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Speaker 1: Happy coming. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm
Speaker 1: Erica and I'm Mela.
Speaker 2: Happy Wednesday, Happy Humpday, my people.
Speaker 1: How's it going.
Speaker 2: It's going amazing. I'm feeling really good. How's it going
Speaker 2: over there in my love I'm good.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling refreshed. I'm back in ghetto America. But I'm
Speaker 1: still in the retreat state of mind. Yeah, so I'm good.
Speaker 2: Same. Do you have an Actually I have an affirmation?
Speaker 1: Sure, go for it.
Speaker 2: My affirmation is I am safe and I am secure
Speaker 2: because of me.
Speaker 1: I am safe and I am secure because of me.
Speaker 2: We did.
Speaker 1: We had a moment with that in Costa Rica.
Speaker 2: We had a lot of moments in Costa Rica. So
Speaker 2: I don't know if you guys are just joining us
Speaker 2: on this journey, but Eric and I have had some
Speaker 2: milestones recently. We had a two hunchredth episode a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks ago. We're coming up on our four year
Speaker 2: anniversary next week, and we recently just got hot off
Speaker 2: the plane from Costa Rica where we hosted our first
Speaker 2: two retreats, and wow, fucking wow, I really I have.
Speaker 2: I've had such a magical experience that exceeded my expectations
Speaker 2: so much it's really been kind of difficult to put
Speaker 2: into words, just how fucking amazing of a time we had.
Speaker 2: But one of the things that came up a lot
Speaker 2: during this time is just reminding ourselves that we have
Speaker 2: created safety and security because of us. Yeah. So we
Speaker 2: went to Costa Rica and.
Speaker 1: Changed people's lives, Yeah, including our own.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think we had this grand idea to have
Speaker 2: these trips, to host these trips for women, and we
Speaker 2: had an idea of what we wanted to look like,
Speaker 2: but like, in all transparency, Eric and I have never
Speaker 2: either of us been to retreat, so we kind of
Speaker 2: were like, this is what I think it should be like,
Speaker 2: and we curated all these things, but what we actually
Speaker 2: experienced was so fucking magical, And which I think the
Speaker 2: thing is is that we knew that collectively, women harness power,
Speaker 2: but I don't think we've ever experienced women harnessing power
Speaker 2: in this close contact, in this like open space, in
Speaker 2: this magical place at like one time. And I don't
Speaker 2: know if I've cried more ever in a two week span.
Speaker 1: I've definitely cried more, but it was out of sorrow,
Speaker 1: tears of purity, tears of joy. I've never cried this
Speaker 1: much out of happiness ever in my life, not even
Speaker 1: not having a baby, and that feels I feel bad
Speaker 1: about that, but also I don't but because I did
Speaker 1: this just like birthing a baby that I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I think that me and Mila had some idea
Speaker 1: what we were doing. And I'm actually glad we've never
Speaker 1: been to a retreat because we were actually planning on
Speaker 1: trying to go to one before we did this. But
Speaker 1: I'm glad that we didn't because we really had no
Speaker 1: like you said, expectation for per se also kind of
Speaker 1: created whatever the fuck we wanted to create, and because
Speaker 1: we didn't have a lot of expectation, we allowed space
Speaker 1: for it to just kind of manifest in the way
Speaker 1: that it was going to Both groups because we had
Speaker 1: two retreats were totally different, and I don't know, like,
Speaker 1: so the first retreat we had, we had a we
Speaker 1: had like one really good friend there. Anie shut out
Speaker 1: to Nishe and actually talked to her yesterday and I
Speaker 1: was telling her that, you know, when me and Mila
Speaker 1: were talking about retreat one and how we didn't really
Speaker 1: realize it, but her being there kind of offered like
Speaker 1: a sense of security for us in ways, knowing that
Speaker 1: there was someone in the room that like we knew
Speaker 1: there was kind of like half our back. Well you
Speaker 1: know what.
Speaker 2: Initially I was like, I don't I didn't think too
Speaker 2: much about it, but I was like, I thought it
Speaker 2: was going to be harder because someone we knew was
Speaker 2: going to be in the room because she knows us.
Speaker 1: And she's gonna be like bitch.
Speaker 2: But it ended up actually being like such a such
Speaker 2: a comfort and such a indication that things were going okay.
Speaker 2: Like if she was okay, I'm like, oh, okay, so
Speaker 2: it's going okay.
Speaker 1: Well, she's my most curated friend, so she's she's high
Speaker 1: expectations for us like this, then we're doing good. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I think that we put so much time and
Speaker 2: you know, effort into curating this experience that every second
Speaker 2: up until the very second it began, we were like this,
Speaker 2: do we get this? We had to take six fucking
Speaker 2: luggages to Costa Rica, and not just the Costa Rica,
Speaker 2: but de Porto Viejo, which is five hours from the airport,
Speaker 2: so there was a lot of moving pieces to this
Speaker 2: to this event. Obviously, each week we had over twenty
Speaker 2: women and we were just really focused on it going
Speaker 2: smoothly and everything getting there and so we I don't
Speaker 2: think we put that much thought into how it was
Speaker 2: going to play out. And there we only had less
Speaker 2: than twenty four hours between each retreat, which is crazy,
Speaker 2: but we had all this angst when they'm getting there.
Speaker 2: They you know, we heard they arrived in San Jose,
Speaker 2: which is five hours away. We heard that the bus
Speaker 2: was leaving. We were like, we felt their energy getting closer.
Speaker 2: We had been on this resort by ourselves, and then
Speaker 2: they came and then I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: there's people here that we don't know.
Speaker 1: Oh God, they're here. They've traveled a long distance.
Speaker 2: I hope that we've They're going to like get everything
Speaker 2: that they expect. And like, one thing about Erica and
Speaker 2: I is that we talk often, you know, and we
Speaker 2: know that people are listening, and we know that we're
Speaker 2: affecting people with our words. But this is the first
Speaker 2: time we've seen it in intangible form this way, and
Speaker 2: it's it was It's fucking it was amazing. One of
Speaker 2: the things that like really set the tone for me
Speaker 2: is on the day day one, everyone comes in, they
Speaker 2: get roomed.
Speaker 1: We had some fine niggas there.
Speaker 2: Oiled down because it's us and that's what we would
Speaker 2: expect and what so we shout out to Gilly, shout
Speaker 2: out to Gilly the God and organic Zach.
Speaker 1: We hired the finest men in Puerto to be oiled
Speaker 1: down in ladies, sweep and pass out joints and light
Speaker 1: them for all the ladies upon arrival, and also give
Speaker 1: shoulder and head massages to all the ladies while we
Speaker 1: went through you know, some of the rules, not rules,
Speaker 1: but just things they should know before going into their
Speaker 1: rooms and getting their roommates.
Speaker 2: One of the biggest rules of the retreat was no apologizing.
Speaker 2: We took that from mel and like the most beautiful
Speaker 2: thing is, we took a lot of things from a
Speaker 2: lot of our experiences, a lot of our interviews, and
Speaker 2: we put implemented them in this retreat and it was
Speaker 2: fucking amazing. But after that we had a group musical
Speaker 2: massage in the yoga shalla. It was a night experience
Speaker 2: that I don't think me and Erica really we had
Speaker 2: never experienced this, but Alessandra, the owner of Sonora, really
Speaker 2: reassured us that we should let this ride and just
Speaker 2: do it. And I'm really glad she did. So we
Speaker 2: all join under this open air yoga shalla in the
Speaker 2: middle of the jungle that's lit by candles, and there
Speaker 2: was maybe like seven practitioners all wearing white, and a
Speaker 2: live drummer and live musicians playing, and the people came
Speaker 2: around randomly and played different interestment instruments close to our faces,
Speaker 2: gongs on our bellies, we had, we experienced head massages
Speaker 2: and feet rubs.
Speaker 1: It was basically like sensual musical therapy.
Speaker 2: And as soon as it began, it started to drizzle immediately,
Speaker 2: so we all kind of rush into the yoga shaala
Speaker 2: and pitch black outside. You hear the noises of nature,
Speaker 2: only crickets and you know, all the all of the
Speaker 2: wildlife in the jungle, and about twenty minutes in it
Speaker 2: just begins to pour. And for some reason, I just
Speaker 2: like all the hairs on my arms stood up because
Speaker 2: it just felt like the jungle was letting us know
Speaker 2: that they knew we were here, and they were like
Speaker 2: they were opening their arms to us.
Speaker 1: It just felt super magical. I'm like, damn, what the fuck.
Speaker 2: It was like hot, not raining at all, and then
Speaker 2: boom poores and then as soon as the massage ended
Speaker 2: ended no rain. So like that was the first indication
Speaker 2: that like we were in synchronicity with nature, and this
Speaker 2: retreat was like about to be more mystical than I
Speaker 2: think we had accounted for. For me, that's what I
Speaker 2: was thinking while I was laying there.
Speaker 1: For sure, I mean I felt the same I felt
Speaker 1: the same way. I think that, and I think that
Speaker 1: nature continued to show us that throughout the retreat, you know,
Speaker 1: being in Costa Rica and you know, doing this retreat.
Speaker 1: I think also we really began to understood how feminine
Speaker 1: the space is, just that the jungle is a woman,
Speaker 1: that mother Nature obviously is a woman. Ocean, all the
Speaker 1: water around us. There was a lot of feminine energy,
Speaker 1: and I think that's why, unbeknownst to me, why I
Speaker 1: felt why I do feel so connected to Costa Rica.
Speaker 1: But now it makes more sense really understanding that, and
Speaker 1: it makes perfect sense, and it is a testament to
Speaker 1: me and Mila's alignment and all the things that we
Speaker 1: do that that is exactly the perfect place for this retreat,
Speaker 1: and it was the perfect space for this retreat, especially
Speaker 1: obviously being a woman's retreat and just knowing to after
Speaker 1: the first retreat was over, just how important it is
Speaker 1: for women to come together how important it is for
Speaker 1: women to really tap into that femininity in a way
Speaker 1: that feels safe, that has nothing to do with the
Speaker 1: masculine at all. And I think that kind of that
Speaker 1: theme just kept showing up, even by accident, even like
Speaker 1: going to the Breebrie, which is like an indigenous is
Speaker 1: the indigenous land in Costa Rica, which was our date
Speaker 1: was that day three experience. Yeah, and learning about their
Speaker 1: culture and how you know, how they revere the woman
Speaker 1: and their culture, which I had no idea. I just
Speaker 1: think like the sacred feminine just kept coming up over
Speaker 1: and over and over, even without us being intentional about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think not only just the sacred feminine,
Speaker 2: but like you said, being in an environment that is
Speaker 2: very feminine. I think we submitted to the elements a
Speaker 2: lot during this retreat, and I don't think that was
Speaker 2: even very much intentional, Like obviously we knew were like
Speaker 2: come to the jungle and take off your shoes.
Speaker 1: But I think that.
Speaker 2: Us just being in flow with the elements, with the fire,
Speaker 2: with the water, with the earth, with the ocean. Like,
Speaker 2: I think that giving women the opportunity to not only
Speaker 2: let down their guard, but to be amongst women that
Speaker 2: they could trust and feel safe with and to be
Speaker 2: in flow with the with the land. You know, there
Speaker 2: was no time like the welcome speech was welcome bitches,
Speaker 2: you're in the j and there's going to be bugs
Speaker 2: and animals and shit.
Speaker 1: Get used to it.
Speaker 2: There's no flushing shit down the toilet, you know, like
Speaker 2: it really, you know, in America, we're so hustle bustle,
Speaker 2: we're so wearing shoes, were so really wound up tightly
Speaker 2: that we forget that we are a product of our environment,
Speaker 2: we're a product of the earth, and that we kind
Speaker 2: of have to like remove all that shit to kind
Speaker 2: of get back to ourselves.
Speaker 1: And it was.
Speaker 2: It was really that, you know, there's a lot of
Speaker 2: naked dancing, there's a lot of skinny dipping. It was
Speaker 2: a lot of howling at the moon that was on
Speaker 2: my request. There was a lot of just freedom, I
Speaker 2: think I felt. I never I never realized how much
Speaker 2: women really need as safe space to just be women
Speaker 2: without the gaze of judgment of a man of judgment,
Speaker 2: just to be naked and free, without being like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're doing that for attention or you just want to
Speaker 2: be naked. It was really like, oh, look at her.
Speaker 2: It was really just like, come and do whatever the
Speaker 2: fuck you want, this is the place to do it.
Speaker 2: And I didn't realize that. During our journey, Eric and
Speaker 2: I have really given each other permission to be ourselves
Speaker 2: and that has really pushed the podcast, just being transparent
Speaker 2: and feeling safe within each other. But when we opened
Speaker 2: up that space to the women to also feel safe
Speaker 2: and just come as they.
Speaker 1: Were, it like magic happened.
Speaker 2: Like a collective women collectively opening up and saying I'm
Speaker 2: willing to be vulnerable and I'm here open, I don't
Speaker 2: know anyone else here. Something really magical happened. I think
Speaker 2: when we're open to the experiences and we just let
Speaker 2: our guards down as women, when you're in alignment, you
Speaker 2: allow the magic to come in. And that really showed
Speaker 2: up for us in this retreat.
Speaker 1: For sure. I think that I just want to shout
Speaker 1: out all the ladies who came out from both retreats,
Speaker 1: Retreat one and Retreat two. You guys are og retreaters
Speaker 1: and I fucking love them. I fucking liething. We love
Speaker 1: all of you, and we had such an incredible time
Speaker 1: and I'm so incredibly proud of you guys. Because most
Speaker 1: of you came alone, which honestly, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I would have the balls to do. Now I do
Speaker 1: because I'm like wow, And that's something that I've learned
Speaker 1: from them, is like, Wow, look out, look at all
Speaker 1: these women that just said, fuck it, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: a chance. I'm going to go to the jungle. I'm
Speaker 1: going to fly into San Jose voyage four and a
Speaker 1: half hours into the jungle to some jungle retreat center
Speaker 1: with two women I've never met, maybe just listened to
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Some of you, some of them don't
Speaker 1: even listen to the podcast, just found us on Instagram
Speaker 1: searching Costa Rica and trust that everything is going to
Speaker 1: be okay. And you guys did that, and that shit
Speaker 1: is that shit's amazing. And so I think I think
Speaker 1: that because they came in that way, there was a
Speaker 1: level of openness that that that each woman had that
Speaker 1: maybe in any other scenario might not have happened, Like
Speaker 1: if we had a retreat or like a meetup some
Speaker 1: like in New York or something, or like a meetup
Speaker 1: somewhere in their city, like the openness wouldn't be that way.
Speaker 1: Even just just the idea too, that you're going to
Speaker 1: be rooming with a stranger, and that you're trusting us
Speaker 1: to make the best choice for you. And I think
Speaker 1: that that was something that too. When we were planning
Speaker 1: this retreat, I knew that they're coming, like, these women
Speaker 1: are coming because they want to be taken care of
Speaker 1: like and I wanted to take care of them. I
Speaker 1: wanted them to not have to think too much. I
Speaker 1: wanted us to set the room up properly, you know,
Speaker 1: really be intentional about the people that we pair them with.
Speaker 1: And honestly, we don't. I don't want to say I
Speaker 1: don't know how, but the rooming situations were so divine
Speaker 1: and a lot of those women are real friends now,
Speaker 1: and so many women came up to me and was like,
Speaker 1: I love my fucking roommate. Oh my god, How did
Speaker 1: you know that I needed this woman? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I just me. And when me and Mila were going
Speaker 1: you should have seen our room we had, Like it
Speaker 1: was it was like making the band. We like printed
Speaker 1: out all these pictures and were like, okay, so she's
Speaker 1: an Aquarius and she's a Gemini, Douteius and Gemini. I
Speaker 1: don't know what about Scorpio Pisces.
Speaker 4: Yep, that's going well, I'm cancer, you're a scorpio, so
Speaker 4: they're probably getting lost. I don't know this age difference
Speaker 4: is maybe I don't know that she looks like she
Speaker 4: would like her. But like, just like we trust trust
Speaker 4: the process and so much of the things that we do,
Speaker 4: we trusted the process with that and literally spirit came
Speaker 4: through and was like yep, yep, yep, yep. And even
Speaker 4: where things got a little bit off and things had
Speaker 4: to change last minute, it still was the perfect fit.
Speaker 1: And I think too, it was so interesting to see
Speaker 1: how these women showed up and then how they left
Speaker 1: because each and everyone was changed in different even looked
Speaker 1: different physically in different ways. Like there's one woman that
Speaker 1: was there who I don't remember how she found us,
Speaker 1: the doctor. I think that she just found us online.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think she And she's a little
Speaker 1: she's she's religious and she was actually gonna come with
Speaker 1: a friend and her friend was like I read I
Speaker 1: guess read the itinerary and one of the things said
Speaker 1: like self worship dance and she was like, m no,
Speaker 1: like that's not that's not gonna work. I think Mela
Speaker 1: even had a call with her, not the friend, but
Speaker 1: had to call with her before she booked, and Meila
Speaker 1: had said, like, yeah, we're gonna do some witchy shit
Speaker 1: or witchy dinner, and She's like, yeah, I probably won't
Speaker 1: be involved in the witchy dinner, and Mila was like, oh,
Speaker 1: not witchy like witch but like magical like night theory.
Speaker 1: It's just interesting to know, like, first of all, how
Speaker 1: certain words trigger people and make them like you know,
Speaker 1: make them uncomfortable, which is is good, but also like
Speaker 1: I think was a learning experience to us of like
Speaker 1: how to talk about certain things without putting a bad
Speaker 1: taste in people's mouth and letting them come in and
Speaker 1: see it for themselves so they can better understand what
Speaker 1: it means. And that person in particular when she she
Speaker 1: was kind of quiet throughout the whole retreat, but at
Speaker 1: the end of the retreat, like to see her transformation blowing.
Speaker 1: She literally like came in like looking a little like sad,
Speaker 1: little tired.
Speaker 2: Just like wound tightly, just like kind of observing, which
Speaker 2: is fair. Everyone's like, what the fuck am I getting
Speaker 2: myself into? But yeah, like just to see people like
Speaker 2: kind of like really blossom and open up in a
Speaker 2: way throughout.
Speaker 1: The six days.
Speaker 2: And that's the thing I think we realized too. I
Speaker 2: don't think we realized it until it actually took place,
Speaker 2: but the entire like, obviously it's relaxing, obviously it's fun,
Speaker 2: but we did some real work on these retreats. And
Speaker 2: the work that we did, I would like to say
Speaker 2: this was like an intensive therapeutic experience because it wasn't
Speaker 2: just one day or the last day. You know, we
Speaker 2: did work every almost every day. They were workshops and
Speaker 2: not in a way that felt like you had to
Speaker 2: do homework, but it was just like spiritual work. It
Speaker 2: was self work, it was work of reflecting, it was
Speaker 2: a work of releasing. And I hadn't realized how much
Speaker 2: women need to release. We hold so much in. You know,
Speaker 2: we're responsible for so many people, respond we have so
Speaker 2: many responsibilities. We've all experienced a lot of pain. We've
Speaker 2: all experienced hurt, disappointment, just loss, and there's rarely a
Speaker 2: space where you can just release that, you know, and
Speaker 2: not have to worry about how you look or if
Speaker 2: you're doing too much or you know, what it feels
Speaker 2: like or so I felt like we were given this
Speaker 2: unique opportunity to mother women and give them the tools
Speaker 2: to mother themselves.
Speaker 1: And it really was an.
Speaker 2: Intensive, therapeutic week long vacation and it was beautiful.
Speaker 1: It was really beautiful. I also, I guess I didn't
Speaker 1: I think I know this just based on the podcast
Speaker 1: how well I've gotten this feeling, but it really became clear.
Speaker 1: And I think I had this conversation with you a
Speaker 1: few times throughout the retreat, is that women don't trust women,
Speaker 1: and women a lot of these women like we get
Speaker 1: hit up all the time when we talk about like,
Speaker 1: you know, build your tribe and women saying I don't
Speaker 1: have a tribe in my city, Like I don't know
Speaker 1: how to find a tribe, I don't know how to begin,
Speaker 1: I don't have my Rika Tomaimila. I don't fuck with bitches,
Speaker 1: I don't fuck with I don't fuck with women. And
Speaker 1: we had a few of those on the retreat. And
Speaker 1: I think that women need permission for first of all,
Speaker 1: women need permission period for some reason. I mean not
Speaker 1: not for some reason because society makes us feel that way,
Speaker 1: but like women need permission to release. But I think
Speaker 1: women needed the people that came on this retreat, I
Speaker 1: feel like really needed to re instill their trust in women,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's what this retreat did for
Speaker 1: so many of the women. There was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: there are women out here for me. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: there is a woman that I can trust. There is
Speaker 1: a woman that I can be vulnerable with. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let go of whoever hurt me and allow these women
Speaker 1: to be the new people in my life. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of these women too are We'll be friends
Speaker 1: far beyond this retreat. And for those of you who
Speaker 1: don't have friends, who don't have women in your life,
Speaker 1: this is what I've realized is like these type of
Speaker 1: spaces are so even more crucial for you, Like it's
Speaker 1: so important. And I realized how important it is for
Speaker 1: females to be friends, how important it is if you're
Speaker 1: a woman that's like, fuck, bitches, I don't fuck with women.
Speaker 1: You really need to You need to reanalyze that, because
Speaker 1: it's not serving you at all. We apse of fuckolutely
Speaker 1: need each other.
Speaker 2: This was a real testament of that, Like just the
Speaker 2: power of women supporting women and empowering women, how it
Speaker 2: can shift the dynamic of everything, how you feel, how
Speaker 2: you manifest, the things you're calling in. Like the power
Speaker 2: of the feminine in general is so fucking powerful. When
Speaker 2: it's combined in a supportive and loving way, it is
Speaker 2: it just exceeds the like it just it really covers
Speaker 2: you in love. It's like a very It was a
Speaker 2: very spiritual experience to see these relationships blossom, to see
Speaker 2: the relationships that I made, to see like, you know, shout.
Speaker 1: Out to Malia and d from DC.
Speaker 2: She was like, my sister told me to come, she said.
Speaker 2: She got on the bus and she was like, Oh no,
Speaker 2: they're gonna find out. I'm not earthy.
Speaker 1: I just like to smoke weed.
Speaker 2: So and you know, one thing Maliah said was that
Speaker 2: this was experienced was like speed dating for friends. That's
Speaker 2: what she said. This was like speed dating for friends.
Speaker 2: And I felt that because I was like, how am
Speaker 2: I gonna remember all these women's names, remember every single
Speaker 2: woman's name and like and have a relationship with them
Speaker 2: and have friendships with them and the fuck with them
Speaker 2: and know.
Speaker 1: Who they are and like it.
Speaker 2: Just even if you came in with this idea of
Speaker 2: judgment or like, oh, may not fuck with that person.
Speaker 2: They're from here, all that person's this this for that's
Speaker 2: I'm older, that person's young, like you did not leave
Speaker 2: with that same attitude because A we checked it, but
Speaker 2: B we continued to check it and see. We reminded
Speaker 2: everyone that we're all here and seek seeking something and
Speaker 2: it kind of really just brought everyone down to the
Speaker 2: same level and we were just just they are really
Speaker 2: open to experience shit, there's no judgment. Was not like,
Speaker 2: oh look where she's over there doing when her titt's
Speaker 2: at at the pool. It was like, everybody's titties are
Speaker 2: out at the pool and yours don't have to be,
Speaker 2: but don't you want There's no nothing to be said
Speaker 2: about anyone else's titties being out. It was like truly,
Speaker 2: truly truly a safe space. Before we went, was like
Speaker 2: how do we how do we get women to trust women?
Speaker 2: Do we feed them fruit? I was do we float
Speaker 2: them in the ocean? I was like, I don't know
Speaker 2: if we're going to float them in the ocean Erica
Speaker 2: or feed them fruit, they're gonna think we're lesbians.
Speaker 1: But at one point during the retreat there was another.
Speaker 2: Woman who I could tell during our zoom meetings was like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, what have I gotten myself into? And there
Speaker 2: was a point like deep into the Red Tree, she
Speaker 2: was like rushing to the yoga shalla to go get
Speaker 2: a massage. It was her birthday and she's like, damn,
Speaker 2: I didn't eat. I was like, you want me to
Speaker 2: go get your fruit? She was like yes, please, and
Speaker 2: I was like sure, So I went and got the
Speaker 2: fruit from the kitchen and then she was laying on
Speaker 2: her massage bed and I was just like, you want
Speaker 2: me to feed it to you?
Speaker 1: I thought about Erica. She's like, will you?
Speaker 2: And I was just like feeding her fruit while she
Speaker 2: was laying on the bed naked about to get a massage,
Speaker 2: and she was just smiling, and I was like, Erica
Speaker 2: was right, we needed to feed the bitches fruit.
Speaker 1: This is how you build trust. Well yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I was, I mean, I don't know. I mean I guess, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I wish I could. I wish I could say that.
Speaker 1: I totally knew that. But it was symbolic.
Speaker 2: It was symbolic of just being able to nurture a
Speaker 2: woman without it being weird or or like I think
Speaker 2: even in our regular friendship sometimes you're like you have
Speaker 2: friends for so long, You're like you can't be like
Speaker 2: cuddle me, you know what EVE mean? Like you when
Speaker 2: you have friendships for a long time, you almost forget
Speaker 2: to be like delicate with them. You forget to be like,
Speaker 2: it's easier to be delicate with someone you just met
Speaker 2: because you I don't know what it is like, whereas
Speaker 2: other people you've had, you have this hard exterior up
Speaker 2: and so you're kind of like, I'm good, I'm cool,
Speaker 2: I don't need this. But in this space, I I
Speaker 2: really understood the assignment of women need to feel cared for.
Speaker 2: And I and I and I realize Erica and ice
Speaker 2: friendship is not run of the mill. It's not like
Speaker 2: all the time you find a friendship like this. Me
Speaker 2: and Erica are very platonically lesbian. We're always loving on
Speaker 2: each other, We're always you know, affirming each other. We
Speaker 2: have we've had the gift of recognizing it and continuing
Speaker 2: that theme in that thread throughoutur relationship. And so it
Speaker 2: really gave us the opportunity to like extend that to
Speaker 2: other people.
Speaker 1: And it was really beautiful.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I felt the trust raise, I felt people.
Speaker 2: Be vulnerable, and that's what we told them when they came, like,
Speaker 2: if you need to cry, that's fine. This is not
Speaker 2: a place to hold back, to hold back and in fact.
Speaker 1: You know none of these bitches, so you have nothing
Speaker 1: to lose. You have nothing to lose.
Speaker 2: And I think that was the big like everyone kind
Speaker 2: of realized, oh shit, I don't have anything to lose,
Speaker 2: coming in and just letting it go, letting dropping all
Speaker 2: of the bag and letting off the guards. And and
Speaker 2: I think I think that when me and Mila were
Speaker 2: kind of dissecting our friendship and trying to understand what
Speaker 2: we what we were going to contribute to this, to
Speaker 2: this retreat as far as like you know, we had
Speaker 2: a we had our own workshop, our first workshop ever,
Speaker 2: and we were a bit nervous. But then I really
Speaker 2: started thinking about like what are what is what are
Speaker 2: the foundation of our friendship? Like how did we feel
Speaker 2: comfortable sharing? How did we feel vulnerable so quickly?
Speaker 1: How did we feel like, wow, I can trust this person?
Speaker 1: And like it was it was a level of feeling
Speaker 1: like cared for by one another. It was a level
Speaker 1: of like I don't have shit to lose. I don't
Speaker 1: know this bitch. I'm just gonna ask or whatever the
Speaker 1: fuck I feel like asking her, and she's going to
Speaker 1: answer because she doesn't have shit to lose. I think
Speaker 1: just using our friendship as the basis of how we
Speaker 1: can get these women to connect, and actually that kind
Speaker 1: of we didn't necessarily have this whole thing wrapped up
Speaker 1: in a pretty bow. When we were in that musical massage,
Speaker 1: like all of it kind of really came together for
Speaker 1: me because I was thinking how audio has been such
Speaker 1: a crucial part of our evolution, and how for me
Speaker 1: music and for everyone I think music is such it's
Speaker 1: something that is nostalgic, it's something that's comforting, it's something
Speaker 1: that tells a story. And I was thinking, like, what
Speaker 1: is it that? What is it actually that made me
Speaker 1: feel safe enough to share some of the most intimate
Speaker 1: parts of my life with you, And a lot of
Speaker 1: that was I didn't know you. A lot of that
Speaker 1: was you being vulnerable with me early on and not
Speaker 1: holding back gave me the space to feel like I
Speaker 1: can share that with you. And then I think a
Speaker 1: lot of that too was me. I didn't realize who
Speaker 1: was listening on the podcast I was really talking to,
Speaker 1: and it was like I was talking to an empty
Speaker 1: room essentially because I didn't think anybody was listening. So
Speaker 1: I felt safe to do that, and I was because
Speaker 1: I know that like, I'm not as open as Mila,
Speaker 1: like I'm not that's not And I realized that most
Speaker 1: people aren't, you know, like and so how was I
Speaker 1: going to get How are we going to get women
Speaker 1: that don't know each other that came out here from
Speaker 1: a foreign like came to a foreign country, are rooming
Speaker 1: with strangers to feel vulnerable enough to just open up quickly.
Speaker 1: We only have five days to get these bitches to
Speaker 1: be besties. Were able to marry our friendship, our foundation
Speaker 1: of audio and feeling like no one's listening to equal
Speaker 1: vulnerability for these women. And by the end of our workshop,
Speaker 1: women were crying and sharing some of the most intimate
Speaker 1: details of their life with each other and embracing and
Speaker 1: that really set the tone for the rest of the retreat,
Speaker 1: and I think gave women the opportunity to connect in
Speaker 1: a way that they would never I think a lot
Speaker 1: of these women in their daily life, had they met
Speaker 1: each other, they would be haters. Some of them would
Speaker 1: hate on each other. Not to say, like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're listening you were at the retreat, I'm not
Speaker 1: calling you a hater, but I'm just saying, like, there
Speaker 1: was a level of vulnerability and judgment that didn't exist
Speaker 1: because of where we were, because you had to surrender
Speaker 1: because you had no choice. You couldn't just pack up
Speaker 1: and leave.
Speaker 2: You couldn't close someone you're comfortable with you. You were
Speaker 2: there alone, and it was like, damn, I could do
Speaker 2: this or I could not, but everyone's doing it, and
Speaker 2: it really wouldn't serve me not to. I think also,
Speaker 2: I think one of the things that came up during this,
Speaker 2: you know, this initial workshop, was just that it just
Speaker 2: became very clear. So obviously, of course I incorporated Mila's
Speaker 2: moans because it's super important, but it made me realize
Speaker 2: just immediately how much people needed to cry scream, even
Speaker 2: if we didn't know where the root of their pain
Speaker 2: was coming from. You can hear your neighbors screaming, and
Speaker 2: you felt her pain. And I think that one of
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Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if you want to judge. We all
Speaker 2: are hurting in some way. We've all been hurt, and
Speaker 2: like that common thread of just feelings and emotions and
Speaker 2: just having to to process them was I think what
Speaker 2: kind of initially cracked the shit open because it reminded
Speaker 2: you that everybody is dealing with shit. You know, when
Speaker 2: you share with someone, you don't know that, and even
Speaker 2: if you wanted to judge them initially, when you are
Speaker 2: blindfolded and then just hear their true feelings, then you remember,
Speaker 2: like other human just like me. They're women just like me,
Speaker 2: and they're dealing with shit that I have no idea about.
Speaker 2: And it reminds you to kind of let your fucking
Speaker 2: ego down and kind.
Speaker 1: Of just come to each other, women to women. You know.
Speaker 1: After we completed Retreat one, which was incredible, I fucking
Speaker 1: literally there was a moment I went into the ocean
Speaker 1: and I fucking cried by myself for like five minutes
Speaker 1: because I couldn't believe that this is my this is
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I was like, what the fuck? This
Speaker 1: is my job. I'm in Costa Rica with twenty plus women,
Speaker 1: showing them this beautiful beach that I've been on with
Speaker 1: my best friend with my kid, and now I'm back
Speaker 1: bringing these women here getting paid to do it, but
Speaker 1: also like beyond getting paid, like helping them heal something anything,
Speaker 1: whether it's the tiniest thing, and also healing myself while
Speaker 1: I'm doing it. I just couldn't believe it. I was like,
Speaker 1: how did this happen? How did I do this? And
Speaker 1: it's and then I was thinking like, well, and I
Speaker 1: know we talked about manifesting all the time, but like
Speaker 1: early on in our podcasting journey, me and Mila, I
Speaker 1: think we were looking at like different people's instagrams and
Speaker 1: feeling like less than and like comparing ourselves and like,
Speaker 1: I remember, there's this one girl, what's her instagram my
Speaker 1: epiphany If you guys follow her, She's always traveling with
Speaker 1: her child, living in the best fucking life, amazing photos,
Speaker 1: looking bomb ass fuck all the time. And I was like,
Speaker 1: how the fuck do I do this? How the fuck
Speaker 1: do I travel and like do cool shit and get paid.
Speaker 1: I was like, I really want to do this, we
Speaker 1: want to do this. How do I do this? And
Speaker 1: I kind of like left it behind in the back
Speaker 1: of my mind. But like that's the thing about manifesting.
Speaker 1: It's like, yes, it's intentional and stuff, but sometimes it's
Speaker 1: like you saying it out loud, planting the seating you're
Speaker 1: subconscious and letting your conscious work on it, whether or
Speaker 1: not you even realize you're actually working towards that. And
Speaker 1: then I realized when I was in that water, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, like I did it. How
Speaker 1: the fuck did I do it? I did it. I
Speaker 1: did it on my own terms, though, Like I'm doing
Speaker 1: it on my own terms, and I just couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1: And then seeing Retreat one happened and then seeing Retreat
Speaker 1: two happen, you know, there it was a totally it
Speaker 1: was totally two different groups of women. Like Retreat one,
Speaker 1: a lot of healing happened, a lot of fun happened.
Speaker 1: Retreat to a lot of work was being done, a
Speaker 1: lot of healing work had to be done. This group
Speaker 1: was heavier emotionally.
Speaker 2: They were holding on to more things. And you know,
Speaker 2: I think like Eric and I, we know, like we're
Speaker 2: aware of our power in some ways, but like we
Speaker 2: talk on the mic and then it's out in the
Speaker 2: ether and we go home, you know, and of course
Speaker 2: we get like DMS. We readed the reviews, but there
Speaker 2: was a point on the retreat and we were talking,
Speaker 2: so shout out to Jesse for coming and bringing coming
Speaker 2: with the shits. But we're like our friend, one of
Speaker 2: our friends also divine fucking alignment just happened to be
Speaker 2: in Costa Rica finishing another retreat the day that the
Speaker 2: second group came, jumped on the bus with them, just
Speaker 2: took a whim, came impromptu to the retreat and really
Speaker 2: set shit off. I think we really needed her. I
Speaker 2: don't think again, Erica and I knew what we were doing,
Speaker 2: but I don't think we recognize the amount of work
Speaker 2: that was going to be being done and how much
Speaker 2: space we were going to be holding. And at one
Speaker 2: point we were talking like, oh yeah, she was on
Speaker 2: the show to the girls. Some of the girls and
Speaker 2: never even listened to the show, but I remember two
Speaker 2: girls saying like, oh yeah, I remember I was in
Speaker 2: the supermarket, and another girl saying, oh yeah, I do
Speaker 2: remember this episode.
Speaker 1: I was at work, and.
Speaker 2: It just dawned on me, like wow, like all every
Speaker 2: week we do these things and they're being received in
Speaker 2: real time with real people all over the world, and
Speaker 2: it just really put in perspective how much like how
Speaker 2: much our words have helped people, how much like our
Speaker 2: words are being received by women, And I don't know,
Speaker 2: there was just a real wave for me of understanding
Speaker 2: of my own power and like I'm a friendly bitch.
Speaker 2: You know. I said this all the time, and I
Speaker 2: do a lot of talking and a lot of like,
Speaker 2: I'm very empathetic and sometimes you know, growing up, I'm like, bitch,
Speaker 2: you've got to stop loving everyone. But in this work,
Speaker 2: it really made me realize like, oh, this is what
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to be doing. This is where my where
Speaker 2: the empathy and the love and the connection, my deep
Speaker 2: connections with everybody actually makes sense. I've been preparing for
Speaker 2: this moment. I've been preparing to love on women. I've
Speaker 2: been preparing for to cultivate sisterhoods. I've been preparing to
Speaker 2: project my like my gifts in this way. And it
Speaker 2: was just so deeply like it felt like like like,
Speaker 2: I know, we've been doing this shit for four years,
Speaker 2: but it felt like, oh, like it all kind of
Speaker 2: like came together. It made sense, you know, like this
Speaker 2: is the work that you've been doing. Sometimes we're talking talking, talking,
Speaker 2: talking our shit, talking about our sex, and it just
Speaker 2: seems like funny in a joke, and it is, but
Speaker 2: there's been real work done to arrive at this point.
Speaker 2: And when you see it cultivate amongst a group of
Speaker 2: women that are coming from all different places. It really really,
Speaker 2: it really makes a difference. Like I'm like, oh shit,
Speaker 2: I am a healer, you know, oh should I do
Speaker 2: have this power to open up and in turn other
Speaker 2: people will open up too.
Speaker 1: For sure. I mean, I think it definitely affirmed that
Speaker 1: for me as well, like what my powers are and
Speaker 1: what I can contribute to this world and what I've
Speaker 1: already contributed, and that I don't have to worry, and
Speaker 1: to go back to your affirmation about like I am
Speaker 1: safe because of me. I think that this retreat was
Speaker 1: a testament to that, that being able to complete it,
Speaker 1: being able to execute it, being able to just do
Speaker 1: it overall. And it had nothing to do with anybody else,
Speaker 1: had nothing to do with a man, It had nothing
Speaker 1: to do with you know, anything, anyone doing us any favors. Yes,
Speaker 1: and that people came. It was like you put out
Speaker 1: the call and people come and it let me. It
Speaker 1: just reaffirmed that we can do anything, you know, we
Speaker 1: can do anything, and that we do we have a response,
Speaker 1: We do have a great responsibility because people do listen.
Speaker 1: People are listening. People are listening weekly, whether it's funny
Speaker 1: or not. Like it's affecting them in one way. Or
Speaker 1: another good or bad, hopefully only good. And it's a
Speaker 1: responsibility that I happily take on. It's a responsibility that
Speaker 1: I love and accept.
Speaker 2: It felt like the universe was saying, you know, we've
Speaker 2: been talking about there being like an awakening of thee
Speaker 2: of women in this time. We've talked about this a lot,
Speaker 2: talking about there being attack on free women, that there's
Speaker 2: being an awaken awakening of women, that there's a something
Speaker 2: happening where a lot of women are coming together.
Speaker 1: And this was just like.
Speaker 2: I felt the call be put out, and it was like,
Speaker 2: we need to re establish the sacred feminine and here
Speaker 2: you go.
Speaker 1: That and death that for sure also and reaffirming the
Speaker 1: sacred feminine. How masculine we are as women, How we've
Speaker 1: taken on so much masculine energy because we have had to,
Speaker 1: especially mothers, especially single mothers, who you know, have to
Speaker 1: figure it out even more so in ways and have to,
Speaker 1: you know, just take on a lot of the responsibility
Speaker 1: that is masculine and you know that independent woman per
Speaker 1: se that really and even we were having this conversation
Speaker 1: with this woman that we met towards the end of
Speaker 1: our trip, and she was saying, how the how women
Speaker 1: have forgotten to and it made me think of Daphne
Speaker 1: and The Soft Woman. If you haven't listened to that episode,
Speaker 1: it's called The Soft Woman featuring Daphne Wayne's. Most of
Speaker 1: you hated that episode because she basically was saying how
Speaker 1: there needs to be a return of a softer side
Speaker 1: of women, that we need to not essentially submit to
Speaker 1: our man, but like be softer for our man, and
Speaker 1: at that time I really did not agree. Now looking
Speaker 1: back two years later and seeing where we're at even
Speaker 1: in feminism, how feminism itself has a lot of masculine
Speaker 1: energy in it. And the woman that I was talking to,
Speaker 1: Costa Rica, she was saying how the feminine, the feminist
Speaker 1: movement was has been very detrimental to the sacred feminine
Speaker 1: because it has removed a lot of femininity and made
Speaker 1: us have to move into this more masculine space where
Speaker 1: we have to prove our femininity and be aggressive and
Speaker 1: fight the good fight, and left this space of like
Speaker 1: real true femininity empty and like looking down on the
Speaker 1: woman who you know is happy, wants to just be
Speaker 1: just be a mother. And I'm guilty of that. I'm
Speaker 1: guilty of like being super masculine. I feel like i've here.
Speaker 1: I hear it all the time too from men that
Speaker 1: I emasculate them, and I probably do. I probably do
Speaker 1: because I've had to take on so many roles and
Speaker 1: I don't have my patient sys. Then I don't have
Speaker 1: the time. Even if I do, I don't want to
Speaker 1: take the time and reaffirming that or reminding me that
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's okay to just be feminine. It's okay too,
Speaker 1: you know, just really tap into just that and that
Speaker 1: me being an independent woman doesn't mean that I have
Speaker 1: to take on this role of I got I got
Speaker 1: to handle everything by myself. I got to do it
Speaker 1: all by myself. I got to carry all this shit
Speaker 1: by myself. Still, it's a balancing act because like now
Speaker 1: I'm back and I'm back into the swing of things,
Speaker 1: I'm back to the reality of life. If I'm back
Speaker 1: to the reality that yep, I'm a single mom, still
Speaker 1: still here being single, and like, how do I balance
Speaker 1: this new found femininity with the reality of my life,
Speaker 1: and that is that I am playing many roles. I
Speaker 1: am also playing the role of father and at times
Speaker 1: with my daughter and not to diminish her father's role,
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, like I am taking on that role
Speaker 1: sometimes and how do I balance that with me wanting
Speaker 1: to feel feminine all the time?
Speaker 2: And and then something like really magical. I don't know magical.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: When you are making space for things, when you're when
Speaker 2: you're encouraging women to let go of things and peel
Speaker 2: back layers. And you know, we had a manifestation dinner
Speaker 2: and like asking to call on the things that you
Speaker 2: want and asking women to kind of come in terms
Speaker 2: of the things that they've been holding on too.
Speaker 1: They need to let go of.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of times in our daily lives,
Speaker 2: we're holding onto stuff and just doing.
Speaker 1: Doing, doing.
Speaker 2: We're not even recognizing that it's layering the hardness on.
Speaker 2: It's just pasting it on, pasting it on more and
Speaker 2: more because we're just in survival mode. You know, you
Speaker 2: have to get shit done, you have to feed the kids, you.
Speaker 1: Have to wash clothes.
Speaker 2: It's just like every day happens, you forget about yourself,
Speaker 2: you forget that you've put all these heavy things on you.
Speaker 2: And you know, in week one, probably by like day three,
Speaker 2: women started to get sick and I became extremely scared.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, bitches are getting sick.
Speaker 2: And the weird thing was, no, we all were eating
Speaker 2: the same meals and people were in separate, different rooms
Speaker 2: getting sick. It just wasn't making sense. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I just I don't want anyone to be sick.
Speaker 1: We were when she says sick, I'm throwing up.
Speaker 2: Throwing up like projectile, throwing up diarrhea like there is
Speaker 2: it was. It became like a lot of people were
Speaker 2: getting sick and then they'd be fine. So at one
Speaker 2: point a Landra shout out to the island Bruha. She
Speaker 2: was doing tarot readings, and she said to me, you know,
Speaker 2: I realized people are getting sick.
Speaker 1: You know, I want you to know.
Speaker 2: You guys are doing a lot of work and when
Speaker 2: you manifest things, you have to get rid of things
Speaker 2: and it will come out physically. And it dawned on
Speaker 2: me like, oh oh, I never thought about this emotional
Speaker 2: work manifesting physically. So I was like, okay, And actually
Speaker 2: that was the only thing I could make sense of.
Speaker 1: It was nothing else was making sense.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, I hope nobody got COVID,
Speaker 2: you know, like we're in this weird ass times. If
Speaker 2: everyone anyone gets sick, it's a fucking the end of
Speaker 2: the world. I'm like, I hope it's not the food,
Speaker 2: and it wasn't. It was literally people were purging and
Speaker 2: because the work we were doing, it was coming out physically.
Speaker 2: You know when you come into a space and you
Speaker 2: were just cracked open immediately and you're just like, fuck it,
Speaker 2: I'm going to release these things I've been holding on
Speaker 2: for years and months. Your body is almost in shock
Speaker 2: by it. You know, when you've let things add up
Speaker 2: and lie dormant and you're in your body and your emotions,
Speaker 2: it will come up in your physical And like I said,
Speaker 2: it was a very intensive six days and it wasn't
Speaker 2: like we were doing light work. We dug right the
Speaker 2: fucking immediately. We didn't have a lot of time, and
Speaker 2: you know, whereas Erica and I've had the opportunity to
Speaker 2: kind of gradually tell our story, gradually come to terms
Speaker 2: with things, gradually release things. Every week, we've gradually said Okay,
Speaker 2: now I feel more comfortable, I'm going to.
Speaker 1: Let this go.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm going to say this, But we kind
Speaker 2: of just like cracked it open immediately, and you know,
Speaker 2: by the last day, everybody was fine. Everybody was in
Speaker 2: great spirits, everybody was healthy.
Speaker 1: But you know what, it's even even when they weren't fine,
Speaker 1: like it was almost like they were I was worried
Speaker 1: that people were going to start flipping out, like I
Speaker 1: need to go to the hospital. No one said that.
Speaker 1: It's almost like everyone knew, regardless of what whether they
Speaker 1: were aware of it, that they were they that they
Speaker 1: had to kind of let it pass, and that they
Speaker 1: had to just be cool with it, and that they
Speaker 1: had to surrender. And there was even one girl that
Speaker 1: she was like, when I was, I was throwing up
Speaker 1: and I couldn't stop throwing up five in the morning,
Speaker 1: at five in the morning, and something in me just
Speaker 1: said surrender. And no, they said let it go, let
Speaker 1: it go. And then when she did the next morning,
Speaker 1: she was fine. And so you know, and and multiple
Speaker 1: people too that are from Costa Rica were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: when you when you come to this land, be prepared
Speaker 1: to get sick. There's people for you to have to
Speaker 1: let shit go. You got a land, doesn't let you
Speaker 1: hold on to shit on top of it. If you
Speaker 1: are one of those women that are holding on to
Speaker 1: a lot of masculine energy, all this feminine energy will
Speaker 1: purge the fuck out of you. And and that's that's
Speaker 1: what I witnessed in both groups. Both groups experienced this,
Speaker 1: and it was really amazing to see. It was really
Speaker 1: amazing to see each other, like roommates, support one another
Speaker 1: and help each other. I think that also gave first
Speaker 1: of all, made people very vulnerable and allowed other women
Speaker 1: to support women through it. So not only you know,
Speaker 1: breaking down barriers with our workshop and all the work
Speaker 1: that was being done, but allowing the women to come
Speaker 1: together and support one another through those type of things
Speaker 1: I think was really important.
Speaker 2: And then of course, you know, I don't think even
Speaker 2: Erica and I were aware that it was going to
Speaker 2: manifest that way and like illness, obviously that's not who
Speaker 2: you're wunning, but that's how shit happens. And then week
Speaker 2: two came and guess what, after the first workshop, same thing.
Speaker 2: It just started getting sick. And at that point we
Speaker 2: kind of knew what to expect and we kind of
Speaker 2: told them like, don't worry, but this is what happened
Speaker 2: last week, and it's to purge and kind of be
Speaker 2: aware that you have to let it go, don't hold
Speaker 2: on to it, and it just was a continue, like
Speaker 2: a continuous thread, and the same thing. By the last day.
Speaker 2: By the last two days, everybody was fine, you know,
Speaker 2: and it was like kind of like eerie, but like
Speaker 2: it was a testament that like, yes, we were doing work,
Speaker 2: and if you're not down was doing the work, you're
Speaker 2: not going to get what you came to get. You know.
Speaker 2: It's it's it was it was fun but and it
Speaker 2: was play, but it was also like time to come
Speaker 2: in and go back different.
Speaker 1: One of the women that came week two, she has
Speaker 1: a new baby and she's married, and she was saying
Speaker 1: how basically like sex has been off the table for
Speaker 1: a while, and how and that being in this space
Speaker 1: with all these this feminine energy and allowing herself to
Speaker 1: kind of just like be vulnerable and break down had
Speaker 1: kind of reactivated her sex drive. And she was sharing
Speaker 1: with us like at dinner, which is I love this.
Speaker 1: I love that, like we created a space where like
Speaker 1: women can like be really excited to share certain things,
Speaker 1: and like we're at dinner and she's like, you, guys,
Speaker 1: guess what I masturbated yesterday. And I came and I
Speaker 1: was like she and I was like, well, where did
Speaker 1: you masturbate because you have a roommate. She's like outside
Speaker 1: looking up at the stars. Was fucking amazing. And then
Speaker 1: a few like a few days ago, uh, in our
Speaker 1: slack group, because we have, you know, our dedicated slack
Speaker 1: groups for each retreat, and Valentine's Day had just passed,
Speaker 1: and she was saying, Oh my god, I just had
Speaker 1: the most amazing like you know, I think I shared
Speaker 1: this with you guys, is that, like my sex drive
Speaker 1: had been really low up until this retreat and I
Speaker 1: just couldn't wait to get back to my husband and
Speaker 1: going back Jesse. Shout out to Jesse, who we talked
Speaker 1: about it a second ago. Her instagram is Sweet Love
Speaker 1: Sanctuary and make sure you guys follow her. Gave her
Speaker 1: kind of a ritual to do with her husband or
Speaker 1: do you know, do with your lover on Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: and she was saying how she got in the bath
Speaker 1: with her husband. They poured honey all over each other,
Speaker 1: spoke positive affirmations to one another about their sex life,
Speaker 1: about their kid, about their financials, and they had the
Speaker 1: like the most amazing two hour sex experience that they've
Speaker 1: ever had. And I thought, Wow, isn't that amazing how
Speaker 1: feminine energy activated her sex drive. It wasn't about a
Speaker 1: masculine it wasn't about the masculine energy. It was something
Speaker 1: about being in nature with a bunch of women. And
Speaker 1: I want to be clear, it wasn't like we're over
Speaker 1: there having orgies and shit. It was very platonic. It
Speaker 1: was very not lesbian. No, but that that was what
Speaker 1: she needed in order to kind of open up herself
Speaker 1: in that way and feel connected to herself that way.
Speaker 1: She was saying how her body for so long didn't
Speaker 1: feel like her own because she was still breastfeeding, and
Speaker 1: that she didn't feel sexual, but being out there and
Speaker 1: being and tapping into herself and and it was She's
Speaker 1: one of those She's one of the people that I
Speaker 1: just loved watching her journey from the beginning to end,
Speaker 1: and her transformation was so beautiful. Uh, And just knowing
Speaker 1: that we just need each other, we really do, like
Speaker 1: really we really just need each other. I mean, yes, men,
Speaker 1: you guys are so important and not downplaying the role
Speaker 1: of a man and how important they are. Y'all are
Speaker 1: the sprinkles on on top of our Sunday, but the
Speaker 1: foundation and like the meat of who we are and
Speaker 1: where we feel safest is with one another. And I'm
Speaker 1: just so grateful that I was able to witness that
Speaker 1: in real time, because I think even I needed to
Speaker 1: witness that.
Speaker 2: And.
Speaker 1: I just can't wait to do it again.
Speaker 2: I really can't. I feel fucking activated as fuck. I
Speaker 2: feel like I needed that. I feel like I needed
Speaker 2: to meet every single woman. I feel like I'm coming
Speaker 2: back with like forty three new friends. I'm feeling humbled
Speaker 2: and just like just just humbled, you know, just in
Speaker 2: the magic that we were able to cultivate together. At
Speaker 2: one point, we had a lot of ceremonies, you know,
Speaker 2: we held a lot of we had a lot of altars,
Speaker 2: We called in a lot of our ancestors. Like I said,
Speaker 2: we just really worked with the elements and with like
Speaker 2: with with ourselves, and I'm so grateful for the woman
Speaker 2: like coming in open that way. At one point we
Speaker 2: did a morn Every week was different. You know, what
Speaker 2: happened week one didn't happen week two, even the like
Speaker 2: you know, the itinerary which had to change slightly. And
Speaker 2: there was a point where we did a morning at
Speaker 2: seven am ceremony with Sylvia and shout out to Sylvia
Speaker 2: who also did our natal chart. We have an episode
Speaker 2: with her, but we were doing a release, I believe,
Speaker 2: and someone said, you know, I felt my grandmother on
Speaker 2: my left side, and then someone else said, yeah, I
Speaker 2: felt like my grandmother telling me to just laugh, and
Speaker 2: I didn't laugh. I don't know why I didn't. I
Speaker 2: felt like it was an inappropriate time, but I was
Speaker 2: just like, in what other space would we be able
Speaker 2: to be like, Oh, I felt the I felt my
Speaker 2: ancestors on my right side.
Speaker 1: It told me to laugh.
Speaker 2: You know, we really created the safe space. Like I
Speaker 2: think sometimes we're so busy that we forget that the
Speaker 2: mystic is our communication with God, you know it is
Speaker 2: are there are these signs. Nothing is really just like
Speaker 2: a coincidence. Most things are intentional. And if you ask,
Speaker 2: if you open yourself up and ask to get answers,
Speaker 2: nine times out of ten, the universe is going to
Speaker 2: deliver to you. Now if you're it's different, if you're
Speaker 2: gonna be receptive enough to to to take them and
Speaker 2: understand them. But it really brought warmed my heart that
Speaker 2: there were women who are willing to you know, speak
Speaker 2: on these testimonies and saying this is how I'm feeling,
Speaker 2: and this is like, this is what I needed to release,
Speaker 2: And this is like, actually I felt my grandmother to
Speaker 2: tell me this. Oh I was throwing up and I
Speaker 2: felt spirit tell me let go. I don't think we
Speaker 2: are put in enough friendships and enough situations where we
Speaker 2: can be transparent in that way because it sounds, well,
Speaker 2: you know, it's like white people shit. You know, like, oh,
Speaker 2: if you scream and yell and moan like jump up
Speaker 2: and down, that's white people shit. You know, oh, you're
Speaker 2: you're fucking kombay eyeing naked around the pool, that's white
Speaker 2: people shit.
Speaker 1: But it's like, no, a bit, it's human people shit.
Speaker 1: And we all need to do it.
Speaker 2: And we're so caught up in being, you know whatever,
Speaker 2: with how we look and like having our guards up
Speaker 2: that sometimes things will be clear and will ignore them
Speaker 2: because it doesn't make sense. No one's going to understand
Speaker 2: that I'm not going to be like these this.
Speaker 1: That, you know.
Speaker 2: But most of the times, those are the voices you
Speaker 2: need to listen to. Those are the signs you need
Speaker 2: to listen to. And I was just grateful to have women,
Speaker 2: despite religion, despite background, whatever, they were all coming open
Speaker 2: to tap into themselves. You know, this was a group
Speaker 2: experience and we did a lot of collective healing, but
Speaker 2: the tapping into yourself was really what we were pushing, like,
Speaker 2: it was really about what the work you're doing with
Speaker 2: you And obviously the support of each other just helped
Speaker 2: because we're all doing the same work together. But I
Speaker 2: was just extremely grateful that we were all open to
Speaker 2: kind of understanding that answers and God come in many forms,
Speaker 2: and that that could be through ass that could be
Speaker 2: through dance, that could be through laughing so hard, that
Speaker 2: could be through moaning, that could be through screaming. You know,
Speaker 2: you know, literally there's a point like we were just
Speaker 2: doing cartwheels naked in the grass. You know, it was
Speaker 2: just like an opportunity to be childlike and just not
Speaker 2: give a fuck and just be giggly and everything was
Speaker 2: funny and like we were smoking weed and it's just
Speaker 2: like there was there was nothing to be afraid of
Speaker 2: because there was no predators, there was no men. There
Speaker 2: was just it was an absolute safe space to just be.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I'm gonna twerk. My I want
Speaker 1: to twerk and I don't give a fuck, and no
Speaker 1: one's gonna come behind me and try to like dance
Speaker 1: with me, you know, like you forget how like that
Speaker 1: right there, like that concept when a Landra did our
Speaker 1: did a workshop where we were moving our bodies and
Speaker 1: just having fun and dancing, Like I forgot how how
Speaker 1: much we don't get to just be our sensual selves
Speaker 1: in public without feeling attacked, feeling the male gaze, feeling
Speaker 1: like we have have to be a certain way to
Speaker 1: be appealing to someone else instead of just I want
Speaker 1: to fucking move my body just like this, because this
Speaker 1: is how the fuck I feel like it, you know.
Speaker 1: And like one of the women from Retreat one was like,
Speaker 1: I haven't moved I realized when I was in that workshop,
Speaker 1: Like I felt like I caught the Holy ghost, is
Speaker 1: what she said. And she was like, I I haven't
Speaker 1: moved my body in that way and so long, and yeah,
Speaker 1: there's just so many amazing moments that I just it
Speaker 1: would take four episodes to really just dig all the
Speaker 1: way in.
Speaker 2: And I don't even know if you if if that's possible,
Speaker 2: you'd really really.
Speaker 1: You really have to come. You just gonna have to come.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to come.
Speaker 2: But like I was in tears, like at the departure
Speaker 2: of every group. I was just in an overwhelmed gratitude
Speaker 2: the entire time because I just felt like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: not like finally the podcast made sense, but finally like
Speaker 2: it did. It was just like came together. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is what we've been doing, oh like getting women
Speaker 2: to trust each other, getting women to trust themselves, getting
Speaker 2: women to come as they are. Like it really finally
Speaker 2: made sense to me, Like I feel I come back
Speaker 2: into this space so fucking activated.
Speaker 1: Nobody can tell me shit. Like as I'm giving women.
Speaker 2: Advice the release shit, I'm also like, bitch you too,
Speaker 2: you need to release those niggas that don't serve.
Speaker 1: You need to release that.
Speaker 2: If they're if someone's opinion of you is not like
Speaker 2: the opinion of yourself, fuck them, let them go.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I think it was just a really true testament to.
Speaker 1: How you are enough.
Speaker 2: We are enough as we are, and there really doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be There's just not a lot of extra
Speaker 2: to it. You are the fuck enough. And I think
Speaker 2: reminding women of that kind of reminded me of that,
Speaker 2: you know, like, damn, you believed me and you came here,
Speaker 2: and now I'm believing myself and I'm doing this, leading
Speaker 2: this workshop, and women are just like, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: I saw you on the internet. I saw you on
Speaker 2: Instagram being so sensual and sexual and free.
Speaker 1: Like it made me want to come on the retreat.
Speaker 2: I was like, really, I thought about posting that picture
Speaker 2: like fifteen times before I did it. But just knowing
Speaker 2: that we're all so deeply intertwined and like we're all
Speaker 2: here to serve each other and heal each other, and like,
Speaker 2: I know everyone on Instagram is like putting healer in
Speaker 2: their bio, but women truly actually are healers. You know,
Speaker 2: we are healers of one another, and like that that's that,
Speaker 2: Mama patchya, Like that's our like, that's our sacred gift.
Speaker 2: We heal and we actually have the power to heal
Speaker 2: ourselves and each other if we just allow ourselves to
Speaker 2: surrender to what that looks like or doesn't look like.
Speaker 2: You know, this was a very untraditional retreat. You know,
Speaker 2: if you've been on a retreat, it wasn't like that retreat.
Speaker 1: This retreat was different.
Speaker 2: Came with niggas oiled up, came with blunts, came you know,
Speaker 2: it came with screaming and crying and meal and moaning.
Speaker 2: It came with, you know, it just came with a
Speaker 2: lot of different elements that I don't think we realized
Speaker 2: was going to cultivate this amazing.
Speaker 1: It came with like real sisterhood. It came with like,
Speaker 1: you left with friends. If you don't have friends, come
Speaker 1: on this motherfucking retreat, you will have friends by the end.
Speaker 1: It's just like inevitable. You just there's no choice, You
Speaker 1: have no choice.
Speaker 2: I know, I'm like planning a trip in slack right now,
Speaker 2: like we're going to hedonism. But yeah, I'm extremely proud
Speaker 2: of this work that we're doing. I'm extremely proud of
Speaker 2: of us. I'm extremely proud of every single woman who
Speaker 2: came out. I'm so proud of all of the healers
Speaker 2: and women who contributed their time and space to these women.
Speaker 2: It showed like we put a lot of work into this,
Speaker 2: and now we're doing another one and I'm looking.
Speaker 1: Even I'm looking forward to that because I know.
Speaker 2: Just the power of this shit, the power of purging,
Speaker 2: the power of stepping into your shit, the power of
Speaker 2: saying yes and yeah, it was fucking mystical, magical shit
Speaker 2: happened on this trip. Like on some real shit. Every day,
Speaker 2: every single day, I had goosebumps of Wow, this shit
Speaker 2: is intentional and divine and I'll never forget it. I
Speaker 2: definitely feel like it was life changing for me.
Speaker 1: It was. It was a card started, my dear, because
Speaker 1: we never forget to do our tarroo time.
Speaker 2: And the card that you pulled was the Night of Swords,
Speaker 2: and it's about It's about being ambitious, action oriented, driven
Speaker 2: to success, driven to succeed, and fast thinking. And basically
Speaker 2: it's as with all knights of the tarot deck, the
Speaker 2: Night of Swords is a man or woman on a mission.
Speaker 2: Once he has his mind set on something, nothing is
Speaker 2: stopping him. As a sword card, this night actively uses
Speaker 2: the power of his intellect to achieve his goals. When
Speaker 2: the Night of Swords appears in a tarot reading, it
Speaker 2: is a sign that you are highly driven, ambitious, and
Speaker 2: action oriented. You are so highly motivated to succeed that
Speaker 2: you will stop at nothing to pursue your dreams. The challenges,
Speaker 2: difficulties and obstacles on the path of head of head
Speaker 2: don't phase you because you know where you want to go.
Speaker 2: Move forward with sheer strength and determination to make things happen.
Speaker 2: It suggests that you were quick to take action and
Speaker 2: tend not to plan ahead, instead preferring to dive right in,
Speaker 2: thrive on high levels of energy and propel you forward
Speaker 2: and inspire you to take action to manifest your goals.
Speaker 1: So I just I do feel like.
Speaker 2: This has been We've been driving really fast in a
Speaker 2: direction and going really hard and knowing that the work
Speaker 2: was important, but this retreat solidified how important the work is,
Speaker 2: how important the mending of female relationship is, how important
Speaker 2: the mending of self and release. And yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I definitely feel driven. I feel more
Speaker 1: driven than ever to you know, accomplish my goals to
Speaker 1: keep moving towards this, keep moving towards my own personal
Speaker 1: healing and being able to facilitate that for other women.
Speaker 1: A lot of me and Mila's work is our own
Speaker 1: self work that we you know, bring you out on
Speaker 1: our journey of healing and hope that you know it
Speaker 1: works for you too. And I think that that the
Speaker 1: retreat was kind of a manifestation of that. And I
Speaker 1: just know that I can't stop here, I can't stop now,
Speaker 1: can't stop. I know, I really was feeling like goddess energy.
Speaker 2: I mean, like, not only did it we pay to
Speaker 2: men to just like look sexy and like serve women,
Speaker 2: which made me feel really powerful. I was like, Wow,
Speaker 2: I made this happen. I'm a bass which we even
Speaker 2: bought them like matching shorts from Riot. Shout out to
Speaker 2: Ryant Swim, who's sponsored the Good Vibe retreat. But I
Speaker 2: was like, I like the idea of telling men what
Speaker 2: to do and telling them to serve us. I felt
Speaker 2: like that's a part of the sacred feminine that we
Speaker 2: forget that, like, you're here to serve us. It's true,
Speaker 2: we're here to serve each other, but it has to
Speaker 2: first go go both ways. So like after the retreat,
Speaker 2: me and Erica had been around a lot of women
Speaker 2: for many, many, many many days and slept in a
Speaker 2: bed for like two weeks together, so we were kind
Speaker 2: of like our fangs maybe came out a little bit
Speaker 2: and this this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we have an epic horry that we're going
Speaker 1: to save for Patreos now.
Speaker 2: An epic Valentine's Day hory. When we were really channeling
Speaker 2: our inner goddess, our inner goddess.
Speaker 1: Energy, and we decided that we were going to get
Speaker 1: what we wanted, and we did. We did, we fucking did.
Speaker 2: Okay, even if we had to share it, we were
Speaker 2: going to make it happen. So make sure you turn
Speaker 2: into Patreon to get that story. I don't think that
Speaker 2: everyone needs.
Speaker 1: To hear that story.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're going to save that for the Patreon.
Speaker 2: It's pretty fucking good. It's really good, pretty fucking epic.
Speaker 1: We're rock stars. We are uh, definitely rock stars.
Speaker 2: Definitely women who get what we want in all areas
Speaker 2: of life, and I encourage every woman listening to do
Speaker 2: the same. If you've been thinking about going to Costa Rica,
Speaker 2: going on a retreat, going to make some friends, I
Speaker 2: think that you found your place.
Speaker 1: The Good Vibe Retreat is the bomb for sure. Make
Speaker 1: sure you go follow our retreat page at the Good
Speaker 1: Vibe Retreat so that you can be the first to
Speaker 1: know when our next retreat is because we've already planned it.
Speaker 2: It's this year, so don't fret you don't have the
Speaker 2: way to next year. We're doing it this year, we're
Speaker 2: doing it twice. We're doing it again, and this is
Speaker 2: going to be amazing, just like it was this time.
Speaker 2: But so thank you, thank you, Erica for joining me
Speaker 2: on this journey.
Speaker 1: Well that's it.
Speaker 2: Leave a rate and review if you'd like to see
Speaker 2: what we'd look like. You don't know, go to on
Speaker 2: Instagram and go to Good Moms Underscore Bad Choices. Please
Speaker 2: rate and review this episode. It means so much to us.
Speaker 2: You get this shit free anyway, that's the least you
Speaker 2: could do.
Speaker 1: You can also watch this episode on YouTube. We release
Speaker 1: all of our YouTube videos on Thursdays. Our episodes come
Speaker 1: out Wednesdays. YouTube's on Thursdays. Also, do you see this
Speaker 1: hat I'm wearing. Sure you do because you're watching on YouTube.
Speaker 1: This is our cozy buck hat. Make sure you check
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Speaker 1: dot com. I don't know if you know, but our
Speaker 1: merch store is pretty fucking lit. We're kind of popping
Speaker 1: over there.
Speaker 2: We're making a lot of merch. I don't know if
Speaker 2: you know, you need to know, but there's a lot
Speaker 2: of drops monthly weekly. We have a lot of shit
Speaker 2: coming and we have a lot of cute shit.
Speaker 1: It's really cute. It ain't no bullshit. We don't make
Speaker 1: that bullshit podcasting merch. I know, y'all some of y'all
Speaker 1: see them merches with a bunch of niggas faces on it,
Speaker 1: that's not it. We're making shit that you actually want
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Speaker 1: do it. But yeah, make sure you go check us
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Speaker 1: Day costa Rican hoary. That's patreon dot com slash Good
Speaker 1: Mom's Bad Choices and you actually have to put that
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Speaker 3: In SUSSA, this is Yah Ellen j solo ball record
Speaker 3: Elas