WEBVTT - Kerry Washington ON: How To Shift Anger Into Compassion, Shame Into Strength and Break Generational Trauma

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<v Speaker 1>And if you don't want the spoiler, then turn off

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast now. My parents sat me down and told

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<v Speaker 1>me that.

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<v Speaker 2>Please get on that.

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<v Speaker 1>For Kerry Washington, I am not a fantasy. You want

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<v Speaker 1>me earn me Behind the mask of these characters, I

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<v Speaker 1>actually started being able to express more of my truth.

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<v Speaker 1>My characters became this safe space for me to both

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<v Speaker 1>hide behind but also secretly reveal myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite

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<v Speaker 2>you to join this community to hear more interviews that

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<v Speaker 2>will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed. All

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<v Speaker 2>I want you to do is click on the subscribe button.

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<v Speaker 2>I love your support. It's incredible to see all your comments,

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<v Speaker 2>and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go

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<v Speaker 2>on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing.

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<v Speaker 2>It means the world to me.

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<v Speaker 1>The best selling authoring host.

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<v Speaker 2>The number one health and wellness podcast On Purpose with

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<v Speaker 2>Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>so grateful that you lend me your ears every single day,

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<v Speaker 2>every single week, some of you multiple times a day,

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<v Speaker 2>multiple times a week. It means the world to me

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<v Speaker 2>that you show up here because you know this is

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<v Speaker 2>a place of happiness, healthiness, and healing, and I try

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<v Speaker 2>and have conversations here with individuals who are happy to

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<v Speaker 2>be open, be vulnerable, to share the journey that they've

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<v Speaker 2>been on. Some of it's full of successes and also failures.

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<v Speaker 2>Some of it's full of identity reflections and introspection, and

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of it goes into what the experience growing

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<v Speaker 2>up and how that's different from where they are now.

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<v Speaker 2>My goal is to get as close to the human

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<v Speaker 2>experience as possible so that each one of you who's

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<v Speaker 2>listening and watching feels seen, feels heard, feels understood, and

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<v Speaker 2>maybe you can find a bit of yourself and these

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<v Speaker 2>stories so that you can think about how you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to make that next decision, that next choice, that next conversation,

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<v Speaker 2>or that next interaction in your life. Today's guest is

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<v Speaker 2>someone that I met very recently, but we started talking

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of months ago, and from the moment I

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<v Speaker 2>spoke to her on the phone, her voice carried the

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<v Speaker 2>energy of her presence, and then when I got to

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<v Speaker 2>meet her in person just a few days ago, it

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<v Speaker 2>was like meeting someone who just oozes positive, good, sincere,

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<v Speaker 2>genuine energy. I really mean that. I felt it from

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<v Speaker 2>the moment I connected with her, and so I'm so

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<v Speaker 2>excited today to introduce you, of course to someone who

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't need an introduction, but Kerry Washington and any. Award

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<v Speaker 2>winning SAG and Golden Globe nominated actor, director, producer, and activist.

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<v Speaker 2>Kerry Washington has received widespread recognition for her role as

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<v Speaker 2>Olivia Pope on ABC's hit trama Scandal. In twenty sixteen,

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<v Speaker 2>Kerry launched her production company, Simpson Street, whose projects include

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<v Speaker 2>HBO's Confirmation, Netflix's American son Emmy Award winning ABC special

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<v Speaker 2>Live in front of a studio audience, The Fight, and

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<v Speaker 2>HU Lose Little Fires Everywhere. In twenty twenty two, Kerry

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<v Speaker 2>starred in digital interviews series Street You Grew Up on

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<v Speaker 2>YouTube which I just got to be a guest and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited, and scripted podcast The Prophecy with Audible.

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<v Speaker 2>And now today we're talking about Kerry's new book, her

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<v Speaker 2>memoir Thicker Than Water. I've had the fortune of having

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<v Speaker 2>this book for the last couple of months and I

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<v Speaker 2>cannot wait for you to read it. I highly recommend

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<v Speaker 2>you go and grab it right now. Please, welcome to

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<v Speaker 2>the show. Kerry Washington, Hi, Carrie, thank you, Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>What an introduction.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you had to live it all, you had to

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<v Speaker 2>do it all.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so honored to be here. I feel like I've

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<v Speaker 1>heard you do that introduction for so many guests on

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<v Speaker 1>the show. I'm like, he's talking about me now.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean it. It's just you know. The reason I

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<v Speaker 2>do it and I think it's so important is I

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<v Speaker 2>think when you're living it, you often forget it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so true and it goes so fast.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that you're recognizable for so many different

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<v Speaker 2>things and so many incredible parts of your career and

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<v Speaker 2>your activism, your production, your acting. And I'm glad that

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<v Speaker 2>today we get to know the human behind all of

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<v Speaker 2>that which we do in this memoir so deeply, and

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<v Speaker 2>I want to dive straight in. I want to ask

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<v Speaker 2>you a question. What would you say is a childed

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<v Speaker 2>memory that stands out to you in that it defines

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of who you are today?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh wow, what a great question. I feel like there

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<v Speaker 1>are a lot of them in here, but one. I

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<v Speaker 1>have a lot of pride about being the first girl

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<v Speaker 1>in my neighborhood to play all Sharks under Which is

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<v Speaker 1>that game? We played at the pool in my neighborhood.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I don't know. I think I come from a

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<v Speaker 1>line of really brave women. You know, when I think

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<v Speaker 1>about my grandmother being an immigrant and coming to this

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<v Speaker 1>country from Jamaica, and you know, being a young woman

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<v Speaker 1>looking at that statue of liberty and what it must

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<v Speaker 1>have meant for her to take on that adventure. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think about my mom and you know, the career

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<v Speaker 1>that she built, and you know, the education that she pursued,

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<v Speaker 1>and the risks that she took, even you know, in

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<v Speaker 1>terms of what I talk about in the book and

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<v Speaker 1>how she how I came to be in the world.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I think, you know, being a little girl

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<v Speaker 1>who was like willing to be one of the sharks,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, willing to play with the guys, willing to

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<v Speaker 1>jump into the deep end and challenge myself and be

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<v Speaker 1>one of the big kids and not be limited by

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<v Speaker 1>my gender or my age, or by the fear of

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<v Speaker 1>what the game was or the depths of the water.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that says a lot about kind of how

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<v Speaker 1>I've lived my life, that willingness to swim in the

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<v Speaker 1>deep end.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. Wow, Yeah, what do you think gave the

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<v Speaker 2>women who came before you, that courage, that strength, because

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like a lot of the conversation around that

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<v Speaker 2>has of course developed more recently, sadly. But you see

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<v Speaker 2>these women who just always had this strength and resilience

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<v Speaker 2>and power despite it not being given to them or

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<v Speaker 2>opportunities not being shown to them. What do you think

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<v Speaker 2>brought them through all of that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's funny because I think in a lot of ways,

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<v Speaker 1>like for women of color and Black women in particular,

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<v Speaker 1>we haven't had the you know, dare I say, privilege

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<v Speaker 1>of being like damsels in distress. No one was saving us,

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<v Speaker 1>no one was rescuing us. As Black women, particularly, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>with the diaspora and the history of slavery, We've always

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<v Speaker 1>been working women. We've always been resilient and strong out

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<v Speaker 1>of necessity, and I think there's something about that that

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<v Speaker 1>lives deep in my genetics, deep in my family history.

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<v Speaker 1>I think we talk a lot about generational trauma, and

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<v Speaker 1>there's definitely some of that in my story and some

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<v Speaker 1>of it I talk about, But there's also generational courage

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<v Speaker 1>and strength, and I think it's important for me to

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<v Speaker 1>embrace both, to see both as being part of who

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<v Speaker 1>I am.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it's almost like in a general sense, one

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<v Speaker 2>can't live without the other.

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<v Speaker 1>That's right, And they kind of give birth to each

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<v Speaker 1>other a little bit too, right, Like the trauma causes

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<v Speaker 1>strength and that it's you become a survivor and then

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<v Speaker 1>you apply that wisdom. And I know that's true for me.

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<v Speaker 1>That you know, there's things I know that I am

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<v Speaker 1>who I am because of the things that I've had

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<v Speaker 1>to walk through. You know, I am as much who

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<v Speaker 1>I am because of all the extra hugs and love

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<v Speaker 1>and encouragement I got and because of the adversity. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's all, it's all part of it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's so beautiful to hear it like that too,

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<v Speaker 2>to look at it as non binary.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. It's funny. When I

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<v Speaker 1>was coming here to talk to you, I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>this is so different for me because I'm used to

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<v Speaker 1>doing interviews to talk about like a television show or

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<v Speaker 1>a movie, and I know, like I know what that

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<v Speaker 1>narrative is and I know what I'm selling, right, But

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<v Speaker 1>this is like I'm not really selling anything. I'm really

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<v Speaker 1>sharing and I don't have like an agenda for like

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<v Speaker 1>a piece of content. I'm really just like offering myself,

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<v Speaker 1>and so it's different. It's a very different process and

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<v Speaker 1>experience for me because I'm not translating my experience into

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<v Speaker 1>a character's journey like I'm the I'm the character. So

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<v Speaker 1>I bring that up to say, I've been thinking a

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<v Speaker 1>lot about the fact that there's a lot of complexity

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<v Speaker 1>and it's not binary. There's a lot of gray area.

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<v Speaker 1>There's not like there's no clear villain and there are

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<v Speaker 1>no clear heroes. And it's real life, you know. And

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<v Speaker 1>so I think i'm in talking about the book, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have to get really comfortable talking about those kind

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<v Speaker 1>of complexities because it's just not it's just not simple.

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<v Speaker 1>Nobody's life is simple.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Well, I think you do a really wonderful job

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<v Speaker 2>in the book elegantly and you know, gently share it

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<v Speaker 2>with everyone, the complexities of it. And what I did

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<v Speaker 2>is I have a few lines from the book that

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<v Speaker 2>really stood out to me, and I'd love to discuss those.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, yes, of course, let me let me get comfortable

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<v Speaker 1>him and take my shoes off.

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<v Speaker 2>Ye's comfortables you like.

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<v Speaker 1>You want to do it the book.

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<v Speaker 2>I always find that the words that someone chooses and

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<v Speaker 2>the vocabulary they have and the language they used to

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<v Speaker 2>define experiences. And of course I want everyone to know

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<v Speaker 2>that we're only skimming the surface of what's in the

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<v Speaker 2>book or all the details in the book, and I

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<v Speaker 2>highly recommend you you turn to the book for more

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<v Speaker 2>of the context. But I think this will give people

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<v Speaker 2>a glimpse into the kind of places you go to

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<v Speaker 2>and you allow yourself to go to. So one of

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<v Speaker 2>the things that stood out to me in the book,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm reading here only to make sure I don't misquote,

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<v Speaker 2>so you talk about how you suffered from panic attacks

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<v Speaker 2>at age seven, and in your words, you say, I

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<v Speaker 2>would force myself to try to have good thoughts. And

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<v Speaker 2>I was just thinking, did you know what a panic

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<v Speaker 2>attack was at seven? Were you aware? What did it

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<v Speaker 2>feel like? And why did you try to say good thoughts?

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<v Speaker 2>Like why was that dissolution and all those thoughts?

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<v Speaker 1>No, I didn't know. I didn't have the language when

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<v Speaker 1>I was seven that it was a panic attack. It

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<v Speaker 1>was later in life, in my early twenties, when I

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<v Speaker 1>started having panic attacks again that I recognized that this

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<v Speaker 1>was something that's been with me for a long time,

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<v Speaker 1>on and off through the years, and I realized I

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<v Speaker 1>had been having them since I was that little kid,

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<v Speaker 1>and it felt like dread pulsing through my body, Like

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<v Speaker 1>I know, I described it as like this whirling, like

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<v Speaker 1>a spinning, like a rhythm I couldn't control, like a

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<v Speaker 1>rising heat, like a clenching in my throat, a fear

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<v Speaker 1>that felt like it was small enough to be in

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<v Speaker 1>every little cell, but big enough to drown in, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>And I just like, as I say that to you,

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<v Speaker 1>I have so much love for that little girl lying

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<v Speaker 1>in that bed, without the language to describe it as

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<v Speaker 1>I'm describing it to you, but still having to hold

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<v Speaker 1>space for the experience of it, the good thoughts, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I think I sort of I think I describe it

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<v Speaker 1>that way in that moment as good thoughts because I

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<v Speaker 1>was seven and there was good and bad right. There

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't the nuance of like this is an opportunity or that.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>It just was like like this feels bad, right, Like

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<v Speaker 1>this feels really bad, and I want to feel good.

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<v Speaker 1>And I didn't, you know, I didn't know Louise Hay

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<v Speaker 1>at that time. I didn't I didn't know that. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't know about affirmations, but I just would I knew

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<v Speaker 1>the sound of music. I knew the that you could

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<v Speaker 1>like think about your favorite things and maybe feel all right,

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<v Speaker 1>And so I just tried to think about things that

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<v Speaker 1>made me happy, things that brought me joy or a

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<v Speaker 1>sense of peace, and I would try to kind of

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<v Speaker 1>shut out the panic and make the volume of the

0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.120
<v Speaker 1>good things louder in my head.

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:16.120
<v Speaker 2>And at seven, where were those negative or bad thoughts

0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:18.680
<v Speaker 2>coming from? Like, where was that panic coming from? What

0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:19.520
<v Speaker 2>was the source of it?

0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:23.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think a lot of it was, you know,

0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.880
<v Speaker 1>I talk about hearing my parents arguing in the other room,

0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:33.240
<v Speaker 1>but in general, there was this this sense of it's

0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:36.800
<v Speaker 1>a big word, and I'm going to say it and

0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:40.680
<v Speaker 1>then contextualize it. I think I felt unsafe. I was

0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.679
<v Speaker 1>safe in a lot of ways, and I was very loved.

0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:48.920
<v Speaker 1>We were you know, I was provided for materially. I

0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:52.840
<v Speaker 1>was wanted, I was appreciated, I was encouraged. But I

0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.560
<v Speaker 1>also knew, as I talk about in the memoir, that

0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.600
<v Speaker 1>there were things, there was information that was being kept

0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:02.000
<v Speaker 1>from me. I didn't know it consciously, but unconsciously I

0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:06.600
<v Speaker 1>felt like like I wasn't being given the full truth,

0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:11.440
<v Speaker 1>and that created in me this like a sense of

0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:17.959
<v Speaker 1>distrust and of longing for wholeness, like something felt incomplete

0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:21.880
<v Speaker 1>and unhold, it's not It's probably not the right way

0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:24.000
<v Speaker 1>to say it, but so I think the panic was

0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:27.679
<v Speaker 1>me trying to navigate the fear of like, what don't

0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:29.440
<v Speaker 1>I know? I don't even know what I don't know.

0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:31.960
<v Speaker 1>I just know I don't have everything I need to

0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:32.720
<v Speaker 1>feel safe.

0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:36.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm really glad you gave that context, because I think

0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.720
<v Speaker 2>that today when we hear the word unsafe, we think

0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:43.760
<v Speaker 2>it means physically right, and we think it means materially. Yeah,

0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:46.880
<v Speaker 2>but it's so interesting that those things can be taken

0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:50.200
<v Speaker 2>care of and you still feel an internal unease.

0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:54.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yes, a disease like it was an emotion. I

0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.600
<v Speaker 1>wasn't emotionally safe. I knew that that's that's that's what

0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.240
<v Speaker 1>I knew somewhere deep down, and I didn't have a

0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:03.079
<v Speaker 1>way to confirm it, and I didn't even have a

0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.560
<v Speaker 1>way to ask about it. It just was this feeling,

0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.199
<v Speaker 1>and I didn't even know if I should trust the feeling, right,

0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:13.480
<v Speaker 1>because everyone was saying it's all good, everything's fine. So

0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.960
<v Speaker 1>I think that maybe a lot of the panic was

0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:21.880
<v Speaker 1>that I was, from early on being asked to disconnect

0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:25.600
<v Speaker 1>from my own sense of knowing. You know, I was

0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:30.640
<v Speaker 1>being taught from the moment I got to this planet,

0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:33.040
<v Speaker 1>from the moment that I was born, I was being

0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:36.840
<v Speaker 1>taught that I had to act as if the lie

0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.520
<v Speaker 1>was true, the lie of who my family was and

0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.200
<v Speaker 1>how we came to be. So I didn't really I

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:45.400
<v Speaker 1>didn't know. I didn't know what I didn't know, but

0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:46.680
<v Speaker 1>I knew I didn't know something.

0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:52.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And it's so interesting, right, I think that so

0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.440
<v Speaker 2>many of us feel that way, that our feelings when

0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:58.440
<v Speaker 2>we were younger were not validated or acknowledged, and we

0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 2>weren't trained to do that, if anything, like in yours,

0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:05.600
<v Speaker 2>we were taught to reject or abandon, deny, and then

0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:07.760
<v Speaker 2>they don't just go away because of that. They often

0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:09.800
<v Speaker 2>come back in the future and we'll get to that,

0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.600
<v Speaker 2>but they come back in so many different ways in

0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:16.240
<v Speaker 2>our lives when you abandon your own truth. Yeah, at

0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.040
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of your life, and it's did you ever

0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:24.760
<v Speaker 2>feel that you were able to reconnect What helped you

0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:30.560
<v Speaker 2>reconnect with that sense of knowing again in the future internally? Yeah,

0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:35.160
<v Speaker 2>because I feel like that's something that you can remember

0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.640
<v Speaker 2>having knowing and then you can remember how you let

0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:42.000
<v Speaker 2>it go. Most people I speak to feel like they

0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.720
<v Speaker 2>never felt like they knew. And I don't think it's

0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:47.120
<v Speaker 2>because they never knew. It's because they let it go

0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:49.400
<v Speaker 2>of it so early that we forgot that we knew.

0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it does, it does. I don't remember. I don't

0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:57.440
<v Speaker 1>remember knowing and then not knowing, but I remember learning

0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:02.320
<v Speaker 1>that it was more important to play along then to

0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.320
<v Speaker 1>fight for what I thought I knew. And then it

0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:08.400
<v Speaker 1>was like, Okay, it's the script that matters. It's like

0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:13.040
<v Speaker 1>this performance of this perfect family, like that's the priority,

0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:17.000
<v Speaker 1>and their feelings are more important than mine. Whoever the

0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.120
<v Speaker 1>day is. And then the day was like lots of

0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:22.440
<v Speaker 1>different people throughout my life. But I think one of

0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.920
<v Speaker 1>the first things, one of the first tools that helped

0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:29.040
<v Speaker 1>to bring me back to myself was yoga. It was

0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.320
<v Speaker 1>like the first, one of the first times that I

0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:36.040
<v Speaker 1>remember being still in my body in Shivasna at the

0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:37.880
<v Speaker 1>end of that first yoga class that I took in

0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:43.320
<v Speaker 1>high school and weeping because I felt really like present

0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.480
<v Speaker 1>in my body, like I wasn't trying to escape or

0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:50.920
<v Speaker 1>deny or quiet or I was just like fully present

0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.760
<v Speaker 1>in my body and it was terrifying because I was like,

0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:59.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if this is okay. It was different

0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:04.600
<v Speaker 1>from how I was taught to be, not like didactically taught,

0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.840
<v Speaker 1>but it was different from how I learned to be

0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.280
<v Speaker 1>to survive emotionally.

0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:13.960
<v Speaker 2>How did that feeling transpire in other areas of your life,

0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:16.399
<v Speaker 2>that desire of like I'm going to perform, I'm going

0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.280
<v Speaker 2>to put up what people need me to do. Like,

0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.840
<v Speaker 2>did you find that manifesting in other areas of your

0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.639
<v Speaker 2>life or were you able to kind of go No,

0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:25.200
<v Speaker 2>that was just with my family, And.

0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.960
<v Speaker 1>No, I mean I got really I got really lucky

0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:31.080
<v Speaker 1>because I found a career where I could perform, where

0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.880
<v Speaker 1>I could like this superpower that I had to kind

0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.840
<v Speaker 1>of shape shift and be whoever you needed me to be.

0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:39.560
<v Speaker 1>I started knowing how to do that in an audition

0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:41.919
<v Speaker 1>room and on a set and on a stage, and

0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:46.760
<v Speaker 1>I realized there actually was this place in life where

0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:51.760
<v Speaker 1>performing was the true goal and it was okay to

0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.040
<v Speaker 1>want to be somebody other than myself and to want

0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:59.080
<v Speaker 1>to step away from my truth to another person's truth.

0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:04.480
<v Speaker 1>Like that actually led me to a really exciting, adventurous,

0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:11.280
<v Speaker 1>abundant life. And then this weird thing happened where behind

0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:14.560
<v Speaker 1>the mask of these characters, I actually started being able

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:17.520
<v Speaker 1>to express more of my truth. Right Like, in my

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.480
<v Speaker 1>life with my family at home, I couldn't necessarily be

0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:26.119
<v Speaker 1>angry or express fear or insecurity. But if I was

0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:28.800
<v Speaker 1>playing a character, I could have all of those big,

0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:32.399
<v Speaker 1>intense feelings and it wasn't threatening to anyone. It was

0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:36.960
<v Speaker 1>actually rewarded. So my characters became like this safe space

0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:41.880
<v Speaker 1>for me to both hide behind but also secretly reveal myself.

0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:47.200
<v Speaker 2>It's incredible how like something so stressful and uncomfortable turns

0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:51.440
<v Speaker 2>into a talent but also a healing Yes.

0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:57.160
<v Speaker 1>Right, it's really I'm so grateful that that acting led

0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:01.840
<v Speaker 1>me to be able to have more emotion vocabulary, more

0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:06.280
<v Speaker 1>willingness to actually feel my feelings and express them. And

0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:09.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm even grateful. I mean, it was how I stumbled

0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:10.919
<v Speaker 1>upon acting is that, you know, my mother is a

0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:15.960
<v Speaker 1>very stoic She's so elegant and like she's really somebody

0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:19.920
<v Speaker 1>who is not very expressive of her emotions because she's

0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:25.440
<v Speaker 1>she operates from here and is very dignified and stoic,

0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:28.240
<v Speaker 1>and so you know, because God has an enormous sense

0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:30.199
<v Speaker 1>of humor, she had this child, and I was just

0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:34.600
<v Speaker 1>like a walking id, just like feelings all over the place.

0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:37.679
<v Speaker 1>And God bless her because she's an educator. Rather than

0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:41.800
<v Speaker 1>just say like, stop having feelings, she was like, you're

0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:45.160
<v Speaker 1>gonna go to this children's theater company because I imagine,

0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:47.399
<v Speaker 1>you know, she was thinking, I don't know what to

0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:48.919
<v Speaker 1>do with all these feelings. You know as well as

0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.119
<v Speaker 1>I know my mother. She was kind of like, I

0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:53.080
<v Speaker 1>don't know what to do with you, but they'll know

0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:56.280
<v Speaker 1>what to do with you. And so she the amazing

0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:59.040
<v Speaker 1>educator that she is, she led me to spaces where

0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:03.080
<v Speaker 1>I could be expressive and energetic and emotional and she

0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:08.080
<v Speaker 1>could applaud from over here and not have to wrangle. Yeah.

0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:10.840
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, Yeah. And it's what I find so interesting when

0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.520
<v Speaker 2>I was reading the book too, is just recently I

0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:16.520
<v Speaker 2>saw that you mentioned how you have always been trying

0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:19.880
<v Speaker 2>to get away from acting there, yes, and that these

0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:23.600
<v Speaker 2>amazing opportunities keep coming your way. Explain that to us,

0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:25.960
<v Speaker 2>because I think what I love about this is kind

0:20:26.000 --> 0:20:28.119
<v Speaker 2>of what we're talking about since the beginning of this interview,

0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:32.960
<v Speaker 2>which is this texture and this complexity, which what appears

0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:36.080
<v Speaker 2>to be a paradox, Yeah, but actually that's the human

0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:39.439
<v Speaker 2>experience where you're like, I had this pain, acting was

0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:41.760
<v Speaker 2>healing me, but now acting something I've been trying to

0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:46.040
<v Speaker 2>move away from, but it's okay that that. So walk

0:20:46.119 --> 0:20:48.480
<v Speaker 2>me through the depths of that or the texture behind

0:20:48.480 --> 0:20:52.119
<v Speaker 2>that of like, why is it something that, despite it

0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:55.080
<v Speaker 2>being so healing and powerful and a safe space to

0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:58.320
<v Speaker 2>feel all of this, does it not feel like a

0:20:58.400 --> 0:20:59.160
<v Speaker 2>forever home.

0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:02.399
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I'm super interested to hear what you think about this,

0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:07.439
<v Speaker 1>because some of this is the tension between the pure

0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.560
<v Speaker 1>art and craft of the work, the creative craft of

0:21:11.640 --> 0:21:16.560
<v Speaker 1>acting and storytelling and narrative. And I love that work.

0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:19.520
<v Speaker 1>I always love that work, even when it's really really hard.

0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:22.280
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, what a privilege, what a gift. It

0:21:22.359 --> 0:21:26.600
<v Speaker 1>feels like a true calling. I don't always love the

0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:30.359
<v Speaker 1>business stuff, you know. I don't always love the rejection

0:21:30.960 --> 0:21:36.679
<v Speaker 1>and the competition and the how hard it is to

0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:39.119
<v Speaker 1>get something off the ground I get something produced and

0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:42.760
<v Speaker 1>get something greenlit, or like, I don't always love I

0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:44.600
<v Speaker 1>love the making of it. I don't always love the

0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:48.000
<v Speaker 1>vulnerability of when it hits the airwaves and like the

0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:52.800
<v Speaker 1>criticism and the ratings and the reviews and so that

0:21:52.920 --> 0:21:56.600
<v Speaker 1>it's like the when I want to leave is when

0:21:56.600 --> 0:21:59.760
<v Speaker 1>it feels like the business parts of it, the kind

0:21:59.760 --> 0:22:05.280
<v Speaker 1>of worldly material parts of it, become too expensive to

0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:07.640
<v Speaker 1>my soul. It just feels like I don't I don't

0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:10.640
<v Speaker 1>want to have to navigate all that stuff, so I'm

0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:12.960
<v Speaker 1>gonna go find something else. It's like that great, you know,

0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:16.359
<v Speaker 1>the the Winston Churchill Brene Brown quote about like being

0:22:16.400 --> 0:22:18.720
<v Speaker 1>in the ring and you know what it is to

0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:20.959
<v Speaker 1>be in the ring, and that's that beautiful vulnerability. And

0:22:21.240 --> 0:22:23.280
<v Speaker 1>sometimes I'm like, I don't want to be in the ring,

0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:25.600
<v Speaker 1>like you know what, God like you can have the

0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:27.639
<v Speaker 1>ring like I'm good. I think I want to be

0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:30.600
<v Speaker 1>an observer and like, you know, be booing from the

0:22:30.640 --> 0:22:33.560
<v Speaker 1>crowd for once. Like not really, I'm not a very

0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:37.280
<v Speaker 1>generous viewer usually, but sometimes it's that It's like, sometimes

0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:40.920
<v Speaker 1>the vulnerability on the business side feels like too much.

0:22:40.960 --> 0:22:43.440
<v Speaker 1>Not the vulnerability on stage, not the vulnerability in front

0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:47.919
<v Speaker 1>of the camera, but the the stuff outside of the

0:22:47.960 --> 0:22:51.200
<v Speaker 1>creative craft. So that's when when that stuff feels like, oh,

0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:55.080
<v Speaker 1>it's taking over and I'm spending more time thinking about

0:22:55.119 --> 0:22:58.920
<v Speaker 1>how to win than I am about how to create.

0:22:59.400 --> 0:23:01.200
<v Speaker 1>Then I feel like I'm gonna go do something else,

0:23:01.240 --> 0:23:05.560
<v Speaker 1>something that feels purer, like teaching kids, or teaching yoga

0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:07.920
<v Speaker 1>or you know something, all the other things I've tried

0:23:07.960 --> 0:23:11.080
<v Speaker 1>to do. And then and then inevitably, you know, I'll

0:23:11.160 --> 0:23:14.040
<v Speaker 1>read and right when like I remember, I had I mean,

0:23:14.080 --> 0:23:16.199
<v Speaker 1>I really did not have money to burn. It was

0:23:16.240 --> 0:23:18.440
<v Speaker 1>early in my career, and I was like, I'm done,

0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:21.199
<v Speaker 1>I'm done, I'm done. I'm done. And I signed up

0:23:21.200 --> 0:23:23.720
<v Speaker 1>for a yoga teacher training. I got certified to teach

0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:25.320
<v Speaker 1>yoga when I was living in India, but this I

0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:27.240
<v Speaker 1>didn't have a certification in the States, and so I

0:23:27.280 --> 0:23:30.040
<v Speaker 1>signed up for this very fanciege of a yoga in

0:23:30.119 --> 0:23:33.359
<v Speaker 1>New York. Yeah, and so I was going to do

0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:36.720
<v Speaker 1>their teacher training. I just made my last payment and

0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:41.560
<v Speaker 1>then I read the script for Rey, and I was like, holy,

0:23:43.359 --> 0:23:45.640
<v Speaker 1>I have to do this movie. So that's what That's

0:23:45.680 --> 0:23:48.159
<v Speaker 1>what happens always is I get to the edge of

0:23:48.280 --> 0:23:53.840
<v Speaker 1>like eh, and then something beautiful calls me in, something

0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:58.120
<v Speaker 1>that feels like it's worth the work of the material

0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:03.879
<v Speaker 1>off the bs, the or just like the adulting, like

0:24:03.920 --> 0:24:06.040
<v Speaker 1>all that, you know, all that stuff, it's worth that

0:24:06.080 --> 0:24:07.840
<v Speaker 1>to be able to go back to that play and

0:24:07.840 --> 0:24:11.040
<v Speaker 1>that creativity and that that stuff where I feel like

0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:13.520
<v Speaker 1>my soul gets to be of service in a narrative.

0:24:14.840 --> 0:24:18.479
<v Speaker 2>I think you're speaking the language of every true artist

0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:21.520
<v Speaker 2>and creative who feels that in a way that they

0:24:21.560 --> 0:24:25.719
<v Speaker 2>may not even have tried to push as far as

0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:29.360
<v Speaker 2>you have. Like you're someone who's achieved the peak of

0:24:30.040 --> 0:24:33.680
<v Speaker 2>your creative endeavors, right, You've made incredible box office films

0:24:33.720 --> 0:24:37.239
<v Speaker 2>like TV, like you've you've won in that sense in

0:24:37.280 --> 0:24:40.480
<v Speaker 2>your arty sort of and I mean in the in

0:24:40.560 --> 0:24:43.160
<v Speaker 2>the external material, like in the sense of like you're someone.

0:24:43.000 --> 0:24:44.480
<v Speaker 1>Who's but you see what I mean. Like when I

0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:46.560
<v Speaker 1>say sort of, it's because like there are awards I

0:24:46.600 --> 0:24:49.080
<v Speaker 1>haven't won. There are awards I haven't been nominated for.

0:24:49.200 --> 0:24:52.639
<v Speaker 1>There are like certain people who've made more money at

0:24:52.680 --> 0:24:55.760
<v Speaker 1>the box office the whole different records, Like and that's

0:24:55.800 --> 0:24:57.919
<v Speaker 1>a little bit of the part of what I do

0:24:58.000 --> 0:25:00.200
<v Speaker 1>that I don't love. I remember, in acting to you're

0:25:00.200 --> 0:25:05.080
<v Speaker 1>saying to me once, no matter what he does, Tom

0:25:05.160 --> 0:25:08.359
<v Speaker 1>Cruise is never gonna be Tom Hanks. He's never gonna

0:25:08.359 --> 0:25:10.760
<v Speaker 1>have like three years in a row back to back

0:25:10.800 --> 0:25:14.119
<v Speaker 1>Oscar nominations. He's never gonna have that, like he can

0:25:14.200 --> 0:25:15.720
<v Speaker 1>have born on the fourth of July, but he's not

0:25:15.840 --> 0:25:18.560
<v Speaker 1>gonna be He's not gonna have Tom Hanks's career. And

0:25:18.600 --> 0:25:21.440
<v Speaker 1>guess what, no matter what Tom Hanks does, he's never

0:25:21.480 --> 0:25:23.920
<v Speaker 1>gonna have Tom Cruise's career. He's never gonna have back

0:25:23.960 --> 0:25:26.680
<v Speaker 1>to back mission Impossibles and like hold all the box

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:28.520
<v Speaker 1>off records and thirty years later be able to make

0:25:28.560 --> 0:25:31.159
<v Speaker 1>another Top Gun and have it be the nominator for

0:25:31.200 --> 0:25:33.720
<v Speaker 1>a Best Picture. Like they have different careers, but neither

0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:37.080
<v Speaker 1>is less valid, Like they're both winning. They've both won.

0:25:37.160 --> 0:25:39.840
<v Speaker 1>And that's part of the challenge for me is like

0:25:39.880 --> 0:25:43.880
<v Speaker 1>how to accept that this journey, my journey, is the journey.

0:25:44.240 --> 0:25:46.480
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't have to look like anybody else's, It doesn't

0:25:46.520 --> 0:25:49.679
<v Speaker 1>have to measure up according to anybody else's standard. And

0:25:49.720 --> 0:25:53.600
<v Speaker 1>I think for a long time because I wasn't comfortable

0:25:53.640 --> 0:25:57.240
<v Speaker 1>with myself, because I didn't really know my story, and

0:25:57.320 --> 0:26:00.320
<v Speaker 1>so I wasn't really living my story. I always like

0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:03.440
<v Speaker 1>I was the co star in somebody else's story, whether

0:26:03.440 --> 0:26:06.560
<v Speaker 1>it's at work or at home or whatever. That writing

0:26:06.600 --> 0:26:08.880
<v Speaker 1>this memoir was a little bit about like I got

0:26:08.920 --> 0:26:11.679
<v Speaker 1>that missing puzzle piece that helped me put myself at

0:26:11.680 --> 0:26:13.439
<v Speaker 1>the center of my story, and then I was like,

0:26:13.680 --> 0:26:15.399
<v Speaker 1>I want to do the work to write that. I

0:26:15.440 --> 0:26:17.680
<v Speaker 1>want to do the work to know what it feels

0:26:17.760 --> 0:26:20.000
<v Speaker 1>like to center myself so that I can make sure

0:26:20.040 --> 0:26:22.919
<v Speaker 1>that in this lifetime, I'm living my story and not

0:26:23.400 --> 0:26:24.800
<v Speaker 1>chasing somebody else's.

0:26:26.440 --> 0:26:29.400
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0:27:49.680 --> 0:27:53.280
<v Speaker 2>you use the code on purpose. Wow, you're speedinger. Everyone's

0:27:53.320 --> 0:27:57.359
<v Speaker 2>soul right now. Everything you're saying, I'm like, it's and

0:27:57.400 --> 0:28:00.840
<v Speaker 2>it shows right. I think when we feel like we

0:28:00.880 --> 0:28:03.639
<v Speaker 2>can really understand someone we don't know, or someone we

0:28:03.680 --> 0:28:05.840
<v Speaker 2>haven't spent a lot of time with, it means that

0:28:05.880 --> 0:28:10.000
<v Speaker 2>they understand themselves, because you know, when you're just at.

0:28:09.880 --> 0:28:13.080
<v Speaker 1>That like humanity, that like naked truth of just what

0:28:13.119 --> 0:28:14.280
<v Speaker 1>it means to be human.

0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:16.920
<v Speaker 2>Exactly Like I'm listening to you, going, Wow, I think

0:28:16.920 --> 0:28:19.800
<v Speaker 2>everything you just said, Like, I think every creative person

0:28:19.800 --> 0:28:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I know has expressed some part of that to me.

0:28:22.080 --> 0:28:24.399
<v Speaker 2>I think there's parts of me that have grappled with that.

0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:26.640
<v Speaker 2>If you if you don't mind, I'd love to offer

0:28:26.640 --> 0:28:28.200
<v Speaker 2>you what you asked for earlier. And you were saying

0:28:28.200 --> 0:28:29.240
<v Speaker 2>you have to hear my thoughts.

0:28:29.240 --> 0:28:31.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, Yes, both as a coach, but also as somebody

0:28:31.840 --> 0:28:34.199
<v Speaker 1>who because I feel like I'm here, I should get

0:28:34.200 --> 0:28:39.080
<v Speaker 1>free coaching, but also as somebody who who is navigating

0:28:39.400 --> 0:28:43.160
<v Speaker 1>the combination of the material world and the spiritual world

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.560
<v Speaker 1>and you know, living in both of those spaces.

0:28:45.840 --> 0:28:48.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so from a from a coaching or even spiritual

0:28:48.880 --> 0:28:52.680
<v Speaker 2>perspective too, because all my coaching is of that type.

0:28:53.120 --> 0:28:56.720
<v Speaker 2>So the Sanskrit word for this is dharma, and dharma

0:28:57.520 --> 0:29:00.320
<v Speaker 2>very loosely can be put to purpose. But really what

0:29:00.400 --> 0:29:05.520
<v Speaker 2>dharma is is almost like an inherent calling that you

0:29:05.680 --> 0:29:10.320
<v Speaker 2>can't separate from yourself. It is so in deep alignment

0:29:10.440 --> 0:29:13.240
<v Speaker 2>and centered with who you are at the core that

0:29:13.360 --> 0:29:15.400
<v Speaker 2>even if you try and push it away, it just

0:29:15.520 --> 0:29:18.680
<v Speaker 2>keeps pulling you back. No matter what that is. And

0:29:19.040 --> 0:29:22.520
<v Speaker 2>that isn't an activity like It isn't a title like

0:29:22.840 --> 0:29:25.080
<v Speaker 2>I think today we think of like purpose or passion

0:29:25.120 --> 0:29:28.120
<v Speaker 2>as a job or a like CEO.

0:29:28.280 --> 0:29:29.560
<v Speaker 1>Is not a dharmae.

0:29:29.160 --> 0:29:34.040
<v Speaker 2>Exactly exactly CEO or actor or actress or podcaster or

0:29:34.120 --> 0:29:37.960
<v Speaker 2>author is that's not your dharma. It's like, you're an

0:29:38.080 --> 0:29:41.560
<v Speaker 2>artist who expresses yourself through many different ways. You've written

0:29:41.600 --> 0:29:45.880
<v Speaker 2>an amazing memoir, You've done TV, you produce, you tell stories,

0:29:46.040 --> 0:29:49.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, you have a you have two interview shows, podcasting,

0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:53.239
<v Speaker 2>scripted like those are just mediums. And but what I'm

0:29:53.280 --> 0:29:57.600
<v Speaker 2>getting to is that there's a part of you where

0:29:57.760 --> 0:30:03.680
<v Speaker 2>performance and the expression of emotion through performance is so

0:30:04.240 --> 0:30:07.920
<v Speaker 2>core to what helps you heal and live and breath

0:30:09.040 --> 0:30:11.000
<v Speaker 2>in whatever way it is. It doesn't always have to

0:30:11.040 --> 0:30:13.600
<v Speaker 2>be in a TV or a film. There's some part

0:30:13.600 --> 0:30:17.040
<v Speaker 2>of you that loves to express and loves to feel

0:30:17.040 --> 0:30:19.160
<v Speaker 2>in that way, and you can probably define it better

0:30:19.200 --> 0:30:23.600
<v Speaker 2>than me. And what I've found is that we're always

0:30:23.680 --> 0:30:29.040
<v Speaker 2>trying to escape that because usually in the same way

0:30:29.080 --> 0:30:32.800
<v Speaker 2>as you're saying, because of the business aspects that make

0:30:32.920 --> 0:30:38.240
<v Speaker 2>it seem dirtier, murkier, less pure, because it comes from

0:30:38.280 --> 0:30:41.040
<v Speaker 2>such a pure place. It's not coming from the place

0:30:41.080 --> 0:30:43.520
<v Speaker 2>of wanting to win, right, it's not coming from the

0:30:43.560 --> 0:30:45.560
<v Speaker 2>place of wanting to be the best. It's coming from

0:30:45.560 --> 0:30:48.240
<v Speaker 2>the place of like service service. Yeah, this just needs

0:30:48.280 --> 0:30:51.480
<v Speaker 2>to get out. And that's something that I've found that

0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:56.920
<v Speaker 2>it's really hard to shake that because it's almost like God,

0:30:57.160 --> 0:31:01.400
<v Speaker 2>the universe wants you to use that in the service

0:31:01.440 --> 0:31:05.880
<v Speaker 2>of others. And so I've rarely found so I've not

0:31:05.920 --> 0:31:10.080
<v Speaker 2>found anyone I think that's been able to extract their

0:31:10.200 --> 0:31:16.000
<v Speaker 2>durma from themselves because it is inextractable. Like it's it's

0:31:16.280 --> 0:31:17.920
<v Speaker 2>it's you, and it's.

0:31:17.760 --> 0:31:19.520
<v Speaker 1>What your spiritual identity.

0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:23.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's your It's almost like what would be considered

0:31:23.160 --> 0:31:28.040
<v Speaker 2>your spiritual offering in the material world. It's what connects

0:31:28.080 --> 0:31:32.840
<v Speaker 2>you to that spiritual world in the material world because

0:31:33.200 --> 0:31:35.800
<v Speaker 2>without it, and again, by the way, this is not it.

0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:38.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm just calling it out. This is specific to carry

0:31:38.120 --> 0:31:41.200
<v Speaker 2>and this is different for everyone. If you did give

0:31:41.240 --> 0:31:43.800
<v Speaker 2>that up and you went off and tried all the

0:31:43.800 --> 0:31:45.680
<v Speaker 2>other things, which you've obviously tried, so you already know this,

0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:47.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't even need to tell you. You can try it.

0:31:47.400 --> 0:31:49.760
<v Speaker 2>And it's not that that isn't fulfilling. It's just that

0:31:49.800 --> 0:31:52.160
<v Speaker 2>there's this thing that just keeps pulling you back.

0:31:52.800 --> 0:32:00.640
<v Speaker 1>The boyfriend you can't quear, boyfriend, you can't quear. That's

0:32:00.760 --> 0:32:01.520
<v Speaker 1>my drama.

0:32:01.840 --> 0:32:02.600
<v Speaker 2>I love it.

0:32:02.840 --> 0:32:06.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think for me it might be some sort

0:32:06.080 --> 0:32:13.640
<v Speaker 1>of there's something about the expression of emotional truth. It

0:32:13.680 --> 0:32:18.160
<v Speaker 1>feels like my dharma is connected to holding space for

0:32:19.520 --> 0:32:24.800
<v Speaker 1>emotional vulnerability or emotional truth. And I think in some

0:32:24.840 --> 0:32:27.120
<v Speaker 1>ways that's why I grew up in a family where

0:32:27.600 --> 0:32:31.120
<v Speaker 1>truth was kept from me, because it's like I developed

0:32:31.240 --> 0:32:34.600
<v Speaker 1>like a heat seeking missile for like, I'm going to

0:32:34.680 --> 0:32:37.120
<v Speaker 1>find the truth. I'm going to know what it looks like.

0:32:37.720 --> 0:32:40.640
<v Speaker 1>If I can't express it here, I have to express

0:32:40.680 --> 0:32:43.480
<v Speaker 1>it here. It was like it was kept from me

0:32:43.640 --> 0:32:46.280
<v Speaker 1>so that I would learn to cultivate it and honor

0:32:46.320 --> 0:32:48.320
<v Speaker 1>it and hold space for it. And I like I

0:32:48.320 --> 0:32:51.360
<v Speaker 1>think about even when I'm working as a director, often

0:32:51.400 --> 0:32:53.040
<v Speaker 1>my note to an actor in a scene is like,

0:32:53.120 --> 0:32:56.160
<v Speaker 1>I just I don't believe you yet, right, Like I

0:32:56.200 --> 0:32:59.320
<v Speaker 1>want to believe you more. And I think there's something

0:32:59.360 --> 0:33:06.520
<v Speaker 1>about like I survived a childhood where I learned what

0:33:06.680 --> 0:33:11.120
<v Speaker 1>truth doesn't look like, and so I'm really aware of

0:33:11.160 --> 0:33:14.680
<v Speaker 1>what it does look like now, and I it's it's

0:33:14.920 --> 0:33:16.160
<v Speaker 1>so important to me.

0:33:16.800 --> 0:33:21.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's no, that's so powerful. And it's it's almost

0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:26.120
<v Speaker 2>like that that's the acceptance that you know, even I've

0:33:26.120 --> 0:33:28.959
<v Speaker 2>had to make like I think for me it was

0:33:30.920 --> 0:33:37.400
<v Speaker 2>on a very deep level, the business or the systematic

0:33:37.640 --> 0:33:41.400
<v Speaker 2>approach to art, which you have to take if you

0:33:41.440 --> 0:33:44.160
<v Speaker 2>want your work to scale or you want your work.

0:33:44.240 --> 0:33:46.960
<v Speaker 2>Like you're saying the discipline, the discipline of it, or

0:33:46.960 --> 0:33:49.000
<v Speaker 2>the business the business of it. As you're saying the

0:33:49.000 --> 0:33:53.120
<v Speaker 2>parts that we don't enjoy, like there is actually what,

0:33:53.920 --> 0:33:56.640
<v Speaker 2>at least from a very Eastern spiritual perspective, would be

0:33:56.680 --> 0:34:01.479
<v Speaker 2>like that's the stuff that purifies you of the ego

0:34:01.640 --> 0:34:02.760
<v Speaker 2>that comes from art.

0:34:03.600 --> 0:34:07.440
<v Speaker 1>Ah. Yes, of course, of course it's I mean it's

0:34:07.480 --> 0:34:09.879
<v Speaker 1>funny because then when you say it, it's like, yes,

0:34:10.040 --> 0:34:12.719
<v Speaker 1>this is what you learn in the ashram, right, Like

0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:15.440
<v Speaker 1>this is what you learn in a yoga practice that like,

0:34:16.200 --> 0:34:19.520
<v Speaker 1>you don't get to have the transcendent moment at the

0:34:19.640 --> 0:34:22.680
<v Speaker 1>end of practice city and meditation until you do the

0:34:22.719 --> 0:34:25.880
<v Speaker 1>twenty sun salutations, Like they get you there, they open

0:34:25.960 --> 0:34:29.480
<v Speaker 1>you up, they they get you closer. It's that it

0:34:29.560 --> 0:34:33.719
<v Speaker 1>is the discipline that makes room for the the goodness.

0:34:33.880 --> 0:34:35.799
<v Speaker 1>If we just like woke up out of bed and

0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:40.239
<v Speaker 1>were immediately transcendent without any discipline, we probably I would

0:34:40.239 --> 0:34:42.239
<v Speaker 1>probably be a pretty horrible person to be around. I'd

0:34:42.239 --> 0:34:47.319
<v Speaker 1>be like, I'm amazing, everything comes so easily for me.

0:34:47.840 --> 0:34:50.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, or the opposite, where we end up in complete

0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:55.360
<v Speaker 2>like dullness and ruin, where we're like it doesn't work

0:34:55.440 --> 0:34:58.439
<v Speaker 2>and I can't do anything and I and it's it's

0:34:58.520 --> 0:35:01.880
<v Speaker 2>either all. And I've find that when you have to

0:35:01.920 --> 0:35:06.960
<v Speaker 2>reflect on the competitive aspect and purify that desire to

0:35:07.000 --> 0:35:09.640
<v Speaker 2>be competitive, it gets you closer to your truth when

0:35:09.680 --> 0:35:11.520
<v Speaker 2>you have to sit in it and go I don't

0:35:11.560 --> 0:35:13.680
<v Speaker 2>care if I'm not Tom Cruise. I'm happy being Tom Hanks.

0:35:13.840 --> 0:35:15.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't care if I'm not Tom Hanks. I'm happy

0:35:15.440 --> 0:35:18.640
<v Speaker 2>being Tom Cruise. That is the purification of getting you

0:35:18.680 --> 0:35:20.759
<v Speaker 2>closer to your truth. Whereas if you never had to

0:35:20.800 --> 0:35:25.880
<v Speaker 2>do that activity, you almost could live in ignorance, and

0:35:25.920 --> 0:35:28.799
<v Speaker 2>ignorance is bliss. Well, if that makes sense. Again, I'm

0:35:28.840 --> 0:35:31.439
<v Speaker 2>not saying I agree with how it's all done or run.

0:35:31.520 --> 0:35:34.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying that's how I think you're trying to operate

0:35:34.440 --> 0:35:38.719
<v Speaker 2>as a as a warrior on a war field, as

0:35:39.160 --> 0:35:42.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, like you're relishing the battle of it because

0:35:42.239 --> 0:35:45.400
<v Speaker 2>you notice that the battle is actually forcing you to

0:35:45.440 --> 0:35:49.279
<v Speaker 2>go more inward, because if you lived it outwardly, it's

0:35:49.400 --> 0:35:52.480
<v Speaker 2>just too much. Yeah, if that makes any sense. It

0:35:52.560 --> 0:35:57.400
<v Speaker 2>does anyway, So we got lost of that. Yeah, but no,

0:35:57.520 --> 0:35:59.759
<v Speaker 2>I really appreciate where we're going with this conversation because

0:35:59.800 --> 0:36:02.080
<v Speaker 2>I do think that that I think all of us

0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:04.759
<v Speaker 2>are caught within that battle for the truth and our

0:36:04.760 --> 0:36:07.480
<v Speaker 2>own lives and our own truth in different ways. Yeah,

0:36:07.520 --> 0:36:11.040
<v Speaker 2>this was interesting to me because I'm also picking out

0:36:11.080 --> 0:36:14.080
<v Speaker 2>things that I think a lot of our community and

0:36:14.120 --> 0:36:17.080
<v Speaker 2>audience can be. So there's one thing that said, being

0:36:17.160 --> 0:36:19.640
<v Speaker 2>busy is one of the ways I create a sense

0:36:19.680 --> 0:36:23.080
<v Speaker 2>of safety and control during times when I feel there

0:36:23.120 --> 0:36:26.880
<v Speaker 2>is none. Whenever that I was like, wow, the amount

0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:27.640
<v Speaker 2>of people that I.

0:36:27.560 --> 0:36:29.880
<v Speaker 1>Know to every workahol account there.

0:36:29.840 --> 0:36:33.600
<v Speaker 2>Litually and it's hard to even become aware of that

0:36:33.680 --> 0:36:36.680
<v Speaker 2>because there's joy in that and the how have you

0:36:36.760 --> 0:36:39.960
<v Speaker 2>allowed yourself to become less busy? Have you allowed yourself

0:36:39.960 --> 0:36:43.400
<v Speaker 2>to become less busy or what has that awareness led to?

0:36:43.760 --> 0:36:47.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I do. I feel like it was this was

0:36:47.600 --> 0:36:50.040
<v Speaker 1>the period that I wrote this book. You know what

0:36:50.160 --> 0:36:52.480
<v Speaker 1>happened was about five years ago. My parents gave me

0:36:52.520 --> 0:36:56.120
<v Speaker 1>some new information, Yeah, about kind of about me and

0:36:56.400 --> 0:36:59.799
<v Speaker 1>our family and how I came to be, and it

0:37:00.080 --> 0:37:02.600
<v Speaker 1>that new information kind of turned my world upside down.

0:37:03.320 --> 0:37:06.680
<v Speaker 1>And it came at a really interesting time in my

0:37:06.760 --> 0:37:10.560
<v Speaker 1>life because I was just ending seven seasons on this

0:37:10.680 --> 0:37:15.839
<v Speaker 1>like crazy successful hit show playing an iconic character, and

0:37:17.040 --> 0:37:20.439
<v Speaker 1>I was in many ways asking like who am I now?

0:37:20.560 --> 0:37:23.960
<v Speaker 1>But I did have this fantasy that when that show ended,

0:37:24.160 --> 0:37:27.600
<v Speaker 1>I would suddenly have a lot of free time because

0:37:27.600 --> 0:37:31.400
<v Speaker 1>that show I was filming sixteen hours a day, you know,

0:37:31.680 --> 0:37:33.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, nine ten months out of the year,

0:37:34.239 --> 0:37:36.439
<v Speaker 1>and I was, you know, within the life of that show,

0:37:36.480 --> 0:37:38.880
<v Speaker 1>I got married and had two children, and now I

0:37:38.920 --> 0:37:40.880
<v Speaker 1>had three children, and my husband came with one, and

0:37:40.920 --> 0:37:43.200
<v Speaker 1>it was just like there was no downtime, and I thought,

0:37:43.239 --> 0:37:46.239
<v Speaker 1>when the show ends, I'll have some downtime. And I remember,

0:37:46.400 --> 0:37:50.040
<v Speaker 1>like a year after the show ending, I was like, oh,

0:37:50.160 --> 0:37:52.279
<v Speaker 1>I might be the problem. Like I don't think the

0:37:52.280 --> 0:37:54.880
<v Speaker 1>show is the problem, because I still have no downtime

0:37:55.200 --> 0:37:56.960
<v Speaker 1>and I am not the number one on the call

0:37:56.960 --> 0:37:59.959
<v Speaker 1>sheet of a hit primetime drama. But I was fine

0:38:00.480 --> 0:38:04.640
<v Speaker 1>other ways to fill my time and still finding moments

0:38:04.680 --> 0:38:08.600
<v Speaker 1>where I was feeling overwhelmed and overworked. And so I

0:38:08.719 --> 0:38:13.480
<v Speaker 1>really started to think about how I if I was

0:38:13.560 --> 0:38:16.040
<v Speaker 1>the problem, if I was the common denominator. If I

0:38:16.160 --> 0:38:18.160
<v Speaker 1>was the issue, then how could I also maybe be

0:38:18.239 --> 0:38:20.960
<v Speaker 1>the solution? And I think the truth is, I do

0:38:22.320 --> 0:38:25.279
<v Speaker 1>love to be busy, but I'm trying to check the

0:38:25.360 --> 0:38:29.600
<v Speaker 1>intention of what that busyness is about, so making sure

0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:32.920
<v Speaker 1>that I'm not saying yes to things because i just

0:38:33.760 --> 0:38:39.360
<v Speaker 1>want to be in a constant state of cortisol spikes

0:38:39.440 --> 0:38:42.280
<v Speaker 1>and you know, not getting enough sleep and just feeling

0:38:42.360 --> 0:38:45.200
<v Speaker 1>like I'm on a hamster wheel because then I don't

0:38:45.239 --> 0:38:47.239
<v Speaker 1>have to deal with some other stuff. I'm trying to

0:38:47.280 --> 0:38:51.000
<v Speaker 1>have the yeses come from purpose and passion and to

0:38:51.080 --> 0:38:53.960
<v Speaker 1>have more nose to say no more often so that

0:38:54.000 --> 0:38:56.440
<v Speaker 1>there's room to say yes for things that make me

0:38:56.520 --> 0:39:03.399
<v Speaker 1>feel not busy, but driven and generous and like I'm contributing,

0:39:04.200 --> 0:39:09.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, not just accomplishing, but really contributing, giving of myself.

0:39:10.800 --> 0:39:14.799
<v Speaker 2>And I think that that feels like a tough, tough

0:39:14.840 --> 0:39:17.319
<v Speaker 2>thing to do when you've been such a high performing

0:39:17.960 --> 0:39:20.920
<v Speaker 2>person for a long long time and all of a

0:39:20.920 --> 0:39:24.719
<v Speaker 2>sudden you have to reevaluate what performance means yeah, and

0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:26.160
<v Speaker 2>what high performance.

0:39:25.719 --> 0:39:29.680
<v Speaker 1>Means yes, and even start to redefine what success means right,

0:39:29.719 --> 0:39:32.759
<v Speaker 1>Like I think it's like we say that these corporations,

0:39:32.760 --> 0:39:34.880
<v Speaker 1>like your success can't just be about the bottom line,

0:39:34.880 --> 0:39:37.600
<v Speaker 1>Like are you also thinking about diversity and inclusion? Are

0:39:37.600 --> 0:39:39.880
<v Speaker 1>you also thinking about the environment in your bottom you know,

0:39:39.920 --> 0:39:42.439
<v Speaker 1>and your definition of success? And I feel like I'm

0:39:42.480 --> 0:39:45.640
<v Speaker 1>trying to do that personally also, like think about success

0:39:45.680 --> 0:39:49.239
<v Speaker 1>in the material world, but factor into that success. My

0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:51.480
<v Speaker 1>life is a wife, my life is a mother, my

0:39:51.600 --> 0:39:54.120
<v Speaker 1>life as a daughter, And I think that too was

0:39:54.200 --> 0:39:56.000
<v Speaker 1>part of what made me want to write the book,

0:39:56.120 --> 0:39:59.040
<v Speaker 1>was to kind of be able to have the narrative

0:39:59.160 --> 0:40:03.160
<v Speaker 1>of my life really reflect on all of it. Because

0:40:03.160 --> 0:40:06.279
<v Speaker 1>when I sold a book Idea a few rite when

0:40:06.280 --> 0:40:08.920
<v Speaker 1>the show ended, I sold this book Idea that was like,

0:40:08.960 --> 0:40:10.799
<v Speaker 1>here are the ten things I learned about life from

0:40:10.800 --> 0:40:13.560
<v Speaker 1>this character. And my parents had just given me this

0:40:13.640 --> 0:40:17.000
<v Speaker 1>information about myself. But I was like, I'm not going

0:40:17.040 --> 0:40:18.799
<v Speaker 1>to deal with that. I'm going to go sell this

0:40:18.880 --> 0:40:22.200
<v Speaker 1>other book Idea. And that felt like a book I

0:40:22.200 --> 0:40:24.319
<v Speaker 1>could write because it was not really about me. It

0:40:24.360 --> 0:40:26.840
<v Speaker 1>was about the character and it was like very sticky,

0:40:26.920 --> 0:40:29.640
<v Speaker 1>cute life lessons kind of a book. But every time

0:40:29.719 --> 0:40:32.719
<v Speaker 1>I sat down to write that didn't feel honest. It

0:40:32.760 --> 0:40:35.080
<v Speaker 1>was like I have this new information, I have this

0:40:35.160 --> 0:40:38.759
<v Speaker 1>new curiosity, I have this new awareness, and if I'm

0:40:38.800 --> 0:40:41.840
<v Speaker 1>going to write something about myself, then it has to

0:40:41.880 --> 0:40:43.839
<v Speaker 1>be that. And I was like, well, I'm not writing that.

0:40:43.920 --> 0:40:45.279
<v Speaker 1>So I tried to give the money back to the

0:40:45.320 --> 0:40:48.840
<v Speaker 1>publisher and was like, I'm definitely not writing that. But

0:40:48.920 --> 0:40:51.200
<v Speaker 1>eventually I did. Eventually I was like, what if I

0:40:51.320 --> 0:40:53.360
<v Speaker 1>just try to write that? If I try to write

0:40:54.080 --> 0:40:56.880
<v Speaker 1>what the story is not just in terms of the

0:40:56.920 --> 0:41:00.319
<v Speaker 1>movies and the TV shows and the even not just

0:41:00.360 --> 0:41:04.719
<v Speaker 1>the activism and the leadership, but really like what it

0:41:04.840 --> 0:41:08.040
<v Speaker 1>might mean to feel like a successful human, like somebody

0:41:08.040 --> 0:41:09.160
<v Speaker 1>who's living in truth.

0:41:09.960 --> 0:41:12.960
<v Speaker 2>You know, do you want to share and I know

0:41:13.000 --> 0:41:14.560
<v Speaker 2>the book goes into this in depth. Do you want

0:41:14.600 --> 0:41:16.600
<v Speaker 2>to share because you've referred to it a few times? Yeah,

0:41:17.040 --> 0:41:20.399
<v Speaker 2>the news that you received forty three Yeah, yeah, and

0:41:20.760 --> 0:41:22.479
<v Speaker 2>obviously you talk about it at length in a book,

0:41:22.520 --> 0:41:24.120
<v Speaker 2>but I'd love to give that to people so that

0:41:24.160 --> 0:41:25.239
<v Speaker 2>they have a context.

0:41:25.440 --> 0:41:27.839
<v Speaker 1>Yes, And if you don't want the spoiler, then turn

0:41:27.880 --> 0:41:28.600
<v Speaker 1>off the podcast.

0:41:28.719 --> 0:41:30.480
<v Speaker 2>Yes, this is the moment, it's a reveal.

0:41:30.880 --> 0:41:32.280
<v Speaker 1>If you don't want it, yeah.

0:41:32.080 --> 0:41:34.920
<v Speaker 2>And that's and I recommend that too, Like, yeah, don't

0:41:35.160 --> 0:41:37.480
<v Speaker 2>if you don't want to go over the next, skip

0:41:37.520 --> 0:41:38.640
<v Speaker 2>over the next minutes.

0:41:38.840 --> 0:41:40.959
<v Speaker 1>As a fan, I know that, like you have those

0:41:41.160 --> 0:41:43.600
<v Speaker 1>time cads at the bottom, So just skip to the next.

0:41:43.640 --> 0:41:48.720
<v Speaker 2>We'll put that on the time came skip now if yes? Okay.

0:41:49.400 --> 0:41:53.360
<v Speaker 1>So so my parents sat me down and told me

0:41:54.320 --> 0:41:59.440
<v Speaker 1>that that my dad is not my biological father, that

0:41:59.520 --> 0:42:05.320
<v Speaker 1>I was from a sperm donor. And this was shocking

0:42:05.560 --> 0:42:09.200
<v Speaker 1>to me and also not right, like it was that

0:42:09.320 --> 0:42:13.080
<v Speaker 1>thing of like I was shocked because it was not

0:42:13.239 --> 0:42:15.560
<v Speaker 1>the story I had been told and not the story

0:42:15.600 --> 0:42:20.040
<v Speaker 1>we had been living. But also it made so much

0:42:20.200 --> 0:42:23.600
<v Speaker 1>sense to me because there had been this sense of

0:42:23.680 --> 0:42:27.719
<v Speaker 1>like I felt like I didn't know myself, and I

0:42:27.800 --> 0:42:30.560
<v Speaker 1>felt a disconnect with my parents, and I felt a

0:42:30.600 --> 0:42:34.440
<v Speaker 1>disconnect with myself, and I never knew what to ascribe

0:42:34.480 --> 0:42:39.400
<v Speaker 1>that to. I never knew why. And suddenly it was

0:42:39.400 --> 0:42:41.680
<v Speaker 1>like the pieces all fell into place. It was actually

0:42:41.719 --> 0:42:44.480
<v Speaker 1>like it was like there had been this beautiful puzzle

0:42:44.640 --> 0:42:46.879
<v Speaker 1>on the wall of our home that had this one

0:42:47.400 --> 0:42:50.360
<v Speaker 1>wrong piece in it, but it was close enough that

0:42:50.440 --> 0:42:53.880
<v Speaker 1>everybody just pretended that the painting was perfect, and everybody

0:42:53.920 --> 0:42:56.239
<v Speaker 1>was like, it's gorgeous, it's beautiful. If you got close enough,

0:42:56.280 --> 0:42:58.760
<v Speaker 1>you could see that there was a missing puzzle piece.

0:42:58.960 --> 0:43:01.240
<v Speaker 1>But since we all ignored, we all kind of forgot

0:43:01.280 --> 0:43:03.680
<v Speaker 1>about it. And when my parents told me, it was

0:43:03.680 --> 0:43:07.160
<v Speaker 1>like somebody finally took that wrong puzzle piece that had

0:43:07.160 --> 0:43:10.440
<v Speaker 1>been like jammed into place and pulled it out, and

0:43:10.480 --> 0:43:12.920
<v Speaker 1>we got to all be honest about like that piece

0:43:13.080 --> 0:43:16.520
<v Speaker 1>was wrong. And we don't even know what the missing

0:43:16.560 --> 0:43:19.000
<v Speaker 1>piece is because I don't know who the donor is.

0:43:19.320 --> 0:43:22.080
<v Speaker 1>But at least now the honest the painting is honest,

0:43:22.560 --> 0:43:25.000
<v Speaker 1>and I can maybe try to find that missing puzzle piece.

0:43:25.040 --> 0:43:28.880
<v Speaker 1>But even just to know that the painting now is

0:43:28.920 --> 0:43:30.800
<v Speaker 1>honest felt like a gift.

0:43:31.080 --> 0:43:34.120
<v Speaker 2>And why did they wait till forty three? Yeah?

0:43:34.160 --> 0:43:35.759
<v Speaker 1>I was younger than forty three, even I was like,

0:43:35.840 --> 0:43:37.200
<v Speaker 1>I was, yeah, like forty one.

0:43:37.320 --> 0:43:37.600
<v Speaker 2>Maybe.

0:43:38.440 --> 0:43:41.279
<v Speaker 1>I mean my dad, if he had his brothers would

0:43:41.320 --> 0:43:46.000
<v Speaker 1>have never told me, which is in many ways like

0:43:46.120 --> 0:43:51.680
<v Speaker 1>infuriating but also so beautiful because to my dad I

0:43:51.719 --> 0:43:55.000
<v Speaker 1>am his and he is mine, and there's no point

0:43:55.040 --> 0:43:58.240
<v Speaker 1>in acknowledging any other truth. I mean, even to today,

0:43:59.480 --> 0:44:02.680
<v Speaker 1>he acknowledges it. He's had to come to terms with it,

0:44:02.719 --> 0:44:05.279
<v Speaker 1>but it doesn't matter. And in a really beautiful way,

0:44:05.320 --> 0:44:07.799
<v Speaker 1>like I am his and he is mine. He is

0:44:07.880 --> 0:44:11.000
<v Speaker 1>my dad, he will always be my dad. But if

0:44:11.040 --> 0:44:13.319
<v Speaker 1>he had his choice, we would You and I would

0:44:13.320 --> 0:44:15.239
<v Speaker 1>not be having this conversation, This book would not be

0:44:15.280 --> 0:44:18.600
<v Speaker 1>written like this would be We would just be living

0:44:18.719 --> 0:44:23.480
<v Speaker 1>in this other reality that which is you know I'm

0:44:23.560 --> 0:44:27.440
<v Speaker 1>his and that we belong to each other, which is true.

0:44:27.640 --> 0:44:30.879
<v Speaker 1>It's just there's more complexity, right, there's more nuance. It's

0:44:30.920 --> 0:44:33.399
<v Speaker 1>not a binary. It happens to be that like, yes,

0:44:33.520 --> 0:44:35.719
<v Speaker 1>we belong to each other, and there is this other

0:44:35.800 --> 0:44:39.640
<v Speaker 1>figure that is fifty percent of my genetics. They waited

0:44:39.640 --> 0:44:42.320
<v Speaker 1>to tell me. My mom said that she was going

0:44:42.360 --> 0:44:45.320
<v Speaker 1>to write a note for me and leave it in

0:44:45.360 --> 0:44:48.280
<v Speaker 1>a safe deposit box so that eventually, when they were gone,

0:44:48.360 --> 0:44:51.000
<v Speaker 1>I would have this truth. I'm so glad that that's

0:44:51.120 --> 0:44:53.960
<v Speaker 1>not what happened. I also wonder like when she was

0:44:54.000 --> 0:44:55.839
<v Speaker 1>going to do that, because at the point that we

0:44:55.840 --> 0:44:59.160
<v Speaker 1>were having this conversation, she had had cancer three times

0:44:59.200 --> 0:45:01.520
<v Speaker 1>and was like knocking on eighty So I was like,

0:45:01.680 --> 0:45:05.839
<v Speaker 1>exactly when was this note going to happen? Right? So

0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:10.200
<v Speaker 1>think I think it was hard. I think they didn't

0:45:10.239 --> 0:45:14.160
<v Speaker 1>intend to be duplicitous. Or they weren't trying to lie

0:45:14.280 --> 0:45:17.239
<v Speaker 1>to me. I think they It happened at a time.

0:45:17.280 --> 0:45:19.239
<v Speaker 1>I mean, my parents were way ahead of the curve.

0:45:19.320 --> 0:45:22.080
<v Speaker 1>There were no you know, when I was conceived in

0:45:22.120 --> 0:45:25.200
<v Speaker 1>seventy seven, seventy six, there were no sperm banks. This

0:45:25.360 --> 0:45:26.880
<v Speaker 1>was not something that people did. It was like a

0:45:27.000 --> 0:45:31.720
<v Speaker 1>highly experimental, very secretive thing. There was no frozen sperm.

0:45:31.719 --> 0:45:34.959
<v Speaker 1>It was like, you know, it was all very very

0:45:35.120 --> 0:45:39.759
<v Speaker 1>cutting edge, and they were innovators and ahead of their

0:45:39.760 --> 0:45:44.000
<v Speaker 1>time and risk takers, and nobody knew that forty years

0:45:44.080 --> 0:45:45.880
<v Speaker 1>later you'd be able to take a DNA test and

0:45:45.960 --> 0:45:48.719
<v Speaker 1>know where you come from. It just was like, this

0:45:48.760 --> 0:45:50.919
<v Speaker 1>is a secret we will take to our graves. There's

0:45:50.920 --> 0:45:53.239
<v Speaker 1>no point in telling her. We need to keep our

0:45:53.239 --> 0:45:55.600
<v Speaker 1>family unit together and we don't need to upset her,

0:45:55.760 --> 0:45:59.120
<v Speaker 1>and we don't need to embarrass our family. And they

0:45:59.360 --> 0:46:02.160
<v Speaker 1>eventually told me because I was going to do a show.

0:46:02.280 --> 0:46:04.400
<v Speaker 1>Skip Gates has a show on PBS called Finding Your

0:46:04.480 --> 0:46:08.279
<v Speaker 1>Roots where they research your family background and they do

0:46:08.320 --> 0:46:11.239
<v Speaker 1>it a lot through recordkeeping and census reports, but they

0:46:11.280 --> 0:46:14.000
<v Speaker 1>also do DNA tests, And so I told my parents

0:46:14.080 --> 0:46:15.319
<v Speaker 1>I was going to do the show, and they were

0:46:15.320 --> 0:46:17.359
<v Speaker 1>really excited, and then I handed them one of these

0:46:17.640 --> 0:46:20.920
<v Speaker 1>commercial DNA kits and my dad started having panic attacks,

0:46:21.480 --> 0:46:24.719
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, what's happening? And so eventually they

0:46:25.239 --> 0:46:26.680
<v Speaker 1>had to tell me why they didn't want to do

0:46:26.719 --> 0:46:30.680
<v Speaker 1>the show and what the truth of our family histor

0:46:30.880 --> 0:46:31.200
<v Speaker 1>it is.

0:46:31.600 --> 0:46:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, how have you trained yourself to be able

0:46:35.200 --> 0:46:37.239
<v Speaker 2>to I love what you said Earlier you were like,

0:46:38.160 --> 0:46:40.000
<v Speaker 2>he wouldn't have told me if it wasn't you know,

0:46:40.120 --> 0:46:42.920
<v Speaker 2>for this, but you would have found it infuriating but

0:46:43.000 --> 0:46:46.160
<v Speaker 2>also the most sweet and beautiful thing. And how have

0:46:46.239 --> 0:46:51.040
<v Speaker 2>you allowed yourself to accept two things existing at the

0:46:51.040 --> 0:46:55.960
<v Speaker 2>same time. Because there's a beautiful statement by f. Scott

0:46:55.960 --> 0:46:59.600
<v Speaker 2>Fitzgerald where he says that the paraphrase version is that,

0:47:00.920 --> 0:47:03.360
<v Speaker 2>you know, one of the greatest skills or talents of

0:47:03.400 --> 0:47:07.279
<v Speaker 2>the human mind is the ability to hold two seemingly

0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:12.080
<v Speaker 2>opposite ideas and allow them to coexist. Yeah, and that's

0:47:12.120 --> 0:47:15.480
<v Speaker 2>such a I feel like that's the art that's missing

0:47:16.120 --> 0:47:19.600
<v Speaker 2>in the world today, the ability to accept that something

0:47:19.640 --> 0:47:23.160
<v Speaker 2>can be painful and beautiful, something can be true and

0:47:23.640 --> 0:47:26.640
<v Speaker 2>untrue in certain ways. That and it feels like even

0:47:26.640 --> 0:47:29.080
<v Speaker 2>though you were like looking for this truth and this

0:47:29.200 --> 0:47:32.000
<v Speaker 2>puzzle piece, and you have every reason because you've known

0:47:32.040 --> 0:47:34.319
<v Speaker 2>it for your whole like it's so deep, like you

0:47:34.360 --> 0:47:36.759
<v Speaker 2>make it look so elegant, but inside your heart from

0:47:36.760 --> 0:47:38.759
<v Speaker 2>what you struggle. It's such a struggle to be like

0:47:38.800 --> 0:47:39.520
<v Speaker 2>what is this one?

0:47:39.640 --> 0:47:42.040
<v Speaker 1>What is wrong with me? And what's wrong with my life?

0:47:42.080 --> 0:47:43.200
<v Speaker 1>And what is the secret?

0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:45.120
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, and then you find it, but then you

0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:47.600
<v Speaker 2>still go. You have the grace to say, I understand,

0:47:47.680 --> 0:47:49.680
<v Speaker 2>like he is he is me and I am his,

0:47:49.920 --> 0:47:52.520
<v Speaker 2>like that beautiful statement that you just repeated twice there.

0:47:52.520 --> 0:47:55.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm just what has allowed you? How have you developed

0:47:55.520 --> 0:47:58.160
<v Speaker 2>that ability to let two truths coexist?

0:47:58.520 --> 0:48:01.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't know where it comes. It comes throughout the book.

0:48:01.120 --> 0:48:04.120
<v Speaker 1>I see it interesting. I don't know where it was born.

0:48:04.239 --> 0:48:07.040
<v Speaker 1>I mean I do know. I think maybe one of

0:48:07.080 --> 0:48:10.319
<v Speaker 1>the first places that I started to think about it

0:48:10.360 --> 0:48:14.200
<v Speaker 1>consciously again weirdly, was in my yoga practice, right, because

0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:17.360
<v Speaker 1>you learn in yoga practice that you must have this

0:48:17.480 --> 0:48:24.560
<v Speaker 1>combination of being steady and strong but also flexible and yielding.

0:48:24.719 --> 0:48:28.279
<v Speaker 1>That that's the very practice of yoga only works if

0:48:28.280 --> 0:48:33.080
<v Speaker 1>you can tap into the surrender of each pose, combined

0:48:33.160 --> 0:48:37.160
<v Speaker 1>with the commitment and strength for each pose. So That's

0:48:37.160 --> 0:48:38.759
<v Speaker 1>one of the places where I think I started to

0:48:39.440 --> 0:48:44.240
<v Speaker 1>learn what that feels like in my body and think

0:48:44.280 --> 0:48:48.000
<v Speaker 1>about it. But you know, as I'm sitting here, even

0:48:48.440 --> 0:48:53.360
<v Speaker 1>just my commitment to say and to help my dad say,

0:48:54.080 --> 0:48:58.640
<v Speaker 1>it's okay for me to have two energies in my

0:48:58.760 --> 0:49:03.600
<v Speaker 1>life that represent father, right like that this donor this stranger.

0:49:03.680 --> 0:49:05.440
<v Speaker 1>I have no idea who this person is. There's a

0:49:05.440 --> 0:49:08.080
<v Speaker 1>whole team of people on the search, but I don't

0:49:08.120 --> 0:49:11.400
<v Speaker 1>know who this donor is. That that, but that person

0:49:11.600 --> 0:49:15.320
<v Speaker 1>because of the amount of genetic material that they've poured

0:49:15.320 --> 0:49:20.080
<v Speaker 1>into me and therefore all kind of coding, that person

0:49:20.200 --> 0:49:23.520
<v Speaker 1>represents some of the father energy in my story and

0:49:23.600 --> 0:49:26.920
<v Speaker 1>in my life. But my dad is my dad, right

0:49:27.000 --> 0:49:31.520
<v Speaker 1>like he's also he represents the father energy in my life.

0:49:31.600 --> 0:49:34.279
<v Speaker 1>He is the man who raised me and he has

0:49:34.480 --> 0:49:38.160
<v Speaker 1>loved me like a father, and he is also father.

0:49:38.360 --> 0:49:41.400
<v Speaker 1>So you know, even just like there's no way for

0:49:41.560 --> 0:49:45.520
<v Speaker 1>me to live my life without embracing those truths. It

0:49:45.680 --> 0:49:49.200
<v Speaker 1>just is the fact of my life. Maybe there's something

0:49:49.200 --> 0:49:53.400
<v Speaker 1>about also like giving myself to these characters and like

0:49:53.560 --> 0:49:56.720
<v Speaker 1>any one time having to be like one hundred percent

0:49:56.920 --> 0:50:01.480
<v Speaker 1>that character and also one hundred percent me that dance

0:50:01.520 --> 0:50:05.040
<v Speaker 1>between like losing myself and coming back to myself and

0:50:05.440 --> 0:50:08.840
<v Speaker 1>having space to be carry but also Olivia or whoever

0:50:09.239 --> 0:50:11.040
<v Speaker 1>that might be part of it too. I don't know,

0:50:11.080 --> 0:50:14.120
<v Speaker 1>but I do I know that at times I've seen

0:50:14.480 --> 0:50:18.040
<v Speaker 1>this as a weakness, that I that I'm not more

0:50:18.280 --> 0:50:23.960
<v Speaker 1>decisive or more have more critical thinking skills. But I

0:50:24.000 --> 0:50:26.520
<v Speaker 1>do think it's it is just a part of me

0:50:26.640 --> 0:50:29.400
<v Speaker 1>that I hold on to multiple truths.

0:50:30.160 --> 0:50:34.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I would say that my humble observation, just from

0:50:34.120 --> 0:50:37.240
<v Speaker 2>our conversation and reading your work, is that your quest

0:50:37.280 --> 0:50:42.760
<v Speaker 2>for the truth has actually ended in finding truths.

0:50:43.280 --> 0:50:47.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh yes, right, right, because that's right right, Like I

0:50:48.840 --> 0:50:51.279
<v Speaker 1>feel like I'm finally able to tell my truth. But

0:50:51.280 --> 0:50:53.640
<v Speaker 1>there's also this awareness as I sit across from my

0:50:53.719 --> 0:50:55.799
<v Speaker 1>parents that like, this is not the book they would

0:50:55.800 --> 0:50:59.040
<v Speaker 1>have written, and their book is no less true. It's

0:50:59.200 --> 0:51:03.280
<v Speaker 1>just that's their truth and this is mine. Yeah. That's oh,

0:51:03.320 --> 0:51:04.080
<v Speaker 1>that's interesting.

0:51:04.280 --> 0:51:06.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And it's like that core of just being it.

0:51:06.200 --> 0:51:10.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, there's something beautiful in seeing you find

0:51:10.239 --> 0:51:14.120
<v Speaker 2>your truths and being like, oh, there's actually so many

0:51:14.160 --> 0:51:17.880
<v Speaker 2>more and there's so many versions, and that almost is

0:51:17.920 --> 0:51:22.719
<v Speaker 2>more comforting and kind of reassuring that the version you

0:51:22.800 --> 0:51:25.520
<v Speaker 2>have is not untrue. As you were saying earlier. At

0:51:25.560 --> 0:51:27.920
<v Speaker 2>the beginning, you were like, I was taught to abandon

0:51:28.000 --> 0:51:31.160
<v Speaker 2>my truth. That's right because again someone had said this

0:51:31.200 --> 0:51:31.680
<v Speaker 2>is the truth.

0:51:31.719 --> 0:51:35.440
<v Speaker 1>It's right because the other truths were too threatening. It's funny.

0:51:35.480 --> 0:51:37.560
<v Speaker 1>I talk in the book about how when my parents

0:51:37.640 --> 0:51:40.280
<v Speaker 1>told me, you know, I had spent my whole life

0:51:40.280 --> 0:51:42.600
<v Speaker 1>saying I love you to my dad, and it was true.

0:51:42.680 --> 0:51:46.880
<v Speaker 1>I loved my dad before this revelation. But when I

0:51:46.920 --> 0:51:51.759
<v Speaker 1>got this information, in that moment, I understood that this

0:51:51.880 --> 0:51:55.200
<v Speaker 1>was an opportunity for a different kind of love between us,

0:51:55.239 --> 0:51:59.040
<v Speaker 1>because he had only heard me say I love you

0:51:59.200 --> 0:52:02.240
<v Speaker 1>on the condition of a lie up until that point.

0:52:02.520 --> 0:52:04.719
<v Speaker 1>Up until that point, every time I said I love you,

0:52:05.400 --> 0:52:10.400
<v Speaker 1>it was passing through this veil of pretending. And so

0:52:10.560 --> 0:52:13.000
<v Speaker 1>there was a part of his unconscious that was made

0:52:13.040 --> 0:52:16.840
<v Speaker 1>to believe because she thinks I am her biological father,

0:52:16.960 --> 0:52:20.160
<v Speaker 1>she loves me. And once I had this truth, I

0:52:20.239 --> 0:52:23.440
<v Speaker 1>knew I now have the opportunity to show my father

0:52:23.880 --> 0:52:27.799
<v Speaker 1>what it feels like to actually be loved unconditionally. From

0:52:27.800 --> 0:52:29.759
<v Speaker 1>this point on, every time I say I love you,

0:52:29.840 --> 0:52:33.480
<v Speaker 1>it's despite this truth that you thought was too horrible

0:52:33.960 --> 0:52:34.399
<v Speaker 1>to bear.

0:52:36.200 --> 0:52:37.360
<v Speaker 2>That just that.

0:52:39.000 --> 0:52:41.880
<v Speaker 1>It felt like such an opportunity for healing. You know,

0:52:42.040 --> 0:52:45.320
<v Speaker 1>for us to be in the messy truth and still

0:52:45.360 --> 0:52:48.319
<v Speaker 1>say I love you is so much better than to

0:52:48.360 --> 0:52:51.040
<v Speaker 1>be in the pretending and to be loved, because when

0:52:51.080 --> 0:52:53.600
<v Speaker 1>you're pretending and you're loved, then you're loved for your pretense.

0:52:53.680 --> 0:52:56.040
<v Speaker 1>You're not loved for your humanity.

0:52:56.680 --> 0:52:59.720
<v Speaker 2>And you can just imagine what that felt like to him. Yeah,

0:53:00.160 --> 0:53:03.400
<v Speaker 2>it's had Wow that everyone's just going to replay that

0:53:03.440 --> 0:53:06.719
<v Speaker 2>part again and again and again because no, that's the party,

0:53:07.080 --> 0:53:09.400
<v Speaker 2>no spoilers in that part, just listen because that is

0:53:09.480 --> 0:53:13.120
<v Speaker 2>such a that is such a beautiful point gerry, like

0:53:13.239 --> 0:53:15.360
<v Speaker 2>that is that is so powerful.

0:53:15.400 --> 0:53:17.440
<v Speaker 1>What we all deserve, It's like we it's what we

0:53:17.520 --> 0:53:19.759
<v Speaker 1>all crave, I think is to be able to like

0:53:20.360 --> 0:53:23.480
<v Speaker 1>be our true selves and for that version of us

0:53:23.520 --> 0:53:26.640
<v Speaker 1>to be loved, not the version where we put on

0:53:26.680 --> 0:53:30.720
<v Speaker 1>the fancy clothes or it's like me at my most naked,

0:53:30.960 --> 0:53:35.479
<v Speaker 1>most honest, most vulnerable. If I'm still loved, then then

0:53:35.520 --> 0:53:39.400
<v Speaker 1>that's real love. If I have to work or to

0:53:39.560 --> 0:53:45.239
<v Speaker 1>deserve the love, then it's it's not based on me

0:53:45.960 --> 0:53:46.239
<v Speaker 1>you know.

0:53:47.480 --> 0:53:49.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because you said in the book before we got

0:53:49.680 --> 0:53:51.600
<v Speaker 2>onto that I was going to read these parts where

0:53:51.640 --> 0:53:53.920
<v Speaker 2>you talked about when I started talking about my family

0:53:54.000 --> 0:53:56.640
<v Speaker 2>and therapy for the first time in college, my concerns

0:53:56.640 --> 0:54:00.239
<v Speaker 2>and complaints were exclusively about my dad, and you talk

0:54:00.239 --> 0:54:04.600
<v Speaker 2>about how different we were, how often we disconnected, and

0:54:05.160 --> 0:54:07.000
<v Speaker 2>you said, like many eighteen year olds, I thought I

0:54:07.040 --> 0:54:09.839
<v Speaker 2>knew everything and my dad do nothing, which is so true.

0:54:10.280 --> 0:54:11.920
<v Speaker 2>And then you go on to say, even as a

0:54:11.920 --> 0:54:13.719
<v Speaker 2>young child, I felt that I was never who my

0:54:13.800 --> 0:54:16.440
<v Speaker 2>dad needed me to be. I knew he really wanted

0:54:16.440 --> 0:54:18.760
<v Speaker 2>a son and that they weren't having any more children.

0:54:18.840 --> 0:54:21.160
<v Speaker 2>I got the sense that I could soften the blow

0:54:21.280 --> 0:54:24.560
<v Speaker 2>somehow by being a daughter, was prettier or smarter, or

0:54:24.600 --> 0:54:28.520
<v Speaker 2>braver or more successful. But even that didn't work. What

0:54:28.560 --> 0:54:30.840
<v Speaker 2>do you think that wasn't working? What's that part? Like?

0:54:31.360 --> 0:54:34.359
<v Speaker 1>I think what I was picking up and interpreting as

0:54:34.480 --> 0:54:40.480
<v Speaker 1>me not being enough was really the disconnect between us

0:54:41.040 --> 0:54:44.520
<v Speaker 1>caused by lack of truth. There was always like a moat,

0:54:44.920 --> 0:54:47.880
<v Speaker 1>an emotional moat, between who I was and who my

0:54:48.000 --> 0:54:51.480
<v Speaker 1>parents were. Like I would watch my mother interact with

0:54:51.560 --> 0:54:53.760
<v Speaker 1>girlfriends of mine friends, I would being home from school,

0:54:53.800 --> 0:54:58.040
<v Speaker 1>and people would tell my mother everything. People were so

0:54:58.400 --> 0:55:01.200
<v Speaker 1>close to my parents, and I always felt like there

0:55:01.239 --> 0:55:04.400
<v Speaker 1>was a little bit of arm's length, and so, you know,

0:55:04.520 --> 0:55:06.799
<v Speaker 1>as a kid, I thought that must be me. It

0:55:06.880 --> 0:55:09.319
<v Speaker 1>must be that I'm not good enough or pretty enough,

0:55:09.360 --> 0:55:13.719
<v Speaker 1>or successful enough, or thin enough or whatever it is

0:55:13.760 --> 0:55:16.960
<v Speaker 1>accomplished enough. And so I thought, maybe if I'm better,

0:55:17.080 --> 0:55:19.800
<v Speaker 1>if I do more, if I accomplish more, if I'm busier,

0:55:20.320 --> 0:55:22.799
<v Speaker 1>then maybe I'll be able to cross the moat. But

0:55:22.880 --> 0:55:25.439
<v Speaker 1>the moat had nothing to do with me. The moat

0:55:25.560 --> 0:55:28.879
<v Speaker 1>was their own protection. Because you know, I realize now

0:55:28.880 --> 0:55:32.000
<v Speaker 1>in hindsight, I would say, like so many people are

0:55:32.000 --> 0:55:33.880
<v Speaker 1>like best friends with their mothers, They talk to their

0:55:33.920 --> 0:55:37.080
<v Speaker 1>mothers every day, my mother could never afford to be

0:55:37.080 --> 0:55:40.040
<v Speaker 1>best friends with me because there was a secret that

0:55:40.080 --> 0:55:42.520
<v Speaker 1>she was never going to reveal to me. You can't

0:55:42.560 --> 0:55:46.920
<v Speaker 1>be intimate best friends with somebody who your fundamental truth

0:55:46.960 --> 0:55:49.880
<v Speaker 1>of who they are. You're keeping that from them. So

0:55:50.160 --> 0:55:53.520
<v Speaker 1>I was interpreting this emotional distance as being my fault,

0:55:53.520 --> 0:55:55.960
<v Speaker 1>as being me not being good enough, But really it

0:55:56.040 --> 0:55:58.680
<v Speaker 1>had to do with them trying to manage the relationship

0:55:58.719 --> 0:56:00.719
<v Speaker 1>so that they could protect me from something that they

0:56:00.760 --> 0:56:03.799
<v Speaker 1>thought I wouldn't be able to handle or just that

0:56:03.840 --> 0:56:06.200
<v Speaker 1>would kind of destroy my sense of self or our

0:56:06.239 --> 0:56:08.880
<v Speaker 1>sense of family. So it was this loving act on

0:56:08.920 --> 0:56:12.279
<v Speaker 1>their part of trying to keep me okay and keep

0:56:12.280 --> 0:56:15.920
<v Speaker 1>our family okay. But it did cause this break and

0:56:15.920 --> 0:56:20.360
<v Speaker 1>this schism between us and I just I thought I

0:56:20.360 --> 0:56:22.200
<v Speaker 1>could fix it. I thought if I could be better,

0:56:22.239 --> 0:56:25.160
<v Speaker 1>I could fix it. And it was in learning the

0:56:25.200 --> 0:56:28.600
<v Speaker 1>truth of this revelation that I was able to say, like, no,

0:56:28.960 --> 0:56:32.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm okay, I'm enough. It wasn't about me. And now

0:56:33.280 --> 0:56:36.320
<v Speaker 1>now I talk to my parents every day, like now

0:56:36.400 --> 0:56:40.800
<v Speaker 1>it's a different The greatest gift of these few years

0:56:40.840 --> 0:56:43.680
<v Speaker 1>and even writing this book is that I am so

0:56:43.920 --> 0:56:46.680
<v Speaker 1>much closer to my parents than I have ever been before,

0:56:47.160 --> 0:56:50.120
<v Speaker 1>because now there's nothing to hide from each other, there's

0:56:50.160 --> 0:56:53.319
<v Speaker 1>nothing to there's nothing we're trying to protect each other

0:56:53.400 --> 0:56:56.319
<v Speaker 1>from anymore. There's no more performance, there's no more pretending,

0:56:57.000 --> 0:56:59.959
<v Speaker 1>and so now the intimacy is so real.

0:57:00.560 --> 0:57:04.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it's almost like you want that for everyone,

0:57:04.520 --> 0:57:06.800
<v Speaker 2>but you know how hard it is, it works.

0:57:07.080 --> 0:57:09.720
<v Speaker 1>It was it was you know, we went into family

0:57:09.800 --> 0:57:14.120
<v Speaker 1>therapy for a while. Yeah, all four of us, my parents,

0:57:14.239 --> 0:57:16.920
<v Speaker 1>my husband and I we would we like unpacked a

0:57:16.960 --> 0:57:20.240
<v Speaker 1>lot of this together, and to be on the other

0:57:20.440 --> 0:57:23.800
<v Speaker 1>side of that, it's extraordinary, you know. I talk in

0:57:23.800 --> 0:57:25.800
<v Speaker 1>the book about how during the pandemic my mom was

0:57:25.840 --> 0:57:30.680
<v Speaker 1>diagnosed with cancer again and this time around, how I

0:57:30.720 --> 0:57:33.040
<v Speaker 1>was able to be present for her and with her

0:57:33.440 --> 0:57:36.000
<v Speaker 1>because there was no longer in arm's length, there was

0:57:36.040 --> 0:57:40.920
<v Speaker 1>no longer this moat between us. It was the greatest

0:57:40.960 --> 0:57:44.320
<v Speaker 1>gift to really be able to feel like I now

0:57:44.920 --> 0:57:48.080
<v Speaker 1>in this moment when we're faced with mortality, like I

0:57:48.160 --> 0:57:51.760
<v Speaker 1>really know her and she really knows me, and I

0:57:51.840 --> 0:57:55.360
<v Speaker 1>know myself now. To bring myself to this relationship fully,

0:57:55.440 --> 0:57:59.240
<v Speaker 1>it just it was the greatest gift.

0:57:59.560 --> 0:58:02.840
<v Speaker 2>And it must feels now that if you are to

0:58:02.840 --> 0:58:07.840
<v Speaker 2>continue playing roles and performances, that you know who you

0:58:07.880 --> 0:58:11.040
<v Speaker 2>are already, so you couldn't lose yourself in a role.

0:58:11.040 --> 0:58:14.360
<v Speaker 1>Or Yeah, I think they'll be. I'm excited I've had

0:58:14.400 --> 0:58:18.400
<v Speaker 1>I've taken on different characters since getting this information, and

0:58:18.480 --> 0:58:22.080
<v Speaker 1>it feels like I'm able to go deeper. It feels

0:58:22.120 --> 0:58:26.320
<v Speaker 1>like I'm able to bring more of myself and my truth.

0:58:26.840 --> 0:58:31.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm more connected to myself, and it's been it's allowed

0:58:31.680 --> 0:58:35.280
<v Speaker 1>me to really have a deeper level of emotional truth.

0:58:35.320 --> 0:58:38.360
<v Speaker 1>That's what I think about when I watch certain performances.

0:58:38.440 --> 0:58:41.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, in the last five years, I think I'm

0:58:41.880 --> 0:58:45.320
<v Speaker 1>able to bring more courage, more more personal knowing, more

0:58:45.400 --> 0:58:49.080
<v Speaker 1>vulnerability because I'm not operating out of fear anymore. I'm

0:58:49.120 --> 0:58:51.360
<v Speaker 1>not looking to these characters to fix me or to

0:58:51.480 --> 0:58:55.160
<v Speaker 1>teach me about myself. I'm actually able to devote myself

0:58:55.200 --> 0:59:00.800
<v Speaker 1>to them fully. And I've thought a lot about It's

0:59:00.840 --> 0:59:03.560
<v Speaker 1>so funny because when you're interviewing, you'll see eventually, when

0:59:03.600 --> 0:59:07.600
<v Speaker 1>you're interviewing for all these schools with your kids, they'll

0:59:07.640 --> 0:59:09.840
<v Speaker 1>ask you like how the kid was born, or like

0:59:09.880 --> 0:59:12.800
<v Speaker 1>the circumstances of their birth. Like to enter into like

0:59:12.840 --> 0:59:15.480
<v Speaker 1>a preschool, You're like, what are you talking about? And

0:59:17.040 --> 0:59:18.840
<v Speaker 1>why is that any of your business? They're here to

0:59:18.920 --> 0:59:22.560
<v Speaker 1>learn their ABC's right. But there's so much imprinting that

0:59:22.640 --> 0:59:27.040
<v Speaker 1>happens to us in utero, and I do think it's

0:59:27.040 --> 0:59:32.720
<v Speaker 1>so powerful for us to go back and uncover the

0:59:32.760 --> 0:59:35.600
<v Speaker 1>story of who we are and how we came to be.

0:59:35.800 --> 0:59:37.680
<v Speaker 1>It's why you know street you grew up on. It's

0:59:37.720 --> 0:59:40.880
<v Speaker 1>like that, like what is your once upon a time

0:59:41.480 --> 0:59:43.520
<v Speaker 1>and I thought about it a lot in thinking about

0:59:43.520 --> 0:59:48.080
<v Speaker 1>my story, because I think I've thought, like, how afraid

0:59:48.240 --> 0:59:51.080
<v Speaker 1>my mother must have been here. This woman was like

0:59:51.320 --> 0:59:55.000
<v Speaker 1>carrying a baby that she had no idea. She had

0:59:55.120 --> 0:59:58.240
<v Speaker 1>no idea where the sperm came from. Back then, there

0:59:58.280 --> 1:00:00.840
<v Speaker 1>was no fancy catalog to tell you what college they

1:00:00.880 --> 1:00:03.680
<v Speaker 1>went to or what, like nothing. The two things they

1:00:03.720 --> 1:00:06.440
<v Speaker 1>said to her doctor were like, we'd love him to

1:00:06.480 --> 1:00:09.080
<v Speaker 1>be healthy, and we'd love him to be black, because

1:00:09.160 --> 1:00:11.560
<v Speaker 1>if he was black, then they wouldn't have to tell people.

1:00:11.600 --> 1:00:16.040
<v Speaker 1>It could remain a secret. But she must have been terrified,

1:00:16.680 --> 1:00:21.280
<v Speaker 1>and she knew also, like as she was carrying me,

1:00:21.560 --> 1:00:23.720
<v Speaker 1>she began carrying a secret that she was going to

1:00:23.800 --> 1:00:27.040
<v Speaker 1>carry for four decades. And so I was like, my

1:00:27.280 --> 1:00:31.400
<v Speaker 1>twin was shame, Like I was in utero with shame.

1:00:31.520 --> 1:00:34.840
<v Speaker 1>We were growing together like in this pact of secrecy.

1:00:35.360 --> 1:00:39.080
<v Speaker 1>And she literally never told a soul my parents, she's

1:00:39.160 --> 1:00:42.120
<v Speaker 1>she has four sisters. She just told them this year,

1:00:42.240 --> 1:00:45.320
<v Speaker 1>this spring. She never told her best friend. She never

1:00:45.320 --> 1:00:48.520
<v Speaker 1>told anyone. They are literally telling people now because they're like, listen,

1:00:48.560 --> 1:00:49.880
<v Speaker 1>this book is coming out, and I want you to

1:00:49.920 --> 1:00:53.400
<v Speaker 1>hear this thing from me, so that fear and shame

1:00:53.440 --> 1:00:55.840
<v Speaker 1>that was growing inside her. That was the soup that

1:00:55.960 --> 1:00:58.680
<v Speaker 1>I was stewing in, you know that I was cooking in.

1:00:58.720 --> 1:01:03.600
<v Speaker 1>And I think we get born with those with that

1:01:03.800 --> 1:01:07.040
<v Speaker 1>identity and we get to navigate it.

1:01:07.320 --> 1:01:09.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, thank you for sharing that part too,

1:01:09.440 --> 1:01:12.479
<v Speaker 2>because it makes sense with when you said you wish

1:01:12.520 --> 1:01:14.840
<v Speaker 2>you were not an only child and your parents responded,

1:01:15.760 --> 1:01:19.000
<v Speaker 2>you were long wished for a child. You are not

1:01:19.200 --> 1:01:22.840
<v Speaker 2>easy to conceive, and like that idea of just it's

1:01:22.880 --> 1:01:25.360
<v Speaker 2>that beauty if they wanted you so bad.

1:01:25.840 --> 1:01:29.080
<v Speaker 1>Even when I joke about my dad's you know, his

1:01:29.280 --> 1:01:31.919
<v Speaker 1>unwillingness to deal with the truth of how I came

1:01:32.000 --> 1:01:35.360
<v Speaker 1>to be right, Like, it's so beautiful, not just because

1:01:35.360 --> 1:01:37.160
<v Speaker 1>it's a testament of how much he loves me. But

1:01:37.560 --> 1:01:40.280
<v Speaker 1>when my parents sat down across from that doctor, they said,

1:01:40.640 --> 1:01:43.560
<v Speaker 1>you have two options. Looking at my dad's firm, you

1:01:43.640 --> 1:01:47.240
<v Speaker 1>have two options. You can either adopt or you can

1:01:47.360 --> 1:01:51.760
<v Speaker 1>try this new thing, artificial insummination. Right, And it was

1:01:52.480 --> 1:01:57.920
<v Speaker 1>my dad's ego, It was their desire to keep a

1:01:58.040 --> 1:02:02.960
<v Speaker 1>secret that made them che artificial insemination over adoption. So

1:02:03.080 --> 1:02:06.360
<v Speaker 1>if my parents hadn't had that ego, if my dad

1:02:06.560 --> 1:02:10.240
<v Speaker 1>hadn't been navigating his pride, I literally wouldn't be here.

1:02:10.600 --> 1:02:12.920
<v Speaker 1>There'd be some lucky kid who would have been adopted

1:02:12.960 --> 1:02:15.480
<v Speaker 1>by them and raised by this beautiful couple and all

1:02:15.520 --> 1:02:18.240
<v Speaker 1>the stuff they were navigating. But it was actually their

1:02:18.360 --> 1:02:21.560
<v Speaker 1>pride and secrecy that put me on this earth. So

1:02:21.640 --> 1:02:23.600
<v Speaker 1>I have to be grateful for it. I have to

1:02:23.640 --> 1:02:27.840
<v Speaker 1>be grateful for their stuff, their you know, the the

1:02:27.920 --> 1:02:31.280
<v Speaker 1>emotional stuff that they're navigating, because it was my pathway

1:02:31.320 --> 1:02:32.760
<v Speaker 1>to being on this planet.

1:02:33.520 --> 1:02:35.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I find that I said this to you when

1:02:35.600 --> 1:02:38.040
<v Speaker 2>we met the other day, when we did the street

1:02:38.080 --> 1:02:40.800
<v Speaker 2>you grew up on, which I really felt was such

1:02:40.800 --> 1:02:44.480
<v Speaker 2>a gift. And if anyone who's listening or watching, I'm

1:02:44.480 --> 1:02:46.080
<v Speaker 2>sure you wretch you already, but if you haven't, go

1:02:46.160 --> 1:02:51.560
<v Speaker 2>and subscribed to Carrie's YouTube show, because I found it

1:02:51.600 --> 1:02:54.520
<v Speaker 2>to be such a gift to go back there. You've

1:02:54.560 --> 1:02:58.080
<v Speaker 2>written a memoir now, so you've come back. Yeah, I've

1:02:58.080 --> 1:03:00.840
<v Speaker 2>never written one, but I find that of going back

1:03:00.880 --> 1:03:03.920
<v Speaker 2>there like you reminded me of so many things that

1:03:04.000 --> 1:03:05.120
<v Speaker 2>I completely forgot.

1:03:05.240 --> 1:03:07.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was so fun to watch you have these

1:03:07.520 --> 1:03:09.760
<v Speaker 1>revelations about where you come from.

1:03:09.720 --> 1:03:12.400
<v Speaker 2>So many things that you just your memory is such

1:03:12.440 --> 1:03:16.120
<v Speaker 2>a fascinating thing in and of itself. But I said

1:03:16.120 --> 1:03:17.760
<v Speaker 2>this to you that day when I saw you, and

1:03:18.120 --> 1:03:20.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm repeating it now because I want my I said

1:03:20.520 --> 1:03:23.160
<v Speaker 2>it offline to you, but I want my community to

1:03:23.240 --> 1:03:27.080
<v Speaker 2>hear it. I found your take on your challenges so

1:03:27.520 --> 1:03:35.440
<v Speaker 2>refreshing and unique because you'd be valid in just being upset,

1:03:36.360 --> 1:03:38.640
<v Speaker 2>and there's nothing wrong with that, And if it was

1:03:38.720 --> 1:03:41.360
<v Speaker 2>someone else who was I it's so valid. But then

1:03:41.400 --> 1:03:45.560
<v Speaker 2>when you hear someone who's seeing it from multiple perspectives,

1:03:46.080 --> 1:03:48.880
<v Speaker 2>And there was also this the most challenging part of

1:03:48.880 --> 1:03:51.440
<v Speaker 2>this book to read was when you talked about the

1:03:51.520 --> 1:03:55.640
<v Speaker 2>encounters you were having while you were sleeping, and even

1:03:55.640 --> 1:03:58.040
<v Speaker 2>in this and I'll let you explain it, but even

1:03:58.040 --> 1:03:59.520
<v Speaker 2>when I was reading through that, I was just like,

1:03:59.800 --> 1:04:04.000
<v Speaker 2>how I always carry even explaining this, with so much

1:04:04.080 --> 1:04:07.040
<v Speaker 2>compassion and so much grace, And I was like, you

1:04:07.120 --> 1:04:11.520
<v Speaker 2>just have this capacity to hold pain and compassion at

1:04:11.560 --> 1:04:14.400
<v Speaker 2>the same time. And I think that that is so rare,

1:04:14.480 --> 1:04:16.760
<v Speaker 2>and I just want to acknowledge it and honor it.

1:04:17.320 --> 1:04:19.920
<v Speaker 2>That's not a weakness at all. I think it's really powerful,

1:04:20.000 --> 1:04:22.200
<v Speaker 2>like to be able to do that. And when I

1:04:22.240 --> 1:04:24.320
<v Speaker 2>was reading that, I was just you were blowing my mind.

1:04:24.320 --> 1:04:27.080
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, how is a human? I really

1:04:27.080 --> 1:04:30.080
<v Speaker 2>find that? You know, you read about people who've gone

1:04:30.080 --> 1:04:32.080
<v Speaker 2>through some of the most horrific things in the world

1:04:32.240 --> 1:04:36.600
<v Speaker 2>and they live that way, and then yeah, I was

1:04:36.600 --> 1:04:38.800
<v Speaker 2>in awe of reading that, honestly.

1:04:38.480 --> 1:04:41.760
<v Speaker 1>Like, yeah, I think when I'm as I'm listening to,

1:04:41.920 --> 1:04:44.720
<v Speaker 1>I think the danger for me has always been in

1:04:45.760 --> 1:04:49.920
<v Speaker 1>not having the anger part right right that That's It's funny.

1:04:49.960 --> 1:04:55.160
<v Speaker 1>It's like the compassion comes more easily, Weirdly. I don't

1:04:55.160 --> 1:04:58.240
<v Speaker 1>know if it's the people pleasing or the being an

1:04:58.240 --> 1:05:01.240
<v Speaker 1>only child or whatever it is. The maybe it's being

1:05:01.280 --> 1:05:06.360
<v Speaker 1>an artist, but the compassion part comes first. The journey

1:05:06.400 --> 1:05:09.240
<v Speaker 1>for me has been allowing myself to have the anger,

1:05:09.960 --> 1:05:15.600
<v Speaker 1>allowing myself to create healthy boundaries for myself, to allow

1:05:15.680 --> 1:05:20.320
<v Speaker 1>for the pain and the grief at times, and then

1:05:20.400 --> 1:05:24.640
<v Speaker 1>to still make room for the compassion. That's what I felt, Yeah,

1:05:24.680 --> 1:05:28.960
<v Speaker 1>to be able to like hold space for both. And

1:05:29.360 --> 1:05:31.880
<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of it is selfish. I don't

1:05:31.920 --> 1:05:35.520
<v Speaker 1>want to be a person who operates from toxicity. You know,

1:05:35.600 --> 1:05:40.360
<v Speaker 1>when I'm carrying when I'm only operating from resentment, it's

1:05:40.440 --> 1:05:44.200
<v Speaker 1>poisoned for me to hold space for loving myself and

1:05:44.320 --> 1:05:47.960
<v Speaker 1>loving other people in all of our imperfection is for

1:05:48.040 --> 1:05:53.480
<v Speaker 1>me what feels doable. It actually helps me have more

1:05:53.600 --> 1:05:56.880
<v Speaker 1>grace for myself when I'm able to have grace for

1:05:57.000 --> 1:06:01.440
<v Speaker 1>other people. And I talk about that pemicial idea of

1:06:01.480 --> 1:06:04.600
<v Speaker 1>like the person that causes you the most pain, that's

1:06:04.640 --> 1:06:06.520
<v Speaker 1>the person that sat with you in heaven before you

1:06:06.560 --> 1:06:08.920
<v Speaker 1>came to earth and said, like, I love you so much,

1:06:09.000 --> 1:06:11.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be the one that hurts you, that

1:06:11.160 --> 1:06:13.080
<v Speaker 1>forces you to grow. I love you so much, I'm

1:06:13.120 --> 1:06:15.840
<v Speaker 1>going to be your enemy that teaches you what love

1:06:15.880 --> 1:06:20.320
<v Speaker 1>looks like. And I think, I think we are really

1:06:20.400 --> 1:06:23.720
<v Speaker 1>really all doing the best we can. And when I'm

1:06:24.000 --> 1:06:28.080
<v Speaker 1>not able to have compassion, my life is like this hose, right,

1:06:28.120 --> 1:06:30.600
<v Speaker 1>and the emotions are coming through the hose. If I

1:06:30.720 --> 1:06:34.439
<v Speaker 1>choke the hose from compassion for somebody else, I choke

1:06:34.480 --> 1:06:37.600
<v Speaker 1>it from myself too, And I just I want to

1:06:37.680 --> 1:06:40.720
<v Speaker 1>let it run free. I want to let the goodness

1:06:40.760 --> 1:06:42.680
<v Speaker 1>go through so that I'm able to give it to

1:06:42.720 --> 1:06:46.680
<v Speaker 1>myself and others because we're all really just doing the

1:06:46.720 --> 1:06:48.720
<v Speaker 1>best we can. And that looks like a lot of

1:06:48.760 --> 1:06:50.360
<v Speaker 1>different ways for a lot of different people, and it

1:06:50.400 --> 1:06:54.600
<v Speaker 1>doesn't mean that in my compassion and forgivesness that I

1:06:54.640 --> 1:06:56.960
<v Speaker 1>have to engage with everybody all the time, right, Like

1:06:57.120 --> 1:07:00.760
<v Speaker 1>having healthy boundaries is also important, but I want to

1:07:00.800 --> 1:07:04.080
<v Speaker 1>I always want to leave myself open to grace because

1:07:04.120 --> 1:07:05.680
<v Speaker 1>I need it for me too.

1:07:06.800 --> 1:07:11.600
<v Speaker 2>I love that idea of how when we're choking a

1:07:11.760 --> 1:07:14.880
<v Speaker 2>life or someone else with compassion, you're actually blocking it

1:07:14.920 --> 1:07:17.880
<v Speaker 2>from yourself. That's and that's what I meant. It was

1:07:17.920 --> 1:07:20.760
<v Speaker 2>not a naive compassion I was reading of. It wasn't

1:07:20.800 --> 1:07:25.600
<v Speaker 2>a It didn't come across as a people pleasing or

1:07:26.760 --> 1:07:29.200
<v Speaker 2>oh I'm just protecting and you know, it didn't. It

1:07:29.200 --> 1:07:31.040
<v Speaker 2>didn't feel like that. It just really felt like a

1:07:31.080 --> 1:07:34.240
<v Speaker 2>realized version of that, and that's even harder.

1:07:34.560 --> 1:07:37.600
<v Speaker 1>I think some of that, too, honestly comes from the acting,

1:07:37.840 --> 1:07:42.120
<v Speaker 1>because you're taught early on that you to play a character.

1:07:42.240 --> 1:07:45.440
<v Speaker 1>You can't judge your character, like when you're playing a

1:07:45.480 --> 1:07:48.880
<v Speaker 1>bad guy, you can't think of it as a bad guy.

1:07:49.040 --> 1:07:51.960
<v Speaker 1>It's some of my favorite stories and my favorite narratives

1:07:52.000 --> 1:07:54.840
<v Speaker 1>are these like origin stories for the villains, you know,

1:07:54.880 --> 1:07:58.479
<v Speaker 1>like Kruella and the Joker, like these these. I love

1:07:58.600 --> 1:08:01.680
<v Speaker 1>that because I feel like it's really true that hurt people,

1:08:01.760 --> 1:08:07.480
<v Speaker 1>hurt people, and villains come from somewhere, And so as

1:08:07.520 --> 1:08:10.360
<v Speaker 1>an actor, you learn that when you're playing a character

1:08:10.400 --> 1:08:13.880
<v Speaker 1>who does something awful, you better figure out why. You

1:08:13.920 --> 1:08:16.759
<v Speaker 1>better figure out what it is that caused this person

1:08:16.840 --> 1:08:18.720
<v Speaker 1>to make those choices, because it's not going to be

1:08:18.800 --> 1:08:20.320
<v Speaker 1>real if you don't do that, you're just going to

1:08:20.400 --> 1:08:23.439
<v Speaker 1>be like some arch stereotype of a bad guy. If

1:08:23.439 --> 1:08:26.920
<v Speaker 1>you want to be a human being who's doing something awful,

1:08:27.080 --> 1:08:29.680
<v Speaker 1>figure out the why, what's at stake, What is that

1:08:29.720 --> 1:08:32.840
<v Speaker 1>person afraid of, what is that person needing, what is

1:08:32.840 --> 1:08:37.040
<v Speaker 1>that person longing for? How was that person abused? And

1:08:37.160 --> 1:08:40.400
<v Speaker 1>so I've I've had to learn compassion even just for

1:08:40.520 --> 1:08:44.960
<v Speaker 1>my characters. Or maybe I'm drawn to playing complicated characters

1:08:45.000 --> 1:08:48.400
<v Speaker 1>because I really love to cultivate compassion. I don't know,

1:08:48.479 --> 1:08:51.479
<v Speaker 1>but it's definitely a part of kind of the culture

1:08:51.479 --> 1:08:53.799
<v Speaker 1>of how I approach my life and my work.

1:08:54.080 --> 1:08:56.920
<v Speaker 2>It sounds that you're you're such a seeker of the

1:08:57.000 --> 1:09:01.320
<v Speaker 2>truth in spiritually in your life and you work what

1:09:01.439 --> 1:09:03.960
<v Speaker 2>is it that you're seeking now at this point in

1:09:04.000 --> 1:09:06.559
<v Speaker 2>your life, Like, what is it that you're trying to learn?

1:09:06.720 --> 1:09:08.759
<v Speaker 2>Or be curious about.

1:09:08.240 --> 1:09:11.559
<v Speaker 1>I think this next little chapter, which is like beginning

1:09:11.640 --> 1:09:16.280
<v Speaker 1>right now, I'm learning to be in my truth publicly

1:09:16.920 --> 1:09:21.080
<v Speaker 1>and to see what that feels like and what impact

1:09:21.120 --> 1:09:24.760
<v Speaker 1>it has on me and my family. Because it's so

1:09:24.880 --> 1:09:28.640
<v Speaker 1>new for me. I've been so private, as you know,

1:09:28.680 --> 1:09:32.880
<v Speaker 1>a person in the public eye. I've really not talked

1:09:32.920 --> 1:09:37.040
<v Speaker 1>a lot about myself. So I'm really trying to be

1:09:37.200 --> 1:09:41.519
<v Speaker 1>curious about what this experience feels like and how it

1:09:41.640 --> 1:09:46.040
<v Speaker 1>changes me. I'm curious about who my donor is, so

1:09:46.160 --> 1:09:50.600
<v Speaker 1>that's it feels like another part of the quest. But

1:09:50.680 --> 1:09:57.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm also aware that that lack of information also feels

1:09:57.400 --> 1:10:01.200
<v Speaker 1>like information, like the fact that they universe hasn't given

1:10:01.240 --> 1:10:04.760
<v Speaker 1>me this answer of like this is who he is?

1:10:04.840 --> 1:10:08.360
<v Speaker 1>This is It feels like an invitation to move into

1:10:09.280 --> 1:10:12.840
<v Speaker 1>deeper relationship with the family I come from, my family

1:10:12.880 --> 1:10:14.880
<v Speaker 1>of origin, right like that I have this new kind

1:10:14.880 --> 1:10:18.000
<v Speaker 1>of truth with my parents, a different kind of truth

1:10:18.040 --> 1:10:20.519
<v Speaker 1>with my kids, like telling my kids about you know,

1:10:20.680 --> 1:10:23.720
<v Speaker 1>my parents and how I came to be all of that,

1:10:24.800 --> 1:10:28.920
<v Speaker 1>but also into a deeper relationship with like like a

1:10:29.200 --> 1:10:33.400
<v Speaker 1>spirit father, you know, like father time, like the archetype

1:10:33.400 --> 1:10:36.520
<v Speaker 1>of father, like a heavenly Father like to lean into

1:10:37.320 --> 1:10:41.280
<v Speaker 1>my connection to a higher power as bringing me those

1:10:41.439 --> 1:10:47.800
<v Speaker 1>fatherly things, that sense of belonging and safety and being

1:10:47.880 --> 1:10:53.120
<v Speaker 1>cared for that I'm I'm interested in this opportunity to

1:10:53.240 --> 1:10:56.040
<v Speaker 1>cultivate that in my spirit world because I don't have

1:10:56.160 --> 1:10:59.080
<v Speaker 1>it in the material world. I have it, but I

1:10:59.080 --> 1:11:02.240
<v Speaker 1>don't have it fully. I have these you know. I

1:11:02.280 --> 1:11:05.600
<v Speaker 1>have my Dad who was incredible and wonderful, and I

1:11:05.640 --> 1:11:09.479
<v Speaker 1>have this mystery Donor. So I have father energy, but

1:11:09.760 --> 1:11:12.679
<v Speaker 1>there's a deeper security that I can seek, I think

1:11:12.760 --> 1:11:14.400
<v Speaker 1>in my spiritual practice.

1:11:15.160 --> 1:11:18.560
<v Speaker 2>So beautiful, What was your intention in your career to

1:11:20.520 --> 1:11:25.280
<v Speaker 2>be Was it intentional to be private? And what are

1:11:25.320 --> 1:11:27.920
<v Speaker 2>you hoping that the public aspect that you said you

1:11:27.960 --> 1:11:31.320
<v Speaker 2>were seeking to figure out? How it's what was the

1:11:31.360 --> 1:11:33.479
<v Speaker 2>intention behind going in that direction.

1:11:34.160 --> 1:11:37.559
<v Speaker 1>It's funny because it feels accidental. I mean, really, I've

1:11:37.600 --> 1:11:40.759
<v Speaker 1>always I decided at a certain point in my career

1:11:40.760 --> 1:11:43.519
<v Speaker 1>I had been in a very public relationship. It was

1:11:43.640 --> 1:11:46.280
<v Speaker 1>very public engagement, and when that ended, I was like,

1:11:46.600 --> 1:11:49.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't think I want to give this much information

1:11:49.400 --> 1:11:52.320
<v Speaker 1>to the press ever again. And my husband and I

1:11:52.439 --> 1:11:55.840
<v Speaker 1>were of the same feeling when we met. We were

1:11:56.080 --> 1:11:58.439
<v Speaker 1>very private the whole time we were dating. When we

1:11:58.479 --> 1:12:00.639
<v Speaker 1>got married, people were like, what, Like we didn't even

1:12:00.640 --> 1:12:03.080
<v Speaker 1>know they knew each other, like very And this was

1:12:03.120 --> 1:12:05.920
<v Speaker 1>at the height of both of our careers. He was

1:12:05.960 --> 1:12:07.800
<v Speaker 1>like on the cover of Sports Illustrated and I was

1:12:07.840 --> 1:12:10.920
<v Speaker 1>on this hit show, and we wound up somehow having

1:12:11.000 --> 1:12:15.920
<v Speaker 1>this very secret, private courting and marriage. It was so beautiful.

1:12:16.680 --> 1:12:18.320
<v Speaker 1>I remember when I called my parents to tell them

1:12:18.360 --> 1:12:20.280
<v Speaker 1>I was pregnant. They were like, so you'll tell people

1:12:20.320 --> 1:12:23.240
<v Speaker 1>like when the kids in college, like they were. I

1:12:23.280 --> 1:12:27.720
<v Speaker 1>was like, probably so. It just it has felt like

1:12:28.520 --> 1:12:31.519
<v Speaker 1>a way to protect the people that matter most to me.

1:12:32.160 --> 1:12:34.240
<v Speaker 1>But my parents have always been a part of my

1:12:34.320 --> 1:12:37.479
<v Speaker 1>public identity because you know, I don't I didn't need

1:12:37.520 --> 1:12:40.479
<v Speaker 1>to protect my relationship with my parents, and they're not children,

1:12:40.479 --> 1:12:42.679
<v Speaker 1>you know. I keep my kids off social media because

1:12:42.720 --> 1:12:45.200
<v Speaker 1>I feel like they should make decisions about how they

1:12:45.439 --> 1:12:46.400
<v Speaker 1>and there are a lot of ways to do it.

1:12:46.439 --> 1:12:48.240
<v Speaker 1>There's no right or wrong, but for us, I feel

1:12:48.240 --> 1:12:50.080
<v Speaker 1>like my kids should be of an age where they

1:12:50.120 --> 1:12:51.880
<v Speaker 1>know how they want to enter that social media space.

1:12:52.000 --> 1:12:54.519
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to make those decisions for them, but

1:12:54.560 --> 1:12:56.559
<v Speaker 1>my parents are old enough to make those decisions. So

1:12:56.680 --> 1:12:59.720
<v Speaker 1>I kind of started posting more with my parents because

1:12:59.720 --> 1:13:01.760
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I got to post something, right, So

1:13:01.800 --> 1:13:04.080
<v Speaker 1>I would post my dog and post my parents, and

1:13:04.120 --> 1:13:06.400
<v Speaker 1>I was doing these dad jokes with my dad, and

1:13:06.439 --> 1:13:09.880
<v Speaker 1>my dad became a bit of a celebrity on my Instagram.

1:13:10.280 --> 1:13:12.720
<v Speaker 1>And so then when I got this information, I was

1:13:12.720 --> 1:13:16.760
<v Speaker 1>suddenly like, oh, I am complicit now in a lie

1:13:17.439 --> 1:13:21.040
<v Speaker 1>because I'm out here perpetuating this truth that's not my

1:13:21.120 --> 1:13:25.320
<v Speaker 1>whole truth. And so suddenly I was like, I didn't

1:13:25.400 --> 1:13:29.439
<v Speaker 1>want to keep a secret the way my parents had

1:13:29.520 --> 1:13:31.759
<v Speaker 1>kept a secret, because I don't feel like there's anything

1:13:31.840 --> 1:13:35.000
<v Speaker 1>shameful about this. I don't feel like there's any reason

1:13:35.120 --> 1:13:38.879
<v Speaker 1>to not talk about it. So part of the telling

1:13:39.000 --> 1:13:40.599
<v Speaker 1>of the story was like, this is a way for

1:13:40.640 --> 1:13:42.840
<v Speaker 1>me to be corrective and just not feel like I'm

1:13:42.840 --> 1:13:45.200
<v Speaker 1>perpetuating a lie that I didn't even know I was

1:13:45.280 --> 1:13:47.080
<v Speaker 1>lying when I was doing it. But now I want

1:13:47.120 --> 1:13:50.160
<v Speaker 1>to just be transparent, so we'll see. I don't know,

1:13:50.200 --> 1:13:54.360
<v Speaker 1>it's very new for me to be this open, but

1:13:54.439 --> 1:13:57.720
<v Speaker 1>I guess I also just there's a saying that we're

1:13:57.760 --> 1:14:01.960
<v Speaker 1>as sick as our secrets, and I want to offer

1:14:03.280 --> 1:14:08.040
<v Speaker 1>healing to my parents and to our relationship by not

1:14:08.280 --> 1:14:11.759
<v Speaker 1>having it be in the dark, by speaking the truth

1:14:11.880 --> 1:14:15.760
<v Speaker 1>of our journey and of my journey in particular. One

1:14:15.800 --> 1:14:18.040
<v Speaker 1>of the things that's been really wonderful about as I've

1:14:18.040 --> 1:14:20.599
<v Speaker 1>shared the book with people is that people immediately tell

1:14:20.640 --> 1:14:25.360
<v Speaker 1>me their family secrets, like immediately. It's so funny, and

1:14:25.439 --> 1:14:29.719
<v Speaker 1>so I've realized, like all families have them, and people

1:14:29.960 --> 1:14:34.080
<v Speaker 1>feel less alone when they read the book because this

1:14:34.280 --> 1:14:38.280
<v Speaker 1>person who has been so private and I really have

1:14:38.439 --> 1:14:43.120
<v Speaker 1>kind of maintained a certain level of Hollywood, like this

1:14:43.160 --> 1:14:45.800
<v Speaker 1>is who I am, and I'll let you in only

1:14:45.880 --> 1:14:50.280
<v Speaker 1>this much, and to let people in more, to allow

1:14:50.280 --> 1:14:53.280
<v Speaker 1>that level of vulnerability helps me feel less alone. But

1:14:53.320 --> 1:14:56.400
<v Speaker 1>I think also is helping readers feel less alone.

1:14:57.040 --> 1:15:00.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I believe that for sure. And I love that

1:15:00.120 --> 1:15:03.439
<v Speaker 2>that's what's happening as a response to the book, because

1:15:03.439 --> 1:15:06.240
<v Speaker 2>how beautiful it would it be if every friend who

1:15:06.240 --> 1:15:08.400
<v Speaker 2>picks up this book and shares it with their friend

1:15:09.040 --> 1:15:11.360
<v Speaker 2>is now able to open up about something that they've

1:15:11.360 --> 1:15:12.120
<v Speaker 2>been holding on.

1:15:12.040 --> 1:15:15.200
<v Speaker 1>To let go of shame and to let go of secrets.

1:15:15.280 --> 1:15:18.479
<v Speaker 1>And that's what I want for people to And also

1:15:18.520 --> 1:15:21.800
<v Speaker 1>I think it's important to see to see where we

1:15:21.840 --> 1:15:24.719
<v Speaker 1>are as a family, right to know that we're closer

1:15:24.760 --> 1:15:29.400
<v Speaker 1>than ever, that this revelation actually wasn't the fracturing of

1:15:29.400 --> 1:15:33.160
<v Speaker 1>my family, that it actually was the birth of our

1:15:33.600 --> 1:15:37.479
<v Speaker 1>true intimacy and closeness with each other. And for me,

1:15:37.840 --> 1:15:41.360
<v Speaker 1>like a real beginning of a sense of like I

1:15:41.400 --> 1:15:45.120
<v Speaker 1>don't have to hide. I can now really do and

1:15:45.160 --> 1:15:45.919
<v Speaker 1>be anything.

1:15:47.000 --> 1:15:49.080
<v Speaker 2>So empowering to hear that, Yeah, it's very.

1:15:49.000 --> 1:15:53.720
<v Speaker 1>Liberating, very liberating, liberating. Yeah, I think that's part of

1:15:53.720 --> 1:15:56.840
<v Speaker 1>it too, is like if people find out that this

1:15:56.960 --> 1:15:58.880
<v Speaker 1>is the real deal of how I came to be

1:15:58.920 --> 1:16:00.800
<v Speaker 1>in the story of my family, I wanted to own

1:16:00.880 --> 1:16:03.040
<v Speaker 1>the narrative. I didn't want anybody else to be able

1:16:03.120 --> 1:16:06.840
<v Speaker 1>to tell my story. I wanted to be able to

1:16:07.720 --> 1:16:10.040
<v Speaker 1>tell my own story, to claim it and to have it,

1:16:10.280 --> 1:16:12.400
<v Speaker 1>to know that it was mine, that it is mine.

1:16:12.400 --> 1:16:15.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm still living it. This is definitely like Act one,

1:16:15.920 --> 1:16:19.320
<v Speaker 1>there's more to do and B, but it's mine.

1:16:19.920 --> 1:16:23.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. There's this beautiful line that you say you're talking

1:16:23.080 --> 1:16:25.439
<v Speaker 2>to a therapist about it, and then you explain it,

1:16:25.479 --> 1:16:28.519
<v Speaker 2>and it says, when you teach a person to believe

1:16:28.680 --> 1:16:32.160
<v Speaker 2>that their internal truth is a lie, you take from

1:16:32.200 --> 1:16:34.679
<v Speaker 2>them the very thing that is most important to each

1:16:34.720 --> 1:16:39.000
<v Speaker 2>of us, our ability to know and trust ourselves. And

1:16:39.040 --> 1:16:42.839
<v Speaker 2>I can only imagine how much you trust yourself now

1:16:43.240 --> 1:16:44.360
<v Speaker 2>so much more.

1:16:45.080 --> 1:16:47.320
<v Speaker 1>It's true that I guess that's why I keep saying

1:16:47.360 --> 1:16:50.240
<v Speaker 1>like I'm so curious about who I'll be on the

1:16:50.280 --> 1:16:53.160
<v Speaker 1>other side of this chapter, like once this is out there,

1:16:53.200 --> 1:16:57.360
<v Speaker 1>because I do feel like I trust myself more now,

1:16:58.040 --> 1:17:01.800
<v Speaker 1>I understand myself more, I try myself. I feel stronger,

1:17:01.840 --> 1:17:04.920
<v Speaker 1>I feel liberated. I feel like I have more capacity

1:17:04.960 --> 1:17:09.639
<v Speaker 1>for compassion, more capacity to love myself, more understanding of myself,

1:17:09.680 --> 1:17:12.960
<v Speaker 1>more capacity to understand and love my parents, and therefore

1:17:13.000 --> 1:17:15.679
<v Speaker 1>more capacity to understand and love friends and other family

1:17:15.720 --> 1:17:18.599
<v Speaker 1>members and my kids. If we are as sick as

1:17:18.600 --> 1:17:23.400
<v Speaker 1>our secrets, then I am getting healthier and healthier every day,

1:17:23.960 --> 1:17:27.920
<v Speaker 1>you know. So I'm grateful for that because I want

1:17:27.960 --> 1:17:31.120
<v Speaker 1>to offer that to my kids and to myself and

1:17:31.160 --> 1:17:33.960
<v Speaker 1>to my parents. We deserve that, you know. That's what

1:17:34.080 --> 1:17:37.519
<v Speaker 1>this community is about. It's about health and happiness. And

1:17:37.640 --> 1:17:40.800
<v Speaker 1>that's like to be able to know that truth can

1:17:40.920 --> 1:17:43.639
<v Speaker 1>lead to that, because sometimes the truth seems so scary.

1:17:43.720 --> 1:17:43.800
<v Speaker 2>You know.

1:17:43.880 --> 1:17:46.720
<v Speaker 1>It's not that my parents were being mean. They were afraid,

1:17:48.400 --> 1:17:51.559
<v Speaker 1>but that you can walk through that fear toward a

1:17:51.600 --> 1:17:56.120
<v Speaker 1>deeper healing in truth is really what I want people

1:17:56.160 --> 1:17:56.479
<v Speaker 1>to know.

1:17:57.880 --> 1:18:00.000
<v Speaker 2>Can I ask a practical question, basically what you just said,

1:18:00.200 --> 1:18:03.200
<v Speaker 2>how did you talk about this to your kids? Because

1:18:03.200 --> 1:18:05.400
<v Speaker 2>I can imagine that that's scary because it's a lot

1:18:05.439 --> 1:18:07.240
<v Speaker 2>for them. Yeah, they're still young.

1:18:07.600 --> 1:18:09.880
<v Speaker 1>But you know what, it's a lot. It's a lot

1:18:10.040 --> 1:18:13.559
<v Speaker 1>less scary for them because my kids have grown up

1:18:13.560 --> 1:18:15.719
<v Speaker 1>in a world where half of their friends are born

1:18:15.800 --> 1:18:18.960
<v Speaker 1>from surrogate moms or donor eggs or donor sperm or

1:18:19.000 --> 1:18:21.920
<v Speaker 1>like they have friends with two dads, friends with two moms,

1:18:21.960 --> 1:18:25.920
<v Speaker 1>Like they're not up against some of the like constricting

1:18:26.040 --> 1:18:28.920
<v Speaker 1>conservative ideas of who families are and how they come

1:18:28.960 --> 1:18:32.040
<v Speaker 1>to be that my parents were battling forty years ago,

1:18:32.120 --> 1:18:35.240
<v Speaker 1>forty plus years ago. So it's a different conversation with

1:18:35.280 --> 1:18:37.320
<v Speaker 1>my kids. It's kind of much more normal. I'm like,

1:18:37.800 --> 1:18:41.679
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like ahead of the curve. But it's also

1:18:41.800 --> 1:18:44.120
<v Speaker 1>very different. Like the conversation we had with our seventeen

1:18:44.200 --> 1:18:46.240
<v Speaker 1>year old was very different than the conversation with my

1:18:46.320 --> 1:18:50.719
<v Speaker 1>six year old, right, like super different. And that's part

1:18:50.760 --> 1:18:53.519
<v Speaker 1>of it is I and in general, and when it

1:18:53.520 --> 1:18:57.599
<v Speaker 1>comes to this kind of like advanced information, we try

1:18:57.600 --> 1:19:00.880
<v Speaker 1>to be led by their questions, offer them a little

1:19:01.040 --> 1:19:04.080
<v Speaker 1>bit of information, and then ask them what questions they have,

1:19:04.120 --> 1:19:07.400
<v Speaker 1>because I don't want to overwhelm them with information, but

1:19:07.479 --> 1:19:09.639
<v Speaker 1>I always want them to know that they can ask

1:19:09.720 --> 1:19:13.240
<v Speaker 1>me anything, anything, anything, anything, There's no bad answers, no

1:19:13.320 --> 1:19:18.360
<v Speaker 1>wrong answers, nothing you can't ask, and that the door's

1:19:18.360 --> 1:19:21.120
<v Speaker 1>always open, so you know, like my seventeen year old

1:19:21.120 --> 1:19:23.960
<v Speaker 1>had more questions, my six year old had zero questions.

1:19:24.960 --> 1:19:26.640
<v Speaker 1>My nine year old had a couple of questions and

1:19:26.680 --> 1:19:30.360
<v Speaker 1>then was onto the next thing. But they for them,

1:19:30.520 --> 1:19:33.960
<v Speaker 1>it's not a huge deal. And also it's not a

1:19:34.040 --> 1:19:37.240
<v Speaker 1>huge deal because fundamentally, my dad is my dad. Like

1:19:37.360 --> 1:19:40.240
<v Speaker 1>that's the big thing is that nothing has changed. There

1:19:40.920 --> 1:19:44.200
<v Speaker 1>there's more information and I'm going to learn more about

1:19:44.200 --> 1:19:46.120
<v Speaker 1>who I am, and therefore they're going to learn more

1:19:46.160 --> 1:19:48.720
<v Speaker 1>about who they are. But the bottom line is my

1:19:48.840 --> 1:19:51.599
<v Speaker 1>dad is my dad and that's not changing, So they

1:19:51.640 --> 1:19:52.680
<v Speaker 1>have that security.

1:19:53.080 --> 1:19:56.080
<v Speaker 2>I love that. That's beautiful, Kerrie. We end every on

1:19:56.160 --> 1:19:58.439
<v Speaker 2>Purpose episode with a final five. Yeah, I want to

1:19:58.439 --> 1:20:01.160
<v Speaker 2>ask you before we do that, is there anything I

1:20:01.200 --> 1:20:03.200
<v Speaker 2>haven't asked you about that's on your heart, that's on

1:20:03.240 --> 1:20:05.720
<v Speaker 2>your mind, that you really want to share, that you

1:20:05.720 --> 1:20:07.479
<v Speaker 2>want to dive into, that you want to talk about

1:20:07.479 --> 1:20:10.880
<v Speaker 2>that we haven't covered today for whatever reason, And so

1:20:10.960 --> 1:20:12.960
<v Speaker 2>I just want to give you the floor and ask

1:20:13.040 --> 1:20:16.400
<v Speaker 2>you if there's anything that you've really wanted to share

1:20:16.479 --> 1:20:17.280
<v Speaker 2>that doesn't have to.

1:20:17.240 --> 1:20:19.960
<v Speaker 1>Be Was it surprising to you how much time I

1:20:19.960 --> 1:20:20.719
<v Speaker 1>spent in India?

1:20:21.320 --> 1:20:23.960
<v Speaker 2>Yes, we should talk about that.

1:20:24.160 --> 1:20:25.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, sure, I.

1:20:26.800 --> 1:20:29.200
<v Speaker 2>Had no idea, uh huh. And I was like, yeah,

1:20:29.200 --> 1:20:32.439
<v Speaker 2>You've definitely been private because I feel like India is

1:20:32.439 --> 1:20:34.840
<v Speaker 2>such a big part of my work and my heart

1:20:34.880 --> 1:20:38.519
<v Speaker 2>and my spiritual home that I love when people have

1:20:38.640 --> 1:20:40.639
<v Speaker 2>spent time in India.

1:20:40.040 --> 1:20:44.280
<v Speaker 1>It's such a special place. Yeah, it lives so deeply

1:20:44.320 --> 1:20:46.320
<v Speaker 1>in me. I really want to go back, and I

1:20:46.360 --> 1:20:48.640
<v Speaker 1>want to bring my family, and even my husband is like,

1:20:48.680 --> 1:20:50.719
<v Speaker 1>I have to go because it's so much a part

1:20:50.760 --> 1:20:54.559
<v Speaker 1>of you. I do feel like, you know, when I

1:20:54.600 --> 1:20:56.879
<v Speaker 1>talk about the street I grew up on, it's Pugsley

1:20:56.920 --> 1:20:59.880
<v Speaker 1>Avenue in the Bronx. But I also feel like Carola

1:21:00.120 --> 1:21:02.280
<v Speaker 1>raised me. You know, it was the first place I

1:21:02.320 --> 1:21:06.080
<v Speaker 1>lived when I left the cocoon of college, right when

1:21:06.120 --> 1:21:09.160
<v Speaker 1>I was really into like college is over, You're like

1:21:09.360 --> 1:21:11.760
<v Speaker 1>for real and adult. Now you're on your own. And

1:21:12.360 --> 1:21:15.320
<v Speaker 1>I walked into that in India, which is like the

1:21:15.320 --> 1:21:23.120
<v Speaker 1>most magical of places. So I'm really really grateful for

1:21:23.200 --> 1:21:25.400
<v Speaker 1>that place and I hope that I can spend more

1:21:25.439 --> 1:21:26.040
<v Speaker 1>time there.

1:21:26.320 --> 1:21:29.120
<v Speaker 2>How many times have you been back only that the.

1:21:30.800 --> 1:21:32.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I would love to go back. Do you

1:21:32.840 --> 1:21:33.439
<v Speaker 1>go back often?

1:21:33.520 --> 1:21:35.160
<v Speaker 2>I go back every year? You do?

1:21:35.840 --> 1:21:36.760
<v Speaker 1>And where are you?

1:21:37.080 --> 1:21:40.320
<v Speaker 2>So I'll go to the ushroom that I spent time in,

1:21:40.520 --> 1:21:42.840
<v Speaker 2>which is in Mumbai, and then two hours outside of Mumbai.

1:21:42.920 --> 1:21:43.920
<v Speaker 1>How long do you stay there?

1:21:44.000 --> 1:21:46.800
<v Speaker 2>I'll be there for It varies, like this time I'm

1:21:46.840 --> 1:21:50.840
<v Speaker 2>going for I'm going to another pilgrimage this year in

1:21:51.160 --> 1:21:55.400
<v Speaker 2>West India and that's for around a week to ten days.

1:21:55.479 --> 1:21:57.920
<v Speaker 2>And then in January, I'm going back to the ushroom

1:21:57.960 --> 1:22:01.000
<v Speaker 2>that I was in for like two weeks. Wow, And

1:22:01.080 --> 1:22:03.320
<v Speaker 2>so it varies. Sometimes I go back for three weeks,

1:22:03.320 --> 1:22:04.400
<v Speaker 2>sometimes it's been a month.

1:22:04.720 --> 1:22:07.479
<v Speaker 1>And do you just like set aside that time a

1:22:07.560 --> 1:22:09.040
<v Speaker 1>year ahead on your calendar?

1:22:09.120 --> 1:22:10.800
<v Speaker 2>I try to, Yeah, I try to make it a

1:22:10.840 --> 1:22:13.800
<v Speaker 2>time that's always in and that it's a time to

1:22:13.840 --> 1:22:16.599
<v Speaker 2>completely disconnect. So I won't be on my phone. We

1:22:16.680 --> 1:22:19.080
<v Speaker 2>prep content in advance so that I don't have to

1:22:19.080 --> 1:22:22.200
<v Speaker 2>think about the podcast or social media. I just want

1:22:22.240 --> 1:22:24.000
<v Speaker 2>to be fully disconnected.

1:22:23.520 --> 1:22:24.400
<v Speaker 1>With your wife.

1:22:24.520 --> 1:22:27.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, she comes with me. Yeah, and it's really fun.

1:22:27.680 --> 1:22:30.479
<v Speaker 2>We love doing it together. That's a really beautiful way

1:22:30.520 --> 1:22:32.839
<v Speaker 2>of just both of us getting a reset, and if anything,

1:22:33.840 --> 1:22:35.640
<v Speaker 2>she makes us do it even more than I do

1:22:35.760 --> 1:22:38.160
<v Speaker 2>now where she's like, you know, she loves it and

1:22:38.479 --> 1:22:40.720
<v Speaker 2>it's such a We sometimes take our family, We take

1:22:40.720 --> 1:22:43.760
<v Speaker 2>our parents. Yeah, it's really beautiful for them as well.

1:22:43.800 --> 1:22:47.040
<v Speaker 2>We just feel like doing more spiritual things together as

1:22:47.040 --> 1:22:51.240
<v Speaker 2>a family is just so deeply bonding in a different ways,

1:22:51.240 --> 1:22:56.679
<v Speaker 2>so important for our connection. Yeah, we find that taking

1:22:56.760 --> 1:22:59.280
<v Speaker 2>her parents and mine is a big part of it.

1:22:59.320 --> 1:23:01.599
<v Speaker 1>Is it hard are you to transition in and out

1:23:01.680 --> 1:23:03.960
<v Speaker 1>of Like when you get there, do you miss the

1:23:04.000 --> 1:23:07.400
<v Speaker 1>secular life? And when when you're leaving, are you like, okay,

1:23:07.439 --> 1:23:08.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm done? Are you like, oh I wish I could

1:23:08.960 --> 1:23:09.599
<v Speaker 1>stay longer.

1:23:09.920 --> 1:23:13.760
<v Speaker 2>I think one of the greatest, greatest, greatest skills that

1:23:14.040 --> 1:23:16.960
<v Speaker 2>Monk training gave to me was the ability to just

1:23:17.040 --> 1:23:20.160
<v Speaker 2>be where I am and be okay with it and

1:23:20.200 --> 1:23:24.040
<v Speaker 2>then move when it's done. And so I find that

1:23:24.200 --> 1:23:26.880
<v Speaker 2>as long as I know why I am where I am,

1:23:26.920 --> 1:23:31.120
<v Speaker 2>and as long as I know it's intentional, then I

1:23:31.160 --> 1:23:34.000
<v Speaker 2>feel very grateful that I can wake up and just

1:23:34.120 --> 1:23:38.519
<v Speaker 2>feel and where I'm meant to be. And I think

1:23:38.520 --> 1:23:40.400
<v Speaker 2>that was all because of the way we were trained

1:23:40.439 --> 1:23:44.439
<v Speaker 2>where you weren't nowhere was more home than anywhere else.

1:23:45.520 --> 1:23:48.880
<v Speaker 2>And that's like a really interesting training because most of

1:23:48.920 --> 1:23:50.439
<v Speaker 2>the time were trained to be like, no where your

1:23:50.439 --> 1:23:52.080
<v Speaker 2>home is, no where your roots are. But this was

1:23:52.120 --> 1:23:55.280
<v Speaker 2>almost like, well, if your roots were here, then you

1:23:55.280 --> 1:23:57.599
<v Speaker 2>were always at home. That if you were aligned here,

1:23:57.680 --> 1:24:01.120
<v Speaker 2>then you were always centered and ground You didn't you

1:24:01.120 --> 1:24:03.439
<v Speaker 2>didn't need an external thing. Now that doesn't mean today

1:24:03.439 --> 1:24:06.320
<v Speaker 2>that I don't like having I love my home here

1:24:06.360 --> 1:24:08.559
<v Speaker 2>and I love feeling grounded here. And yes, do I

1:24:08.600 --> 1:24:11.880
<v Speaker 2>feel more happy when I'm here than in a hotel room. Sure,

1:24:12.800 --> 1:24:15.240
<v Speaker 2>But I don't feel I wake up without purpose in

1:24:15.280 --> 1:24:17.720
<v Speaker 2>a hotel room if I'm there for a reason or

1:24:17.800 --> 1:24:20.559
<v Speaker 2>when I was touring this year, or whatever it may be.

1:24:21.080 --> 1:24:23.240
<v Speaker 2>And so I think I look at purpose as my home,

1:24:23.400 --> 1:24:26.360
<v Speaker 2>or at least at least as a mindset and an approach.

1:24:26.800 --> 1:24:29.360
<v Speaker 2>So I feel like I can kind of switch back

1:24:29.400 --> 1:24:29.920
<v Speaker 2>on and off.

1:24:30.400 --> 1:24:32.360
<v Speaker 1>I've never done a book tour before. Do you have

1:24:32.400 --> 1:24:33.479
<v Speaker 1>any advice for me?

1:24:33.840 --> 1:24:36.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm excited watching your book jog. I was trying

1:24:36.240 --> 1:24:38.240
<v Speaker 2>to join you. My schedule is nuts, and I was

1:24:38.439 --> 1:24:40.320
<v Speaker 2>it looks amazing. You've got so many amazing guests or

1:24:40.400 --> 1:24:42.920
<v Speaker 2>any yore like. I can't wait to hear the conversations

1:24:42.920 --> 1:24:44.360
<v Speaker 2>that come out of it and the things that other

1:24:44.400 --> 1:24:49.000
<v Speaker 2>people share. You should ask every person to share a secret.

1:24:48.760 --> 1:24:51.160
<v Speaker 1>Family secret, because that'd be amazing.

1:24:51.240 --> 1:24:54.799
<v Speaker 2>You can't imagine the healing. But my my only advice,

1:24:54.960 --> 1:24:57.200
<v Speaker 2>which I mean you've done, You've been on set for

1:24:57.280 --> 1:24:59.559
<v Speaker 2>months and you've tried. I mean you don't need my advice,

1:24:59.600 --> 1:25:03.639
<v Speaker 2>but for whatever it's worth, I there were two things

1:25:03.680 --> 1:25:06.760
<v Speaker 2>the first and one's external. One's intern. Okay, the external

1:25:06.920 --> 1:25:10.280
<v Speaker 2>is my health was my number one priority because it's

1:25:10.280 --> 1:25:12.400
<v Speaker 2>so easy to for sick when you're traveling.

1:25:12.040 --> 1:25:13.439
<v Speaker 1>Down Practically what did that mean?

1:25:13.560 --> 1:25:16.640
<v Speaker 2>And practically that meant having a routine, even though it

1:25:16.720 --> 1:25:18.080
<v Speaker 2>wasn't my routine.

1:25:17.680 --> 1:25:19.559
<v Speaker 1>Here tour routine.

1:25:19.640 --> 1:25:22.280
<v Speaker 2>Yes, so I slept at two am because I'd get

1:25:22.280 --> 1:25:25.519
<v Speaker 2>off stage at like ten thirty. I'd do a meet

1:25:25.560 --> 1:25:29.360
<v Speaker 2>and gree I'd be amped. I'd eat at midnight and

1:25:29.400 --> 1:25:31.920
<v Speaker 2>then i'd sleep at two am. I'd wake up at

1:25:32.000 --> 1:25:34.080
<v Speaker 2>nine am, so I'd get seven hours of sleep. I

1:25:34.160 --> 1:25:35.840
<v Speaker 2>didn't go on a walk around the city that I

1:25:35.880 --> 1:25:38.439
<v Speaker 2>was in with my te yeah, with my tour manager

1:25:38.640 --> 1:25:40.320
<v Speaker 2>or with my team, whoever's with me. Would just go

1:25:40.360 --> 1:25:42.639
<v Speaker 2>on a long walk, get like ten to twenty thousand

1:25:42.640 --> 1:25:45.920
<v Speaker 2>steps sometimes, like just really get active, yeah, and be

1:25:46.000 --> 1:25:48.439
<v Speaker 2>in the place, because we weren't really in a place

1:25:48.439 --> 1:25:51.640
<v Speaker 2>for longer than a night. So I was like, not

1:25:51.680 --> 1:25:53.400
<v Speaker 2>that I wanted to see the city, but I was like,

1:25:53.720 --> 1:25:55.240
<v Speaker 2>I want to be outdoors. I don't want to be

1:25:55.240 --> 1:25:56.720
<v Speaker 2>in a gym or you know, I don't want to

1:25:56.720 --> 1:25:59.000
<v Speaker 2>get lost in that sit That was really great. And

1:25:59.000 --> 1:26:01.280
<v Speaker 2>then I would eat breakfast at nine and then lunch

1:26:01.280 --> 1:26:02.720
<v Speaker 2>at twelve, and then I wouldn't eat again and I

1:26:02.720 --> 1:26:06.240
<v Speaker 2>would just I was allowing myself to just be on

1:26:06.320 --> 1:26:09.120
<v Speaker 2>stage at night, and in the sense of like I

1:26:09.160 --> 1:26:12.280
<v Speaker 2>was like, I don't need to achieve more because I

1:26:12.360 --> 1:26:14.240
<v Speaker 2>was starting off like being on stage. We'd start a

1:26:14.320 --> 1:26:17.120
<v Speaker 2>meditation at three at three pm, and then I wouldn't

1:26:17.120 --> 1:26:19.639
<v Speaker 2>get off stage until ten thirty and finished till midnight.

1:26:20.320 --> 1:26:22.439
<v Speaker 2>So it was just like my nine hour work day

1:26:22.479 --> 1:26:26.400
<v Speaker 2>started at three pm, and so allowing myself in the morning,

1:26:26.400 --> 1:26:28.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't need to rush to meetings, I don't need

1:26:28.080 --> 1:26:30.479
<v Speaker 2>to be on a million phone calls. I just need

1:26:30.520 --> 1:26:33.800
<v Speaker 2>to focus on being present because then I can give

1:26:33.840 --> 1:26:37.479
<v Speaker 2>people the best experience and honor that experience. So it

1:26:37.520 --> 1:26:41.479
<v Speaker 2>was a very like disciplined approach and really to take

1:26:41.479 --> 1:26:43.400
<v Speaker 2>it all in, like, I'm sure there's going to be tears.

1:26:43.439 --> 1:26:45.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure there's going to be laughs. I'm sure people

1:26:45.720 --> 1:26:47.439
<v Speaker 2>are going to want to hug you after this and

1:26:47.479 --> 1:26:49.920
<v Speaker 2>share this story. And it's like I look back and

1:26:49.960 --> 1:26:51.920
<v Speaker 2>I think of like when, and it's what you were

1:26:51.960 --> 1:26:55.720
<v Speaker 2>saying that as your life becomes more public, there's, as

1:26:55.760 --> 1:26:59.280
<v Speaker 2>you know better than anyone, there's there's scrutiny, there's criticism,

1:26:59.320 --> 1:27:01.960
<v Speaker 2>there's whatever. I found that the love I got from

1:27:01.960 --> 1:27:05.000
<v Speaker 2>my community when I was traveling was enough to keep

1:27:05.040 --> 1:27:08.040
<v Speaker 2>me afloat for all the times and all well, it

1:27:08.080 --> 1:27:10.320
<v Speaker 2>feels the well of all the other stuff that comes

1:27:10.360 --> 1:27:12.360
<v Speaker 2>and goes. You get to see people's eyes, and you

1:27:12.400 --> 1:27:14.120
<v Speaker 2>get to see someone look into your eyes and say

1:27:14.400 --> 1:27:17.439
<v Speaker 2>this book chang change your life whatever, and people are

1:27:17.439 --> 1:27:18.840
<v Speaker 2>going to say that to you, like people are gonna

1:27:18.840 --> 1:27:21.599
<v Speaker 2>have their stories of what you've discovered, and just getting

1:27:21.600 --> 1:27:23.840
<v Speaker 2>to hear that from people and see people say it.

1:27:24.000 --> 1:27:26.160
<v Speaker 2>People have been fans of yours for so long and

1:27:26.520 --> 1:27:29.360
<v Speaker 2>you've probably never heard them say in this intimate way.

1:27:29.439 --> 1:27:34.640
<v Speaker 2>People have loved your characters, not you. Yeah, And so

1:27:34.920 --> 1:27:38.240
<v Speaker 2>just taking it all in and allowing yourself to be

1:27:38.320 --> 1:27:40.600
<v Speaker 2>present with it. So the external thing is the discipline

1:27:40.640 --> 1:27:43.800
<v Speaker 2>of your health, and the internal thing is allowing yourself.

1:27:44.120 --> 1:27:48.840
<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes we're so aware of like ego and

1:27:49.400 --> 1:27:51.880
<v Speaker 2>worrying about whatever it may be and being modest. And

1:27:52.240 --> 1:27:53.640
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, you know what, I'm just going

1:27:53.680 --> 1:27:56.679
<v Speaker 2>to soak up all the love, just taking all the love,

1:27:56.840 --> 1:28:00.920
<v Speaker 2>Like whenever I allow myself to just really receive the love.

1:28:00.960 --> 1:28:02.839
<v Speaker 2>And I need it too. I need to be nurtured

1:28:02.880 --> 1:28:07.080
<v Speaker 2>by love. Yeah, why am I deflecting it or whatever?

1:28:07.320 --> 1:28:08.400
<v Speaker 2>Just just take the love.

1:28:08.560 --> 1:28:10.400
<v Speaker 1>Like it's so funny when you say that, because when

1:28:10.400 --> 1:28:12.400
<v Speaker 1>I was reading your book, which is just like a

1:28:12.439 --> 1:28:15.360
<v Speaker 1>full on study of love in all of its forms,

1:28:15.960 --> 1:28:18.400
<v Speaker 1>I felt like in so many ways it was like

1:28:18.560 --> 1:28:23.240
<v Speaker 1>my memoir is like your book in the wild, Like

1:28:23.720 --> 1:28:26.280
<v Speaker 1>it's so many concepts that you talk about in terms

1:28:26.320 --> 1:28:32.000
<v Speaker 1>of forgiveness or partnership or vulnerability, Like it's it's it's

1:28:32.040 --> 1:28:35.320
<v Speaker 1>what I'm expressing of how I was grappling with that,

1:28:35.479 --> 1:28:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Like if only I had had your book when I

1:28:38.040 --> 1:28:40.720
<v Speaker 1>was like twelve to help me walk through life. But

1:28:41.160 --> 1:28:46.760
<v Speaker 1>it's really fun to see how usable your book is,

1:28:46.840 --> 1:28:50.000
<v Speaker 1>so like it it's so spot on and giving people

1:28:50.080 --> 1:28:51.559
<v Speaker 1>what we need in life.

1:28:51.840 --> 1:28:54.880
<v Speaker 2>That's so reassuring. Thank you. I mean that I could

1:28:54.880 --> 1:28:58.479
<v Speaker 2>only dream of having it connect with a real life

1:28:58.479 --> 1:29:01.439
<v Speaker 2>story as much as that, because yeah, thank you, that

1:29:01.439 --> 1:29:02.960
<v Speaker 2>that means the word to me. Thank you. I really

1:29:03.000 --> 1:29:07.640
<v Speaker 2>received that. That's so special. Yeah, I you know, just

1:29:07.840 --> 1:29:11.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean I think that's that's kind of like the

1:29:12.280 --> 1:29:14.360
<v Speaker 2>perfect match in the world where we need where it's

1:29:14.400 --> 1:29:18.640
<v Speaker 2>like the we need the human story of what it

1:29:18.720 --> 1:29:21.559
<v Speaker 2>really looks like because it's messy and it's uncomfortable, and

1:29:21.600 --> 1:29:23.800
<v Speaker 2>then hopefully we can all extrapolate lessons from you.

1:29:23.840 --> 1:29:26.400
<v Speaker 1>And get a toolbox. It's like like, if you get

1:29:26.400 --> 1:29:31.360
<v Speaker 1>triggered reading this book, get Jay's book to help you

1:29:31.479 --> 1:29:32.840
<v Speaker 1>grow and know.

1:29:33.080 --> 1:29:34.719
<v Speaker 2>And I would say the other way around. I feel

1:29:34.760 --> 1:29:37.599
<v Speaker 2>like people need to see the messiness of what it

1:29:37.640 --> 1:29:41.439
<v Speaker 2>looks like. And I don't shy away from that, but

1:29:41.479 --> 1:29:43.800
<v Speaker 2>I think when you read about it and you see like, oh,

1:29:43.880 --> 1:29:46.240
<v Speaker 2>this is what the uncomfortable conversation looks like, It's what

1:29:46.280 --> 1:29:49.080
<v Speaker 2>the revelation looks like, this is what the work looks

1:29:49.120 --> 1:29:52.040
<v Speaker 2>like like. I think we need both sides because sometimes

1:29:52.040 --> 1:29:54.360
<v Speaker 2>we have a romantic view of what growth looks like

1:29:55.040 --> 1:29:59.439
<v Speaker 2>and what having the revelation conversation with your family looks like,

1:29:59.560 --> 1:30:03.439
<v Speaker 2>and we know that that's not true, right right, And

1:30:03.560 --> 1:30:05.640
<v Speaker 2>I would love to I love how much time you

1:30:05.640 --> 1:30:07.719
<v Speaker 2>spent in India, for sure, I was. I was definitely

1:30:07.720 --> 1:30:10.200
<v Speaker 2>a surprised What would you say? What would you say then?

1:30:10.200 --> 1:30:12.559
<v Speaker 2>In that regard was like, obviously you talked about the

1:30:12.560 --> 1:30:14.800
<v Speaker 2>gift of your yoga training, you talked about the gift

1:30:14.840 --> 1:30:17.640
<v Speaker 2>of You've referred to it many many times. What was

1:30:17.920 --> 1:30:22.040
<v Speaker 2>what was the what surprised you about India?

1:30:22.960 --> 1:30:29.200
<v Speaker 1>I think the thing that was most surprising and impactful

1:30:29.280 --> 1:30:34.439
<v Speaker 1>for me about India was how drenched in God everything is.

1:30:35.240 --> 1:30:37.599
<v Speaker 1>You know, Like I grew up in communities where there's

1:30:37.680 --> 1:30:40.799
<v Speaker 1>like a liquor store on every corner, but in India

1:30:40.800 --> 1:30:44.640
<v Speaker 1>there's a an altar on every corner. There's just you know,

1:30:44.680 --> 1:30:48.240
<v Speaker 1>when you walk into someone's house, there's an altar, there's

1:30:48.280 --> 1:30:52.479
<v Speaker 1>a poosia room, there's a there's like you can't escape

1:30:52.520 --> 1:30:55.160
<v Speaker 1>God if you wanted. The very way you say hello

1:30:55.560 --> 1:30:58.000
<v Speaker 1>is like an acknowledgment of the God in each other.

1:30:58.680 --> 1:31:02.720
<v Speaker 1>So that was really powerful for me in a time

1:31:02.760 --> 1:31:08.559
<v Speaker 1>when I was really seeking God in my healing. And yeah,

1:31:08.640 --> 1:31:12.679
<v Speaker 1>I just I found it impossible to escape a sense

1:31:12.720 --> 1:31:16.880
<v Speaker 1>of spirituality in India. And it's not an easy place, right,

1:31:16.880 --> 1:31:19.760
<v Speaker 1>Like people are not It's not like everywhere you turn,

1:31:19.840 --> 1:31:22.639
<v Speaker 1>everybody's comfortable and things are easy. So it is this

1:31:22.760 --> 1:31:28.320
<v Speaker 1>combination of like life is hard, life is vibrant and chaotic,

1:31:28.640 --> 1:31:32.240
<v Speaker 1>and like the everything's so pungent, right like the sense

1:31:32.280 --> 1:31:35.879
<v Speaker 1>and the colors and the it's it's so filled with life,

1:31:35.920 --> 1:31:40.240
<v Speaker 1>like real material life, and yet every single inch of

1:31:40.280 --> 1:31:44.479
<v Speaker 1>that is also connected to God. And that I feel

1:31:44.479 --> 1:31:46.759
<v Speaker 1>like is something that I try to live in my life,

1:31:46.800 --> 1:31:50.040
<v Speaker 1>like to live life fully like out loud and big

1:31:50.160 --> 1:31:54.160
<v Speaker 1>and in truth, and to go after whatever it is

1:31:54.200 --> 1:31:57.120
<v Speaker 1>that the Dharma is leading you toward. But to not

1:31:57.200 --> 1:32:00.240
<v Speaker 1>have it just be for self or for material all

1:32:00.280 --> 1:32:02.439
<v Speaker 1>this life, to have it be about God, and with

1:32:02.640 --> 1:32:06.120
<v Speaker 1>God and for God, and that it feels like that's

1:32:06.200 --> 1:32:10.040
<v Speaker 1>so much of what I learned there. Yeah.

1:32:10.479 --> 1:32:13.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean I don't think I don't think there's

1:32:13.240 --> 1:32:16.960
<v Speaker 2>any greater gift of that's pretty spectaci.

1:32:17.280 --> 1:32:18.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so special.

1:32:18.600 --> 1:32:22.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it's I'd love to show you my temper

1:32:22.280 --> 1:32:22.959
<v Speaker 2>from after.

1:32:23.160 --> 1:32:24.479
<v Speaker 1>I would love that.

1:32:24.680 --> 1:32:26.800
<v Speaker 2>I would love that beautiful to show it to you.

1:32:27.600 --> 1:32:29.439
<v Speaker 2>But no, I hope Gary, this has been a serving

1:32:29.760 --> 1:32:32.680
<v Speaker 2>and an offering to your offering to the world. I

1:32:32.720 --> 1:32:35.439
<v Speaker 2>really mean that, because I really believe that this book

1:32:35.439 --> 1:32:41.559
<v Speaker 2>for you is not a it's not a celebrity memoir

1:32:41.680 --> 1:32:47.120
<v Speaker 2>like it it's so much, it's so it's so human,

1:32:47.240 --> 1:32:50.840
<v Speaker 2>and it's so it's so truth seeking, and so I

1:32:50.840 --> 1:32:53.280
<v Speaker 2>really hope that this has served you and served your

1:32:53.280 --> 1:32:56.600
<v Speaker 2>offering in the world. And you know, I'm excited for

1:32:56.680 --> 1:32:59.240
<v Speaker 2>everyone to read it, to connect with it, to share

1:32:59.320 --> 1:33:03.600
<v Speaker 2>with their families, share with their friends, and and hopefully uncovered,

1:33:03.680 --> 1:33:09.719
<v Speaker 2>discover and recover from family secrets that may be holding

1:33:09.760 --> 1:33:12.320
<v Speaker 2>you back in whatever way, and being able to have

1:33:12.360 --> 1:33:18.280
<v Speaker 2>the grace to hold the supposed paradox with that, you know,

1:33:18.439 --> 1:33:23.799
<v Speaker 2>compassionate and Amen. Amen, thank you My hope and intention

1:33:23.960 --> 1:33:26.840
<v Speaker 2>for you and your book tour, and I wish you

1:33:26.920 --> 1:33:31.040
<v Speaker 2>nothing but so much impact and can already see everyone

1:33:31.120 --> 1:33:34.880
<v Speaker 2>smiling and the faces and their lives being impacted and

1:33:34.960 --> 1:33:37.120
<v Speaker 2>changed based on the work you've done.

1:33:37.160 --> 1:33:40.920
<v Speaker 1>So thank you so much. It's such a privilege to

1:33:40.960 --> 1:33:42.599
<v Speaker 1>be here, so grateful.

1:33:42.640 --> 1:33:44.120
<v Speaker 2>I still have to ask you the final five.

1:33:44.360 --> 1:33:45.280
<v Speaker 1>Yes, Okay, I know you.

1:33:45.240 --> 1:33:46.080
<v Speaker 2>Tried to dodge them.

1:33:46.920 --> 1:33:51.920
<v Speaker 1>I should have prepared, you know, I should have prepared.

1:33:52.080 --> 1:33:54.280
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I hope we got If there was anything

1:33:54.280 --> 1:33:54.760
<v Speaker 2>else that you.

1:33:54.680 --> 1:33:55.880
<v Speaker 1>Want, this amazing.

1:33:56.240 --> 1:33:58.840
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to be honest with me anytime. Okay, So

1:33:59.120 --> 1:34:02.959
<v Speaker 2>all right. Question one, carry what is the best advice

1:34:03.040 --> 1:34:04.360
<v Speaker 2>you've ever received or had?

1:34:05.479 --> 1:34:10.679
<v Speaker 1>The best advice I've ever received or heard is to pray.

1:34:12.520 --> 1:34:16.240
<v Speaker 1>When I learned to pray and meditate. To me, there

1:34:16.240 --> 1:34:18.519
<v Speaker 1>are sort of two sides of the same coin, you know,

1:34:18.600 --> 1:34:21.439
<v Speaker 1>Like it's the talking to God and listening to God.

1:34:22.160 --> 1:34:27.799
<v Speaker 1>You know, whenever in my life I'm reminded to pray,

1:34:27.880 --> 1:34:30.400
<v Speaker 1>it's never a bad thing. It's always a path to

1:34:30.479 --> 1:34:37.120
<v Speaker 1>goodness because it's always an act of surrender and an

1:34:37.160 --> 1:34:41.040
<v Speaker 1>invitation to help. And the act of prayer for me

1:34:41.360 --> 1:34:45.479
<v Speaker 1>and of meditation is really for me about picking up

1:34:45.520 --> 1:34:50.040
<v Speaker 1>a tool of humility, because when I'm not making room

1:34:50.439 --> 1:34:54.480
<v Speaker 1>for spiritual practice, it's like I think I'm in charge.

1:34:54.600 --> 1:34:57.960
<v Speaker 1>And so the prayer helps me remember and the meditation

1:34:58.040 --> 1:35:01.200
<v Speaker 1>helps me remember to be part of something greater, to

1:35:01.240 --> 1:35:03.720
<v Speaker 1>not be trying to control and run everything, but to

1:35:04.200 --> 1:35:06.040
<v Speaker 1>connect myself to something bigger.

1:35:06.840 --> 1:35:08.880
<v Speaker 2>What a great answer. We've never had that before. In

1:35:08.920 --> 1:35:12.120
<v Speaker 2>the show did how did you learn how to pray?

1:35:12.960 --> 1:35:15.720
<v Speaker 2>And for anyone who struggles with prayer because they think

1:35:15.760 --> 1:35:17.280
<v Speaker 2>they have to have the perfect words or they didn't

1:35:17.280 --> 1:35:19.759
<v Speaker 2>know where to start, like what would you suggest for someone?

1:35:20.160 --> 1:35:23.559
<v Speaker 1>It was part of My first time I ever got

1:35:23.560 --> 1:35:26.840
<v Speaker 1>on my knees really to ask something greater than me

1:35:26.880 --> 1:35:28.680
<v Speaker 1>for help was when I was really struggling with my

1:35:28.720 --> 1:35:32.160
<v Speaker 1>eating disorder stuff which I talk about, and that was

1:35:32.520 --> 1:35:33.960
<v Speaker 1>that was the first time in my life that I

1:35:34.000 --> 1:35:37.080
<v Speaker 1>was like, I can't fix this, Like I don't know,

1:35:37.240 --> 1:35:39.479
<v Speaker 1>I do not have the tools, and I don't know

1:35:39.479 --> 1:35:41.160
<v Speaker 1>where to go, and I don't know what to do,

1:35:41.320 --> 1:35:44.040
<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to need somebody or something to step

1:35:44.080 --> 1:35:47.360
<v Speaker 1>in and help me out. That was my first experience

1:35:47.360 --> 1:35:50.160
<v Speaker 1>with prayer. And then there's a really beautiful book that

1:35:50.160 --> 1:35:52.160
<v Speaker 1>I think is one of the most important books that

1:35:52.200 --> 1:35:54.000
<v Speaker 1>I've read in my life called The Artist Way by

1:35:54.080 --> 1:35:57.840
<v Speaker 1>Julia Cameron, and that book taught me a lot about

1:35:57.880 --> 1:36:01.679
<v Speaker 1>bringing spiritual practice into my creative and into my life

1:36:01.760 --> 1:36:05.360
<v Speaker 1>as creative practice, but prayer through journaling, and I think

1:36:05.400 --> 1:36:09.160
<v Speaker 1>there's no wrong way to pray, And honestly, my prayer

1:36:09.200 --> 1:36:11.720
<v Speaker 1>looks like all different kinds of ways, Like I think,

1:36:11.800 --> 1:36:15.360
<v Speaker 1>like any relationship, my relationship with spirit is always evolving

1:36:15.400 --> 1:36:18.200
<v Speaker 1>and changing according to where I am. And you know,

1:36:18.280 --> 1:36:21.040
<v Speaker 1>sometimes it's like sitting on the pillow with the candle

1:36:21.080 --> 1:36:23.679
<v Speaker 1>and the incense is like that's it. Just like sometimes

1:36:23.840 --> 1:36:27.160
<v Speaker 1>date night is like that perfect elegant five star you're

1:36:27.200 --> 1:36:29.280
<v Speaker 1>dressed up, he's in a suit. It's a hole, right, Like,

1:36:29.400 --> 1:36:32.920
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes the ritual is that. And sometimes it's like I'm

1:36:32.960 --> 1:36:34.720
<v Speaker 1>in my car, I'm at the red light. I'm like

1:36:35.240 --> 1:36:37.080
<v Speaker 1>all right, God, like I'm gonna need you to step

1:36:37.120 --> 1:36:39.400
<v Speaker 1>in and you know, take this day on. You know,

1:36:39.920 --> 1:36:43.400
<v Speaker 1>sometimes it's just singing gospel music. Sometimes it's doing some

1:36:43.400 --> 1:36:47.479
<v Speaker 1>sun salutation. Sometimes it's like just saying God, God, only God,

1:36:47.520 --> 1:36:49.799
<v Speaker 1>one hundred and seven times in a row. Like whatever

1:36:49.840 --> 1:36:51.920
<v Speaker 1>it is, it can be. It can be so many

1:36:51.960 --> 1:36:55.559
<v Speaker 1>different things. Sometimes it's just swimming, but that just making

1:36:55.640 --> 1:36:58.640
<v Speaker 1>room for seeking other something greater than me.

1:36:59.600 --> 1:37:01.840
<v Speaker 2>Beautiful, what wonderful? Do you pray with the kids and

1:37:02.080 --> 1:37:03.160
<v Speaker 2>we do at night?

1:37:03.240 --> 1:37:07.240
<v Speaker 1>We do at night we do prayer requests and gratitude

1:37:07.240 --> 1:37:08.320
<v Speaker 1>together as a family.

1:37:08.600 --> 1:37:09.000
<v Speaker 2>I love.

1:37:09.080 --> 1:37:12.320
<v Speaker 1>That's so special. Yeah, it is really special. It's really

1:37:12.320 --> 1:37:15.280
<v Speaker 1>fun to watch the kids. It's great, you know, you

1:37:15.360 --> 1:37:17.680
<v Speaker 1>never know. I mean sometimes it's like they're sometimes their

1:37:17.680 --> 1:37:23.559
<v Speaker 1>gratitude is really profound. I'm grateful that a grandparent is

1:37:23.560 --> 1:37:27.400
<v Speaker 1>feeling better, or I'm grateful for this family trip and

1:37:27.439 --> 1:37:30.360
<v Speaker 1>time with cousins. And sometimes it's like I'm really grateful

1:37:30.360 --> 1:37:34.960
<v Speaker 1>for pickles, you know what. Okay, you know that's cool.

1:37:35.400 --> 1:37:38.840
<v Speaker 1>That too is God right, So like it's really it's fun.

1:37:39.040 --> 1:37:42.559
<v Speaker 1>And also the prayer request, it's it's just our kind

1:37:42.640 --> 1:37:46.240
<v Speaker 1>of family way of remembering to think outside yourself. And

1:37:46.240 --> 1:37:48.400
<v Speaker 1>sometimes the prayer can be for yourself. I really hope

1:37:48.400 --> 1:37:50.880
<v Speaker 1>my ankle feels better. I really, but it's also a

1:37:50.920 --> 1:37:55.439
<v Speaker 1>way to remember to include other people in your seeking,

1:37:56.320 --> 1:37:57.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, beautiful.

1:37:57.479 --> 1:37:59.759
<v Speaker 2>I love that. All right, Well that was just question one, okay,

1:37:59.800 --> 1:38:03.800
<v Speaker 2>I question number two, what is the worst advice you've

1:38:03.840 --> 1:38:04.960
<v Speaker 2>ever heard or received.

1:38:05.479 --> 1:38:07.840
<v Speaker 1>I think about this book that I talk about in

1:38:07.840 --> 1:38:10.240
<v Speaker 1>my book that I like stole from the library when

1:38:10.280 --> 1:38:12.439
<v Speaker 1>I was a kid, that was called A Knew You.

1:38:12.960 --> 1:38:15.800
<v Speaker 1>You missed the Yes, I missed the again and again

1:38:15.840 --> 1:38:20.519
<v Speaker 1>and again and again. You know this idea that it

1:38:20.960 --> 1:38:25.040
<v Speaker 1>appears in like magazines for young women, and there's this

1:38:25.160 --> 1:38:29.240
<v Speaker 1>messaging out there that to be loved you must be

1:38:29.360 --> 1:38:31.960
<v Speaker 1>something other than who you are. You know that to

1:38:32.080 --> 1:38:34.160
<v Speaker 1>be loved you have to be prettier, and you have

1:38:34.240 --> 1:38:35.960
<v Speaker 1>to know what colors are right for you, and you

1:38:36.000 --> 1:38:37.599
<v Speaker 1>have to know how to sit and how to walk

1:38:37.640 --> 1:38:41.559
<v Speaker 1>and how to stand. And I'm all about being having

1:38:41.560 --> 1:38:44.360
<v Speaker 1>good manners and being appropriate to a situation. But the

1:38:44.400 --> 1:38:47.800
<v Speaker 1>idea that you have to be on somebody other than

1:38:47.840 --> 1:38:51.440
<v Speaker 1>who you are to be deserving of love is messaging

1:38:51.520 --> 1:38:56.120
<v Speaker 1>that is damaging. I think it was definitely damaging for me,

1:38:56.200 --> 1:38:57.599
<v Speaker 1>and I think for a lot of people.

1:38:58.880 --> 1:39:01.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And that's and it gets so ingrained. Yes, and

1:39:01.720 --> 1:39:05.560
<v Speaker 2>it sounds so obvious, but it's it's not, and it's

1:39:05.720 --> 1:39:07.360
<v Speaker 2>so subtle and so easy.

1:39:07.560 --> 1:39:09.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I mean, even from a young age, when you

1:39:09.680 --> 1:39:12.200
<v Speaker 1>hear kids saying like I need those sneakers or else,

1:39:12.200 --> 1:39:14.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to be cool. Like it's these messages.

1:39:14.400 --> 1:39:18.120
<v Speaker 1>These I think consumerism has a lot to do with it.

1:39:18.160 --> 1:39:21.280
<v Speaker 1>This idea that you must have that lipstick or that

1:39:21.360 --> 1:39:25.719
<v Speaker 1>mas scare or that facelift or those pair of genes

1:39:25.840 --> 1:39:28.599
<v Speaker 1>or whatever it is in order to be good enough.

1:39:28.720 --> 1:39:32.840
<v Speaker 1>And it's just not true. It's just not true. You

1:39:32.920 --> 1:39:37.479
<v Speaker 1>are lovable. And by the way, love sneakers, love lipstick,

1:39:37.560 --> 1:39:39.800
<v Speaker 1>love mascaa, like, you can have those things, you can

1:39:39.840 --> 1:39:42.679
<v Speaker 1>play with those things. But the idea that to do

1:39:42.840 --> 1:39:45.400
<v Speaker 1>the you must do those things to be lovable, to

1:39:45.479 --> 1:39:52.000
<v Speaker 1>be worthy, that's where the wrong messaging, yeah gets implanted.

1:39:52.360 --> 1:39:55.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah to quote TikTok, I don't know if you've seen

1:39:55.280 --> 1:39:58.040
<v Speaker 2>this new TikTok, which I love, and it's and that

1:39:58.120 --> 1:40:03.160
<v Speaker 2>the sound is telling you how to dress to impress

1:40:03.160 --> 1:40:03.479
<v Speaker 2>a man.

1:40:04.040 --> 1:40:04.800
<v Speaker 1>I love that.

1:40:05.360 --> 1:40:07.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, everyone's like doing the opposite.

1:40:07.960 --> 1:40:11.720
<v Speaker 1>Yes, it's so great, so great. Yeah, I haven't done

1:40:11.720 --> 1:40:11.960
<v Speaker 1>that one.

1:40:12.000 --> 1:40:14.200
<v Speaker 2>I should do that. Yeah someone I saw someone do

1:40:14.240 --> 1:40:16.360
<v Speaker 2>it with their door to the other day. It was

1:40:16.439 --> 1:40:22.000
<v Speaker 2>so cute. It's really cool. So anyway, but that that idea, definitely,

1:40:22.000 --> 1:40:24.160
<v Speaker 2>I love that. Great answer all right. Question number three

1:40:25.040 --> 1:40:27.719
<v Speaker 2>is how would you define your current purpose.

1:40:29.280 --> 1:40:39.599
<v Speaker 1>My current purpose is to hold space for my scary

1:40:39.680 --> 1:40:45.000
<v Speaker 1>truths and other people's scary truths, and to create community

1:40:45.320 --> 1:40:45.639
<v Speaker 1>in that.

1:40:46.720 --> 1:40:50.120
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. That's really powerful. That's amazing.

1:40:50.439 --> 1:40:52.040
<v Speaker 1>I think that's it for now.

1:40:52.680 --> 1:40:54.880
<v Speaker 2>It sounds like a good one.

1:40:54.479 --> 1:40:59.000
<v Speaker 1>For Q four. That's the purpose. I'll care back to

1:41:00.040 --> 1:41:00.320
<v Speaker 1>love that.

1:41:00.640 --> 1:41:03.320
<v Speaker 2>I love that. It's so nice to put into words, though,

1:41:04.160 --> 1:41:06.880
<v Speaker 2>even to think about it, it's like, yeah, yeah, that's great.

1:41:06.920 --> 1:41:09.479
<v Speaker 2>I love to answer, all right. Question number four. We

1:41:09.560 --> 1:41:11.280
<v Speaker 2>talked about what you're trying to learn now. Is there

1:41:11.280 --> 1:41:13.920
<v Speaker 2>anything you're trying to unlearn? Is there any beliefs that

1:41:13.920 --> 1:41:16.560
<v Speaker 2>you're trying to unlearn or values or ideas.

1:41:17.560 --> 1:41:24.800
<v Speaker 1>I think I'm working to unlearn the belief that I

1:41:24.840 --> 1:41:29.840
<v Speaker 1>am not enough, and I think I'm working to unlearn

1:41:31.160 --> 1:41:37.160
<v Speaker 1>the belief that I am less important and less deserving.

1:41:38.040 --> 1:41:42.839
<v Speaker 2>Where does that still come from? Where's that? Where's that hiding?

1:41:43.760 --> 1:41:45.840
<v Speaker 1>I think there is. You know, when I think about

1:41:45.880 --> 1:41:51.720
<v Speaker 1>the words sacrifice, and that sacrifice does come from sacred right,

1:41:51.960 --> 1:41:56.439
<v Speaker 1>And I think for some reason, as an only child,

1:41:57.439 --> 1:42:03.760
<v Speaker 1>as a as a young person, I understood that there

1:42:03.840 --> 1:42:10.520
<v Speaker 1>was something sacred about sacrificing my own need or desire

1:42:10.840 --> 1:42:15.320
<v Speaker 1>or truth, even to make space for someone else's journey.

1:42:15.960 --> 1:42:20.559
<v Speaker 1>I've placed so much value on other people's sense of

1:42:21.680 --> 1:42:24.400
<v Speaker 1>joy and goodness and safety that I've been willing to

1:42:24.439 --> 1:42:28.160
<v Speaker 1>sacrifice my own sense of joy and goodness and safety.

1:42:30.040 --> 1:42:35.840
<v Speaker 1>And I don't regret it. I think it's not wrong

1:42:36.080 --> 1:42:40.000
<v Speaker 1>to care about how other people feel and want to

1:42:40.040 --> 1:42:43.479
<v Speaker 1>do what's right for other people. I'm just learning to

1:42:43.600 --> 1:42:47.840
<v Speaker 1>let myself be one of those people, to include myself.

1:42:47.880 --> 1:42:49.519
<v Speaker 1>It's not like now I want to do whatever I

1:42:49.560 --> 1:42:52.519
<v Speaker 1>want to do and to hell with whoever it hurts,

1:42:52.800 --> 1:42:56.559
<v Speaker 1>but it's like I need to be as important as

1:42:56.600 --> 1:43:01.479
<v Speaker 1>the other people I'm considering that I deserve that. That's

1:43:01.600 --> 1:43:02.360
<v Speaker 1>new for me.

1:43:03.120 --> 1:43:06.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. One of the greatest lessons I think I've tried

1:43:06.160 --> 1:43:09.920
<v Speaker 2>to learn is that, again, the world is trying to

1:43:09.960 --> 1:43:13.839
<v Speaker 2>do either raw. So some of us think the answer

1:43:14.000 --> 1:43:17.120
<v Speaker 2>is just take care of yourself, who cares about what

1:43:17.160 --> 1:43:20.800
<v Speaker 2>anyone else thanks? And the opposite is, well, just sacrifice,

1:43:20.960 --> 1:43:24.439
<v Speaker 2>just serve, Just surrender and give yourself over to everyone.

1:43:24.600 --> 1:43:28.120
<v Speaker 2>That's the greatest gift. And something that I've learned that

1:43:28.200 --> 1:43:31.640
<v Speaker 2>has really helped me is that actually taking care of

1:43:31.680 --> 1:43:36.920
<v Speaker 2>myself in order to serve others is the complete picture

1:43:37.520 --> 1:43:40.720
<v Speaker 2>that taking care of myself is not selfish. If my

1:43:40.880 --> 1:43:44.680
<v Speaker 2>intention and reasoning is so, I can go out and

1:43:44.720 --> 1:43:47.360
<v Speaker 2>do more, give more, be more for others. But I

1:43:47.400 --> 1:43:50.000
<v Speaker 2>can't do more, give more, and be more for others

1:43:50.320 --> 1:43:52.360
<v Speaker 2>if I'm giving everyone the leftovers of.

1:43:53.479 --> 1:43:55.800
<v Speaker 1>That's right, I have to give from my overflow.

1:43:56.080 --> 1:43:56.519
<v Speaker 2>Correct.

1:43:56.680 --> 1:44:03.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And similarly, I've also learned that sometimes giving to

1:44:03.320 --> 1:44:06.200
<v Speaker 1>others is a way that I can be giving to myself,

1:44:06.840 --> 1:44:09.320
<v Speaker 1>because I can like my giving to others can be

1:44:09.400 --> 1:44:13.880
<v Speaker 1>how I build hope and community and belonging for myself.

1:44:14.280 --> 1:44:16.840
<v Speaker 1>There can be this dialogue between the two. So just

1:44:16.840 --> 1:44:20.480
<v Speaker 1>to not forget myself and the equation is so important.

1:44:20.800 --> 1:44:22.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that when you give to someone, I also

1:44:22.960 --> 1:44:27.040
<v Speaker 2>notice it this way that when I give something to someone,

1:44:27.240 --> 1:44:31.400
<v Speaker 2>often I feel like I'm the one doing the giving,

1:44:32.520 --> 1:44:35.880
<v Speaker 2>but actually the fact that there's someone there to receive.

1:44:35.479 --> 1:44:37.280
<v Speaker 1>It is such a gift.

1:44:37.320 --> 1:44:39.320
<v Speaker 2>It's a gift because if there was no one for

1:44:39.320 --> 1:44:44.080
<v Speaker 2>you to give your gift to, then it would feel incomplete.

1:44:44.600 --> 1:44:47.240
<v Speaker 2>And so the fact that even someone has a challenge,

1:44:47.280 --> 1:44:50.800
<v Speaker 2>an opportunity, a moment that you get to give something

1:44:50.840 --> 1:44:54.400
<v Speaker 2>to someone, we have to see that good for ourselves

1:44:54.920 --> 1:44:57.120
<v Speaker 2>as opposed to this feeling of like, oh I did

1:44:57.160 --> 1:44:57.800
<v Speaker 2>this for all of.

1:44:57.760 --> 1:44:59.360
<v Speaker 1>This, right, that's right, that's right.

1:45:00.280 --> 1:45:02.719
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, that's beautiful. I love that, all right. Fifth

1:45:02.720 --> 1:45:05.080
<v Speaker 2>and final question, which we asked every guest, you should

1:45:05.120 --> 1:45:08.439
<v Speaker 2>have practiced carrier. But if you could create one law

1:45:08.640 --> 1:45:12.320
<v Speaker 2>that everyone in the world had to follow, what would

1:45:12.360 --> 1:45:18.960
<v Speaker 2>it be? Take your time? One law fantastic, A plus

1:45:18.960 --> 1:45:21.160
<v Speaker 2>plus for everything got so much pressure.

1:45:21.800 --> 1:45:24.000
<v Speaker 1>One law that everyone in the world had to follow.

1:45:24.600 --> 1:45:28.639
<v Speaker 1>I think it would be required compassion and empathy training.

1:45:29.880 --> 1:45:34.840
<v Speaker 1>When I think about all of the ills of society,

1:45:35.560 --> 1:45:39.040
<v Speaker 1>all of our kind of social evils come from us

1:45:39.080 --> 1:45:41.960
<v Speaker 1>not being able to care for each other. When you

1:45:42.000 --> 1:45:45.879
<v Speaker 1>even when you think of like really mentally ill folks,

1:45:46.000 --> 1:45:50.080
<v Speaker 1>that it that there there is I don't want to

1:45:50.120 --> 1:45:52.559
<v Speaker 1>say that because some of it is biological, but there.

1:45:52.800 --> 1:45:57.640
<v Speaker 1>I feel like there could be so much pain that's avoided.

1:45:57.800 --> 1:46:02.160
<v Speaker 1>We could stop so much transfer generational pain and suffering.

1:46:02.760 --> 1:46:06.720
<v Speaker 1>We could prevent so much abuse. If we could just

1:46:07.320 --> 1:46:11.960
<v Speaker 1>give people empathy and compassion training, it would impact how

1:46:12.000 --> 1:46:18.400
<v Speaker 1>we legislate, how we interact with one another, how we

1:46:18.439 --> 1:46:21.719
<v Speaker 1>care for each other in society. I think we need

1:46:21.760 --> 1:46:26.040
<v Speaker 1>that so badly right now in our families and our schools,

1:46:26.040 --> 1:46:30.519
<v Speaker 1>and our businesses and our government bodies, we just need

1:46:30.640 --> 1:46:32.720
<v Speaker 1>so much more empathy and compassion.

1:46:34.080 --> 1:46:36.640
<v Speaker 2>I love that. Yeah, that's beautiful.

1:46:36.760 --> 1:46:38.640
<v Speaker 1>And there would have to be a special chapter on

1:46:38.760 --> 1:46:43.599
<v Speaker 1>having it for yourself too, yes, yes, yeah, for sure, yeah,

1:46:43.640 --> 1:46:45.000
<v Speaker 1>for sure. Yeah.

1:46:45.040 --> 1:46:49.720
<v Speaker 2>Everyone. The book is called Thicker than Water. Have it

1:46:49.800 --> 1:46:52.240
<v Speaker 2>right here. Kerry Washington a memoir. Make sure you go

1:46:52.560 --> 1:46:54.640
<v Speaker 2>an order your copy. Will have the link in the

1:46:54.640 --> 1:46:56.880
<v Speaker 2>comments and the caption, so you can go and grab

1:46:56.920 --> 1:46:59.960
<v Speaker 2>your copy right now. Kerry is also going on tours

1:47:00.040 --> 1:47:01.720
<v Speaker 2>if you don't have your tickets, Yeah, make sure you're

1:47:01.720 --> 1:47:04.200
<v Speaker 2>going and grab your tickets to see her live. She's

1:47:04.200 --> 1:47:06.479
<v Speaker 2>got phenomenal guests joining her as well, so make sure

1:47:06.479 --> 1:47:08.400
<v Speaker 2>you're go and check that out. And of course, please

1:47:08.400 --> 1:47:11.840
<v Speaker 2>please please tag Kerry and I with moments of this

1:47:11.880 --> 1:47:14.160
<v Speaker 2>episode that resonated with you on and.

1:47:14.200 --> 1:47:15.760
<v Speaker 1>We'll repost and respond.

1:47:16.040 --> 1:47:18.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Please let us know what really stood out to you,

1:47:18.840 --> 1:47:21.840
<v Speaker 2>what you're going to practice. Maybe you've been inspired to

1:47:21.880 --> 1:47:24.479
<v Speaker 2>share something with your family member, maybe to ask questions

1:47:24.479 --> 1:47:27.479
<v Speaker 2>to your family as well, to understand more about your

1:47:27.479 --> 1:47:29.400
<v Speaker 2>origins and where you came from and who you are,

1:47:29.520 --> 1:47:33.880
<v Speaker 2>so I hope you're leaving this feeling empowered, liberated, and

1:47:33.960 --> 1:47:38.479
<v Speaker 2>strengthened in your pursuit for truths. And again, I want

1:47:38.479 --> 1:47:41.720
<v Speaker 2>to thank you Kerry for your generosity, your openness to

1:47:41.800 --> 1:47:45.439
<v Speaker 2>share your vulnerability, and this new friendship that we're building.

1:47:45.800 --> 1:47:47.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm so excited, very.

1:47:47.560 --> 1:47:48.519
<v Speaker 2>Grateful for sir.

1:47:48.600 --> 1:47:50.920
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much.

1:47:51.200 --> 1:47:51.599
<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

1:47:51.680 --> 1:47:52.200
<v Speaker 1>What a treat.

1:47:52.520 --> 1:47:55.640
<v Speaker 2>If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with

1:47:55.760 --> 1:48:00.120
<v Speaker 2>doctor Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to

1:48:00.120 --> 1:48:03.760
<v Speaker 2>embrace difficult feelings. You've just got to be motivated every day,

1:48:04.080 --> 1:48:06.639
<v Speaker 2>and if you're not, then what are you doing? And actually,

1:48:06.800 --> 1:48:09.679
<v Speaker 2>humans don't work that way. Motivation. You have to treat

1:48:09.720 --> 1:48:11.880
<v Speaker 2>it like any other emotion. Some days it will be there,

1:48:11.920 --> 1:48:12.719
<v Speaker 2>some days it won't