WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Crossing the Mendoza Line 0:00:00.640 --> 0:00:01.400 Kubbooms. 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:05.320 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:09.120 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:12.440 of the old Republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.440 treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:17.400 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:18.320 Wow. 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:22.240 The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:29.160 The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.280 the air everywhere. 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:36.159 The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:39.919 Radio A Happy Saturday to you. It as early as 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:43.920 we are in the podcast remote studio doing this podcast 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.680 in the early morning hours on this Saturday, the twenty 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:52.080 fourth day of January twenty twenty six, the day before 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:58.960 the National Championship Sunday for the NFL, their version of 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:03.000 the Championship Sunday, a couple weeks before Super Bowl Sunday, 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:07.600 the final four of the NFL, as the Patriots take 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:11.280 on the Broncos in the early game and then later 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:14.160 on in Seattle, it'll be the Rams. We'll ram it 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:16.039 all day and more importantly in a ram it all 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:19.480 night as they'll take on Seattle in that game. You 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:21.920 want my picks? You want my analysis, Yes you do. 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:25.360 You know what again, there's only one place you can 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:29.039 get my picks for the AFC and NFC Championship games 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:35.959 against the Spread, the iconic must see tube that's Benny 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.600 Versus the Penny. It continues fighting the good fight in 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:43.920 the pigskin world. You can check that out on you 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:48.920 Tube streaming on the Benny vs. Penny channel as we 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:55.840 together celebrate National Beer Can Appreciation Day in America. Why 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:58.280 is that a thing? It's just a thing. You just 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.280 go with it and that's it. So I started snooping 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.080 around and I looked at a few things. I do 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.200 know when I was a kid. One of my memories 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.000 as a child that we had a neighbor who lived 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:13.600 in the house next door, real close and walking through 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:15.600 the neighborhood I was growing up. I just ran around 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:18.400 and have phones or anything like that. Just ran around 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:20.320 and lived your life. So I remember the neighbor was 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:24.000 always working on his car, and then behind the car 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.640 his name is Rick, and behind Rick's carr in the 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:31.560 garage was a can. One can after there was a 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:35.120 wall of cans and they were all different colors and 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:36.960 it was really cool. I was like, oh, this is 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:39.760 pretty neat. You know, this is awesome. This guy collected 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:42.960 beer cans and then put them as display items in 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:49.120 his garage. So the beer can debuted in nineteen thirty five, 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.160 so we're coming up ten years or so, a little 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:55.280 less than that away from the one hundredth anniversary of 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:59.200 the beer can. It was in Jersey, a brewery called 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:04.920 Krueger's released the beer can, and then there was a 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.440 bit of a delay. There was something that happened. I 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:10.440 guess it was World War Two and there was a 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:14.000 delay in production. I wonder why. And it wasn't until 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:19.480 the nineteen sixties that canned beer became mainstream again. So 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:23.720 it debuted somewhat popular. And then in the nineteen sixties, 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:26.880 after the delay because of the war, stuff came back. 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:33.040 And in nineteen sixty nine, so fifty seven years ago, 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:36.800 the sales of canned beer exceeded the bottle beer for 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:40.080 the first time. I was reading that people did not 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:43.520 like the can beer or the bottle beer. H yeah, 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.240 the can beer. They liked the bottle beer. They didn't 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:47.520 like the can beer. And they got upset by that. 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:50.040 They were like, we like the bottle, we don't need 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:53.440 the can. Like what are you doing? And then eventually 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.680 people came around to it and said, okay, we're in 0:03:56.720 --> 0:04:00.480 on that. There's sciences. Of course, doesn't matter whether you 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:04.840 believe the science or not. The science is the science. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.400 And it takes less time to chill a can of 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:10.560 beer than a bottle beer. So if you're really desperate 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:14.400 to get a nice, cool beer, you've got to put 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:17.960 that in and a can't buy can. However, bottled beer 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:21.840 stays colder longer, so there you go. That's why the 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:26.720 koozy was invented, but not Bobkoozy, not Bob Coozy for sure. 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:32.440 And in the refrigerator, whether you're at home or supermarket 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:34.240 Steve or one of the boys that work at a 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:39.680 grocery store, it's much much easier to stack a can 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:42.640 of beer. You can't how do you stack a beer bottle? 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:46.200 He can't really do that. I cannot do it. And 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:50.479 the can beer also great for diplomacy and great to 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:55.680 spread the gospel or the SuDS. The Bruskies US brewershipped 0:04:55.960 --> 0:04:59.120 millions of cans of beer the soldiers overseas during World 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:02.040 War Two. So it's all because of the can. So 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:06.799 celebrate appropriately enjoy a nice can of beer on Beer 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.800 Can Appreciation Day. Now, to get to the meat of 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:13.960 the matter, we have the Mendoza line and rickrold As mentioned, 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:14.599 we'll start with this. 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:14.760 So. 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.200 I have been called a lot of things in my 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:20.920 time on this planet that we all share. Some of 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.800 them have been broadcasts, some of them have been dumped. 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:25.640 A lot of things have been sent to me via 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:29.680 email that are not fit to print. Somehow they made 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.480 it into the email. Definitely should have burned the computer 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.080 down or the phone down. And definitely these things not 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:40.320 suitable for the daytime audience that listen to radio. That's 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:42.359 why we're on at night. A few of the things 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.599 that have been sent to me probably require a tetanus 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:48.480 shot just to read or hear about. However, this week, 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:52.680 during what I thought was a rather blah, perfectly ordinary 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:56.400 stretch of sports talk radio, one of those quiet, polite 0:05:56.520 --> 0:06:02.600 lulls before Championship Sunday and the NFL decided to light 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:07.840 the fuse, I was reminded of one immutable truth of 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:14.760 the modern plugged in world. Nothing travels faster than a soft, 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:20.359 wounded fan base with Wi Fi. Nothing. So the other 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:22.000 day I was minding my own business, doing what I 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.200 always do. I was preparing for the overnight radio show, 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:30.280 minding myself in my own thoughts, living my nocturnal existence 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:34.520 like a raccoon wearing a headset, and I made one mistake. 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:38.200 I dared pop on. Briefly, very briefly, I peaked at 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:41.480 the X Machine formerly known as Twitter, which is still 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:46.520 the same old madhouse of debauchery, just with a shorter 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:53.200 sign out front. And suddenly, boom, the cavalry had arrived. 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:57.400 The cavalry had arrived. Not the real cavalry, of course, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:01.400 mind you, No horses, no safe just a convoy of 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:07.680 smartphone warriors, cyber tough guys, and anonymous screen hips. Because 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:11.000 nothing tells you that someone's tough when they have a 0:07:11.080 --> 0:07:17.400 fake name and an anime avatar, all charging in formation 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:22.880 towards me and my mentions. Now, it is funny how 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:26.280 trolls claim to seek the truth while hiding in the 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:30.440 shadows of the interweb, something that has happened since the 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.960 web was invented. Now, most of this took place while 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:37.640 I was sleeping, at least at the beginning. It has 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:40.280 continued the last couple of days, but it was as 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:44.960 I was asleep, And it's always a touching detail. Nothing 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:49.160 says I am winning at life, like firing off angry 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:52.920 messages to a stranger while that stranger is drooling on 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:57.280 a pillow at eleven am. So what was the crime here? 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:59.800 Do we have a crime? Well, it's high crimes and misdemeanors. 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:03.280 The fine web people at Fox Sports Radio, the company 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:08.600 I plausibly work for, posted a clip of my malor 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:14.400 monologue from the National Championship Game Indiana getting past the 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:21.120 you In. In that monologue, I had the audacity, the 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:26.400 unmitigated gall the nerve, the hootzpa to point out that 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:31.960 Indiana quarterback Fernando Mendoza the Golden Boy, look very ordinary, 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:36.280 pedestrian beige, the human version of that terms and conditions 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:39.520 page long doll and nobody actually reads it, just kind 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:44.160 of click it and move on. So the FFFSR social 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:50.840 media team captioned my monologue and they laid out everything right. 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:53.480 There was like a chalk outline one hundred eight Here's 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:55.200 what I said, one hundred and eighty six passing yard, 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.880 zero passing touchdowns, passer rating hovering in the low eighties. 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.160 I said, it was isn't the stat line of a 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:04.319 number one overall pick. The Raiders have the top pick. 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:07.600 I said, it looked more like an audition tape for 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:11.760 a future backup in the Canadian Football League, where the 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:15.400 fields are wider and the dreams go to politely wait right, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:20.680 And so this, it turns out, was a sin sung 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:27.120 loud enough to echo through the eternity of Hoosier's backers. Yeah, 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:33.160 you see the radio show, and your beloved gas bag 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:38.520 man had crossed the Mendoza line. I had no idea 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:43.760 that Fernando Mendoza had already done enough to warrant fanboys 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:46.760 with knee pads. I had no idea. But here we are, 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.400 somewhere deep in the cornfields of Indiana, as I imagine, 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:54.360 message boards began to glow, social media groups sounded, the 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:58.920 alarms group chats checked in as well, And suddenly, suddenly, 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:03.520 I the begnatta at a six year old's birthday party, 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:08.440 everyone blindfolded swinging away with their Louisville sluggers. That's right, 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:13.240 that's right, Except this wasn't kids blindfolded swinging, and I 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:18.720 was grown adults hurling insults with the emotional strain of 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:22.439 Toddler's denied a juice box, A total conniption fit of 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:26.480 the heart. Now you think, and you probably do think this, 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:28.920 I mean many do. You might think that this would 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:33.760 upset me, It would bother me. Strangers, people I will 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:41.520 never meet in life, unloading, viral, vicious, horrific insults like 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:46.280 haymakers and body blows, name calling, status checking, career shaming. 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:47.839 Ben sucks. 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:53.560 Did it all? You would be wrong. I freaking loved it. 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.720 I did well. I didn't need the anti Semites to 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:01.880 enter the chat, however, learned that they're welcome with open 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.480 arms on X if you're anti Semitic, they don't kick 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:07.720 you off. They love you, no punishment. In some ways, 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.960 it's actually good. The bad people self identify the people 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:15.000 that are scum of earth, and these people are there 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:18.959 so we know who's toxic and who's poisonous, who will 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:24.640 kill you like mercury, the lost souls of the cyber world. Now, 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:28.280 the rest of the attacks were just wonderful, just wonderful. 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:30.840 I'm glad that you're paying attention. It means that I 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.280 am doing my job right, you see. That's the thing 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.120 that is the thing. This is the part of the 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:42.480 job they don't put into the shiny brochure it's the 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:45.640 chicken soup for the soul. So this is a jolt 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.960 you don't need a prescription for when you get this 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:51.840 kind of attack. And I loved it at a little 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:55.079 more peppin of my staff, a big smile, extra bounce 0:11:55.920 --> 0:12:00.000 in the laces. It was invigorating. Charlie Sheen once says 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.120 actor back in the day, he once said that he 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.160 talked about tiger blood, and he had tiger blood in us. 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:11.800 This felt like a deluded but still effective version of 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:15.640 tiger blood with the side of ant acid, just a 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.160 little side. Now, some of the attacks were probably not real. 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.800 Let's be really realistic here in this is CyberWorld. There's 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:25.680 some bots. Some of them did have all the normal 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.760 signs of not being real. Some were definitely real human 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:33.319 beings who have never met a hobby. They liked more 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:38.640 than being just angry online angry birds. Angry birds they 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:42.120 don't get out much, don't have any friends. It happens, 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:44.600 you know, you're just a shut in. I get it, 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.400 I get it, and it's good. It's good playground for 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:50.000 people that have nothing going on in their lives. Now. 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:53.680 Either way, they all shared a familiar refrain, and I 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:55.800 will not do a list, because we don't do lists here. 0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:59.600 In honor though of Terry in England and Alf the 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:03.000 Alien Opiner and ferg Dog. Let's call it Benny's Big 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:08.240 Board of Social Media insults. And it never changes. Do 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.640 you know that? It never changes since I began this job. 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:14.120 These are the insults. There's three food groups of insults, 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:18.640 three of them. The first one is who is Ben Mahler? 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:26.080 Who is Ben Mahler? Who are you? That's why you're 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:30.240 on overnight? Or who's listening at two am? Some version 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:33.840 of that. The other one is nobody knows you, which 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.880 is a version of number one, and nobody cares what 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:40.559 you think. I like that one. These are the classics. 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.839 This is like Stairway to Heaven or a lukewarm hot 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:47.640 hot dog you chow down at halftime. These things are 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:52.280 time tested, overplayed and never quite satisfying. However, they don't 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.640 go away. They don't go away. Now here's the part 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:59.640 that these Mama Lukes do not understand. And I say 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:04.520 this with the affection of someone who has been in 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:09.840 those shoes, because confusion is one of humanity's most reliable traits. 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:15.000 Every man, woman and child who was part of that right, 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:20.440 all those angry replies, money in my bank account, food 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:25.600 on my plate, close on my back. These people, and 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:28.240 if you're one of them, welcome. You are participating in 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:33.240 the economy of outrage. And you don't even get a receipt. 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:37.600 You don't, don't you're so obtuse. Here's a life lesson. 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:40.840 If you truly don't know who the talk show host 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:43.480 is and you believe he is beneath you because he 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:48.120 works overnight, why are you frothing at the mouth over 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:52.200 his opinion? Why are you vibrating with a rage? Yah, 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:57.440 that's not dominance, that is surrender. You are such a 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:03.680 your pony. You don't grasp reality. You don't sending an insult, 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:07.760 all right? Sending insult in this case, to me is 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:11.800 akin to paying a guy at a fruit stand for 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:16.640 some strawberries. Right. In this case, you're not even getting strawberries. 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:21.840 I am literally, infiguratively paid to give opinions. Four hours 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:25.560 of live sports talk radio night on six hundred plus 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:29.800 radio stations booming across the Blue Marble. Three hours of 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:34.560 podcasting each weekend. Sixty to eighty opinions in mala monologues 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:39.360 a week minimum minimum sixty to eighty opinions per week 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:42.800 in the malam monologues. It's not my hobby, it's not. 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.840 In fact, this is a factory. Opinions go in, content 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:50.680 comes out. Think of it like a chapel. It's not 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:55.520 a child. It's a kitchen, Benny's bistro. You don't stay 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:59.880 in this business. Serving plain oatmeal for breakfast, iceberg let 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.920 with no dressing for lunch, no salad dressing. I don't 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:06.560 eat that, but other people do. And unseasoned tofu with 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:10.360 saltine crackers for dinner, capped off with vanilla ice cream 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:14.480 that tastes like regret. You need spice, you need flavor, 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:17.920 you need the heat, as Johnny Cash the legend, saying 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.920 you've got to be hotter than a pepper sprout. And 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:27.080 around here we're serving dragon breath peppers. We don't serve 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:30.280 tap water. We serve hot sauce. That's what we serve. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:34.280 And so Fernando Mendoza. I don't know Fernando Mendos. I 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:36.320 have nothing against Fernando Mendoz. I just call it like 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:39.880 I see it. On that night he had football holatosis. 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:44.640 It happens. Even good players have games where the breath 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:49.000 smells off and the throws don't land. And that's not cruelty, 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:52.480 that's observation. That's the job. And he doesn't look like 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.200 he's going to be very good in the NFL. That's 0:16:54.280 --> 0:17:00.480 just based on reality. Unfortunately, the Hoosiers online contingent wacka 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:04.160 Doodles cannot handle the truth understandable. I get it. I 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:08.159 told I'm not upset with you. I understand most of 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:12.360 you still have the price tag stickers attached to your 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:16.479 hats and your jerseys and your little trinkets and all 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.320 the team merch you just bought because nobody ever went 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:23.040 to Indiana football right. For over fifty years, Indiana football 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.520 has been friends and family only. That was the operation 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:33.400 invitation only. Nobody was being invited. Now they've tasted some relevance, 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.520 and like all sudden success stories, it comes with a 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:41.240 thin skin and a hair trigger temper. And so you 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.960 got the temper, congratulates and again it's okay. It's okay 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:51.640 because outrage is the fuel, always has been, always will be. 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:58.359 If nobody's mad, nobody's listening, and if nobody's listening, you're 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:01.680 just talking to yourself. You're whisper to the void. You're 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:06.920 serving a plain white boiled potato without skin in an 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:12.400 empty diner, wondering where it all went wrong? Like what happened? 0:18:13.440 --> 0:18:17.520 So again, to the cavalry of hoosiers, the convoy, the 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:24.919 keyboard commandos, thank you sleep well. All right, I'll be 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:27.359 sleeping well, but you sleep well. Make sure your phones 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:33.679 are charged. I'll be here every night, all night, doing 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:38.080 what I do, giving opinions, collecting reactions and getting paid 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:41.480 for it, and enjoying every last drop of that sweet, 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:46.639 nourishing noise because it keeps the lights on. And for that, 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:52.080 I thank you, now turning the page. It was just 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.879 a dinner roll, a harmless, innocent looking dinner roll. So 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:59.480 this happened recently, and I was asked to expand on this. 0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:01.560 I'd mentioned this on the radio show. You might have 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.960 heard it, maybe you didn't. So the dinner roll the 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.400 kind of a food item that exists solely to make 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:13.840 life better, like duct tape or that comfortable, soft pair 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:21.040 of sweatpants. And yet that role recently betrayed me. So 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:22.359 let me explain it for those of you in the 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:25.119 back of room. I was enjoying my usual I call it. 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:27.800 It's liner, not really dinner, not lunch. It's that sacred 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:31.639 hybrid meal that lives in the no man's land between 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:36.200 lunch and dinner, usually four thirty ish to five thirty ish. 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:43.000 That is my personal bremina triangle of calories where time disappears. 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:46.520 I get to watch, depending on the season, whatever sporting 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:48.960 events starting at seven thirty on the East coast of 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:52.280 seven o'clock NBA this time of the year, but baseball 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:56.040 most of the year. Occasionally football college football that hums 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.679 in the background on the boob tube as I am 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:04.720 multitasking like a octopus heavily caffeinated while preparing for the show. 0:20:05.640 --> 0:20:09.639 So most of the time it's it's chicken, check that box. 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:12.760 I usually have some rice, check that box. And so 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:14.760 on this night, I had the chicken, I had the rice. 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:18.800 All I needed was a supporting actor, a flavor enhancer, 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:24.520 a role player, and entering now the Hawaiian role. Now, 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:30.560 Hawaiian roles are not just bread. They're They're deeper than that. 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:34.280 They're the If they were dogs, they'd be labradoodles, right. 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:40.320 They just just wonderful, soft, sweet, friendly, universally beloved. I 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.600 don't know anyone whether you're a carnivore or an evil 0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:47.040 vegan that does not love the Hawaiian role. You don't 0:20:47.160 --> 0:20:50.159 eat a Hawaiian roll so much as you experience the 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:53.840 goodness of it. And these particular roles Kings Hawaiian, the 0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:57.719 savory buttery rolls its says on the label. So they 0:20:57.760 --> 0:21:01.639 were leftovers from the holiday party seas, which is a 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:04.879 time when food enters the mallor mansion and then refuses 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:08.639 to leave. It's like that cousin who just needs a 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:10.800 few days to get back on their feet and it's like, ah, 0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:13.960 I won't be any problem, and then three months later 0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:19.200 they're still there. So the packaging is a masterclass interception 0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:22.919 and that is the issue here. So the orange branding 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:26.000 if you ever had Kings Hawaiian roles, So the package 0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:29.800 is it's a plastic bag and then there's a like 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:32.159 a paper thing the rolls go on, but it's a 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:34.880 plastic bag that wraps it. It's Orange brand and clear 0:21:34.920 --> 0:21:41.800 plastic top a transparent window. You can see the fluffy happiness. 0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:46.480 It's like the zoo and seeing the elephant enclosure or whatever, 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:50.159 or the monkey enclosure and you can see through and 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:55.480 these delicious savory butter rolls looked perfectly fine through the 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:59.440 little peacle. They looked trustworthy. They looked like the bread 0:21:59.440 --> 0:22:03.480 equivalent of a firm handshake and steady eye contact. Trustworthy. 0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:07.600 So I did what anyone else, we do it so well. 0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:09.760 I examined them through the plastic. We're good to go, 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:14.840 so without further inspection, because when has bread ever betrayed anyone? 0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:20.560 I grabbed one and I took a bite. What happened, Well, yeah, 0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:26.440 I ended up getting rickrolled. Now not metaphorically, of course, spiritually, 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:30.639 Instead of buttery bliss, I was greeted with blue and 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:34.680 white mold, a lot of it. Not a little mold, No, no, 0:22:34.680 --> 0:22:38.199 not a maybe that's a shadow situation. This was an 0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:44.119 assertive mold, mold with confidence, an aggressive mold, mold that 0:22:44.160 --> 0:22:48.440 had clearly signed a long term lease and started redecorating. 0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:50.679 Interesting enough, though it had not popped at the top 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:54.520 of the buttery rolls, and it looked fine. Well, my 0:22:54.560 --> 0:22:57.280 appetite did not just leave that moment. It packed a bag, 0:22:57.359 --> 0:22:59.320 ghosted me, and blocked my number. So that was it 0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:03.000 for my appetite. This was the culinary version of back 0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:06.720 in the day, clicking what you thought was an interesting 0:23:06.800 --> 0:23:11.800 article and suddenly hearing never gonna give you up by 0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:17.080 Rick Astley blasting through your speakers at full volume. You 0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:21.080 ecept that occasionally this would happen on the internet. You 0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:23.680 don't think this is going to happen back in the day, 0:23:23.680 --> 0:23:27.200 would happen when you're eating roles that you looked at. Right, 0:23:29.720 --> 0:23:31.200 I thought Bob was gonna get a groll, and I 0:23:31.240 --> 0:23:35.400 got ambushed in this case by fungus. I got ambushed 0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:38.400 by fungus, is what I got. And that's what made 0:23:38.440 --> 0:23:41.879 it hurt the most. Right, that moldy bread is bad enough. 0:23:42.640 --> 0:23:45.920 Moldy bread that pretends to be a delicious Hawaiian roll 0:23:47.240 --> 0:23:51.800 that messes with you. That's psychological warfare, is what that is. 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:54.159 And it was the best laid plans of mice and men, 0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:58.560 except the mice would have taken one look and filed 0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:01.920 a formal complaint. And I was thinking about this as 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:04.359 I was walking into the remote studio today. It was 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:08.679 like at former college football coach jimbo Fisher, as he 0:24:08.720 --> 0:24:12.080 once said, well, according to someone I read on Bible, 0:24:12.840 --> 0:24:15.240 which means it may or may not be true. Someone 0:24:15.280 --> 0:24:19.080 writes it, a guy named Slice Brand posts it, and 0:24:19.119 --> 0:24:21.560 suddenly everyone runs with it. Of course, in my case 0:24:21.600 --> 0:24:25.040 it wasn't slice breand it was moldy brand and it 0:24:25.119 --> 0:24:30.000 ran straight into my mouth. And that's when it hit me. 0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:34.320 I had been outsmarted by the packaging again, the plastic 0:24:34.440 --> 0:24:39.760 branding in my own blind optimism, teaming up side by 0:24:39.800 --> 0:24:46.720 side against me. This time I learned a lesson that 0:24:46.840 --> 0:24:49.080 I will take with me at least for the next week, 0:24:49.119 --> 0:24:53.040 and then I'll forget about it. This role was the hyperlink, 0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:57.320 the hyperlink of big goods. It said one thing and 0:24:57.359 --> 0:25:00.560 delivered yet another. It was a trojan horse, if the 0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:03.639 trojans had carbs and a faint smell of just what 0:25:03.720 --> 0:25:06.800 have I done? The term rickrolld for those who don't know. 0:25:07.200 --> 0:25:11.000 I don't think it's around much anymore. For the uninitiated 0:25:11.480 --> 0:25:17.320 or blissfully offline world, the term rickroll that refers to 0:25:17.560 --> 0:25:22.280 an Internet prank where you click a link expecting one thing, 0:25:22.320 --> 0:25:26.359 and again you get Rick Ashley instead. It's the bait 0:25:26.520 --> 0:25:31.880 and switch, the digital banana peel. And like all great pranks, 0:25:33.000 --> 0:25:35.639 it works because of trust. You believe the link, you 0:25:35.720 --> 0:25:39.080 believe that it's going to work out. I believe that 0:25:39.080 --> 0:25:46.840 that Hawaiian role was going to be delicious and then surprise, yes, surprise, surprise, surprise. 0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:51.240 Now the difference is that Rick Ashley won't give you 0:25:51.359 --> 0:25:55.200 food poisoning, well not. This experience taught me a valuable 0:25:55.240 --> 0:25:59.320 life lesson again, which I will again think about for 0:25:59.359 --> 0:26:03.000 a week and then immediately forget and relearn several times 0:26:03.040 --> 0:26:10.960 before I die. Inspect twice, bite once, trust, but verify, 0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:17.720 Look before you leap, measure twice, cut once again. Don't 0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:22.199 judge a role by its wrapper. You don't do it 0:26:22.200 --> 0:26:28.080 because sometimes, sometimes in this cold, confusing world, the thing 0:26:28.160 --> 0:26:33.160 that looks warm, soft and comforting is actually plodding against you. 0:26:33.880 --> 0:26:38.679 Sometimes the hyperlink is a lie, sometimes the bread is moldy, 0:26:39.320 --> 0:26:42.800 and sometimes your one meal a day turns into a 0:26:42.920 --> 0:26:46.760