Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya red An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing In. This is part two
Speaker 1: with Victoria Garrick Brown. We had such a great time
Speaker 1: chit chatting and we wanted to extend the podcast into
Speaker 1: two episodes, so this is the second part. You just
Speaker 1: celebrated one year of marriage. Yes, how long have you
Speaker 1: all been together?
Speaker 2: Total? Eight years? Okay, but one year of marriage?
Speaker 3: How long have you lived together?
Speaker 1: Ah?
Speaker 2: We moved in together, like when after right after the
Speaker 2: pandemic was like enough gone that people were like not
Speaker 2: sheltering at their parents and stuff anymore. So we I
Speaker 2: think we looked together for like, we moved in together
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty one, So I think we've lived together
Speaker 2: for like no, three years. Oh, actually, I'm bad at math.
Speaker 2: The twenty twenty one year doesn't count because that's when
Speaker 2: we moved in, So to twenty two to twenty three?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I was like, wait, I have been counting
Speaker 1: wrong one so bad.
Speaker 2: I still like when I write, when I tip on
Speaker 2: a check, I have a little addition column, It's like,
Speaker 2: what's twenty five plus? Oh?
Speaker 1: I just pull up my calculator. I don't even try
Speaker 1: to do real bad. Okay, so you've lived together for
Speaker 1: two let's say two and a half. Yeah, the difference. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where was there like significant differences that you noticed after
Speaker 1: like during marriage year one?
Speaker 2: Not really, Like there's not a huge difference, I think,
Speaker 2: at least for us, because we had been living together,
Speaker 2: we did not have finances merged. So when we got married,
Speaker 2: we merged finances. So that's been a difference, but in
Speaker 2: a really great way. We were actually reflecting on this
Speaker 2: last night at dinner. Of course, I'm like so annoying.
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, so we're gonna do questions. What's been
Speaker 2: the most surprising thing about marriage? My friends hate when
Speaker 2: I do that, but this is.
Speaker 1: Literally I basically feel like Tanya's here with me.
Speaker 2: I cannot sit at a dinner table without like questions
Speaker 2: queuing all of us. Like I just sit there and
Speaker 2: I'm like, should we play a game? My friends are
Speaker 2: all like, no, can we be in the moment?
Speaker 1: Well, you're also Haley Hailey loves a game and a recap.
Speaker 3: I do love that.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I literally will be at dinner with like someone I
Speaker 2: just met, like bringing out the box of we're not
Speaker 2: really strangers and they're like, God, never gone. That's probably
Speaker 2: why don't have a friends all night. I'm kidding. So, uh,
Speaker 2: we were talking about this. I was hesitant to merge
Speaker 2: because I love the idea of like being a successful
Speaker 2: woman and making my own money and my mom. I
Speaker 2: don't want to say my mom didn't have a career
Speaker 2: because she's the world's best mom. So that was her
Speaker 2: career and it's definitely a full time job. Yes, my
Speaker 2: Yaya also stayed at home, so I'm kind of the
Speaker 2: first generation. And then my yi as parents immigrated from Greece,
Speaker 2: so I'm really the first, like and I don't have
Speaker 2: a sister, the first girl in my family to like
Speaker 2: have a career and make her own money and support herself.
Speaker 2: Of course, I'm super blessed and I've had many opportunities
Speaker 2: because of like what my family, the privilege I had
Speaker 2: growing up. But I was hesitant because of that, Like
Speaker 2: I didn't want people to think, Oh, your husband works
Speaker 2: in la real estates, so that's why you're doing this,
Speaker 2: or that's why you bought that. Like a little part
Speaker 2: of me is like, no, I did it because I
Speaker 2: worked hard. But I actually did this fun episode of
Speaker 2: Real Pod where I interviewed like a very feminist thought
Speaker 2: leader on the topic, so Tory Dunlap of her first
Speaker 2: one hundred K, and I got her opinion of, like,
Speaker 2: don't merge. It's a contract. You always want to protect
Speaker 2: yourself in any contract. Why is this different? And then
Speaker 2: I interviewed Max's brother because he is He's a complete opposite,
Speaker 2: Like he's like merge team unity, like there should be
Speaker 2: no separation, Like what's the point of getting married if
Speaker 2: you're not completely unifying your lives? So, you know, I
Speaker 2: took some time to think about it, and I did,
Speaker 2: like it was like my journalism degree coming out on
Speaker 2: that episode. I was like doing a very drive on
Speaker 2: two interviews and then I compared and then I you know,
Speaker 2: but I ended up merging. I realized I wanted to
Speaker 2: do that, and I've really loved it because there's no scorekeeping,
Speaker 2: and like when I succeed, he succeeds. When he succeeds,
Speaker 2: I succeed, And I just really do feel like we
Speaker 2: are on the same team, like I'm constantly in it
Speaker 2: with someone. And so to your question of like what's
Speaker 2: the difference, I think the difference is you invite all
Speaker 2: the people you care about, to witness a moment that
Speaker 2: you look the person you love in the eye and say,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be with you forever like sickness and in
Speaker 2: health till death do us part, and like that's my promise,
Speaker 2: and I'm not only promising it to you, but like
Speaker 2: I at least value, I'm valuing my word in front
Speaker 2: of these people. That's something to say for anyone who's
Speaker 2: experienced divorce or it hasn't worked out. Like, of course
Speaker 2: there's nuances and someone could be pretending to be someone
Speaker 2: they're not like. But I think for us it was
Speaker 2: like you, now you leave that day, and you do
Speaker 2: feel like you have this invisible string attaching you and
Speaker 2: this other person, Like I can't just cancel. I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I couldn't just like quit all my jobs and say
Speaker 2: I want to move abroad, Like I have to take
Speaker 2: into account what he wants and what he needs. Fortunately,
Speaker 2: I'm married someone who's so similar to me, and we
Speaker 2: usually always want this anything down to like dinner every night,
Speaker 2: So that's why compatibility is important. But I'd say that's
Speaker 2: the biggest thing is like I have another half, Like
Speaker 2: that is no secret that everyone knows about and like
Speaker 2: I say, no secret in the sense of like everyone
Speaker 2: came to witness, Like I said, I would prioritize his needs.
Speaker 2: So I yeah, I think that's been the biggest thing
Speaker 2: for us. It's just that like invisible sense of were tethered.
Speaker 3: I love that. I do have a question though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can ask me anything. Okay, nothing's offensive, like
Speaker 2: just I think, yeah, no, I.
Speaker 3: Don't think it's offensive.
Speaker 1: If Max wasn't contributing as much financially, if you were
Speaker 1: like making a significant amount more, he wasn't in a
Speaker 1: job where he was making a lot of money or
Speaker 1: like a comparable amount of money, do you think you
Speaker 1: would emerged.
Speaker 2: So I say this because I think Max is fine
Speaker 2: with it, because we've talked, he's talked, he talked about
Speaker 2: this on our podcast. That is the case right now, Okay,
Speaker 2: I like he does. He does great for himself. I'm
Speaker 2: also in an incredibly lucrative business and fortunately having a
Speaker 2: lot of success. There's there's a big gap and I'm
Speaker 2: if we use the term breadwinner, that is me. But
Speaker 2: I think if I think about role reversal, like if
Speaker 2: Max had been you know, if Max, if the roles
Speaker 2: were reversed. How would I feel if my husband was like, well,
Speaker 2: you're not worthy of being treated as an equal with
Speaker 2: me because you're not getting paid the same as me.
Speaker 2: Like even though I know he works really hard and
Speaker 2: he goes to his job and he has this amazing
Speaker 2: career path that I know it's going to become very
Speaker 2: fruitful for him, and then maybe I get canceled, maybe
Speaker 2: my brands don't want to work with me again, and
Speaker 2: then the pendulum swings. So that's the part of like
Speaker 2: having you have to be really selfless and like any
Speaker 2: little bit of like like when he buys me something expensive,
Speaker 2: I could for sure think like, well you probably like
Speaker 2: would you have been able to buy me that if
Speaker 2: we didn't merge, Like it's my money. But I don't
Speaker 2: view it as like that. I you really try to
Speaker 2: rid yourself with the ego and the comparison and just
Speaker 2: and then when the time in our life comes where
Speaker 2: it will where he's killing it and I'm struggling, that's
Speaker 2: where we're still killing it because we're in it together.
Speaker 2: So that and that was a big part of the hesitation,
Speaker 2: Like I don't have him written on my company, like
Speaker 2: because that is where I'm like, like when I I'm like,
Speaker 2: you can see my bank accounts, I can see his
Speaker 2: bank accounts, and we move them into our family checking account.
Speaker 2: Do I want to change the legal paperwork that says
Speaker 2: his name is on my company that I run my
Speaker 2: business through. No, because he's not a part of my business,
Speaker 2: and I have pride in that. But the money that
Speaker 2: I make for my business is our money, and the
Speaker 2: money that he makes from his business is our money.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's I think that's incredibly beautiful.
Speaker 1: I think when you, I think, like choosing to move
Speaker 1: in the direction where you make that commitment to each other,
Speaker 1: I think I think that makes a lot of sense
Speaker 1: of like, I think, especially when you're on the same page.
Speaker 3: I'm curious, sir, do you have an opinion on this?
Speaker 1: Easton's the only other, like he's married, so I.
Speaker 4: Think it's important to keep certain things separate, just for like,
Speaker 4: like my way, I've just bought this like vacation house,
Speaker 4: and she it's in her name completely, Like it's like
Speaker 4: sole and separate. We keep making jokes about it, like
Speaker 4: every time I fix a leak, it's like, hey, you
Speaker 4: know this is I have a vested interest in this
Speaker 4: house now. But I have no doubt that we're going
Speaker 4: to be with each other forever, but just you know,
Speaker 4: just in case, you know, who knows what could happen.
Speaker 2: I think it's I think it's for and I love
Speaker 2: that Easton, and I think it's whatever works for every
Speaker 2: couple and I But I will say the most important
Speaker 2: thing is that each person in the relationship maintains the
Speaker 2: ability to make money. I think where you really create
Speaker 2: risk is if one person is not making money, especially
Speaker 2: it's usually the woman, and then if something does hit
Speaker 2: the fan, she has no opportunity. She can't seak of
Speaker 2: better her life, she can't take care of herself, she
Speaker 2: can't move out. So I think both people being able
Speaker 2: to make money and have something to fall back on
Speaker 2: is super important. God forbid anything happened with Max tonight,
Speaker 2: I could change things and like, I would still get
Speaker 2: all my checks that are supposed to come in and
Speaker 2: they would come to me, and he would, you know,
Speaker 2: I think I don't think I would ever want to
Speaker 2: be in a situation where I had nothing coming in
Speaker 2: and was relying on his money personally, because I've seen
Speaker 2: it go really ugly for couples. But I love that
Speaker 2: you asked easton his opinion, because I do think like there,
Speaker 2: I have no judgment. I'm sharing. Oh yeah, no, how
Speaker 2: I do it? I think each person has to figure
Speaker 2: it out. But one thing I will say is when
Speaker 2: we went to when we went to our bank and
Speaker 2: met about all this stuff, the banker was like, ninety
Speaker 2: percent of the couples that we see, one or both
Speaker 2: of them have secret accounts the other doesn't know about,
Speaker 2: which was wild because he said something because it was
Speaker 2: something like if I asked a question about like my
Speaker 2: banking and the guy made a fac or an expression
Speaker 2: of like, well, this is a conversation we should have
Speaker 2: when your husband's not in the room, and I'm thinking,
Speaker 2: I don't care. But then I was like, why do
Speaker 2: you Why is that supposed to be confidential? And then
Speaker 2: we became you know, we're getting like little we're shooting
Speaker 2: with this banker a little bit and you know this
Speaker 2: is in like LA and he's like, well, he's like,
Speaker 2: you know, ninety percent of the couples we see, like
Speaker 2: someone always comes in alone to open up their secret,
Speaker 2: secret stash or something, which I just think is interesting,
Speaker 2: Like the level of that's really interesting, Like not like distrust,
Speaker 2: but I think it's important. Like you're being a realist, right, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: anything can happen to anyone, and and that's that's part
Speaker 2: of you know. I also think like when we say
Speaker 2: like in sickness and in health, like I've seen a
Speaker 2: variety of different relationships in my life, and people change. People
Speaker 2: are different from we're married at twenty five, people are
Speaker 2: different at forty five. You know when you lose family
Speaker 2: and when you get fired and when like if I
Speaker 2: did if something terrible happened in my career and I
Speaker 2: didn't have the you know, cup filling energy I do
Speaker 2: now from social like who would I be? I don't know. So, yes,
Speaker 2: like you, you have to be realistic. But I think
Speaker 2: this is what allows us to feel the most synergy
Speaker 2: in our relationship, and I've been really happy with it.
Speaker 3: I love that. I agree though.
Speaker 1: I think it's like both people being able to come
Speaker 1: to an agreement on what whatever the choices that you make.
Speaker 1: But I also think because I was just having this conversation,
Speaker 1: this is why I asked you about this, Because I
Speaker 1: was just having this conversation a friend. Her friend is
Speaker 1: in this situation with her. He's her fiance. They're not married,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't. She stays home with the kids and
Speaker 1: doesn't have and she isn't not in a good situation
Speaker 1: and would like to get out, but she's staying because financially,
Speaker 1: I mean, she doesn't have anything. And so it brought
Speaker 1: up the conversation of like being able to have your
Speaker 1: own you know, financial independence.
Speaker 2: Yes, and then where does she even have the time
Speaker 2: to support herself when she's raising his kids too, That's
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. I've seen these interesting in social media
Speaker 2: things about like being paid by your spouse, like if
Speaker 2: you were staying home to take care of the kids,
Speaker 2: like getting some sort of monthly stipend, like recognizing like
Speaker 2: like I've just seen it. I'm bringing it up as
Speaker 2: a talking point, but like, what do you guys think
Speaker 2: of that?
Speaker 3: There's people a contract.
Speaker 1: Like you signed something where you're like, hey, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be raising our kids at home and you're.
Speaker 2: Not even signing it. But let's say that, like let's
Speaker 2: say someone let's say someone was going to make seventy
Speaker 2: five thousand dollars in their job and they decide to
Speaker 2: stay home and raise the two kids who are under
Speaker 2: the age of three, that the other partner agrees, like,
Speaker 2: you know, will divide seventy five by twelve and each month,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put that amount in your account because like
Speaker 2: that's the that's your payment for what you're doing. I've
Speaker 2: just seen that online.
Speaker 3: One thousand percent.
Speaker 1: I think that, Like, I think that the fact that
Speaker 1: that people because sometimes it's the husband or you know,
Speaker 1: depending on their situation, whoever's staying at home and raising
Speaker 1: kids is like, I think one of the hardest jobs
Speaker 1: anyone could do.
Speaker 2: Oh insane. They said the amount of hours you spend
Speaker 2: breastfeeding is equivalent to a full time job or a
Speaker 2: part time do I forget, but like something insane.
Speaker 1: It's crazy, and like yeah, like my sister has five kids.
Speaker 1: She just had a newborn. Yeah, and then she has
Speaker 1: four boys, so she has four boys and a newborn girl.
Speaker 1: And I'm like that job to me, and like keeping
Speaker 1: the house clean and laundry going is like totally.
Speaker 2: The older I get, the more respect I have for
Speaker 2: that because I think, especially when I was younger in
Speaker 2: You two, the vibe, you know, there was that like
Speaker 2: those really sexists like just get in the kitchen, make
Speaker 2: a sandwich. Like it was very derogatory towards women and
Speaker 2: like really minimizing the rules that they do to keep
Speaker 2: the house and to keep the family. And the older
Speaker 2: you get, you're like, that is so difficult. Like what
Speaker 2: you're doing, the amount of hours you're spending with the kids,
Speaker 2: you're doing, the laundry, you're cleaning, you're cooking, you're the scheduling,
Speaker 2: you're you're you're the executive assistant for five people. Like yeah,
Speaker 2: you know. And so I think, once again, like whatever
Speaker 2: you want to do, Like if someone told me I
Speaker 2: just I want to be a mother, I was put
Speaker 2: on arth to be a mother and raise my family,
Speaker 2: good for you. And if someone else is like I
Speaker 2: don't want to have kids and I want to work
Speaker 2: and be in the business world, good for you. I
Speaker 2: think that's where I like the conversation to go is
Speaker 2: whatever you want to do, let's celebrate that and not
Speaker 2: judge it because we're not you.
Speaker 1: And make sure that you're taking care of yourself so
Speaker 1: that you're not in a sticky situation where because you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, people get stuck and I've seen that too, just
Speaker 2: can't know where to turn.
Speaker 1: I like to start about having like if both people
Speaker 1: are making money, and they're contributing, whether it's a joint
Speaker 1: account or separate whatever it is, if both people are
Speaker 1: in the process of attempting to make money. Because I
Speaker 1: know there's hard times when people are like you know,
Speaker 1: if they get like go or whatever. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: just think it's it's an interesting conversation because it's like
Speaker 1: you get just how like the people you interviewed on
Speaker 1: your podcast gave you two separate opinions, right.
Speaker 2: And because we're getting so granular with this, I might
Speaker 2: just share one more thing, like Max. Max gets paid
Speaker 2: into his accounts, I get paid in my accounts. We
Speaker 2: can see each other's accounts, and then we move our
Speaker 2: money into a family account, so like you know, God
Speaker 2: forbid something happen, Like my account's not going into his
Speaker 2: wallet like when I get paid. You know, So as
Speaker 2: much as there's transparency and all, we have equal visibility.
Speaker 2: Like it's not like when I make money from real pod,
Speaker 2: it goes into a place where Max can access it
Speaker 2: and spend it, like I take it and we put
Speaker 2: it in savings, and we put it in family checking
Speaker 2: and we put it in.
Speaker 1: You know, for your future. Really it has fun all
Speaker 1: that stuff. Are there any other things like that. You're like,
Speaker 1: is there a sense of being more secure in your
Speaker 1: relationship since you got married? Like did you ever did
Speaker 1: you ever lack security in that and did you notice
Speaker 1: a shift?
Speaker 2: I've always felt a lot of trust and security with Max,
Speaker 2: So no, because I feel like there there wasn't a
Speaker 2: huge difference in that. I love the fact that he
Speaker 2: has a ring.
Speaker 1: I love that it's I like the lucky where Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: But no, I've always been super grateful to feel, you know,
Speaker 2: really secure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I've had I know, I know people are
Speaker 1: like I don't even like I never experience feeling insecure
Speaker 1: in that way. But I did notice there was a
Speaker 1: shift when we got married that it was like, all right,
Speaker 1: it's the there's a commitment that's just different than anything else.
Speaker 2: We'll say, I haven't even talked to Max about this,
Speaker 2: it's not that deep, but I think, like the summer
Speaker 2: before a wedding, I remember having like a like a
Speaker 2: few weeks or a month with like these in and
Speaker 2: out of thoughts of like wow, Like I'm like, did
Speaker 2: I like, did I have enough fun in my life?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be with one person forever?
Speaker 2: Like, but then when I explore that thought. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't want to be with anyone but you, but
Speaker 2: I think definitely as you gear up for the wedding,
Speaker 2: you're like, wow, like, not that I haven't kissed anyone
Speaker 2: else for eight years, but Easton, maybe you feel this way,
Speaker 2: like the fact that your lips won't touch another human's
Speaker 2: lips except for your partner's lips, no matter who it is.
Speaker 2: You're like, WHOA, Like that's a commitment. Yeah, I had
Speaker 2: that thought.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I wanted to see how I
Speaker 4: reacted when faced with that, and it was just pure
Speaker 4: and utter bliss.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad.
Speaker 5: You know right and exactly Like of course you have
Speaker 5: those so I can't say save. But when you have
Speaker 5: those anxious thoughts in your mind, that like tell you,
Speaker 5: like just like the crazy things like that you see
Speaker 5: in the movies or whatever, like you're gonna be have
Speaker 5: one person forever. Like we love the movie for Christmases,
Speaker 5: and you know how it's so funny in the opening.
Speaker 2: Scene, they're like, are you guys getting married soon? If
Speaker 2: you like marriage, why would we do that? If you
Speaker 2: have one person have all these things like hanging That's
Speaker 2: like one of our favorite movies. But when I explore
Speaker 2: the thought, the thought further, No, there's no one else
Speaker 2: I'd rather go on a date with, spend time with,
Speaker 2: be intimate with, Like you know, it's like anything, it's
Speaker 2: change in life.
Speaker 1: I think that's that to me, Like I very much
Speaker 1: feel that way with Haley, where I'm like I have
Speaker 1: I don't. I never feel like I'm missing out on anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's just the comfort of being
Speaker 1: with the right person totally, and not to say, like
Speaker 1: maybe you're with the right person you have those thoughts.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I haven't experienced that.
Speaker 1: I don't think, but I do think that that there's
Speaker 1: like peace in that, yes, totally, and like safety and
Speaker 1: knowing that like it's okay if this is the only
Speaker 1: person I kiss.
Speaker 3: Do we talk about your new podcast? We talk about
Speaker 3: we have so much to talk about.
Speaker 2: I would love to whenever fitting, But let's.
Speaker 1: Take a break and then we'll come back and talk
Speaker 1: about all your podcasts.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: So, as I mentioned before Victoria got here, she has
Speaker 1: her podcast called Real Pod. I actually think you were
Speaker 1: the first podcast I did after Haley and I went
Speaker 1: public with our relationship.
Speaker 2: I know that was major I thank you for trusting me.
Speaker 3: I didn't know I was gonna talk. You really have
Speaker 3: this sense.
Speaker 1: Where, like I do feel like I talked a lot
Speaker 1: more on that than I like anticipated when I went in.
Speaker 1: But it was so comfortable. Anyone's such a hey, I
Speaker 1: got such a good response from people like that love
Speaker 1: you and listen to your podcast. So you are very
Speaker 1: known in the podcast world for Real Pod. But then
Speaker 1: you have a new podcast coming out with one of
Speaker 1: your best friends I do.
Speaker 2: This is so exciting because I haven't talked about it.
Speaker 2: It's been a big secret. Basically, my best friend Aubrey
Speaker 2: and I and this is so funny. She's not a
Speaker 2: content creator. She works in real estate in San Francisco.
Speaker 2: Like she has no desire to like be in this life,
Speaker 2: but her and I read this amazing book in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty called A New Earth by Eckhart Toll and it's
Speaker 2: actually one of Oprah's favorite books. It's an incredible book
Speaker 2: on the conscious versus the unconscious mind and really becoming
Speaker 2: aware to our ego and the voice inside of our
Speaker 2: head and kind of separating that to get more in
Speaker 2: tune with the present moment and our higher self and
Speaker 2: Aubrey and I read this book and we'd read a
Speaker 2: chapter and then we'd call each other and talk about it.
Speaker 2: And it's a really cool thing when you're working on
Speaker 2: self growth and one of your best buds is like
Speaker 2: in it with you. You can have those conversations that
Speaker 2: you feel like have meaning you're not just gossiping about
Speaker 2: a friend or talking about something silly. And we read
Speaker 2: like half of it and then put it down and
Speaker 2: then decided to revisit it. But this time I was like,
Speaker 2: what if you know we're gonna call each other and
Speaker 2: discuss it anyways, can I just record it? And it's
Speaker 2: only gonna it's ten chapters, ten episodes. I'll drop it
Speaker 2: in the real pod feed and anyone who is intrigued
Speaker 2: with this book wants to grow, you know, dive into
Speaker 2: themselves and explore their thought patterns and their you know,
Speaker 2: emotional habits and triggers, but also have like two besties
Speaker 2: they can listen to like go through it at the
Speaker 2: same time. I would love to give that to someone.
Speaker 2: So that's what we're doing. It's not picked up by
Speaker 2: a network, it's not anything major. It's literally a passion project.
Speaker 2: And I'm really excited to see, like who's interested in
Speaker 2: buying the book and reading along and listening along.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: So you're just you're right now, you're doing this one book.
Speaker 1: That's the focus.
Speaker 2: Correct, So we don't have a big plan. We're not
Speaker 2: sure like how it's gonna go. And we also I
Speaker 2: am such a perfectionist and everything that I do and
Speaker 2: I strategize, I think about the whole thing. So to
Speaker 2: just be like, you know what, We're gonna read one book.
Speaker 2: We're gonna review each chapter ten episodes, and then we'll
Speaker 2: freaking see like maybe we do another book, maybe we
Speaker 2: shift it, who knows, but this is what we feel
Speaker 2: like really drawn to do at the moment. So it's
Speaker 2: this book and it's ten weeks, ten episodes, and yeah,
Speaker 2: we have no idea how it'll go.
Speaker 3: That's really cool.
Speaker 1: I want to read the I'm gonna pitch a setanya
Speaker 1: that that we can listen to.
Speaker 2: It is amazing. It's literally I wish I brought it
Speaker 2: with me and I could read some stuff from it,
Speaker 2: but like essentially like at a high level if I
Speaker 2: had to explain, uh, and the book is so high
Speaker 2: level that Aubrey and I will joke We're like, you
Speaker 2: came for answers, we don't have them either, Like we're
Speaker 2: just talking about you know what we thought. Our podcast
Speaker 2: is called so much to say because as I was
Speaker 2: as we explaining the book to one of our moms,
Speaker 2: Aubrey whispered to me, I have so much decide, like
Speaker 2: about the chapter being so juicy, and I was like, Bam,
Speaker 2: that's it. So much to say. It will be our name.
Speaker 2: But to give you guys a little bit more information
Speaker 2: on what this book is about. The author of the
Speaker 2: book is a renowned spiritual thought leader. He's one of
Speaker 2: Oprah's favorite people, favorite authors. He actually wrote The Power
Speaker 2: of Now if you've ever heard about that book on presence,
Speaker 2: which is amazing as well. And he came across this
Speaker 2: work because he got to a place in his life
Speaker 2: where he was really depressed and he started thinking to himself,
Speaker 2: I can't live with myself anymore, and that would just
Speaker 2: repeat over and over, I can't live with myself anymore.
Speaker 2: I can't live with myself anymore. And then one day
Speaker 2: it occurred to him, there's two people in that sentence.
Speaker 2: There's the I who can't live with the me. So
Speaker 2: who am I actually am I the voice and the
Speaker 2: thoughts that I have or the person in the awareness
Speaker 2: behind those thoughts. And so that's what the book is about,
Speaker 2: is creating that separation between you and your thoughts. And actually,
Speaker 2: in one of the recent chapters, I read chapter five
Speaker 2: about the Pain Body, it gives this anecdote about a
Speaker 2: duck and it's called the Duck with a Human Mind,
Speaker 2: and it's this cute short story and it basically says,
Speaker 2: if you ever see ducks in a pond fighting, you know,
Speaker 2: they get into this their argument, they can't speak, they're clacking,
Speaker 2: they're cracking away, but they're like they look like they're
Speaker 2: getting physical with each other. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: like you know, the fight ends and they flap their
Speaker 2: wings and then like they swim off, and the pond
Speaker 2: looks completely calm, as if nothing ever happened there. And
Speaker 2: his point was, if the duck had a human mind,
Speaker 2: you know, the fight would end and then the duck
Speaker 2: would swim off. Oh, that stupid duck thinks he runs
Speaker 2: this pond. I run this pond. He was swimming too
Speaker 2: close to me. He's gonna get it next time. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go to all my other ducks, but he just
Speaker 2: did to me like, and that's what happens to us,
Speaker 2: and then we get trapped in this cycle of like
Speaker 2: negative thinking and negative thought patterns, and we need to
Speaker 2: be more like the ducks and just flap our wings
Speaker 2: and like move on. Like for example, it was my
Speaker 2: anniversary and I didn't get a text shoeing me happy
Speaker 2: aniversary from someone I would have thought would have set
Speaker 2: happy anniversary, And so there goes there goes my thoughts.
Speaker 2: I can't believe this person to text me in a
Speaker 2: happy anniversary. That is so unthoughtful. I would have texted them.
Speaker 2: I probably would have sent them flowers. They could even
Speaker 2: text me, Like my mind is creating this, spinning this narrative.
Speaker 2: And I took my deep breast and I'm thinking about
Speaker 2: this book, and I'm like, what do I know to
Speaker 2: be true? This person loves me, cares about me, and
Speaker 2: wants the best for me, period. They didn't text me
Speaker 2: for my anniversary. Period. Any storyline I'm adding to that
Speaker 2: is my ego is my ego voice creating some drama
Speaker 2: because it feeds on it. And then what do you know?
Speaker 2: This morning, this person says, Hey, how was your weekend
Speaker 2: wanted to let you guys have the day yesterday, like
Speaker 2: tell me about your anniversary, you know, And I'm so
Speaker 2: glad I didn't go through this spirally yesterday. I wasted
Speaker 2: thirty minutes talking to Max about this person and text
Speaker 2: me and then call my mom. Can you believe? And
Speaker 2: waste an hour bitching because that's feeding that ego voice.
Speaker 2: So you know, that's how you can pull this really deep,
Speaker 2: intense book and make it apply to your everyday life.
Speaker 2: And it's been transformative for me, and I hope you
Speaker 2: get it and you read along with us.
Speaker 1: I don't know I'm talking to me or our listeners both,
Speaker 1: but everybody you're like absolutely.
Speaker 3: It kind of reminds me. Have you read The Untethered Soul?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: Okay, So it's kind of.
Speaker 2: That same thought. I haven't read it, but heard about it. Okay.
Speaker 1: It's kind of the same thing of like your thoughts
Speaker 1: versus truth, yes, versus like what's happening?
Speaker 3: Totally because I have internal.
Speaker 1: Dialogue of like what I want to say, what I
Speaker 1: should say, what I'm gonna say? Twenty four to seven
Speaker 1: every conversation I go, do I say too much? Did
Speaker 1: I was? I I say something rude, like I'll probably
Speaker 1: overthink this podcast, like for you know, I do the
Speaker 1: same thing.
Speaker 2: That's your ego voice, yes, trying to make you feel
Speaker 2: inferior or superior. That's another misconception is ego is just
Speaker 2: I'm better than everyone, like I'm the greatest. Ego is
Speaker 2: also oh my gosh, I shouldn't say anything because they're
Speaker 2: gonna hate the real me. Oh my god, I'm a
Speaker 2: piece of and I'm not worthy enough to be here.
Speaker 2: All of that is like your brain trying to create
Speaker 2: a story that it can stick to. But another thing
Speaker 2: that he talks about in this book is the fact
Speaker 2: that words like us talking right now, it's vowels, ae,
Speaker 2: I owe you, it's consonants, fuck, uh suh whatever, cuh Okay,
Speaker 2: He goes, do you really think you could possibly communicate
Speaker 2: the meaning of life and your purpose on earth with
Speaker 2: a few made up sounds? Like no? So his point
Speaker 2: is like that when we sit here, like what's my purpose?
Speaker 2: Who am I? We are trying to get an answer
Speaker 2: to something that we can't you know, And it's reconnecting
Speaker 2: to the breathing and just I'm just gonna be and
Speaker 2: who I am is just the essence of me in
Speaker 2: this moment and not any other labels I attached to it,
Speaker 2: or how I compare myself to others. That's your ego,
Speaker 2: trying to figure something out that it will never figure out.
Speaker 3: Wow, I know that is so fascinating.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's so it's so true, like how often
Speaker 1: we do that, and how much time we spend wasting
Speaker 1: spiral like spiraling and making up scenarios, and like how
Speaker 1: relationships are hindered by those thoughts totally and it's one
Speaker 1: sided totally. You were having a full one sided destruction zone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then the person's like, I just wanted to give
Speaker 1: you space to enjoy your weekend together.
Speaker 2: Totally fully, And I'm so but and so I'm glad
Speaker 2: that I didn't do the disrection. I read my book
Speaker 2: and I and I remember, don't add storyline, and like
Speaker 2: it was funny how I was proved this morning, like
Speaker 2: why that was the right thing to do.
Speaker 3: It's amazing.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm I'm honestly gonna get the book and join
Speaker 1: in for the listening for the recas.
Speaker 2: And we were joking, we're like it's kind of like
Speaker 2: a TV show. We're like, just get through the first
Speaker 2: two episodes, cause three, four, five, those are juicy, Like
Speaker 2: it goes a while to warm up because it is
Speaker 2: such a deep book, like you're you're pouring out your ugly,
Speaker 2: like my ugly of like what I even just said,
Speaker 2: like I was bitching like whatever. People might be thinking,
Speaker 2: oh my god, this girl, like no one's supposed to
Speaker 2: take Like we're putting ourself out there to be judged.
Speaker 2: And I think it took us like the chapter one,
Speaker 2: chapter two recap to then recapping the third chapter four
Speaker 2: chapter We're really being like, you know, this is my ugly,
Speaker 2: this is my ego, and hoping that by that point
Speaker 2: people who are that far in the book like won't
Speaker 2: judge us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they're like maybe once they get to there,
Speaker 1: they're like, oh yeah, my, I know my ego.
Speaker 3: Was it doing too much work? Yeah?
Speaker 1: When you said you said earlier you're a perfectionist. Did
Speaker 1: did that come through sports? And has that always been
Speaker 1: part of your personality or was that something that came
Speaker 1: with Like I feel like something changes when you go
Speaker 1: from I wasn't a.
Speaker 3: College athlete, but I was a high school athlete.
Speaker 1: But I feel like there's a huge shift when it
Speaker 1: goes from high school to college, that's just like another
Speaker 1: level of pressure, and I mean ultimately perfectionism, because there's
Speaker 1: a lot riding on the line at that point.
Speaker 2: Yes, I definitely think that college is where there was
Speaker 2: like a magnet fine glass on it. And I truly
Speaker 2: felt like if I was late, I picked up in
Speaker 2: the entire team was running and that ruined my whole
Speaker 2: Tuesday and I let everyone down, Like certainly the stakes
Speaker 2: got to a level of high that I'd never experienced before.
Speaker 2: But growing up, I just grew up in a town
Speaker 2: where you just achieved, like you achieved. That was what
Speaker 2: we did. It was a very pressure cooker community. I
Speaker 2: grew up privileged and at a school that was basically
Speaker 2: like you know, could have been a It's like an
Speaker 2: you know, an ivy feeder type of situation, like you
Speaker 2: just need to be a star on your sports team,
Speaker 2: and then you need to be four point zero taking
Speaker 2: AP classes, and then you also need to be you know,
Speaker 2: doing community work and building houses and going to the
Speaker 2: shelter like it was. I just I just always grew
Speaker 2: up in this environment of achieve My parents never put
Speaker 2: pressure on me to be that way, and I know
Speaker 2: they would have loved me no matter what if I failed.
Speaker 2: It was never like I won't receive my parents' love.
Speaker 2: And I know that's usually where people go with that.
Speaker 2: It was truly just like I succeed and everyone here succeeds,
Speaker 2: and you want to succeed the most. And yeah, and
Speaker 2: then I think in college I just reached like my
Speaker 2: wits end almost and then that's where I kind of
Speaker 2: broke down with anxiety and depression.
Speaker 1: That's when you did your TED talk, And that's like
Speaker 1: kind of what we're sparked, like the conversation around you
Speaker 1: and bringing awareness to the pressure because I felt like
Speaker 1: after I watched your TED Talk and we had you
Speaker 1: on the podcast, I felt like, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I was hearing these stories about these college athletes and
Speaker 1: the mental health and yeah, it's a it's a like crisis.
Speaker 2: It is definitely a crisis. And I think the most
Speaker 2: unique thing for me now is feeling so far from
Speaker 2: that girl that I was. But that gives me the
Speaker 2: hope and the inspiration to communicate that to the current
Speaker 2: athletes who might feel like this is my entire world.
Speaker 2: Like I mean, even when you think about, you know,
Speaker 2: the very unfortunate amount of suicides that occur in student athletes,
Speaker 2: the fact that where they may be thinking like this
Speaker 2: situation will determine if my life is worth living, you know,
Speaker 2: And who's to say you can't be in someone's brain,
Speaker 2: And oftentimes when you're experiencing that sort of depression, you
Speaker 2: can't think clearly being where I am now, It's like,
Speaker 2: I want to show that there is so much for
Speaker 2: you beyond this game and this position and this championship
Speaker 2: and this bubble that I know you're in and you
Speaker 2: feel like everyone cares about it and everyone's watching you.
Speaker 2: But guess what, there's millions of people in China who
Speaker 2: don't know you and don't care about you, and like
Speaker 2: that could be a negative, like oh my god, these
Speaker 2: people don't know me, they don't care about you, or
Speaker 2: it's like, oh my god, no one cares, like who
Speaker 2: gives up, like you know, and so it's like that's
Speaker 2: I kind of want to like shake the shoulders a
Speaker 2: little bit. And I hope now that I'm doing almost
Speaker 2: such different stuff and I'm not so tied to the
Speaker 2: sports world, I think current athletes are like whoa, like,
Speaker 2: what could I go on to like enjoy doing or
Speaker 2: pursue with my life that isn't sports relationship.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I that's funny because anytime I would get
Speaker 1: in my head about something, like I think specifically, I
Speaker 1: remember before Haley and I came out, and I would
Speaker 1: think like, oh my gosh, like I'm gonna if people
Speaker 1: are like mean about it or negative or whatever. There
Speaker 1: would be comfort in being like no one cares, Like
Speaker 1: like in my mind, I'm like, no one cares as
Speaker 1: much about this as you care about it, you know,
Speaker 1: And like that brought me comfort because like I guess
Speaker 1: some people would be like, oh dang, no one, no
Speaker 1: one cares. But I found comfort and like literally, Becka,
Speaker 1: no one cares about this more than you.
Speaker 2: Well, I was thinking on that note, like whenever you
Speaker 2: see some major breaking celebrity news, you're like whoa, and
Speaker 2: you like maybe send it to a friend. You look
Speaker 2: at it, and then you put your phone down, and
Speaker 2: like you look around and everyone's living their life. Time
Speaker 2: doesn't stop because someone got canceled or like did something. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I will say to any like athletes Listening or
Speaker 2: athlete scrubbers. And The Hidden Opponent is a charity that
Speaker 2: I founded with a community of people who are like
Speaker 2: leaning on each other and talking about these things. So
Speaker 2: I also love that that still lives on and is
Speaker 2: a place where that like, even though I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm in a different place, the athletes of today who
Speaker 2: are going through whatever they're going through, can have a
Speaker 2: platform to share and be heard.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: It's like you started something and created a community, and
Speaker 1: even though maybe you are in a different place in
Speaker 1: your life, you have you can look back on it.
Speaker 1: You have a voice now of being like, hey, it
Speaker 1: gets better, this isn't yeah, how life is forever. And
Speaker 1: also there's a space for people who are in the
Speaker 1: thick of it, totally and totally in it.
Speaker 2: And I think whenever I think, people just want to
Speaker 2: be heard. And I love the fact that if someone
Speaker 2: is an athlete in school and they're struggling or they
Speaker 2: want to share their experience and find people who relate,
Speaker 2: like we do that, like we are happy to give
Speaker 2: you a platform and a voice. Because I don't know,
Speaker 2: had I not had the spontaneous opportunity of a lifetime
Speaker 2: to audition for Ted that happened to be at my
Speaker 2: school the semester, I was feeling like the stars aligned
Speaker 2: and I was ready to talk about it. I don't
Speaker 2: know what I have ever shared my story in that way?
Speaker 2: Who knows.
Speaker 1: Do you feel this sense of pressure of like needing
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable and relatable in social media? Like do
Speaker 1: you sometimes feel like, oh, I feel like I share
Speaker 1: so much like but that's kind of where like, that's
Speaker 1: I think why people love you is the sense of
Speaker 1: like you talk about real things. You're talking I mean,
Speaker 1: your podcast is called real Pod and you have a
Speaker 1: hashtag called real Post.
Speaker 3: And that's like why people follow you.
Speaker 1: But do you ever feel this sense of pressure of
Speaker 1: like I need to be vulnerable and open about this.
Speaker 1: But this is a really hard time. I'm going through
Speaker 1: such a good.
Speaker 2: Question, and I feel like every year I learned something
Speaker 2: new about out where I stand with both being relatable
Speaker 2: and being vulnerable. I think if I start with the
Speaker 2: relatable piece, I think I've done a lot of work
Speaker 2: in recognizing my privilege and that I'm not relatable to everyone,
Speaker 2: and that has been a really hard pill for me
Speaker 2: to swallow. Just you know, of course, you want to
Speaker 2: relate to everyone, and you want to think that you're
Speaker 2: just like everyone, and honestly, just even reading a New
Speaker 2: Earth like, all humans are the same and we share
Speaker 2: something in some way, and that's I think we all
Speaker 2: suffer and that's what unites this as human. But I
Speaker 2: have to have the perspective to recognize the much greater
Speaker 2: suffering another person has in their body than I do
Speaker 2: in mine. So I think, you know, especially since twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: like swallowing that pill of I'm not relatable to everyone
Speaker 2: and acknowledging that has been a major thing. It's also
Speaker 2: very difficult for me because I want everyone to like
Speaker 2: me and to see themselves in me, and that's not reality,
Speaker 2: and so that's something I've worked on. I also think,
Speaker 2: like on a personal note, allowing myself to do what
Speaker 2: I want to do and like even just post more
Speaker 2: about fashion and my outfits, and then the voice in
Speaker 2: my head being like, oh my god, all the athletes
Speaker 2: are going to be like this girl used to be
Speaker 2: such an inspiring athlete and now she just all she
Speaker 2: cares about is what she airs. Like That's what my
Speaker 2: anxious thought will say. But it's like, but this makes
Speaker 2: me happy right now, and it brings me joy, and
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be myself because I'm gonna hold on
Speaker 2: to this version of me that I think other people like.
Speaker 2: So you know, that's been my work there with the
Speaker 2: relatability piece, and then I think with the vulnerable aspect.
Speaker 2: I never have ever shared anything like the moment to
Speaker 2: day it happens. I'm always like a week, two weeks
Speaker 2: in it past it to be able to even formulate thoughts.
Speaker 2: You don't want to share something with the world and
Speaker 2: be so fragile that when they, you know, respond or
Speaker 2: comment hate, like you're susceptible to that damage. And then
Speaker 2: I think there's a piece of especially now with where
Speaker 2: I'm at, some people don't want to be put on
Speaker 2: my Instagram and they don't want to be publicized, and
Speaker 2: I might have an issue with them that I would
Speaker 2: love to share what I've learned from it, but that
Speaker 2: involves revealing what they're going through with them, so I
Speaker 2: can't do that, which is about but of course I
Speaker 2: respect that. So I think, you know, I'm always trying
Speaker 2: to navigate it the best that I can. I think
Speaker 2: I've been pushing myself to explain myself a little bit less.
Speaker 2: I'm the people pleaser in me manifest through explaining, Like
Speaker 2: even if we go back to being late today, I'm
Speaker 2: so sorry I'm late, Like you know, there was a
Speaker 2: I had to get gas, which is true. And then
Speaker 2: I'm like, and then we couldn't find your studios, Like
Speaker 2: I'm telling you every little reason and why we were late?
Speaker 2: Why am I doing that? Like I can just say
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry I was late, period, Like I don't
Speaker 2: need to justify or try to explain so that it
Speaker 2: hits you a little less. And I feel like I
Speaker 2: do that with my audience, Like even going to Taylor
Speaker 2: Swift twice, I was super self conscious. Like I said,
Speaker 2: I got invited to go two other times. I could
Speaker 2: have gone four times. Yeah, I didn't, honestly, be the
Speaker 2: greater reason was because I didn't want the backlash of
Speaker 2: you went three times, you went four times. I was
Speaker 2: already getting people being like I can't believe you went twice.
Speaker 2: I can't even get a ticket. So I feel like
Speaker 2: in that situation, I'm like, well, I really wanted to
Speaker 2: go because I'm a big fan, so I bought my
Speaker 2: ticket and yes, I bought my ticket and I spent
Speaker 2: a lot of money and like yes, and then you
Speaker 2: know what, I got invited and what am I gonna say? Notice?
Speaker 2: Like why am I doing that, I should just live
Speaker 2: my freaking life. And if I wanted to go four times,
Speaker 2: I could have accepted those invites. So of course I'm
Speaker 2: still trying to grow. I don't know, do you feel
Speaker 2: like you have to explain yourself all the time?
Speaker 1: I do, But I'm I feel like I'm working through
Speaker 1: not having that mentality. Because Tanya brought that up. She
Speaker 1: was like, are people gonna be upset that we went twice?
Speaker 1: And I was like, Tanya, I can't live my life
Speaker 1: like we can't live our life like that.
Speaker 3: I mean, I wish that.
Speaker 1: Believe me, if I could have bought a whole arena
Speaker 1: for everyone that I know to get to experience, that
Speaker 1: I would have done in a heartbeat. But I said
Speaker 1: yes to two invites, and I was like so excited,
Speaker 1: and I got to bring because I went the second
Speaker 1: night with the brand, I got to bring one of
Speaker 1: my best friends who's like the biggest swifty, who didn't
Speaker 1: have a ticket. So it's like, yeah, I could over
Speaker 1: explain myself. But then it's like you you could say, oh,
Speaker 1: but I bought my tickets the first night, and the
Speaker 1: people go, well, aren't you so lucky that you could
Speaker 1: have to buy this ticket.
Speaker 3: It's like, you never.
Speaker 1: Can fully explain yourself to make everyone happy exactly.
Speaker 2: But then I think about too, I would never ever, like,
Speaker 2: you know, be negative towards someone else who got to
Speaker 2: experience something with their life. So then you also have
Speaker 2: to recognize, like, why am I putting value to the
Speaker 2: opinions of someone who clearly I don't like respect the
Speaker 2: way they're going about this, because I would just never
Speaker 2: do this. So I'm working on explaining myself less. Like
Speaker 2: even the days I don't post as much on Instagram,
Speaker 2: I used to be like, hi, sorry because blah blahlah,
Speaker 2: I'm just like, no, why am I giving an explanation
Speaker 2: that I own no one for what I decided to
Speaker 2: do with my day. So I'm working on that. It's
Speaker 2: very hard for me, but my motto is it's okay
Speaker 2: to be misunderstood, and I keep trying to come back
Speaker 2: to that, So okay to be misunderstood. People aren't always
Speaker 2: gonna get you. They're not going to know your intentions
Speaker 2: and they're not gonna like you, and that's okay, and
Speaker 2: you're not always gonna get that for other people.
Speaker 3: Totally. I think about there was I just will never forget.
Speaker 1: When I was on The Bachelor, I saw this quote
Speaker 1: on I was like, probably dark and searching quotes because
Speaker 1: that's what I like to do, find quotes that I
Speaker 1: can I passive aggressively put up on Instagram. But anyways,
Speaker 1: I found this quote and it was like, it's something
Speaker 1: like you can be the juiciest, ripest peach on the tree,
Speaker 1: and there's still someone who doesn't like peaches.
Speaker 3: And I was like, you.
Speaker 1: Know what, Like I could be the best version of myself.
Speaker 1: I could never make a mistake, I could be likable, funny,
Speaker 1: all the things, and there could still be someone who
Speaker 1: just doesn't like me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for no reason.
Speaker 2: Wait, I love that and I love that you love quotes.
Speaker 2: And another one on this on this is two things. One,
Speaker 2: people can only meet you as deeply as they meet themselves.
Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, It's like it's not a reflection
Speaker 2: of you, it's it's how deeply they can meet themselves.
Speaker 2: And then the second is most people don't even know themselves.
Speaker 2: Why does it matter what they think of you? Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I love that one well.
Speaker 1: Dixas I was I've had this conversation on the podcast
Speaker 1: of like when you go to therapy and like you
Speaker 1: start becoming aware of things that you need to work on.
Speaker 3: It is work like.
Speaker 1: It is not like you go to therapy and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden you're fine, Like if anything, like going
Speaker 1: to therapy is like a lot of work, and like
Speaker 1: self reflection, it's not fun, it's not comfortable. And I
Speaker 1: think people think like, oh, I go to therapy, I'm
Speaker 1: all good. But to me, I find it to be
Speaker 1: like the most annoying thing is like when I become
Speaker 1: aware of the things that I do in my habits
Speaker 1: and whatever. And so I feel like if you get
Speaker 1: to this sense of awareness of being able to be
Speaker 1: empathetic and listen to people and see people for who
Speaker 1: they are, then you're able to understand when they're hateful
Speaker 1: or negative because they haven't done that work on themselves.
Speaker 3: And it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1: It's so much easier to focus on other people than yourself.
Speaker 2: And I think I've also been taking that because it's
Speaker 2: so on point and adding the challenge of like no
Speaker 2: one can make me feel a certain way. I choose
Speaker 2: how I'm going to react and thinking about like another
Speaker 2: quote I love is be slow to anger and abounding
Speaker 2: and kindness, and you know, something happened the other day
Speaker 2: where honestly I realized someone betrayed me, And an old
Speaker 2: version of me would have been like, so mad, let's
Speaker 2: confront this, Let's make them feel bad, Let's be dramatic
Speaker 2: and say something and then ghost whatever. And I literally
Speaker 2: just was like be slow to anger and abounding in
Speaker 2: kindness and like, never fully react until you've thought about
Speaker 2: their situation, their intentions, and their perspective. And it's like,
Speaker 2: I can see why this person did this, because you know,
Speaker 2: they thought that this is how everyone was gonna achieve happiness,
Speaker 2: and like you know, and and then I just I
Speaker 2: breathed through it and it didn't bother me. And I
Speaker 2: didn't pick a fight, and I know this thing and
Speaker 2: I never even brought it up because I feel like
Speaker 2: I did the work in my head. I don't even
Speaker 2: need to have a conversation with this person. I did
Speaker 2: it all, like you know. And I was like, do
Speaker 2: so to anger and abounding kindness.
Speaker 1: You pat yourself in the bat and back was like
Speaker 1: jes A psycho. No, I'm like what, okay, okay, we're
Speaker 1: wrapping up. What's the book of that you're going to
Speaker 1: recap on?
Speaker 2: So much to say a New Earth by Eckhart Toll
Speaker 2: and you can purchase that wherever. And if you can't
Speaker 2: afford a copy, DM me okay, okay, love that.
Speaker 3: And then and where can they DM you at?
Speaker 2: Victoria Brown on Instagram? Yep, with any at the end
Speaker 2: and TikTok right, yep, everywhere is Victory Brown. And then
Speaker 2: my podcast is called real Pod and that's where you
Speaker 2: can find Becca's episode if you want to rewind. I've
Speaker 2: also had Tanya and so much to say is going
Speaker 2: to drop in there for the next ten weeks.
Speaker 3: When when does that officially come out?
Speaker 2: It comes out this Friday. But this Friday is an
Speaker 2: intro episode, so we're going to talk more about what
Speaker 2: we're doing. You have all the time to order read
Speaker 2: the first chapter because next Friday will be the first.
Speaker 1: Breakay okay, so next Friday is the first recap episode.
Speaker 2: Great, So I'm like, not us giving everyone a signed
Speaker 2: reading in August, Like, did we not think of a
Speaker 2: better launch month? It's fine, yeah, just like the Yeah,
Speaker 2: they're starting school.
Speaker 1: All the parents are like, great, here's another book you
Speaker 1: have to read.
Speaker 2: But also this one is joy I'm so cited.
Speaker 1: I think I think it's really I think it's gonna
Speaker 1: be something that I really enjoy, and I'm gonna really
Speaker 1: try to be like diligent and stay on track with your.
Speaker 2: Podcast FaceTime or call me whenever we can also dish
Speaker 2: on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll just be like, hey, so I just read
Speaker 1: that chapter. Thank you so much for filling in for
Speaker 1: Tanya and coming on the podcast in studio.
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me. It's been enjoy miss Tanya. But
Speaker 2: honored to you know, come here.
Speaker 1: I love you, I love what you do, and I
Speaker 1: feel honored to call you a friend.
Speaker 3: So thanks for being.
Speaker 2: I feel the same way Easton, thank you to you