Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect. Oh shit, we wanna air. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to yet another actually the second to last episode
Speaker 1: of season two's Carefully Reckless. What's Your Girl? Just hilarious.
Speaker 1: Now we're gonna jump right into just fix My Mess.
Speaker 1: As I told y'all, I was just a renewed for
Speaker 1: a season three, So I ain't going nowhere. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be right here with y'all, and I'm going to keep
Speaker 1: on fixing y'all mess until y'all ain't got no more
Speaker 1: mess to fix. All right, We're gonna jump right in.
Speaker 1: We do not have voice memos again this week, because
Speaker 1: I said, these people is these these females and these males,
Speaker 1: they're catching on, y'all voice, y'all, they're catching on. So
Speaker 1: y'all might have to go back to just strictly typing
Speaker 1: unless you don't care. Here we go. I've been raising
Speaker 1: my ex wife's daughter for over fifteen years. She's nineteen now.
Speaker 1: She doesn't know that I'm not her real father, and
Speaker 1: up until recently, I haven't had any problem doing so.
Speaker 1: But her mother and her family all of a sudden
Speaker 1: wants to invade and come in between me and my
Speaker 1: daughter when they didn't care or help me raise her
Speaker 1: in the first place. I want custody of her and
Speaker 1: my other children after the divorce. I'm stuck going through
Speaker 1: this inside battle of whether or not I should inform
Speaker 1: her that I'm not her real father, or should I
Speaker 1: just keep it quiet, because lately she's been interacting with
Speaker 1: her mother and that side of the family more and
Speaker 1: she's acting different. So that's all he said. All right,
Speaker 1: all right, now, listen, I just want to first and
Speaker 1: foremost say thank you, brother for submitting your story. You
Speaker 1: are a man, and I often say men do not
Speaker 1: open up and they do not open up to women.
Speaker 1: So I want to first and foremost recognize you for
Speaker 1: being vulnerable enough to give me this story, you know,
Speaker 1: and to let me hear your story or whatever, because
Speaker 1: I know this is not something that you would probably
Speaker 1: just go around telling people, you know, whether that be
Speaker 1: your friends, your barber, your pastor whoever you confide and
Speaker 1: whatever guy you can fide. And I thank you for
Speaker 1: coming to me. Okay, now, this is not your biological daughter,
Speaker 1: but you have raised her for fifteen years. You met
Speaker 1: her mother and she was four when you met her mother,
Speaker 1: you married her mom, and you took her on as
Speaker 1: one of your children, and you have other children biologically
Speaker 1: with her mother as well. Who was your wife? Who
Speaker 1: is now your ex wife? All right now, from what
Speaker 1: I just read, it seems like you are currently in
Speaker 1: the middle of the divorce. Let me ask you a
Speaker 1: couple of questions, because you gave me a short breath,
Speaker 1: you got straight to the point. But I just have
Speaker 1: a little bit of questions and I would like for
Speaker 1: you to follow up with me in this. So what
Speaker 1: first of all caused you to to split? If you
Speaker 1: don't mind me asking that, if it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you know, your daughter you feel like or
Speaker 1: you know, if it has nothing to do with why
Speaker 1: you think your ex wife is acting this way, you know,
Speaker 1: putting stuff in your daughter's head, because that's what could
Speaker 1: be going on. If you feel like the re and
Speaker 1: that you guys end it doesn't have anything to do
Speaker 1: with how your daughter is acting now or what your
Speaker 1: wife could have your ex wife could have told her,
Speaker 1: then we don't have to go into it. But why
Speaker 1: what ended you? Guys? Also, do you think that her
Speaker 1: mother has reconvened not reconciled, but I mean reconvene, like
Speaker 1: just reach out with her ex and this is your
Speaker 1: daughter's biological father. Do you think that there has been
Speaker 1: some conversation between your ex wife and him that what
Speaker 1: prompt him to want to meet his daughter or be
Speaker 1: in his daughter's life. Or do you think that your
Speaker 1: ex wife is just being bitter trying to take the
Speaker 1: only child that's not biologically yours from you because she
Speaker 1: knows that's a way to hurt you. You have to
Speaker 1: think of all these things, you know, and then you
Speaker 1: didn't quite ask me a question as it relates to advice,
Speaker 1: But I think that you will want to know where
Speaker 1: you go from here. It's gonna be hard getting custody
Speaker 1: of your daughter because she's not by logically yours, and
Speaker 1: we know how fucked up the court system can be
Speaker 1: and unfair they can be when it comes to situations
Speaker 1: like this. Unfortunately, she would have to sign her rights
Speaker 1: over to you because you are not baby girl's real father,
Speaker 1: you know, biological I don't want to say real father,
Speaker 1: because you are indeed a real father to her. I
Speaker 1: don't have a doubt about that in my mind. You're
Speaker 1: sitting here telling me you want to get custody of her,
Speaker 1: and you've raised her for fifteen for fifteen years when
Speaker 1: nobody else did anything, and you stepped in and you
Speaker 1: did that, and that little girl is always going to
Speaker 1: love you for that. But I also can't ignore when
Speaker 1: you said she is now acting funny. Now take into
Speaker 1: account her age. She's nineteen. She's just seen her parents split.
Speaker 1: You know, you two, you and her mother, you got split.
Speaker 1: I don't know how nasty the divorce was. I don't
Speaker 1: know how much she was exposed to. I don't know
Speaker 1: if she saw the negative of it and didn't see
Speaker 1: it in a positive light. You guys were together since
Speaker 1: she was or you are all she knows, you know.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if this divorce is playing a
Speaker 1: big part in how she's acting. You know, maybe she
Speaker 1: just wants you two together. Maybe people are putting things
Speaker 1: in her head. She's been spending a lot of time
Speaker 1: with her mom in that side, and and you know,
Speaker 1: she may be even getting a little curious because she
Speaker 1: may have heard someone say that, ain't your dad, that's
Speaker 1: just your your mom's ex husband. You were already here
Speaker 1: when she met your father. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: you were already here when she met you. Know your name.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say your name. Well, actually don't
Speaker 1: know it, but you know, I want to keep this
Speaker 1: all anonymous. I think also another way to look at
Speaker 1: her acting funny and you being a little up in
Speaker 1: the air with telling her that you're not our real father,
Speaker 1: her biological father, in her seeking whoever he is or whatever.
Speaker 1: I think that you should look at it this way.
Speaker 1: I watch a lot of paternity court and honey, and
Speaker 1: that is not your life. I'm not trying to, you know,
Speaker 1: and inflict anything on you or project what I have
Speaker 1: seen on you, because I don't know your situation up
Speaker 1: and down, back and forth, inside and out. I know
Speaker 1: what you told me, But you have to leave room
Speaker 1: for a child who never knew or never have been
Speaker 1: close or had a close relationship with one of her
Speaker 1: biological parents. You have to leave room for them to
Speaker 1: want to do that, to grow up and actually want
Speaker 1: to know who their real dad is, especially if someone
Speaker 1: already put that bug in their ear that ain't your
Speaker 1: real dad, so and so ain't your real dad. That's
Speaker 1: going to open me up to you know, me speaking
Speaker 1: as your daughter. That's going to open me up to, oh, well,
Speaker 1: who is my real dad? And it's going to be
Speaker 1: no love loss for my dad that has raised me,
Speaker 1: the only dad that I've known. But I would like
Speaker 1: to know where I come from. I would like to
Speaker 1: know why I act this way sometimes and I don't
Speaker 1: get it from my mother. I would like to know
Speaker 1: why the other half of me is this way and
Speaker 1: it's not like you, dad. Maybe she has questions that
Speaker 1: she would like to ask this man, why haven't you
Speaker 1: ever come for me? Why did you let another man
Speaker 1: take on the role of my real father? Why did
Speaker 1: you let another man raise me? But what happened? What
Speaker 1: did I do? You know? Maybe she just has these questions.
Speaker 1: She's nineteen, you know, so she is growing into a
Speaker 1: young adult, and she is well entitled to know her
Speaker 1: biological father. This may not be something that you want
Speaker 1: to hear, and then, you know, it could be many
Speaker 1: reasons why you don't even want her to go down
Speaker 1: that road or why you don't you know, don't think
Speaker 1: it's it's suitable for her to meet him or to
Speaker 1: take him on as a dad or start a relationship
Speaker 1: with him. You may know things about him. Let me
Speaker 1: put her in danger, you know, You may know things
Speaker 1: about him that that's not good for her, that you
Speaker 1: don't want her to be exposed to. You may not
Speaker 1: just want her to be let down again because this
Speaker 1: man has done this shit to her before for a
Speaker 1: fucking fourteen years. So I do understand why you're trying
Speaker 1: to protect your baby girl. She is definitely entitled and
Speaker 1: well within her right to know who her biological daddy is,
Speaker 1: and that doesn't take anything from you. I think you
Speaker 1: need to go and take your baby to lunch, and
Speaker 1: you need to talk to her and try to get
Speaker 1: inside of her head. You've been raising her for the
Speaker 1: last fifteen years. You know her, you know her, you
Speaker 1: know that's how you're able to see that she's acting funny.
Speaker 1: Take her and sit her down and talk to her.
Speaker 1: That's your daughter. She may not be yours biologically, but
Speaker 1: you are her daddy. So I think that you should
Speaker 1: talk to her without her mom. Without you know, she's
Speaker 1: old enough to understand everything that you'll ask her, Ask
Speaker 1: her what's going on, and get inside of her mind.
Speaker 1: Let her know you'll always be there for her, but
Speaker 1: let her know it is indeed her decision if she
Speaker 1: wants to meet her real father. I think you should
Speaker 1: be honest with her and tell her that, no, I
Speaker 1: am not your biological father, but I raised you since
Speaker 1: you were four. I cannot stop looking at you like
Speaker 1: you're not mine. You are mine, but I'm willing to
Speaker 1: share you with your biological dad if that's what you want,
Speaker 1: Because at the end of the day, it's all about her.
Speaker 1: Forget the wife or you know, forget her mom, forget
Speaker 1: you know. This is about you and your baby and
Speaker 1: whatever she wants, you have to support her in that.
Speaker 1: So I want you to do that, and I want
Speaker 1: you to answer those questions for me, write me back,
Speaker 1: update me if you can, and if you want to.
Speaker 1: Like I said, you're already doing something that you probably
Speaker 1: don't usually do, and that's open up about your personal life.
Speaker 1: You know so, and I totally commend you on raising
Speaker 1: someone else's child as yours. Honestly, that's why a lot
Speaker 1: of men don't get married to women with a lot
Speaker 1: of kids, or even just one kid. My son's dad
Speaker 1: don't even like dating women with children, as if he
Speaker 1: ain't got eighty five of them. But sometimes that's just
Speaker 1: the man's preference, and we have to respect that, just
Speaker 1: like we have to respect a woman's preference, we have
Speaker 1: to respect a man's preference as well. Talk to her,
Speaker 1: talk to your baby. You seem like you want well,
Speaker 1: you mean well, and you seem like you do well
Speaker 1: by her. You do great by her. So I'm check
Speaker 1: back in with me. Thank you. If you love me,
Speaker 1: you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right
Speaker 1: back moving on. Oh look, did she getting straight to
Speaker 1: the point. Honey? She said, I need in baby daddy
Speaker 1: got weird after I bossed up and got a tax company.
Speaker 1: He's in the streets and was taking care of me.
Speaker 1: Now I'm making my own bag and he even acting
Speaker 1: funny with my son. Helped me with like thirty two
Speaker 1: exclamation points. Okay, so girl, you gave me a little bit,
Speaker 1: but I understand what you gave, but you could have
Speaker 1: gave me a little bit more. Girl. I need to
Speaker 1: figure girl, I'm gonna get your ass all right. So
Speaker 1: you said your baby daddy got weird after you bossed
Speaker 1: up and got your own company. You got a tax company. Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: So for everybody who needs their taxes done. Damn, I
Speaker 1: can't even put your business out there. I can't even
Speaker 1: you know, help you grow your business, get you some clients,
Speaker 1: because this is anonymous and I will not say your name. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: you have a tax company and your baby daddy is
Speaker 1: in the streets on the other hand, so he is
Speaker 1: doing his thing out there in the streets or whatever,
Speaker 1: and he was taking care of you. But you bossed
Speaker 1: up on him and you you went legit. You wanted
Speaker 1: a legitimate business, and I guess he got tired of
Speaker 1: you not needing him anymore, is what it sounds like,
Speaker 1: because he wanted you to need him. Guys really like that.
Speaker 1: They wanted to have a sense of power and not
Speaker 1: saying want to control you. But maybe that's really what
Speaker 1: it was about him. He wanted he wanted you to
Speaker 1: need him for something. You have his child, so that's
Speaker 1: an obligation right there. That's an attachment factor right there.
Speaker 1: You guys have a baby and you said your son,
Speaker 1: So your baby boy, he's not even doing anything for
Speaker 1: him anymore because he's very spiteful and bitter at the
Speaker 1: fact that you bossed up and now you don't need him.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're leaving some shut out. I feel
Speaker 1: like something is it that that ain't that ain't unless
Speaker 1: he ain't in his right mind, he should want his
Speaker 1: baby mama to boss up legitimately. That could motivate him
Speaker 1: to get off there, or even to clean his money,
Speaker 1: as they say, because you know how a nigga always
Speaker 1: want to clean his money baby through somebody that's legit. However,
Speaker 1: you ain't say all of that. You ain't say a
Speaker 1: lot of shit, and I think you're keeping it away.
Speaker 1: You asked me to help you. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to help your ass. I mean, you ain't telling me nothing.
Speaker 1: You ain't telling me nothing, and I know you ain't,
Speaker 1: and I don't care. So I ain't gonna give you
Speaker 1: no advice as of right now until you come back
Speaker 1: and you let me know the real all right, you
Speaker 1: let me know exactly what's going on. What did you
Speaker 1: do to him? What did he do to you? What
Speaker 1: do you think it is other than you bossing up?
Speaker 1: Did you meet somebody? Did he find out that she
Speaker 1: was sucking with somebody else? Did you go back to
Speaker 1: an X? Did you something? Did you constantly put him
Speaker 1: down when he was in the streets when you went
Speaker 1: legit when you got your tax company, did you down
Speaker 1: him because he was still in the streets? Did you
Speaker 1: try to degrade him in any way because you said
Speaker 1: he took care of you. He took care of you,
Speaker 1: because if that happened, he could in return feel like,
Speaker 1: oh bitch, I was saying, can you wasn't You weren't
Speaker 1: shriving off the street money when it was taking of you?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. When you was living the
Speaker 1: lavish lifestyle. I don't know how lavish it was, but
Speaker 1: you said he took care of you. You didn't have
Speaker 1: anything to say about it, or maybe you did as
Speaker 1: something to say about it, but you ain't had that
Speaker 1: much to say where you wanted me to stop because
Speaker 1: you were being taken care of. Now you get your business,
Speaker 1: and that was fuck me, tell me what happened, because
Speaker 1: there's something you ain't saying, baby girl. And when you
Speaker 1: do give me more clarity, I will help you fix
Speaker 1: your mess up and down. Now we got a commercial,
Speaker 1: and if you click off of this podcast, I swear
Speaker 1: I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen, moving on, I'm submitting
Speaker 1: my story and I don't think anyone can fix this
Speaker 1: mess at all. My kids. Dad is only top tier
Speaker 1: when we are fucking period. He thinks he can just
Speaker 1: get whatever he wants regarding our kids and disappear when
Speaker 1: he wants, pay what he wants, get them when he wants,
Speaker 1: throws court up in my face. He done been with
Speaker 1: multiple stalker women, women that have threatened my kids, and
Speaker 1: he continues to be a terror. I want nothing more
Speaker 1: for us to be friends and raise our kids. He
Speaker 1: needs to hear how dumb he's being. We used to
Speaker 1: be able to co parent to a degree. Now it's
Speaker 1: all bad. I really need a phone conversation to provide detail.
Speaker 1: But we need Jesus and a public eye. Well, first
Speaker 1: of all, you're gonna have to pick. You can't have
Speaker 1: Jesus and a public eye all at the same time,
Speaker 1: because it gotta be something private enough for you to
Speaker 1: get this shit together behind closed doors and then bring
Speaker 1: it to the forefront so y'all can be ready to
Speaker 1: teach others who's going through this ship right now that
Speaker 1: y'all going through. So you find Jesus first and then
Speaker 1: a public eye in that order, is what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: But first we're gonna start with me trying to fix
Speaker 1: your mess, all right, So in the beginning, that was
Speaker 1: very interesting. I think I read a story like this
Speaker 1: before you say no, you don't think nobody can fix
Speaker 1: this at all. And listen, that tells me that it
Speaker 1: is fresh and new because you wanted to just be
Speaker 1: over with like a snap of a finger, and it
Speaker 1: don't go like that. You and this man obviously have
Speaker 1: been together for a long time. You guys not only
Speaker 1: have one kid, you have kids. And what I mean
Speaker 1: when I say fresh, I mean you guys are freshly done,
Speaker 1: not just fresh meeting each other. I'm talking about y'all
Speaker 1: can't seem to let each other go. And that's probably
Speaker 1: where the women comes in. He's trying to use the
Speaker 1: women as a distraction to get over you because you're
Speaker 1: still fucking him. Like you said, he's only compliant when
Speaker 1: we're fucking stop fucking him and stand on it and
Speaker 1: stand by it. You know, feelings get all involved and shit,
Speaker 1: and you probably a little bit more over him than
Speaker 1: he is over you. So he gets upset every time
Speaker 1: you go sleep with him, thinking that it's hope for
Speaker 1: y'all to get back together. And when you shut it down,
Speaker 1: he shut you down and the kids, which is not bad.
Speaker 1: I'm not justifying it. Believe that pussy out of the equation. Girl,
Speaker 1: you better wrap that snap and turt up. Get a
Speaker 1: damn turtleneck for it. You don't need to be sleeping
Speaker 1: with him. You know he hain't in his right mind. Shit,
Speaker 1: he got bitches threatening your damn babies. All of that. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't think that he would ever let me ask
Speaker 1: you that. I don't even know, y'all, But do you
Speaker 1: think he would let actually let a woman hurt you
Speaker 1: guys children? You know your children. Do you think that
Speaker 1: he would actually really do that? Or if this is
Speaker 1: something just to get back at you? You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, because I feel like he is very bitter
Speaker 1: because and then I can't even say he better because
Speaker 1: you're the one leading them on. I think I think
Speaker 1: you don't know how strong that shit is in between
Speaker 1: your legs. I really feel like you don't know. I
Speaker 1: feel like you use him for sexual convenience and he
Speaker 1: wants more, and I feel like you're done there, or
Speaker 1: you use him for is sex. You just want him
Speaker 1: to be a great daddy to your kids and a
Speaker 1: great daddy in the bed every now and then, which
Speaker 1: you can't have that, and expect for him to act
Speaker 1: saying I need for you to cut all of that
Speaker 1: shit out that you got going on. That's where it starts,
Speaker 1: but on a more serious, serious series. And I was
Speaker 1: serious about everything I say. I trust and believe. But
Speaker 1: on a more serious, serious note, he needs to check
Speaker 1: the women that he is bringing around the kids. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be okay with no other woman being around my children.
Speaker 1: If you're threatening my children, you know that means he
Speaker 1: doesn't have his children's best interest. And have you brought
Speaker 1: this up to him? Have you guys talked about it?
Speaker 1: Like like what is it? And then how is he
Speaker 1: throwing court up in your face? Court? Court? Court? Like?
Speaker 1: What is he threatening to take the children? As he
Speaker 1: threatening to get joint custody? Is he threatening to take
Speaker 1: you down to How does he threaten you with court?
Speaker 1: I want to know that. And you said multiple stalker women?
Speaker 1: So now are they stalking you? Are they stalking you
Speaker 1: and the kids? Are they stalking him? I need to know.
Speaker 1: I need to God damn no, And are you dating somebody?
Speaker 1: I need to know that as well, because that also
Speaker 1: will play a part in his bitterness as well, because
Speaker 1: he may feel like, damn, how the fucking you just
Speaker 1: feel like you can fuck me when you want? Then
Speaker 1: you dating this person, and they're not supposed to be
Speaker 1: just in complying over here. Just got it like he's
Speaker 1: too deep in his feelings to separate Daddy from Zaddy.
Speaker 1: I like that he's too in his feelings to separate
Speaker 1: Daddy from Zaddy. Okay, And it's like you ain't helping it,
Speaker 1: miss ma'am. And you know this man more than any
Speaker 1: of these other women know this man, So I think
Speaker 1: you know what you're doing. You just want to be
Speaker 1: able to have your cake and eat it too, and
Speaker 1: you're not ready to assess him when he has these
Speaker 1: little temper tantrums and shit, because that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1: You said that he continues to be a terror and
Speaker 1: you want nothing more than for you guys to be friends.
Speaker 1: It sound like y'all need to come on co parenting
Speaker 1: with me at Rome. That's what the hell is sound like.
Speaker 1: It's sounding like that. So I need for when you
Speaker 1: update me, miss ma'am, you need to let me know
Speaker 1: where you are and how we can get you on
Speaker 1: the show. You and him then if he's willing to
Speaker 1: do so. Because you said you need a public eye, honey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put you in front of a public eye.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna give you the public eye. I
Speaker 1: just need for you to stop sleeping with him, especially
Speaker 1: if you really, really really want that bond with him
Speaker 1: outside of intimacy, if you really really want to look
Speaker 1: up and be like me and Rome, we're really really
Speaker 1: good friends. We will never stop being good friends. It
Speaker 1: is what it is. It's always going to be that way.
Speaker 1: If you really want that, you have to stop intimately
Speaker 1: messing with him like you. You can't sleep with him bad,
Speaker 1: you can't. Now. If that's what you want, then go
Speaker 1: get your man, go get your baby daddy and make
Speaker 1: them your man again. But if that ain't what you want,
Speaker 1: that can't be what you end up getting when you
Speaker 1: just want some sexual pleasures. Okay, all right, so write
Speaker 1: me back and let me know. We've come to the
Speaker 1: end of the second to last episode of season two
Speaker 1: of Carefully Reckless with your Girl Jess hilarious and look,
Speaker 1: I'll be right back. I'll be right back. So we
Speaker 1: got the last episode next week and then I'm going
Speaker 1: straight into season three. You know why, because I love
Speaker 1: y'all so much and I found my niche with this thing.
Speaker 1: I think I think I'm gonna think we're gonna be good,
Speaker 1: but I think we're gonna be good. We're gonna be
Speaker 1: all right. And with that being said in my deepest
Speaker 1: pam Boys piece, Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
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