1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:01,400 Speaker 1: Kubbooms. 2 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 3 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:09,120 Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 4 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 5 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 6 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 1: Wow. 8 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 9 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in 10 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 2: the air everywhere. 11 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g 12 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,919 Speaker 1: Radio A Happy Saturday to you. It as early as 13 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 1: we are in the podcast remote studio doing this podcast 14 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: in the early morning hours on this Saturday, the twenty 15 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 1: fourth day of January twenty twenty six, the day before 16 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: the National Championship Sunday for the NFL, their version of 17 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: the Championship Sunday, a couple weeks before Super Bowl Sunday, 18 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: the final four of the NFL, as the Patriots take 19 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: on the Broncos in the early game and then later 20 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: on in Seattle, it'll be the Rams. We'll ram it 21 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: all day and more importantly in a ram it all 22 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: night as they'll take on Seattle in that game. You 23 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: want my picks? You want my analysis, Yes you do. 24 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 1: You know what again, there's only one place you can 25 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 1: get my picks for the AFC and NFC Championship games 26 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: against the Spread, the iconic must see tube that's Benny 27 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: Versus the Penny. It continues fighting the good fight in 28 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: the pigskin world. You can check that out on you 29 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: Tube streaming on the Benny vs. Penny channel as we 30 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: together celebrate National Beer Can Appreciation Day in America. Why 31 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: is that a thing? It's just a thing. You just 32 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: go with it and that's it. So I started snooping 33 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: around and I looked at a few things. I do 34 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: know when I was a kid. One of my memories 35 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: as a child that we had a neighbor who lived 36 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: in the house next door, real close and walking through 37 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: the neighborhood I was growing up. I just ran around 38 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 1: and have phones or anything like that. Just ran around 39 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: and lived your life. So I remember the neighbor was 40 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 1: always working on his car, and then behind the car 41 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 1: his name is Rick, and behind Rick's carr in the 42 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: garage was a can. One can after there was a 43 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: wall of cans and they were all different colors and 44 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 1: it was really cool. I was like, oh, this is 45 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: pretty neat. You know, this is awesome. This guy collected 46 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: beer cans and then put them as display items in 47 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: his garage. So the beer can debuted in nineteen thirty five, 48 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: so we're coming up ten years or so, a little 49 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: less than that away from the one hundredth anniversary of 50 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: the beer can. It was in Jersey, a brewery called 51 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 1: Krueger's released the beer can, and then there was a 52 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: bit of a delay. There was something that happened. I 53 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: guess it was World War Two and there was a 54 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: delay in production. I wonder why. And it wasn't until 55 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: the nineteen sixties that canned beer became mainstream again. So 56 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 1: it debuted somewhat popular. And then in the nineteen sixties, 57 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: after the delay because of the war, stuff came back. 58 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: And in nineteen sixty nine, so fifty seven years ago, 59 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: the sales of canned beer exceeded the bottle beer for 60 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: the first time. I was reading that people did not 61 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: like the can beer or the bottle beer. H yeah, 62 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: the can beer. They liked the bottle beer. They didn't 63 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: like the can beer. And they got upset by that. 64 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: They were like, we like the bottle, we don't need 65 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: the can. Like what are you doing? And then eventually 66 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: people came around to it and said, okay, we're in 67 00:03:56,720 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: on that. There's sciences. Of course, doesn't matter whether you 68 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 1: believe the science or not. The science is the science. 69 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: And it takes less time to chill a can of 70 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: beer than a bottle beer. So if you're really desperate 71 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: to get a nice, cool beer, you've got to put 72 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: that in and a can't buy can. However, bottled beer 73 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 1: stays colder longer, so there you go. That's why the 74 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 1: koozy was invented, but not Bobkoozy, not Bob Coozy for sure. 75 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: And in the refrigerator, whether you're at home or supermarket 76 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: Steve or one of the boys that work at a 77 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: grocery store, it's much much easier to stack a can 78 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: of beer. You can't how do you stack a beer bottle? 79 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: He can't really do that. I cannot do it. And 80 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 1: the can beer also great for diplomacy and great to 81 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: spread the gospel or the SuDS. The Bruskies US brewershipped 82 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: millions of cans of beer the soldiers overseas during World 83 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 1: War Two. So it's all because of the can. So 84 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:06,799 Speaker 1: celebrate appropriately enjoy a nice can of beer on Beer 85 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: Can Appreciation Day. Now, to get to the meat of 86 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: the matter, we have the Mendoza line and rickrold As mentioned, 87 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:14,599 Speaker 1: we'll start with this. 88 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 2: So. 89 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: I have been called a lot of things in my 90 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 1: time on this planet that we all share. Some of 91 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: them have been broadcasts, some of them have been dumped. 92 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: A lot of things have been sent to me via 93 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: email that are not fit to print. Somehow they made 94 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 1: it into the email. Definitely should have burned the computer 95 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: down or the phone down. And definitely these things not 96 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 1: suitable for the daytime audience that listen to radio. That's 97 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: why we're on at night. A few of the things 98 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 1: that have been sent to me probably require a tetanus 99 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 1: shot just to read or hear about. However, this week, 100 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: during what I thought was a rather blah, perfectly ordinary 101 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: stretch of sports talk radio, one of those quiet, polite 102 00:05:56,520 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: lulls before Championship Sunday and the NFL decided to light 103 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:07,840 Speaker 1: the fuse, I was reminded of one immutable truth of 104 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: the modern plugged in world. Nothing travels faster than a soft, 105 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:20,359 Speaker 1: wounded fan base with Wi Fi. Nothing. So the other 106 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: day I was minding my own business, doing what I 107 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: always do. I was preparing for the overnight radio show, 108 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 1: minding myself in my own thoughts, living my nocturnal existence 109 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: like a raccoon wearing a headset, and I made one mistake. 110 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 1: I dared pop on. Briefly, very briefly, I peaked at 111 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 1: the X Machine formerly known as Twitter, which is still 112 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 1: the same old madhouse of debauchery, just with a shorter 113 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: sign out front. And suddenly, boom, the cavalry had arrived. 114 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: The cavalry had arrived. Not the real cavalry, of course, 115 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: mind you, No horses, no safe just a convoy of 116 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: smartphone warriors, cyber tough guys, and anonymous screen hips. Because 117 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 1: nothing tells you that someone's tough when they have a 118 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: fake name and an anime avatar, all charging in formation 119 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: towards me and my mentions. Now, it is funny how 120 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: trolls claim to seek the truth while hiding in the 121 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: shadows of the interweb, something that has happened since the 122 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: web was invented. Now, most of this took place while 123 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: I was sleeping, at least at the beginning. It has 124 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: continued the last couple of days, but it was as 125 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 1: I was asleep, And it's always a touching detail. Nothing 126 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: says I am winning at life, like firing off angry 127 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 1: messages to a stranger while that stranger is drooling on 128 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: a pillow at eleven am. So what was the crime here? 129 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: Do we have a crime? Well, it's high crimes and misdemeanors. 130 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: The fine web people at Fox Sports Radio, the company 131 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 1: I plausibly work for, posted a clip of my malor 132 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: monologue from the National Championship Game Indiana getting past the 133 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: you In. In that monologue, I had the audacity, the 134 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 1: unmitigated gall the nerve, the hootzpa to point out that 135 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 1: Indiana quarterback Fernando Mendoza the Golden Boy, look very ordinary, 136 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: pedestrian beige, the human version of that terms and conditions 137 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 1: page long doll and nobody actually reads it, just kind 138 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: of click it and move on. So the FFFSR social 139 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 1: media team captioned my monologue and they laid out everything right. 140 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: There was like a chalk outline one hundred eight Here's 141 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 1: what I said, one hundred and eighty six passing yard, 142 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 1: zero passing touchdowns, passer rating hovering in the low eighties. 143 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: I said, it was isn't the stat line of a 144 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,319 Speaker 1: number one overall pick. The Raiders have the top pick. 145 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: I said, it looked more like an audition tape for 146 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: a future backup in the Canadian Football League, where the 147 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: fields are wider and the dreams go to politely wait right, 148 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 1: And so this, it turns out, was a sin sung 149 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: loud enough to echo through the eternity of Hoosier's backers. Yeah, 150 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: you see the radio show, and your beloved gas bag 151 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 1: man had crossed the Mendoza line. I had no idea 152 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: that Fernando Mendoza had already done enough to warrant fanboys 153 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: with knee pads. I had no idea. But here we are, 154 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: somewhere deep in the cornfields of Indiana, as I imagine, 155 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: message boards began to glow, social media groups sounded, the 156 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: alarms group chats checked in as well, And suddenly, suddenly, 157 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,520 Speaker 1: I the begnatta at a six year old's birthday party, 158 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: everyone blindfolded swinging away with their Louisville sluggers. That's right, 159 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: that's right, Except this wasn't kids blindfolded swinging, and I 160 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: was grown adults hurling insults with the emotional strain of 161 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,439 Speaker 1: Toddler's denied a juice box, A total conniption fit of 162 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: the heart. Now you think, and you probably do think this, 163 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: I mean many do. You might think that this would 164 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: upset me, It would bother me. Strangers, people I will 165 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: never meet in life, unloading, viral, vicious, horrific insults like 166 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: haymakers and body blows, name calling, status checking, career shaming. 167 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:47,839 Speaker 2: Ben sucks. 168 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 1: Did it all? You would be wrong. I freaking loved it. 169 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 1: I did well. I didn't need the anti Semites to 170 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: enter the chat, however, learned that they're welcome with open 171 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: arms on X if you're anti Semitic, they don't kick 172 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: you off. They love you, no punishment. In some ways, 173 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: it's actually good. The bad people self identify the people 174 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: that are scum of earth, and these people are there 175 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 1: so we know who's toxic and who's poisonous, who will 176 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: kill you like mercury, the lost souls of the cyber world. Now, 177 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 1: the rest of the attacks were just wonderful, just wonderful. 178 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: I'm glad that you're paying attention. It means that I 179 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: am doing my job right, you see. That's the thing 180 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: that is the thing. This is the part of the 181 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: job they don't put into the shiny brochure it's the 182 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 1: chicken soup for the soul. So this is a jolt 183 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 1: you don't need a prescription for when you get this 184 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: kind of attack. And I loved it at a little 185 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,079 Speaker 1: more peppin of my staff, a big smile, extra bounce 186 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 1: in the laces. It was invigorating. Charlie Sheen once says 187 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: actor back in the day, he once said that he 188 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: talked about tiger blood, and he had tiger blood in us. 189 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: This felt like a deluded but still effective version of 190 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: tiger blood with the side of ant acid, just a 191 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: little side. Now, some of the attacks were probably not real. 192 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: Let's be really realistic here in this is CyberWorld. There's 193 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 1: some bots. Some of them did have all the normal 194 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: signs of not being real. Some were definitely real human 195 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:33,319 Speaker 1: beings who have never met a hobby. They liked more 196 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: than being just angry online angry birds. Angry birds they 197 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 1: don't get out much, don't have any friends. It happens, 198 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: you know, you're just a shut in. I get it, 199 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: I get it, and it's good. It's good playground for 200 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 1: people that have nothing going on in their lives. Now. 201 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,680 Speaker 1: Either way, they all shared a familiar refrain, and I 202 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: will not do a list, because we don't do lists here. 203 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: In honor though of Terry in England and Alf the 204 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: Alien Opiner and ferg Dog. Let's call it Benny's Big 205 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: Board of Social Media insults. And it never changes. Do 206 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: you know that? It never changes since I began this job. 207 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: These are the insults. There's three food groups of insults, 208 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: three of them. The first one is who is Ben Mahler? 209 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:26,080 Speaker 1: Who is Ben Mahler? Who are you? That's why you're 210 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,240 Speaker 1: on overnight? Or who's listening at two am? Some version 211 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: of that. The other one is nobody knows you, which 212 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 1: is a version of number one, and nobody cares what 213 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 1: you think. I like that one. These are the classics. 214 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:43,839 Speaker 1: This is like Stairway to Heaven or a lukewarm hot 215 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: hot dog you chow down at halftime. These things are 216 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: time tested, overplayed and never quite satisfying. However, they don't 217 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: go away. They don't go away. Now here's the part 218 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: that these Mama Lukes do not understand. And I say 219 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:04,520 Speaker 1: this with the affection of someone who has been in 220 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: those shoes, because confusion is one of humanity's most reliable traits. 221 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: Every man, woman and child who was part of that right, 222 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: all those angry replies, money in my bank account, food 223 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: on my plate, close on my back. These people, and 224 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,240 Speaker 1: if you're one of them, welcome. You are participating in 225 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: the economy of outrage. And you don't even get a receipt. 226 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: You don't, don't you're so obtuse. Here's a life lesson. 227 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: If you truly don't know who the talk show host 228 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: is and you believe he is beneath you because he 229 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 1: works overnight, why are you frothing at the mouth over 230 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: his opinion? Why are you vibrating with a rage? Yah, 231 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 1: that's not dominance, that is surrender. You are such a 232 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: your pony. You don't grasp reality. You don't sending an insult, 233 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 1: all right? Sending insult in this case, to me is 234 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: akin to paying a guy at a fruit stand for 235 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: some strawberries. Right. In this case, you're not even getting strawberries. 236 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: I am literally, infiguratively paid to give opinions. Four hours 237 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: of live sports talk radio night on six hundred plus 238 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: radio stations booming across the Blue Marble. Three hours of 239 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: podcasting each weekend. Sixty to eighty opinions in mala monologues 240 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: a week minimum minimum sixty to eighty opinions per week 241 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: in the malam monologues. It's not my hobby, it's not. 242 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,840 Speaker 1: In fact, this is a factory. Opinions go in, content 243 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: comes out. Think of it like a chapel. It's not 244 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: a child. It's a kitchen, Benny's bistro. You don't stay 245 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 1: in this business. Serving plain oatmeal for breakfast, iceberg let 246 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: with no dressing for lunch, no salad dressing. I don't 247 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: eat that, but other people do. And unseasoned tofu with 248 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: saltine crackers for dinner, capped off with vanilla ice cream 249 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 1: that tastes like regret. You need spice, you need flavor, 250 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: you need the heat, as Johnny Cash the legend, saying 251 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: you've got to be hotter than a pepper sprout. And 252 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 1: around here we're serving dragon breath peppers. We don't serve 253 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: tap water. We serve hot sauce. That's what we serve. 254 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: And so Fernando Mendoza. I don't know Fernando Mendos. I 255 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 1: have nothing against Fernando Mendoz. I just call it like 256 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 1: I see it. On that night he had football holatosis. 257 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 1: It happens. Even good players have games where the breath 258 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: smells off and the throws don't land. And that's not cruelty, 259 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: that's observation. That's the job. And he doesn't look like 260 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 1: he's going to be very good in the NFL. That's 261 00:16:54,280 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: just based on reality. Unfortunately, the Hoosiers online contingent wacka 262 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 1: Doodles cannot handle the truth understandable. I get it. I 263 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:08,159 Speaker 1: told I'm not upset with you. I understand most of 264 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,360 Speaker 1: you still have the price tag stickers attached to your 265 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,479 Speaker 1: hats and your jerseys and your little trinkets and all 266 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: the team merch you just bought because nobody ever went 267 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 1: to Indiana football right. For over fifty years, Indiana football 268 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: has been friends and family only. That was the operation 269 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:33,400 Speaker 1: invitation only. Nobody was being invited. Now they've tasted some relevance, 270 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: and like all sudden success stories, it comes with a 271 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: thin skin and a hair trigger temper. And so you 272 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 1: got the temper, congratulates and again it's okay. It's okay 273 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: because outrage is the fuel, always has been, always will be. 274 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:58,359 Speaker 1: If nobody's mad, nobody's listening, and if nobody's listening, you're 275 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,680 Speaker 1: just talking to yourself. You're whisper to the void. You're 276 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 1: serving a plain white boiled potato without skin in an 277 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: empty diner, wondering where it all went wrong? Like what happened? 278 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: So again, to the cavalry of hoosiers, the convoy, the 279 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:24,919 Speaker 1: keyboard commandos, thank you sleep well. All right, I'll be 280 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 1: sleeping well, but you sleep well. Make sure your phones 281 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:33,679 Speaker 1: are charged. I'll be here every night, all night, doing 282 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 1: what I do, giving opinions, collecting reactions and getting paid 283 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 1: for it, and enjoying every last drop of that sweet, 284 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 1: nourishing noise because it keeps the lights on. And for that, 285 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: I thank you, now turning the page. It was just 286 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 1: a dinner roll, a harmless, innocent looking dinner roll. So 287 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 1: this happened recently, and I was asked to expand on this. 288 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 1: I'd mentioned this on the radio show. You might have 289 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 1: heard it, maybe you didn't. So the dinner roll the 290 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,400 Speaker 1: kind of a food item that exists solely to make 291 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: life better, like duct tape or that comfortable, soft pair 292 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: of sweatpants. And yet that role recently betrayed me. So 293 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: let me explain it for those of you in the 294 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: back of room. I was enjoying my usual I call it. 295 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: It's liner, not really dinner, not lunch. It's that sacred 296 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,639 Speaker 1: hybrid meal that lives in the no man's land between 297 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:36,200 Speaker 1: lunch and dinner, usually four thirty ish to five thirty ish. 298 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: That is my personal bremina triangle of calories where time disappears. 299 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 1: I get to watch, depending on the season, whatever sporting 300 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,960 Speaker 1: events starting at seven thirty on the East coast of 301 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: seven o'clock NBA this time of the year, but baseball 302 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: most of the year. Occasionally football college football that hums 303 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 1: in the background on the boob tube as I am 304 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:04,720 Speaker 1: multitasking like a octopus heavily caffeinated while preparing for the show. 305 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,639 Speaker 1: So most of the time it's it's chicken, check that box. 306 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: I usually have some rice, check that box. And so 307 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: on this night, I had the chicken, I had the rice. 308 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 1: All I needed was a supporting actor, a flavor enhancer, 309 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: a role player, and entering now the Hawaiian role. Now, 310 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:30,560 Speaker 1: Hawaiian roles are not just bread. They're They're deeper than that. 311 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: They're the If they were dogs, they'd be labradoodles, right. 312 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 1: They just just wonderful, soft, sweet, friendly, universally beloved. I 313 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: don't know anyone whether you're a carnivore or an evil 314 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: vegan that does not love the Hawaiian role. You don't 315 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,159 Speaker 1: eat a Hawaiian roll so much as you experience the 316 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: goodness of it. And these particular roles Kings Hawaiian, the 317 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,719 Speaker 1: savory buttery rolls its says on the label. So they 318 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,639 Speaker 1: were leftovers from the holiday party seas, which is a 319 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,879 Speaker 1: time when food enters the mallor mansion and then refuses 320 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:08,639 Speaker 1: to leave. It's like that cousin who just needs a 321 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: few days to get back on their feet and it's like, ah, 322 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: I won't be any problem, and then three months later 323 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 1: they're still there. So the packaging is a masterclass interception 324 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 1: and that is the issue here. So the orange branding 325 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: if you ever had Kings Hawaiian roles, So the package 326 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: is it's a plastic bag and then there's a like 327 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 1: a paper thing the rolls go on, but it's a 328 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,880 Speaker 1: plastic bag that wraps it. It's Orange brand and clear 329 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: plastic top a transparent window. You can see the fluffy happiness. 330 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 1: It's like the zoo and seeing the elephant enclosure or whatever, 331 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: or the monkey enclosure and you can see through and 332 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: these delicious savory butter rolls looked perfectly fine through the 333 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 1: little peacle. They looked trustworthy. They looked like the bread 334 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: equivalent of a firm handshake and steady eye contact. Trustworthy. 335 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 1: So I did what anyone else, we do it so well. 336 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 1: I examined them through the plastic. We're good to go, 337 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: so without further inspection, because when has bread ever betrayed anyone? 338 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: I grabbed one and I took a bite. What happened, Well, yeah, 339 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: I ended up getting rickrolled. Now not metaphorically, of course, spiritually, 340 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 1: Instead of buttery bliss, I was greeted with blue and 341 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,680 Speaker 1: white mold, a lot of it. Not a little mold, No, no, 342 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,199 Speaker 1: not a maybe that's a shadow situation. This was an 343 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 1: assertive mold, mold with confidence, an aggressive mold, mold that 344 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,440 Speaker 1: had clearly signed a long term lease and started redecorating. 345 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 1: Interesting enough, though it had not popped at the top 346 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 1: of the buttery rolls, and it looked fine. Well, my 347 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,280 Speaker 1: appetite did not just leave that moment. It packed a bag, 348 00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: ghosted me, and blocked my number. So that was it 349 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: for my appetite. This was the culinary version of back 350 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 1: in the day, clicking what you thought was an interesting 351 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: article and suddenly hearing never gonna give you up by 352 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: Rick Astley blasting through your speakers at full volume. You 353 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: ecept that occasionally this would happen on the internet. You 354 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,680 Speaker 1: don't think this is going to happen back in the day, 355 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 1: would happen when you're eating roles that you looked at. Right, 356 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,200 Speaker 1: I thought Bob was gonna get a groll, and I 357 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,400 Speaker 1: got ambushed in this case by fungus. I got ambushed 358 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 1: by fungus, is what I got. And that's what made 359 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,879 Speaker 1: it hurt the most. Right, that moldy bread is bad enough. 360 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,920 Speaker 1: Moldy bread that pretends to be a delicious Hawaiian roll 361 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: that messes with you. That's psychological warfare, is what that is. 362 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,159 Speaker 1: And it was the best laid plans of mice and men, 363 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: except the mice would have taken one look and filed 364 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 1: a formal complaint. And I was thinking about this as 365 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: I was walking into the remote studio today. It was 366 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:08,679 Speaker 1: like at former college football coach jimbo Fisher, as he 367 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: once said, well, according to someone I read on Bible, 368 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 1: which means it may or may not be true. Someone 369 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 1: writes it, a guy named Slice Brand posts it, and 370 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: suddenly everyone runs with it. Of course, in my case 371 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 1: it wasn't slice breand it was moldy brand and it 372 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:30,000 Speaker 1: ran straight into my mouth. And that's when it hit me. 373 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,320 Speaker 1: I had been outsmarted by the packaging again, the plastic 374 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: branding in my own blind optimism, teaming up side by 375 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: side against me. This time I learned a lesson that 376 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 1: I will take with me at least for the next week, 377 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 1: and then I'll forget about it. This role was the hyperlink, 378 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: the hyperlink of big goods. It said one thing and 379 00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: delivered yet another. It was a trojan horse, if the 380 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 1: trojans had carbs and a faint smell of just what 381 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,800 Speaker 1: have I done? The term rickrolld for those who don't know. 382 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: I don't think it's around much anymore. For the uninitiated 383 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 1: or blissfully offline world, the term rickroll that refers to 384 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: an Internet prank where you click a link expecting one thing, 385 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:26,359 Speaker 1: and again you get Rick Ashley instead. It's the bait 386 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:31,880 Speaker 1: and switch, the digital banana peel. And like all great pranks, 387 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,639 Speaker 1: it works because of trust. You believe the link, you 388 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: believe that it's going to work out. I believe that 389 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: that Hawaiian role was going to be delicious and then surprise, yes, surprise, surprise, surprise. 390 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 1: Now the difference is that Rick Ashley won't give you 391 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: food poisoning, well not. This experience taught me a valuable 392 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: life lesson again, which I will again think about for 393 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:03,000 Speaker 1: a week and then immediately forget and relearn several times 394 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 1: before I die. Inspect twice, bite once, trust, but verify, 395 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: Look before you leap, measure twice, cut once again. Don't 396 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 1: judge a role by its wrapper. You don't do it 397 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: because sometimes, sometimes in this cold, confusing world, the thing 398 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:33,160 Speaker 1: that looks warm, soft and comforting is actually plodding against you. 399 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:38,679 Speaker 1: Sometimes the hyperlink is a lie, sometimes the bread is moldy, 400 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 1: and sometimes your one meal a day turns into a 401 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 1: lifelong memory. You did not ask for Okay, you did not. 402 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 1: I did not ask for that, did you. I didn't 403 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 1: ask for that that? Hey, I at least I didn't 404 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,640 Speaker 1: hum along with the tune. I didn't hum along with that, 405 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 1: And so there is there's something there. 406 00:26:59,080 --> 00:26:59,359 Speaker 2: All right. 407 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 1: We'll get out on that note. Don't forget to watch 408 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: Benny Versus the Penny Man Versus Coin as we have 409 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: that for you on YouTube. Two episodes you can binge 410 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,920 Speaker 1: watch those. You can also go back and hear if 411 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: you missed the Friday podcast, the Fifth Hour from yesterday, 412 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 1: we had a fresh episode. The star of the show 413 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,199 Speaker 1: on the Friday podcast was the mister American Pipe. But 414 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: also we said our goodbyes to Rosco the Parrot, one 415 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 1: of the great characters in the history of the Ben 416 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,680 Speaker 1: Malor Show, and went through that whole thing of a jig. 417 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: So check out that Fifth Hour podcast out the mail 418 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 1: bag for you tomorrow if you want to send a 419 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,640 Speaker 1: message into the mail bag Real fifth Hour at gmail 420 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: dot com. That's Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. 421 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 1: All letters, no numbers, All letters, no numbers. Have a wonderful, 422 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: glorious rest of your Saturday, Saturday Saturday, and thank you 423 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: for suporting the podcast. Eat you next time. Aloha, Yfolation.