Speaker 1: So this is a high class, unrelatable problem, but there'll
Speaker 1: be something connected to it that you relate to, I believe.
Speaker 1: So I'll go to restaurants where I know the owner,
Speaker 1: or they want me to say something good about the
Speaker 1: restaurant and review it well, or they know I'm a
Speaker 1: public person, et cetera, and the restaurant, once we've already
Speaker 1: ordered our food and we know what we're getting, then
Speaker 1: sends over a bunch of things to try. This is
Speaker 1: a problem. I'm going to explain why I can afford
Speaker 1: to buy anything on the menu that I want, And
Speaker 1: I choose what I want to eat, and Brennan and
Speaker 1: I are out to dinner and we together decide what
Speaker 1: we are going to get. Sometimes we're going to dinner
Speaker 1: because we want the experience and we're full because like
Speaker 1: we ate in the afternoon, but we're still out of
Speaker 1: town and we want to go, or we had plans
Speaker 1: to go, or whatever the reason is, so we go.
Speaker 1: And this happened three times over our ASTHMI vacation. Again, unrelatable,
Speaker 1: privileged content. But let me just I'm just this is
Speaker 1: the show where I rant and I could have Hillary
Speaker 1: Clinton and Matthew McConaughey on here and you guys don't
Speaker 1: really give a ship. But if I ran to bat
Speaker 1: tuna fish, it rates. So we go to restaurants while
Speaker 1: we were away on our ski vacation, and the owner
Speaker 1: will send things over. So the problem is one night
Speaker 1: we went to a restaurant and we knew what we
Speaker 1: wanted to get. We planned, we're going to get the salad,
Speaker 1: We're going to share it. We got the octopus, we
Speaker 1: got the steak. Okay, So then the restaurant, in an
Speaker 1: effort to impress us, start sending over everything on the menu.
Speaker 1: I'm busting out. I feel like guilty. The problem is,
Speaker 1: now you're moving food around your plate. Now you're wasting food,
Speaker 1: which gives me so much anxiety. So we had ordered
Speaker 1: a slice steak to share. By the time a slice
Speaker 1: steak came, we couldn't eat anymore. And so we had
Speaker 1: gotten things that we didn't want, but we felt compelled
Speaker 1: to eat them because they were sent over tar tar
Speaker 1: like carpaccio, like raw beef carpote. That's a very specific thing.
Speaker 1: My daughter doesn't want that. She's fourteen. She I mean,
Speaker 1: that doesn't matter her age. She'ts weird things in caviar
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, but she didn't want the carpaccio. I
Speaker 1: didn't want the carpaccio either, because, frankly, I was eating
Speaker 1: steak for dinner. I wasn't on like a fucking carnivore
Speaker 1: caveman meet the Crudes diet.
Speaker 2: Like, we knew what we were doing.
Speaker 1: So now we got the carpaccio and it's raw, and
Speaker 1: Brinn's like, oh, she tried it, but we're whatever. We
Speaker 1: know what we're doing, so we I had to take
Speaker 1: a little bite and move it over, and then something
Speaker 1: else came and what was the other then giant ravioli.
Speaker 1: I don't want, Like, honestly, I'm not a food combiner,
Speaker 1: but I don't need to be eating every single food
Speaker 1: group in the same meal. And then the dessert, like
Speaker 1: you have to try the dessert. And then we get
Speaker 1: the dessert and we don't like the dessert. It's not
Speaker 1: the dessert we would have ordered.
Speaker 2: We taket. So now you give me a problem.
Speaker 1: Years ago, a boyfriend gave me a spa trip to
Speaker 1: Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires, but you had to use
Speaker 1: it during the next couple of months, and it had
Speaker 1: to be used like between a Monday and a Thursday. Like,
Speaker 1: now you've give me a problem. Years ago, jay Z
Speaker 1: sean Carter because it said the Carters gave me a truffle.
Speaker 1: It was in a white like the small version of
Speaker 1: a Chinese soup container, like the small clear one. Just
Speaker 1: a truffle and it was on top of some white
Speaker 1: raw rice like I guess it keeps it moist or
Speaker 1: hydrated or whatever. So and I was before Thanksgiving. It
Speaker 1: was for Thanksgiving, like happy Holidays from the Carters. And
Speaker 1: it was a truffle and it was so freeing and
Speaker 1: it was amazing. But we were going out of town.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I don't have a chet. What am
Speaker 1: I doing with this truffle? Like I'm going out of town?
Speaker 1: So it's like, am I going to carry this truffle
Speaker 1: on the plane to wherever I am bring it to?
Speaker 1: It's a fucking problem. I got ninety nine problems, and
Speaker 1: a truffle ain't one, but it is.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: I got nice eighty nine problems into truffle is one.
Speaker 1: So then we went to another restaurant. We ordered a steak.
Speaker 2: It was another night.
Speaker 1: It was a couple of nights after we don't only
Speaker 1: eat steak. But for whatever reason, this was this is
Speaker 1: another restaurant, and we love the steaks. We got the steak,
Speaker 1: and we got this salad and a similar situation, and
Speaker 1: then we got this big pasta and it's like, what
Speaker 1: are we all doing?
Speaker 2: What are we doing?
Speaker 1: Now? This pasta is going to sit there. We took
Speaker 1: two bites. We weren't in the mood for pasta because
Speaker 1: we can afford to buy basta. It's one of the
Speaker 1: things I've worked hard for at this restaurant. If we
Speaker 1: want any of these items, if we wanted them, they
Speaker 1: were there on the menu, we could eat them like
Speaker 1: we could have them. We could have it. I could
Speaker 1: swing the seventeen dollars for the pasta. We didn't want it,
Speaker 1: so now it came one bite. It wasn't even we
Speaker 1: didn't want it. So I was like what And we
Speaker 1: were paying for the bill, So let's just do this.
Speaker 1: We're paying for the bill. Give us you want to
Speaker 1: give us, somebody give us a discount. Sometimes it happens
Speaker 1: too that another table they want to send you a drink,
Speaker 1: but I see that you're not drinking, right, What are
Speaker 1: we doing? A drink is three dollars, like maybe it's
Speaker 1: seven dollars. I don't know how much a drink is.
Speaker 1: We could get our own drink, like now it's an obligation.
Speaker 1: This table four tables away. They look over. Did they
Speaker 1: not accept the drink? We didn't accept the drink because
Speaker 1: want and a Why didn't accept the drink? Because I
Speaker 1: could get my own drink And I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: be me And it's just like you offered us a drink,
Speaker 1: offer me like you know, a wallet, something like different,
Speaker 1: like a makeup bag.
Speaker 2: I don't even need that.
Speaker 1: I get those a lot too, but like offer something
Speaker 1: that we like don't. When I buy someone a gift,
Speaker 1: it's usually something that they don't already have or they
Speaker 1: wouldn't buy themselves. So if you're sending me a gift
Speaker 1: in the restaurant, it should be like here we sent
Speaker 1: over and this is a smart thing.
Speaker 2: This is what restaurants do.
Speaker 1: You want to kiss somebody's ass, give them a fifty
Speaker 1: dollars gift card costs you nothing. They're gonna use it there,
Speaker 1: so here and it makes you come back. So you
Speaker 1: know what we see you've ordered, but the owners wanted
Speaker 1: to give you a fifty dollars gift card towards next
Speaker 1: time you're here.
Speaker 2: You'll fucking be You'll you'll have to go.
Speaker 1: That's giving them a problem too, because you'll have to
Speaker 1: go and change your whole vacation plans next year you
Speaker 1: have to go back to this restaurant. But it's something
Speaker 1: that feels like it's of value, right, or like we
Speaker 1: have taken twenty five percent off of your bill. The
Speaker 1: owners wanted to just thank you for coming. But I
Speaker 1: don't need more food at a food restaurant where food
Speaker 1: is available, Like if I'm in a cave stranded, yes,
Speaker 1: send me over the pasta, I'd love it, or the
Speaker 1: steak or the carpaccio or the tartar or the weirdest
Speaker 1: thing on your menu. But if I'm in the very
Speaker 1: restaurant that gave me the scroll in the book that
Speaker 1: I get to read and order what I want, trust
Speaker 1: and believe. If there's something else I want on here,
Speaker 1: I'll get it. If there's a drink I want to get,
Speaker 1: I'll get it. Now you're giving me an extra drink.
Speaker 1: I have to order to be polite, go over, say
Speaker 1: hello to you.
Speaker 2: Now I'm doing it.
Speaker 1: Appearance I don't want it. I don't want it. I
Speaker 1: want it's like anything else.
Speaker 2: I want the.
Speaker 1: Food for free, or I'll choose what I want. I
Speaker 1: don't want these bizarre in betweens. That's why I don't borrow.
Speaker 1: I don't borrow from designers, because you know what. They
Speaker 1: send you something, you get to wear it, you send
Speaker 1: it back. I feel like a loser. Oh thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm so grubby and desperate that you're sending something to
Speaker 1: my house. I'm gonna look through it and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wear it. I'm giving it back.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: You send something into this house, you never see it again. Okay,
Speaker 1: you send it through the mail. I could give it away,
Speaker 1: I could paint in it. It's not coming back, So
Speaker 1: don't send me.
Speaker 2: I don't want it.
Speaker 1: I don't want to borrow anything. I don't want to
Speaker 1: borrow your man and I don't want to borrow your dress.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to borrow your necklace. I'm buying
Speaker 1: or I'm taking period. Give it, send it over here.
Speaker 1: It is free game. Also, they send you something over
Speaker 1: then you gotta get it altered. You altered it to yourself.
Speaker 1: You're giving it back, double degrading. I am not a borrower.
Speaker 1: Ask anyone, Ask anyone. I remember Christian Siriano, they gave
Speaker 1: me a yellow dress. He said, keep it. One time?
Speaker 1: One time did I borrow? I mean from my oscar
Speaker 1: to the rent it because it was last minute for
Speaker 1: an event that I didn't know I was going to.
Speaker 1: But it's it's like that is like that's as rare
Speaker 1: as an apocalypse, like that that doesn't happen.
Speaker 2: So yeah, you say.
Speaker 1: And also a Cadillac sends something into the driveway for
Speaker 1: me to look at it, and I didn't even like that.
Speaker 1: You send and Bronco, Bronco, I have multiple Broncos. Bronco
Speaker 1: wanted to send a car for here for a month.
Speaker 1: What what do I get to, like, have sex with
Speaker 1: your husband from and then give him back. I don't
Speaker 1: want either of those things. I don't want to Bronco.
Speaker 1: You send a Bronco on my driveway, I'm keeping it.
Speaker 1: That's it. Don't send it. I don't even want all
Speaker 1: this shit too. Let's talk about all the shit in
Speaker 1: my house. It has become a situation where I don't
Speaker 1: want to go out of town.
Speaker 2: I come home. Is all the shit? How do they
Speaker 2: have my address?
Speaker 1: Because the same pr companies are sending it, and I've
Speaker 1: sent to them all. I don't want it. I don't
Speaker 1: want it. If I want it, I'll tell you I
Speaker 1: want I don't want it. I don't want any of
Speaker 1: the shit. So I went out one night with someone
Speaker 1: and we accidentally ordered the same appetizer. I'm never gonna
Speaker 1: get over that. I don't care if we just met,
Speaker 1: if we're sleeping together, if we're best friends, if you're
Speaker 1: my child, I'm sitting at dinner with you, We're not
Speaker 1: ordering the same thing.
Speaker 2: That's bizarre.
Speaker 1: And whenever I see couples that get the same entre,
Speaker 1: like Valentine's Day and they both got the same entre
Speaker 1: unless there are three things on the menu, it's like
Speaker 1: a preface. I look at them like, wow, you must
Speaker 1: really hate each other, Like how are you not sharing
Speaker 1: the thing? And then trying something else? I don't understand it.
Speaker 1: It was an accident. Maybe the guy wasn't paying attention
Speaker 1: to what I ordered, but he ordered the same thing
Speaker 1: as I did.
Speaker 2: What are you fucking talking about?
Speaker 1: Like we could share it, you could have half of mine,
Speaker 1: like or take a bite, Like you're gonna order the
Speaker 1: same thing that means we're getting like no sample size
Speaker 1: of this restaurant. Like there's all this choice and we're both.
Speaker 2: Getting the same thing. Like I'm okay, I'll sacrifice what
Speaker 2: I got.
Speaker 1: I'll get some something less desirable to me to not
Speaker 1: have what you're having. I'll have what she's having that
Speaker 1: died with Harry met Sally. No, you won't have what
Speaker 1: I'm having. I fucking said at first, you're not getting it.
Speaker 1: Get something else, figure it out.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not. You're a sociopath? Are you crazy? What?
Speaker 1: I'll never go out with you again. You got the
Speaker 1: same thing as I did. We didn't even have a
Speaker 1: meeting about it. This is weird. This will never work.
Speaker 1: It's either like this will never work or I want
Speaker 1: a divorce. Like if someone after years of being with me,
Speaker 1: ordered the same thing as I did, I'd be like, wow,
Speaker 1: we are not in a good place. And someone who
Speaker 1: I just met up being like, hey, I like the
Speaker 1: whatever what were you thinking? What were you thinking? What
Speaker 1: are you thinking? Brennan and I we have a meeting
Speaker 1: the way, what are you thinking?
Speaker 2: What do you like? Okay? You make some deals? I
Speaker 2: like this, you like that?
Speaker 1: What even if I'm with ten people, I told you
Speaker 1: guys on the Housewives, I was the one who always
Speaker 1: ordered for everyone. What does everybody definitely want? Let's throw
Speaker 1: that into the mix. So I want the frying calin Mari,
Speaker 1: I want this, okay. So those are definitely happening, you guys.
Speaker 1: Those are your ride or dies and the rest are like, no,
Speaker 1: we don't. It's fine, it's a flow. I'm like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: it's a flow. Same thing with Britain, Like what do
Speaker 1: we She's like, well, I really want them iron that
Speaker 1: and it's a negotiation, Like but okay. But then she's like, well,
Speaker 1: how did I get this and you get that?
Speaker 2: And we split that? Mmm okay, Like that's what I undered.
Speaker 2: That's a bit.
Speaker 1: Let's like running a restaurant culinary business like of ordering.
Speaker 1: So we can try more, we can blanket more of
Speaker 1: the surface. Like here's how we'll go.
Speaker 2: We sit down.
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, I like the Barada. I'm not feeling Barada.
Speaker 1: The chops says. She's like, okay, all right, the CHOP's out.
Speaker 1: I could do that, like it's a negotiation. Okay, But
Speaker 1: now I got to get her back on the main.
Speaker 1: So she's like, I'm not in the mood for scallops tonight.
Speaker 1: She made that very clear a couple of times, like
Speaker 1: I wanted the scalps badly, I'm not in the mood.
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, then what do you want to do? What
Speaker 2: do you want to do? What do you want to do? Fine?
Speaker 2: You told me what you didn't want. Put something into
Speaker 2: the table, put your chips up. What do you want?
Speaker 1: So she's like, all right, but I would split the
Speaker 1: steak of the roast chicken. But the roast chicken we
Speaker 1: could eat it all. Like, I feel like we're not
Speaker 1: getting resticken. I don't eat lamb at home, pork whatever.
Speaker 1: The slice steak, I make it home, but not as much.
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, fine, fine, okay, no problem. She's like,
Speaker 1: I really don't want the chili robbed. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: no problem, we can get the regular steaks. Negotiation. What
Speaker 1: about the sides? The sides spinach of the broccolini. I
Speaker 1: could rather the broccoli, no problem. You know why because
Speaker 1: I chose the salad and.
Speaker 2: She didn't want this. Guy like, it's a negotiation. Same
Speaker 2: thing with the dessert.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So fucking sociopaths order like duplicate meals.
Speaker 2: I'd rather be home alone,