Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is How Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Hello everyone, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's Ross Matthews. I don't know you know who I am,
Speaker 1: but maybe you saw me on RuPaul's Drag Race as
Speaker 1: a judge, or on Chelsea Lately or The Red Carpets
Speaker 1: like you know Tonight Show with Jay lenn and now
Speaker 1: I'm on the Drew Barrymore Show every single day. I'm
Speaker 1: also an author, man up a name dropper two of
Speaker 1: my books, and enough about me. I am so happy
Speaker 1: to be guest hosting How Men Think. That's right. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna answer all your questions and try to help you
Speaker 1: understand how men think. I would like to understand how
Speaker 1: men think. I have a little insight. Um, But first,
Speaker 1: this is eleven questions with me, Ross Matthews. All right,
Speaker 1: let's get into it. I don't know these questions, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to answer them and nothing's off like off limits,
Speaker 1: So we're just gonna go there. Up. First, what am
Speaker 1: I known for? Well, I mean I just told you
Speaker 1: who are you in number two? Who are you in
Speaker 1: your purse? Still life? Oh? I'm much uh more normal
Speaker 1: in my personal life, you know. On television, I wear
Speaker 1: like you know and Drew Grace sequence and on Drew Barry.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I wear suits, but in real life, I'm
Speaker 1: like elastic head to toe. I live in Palm Springs
Speaker 1: for you know, part of the year and then New
Speaker 1: York the rest of the year. And um, I really
Speaker 1: just enjoy being home with my fiance and watching fiance
Speaker 1: like a normal person. Uh. Question number three, the three
Speaker 1: shows that you are binge watching, Well, hello, y fiance
Speaker 1: the other way and before the ninety Days, and then
Speaker 1: I also watched A Single Life where um, after the
Speaker 1: couple's inevitably break up after ninety day, they go on
Speaker 1: that show. I know I need to get a life,
Speaker 1: don't judge me. Question number four, what is your favorite food? Oh,
Speaker 1: hands down pizza. I don't really eat it because my body.
Speaker 1: I'm getting it together. You know, I lost sixty pounds
Speaker 1: and um keeping it off. But I had to break
Speaker 1: up with Pizza. It was hard for me. And uh,
Speaker 1: whenever I see him, it's still still hurts. Uh. Number five,
Speaker 1: tell us about your career. Well, you know, I always
Speaker 1: wanted to be on television ever since I was a
Speaker 1: little kid growing up in a farm town and now
Speaker 1: I just celebrated twenty years on TV starting at the
Speaker 1: Tonight Show with Jay Leno was a correspondent and you know,
Speaker 1: still going, still going. Question number six, what is my
Speaker 1: biggest fear in life? You know, I really think it's
Speaker 1: not living up to my potential. I know that it
Speaker 1: should be like heights or something like that. But I
Speaker 1: used to be afraid of heights until I went skydiving.
Speaker 1: That'll cure that. Question number seven, what is my biggest pet? Peeves? Oh?
Speaker 1: How are people who are like just mean for no reason?
Speaker 1: Like sometimes you know, like you have to stand up
Speaker 1: for yourself or you have to point out that something's
Speaker 1: wrong or fight injustice and you have to, you know,
Speaker 1: really go there. But some people are just malicious just
Speaker 1: for the sake of it. Yeah, I don't like those people.
Speaker 1: Question number eight, What makes me the most happy? You know,
Speaker 1: A lot makes me happy. Um My, my fiance and
Speaker 1: and are the life we built makes me really happy
Speaker 1: and proud. My dogs make me happy. I have three
Speaker 1: little rescued chihuahuas who are like so unbelievably cute. And
Speaker 1: then you know, I think we all have a purpose here.
Speaker 1: My purpose is to like communicate and make people smile.
Speaker 1: I think so when I'm on stage and I'm creating
Speaker 1: a moment with an audience, um or even unlike my
Speaker 1: podcast straight Talk or here with you all, creating and
Speaker 1: connecting is why I'm here and that makes me happy.
Speaker 1: Question number nine, what is my ideal Saturday morning? Oh? Please? Okay?
Speaker 1: I am up early because I went to bed early.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I am. I live my
Speaker 1: life like an active senior citizen. So I am up early.
Speaker 1: I get so much done by ten am. Uh. And
Speaker 1: then at ten am, home Goods open. So girl, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm a home Goods because I need some sort of
Speaker 1: chokey for that shelf right there. It's been driving me crazy.
Speaker 1: So um. And then I got a brunch, which is
Speaker 1: just a way of life. Hello homosexual and um and
Speaker 1: uh you know, nap, try an do a little now.
Speaker 1: If I'm in Palm Springs, I hit the penny slots
Speaker 1: or I go uh an taking. And I'm here in
Speaker 1: New York, you know, we just try to stay warm
Speaker 1: because it's freezing. Number ten? What uh? What am I
Speaker 1: more of an athlete or an armshare quarterback? I mean, okay,
Speaker 1: I think these are metaphors. So because I'm not an athlete.
Speaker 1: But in life, am I a doer? Or am I
Speaker 1: sit back and critique er? Oh? I'm a doer, and
Speaker 1: then I'll critique it and question number eleven. What keeps
Speaker 1: me motivated? Well, it's the same thing. It relates back
Speaker 1: to what my biggest fear is. What keeps me motivated
Speaker 1: is to reach my potential to do what I am
Speaker 1: meant to do here on this earth. So, um, I
Speaker 1: keep trying. I don't like a work in progress. I
Speaker 1: like the idea of perfection in progress because I don't
Speaker 1: think we ever achieved it, but we can always keep trying.
Speaker 1: All right. That's enough for me though, because I know
Speaker 1: you have questions and you've been hitting up the instagram
Speaker 1: How Men Thinks? So coming up, we're turning it around
Speaker 1: on you. I'm gonna be answering your questions. Hi again
Speaker 1: me Ross Matthews guests so saying how men think this week?
Speaker 1: And we have turned the reins over to you. You
Speaker 1: have questions for me. These have been written in on
Speaker 1: the Instagram How Men Think? Let's get going. Here's our
Speaker 1: first question. It says, Ross, You're the life of the party. Well,
Speaker 1: thanks for noticing. Have you always been this outgoing? Do
Speaker 1: guys like it when a girl is the life of
Speaker 1: the party or is it intimidating? Well, okay, that's a
Speaker 1: two parter. So have I always been this outgoing girl?
Speaker 1: I've just always been me, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And I remember there was a time when, um, I
Speaker 1: realized like how different I was from everybody else, and
Speaker 1: I thought, oh, I could really just hate myself or
Speaker 1: I could just be all in. And it was so
Speaker 1: much easier just to be all in, right, It took
Speaker 1: so much more effort to hate. So I've just always
Speaker 1: been like this. And then do people lie get when
Speaker 1: other people are the life of the party? Are isn't intimidating?
Speaker 1: It depends on the person. Um Some some people are
Speaker 1: really turned off by it because it brings a spotlight
Speaker 1: onto them they don't like or maybe they're competitive about
Speaker 1: the spotlight. So I think it's better when relationships have
Speaker 1: a flower and a gardener. Have you heard that that
Speaker 1: metaphor before? Where one person likes the spotlight and the
Speaker 1: other person loves to be a support system. If you
Speaker 1: can find that sort of dynamic, you've got you've got
Speaker 1: a good relationship going. All right. Next question, when did
Speaker 1: you know you were ready to settle down? Was it
Speaker 1: full speed ahead once you're ready, or did you ever
Speaker 1: second guess making a relationship official? Well, uh, for me
Speaker 1: and my fiance Wellington, it was a no brainer. We met.
Speaker 1: It started with a breakfast burrito on a rooftop pool
Speaker 1: in Portavarta. It was like nine in the morning and
Speaker 1: I saw him and we started talking and it felt
Speaker 1: like I had known him my whole life. And so no,
Speaker 1: I didn't pump any break are you can When you
Speaker 1: win the lottery, what do you do? You rush to
Speaker 1: put that check in the bank. So about a year
Speaker 1: into our relationship, I put a ring on it, and
Speaker 1: now we're planning the wedding. Next question, you're a homeowner.
Speaker 1: How do you make sure your home feels equally like
Speaker 1: one partner's home as the others. Yeah, so I I've
Speaker 1: you know, I've had many homes, but this is the
Speaker 1: first time that I bought a home with somebody. Uh.
Speaker 1: My fiance and I just purchased a new home on
Speaker 1: the East Coast. I'll always still live in Palm Springs,
Speaker 1: but the home is beautiful and it is important. You
Speaker 1: cannot be overbearing when you are decorating a home or
Speaker 1: it's going to feel like one person is a guest
Speaker 1: in a home. So you know, I think you have
Speaker 1: to have equal part power of veto where uh if
Speaker 1: if I like something and I want it and my
Speaker 1: fiance Willington vetos it, it's it's sorry, you're not coming
Speaker 1: home with us. So you don't have to love everything,
Speaker 1: but you do have to have that ultimate power to
Speaker 1: say noope. Next question, As a judge RuPaul's dag race,
Speaker 1: you watch how others express themselves. How do you help
Speaker 1: a partner that doesn't know how to express their needs
Speaker 1: and wants? Well, girl, I don't know how to help you,
Speaker 1: because if you're with a partner that doesn't know how
Speaker 1: to express what they need and want, then your partner
Speaker 1: needs to do work on themselves because I don't think
Speaker 1: you're capable of being in a grown up a relationship
Speaker 1: if you are not a fully formed version of yourself.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like maybe the person you're with needs
Speaker 1: a little time back in the oven to fully bake
Speaker 1: all right. Next question, what if a guy is not
Speaker 1: funny through text at the beginning of the talking stage.
Speaker 1: Is this a red flag? If I'm looking for a
Speaker 1: fun and adventurous partner. I don't know if it's a
Speaker 1: red flag. Some people are good text, like you know,
Speaker 1: I give good text. I have to say my punctuation
Speaker 1: is on point to think very much, and I'm able
Speaker 1: to use a little riotion and emojis to be hilarious.
Speaker 1: But maybe that's not the right forum. I would certainly
Speaker 1: give this person a chance. I are l in real
Speaker 1: life before you discard them, But I will say no
Speaker 1: sense of humor is always a red flag. Up next,
Speaker 1: As a woman in my thirties, I'm so over being single.
Speaker 1: Am I settling if I reevaluate my standards? If I
Speaker 1: do reevaluate my standards, will I be unhappy in my
Speaker 1: future relationship? You know, we talked about this on The
Speaker 1: Drew Barrymore Show. All the time Drew talks about when
Speaker 1: she was younger, she wanted a bad boy and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, someone with edge, And now the only priority
Speaker 1: she has is are you nice? So I don't think
Speaker 1: you're settling at all by reevaluating your standards. Think about it.
Speaker 1: You're in your thirties now. You probably have been into
Speaker 1: the same type of person or same type of guy
Speaker 1: since you were like in your teens and your twenties.
Speaker 1: How's that working out for you? So? I think you
Speaker 1: do need to reapproach dating as somebody in your thirties now,
Speaker 1: just like we reapproach food. Right. We used to eat
Speaker 1: bags of fun In's Girl. I have been there, Cheetah
Speaker 1: high um. But that's young food. And what that does
Speaker 1: to your body now is like you know, you a
Speaker 1: whole pizza, You're gonna be on the toilet the next day,
Speaker 1: just on comfy. And you have to think about that
Speaker 1: with men as well, because men can be junk food.
Speaker 1: It may feel really good in the moment, but then
Speaker 1: you're on the emotional toilet for a week or two after.
Speaker 1: So how about just doing things that are good for us,
Speaker 1: whether it's food or people. So if that means re evaluating,
Speaker 1: I'm all in for that. Well that was fun. Thanks
Speaker 1: for your questions. And next coming up, we're hitting the phones.
Speaker 1: That's right, you're calling me. We're gonna do this live.
Speaker 1: Nothing's off limits. It's Ross Matthews on how men thinks? Hi, Katie,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm good? How are you? Ross? I
Speaker 1: am a phenomenal Now how can I help you today? Well? So, Okay,
Speaker 1: my friends and I have been talking and we've come
Speaker 1: to the consensus that we all agree it's okay to
Speaker 1: check our boyfriend's phones. Check you check your check your
Speaker 1: boyfriend's phone, like pick it up and so like when
Speaker 1: he's not looking to just kind of give a little glance,
Speaker 1: like kind of like pick it up and you know,
Speaker 1: trying to see what kind of information we can get
Speaker 1: out of it. But I feel kind of guilty doing it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, Like I know, my friends say
Speaker 1: that it's fine, but um, I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: feel kind of weird. So I'm not quite sure if
Speaker 1: I'm the right here. And um, you know, if he
Speaker 1: found out, do you think he would be met? Um?
Speaker 1: I mean we're in a relationship and we're on paper,
Speaker 1: are sharing exactly everything, but you know, is there a
Speaker 1: better way to check his phone without him finding out?
Speaker 1: And like if if I did find something, like should
Speaker 1: I confront him? Like I feel like I'm just presented
Speaker 1: with all these different problems and I feel kind of guilty. Well,
Speaker 1: let me ask you a question. Do you trust your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: I do? I do? And like I think it's just
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm a bit of a snoop um. And
Speaker 1: it's not so much that I feel like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: find that he's, you know, cheating on me or something,
Speaker 1: but like I just kind of like want to see
Speaker 1: surprises before they happen. I mean, like I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm approaching this in a more innocent way. But
Speaker 1: I mean, am I still the jerk in this? Yes?
Speaker 1: You are the jerk in this? Yes you are, because
Speaker 1: if you trust your boyfriend, then you need to trust
Speaker 1: your boyfriend. You can't say you trust somebody and then
Speaker 1: check their phone. So this is on you. But if
Speaker 1: he leaves it out, it's not It's not like he's
Speaker 1: hiding it. So I'm just I'm just he leaves it
Speaker 1: out because he trusts you not to check his phone.
Speaker 1: So if you have a reason to not to not
Speaker 1: trust your boyfriend, the growing up thing to do is
Speaker 1: to ask your boyfriend about that reason. I think I
Speaker 1: think checking somebody's phone is one of the most vile
Speaker 1: things you can do because you're not using your grown
Speaker 1: up girl. You want, you want the answer, you want
Speaker 1: me to agree with you. No, No, I just hate
Speaker 1: the answer. No, I felt fair enough. This is no.
Speaker 1: It is such an invasion of privacy. And if you
Speaker 1: have an issue or a concern or a question for
Speaker 1: your boyfriend, use your gowing up words and ask him
Speaker 1: about it. But it seems like the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: But that's hard. Well, who said being a grown up
Speaker 1: was easy? No one, no one. That's why kids don't
Speaker 1: do it. But now you are. You are a grown up.
Speaker 1: You're in a grown up relationship. If and if you
Speaker 1: want this to go anywhere with him, do not. This
Speaker 1: is true. I don't. I don't want this to be
Speaker 1: like a bone of contention, Like I don't want him
Speaker 1: to to find out that I've been sneaky, even if
Speaker 1: I feel it was in good attentions. But you're right, actually,
Speaker 1: just I should just talk to him because in an
Speaker 1: adult relationship, he's just going to tell me the truth. Uh.
Speaker 1: And and if you're not capable of not checking his phone,
Speaker 1: then you're not capable of being in an adult relationship.
Speaker 1: So just sit in that. Okay mm hmm mm hmm okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: you got this. I appreciate it. Yes, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: You're welcome. Um, don't do it. Thank you so much, Katie,
Speaker 1: and good luck to you and your boyfriend. Thank you. Ross.
Speaker 1: I'm I feel pretty good, you know, you know, aside
Speaker 1: from what I've done, but you know, I feel good
Speaker 1: about our future. I appreciate that. All right, Well, you
Speaker 1: keep calling it if you need need any more help,
Speaker 1: but be a good trusting person, all right? Up next, Hi, Sarah,
Speaker 1: it's Ross. How can I help you? Well, I'm a
Speaker 1: woman who is type A someone who likes to have
Speaker 1: plans and always follows through. And if a date flakes
Speaker 1: on me once, should I give him a second chance
Speaker 1: or should I just say bye bye bye? I mean,
Speaker 1: how many chances are too many chances? Or am I
Speaker 1: being too harsh? Well? Okay, it's sort of a gut thing,
Speaker 1: right because legitimately things can come up and people have
Speaker 1: to cancel last minute. Right, So if you feel like, hmmmm,
Speaker 1: this is this is this is real deal stuff, then
Speaker 1: I would say give him another chance. But if you
Speaker 1: just think this person is a flake, that, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's okay to be like bye, because you know, we
Speaker 1: are all really busy. I mean, I got a lot
Speaker 1: going on, don't you. Yeah. I mean you're kind of
Speaker 1: just saying, follow my gut. That's exactly what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: you know, because there's no there's no right, there's no
Speaker 1: yes or no to this because sometimes things come up.
Speaker 1: I've had to cancel things before. I'm sure you have to,
Speaker 1: but I don't know, Like I think there's there's a
Speaker 1: lot to your intuition. So is there a guy in
Speaker 1: particular this happened recently? Um, yeah, I mean it's it's
Speaker 1: happened a few times. But yes, Reese Lee, and he
Speaker 1: just said it was a mix up, you know, he
Speaker 1: thought it was another day. But I mean it's it's
Speaker 1: so inconvenient and disappointing when that happens, even just once.
Speaker 1: It is. But do you feel like he was being
Speaker 1: sincere mm hmm um, I actually do this time. I
Speaker 1: think you know, I think he was. So maybe I
Speaker 1: should just give him another chance? Yeah, one one more chance?
Speaker 1: You get one? Yeah, if I think if if you
Speaker 1: feel like they're their intentions are real and in their
Speaker 1: in their legit, then you know I would give him
Speaker 1: another chance. Okay, Well, thank you? That helps me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right. I wish you luck, you know, and I
Speaker 1: will tell you this, The fact that you're open to
Speaker 1: giving someone else another chance is a really good sign
Speaker 1: for you and love because that you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: do that when you find even the right person. Um,
Speaker 1: sometimes people need to take to well, that is true.
Speaker 1: It's tough out there, but you've got to give people
Speaker 1: a break sometimes and hope that they do the same
Speaker 1: for you. Right words, Sarah words, all right, thank you,
Speaker 1: a good luck to you. Thanks so much, take care
Speaker 1: you too, Bye bye. Al right, next caller, Catherine, it's Ross. Hi. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. It's sorry, I'm excited too, And how
Speaker 1: can I help you? Um? Well, I guess I I
Speaker 1: grew up in a pretty traditional conservative household. Um, and
Speaker 1: like when I reached the age where I was allowed
Speaker 1: to date, I was always really nervous to tell my parents,
Speaker 1: Like who I was interested in? Was that? How old
Speaker 1: when you were allowed to date? Um, seventeen seventeen, So
Speaker 1: like you were seeing all your friends at like fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
Speaker 1: like go on dates experience, they probably get their first kiss,
Speaker 1: and you were just sitting there like twiddling your thumbs. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean like a lot of my friends also grew
Speaker 1: up in pretty conservative households too, so you know, it
Speaker 1: wasn't I didn't feel like out of the loop, but
Speaker 1: I guess until yeah, yeah, but um, I guess I
Speaker 1: never really cared about like what anybody's gender was, you know,
Speaker 1: I cared about like who they were on the inside.
Speaker 1: And then, um, this past year, I met this I
Speaker 1: met this girl, and like I really fell for her
Speaker 1: really hard, and yeah we doo um and like we've
Speaker 1: been together every day, um, you know since we met.
Speaker 1: And I'm so scared to tell my parents about her. Um,
Speaker 1: I just all all the questions, like all the judgment, um,
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't know, Like I just want
Speaker 1: to know, Like, is there is there ever going to
Speaker 1: be a good time to tell them, like they they're
Speaker 1: talking to There's not gonna be a good time right time,
Speaker 1: but there is going to be the best way, okay.
Speaker 1: And the best way is you have to steady yourself
Speaker 1: for whatever reaction, you know, because because I it could
Speaker 1: go in a variety of different ways, right, So you
Speaker 1: need to prepare yourself for that. It's one of the
Speaker 1: burdens that comes with being, um, a person who is
Speaker 1: in same sex relationships or I don't I don't want
Speaker 1: to label you, but I can tell you my experience
Speaker 1: when I came out as gay to my family. One
Speaker 1: of the things I had to reckon or reconcile was
Speaker 1: the thought that I may lose my family to be
Speaker 1: who I am. Yeah, I was very lucky. I was
Speaker 1: very lucky that my family, um was wonderful, wonderful, But
Speaker 1: I also didn't come from a deeply religious family. So
Speaker 1: you need to if you're gonna be who you are,
Speaker 1: which I suggest that you do, and be with who
Speaker 1: you love. I think that's the best way to live, right. Um,
Speaker 1: you need to steady yourself for the p stability that
Speaker 1: people may not welcome that, even in your family. I
Speaker 1: would like to think that your family is going to
Speaker 1: rise up to this moment, and I really hope they do.
Speaker 1: And they sound like they did a good job raising you.
Speaker 1: You sound like a really good human, So I think
Speaker 1: it takes good humans to make good humans. So I
Speaker 1: would um anticipate them to be able to rise up
Speaker 1: to meet you here, but also steady yourself in case
Speaker 1: they can't. That's just the reality of it. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: And no matter what, no matter what, listen to me,
Speaker 1: listen to me say this, okay, no matter what, now
Speaker 1: that you are perfect as is and that your love
Speaker 1: is so special. H thank you. You're welcome and good
Speaker 1: luck to you, Catherine. And I'm so happy you found
Speaker 1: someone that makes you sound like that because I can't
Speaker 1: see you, but I can hear you smile when you
Speaker 1: talk about her. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you,
Speaker 1: good luck to you. Thanks by al. Right, next on
Speaker 1: the line, let's say hi to Jennifer. Hi, Well, thanks
Speaker 1: for calling in And how can I help you? Okay,
Speaker 1: So I need some advice. Um, I'm someone who's really
Speaker 1: into fashion. Yeah, I love to dress up and I'm
Speaker 1: really I'm sorry my arm No, I hope that was
Speaker 1: you wearing like something with bells on it? Is that? What? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That's my phone? Sorry? What are you wearing right now?
Speaker 1: Can I ask you, Jennifer, if you're into fashion, like
Speaker 1: what I what outfit do you have on today? Okay?
Speaker 1: So I have these nice high waisted um like their pants,
Speaker 1: but they're like, um cinched in the waist. They have
Speaker 1: buttoned their like emerald green kind of like army pants,
Speaker 1: but like you know, like the baggy kind and uh
Speaker 1: a nice little like it's like it's like I can't
Speaker 1: it's like a cammy but it's like a has embroidered
Speaker 1: stuff on it. Um, Cammy is in camusol and so
Speaker 1: what you're saying, yeah, I love you, I love you
Speaker 1: abbreviated camusa for that for me, thank you, thank you?
Speaker 1: Like a visual And what kind of shoe would you
Speaker 1: pair with this outfit? Oh? You know, like a nice
Speaker 1: black standard boot tight on the ankle, but the pants
Speaker 1: obviously are freda be over understood myself and wearing a
Speaker 1: silk button up under a cardigan or a cardi. Um
Speaker 1: that's green, black, brown SNEeSe and a purple back. Isn't
Speaker 1: that interesting? It's like, yeah, okay, let's focus now, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: you're into fashion. What do you I love purple too.
Speaker 1: I usually look like Barney where I wear purple, so
Speaker 1: I try to use it sparingly, Jennifer, focus, What do
Speaker 1: you need for me? Okay? So I'm really creative with
Speaker 1: my outfits, you know that. Um. But I'm having a
Speaker 1: hard time with the menum dating and their fashion sense
Speaker 1: because I'm really it's something I focus on. UM. So, like,
Speaker 1: I really find a guy attractive unless he's really dressed impeccably.
Speaker 1: And I'm wondering if like I'm being too picky or
Speaker 1: how I can deal with that, Like, is it rude
Speaker 1: to tell somebody that, like, I don't like his wardrobe,
Speaker 1: and like, how do I inchum into good taste? One
Speaker 1: he has horrible taste, or like I don't know, like
Speaker 1: are there nice phrases that I can suggest, like if
Speaker 1: he's wearing an ugly shirt or pants, or like I
Speaker 1: don't like shoes, or I don't know how to approach
Speaker 1: this dilemma. Well, a couple a couple of things. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna break a couple of things down. One who
Speaker 1: asked you about his clothes for starters who asked, maybe
Speaker 1: he likes it? Right, So you cannot try to date
Speaker 1: a version of yourself because um, there's only one of you, right,
Speaker 1: So you need to be open to meeting somebody who
Speaker 1: has their own definition of good taste, because because like
Speaker 1: you know, you don't make the rules. Right. Yeah, let
Speaker 1: me give you an example. We have different areas of interest,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean we're not compatible. If your hearts
Speaker 1: and your rhythms and your personalities are compatible, it's kind
Speaker 1: of a beautiful thing to be very different. For example,
Speaker 1: I know I'm like an encyclopedia of pop culture and knowledge.
Speaker 1: My fiance Wellington, he's an academic. He doesn't know anything
Speaker 1: of anybody, what anybody is. We went to dinner with
Speaker 1: Rosie o'donald one time and my friend and I was like,
Speaker 1: a Rosie's you know, and he's like, oh yeah, So
Speaker 1: we hit this great dinner and afterwards he said she's
Speaker 1: so nice, like oh yeah. He goes, she doesn't look
Speaker 1: like she looked on the sitcom and I said, no
Speaker 1: talk show and he goes, no sitcom Roxanne. And I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, you're so wrong. On so many level.
Speaker 1: You thought that was Rosanne bar but it was Rosie o'donald.
Speaker 1: But my but my point isn't so he doesn't know
Speaker 1: my world that's so bad. And he's not like me,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that that he's not perfect for me.
Speaker 1: So if you were to find a guy who was
Speaker 1: wearing god forbid, pleaded khakis and like a like a
Speaker 1: gray polo and why, I mean, can you even imagine
Speaker 1: like a vel gros shoe, Like you kind of have
Speaker 1: to find the beauty be in his differences with you,
Speaker 1: if his heart is pure, if his intentions are pure,
Speaker 1: and if he shows up for you in a beautiful
Speaker 1: way like who cares? Yeah, it's just like I notice
Speaker 1: it and it bothers me. There's probably things about you
Speaker 1: that bother him. Yeah, so I think it's okay for
Speaker 1: you to say, like, Babe, I hate those pants, but
Speaker 1: are you happy in those pants? Okay, congratulations on your pants. Now, like,
Speaker 1: let's go to lunch. You know, I don't think you
Speaker 1: need to sit there and stew with it or resent
Speaker 1: him for his pleated khakis. You can say it, but
Speaker 1: if he hasn't, and you know he'll, you know, he'll
Speaker 1: probably say, oh, can you pick them out for me?
Speaker 1: Because I don't even care? And then there's your opening.
Speaker 1: But like to like look at him and roll your
Speaker 1: eyes and resent him for wearing that is not healthy
Speaker 1: to just be open and be like, Babe, those pants
Speaker 1: gots to go. And if you take a fense, then
Speaker 1: then you say, God bless your pants. If those make
Speaker 1: you happy, then wear them every day. But my my
Speaker 1: guess is he's probably gonna like not even notice and
Speaker 1: say like, okay you pick out Yeah no, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean you just saying that it makes me think, oh,
Speaker 1: I should have more of a comedic flair on this,
Speaker 1: like be really honest about it, just put it out
Speaker 1: there because I get nervous about being honest, and maybe
Speaker 1: it's better if I just say I don't like those pants,
Speaker 1: like where'd you get them? So here's my question for
Speaker 1: you. You You say this is an interesting You say I
Speaker 1: get nervous being honest. Yeah, because I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't want to hurt his feeling or like anybody's feelings. Yes,
Speaker 1: but when you're partnering with somebody, you've got to say
Speaker 1: my fiance Valentine calls it, you have to have courageous conversations.
Speaker 1: So when you say I'm nervous to be honest, then
Speaker 1: you've got some some work to do on you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because my question is you're nervous of what to hurt
Speaker 1: his feelings? And then what happens if you hurt his feelings? Um,
Speaker 1: he gets offended and doesn't, you know, want to be
Speaker 1: with me? Do you want to be with someone who
Speaker 1: want doesn't want to be with you at your authentic
Speaker 1: mm hmm Yeah, I mean I guess like I'm aware
Speaker 1: of how I mean. I've had people in the past
Speaker 1: I have, you know, they've had bad reactions to me,
Speaker 1: picking out what they don't like, what I don't like,
Speaker 1: you know, in what they're wearing, and then they're just
Speaker 1: offended and they're like, you know, curse at me. Well
Speaker 1: that's unfortunate because because if you're being honest with someone
Speaker 1: with good intentions and kindness, that can only lead to
Speaker 1: a better place and a better understanding. But you've got
Speaker 1: to go in. You have to say it with all us,
Speaker 1: say it with kindness, and say it with good intentions.
Speaker 1: So if you if you want to say something, if
Speaker 1: you need to say something, you do it that way.
Speaker 1: But my my question too is like, is he a
Speaker 1: good human who makes you feel good? Yeah? Yeah, so far,
Speaker 1: so far, so you know, maybe maybe we fcus on
Speaker 1: that and not on the terrible style. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, and good luck to you. Thanks,
Speaker 1: have a good day you too. And finally, let's say
Speaker 1: hello to Kelly. Hi there, Hi, I'm wonderful and I'm
Speaker 1: here to help. This is how many thinks. Let let
Speaker 1: me let me take a swing at it. What do
Speaker 1: you need? I am exhausted, Like I'm on the dating
Speaker 1: apps and it is rough out here. Um the dating
Speaker 1: app I'm on it requires the woman to send the
Speaker 1: first message, and I really put like time and thought
Speaker 1: into it. To come up with these like funny and
Speaker 1: woody lines. I mean, I definitely think they're funny and woody,
Speaker 1: but I literally like it's silent on the other end,
Speaker 1: And I don't know, should I just be more casual?
Speaker 1: Is it's just intimidating to guys? Or what are some
Speaker 1: like fun and like funny and cute or like sexy
Speaker 1: lines that I can send to actually like get some
Speaker 1: attention and return, or like I'm lost. God, you know,
Speaker 1: it is so tough out there, and the apps I
Speaker 1: think just make it worse because it almost takes like this,
Speaker 1: like the humanity out of it, you know. Um, I
Speaker 1: would honestly like, Okay, I think you have to take
Speaker 1: a multi pronged approach at dating. I think you have
Speaker 1: to hit the apps and multiple apps because you need
Speaker 1: different approaches. Right, So the app you're on the woman
Speaker 1: is supposed to say hello first, okay, great? Do that?
Speaker 1: You gotta get another one's too, you know, um, because
Speaker 1: I just think, you know, if you were like fishing
Speaker 1: for fish, right and you had multiple polls, why not
Speaker 1: throw them all out there to catch the right one, right?
Speaker 1: And then I also need you to be out there
Speaker 1: in the real world too, and I know, right now
Speaker 1: that's sort of tough because the world's shut down in
Speaker 1: many ways, but it's you know, it's still doable. You know.
Speaker 1: The Pilgrims just put the hair on a pony, a
Speaker 1: little lip gloss on, and they went and sat at
Speaker 1: a bar and ordered a cocktail and like let the
Speaker 1: whole place know they were by themselves. You know, I
Speaker 1: think you got to do that more so many times
Speaker 1: people go out with a group of friends. No one
Speaker 1: hits on you and a group of friends, You've got
Speaker 1: to go by yourself into the real world and look up.
Speaker 1: Don't be on your phone, just look up and be there.
Speaker 1: You will be shocked at how many people you'll meet
Speaker 1: I r L in real life. That's true. Um, are
Speaker 1: you are you open to trying Are you open to
Speaker 1: trying another app? Yeah? I mean I guess I didn't
Speaker 1: really think about that, but you're you're right. I mean,
Speaker 1: maybe it's the approach within itself that just isn't working
Speaker 1: for me, or you know, maybe I should try a
Speaker 1: variety and see, like if I'm getting different responses or
Speaker 1: feedback in other places. Totally. I like the idea of
Speaker 1: like having one attitude on on one app and then
Speaker 1: like a slightly different version of yourself. I mean it's
Speaker 1: all you, right, but like you know, there's you at
Speaker 1: work and there's you um at the club right, very
Speaker 1: different me. So if one of your apps is like
Speaker 1: you at work, I mean there's no issue. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying like you know, how how down. I'm just saying, like,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe like highlight another aspect of your personality
Speaker 1: and another app. Yeah, it's a good idea. M. And
Speaker 1: then it is a lot of work. But what Okay,
Speaker 1: but anything you want in life that is worth it
Speaker 1: is work. You know, finding a partner is work because
Speaker 1: you've got to get out of the house. You've got
Speaker 1: to you've got to be present. You can't be like
Speaker 1: on on Instagram, you know, scrolling. You've got to be present.
Speaker 1: You have to be interested, you have to be interesting,
Speaker 1: you have to show up and you have to have
Speaker 1: follow through. It is not easy work finding the love
Speaker 1: of your life. But it is worth it. Thanks for
Speaker 1: reminding me of that part. M. Okay, I'm not worried
Speaker 1: about you. I'll tell you why, because you've identified the problem. M.
Speaker 1: You've identified that, like you're putting this effort out there
Speaker 1: and not getting a return, so you need to change
Speaker 1: your approach. Yeah, m hmm, just like you would with
Speaker 1: anything else in the world, you know. So I think
Speaker 1: you've got this, and uh, there are some people who, um,
Speaker 1: I would like sit and like really lecture. You're not
Speaker 1: going to be one of them. Thanks. I guess I'll
Speaker 1: just create some more profiles and make some fun out
Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, and go out in the to the
Speaker 1: real world too. Okay, I'll be present. Don't go out
Speaker 1: with a gup of friends. Like I said, go there,
Speaker 1: sit there, make some eye contact, look around, smile at people. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, that's how they used to do it back
Speaker 1: in the cave days, and so let's do it that
Speaker 1: way again. Okay. I'll make it fun. Yes, and have
Speaker 1: fun with it. Really. I know it's like it feels
Speaker 1: like you're running to something, but you gotta enjoy the journey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, thanks for the motivation. I'm gonna I'll do it.
Speaker 1: I'll do good good luck And you want to hold down,
Speaker 1: you should a hog down to you if you want to.
Speaker 1: I might have to do that too, just a little bit,
Speaker 1: a little a little hold down never hurt anybody. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you, Kelly you, good luck to you, Thank you
Speaker 1: for your time, Thank you well, this has been so
Speaker 1: much fun. Um you know, getting to know you have
Speaker 1: you get to know me a little bit more. Taking
Speaker 1: your calls was my favorite part. So thank you for
Speaker 1: all of you who reached out. If you want to
Speaker 1: hang out with me more, you can do it every
Speaker 1: single weekday on The Drew Barrymore Show and of course
Speaker 1: on RuPaul's Drag Race, airing now season fourteen, Fridays at
Speaker 1: eight on v h one. Or you can listen to
Speaker 1: my podcast Straight Talk with Ross Matthews and until next time,
Speaker 1: have funny guys and be safe. This is how men think.
Speaker 1: An I Heart Radio London audio production. Listen each Thursday
Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.