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Speaker 1: So this is a high class, unrelatable problem, but there'll

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Speaker 1: be something connected to it that you relate to, I believe.

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Speaker 1: So I'll go to restaurants where I know the owner,

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Speaker 1: or they want me to say something good about the

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Speaker 1: restaurant and review it well, or they know I'm a

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Speaker 1: public person, et cetera, and the restaurant, once we've already

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Speaker 1: ordered our food and we know what we're getting, then

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Speaker 1: sends over a bunch of things to try. This is

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Speaker 1: a problem. I'm going to explain why I can afford

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Speaker 1: to buy anything on the menu that I want, And

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Speaker 1: I choose what I want to eat, and Brennan and

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Speaker 1: I are out to dinner and we together decide what

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Speaker 1: we are going to get. Sometimes we're going to dinner

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Speaker 1: because we want the experience and we're full because like

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Speaker 1: we ate in the afternoon, but we're still out of

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Speaker 1: town and we want to go, or we had plans

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Speaker 1: to go, or whatever the reason is, so we go.

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Speaker 1: And this happened three times over our ASTHMI vacation. Again, unrelatable,

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Speaker 1: privileged content. But let me just I'm just this is

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Speaker 1: the show where I rant and I could have Hillary

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Speaker 1: Clinton and Matthew McConaughey on here and you guys don't

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Speaker 1: really give a ship. But if I ran to bat

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Speaker 1: tuna fish, it rates. So we go to restaurants while

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Speaker 1: we were away on our ski vacation, and the owner

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Speaker 1: will send things over. So the problem is one night

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Speaker 1: we went to a restaurant and we knew what we

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Speaker 1: wanted to get. We planned, we're going to get the salad,

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Speaker 1: We're going to share it. We got the octopus, we

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Speaker 1: got the steak. Okay, So then the restaurant, in an

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Speaker 1: effort to impress us, start sending over everything on the menu.

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Speaker 1: I'm busting out. I feel like guilty. The problem is,

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Speaker 1: now you're moving food around your plate. Now you're wasting food,

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Speaker 1: which gives me so much anxiety. So we had ordered

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Speaker 1: a slice steak to share. By the time a slice

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Speaker 1: steak came, we couldn't eat anymore. And so we had

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Speaker 1: gotten things that we didn't want, but we felt compelled

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Speaker 1: to eat them because they were sent over tar tar

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Speaker 1: like carpaccio, like raw beef carpote. That's a very specific thing.

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Speaker 1: My daughter doesn't want that. She's fourteen. She I mean,

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Speaker 1: that doesn't matter her age. She'ts weird things in caviar

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah, but she didn't want the carpaccio. I

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Speaker 1: didn't want the carpaccio either, because, frankly, I was eating

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Speaker 1: steak for dinner. I wasn't on like a fucking carnivore

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Speaker 1: caveman meet the Crudes diet.

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Speaker 2: Like, we knew what we were doing.

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Speaker 1: So now we got the carpaccio and it's raw, and

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Speaker 1: Brinn's like, oh, she tried it, but we're whatever. We

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Speaker 1: know what we're doing, so we I had to take

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Speaker 1: a little bite and move it over, and then something

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Speaker 1: else came and what was the other then giant ravioli.

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Speaker 1: I don't want, Like, honestly, I'm not a food combiner,

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Speaker 1: but I don't need to be eating every single food

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Speaker 1: group in the same meal. And then the dessert, like

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Speaker 1: you have to try the dessert. And then we get

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Speaker 1: the dessert and we don't like the dessert. It's not

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Speaker 1: the dessert we would have ordered.

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Speaker 2: We taket. So now you give me a problem.

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Speaker 1: Years ago, a boyfriend gave me a spa trip to

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Speaker 1: Canyon Ranch in the Berkshires, but you had to use

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Speaker 1: it during the next couple of months, and it had

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Speaker 1: to be used like between a Monday and a Thursday. Like,

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Speaker 1: now you've give me a problem. Years ago, jay Z

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Speaker 1: sean Carter because it said the Carters gave me a truffle.

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Speaker 1: It was in a white like the small version of

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Speaker 1: a Chinese soup container, like the small clear one. Just

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Speaker 1: a truffle and it was on top of some white

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Speaker 1: raw rice like I guess it keeps it moist or

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Speaker 1: hydrated or whatever. So and I was before Thanksgiving. It

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Speaker 1: was for Thanksgiving, like happy Holidays from the Carters. And

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Speaker 1: it was a truffle and it was so freeing and

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Speaker 1: it was amazing. But we were going out of town.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I don't have a chet. What am

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Speaker 1: I doing with this truffle? Like I'm going out of town?

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Speaker 1: So it's like, am I going to carry this truffle

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Speaker 1: on the plane to wherever I am bring it to?

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Speaker 1: It's a fucking problem. I got ninety nine problems, and

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Speaker 1: a truffle ain't one, but it is.

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Speaker 2: It is.

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Speaker 1: I got nice eighty nine problems into truffle is one.

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Speaker 1: So then we went to another restaurant. We ordered a steak.

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Speaker 2: It was another night.

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Speaker 1: It was a couple of nights after we don't only

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Speaker 1: eat steak. But for whatever reason, this was this is

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Speaker 1: another restaurant, and we love the steaks. We got the steak,

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Speaker 1: and we got this salad and a similar situation, and

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Speaker 1: then we got this big pasta and it's like, what

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Speaker 1: are we all doing?

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Speaker 2: What are we doing?

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Speaker 1: Now? This pasta is going to sit there. We took

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Speaker 1: two bites. We weren't in the mood for pasta because

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Speaker 1: we can afford to buy basta. It's one of the

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Speaker 1: things I've worked hard for at this restaurant. If we

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Speaker 1: want any of these items, if we wanted them, they

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Speaker 1: were there on the menu, we could eat them like

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Speaker 1: we could have them. We could have it. I could

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Speaker 1: swing the seventeen dollars for the pasta. We didn't want it,

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Speaker 1: so now it came one bite. It wasn't even we

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Speaker 1: didn't want it. So I was like what And we

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Speaker 1: were paying for the bill, So let's just do this.

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Speaker 1: We're paying for the bill. Give us you want to

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Speaker 1: give us, somebody give us a discount. Sometimes it happens

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Speaker 1: too that another table they want to send you a drink,

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Speaker 1: but I see that you're not drinking, right, What are

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Speaker 1: we doing? A drink is three dollars, like maybe it's

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Speaker 1: seven dollars. I don't know how much a drink is.

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Speaker 1: We could get our own drink, like now it's an obligation.

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Speaker 1: This table four tables away. They look over. Did they

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Speaker 1: not accept the drink? We didn't accept the drink because

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Speaker 1: want and a Why didn't accept the drink? Because I

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Speaker 1: could get my own drink And I'm not trying to

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Speaker 1: be me And it's just like you offered us a drink,

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Speaker 1: offer me like you know, a wallet, something like different,

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Speaker 1: like a makeup bag.

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Speaker 2: I don't even need that.

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Speaker 1: I get those a lot too, but like offer something

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Speaker 1: that we like don't. When I buy someone a gift,

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Speaker 1: it's usually something that they don't already have or they

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Speaker 1: wouldn't buy themselves. So if you're sending me a gift

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Speaker 1: in the restaurant, it should be like here we sent

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Speaker 1: over and this is a smart thing.

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Speaker 2: This is what restaurants do.

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Speaker 1: You want to kiss somebody's ass, give them a fifty

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Speaker 1: dollars gift card costs you nothing. They're gonna use it there,

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Speaker 1: so here and it makes you come back. So you

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Speaker 1: know what we see you've ordered, but the owners wanted

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Speaker 1: to give you a fifty dollars gift card towards next

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Speaker 1: time you're here.

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Speaker 2: You'll fucking be You'll you'll have to go.

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Speaker 1: That's giving them a problem too, because you'll have to

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Speaker 1: go and change your whole vacation plans next year you

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Speaker 1: have to go back to this restaurant. But it's something

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Speaker 1: that feels like it's of value, right, or like we

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Speaker 1: have taken twenty five percent off of your bill. The

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Speaker 1: owners wanted to just thank you for coming. But I

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Speaker 1: don't need more food at a food restaurant where food

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Speaker 1: is available, Like if I'm in a cave stranded, yes,

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Speaker 1: send me over the pasta, I'd love it, or the

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Speaker 1: steak or the carpaccio or the tartar or the weirdest

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Speaker 1: thing on your menu. But if I'm in the very

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Speaker 1: restaurant that gave me the scroll in the book that

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Speaker 1: I get to read and order what I want, trust

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Speaker 1: and believe. If there's something else I want on here,

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Speaker 1: I'll get it. If there's a drink I want to get,

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Speaker 1: I'll get it. Now you're giving me an extra drink.

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Speaker 1: I have to order to be polite, go over, say

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Speaker 1: hello to you.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm doing it.

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Speaker 1: Appearance I don't want it. I don't want it. I

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Speaker 1: want it's like anything else.

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Speaker 2: I want the.

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Speaker 1: Food for free, or I'll choose what I want. I

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Speaker 1: don't want these bizarre in betweens. That's why I don't borrow.

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Speaker 1: I don't borrow from designers, because you know what. They

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Speaker 1: send you something, you get to wear it, you send

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Speaker 1: it back. I feel like a loser. Oh thank you.

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Speaker 1: I'm so grubby and desperate that you're sending something to

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Speaker 1: my house. I'm gonna look through it and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: wear it. I'm giving it back.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely not.

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Speaker 1: You send something into this house, you never see it again. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you send it through the mail. I could give it away,

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Speaker 1: I could paint in it. It's not coming back, So

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Speaker 1: don't send me.

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Speaker 2: I don't want it.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to borrow anything. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: borrow your man and I don't want to borrow your dress.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want to borrow your necklace. I'm buying

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Speaker 1: or I'm taking period. Give it, send it over here.

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Speaker 1: It is free game. Also, they send you something over

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Speaker 1: then you gotta get it altered. You altered it to yourself.

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Speaker 1: You're giving it back, double degrading. I am not a borrower.

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Speaker 1: Ask anyone, Ask anyone. I remember Christian Siriano, they gave

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Speaker 1: me a yellow dress. He said, keep it. One time?

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Speaker 1: One time did I borrow? I mean from my oscar

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Speaker 1: to the rent it because it was last minute for

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Speaker 1: an event that I didn't know I was going to.

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Speaker 1: But it's it's like that is like that's as rare

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Speaker 1: as an apocalypse, like that that doesn't happen.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, you say.

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Speaker 1: And also a Cadillac sends something into the driveway for

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Speaker 1: me to look at it, and I didn't even like that.

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Speaker 1: You send and Bronco, Bronco, I have multiple Broncos. Bronco

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Speaker 1: wanted to send a car for here for a month.

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Speaker 1: What what do I get to, like, have sex with

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Speaker 1: your husband from and then give him back. I don't

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Speaker 1: want either of those things. I don't want to Bronco.

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Speaker 1: You send a Bronco on my driveway, I'm keeping it.

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Speaker 1: That's it. Don't send it. I don't even want all

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Speaker 1: this shit too. Let's talk about all the shit in

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Speaker 1: my house. It has become a situation where I don't

191
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Speaker 1: want to go out of town.

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Speaker 2: I come home. Is all the shit? How do they

193
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Speaker 2: have my address?

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Speaker 1: Because the same pr companies are sending it, and I've

195
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Speaker 1: sent to them all. I don't want it. I don't

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Speaker 1: want it. If I want it, I'll tell you I

197
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Speaker 1: want I don't want it. I don't want any of

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Speaker 1: the shit. So I went out one night with someone

199
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Speaker 1: and we accidentally ordered the same appetizer. I'm never gonna

200
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Speaker 1: get over that. I don't care if we just met,

201
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Speaker 1: if we're sleeping together, if we're best friends, if you're

202
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Speaker 1: my child, I'm sitting at dinner with you, We're not

203
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Speaker 1: ordering the same thing.

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Speaker 2: That's bizarre.

205
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Speaker 1: And whenever I see couples that get the same entre,

206
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Speaker 1: like Valentine's Day and they both got the same entre

207
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Speaker 1: unless there are three things on the menu, it's like

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Speaker 1: a preface. I look at them like, wow, you must

209
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Speaker 1: really hate each other, Like how are you not sharing

210
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Speaker 1: the thing? And then trying something else? I don't understand it.

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Speaker 1: It was an accident. Maybe the guy wasn't paying attention

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Speaker 1: to what I ordered, but he ordered the same thing

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Speaker 1: as I did.

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Speaker 2: What are you fucking talking about?

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Speaker 1: Like we could share it, you could have half of mine,

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Speaker 1: like or take a bite, Like you're gonna order the

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Speaker 1: same thing that means we're getting like no sample size

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Speaker 1: of this restaurant. Like there's all this choice and we're both.

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Speaker 2: Getting the same thing. Like I'm okay, I'll sacrifice what

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Speaker 2: I got.

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Speaker 1: I'll get some something less desirable to me to not

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Speaker 1: have what you're having. I'll have what she's having that

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Speaker 1: died with Harry met Sally. No, you won't have what

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Speaker 1: I'm having. I fucking said at first, you're not getting it.

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Speaker 1: Get something else, figure it out.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely not. You're a sociopath? Are you crazy? What?

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Speaker 1: I'll never go out with you again. You got the

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Speaker 1: same thing as I did. We didn't even have a

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Speaker 1: meeting about it. This is weird. This will never work.

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Speaker 1: It's either like this will never work or I want

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Speaker 1: a divorce. Like if someone after years of being with me,

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Speaker 1: ordered the same thing as I did, I'd be like, wow,

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Speaker 1: we are not in a good place. And someone who

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Speaker 1: I just met up being like, hey, I like the

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Speaker 1: whatever what were you thinking? What were you thinking? What

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Speaker 1: are you thinking? Brennan and I we have a meeting

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Speaker 1: the way, what are you thinking?

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Speaker 2: What do you like? Okay? You make some deals? I

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Speaker 2: like this, you like that?

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Speaker 1: What even if I'm with ten people, I told you

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Speaker 1: guys on the Housewives, I was the one who always

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Speaker 1: ordered for everyone. What does everybody definitely want? Let's throw

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Speaker 1: that into the mix. So I want the frying calin Mari,

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Speaker 1: I want this, okay. So those are definitely happening, you guys.

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Speaker 1: Those are your ride or dies and the rest are like, no,

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Speaker 1: we don't. It's fine, it's a flow. I'm like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: it's a flow. Same thing with Britain, Like what do

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Speaker 1: we She's like, well, I really want them iron that

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Speaker 1: and it's a negotiation, Like but okay. But then she's like, well,

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Speaker 1: how did I get this and you get that?

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Speaker 2: And we split that? Mmm okay, Like that's what I undered.

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Speaker 2: That's a bit.

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Speaker 1: Let's like running a restaurant culinary business like of ordering.

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Speaker 1: So we can try more, we can blanket more of

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Speaker 1: the surface. Like here's how we'll go.

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Speaker 2: We sit down.

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Speaker 1: She's like, oh, I like the Barada. I'm not feeling Barada.

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Speaker 1: The chops says. She's like, okay, all right, the CHOP's out.

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Speaker 1: I could do that, like it's a negotiation. Okay, But

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Speaker 1: now I got to get her back on the main.

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Speaker 1: So she's like, I'm not in the mood for scallops tonight.

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Speaker 1: She made that very clear a couple of times, like

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Speaker 1: I wanted the scalps badly, I'm not in the mood.

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Speaker 2: Okay, fine, then what do you want to do? What

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Speaker 2: do you want to do? What do you want to do? Fine?

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Speaker 2: You told me what you didn't want. Put something into

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Speaker 2: the table, put your chips up. What do you want?

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Speaker 1: So she's like, all right, but I would split the

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Speaker 1: steak of the roast chicken. But the roast chicken we

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Speaker 1: could eat it all. Like, I feel like we're not

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Speaker 1: getting resticken. I don't eat lamb at home, pork whatever.

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Speaker 1: The slice steak, I make it home, but not as much.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, fine, fine, okay, no problem. She's like,

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Speaker 1: I really don't want the chili robbed. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: no problem, we can get the regular steaks. Negotiation. What

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Speaker 1: about the sides? The sides spinach of the broccolini. I

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Speaker 1: could rather the broccoli, no problem. You know why because

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Speaker 1: I chose the salad and.

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Speaker 2: She didn't want this. Guy like, it's a negotiation. Same

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Speaker 2: thing with the dessert.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So fucking sociopaths order like duplicate meals.

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Speaker 2: I'd rather be home alone,