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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to capitalize on the

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Speaker 1: goat yoga trend, but couldn't afford goats, so he wanted

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Speaker 1: the cheaper option. Python pilates unhinge your inner chee while

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Speaker 1: he unhinges his lower jaw with Laser Stories or segment

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Speaker 1: where we read weird news stories around the globe, just

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Speaker 1: like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. There's

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Speaker 1: other Slytherin sleuths just don't. This first laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Always Funky Florida. A thirty one year old

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Speaker 1: woman named Aquina Samson was working at a McDonald's when

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Speaker 1: she saw a teenage girl walk behind the counter to

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Speaker 1: grab some ranch dipping sauce.

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Speaker 2: Just helping herself. What's at home? You know.

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Speaker 1: The girl later said she did it because she was

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Speaker 1: being ignored by the staff.

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Speaker 2: So okay, it makes you kind of want to do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Aquina flipped out and grabbed the girl's arm and

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Speaker 1: let me.

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Speaker 2: Just say like, hey, don't do that please, I'll get

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Speaker 2: it for you.

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Speaker 1: Remember it's Florida, that's right, this is day one training

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Speaker 1: at McDonald's. And when the girl tried to break free,

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Speaker 1: Aquina allegedly grabbed her neck, took her to the ground,

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Speaker 1: and choked her while they were on the floor. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god.

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Speaker 2: No, ranch was probably still worth it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is hard to find ranch at mickey d

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Speaker 1: So yeah. Anyway, another customer witnessed the event and called

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Speaker 1: the cops.

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Speaker 2: That's probably good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the whole altercation was caught on video and the

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Speaker 1: victim had visible injuries to her neck and elbow. And

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Speaker 1: because she was a teen, Aquina got charged with child abuse.

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Speaker 2: Did she get promoted to assistant manager? Yeah, she defended.

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Speaker 1: The Probably not on that. No word on if McDonald's

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Speaker 1: is looking up the injured girl with a few free mcribs,

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Speaker 1: But she'll probably try something.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she's the one that needs the job.

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Speaker 1: That's her first job. Amazing, but a sweet story. This

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Speaker 1: next Lazer story is out of China. A lot of malls, hotels,

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Speaker 1: and airports of escalators so you don't need to bother

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Speaker 1: with the stairs. And now China is taking the same

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Speaker 1: approach when it comes to mountain climbing.

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Speaker 2: Mountain, this is perfect, I can go hikers.

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Speaker 1: Several mountains in the area are having escalators added to

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Speaker 1: their side so people with mobility issues like older folks

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Speaker 1: and also lazy people can get up to the top

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Speaker 1: to see the view without having to hike up them.

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Speaker 3: You know, Jose that the day you go, the escalators

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Speaker 3: out of service and you have to use it as

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Speaker 3: stairs anyway.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like having a gondola style lift, but it's

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Speaker 1: a literal escalator, which makes some sense. A gondola would

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Speaker 1: just shoot all the way straight up to the top,

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Speaker 1: while if you do an escalator it allows for multiple

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Speaker 1: places to stop along the way, check out the view.

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Speaker 2: You can get off and take a picture. Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: can heckle to actual hikers race yeah out of the pictures.

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Speaker 1: The local reaction has been mixed. Some say it's great

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Speaker 1: that these experiences are more accessible, others.

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Speaker 2: Handicap in the elderly. Yes, sure, but what about the wildlife?

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Speaker 1: Didn't think about nobody's worried about the wildlife. Others say

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Speaker 1: it takes the fun out of hiking up mountains.

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Speaker 2: I mean the point is.

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Speaker 1: To struggle and to like have a.

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Speaker 2: Goal and accomplish it, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing is just like at a mall, the

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Speaker 1: option of hiking is always there, so you don't have

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Speaker 1: to take the need to turn.

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Speaker 2: The mountains in anything. That you say, just like a mall.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they're going to be people going the wrong way

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Speaker 3: down it.

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Speaker 2: Julius at the top. Yeah, you're at the top and

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Speaker 2: you're like, why does it smell like any.

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Speaker 1: If you make mountains fun, people will actually go to them,

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Speaker 1: make the mall. Naturally, these escalators are very expensive for

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Speaker 1: mountain resorts to install, and they're also not for the

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Speaker 1: faint of heart. It's unclear what happens when these breakdown,

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Speaker 1: especially if they stop working mid day a bunch of

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Speaker 1: people on them mountain.

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Speaker 3: What about the elements like rain, yes and no, like

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Speaker 3: it's gonna.

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Speaker 1: Be all day long. I'm sure we'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: This next Lazer story is out of Viral Valley. Mister

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Speaker 1: Beast aka Jimmy Donaldson isn't just the world's most subscribed YouTuber,

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Speaker 1: He's also a wildly successful entrepreneur.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he is.

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Speaker 1: Surprisingly, his biggest money maker isn't content creation but chocolate.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, brand Black Burger something. He did a lot

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Speaker 2: of pop ups pop up I Forgot.

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Speaker 1: Last year alone, his snack brand festivals pulled in two

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Speaker 1: hundred and fifty one million dollars in sales, netting twenty

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Speaker 1: million in profit.

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Speaker 2: The chocolate, So what does it What does it taste like?

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Speaker 2: Is it like a protein bar? What the market is?

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Speaker 2: It's like competing with her She's they have chocolate, they

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Speaker 2: have peanut.

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Speaker 1: Butter, they regular I thought it tastes like YouTube. But

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Speaker 1: meanwhile his YouTube empire, including his Amazon Prime reality show

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Speaker 1: Beast Games, that brought in a similar amount but ran

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Speaker 1: out a staggering eighty million dollars loss.

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Speaker 2: I can't imagine what it costs to put on those.

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Speaker 1: It turns out selling chocolate is more profitable than giving away.

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Speaker 3: Millions the modern day Willie Walker.

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Speaker 1: According to financial forecast, Feastables will triple in size over

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Speaker 1: the next two years.

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Speaker 3: In this business, who wants to Bryan Brook and Jeffrey

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Speaker 3: granola bars.

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Speaker 2: With chocolate? He got that, And I think that the

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Speaker 2: cocoa bean isn't going to be good. It's not a

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Speaker 2: good business model, guys. I'm trying to help.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, suppositories, that's where.

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Speaker 3: Here we go.

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Speaker 1: And mister Beast also plans to release several new products

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Speaker 1: that include beverages, a snack line, and a Cereal brand

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Speaker 1: See no repository the market open Cereal?

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Speaker 2: Oh, no suppository? Like, what do you put in your cereals.

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Speaker 1: Mister Beast hasn't thought of it yet, not to mention

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Speaker 1: launching a mobile gaming platform is what something he plans

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Speaker 1: to do next year.

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Speaker 2: That guy's going to be a trillionaire.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he deserves it. This next Lazer story is out

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Speaker 1: of the study of dust. You ever watched a horse

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Speaker 1: race and thought, big deal.

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Speaker 2: I could do that? No? Not really? What do you mean,

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Speaker 2: like horse.

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Speaker 1: Not jockeying the horse, physically out running it.

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Speaker 2: Why would you think you could physically run a horse?

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: There's a new poll out where two thousand people were

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Speaker 1: apparently asked which animals they thought they'd be able to outrun.

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Speaker 1: Shut up, Jeff, I'm serious. Two percent believe they could

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Speaker 1: outrun a horse in a one hundreds maybe a lame

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Speaker 1: horse for you're not even use saying bull like maybe yeah,

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Speaker 1: because for what it's worth, an average horse could manage

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Speaker 1: a speed of more than forty miles an hour. You

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Speaker 1: saying Bolt's fastest speed ever recorded was twenty eight miles

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Speaker 1: per hour, So losing that one. Other ridiculous stats that

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Speaker 1: made the list, twenty seven percent of people are confident

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Speaker 1: they could outrun a crocodile, which can run around ten

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Speaker 1: miles an hour on land.

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Speaker 2: You're faster than you realize.

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Speaker 1: Twenty percent believe they could outrun an elephant, which can

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Speaker 1: reach more than twenty miles an hour.

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Speaker 2: I rag, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Another eleven percent of people think they could outsprint a

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Speaker 1: house cat. But what about racing?

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Speaker 3: Why do I think I'm the slowest person on the planet.

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Speaker 3: I have my money on Alexis. I think she could beat.

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Speaker 2: Me, and a hamster might be a good race.

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Speaker 1: But what about racing a turtle? Oh, this guy moves

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Speaker 1: faster than you'd think, especially after he latches onto your

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Speaker 1: ankle and he is not letting go.

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Speaker 2: I'll give you the shoes, I mean.

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Speaker 1: Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna do it again, same time on Monday.