1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,199 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 12 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,239 Speaker 3: Every single person has the power and the ability to 13 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,159 Speaker 3: create their own country and establish what matters to you, 14 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 3: what are your non negotiables, and live your life in 15 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 3: a way so that every single person in that family 16 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 3: has the ability to shine. 17 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 18 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 19 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 20 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 21 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 22 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our 23 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 24 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 25 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:35,319 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a 26 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 27 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 28 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 29 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 30 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,559 Speaker 4: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space 31 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 4: where black women can just be. 32 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, it is doctor dom here from the Cultivating 33 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the 34 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, 35 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 1: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique 36 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I 37 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: N I q U E b r O U ss 38 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,959 Speaker 1: ar d dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. 39 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: I look forward to hearing from you. 40 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 4: All right, lady, Today we have a very special guest 41 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 4: in Cultivate for Space. Tem Me Vincent is the chef, 42 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 4: motivational speaker, entrepreneur, multimedia personality and writer best known as 43 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:53,799 Speaker 4: the matriarch of Vincent Country, and she's the wife of 44 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 4: Troy Vincent, Executive vice president of NFL Football Operations and 45 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 4: former All Pro cornerback. To kick off twenty twenty one, 46 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 4: Tommy launched Stay Awhile, a podcast satisfying the hunger for 47 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 4: connection and a judgment free conversation. In every episode, Tommy 48 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,679 Speaker 4: Vincent breaks bread with bold passion everyday women who have 49 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,359 Speaker 4: faced them possible and are still standing to tell their testimony. 50 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 4: The podcast is develable on all streaming platforms and you 51 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 4: can watch Tommy continue the conversations from the Stay Awhile 52 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 4: podcast on her weekly ig lies. There is so much 53 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,959 Speaker 4: more amazingness I want to say to this woman. So 54 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 4: we're just going to jump right into the conversation and 55 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 4: let you hear from her yourself. Okay, So welcome to 56 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 4: cultivating her space. 57 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 3: Tommy, thank you so much, and thank you so much 58 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 3: Terry for the amazing introduction. 59 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 5: I appreciate that. 60 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 4: You are so welcome. 61 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: Yes, Terry gives the most amazing introductions. So we are 62 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: going to dive into our quote of the day, and Tommy, 63 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: these words will sound very familiar to you because these 64 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: are yours. The quote of the day is take into 65 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: consideration how people receive your message. So I'm gonna say 66 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 1: that one more time for the people in the back. 67 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: Take into consideration how people receive your message. Tommy, when 68 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 1: I came across that quote like it immediately hit me like, 69 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 1: oh yeah, that is something that's really important for us 70 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: to do. And so I'm curious what sparked that particular. 71 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 5: Quote for you. 72 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 3: Communication should be about effectiveness and not just your ability 73 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 3: just to say something because you have words you desire 74 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 3: to get out. Ultimately, a good communicators is looking to 75 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 3: make sure not only do you you hear the words 76 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 3: coming out of my mouth, but you get the understanding 77 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 3: so that we're moving forward in the right direction. So 78 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 3: it's not just enough just to be talking running your mouth. Ultimately, 79 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 3: you want people to get an understanding of what you're saying. 80 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 3: So why it does it matter that you consider what 81 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 3: you're saying and how you're saying it because you want 82 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 3: people to get that understanding so it sticks in the 83 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 3: in whatever words you use, they now have been transformed 84 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 3: into action. 85 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 4: So powerful, so so powerful. Thank you for sharing that. 86 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 4: For sure. I feel like sometimes there's you know, there 87 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 4: are times in life you ever meet someone where they 88 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 4: try to use big words just to impress someone else, 89 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 4: and it's like, well, what is the what is the purpose? 90 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:46,160 Speaker 4: What is the goal and the intention of stating this, 91 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,720 Speaker 4: like do you want people to understand or do you 92 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 4: want to go over their head? Or when you're really 93 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 4: upset and you're like, oh, I'm just gonna I'm just 94 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 4: gonna air it out and I'm gonna feel better after it, 95 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 4: and it's like, wait, what did they get? I see 96 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 4: you shake your head like, uh uh, So I appreciate you. 97 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 4: I appreciate you journey. I think all of us can 98 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 4: probably use that in our lives. So, lady, you're welcome. 99 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 4: I know tom is gonna bless you more with her gyms, 100 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 4: but you're welcome already. So Tommy, can you talk to 101 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 4: us a bit about your origin story and what it 102 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 4: is at Vincent Country. 103 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 3: Yes, So, Vincent Country is our family lifestyle brand. It 104 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 3: is a family lifestyle brand and it was established throughout 105 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,280 Speaker 3: our entire life together. I have been married now for 106 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 3: twenty seven plus years, and in the process of our journey, 107 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 3: not even in it was really unbeknownst to us, but 108 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 3: we were really creating and cultivating a lifestyle for family 109 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 3: and the ability to find success where you are. And 110 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 3: when I reached this juncture in my life where I 111 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 3: recognize there's been a lot of cultivating going on for 112 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 3: everyone in my family, my husband and my children. However, 113 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 3: there was a comp fleet lack of cultivation for myself 114 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 3: because I was so busy pouring in and everyone had 115 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 3: got so used to status quo of this is what 116 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 3: life looks like in the Vincent family that there was 117 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 3: a gaping hole in me. And so I worked diligently 118 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 3: to really deal with bringing myself to a place of 119 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 3: a healthy mental state of mind, and in that process, 120 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 3: Vincent Country, the lifestyle brand was born because when I 121 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 3: look back over the course of our time together in 122 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 3: our life, I. 123 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,040 Speaker 5: Said, girl, you did that. 124 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,720 Speaker 3: And it wasn't even because I was looking for this 125 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 3: moment in time to have that self recognition, like I 126 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 3: wasn't looking for nobody else to clap me up and 127 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 3: cheer me on. 128 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 5: But because I got so. 129 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 3: Lost in the process, I didn't even understand the value 130 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 3: of what I was investing in my family, and so 131 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 3: Vincent Country to really just hone in on that. It's 132 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 3: a space where we're saying, you know what, we've developed 133 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 3: this country and our pillars are faith, family, and food. 134 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 3: Every single person has the power and the ability to 135 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 3: create their own country and establish what matters to you, 136 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 3: what are your non negotiables, and live your life in 137 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: a way so that every single person in that family 138 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 3: has the ability to shine. 139 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,319 Speaker 4: Yuys, I love that. 140 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,079 Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's so beautiful. 141 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: And you know, as I was listening to you, I 142 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: think about how many other women out there I know 143 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: who encounter the same experience, right, that they spend so 144 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: much time pouring into everyone else around them that they 145 00:08:55,720 --> 00:09:01,199 Speaker 1: forget about pouring into themselves, right. And so you know, 146 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:06,079 Speaker 1: even within that I think about this, what kind of 147 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: also forms this notion that we have to pour into 148 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: everyone else and not necessarily ourselves. 149 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 5: Is this idea of a woman having it all? Right? 150 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,599 Speaker 1: And I see your face, Tommy when I said that 151 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,199 Speaker 1: that a woman has it all? So when you hear 152 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,559 Speaker 1: that and you think about in the space that you 153 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: were back then and the journey to where you are now, 154 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: how would you define a woman having it all? 155 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 3: I reject that I don't want to have it all. 156 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 3: I am not your everything. I'm not your superwoman. And 157 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 3: the cap ben done came off because what you need 158 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 3: is far beyond anything that I have to offer, and 159 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 3: the ability to be be able to operate from a 160 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 3: place where I'm not operating or as a woman, you're 161 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,959 Speaker 3: not operating from depletion. You have to be able to 162 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:16,199 Speaker 3: recognize your limitations and limitations are not a that's not 163 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 3: a negative. Understanding that you have a capacity and once 164 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,959 Speaker 3: you reach that capacity, it's over. So we're not looking 165 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 3: to work towards reaching or maximizing our capacity in the 166 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 3: day because that means you've emptied your cup and there's 167 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 3: nothing left for you. And so recognizing that's so critical. 168 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 3: But all day long, I am rejecting the superwoman. 169 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 4: We'd love to hear and love to see it because 170 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 4: we definitely talked about that before timing. That's so powerful. 171 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 4: One thing I want to go back to is you 172 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,319 Speaker 4: talked about pouring into your family so much, and what 173 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 4: I envisioned when you share that correctly if I'm wrong, 174 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 4: was you just I mean showing up in all kinds 175 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,040 Speaker 4: of ways, right, but taking care of the house. So 176 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 4: people will really underestimate being the CEO of the home, 177 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 4: but I envision you being the CEO of the home, 178 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 4: cooking meal, making sure the children are okay, you know, 179 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 4: making sure your husband is good and he has what 180 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,719 Speaker 4: he needs to pursue his goals and dreams, all that 181 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 4: good stuff. Right, at what point did you realize there 182 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 4: was this gaping hole? And then can you talk to 183 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:19,199 Speaker 4: us about what had to shift for you, like in 184 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 4: order for you to move in a different direction, if 185 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 4: that makes sense. So was there like a pivotal moment 186 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:24,959 Speaker 4: where you were like, hold up. 187 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, there was a dire moment in my life where 188 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 3: I use this analogy to describe it. You know, if 189 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 3: we're all sitting in a room and the lights are 190 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 3: on a dimmer and gradually, all day long, the light 191 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 3: is dimming and it's the you know, it's getting less 192 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 3: and less light in the room. You don't recognize it 193 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,319 Speaker 3: because the increments are so small and your eyes will 194 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 3: just begin to adjust. Well, for me, that's what was 195 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,719 Speaker 3: happening in my life, and I didn't even recognize it 196 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 3: because it was just subtle. Over time, the lights were 197 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,199 Speaker 3: getting dimmer and dimmer, and one day the light was 198 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 3: off and. 199 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 5: I didn't even know what the heck, what the heck happened? 200 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 5: How I got there? 201 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 3: I just knew that all of a sudden, I wasn't 202 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 3: getting out of the bed, and I was dropping my 203 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 3: twins off at school, coming home, getting in the bed, 204 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 3: pulling the covers over my head, laying in the bed 205 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 3: until it was time to go pick them up. 206 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 5: Going to pick them up, they would get in. They 207 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 5: were young enough where, you know. 208 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 3: I could say, oh, let's make a palette and y'all 209 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 3: watch movies and eat cereal, and I climbed. 210 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 5: Back in the bed, pull the covers over my head. 211 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 5: And my husband was. 212 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:41,439 Speaker 3: Working in New York, so it was very easy for 213 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 3: me to wear the mask when he came home on 214 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 3: the weekend because he was tired too. So I muster 215 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 3: up enough strength just to you know, make it like, 216 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 3: oh I made a meal. Oh you tired, Let's get 217 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,880 Speaker 3: back in the bed. And so there was this cycle 218 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 3: that was going on, and for the life of me, 219 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 3: it was one of the most challenging times of my 220 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 3: life because I knew how to fix everyone else. I 221 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 3: was walking with many women and they were looking to 222 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 3: me for guidance and as a confidant and a friend, 223 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 3: and in this moment, I had nothing for me. I 224 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,959 Speaker 3: did not know what to do, but I knew that 225 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 3: something serious was going on. 226 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 5: And I was praying. 227 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 3: So, you know, for anyone thinking like prayer is enough 228 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 3: and your relationship with the Lord is enough. 229 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 5: I believe in therapy and I believe in Jesus. 230 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 3: So Jesus in therapy got it done for me, and 231 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 3: I am so grateful that I had that experience and 232 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 3: I was able to get the strategies required for me 233 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 3: to come out on the other side recognizing that girlfriends 234 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,679 Speaker 3: are great, but a girlfriend ain't gonna be able to 235 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 3: give you what you need with you when you're in trouble. 236 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 3: When you have depleted your mental capacity and you have 237 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 3: become unhealthy in your mind, you need professional help. 238 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing that. 239 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,319 Speaker 1: Yes, you know, as the mental health professional. I'm definitely 240 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 1: I definitely approve this message. Therapy and Jesus, I love it. 241 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: It's important. Both are important. And so when you tell me, 242 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 1: when you talk about your cup being depleted and then 243 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: do you sought help, what are the things that you 244 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: do now to fill your cup? 245 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 4: Like? What does that look like? 246 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 5: How do you know now like, Okay, my cup is full? 247 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 3: For me, it is about being extremely intentional about scheduling 248 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 3: and that may sound very what's the word I'm looking 249 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 3: for like rigid in you know, approaching your day and 250 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 3: having a schedule, but no different than you schedule a 251 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 3: meeting on your calendar. I believe it's important to have 252 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 3: the same type of routine for your life, and when 253 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 3: you're putting things on your calendar, you'll look at your 254 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 3: calendar and you'll say, Okay, at twelve o'clock, I have 255 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 3: this meeting. So if something else comes along, you're like, oh, 256 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 3: I can't do it because I'm obligated. 257 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 5: My time is already allocated. 258 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 3: So for myself, I start my mourning out in prayer, 259 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 3: and then from prayer, I go to doing some type 260 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 3: of physical activity. From there, I go to turning on 261 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 3: my gospel music and feeling not only the atmosphere with 262 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,720 Speaker 3: that for myself, but also for my children and my husband, 263 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 3: because I'm looking to cultivate in an atmosphere that is 264 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 3: conducive for everybody to thrive. But where I am now 265 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 3: in my life, I've recognized that before I look to 266 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 3: them having the ability to thrive, it's important for me 267 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 3: to be thriving and beyond the state of just surviving 268 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 3: and just making it. That's just not fair for anyone, 269 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 3: and it's completely unacceptable for me. 270 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 4: And at this point in your journey, Tommy, what would 271 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 4: you say your passion is and do you have a 272 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 4: moment you can think about where you were like, you 273 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 4: know what, this is the most surprising thing I found 274 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 4: about this particular passion that I have that might be 275 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 4: helpful for other. 276 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 5: Folks from a passion perspective. 277 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,320 Speaker 3: You know, one thing I recognize about passion is that 278 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 3: passion You can place passion on a shelf because your 279 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 3: passion can may not hold priority in your life because 280 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 3: it's something that, hey, this is just something that makes 281 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 3: me feel good. And so when I found that I 282 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 3: was able to couple my passion with my purpose, now 283 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 3: for me, it's just not an option not to do it. 284 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 3: And I'll go back to my healing journey. And when 285 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 3: I recognized that there was a space in my life 286 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 3: where the table in the kitchen and being around my 287 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 3: grandma mother clinking and clanking the pots and making food, 288 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 3: that there was something special in that time, There was 289 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 3: something that was extremely nourishing and healing that for myself. 290 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 3: When I was in that place where the lights were 291 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 3: starting to come back on, I knew that that was 292 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 3: a place that I always gravitated towards one because everybody 293 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 3: in my family could throw down, So it wasn't to 294 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 3: me a gift. 295 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,200 Speaker 5: It was just just what we do around here. We 296 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 5: put it down in the kitchen and then knowing just 297 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 5: the power that was present there. 298 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:40,160 Speaker 3: And so for me where I sit today and how 299 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 3: I've been able to take that passion and purpose and 300 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:48,359 Speaker 3: actually parlayed into just the things I've been able to 301 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 3: accomplish to date, the circles I've been able to cultivate 302 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,359 Speaker 3: with women from all over the country, with the pot, 303 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 3: the stale while podcast, all of that stuff. 304 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 5: It goes back to my grandmother's kitchen. 305 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 3: So I would have never known that that's where my 306 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 3: passion and purpose would intersect and it would be able 307 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 3: to transform not only me, but transform the lives of 308 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 3: just countless number of people all over the country. 309 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,640 Speaker 4: That is so powerful. And y'all have to go check 310 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 4: out Tommy's Instagram because the meals, I mean they in 311 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 4: my family too. But the way these pictures are looking, 312 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,680 Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm a need. We're gonna have to figure 313 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 4: out how to get some of that. Yeah, We're want 314 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 4: to figure this out. 315 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 5: I'm ready for it. I ready for one of Tommy's 316 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 5: meals tell us what to do to do. And so, 317 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 5: speaking of your. 318 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:45,440 Speaker 1: Delicious meals, Tommy, what is the if you had to 319 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,880 Speaker 1: think of And I know sometimes this is a hard 320 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,199 Speaker 1: question to answer, but I'm going to ask it anyway. 321 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 6: If you had to think of or name the meal 322 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 6: that means the most team, which meal is that? 323 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 5: And why? So I'm going to go to a section 324 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 5: of the day and that is brunch brunch. 325 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 3: And I know that's not a specific dish, but the 326 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 3: reason why brunch means so much to me because it's easy, 327 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,919 Speaker 3: like Sunday morning, there is when you are doing brunch, 328 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 3: you're not. 329 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 5: It's not a schedule. 330 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 3: You may have slept in and it's just in between 331 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 3: time and you're not rushing, and you're really looking forward 332 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 3: to the food that's going to be on the table 333 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 3: and also the company that you're going to be with 334 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 3: in the moment of that brunch. 335 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 5: And so brunch is a special meal for me. 336 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 3: And as far as cooking is concerned, for me, it's 337 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 3: all about it feels like comfort and it tastes like home. 338 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 3: So short of that, if love ain't in it and 339 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 3: it's not doesn't have those two components. Then I really 340 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 3: don't want it and I'm really not going to serve 341 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 3: it up to anyone at my table. 342 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 4: Now, Tommy, what advice do you have for the women 343 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 4: that are listening and they're like, this conversation sounds amazing. 344 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 4: I'm rocking with Tommy. This is all great, but I 345 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 4: don't know how to cook. Girl, Like, what resources do 346 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,920 Speaker 4: you have for those women that might be struggling and 347 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 4: the kitchen, the kitchen is not their ministry time. 348 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 5: And that's okay. 349 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 3: And I think that we just need to understand that 350 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 3: this is where we talked about limitations. Now, if you 351 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 3: can't cook, that's one thing, you know, that's okay if 352 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 3: you are unable to cook, But that doesn't mean that 353 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 3: you can't create an atmosphere. That don't mean you can't 354 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 3: set a table and light some candles and get your 355 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 3: takeout food and put it on some nice dishes and 356 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 3: create a space where you're saying, you know what, we're 357 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 3: about to sit at this table and stay awhile we're 358 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,159 Speaker 3: about to have some conversation that's about to transform some lives. 359 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 3: That one doesn't have anything to do with the other. 360 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 3: It's about the intention behind what you're doing, and the 361 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 3: love that you're pouring into what you're doing. But I 362 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,280 Speaker 3: believe it is essential for everybody to have at least 363 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 3: two recipes that they can execute repertoire, because cooking is 364 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,760 Speaker 3: a gift that keeps on giving, and cooking is essential 365 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,440 Speaker 3: to life. You need to be able to cook for yourself. 366 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 3: I mean, we have ways that we're able to access food. 367 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 3: And now, of course, you got apps and delivery services 368 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,119 Speaker 3: that bring anything to your door. But what if you 369 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 3: need to make yourself something to eat? What if you 370 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 3: are the only resource to provide the meal. You got 371 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 3: to have one where look, boil some hot dogs and 372 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 3: put them on a platter, and chop up some onions 373 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:38,920 Speaker 3: and put in some dishes, some ketchup and mustard, and 374 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 3: just make it look pretty because you eat with your 375 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 3: eyes first. Your eyes and your nose are the best 376 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 3: the senses that are saying, yes, this is inviting. I 377 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,320 Speaker 3: want to sit at this table and I want to 378 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 3: stay a while. I love that, Yes, I want to 379 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 3: come and stay a while. If you make some hot 380 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 3: dogs and I don't even. 381 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 1: Eat hot dogs, you just made it sound like amazing, 382 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,720 Speaker 1: And I think that that's I really resonate with that 383 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:11,280 Speaker 1: right that it's about the experience and it's about being 384 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: with yourself. You know, spending time and cooking is a 385 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: way to take care of yourself and those around you. 386 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: And I think that that's so beautiful. So, Tommy, if 387 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 1: we were to ask your husband and your children their 388 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,680 Speaker 1: favorite meal that you've cook would what would they say? 389 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,360 Speaker 3: My husband would say shrimp and grits, And I don't 390 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 3: He's so simple as far as food is concerned. 391 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 5: He really would eat anything that I make. 392 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 3: And that's one thing that he and I we kind 393 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 3: of sometimes we have to have some conversation because I'm like, Troy, 394 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 3: you have to mature your palette and you know, come 395 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 3: up from some of the things that we used to 396 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,480 Speaker 3: eat when we was living around a way, like you know, 397 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,879 Speaker 3: let's let's let's make some adjustments there. But anyhow, my 398 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 3: children there's one dish that they love. It's called chuck Wagon. 399 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 3: And I don't know if it's because something when they 400 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 3: were younger. 401 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,119 Speaker 5: I prepared it. It's really simple. 402 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 3: It's not a lot to it, but it's like ground 403 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 3: meat with black beans and peppers and onions and barbecue 404 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 3: sauce and cheese and then you pour off the top 405 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 3: top of it cornbread and you bake it in the 406 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 3: cast iron skillet and it's called chuck Wagon and that 407 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 3: is their favorite. 408 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 5: They love it. Oh my gosh, that meal sounds so good. 409 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 4: Get me some chuck Wagon. 410 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 5: Now, listen, that's really anybody can make. 411 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:50,359 Speaker 4: Yeah, cast iron, you just totally see me all. I 412 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 4: don't know now, my mind is just blank. I'm thinking 413 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 4: about I think I'm hungry to know that's really good? 414 00:23:59,040 --> 00:23:59,359 Speaker 2: Mean too? 415 00:23:59,400 --> 00:23:59,640 Speaker 5: Wow? 416 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 4: What is your personal favorite meal? Like? Do you have 417 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 4: your own favorite? It's like your go to if you're 418 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 4: you got family coming over or you're just like, you know, 419 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:10,920 Speaker 4: I'm kind of hungry right now, what is your go 420 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 4: to me? 421 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 3: This is going to probably just sound off, but for me, 422 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 3: I have a pleasure and it is a bowl of 423 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 3: cereal and a great TV show. And I think why 424 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 3: that has left such a great impression on me is 425 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 3: because I remember when I was younger, when my dad 426 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 3: would shower up and you know, come from a you know, 427 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 3: a long, hard day of work. 428 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,200 Speaker 5: That's what he used to do. 429 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 3: And so as I you know, continue to grow into 430 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 3: adulthood and life you know, started happening, I found myself 431 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 3: using that as a personal retreat. Once everybody went down 432 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 3: after we hit you know, this was after we had 433 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,159 Speaker 3: dinner together, I would still get a bowl of cereal, 434 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 3: sit down and put on a show that I wanted 435 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 3: to watch, and I would just really enjoy the moment. 436 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,120 Speaker 3: So that's not even something that I needed to cook 437 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 3: but for me, because food is about the healing properties 438 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 3: and the experience that one has. That's an experience for me, 439 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 3: and it is an area that I'm able to retreat 440 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 3: into pouring to myself. 441 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 4: You know, we got to know what kind of cereal? 442 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,879 Speaker 4: So okay, no, it is. 443 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 5: Many frosted shredded wheat. Ah Okay, those were good. 444 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,240 Speaker 4: I love it. I love it perfect, perfect. 445 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 1: I can totally envision that. And so, Tommy, what question, 446 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: because I know you are interviewed a lot, right, what 447 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: question do you wish people would ask scheme more often? 448 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 5: That's tough. 449 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,920 Speaker 3: I've never thought of. That's not anything that I've ever 450 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,440 Speaker 3: even considered. When I'm talking to people, I don't like 451 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 3: to feel like a transaction. You know, people are not transactions. 452 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 3: So when I'm talking to people, as long as the 453 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:23,480 Speaker 3: questions are looking to really understand me and get to 454 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 3: know me. And I like when people ask me questions 455 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:32,200 Speaker 3: beyond what they read on paper, because then I know 456 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 3: that not only did you get to, you know, explore 457 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 3: that area, but you see me as a person and 458 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 3: you desire to get to know me in a greater way. 459 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 3: And I think that that speaks to the need that 460 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 3: we have in society right now about realness and to 461 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:55,919 Speaker 3: come to this place where we are going beyond social media. 462 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:00,640 Speaker 3: We are going beyond these fake, fictitious lines that we're 463 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:04,720 Speaker 3: seeing where everybody's just you know, living their best life 464 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 3: and so on and so forth, and so conversations like 465 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 3: this one right here are the conversations I love because 466 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,119 Speaker 3: I believe that people that are searching and looking for 467 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:22,880 Speaker 3: hope and looking for ways that they can tap into 468 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 3: their best selves, they know real and they're looking for 469 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 3: genuine experiences. And so I'm grateful for this conversation, and 470 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,600 Speaker 3: I'm grateful for the questions that you all have been 471 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:34,119 Speaker 3: asking me. 472 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 4: Oh wow, I'm so happy to hear that, Tommy, because 473 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,880 Speaker 4: we're going to get it even more genuine and even 474 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 4: more real with this next segment. So get ready, ready, Sonny, 475 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:51,240 Speaker 4: Because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multi passed woman. 476 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 4: And we believe that it's okay to be bougie, classy 477 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 4: and ratchet and you can still be elegant. And although 478 00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 4: you may not do this time, but we know that 479 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 4: some of our listeners might dance the strip club music 480 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,119 Speaker 4: right and they still might want to have I don't know, 481 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,959 Speaker 4: a tea party with the girls right like they might, 482 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 4: they just won't mix it up right. So we want 483 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 4: to invite you to the old you blatchet segment. So 484 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 4: do you take on the challenge? 485 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 5: Absolutely, that's what we like to hear. 486 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 4: So now that you've agreed to see this challenge we have, 487 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 4: we want to give you a little bit more insight 488 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 4: on what you've agreed to. So we are going to 489 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 4: ask you three questions. We're going to share three sentence completions, 490 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 4: and we have three photos that are put up on 491 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 4: my big screen over here and we're going to show 492 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,000 Speaker 4: them to you. And yeah, we want you to provide 493 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 4: more context about the one photo that you're going to choose. 494 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:46,000 Speaker 4: So let's dive into the first question here. You talked 495 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 4: about being married for twenty seven years. I know people 496 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 4: probably ask you this a lot, but what's something about 497 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:56,480 Speaker 4: marriage that you think that most people just aren't either 498 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 4: prepared for or just aren't aware of. Based on your 499 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 4: experience only seven years, that's a lifetime. I mean, it's 500 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 4: feels like for me, that's a long time. 501 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 3: So something that I don't people may not consider is 502 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 3: that sometimes you like each other and sometimes you don't. 503 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 3: And so you need to make up your mind early 504 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 3: on that you are in this thing for the long haul, 505 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:24,440 Speaker 3: because your emotions and your feelings will tell you otherwise 506 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 3: on more than one occasion. And so I know that 507 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 3: love is wonderful, but we are human beings, and so 508 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 3: you will go in and out, in and out, in 509 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 3: and out. But every day I look at my husband 510 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 3: and he looks at me. We made a commitment a 511 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:43,920 Speaker 3: long time ago. Divorce is not an option. And so 512 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,480 Speaker 3: you got to fix your mind on that thing, because 513 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,160 Speaker 3: marriage is not for the faint at heart. 514 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,640 Speaker 4: That was a beautiful piece of advice. Love this. 515 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 1: I love that too, all right, So marriage truly is 516 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,959 Speaker 1: not for the faint of part. Now, when it comes 517 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 1: to dancing, I'm so. 518 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 5: Nervous, dopey. It's okay, dopey when it comes to dancing. 519 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 1: Are you going to work or two step. 520 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,400 Speaker 5: So I'm a chair dancer. 521 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 3: I could throw down in a chair me so, but Lord, 522 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,720 Speaker 3: when I get up and have to move my hands 523 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 3: with my feet, I'd be like, what is happening? Like 524 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 3: I never got that gift. So I'm definitely going to 525 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 3: be two step in that's what you're going to see. 526 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:35,960 Speaker 3: But in my head, I feel like I'm trying to 527 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 3: love that. 528 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 6: I love that. 529 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 5: I'm right there. 530 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:38,720 Speaker 1: We love it. 531 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 4: And the way you moved, the way you moved. When 532 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 4: Dom asked that question, I saw a little shinny coming on. 533 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 5: I'm in a chair girl. 534 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 4: Now the next question for you, Tommy is what is 535 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 4: the sexiest item you own? Hmmm? So I have. 536 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 2: This. 537 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 3: It's like a satin long, flowy gown and it's loungewear, 538 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 3: and I like regal, you know, I like it reminds 539 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 3: me of actually my nana Claudia. She she kept beautiful 540 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 3: loungewear and so she would do her makeup, she would 541 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,000 Speaker 3: do her hair, and then she would have on these 542 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 3: regal outfits and she was just glamorous. And so to me, 543 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 3: that translates as sexy because you just feel you're feeling yourself, 544 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, and so yeah, it's it's 545 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,080 Speaker 3: really colorful and it's really beautiful and I got it 546 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 3: from publics for ten dollars. 547 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 4: Okay, I love that. 548 00:31:53,920 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, all right, so our first sense is completion. 549 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 1: The most embarrassing thing I've ever done to get my 550 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: husband's attention is. 551 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 3: He's so nosy. I don't have to do anything to 552 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 3: get his attention. He always be like, oh my gosh, 553 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 3: he just knowsy. 554 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 5: I don't have to do anything. 555 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 4: She's like, he owned it already. Okay, what about let's see. Okay, 556 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,520 Speaker 4: we're gonna go to the next sentence completion here, and 557 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 4: it is what I love most about myself is my authenticity. 558 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 4: That is sweet and pimple my authenticity. 559 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 1: Okay, and then the final sentence completion. One thing I 560 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 1: wish everyone knew about. 561 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 4: Me is that I am. 562 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 3: More sensitive than they realize. And can I elaborate on 563 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 3: my answer? 564 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,880 Speaker 4: Absolutely? Please do So. 565 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 3: Years ago a girlfriend she shared this with me. I 566 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 3: have a posture that I live my life. I just 567 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 3: and I believe it's because I had to survive for 568 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 3: so long that I don't complain about anything, no matter 569 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 3: how challenging it is. 570 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 5: No matter how difficult and how weighty it may feel. 571 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 3: And so people just automatically assume I'm okay because the 572 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 3: exterior would never say otherwise. And so I just wish 573 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,960 Speaker 3: that people would just take that into account that yes, 574 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,880 Speaker 3: I know how to get things done, but I'm not 575 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:50,560 Speaker 3: exempt from filling the load and also having to navigate 576 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 3: through internal emotions and feelings that I'm having as a 577 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 3: result of what I am enduring. 578 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for elaborating on that me. That 579 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 4: reminds me of the quote I'm sure many of us 580 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:04,920 Speaker 4: have seen on social media. I don't think it to 581 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,279 Speaker 4: check on your strong friends, and so I do have 582 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 4: a follow up question. I know we said that was 583 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 4: the last one, but I have are question. So, if 584 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,839 Speaker 4: your friends are listening for family members, what's the best 585 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 4: way for someone to check in with you? Because you 586 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,800 Speaker 4: are that person, it's probably not going to say anything. 587 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,839 Speaker 4: You're just gonna, you know, just continue to push through 588 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 4: and survive like you've been that you've been doing in 589 00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,400 Speaker 4: your life. What's one way that they can check up 590 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 4: on you to pretty much ensure a response or get 591 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:32,680 Speaker 4: some toype of feedback from you. 592 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 3: They could just send me a text and just check 593 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:41,040 Speaker 3: in for me. That goes you know, just knowing that 594 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:45,360 Speaker 3: you're on somebody's mind is powerful. Like that is powerful 595 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:50,040 Speaker 3: that people are thinking of you in a moment of 596 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 3: time in their day, because time is our greatest commodity. 597 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,040 Speaker 3: And when someone is using their time on. 598 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,919 Speaker 5: You for me, that is love. 599 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 4: Pers I love it. I love it. Well, we have 600 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:07,880 Speaker 4: three pictures caught up from your Instagram. You're going to 601 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,120 Speaker 4: be some spid and we want you to choose a 602 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,439 Speaker 4: number from one to three, and we choose that number. 603 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:15,920 Speaker 4: We're going to show you the picture and give us 604 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:22,560 Speaker 4: more context about three three. Maybe we already have three 605 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,920 Speaker 4: quart up too. All right, here we go. 606 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:32,360 Speaker 3: So this is myself and my daughter Desiree. And Desiree 607 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:36,440 Speaker 3: and I are at Ohio State University. We are attending 608 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:42,239 Speaker 3: the game because my son Taran plays for the Buckeyes. 609 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,280 Speaker 3: And if you can see the picture in the picture, 610 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,120 Speaker 3: I have a six on my jersey and on the 611 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,120 Speaker 3: back it says Vincent because he's number six, and of 612 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:54,320 Speaker 3: course he is a Vincent and that was our family 613 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,640 Speaker 3: went up for the game. And it's always a wonderful 614 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,320 Speaker 3: time when we can all come together because we're spread 615 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:04,680 Speaker 3: out mister in Atlanta, Virginia and New York in Ohio, 616 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,560 Speaker 3: so coming together it's really special. 617 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:10,799 Speaker 5: So that's me and my oldest daughter Desiree beautiful. 618 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 4: Hey, thank you so much for sharing. 619 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: Yes, I have loved this conversation, Tommy, and I know 620 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,960 Speaker 1: that our listeners out there are going are going to 621 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,240 Speaker 1: want to know how can they connect with you? So Tommy, 622 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: tell them where can they find you? 623 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,880 Speaker 5: So I am able to be found in a few places. 624 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:36,239 Speaker 3: One is on Instagram and that my Instagram handle is 625 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:42,760 Speaker 3: at Chef Tommy V and that's Tommy with an I. Also, 626 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:49,200 Speaker 3: I have my stay Awhile podcast platform where there's conversations 627 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:53,120 Speaker 3: that can be heard and this season actually we have 628 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:57,399 Speaker 3: doctor Dom on there. So that's an amazing and man 629 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 3: powerful conversation that you must listen to. So that's everywhere 630 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,600 Speaker 3: you listen to podcasts. And then our family lifestyle brand's 631 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:08,239 Speaker 3: website is Vincentcountry dot com. 632 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,880 Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Tommy, this was so special. We 633 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 4: appreciate you and you have inspired me to figure out 634 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 4: how to create my own country for my family. So 635 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,759 Speaker 4: thank you so much. We appreciate you, and Lady, we 636 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 4: hope you enjoyed this conversation you. 637 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:26,320 Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. 638 00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 2: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to 639 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:33,120 Speaker 2: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how 640 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,239 Speaker 2: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit 641 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 2: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I 642 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:40,960 Speaker 2: hope to see you there. 643 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 1: You thanks for joining us today. Please note that our 644 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 1: show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, 645 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:56,440 Speaker 1: and mental health, but is by no means meant to 646 00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:00,360 Speaker 1: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a 647 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know 648 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,800 Speaker 1: is in need of mental health care, please visit a 649 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:13,279 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your 650 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:14,240 Speaker 1: insurance provider. 651 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:16,839 Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 652 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com and 653 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,040 Speaker 4: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 654 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 4: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show. And 655 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 4: before we meet again, repeat after me. Greatness is my birthright, 656 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,320 Speaker 4: so I no longer ask for permission