WEBVTT - Everyone Should Try Being Gay with Karamo Brown 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:03.760 Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How are you. Oh, I'm well, 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:07.440 thank you. It's September. We're still in September. I feel 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:10.440 like September is definitely part of summer now, it's not 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:16.959 the fall. I was at Disneyland. Okay, that's enough, Nope, 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:22.240 no more talking. Almost died there. So there has been 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:24.279 a heat wave in Los Angeles, and luckily I've only 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:27.240 been there. I'm not there right now. I've only been 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.120 in Los Angeles for six days this month. Oh my gosh. 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:32.559 So that's been good because I tried to avoid I 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:34.840 tried to hop scotch around the country to avoid the heat. 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:38.280 But yeah, one hundred and five degrees is gross, especially 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:40.599 for like ten days straight. My family and I are 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:43.640 in the business now, My cousins and my nuclear family 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:48.040 are all in the business now of buying a compound. Oh, 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:52.320 we are looking in Connecticut possibly. I told Molly to 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:54.160 get on it because obviously I can't do any of 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:57.840 the legwork. She's responsible, and she's responsible, way more capable 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:00.680 than I am doing almost anything. When we were on 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:02.600 tour this last weekend, I was like, can you just 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:04.680 go up and do my set for me? And She's like, no, 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:07.280 that's one thing I cannot do say she probably knows 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:09.679 that now. But I can do is my set. It's 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:14.440 like I'm capable of doing nothing but talking excessively, and 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:16.319 that I don't even really want to do that either. 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:19.360 I mean, I don't know. Everything I do is writing talking. 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:23.200 It's all word use. That's it. You're a specialist. I'm 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.400 a talking specialist. Even my editor came back to me 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:29.679 last weekend and we had to do a legal call. 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:31.080 I had to do a legal call to make sure, 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:33.880 like book, yeah, for these situations that are true. And 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.119 my book is going to be published on a very 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.679 special date next year. It may or may not be 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.039 my fiftieth birthday, So we will get to that when 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.560 we get to that. But she was like, oh, we 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:47.840 have to do and I'm like, listen, I don't know 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:50.440 how many more conversations I can have about this fucking book. 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.400 I wrote it. It's in great fucking shape, and like, 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:55.600 let's wrap it up. I told Molly, I'm like, I 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:56.920 have to do a call about my book. She's like, 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.520 oh my god, is that book still Oh my good? 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.640 Has it even come out yet? And I'm already done 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:02.400 talking about it? 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:04.800 So you need to like manifest for you, like things 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:07.760 coming to a close, like things like moving the fuck. 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:12.360 I know, Oh, Doug, not you, Doug though, no, not you, 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:15.720 you say we need you. Our guest today is someone 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:17.640 you know as one of the Fab Five on Netflix's 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.799 Queer Eye. He also has his talk show Karamo, which 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:23.880 is back for it's third season. So please welcome Emmy 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:26.400 winning talk show host Caramo Brown. 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:31.840 Through Life. I don't wait for anyone else to do it. 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:34.400 Yeah, no, exactly. You got a clap for yourself. If 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:36.200 I could clap with my feet, I would be but 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.240 I can't. I could do other things with my feet, though, 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:42.000 but we'll get into that later. I'm sure. I'm just 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:45.680 about to say, obviously you can too. We're recording in 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.160 my house today, so this is very exciting, beautiful home. 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.639 You're oh, well, thank you, it's coming together. You're our 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:55.639 first in house guest ever. That is exactly well. I 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:57.880 always love a black man to start anything off for me. 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:00.679 This is perfect. Okay. I want to talk to you 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.920 about your story because it's pretty fascinating about your children, 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:06.680 So break down for us. You came out when you 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:08.079 were sixteen, is that right? 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:08.560 Fifteen? 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:12.799 Fifteen fifteen and you had already gotten someone pregnant unbeknownst 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:13.080 to you. 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:13.440 Yea. 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:15.760 So she was I like your stuff. 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:18.280 Yeah, you do it right. She was my best friend. 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:20.200 She was probably one the first people I told that 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:22.960 I was gay at fourteen, before I told my entire family, 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:26.000 and which was rough because I'm a son of immigrants, 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:27.400 so my parents aren't from this country. 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:28.079 Where are they from? 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:32.280 Jamaican and Cuba, And the Jamaica's side is very you know, 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.440 they're very homophobic. But I just knew I couldn't live 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:37.360 my life without telling the truth. I'm somebody who just 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:39.600 spits out my own truth. Hey, like I like you, 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:42.560 no secrets, tell it all. And so she had a 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:44.520 boyfriend that was a senior when we were a freshman, 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:45.960 and she didn't want to lose a virgina to him 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.120 and be bad, so she'd be bad in bed, be 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:50.120 bad in bed. So she asked if I would practice 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:54.200 with her. And again at fourteen fifteen, it made sense, like, 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.000 you know, I'm gay, but I can practice with you. 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.320 I'm a male, so we can practice. And anything got 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:00.560 me hard back then, like the breeze, the wind got 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:00.920 me hard. 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:02.840 That's always something that comes up with men that we 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:05.800 had sex with women before they came out. People like, 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:07.800 how did you get an erection? I'm like, ah, any 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:10.080 teenager can get in an direction, anything by. 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.640 A curtain, yeah, anything, you know what I mean. The 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:14.200 beating of the music in the car, and all of 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:17.159 a sudden, I was like aroused, and so we did it. 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.560 It lasted, no joke, five seconds, and I sat on 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.240 the edge of the bed, like pacing back and forth. 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:24.479 It was like no, no, no, but I was just 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:25.720 like I knew I did not want to do that 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:26.679 ever again. 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:27.400 Was it sex? 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:32.400 It was obviously penetrated once or twice, and then was 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.400 like I don't like this, don't like this, and I 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:37.440 feel bad later in life I apologize because I'm like 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:39.520 I ruined your first time. Like I'm on the bed 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.200 of the side of the bed crying and you're like 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:43.560 holding me and saying I'm so sorry, and I'm like, 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:44.200 that's your first thing. 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:45.680 It's almost like you were in a threesome and you 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.599 were the third person that got left out, sitting on 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:48.080 the edge of the. 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:52.000 Bed exactly, and then she moved away. This is nineteen 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:55.000 ninety five, so this before the internet. Like the things 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:57.239 that we know today cell phones, so when someone moved, 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:59.560 if you didn't have their home address or their home number, 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.400 you couldn't you know, see him. And so I went 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.719 on with my life. And then when my son was nine, 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:07.600 I got a stack of paper for back child support 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:10.440 from the Attorney Generals of Texas office, and I thought 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:13.600 I was being punked because that show Punk was on 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.000 and I was on Real World back in the day, 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.960 so I thought they were doing some like punked, you 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:21.840 know d lists version, you know, like let's punk the 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:23.560 gay guy from Real World. And I was like, I 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:26.200 don't have a freaking kid, threw the papers down, and 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:29.800 then soon that night I realized I saw her name 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:32.400 that I hadn't seen since I was fifteen, My name 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.000 and then this kid's name, and then I went back 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:37.320 to Texas where I'm from to find out if it's true, 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.640 found out it was, and then petitioned for custody of 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:43.440 him six months later, full custody, full custody because she 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:46.400 was now twenty five with five kids, so she was drowning. 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:49.520 And so she had reached out for support to you right. 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.240 Who was she applied for benefits and the State of 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:53.960 Texas found me because she put my name on the 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:55.200 birth certificate without me knowing. 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:56.240 Oh okay, I see. 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:58.479 And so when I showed up on her doorsteps, she 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.679 didn't even know that I was coming. And it's funny 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:02.640 because I should have been angry, but I wasn't because 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:04.760 the men I saw her, we were fifteen again, I 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:07.680 know the broken home she came from, and so I 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:10.560 just remembered us being kids, and so I just was like, 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:12.720 we just started crying and laughing. And for the first 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:15.279 thirty minutes that we reconnected, we didn't even talk about 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:17.839 the kid. Were like, we're just reconnecting. And then she 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:20.120 was like, oh shit, your son's coming home in thirty minutes. 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:21.440 Do you want to meet him? 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:23.719 But what prevented her from reaching out to you this 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:24.320 whole time? 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:25.919 She said she didn't want to ruin my life, like 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:26.680 her life was wrong. 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:28.880 Oh oh my god. 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:31.000 She was like she wanted We grew up extremely poor, 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.240 and she was like she wanted want of us to 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:35.800 make it, and so her idea was by me not 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:38.480 having to deal with this, I would make it. And 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:41.159 there's a lot of part to that that's true. I 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:42.760 talk about this with my best friend Tray all the time. 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:45.400 Is that, like, I don't know if i'd be here 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.680 if I had to have the responsibility of raising a 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:52.080 child at fifteen, absolutely, you know, like I was afforded 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:53.520 to go through high school, I was afford to go 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.400 through college, I was afford to move to LA to 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.760 kind of live my life. And then a child popped up. 0:06:57.760 --> 0:06:59.520 And don't get me wrong, I was still young, but 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.560 now I had all the resources and enough knowledge to 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:05.359 take care of him. But at fifteen, I mean, I 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:07.240 don't think. I don't know if that could have screwed 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:09.320 me up totally. I might have went back in the clouse. 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:10.760 I don't know, you know, I'd like, I don't know 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.000 where my life would have been if she didn't make 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.840 that decision. And so because of that decision, that's why 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:17.360 I took custody, Because I said, I'm going to make 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:19.400 your life easier in every way I can. 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.560 And was she okay with you taking custody for custody events. 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:24.400 Well, she was because of the fact that I made 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.400 a promise to her that I would keep our family tight. 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:28.520 So even for the first year and a half that 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.960 I got him, I didn't move from Texas, even though 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:33.200 I had my place in La I'd made sure that 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:35.440 every day we were going back and forth so that 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:38.040 he felt connected. But then I realized there was a 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.440 bigger plan because within that year, she has another son 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:44.760 who because I worked as in social services, I was 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.520 a safe placement and so instead of them moving all 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.080 the kids into foster care, and so he came with me. 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:51.560 And it was supposed to be for six weeks thirty 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:55.240 six months, and somewhere at that year point of him 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:57.640 being with me, he was doing better. He's going to therapy, 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:00.280 his grades was great, and he called me dad because 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.240 he never knew his biological father. And I was like, oh, 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.160 should I have two kids? And so I went to 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:06.520 her and I was like, they're both doing good. Should 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:09.400 I take custody of both? And she was like, thank you. 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:12.480 And we've been a tight knit family. She comes, we're tight. 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:15.480 We go back and forth and and you know, so, 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:17.480 I'm like, you did it for me so I could 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:18.400 be here, so I'm going to help you. 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:20.240 Wow, that's really beautiful. 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.760 So the lesson of this is every girl out there, 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:23.800 sleep with your gay. 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:26.440 Bestie, that's right. I hope that they'll make it on 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.560 queer eyes and then yeah, and I get. 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:30.360 Their own talk show. 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:35.199 Yeah, so how is that? I mean, what that responsibility 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:37.960 coming on in such a burst. I mean, you don't 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.080 really have a lot of time to prepare for that responsibility. 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:43.960 So what what was it about it that made it 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:45.920 so doable for you? 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.040 Well, it wasn't. I think I had this sort of 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.640 blind delusion because my father was shitty and I knew 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:53.680 that I didn't want to be him, so I sort 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:55.480 of I went into this with sort of like a 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:58.079 vengeance of I'm gonna show you you fuck her, I'm 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:00.400 not like you and I and so if I'm being 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:01.760 real with it, it wasn't that I was like I 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.720 could be a dad. I just knew that I wasn't 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.120 going to be him, and I wanted him to watch 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:08.880 me be better than him. But in that process I 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.720 learned so much empathy, love, vulnerability. Like my kids saved 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.359 my life because right before I'd met them, I was suicidal. 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:18.040 I tried to kill myself two years before. My best friend, 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:20.240 the same person is the one who found me. He 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.280 was leaving for work and I just tried to do 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.960 it and then on his he had a sense and 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.240 came back and called the ambulance. So I was just 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:28.960 having and it was all based on daddy issues, all 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.720 daddy issues, everything about my father hating me. You know, 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.440 my dad was abusive to my mother my entire life, 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:39.000 and when I told him I was gay, he literally 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:41.920 from in high school because we lived together my mother 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.800 finally divorced him. He would walk by me for weeks 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:46.880 without saying a word. And now I know what type 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.520 of emotional and mental abuse that is, but at the 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:51.400 time it was just our household. He would literally be 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:53.520 standing in the kitchen. I would ask him questions to me, 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:55.280 like talk to me, talk to me, and he would 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:56.480 not because he was like, I don't want to talk 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.240 to your fagot ass. And so I knew that I 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:01.560 could be better than him when I became a father, 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:03.280 and that was sort of the catalyst. I'm like, yeah, 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:03.560 give me. 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.760 Kids, and what's your Have you had any contact with 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:06.440 your father now? 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.800 Yeah, a couple of years ago, like six years ago, 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:10.720 which I thought was the money and fame, but he 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:13.480 hasn't answer or anything. Fingers crossed. He came to me 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:15.720 later and was like, I'm so sorry for how I 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:19.480 treated you. I reconciled my relationship with religion and my 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:21.160 relationship with you, and I realized I should have put 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:24.120 you first. I'm sorry for everything I did. Please give 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.480 me a chance, and I had already give forgiven him 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:28.199 from years ago. I was like, I was like, you 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:29.719 didn't know no better because your daddy didn't teach you 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:31.480 any better, and you didn't know any better because you 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:33.480 were hurting, And so I just I gave that up 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:35.920 a long time ago, any hurt. And also I didn't 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:37.360 want my kids to see me hating. 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:39.760 So I was called a cycle breaker. 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:43.400 That's book to cycle breaker. 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:46.120 Yeah, so I just opted and I was like, you 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:48.560 welcomed me back in my life. Thing. Two boundaries I 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:50.240 have is that you can never disrespect me in front 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:52.079 of my children, because if you have a problem with 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:55.480 who I'm dating or who I'm loving. And secondly, you're 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:58.040 not able to teach any of my kids in your 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.520 bad habits, So like if you're drinking or these things, 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:02.320 and does I said, if you can respect those two things, 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.640 you're fine. And he has not ever say anything bad. 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:06.760 And when he gets around the suns, he is like 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:08.920 an angel. And my Mom's always like, that's all it took. 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.760 Tokim a fucking angel with some boundaries on his ass. 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.719 I know better late than never, though, right. 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.040 I Mean, people can be such big disappointments in your life, 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.200 but once they turn it around, it's like all is forgiven. 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.960 I mean, if you're a healthy person who's able to forgive, 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:22.760 oh yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of people that can't. 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.360 But forgiving is so good for you, it's so good. 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:27.040 Well that's why I did it earlier, because I realized 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.679 when I was suicidal it was because I was holding 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.480 onto all this anger with him, and I was like 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.839 resenting him, and it made me sadder. And then I 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:34.360 was like, I don't want to be here anymore because 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:36.520 like what, I'm gonna end up being like him and 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.800 like all this stuff. I had a boyfriend before, when 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:41.679 I was in my twenties that we were in a physical, 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:45.160 abusive relationship and anytime I got angry, I would hit 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:49.560 him and it was you too, No, I was I 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:51.959 was a bully. I was my father. I was my father. 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:54.360 And that sort of led me to that place of 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:57.520 being depressed because I knew I was turning into him, 0:11:57.640 --> 0:11:59.679 and because it was the only model I have where 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:01.400 I like, people would get mad and I would just 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.880 go silent. I was just like literally turning into him. 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:08.240 And I didn't realize until I forgave him and told myself, 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:11.160 I have to work to be better. I have to work. 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:14.559 I have to make conscious decisions to break this that 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:16.080 I would have I would have turned into him. And 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:18.160 so you know, I'm glad I didn't. 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.520 No, I'm glad you did it too. What's your relationship 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:21.520 status these days? 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:22.240 I'm single? 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:24.800 And are you available looking for a lover? 0:12:25.040 --> 0:12:25.199 Oh? 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:26.360 No, you're not. 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:27.040 I am not. 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:28.880 How old are your kids now? 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:30.480 Twenty six and twenty four? 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:31.040 Shit? 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:33.160 Yeah, that is crazy. 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:37.679 I do not want a relationship. Why because they're trash? Well, 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:41.439 I want everyone else to find love. I just don't 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:41.640 want to. 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:44.240 Well that's normal for to go through phases where you're 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:44.760 not interested. 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:46.800 Yeah, what, I've never been seing on my entire life. 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:48.560 Well, then that's why you need to be single. 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:48.959 That's it. 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:49.680 Yeah. 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:50.880 How long has it been. 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:52.079 That I've been single? 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:52.600 Mm hmm? 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:55.440 What two months? 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:57.760 Oh? Well that's not a lot of time. 0:12:57.920 --> 0:12:58.160 I know. 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:00.120 I'm being patient and. 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.800 You're not getting penetrated at all. I'm sorry, or penetrating anyone. 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:06.400 I don't know if you're a top bottom. Okay, Well, 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.160 I can talk about your body that you're probably a top, 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:10.360 a good top. But yeah, I've been able to now 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.760 differentiate tops and bottoms. I'm like, oh yeah, well, I 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:19.400 mean it's pretty obvious. Are you a top or bottom? 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:19.839 I don't know? 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.160 But also, why the fuck does it matter? 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:22.480 You know? 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:24.200 Why am I decided? It's not like you look at 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:26.360 a heterosexual couple and be like, does she get on top? 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:31.320 Like you don't think about that? It's so gay? Thank you. 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:35.120 I'm just very curious. So how long do you think 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.520 you'll go? How long? What's your plan to remain alone? 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:40.760 Because I think it's very healthy to be okay by yourself. 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:42.319 Everybody needs to learn that. 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:47.680 Yeah, my plan is hopefully a year or two. Oh, okay, 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:49.280 that's the plan. You think I should go longer? 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:52.240 No, I think that's a long time. Yeah whatever, I mean. 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:54.840 I just I know, at least a year. But I'm 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:57.440 my best friend. He thinks it should be at least 0:13:57.440 --> 0:14:00.679 to because I haven't been single, like and I slept 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:02.080 with her. I got into a relationship with a boy, 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:03.840 and got to another relationship with a boy and to 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:07.040 another one and they're all long term. I ended my 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.960 relationship when I found out I was kids and then 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:11.800 moved kids in and then during them I had a 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.839 ten year relationship, broke up with him in twenty twenty, 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.520 then got to another one two months later, broke up 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:17.520 with him, and then got into the one I was 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:18.360 with for three years. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.640 But you must feel I would imagine being on a 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:26.360 show like Queer Eye really lends itself to confirming your 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.560 positivity about your gayness. 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:30.320 Oh yeah, I like being gay. 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:32.640 I mean right, yeah, but a validation. 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.000 I swear most people should try being gay once in 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:35.480 their lives. 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:39.880 Most people do try one. Some people try a couple 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:41.760 more of the time than once, and you're like, ah, 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:43.160 you might actually be gay. 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:46.200 Yeah you're right. Yeah, but I love it and being 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:47.880 on the show. Yeah, it just what it really does 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.040 is like it helps. It feels so good to go 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:56.640 into spaces where people might have reservations or like my father, 0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:00.520 not know how to reconcile their religion with their love 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:02.720 of other people, and the fact that you can walk 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:04.280 into spaces and then all of a sudden they're like, oh, 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:06.400 we're all the same, yeah dummy, Yeah, of course we're 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.520 all the same. But sometimes it takes people a little 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.400 bit longer, and so to be able to be on 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:14.120 a show where you've just become that image that all 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.920 people deserve respect and love and kindness feels good. 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:20.080 Yeah. I mean it's it's a good message, will and 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.040 for it to be such a huge hit, for it 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:24.280 to be in one so many Emmys and beyond for 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:27.680 so many years, it's a big validation for gay people everywhere. 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:31.760 Among the other cultural things that are happening. It's nice 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.440 to see something like that be so successful. 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:36.120 Can I tell you a story that I want to 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:37.720 share with you that you're never going to remember? 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.280 Oh fine, Oh, I already know I won't remember it. 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:41.400 It's actually a really good one. 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.800 Oh good, I love. Those are my favorites, only because. 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.360 You brought up the career I before was in television. 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:51.320 Came to your house. This is twenty sixteen, fifteen you lived. 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.240 I don't even know. I was bell are Yes with 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:55.960 Charlie Ston's. 0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:59.720 Mother, Juke Gerdad Yes, and her friend Keisha Knowles. Okay, 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:01.880 I probably don't memembory these. You had a dinner party 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:05.920 and they somehow let me come and I was there. 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.920 You are very kind, You're nice, and you say, what 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:10.280