The longer the relationship goes on, 632 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,320 Speaker 2: you want to get more respectful and talk, you know, 633 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 2: communicate more. 634 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,399 Speaker 3: This is true because there's the three month like test, 635 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,520 Speaker 3: Like after you've known someone for three months, yeah, if 636 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 3: they did have a facade on the relationship, that's yeah. 637 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,320 Speaker 2: Gone, yeah, absolutely. 638 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 3: I try to be real with people, but I'm like, 639 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 3: what what else do I have to be real more. 640 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 2: About how long have we been rooming together? 641 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 3: Like two and a half? You got? You got two 642 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 3: more weeks? I got two more weeks? Whoa excellent story time? 643 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:48,920 Speaker 3: We have a story time. 644 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 2: We believe it at the end because it might uplift us. 645 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:56,399 Speaker 2: After update, thank you to everyone who commented on my 646 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,200 Speaker 2: previous post. It's been a while since my original post, 647 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 2: and a lot has happened. The end of the relationship 648 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 2: was nothing short of a soap opera. I spent nights 649 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,439 Speaker 2: in bed next to him on our holiday reading Lundy 650 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 2: Bancroft's book, and I was floored. Do we know what 651 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,879 Speaker 2: that book is? Is this about like relationships? Lundy Bancroft. 652 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,080 Speaker 3: Oh, he's a consultant on domestic. 653 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 2: Abuse, but he's a writer on domestic abuse, and so 654 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,879 Speaker 2: that makes sense that wow, wait, so oh he's reading 655 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,360 Speaker 2: this next to their partner. 656 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 3: That's ballsy. 657 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 2: All the comments were so eye opening, even if I 658 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 2: didn't want to believe it was that serious. So many 659 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 2: things were hitting home, so many things I didn't consider abuse, 660 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 2: but these were things I wasn't telling friends or family about. 661 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 2: I was protecting him from anyone knowing what he was 662 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 2: really like. A part of the book referenced cheating and 663 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 2: abusers as one archetype that matched a lot of my 664 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 2: partner's attributes. I thought I was crazy, But over a 665 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 2: week after we got home from our holiday, he got 666 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,120 Speaker 2: home from work, We had dinner, and he went to showers, 667 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 2: so I checked his phone. I repeated this for quite 668 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 2: a few nights, gathering evidence he's been cheating on me. 669 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 3: WHOA, Oh God, you think that's why I didn't get 670 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 3: enough sleep that one night? 671 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,640 Speaker 2: Hope not God. Lots of different women over the last 672 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,920 Speaker 2: three years, and currently one woman who knows all about 673 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 2: me and likes to talk about how awful I am 674 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:11,600 Speaker 2: with him. 675 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 3: An instigator, Oh, a lot of things he thought. 676 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 2: He deleted that messenger archived. I eventually confronted him one 677 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 2: of those nights when he was coming to bed, and 678 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 2: he told me he was too tired to talk about it, 679 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 2: that I invaded his privacy, and that they were friends. 680 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 2: Before this goes further, if you were ever in a 681 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,160 Speaker 2: situation where you want to confront a partner but you 682 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 2: know that they are abusive. These do not do that alone. Yeah, 683 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,560 Speaker 2: get someone you trust to bring them with you in 684 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 2: that situation, because that is a very dangerous situation to 685 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 2: put yourself in. I was so angry. I pushed it 686 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 2: in terms of keeping the conversation going, not physically. He 687 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 2: said he wanted to sleep, and I said if I 688 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 2: wasn't getting any sleep, he wasn't either. He snapped, He 689 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 2: punched a hole in the wall. He broke our dresser. 690 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 2: Get out of there, please, it's destroyed. He went into 691 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 2: the kitchen and smashed other things. It was terrifying. I 692 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,960 Speaker 2: was begging him to stop. He then said I was 693 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,320 Speaker 2: lucky something of his wasn't broken. I got my things 694 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 2: and snuck to my car and went to a friend's. 695 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 2: He called me and said not to bother coming home. 696 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 2: I wasn't. Why would I. The next day he said 697 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 2: it was all my fault because I wouldn't let him 698 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,680 Speaker 2: walk away, that I was a moron and ruined everything. 699 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 2: That I should have let him sleep and waited until 700 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 2: the morning. I called my brothers and said I needed 701 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 2: to get my things. I decided it wasn't a good 702 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,400 Speaker 2: idea for them to come yet, because I think they 703 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 2: would have escalated the situation as they were angry too. 704 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 2: I yes, cool, I'm god, Yeah, absolutely. I took my 705 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,120 Speaker 2: sister and friend and had them wait in the car 706 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 2: until I was sure I was safe. He wasn't meant 707 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,480 Speaker 2: to be home, but it was. They said I had 708 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 2: five minutes until they were coming in. I told him 709 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,400 Speaker 2: i'd come to get my things. He got emotional and 710 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,640 Speaker 2: said he never wanted me to see that side of him, 711 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,200 Speaker 2: but he shows it all the time. 712 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: Dude, that's literally you. Bro, that's just you. It's not 713 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 1: that side of you, that's just you. I said we 714 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 1: were done, and he got angry again and chased me 715 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 1: into the garage, throwing pillows at me. He said I 716 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 1: would regret not fighting for this, and I asked him 717 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: what I was fighting for, because this wasn't how you 718 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,320 Speaker 1: treat someone you love. He collapsed into a crying mess 719 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 1: and said he loved me too much and needed me, 720 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 1: that he'd been an idiot and ruined it all love bombing. 721 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, this is manipulation. He said I could take 722 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,000 Speaker 2: what I wanted, that he would speak to me tomorrow 723 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 2: when we both slept. He got upset when my friend 724 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 2: and sister came inside because he didn't know they knew. 725 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,959 Speaker 2: I took the opportunity to get clothes and my brother's 726 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 2: return for my things. Two days after, he sobbed on 727 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,000 Speaker 2: the phone to me to reconsider it, that he wasn't 728 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 2: getting attention from me and did the wrong thing, that 729 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 2: he's really stressed and it all came to a head. 730 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 2: He also told me that this would happen to me again, 731 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 2: and the devil I knew was better than any other. 732 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,400 Speaker 3: Oh my god, he's so manipulative. 733 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 2: He was begging me to come home. I cut contact, 734 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:53,120 Speaker 2: thank god, thank god. Three weeks later, he's posting pictures 735 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,400 Speaker 2: with one of the other women and in a relationship 736 00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 2: with her. I'm so scared for this other woman. I'm 737 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 2: just floored by the turn of events. Thank you to 738 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 2: everyone who commented this man was an abuser and writing 739 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,320 Speaker 2: here save me. Please don't date angry men. Please realize 740 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 2: if there's physical violence of any kind, they're capable of worse. 741 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 2: The cheating was a bullet I didn't see coming. I 742 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 2: never suspected him of that ever in the whole three years. 743 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 2: And I'm extremely embarrassed at being replaced so easily and 744 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 2: being fooled so easily. I'm living with my brother. My 745 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,720 Speaker 2: self esteem is in the toilet, and I guess I'm 746 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 2: starting my life over again. Relevant comments Remember Talladay five 747 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 2: to five says, welcome to a new life. Wipe the 748 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 2: slate clean, but keep the lessons learned. I'm proud of 749 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 2: you for standing up for yourself. It took me ten years, 750 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 2: you did it in three. Opie says, very close to four. 751 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,360 Speaker 2: To be honest, it's still very hard to let go. 752 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,000 Speaker 2: I was so trauma bonded to him. It's still a 753 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,479 Speaker 2: work in progress. Demilo says, I'm so glad you're okay. 754 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 2: So many women don't make it out. I'm so glad 755 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,160 Speaker 2: you did and have a supportive network. To the next chapter, 756 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 2: Opie says, I can understand why. The main reason was 757 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 2: that I told someone. It sounds silly, but after telling 758 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 2: my friend, I couldn't take it back. Seeing her horror 759 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:05,000 Speaker 2: and worry spurred me on. Also, the idea of her 760 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,160 Speaker 2: disappointment if I went back. The bond was so strong. 761 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,320 Speaker 2: I still miss the good parts that I know he's 762 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 2: not a good man and I have completely ghosted him. 763 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 2: That is great to hear. 764 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 3: So I got to pick the story like this, guys, 765 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 3: but hopefully it was learning. I learned a lot. I 766 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:20,800 Speaker 3: learned about love bombing. 767 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, we're learning things. I think for anyone out there. 768 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,200 Speaker 2: If you, I hope you don't recognize yourself in the story, 769 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:31,640 Speaker 2: but yeah, if you do, yes, please you know any 770 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,720 Speaker 2: sort of reactions that are this aggressive, that is a 771 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,800 Speaker 2: red flag. And if your partner is screaming at you 772 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 2: and then the next day is telling you that they 773 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,120 Speaker 2: love you, that is also not okay. But to slightly 774 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 2: lighten the mood, you've had a okay story. 775 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,400 Speaker 3: I was gonna say the most angry thing I did, okay, okay, 776 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 3: to not lighten the mood yet, Yeah, okay, the most 777 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 3: angry thing I've done is I broke a desk in 778 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,840 Speaker 3: my room. Not really broke it apparently, but I was like, 779 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 3: it was like after my breakup, and I was like 780 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,400 Speaker 3: and then I was like just like boom boom boom, 781 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 3: and then it like kind of broke. But I didn't 782 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 3: do it all the way. But then I felt better 783 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 3: after that, Like that seem most like okay. Other than that, 784 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,400 Speaker 3: I just yeah, but I wouldn't do that here. I 785 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 3: wouldn't break my dost. Let's break your desk, but Drew 786 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 3: has a punching bags. We'll just go punch it. 787 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, there are things that you can go punch that 788 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,359 Speaker 2: are meant to be punched out there if you guys 789 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,560 Speaker 2: have anger. 790 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,800 Speaker 3: But the the okay storytime, they'll uplift it uplifting. So 791 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,440 Speaker 3: my friends are here from Tennessee. My girlfriends are here, 792 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 3: and one of them said, we're gonna go to the beach. 793 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 3: Love you and I said love you too. And I 794 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 3: was like, Sophia, what are we going to get at 795 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,720 Speaker 3: that point where he's like, I'm gonna go to San Diego. 796 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 3: I'm like, love you, be safe. Yeah, And she directly 797 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 3: then looked into her calendar and said, how's March seventeenth sound. 798 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,479 Speaker 3: He said, Patty's day? Well, she said two pm. I said, great, 799 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 3: good to know. 800 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, we said a time, you know, because it'd be 801 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:53,200 Speaker 2: weird if we. 802 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 3: Did it before that, he would be weird. It would 803 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 3: be we just yeah, I've been three months, but yeah, 804 00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 3: it will be three months then. 805 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,879 Speaker 2: And so this is this is connecting to the three 806 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 2: month rule of like you don't know the person until 807 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,920 Speaker 2: three months and so this will literally be three months. 808 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:11,439 Speaker 3: And I did that subconsciously yep yep, because yeah, wow wow, 809 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 3: Because I like to say and buy to the homies 810 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:14,000 Speaker 3: before they go. 811 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 2: I still love you to all my friends, so probably, 812 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 2: but we're we're almost there. 813 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:19,800 Speaker 3: We're so close.