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Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect. Oh shit, we wanna air. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to yet another actually the second to last episode

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Speaker 1: of season two's Carefully Reckless. What's Your Girl? Just hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Now we're gonna jump right into just fix My Mess.

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Speaker 1: As I told y'all, I was just a renewed for

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Speaker 1: a season three, So I ain't going nowhere. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be right here with y'all, and I'm going to keep

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Speaker 1: on fixing y'all mess until y'all ain't got no more

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Speaker 1: mess to fix. All right, We're gonna jump right in.

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Speaker 1: We do not have voice memos again this week, because

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Speaker 1: I said, these people is these these females and these males,

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Speaker 1: they're catching on, y'all voice, y'all, they're catching on. So

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Speaker 1: y'all might have to go back to just strictly typing

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Speaker 1: unless you don't care. Here we go. I've been raising

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Speaker 1: my ex wife's daughter for over fifteen years. She's nineteen now.

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Speaker 1: She doesn't know that I'm not her real father, and

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Speaker 1: up until recently, I haven't had any problem doing so.

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Speaker 1: But her mother and her family all of a sudden

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Speaker 1: wants to invade and come in between me and my

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Speaker 1: daughter when they didn't care or help me raise her

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Speaker 1: in the first place. I want custody of her and

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Speaker 1: my other children after the divorce. I'm stuck going through

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Speaker 1: this inside battle of whether or not I should inform

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Speaker 1: her that I'm not her real father, or should I

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Speaker 1: just keep it quiet, because lately she's been interacting with

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Speaker 1: her mother and that side of the family more and

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Speaker 1: she's acting different. So that's all he said. All right,

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Speaker 1: all right, now, listen, I just want to first and

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Speaker 1: foremost say thank you, brother for submitting your story. You

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Speaker 1: are a man, and I often say men do not

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Speaker 1: open up and they do not open up to women.

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Speaker 1: So I want to first and foremost recognize you for

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Speaker 1: being vulnerable enough to give me this story, you know,

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Speaker 1: and to let me hear your story or whatever, because

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Speaker 1: I know this is not something that you would probably

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Speaker 1: just go around telling people, you know, whether that be

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Speaker 1: your friends, your barber, your pastor whoever you confide and

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Speaker 1: whatever guy you can fide. And I thank you for

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Speaker 1: coming to me. Okay, now, this is not your biological daughter,

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Speaker 1: but you have raised her for fifteen years. You met

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Speaker 1: her mother and she was four when you met her mother,

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Speaker 1: you married her mom, and you took her on as

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Speaker 1: one of your children, and you have other children biologically

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Speaker 1: with her mother as well. Who was your wife? Who

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Speaker 1: is now your ex wife? All right now, from what

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Speaker 1: I just read, it seems like you are currently in

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Speaker 1: the middle of the divorce. Let me ask you a

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Speaker 1: couple of questions, because you gave me a short breath,

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Speaker 1: you got straight to the point. But I just have

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Speaker 1: a little bit of questions and I would like for

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Speaker 1: you to follow up with me in this. So what

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Speaker 1: first of all caused you to to split? If you

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Speaker 1: don't mind me asking that, if it has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with you know, your daughter you feel like or

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Speaker 1: you know, if it has nothing to do with why

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Speaker 1: you think your ex wife is acting this way, you know,

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Speaker 1: putting stuff in your daughter's head, because that's what could

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Speaker 1: be going on. If you feel like the re and

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Speaker 1: that you guys end it doesn't have anything to do

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Speaker 1: with how your daughter is acting now or what your

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Speaker 1: wife could have your ex wife could have told her,

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Speaker 1: then we don't have to go into it. But why

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Speaker 1: what ended you? Guys? Also, do you think that her

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Speaker 1: mother has reconvened not reconciled, but I mean reconvene, like

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Speaker 1: just reach out with her ex and this is your

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Speaker 1: daughter's biological father. Do you think that there has been

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Speaker 1: some conversation between your ex wife and him that what

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Speaker 1: prompt him to want to meet his daughter or be

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Speaker 1: in his daughter's life. Or do you think that your

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Speaker 1: ex wife is just being bitter trying to take the

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Speaker 1: only child that's not biologically yours from you because she

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Speaker 1: knows that's a way to hurt you. You have to

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Speaker 1: think of all these things, you know, and then you

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Speaker 1: didn't quite ask me a question as it relates to advice,

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Speaker 1: But I think that you will want to know where

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Speaker 1: you go from here. It's gonna be hard getting custody

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Speaker 1: of your daughter because she's not by logically yours, and

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Speaker 1: we know how fucked up the court system can be

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Speaker 1: and unfair they can be when it comes to situations

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Speaker 1: like this. Unfortunately, she would have to sign her rights

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Speaker 1: over to you because you are not baby girl's real father,

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Speaker 1: you know, biological I don't want to say real father,

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Speaker 1: because you are indeed a real father to her. I

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Speaker 1: don't have a doubt about that in my mind. You're

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Speaker 1: sitting here telling me you want to get custody of her,

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Speaker 1: and you've raised her for fifteen for fifteen years when

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Speaker 1: nobody else did anything, and you stepped in and you

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Speaker 1: did that, and that little girl is always going to

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Speaker 1: love you for that. But I also can't ignore when

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Speaker 1: you said she is now acting funny. Now take into

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Speaker 1: account her age. She's nineteen. She's just seen her parents split.

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Speaker 1: You know, you two, you and her mother, you got split.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how nasty the divorce was. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how much she was exposed to. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if she saw the negative of it and didn't see

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Speaker 1: it in a positive light. You guys were together since

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Speaker 1: she was or you are all she knows, you know.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know if this divorce is playing a

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Speaker 1: big part in how she's acting. You know, maybe she

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Speaker 1: just wants you two together. Maybe people are putting things

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Speaker 1: in her head. She's been spending a lot of time

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Speaker 1: with her mom in that side, and and you know,

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Speaker 1: she may be even getting a little curious because she

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Speaker 1: may have heard someone say that, ain't your dad, that's

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Speaker 1: just your your mom's ex husband. You were already here

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Speaker 1: when she met your father. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: you were already here when she met you. Know your name.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to say your name. Well, actually don't

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Speaker 1: know it, but you know, I want to keep this

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Speaker 1: all anonymous. I think also another way to look at

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Speaker 1: her acting funny and you being a little up in

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Speaker 1: the air with telling her that you're not our real father,

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Speaker 1: her biological father, in her seeking whoever he is or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I think that you should look at it this way.

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Speaker 1: I watch a lot of paternity court and honey, and

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Speaker 1: that is not your life. I'm not trying to, you know,

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Speaker 1: and inflict anything on you or project what I have

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Speaker 1: seen on you, because I don't know your situation up

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Speaker 1: and down, back and forth, inside and out. I know

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Speaker 1: what you told me, But you have to leave room

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Speaker 1: for a child who never knew or never have been

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Speaker 1: close or had a close relationship with one of her

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Speaker 1: biological parents. You have to leave room for them to

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Speaker 1: want to do that, to grow up and actually want

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Speaker 1: to know who their real dad is, especially if someone

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Speaker 1: already put that bug in their ear that ain't your

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Speaker 1: real dad, so and so ain't your real dad. That's

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Speaker 1: going to open me up to you know, me speaking

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Speaker 1: as your daughter. That's going to open me up to, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: who is my real dad? And it's going to be

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Speaker 1: no love loss for my dad that has raised me,

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Speaker 1: the only dad that I've known. But I would like

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Speaker 1: to know where I come from. I would like to

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Speaker 1: know why I act this way sometimes and I don't

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Speaker 1: get it from my mother. I would like to know

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Speaker 1: why the other half of me is this way and

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Speaker 1: it's not like you, dad. Maybe she has questions that

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Speaker 1: she would like to ask this man, why haven't you

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Speaker 1: ever come for me? Why did you let another man

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Speaker 1: take on the role of my real father? Why did

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Speaker 1: you let another man raise me? But what happened? What

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Speaker 1: did I do? You know? Maybe she just has these questions.

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Speaker 1: She's nineteen, you know, so she is growing into a

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Speaker 1: young adult, and she is well entitled to know her

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Speaker 1: biological father. This may not be something that you want

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Speaker 1: to hear, and then, you know, it could be many

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Speaker 1: reasons why you don't even want her to go down

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Speaker 1: that road or why you don't you know, don't think

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Speaker 1: it's it's suitable for her to meet him or to

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Speaker 1: take him on as a dad or start a relationship

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Speaker 1: with him. You may know things about him. Let me

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Speaker 1: put her in danger, you know, You may know things

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Speaker 1: about him that that's not good for her, that you

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Speaker 1: don't want her to be exposed to. You may not

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Speaker 1: just want her to be let down again because this

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Speaker 1: man has done this shit to her before for a

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Speaker 1: fucking fourteen years. So I do understand why you're trying

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Speaker 1: to protect your baby girl. She is definitely entitled and

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Speaker 1: well within her right to know who her biological daddy is,

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Speaker 1: and that doesn't take anything from you. I think you

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Speaker 1: need to go and take your baby to lunch, and

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Speaker 1: you need to talk to her and try to get

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Speaker 1: inside of her head. You've been raising her for the

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Speaker 1: last fifteen years. You know her, you know her, you

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Speaker 1: know that's how you're able to see that she's acting funny.

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Speaker 1: Take her and sit her down and talk to her.

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Speaker 1: That's your daughter. She may not be yours biologically, but

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Speaker 1: you are her daddy. So I think that you should

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Speaker 1: talk to her without her mom. Without you know, she's

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Speaker 1: old enough to understand everything that you'll ask her, Ask

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Speaker 1: her what's going on, and get inside of her mind.

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Speaker 1: Let her know you'll always be there for her, but

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Speaker 1: let her know it is indeed her decision if she

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Speaker 1: wants to meet her real father. I think you should

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Speaker 1: be honest with her and tell her that, no, I

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Speaker 1: am not your biological father, but I raised you since

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Speaker 1: you were four. I cannot stop looking at you like

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Speaker 1: you're not mine. You are mine, but I'm willing to

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Speaker 1: share you with your biological dad if that's what you want,

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Speaker 1: Because at the end of the day, it's all about her.

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Speaker 1: Forget the wife or you know, forget her mom, forget

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Speaker 1: you know. This is about you and your baby and

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Speaker 1: whatever she wants, you have to support her in that.

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Speaker 1: So I want you to do that, and I want

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Speaker 1: you to answer those questions for me, write me back,

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Speaker 1: update me if you can, and if you want to.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, you're already doing something that you probably

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Speaker 1: don't usually do, and that's open up about your personal life.

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Speaker 1: You know so, and I totally commend you on raising

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Speaker 1: someone else's child as yours. Honestly, that's why a lot

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Speaker 1: of men don't get married to women with a lot

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Speaker 1: of kids, or even just one kid. My son's dad

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Speaker 1: don't even like dating women with children, as if he

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Speaker 1: ain't got eighty five of them. But sometimes that's just

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Speaker 1: the man's preference, and we have to respect that, just

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Speaker 1: like we have to respect a woman's preference, we have

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Speaker 1: to respect a man's preference as well. Talk to her,

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Speaker 1: talk to your baby. You seem like you want well,

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Speaker 1: you mean well, and you seem like you do well

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Speaker 1: by her. You do great by her. So I'm check

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Speaker 1: back in with me. Thank you. If you love me,

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Speaker 1: you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right

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Speaker 1: back moving on. Oh look, did she getting straight to

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Speaker 1: the point. Honey? She said, I need in baby daddy

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Speaker 1: got weird after I bossed up and got a tax company.

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Speaker 1: He's in the streets and was taking care of me.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm making my own bag and he even acting

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Speaker 1: funny with my son. Helped me with like thirty two

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Speaker 1: exclamation points. Okay, so girl, you gave me a little bit,

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Speaker 1: but I understand what you gave, but you could have

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Speaker 1: gave me a little bit more. Girl. I need to

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Speaker 1: figure girl, I'm gonna get your ass all right. So

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Speaker 1: you said your baby daddy got weird after you bossed

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Speaker 1: up and got your own company. You got a tax company. Okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: So for everybody who needs their taxes done. Damn, I

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Speaker 1: can't even put your business out there. I can't even

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Speaker 1: you know, help you grow your business, get you some clients,

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Speaker 1: because this is anonymous and I will not say your name. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: you have a tax company and your baby daddy is

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Speaker 1: in the streets on the other hand, so he is

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Speaker 1: doing his thing out there in the streets or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and he was taking care of you. But you bossed

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Speaker 1: up on him and you you went legit. You wanted

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Speaker 1: a legitimate business, and I guess he got tired of

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Speaker 1: you not needing him anymore, is what it sounds like,

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Speaker 1: because he wanted you to need him. Guys really like that.

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Speaker 1: They wanted to have a sense of power and not

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Speaker 1: saying want to control you. But maybe that's really what

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Speaker 1: it was about him. He wanted he wanted you to

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Speaker 1: need him for something. You have his child, so that's

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Speaker 1: an obligation right there. That's an attachment factor right there.

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Speaker 1: You guys have a baby and you said your son,

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Speaker 1: So your baby boy, he's not even doing anything for

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Speaker 1: him anymore because he's very spiteful and bitter at the

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Speaker 1: fact that you bossed up and now you don't need him.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're leaving some shut out. I feel

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Speaker 1: like something is it that that ain't that ain't unless

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Speaker 1: he ain't in his right mind, he should want his

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Speaker 1: baby mama to boss up legitimately. That could motivate him

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Speaker 1: to get off there, or even to clean his money,

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Speaker 1: as they say, because you know how a nigga always

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Speaker 1: want to clean his money baby through somebody that's legit. However,

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Speaker 1: you ain't say all of that. You ain't say a

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Speaker 1: lot of shit, and I think you're keeping it away.

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Speaker 1: You asked me to help you. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to help your ass. I mean, you ain't telling me nothing.

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Speaker 1: You ain't telling me nothing, and I know you ain't,

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Speaker 1: and I don't care. So I ain't gonna give you

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Speaker 1: no advice as of right now until you come back

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Speaker 1: and you let me know the real all right, you

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Speaker 1: let me know exactly what's going on. What did you

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Speaker 1: do to him? What did he do to you? What

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Speaker 1: do you think it is other than you bossing up?

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Speaker 1: Did you meet somebody? Did he find out that she

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Speaker 1: was sucking with somebody else? Did you go back to

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Speaker 1: an X? Did you something? Did you constantly put him

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Speaker 1: down when he was in the streets when you went

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Speaker 1: legit when you got your tax company, did you down

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Speaker 1: him because he was still in the streets? Did you

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Speaker 1: try to degrade him in any way because you said

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Speaker 1: he took care of you. He took care of you,

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Speaker 1: because if that happened, he could in return feel like,

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Speaker 1: oh bitch, I was saying, can you wasn't You weren't

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Speaker 1: shriving off the street money when it was taking of you?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. When you was living the

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Speaker 1: lavish lifestyle. I don't know how lavish it was, but

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Speaker 1: you said he took care of you. You didn't have

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Speaker 1: anything to say about it, or maybe you did as

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Speaker 1: something to say about it, but you ain't had that

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Speaker 1: much to say where you wanted me to stop because

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Speaker 1: you were being taken care of. Now you get your business,

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Speaker 1: and that was fuck me, tell me what happened, because

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Speaker 1: there's something you ain't saying, baby girl. And when you

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Speaker 1: do give me more clarity, I will help you fix

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Speaker 1: your mess up and down. Now we got a commercial,

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Speaker 1: and if you click off of this podcast, I swear

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen, moving on, I'm submitting

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Speaker 1: my story and I don't think anyone can fix this

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Speaker 1: mess at all. My kids. Dad is only top tier

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Speaker 1: when we are fucking period. He thinks he can just

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Speaker 1: get whatever he wants regarding our kids and disappear when

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Speaker 1: he wants, pay what he wants, get them when he wants,

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Speaker 1: throws court up in my face. He done been with

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Speaker 1: multiple stalker women, women that have threatened my kids, and

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Speaker 1: he continues to be a terror. I want nothing more

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Speaker 1: for us to be friends and raise our kids. He

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Speaker 1: needs to hear how dumb he's being. We used to

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Speaker 1: be able to co parent to a degree. Now it's

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Speaker 1: all bad. I really need a phone conversation to provide detail.

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Speaker 1: But we need Jesus and a public eye. Well, first

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Speaker 1: of all, you're gonna have to pick. You can't have

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Speaker 1: Jesus and a public eye all at the same time,

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Speaker 1: because it gotta be something private enough for you to

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Speaker 1: get this shit together behind closed doors and then bring

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Speaker 1: it to the forefront so y'all can be ready to

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Speaker 1: teach others who's going through this ship right now that

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Speaker 1: y'all going through. So you find Jesus first and then

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Speaker 1: a public eye in that order, is what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: But first we're gonna start with me trying to fix

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Speaker 1: your mess, all right, So in the beginning, that was

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Speaker 1: very interesting. I think I read a story like this

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Speaker 1: before you say no, you don't think nobody can fix

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Speaker 1: this at all. And listen, that tells me that it

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Speaker 1: is fresh and new because you wanted to just be

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Speaker 1: over with like a snap of a finger, and it

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Speaker 1: don't go like that. You and this man obviously have

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Speaker 1: been together for a long time. You guys not only

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Speaker 1: have one kid, you have kids. And what I mean

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Speaker 1: when I say fresh, I mean you guys are freshly done,

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Speaker 1: not just fresh meeting each other. I'm talking about y'all

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Speaker 1: can't seem to let each other go. And that's probably

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Speaker 1: where the women comes in. He's trying to use the

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Speaker 1: women as a distraction to get over you because you're

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Speaker 1: still fucking him. Like you said, he's only compliant when

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Speaker 1: we're fucking stop fucking him and stand on it and

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Speaker 1: stand by it. You know, feelings get all involved and shit,

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Speaker 1: and you probably a little bit more over him than

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Speaker 1: he is over you. So he gets upset every time

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Speaker 1: you go sleep with him, thinking that it's hope for

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Speaker 1: y'all to get back together. And when you shut it down,

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Speaker 1: he shut you down and the kids, which is not bad.

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Speaker 1: I'm not justifying it. Believe that pussy out of the equation. Girl,

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Speaker 1: you better wrap that snap and turt up. Get a

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Speaker 1: damn turtleneck for it. You don't need to be sleeping

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Speaker 1: with him. You know he hain't in his right mind. Shit,

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Speaker 1: he got bitches threatening your damn babies. All of that. Now,

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Speaker 1: I don't think that he would ever let me ask

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Speaker 1: you that. I don't even know, y'all, But do you

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Speaker 1: think he would let actually let a woman hurt you

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Speaker 1: guys children? You know your children. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: he would actually really do that? Or if this is

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Speaker 1: something just to get back at you? You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, because I feel like he is very bitter

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Speaker 1: because and then I can't even say he better because

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Speaker 1: you're the one leading them on. I think I think

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Speaker 1: you don't know how strong that shit is in between

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Speaker 1: your legs. I really feel like you don't know. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you use him for sexual convenience and he

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Speaker 1: wants more, and I feel like you're done there, or

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Speaker 1: you use him for is sex. You just want him

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Speaker 1: to be a great daddy to your kids and a

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Speaker 1: great daddy in the bed every now and then, which

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Speaker 1: you can't have that, and expect for him to act

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Speaker 1: saying I need for you to cut all of that

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Speaker 1: shit out that you got going on. That's where it starts,

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Speaker 1: but on a more serious, serious series. And I was

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Speaker 1: serious about everything I say. I trust and believe. But

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Speaker 1: on a more serious, serious note, he needs to check

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Speaker 1: the women that he is bringing around the kids. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be okay with no other woman being around my children.

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Speaker 1: If you're threatening my children, you know that means he

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Speaker 1: doesn't have his children's best interest. And have you brought

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Speaker 1: this up to him? Have you guys talked about it?

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Speaker 1: Like like what is it? And then how is he

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Speaker 1: throwing court up in your face? Court? Court? Court? Like?

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Speaker 1: What is he threatening to take the children? As he

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Speaker 1: threatening to get joint custody? Is he threatening to take

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Speaker 1: you down to How does he threaten you with court?

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Speaker 1: I want to know that. And you said multiple stalker women?

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Speaker 1: So now are they stalking you? Are they stalking you

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Speaker 1: and the kids? Are they stalking him? I need to know.

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Speaker 1: I need to God damn no, And are you dating somebody?

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Speaker 1: I need to know that as well, because that also

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Speaker 1: will play a part in his bitterness as well, because

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Speaker 1: he may feel like, damn, how the fucking you just

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Speaker 1: feel like you can fuck me when you want? Then

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Speaker 1: you dating this person, and they're not supposed to be

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Speaker 1: just in complying over here. Just got it like he's

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Speaker 1: too deep in his feelings to separate Daddy from Zaddy.

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Speaker 1: I like that he's too in his feelings to separate

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Speaker 1: Daddy from Zaddy. Okay, And it's like you ain't helping it,

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Speaker 1: miss ma'am. And you know this man more than any

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Speaker 1: of these other women know this man, So I think

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00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,679
Speaker 1: you know what you're doing. You just want to be

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Speaker 1: able to have your cake and eat it too, and

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Speaker 1: you're not ready to assess him when he has these

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Speaker 1: little temper tantrums and shit, because that's exactly what it is.

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Speaker 1: You said that he continues to be a terror and

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Speaker 1: you want nothing more than for you guys to be friends.

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Speaker 1: It sound like y'all need to come on co parenting

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Speaker 1: with me at Rome. That's what the hell is sound like.

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Speaker 1: It's sounding like that. So I need for when you

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Speaker 1: update me, miss ma'am, you need to let me know

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Speaker 1: where you are and how we can get you on

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Speaker 1: the show. You and him then if he's willing to

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Speaker 1: do so. Because you said you need a public eye, honey,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna put you in front of a public eye.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna give you the public eye. I

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Speaker 1: just need for you to stop sleeping with him, especially

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Speaker 1: if you really, really really want that bond with him

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Speaker 1: outside of intimacy, if you really really want to look

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Speaker 1: up and be like me and Rome, we're really really

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Speaker 1: good friends. We will never stop being good friends. It

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Speaker 1: is what it is. It's always going to be that way.

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Speaker 1: If you really want that, you have to stop intimately

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Speaker 1: messing with him like you. You can't sleep with him bad,

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Speaker 1: you can't. Now. If that's what you want, then go

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Speaker 1: get your man, go get your baby daddy and make

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Speaker 1: them your man again. But if that ain't what you want,

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00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: that can't be what you end up getting when you

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Speaker 1: just want some sexual pleasures. Okay, all right, so write

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Speaker 1: me back and let me know. We've come to the

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Speaker 1: end of the second to last episode of season two

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Speaker 1: of Carefully Reckless with your Girl Jess hilarious and look,

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Speaker 1: I'll be right back. I'll be right back. So we

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Speaker 1: got the last episode next week and then I'm going

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Speaker 1: straight into season three. You know why, because I love

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Speaker 1: y'all so much and I found my niche with this thing.

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Speaker 1: I think I think I'm gonna think we're gonna be good,

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Speaker 1: but I think we're gonna be good. We're gonna be

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Speaker 1: all right. And with that being said in my deepest

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Speaker 1: pam Boys piece, Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit

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Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.