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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How are you. Oh, I'm well,

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Speaker 1: thank you. It's September. We're still in September. I feel

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Speaker 1: like September is definitely part of summer now, it's not

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Speaker 1: the fall. I was at Disneyland. Okay, that's enough, Nope,

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Speaker 1: no more talking. Almost died there. So there has been

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Speaker 1: a heat wave in Los Angeles, and luckily I've only

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Speaker 1: been there. I'm not there right now. I've only been

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Speaker 1: in Los Angeles for six days this month. Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: So that's been good because I tried to avoid I

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Speaker 1: tried to hop scotch around the country to avoid the heat.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, one hundred and five degrees is gross, especially

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Speaker 1: for like ten days straight. My family and I are

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Speaker 1: in the business now, My cousins and my nuclear family

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Speaker 1: are all in the business now of buying a compound. Oh,

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Speaker 1: we are looking in Connecticut possibly. I told Molly to

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Speaker 1: get on it because obviously I can't do any of

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Speaker 1: the legwork. She's responsible, and she's responsible, way more capable

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Speaker 1: than I am doing almost anything. When we were on

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Speaker 1: tour this last weekend, I was like, can you just

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Speaker 1: go up and do my set for me? And She's like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's one thing I cannot do say she probably knows

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Speaker 1: that now. But I can do is my set. It's

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Speaker 1: like I'm capable of doing nothing but talking excessively, and

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Speaker 1: that I don't even really want to do that either.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. Everything I do is writing talking.

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Speaker 1: It's all word use. That's it. You're a specialist. I'm

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Speaker 1: a talking specialist. Even my editor came back to me

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Speaker 1: last weekend and we had to do a legal call.

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Speaker 1: I had to do a legal call to make sure,

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Speaker 1: like book, yeah, for these situations that are true. And

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Speaker 1: my book is going to be published on a very

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Speaker 1: special date next year. It may or may not be

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Speaker 1: my fiftieth birthday, So we will get to that when

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Speaker 1: we get to that. But she was like, oh, we

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Speaker 1: have to do and I'm like, listen, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how many more conversations I can have about this fucking book.

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Speaker 1: I wrote it. It's in great fucking shape, and like,

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Speaker 1: let's wrap it up. I told Molly, I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: have to do a call about my book. She's like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, is that book still Oh my good?

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Speaker 1: Has it even come out yet? And I'm already done

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Speaker 1: talking about it?

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Speaker 2: So you need to like manifest for you, like things

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Speaker 2: coming to a close, like things like moving the fuck.

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Speaker 1: I know, Oh, Doug, not you, Doug though, no, not you,

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Speaker 1: you say we need you. Our guest today is someone

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Speaker 1: you know as one of the Fab Five on Netflix's

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Speaker 1: Queer Eye. He also has his talk show Karamo, which

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Speaker 1: is back for it's third season. So please welcome Emmy

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Speaker 1: winning talk show host Caramo Brown.

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Speaker 3: Through Life. I don't wait for anyone else to do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, exactly. You got a clap for yourself. If

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Speaker 1: I could clap with my feet, I would be but

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Speaker 1: I can't. I could do other things with my feet, though,

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Speaker 1: but we'll get into that later. I'm sure. I'm just

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Speaker 1: about to say, obviously you can too. We're recording in

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Speaker 1: my house today, so this is very exciting, beautiful home.

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Speaker 1: You're oh, well, thank you, it's coming together. You're our

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Speaker 1: first in house guest ever. That is exactly well. I

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Speaker 1: always love a black man to start anything off for me.

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Speaker 1: This is perfect. Okay. I want to talk to you

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Speaker 1: about your story because it's pretty fascinating about your children,

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Speaker 1: So break down for us. You came out when you

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Speaker 1: were sixteen, is that right?

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Speaker 3: Fifteen?

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Speaker 1: Fifteen fifteen and you had already gotten someone pregnant unbeknownst

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Speaker 1: to you.

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Speaker 4: Yea.

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Speaker 1: So she was I like your stuff.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you do it right. She was my best friend.

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Speaker 3: She was probably one the first people I told that

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Speaker 3: I was gay at fourteen, before I told my entire family,

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Speaker 3: and which was rough because I'm a son of immigrants,

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Speaker 3: so my parents aren't from this country.

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Speaker 1: Where are they from?

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Speaker 3: Jamaican and Cuba, And the Jamaica's side is very you know,

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Speaker 3: they're very homophobic. But I just knew I couldn't live

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Speaker 3: my life without telling the truth. I'm somebody who just

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Speaker 3: spits out my own truth. Hey, like I like you,

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Speaker 3: no secrets, tell it all. And so she had a

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Speaker 3: boyfriend that was a senior when we were a freshman,

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Speaker 3: and she didn't want to lose a virgina to him

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Speaker 3: and be bad, so she'd be bad in bed, be

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Speaker 3: bad in bed. So she asked if I would practice

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Speaker 3: with her. And again at fourteen fifteen, it made sense, like,

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Speaker 3: you know, I'm gay, but I can practice with you.

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Speaker 3: I'm a male, so we can practice. And anything got

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Speaker 3: me hard back then, like the breeze, the wind got

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Speaker 3: me hard.

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Speaker 1: That's always something that comes up with men that we

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Speaker 1: had sex with women before they came out. People like,

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Speaker 1: how did you get an erection? I'm like, ah, any

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Speaker 1: teenager can get in an direction, anything by.

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Speaker 3: A curtain, yeah, anything, you know what I mean. The

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Speaker 3: beating of the music in the car, and all of

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Speaker 3: a sudden, I was like aroused, and so we did it.

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Speaker 3: It lasted, no joke, five seconds, and I sat on

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Speaker 3: the edge of the bed, like pacing back and forth.

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Speaker 3: It was like no, no, no, but I was just

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Speaker 3: like I knew I did not want to do that

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Speaker 3: ever again.

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Speaker 1: Was it sex?

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Speaker 3: It was obviously penetrated once or twice, and then was

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Speaker 3: like I don't like this, don't like this, and I

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Speaker 3: feel bad later in life I apologize because I'm like

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Speaker 3: I ruined your first time. Like I'm on the bed

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Speaker 3: of the side of the bed crying and you're like

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Speaker 3: holding me and saying I'm so sorry, and I'm like,

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Speaker 3: that's your first thing.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like you were in a threesome and you

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Speaker 1: were the third person that got left out, sitting on

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Speaker 1: the edge of the.

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Speaker 3: Bed exactly, and then she moved away. This is nineteen

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Speaker 3: ninety five, so this before the internet. Like the things

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Speaker 3: that we know today cell phones, so when someone moved,

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Speaker 3: if you didn't have their home address or their home number,

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Speaker 3: you couldn't you know, see him. And so I went

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Speaker 3: on with my life. And then when my son was nine,

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Speaker 3: I got a stack of paper for back child support

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Speaker 3: from the Attorney Generals of Texas office, and I thought

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Speaker 3: I was being punked because that show Punk was on

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Speaker 3: and I was on Real World back in the day,

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Speaker 3: so I thought they were doing some like punked, you

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Speaker 3: know d lists version, you know, like let's punk the

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Speaker 3: gay guy from Real World. And I was like, I

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Speaker 3: don't have a freaking kid, threw the papers down, and

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Speaker 3: then soon that night I realized I saw her name

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Speaker 3: that I hadn't seen since I was fifteen, My name

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Speaker 3: and then this kid's name, and then I went back

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Speaker 3: to Texas where I'm from to find out if it's true,

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Speaker 3: found out it was, and then petitioned for custody of

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Speaker 3: him six months later, full custody, full custody because she

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Speaker 3: was now twenty five with five kids, so she was drowning.

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Speaker 1: And so she had reached out for support to you right.

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Speaker 3: Who was she applied for benefits and the State of

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Speaker 3: Texas found me because she put my name on the

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Speaker 3: birth certificate without me knowing.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, I see.

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Speaker 3: And so when I showed up on her doorsteps, she

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Speaker 3: didn't even know that I was coming. And it's funny

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Speaker 3: because I should have been angry, but I wasn't because

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Speaker 3: the men I saw her, we were fifteen again, I

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Speaker 3: know the broken home she came from, and so I

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Speaker 3: just remembered us being kids, and so I just was like,

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Speaker 3: we just started crying and laughing. And for the first

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Speaker 3: thirty minutes that we reconnected, we didn't even talk about

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Speaker 3: the kid. Were like, we're just reconnecting. And then she

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Speaker 3: was like, oh shit, your son's coming home in thirty minutes.

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Speaker 3: Do you want to meet him?

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Speaker 5: But what prevented her from reaching out to you this

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Speaker 5: whole time?

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Speaker 3: She said she didn't want to ruin my life, like

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Speaker 3: her life was wrong.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh my god.

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Speaker 3: She was like she wanted We grew up extremely poor,

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Speaker 3: and she was like she wanted want of us to

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Speaker 3: make it, and so her idea was by me not

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Speaker 3: having to deal with this, I would make it. And

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Speaker 3: there's a lot of part to that that's true. I

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Speaker 3: talk about this with my best friend Tray all the time.

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Speaker 3: Is that, like, I don't know if i'd be here

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Speaker 3: if I had to have the responsibility of raising a

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Speaker 3: child at fifteen, absolutely, you know, like I was afforded

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Speaker 3: to go through high school, I was afford to go

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Speaker 3: through college, I was afford to move to LA to

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Speaker 3: kind of live my life. And then a child popped up.

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Speaker 3: And don't get me wrong, I was still young, but

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Speaker 3: now I had all the resources and enough knowledge to

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Speaker 3: take care of him. But at fifteen, I mean, I

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Speaker 3: don't think. I don't know if that could have screwed

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Speaker 3: me up totally. I might have went back in the clouse.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, you know, I'd like, I don't know

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Speaker 3: where my life would have been if she didn't make

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Speaker 3: that decision. And so because of that decision, that's why

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Speaker 3: I took custody, Because I said, I'm going to make

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Speaker 3: your life easier in every way I can.

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Speaker 5: And was she okay with you taking custody for custody events.

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Speaker 3: Well, she was because of the fact that I made

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Speaker 3: a promise to her that I would keep our family tight.

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Speaker 3: So even for the first year and a half that

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Speaker 3: I got him, I didn't move from Texas, even though

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Speaker 3: I had my place in La I'd made sure that

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Speaker 3: every day we were going back and forth so that

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Speaker 3: he felt connected. But then I realized there was a

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Speaker 3: bigger plan because within that year, she has another son

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Speaker 3: who because I worked as in social services, I was

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Speaker 3: a safe placement and so instead of them moving all

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Speaker 3: the kids into foster care, and so he came with me.

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Speaker 3: And it was supposed to be for six weeks thirty

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Speaker 3: six months, and somewhere at that year point of him

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Speaker 3: being with me, he was doing better. He's going to therapy,

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Speaker 3: his grades was great, and he called me dad because

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Speaker 3: he never knew his biological father. And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: should I have two kids? And so I went to

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Speaker 3: her and I was like, they're both doing good. Should

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Speaker 3: I take custody of both? And she was like, thank you.

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Speaker 3: And we've been a tight knit family. She comes, we're tight.

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Speaker 3: We go back and forth and and you know, so,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, you did it for me so I could

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Speaker 3: be here, so I'm going to help you.

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Speaker 1: Wow, that's really beautiful.

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Speaker 3: So the lesson of this is every girl out there,

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Speaker 3: sleep with your gay.

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Speaker 1: Bestie, that's right. I hope that they'll make it on

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Speaker 1: queer eyes and then yeah, and I get.

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Speaker 3: Their own talk show.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so how is that? I mean, what that responsibility

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Speaker 1: coming on in such a burst. I mean, you don't

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Speaker 1: really have a lot of time to prepare for that responsibility.

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Speaker 1: So what what was it about it that made it

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Speaker 1: so doable for you?

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Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't. I think I had this sort of

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Speaker 3: blind delusion because my father was shitty and I knew

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Speaker 3: that I didn't want to be him, so I sort

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Speaker 3: of I went into this with sort of like a

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Speaker 3: vengeance of I'm gonna show you you fuck her, I'm

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Speaker 3: not like you and I and so if I'm being

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Speaker 3: real with it, it wasn't that I was like I

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Speaker 3: could be a dad. I just knew that I wasn't

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Speaker 3: going to be him, and I wanted him to watch

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Speaker 3: me be better than him. But in that process I

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Speaker 3: learned so much empathy, love, vulnerability. Like my kids saved

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Speaker 3: my life because right before I'd met them, I was suicidal.

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Speaker 3: I tried to kill myself two years before. My best friend,

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Speaker 3: the same person is the one who found me. He

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Speaker 3: was leaving for work and I just tried to do

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Speaker 3: it and then on his he had a sense and

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Speaker 3: came back and called the ambulance. So I was just

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Speaker 3: having and it was all based on daddy issues, all

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Speaker 3: daddy issues, everything about my father hating me. You know,

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Speaker 3: my dad was abusive to my mother my entire life,

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Speaker 3: and when I told him I was gay, he literally

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Speaker 3: from in high school because we lived together my mother

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Speaker 3: finally divorced him. He would walk by me for weeks

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Speaker 3: without saying a word. And now I know what type

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Speaker 3: of emotional and mental abuse that is, but at the

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Speaker 3: time it was just our household. He would literally be

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Speaker 3: standing in the kitchen. I would ask him questions to me,

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Speaker 3: like talk to me, talk to me, and he would

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Speaker 3: not because he was like, I don't want to talk

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Speaker 3: to your fagot ass. And so I knew that I

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Speaker 3: could be better than him when I became a father,

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Speaker 3: and that was sort of the catalyst. I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: give me.

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Speaker 5: Kids, and what's your Have you had any contact with

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Speaker 5: your father now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a couple of years ago, like six years ago,

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Speaker 3: which I thought was the money and fame, but he

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Speaker 3: hasn't answer or anything. Fingers crossed. He came to me

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Speaker 3: later and was like, I'm so sorry for how I

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Speaker 3: treated you. I reconciled my relationship with religion and my

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Speaker 3: relationship with you, and I realized I should have put

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Speaker 3: you first. I'm sorry for everything I did. Please give

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Speaker 3: me a chance, and I had already give forgiven him

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Speaker 3: from years ago. I was like, I was like, you

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Speaker 3: didn't know no better because your daddy didn't teach you

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Speaker 3: any better, and you didn't know any better because you

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Speaker 3: were hurting, And so I just I gave that up

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Speaker 3: a long time ago, any hurt. And also I didn't

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Speaker 3: want my kids to see me hating.

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Speaker 5: So I was called a cycle breaker.

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Speaker 1: That's book to cycle breaker.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so I just opted and I was like, you

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Speaker 3: welcomed me back in my life. Thing. Two boundaries I

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Speaker 3: have is that you can never disrespect me in front

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Speaker 3: of my children, because if you have a problem with

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Speaker 3: who I'm dating or who I'm loving. And secondly, you're

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Speaker 3: not able to teach any of my kids in your

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Speaker 3: bad habits, So like if you're drinking or these things,

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Speaker 3: and does I said, if you can respect those two things,

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Speaker 3: you're fine. And he has not ever say anything bad.

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Speaker 3: And when he gets around the suns, he is like

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Speaker 3: an angel. And my Mom's always like, that's all it took.

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Speaker 3: Tokim a fucking angel with some boundaries on his ass.

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Speaker 5: I know better late than never, though, right.

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Speaker 1: I Mean, people can be such big disappointments in your life,

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Speaker 1: but once they turn it around, it's like all is forgiven.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you're a healthy person who's able to forgive,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of people that can't.

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Speaker 1: But forgiving is so good for you, it's so good.

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Speaker 3: Well that's why I did it earlier, because I realized

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Speaker 3: when I was suicidal it was because I was holding

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Speaker 3: onto all this anger with him, and I was like

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Speaker 3: resenting him, and it made me sadder. And then I

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Speaker 3: was like, I don't want to be here anymore because

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Speaker 3: like what, I'm gonna end up being like him and

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Speaker 3: like all this stuff. I had a boyfriend before, when

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Speaker 3: I was in my twenties that we were in a physical,

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Speaker 3: abusive relationship and anytime I got angry, I would hit

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Speaker 3: him and it was you too, No, I was I

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Speaker 3: was a bully. I was my father. I was my father.

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Speaker 3: And that sort of led me to that place of

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Speaker 3: being depressed because I knew I was turning into him,

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Speaker 3: and because it was the only model I have where

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Speaker 3: I like, people would get mad and I would just

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Speaker 3: go silent. I was just like literally turning into him.

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Speaker 3: And I didn't realize until I forgave him and told myself,

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Speaker 3: I have to work to be better. I have to work.

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Speaker 3: I have to make conscious decisions to break this that

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Speaker 3: I would have I would have turned into him. And

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Speaker 3: so you know, I'm glad I didn't.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm glad you did it too. What's your relationship

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Speaker 1: status these days?

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Speaker 3: I'm single?

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Speaker 1: And are you available looking for a lover?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: No, you're not.

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Speaker 6: I am not.

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Speaker 1: How old are your kids now?

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Speaker 3: Twenty six and twenty four?

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Speaker 7: Shit?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that is crazy.

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Speaker 3: I do not want a relationship. Why because they're trash? Well,

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Speaker 3: I want everyone else to find love. I just don't

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Speaker 3: want to.

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Speaker 1: Well that's normal for to go through phases where you're

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Speaker 1: not interested.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what, I've never been seing on my entire life.

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Speaker 1: Well, then that's why you need to be single.

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Speaker 3: That's it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: How long has it been.

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Speaker 3: That I've been single?

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm?

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Speaker 3: What two months?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Well that's not a lot of time.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 3: I'm being patient and.

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Speaker 1: You're not getting penetrated at all. I'm sorry, or penetrating anyone.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you're a top bottom. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: I can talk about your body that you're probably a top,

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Speaker 1: a good top. But yeah, I've been able to now

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Speaker 1: differentiate tops and bottoms. I'm like, oh yeah, well, I

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Speaker 1: mean it's pretty obvious. Are you a top or bottom?

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Speaker 3: I don't know?

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Speaker 1: But also, why the fuck does it matter?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 1: Why am I decided? It's not like you look at

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Speaker 1: a heterosexual couple and be like, does she get on top?

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Speaker 1: Like you don't think about that? It's so gay? Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I'm just very curious. So how long do you think

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Speaker 1: you'll go? How long? What's your plan to remain alone?

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Speaker 1: Because I think it's very healthy to be okay by yourself.

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Speaker 1: Everybody needs to learn that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, my plan is hopefully a year or two. Oh, okay,

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Speaker 3: that's the plan. You think I should go longer?

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Speaker 5: No, I think that's a long time. Yeah whatever, I mean.

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Speaker 3: I just I know, at least a year. But I'm

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Speaker 3: my best friend. He thinks it should be at least

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Speaker 3: to because I haven't been single, like and I slept

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Speaker 3: with her. I got into a relationship with a boy,

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Speaker 3: and got to another relationship with a boy and to

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Speaker 3: another one and they're all long term. I ended my

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Speaker 3: relationship when I found out I was kids and then

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Speaker 3: moved kids in and then during them I had a

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Speaker 3: ten year relationship, broke up with him in twenty twenty,

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Speaker 3: then got to another one two months later, broke up

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Speaker 3: with him, and then got into the one I was

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Speaker 3: with for three years.

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Speaker 1: But you must feel I would imagine being on a

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Speaker 1: show like Queer Eye really lends itself to confirming your

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Speaker 1: positivity about your gayness.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I like being gay.

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Speaker 1: I mean right, yeah, but a validation.

365
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Speaker 3: I swear most people should try being gay once in

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Speaker 3: their lives.

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Speaker 1: Most people do try one. Some people try a couple

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Speaker 1: more of the time than once, and you're like, ah,

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Speaker 1: you might actually be gay.

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Speaker 3: Yeah you're right. Yeah, but I love it and being

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Speaker 3: on the show. Yeah, it just what it really does

372
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,040
Speaker 3: is like it helps. It feels so good to go

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Speaker 3: into spaces where people might have reservations or like my father,

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Speaker 3: not know how to reconcile their religion with their love

375
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Speaker 3: of other people, and the fact that you can walk

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Speaker 3: into spaces and then all of a sudden they're like, oh,

377
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,400
Speaker 3: we're all the same, yeah dummy, Yeah, of course we're

378
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,520
Speaker 3: all the same. But sometimes it takes people a little

379
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,400
Speaker 3: bit longer, and so to be able to be on

380
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Speaker 3: a show where you've just become that image that all

381
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Speaker 3: people deserve respect and love and kindness feels good.

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00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean it's it's a good message, will and

383
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Speaker 1: for it to be such a huge hit, for it

384
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Speaker 1: to be in one so many Emmys and beyond for

385
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:27,680
Speaker 1: so many years, it's a big validation for gay people everywhere.

386
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Speaker 1: Among the other cultural things that are happening. It's nice

387
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Speaker 1: to see something like that be so successful.

388
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Speaker 3: Can I tell you a story that I want to

389
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Speaker 3: share with you that you're never going to remember?

390
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,280
Speaker 5: Oh fine, Oh, I already know I won't remember it.

391
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Speaker 3: It's actually a really good one.

392
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Speaker 1: Oh good, I love. Those are my favorites, only because.

393
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Speaker 3: You brought up the career I before was in television.

394
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Speaker 3: Came to your house. This is twenty sixteen, fifteen you lived.

395
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Speaker 3: I don't even know. I was bell are Yes with

396
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,960
Speaker 3: Charlie Ston's.

397
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Speaker 7: Mother, Juke Gerdad Yes, and her friend Keisha Knowles. Okay,

398
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,880
Speaker 7: I probably don't memembory these. You had a dinner party

399
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 7: and they somehow let me come and I was there.

400
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,920
Speaker 7: You are very kind, You're nice, and you say, what

401
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 7: are you doing? I said, I work in social services

402
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,240
Speaker 7: and he said, then you know, what do you really

403
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,280
Speaker 7: want to do? And I said, I really want to

404
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 7: be a TV host and you looked me up and

405
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 7: down and said you're going to make it. And I

406
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,600
Speaker 7: was like, ah, I thought you're being sweet, and then

407
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,800
Speaker 7: you stopped and said, no, you're going to make it

408
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 7: because you're thoughtful in your kind and I really believe

409
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,840
Speaker 7: in you, and you need to know me, and those

410
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,480
Speaker 7: type of things when you're a big celebrity to say

411
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Speaker 7: to somebody who's on the come up, which is very kind.

412
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,960
Speaker 7: First of all, I was surprised you have me in

413
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Speaker 7: your house.

414
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,960
Speaker 3: Me too, oh, like, what the hell? And you have

415
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,640
Speaker 3: me in your house and you said the kindest things

416
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 3: to me that night.

417
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Speaker 1: That's so nice.

418
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Speaker 5: Thank you for sharing that.

419
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Speaker 3: What really surprised me was to stop and like, no,

420
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Speaker 3: I'm not saying this just to say this. I'm encouraging

421
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Speaker 3: you in a very I.

422
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 1: Think it is very important, especially now that you're in

423
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,520
Speaker 1: that position. It is very important to always see people

424
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 1: and make sure that they know you saw them, because

425
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 1: it really does make a difference in every person's life

426
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,000
Speaker 1: when they are being seen or when they are seen,

427
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,840
Speaker 1: you know, like and especially so much I feel this

428
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,200
Speaker 1: way about children, you know, when children are going through

429
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,439
Speaker 1: tough times or they just need one fucking person, not

430
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,679
Speaker 1: to become famous, but just to be to have like

431
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,399
Speaker 1: their back, to like I see you, I support you,

432
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,800
Speaker 1: I've got your back, and I'll be here for you.

433
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,920
Speaker 1: It really is something that goes a long way, and

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Speaker 1: as you can demonstrate by your memory.

435
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,960
Speaker 3: It's meaningful, meaningful.

436
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 1: And I remember when people said things like that to

437
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Speaker 1: me as well.

438
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's that extra pause, you know what I mean.

439
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,840
Speaker 3: I just think about leaving parents when they're busy, and

440
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 3: we get it, but you're talking to your kids, you're

441
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,400
Speaker 3: doing stuff. But when you say, let me put down

442
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,200
Speaker 3: and let me be present, partners kids with a stranger,

443
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,240
Speaker 3: because that's what I will see, a stranger. And that's

444
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 3: why the pause and saying no, you can make it

445
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,120
Speaker 3: meant something, because it was like, you don't know who

446
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 3: the hell I am. You don't even know if I'm

447
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,200
Speaker 3: good or not. But your encouragement in the pause was

448
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,399
Speaker 3: enough to say you can at least try. And I

449
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 3: believe and so appreciate you have me over your house.

450
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 1: And she was right, Yeah, exactly the most important bar. Okay,

451
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,880
Speaker 1: I'm not We're going to take a break and we'll

452
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:14,440
Speaker 1: be right back to take some callers. And we're back.

453
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:15,960
Speaker 1: We are back.

454
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,919
Speaker 2: We actually have some very juicy ones today.

455
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 1: I love juicy.

456
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 3: I love a juicy booty.

457
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 1: Did you see my big black dog, Beautiful.

458
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,159
Speaker 5: I finally have a black man to come home to

459
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,119
Speaker 5: you every night, Doug.

460
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,360
Speaker 1: It's a man. They were like, we have a black one,

461
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 1: we have a blue one, and I'm like, you know what,

462
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 1: so beautiful. Look at him?

463
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:38,720
Speaker 3: He is.

464
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 1: What kind of dogs do you have?

465
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 3: German shepherd mix husky mix and a.

466
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,760
Speaker 5: Blue healer, a blue healer, a lot of energy blue heeler.

467
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 3: Actually, she was abused for so many years, so she's

468
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,639
Speaker 3: so quiet and all she does is protect me. But

469
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 3: the Shepherd husky mix though nightmare.

470
00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 1: High energy, high energy.

471
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a fir. I haven't had a hire

472
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,160
Speaker 5: ANAJR dog in a while.

473
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:04,640
Speaker 1: And I'm like take it. Yeah, okay, and we're back, Catherine.

474
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 2: What do we have, Well, we've got a shared custody

475
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 2: situation with Zoe and McKenna.

476
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 4: There.

477
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,560
Speaker 1: Zoey's the one writing in.

478
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 2: She says, Hi, my name is Zoe, I'm twenty two,

479
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,120
Speaker 2: and my friend's name is McKenna.

480
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 1: She's twenty three.

481
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 2: McKenna and I have been volunteering at a local animal

482
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 2: shelter for five years now. We've also been roommates for

483
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 2: two years. Once we got our own place, we met

484
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 2: a pupp at the shelter and absolutely fell in love.

485
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 2: We brought him home as a foster, but both of

486
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 2: us knew we wouldn't be able to give him up.

487
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 2: We adopted him and named him Billy. For two years,

488
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 2: we've split all the vet bills, the adaption fee, other

489
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 2: costs and responsibilities for Billy, and we both love him

490
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 2: very much. We knew we weren't going to be able

491
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 2: to live together forever and plan to work something out

492
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 2: when things changed, Well, things changed. I got a job

493
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 2: in a city that's five hours away. Understandably, neither of

494
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 2: us wants to part with Billy, and since I'm the

495
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,239
Speaker 2: one moving, I do see McKenna's point that it might

496
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 2: be more fair for her to keep him. That said,

497
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 2: she's moving back in with her parents, who already have

498
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 2: two dogs, and is a full time student.

499
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 1: She's still a good.

500
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 2: Dog mom and would care for him, but her parents

501
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 2: would share their responsibility and she has two dogs at home.

502
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,200
Speaker 2: My new job would be hybrid remote, so I'd be

503
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 2: in the office two days a week and home the

504
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 2: other five to spend time with Billy. I've also looked

505
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 2: into doggie daycare and walkers. I'm kind of nervous about

506
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,920
Speaker 2: moving to a new city on my own and would

507
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,199
Speaker 2: love to have Billy there with me. I expressed this

508
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 2: to McKenna in conversation, and she brought up that since

509
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 2: she signed the adoption papers, Billy is technically hers, so

510
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 2: I can't take him. Since we're such good friends, I

511
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 2: thought maybe there was a compromise to be made, as

512
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,240
Speaker 2: I was a bit taken aback, as this seemed harsh

513
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 2: to me, like it could strain our friendship. In hindsight,

514
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 2: we should have had more discussion on different scenarios of

515
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,199
Speaker 2: custody when we adopted Billy, but we were excited to

516
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 2: have a dog, and we both still love him so much.

517
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 2: We're at a bit of a stalemate, looking for an

518
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:47,720
Speaker 2: outside opinion to help us move forward. Zoe and McKenna, Well, I.

519
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 5: Love couples counseling.

520
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 3: This is right. This is hi girl, Hi, Hello, where's Billy?

521
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 6: Billy is actually here?

522
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 3: Do you want to see you billy.

523
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 8: Me.

524
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 2: I really, I see why you could get very sweet,

525
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 2: Ni Kada.

526
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 5: Where are you right now with your parents?

527
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 6: Yes, I'm actually at my parents right now because we're

528
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 6: having like a little family vacation. We're leaving to Kelowna tomorrow.

529
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 1: So oh you're in Canada?

530
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

531
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,440
Speaker 1: Oh, I love it. And so where did we move to? Which?

532
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 1: Which city?

533
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,400
Speaker 6: She's moving to? Vancouver?

534
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 3: Oh?

535
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 1: Okay.

536
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,920
Speaker 3: So what do you feel like you're going to miss

537
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 3: emotionally if you don't have this dog.

538
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 6: The support, Like, I feel like the emotional support. He's

539
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 6: like my heart, my heart dog, my soul dog. And

540
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 6: it's hard because we both love him so much.

541
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 3: But what is it that you need emotional support for

542
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 3: what's going on in your life?

543
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 6: Just like school and life? And I actually I'm a

544
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 6: dog walker, so I feel like my life works well

545
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 6: with him, Like I am able to like take him

546
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 6: out every day, and I am going back to school,

547
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 6: but like I'll still have the time for him, and

548
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 6: I always have prioritized him.

549
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 3: Would you feel like you need somebody to support you

550
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 3: right now? You feel like you're feeling stressed overwhelmed?

551
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean I feel like I always have needed

552
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 6: a dog, just because like I've never lived with a dog.

553
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, Okay, do you feel a strain on your

554
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 1: friendship right now because of this issue with your dog?

555
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 6: I think we're doing a good job about like communicating

556
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 6: about it and trying to like figure out what works best,

557
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 6: but like, it definitely is hard to make that decision.

558
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 1: And when you found out initially that she was moving,

559
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: were your thoughts immediately like, oh, I'll be keeping the

560
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 1: dog because you are the one who signed the papers.

561
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 6: I mean, like, I think because it's been both of

562
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 6: our responsibility and because we've both taken care of him,

563
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 6: I don't really think it's fair to say that I

564
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 6: get him because of the papers. But yeah, it's definitely

565
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 6: hard to come to decision.

566
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 3: But you sign the papers, right, Yes, I did. And

567
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 3: you said it's not fair now to say because you

568
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 3: signed the papers that you don't get.

569
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 6: Him because we didn't really talk about it, like we

570
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 6: never really had that discussion.

571
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,479
Speaker 3: But didn't you use the papers as a way to

572
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 3: say that's why you should keep the dog?

573
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 6: I mean yeah, but I also like feel bad because

574
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 6: we are friends and like I don't have any hard

575
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 6: feelings towards her, but it is But.

576
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 3: You said it. Yeah, you said I got the papers

577
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 3: and it's mine.

578
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:17,880
Speaker 6: Yeah.

579
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 3: Was making you want a backtrack right now. It's because

580
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,880
Speaker 3: you know that that statement might have hurt your friend

581
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 3: and could have damaged your friendship.

582
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Hizai, we were just getting some backstory from Makada.

583
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 1: We were getting some backstory about the dog and Karama

584
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 1: is a.

585
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,880
Speaker 3: Question for you, So Zoe, when she said to you,

586
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 3: I signed the papers, that's the bottom line. How did

587
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 3: that make you feel?

588
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: Not great?

589
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 9: It was just kind of taken aback. That seemed too

590
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 9: serious for our friendship. We've been friends for like ten

591
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 9: years now, so that was kind of crazy. I thought

592
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 9: we could kind of maybe discuss it or fine, maybe

593
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 9: I could keep Billy till she's done school and then

594
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 9: maybe reassess after a year. Just there was some I

595
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 9: feel like there could be more solutions there. She only

596
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 9: said at the one time. It hasn't really come.

597
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 3: Out An's apologetic.

598
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,439
Speaker 1: No, I mean you want to get your friendship together.

599
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 1: You guys want to maintain your friendship and figure out

600
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: a solution. Can I ask you, Zoe, like, if you

601
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: are moving to New City, what about getting another dog

602
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: that is yours alone?

603
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 9: I've thought about that, but it's just like I, you know,

604
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 9: I've known this dog for two years now, adopted him

605
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 9: when he was a puppy. And and McKenna, I know

606
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 9: she feels the same too though, but we both just

607
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 9: have that connection with Billy. So either one of us for.

608
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 4: Both someone's going to be sad.

609
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 9: I think for a bit, right.

610
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: But is it a possibility for you to get another

611
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: dog where you're moving?

612
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 9: I think it. I guess it could be a possibility.

613
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 9: I would prefer Billy, don't want to just replace him

614
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 9: like that, but it would be a possibility, I guess.

615
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: And what about you, McKenna, if you think about it,

616
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: what about you rescuing another dog and having Billy live

617
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: with her for a while. Would you be open to

618
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 1: that or no?

619
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, I think i'd be open to I

620
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 6: don't know, like same with like I just feel like

621
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 6: it's so tough because, like it is, he has been

622
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 6: in my life for the past two years, and it's

623
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 6: really hard to just like it would feel like I

624
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:09,400
Speaker 6: was replacing him.

625
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 3: When you two lived together, Who's room did he sleep in?

626
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: Usually?

627
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:13,160
Speaker 3: Mine? Okay?

628
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 4: Really?

629
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 9: Really he kind of switches enough sometimes.

630
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes sense. I have my verdict and I'm

631
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 3: not a judge. Do we know? Do y'all know?

632
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about what kind of compromise can be made,

633
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,400
Speaker 1: and it doesn't seem like this is how I feel.

634
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 1: You're moving. You're the one who's uprooting, right, So it

635
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: is kind of not fair to assume that you get

636
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 1: to take the dog because McKenna isn't the one that's

637
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 1: leaving the situation. So I feel like it is tough

638
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: because you did rescue the dog together, but you are

639
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 1: the one that's changing where you live.

640
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

641
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 2: I do also want to ask, does Billy get along

642
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 2: with your parents' dogs?

643
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 4: Yes? Yeah he does.

644
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 6: Okay, he's been around them quite a bit, so yeah,

645
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 6: they get along super well.

646
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 5: I mean other than flipping a coin. What do you think, Caramo.

647
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 3: McKenna, you are the winner. Okay, you get the dog.

648
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. The thing is that it's all stacked in

649
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 3: your favor. I'm a dog dad, just like you're a

650
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 3: dog mom, and dogs will let you know who they

651
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 3: want to sleep with. They will follow somebody around. The

652
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 3: fact that he slept in your room was a big

653
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 3: factor for me. But also on top of that, you

654
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 3: also sign the papers. And then thirdly, like you said, Chelsea, Zoe,

655
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 3: you're unfortunately the one that's uprooting. And so at this point,

656
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 3: as much as I want to say emotionally I would

657
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 3: love for you to have that support, I think it's

658
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 3: better for you to grieve the relationship with the dog

659
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 3: so that you can strengthen the relationship with your best friend,

660
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 3: because at the point right now, you two having this

661
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 3: disagreement when you're all about to move is going to

662
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 3: cause dissension. And if y'all knowing each other since seven

663
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 3: years old, the friendship is worth it more where you

664
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 3: can see this dog in photos and then get your

665
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 3: own dog versus you all going back and forth like

666
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: this and you're losing something in that critical bond that

667
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 3: makes you two so happy, you know, Like I'd rather

668
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 3: you have mckennada talk to while you're moving and making

669
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 3: this new transition in your life versus not having anyone

670
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 3: closely to talk to because you feuded over a dog.

671
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: And I also just think this is a really good opportunity, Zoe,

672
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: for you to get your own dog. Like I mean,

673
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: I know Billy was your dog, I get it, but

674
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 1: you're moving and like you're moving into a new city.

675
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 1: It's a perfect thing. It's a perfect occupier of your

676
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: time to rescue another dog. You don't have to get

677
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: a puppy and put in all that work. You can

678
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 1: go to a rescue and pick out a new dog,

679
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: because that's going to help you be more social. It's

680
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: going to help you to meet people, and it's going

681
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: to help you to feel safer in your house. And

682
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,159
Speaker 1: it's a great project, especially when you're new to a

683
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: town and you don't know that many people. It's a

684
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: great avenue. And I'm sure Billy is a comfort. But

685
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: you've had all of this experience in the last two

686
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,679
Speaker 1: years of having a new dog, which is gearing you

687
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 1: up to be ready for another new dog.

688
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, Zolle, We're sorry. I wish we could side, we

689
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 3: could tell you, but I know we love you.

690
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:51,640
Speaker 8: We love you, Zoe.

691
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, you know, this will likely

692
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 2: be forever, but not necessarily. You know, mckennay. You might

693
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,959
Speaker 2: move into an apartment a year or two from now

694
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 2: where you're like, you know, I really want to live here,

695
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 2: but they don't take dogs, you know, Zoe, is it

696
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 2: it would be okay for you to take him, so

697
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 2: you know, there could be something else down the line.

698
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: But I agree with Chelsea.

699
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 2: This is an opportunity for you to expand the amount

700
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 2: of dogs that you're saving and dogs you have to

701
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 2: give love to.

702
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: So I may think about how many dogs out there

703
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 1: need homes, you know.

704
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 4: Yeah.

705
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 6: I mean, we also do work at a shelter together,

706
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 6: So I.

707
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 9: Think I want to take with you to go Maybe

708
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:26,679
Speaker 9: we could go together.

709
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, go together that I canna. I love that idea.

710
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 1: Go together and find her her new dog, and then

711
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 1: you can sign the paperwork on that dog too, McKenna,

712
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: so that anytime you want the dog back and just

713
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 1: take it.

714
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 3: Zoe, I'm gonna tell you learn from your friend McKenna

715
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 3: signed the paperwork. Okay, it's about the paperwork.

716
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 2: Get those receipts, all right, girls, Thank you so much

717
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 2: for calling in, and send us pics of your new

718
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 2: dog when you get one.

719
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: Bye bye bye. First of all, good problem solving, Caroma,

720
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: Like you've really handled that, because I wasn't going to

721
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: go that far, but we really actually made a decision

722
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: for them and now they have to stick to it.

723
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 1: It's like they went to the people's court.

724
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 3: Well no, I mean Also, I'm pretty good at body

725
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 3: language and I read it. It's something that I studied,

726
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 3: and I could tell that McKenna's more anxious and has

727
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 3: more of an anxious personality than Zoe does. And people

728
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 3: with more anxious personalities normally do need compassion or and

729
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 3: the companionship of a dog. So that's why I asked

730
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 3: her where her emotional state was, because I can tell

731
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 3: when Zoe came on she was smiling. Happy.

732
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. Now that's a good point.

733
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, really good point.

734
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

735
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 2: So this next email comes from Victoria.

736
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: She's going to join us as well.

737
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, my life isn't a complete shit show, but

738
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 2: like most people in the world, I do have a conundrum.

739
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 2: I have two beautiful kids, a fiance, house, a job,

740
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,479
Speaker 2: a podcast, and a very active social life. No, I

741
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 2: don't sleep. The only problem is I don't want to

742
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 2: get married and I'd love to explore the bisexual side

743
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 2: of myself. Sorry, not love to need to. I always

744
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 2: knew I was bisexual, but I never explored it because

745
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 2: I was never attracted to anyone in real.

746
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 1: Life until well after college.

747
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: I've hooked up with girlfriends here and there, but have

748
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 2: never officially dated a woman first and foremost. I always

749
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: knew I wanted to have kids, so now that I

750
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: have them, I feel like I'm ready to fully explore

751
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 2: that other side of me. Of course, the biggest hang

752
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 2: up is my fiance. When I was in my twenties,

753
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 2: I never had any issue breaking up with a significant other.

754
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 2: As soon as I found something wrong, I'd cheat on

755
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 2: them and start dating the person I cheated on them with.

756
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 2: It honestly was probably one of my biggest downfalls, but

757
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 2: my dad taught me to never settle, and I took

758
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 2: those words to heart. When I told my fiance that

759
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 2: I'm bisexual, he said he didn't mind if he was involved, shock,

760
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 2: and we hopped on the dating apps. A month later,

761
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 2: I was pregnant with our second child, so that ended

762
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 2: abruptly and we haven't revisited it since. After I had

763
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 2: the baby, we went to a friend's party a few

764
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 2: months later, and I ended up cheating on him with

765
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 2: a girl there while he was in the next room.

766
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: I love my baby daddy a lot and care so

767
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 2: much for his well being, but we started as platonic friends,

768
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 2: and deep down, I feel like that's what he'll always be.

769
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 2: We've discussed calling off the engagement many times, but men

770
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 2: are so afraid of being alone. I feel like he's

771
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 2: guilted me into staying. Oh, I know you've never had

772
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 2: this exact situation, but you're a witty, smarty pant, so

773
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: I'd love to hear if you have any advice. Obviously,

774
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 2: I need to move on and explore this other side

775
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 2: of me, but navigating that road with all of the

776
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 2: baggage is hard.

777
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: Victoria, Hi Victoria, Hi Victoria. Hey, this is our special guest.

778
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 3: Caramo Victoria. We just heard your story and there was

779
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 3: a lot that you're in tourmoil over right now?

780
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yes, for sure.

781
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 3: So I want to your father told you that you

782
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 3: should never settle. Yeah, and what does that mean to you?

783
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 4: I don't know. I mean, obviously, I feel like most

784
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 4: dads probably think that no one is ever going to

785
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,959
Speaker 4: be good enough for their daughter. But I don't know.

786
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 4: He said it to me pretty young, and I just

787
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 4: took it to heart.

788
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 3: And you know, do you think anybody's ever going to

789
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 3: be good for you?

790
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 4: I guess in what way?

791
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: Okay, no, you laughed, Toby. What I need to know?

792
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously good enough to have kids with, which

793
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 4: is a big freaking deal. All right, yeah, yeah, But

794
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 4: as far as like marriage and like a legal financial

795
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 4: commitment to someone, like, to me, that's scarier than having

796
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 4: kids with someone.

797
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: I hear you.

798
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 5: I hear you on that front, and I respect that.

799
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: I think that is I think that is also just

800
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: a more contemporary way of looking at things.

801
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 5: Also thinking about not settling.

802
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: That is a good thing, and it can be a

803
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 1: stupid thing, but I think overall it's a good thing

804
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 1: to think that you have high value and that you're

805
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: worth a lot. I mean, we should all be feeling

806
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: that way about ourselves. It's pretty obvious that you want

807
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: to explore women and you're attracted to women, and that

808
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 1: the guy that you're having your children with isn't somebody

809
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 1: that you're going to feel attracted to for a very

810
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: long time. So getting into a marriage under those pretenses

811
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like an honest thing to do, So why

812
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 1: would you, you know, and putting off breaking up an engagement,

813
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: like freeing yourself from a situation, is also freeing the

814
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: other person from the situation. Just because it's hurtful to

815
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 1: them in the beginning doesn't mean you're not doing them

816
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:19,479
Speaker 1: a favor by living under this like false hope, you know,

817
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: And so I would say to just be honest about

818
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: where you are and that you're going to explore this

819
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 1: side of you. He can figure out how he wants

820
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 1: to handle that, but he deserves the truth so that

821
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: he can make an educated decision, Like if you guys

822
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: want to co parent, which you're going to have to

823
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: do for the rest of your lives anyway, Right, you

824
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 1: want to have respect for each other and you want

825
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: to be honest with each other, and this is one

826
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 1: of those major first steps. And being honest and respectful

827
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: towards the other person is by sharing your truth and

828
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: your desires, and they don't include marrying him. It doesn't

829
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 1: sound like.

830
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's just so tough. I don't know how

831
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 4: to break it off because we have kids and house together.

832
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: But you don't necessarily have to break it off, like

833
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 1: you can say, hey, here's how I'm feeling. This is

834
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: the situation. Think about how this makes you feel and

835
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: if you would be able to be in a relationship

836
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 1: with me while I was exploring this side of me,

837
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: And when you're not involved, it's not necessarily going to

838
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 1: be a threesome. Every time I'm interested in women. You know,

839
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: maybe there's a guarantee of saying like I'm not going

840
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: to be with men. You know, I'll tell you if

841
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: that happens, it'll just be women. And that's what I'm

842
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: looking to explore. I understand if you're not down with that,

843
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,800
Speaker 1: but I have to be honest out of respect for

844
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: our relationship, and I think you'll probably get a bit

845
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: of a different result than you're expecting.

846
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 4: I don't know he I mean, he definitely. I don't

847
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 4: know if he'd want to stay with me and let

848
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 4: me go off and explore, because I've already tried to

849
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 4: do that and it didn't work out really well. So

850
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 4: I know for him it'll be better for him in

851
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 4: the long run just to cut it off kind of

852
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,439
Speaker 4: as soon as possible, because there are other reasons why

853
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 4: I feel like it's not going to work out, but

854
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 4: this is one where he can't change. There's nothing he

855
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 4: can do in this situation. It's kind of like something

856
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 4: I have to do for myself. It's not like he

857
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 4: did something stupid. I forgive him and we move past it.

858
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 4: So I know in the long run it'll be better

859
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 4: for him and he can go find someone he'll be

860
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 4: happy with But it's just so hard because we have

861
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 4: been best friends for such a long time.

862
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 3: I think for you, because I agree with Chelsea. I

863
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 3: agree everything she just said about the communication in this relationship,

864
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 3: and I also believe that marriage shouldn't be for everyone.

865
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 3: Like I used to be so gung ho on marriage

866
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: and now I'm like, girl, you don't need that, Like

867
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 3: that is so foolish. But what I'm most concerned with

868
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 3: when it comes to you is that I think you're

869
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 3: going to repeat this pattern whether you're with him or not.

870
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 3: And the reason I'm saying that is because I'm watching

871
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 3: you how you're rubbing your head every moment, saying this

872
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: is hard, this is hard. That being hard is about

873
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 3: something that's going on inside of you, and it started

874
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,359
Speaker 3: when your father's told you not to settle. And there's

875
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 3: something that is lingering within you. Why you're not making

876
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 3: choices or communicating about what you truly need and want.

877
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 3: And now you're getting stuck into these relationships where you

878
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 3: know you're not happy, and then you feel like it's

879
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 3: hard to break it off for them, But really what's hard,

880
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 3: it's that you're not willing to face what's really going on.

881
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 3: In your heart sound a little right, Yeah, for sure.

882
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 4: Definitely in this situation. When I was in my twenties

883
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 4: and I found something wrong with a guy at break

884
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 4: up with them, no problem, but with kids involved, and

885
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 4: since I have you know, I've been best friends with

886
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 4: him forever. Like I feel like a lot of people

887
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,760
Speaker 4: are like, oh, you know, you should be best friends

888
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 4: with someone for ten years and then date them, like

889
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 4: your relationship will last so much longer. But for me,

890
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 4: I feel like it's so much harder for me to

891
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 4: break it off because we are such great friends and

892
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 4: we've had years and memories.

893
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's why he deserves your honesty.

894
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying? This isn't about being

895
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: hard or difficult. This is life. You're an adult, you

896
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 1: have children, You're gonna have a lot of decisions that

897
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,359
Speaker 1: are hard or difficult, and the way to actually act

898
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: with integrity is to face those difficult situations with as

899
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 1: much honesty and grace as you can. And by avoiding it,

900
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,919
Speaker 1: you're putting your own happiness on the side, and you're

901
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: actually doing the same to your partner because you're not

902
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,879
Speaker 1: being truthful to him and you're not as happy as

903
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 1: you would be if you were free to roam around

904
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,919
Speaker 1: and pursue what you're more interested in pursuing, and there's

905
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. So you have a family, So

906
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: there are many ways that this can resolve, Like he

907
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: can agree to say okay, I will let you go

908
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: and explore, or you can say no, this is like

909
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,800
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be comfortable with that, and you're like, Okay,

910
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 1: we've been friends for this many years. We're going to

911
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: make sure we're going to be friends for the rest

912
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: of our lives because we have children and we're going

913
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: to co parent. And what's Gwyneth Paltrow's favorite couple consciously unscious,

914
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: consciously a couple. But don't be a pussy about it,

915
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,720
Speaker 1: because then you're just you're creating problems for everybody, including

916
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: your children, because what they're going to see modeled for

917
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 1: them is going to be you less than happy, or

918
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: you holding secrets and him less than happy. And you

919
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,319
Speaker 1: don't want to expose your children to that. Anyway, you

920
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: guys could have a great friendship for the rest of

921
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: your life, and that would be more healthy for your

922
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 1: children to see than a marriage that isn't truthful.

923
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's something you need to face about yourself.

924
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 3: I'm gonna keep telling you, and you're gonna get off

925
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 3: this call because Chelsea is telling you how to handle

926
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 3: the present situation perfectly. But what you're missing is you

927
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 3: need to handle something within you. And I'm seeing it

928
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 3: even as I ask you these things about you. You

929
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 3: keep going back to kids, you keep going back to him,

930
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 3: you keep going back to best friends, and you're not

931
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 3: focused on you. There's something going on in you while

932
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 3: you're repeating this pattern and while you're making this choice

933
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 3: and why this is hard, there's something. Because it's really

934
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 3: not that hard for you to communicate everything Chelsea's telling

935
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 3: you do. You've already told him, you already tol him,

936
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:37,800
Speaker 3: I want to do this. He called you in the

937
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:40,320
Speaker 3: bedroom with somebody else, So you really have no issue

938
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 3: with all that stuff. And there goes a smile, so

939
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 3: you know that's true. You have no issue in communicating

940
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 3: what you want. But there's some fear that's inside of

941
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 3: you that you're not tackling. And I'm telling you, if

942
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 3: we dissect what you said your father told you young,

943
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 3: that you were still repeating to yourself whatever narrative he

944
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 3: told you, you've turned into something way different, that it's

945
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 3: causing fear, anxiousness, anxiety in you, that it is causing

946
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 3: you not to be who you need to be for yourself,

947
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 3: and it's now lingering into all these other relationships. If

948
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 3: I had about another thirty minutes with you, we can

949
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 3: figure that thing out.

950
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 1: But we can't listen all right, Montel Williams, listen to him,

951
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 1: he's like fucking lefts.

952
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 3: Go okay, listen, do that soul searching.

953
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,399
Speaker 1: I think you gotta, yeah, you got, and you got

954
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: to like face up to these difficult situations. I know

955
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: it's hard, but you want to get some pussy, and

956
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that, you know what I mean, Like,

957
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: what are you gonna do? Put your needs on hold?

958
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 1: You're putting someone's needs on hold at every point, you

959
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And that's okay in certain circumstances,

960
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 1: but not for life decisions like this. And also you're

961
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 1: not married, so that's a huge advantage too. You don't

962
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 1: have to get divorced.

963
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 2: Right, Still complicated, but it's less complicated. And you know,

964
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 2: I kind of keep coming back to what Chelsea is saying,

965
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 2: like you're wasting his time. But you're also wasting your time?

966
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 4: She is, Yeah, for sure. I feel like I just

967
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 4: need to put the hammer down and have like a

968
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 4: more serious conversation with him because I have said, like,

969
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 4: I want to break up with you for X Y

970
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,720
Speaker 4: reason like and he's just like no, no, like let's

971
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 4: work it out, like he's pushing really hard to stay together,

972
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 4: and I feel like I just need to be like no.

973
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: Or Also, it's not that you have to break up

974
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: in this moment, but you have to say I want

975
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 1: to go pursue women, not with you. I'm interested in

976
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: experimenting and seeing what's at there and I need the

977
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,280
Speaker 1: time to do that. If you're okay with doing that, great,

978
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: If you're not, we need to talk about breaking up.

979
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

980
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 3: Are you afraid of being alone?

981
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 4: No, I'm not being alone. I just I don't know.

982
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 4: I know you're gonna yell at me for bringing up

983
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 4: my kids again. No, I just picture like the kids

984
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 4: if we move, if we move out, like I move

985
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 4: out or he moves out, whatever, our four year old

986
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 4: is definitely gonna be like, where's daddy, where's mommy? When

987
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 4: are they coming back?

988
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,760
Speaker 3: So you're afraid of disappointing your family?

989
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 4: No?

990
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 3: See, I gotta figure it. There's some fear there, I'm

991
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 3: telling you, even when she just said again, I'm gonna

992
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 3: put that's.

993
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:03,319
Speaker 1: It's natural to want to not disappoint your four year old,

994
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: But that's not a good reason either, Like aour year

995
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,280
Speaker 1: olds are resilient. Well, right, I hear what you're saying.

996
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: But four year olds are resilient. People get divorced, They

997
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 1: split up all the fucking time. Yes, there is a

998
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,919
Speaker 1: deeper issue within you that you're not able to face

999
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 1: your problems in a way that is solution oriented. You know,

1000
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 1: there are a million solutions here, and you're just kind

1001
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 1: of leaning into just letting the status quo be the

1002
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 1: status quo and not making any move. You have to

1003
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: make a move, yeah, for sure, And especially with the

1004
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 1: warning like this, especially with saying, hey, I'm going to

1005
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 1: experiment with women. I'm curious about women. If you can't

1006
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 1: handle that, then we need to talk about splitting up.

1007
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,879
Speaker 1: If he says he can handle that, then that gets

1008
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: you six months okay, And in six months time you're

1009
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 1: going to really know if that's who you want to

1010
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: be with, if you want to be with a woman.

1011
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 1: And then he's already had his serious talk and conversation,

1012
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: and then it's not coming out of the blue, like

1013
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: he can choose to stick around while you're experimenting with

1014
00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: women that might make you even more turned on to him.

1015
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going to happen with all of this.

1016
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 1: You don't know if you really want to be with women,

1017
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: if you're just bisexual or whatever. So you know you

1018
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: should give it like six months and just say, hey,

1019
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: I want to be as open and honest with you

1020
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 1: as possible about what I'm feeling and thinking about. And

1021
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: there's no argument with that. There's nothing he can say.

1022
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,840
Speaker 1: You can't start. I don't want you thinking about women, Like,

1023
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,919
Speaker 1: come on, you know there's nothing he can say about

1024
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 1: that other than I will tolerate this or I won't.

1025
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: And if he ends up moving out and your four

1026
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: year old ends up having to go between homes, your

1027
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 1: four year old will forget that you guys were together

1028
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:38,959
Speaker 1: within six months. How that's how resilient children are at

1029
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 1: They won't even remember.

1030
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, two happy homes is way better than one unhappy

1031
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 2: home where mom and dad are not really living their truth.

1032
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 4: Yeah for sure.

1033
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,760
Speaker 2: Okay, and then you know, you get to split custody

1034
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 2: and you have time to go date.

1035
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 1: By the way, no one advertises that enough. When you

1036
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: split up with someone, the free time you get away

1037
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: from your kids should be like a banner for divorce,

1038
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: like you get a life again, you know, and then

1039
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: you can get all the pussy you want.

1040
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 4: Oh my god. Alrighty okay, Victoria, all.

1041
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 5: Right, Victoria. I hope you liked getting yelled at today.

1042
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 4: I appreciate it. I need it. I need it.

1043
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, Okay, keep us posted. Thanks, thank you.

1044
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: He's trying to get to the bottom of the he's

1045
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:27,240
Speaker 1: like trying to get a deeper issue. That's the longer.

1046
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: That's like a fucking.

1047
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:31,600
Speaker 3: Four hour it is for me. It's just that when

1048
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 3: anytime I hear somebody's problems, this is for any problem.

1049
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 3: There's always something more. If any problem starts with I,

1050
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,439
Speaker 3: it's I, I I. And so she can say about

1051
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 3: kids and all that. I'm a parent, I know all this.

1052
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 3: It's about you. And the thing that the reason I

1053
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 3: want people to understand, and this is for anybody listening.

1054
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,760
Speaker 3: We say things to ourselves that we get our childhood,

1055
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 3: and we repeat them and they become bigger mountains in

1056
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 3: our heads. And that one about what her father said.

1057
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 3: She didn't need to write that in that's something that

1058
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 3: Scott said to you. And now it's plaguing you, and

1059
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 3: it's playing with your mind, and it's playing with how

1060
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 3: you see your world, how you see yourself, value, how

1061
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 3: you see And she's not focusing on that. She's like, oh,

1062
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 3: some mine want pleasing. It's not about that, you want

1063
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 3: to pu you already your man already cast you in

1064
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 3: the next bed with somebody else.

1065
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: I just wish everybody would fucking get some balls and

1066
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: leave a situation when they are not happy in the situation.

1067
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. There's something, there's a fear she.

1068
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: Has, Yeah, but everybody has fears, everybody has everything. So like, yes,

1069
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 1: if you're a therapist, you have to get down to that,

1070
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 1: you know, the granular level and find out what the

1071
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,439
Speaker 1: deal is. But if it's a problem that she's dealing with,

1072
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: well it's a result of that. But it's also like, okay,

1073
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 1: let's figure out this situation. Yeah, because even when you

1074
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: give her the advice, the answer she wants, she's still

1075
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah.

1076
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 3: Because she's not there. She's not ready to face it. Yeah,

1077
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 3: she's not ready to face it, and that's all. I

1078
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 3: was like, we could tell you all goddamn dataly this

1079
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 3: guy and be honest with them, and you know whatever.

1080
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 3: But she's she's going to repeat this pattern right after this.

1081
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 3: Even if she gets out of this, it's gonna happen again.

1082
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 3: She said she's been doing it at different degrees since college.

1083
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 1: I also wish people would just fucking make moves. Make

1084
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,480
Speaker 1: moves like you have no idea how big and broad

1085
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: your life can be when you have the courage to

1086
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: say this isn't working for me, you know. And I

1087
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:11,319
Speaker 1: know that's easy for me to say because I don't

1088
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: have children and I'm not married. But there are reasons

1089
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,800
Speaker 1: I don't have children and I'm not married so that

1090
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 1: I make fucking make moves. Okay, I'm not. We're going

1091
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: to take a break and we'll be right back and

1092
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 1: we're back.

1093
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:30,280
Speaker 2: Well, our next caller is John is twenty three and promo,

1094
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 2: you're sober right me?

1095
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: Yes, Fish sounds like it sounds ish ish, sounds like.

1096
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 3: I just don't like hard liquors. I don't don't. I'll

1097
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:40,879
Speaker 3: drink it like a beer.

1098
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Well, John says, dear Chelsea, I'm a

1099
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 2: twenty three year old accountant who's been looking for inspiration

1100
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 2: in my sometimes boring life. I turned to ayahuasca and

1101
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 2: psychedelics for some more insight and life guidance. And while

1102
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 2: the first many times were great, I had my first

1103
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 2: horrible trip.

1104
00:45:58,360 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 1: For six hours straight.

1105
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 2: I felt like I was in hell, strapped to a rocket,

1106
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 2: being blasted by colorful geometry and scary entities that laughed

1107
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: at how scared I was. Needless to say, I will

1108
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,320
Speaker 2: never be doing them again, and I'm committed to sobriety.

1109
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 2: I'm focusing on gratitude that I'm what.

1110
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 1: Drug was this? Iowa?

1111
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 4: Oh?

1112
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 8: Hello?

1113
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 2: But he says he's done five DM eot yeah and

1114
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 2: all that stuff. Okay, I'm focusing on gratitude and then

1115
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 2: I'm back and safe. And I didn't think I was

1116
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: going to come back from that house. But I'm lost

1117
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 2: as to how to move on from this. How do

1118
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 2: I interpret such an awful time? How should I go

1119
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,760
Speaker 2: about leaving this behind me? I'm curious to hear your thoughts.

1120
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: John, Hi, John, this is Karma. We have a special

1121
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: guest today. Hello Karama.

1122
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 8: I've seen your show soank you appreciate it, love it

1123
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 8: a lot thank you.

1124
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 1: Okay, So you had a terrible ayahuasca experience.

1125
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 3: Yes, it was not.

1126
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,919
Speaker 8: I'd like gotten some stuff from some friends and yeah,

1127
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 8: it just wasn't like it was tough. But I feel

1128
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 8: like it's like helped me become like a lot more

1129
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 8: grateful for a lot of different things.

1130
00:46:58,400 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 1: Well, that's not nothing.

1131
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 3: Have you ever done ayahuasca?

1132
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did a special on it on Netflix where

1133
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,719
Speaker 1: you can see me do ayahuasca. But first of all,

1134
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: that's a great gift that you got from it. Being

1135
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 1: more grateful and having more gratitude is already like a

1136
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: net plus. So you're acting like it was a terrible

1137
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 1: experience across the board, but you got something good out

1138
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: of it. So I think you should have gratitude for

1139
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 1: the gratitude. Yeah, and I definitely do.

1140
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 8: I think like for me, it just kind of has

1141
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 8: helped me realize I do kind of want to venture

1142
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 8: more into sobriety and just being more in tune with that.

1143
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 8: Might've had a lot of problems with like alcohol and

1144
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 8: just things like that throughout my life and then that

1145
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 8: kind of like just scared me away from everything in

1146
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 8: a lot of ways.

1147
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 1: That's good, but these are all good things. You're looking

1148
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: at this as a negative and how to move past it.

1149
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 1: These are good things. You're becoming more sober and you're

1150
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 1: saying drugs and alcohol are a problem in your life. Great,

1151
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:53,279
Speaker 1: you are more grateful, Great, Like, these are good things

1152
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 1: that came out of ayahuasca.

1153
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 5: You're not looking at it from the right lens. I

1154
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:56,760
Speaker 5: don't think.

1155
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 3: Are you afraid you're gonna lose friends? What's the hesitation? Then?

1156
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: Now? Oh?

1157
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 8: I think it was just it was genuinely like a

1158
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 8: horrible experience. I keep like going back to it thinking,

1159
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 8: I don't know, like I have kind of a lot

1160
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 8: of guilt about it, just because I'd done other things

1161
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:10,439
Speaker 8: and I like.

1162
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 5: Thought it was what was horrible the visuals?

1163
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 8: Well, I remember how you Chelsea had said like you

1164
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 8: had done five meo and you just felt like it

1165
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 8: was like really like a tough visual experience, And that

1166
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 8: was definitely how I was feeling too. But it was

1167
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 8: also like the aspect of it just felt like very sinister,

1168
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 8: and I was not used to that either, Like at

1169
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 8: one point i'd like become like a cancer patient in

1170
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,399
Speaker 8: a hospital. I just had this horrible feeling and all

1171
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,240
Speaker 8: I could think of was it was like this voice

1172
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 8: telling me, like, there are so many other people out

1173
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 8: there that feel like this way all the time, and

1174
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 8: you need to be more grateful for what you're going

1175
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 8: through and things might be kind of boring or like

1176
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 8: tough in your life, but it was still just that

1177
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 8: like horrible, you know, feeling that like I'll never really

1178
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,839
Speaker 8: be able to shake kind of it's just kind of

1179
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 8: I guess, really just being more grateful about my life

1180
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 8: in generals kind of what I got out of it,

1181
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 8: I guess.

1182
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: But have you ever done AMDR therapy?

1183
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 8: I have never done that.

1184
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 1: Now, Okay, well that's a really good thing because that

1185
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 1: really focuses on a traumatic event that is bothering you,

1186
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: and then you live through that event again without having

1187
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 1: the same feelings that you had the first time. It's

1188
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: like electro I forget what it stands for, electromagnetic whatever, AMDT,

1189
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 1: AMDR AMDR movement desensitization and repass. Good, there we go,

1190
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 1: And Okay, so you could go to a therapist and

1191
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: do that and work specifically on that. And the other

1192
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: thing I would say is that sinister vibe and all

1193
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,839
Speaker 1: of those things you're feeling you can look at as

1194
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 1: a representation of what your life would have become had

1195
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: you continued using drugs and alcohol.

1196
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 3: H Okay, that's fair.

1197
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: That is a good wake up call, and you should

1198
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:48,920
Speaker 1: look at it and frame it in your mind like, oh,

1199
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 1: that was what I would have become if I hadn't

1200
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: woken up.

1201
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 3: Agreed.

1202
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, that's a good way to look at.

1203
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,560
Speaker 5: It, because you're moving forward in a new way.

1204
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 1: That's the past. It happened, it woke you up, and

1205
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 1: you're moving forward. There's no reason to let that experience

1206
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: haunt you. If anything, it turns the corner for you

1207
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 1: in a very positive way. Yeah, for sure, I see

1208
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 1: that too.

1209
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 8: I think it's just like still kind of the struggle

1210
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 8: of regular living, and you know, I still kind of

1211
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 8: want to go back to it a little bit, But

1212
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 8: then I do like it is kind of a nice toolbox.

1213
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 3: So you don't trust yourself that you will make this

1214
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:23,560
Speaker 3: decision and stay on this.

1215
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,439
Speaker 1: Path, I think I will, think.

1216
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 3: But you're struggling. There's a bit of you that doesn't

1217
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 3: trust yourself. I could see it in the hesitation and

1218
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 3: how you just put your head up.

1219
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,359
Speaker 1: I know, but I trust you. I trust you too,

1220
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 1: and I think that that situation is your reminder to

1221
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 1: trust yourself to stay on the right path. It is

1222
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,359
Speaker 1: that situation is going to be useful tool for you

1223
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: moving forward in life. When you are tempted to get

1224
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 1: back into drugs and alcohol, you need to look at

1225
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:47,479
Speaker 1: that and be like, I don't ever want to feel

1226
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 1: that way again. And that was your wake up call,

1227
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 1: and that was your warning call, and I trust that

1228
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 1: you will move forward in the right way.

1229
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 8: Okay, I know I will for sure. Thank you for

1230
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 8: saying that. That's kind of sense as the deal.

1231
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: So okay, great, then let's end this conversation here.

1232
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 2: You got it right, you got this, Thanks John.

1233
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 1: Okay, bye John, Bye, guys. Well this was beautiful. You

1234
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,879
Speaker 1: were great. I mean you are. You're Montel Williams for sure.

1235
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 1: We're across between doctor Phil Montell and who's the other guy,

1236
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 1: Jerry Springer. No Springer, that's too trashy. I like how

1237
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 1: you get to the heat of the d You're like,

1238
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 1: what is really going on? I'm like, we don't have

1239
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 1: time for that. We don't fucking have time for what's

1240
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 1: really going on. We have to take another caller. No,

1241
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 1: you're a delight. Thank you so much for being here.

1242
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you've been in both of my LA homes.

1243
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 3: I know, excited.

1244
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: We'll have to get you to more.

1245
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 3: I would love to love that.

1246
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 1: Thanks Carramo. You can watch him on his show, which

1247
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 1: is a national syndicated talk show on during the day

1248
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:50,399
Speaker 1: different times, but it's called Carramo and also on Queer Eye.

1249
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:51,879
Speaker 5: Thank you for being here.

1250
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1251
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 1: I was just kissing into the microphone. Goodbye everybody. Okay,

1252
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm coming

1253
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 1: to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City,

1254
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:06,879
Speaker 1: and then I will be in Las Vegas performing at

1255
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:10,279
Speaker 1: the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three

1256
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 1: dates in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and

1257
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 1: then November two and November thirtieth. I'm coming to Brooklyn,

1258
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:21,839
Speaker 1: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and

1259
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 1: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the

1260
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: year in December, so if you're in a city like

1261
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 1: Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans.

1262
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 5: Or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1263
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 2: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea shoot us an

1264
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 2: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1265
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 2: be sure to include your phone number.

1266
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited

1267
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 2: And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1268
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1269
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 2: com