Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want
Speaker 2: to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.
Speaker 3: And give us time and a terminol.
Speaker 4: And gaye ad.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off INSTI.
Speaker 5: You wanna welcome you back home?
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her?
Speaker 4: Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Malborn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride.
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris welcome? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbas and this is k oh No, that's.
Speaker 6: Okay, it's okay. There's a lot of consonants in your name.
Speaker 6: I do it all the time because you get so
Speaker 6: cavalier thinking you know your own name, that's true, and
Speaker 6: then you get real loose.
Speaker 2: And and goose it up.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I don't think anyone's judging.
Speaker 1: You, Okay, thank god. I mean I I feel like
Speaker 1: when you go to say your own name, you have
Speaker 1: you go like, oh this again, Like that's what my
Speaker 1: brain does.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, do that thing you always do.
Speaker 6: Yeah, That's how I feel pretty much every day with
Speaker 6: showering and eating this again.
Speaker 2: The uplifting. Do you need a ride.
Speaker 5: Right when I wake up? Oh my god, my friend
Speaker 5: sent me before you put on your cup?
Speaker 4: Yeah, before I put my handicap night cap on. You
Speaker 4: know how all men.
Speaker 5: Who admire the fifties, the ones that admire the old
Speaker 5: and the better days, sleep with a hat and a.
Speaker 2: Shirt with a pocket that's righting a candle in a holder.
Speaker 6: Every time I go to bed, I'm like, where's my pen?
Speaker 6: And now it wouldn't be nice to have a pocket
Speaker 6: because I like to wake up and write down my dreams.
Speaker 2: Are you talking? Are you describing your night shirt to us?
Speaker 4: Yes? I see, yes? Did you?
Speaker 6: I watched there's this comic James Castor. I think I've
Speaker 6: mentioned him before because I've blown away by him being
Speaker 6: under thirty and having four specials and they're all bizarre
Speaker 6: and funny and good. But in one of them he
Speaker 6: has a shirt with a giant pocket and he doesn't
Speaker 6: address it until the end.
Speaker 4: He uses an iPad and says.
Speaker 6: Good night and slides it into this pocket, and it
Speaker 6: was just made me so very happy.
Speaker 2: He's from where.
Speaker 6: Somewhere in the UK or Britain, or it was great Britain.
Speaker 6: But I think it may have just been in England.
Speaker 1: Just playing Britain.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, the not so great part. Yeah, it was
Speaker 4: definitely Europe.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, the England part, got it, got it.
Speaker 6: I don't know the difference between the Britain and Great Britain.
Speaker 4: In the UK and England, we both cross our arm.
Speaker 4: You're driving just a not unappreciated thing that makes us die.
Speaker 1: That's right. Something it's only funny to us and kills us.
Speaker 4: I've been I felt almost nervous to podcast.
Speaker 2: It's been so long, it's been forever.
Speaker 6: Get I hate that I'm this person, but I am
Speaker 6: uneasy with most of the things I enjoy and even
Speaker 6: excel at.
Speaker 4: Same I get when.
Speaker 6: I haven't skateboarded a while. I get on board, my
Speaker 6: knees shake. It's like, why the shaky knees?
Speaker 1: Well, because you know I do. You're but there's excitement
Speaker 1: in nervousness, and sometimes we just define one or the other,
Speaker 1: either positively or negatively, what it could be the other one.
Speaker 1: We're just interpreting it, right, So actually it's like you're
Speaker 1: super excited, like it's your birthday, but we're podcasting.
Speaker 6: You're right, I need to remember what everyone's always told
Speaker 6: me since I was a kid, as being nervous.
Speaker 4: Is good, you just have to use it.
Speaker 1: It's just hard to believe that if when you were nervous,
Speaker 1: nobody helped you when you were a child, right, That's
Speaker 1: that's what my therapist has taught me is there were
Speaker 1: lots of times where I had things happening, and if
Speaker 1: just one adult had said, hey, no, you're fine.
Speaker 2: I would have been fine. Yeah, I was on my
Speaker 2: fucking out.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: My mom would always go that.
Speaker 6: She'd be like, oh, I'm worried too, Just back it
Speaker 6: up immediately.
Speaker 4: You're right to be worried.
Speaker 2: Will tell you about nuclear war.
Speaker 4: This entire town is filled with sharp objects.
Speaker 1: Speaking of which, have you seen sharp objects? What a
Speaker 1: what a mini series?
Speaker 4: I haven't. It's good, but I've heard I should.
Speaker 1: It's good.
Speaker 2: There's lots of good TV going right now.
Speaker 6: Sure you we've seen it. Sounds like sharp projects. But
Speaker 6: it's called The Bleeding Edge and it is a documentary.
Speaker 6: And the only reason I watched it is there is
Speaker 6: a picture of my hip as the main one of
Speaker 6: the rotating things. But it's a documentary about medical devices
Speaker 6: and their advancements before they are tested on people. And
Speaker 6: some of them the biggest examples of their life Adnile mesh,
Speaker 6: where you know those big guitar and women in their
Speaker 6: twenties have to get hysterectomies.
Speaker 4: That's a big lawsuit that people.
Speaker 6: That's right, and certain scary birth controls that fuse your
Speaker 6: fallopian tube and it gets lost you all of a
Speaker 6: sudden have there's some scary total recall wire in your
Speaker 6: It's so scary. All of it was so scary because
Speaker 6: it's real, and they interview these people that just got
Speaker 6: a raw deal. But it opens with this guy who's
Speaker 6: got early dementia and it's going blind because of the
Speaker 6: exact type of hip I have. So I watched it
Speaker 6: because it feels great.
Speaker 1: So sorry really quick. When you said my exact hip
Speaker 1: is in this picture, it's not your literal hip, right, No, how'd.
Speaker 4: They get my name's on it? Yes?
Speaker 6: I thought you meant that's the outline of my penis
Speaker 6: that I have to fog out when I show people
Speaker 6: my X ray.
Speaker 4: No, it was this other man's pence him and hip ball, Yeah,
Speaker 4: and ball part of it.
Speaker 6: He would like me had one ball because we used
Speaker 6: to be in the Tour de France on a unit cycle.
Speaker 2: Which gives you cancer.
Speaker 1: It does unicycles give.
Speaker 6: You can signing up to the further turn. That's right, Well,
Speaker 6: make one of your guys go bye bye.
Speaker 4: Yeah, awkward self.
Speaker 6: Okay, So I yes, I and I've been my vision
Speaker 6: has been declining. I've been to a doctor a couple
Speaker 6: of times prior to watching this documentary.
Speaker 4: So I immediately.
Speaker 6: I've decided that it's because I'm in my forties and
Speaker 6: you just all of a sudden one day can't see grade.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 6: Doctor. I talked to him. He said, nah, you saw
Speaker 6: the Netflix documentary. A bunch of my friends said, not
Speaker 6: to freak you out, what have you seen this Netflix documentary?
Speaker 6: Because I called him and said, do I have a
Speaker 6: cobalt metal on metal hip? And he said yes, But
Speaker 6: they're talking about advancements and devices, bad installments, bad doctors. Yeah,
Speaker 6: that's what causes it to kind of get rejected.
Speaker 1: And it's not the thing itself.
Speaker 4: But I still am too right.
Speaker 6: I think mine and it feels great and I love
Speaker 6: him a robot hip.
Speaker 1: Well, and let me say this, my sister told me
Speaker 1: because my sister always had contact lenses and thick glasses
Speaker 1: and I was like, ha ha, I don't have glasses.
Speaker 1: When I was in my early thirties, she was like, hah,
Speaker 1: you're going to overnight in one day, you won't be
Speaker 1: able to see distances and then come back and we'll
Speaker 1: have a good laugh together. And that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1: It was like when I was like thirty one, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I found I was in the movie
Speaker 1: theater just squinting, and I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: And it was like on schedule, just like it happened
Speaker 1: with me. Sure your eyes just decline.
Speaker 4: It just happened.
Speaker 6: I thought something was It really felt like something was
Speaker 6: in me. And then like some kind of a because
Speaker 6: it's he goes in and out just like liquid cobalt
Speaker 6: over your cornea and I'm making everything up.
Speaker 2: I have no training, but that's what you do when
Speaker 2: you watch those fucking.
Speaker 6: Documentary and I so I went and then I didn't.
Speaker 6: I testes like you have a perfect vision, and I'm like,
Speaker 6: well not sometimes that's the cobalt. And but I think
Speaker 6: I just need like many people reading glasses. And then's
Speaker 6: messing with me because I always bragged about my perfect
Speaker 6: vision and never having a cavity. Even talk to me Wednesday,
Speaker 6: my teeth will probably be falling out.
Speaker 2: You're down to one brag, just the teeth.
Speaker 1: Every party. Well, I still don't have any cavities, motherfuckers.
Speaker 4: I thought brag was like what you called a part
Speaker 4: of it tooth down to one brag. One time my
Speaker 4: friend's got in a fight. It was, uh, and let's order.
Speaker 6: One of them got punched in. He said, you knocked
Speaker 6: out my anchor tooth because he was about to get
Speaker 6: new teeth. He was punk rock and didn't brush, you know.
Speaker 6: And and I appreciate this business, and I'm glad they sponsorous.
Speaker 6: But every time I look at a menu, they don't
Speaker 6: have the VENTI and I don't even remember what they
Speaker 6: are anymore. I've started saying small, medium, in large because
Speaker 6: if you go in the store, they don't.
Speaker 4: They haven't been used I know, just.
Speaker 1: Then, they haven't been using the terminology, right really yeah,
Speaker 1: or reminding you of their basic menu items.
Speaker 6: They're like, they know what we have, they know the sizes.
Speaker 6: Let's just push the nitro tap stuff you know you
Speaker 6: can get like carbonated coffee.
Speaker 4: Now I feel like booze soon.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Really, they're on the verge. They just want to
Speaker 1: be like an Italian cafe really deep down. But with
Speaker 1: the advent of cold brew coffee, I feel like with
Speaker 1: the world that we live in now, which is a
Speaker 1: very mean place, sometimes cold brew coffee, we don't need it.
Speaker 2: It should be taken off the shelves.
Speaker 4: Why is that?
Speaker 1: Because it makes you fucking crazy. Oh it's too much caffeine.
Speaker 1: People get super like I told you the story where
Speaker 1: I drank at the Earwolf studios. They have it on tap.
Speaker 1: So I went in with my venty iced coffee empty
Speaker 1: thing and filled it with cold brew, so it's like,
Speaker 1: what is that sixteen ounces? Twelve ounces, and then drank
Speaker 1: all of it and on the way home started crying.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know why. So I was like kind
Speaker 1: of like looking around, like, uh uh, what is that?
Speaker 1: I had no, It was just like the panic of coffee.
Speaker 1: Like am I hungry? Am I tired?
Speaker 4: Can rap? I wish I could wrap my hand around
Speaker 4: a giant thumb right now? Yes?
Speaker 1: And the more like the more places we go, cold
Speaker 1: brew is everywhere and it's like infer you know, grocery
Speaker 1: store refrigerators and shit, and I think it makes people insane.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it does make me jittery. I wish I could
Speaker 4: remember it.
Speaker 6: But Jordan Morris had a great about ice coffee versus
Speaker 6: cold brew, And that's just me telling people to go
Speaker 6: out and seek out a joke because I can't even
Speaker 6: begin to tell you.
Speaker 2: I think I retweeted that same one.
Speaker 4: Me something something ice coffee, cold brew, me, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Way worse. Yeah, violent, violent.
Speaker 4: With a rifle. I can't remember what it was.
Speaker 1: It was something like, yeah, that was a good one. Okay,
Speaker 1: So what I want to tell you was, yes, the
Speaker 1: on the equivalent of your bleeding edge. There is a
Speaker 1: podcast called Doctor Death and it's super popular right now
Speaker 1: and it is a I think it's like a six
Speaker 1: or eight part series they're doing about this fucking spine
Speaker 1: surgeon in Texas who was terrible, like didn't know how
Speaker 1: to do the job and was operating on people and
Speaker 1: just he killed. He did, He operated on thirty three people,
Speaker 1: He killed four people. He he he made his own
Speaker 1: friend a quadriplegic.
Speaker 2: It is the craziest story.
Speaker 1: And I was listening to it and I thought, because
Speaker 1: you know, I'm very interested in true crime, and I
Speaker 1: think i'm high tolerant. I have high tolerance for that
Speaker 1: kind of shit. I don't take it in. I was
Speaker 1: literally holding the edge of my kitchen table like I
Speaker 1: thought I was going to fly away with anxiety.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 1: It's the most stressful, upsetting idea that there's just someone
Speaker 1: out there that can do back surgery and they don't
Speaker 1: stop him because the if they fire a doctor, the
Speaker 1: hospital could get sued. So these hospitals just kept sending
Speaker 1: him along with a note that said, he's great, you
Speaker 1: hire him somewhere else. And of course they kept hiring
Speaker 1: him at worse and worse at hospitals that were in
Speaker 1: worse and worse parts of town.
Speaker 4: So yeah, that, oh god.
Speaker 6: So he's just fusing the spines of welfare mothers, yes,
Speaker 6: oh god.
Speaker 1: And literally like putting screws into muscle mass instead of
Speaker 1: into the spine. Like insanity, oh god.
Speaker 5: Insanity, Like training, because I wouldn't when I lived there.
Speaker 4: Friends mine would just substitute teach.
Speaker 6: When in Washington, my sister was going through all this
Speaker 6: school to just hopefully get a substitute teaching job.
Speaker 4: It was like drive an uber. In Texas, there's no
Speaker 4: building codes.
Speaker 6: You can build a tower, a tanning tower if you
Speaker 6: want some redneck that's where I put my rifles in
Speaker 6: my tanning lotion.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I've always wanted a tanning tower. It's
Speaker 4: a good idea.
Speaker 6: And then also medical, it's like a non union state.
Speaker 6: You want to do voiceover, what's your who cares? Here's
Speaker 6: some money? It's Texas is wild, y'all?
Speaker 2: They're wild, yeall?
Speaker 4: And big, they're big.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, this story is like I want to
Speaker 1: recommend it, but I think people I almost had an
Speaker 1: respect down.
Speaker 2: I was like sweating through my shirt when I was
Speaker 2: listening to it.
Speaker 4: It's so upset. Rings a bell. I think I've read
Speaker 4: about that doctor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, then was that in the two thousands. It's so crazy.
Speaker 1: But the cool part is there's easy.
Speaker 4: It's something wanted to happen in the eighties.
Speaker 2: So so's much longer ago.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: There were doctors that basically came after them themselves because
Speaker 1: they would call other spine surgeons in to try to
Speaker 1: fix what this guy did. And these two doctors that
Speaker 1: both got called in after these guys surgeries took it
Speaker 1: upon themselves to basically and they ended up calling the
Speaker 1: police because the medical board wouldn't do anything.
Speaker 6: Oh, God, you've when you said high tolerance, did you
Speaker 6: say high Tolerance for death?
Speaker 4: Which is an action movie? I wish you were starting.
Speaker 1: Oh, I will I want.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're about two doctors that go on like a
Speaker 6: stakeout and become detectives because they're trying to help people.
Speaker 4: The end were the doctors?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No higher talented act.
Speaker 4: Oh, Stanley cameo, that's your idea. We can both do it.
Speaker 1: I'll be a I'll be a wise nurse. I think
Speaker 1: I could really sell that.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'll be a wise old owl.
Speaker 2: Who let that owl in this hospital? It's mine?
Speaker 1: The wise nurse says, that's my pet, yeah, and my
Speaker 1: animal familiar.
Speaker 4: A nurse with an owl on her shoulder.
Speaker 2: Ah, that would it become.
Speaker 4: You're wondering why I wear this eye patch? Is a owl?
Speaker 4: Did it?
Speaker 6: And the owl's on the same side as the missing eye?
Speaker 6: You would think you'd put it on the other shoulder.
Speaker 4: Nurse.
Speaker 2: I thought that was an owl.
Speaker 1: Voice.
Speaker 4: I'm very good at voices.
Speaker 1: Know your records.
Speaker 6: I've just graduated from lollipop school.
Speaker 2: Oh that's the owl, Yes, okay.
Speaker 4: Got it.
Speaker 6: It's like an owl from It's more of an owl
Speaker 6: that you'd see from like an old like skeletor cartoon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, got it, because they all had if they weren't
Speaker 1: he man or skeletor they just had him.
Speaker 6: White like Yeah, yeah, they had some kind of a
Speaker 6: utilitarian pet.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a tiger. It's my friend, but I can
Speaker 4: also it's.
Speaker 6: A it's a pelican, but it's also my garbage disposal.
Speaker 4: I guess I'm thinking more.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: Oh, here's one of those damn turtle straws. I always
Speaker 4: forget turtles. Most places use corn straws made of corn.
Speaker 1: Or they do. Now you mean now that the laws
Speaker 1: of them, But it.
Speaker 6: Takes long enough for it to dissolve and be piodegradable
Speaker 6: to in that time, it can still fuck.
Speaker 4: Up the turtles in Nostril.
Speaker 2: They can't.
Speaker 4: But we're not near the ocean. No.
Speaker 1: But there's a bunch of like random turtles around Burbank.
Speaker 1: Wild turtles.
Speaker 4: You've seen them, turtle, you're confusing them. Those are tortous.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a five hundred year old tortoise.
Speaker 4: I love turtles. I don't care about them.
Speaker 6: And the place where I get my smoothies every day,
Speaker 6: start using and they're not anytime you use a paper
Speaker 6: one that they dissipate and dissolve and flop over.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 4: But the corn ones, I love ones, corn corn straw.
Speaker 2: Do they taste like anything?
Speaker 6: It just it's plastic made of corn, and then one
Speaker 6: day it dissolves like a mission impossible letter.
Speaker 2: I've never heard of that. So you can't you can't tell.
Speaker 2: You just don't know.
Speaker 4: You can't tell. It's great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why haven't we been doing that for the last
Speaker 1: forty years?
Speaker 6: I know they've been able to do this with corn. Yeah,
Speaker 6: because I've seen the cups and the lids for years now.
Speaker 2: Because you live on the West Side and that's where
Speaker 2: all the hippies right.
Speaker 6: Well, that is where I think about it. The most
Speaker 6: plastic in the ocean is the big deal. That's ninety
Speaker 6: eight percent of the garbage in the ocean is plastic. Yeah,
Speaker 6: you know, if it's it depends on what city it's in.
Speaker 6: You know, if I'm in like a city I don't
Speaker 6: care about, I just throw my ship right in the street.
Speaker 1: I go straight up to a storm drain and I'll
Speaker 1: just dump boil from I transport it from a different
Speaker 1: state over to states I don't care about.
Speaker 6: I did tell you that I have a bag of
Speaker 6: garbage of plastic that was once in fish and albatross
Speaker 6: and other animals that I can't do anything with that.
Speaker 6: I did a fundraiser for this five gyres. They take
Speaker 6: garbage out of the ocean on these boats.
Speaker 4: Awesome, I don't. I just did jokes for them and
Speaker 4: got mad because they weren't listening.
Speaker 6: At one point I said, can you guys stop trying
Speaker 6: to get laid and listen to the because they were
Speaker 6: all beautiful.
Speaker 4: It was a bunch of surfers.
Speaker 6: But anyway, at the end, the guy gave me a
Speaker 6: bag of old afro picks and everything. There was everything
Speaker 6: in there. Every It showed every every race of litter.
Speaker 1: Okay, good because it's a little crazy to.
Speaker 6: Say a lot of a There was a lot of combs,
Speaker 6: and there was some melty afro picks.
Speaker 4: Okay, and I'm not it's all just sounds terrible. It
Speaker 4: was riddled with that fro picks.
Speaker 2: What about Chinese calms? Were they in there too?
Speaker 4: Everyone was represented.
Speaker 6: There's a plastic yamica, but I just have this, and
Speaker 6: some are sharp little tooth brushes like shives. But they
Speaker 6: all at one point were in an animal and he
Speaker 6: gave me this bag, and he's like, maybe you could
Speaker 6: talk about this on stage, and I'm like, yeah, that
Speaker 6: sounds real funny.
Speaker 2: That's hilarious.
Speaker 6: It's killing right now. But I have this bag and
Speaker 6: I can never get rid of it. I've moved to
Speaker 6: two different houses with this bag of discarded past.
Speaker 4: Yes, I can't. What do I do with it?
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm distracted by that fireman's mustach.
Speaker 6: He's the most fireMany fireman I've ever seen, guys man.
Speaker 4: Then I burned this leg. Then I burned this part
Speaker 4: of this leg. Oh that was saving a cat.
Speaker 1: There's nothing you can do with that bag of garbage
Speaker 1: except for driving back to that guy's house and dump
Speaker 1: it off on his front.
Speaker 4: Poor.
Speaker 6: I know, I just have it. But five gyres, they're good.
Speaker 6: Donate if you can to.
Speaker 2: Five gyres, get that plastic.
Speaker 4: Out of the sea. Please, that's their slogan.
Speaker 1: Please just please, please, please please, we're begging you for
Speaker 1: the turtles.
Speaker 2: What I like, though, is that.
Speaker 1: That that whole thing came up so quickly. It was
Speaker 1: suddenly like, plastic is killing turtles. Nobody is allowed to
Speaker 1: use straws anymore, right, And it truly was like a
Speaker 1: five day change over, and suddenly it was like you
Speaker 1: would go to a place and.
Speaker 3: They'd give you a drink with no straw on it,
Speaker 3: and you wouldn't think I'd hear from him, But bil
Speaker 3: Burr had a joke about how plastic breaks down into
Speaker 3: tiny little cubes and ends up in the system of animals,
Speaker 3: even on like a almost not.
Speaker 4: Microscopic level, but a what I like to call small level, and.
Speaker 2: He blames feminists.
Speaker 4: Yes, before he.
Speaker 6: Was doing that hilarious stuff, it was, yeah, it's just
Speaker 6: and you don't expect me doing plastic is bad bits.
Speaker 4: I saw him saying no, and then I looked into it.
Speaker 1: He I think he has a very wide I mean,
Speaker 1: that's why I'm a fan of his. He really does
Speaker 1: talk about a large range of stuff and from lots
Speaker 1: of different points of view.
Speaker 4: I like being surprised.
Speaker 1: I mean, isn't that the essence of comedy?
Speaker 4: It really is.
Speaker 6: So the element of surprise plus tragedy plus time. Surprises
Speaker 6: plus time equals tragic comedy.
Speaker 2: Tragic comedy the kind we specialize.
Speaker 1: In where we talked about terrible hips and vicious spine doctors.
Speaker 6: Oh god, that scares me. It's really scary. Did you
Speaker 6: think he was malicious? He just didn't care or he
Speaker 6: was like, I'm going to mess this person up.
Speaker 2: He couldn't be wrong.
Speaker 1: So it was that he didn't care that he was
Speaker 1: going to mess the person up because he kept telling
Speaker 1: himself and everyone else, you're not allowed to tell me
Speaker 1: that I can't do this because I can do it right,
Speaker 1: even though he couldn't.
Speaker 6: And maybe this guy that was featured in this thing
Speaker 6: that had my hip surgery, he was his doctor was like, yeah,
Speaker 6: I can do it. It's the same as this other
Speaker 6: kind of It just was scary to see that much
Speaker 6: like the FDA or.
Speaker 4: Or things get past like.
Speaker 6: It's that's a real first speaking of someone getting a
Speaker 6: hip re done, getting carted off to a cold metal table.
Speaker 6: Won't they be surprised when they wake up, Chris unable
Speaker 6: to see?
Speaker 4: Where have you been?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: I've loved it. I've had them on the road right.
Speaker 4: I went to.
Speaker 6: Denver for a little festival. I went to Seattle for
Speaker 6: the bumber shoot.
Speaker 2: I went to ship Wait were you high planes in Denver?
Speaker 4: Yeah? That was fun, was great. I've got to see
Speaker 4: Blondie who ship the comic? Oh, I got just kidding. No.
Speaker 6: Blondie was so great and I went to uh Boise,
Speaker 6: Idaho and that's a own.
Speaker 4: Of sweet people, but in Seattle.
Speaker 6: And listen to this Stephen I got because I thought
Speaker 6: I was getting a you know, a hotel, and at
Speaker 6: the last minute I realized, oh, that part was on me.
Speaker 4: I confised it with one of these other gigs.
Speaker 6: At the last minute, I got this this Airbnb and
Speaker 6: it said you'd stay with these two cats. Before it
Speaker 6: showed pictures of the rooms. It was these cats, and
Speaker 6: sure enough I showed up. It's called the Cozy Kitty Condo.
Speaker 6: The guy was super sweet, and I liked him because
Speaker 6: he looked like he was a big kid that was
Speaker 6: in very much shape, and it looked like he could
Speaker 6: beat up anyone. But he had a grateful dead shirt
Speaker 6: and he was just a very peaceful Oh yeah, I
Speaker 6: like that that. People keep surprising me.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 6: Well, I used to cage fight and twist off faces
Speaker 6: like bread, but now I'm a kiddie man and his cats.
Speaker 4: I have videos. I'll link it to this.
Speaker 6: There's a cat could I'd come home in the cat
Speaker 6: would just lay in front of me and I would
Speaker 6: just make love to him with my soft foot.
Speaker 2: Oh that's private, you know.
Speaker 6: And I give him love with my foot and he
Speaker 6: and make love on. Most cats will be like, I'm
Speaker 6: going to scratch this stranger. Yeah, mis kitty, and I
Speaker 6: trusted him right away. It's an orange tabby, you connected.
Speaker 6: Any orange striped cat is not going to wrong you,
Speaker 6: is it true? Well, you know there's certain ones that
Speaker 6: have bad upbringings.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I had an orange one that attacked a child one
Speaker 1: time in my home.
Speaker 2: It was very difficult to you know, apologize for.
Speaker 4: So you blame them.
Speaker 6: You you consider them the redheads of the cat world.
Speaker 1: Well, there's just this one Angus, who was feral, even
Speaker 1: though I raised him.
Speaker 6: I like redhead people. I'm doing that's my job. I
Speaker 6: just don't like the kids, right.
Speaker 1: Oh right r yeah, yes, you're going into your act.
Speaker 4: Oh of course.
Speaker 6: I wanted to try some bits recording a special soon. Yeah.
Speaker 6: I really like those cats. And anyway, I had a
Speaker 6: great time. I had great travels. I enjoy stand up
Speaker 6: right now.
Speaker 1: And god, I haven't you haven't even thought of bumber
Speaker 1: shootings so long. That was the best. Uh.
Speaker 2: It was such a nineties thing, it.
Speaker 6: Was, yes, and it was different when I first when
Speaker 6: I did it ten years ago, it was I was
Speaker 6: the smallest comic on the whole. It was Fly the Concords,
Speaker 6: it was Zach Galfnacaus, it was it was many Paul Tompkins. Yeah,
Speaker 6: you know that's Fred Armst.
Speaker 2: Lisa Linge was booking it, right, yes, yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and now I think it's booked by a fifth
Speaker 6: grade class.
Speaker 4: No, it was great.
Speaker 6: It was fun, but I was a little I when
Speaker 6: I'm ubering from my cat obligation and it's like, you know,
Speaker 6: forty bucks every day, I was like, that's me planning
Speaker 6: poorly or I need to start saying no to shit.
Speaker 6: But do I because I had so much fun, that's true.
Speaker 1: I mean it's you. You did get paid, right, sure?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: And I got I got some Sure, I got some
Speaker 6: paid work while I was there because someone canceled at
Speaker 6: the comedy clubs.
Speaker 2: WI oh nice, ma'am, So yes, you have to say
Speaker 2: yes then?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Oh.
Speaker 1: I just remembered in saying that out loud, that I
Speaker 1: listened to Shonda Rhime's audiobook The Year of Saying Yes,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, That's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: And I immediately forgot and I'm all I do is
Speaker 1: say no to everything.
Speaker 6: I've been trying to do that ever since the film Liar, Liar.
Speaker 6: That's the same message.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: Remember, there's like a motivational speaker.
Speaker 6: But then so many times in my life since that movie,
Speaker 6: I was like, no, it would be bad. I need
Speaker 6: to start saying no because I do you want to
Speaker 6: stand up at my Yes I do, I'm my apartment,
Speaker 6: living room. You didn't let me finish. Yeah, I already
Speaker 6: said yes.
Speaker 4: That's every stand up shine ow. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm just my career is happening on different couches well.
Speaker 1: And you know that makes me think I feel like
Speaker 1: those I definitely need to say yes more or at
Speaker 1: least not have the reaction I always do, which is
Speaker 1: I don't trust anyone and this isn't going to work
Speaker 1: out right. But as stand up comedians, I think we
Speaker 1: are automatic yes people because we're risk takers in our job.
Speaker 1: So maybe there's other people that say no and really
Speaker 1: play it safe much more, and we think we play
Speaker 1: it safe, but comparatively speaking, we really roll the dice
Speaker 1: quite Yeah, the dice, I.
Speaker 3: Seewe quay something something's wrong?
Speaker 6: No, it's fine, Yeah, I think you're right. It's part
Speaker 6: of our comedic improv yes and training. I say yes
Speaker 6: and to hey, you want to come over and.
Speaker 1: Tell jokes in my backyard?
Speaker 4: Oh, I did a backyard.
Speaker 6: There's this guy's a bear, a date bear, and he
Speaker 6: does dates and almonds. But he made millions, and I
Speaker 6: went to his house. Someone asked me to stand up
Speaker 6: at this rich old guy's date.
Speaker 2: But date baron, you're saying that statement like it's.
Speaker 1: A fraze and we all use every day.
Speaker 4: They made millions in d industry.
Speaker 1: He's a date bearon, and I.
Speaker 6: Think they're really good for you because he's seventy eight
Speaker 6: and he and a thirteen year old and a fifteen
Speaker 6: year old.
Speaker 1: Oh then yes.
Speaker 4: But the band there was a band before me.
Speaker 6: It's a big backyard in Beverly Hills at a giant mansion.
Speaker 6: And the band stopped playing celebration or whatever, and then
Speaker 6: just brought me up and everyone right when they got
Speaker 6: their dinner. And I just knew it was going to
Speaker 6: be bad, so it didn't. I didn't let it hurt
Speaker 6: my feelings, but I did. I guess I got kind
Speaker 6: of upset on stage, but I took.
Speaker 2: The money and run and you do that all that's
Speaker 2: your process.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean there's lots of reasons to be
Speaker 1: upset while you do stand up.
Speaker 6: Car right, I promise so lately I've just been happy
Speaker 6: on stage.
Speaker 2: Oh really, not off off.
Speaker 1: I love those shows where they hire you to do
Speaker 1: something and you're like, this is awesome, I'm gonna make money,
Speaker 1: and then once together, you realize the people who have
Speaker 1: invited you know nothing about comedy and are setting you
Speaker 1: up in the worst possible way to do a show,
Speaker 1: but with love in their heart, they're like, really setting
Speaker 1: you up to fail.
Speaker 6: Right, They had someone from the band that was in
Speaker 6: a groove and didn't want to stop playing. Yeah, say hey,
Speaker 6: we have a nice surprise for you. That's when I
Speaker 6: knew it was going to be terrible. Yeah, scand up
Speaker 6: comedy surprise everyone's favorite, right as they get chicken or fish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Whereas most of the time stand up comedy just
Speaker 1: makes people so uncomfortable, no matter whether they're eating or standing.
Speaker 4: Yep, visitting. It's like talking about the Bible all of
Speaker 4: a sudden.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not cool.
Speaker 6: No, no one wants no one wants to be surprised
Speaker 6: by comedy. But anyway, if I wished I had said no,
Speaker 6: but alshow then I got the check and I was.
Speaker 4: Like, okay, thank you, date Karen, Yeah, thank you. You've
Speaker 4: never heard of the phrase date baron?
Speaker 1: I always I mean the Lord of the dates. That's
Speaker 1: one I've definitely heard of, baron. It's totally different. It's
Speaker 1: totally different.
Speaker 6: On the way here, I or to your house, I
Speaker 6: stopped to get gas and I saw this actor I
Speaker 6: think he's from Ally McBeal. That's like a weasly faced
Speaker 6: with a little nose. Yep, do you know what I'm
Speaker 6: talking about.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's great.
Speaker 4: He is great, but he's often plays like an he.
Speaker 1: Plays the guy that's going to fuck you over at
Speaker 1: your yes.
Speaker 4: Yes, And he looks like a weasely villain in person.
Speaker 6: And he was driving like a fancy sporty tesla. But
Speaker 6: we were just I was pumping and he's pumping, and
Speaker 6: I looked at him, and there's always that thing where
Speaker 6: you don't know at first how you know someone's face.
Speaker 4: So you just say hi, and then he even knows it.
Speaker 6: But I've done it before, yes, by said I, and
Speaker 6: he's like hello, and it's like, oh, I enjoy your work.
Speaker 6: And then but then he made a face like oh brother,
Speaker 6: and then so I said, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: I thought you're so old. And then I got in
Speaker 4: my current drove because that's how much I didn't like
Speaker 4: his face.
Speaker 6: It's hard to podcast about faces, but it was not
Speaker 6: the face I wanted because I just was saying, yeah,
Speaker 6: it was just a couple of dudes.
Speaker 2: Now do you think he wasn't that actor?
Speaker 1: And he was like an investment banker and he was
Speaker 1: just like, this guy's picking up on me at the
Speaker 1: gas station.
Speaker 6: There's one thing I'll brag about more than my sweet
Speaker 6: ass teeth. I know a goddamn face.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know anchor teeth.
Speaker 4: When you see that, you know my anchor tooth.
Speaker 2: Now did I tell you this?
Speaker 1: This is one of my favorite times that I did
Speaker 1: that because, as I've said, and this might be the
Speaker 1: story I repeat constantly, but I was at Gelson's in
Speaker 1: U Studio City, which is a fancy grocery store here
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles, very expensive.
Speaker 2: I love to go there when I want to treat myself.
Speaker 4: I always forget it's very.
Speaker 1: It's really expensive, but they have things they're like, they
Speaker 1: have a whole gluten free section or they'll have some
Speaker 1: kind of cheese that you've only ever seen in like
Speaker 1: a you know France, right, they have fucking grewere. So
Speaker 1: I was at Gelson's and I'm walking in and this was,
Speaker 1: you know, ten years ago or whatever. I'm walking in
Speaker 1: and I'm in the parking lot walking parallel with a
Speaker 1: guy and I look over and I immediately go, I
Speaker 1: know that guy, and I immediately picture him at a
Speaker 1: comedy party. So I'm like, he's a friend of somebody's.
Speaker 1: He's right, and I'm trying to I'm racking my brain,
Speaker 1: and he we both gave each other kind of a hey,
Speaker 1: what's up thing as we were walking in, So I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I have to remember, is this guy a writer?
Speaker 2: Is this guy a comic? Is he some kind of.
Speaker 1: A suit and I should really know who he is
Speaker 1: for business purposes? And we are both shopping through Gelson's
Speaker 1: and at one point he comes down the top of
Speaker 1: one aisle and I come up the bottom of one aisle,
Speaker 1: and as we kind of meet in the middle, and
Speaker 1: we're a little bit embarrassed because already saw each other
Speaker 1: the parking lot, I said, I'm sorry, do I know
Speaker 1: you from.
Speaker 4: Stand up comedy, which is like a slimy guy hit.
Speaker 2: And I didn't mean it that way. I did, but
Speaker 2: I truly didn't it that way.
Speaker 1: But I just it was driving me so crazy that
Speaker 1: I figured if I heard his voice or something, that
Speaker 1: there would be like immediate recognition. And he I was like,
Speaker 1: are you in comedy? And he was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: He's like, but yeah, you look familiar to me too.
Speaker 1: We probably, you know, maybe we have mutual friends. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, And then I felt so
Speaker 1: stupid because it was like he.
Speaker 2: Was like, that's nice, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Yes, And as I turned to walk away, I realized
Speaker 1: that the night before I had just seen Snakes on
Speaker 1: a Plane in the movie Theater and he is the
Speaker 1: herpetologist they call in as the special scientist in Snakes
Speaker 1: on a Plane.
Speaker 4: It wasn't like a well known no.
Speaker 1: I just recognized him because he was so funny in
Speaker 1: that movie.
Speaker 2: I hung out with him in the movie Theater the night.
Speaker 1: It was as I turned and it like dawned on
Speaker 1: me as I was walking away, and I almost put
Speaker 1: my basket down and just left the store because I
Speaker 1: was so embarrassed because then I realized it did look
Speaker 1: like I was picking up on him and it did
Speaker 1: seem fake that I was like, are you are you
Speaker 1: a stand up comic like me?
Speaker 4: Or you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I was trying to brag and pull him into my web.
Speaker 1: At the same right, I wanted to die.
Speaker 6: I felt like that so many times when it's not
Speaker 6: when I am just saying are.
Speaker 4: You a comic?
Speaker 6: Because I think I know someone, it's very.
Speaker 1: Hard to you know, it's funny at work. So I
Speaker 1: started back at baskets.
Speaker 4: That must be fun. Do you get to hang out
Speaker 4: with Martha Kelly?
Speaker 1: She comes in, the actors don't come. They all come
Speaker 1: in like once. We don't get to hang but we will,
Speaker 1: like when we read all the scripts together at the end.
Speaker 4: Does Martha live here in Austin.
Speaker 1: I think she does. I think she loves in both.
Speaker 1: From from what I know, I think she comes here
Speaker 1: to Martha is.
Speaker 4: Someone I started comedy with, and it's my old friend.
Speaker 2: She's a brilliant.
Speaker 4: Community joint custody of a dog.
Speaker 6: Yes, and she has a delivery and a dryness that
Speaker 6: is the first thing of its kind that I had
Speaker 6: seen when I first saw her, and you knew her
Speaker 6: before me when she moved to Austin, and then I visited.
Speaker 6: She said, go do this laundromat, and I had Howard
Speaker 6: Kramer take me there because I just brought skateboard because
Speaker 6: I was dumb.
Speaker 4: Oh you can't just skateboard everywhere. And then I met
Speaker 4: you like C J. Arabia and oh right, yeah, way,
Speaker 4: I mean I was.
Speaker 1: I was ninety seven, ninety.
Speaker 4: Eight, ninety nine.
Speaker 6: I guess yeah, because I didn't start comedy really till
Speaker 6: ninety nine, but I was brand new, so maybe two though.
Speaker 1: I loved that part that laundrymat. They did talk about
Speaker 1: not wanting to watch comedy. Oh my god, it was
Speaker 1: like Lucy's laundrymaut on the east side of town. No,
Speaker 1: nobody wanted to watch Cobby there. They were just like,
Speaker 1: please stop yelling now there.
Speaker 6: If you did that, at least there'd be some chairs
Speaker 6: and people sitting in them. I don't recall chairs. I
Speaker 6: recalled people sorting their whites.
Speaker 1: Yes, literally, people doing laundry and looking up every once
Speaker 1: in a while bummed out, like yes, do we really
Speaker 1: have to listen to this amplified bullshit?
Speaker 4: I don't even speak English, Please shut up. It was horrifying.
Speaker 1: This in the stage was basically just the spot between
Speaker 1: the two bathrooms.
Speaker 6: Yes, you're right in front of a toilet. God, it's
Speaker 6: so vivid bad memories. Why don't have vivid good memories?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: You know what's also funny is there's so many people
Speaker 1: that I know now that are like we met at
Speaker 1: Lucy's laundry mat because it would be like me, CJ. Maryland,
Speaker 1: Danny Sibios, We would just go there like that was
Speaker 1: just our thing, you know.
Speaker 4: What I mean? Yeah, hilarious.
Speaker 6: It wasn't there a documentary about the tour of the
Speaker 6: I remember there was a tour of Lucy's Laundry Mats?
Speaker 1: Really again?
Speaker 6: And was there a person named Christina that had something
Speaker 6: to do with it back then?
Speaker 1: No idea?
Speaker 4: See my hip isn't I'm killing it memory wise?
Speaker 2: Your your memory can see twenty twenty vision.
Speaker 6: What if cobalt blinds me? But it also links all
Speaker 6: my trian glyceroid acids.
Speaker 2: In my brain and it erases all the plaques.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've been building coconut oil, which I do feel like.
Speaker 6: I don't know if it helps, but I do take
Speaker 6: a lot of coconut oil.
Speaker 4: Good good so far.
Speaker 6: I think it's just giving me giant eyebrows today on
Speaker 6: the drive over my eyebrow one of my eyebrows was
Speaker 6: touching my eyelid.
Speaker 4: Oh, I just looked like a math professor.
Speaker 1: Well, well, first of all, you do have a beautiful mind.
Speaker 1: But it might be you welcome. I wonder if it's
Speaker 1: just your it's your winter pelt, like your system knows
Speaker 1: we get to.
Speaker 2: Warm up for the winter, the winter's coming out.
Speaker 4: That explains my back.
Speaker 6: Just kidding, I don't know any Hey, everyone out there
Speaker 6: on the back here, Hey, I just I think it's
Speaker 6: just I've thin eyebrows and I want to keep them
Speaker 6: visible and they help you make expressions and everything.
Speaker 2: True, Yeah, you need them, so don't get rid of them.
Speaker 6: I have curly hair and it's getting curly in my brows.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, this is another middle aged thing that
Speaker 1: I hate to tell you about. But it's like, suddenly
Speaker 1: your eyebrows. I think that might be a guy thing,
Speaker 1: because I know my dad. Everyone saw a look over
Speaker 1: at my dad and one of his eyebrows is like
Speaker 1: insanely long and pointing north northwest.
Speaker 6: But I haven't had any kids, I know. Did you
Speaker 6: just say it's a dad thing?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Oh, yeah, I want it. I know I'm making
Speaker 4: I could have kids if I want it.
Speaker 2: No, you could.
Speaker 4: I do want him.
Speaker 1: You do not now, not this moment, but it's somewhere
Speaker 1: in the window this podcast.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah. And then right after.
Speaker 7: That first participant, I see that's a hurry.
Speaker 4: I gotta be able to play frisbee with him.
Speaker 1: Guys, Chris has a show with the Dynasty Typewriter and
Speaker 1: I if you could please go down any women who
Speaker 1: are fertile and willing please yes, or create?
Speaker 4: Oh what a scary Oh that just scares me. First arrival, Well,
Speaker 4: you're the one.
Speaker 6: I gotta take what I can get. Nice to meet you, ma'am,
Speaker 6: or should I say, mom? Just go go after it
Speaker 6: right in the typewriter lobby. And the baby's born ten
Speaker 6: minutes later, and you.
Speaker 1: Name him Dynasty Typewriter Junior. It's not a state typewriter Junior.
Speaker 2: It's not a catchy name at all.
Speaker 6: Sure as fuck is I'm sorry, Dynasty Typewriter Junior. And
Speaker 6: I heard it in the whatever that song? Way cool, Junior.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I think it's likely kid Joe, but god damn, Dynasty Typewriter.
Speaker 2: Come on, come on?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, are you going to start a band or not.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, you forgot.
Speaker 1: I forgot to start.
Speaker 4: It's a new Year's all right. We didn't know nineteen.
Speaker 1: But this is thank you for saying that, because it
Speaker 1: is going to link to the thing I did want
Speaker 1: to tell you about, okay, which is I had my
Speaker 1: garage cleaned out.
Speaker 6: I just seeing the before picture made me want to
Speaker 6: hide from my problem.
Speaker 4: Right, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. So I did post it on Twitter if
Speaker 1: if you're interested, it's on my Twitter. Sorry hipsters, I
Speaker 1: was I was talking to pedestrians, not you listeners.
Speaker 4: If you want it, it's on my Twitter. Sorry, sorry hipsters.
Speaker 4: You don't do Twitter.
Speaker 1: I know that you're on Twitch and you don't or switch.
Speaker 1: What is it, Stephen? What is it?
Speaker 4: Twitch?
Speaker 2: Twitch?
Speaker 4: Twitch? Yeah? For video game watching?
Speaker 1: But I swear to god, I feel different because that
Speaker 1: garage was bumming me out so bad. Yeah, and it
Speaker 1: had years of shit in it, and it had stuff
Speaker 1: from like when Pete lived with me, stuff that I
Speaker 1: just kept sticking into the garage and going, I'll take
Speaker 1: care of it later, And all of a sudden, it's
Speaker 1: all gone.
Speaker 2: My entire garage is empty.
Speaker 6: Did it feel the same as you and I both
Speaker 6: were really scared about tax stuff all its forms, and
Speaker 6: you had someone help you and I that motivated me.
Speaker 6: It's like that looking at that picture reminded me of
Speaker 6: that or a pain you've had in your abdomen for
Speaker 6: a year.
Speaker 4: It's just like I would have ignored that. And then
Speaker 4: the second picture really looks good.
Speaker 1: Your garage it's crazy, well you know what it is.
Speaker 1: It's just there was just crap in there. I wish
Speaker 1: he had taken a picture from the entrance because he
Speaker 1: took it from the outside looking in.
Speaker 2: But I would just put things right in the doorway
Speaker 2: and then shut the door.
Speaker 1: So it's even worse coming the other direction right right,
Speaker 1: because you couldn't walk in. Like I haven't been able
Speaker 1: to walk into my garage to turn on the outside lights.
Speaker 2: So if I wanted to be outside at night.
Speaker 4: I kind of want that headboard.
Speaker 1: So it's filled with lice. Okay, we just broke by
Speaker 1: a disco headboard.
Speaker 4: I loved it.
Speaker 6: It was black with it looked like a goth cruise ship.
Speaker 1: It was it looked like a sex club. That the
Speaker 1: devil ram and then he was like, we got to
Speaker 1: clean this place.
Speaker 2: Out for tax purposes.
Speaker 6: Aaron keeps getting pregnant. We're making sinister babies.
Speaker 4: Hold down.
Speaker 6: I really I liked it. I also like the luggage
Speaker 6: in front of it. I might take both. It's not
Speaker 6: me from driving back here. I'm going to get everything.
Speaker 1: You can do whatever you want. You can fill your
Speaker 1: home with lice if that's what you need to do.
Speaker 1: That's what my mom would say anytime I would go
Speaker 1: through through through store shopping and be like I bought
Speaker 1: this old lady's sweater, would be like, it's covered in lice.
Speaker 4: There's bugs in the pocket.
Speaker 1: Please get get it dry clean, must be covered in lice.
Speaker 6: And you know what, I kind of agree with her.
Speaker 6: I mean, my favorite app for the longest time. I
Speaker 6: know I've mentioned this, but I'm gonna keep doing.
Speaker 4: Do it that.
Speaker 6: That's had I found out a garage sale that's at
Speaker 6: ninety and still on the go.
Speaker 1: It's it's remember you mentioned he was.
Speaker 6: At a garage sale too, so clearly the man was
Speaker 6: no longer on the go. Oh no, I know, and
Speaker 6: I wore with respect to him, but I also I
Speaker 6: didn't want anyone to see me wearing it and overthink
Speaker 6: it too much and go like, oh, you think that's
Speaker 6: real funny, don't you. Yeah, because for all they know,
Speaker 6: you know, he's ninety to my grandpa or something.
Speaker 2: Or you beat up some old ninety year old man
Speaker 2: and stole his hot not to and.
Speaker 6: Some four or five Elvis Gotstello cassettes. Yeah, that was
Speaker 6: a great garage sale. But when I get a T
Speaker 6: shirt or something like the World's Greatest Grandpa or any
Speaker 6: shirt at one of those things, and you wear it
Speaker 6: and then you wash it and it smells like we
Speaker 6: light or whatever, and then you wear it and it
Speaker 6: activates a dead person's bo.
Speaker 1: Yes, no thanks, oh man.
Speaker 4: Yeah you can easily.
Speaker 6: I've worn your shirts and when you sweat a little,
Speaker 6: the old bo is in there, and I do not
Speaker 6: like that.
Speaker 1: No, it's discussing. And also if it's polyester, which many
Speaker 1: of the clothes from the seventies are kind of cool
Speaker 1: and funny looking, are that should never comes out it's
Speaker 1: like it's stained with odor, right, and disgusting polyester.
Speaker 4: Well, I do like that. It's stretchy.
Speaker 1: It's fun that it's stretchy, and it doesn't you can't
Speaker 1: fuck it up, like you can't shrink it.
Speaker 2: You can't like wash it badly.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 6: One time I dropped a cigarette in my lap and
Speaker 6: it melted like a candle. These pants, they wear a
Speaker 6: polyester and there is plastic. Polly means plastic thig right,
Speaker 6: I don't know. Polyamorous means you love plastic.
Speaker 1: Me and my friends are going to get together, rub
Speaker 1: some straws on our body. Yeah, now do you want this?
Speaker 4: Yes? I want everything on the road. Open the trunk.
Speaker 4: It's a mildew filled fridge with no doors there.
Speaker 1: Tomorrow must be large item pickup day out here where
Speaker 1: we're driving because there's just random oh yeah, of garbage
Speaker 1: on the street.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a good like. If you need you
Speaker 4: should go to the Armenian part of Lendale.
Speaker 2: Is that where we are, which is all of Glendale.
Speaker 4: It's with the old in with the new. We look
Speaker 4: at that haunted scary house that I would live in.
Speaker 1: I would live in there.
Speaker 2: It's big too, it's boy, it's a real match.
Speaker 4: That house speaks to me.
Speaker 6: Probably if you were inside, it would speak you too,
Speaker 6: because it's haunted.
Speaker 1: It's haunted.
Speaker 4: It is scary. There's a lamp on. Look at those Oh,
Speaker 4: I don't does the house could be the creeps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, being over No, no, no.
Speaker 4: I can't stop talking.
Speaker 2: I think we should get more coffee.
Speaker 6: One time I was on a cruise ship and I
Speaker 6: think I agreed to do some cruise ship comedy when
Speaker 6: the price is right, and I.
Speaker 1: Don't know that's the way.
Speaker 2: I know people make a good living on cruise ship.
Speaker 6: I mean it was again on the boat, come back
Speaker 6: less than a week or whatever.
Speaker 4: Dream come true.
Speaker 1: Five thousand dollars. Bam, bam, thank you, ma'am. All the
Speaker 1: shrimp you want. We'll look at this fucking look at
Speaker 1: this pink jumpsuit happening.
Speaker 6: That guy has it all. Okay, I'm taking a picture
Speaker 6: of him now.
Speaker 2: Careful he's looking yeah.
Speaker 4: Oh you know what, No, he's a hipster guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not fun.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I thought he was going to be a dad.
Speaker 4: Oh hi uh.
Speaker 6: I was on crush ship and we were in the
Speaker 6: middle of a three day float. Two of the days
Speaker 6: was going from somewhere to like the Roatan Peninsula.
Speaker 2: What's that.
Speaker 4: I don't remember, but it was a lot.
Speaker 6: You go, if you leave out of Texas and it's
Speaker 6: down Central America and uh, and.
Speaker 2: You mean the Yucatan plements.
Speaker 6: It's it's the it's We went to the Yucatan Potato
Speaker 6: bear and Island.
Speaker 1: The Potato Island, yes, yeah, okay.
Speaker 6: And out we were in like playing shuffle board, and
Speaker 6: I looked out in the middle of the night and
Speaker 6: there was an old boat, a rickety boat that has
Speaker 6: no business being out in the center of the ocean.
Speaker 6: And it was very a Scooby Doo like boat. It
Speaker 6: was like a rowboat that someone had built a little
Speaker 6: roof on. There was a lantern on it, and it
Speaker 6: was empty. No one was on it because the waves
Speaker 6: were crashing and it if anyone was on it, they'd
Speaker 6: be yelling help.
Speaker 4: Yes, it was empty, but there was a light on it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh that was a corpse boat.
Speaker 4: Unbelievable.
Speaker 1: It wasn't.
Speaker 6: And later when it was dinnertime, you know, you all
Speaker 6: sit down at your assigned tables.
Speaker 4: Other people I heard talking about.
Speaker 6: This boat that they saw, and uh, and I really
Speaker 6: am convinced that we saw ghost boat.
Speaker 4: But anyway, here's the house version. We're driving by this.
Speaker 2: There's it like this sauced up version.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, same architects or twin brothers. That one had
Speaker 6: a successful life.
Speaker 1: This one, you know what this is also the lawn
Speaker 1: is dead, which is making it look much scarier than.
Speaker 4: It means to. It is really a cool house, though, it's.
Speaker 1: And also those point the pointy ceilings yeah.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, roof real Yeah, real real, Damien Oman pointed gables.
Speaker 1: For real, some serious fucking gable one.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it just means a crow. It's gonna peck out
Speaker 6: your eyes. Sorry, I keep talking about birds pecking out.
Speaker 2: No, it's okay.
Speaker 4: I think we need to hear a lot of caffeine
Speaker 4: in this right. I don't eat a lot of sugar either.
Speaker 4: I think that it's really getting me.
Speaker 1: It's getting you high.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, also, hypern we have a podcast.
Speaker 1: You're hyper in.
Speaker 2: Your anchors are about to go away.
Speaker 4: We're going full steam ahead.
Speaker 1: Ankles, those boat We're about to ghost boat the fuck
Speaker 1: out of here.
Speaker 2: Do you want to hear a fun story?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I work the other day on my friend Teresa,
Speaker 1: who I work with, huh, who I've known for a
Speaker 1: long time. She got to work and then she was like, sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: I can't find my phone. We're trying to start and
Speaker 1: everyone's like kind of talking about stuff, and she's like
Speaker 1: kind of touching things and looking around, and then she
Speaker 1: finally goes, I lost my phone.
Speaker 2: It's not here. It's not my purse.
Speaker 4: Oh no.
Speaker 1: She went out to her car and came back it
Speaker 1: wasn't out there. And so then the lt who's our
Speaker 1: writer's assistant, looks up on Find my Phone, which is
Speaker 1: the best invention.
Speaker 6: And I believe online either isn't activated or I don't
Speaker 6: know the correct password.
Speaker 4: Well I got to figure that out.
Speaker 1: You got to, because I swear to God. So she
Speaker 1: they set it up, and luckily she had she has
Speaker 1: an Apple Watch. So they set it up and immediately
Speaker 1: send it the code so they can do it on
Speaker 1: his laptop or whatever. And they show it and her
Speaker 1: phone is that is at the end of a dead end,
Speaker 1: like across the tracks in Glendale, and our boss John goes, well,
Speaker 1: we got to go get the phone. And seven of
Speaker 1: us get up and get into two cars and we
Speaker 1: drive over to get this fucking phone, and it ends up.
Speaker 1: We drive and we end up. We don't know where
Speaker 1: we're going. We're just following the map that those guys have,
Speaker 1: and we end up at this emergency peed hospital pull
Speaker 1: in the driveway and.
Speaker 4: I'm like, you're in a dog's stomach.
Speaker 2: It turns out that.
Speaker 1: The it's one of those food trucks that comes in parks,
Speaker 1: like when construction workers are all in one spot, right,
Speaker 1: And she dropped it out of her car and the
Speaker 1: guy drove by saw a car iPhone laying in the street,
Speaker 1: picked it up and when I bet they'll find like
Speaker 1: that's everyone can find there, right phones these days. So
Speaker 1: we pull in. It was the funniest thing. Like seven
Speaker 1: of us got out of these cars and I was like,
Speaker 1: we got to be ready to fight. These people could
Speaker 1: have stolen it, like we don't know what this is.
Speaker 1: We have to go en mass and like get this
Speaker 1: phone back. But the guy was like, oh no, here,
Speaker 1: She's like, can I give you ten dollars? She's like no, no, no.
Speaker 1: It was just laying in the street and it was
Speaker 1: a miracle that nobody ran over it. So I figured
Speaker 1: I'd pick it up and somebody would come get it.
Speaker 1: It was so satisfying, like her phone was gone and
Speaker 1: we went and picked the phone up the end.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's great.
Speaker 1: It was awesome.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I lost nine once and I did that back
Speaker 6: when I did when I first got the app and
Speaker 6: figured it out and took it across the size at
Speaker 6: home in Montana followed it and it ended up at
Speaker 6: a house I went early in the morning and there
Speaker 6: was people that I know were okay with crime, yes,
Speaker 6: like smoking, they hadn't slapped.
Speaker 4: They were like do it drugs share and.
Speaker 6: They were on the porch and I was like, hey,
Speaker 6: I left my phone here last night, and she's like
Speaker 6: oh and went inside and handed me my phone. Yeah,
Speaker 6: So whoever stole it went and they stole right off
Speaker 6: the bar from Stockmansys Cowboy bar.
Speaker 1: It's not that smart to do, because no, no, I
Speaker 1: was ready the most traceable thing.
Speaker 6: Right right, but I am I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 6: all of my bank info. I don't even know that
Speaker 6: I had a passcode on it, right because of a
Speaker 6: girlfriend that was maybe jealous. Why do you have your
Speaker 6: phone locked so I can't look at it. I'm like,
Speaker 6: je fine, I'll undo it.
Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden you could just really nice.
Speaker 4: Yeah then oh.
Speaker 6: God, that was why, and uh yeah, I but it
Speaker 6: could have been you know.
Speaker 1: People with guns, that's right, or just like somebody told
Speaker 1: a very similar story, but it was a girl they knew,
Speaker 1: and she she went by herself when knocked on a
Speaker 1: door and was like yeah, I guess you found my phone.
Speaker 1: And then the people were like, yep, here you go
Speaker 1: and gave it back the wow. But it did not
Speaker 1: look like they found her phone at all, right, like
Speaker 1: clearly the phone was stolen. People inside behind.
Speaker 6: I went out on a limb. Once I got there,
Speaker 6: I'm like, oh, they are partying. I'll say I was
Speaker 6: here last night. Yeah, and they it worked.
Speaker 2: That's genius.
Speaker 4: I don't know though, because I could have been like what.
Speaker 2: They could have been, like, what color is the count
Speaker 2: kitchen countertop?
Speaker 1: Marble? It is marble. We love you.
Speaker 4: Here's our phones.
Speaker 1: Also, you win a phone.
Speaker 6: You have a special ability to know the counters of
Speaker 6: a place you haven't been in.
Speaker 4: So they don't believe me, but they think I was.
Speaker 2: But they think they're like, don't FuG with a witch.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so you could please take our phones and read
Speaker 6: these tarot cards.
Speaker 2: Please tell us what the future holds.
Speaker 1: Look at how gorgeous Glendella is on a Saturday afternoon.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've been anguishing about I'm going to move from
Speaker 6: the beach. I love the beach, but I got to
Speaker 6: live alone, and you know, I just haven't found the
Speaker 6: right spot. But I don't know why. I'm why have
Speaker 6: I not been looking in Glendale. It's like a it's
Speaker 6: another town and it's kind of far away.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's another town and it's more like residential. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's very family ish. But the good part
Speaker 1: about it is, here's why I like the valley, and
Speaker 1: here's why I'll pitch the valley to you as a
Speaker 1: place to live.
Speaker 4: There's no imagine you're at NBC a row suits.
Speaker 1: I'm going to picture that you're less Moonvez and I'm
Speaker 1: pitching for my life. You don't have to deal with
Speaker 1: the police, helicopters or well.
Speaker 4: You got to deal with thatshole, casshole, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But if you drive a Dodge Charger, you better pass
Speaker 1: people on the right. I think that's kind of what
Speaker 1: it's for.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but it's a stray showroom flower the stock Dodge Dodger.
Speaker 1: You're right, he didn't build that shit.
Speaker 2: You didn't even put a special muffler on that shit.
Speaker 1: But over here, it's just like calm and quiet, which
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't like if they're still like
Speaker 1: young and single and free. Right, But if you're not
Speaker 1: or trying to, I don't know. Yeah, I'm a very
Speaker 1: volume sensitive and what if I want.
Speaker 4: To, yeah, live buy a house.
Speaker 6: I probably, Let's be honest, I'm talking about it, and
Speaker 6: so you know true, Yeah, but you know, rant is
Speaker 6: so high.
Speaker 4: It is. I liked it in one bedroom and it
Speaker 4: was twenty one hundred dollars a month.
Speaker 2: I know it's crazy.
Speaker 4: It was very little.
Speaker 6: But I am excited about living alone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's going to be nice because Nate's getting.
Speaker 6: And Nate's yeah, and proposed to his lady friend in there,
Speaker 6: and I think she'll.
Speaker 4: Move in and she's cool.
Speaker 1: That's great.
Speaker 6: I'm like, and you know, and I've been one, you know,
Speaker 6: two men living together. Come on, it's crazy unless you're
Speaker 6: in a relationship or a sitcom. Yeah, or you you.
Speaker 4: Have a daughter and you're one's an artist and the
Speaker 4: other's Paul Reiser.
Speaker 2: You don't know who the father is.
Speaker 4: Well, but my two dads. Wasn't Paul Reiser. I guess
Speaker 4: it was.
Speaker 1: No, it was it was look at that guy, that guy.
Speaker 1: So you know what, do not move to Glendale. Everybody
Speaker 1: speaks here really a saint.
Speaker 4: And that guy did put on a special muffler.
Speaker 1: He did.
Speaker 6: You know what, tonight's pretty important. I'm going to put
Speaker 6: on a special muffler.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm going to put on a special special.
Speaker 1: Muffler to pass people on the right going ninety miles
Speaker 1: an hour on the residential Say you're on the right.
Speaker 6: Come on, yeah, look at those flat seventies houses.
Speaker 2: Look at this gorgeous whatever. This church is a lot
Speaker 2: of churches over here.
Speaker 4: Why should find Jesus?
Speaker 2: Oh that's Christ's scientist.
Speaker 4: Woh, a little bit of boat.
Speaker 1: What if Christ was your surgeon?
Speaker 4: Yeah? What if you? Yeah, you didn't believe.
Speaker 6: In dinosaurs because you they were made in test tubes.
Speaker 2: Oh ship, great? I should not have turned down this street.
Speaker 1: The sun lives on it.
Speaker 4: Why is the sun such a brutal beas?
Speaker 2: I was trying to avoid that exact thing.
Speaker 6: Really, it's a bit crazy, pupil dilatingly bright. That place
Speaker 6: I could live in there. I just went door to
Speaker 6: door my belongings and a kerchief on its stick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, in the kind of the Royal Palms.
Speaker 1: You might want to write that town.
Speaker 2: I do like it looks pretty cool.
Speaker 4: I'll remember Royal Palms.
Speaker 1: I'll help you. It's like Royal Pains. The show on
Speaker 1: to you Palms instead?
Speaker 4: Is that the one after burn? Notice? Or Grizzly.
Speaker 1: On.
Speaker 4: Uh, thank god, it's Bones Night.
Speaker 2: Bones.
Speaker 7: I think there was a statistic that well, but that
Speaker 7: there was a statistics that said that Bones was great
Speaker 7: a lot of people watch it, yes they do, or
Speaker 7: that it's been on for twenty seasons or something.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think all those statistics like ratings.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think that's.
Speaker 6: It's just like, if you're surprised about politics, keep in
Speaker 6: mind that Mark Harmon is the highest paid TV actor.
Speaker 1: Do you know that. I went through a phase where
Speaker 1: I couldn't stop watching NCIS, which is the Mark Harmon
Speaker 1: show where he's in the Navy but also a detective.
Speaker 4: And also doing a chorus commercial deep cut. No, that's right.
Speaker 1: But there's something about that show because they have all
Speaker 1: the kind of like I don't know what the word is,
Speaker 1: but it's like all the you know, the cast is
Speaker 1: they're each an example of a different kind of person.
Speaker 1: So there's the funny guy that's kind of good looking,
Speaker 1: that's like the younger version of Mark Harmon but with
Speaker 1: a sense of humor, and then there's like a pretty
Speaker 1: smart lady. There's a guy that's supposed to be a nerd,
Speaker 1: but he's act cute, and then there's like an old
Speaker 1: gal or something. Oh no, there's the the goth girls
Speaker 1: scientists right, And it's just so.
Speaker 2: Easy to watch. It's like you just know what's going
Speaker 2: to happen.
Speaker 6: I guess that's why everyone like friends. You know there's
Speaker 6: something to be said for like.
Speaker 1: I don't know first, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: It's like you you know the setup. It's just variations
Speaker 1: on a theme. Yeah, you're like, Okay, it's these people.
Speaker 1: They're all going to make jokes with each other in
Speaker 1: a certain cadence, and I know what's going to happen.
Speaker 6: People are going to eat it up because it's like
Speaker 6: it's like comfort food.
Speaker 2: It is. Yeah, it's macaroni and cheese.
Speaker 6: It's a bag of chatdar popcorn, smart food, it's smart food.
Speaker 1: We had smart food at work the other day and
Speaker 1: I told everybody the story of how when smart food
Speaker 1: came out in the nineties, we all thought it was
Speaker 1: like somehow diet or better for you than other shit.
Speaker 4: And I still sort of think that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when it is just it's just popcorn with real
Speaker 1: good powder on it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's not good for you. It doesn't make
Speaker 2: you smart.
Speaker 4: No popcorn alone is okay, It's like eating air.
Speaker 2: Popcorn is a superfood, is it?
Speaker 4: It is? What? What? What is a superfood? What does
Speaker 4: that mean?
Speaker 2: It's a food that's so super right right?
Speaker 1: I keep forgetting it has like way more vitamins in
Speaker 1: it or something than normal things.
Speaker 2: And you wouldn't know that about popcorn.
Speaker 1: But I just know because my dad makes popcorn every
Speaker 1: single night, and so, like right around the time that
Speaker 1: he watches Jeopardy, he'll make a big old thing of
Speaker 1: popcorn and.
Speaker 4: Salt on it.
Speaker 2: He does, yes, yeah, but he does a reasonable amount.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you'll even throw in some parmesan.
Speaker 2: Cheese on there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I like. And I hate that.
Speaker 4: But let's talk popcorn. I like a lot of oil.
Speaker 6: Okay, some pepper, oh yeah, and some little parmesan.
Speaker 4: That's good.
Speaker 6: One time at a movie I saw this guy get
Speaker 6: a bag of hot popcorn or it was it was
Speaker 6: a microwave bad So it wasn't a normal movie theater.
Speaker 4: It was bring your own shit, I guess. No, it
Speaker 4: was Steve Allen and Andy.
Speaker 6: Hot hot popcorn, put half of a butterfinger, crunched up yes,
Speaker 6: and shook it up and I was like, what are
Speaker 6: you doing?
Speaker 4: Gross? Which just gonna be one glock? No if the
Speaker 4: whole thing.
Speaker 6: He had coated each piece of popcorn with butterfinger shrapnel,
Speaker 6: And my.
Speaker 4: Mouth is watering and thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I when I go to the movies, I like to
Speaker 1: get a bag of plane eminem's, throw them inside that popcorn.
Speaker 1: Then the popcorn heat melts the inside of the eminem,
Speaker 1: but the candy shell holds it together.
Speaker 4: You're fucking kidding.
Speaker 1: You throw your hand around in there, and then when
Speaker 1: you put the popcorn eminem combo in your mouth, the
Speaker 1: eminem's burst open and hot liquid chocolate comes out.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: It is sensual perfection.
Speaker 4: Wow, truly, I really want to do that.
Speaker 1: It's good.
Speaker 4: I'm hungry. I'm just hungry. I only want sweets when
Speaker 4: i'm hungry.
Speaker 1: I know same here, and I give them to myself.
Speaker 1: That's the problem.
Speaker 2: I just eat whatever I want all the time.
Speaker 8: You I like, give them like your hand is aiming
Speaker 8: at your body and your little baby in the little
Speaker 8: cardboard cutouts of other friends in your house.
Speaker 2: Do you want one?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, then I'll give it to Karen.
Speaker 4: Certainly, I'd love to have this dance mister lamp.
Speaker 1: So sad.
Speaker 4: That's all right. I'd like to staying at home too,
Speaker 4: but I do.
Speaker 6: I've been in a really good mood lately, and I
Speaker 6: realized because it's I'm gonna gone on all these festival
Speaker 6: things and I'm forced engage with people, and then you
Speaker 6: just snap into it, like you probably are getting that
Speaker 6: way because you're working all the time.
Speaker 4: Like if I've given my own.
Speaker 6: Time, I don't do it well and I have to
Speaker 6: be forced to be play with others, and then when
Speaker 6: I do, I'm like, wait, I'm good at playing with
Speaker 6: others and it makes me happy.
Speaker 4: Yes, that funny thing you forget.
Speaker 2: Because I think we're both like isolators.
Speaker 1: And if you're just by yourself, any of these weird
Speaker 1: stories that you end up telling yourself like I'm bad
Speaker 1: because this, or nobody likes me.
Speaker 4: Because of that. There I'm going to get stabbed.
Speaker 1: Yes, nobody is there to go hey, hey, crazy, that's
Speaker 1: not true. Yeah, you don't get any other input. It's
Speaker 1: just you and your crazy brain the whole time. Whereas like, yeah,
Speaker 1: two weeks at work and I've gone from being like
Speaker 1: oh I can barely get through the day, like yes,
Speaker 1: let's do this thing because I need structure. I need
Speaker 1: someone else to impose structure on me, right, I won't do.
Speaker 6: It because our parents never said, hey.
Speaker 4: There's no one there is crazy. No, I'm not blaming great,
Speaker 4: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2: I mean, who you gonna blame.
Speaker 4: No, not blame your parents. Yeah, I know, No, David,
Speaker 4: they were great. Yeah, they were Okay. My dad wants
Speaker 4: to hug you.
Speaker 1: True.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got to give him that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: We had fun ipodcasted with my dad and he pre
Speaker 6: produced the whole He's like, we'll go this way, we'll
Speaker 6: drive by this, that'll spark this. I'm like, okay, and
Speaker 6: he took the reins.
Speaker 4: It was fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 4: My town was fun this time. I like going home.
Speaker 4: Didn't you just go home recently?
Speaker 1: I did when I went for my sister's birthday. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: which was very fun.
Speaker 6: I bet did you guys not when the cake came out?
Speaker 6: Did you not sing that horrible song?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Skip around the room.
Speaker 6: Yeah, skip around the room today because you're a little older.
Speaker 4: Skipper around the room today. I have some cake.
Speaker 1: What's the second verse?
Speaker 5: Where's the cakes in the folder?
Speaker 8: Rhyme?
Speaker 1: I didn't Yeah, no, I got that.
Speaker 4: There's a flat cake in there.
Speaker 2: That's when the Manila folder comes out. Let's play off
Speaker 2: this at your birthday.
Speaker 1: You're the boss, and here is that report on your birthday.
Speaker 1: And we didn't sing anything because my sister doesn't like
Speaker 1: attention of any kind and we were in a bar,
Speaker 1: so yeah, we kept it real real on the cute
Speaker 1: on the QT.
Speaker 4: Were you about to talk about starting a band?
Speaker 1: Oh that was because I got my garage cleaned out
Speaker 1: and someone on Twitter because we've talked about this before,
Speaker 1: and sure goes, now you have plenty of room to
Speaker 1: start that bad Yeah, I gasped.
Speaker 2: I was like, I forgot.
Speaker 4: I even said that people don't forget shit.
Speaker 1: They don't know because I mean something.
Speaker 6: There's a whole group of people that are just now
Speaker 6: listening and they'll reference things from three years ago, and
Speaker 6: I'm like, oh, I guess I got caught in a
Speaker 6: little lie.
Speaker 1: It's true. We've just been bullshitting on here for quite
Speaker 1: some time, with never even worrying that everyone was going
Speaker 1: to listen to.
Speaker 6: Yes, just the other day, someone sent me, here's that
Speaker 6: building that looks like a picnic basket, and I'm like,
Speaker 6: oh my god, that's like looking through old receipts or something.
Speaker 2: For real.
Speaker 1: Every once in a while the gift will come up
Speaker 1: of the guy that turns into a car. Oh speak, yes,
Speaker 1: and that's I feel like personal ownership. And I've never
Speaker 1: even seen that cartoon.
Speaker 6: Speaking of gifts, there's a really cool oh yes you
Speaker 6: need a ride one by at Ashley Lane Lane. I
Speaker 6: think Ashley Lane, Ashley Elaine Elaine.
Speaker 4: I think it's hard. There's a big Y in it,
Speaker 4: an upper case y. Got it? No, I don't.
Speaker 6: I think it's a normal case of why usage. But
Speaker 6: it's so cool. She's not even an animator. She's like
Speaker 6: an illustrator and she learned to animate. That gift she
Speaker 6: made for us is her first fora in the animation.
Speaker 4: It is for you the best.
Speaker 1: It makes me so happy, Like I saw that thing
Speaker 1: and it was so funny and cool. We're drinking our Starbucks.
Speaker 1: Steven's in the back seat.
Speaker 6: Yes, thank you Steven and Steve yet yes it's oh
Speaker 6: well now.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 6: She also put in on her other constant designer. It's
Speaker 6: her actual appropriate illustration account, so she's like.
Speaker 2: A graphic designer.
Speaker 6: That you had a gift, and it's cool because but
Speaker 6: she also did the bike that tried to thank you
Speaker 6: tried to hit us with the lock?
Speaker 4: But did she?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I didn't see that.
Speaker 6: But it's you know, animating legs bending and peddling. It's
Speaker 6: not that it's rolling, you know.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's just the car and my hair blowing in
Speaker 2: the way. I personally appreciated the.
Speaker 4: Little coffee splash and did you notice that detail?
Speaker 2: Very excited, Thank you so much for making that.
Speaker 1: And it's yeah, it's exciting, like we've just been we
Speaker 1: were talking about this earlier, but it's just funny. We've
Speaker 1: been doing this podcast just like for ourselves essentially, and
Speaker 1: now because of my favorite murder and getting to promote it,
Speaker 1: using that popularity to promote this one. It's making this
Speaker 1: one podcast.
Speaker 4: And I'm yeah, I'm loving it.
Speaker 6: And thank you for having your other very popular podcasts.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean I should benefits.
Speaker 1: Nope, it's weird. I never thought to cross promote, and
Speaker 1: that's just the way my brain works of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to do one fucking thing and it's
Speaker 1: all right, right, but I should have been this whole time.
Speaker 1: So and you know, there'll be some fun surprises in.
Speaker 4: The yeah, yeah, wink, wink right news coming.
Speaker 1: Up ready, I won't believe the surprise you're about to
Speaker 1: You're about to get your hair blown back, sir, You're
Speaker 1: about to become a gift because your hair is going
Speaker 1: to blow in your coffee and spill.
Speaker 4: You're going to be in a boxy Volvo.
Speaker 6: Also, I want to mention that because he's made a
Speaker 6: few things at Foul Foul, Peralta has made some cool.
Speaker 1: Like Powell Parolta fowl.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's what you will. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 6: And he's made some cool kind of skate related graphics
Speaker 6: that are dying or and I love them.
Speaker 4: That's awesome.
Speaker 2: Will you post those so much?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: I don't even know I love them. I want to
Speaker 6: say I love him for doing them.
Speaker 1: Will you post them?
Speaker 4: I will? Yes? Uh, that made me think, and he did.
Speaker 6: I always thought it would be funny. This was months
Speaker 6: ago to do a uh oh, let me get this straight. Yeah,
Speaker 6: Bert Reynold's shirt. But it's a picture of Tom Selleck
Speaker 6: and he made He's like like this, he made it
Speaker 6: like one hour awesome. But then, uh, you know Burt
Speaker 6: Reynolds died.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I've always liked him. I mean I was
Speaker 4: a big smoking, the bandit fan.
Speaker 1: Well those as a child our age people like that.
Speaker 1: Burt Reynolds was everything when I was growing up.
Speaker 2: It was like he was he was the brad pit
Speaker 2: of our youth.
Speaker 4: He really was. He was damn handsome.
Speaker 6: But he also had like a goofy. He was a
Speaker 6: goofy comedian with a mustache.
Speaker 2: He had a glimmer in his eye.
Speaker 1: And that was like that seventies you could be very
Speaker 1: macho and very like fun times.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like he was like a lady killer. But
Speaker 1: he also was like I love your shirt.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he had a certain and then he laughed like this.
Speaker 1: Yeah he was.
Speaker 2: And he always chewed gum, which I thought was funny.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Man, always a piece of gum.
Speaker 4: In there that's riddled unshakable confidence.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you ever seen that? Was it a
Speaker 1: I think it's cosmopolitan? Or he posed nude on a
Speaker 1: like a big bear skin road.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
Speaker 6: When I when I made the inappropriate, I just made
Speaker 6: a I forgot about the one fell per ultimate and
Speaker 6: I made just tom silk magnum p. I picture him
Speaker 6: and his in his hot rot, in his uh ferrari
Speaker 6: instead of the transam from smoking the van, right, I
Speaker 6: thought that would and then I remembered, oh, I remade
Speaker 6: this joke, and someone else remade the cool art. So
Speaker 6: I posted that and I think it was maybe in
Speaker 6: poor taste because the man had just he had just passed.
Speaker 6: He had just become tits up.
Speaker 2: Yes, wait, here's my job. We're driving by the office.
Speaker 4: Oh cool, where I work?
Speaker 2: Now, is it?
Speaker 6: It'd be funny of the office where they made baskets
Speaker 6: was a building that looked like a big beast.
Speaker 2: Wait where is that big basket building?
Speaker 6: Well it was like in Ohio, God, we should go,
Speaker 6: and it was empty for a long time because it
Speaker 6: was these.
Speaker 2: People hate basket.
Speaker 6: It was a fancy but oh yeah, this is absolutely
Speaker 6: here right there. Awesome, that's where that's what's helping with
Speaker 6: my thing. The green screen, that's where you do basket yep.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, yeah, it's an absolutely show.
Speaker 1: No, it's just that John Kreisel he used to be
Speaker 1: an editor on Tim and Eric. He's like kind of
Speaker 1: an old old school Tim and Eric guy. Oh cool,
Speaker 1: And they have that office is really big and they
Speaker 1: have lots of space, so they rented out because we
Speaker 1: have to go somewhere.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you can't just you know, take it on
Speaker 4: the road. Yeah, No, we have to have a table.
Speaker 1: It's important. But the cool part is it's so close
Speaker 1: to my house. Compared to other jobs I've had in
Speaker 1: the past. It's and I get to drive through this lovely.
Speaker 2: Part of my town.
Speaker 4: Do you ride your bike with the helmet with the
Speaker 4: rear view mirror on the side, like ol?
Speaker 1: Can I tell you that I forgot I had a
Speaker 1: bike until I cleaned up my garage and there was
Speaker 1: a bike sitting there and I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and so I and I just I'm now getting the
Speaker 1: bike fixed so because I haven't touched it in eight years.
Speaker 1: So it's like, one, you need to throw some new
Speaker 1: tires on that thing in me, yeah, put a little
Speaker 1: oil on the gears.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2: But I'm getting all that fixed up too.
Speaker 1: New garage, knew me, new cycling lifestyle.
Speaker 2: Right, Oh my god.
Speaker 4: That's why.
Speaker 1: That's kind of why I don't ride a bicycle, Like,
Speaker 1: there's really good lanes for it all around here, But
Speaker 1: all I can think of is a car driving behind
Speaker 1: me and looking at my butts spread out on a
Speaker 1: bike seat.
Speaker 6: Oh, that's spread across. That's smart, lighthearted, than what I think.
Speaker 6: I think of a car behind me and hitting me. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I am whenever and I ride bikes all the time,
Speaker 6: and when a car is coming, I look, yeah, look,
Speaker 6: I make eye contact with every car. Yeah, that's right
Speaker 6: when a door is going to open, just like when
Speaker 6: my mom broke the arm of Y Thompson from by
Speaker 6: the way with Vie, right the way, by the way
Speaker 6: with Thompson.
Speaker 1: What did she do again?
Speaker 6: It was a lunch lady that worked at my middle school,
Speaker 6: but she also had a community calendar access show.
Speaker 4: Oh right that was.
Speaker 1: Always as yeah, yeah, yeah, by the way, but by
Speaker 1: the way with vi.
Speaker 2: Oh she didn't do by the way, she did the
Speaker 2: long er right right.
Speaker 6: And I think I probably mentioned before that there was
Speaker 6: a punk band in town called by Thompson Overdrive. Oh
Speaker 6: yeah they were, and she didn't know anything about them.
Speaker 6: They were a band for a long time. They did
Speaker 6: all these indie rock they were. They were a cornerstone
Speaker 6: of Missoula like post punk.
Speaker 1: You know, I feel can our next T shirt? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think we need to start getting into merch I guess,
Speaker 1: of course. I think we're one of the more merchable shows. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I draw right, We have ideas. Yes, by the way,
Speaker 1: with v Thompson, a T shirt as if we're making
Speaker 1: shirts for her old show would be really awesome and
Speaker 1: I can.
Speaker 6: Get a picture of her. Yeah, and she won't sue us.
Speaker 6: She's been dead. She's she's not ninety and still on
Speaker 6: the bill.
Speaker 2: She is she ninety five and deep.
Speaker 6: Down or maybe i'd be curious to know. I probably
Speaker 6: she was a very old lady when I was a
Speaker 6: little kids.
Speaker 1: What if she's still alive and very litigious and she's
Speaker 1: heard all of this and she's fucking pitched.
Speaker 4: And she's ripped.
Speaker 2: Just just yoked.
Speaker 4: Yeah for Rigno. Elder lady, lady, very.
Speaker 1: Tan, very muscular, very mad, and.
Speaker 4: Three bikini competitions this month coming up.
Speaker 1: She's like, by the way, I'm sewing your ass. I'm
Speaker 1: by Thompson.
Speaker 4: Are we where we at? Seven?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: Wow, we are chatterboxes.
Speaker 2: This is plenty.
Speaker 6: Hope you enjoyed the second free Bonus half episode.
Speaker 4: I put it on them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, I.
Speaker 4: Did it again. I'm sorry, No, no, no, I'm I just
Speaker 4: the caffeine. I'm a bit of a motor now I feel.
Speaker 1: The exact same way I was just gonna say something about.
Speaker 1: My favorite show on MTV used to be one hundred
Speaker 1: and twenty Minutes, which was when they would late at
Speaker 1: night on like a Thursday, they would play all the
Speaker 1: like goth emo to record it with Matt Pinfield, Right,
Speaker 1: Matt Penfield was a host.
Speaker 4: You don't know was he the other He did it
Speaker 4: for a while because.
Speaker 1: Matt Pinfield what definitely did the metal show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but he might have also.
Speaker 1: Done one hundred and twenty minutes. They were like it's all.
Speaker 6: Those Yeah, he definitely. Because I would record it and
Speaker 6: just watch The Cure.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say the same thing. Smith, the Smith,
Speaker 1: The Cure.
Speaker 6: They all had videos, Cotto Twins, Cocktail Twins. I love them.
Speaker 6: I mean talk about vocal harmoniz were we we were?
Speaker 1: If we were not, let's talk about can we finally
Speaker 1: talk about it?
Speaker 4: Good at it?
Speaker 2: But it really hard?
Speaker 4: Yeah? That's uh. Go out and listen to MTV please,
Speaker 4: what else? What else do you have going up?
Speaker 2: Please listen to MTV?
Speaker 4: Yeah from the eighties.
Speaker 1: I got nothing going on now. I'm just working and
Speaker 1: good and we start our We start our tour again
Speaker 1: up our first weekends of the of our fall tour
Speaker 1: we're supposed to go to the exact spot it's flooding,
Speaker 1: which is North Carolina.
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
Speaker 6: Yeah, my ex lady friend is from Wilmington, and it
Speaker 6: was it was not as catastrophic as they thought. It
Speaker 6: was supposed to be like stage four, crazy whippy winds
Speaker 6: and it was just one.
Speaker 4: But there is a very funny if you find it.
Speaker 6: There's a clip of a news guy trying to up
Speaker 6: the intensity, standing in the wind and he's got his
Speaker 6: legs spread wide and he's like holding his arm up.
Speaker 4: It's really torrential downpour.
Speaker 6: And then in the background there's two guys just walking
Speaker 6: nonchalantly and they like, uh, they are not even holding
Speaker 6: their hats, aren't even blowing off in it, you will
Speaker 6: find it.
Speaker 4: It is worth watching. It's so good. Fake news is
Speaker 4: what that is.
Speaker 2: Well, here's what I love about it. I like there's
Speaker 2: a couple of those weather ones.
Speaker 1: Where did you ever see the one where the person
Speaker 1: is in a canoe during some other flooding because we've
Speaker 1: had so many, and then people walk by behind them
Speaker 1: so they're like it reporting from a canoe of like
Speaker 1: how bad the flooding is?
Speaker 4: Oh good?
Speaker 2: And then people walk.
Speaker 1: Behind the canoe just walking by and it's like mid cast.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's perfect, Yeah, that's perfect.
Speaker 1: Those are those are the best.
Speaker 4: I love.
Speaker 6: I love news bloopers, news just when they want to.
Speaker 4: I always thought it'd be funny to have a newsperson be.
Speaker 6: Laying down in a chalk outline before a stand up,
Speaker 6: and it was in a position just like this.
Speaker 4: That police found the body and then they stand up
Speaker 4: just do the news report.
Speaker 6: I just thought that would be funny in a movie
Speaker 6: I love maybe Comfortable with Death.
Speaker 1: Uh, sorry, it made you comfortable with death?
Speaker 4: No, the movie we were gonna make, wasn't it called
Speaker 4: Comfortable with Death?
Speaker 1: I can't remember.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I'm all high on.
Speaker 1: I'm flying like I'm done cold, I'm going forever. There's
Speaker 1: I think news like comedy, news like not necessarily the
Speaker 1: news and all that. That's my favorite. I think it's
Speaker 1: so funny when people do. And the Onion News Network
Speaker 1: had some really great stuff when it was on, really funny.
Speaker 1: My friend Peter directed a tape piece that was all
Speaker 1: about a kid who forgot forgot to wear a shirt
Speaker 1: to school, so he was just wearing a windbreaker with
Speaker 1: no shirt underneath. And how weird. He felt all day,
Speaker 1: and it's like one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I love Yeah local teen feels uncomfortable and
Speaker 6: wind suit yeah or whatever.
Speaker 4: I didn't see it. I'm just thing I'm naming it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I want a job.
Speaker 2: It doesn't exist.
Speaker 4: What if I just named the articles. You guys write them.
Speaker 2: I'm in here trianas for titles. I get paid more
Speaker 2: than everybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's going to be awesome. So no, then okay,
Speaker 1: Oh so when we get when we're back and official,
Speaker 1: we're going to start having guests again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, of course.
Speaker 2: It's just such a pain.
Speaker 1: To book people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I can. We can rift together and then
Speaker 4: have the guests. It doesn't have to be true.
Speaker 6: It's yeah, we go back and forth. Well, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 6: Let's keep it similar to the way it is. Otherwise
Speaker 6: we don't get caught in a lie when it's twenty twenty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a diact.
Speaker 1: Think about the future when people will be throwing this
Speaker 1: in our face later.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's going to come up, by the way with vitoes.
Speaker 1: By the way, So it's just an entire show of
Speaker 1: like asides and forgotten ideas.
Speaker 4: It's a pretty great title. She's she was ahead of
Speaker 4: her time.
Speaker 2: She knew her ship.
Speaker 6: And my dad she broke My mom broke her arm,
Speaker 6: and my dad tried to defend my mom and a
Speaker 6: court and.
Speaker 4: He drew a map and had cars on it.
Speaker 6: Oh this is where and they lost.
Speaker 2: Your dad represented your mom in court.
Speaker 6: Well, he had done a lot of court stuff. He
Speaker 6: was like a tax appeal hearings and stuff. But it
Speaker 6: was different to defend a brazen arm breaking.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, at the end of the day, she broke
Speaker 1: her arm.
Speaker 2: There's not all you can do.
Speaker 4: She was riding on the street. My mom threw open
Speaker 4: the door to.
Speaker 6: The Volkswagen Bus's arm was there, you know what?
Speaker 1: And by the.
Speaker 2: Way, guilty your honor.
Speaker 4: Ah, Oh that's fun. All right, we're at your house.
Speaker 4: We're back you. Good to see you again, friend.
Speaker 1: I know I've missed you dearly and missed doing this podcast.
Speaker 1: Let's let's be more regular.
Speaker 2: And when I.
Speaker 1: Say that, I mean me, not a musical.
Speaker 4: I'm good to see you, Stephen. Yes, you've been listening.
Speaker 4: Do you need a ride? D wyan a R.
Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 4: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 3: much baggage you claim.
Speaker 1: Give us time and a Turmino and Gabe. We want
Speaker 1: to send you off in style.
Speaker 4: Do you want to welcome you back home?
Speaker 1: Tell us all about every scared or was it fine? Malcorn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you you need a ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need.
Speaker 4: With Karen and Cress
Speaker 6: Mm hmm